InsideOut Issue 9 by Young In Prison South Africa

Insideout Magazine issue 9 A U G U S T 2 0 1 3 I ssu e 9

nsideo ut

ve o l & m o d e e the fr ition ed

Yip Staff Tarisai Mchuchu-Ratshidi Director

A project implemented by Young in Prison South Africa

Rozerie Bosma General Manager Clinton Osbourn Post-Release Coordinator Kholofelo Mashego Advocacy and Communications Coordinator

facilitated by Tlhabanelo Diholo and Javier Perez

Nkosinathi Buyana Life Skills Facilitator and Trainer Vuyokazi Magobiyane Life Skills Facilitator Owen Butler Life Skills Facilitator

www.younginprison.org.za

Tlhabanelo Diholo Life Skills Facilitator Zamani Ndlovu Project Coordinator Johannesburg Joseph Mofokeng Life Skills Facilitator Tebogo Butie Life Skills Facilitator Co-facilitators Iris Gooris Javier Perez Brynne Peluso Haley Tillage Lauren Knoke Will Vaughan Masika Lewis Matisse Yoshihara Myra Orillaze Stephen Kusemererwa Willy Borkai Magazine design Conor Ralphs Meghan Judge Young in Prison 059 – 080 – NPO Community House 41 Salt River Road Salt River, Cape Town Tel: 021 448 5275 Fax: 021 448 3024 info@younginprison.org.za This project is funded by The European Union

This issue has been sponsored and supported by:

contents

freedom............................................................................................................................................. 2 love & relationships.......................................................................................10 drugs & violence....................................................................................................... 18 anger................................................................................................................................................... 24 poetry................................................................................................................................................ 30

Insideout Magazine issue 9

I am a strong man in the community I am the man who has a dream and vision I am the man who loves a woman but not to hurt her I am a strong man who can do it I have a dream inside my heart and I know I can overcome I am the man who have soul and the is no one who can destroy it My chest is the cover of my heart and my heart is the box of my dreams and spiritual of my heart When someone hurts my heart I start to feel weak But my thoughts cant let me down. -Ayanda Sidimba

You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop me, because I have all the freedom I need. You can lock me up in prison but I will be free in my mind and you have to had my to be free someday. I had every rigth to be whatever I want to be, so stop doing what you think can stop me, because you will never stop me. I am respmsibility for myself and my freedom go together with my responsibilities . I am what I am and not what you say I am. Im free and I have my own responsibilitiesâ&#x20AC;Ś I say yes to FREEDOM!!! -Nataan Klaasen

Insideout Magazine issue 9

You can not stop me because being in prison thought me to be free and accept things that I can not change But I must also try to change the things that I can. And never allow anyone to tell me that am not good enough Because in prison I have gain knowledge and wisdom, I even realized that am the best and nothing is impossible. And I must never limit my self in life. the sky is the limit. Solomzi Mbarane

You can not stop me Because I’m an train running over an rail straight like an book from the beginning to the end like an elefant running over stones straight like an waterfall to a dam. that’s why I’m startin from the bottom now I’m here. Simple like green en yellow. You know when an car do “a” accident that sound you get. Just as simple as that… Antley Johnson

Insideout Magazine issue 9

You can not stop me because I’m prepared to take responsibility for my freedom trough the laws of our freedom country and everyone was alert to be responsibility we cant let the freedom go away without taking responsibility for ourselves that means we must always decide before we act to prevent the likes of suicide to our free land. Xolani Jamela

You can not stop me because decision is up to me to be free and my responsibility has surrounded me. Denzil Jansen

You cannot stop me because I’m a freeman that’s why I have responsibility for me freedom everything that I do I do it for my own freedom. When I was just a littel baby boy my mother used to tel my does crazy things she tel me that my daddy was a evil man she tell me he hateded me when I grow a littel bit older than I relize she was the crazy one then it goes trogh my mind that was the way she was. Francois Klaasen

Insideout Magazine issue 9

No one want to be there

My Heart Broken

My broken heart cause me The anger that makes me Forget who I am, my broken Heart and anger that causes Pain that I will never forget.

