Where the Magic Is

by Chanell M. St. Junious

I recently found myself in a relationship with a beautiful man. I was happy before we met, but if I squinted and leaned my wants a little to the left, being with him lifted that happiness to a state of bliss. Our connection taught me that the part is not the whole. The love we shared was overshadowed by the reality that he was not my person. At a different stage in my life, I would have ignored what I felt and held on through the holidays. Instead, I honored the beauty of our connection, then honored myself by releasing him. I have learned that there is no magic in holding on to the idea of something that doesn’t work merely because it’s the idea that you’ve always had.

With the holidays approaching, I find myself forty-nine, single, and cautiously living in the midst of a pandemic. This year has been full of hard lessons and limited in-person contact. This year has stripped away all the mental decorations. When there are no trips out the country, no high heels to wear to packed events, and no face-to-face time with friends, it would be easy to mistake the part for the whole. This year has proven that “new normals” happen all the time. The magic is in being willing to make the adjustments.

For most of us the holidays are often like magnifying glasses. Everything, especially the things we lack, often appear larger and more intense. Movies, holiday music, and social media overflow us with what the holidays should look like. Again, know that the part is not the whole. Especially this year, consider releasing the holiday “shoulds.” Whether you’re missing your loved ones who have transitioned, disheartened that you are still single, or longing to be in the presence of family and friends, those feelings don’t disappear simply because it’s the holidays. Be gentle with yourself and honor how you feel.

Remember that the part is not the whole. Whether good or bad, we often find ourselves looking at a small part of our experience and mistaking it as the whole experience. The real gift is in honoring the beauty of every experience, and memory, that you are blessed to have. The end goal is not to merely have a happy holiday, but to create space for a happy life. That is truly where the magic is. Everything else is extra.