12 minute read
TRANSCENDING BALANCE
BALANCE
is a Myth
BY BETSY WEINER (SHE/HER)
Acouple of years ago, a friend of mine who is a Doula created some parenting classes for new moms. She reached out to me about coming in to lead a talk about finding balance in their lives. I laughed and told her: “I’ll come in and let them know that there is no such thing!” She politely told me perhaps she would look elsewhere to find a different leader on that topic. Oops, a missed opportunity perhaps, but I just can’t lie. What I mean to do is give permission to let go of the expectation that “someday,” when all contingencies have been met, you will be in a state of total balance. If you constantly search for this elusive state where everything in your life falls into perfect harmony … well, friends, that may be a fruitless search.
Balance is often the idea that everything gets its fair share: time for your spouse or partner, your children, your work, your friends, your hobbies, your exercise routine, resting, laundry, cooking, and everything else you would like to fit into your day with equal energy. Does that sound like life? On any given day, some of these things will move higher on the “to do” list and others will move down. Maybe we need to rebrand balance as “recalibration?” We put undue pressure on ourselves to have every part of our lives in total harmony.
We hear and read so much about the pursuit of balance. An entire category of postures (asanas) are balance poses. In many of these postures, we notice most when we are off balance because we fall over! Often it is easier to notice on our yoga mat than in our daily lives when we are out of balance. We find ourselves exhausted, short-tempered, or reaching for things to numb ourselves. We spend too much time in one area of our lives and little or no time in another, and we feel the world tipping around us too far in one direction. This can be a great tool for self-awareness. When we notice these feelings or reactions, it’s an opportunity to get quiet and bring ourselves back. We eventually learn to realize the perfect place is right now in this moment as we choose it. The world will not shift to our demands, but we can shift our perception of the world, and in doing so, create what will allow us to thrive.
The yoga tradition has a belief that a part of you remains in balance, no matter what: the part of you that is always at rest, always at peace, and can discern what you need for you to thrive in any given moment. These philosophies and practices teach and show us everything is always in a state of flux. Just like the balance postures, the awareness of what needs attention keeps us upright! Some days we might need rest, and other days we might need to go for a run. At times our work needs more attention, and at other times, we require rest and rejuvenation. Perhaps the point is to acknowledge that total harmony cannot be a destination. The journey is a state of flow where listening, discernment, and action all interact with one another.
We feel the pressure to “have it all,” but what does that even mean? We cannot believe the images we see on social media or T.V. are real. These are lives that have been carefully curated, and the outcome is something unattainable and certainly unsustainable. It’s not to say that we can’t be inspired by what we see, but it might be less stressful if we release the concept of total harmony in all aspects of our lives. Embracing doing less and enjoying the spaciousness that comes with more time ultimately helps us to decide what would serve us in any given moment. This seems like a nice counter to the constant striving and achievement-based pressure cooker happening all around us. Let go of the myth of balance, and instead make choices that bring you in closer alignment with the peace and calm available to you whenever you are ready to listen. +
BETSY WEINER is a dedicated teacher, guide, and humble student who has been working and learning in the spaces of yoga, meditation, Yoga Nidra and spiritual life coaching for over 20 years. She believes we already have everything we need within, and that each one of us is whole and complete, exactly as we are. Betsy moonlights as a back-up singer in a cover band and thinks laughing might truly be the best medicine.
HOW YOGA SAVED ME
and Still Does
BY ANNIE HAYES (SHE/HER)
Like most, I came to yoga because I needed to lose weight, and yoga seemed less harsh (and less work) than lifting or running. I still carried 25 pounds of baby weight after two years, and I felt ready for a change and craved balance. That change came in the form of a yoga class at the YMCA more than ten years ago. I found that class so difficult and discouraging I didn’t go back, hitting the gym instead.
