Ting hugging manual

The

HUGGING

MANUAL for

International Students

The

HUGGING

MANUAL for

International Students

The information in this hugging manual was collected from questionnaires and interviews with 100 international students studying at Temple University in Philadelphia.

Table of

Contents

Chapter 1: Introduction .................................................................... 2 Facts about hugging .................................................................. 3 How a good hug affects you ................................................... 4

Chapter 2: What’s the deal with hugging? ..................................... 6 Asian attitude towards hugging ............................................... 6 Cheat sheet: How to give a good hug? ................................... 10

Chapter 3: What’s the deal with hugging? ...................................... 12 Getting your first hug: who might give you the first hug ........ 12

Chapter 4: First Hug Stories .............................................................. 14 Han’s first hug story .................................................................. 14 Mandy’s first hug story ............................................................. 16 Mira’s first hug story ................................................................. 18 Hiroki’s first hug ........................................................................ 20 Gyel’s first hug ........................................................................... 22

Chapter 5: Test yourself ..................................................................... 24

Chapter 1

In trodu c tion : Fa c ts a bout Hugging

Introduction ABOUT THIS MANUAL

Adjusting to the life of an international student can be overwhelming. Understanding the nuisances of new customs, like hugging, are essential for your acclimation. This manual provides guidelines and instructions that help international Asian students adjust to the hugging culture in America.

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FACTS ABOUT HUGGING

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” –Virginia Satir, F A M I L Y

THER-

APIST

Technology makes our life easier, however, it also affects the way we interact with each other. The negative consequence of technological advance is that people in society are lacking social interaction and tend to avoid having “true” conversations with others.

Hugging is a powerful way to provide physical contact with others and bridge this technology gap.

While a typical hug only lasts between 2 to 5 seconds, some studies have shown a 20 second hug reduces the harmful, physical effects of stress, including its impact on your blood pressure and heart rate.

A 20 second hug reduces the harmful, physical effects of stress.

Here is the shocking truth: hugs boost our happiness levels.

In trodu c tion : How a Good Hug A ff e c ts You?

And scientific research proves this. Basically, a good hug is the fastest way for you to get oxytocin flowing in your body.

Here’s how a good hug resulting in oxytocin flow affects you:

Activating the Solar Plexus Chakra, which stimulates your thymus gland

Balancing out your nervous system for better parasympathetic balance

Stimulating dopamine, the pleasure hormone, and serotonin, for elevated mood

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Comfort our stress

Increase your social connections and a sense of belonging.

Lowers blood pressure, especially helpful if you’re feeling anxious.

While it is proven that the power of hugging helps us to build our social connection and elevates our mood, hugging is not common in Asian cultures. In fact, people from Asia rarely express emotion by physical contact.

Chapter 2

Wh a t’s th e D e a l w ith Hugging? Why Hugging Isn’t Customa ry i n Asi an C ulture s?

What’s the Deal with Hugging?

WHY HUGGING ISN’T CUSTOMARY IN ASIAN CULTURES?

Hi

Asian people typically don’t hug. The main reason is because of cultural and religious practices. In most Asian cultures, getting “touchy feely” with each other is frowned upon because Asians are taught that personal space is to be respective. This is respected through keeping physical distance from each other. Moreover, 67% international Asian students say it is common for

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them not to receive a hug on a typical day.

Here are some students’ responses “It’s not common to see Taiwanese people hug. If anyone wants to hug me I will go for it, but I won’t initiate hugging other people. I am 100% sure they will look at me like a weirdo.”–An international student from Taiwan

“As a devout Muslim, we are not allowed to hug a male friend before marriage. The hugging habit is not common in my country. I grew up in a traditional family with hard family discipline, we keep distance to show respect to each other. I respect the hugging culture in the United States, ”–An international student from Malaysia

“My roommate from the dorm gave me my first hug in the USA. He is a very outgoing person. He gave me a bear hug when I first moved into the dorm. He squeezed me so hard, I didn’t know how to hug him back.” –An exchange student from Temple Japan, studies in business.

“My teacher from high school gave me a hug in front of class on the first day of school, I felt shy because I haven’t hugged anyone in China before.” –An international student from China, studies in psychology

Summary Some Asians shy away from hugging because of their nature to be shy. Hugging is considered to be an extremely intimate gesture in Asian culture. Most of the time, hugging is something they only do with their lovers or close friends.

Even hugging between family members is rare.

ASIAN ATTITUDE TOWARDS HUGGING

Wh a t’s th e D e a l w ith Hugging? A s ia n A ttitude Tow a rds Hugging

97% 97% INTERNATIONAL ASIAN STUDENTS CLAIM HUGGING IS NOT COMMON IN THEIR COUNTRIES OF ORIGIN.

Asian don’t hug which does not mean they don’t like to be hugged.

