Your Magazine Volume 14 Issue 3: December 2020

YOUR MAG

VOLUME 14 | ISSUE 3 | DECEMBER 2020

CONTENTS ROMANCE 4 YES, MY BREASTS SAG

EDITORIAL STYLE

EDITORIAL LIVING

ARTS & ENTERTAIMENT

YM ADVISES Y.MP3 ARTIST STATEMENT

6 8 10 18 20 22 24 26 34 36 38 40 42 44 46 48 50 52 54

DEEP IN POLYAMORY STRAIGHT FOR THE HOLIDAYS AT HOME BUSINESS IN THE FRONT, PARTY IN THE BACK GAY BY MAY AM I A BIG KID NOW? I LOOK LIKE A HIGHLIGHTER MANEATERS PUBES SERIAL PLEASER NO PANTS TO BED WHAT DO YOU MEAN, “MISSING?” HOW TO BE THE IDEAL HEARTHROB FOLKTALES MORE THAN JUST A STORY THE MEDIA AND EATING DISORDERS PHOEBE F*CKING BRIDGERS DEAR 2020...

AFTER MIDNIGHT VIBES MOLLIE STERN

YMEMERSON.COM | INSTAGRAM: @YOUR.MAG | TWITTER: @YOURMAGEMERSON

1 | YOURMAG

EDITOR’S

YOUR Mag

letter

VOLUME 14 | ISSUE 3 | DECEMBER 2020

LILLIAN COHEN

LILY WALSH

TALIA SMITH

MADISON DOUGLAS

MARIANNA REYES

TATIANA GUEL

OLIVIA CIGLIANO

MARIANNA REYES

Editor-in-Chief

Managing Editor

Romance Editor

Style Editor

AMANDA HAMPTON A&E Editor

Co-Creative Director

Co-Creative Director

Co-Head Designer

Co-Head Designer

ILEANA PEREZ Assistant Designer

MARYCATHERINE NEAL EMILY KING

2

020 has been pretty chaotic. I’ll admit it. Some things were brutal. Like taking care of my sister during lockdown because my mother is an essential worker.

Like watching over 300,000 people die of COVID. Some things were fucking fantastic. Like achieving my freshman year dream of becoming Editor-in-Chief of this very magazine.

Some things were complicated. Like learning to balance the

Living Editor

Photo Director

TIFFANY CARBON

PALLAS HAYES

titles journalist and human, unlearning to keep my beliefs

Assistant Photo Director

private, to draw a line in the sand of what is to be expected of

JESS FERGUSON

NATASHA ARNOWITZ

a human being and how we hold each other accountable for

ALLISON HUGHES

RICKI KALAYCI

Web Director

Co-Copy Chief

Art Director

atrocities like racism and homophobia.

At this point in life, I’m just trying my best. It’s a

Assistant Art Director

new concept for me, someone who’s typically overwhelmed,

SHAWNA KONIECZNY

ELOISA DE FARIAS

trying to do everything at once. To never say no. But

KATIE POWERS

LAUREN DILLOW

Co-Copy Chief

Co-Head Proofreader

Co-Head Proofreader

Editorial Director

Style Director

NEEKA BOROUMANDI

DELANEY BAILEY

LAURA PHILIPS

JULIA MALLON

Marketing Director

YMTV Director

Co-Social Media Director

Co-Social Media Director

RANA SAIFI Talent Manager

it’s working.

In this issue, Madelyn Mulreaney [page 38] gives

us permission to make our comfort a priority and take our pants off. Marianna Poletti Reyes [page 04] pens the ode to our fucking amazing natural bodies we’ve all been waiting for.

The “At Home” editorial spread [page 10] shows us the best of stay-at-home living, complete with magazines, homemade face masks, and Scrabble. And Katatrina Monodor [page 42] finally pinpoints what makes Harry Styles so damn attractive

COPY EDITORS: CATE HAYES, MEHER GUPTA, ALLISON CARAVELLA, MADELYN MULREANEY, THOMAS GARBACK, KATE HEALY, CHARLOTTE DRUMMOND, LEX GARCIA-RUIZ, ANDREA MENDEZ, LEISSA ROMULUS DESIGN: AINSLEY BASIC, ANA HEIN, CHLOE WILLIAMS, GABRIELA PORTUGAL, GUO YU, HALEY BROWN, LILIANA FERNANDEZ, MADELYN MULREANEY, SEREN CHO, SHERRY MA, TOBY LICHTENWALTER

in the modern era.

For the first time in my life, I am taking care of

myself. Embracing change. I don’t feel like I want to be stuck.

I want to grow and change and better myself. I’m excited for the future.

Sure, 2021 might not be much better. But at least we can try.

PROOFREADERS: MADELYN MULREANEY, KATE HEALY, BECCA LETTS, CHARLOTTE DRUMMOND, JESSICA ROSS, FIONA MURPHY, KAITLYN FEHR, KATIE REDEFER, CHRISTINA HORACIO, CAMILA ARJONA,

I’ll see you all next year.

With Love,

AMARIS RAMIREZ, MARYCATHERINE NEAL

YOURMAG | 2

YES,

MY BREASTS SAG

3 | ROMANCE

WRITTEN BY MARIANNA POLETTI REYES

ART BY ANDREA MÉNDEZ

H

ave you ever felt trapped? As if you’re unable to breathe, claustrophobic, or restricted. That’s how most breasts feel in a bra. Society has created an expectation for women to wear bras on a daily basis, stating that those who don’t wear bras will have breasts that sag. However, breast sagging is normal. Some reasons why breasts may sag include aging, smoking, weight loss, and pregnancy.

If bras don’t affect whether or not breasts sag, then why is there a stigma behind people not wearing them?

According to the HuffPost, the results of a 15-year study in France found that bras provide no benefits to women and may actually be harmful to breasts over time. The restrictive material of bras prevents tissue growth, leading breasts to sag.

The “male gaze” is the start of the manipulation of breasts to enforce the beauty standards that society has put into place. The “male gaze” calls for perky breasts that are uplifted and made larger through a bigger bra cup size. Because it is made to seem embarrassing to do otherwise, those with breasts feel a societal pressure to wear support. Victoria’s Secret, for example, a well-known store that sells bras internationally, features women whose breasts don’t sag. If you viewed any fashion or beauty magazine, there is a very small chance you could find a person whose breasts are further down than the societal expectation.

The fear of nipple exposure calling attention to one’s breasts is another reason why women are expected to wear bras, because nipples can be “distracting,” despite nearly every human being having nipples. #FreeTheNipple was a movement to encourage others to not feel required to wear a bra and instead let your breasts “sag.”

“The movement argues that both men and women have breasts, whether big or small. They share the same characteristics such as breast tissue, areolas and nipples. The major difference between men and women’s breasts is that the ability to produce milk for offspring,” Her Campus explains. People are more likely to make unnecessary comments about whether or not they can see someone’s nipple through their T-shirt than about any other part of another person’s body. #SaggyBoobsMatter is another movement that has taken over the internet, where people have embraced their low breasts.

This year has become the age for the body positivity movement. Not wearing a bra has become more normalized, not because of society, but because women have started to feel more comfortable with their own bodies. They are less ashamed of their nipples and breast size and have gotten rid of worrying about the shame they might receive because their breasts sag. However, the lack of representation for breasts of different shapes and sizes needs more attention.