When my heart is neglected I feel isolated by my body And it lowr myself esteem When my heart is broken The pain of my broken heart Was hurt by the neglence Of my own father and it makes Me feel like a robot

Athule Roni

My broken heart Is like the island in The bavibian sea that

Insideout Magazine issue 9

p ze shi n o uso i t W a l o Re nda tho Uku u me anlu lo o o z n wu uU gob a aa ant o sin elon We b b u o h m iz g uk e n o wak kuma a elil na w d h u d e in an twa lak Uth a ums sizam singa naba i b a o h tho funek elana lonip akut ze ku mom o net de ap o uku awen y nd ub fun ino zin xas inotho thuba kelo k ele e el be imze nyath alung b o ey sib nipe b nabo e w u o z l h i ib zet seil bas a and -Ay

to re Re lat to spec ion be t o sh tru com the ips be st y ing rs m ha o ho a u k v pu ior can nes e th rp t m t tha ose ust had . If yo e rela be rel of t w a u d tion tim a a e e is mus rgum lso i tions onâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t h ship tea bec figh t do ent. nclu hip. ave n m s om an ded and t in o e ing â&#x20AC;&#x2122;t f thi p f s w shi irit o less mak orget ther or th ey ho p. t r th so in thin e le e o b e a o y g nti e h brot ou br ur dig ll the re o o h n wo nes erh ke t ity rld t to ood he can ev re -Xo ma eryo latio lan n k n e i Ja ar e me e l a la tio nsh ip.

Insideout Magazine issue 9

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Insideout Magazine issue 9

ma I bel ie t rac ter w ve th e a ere at e r Re ca e yo you very lat n c u Ik ion no ev om hum no t b en e f sh a w n r e i ip o f s bo yo m be im ome ug u a it d ing pa ht B ct of us by re ric oesn mus ma ut if of mo h o â&#x20AC;&#x2122;t m t h d ar on gn we ne r p at ave ela ot itu ca y o oo ter re tio un de n j r a r. B wh lat , v us n d i ny s e alu t b h r Id thi ecau o yo onsh s t i er p. tan eo eu an o b u n ip s B w g ec d th d orl r im nit in e re are . No au tio lov eliev ed d l o t e a p h se an ac an e n e m e w tio r wh di to d I w agn we ship othe if w orl nsh at t t as itu wo f a r eac wi wit rs e ha d. ip o d a ll b h uld ela h o ne e, v e a oth s we e a t t of val be ion he ble er lo go the ue sa sh r p fe ip eo to peo ve o od r m. an for we ple So d sh ple urs ela are a t to e e c a i o v a l b r v e Id me n n o e o ryo b out s ob tha peop ur e und s we hip ne uild th eli u m w l . c t s e ab e â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s o i a ev t s w t n h the ith ion o t ea etha ou h s v r po ou a rel we t fe and t wi e a p selve ati on r o ar. fee ll b os s fi sh fa lin uild itiv rs ip So t gs e rel is lom a wi trus rela tio the t t h zi ns oth and las Mb hip tin er ara . g ne he rit ag e.

Insideout Magazine issue 9

Insideout Magazine issue 9 The effects of drugs It’s easy to experiment drugs at early stage. First it’s fun but as the time goes by you start to be selfish you only think about your self. The drug they change your personality and make a monster which is uncontrollable. They change the image of you e.g. If you are 18 years old you will look like a 35 year old. Drugs damage your brain cells. Drugs takes you away from your family and make the people whom you love to isolate themselves from you because they don’t know you anymore. If you smoke Tik you lack appetite, you lack sleep etc... The drugs will make you a slave which you only work for them nothing else. That is the life which I don’t want to live because I am capable of so much more. Drugs are only here to destroy our lives. The question is do you want to live the life of being used by drugs and to be selfish? Dumisa Ngqoyiyana

Insideout Magazine issue 9

About drugs Ok according to me DRUGS is not right for a person because it makes a person not to be himself at all and getting into trouble wereby the policeman will hunt you because of your doings and drugs makes you not to connect with yout family and end up losing your family because of drugs and not going to school staying the streets but my adivce out there is to find away from drugs because they are not good at all Theo Viti

Drug cause Damage Drug effects your brain and body partsd forget about your goals it only resist to you for a few minutes. but later you will still need more but nothing change. The thing that happen to your life is getting lower status stressing your family you are like nothing that exist in this world so I decide to take a action about my life because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m a human being so please donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t use drugs. Xolani Jamela

Insideout Magazine issue 9 Drugs create pain in our families as well as community It causes hurt from inside out plays with hygiene Of humans who use the drug Tyren Green Drugs are unsafe towards my family and loved ones and only now I see ‘cause I’m in prison and away from my old lived life free without rehabilitation from my parents from my stubborn manners, but now I see life has no meaning when drugs are a part of it. Francois Klaasen