77% international students say they like and feeling okay hugging, and only 18% of them claim they do not like to hug.

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Here are some students’ responses “I will most definitely embrace the hugging culture when I visit home. It is a wonderful way to greet someone. It shows that you are a warm and friendly person. I think my female friends would find it normal since we always hug when we meet, but if i try it on the guys they probably might think am attracted to them or might be a bit taken back” – An international student from Bhutan

“I feel awkward to hug someone who I am simply just friends.” –An international student from Seoul, Korea

“The younger generation embraces the hugging culture more than the older generation in Japan. I hug my friends more than my family, I think we accept the hugging culture because we are influenced by western culture from internet, tv, movies, video games.

This is something my grandparents and parents did not have as much access too.” –An international student from

Nope !

Tokyo, Japan

“I think hugging is a good way to let people know you love and care for them. A simple hug can change many invisible things and create a bond.” –An international student from Taipei, Taiwan

Hugging rarely happen across genders.

CHEAT SHEET: HOW TO GIVE A GOOD HUG?

Wh a t’s th e D e a l w ith Hugging? Che a t She e t: How to Give a Go od Hug

An unexpected hug will have the potential to make an international student feel awkward and embarrassed. Hugging is viewed as the most intimate interaction any two humans can have, no matter where and how long ago they met. This chapter will teach you how to give a proper hug when you meet other people, and how to prepare for your first hug in the USA.

Getting Into the Hug

Hand Placement

First, figure out whether you are actually

When placing your hands on another

going to hug or not. If you are ready

person’s body, you don’t want to go

to dive in, hold your arms out and walk

too high or too low. Either of these is

forward to your hugging partner with a

appropriate for your first hug.

friendly smile that says, “I am so ready to hug you now.”

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Hardness

Padding of the back

Another tricky balancing act is the

Giving a firm padding on the per-

strength of your hug. You don’t want

son’s back will reassure them of the

to hug too tightly or be too gentle.

authenticity of the hug, be sure not to

Remember to hug properly you should

pat condescendingly with the heel of

not have any distance or gap between

your palm. This could signify to the

two bodies, a gap could send the mes-

other person that you resent them for

sage that you are being superficial.

initiating the hug.

...

Words

Duration

Talking while in the hug can help con-

Science tells us that a hug should last

firm the purpose of the interaction. If it

at least 20 seconds for endorphins

is a goodbye hug say something like “it

to kick in and make us feel good but

was good seeing you” don’t comment

a first hug isn’t about feeling good,

on the quality of the hug or the center

it’s about gently squishing a stranger

of their smell, “I like your hug… and

against yourself giving you something

wait...did you just eat garlic bread?” or

uncomfortable to bond over.

“Your lotion smells like my grandma”.

Chapter 3

Ge ttin g You r Firs t Hug: Who Might Give You the First Hug?

Getting Your First Hug WHO MIGHT GIVE YOU THE FIRST HUG?

Most of the international Asian student received their hugs from American Friends

20%

Professors 12% The person (even a random person) who pick you up at the airport Roommates

Others (home stay family, church friends...)

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10% 7% 53%

AMERICAN FRIENDS

20% 12% 7% 10%

PROFESSORS

THE PERSON WHO PICK YOU UP AT THE AIRPORT

ROOMATES

OTHERS

Chapter 4

F ir s t h u g Store is f rom Inte r na tiona l Stude nts : Ha n’s First Hug S tory

First Hug Stories HAN’S FIRST HUG STORY

hugging with cheek kissing

embarrassed

classmate awkward hand placement

Location: house Party 14

Hugging Skill

Study Skill

Shyness

Han Chou Mathematics Major, PhD Moved to US: 1 year

Social Skill

Cultural Shock

From: Taipei, Taiwan

My First Hug in the US I spent my high school years studying in Costa Rica. The Latin culture in Costa Rica really surprised me. The people are very friendly and outgoing and cheek kissing during a hug is a very common greeting. It is a gesture that implies friendship and is used to show respect. As a shy Asian boy, hugging and cheek kissing was completely alien for me.

I received my first hug from a classmate at a house party; she approached me with a hug and leaned in for a cheek kiss. I was completely shocked. The funniest thing is I wanted to show respect, so I kissed her cheek with my lips. She had the weirdest face expression and I realized she was not actually kissing my cheek, but lightly touching our cheeks, cheek to cheek. I felt so embarrassed.

After studying in Costa Rica for high school I moved to the USA to continue my schooling.

The hugging culture here is very similar to the cheek kissing culture and my experience with them both are parallel. It took me a year to adjust hugging culture; it gets harder when I go back to Taiwan because I can’t give hugs to anyone. They might think I am strange, especially hugging across gender, it would never happen in Taiwan.