When you stop wearing a bra, you sleep better, your blood circulation will increase, your acne on your back or shoulders can clear up, you will be more relaxed, and you might even feel more empowered. So yes, my breasts sag—and there is nothing that can be done about it. YM

ROMANCE | 4

DEEP IN POLYAMORY WRITTEN BY TALIA SMITH

L

eaving campus at the end of last spring semester felt like a fever dream. I packed up my room in less than 24 hours; piling clothes and sheets into garbage bags, donating almost every last toiletry, and stuffing the shortest semester of my life into the trunk of my parents’ car feels like a memory that I just wasn’t fully there for. On top of the stress and uncertainty that was set ahead for the remainder of my spring or summer, I hadn’t come to terms with the fact that I was leaving my friends—and my partner at the time—for a span of an unknown amount of days, weeks, or months. To top it off, I had been avoiding giving my parents, family, or friends from home any type of explanation about my relationship because it was not something that I thought would be taken lightly.

To be blunt about it, I went from being in a hetero monogamous relationship to being polyamorous with another queer woman—meaning that although we were “dating,”and would call each other “my girlfriend,” (yes, labels do sometimes make a difference!) and were very much in love with one another, we were not exclusively sleeping with or “talking to” each other. This worked for the most part because both of us felt the same about where we were in our lives; two young bisexual 20-somethingyear-old women who were looking to not only foster a genuine, love-filled relationship but didn’t want to limit any opportunities that came our way to meet (and kiss) other people. And even though it sounded like the perfect plan for a while, it was admittedly hard—but sometimes for reasons out of our control.

A common misperception about polyamory is that the only people who are willing to do it are people who want to “cheat on their partner,” people who are 5 | ROMANCE

ART BY NATASHA ARNOWITZ

“overly horny,” or people who are inexplicably afraid of commitment. The issues all lie within the way poly-oriented people are portrayed in life, media, and household conversation, but mainly with the hypersexualization of those who simply want to (and are able to) sustain a deep relationship with one person while being physically, and sometimes emotionally intimate with others at the same time. Unfortunately, I knew that a lot of people in my life pre-attending Emerson were just not used to this dating style, and I’d therefore have a ton of roadblocks ahead in navigating how to tell the people I loved about my relationship.

And although I understand why these are all common thoughts and misconceptions, I think it’s most important to highlight and understand that polyamory does not just mean one thing—and therefore cannot be pinned as being such.

So, when I got home earlier this year, I was admittedly very anxious to tell my (mostly straight, cis, heterosexual) loved ones about the person I was actively seeing and falling in love with because I was afraid they just wouldn’t understand or support me.

Polyamory was something that I had grown up only seeing on oddly skewed reality TV shows (queue TLC’s Sister Wives and Big Love and tell me they don’t make you feel… off for some reason?) and in my younger years, I was basically conditioned to see any romantic relationship that involved more than two, often heterosexual, people as “weird.” I didn’t know of any adults who were in a happy polyamorous relationship, and I was only seeing shows that sensationalized anything other than hetero-monogamy—making polyamory more of a spectacle than a possibility of being implemented into my daily life. And everyone around me followed suit.

The biggest issue that lay in front of my way that I wanted so badly to talk about the new love I was experiencing, but I was avoiding rejection. Although my partner and I were able to sustain an open relationship that was founded on the basis of trust, communication, honesty, and vulnerability—and was to date the most fulfilling relationship I’ve ever been in—I felt so shameful in not feeling comfortable with telling everyone I loved about it right away. Any open relationships that my friends and I had been aware of in high school were automatically regarded as being “over before it started,” because it was never an avenue that was taken seriously (or handled maturely) in our teenage years. Even more confusing was attempting to navigate telling my older family members—some of who, probably didn’t even know that my partner and I were polyamorous. Introducing them to a woman was daunting enough, so I figured I’d save the theatrics (and honestly, very personal details about our sex lives) for another conversation-starting announcement.

I will admit flat out that being in a polyamorous relationship was insanely hard at times, awkward, upsetting, and very much filled with gray areas that were nearly impossible to navigate. My partner and I had to have what felt like cyclical conversations about

our open relationship, all scattered throughout the time we spent together, and all arguably very hard discussions to have with the person you love. We wouldn’t see eye to eye on what was “allowed” or “offlimits,” we’d have mixed feelings about where the “line” would lie in terms of seeing other people, and we even questioned canning the whole idea and being monogamous for a brief moment. But it’s not the ups and downs of polyamory that moved me to write this piece; it’s the lack of understanding and genuinity that attaches itself to polyamory as a construct, and therefore what made it so hard for me to shout about my love from the rooftops for everyone to know about.

At the end of the day, I want people to understand that you can be in an open relationship with someone— meaning you can be sleeping with, or going out on dates with, or even dating another person at the same time as your significant other— and you can still develop a deep, caring, intimate and legitimate relationship with them. So until we can detach ourselves from the stigma of polyamory that shows like Sister Wives continually perpetuate, I guess I’ll just have to work through the doubt and confusing conversations until my dating style becomes a little bit more “normal.” YM

ROMANCE | 6

Straight for the Holidays WRITTEN BY ALEXIS GARCíA RUIZ PHOTOGRAPHED BY XINYI GAO

7 | ROMANCE

I

turned 16 the day after I watched my country elect a president that set back my community by what felt like 100 years. At the time, I was deep in the closet, so in denial that I could not comprehend the crippling fear I was experiencing knowing that people who I loved had voted for Trump. Four years later, in the wake of yet another dehumanizing presidential election, the holiday season, and the daunting notion of going home to our families weighs on queer kids more than usual.

I always preface this by saying that I am extremely privileged all things considered: I am white and cisgender, and my immediate family has been nothing but supportive of me. Even then, however, seeing extended family during the holiday season can stir up so many complex crises of identity. For me, it often means feeling like I have to tone down my performance of queerness so as not to make anyone around me uncomfortable.

In 2020, it’s hard to believe that existing as an LGBTQ+ person is still a cause for debate. Being queer shouldn’t be a big deal, but it’s a big deal for enough of our family members that we know to prepare for it. It was a big deal to my grandfather years ago when he pulled me aside before I even knew I was a lesbian.

“Ven aqui, mi niña,” he said. “Come here, my child.” My abuelo was my favorite person at that time, the person who made me feel like being me was always the very best thing I could do. “You’re not a homosexual right? We already have enough of that in our family.” I laughed, because he had to be joking.

“Don’t worry, Abuelo, I told him.” Because I wasn’t. He hugged me tight, as if to thank me for not being queer. My grandfather is no longer living, and while none of my other family members would ever be so forward with their discomfort, the ghost of his words still lingers each time I do anything that could possibly be incriminating.

I think the thing that weighs on me the most is knowing that a person can be gay in a million ways. A person can be gay in a quiet way, though this form of queerness is hardly a choice. It’s the kind that stems from intergenerational trauma, from witnessing a

world where homosexuality is punishable by law and life sentences of shame. This is the kind of gayness that feels necessary when the people who love you talk around your sexuality rather than about it. The kind that feels necessary when acceptance means a family that looks the other way instead of one that says: I see you. I see who you are, and it’s okay.

