CAN’T GIVE UP NOW

BY THERESA BRADDY

I should not be here. But I am bigger than cancer and I will live this life until the wheels fall off!

This part of my journey started on April 2, 2021, when I received an unexpected call from my Primary Care Office. Much to my surprise, the doctor told me that based on my CT scan (a scan that was for something else) she thought I might have cancer.

I was convinced it must be a misdiagnosis (like my sister had previously), but five days later – after a rushed biopsy – the diagnosis was confirmed. And, after 2 weeks of additional testing, I was hit with the biggest shock of my life – a diagnosis of Stage 4 colon cancer.

I could not believe it — STAGE 4 cancer!?? After all, I lived a relatively healthy lifestyle, and I was a strong black woman who, as a Licensed Professional Therapist, counseled others for a living. But I also had a family history of colon cancer. My father and 4 of his 14 siblings had all been diagnosed with this disease. They were diagnosed early, treated, and lived well into their 70s and 80s.

In hindsight, I wish I’d advocated for myself more. I’d had a baseline colonoscopy in 2007 after my father’s diagnosis (which was clear) but had not had any followups. For what it’s worth, I had no symptoms —- no dark stool, no bleeding in my stool, no abdominal pain, no diarrhea, no constipation, or weight loss. I was healthy, with no expectation that cancer might call.

On the day of my diagnosis, I felt numb! So, I went to my room and prayed, saying: “Lord, I have lived a good life, so if it’s my time I am ok. But YOU promised me a husband so you can’t kill me yet!” :)

Although I don’t yet have a mate, I have not been alone. My support system has been the bomb! I have the best family and friends!! They put together a calendar when I was first diagnosed, and since then, loved ones fly in the week of my chemo treatments to take care of me. Those that cannot show up often send me things or call to keep me motivated. Our system has been a well-oiled machine. I can honestly say that I’ve needed nothing, and I’ve only had positive energy around me.

But I must admit that chemo has been hard. I’ve experienced a lot of side effects: weight loss, vision issues, weight gain (from steroids), change in taste, heartburn, blood clots in lungs, nose bleeds, teeth and gum issues, loss of appetite, hair loss, neuropathy, hemorrhoids, blood in my stool, discoloration in my hands and feet, cognitive issues, anxiety, and diabetes. And, unfortunately, chemo has been mostly continuous since my diagnosis. I initially had 12 weeks of aggressive chemo, then 7 months of maintenance chemo during a period of remission. When the cancer came back, after a short break, the aggressive chemo resumed. I was devastated, scared, angry, and frustrated.

Thankfully, my support system showed up again, with more dedication than before because I was in a crisis situation. Not just the return of cancer, but at one point my body was in so much turmoil that my blood sugar shot up to 1236! Normal blood sugar is under 140, so even the healthcare workers were amazed by my recovery. After being unresponsive for 3 days, I miraculously woke up, then stayed in the hospital and rehabilitation center for 27 more days. I had to learn how to walk and talk again. I had to fight to continue to live.

No, I should not be here today! But I am. I decided to take a stand and decided to keep living on purpose. I continue to fight this thing called cancer and continue to walk in my purpose.

I fight because my passion lies in helping African American Women heal from depression, anxiety, and challenges with intimacy. And, since my diagnosis, I’ve been able to use my own challenges to help others through a social media series called “A Therapist Doing Her Own Work.” I hope that by sharing my good and bad days I can remind others that how we look at situations can create a shift in the energy. I also hope that my self-help tips can help others –whether it’s someone dealing with disease or someone who just needs help navigating life.

Yes, despite all of the ups and downs, I am still here. Somehow, walking in my purpose – even during my own challenges – makes me fight harder and reminds me that I CAN’T GIVE UP NOW.