Fast forward six years. The kids grew, but something was still missing. I longed for me, myself, the person I lost so long ago. In 2013, I tried yoga again. I attended a local yoga studio I resonated with and grew stronger in body and resilience. A subtle shift began as layers of dirt and dust began to wash away, and I became whole and confident again. Two life-changing events occurred that September. I realized my marriage would not be sustainable for the long term, and my sister, at just short of 32, was diagnosed with stage four, small cell lung cancer.
We put the question of my marriage’s sustainability on hold when my sister and her son moved in with our family. Our kids already went to the same school, and it seemed logical they lived with us. During the week, they stayed with my family. On the weekends, my sister and her son went to our parents’ home on the lake. I juggled a full-time job, being a full-time mom (to all the kids), and my sister’s caregiver. Every evening I still went to yoga after dinner when everyone else settled in for the night.
As fall changed into winter, I knew my sister would not survive. In August, her chances were slim. By December, she lived with so much pain, and chemo was not working. After Christmas, she told us all she was just done.
She embraced hospice in January 2014 at the lake house with my parents. She died on the 23rd, with our parents by her side as she took her last breath at thirty-two years and three months. My parents, the first to hold her when she arrived in this world, were the last to hold her when she left.
Our world crumbled.
Nothing was the same for years. They say families either come together or break apart after a death, and ours broke apart, flying in all directions. My parents, swimming in their own grief, isolated themselves by staying at the lake. Monthly family celebrations stopped, and holidays felt forced. We all floated in space, unsure of what to do, where to turn, or how to move forward. Yoga solved that for me.
I went to church and prayed, but yoga saved me. Yoga met me where I was. Yoga forgave. It gave me the tools (asana, breath, and meditation) and the stability to walk my path of grief in a healthy manner, in my time. Yoga allowed me to be myself. I didn’t have to pretend, trust, hold hope, or practice faith on my mat, I just needed to get on my mat and let yoga do the work.
People are not meant to live in grief for years, yet so many people do. Yoga changes that for people willing to get on their mat and be open to the opportunity. Yoga asks us to observe ourselves, to cultivate the awareness to see our habits and patterns, and discern what we need at that moment. The practice gives us balance. It gives people tangible, concrete systems to work with to bring immediate relief from suffering. This is how we know yoga works, and that is exactly what I did. I suffered and grieved. I went to asana class and cried on my mat. I prayed, meditated, practiced breathwork, and the cloudiness began to lift. As I watched others around me continue to suffer, I began to understand the power that yoga had and still has for me.
When I decided to leave my marriage, I got on my mat. When my dad died in February 2021 of COVID-19, I got on my mat. Each time I started the grieving process all over again, but each time knowing there was an end in sight. I just needed to be on my mat, and yoga would take care of the rest. +
ANNIE HAYES has been called a wellness deviant, a badass with kindness, and the sweetest person when she wants you to do core. An M.B.A.-wielding yogi and meditation practitioner, and a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBCHWC), Annie’s aim is to bring affordable wellness and yoga to all communities.
SABBATHKEEPING
The Dessert Most of Us Leave on the Table
BY BARBARA BAKER SPEEDLING (SHE/HER)
“Light a candle, alone or with friends … speak about those things that are left to do, and as the candle burns, allow the cares to melt away. Do not be anxious about tomorrow … . For now, let it be … . In Sabbath time we take our hand off the plow and allow God and the earth to care for what is needed.”
— Wayne Muller
Remember teeter totters and that sweet spot where you found perfect balance suspended midair? Sabbath-keeping, an age-old gift from our Jewish sisters and brothers, can help us achieve that often elusive equilibrium. Most of us left the Sabbath in mothballs, or as Christopher Ringwald writes: “The Sabbath remains the dessert most people leave on the table.”
Sabbath-keeping means we never go more than six days without extended time for spiritual renewal, a break from work and thinking about work, rest and rejuvenation, reflection, and community-building with family, friends, and beyond.
Muller writes: “We set aside time to delight in being alive, to savor the gifts of creation, and to give thanks for the blessings we may have missed in our necessary preoccupation with our work.