It’s wonderful.

I decided I would not be quiet before I even decided I was queer. When I was 14, I joined my school’s Gay-Straight Alliance as one hell of an ally, and I began posting loudly and angrily about queer issues on social media. Despite my passion for the rights of others to love whoever the fuck they wanted to love, the queerness inside me bubbled into something hideous. This fearless, public passion was a privilege, a sentiment I could only yell because I thought I was not a part of what I was fighting for. I could argue fiercely with family members about why marriage equality was worth fighting for because I felt I had a platform as a straight ally that did not leave me vulnerable. But the closer my own queerness got to spilling out of me, the less comfortable I felt performing it. The longer my eyes began to linger on girls’ lips, the quieter I grew.

Because when a fight is yours, when you become the other, stakes change.

It’s even more complex when most of the time you’ve spent out of the closet has been time spent away from home, building an identity and a safe space for yourself in a community like Emerson where, all things considered, loud queerness is welcome. Going home can feel like being shoved back in a box, being forced to quiet yourself so as not to draw too much attention to the thing that separates you from the person your family knew you as before you came out.

The thing to remember is this: you do not owe anyone the comfort of fitting the mold they’ve constructed for you. Of course, safety must always be our priority as queer people. But immediate threats to our well-being notwithstanding, it is not our job to make sure our queerness is not disruptive to the people around us. Whether we choose to tone it down or not should be entirely out of concern for our own mental stability, not that of others. YM

ROMANCE | 8

AT HOME DIRECTED BY MADISON DOUGLAS

PHOTOGRAPHED BY MADISON DOUGLAS MODELED BY MEREDITH STISSER IZZY SAMI

YOURMAG | 10

Business in The Front,

Party in the back M

iley Cyrus. Joe Exotic. Even Maisie Williams. It’s safe to say the mullet is having a serious moment right now. And it’s here to stay. So grab your scissors and a little bit of chutzpah because it’s all coming off !

In comparison to the increasingly popular shag cut, the mullet transitions from chunky layers to lanky backs. Mullets have always been a distinct look, so it makes sense that the trend would reappear in the era of “shock and awe” fashion, trashy for trend, and “what the hell, let’s do it!” The style has resurfaced since mid-2019, taking hold of the mainstream consciousness while DIY hairdos become a suddenly brilliant idea. Even Rihanna donned the look in her newest SAVAGE X FENTY campaign, the epitome of fashion and flawlessness. But how did we get here from shrieking in horror at the uneven locks for the last 20 years?

The first written account of the mullet is in Homer’s The Iliad, where the Abantes were described as having “their forelocks cropped, hair grown long at the backs.” Roman youth cut their hair to look like their enemy, the Huns, for chariot races. And in the 16th century, Egyptians also sported the style. It helped to keep their necks warm and dry and assured that hair wouldn’t fall into their eyes during battle.

During the 1800s, the Wallowa band of the Nez Perce Tribe wore long hair down their backs with spiky bangs in the front and a braid at each side. In other tribes, it was often combined with the mohawk in tribes like the Kanyen’kehà:ka, where their protectors wore exaggerated hairstyles to draw the attention of white invading forces away from the rest of the community.

In the ’70s and ’80s, jumping to a bit more modern setting, there was David Bowie, Paul McCartney, and glam rock stars. They hit the mainstream with their newly trimmed locks, taking an edgy twist on the flowing shag styles that had long ruled “cool.” Lesbians also claimed the look. It’s traditionally masculine undertones were a protest against traditional beauty standards for the pleasure of men. Joan Jett and the Indigo Girls, who led cultural movements of their own through their music, pushed the boundaries of hair with their layered manes. Stars like Patrick Swayze and Billy Ray Cyrus showed the true complexity of the trend and the variety of people and styles that it expanded to. It could be anything from wavy and lanky to choppy and spiky.

Nostalgic trends of the ’80s have risen again, so it only makes sense that the mullet would make an equally dazzling comeback, adding a fresh grunge edge to our at-home Zoom look. But what’s so different this time around? The ironic nature in which people are wearing them. In the age of nostalgia, the recycling of old trends in 2020 stands out because there are more intense takes on each style. A mullet provides the edge that those ingrained in the youth culture are really looking for. Something to sink your teeth into while also being ironic and extra as hell. And it’s working. YM

17 | STYLE

WRITTEN BY LILLIAN COHEN PHOTO BY OLIVIA CIGLIANO

STYLE | 18

WRITTEN BY TALIA SMITH ART BY REBEKAH CZUKOSKI

19 | STYLE

GAY BY MAY T

he first time someone told me I didn’t look “gay enough” was the summer after I graduated high school. Looking back on it, they really weren’t that wrong.

This third-party proclamation of my sexuality was false—and not the only time my appearance led others to make assumptions about who I like to spend time in bed with—because I am queer, and I’ve self-identified as such for nearly four years. The way I dressed before, however, didn’t exactly make that outwardly clear.

In short, I looked like your average, everyday cis straight woman. Not to say that there’s anything wrong with slapping on a gray crewneck and sports leggings every morning; I just want to make it clear that my fashion sense was not at all impressive or notable. My taste extended as far as the discount rack at any chain clothing store, and I gave little to no effort into further shaping my style.

For nearly 12 years, I went to school with the same group of 300-or-so kids. My hometown was close-knit, and the people I went to kindergarten with ended up being the ones standing next to me at graduation. This made it almost too easy to maintain the normalcy our heteronormative town brought me— if someone dyed their hair an unnatural color or got a facial piercing, we all noticed and probably didn’t stop talking about it for a week. And if someone got a tattoo? It would elicit at least two social media posts and many comments. Anything outside of the box was either picked apart or not easily forgotten.

At Emerson, everyone seems to wear their sexuality on their sleeve, as they rightfully should. I, however, was hesitant to even tell my first roommate that I was attracted to women, and during the start of my internal style battle, I was dating a man. There was no room for me to express whatever internalized confusion, repression, and anxieties I was having about my sexuality through my clothing. Dressing in a confident, slightly outlandish, and expressive way came in dead last on my list of priorities. Nonetheless, when my queer friends disapproved of my lack of “gay aura,” I figured implementing some minor fashion

changes would do nothing but good for me and my adventure towards “outward gayness.”

Two years later, here I sit with a completely revamped wardrobe, long blue hair, bleached eyebrows, seven tattoos, and a nose ring. I’ll admit that, yes, I do feel a lot more comfortable with myself now than I did two years ago. In a way, rethinking the conventionality of my looks has forced me into examining my sexuality: now that I’m “dressing the part,” I’m acting the part, too. But amid this newfound self-comfort and the serotonin-boosting rush of excitement that comes with getting complimented on my outfit by a stranger on the T, I can’t help but be hyperaware of the fact that I only changed my look because I felt like I had to.

Yes, when I get complimented on my style, it feels good. In a way, I feel cleansed, released from the confining walls that the box of normalcy I was placed into built around me. No one cares what color my hair is, if any of my jewelry matches, or if I wear every single color in my closet at once. My issue lies in this feeling that my fashion change is just a cover-up for some deeply rooted issues connected to “proving” my sexuality to anyone who might be doubtful of my identity. It’s almost as if I’m presenting a different “version” of myself—a hyper-queer, noticeably “different” woman—even if I’m still the same person who grew up presenting in a totally opposite way.