Insideout Magazine issue 9

Anger It’s a car with no wheel Its ice cream with no crem When I go to the field my favorite play lose I came angry

What is it to be angry Angry is something that makes me very stupit Anger is something that not come if you don’t want to be angry Anger is something that came on my mind when someone sy something that I don’t like Angery is something that control your emotions then you do things that after you do the rong things then you realise but the things that you do its not rigth then its to late Something that makes me very angry its when someone talk things that its not show but he still carry on than I get very angry Anger makes me feel like a dog who battel everyday for he’s own bone’s and if someone come in my way I will hurt hem whit all of my anger -Elzano Notman

Insideout Magazine issue 9 Anger It’s like a house without a roof It’s like a son without a father It’s like a river without a rock It’s like having no feeling for someone It’s like a school with no chairs -Ian Swartz

Half of my composure ripped from my heart when the guidance of a father was never felt from the start got lost in a world of hurt and emotional pain my lost composure and a lack of enthusiasm was hard to gain my eyes blured to see a loving family the feeling of happiness destroyed brutaly managing my life into prison on my own reason why, the role of a father was always unknown bruce flynn

Insideout Magazine issue 9 What is it like to be angry (A) It is like being in a world alon, and you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t what to be distebd ones someone distebe me thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when I loos my mind and maybe hurt him/she (B) It is like been trone in the singel cell without no electrycity and no bed sleeping on the

What is it like to be angry Its like a storm with no sunlight, a bullet through the heart without servival Its like a neuclear timebomb with a detonator, a map with no direction, its like birds with no place to fly a virous with no cure Its like pain with no hurt, death with no life, words with no meaning Its like being locked up in a cucoon with no blossom, like tresure with no value winning no prize its like living in a world with no air, seeing with no vision intoxicating with no limit -Bruce Flynn

Insideout Magazine issue 9

Waar my lever Deer mekaar ge raak het is die tyd toe my pa dood ge gaan het ek was nog baie jong up die ouder dom fan il dit was die tyd toe ek nie meer om gegee het fan my lewer was deer mekaar fan ek het nie fahter lefde ge hat nie dit was die toe ek nie meer om gegee het fan my lewer nie. -Bradwin

poe

try

My Life Was not perfect but it was a life that some of the boys have dreamed of. As I’ve been growing up I’ve dreams and goals that I wanted to achieve, but the environment and people around me was corupted my mind set, I don’t blame anyone but myself because I made that choice. So I gave up on my dreams because I wanted short cuts in life, so I started commiting crime and smoking, drinking alcohol, and having sex with some womens and impresing friends So my behavior and the habit of commiting crime has escalated and I was called by names of being a thug, tsotsi, etc. So I believed them, so I gave up on my dreams, So I ended up with 12 years of imprisonment. But Today Nobody can say I gave up Because today I am rebuilding my life, I’ve already attended rehabilitation programs and I do believe I will make it, I have already have a business management certificate of M.C.U.-2 and complited my matric in prison, so nobody can say I gave up because I did not. I believe as long as I am alive its not over yet so I believe I will succeed. -S. Mbarane

Insideout Magazine issue 9 You know in the past, Life’s tearing me apart I mean like a piece Here and a piece there I feel like life’s treating Me unfair I feel like rolling But I’m in pieces I must be strolling You know Genesis in the Bible Is the beginning But you know what I feel like a life’s ending… Rebuilding my life It took many brics And blocks to Be stable But you know now I’m Suiteble and able You know for rebuilding Your own life just remember The change begin with you -Antley Johnson

My Life Tearde Apart I was teard apart My life was a mess I could not do a Rigt Sometimes I thought they Teard me apart But all of a suden It was my self Tearing my life Apart But when I come To prison my life Become to change Ive been a beater Person then before And know I choose To quit crime it Does not pay you Only get dankie Fola. -Shane aka Manenzo