MANDY’S FIRST HUG STORY

F ir s t H u g Store is f rom Inte r na tiona l Stude nts : Ma ndy ’s First Hug Story

very confused

friendly hug

roommate

both hand down

stood straight like a stick

Location: apartment

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Hugging Skill

Study Skill

Shyness

Mandy Hor Art History Major, MA Moved to US: 1 month From: Taipei, Taiwan

Social Skill

Cultural Shock

My First Hug in the US I am a graduate student who studies Art History in the MA program. I am from Taiwan and came to USA this August. Before coming to the US, I had never hugged anyone in Taiwan, I had only hugged my dog, Won-Won. My roommate gave me a hug, in the moment my lack of experience made me feel really shy. I really only enjoy hugging Won-won. During the hug I stood straight like a stick and didn’t know how to hug her back.

I think hugging could be well received but it could also be awkward if the person receiving the hug is unexperienced. As for my current hugging, it depends on who I meet and if I know them well. Sometimes I do initiate hugs, but if it’s only an acquaintance that I am not that familiar with I typically restrain myself.

Won-Won

MIRA’S FIRST HUG STORY

F ir s t H u g Store is f rom Inte r na tiona l Stude nts : Mira ’s First Hug Sto ry

warm and nice feeling

big bear hug My best friend

Location: on campus

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Hugging Skill

Study Skill

Shyness

Mira Puteri Business Major Moved to US: 3 year

Social Skill

Cultural Shock

From: Malaysia

My First Hug in the US Growing up in Malaysia hugging was alien to me. I never saw my parents hug each other when I was little. I rarely hug people because of my cultural background. Before I came to USA, we didn’t hug family members, and in school my Asian classmates hid away studying.

There was no one I could hug, and no one hugged me. People don’t see not hugging as weird, it just something we are not used to. This changed when I moved back to USA for school. On campus, many of my Asian and non-Asian friends hug me when they say hello or goodbye. The first year it felt weird. But after a while I decided to go along with it and realized that hugging is creates a very warm and nice feeling. Warmth between two bodies. A simple hug can easily reduce the distance between two people, bring together two hearts.

HIROKI’S FIRST HUG STORY

F ir s t h u g s tore is f rom Inte r na tiona l s tude nts : Hirok i’s First Hug Story

lavender smell

encouraging hug

kindergarten teacher

padding feet

Location: kindergarten waiting room

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Hugging Skill

Study Skill

Shyness

Hiroki Kitazume Sociology Major, MA Moved to US: 1 month

Social Skill

Cultural Shock

From: Tokyo, Japan

My First Hug in the US When I was 6 years old my kindergarten teacher gave me a warm hug. She is a Hispanic lady from Mexico. At that moment I was surprised but I hugged her back. I don’t remember what she looks like, but I know she smells like grandma’s lavender lotion.

GYEL’S FIRST HUG STORY F ir s t H u g s tore is f rom Inte r na tiona l Stude nts : Gy e l’s First Hug Sto ry

classmate

padding back friendly hug

padding feet

Location: classroom

22

Hugging Skill

Study Skill

Shyness

Gyel Tshen Business Major, MBA Moved to US: 5 years

Social Skill

Cultural Shock

From: Bhutan

My First Hug in the US One of my friend from my psychological class tried to hug me as par to a greeting. Since I don’t know him well I thought it was very awkward. I still gave a little smile. This experience made me realize physical touch is common in America. I will most definitely embrace the hugging culture when I visit home. It is a wonderful way to greet someone and shows that you’re a warm and friendly person. I think my female friends would find it normal since we always hug but if i try it on the guys they probably might think am attracted to them or might be a bit taken back.

Chapter 5

Te s t You r Se lf : Q ue s tionna ire A bout Hugging

TEST YOURSELF QUESTIONNAIRE ABOUT HUGGING

Do you like to hug?

1 2 3 4 5 Not at all

A lot

How do you feel when people hug you?

1 2 3 4 5 Not good

Great

How likely are you to hug your family, friends or colleague?

1 2 3 4 5 Very likely

Not likely

On a typical day how many hugs do you give or receive?

None 1 2 3 4 More than 4

Is hugging common in your country of origin?

Yes 24

No

MY ABILITY DIAGRAM

Hugging Skill

Study Skill

Shyness

name: major: Social Skill

country:

MY FIRST HUG STORY

first hug photo

Cultural Shock

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS Te s t You r s e lf : Q ue s tionna ire A bout Hugging

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Can you think of a specific situation where you felt the desire to hug someone?

When returning to your country of origin after living in the US will you try, or have you tried to embrace the hugging culture? How was it perceived, or how do you think it will be perceived?

Adjusting to the life of international student can be overwhelming. Understanding the nuisances of new customs, like hugging, are essential for your acclimation. This manual provides guidelines and instructions that help international Asian students adjust to the hugging culture in America.