Hello to the joys of external validation, goodbye to any and all sense of self-knowing.

This intersection of fashion and sexuality has slipped into my subconscious, and there it will inevitably stay. I have been convinced that the only way to really claim my sexuality is to show the world who I am—not tell. I’ll no longer be the punchline of heteronormative jokes, the token Barbie doll pinstraight blonde, or the friend who didn’t look her part in a group of proudly queer young adults. And although it was nice to trade in jeggings and volleyball sweatshirts for chic vintage St. Michael sweaters and torn Carhartt cargo pants, I can’t help but think about how I’d look today if I didn’t feel the need to dress the part. YM

STYLE | 20

Am I a Big Kid Now? WRITTEN BY EL WILSON ART BY RICKI KALAYCI

I

n June 2019, I found myself stroking the peach fuzz growing beneath my chin, trying to decide between two girl’s bikinis. One was red, white, and blue striped with a razor back. The other featured the word “PARADISE” in white and gold lettering across the top.

Deciding that I didn’t want to seem patriotic, I took the second one into the dressing room with me along with a pair of boy’s swim trunks I bought at the Dick’s on the other side of the mall.

While packing to spend the summer living with my cousins in Maine, I discovered that my bathing suit no longer fit. A year on testosterone shrunk my breasts and hips. A bad breakup shrunk the rest of me.

And I wasn’t particularly large to begin with. I’m 5’1½” and have never been plus-sized. My size-two women’s swim trunks rested halfway down my butt. There was no way I was going to wander the beach with a plumber’s crack for my ex to find on my cousins’ Instagram stories.

I could have bought a women’s bathing suit, but all of the options made me uncomfortable. They either showed too much of my chest or were onepieces meant for people who actually know how to swim. Besides, this wasn’t the first time I had wandered Target’s children section. I am non-binary and present fairly androgynously. Like many transmasculine people, I’m too short for any of the shirts in the men’s section.

In his video “Clothing Hacks for Trans Guys,” Jamie Dodger—a trans YouTuber with 581,000 subscribers, says, “Don’t be embarrassed if you need to go to the kid’s section. It’s better to get something that fits you right, and try not to worry too much about where it comes from.”

I had never felt embarrassed shopping for boy’s clothing before. My height doesn’t cause me much gender dysphoria. I’m disabled and spend most of my time in a manual wheelchair. Most strangers try so desperately to remember their disability etiquette when they see me that they don’t notice how short I am. Besides, many stores cater to liberal parents who dress their first-graders like art school students. That is not an exaggeration. Art Class is one of Target’s major children’s clothing brands whose boy’s collection features “super skinny,” ripped, black jeans and denim, sleeveless, button-downs.

There’s a variety of reasons why an adult may wander into the kids section when shopping for

themselves. First off, it’s far cheaper. In her Buzzfeed article, “9 Ways To Save Money By Shopping In The Kids’ Section,” Sally Kaplan suggests buying girl’s socks from Target, jeans from Gap Kids, and girl’s boots from Zara. As of now, purchasing girl’s Zara boots instead of women’s saves you $24, and they have children’s sizes that will fit up to a 10 in women’s.

Plus, there are aesthetic considerations.

Aarathi Nirmalan, a 29-year-old Boston resident, shops in the kids section not only because she’s 4’11” but also due to stylistic preferences. She prefers gender neutral clothing styles, which she can more easily find in the men’s department. However, she usually shops in the boy’s department. She says this is not only due to sizing issues but also because “sometimes the men’s section is too restrictive in color (toxic masculinity?) so the boy’s section will have more fun colors.”

Despite all of this, I sat in the dressing room for 10 minutes before trying the bathing suit on. It was a year after I graduated from college, and I was finally moving out of my parents’ house. Over that year I had lost the things that made me feel like an adult: my independence, my girlfriend, and enough weight to land me in the children’s section.

But I needed a new bathing suit. I did what any young millennial would do. I posted a selfie of myself in the suit on my Instagram story and asked my followers, “Buying your suit from both kids departments? ‘YAY!’ or ‘Nah, bro.’”

Two years later, I’m a graduate student who still shops in the kid’s department. I don’t weigh much more than I did when I bought the suit, and most of that is muscle mass gained from playing sled hockey.

Every time I need a new winter coat, I venture to the kid’s section of the North Face website. I still purchase most of my shirts from Target’s boys section, and have a deep love of Old Navy’s girl’s sweatpants. Yet, I am an adult. Adulthood isn’t about what size you are or if you’re single or even whether you’re financially independent. Adulthood is marked by a responsibility to serve your community, which can be done wearing any outfit.

As I watched my Instagram story, the results were clear: 97 percent of people voted “YAY!” I glanced up at the mirror. They were right. I looked damn good. YM

STYLE | 22

I Look Like A Highlighter A

yellow T-shirt with plastic rhinestones on the neckline, yellow capris ador ned with pink butterflies, and yellow bobby socks to compliment my Hello Kitty Mary Janes. This was my most-worn outfit in second grade.

I loved this monochromatic fit because, in a way that I couldn’t identify at age 8, it made me feel like myself.

Psychology tells us that color preferences are rooted in emotional response and association. I’ve always had yellow in my life. My house back home is painted yellow, and, according to my friends, it makes it feel like a more welcoming and friendly space. Yellow and blue were my elementary school colors, and pasta has always been my favorite food (that counts as yellow, right?). Psychologists say, “Having yellow as your favorite color says that you enjoy sharing with others, but are eager to emphasize your individuality.”

That “if your favorite color is yellow, you are likely very energetic and happy.” My classmates in second grade probably would’ve said it meant I was annoying and talked too much. Once I started to feel people perceiving me as too big of a personality, the yellow had to go.

It’s not like I never wore yellow over the next 10 years of my life, but it was a color I was hesitant to have or wear too much of. I would thrift some yellow pieces here and there, and eventually at some point in college when I felt I was in a more accepting place, physically and mentally, I went for it again. I wore my yellow shorts, earrings, and Vans (not all together; I do understand coordination better than when I was 8).

When I felt noticed for wearing something bright, it was never bad. I like the way wearing yellow makes me feel, and of course how it looks. I don’t really get the “these colors look best on this type of person” rules.

I know certain colors compliment skin tones or hair color, but it’s about the energy someone brings to the clothing and colors that determine if they can “pull it off.” So for me, I felt my positive, spirited energy made it work. My collection grew as I obtained wardrobe

basics and statement pieces, which both made any outfit a little more special to me.

L a s t w i n t e r, a f t e r a ye a r a n d a h a l f o f experiencing actual seasons, I finally invested in a solid winter coat. I decided to go bold and get a yellow puffy jacket. It matches with nothing, and yet, has to match with everything. This jacket probably got people to start recognizing me for wearing yellow, and as I’ve been wearing even more pieces this year, I’ve been so flattered when people tell me “I thought that was you from across the street, I saw the yellow and I knew.” It’s also made me more comfortable to try pieces I would never have worn before. A friend started knitting bucket hats, so I decided to ask for one in yellow. Other than my mom telling me I should wear more hats, I had no personal courage about wearing this particular item. As cute as it was, I didn’t know if I could make it work. But when she finished it and gave it to me, in all its yellow glory, I was so excited to wear it. It paid off: I felt so cute, and people were complimenting it throughout the whole day. It’s not an everyday item, but it’s not off limits or too “out there,” like it might have seemed to me a year ago.

