Dreams don't die

BY AUDRENA C. HOWELL

My favorite quote is from Henry David Thoreau: “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the live you imagined.” I have not always abided by this. Truth be told, I have not always believed it. I never thought that I would live life as an actress and model again. I walked away from both for over 18 years.

My desire to be an actress began as a four-year-old girl. Every week I sat in my family’s living room to watch the elegant and graceful actress, the late Diahann Carroll, portray a nurse in the television sitcom, “Julia“. I admired everything about her! She was my inspiration for acting.

Throughout my childhood and adolescent years, I performed in stage plays at school, as well as church and local theaters. During my sophomore year of high school, my drama and English teachers recommended that I transfer to a local high school that offered a theater program. Unfortunately, because of a lack of transportation and family support, I was unable to do so. I lost interest in acting.

My interest in modeling came as more of a surprise. I’d never considered modeling because I didn’t think I was attractive – I had always been mocked for my slender frame and appearance. I received malicious remarks because I walked straight, or ‘proper,’ as they would say. That all changed when I went to college. To my surprise, I was approached to model in a fashion show for a local designer. After my show, I wanted to do more. Modeling also reignited my interest in acting, as it led to the opportunity to audition for a traveling stage play with a well-known production company. I was excited to be selected as an understudy. But, shortly afterwards, life commitments and challenges, combined with industry situations that I refused to succumb to, once again caused me to walk away from my dreams.

Years later, an older colleague asked about my dreams and I shared that I once acted and modeled. My colleague reminded me that it wasn’t too late for me to return to what I dreamed of doing. By this time, I was divorced, in my mid-30s with two children, and didn’t believe that I could. Plus, I allowed ‘nay-sayers’ and ‘dream killers’ to deter me.

Time went on.

Over 18 years later, I returned to college to complete the requirements for a bachelor’s degree. During the first year, my theater professor held open auditions for a play, and I landed the lead role. The audience raved about my performance. A year later, I was cast in another play. I felt the urge to follow my heart but I was still hesitant about doing so. Thankfully, my passion wouldn’t let me stop. I auditioned for the annual Christmas play at my church and was cast in a lead role. I performed with the performing arts ministry for several years.

Another member informed me of an audition for a play that would be held at a local theater. I auditioned and was cast. My dream of being an actress was reignited in full!

After performing in theater and independent films for a couple of years, I was offered a chance to walk the runway again. I was taken aback. I had been graced with another opportunity to do what I enjoy. I never thought that I would become a SAGeligible actress and a soughtafter model in my 50s. But here I am, living a dream that I thought was impossible.

My journey taught me so many things.

I learned that doors are not always completely shut. Sometimes we just need to reassess.

I learned that we never become too old to learn something new or do a different thing.

I learned that life is to be lived well, so we should never give up on our dreams. We should not allow our dreams to dissipate. Our dreams do not expire, we just fail to live them or to realize that sometimes they take time.

We must ENJOY living our dreams, UNapologetically... At last, I most certainly am doing just that.