The Man Who Has a Dream The time I whas young My mother and father whas tell me I must never give up with my dreams I whas having a dream to be a bissenes man And allso to be a respected man in the community and not to demind the respect to end the respect and allso what is happening outside There my life is upside down But what I know life is a gerney But somthing I never forget is God Have a perpers for my life. And because of peurpressure I make Wrong coisess And I start to robb people outside there today my life is behind the bars. Some of my friends is dead outside. But I start to realise this is not a life for me sometimes whe do things just because we need people must recotnise who am I but that is a big misstake because wen days are dark friends are view but what I know my mother’es heart is broken just because I dissopoint her and I know she need me and allso my baby boy. Sorry mom for what I have dun to you. That’s why I ask this forgiveness because I know You are the one who have a Consires to me please my mom Give me the chance when im Coming out I promise you and My child you will be prode of me Remember prison is not the end Of the world When im coming out I have A dream to work with the Community and to provide the Community with food for those who Don’t have To do something wrong is not About recognasasen but to do Something rite and allso im sorry For the family of Sidimba and the Family of Gongocoza for dissopointment And the people who love me And today in confessing in front of Jesus and all the people agains me Im sorry just because I need to Go out and build the community The name of ikaylalabantfu every One who don’t have a place to Sleep is wellcom without Jesus Soporting I can’t have my dream This is my dream you like it or Not life is not about me but About those aront me this is what Jesus want me to do and When I do it my mother, jesus and My son is going to be prote of me and What my eyes see my heart agree in the name Of Jesus amen God loves you 29

Insideout Magazine issue 9 Growing up in the tiny streets the city of gold i.e. Jozi Marbeneng in the face of a country faced with so many challenges, name them oppression of black people Banru education, inferior job capactes on top of them all apartheid, etc. In the face of this tragedy I consider myself among the few luchiest birds or flwer in the hastile soil. Provided I tasted education, I loved democracy for a boy my age. Considering, I never went to school, sleep, roomed street, kicked soccer or travelled to one province to another without food in my stamach. Unfortunately for me though, ofter I was armed with life values instilled by my parents not knowing they were grooming me to be a bettes person and protecting me from the vultures in the bush in ending myself. Now I knoh and fully understand haven’t burnt from the lessons thaught by the consequences of my wrong deed. As a result, I traided those good values for alcohol, girlfriends, trends in the expense of mugging the honest citizens of my belovd country. And today I have reped the rewards of making myself vulnerable in the hands of the judge who claimed he was preventing me from doing furthes harm to my life by in carceting me.

I am the son because I love to make a difference

Hope

I am the river willingly inviting any soul to follow I am the corner stone in the current of success and a bright future in tomorrow because I build people live’s I am the sunshine often needed to furtile our nature to provide oxygen for our lungs to freely breath I am the inspiration so lets live the dream and together in peace and harmony plant the seen because Im a rollmodle I am a helmet protecting the wisdom and knowledge of mankind acts to wealth without it is hard to find I am the table I am a light to brighten your future in the mist of the dark because I give a ear to athers problemes together we can float in the highest waters like the ark I am passion in disguise I am more like a door My love to is so free to relize because I come and go in live’s of other people -Bruce Flynn

Nathan Klaasen “Metaphor” I’m like a lion in the jungle so I rule this place I am the roots of a tree because everything begins with me I am like a weather because I can change any time I’m like a white rich man because I am always on top of my race I am a policeman because I keep everyone safe around me - Dumisa Ngoynyana

When I was gist a littel baby boy my perents us to drink after drinking Thy will start to argue over monney whil I was sitting Whating for tham to give me love that I deserve and I was hurt to see that I am not The only one but my sister and brother all so and when we walk in the road People ask us why and we do not know wat to say because just to tink of it feels I am Tering my self apart But I stand tall and still I hear the problem noking on my door but I got no time to worry yes standing every day is an test yes and I am strong and I am stragiling whit every bret I pray to God for peac and happines a brighter fucher not only for me but actioly for Thug family and most of all I believe I can and will and must for me and my family -Farrol Moses

Insideout Magazine issue 9 I Am a man of my word because I like to do my things when I say show I am a man who like to keep my promises because its good to me I am a gentelmin because I like to treat a lady very good I am a watch because im always on time I am a star because Im always sining like a lite -Elzano Vlotman

I am Black the nation I am the colour I am the power that made you define me I am the positive choice maker I am the soldier form the war The builder that share the ideas the needer of the law I am the man from dark to light -Xolani Jamela

I’m a man becose im strong im a chair becose im carrie man im like a moon becose im listen everyone im lion becose im king of jungle and im a remain a soldier till the war is won - Lele Nkos

I am the wind I am the wind that blows to every part of the world but you can not see me but you can feel me You cant even hold me on your hands because I’m unstoppable I am the wind that you breathe you can’t live without me and I can’t survive without you, so remember you need me and I need you Remember you breath me trough your lungs, I am the reason that you are alive. I am part of everything in this world no one can get read of me because everything on this planet needs me to be alive Solomzi Mbarane

Insideout Magazine issue 9