It’s exciting to have received such kind responses from my styling of this color, but I think it comes down more to the cycle of confidence. When I could tell myself it’s okay to wear what I like, regardless of how people may judge it, I wore it with confidence, and therefore people responded positively. That, in turn, helped me accept the fact that my personality could match my outfits, and I wasn’t going to be accused of seeking attention just because I had high energy. I’m not trying to be the “quirky yellow girl,” but I’m also trying not to overthink if people really assume that or not about me. Yes, wearing a bright yellow coat or hat is bound to catch the eye, but again, I can’t control how people are going to judge or perceive me. If I’m associated with yellow, I know to me that’s a good thing, and I really don’t mind at all. YM

WRITTEN BY LAURA PHILLIPS PHOTOGRAPHED BY XINYI XU

MANEATERS DIRECTED BY AMANDA HAMPTON PHOTOGRAPHED BY TALIA SMITH MODELED BY CAITLYN ONG AMANDA HAMPTON KATHERINE SILVA

Pubes WRITTEN BY MEREDITH STISSER 33 | LIVING

ART BY NATASHA ARNOWITZ

P

ubic hair, like all human body hair, is subject to trends. These trends deviate based on age, status, socio-political climate, porn, and art. Charged by both its sexual connotation and publicly taboo nature, pubes are not often used as an opportunity for self-expression or art. Instead, they are seen as sexual accessories, assertions of sexual maturity, or activity. If they are making artistic commentary, they are inherently sexualized based on the thousands of years of social programming that relate the part to its function—the pubis to sex.

Pubic hair is not afforded the luxury of its less coarse cousin atop the skull that can be cut, dyed, styled, and the subject of editorials. Pubic hair is a subcategory on porn sites and hidden away or stripped off, not flaunted as flowing locks. The human experience is one heavily rooted in having a body, and a great joy of the body is its tolerance for decoration.

Pubic hair with intention is rife for expression and can aid in the understanding of one’s own identity and beliefs. Utilize the pube.

Pubic, armpit, and facial hair usually begin to grow at puberty—not at birth like our eyebrows or head hair. At a primal level, they represent age and the entrance into physical maturity. Pubic hair takes it one step further and attaches itself to the part of the body humans have for the longest time been ashamed of. In a Judeo-Christian world, the pubis relates to the original sin. Renderings of Adam and Eve depict the pubis covered by leaves. Not only does pubic hair signify the location of a sacred part of the body, but it also implies that if visible, it is in a moment of intimacy as well as shame. However, as humanity evolves past oppressive and short-sighted interpretations of morality and the meaning of life, pubic hair should enter the conversation as a tool to dismantle those ideas.

After speaking with students about the way they relate to their pubic hair, many common themes of peer pressure, shame, and general disinterest are apparent.

One female student says, “I remember it being a huge deal when I shaved for the first time. I watched a thousand YouTube videos and googled FAQs. It felt

like such a violent thing to do to a delicate part of my body, but I assumed it was a normal thing you do once you’re a teen.”

Another woman echoes the sentiment. “I shaved for the first time because I just thought that’s what you were supposed to do. All of the women I saw in porn were completely bald down there, so I assumed it was for a reason.”

Concer ning pubic hair g rooming as a consequence of sexual encounters, another student provides excellent insight into the evolution of her relationship to her pubic hair. “I used to feel that I had to shave for sexual partners so I did it out of habit for a long time. I still like to pull a full Brazilian, but I consciously know now that it’s just for me. I love getting into the covers with clean-shaven legs, and doing a little landscaping is just another way to be my most comfortable.”

Conversely, a different student offers that “I was so bad at shaving in high school, but by my sophomore year of college I started to see my pubes more as a sign of… wisdom. I no longer felt that hairless equals sexy. Hair was sexy. Being queer also offered a new perspective. When I was intimate with other women, I wasn’t bothered by the hair, so other people probably aren’t either.”

This sentiment is echoed by another student.

“As we get older and encounter the right partners, we learn how little our pubes actually mean to other people, and how much they can signify for ourselves.

Basically, no one cares.”

I implore you to consider your pubes not as shameful or inconvenient but to recognize the capacity for expression in them, or lack thereof. Fully shaven pubes can stand as a metaphorical rejection of age and the construction of time. Leaving pubes unshaved can be a rejection of the patriarchal and feminine beauty standards imposed as “normal.” Ignoring your pubic hair can stand for your refusal to spend any moment in your life concerned with matters of ego and physical form. Perhaps each month you landscape a little differently. Dye them, cut them, shave them, love them. The possibilities are boundless and the choice is always yours. YM

LIVING | 34

Serial Pleaser WRITTEN BY MARIANNA POLETTI REYES ART BY AMY YANG

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ave you ever found yourself constantly in a situation where you felt you didn’t belong because you couldn’t say “no” to someone? There’s always that one person most people have in their lives who is always dependable and won’t mind doing anything, despite how inconvenient it might be: the people-pleaser.

People-pleasers are people who feel an emotional drive to satisfy the needs of others. Most of these individuals don’t even realize that they are people-pleasing, as some of the positive effects of it include self-confidence and respect and love from others. Although people-pleasing might not seem all that bad, it has its drawbacks because of how excessive it can get.

Typically, people-pleasing stems from a lack of self-worth, previous maltreatment, or low self-esteem. By fulfilling the needs of others, peoplepleasers feel liked and accepted, which leads to (what feels like) a lower chance of losing those around them. People-pleasers feel responsible for the feelings of others, apologize often, and even feel burdened by the things they have to do.

Psychologist Harriet Braiker says, “to please is a disease,” in her book Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome—which in excess can become an addiction that is tough to beat. According to Braiker, the act of peoplepleasing is divided into three categories, all of which are difficult to manage and break: feelings, mindsets, and habits. Often, people-pleasing is part of a person’s personality, and according to Science of People, “people higher in agreeableness tend to be more prone to people-pleasing than other personality types.”

Kindness is often confused with people-pleasing, since the primary goal in both situations is making sure everyone around you feels happy. Peoplepleasers will do whatever it takes to fulfill this goal. Some of these actions lead to feelings of exhaustion and being overworked because of an overdeveloped sense of personal responsibility after trying to take care of the needs of others.

The most negative part of all of this is that a person who is overwhelmed and busy by taking care of others often neglects their own needs.

According to Health Guidance For Better Health, “it is not healthy psychologically to be a people-pleaser as it means you are constantly suppressing your views and desires.” Suppressing your views and desires means that you must constantly push aside your own negative emotions, such as anger and sadness. People-pleasers bottle up these emotions and therefore fail to deal with them properly or healthily.