Ancient texts suggest we light candles, sing songs, pray, tell stories, worship, eat, nap, and make love. It is a day of delight, a sanctuary in time. Within this sanctuary, we make ourselves available to … insights and blessings that arise only in stillness and time.”
As Sabbath-keeping changed in our nation, the challenges we face did, too. We live in anxious times with COVID-19, political polarization, climate change, violence, discrimination, financial demands, and the never-ending pressure to do and be more. Sabbath-keeping can be an antidote for anxiety and that which overwhelms us. Difficulties will remain, but Sabbath-keeping makes them more bearable, and may renew our hearts and minds to help us more adequately address them.
While our starting point for celebrating a Sabbath is our Creator’s call to do so, celebrating a regular Sabbath can help us live healthier, more balanced lives, and perhaps increase our longevity. Seventh-day Adventists live an average of four-to-ten years longer than their nonAdventist peers, according to Gary Fraser’s research. Among their many healthy habits, Adventists observe weekly Sabbaths. Even those with secular perspectives find voluntary simplicity, slow living, unplugging, and digital and secular sabbaths helpful in finding more balance, sharing commonalities with Sabbath-keeping.
I conducted research with 10 women ages 20 to 63 from various cultural and faith traditions who chose to celebrate a Sabbath, although they were not part of communities where this was the norm. Most were hesitant to share they kept a Sabbath with others, as they felt many would not understand. Yet, all these women reported Sabbath-keeping deepened their spirituality, enhanced their self-awareness, improved self-care, enriched relationships, and positively affected the rest of their weeks. If you celebrate a Sabbath, consider sharing your experience with others to help promote a culture that encourages rest!
The women saw Sabbath-keeping as a time for greater connection with the Sacred, gratitude, and spiritual reflection. All saw Sabbath as a chance for physical and mental rest. Sabbath became a time for shared meals, extended conversations, outdoor activities, reading, music, arts, journaling, writing poetry, and other pleasurable pursuits.
Some reported being more attentive to and present with loved ones. Others reported being kinder to both family and strangers when less rushed. Others used their Sabbaths to forgive themselves and others. Two women said Sabbath-keeping contributed to their sobriety. Most avoided social media and limited use of electronics. Some chose to serve others during their Sabbaths. Most made minimal trips or chose to not drive at all. One woman avoided using electricity as a way to honor a Sabbath for the Earth as well.
Most kept clear guidelines and were deliberate about what they would and would not do during their Sabbaths, but found it necessary to make occasional exceptions. One woman started Sabbathkeeping by staying in bed all day watching Netflix, but found this didn’t rejuvenate her, so she became more intentional with her Sabbath. All said their Sabbaths evolved over time.
Most of the women found it helpful to learn more about the philosophy of Sabbath-keeping. We should be wary, however, of assuming there is a right way to celebrate Sabbath. What one woman found spiritual or rejuvenating was quite different for another. The spirit of Sabbathkeeping must be more important than rigid Sabbath rules in order for Sabbath-keeping to become a reality for more people. Sabbath-keeping also provides an opportunity to consider how we live the rest of our week. We can reflect on how we can best be in the right relationship with our Creator, ourselves, neighbors near and far, our planet, and other living creatures with whom we share the Earth. When we are more balanced, our families, communities, and the broader world benefit. As Marianne Williamson writes: “Personal transformation can and does have global effects. As we go, so goes the world, for the world is us.”
What will help you find that elusive sweet spot on your teeter totter? +
BARBARA BAKER SPEEDLING is a health and wellness coach with Virgin Pulse. She wrote her Master’s thesis about her research and published an article in the Journal of Religion & Health titled, “Celebrating Sabbath as a Holistic Health Practice: The Transformative Power of a Sanctuary in Time.” She is particularly interested in accessible, inexpensive holistic practices and believes personal inner peace and well-being can help us contribute to making the world a more just, peaceful place.