Breaking the habit of being a people-pleaser is difficult. One of the first steps that one should take is building up the courage to say “no” to something small, and then continuing the process from there. Alternatively, try delaying the “no” with an “I’ll get back to you later.” Open up about how you’re feeling, even if it feels unimportant. Gaining confidence in oneself is the most important task in breaking the chain of pleasing others. YM

LIVING | 36

NO PANTS TO BED WRITTEN BY MADELYN MULREANEY ART BY KARINA SANCHEZ

L

ast November, I stopped wearing pants, and it was amazing.

Technically, I stopped wearing pants to bed a few years ago, but last November was when I stopped caring about who saw me without pants. I started to lounge around my house (or my dorm room) wearing what I felt most comfortable in, and oftentimes that meant no pants. Previously, I had been careful not to get caught walking around in my underwear by my friends or family, because I felt weird about it or, more accurately, because I thought that other people would think it was weird. Now, I simply don’t care what they think.

If I’m lounging around in my dorm without pants on, I’m not about to put them on just because someone else walks in the room. It’s not as if my bare legs and cotton underwear are scandalizing anyone.

The problem is that there are people who do think that the image of a woman’s bare leg is scandalous. As if a woman showing any amount of skin, even in the privacy of her own home, is inherently sexual.

This year, I’ve become especially interested in thinking critically about what it means to be a woman in America, and how women are constantly policed and scrutinized by patriarchal norms. This is in part because my current dorm room window faces a number of other dorm windows—most of which are occupied by men. I’ve suddenly found myself hyperaware of the presence of men in my personal space, even when my blinds are drawn. It’s caused me to analyze the influence that the male gaze has had on what I wear. Why do I have to feel self-conscious about walking around without pants on when that’s what I feel most comfortable in? How can I dress for myself when even my bedroom—my most private space—is invaded by the male gaze?

In her book Visual And Other Pleasures, feminist film critic Laura Mulvey describes the phenomenon of the male gaze as such, “In the traditional exhibitionist role women are simultaneously looked at and displayed, with their appearance coded for strong visual and erotic impact so that they can be said to connote to-be-looked-at-ness.” In other words, women

are always subjected to male fantasies and desires.

According to the male gaze, there is nothing more desirable than a woman who doesn’t know she looks sexy. The male fantasy lies in being able to view— and lust after—women in their “natural state,” sexy bedhead, a t-shirt that barely covers her ass, and lacy underwear.

Obviously, the reality is that when a woman doesn’t wear pants to bed, it’s not inherently sexy.

When I’m on my period, bloated and riddled with cramps, the last thing I want is the waistband of a pair of pants pressing against my uterus; and yet, according to the male gaze, my lack of pants must be for men’s pleasure. Women can dress however they want, and they don’t need to explain themselves to anyone, nor should they need to suffer other people’s criticisms.

Society views women as sexual objects. A woman’s personal style and choices of comfort are not seen as her choices to make. Women are expected to abide by patriarchal rules, even in private, and if she doesn’t, then she is subjecting herself to the criticism of others. Other people feel entitled to police how a woman should dress and how her appearance could possibly be interpreted as sexual; however, these same people tend to be radio silent once it comes to policing men’s attire in the same way.

If a man were to run through the city shirtless, no one would even bat an eye, but if a woman were to mention that she sleeps without pants on, middleaged women everywhere would clutch their pearls.

Women are permitted to wear bathing suits that reveal the same amount of—or more—skin as underwear, and it’s perfectly acceptable. But once a woman starts walking around in her underwear at home, people throw a fit.

Our culture relies on hyper-sexualizing women’s bodies to keep them under patriarchal control. That’s why there’s nothing more threatening than a woman who doesn’t dress for the male gaze—and that’s exactly what happens when women stop wearing pants in private. I’m not saying that if women stop wearing pants, the patriarchy will suddenly crumble, but sleeping without pants has helped me feel empowered, and it might make other women feel the same. YM

What do you mean, “missing?”

WRITTEN BY MARYCATHERINE NEAL

C

orrine: a name I haven’t said in a few years, but a name that now sits in my brain every moment of every day. I saw her five days a week for 12 years in my small home-city, Hopewell, Virginia. But she’s been missing for over a month now.

Pictures and posts about her have been circulating through social media. It’s become a routine now to wake up and scroll through my photos to find the poster with her smiling face on it and the bold, red words “MISSING” “REWARD IF FOUND” to post on Instagram. Sometimes I look at the collage of photographs of her smiling face, her signature bun on top of her head, and her identifying tattoos and wonder what she’s up to—what she’s thinking about.

She’s probably goofing off, as usual. She was always laughing or smiling. Or maybe she’s dancing around to music, like she used to in the hallway on the way to third period.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the sleepovers she used to throw. The silly games we used to play. The confessions and whispered secrets. The chicken biscuits her dad used to cook for us the morning after we all stayed up until 3 a.m. watching R-rated movies that we knew we weren’t supposed to. Back then, that was the biggest trouble we found ourselves in.

I’ve been thinking about how we used to pretend we were chefs who made gourmet grass and flower soup when we were three years old on the Wee School playground. Back then we only had to search for Corrine when we were playing our millionth game of hide-and-seek.

I’ve been thinking about how strong she was to tackle every day with such a love for life and laughter, despite all of the things she’d been through. I always envied Corrine’s fearlessness. I’ve been thinking about how she always knew how to cheer me up, even if I was heartbroken over another idiotic high school

ART BY MADELYN MULREANEY

boy or stressed about the political climate. But most of all, I’ve been thinking about the dreams and the future she always talked about. College. A spouse, maybe. A happy life. Will she make it there? Or is she really gone?

There have been lots of rumors about what happened to her. There have been so many that I have no idea what to believe anymore.

Some people think she was picked up by sex traffickers, since she was out early in the morning the last day she was seen. Other people think she got involved in something crime related, the kind she’d definitely tell us all about when she came back. She always did have the strangest, most dangerous stories to tell. Some people think she skipped town just for fun. I mean, let’s be honest, Corrine had a reputation as a hell-raiser who loved a good adventure.

I like to think she escaped to start a new life. That maybe Corrine wanted to put everything behind her and try again. I know it sounds silly, but it’s better than thinking she’s dead—the only explanation some people have for what happened to her. I try not to listen to any of them until I have proof, though. As far as I’m concerned, she’s living a new life in a new state with new goals, friends, and priorities. It selfishly helps me feel better.

People always say, “You never think it can happen to someone you know, until it does.” And I think that’s the worst part of all of this. Sure, Corrine was always getting in trouble, but she always had a way out. Where is it this time? What situation was she in that made her completely disappear off the face of the earth? What could have been done to prevent this from happening? Why isn’t there more being done?

The Prince George Police Department says her case is their “number one priority” at the moment. Then why did it take five days for them to seriously consider

investigating her absence? Can we ever actually trust them to do what they’re supposed to do?

Selfishly, I have to ask, how do I deal with a missing friend? I’ve never been in this situation before.

I’ve prayed for families to find their children, or grandparents, or aunts, but I’ve never had to personally ask God to find someone for me. My childhood friend.

So far, my only answer is to numb myself to it all.

I’ve seen some of our classmates posting old videos of Corrine, begging for anyone to give information as to where she went. I’ve consoled a few of them myself, trying to assure them that their feelings of worry, fear, and anger are valid. I’ve wondered if my reaction has been too little. After all, I haven’t cried yet. I’m still not sure what to do or how to act. I have to admit, I feel guilty. I stop thinking about Corrine sometimes to preserve my own peace of mind. The first few days were just rough. I thought about her all the time, especially at night. My brain would do that thing where it brings up a million awful scenarios right as I’m about to fall asleep, then I had to think through every single one before I could finally relax fully. By then it was time to wake up.

And although it is completely irrational, a part of me wonders if I was home would Corrine still be

around. Of course, the answer is no. I wasn’t even home the day she went missing. But a tiny part of me still thinks I’m to blame. (I know, I need therapy).

Forcing myself to believe Corrine is alive somewhere better is the only way I can get through my day, navigate a pandemic, write three ten-page final papers, and put meaningful energy into those still around me.

I wish I had answers, Corrine. We all do. I hope you’re safe somewhere, drinking flavored water and eating Goldfish crackers like we used to.

TV is my ultimate comfort, yet it’s also easy to be let down by it. In Emily Nussbaum’s book I Like to Watch: Arguing My Way through the TV Revolution, she says “the ideal viewer should behave less like a nagging critic and more like a soul mate, supportive and committed even when doubts creep in.” There are so many people putting these stories together, and I’ve got to trust that they know it better than I do.

However, Nussbaum also says “If you build a show to be loved, heartbreak is always a risk.” For the viewer who invested their time and emotions into the story and characters, a disappointing finale sits with you like a breakup with no closure. YM

This piece was written in honor of Corrine’s infectious optimism and hope. Her body was found on November 12, 2020.

LIVING | 40

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL HEARTHROB WRITTEN BY KATARINA MONODOR ART BY MARIANNA POLETTI REYES

41 | LIVING

O

n October 26th, my suitemates gathered around the computer. For three minutes and thirty seconds, we sat silently, fully engrossed in the brand new video for Harry Styles’ song “Golden.”

The video features Harry, partially clothed, running towards the camera, traveling through Italy’s Amalfi Coast. As of November 1st, the video has racked up 31 million views.

I would consider myself a casual fan of Harry Styles. Since 2010, with the creation of One Direction, Harry has been on my radar. As I grew over the past ten years, I witnessed the transformation of Harry, from a band member, to solo artist, to style icon. Harry feels like a childhood friend. I listened to his albums, cried at his songs, marveled at his iconic outfits. It seems, even to a passive fan, that Harry is doing everything right—he is the ideal celebrity heartthrob.

Traditionally, “heartthrob” refers to someone who is admired for their attraction. But other than his appearance, what makes Harry so attractive?

For me, it’s that Harry has created his brand around one idea, something so incredibly simple, you’d wonder why it even needs to be said at all: Treat People With Kindness (TPWK). He makes conscious efforts to support fans and promote compassion wherever possible.

Harry has gone out of his way to create personal interactions with his fans. In a recent post on Twitter, a fan shared that Harry stopped at her home when his car broke down. He left her a note saying he was sorry he missed her, and he had fed her pet fish. The note was even signed, “Treat People With Kindness. All My Love.” This small act of wholesome interest and gratitude towards a fan sparked more attention for the singer, as many began imagining what it would be like if Harry’s car broke down outside their homes.

Harry shares little of his personal life. His mysterious essence allows him to support many causes without seeming too politically involved. He has used his influence to voice his support for the Black Lives Matter movement, as well as to encourage American citizens to vote. Many admire this involvement and promotion of equality.

Remaining vague about his personal life serves another purpose. Harry shows he doesn’t need to define himself as one thing to promote his brand. By

choosing not to address rumors about his sexuality, saying it doesn’t affect his work, Harry creates a model for fans who might be feeling pressure to identify themselves. This reinforces an inclusive culture for fans, encouraging them not to worry about what others think. When he waves pride flags at concerts, Harry is attempting to make people feel more comfortable and show they aren’t alone. Harry preaches being true to yourself and doing what makes you happy.

According to my roommate, Harry is ideal simply because he “respects women.” In the music video for his song “Watermelon Sugar,” Harry is surrounded by female models who laze and eat watermelon. In the unexpectedly sensual video, there is a lot of touching and embracing between Harry and the women. While this video might seem a little awkward for some, according to the models, Harry would often ask if they felt comfortable. They deemed him “Consent King,” which seems like the bare minimum, but is unfortunately often overlooked.

Harry, a self-labeled feminist, receives a lot of praise for rejecting traditional, often toxic, masculine traits. One way he does this is through his clothing, wearing outfits that might typically be considered feminine. Harry has even explained that the “moment you feel more comfortable with yourself, it all becomes a lot easier.” His bravery in fashion has made him a cultural trendsetter. During quarantine, many fans learned how to crochet, attempting to recreate a colorful patchwork sweater Harry has worn. Harry conveys his self-acceptance through his clothing, visually inspiring others to be brave in their own expression.

Even as a casual fan, I can’t help but have a crush on Harry Styles, even if just in the platonic sense.

His brand of wholesomeness and TPWK is such an overwhelming part of his identity, it seems illogical to not like him. It’s hard to find fault in someone who preaches and practices positivity and self-acceptance.

Harry seems to unrelentingly promote confidence until it is within everyone’s reach. At the end of the “Golden” music video, Harry finally stops running. He sees you and no longer feels the need to hurry. He is satisfied with what he has found, and maybe we all should be too. YM

LIVING | 42

Legend Says:

The Complex Composition of Folktales

WRITTEN BY GEORGIA HOWE ART BY RICKI KALAYCI

S

ince the dawn of time, humans have always told stories. From images recorded on cave walls, to radio broadcasts, to the novels sold in bookstores today, our species is one of storytellers.

Before the printing press allowed us to produce millions of copies of written works, we often passed down stories orally. Each culture has their own set of legends that have been shared with each new generation to escape the abyss of time. Nearly everyone can think of a “local legend� that has been passed down through their family or community. These myths and stories that are based in specific cultural areas are known as folktales. Many regions have folktales that tell the story of a creature, venue, or suspersition that has lived on for decades, or even centuries. Shared around campfires or whispered as bedtime stories, folktales are a significant part of every culture and possess the unique ability to transcend the abyss of time.

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The folktale that has always been shared in my family, often when camping in my home state of Maine, is called Tailypo. The story is about an old man who lives in a cabin deep in the mountains with his hounds. During a hungry season, he chops the tail off of an unfamiliar animal and eats it. Each night, the creature returns, scratching at the man’s bed posts and killing off his dogs, demanding that he gives back its “tailypo.” The creature eventually devours the man and proclaims “now I’ve got my tailypo”.

While my father, who always told the folktale, may have shared it just to give us a scare, there’s some more substance behind it. A quick search of the origins of Tailypo taught me that the story is from the entirety of Appalachia, not just Maine, and there’s multiple variations of the plot throughout the east coast. As a folktale that has been spread throughout an entire region of North America, there’s bound to be something culturally significant about it. Other forms of Tailypo talk about humans mistakenly taking bones or even toes from the woods, only to be killed by a monster to whom they belonged. This theme of being punished when taking from woodland beasts suggests a deeper lesson that the tale is trying to pass on through the generations. Because Appalachia is so densely wooded and unexplored, it makes sense that this story warns its listeners not to take things from nature that are unrecognizable, for the sake of their survival.

Mary Grace Purser, an Emerson freshman from Georgia, recalls a folktale so influential in her life that it affects the actions of her and her family. Lake Lanier, a large reservoir in northern Georgia, is believed to be haunted. This is because, Purser explains, in the 1950s when the lake was created for the purpose of flood control, the government flooded towns, leaving them completely submerged when the lake was fully finished. Since then, Lake Lanier has been a hotspot for a mysteriously large number of accidents and deaths. Purser says that she never goes to the allegedly haunted lake, especially because of her mother’s own experiences there when “she felt like she was being dragged under […] by hands.”

Despite trepidation surrounding the lake, Purser says that a lot of people feel that “it’s rightfully haunted” because of the “historically black towns” that were chosen to be evacuated and flooded for the creation of the body of water. Since its construction happened when Jim Crow Laws were still in place, it’s

unlikely that the location was chosen randomly. “The Deep South is a very superstitious place… a lot of the people there are more willing to believe in what most people wouldn’t” says Purser. The stories of strange happenings at Lake Lanier seem more complex when we acknowledge the racial tensions that underscore the history of its making. Beneath the chilling deaths, the folktale of Lake Lanier carries a warning to prevent others from erasing communities due to racial biases, lest you be dragged under the water by the wronged spirits who lurk beneath.

Sophomore Emerson student Youran Cai, who is from Shanghai, China, recalls a tale that is popular in Chinese mythology. The story is about an herbalist whose wife was able to make a cure for a plague. The couple rejoiced, until a monk told the husband that his wife was a disguised demon, and if he fed her a potion, the wife would reveal her true form. When the husband gave his wife the potion, she transformed into her true form of a giant snake, and the shock killed him. The wife, who loved her husband dearly, tried to steal a life-giving herb, but was caught. When she explained her reasoning for stealing was the love she had for her husband, she was allowed to take it, and she successfully revived her husband.

This story reflects what Cai identifies as major themes in chinese mythology: karma and honesty.

“Honesty is a big virtue in Chinese culture,” Cai says. Stories like that of the herbalist drive home the karmic importance of truthfulness that China holds as a cultural value. Cai adds that that folktale is “kind of like a fantasy about how heterosexual couples will be happy in the end, because we’re a very hegemonious society.” The story enforces the traditional image of a happy husband and wife that they want their community to replicate.

All folktales, no matter what region of the country or world they may originate in, pass down a moral standard or way of behaving that societies want their people to adhere to. A creature from the woods, a haunted lake, and a serpent wife all work as reminders in the form of stories. Cai says “we learned about a lot of folklore in school.” The teaching of these tales to new generations signifies the importance of passing on a societal value. So next time you hear a folk tale being shared, think about what customs and values lie beneath the story. YM

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT | 44

T

he media has the ultimate power to dramatically shape and influence public opinion. In its portrayal of eating disorders, pop culture has undoubtedly failed to deliver an accurate, full-pictured representation to its audience.

Since singer Karen Carpenter’s death from anorexia nervosa in the early 1980s, as well as actress Tracy Gold’s and Princess Diana’s public struggle with anorexia and bulimia in the late 80s and early 90s, film and television writers have clung to the same story when depicting characters who are suffering from an eating disorder. These narratives invariably feature a young, (often teenaged) white, attractive, gaunt woman, starving herself for perfection. This consistency of this depiction, perpetuates a false narrative that glamorizes and contributes to the myths and misconceptions about a serious, life-threatening disease.

Anorexia is often characterized by an obsession with complete control and willpower. And as someone who has battled anorexia nearly all my life, I can tell you that this is true. However, the problem lies in people idealizing, even envying these traits as a means to achieve the “ideal body”. In 2014, Singer Meghan Trainer was quoted saying, “I wasn’t strong enough to have an eating disorder. I tried to go anorexic for a good three hours. I ate ice and celery, but that’s not even anorexic. And I quit. I was like, ‘Ma, can you make me a sandwich? Like, immediately.’” I can’t tell you how many times I stood in my kitchen and sobbed because all I wanted to do was eat. Not to mention, how many times I did in fact eat sandwiches.

People, such as Meghan, fail to recognize the immense hardships and complexities involved in the disease.

On screen, eating disorders hardly get their fair share of attention. But when they do, the characters have consistently been white women. This pattern has been seen time and time again in films and TV such as Girl Interrupted, Beverly Hills 90210, Full House, Glee, American Horror Story, Pretty Little Liars, Skins, and Feed. It wasn’t until Netflix’s, To the Bone, starring Lily Collins, that we actually saw other identities with eating disorders represented on screen. In the film, Collins plays Ellen, a twenty-year-old woman battling severe anorexia. As the movie progresses, we are introduced

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to a young man named Luke (Alex Sharp), a dancer trying to recover from anorexia. Likewise, we see brief glimpses of a plus-sized black woman suffering from binge eating disorder and one patient with bulimia.

While the film does address the fact that eating disorders can affect anyone, it doesn’t exactly do justice for men and black women living with these illnesses, as it made little to no effort to develop any of these characters. Likewise, these secondary characters were utilized in the film to create comedic relief from the dramatic tension. This is not an uncommon occurrence, as writer and director Ryan Murphy is known to use bulimia as the punchline to a joke throughout his many seasons of American Horror Story.

Surpassed only by opioid addiction, eating disorders have the second highest mortality rate of all mental health disorders. Eating disorders are classified as serious psychological conditions, characterized by underlying triggers most often associated with trauma, depression, anxiety, low self-worth, self-harm, and substance abuse. It is imperative for the general population to understand that any single individual can be affected by any type of eating disorder in their lifetime, no matter their gender, race, age or body type. National surveys estimate that 20 million women and 10 million men in America will develop an eating disorder at some point in their lives. In trivializing and romanticizing eating disorders, the media has disguised the fact that living with such a complex mental illness is messy, burdensome, and at times, devastating.

The media has done us all a grave disservice.

In its narrow-minded attempt in creating space for people with mental illness to discuss their struggles, it has subsequently promoted sexism, racism, and gender bias, as it continues to discriminate against and leave out others from the conversation. More inclusive portrayals of eating disorders on screen will help create an environment where people off-screen feel comfortable enough to share their own experiences, making vital progress in conquering the stigma and shame that prevents too many from obtaining the help and treatment that they need. YM

THE MEDIA AND EATING DISORDERS WRITTEN BY JESSICA ROSS ART BY REBEKAH CZUKOSKI

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT | 46

5 | ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Phoebe F*cking Bridgers WRITTEN BY ILEANA PEREZ

T

he summer before my sophomore year of college, having just turned 19, I listened to Phoebe Bridgers for the first time. I wish I could say I’ve been a fan since the beginning of her career, but I haven’t. I discovered her late, and the first song I listened to wasn’t even any of her solo music. It was a song off of her EP with Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus titled boygenius. I was riding in my car with the windows rolled down, hot and thick Texas humidity around me, when I heard Bridgers and Dacus sing, “when you cut a hole into my skull / do you hate what you see? / like I do.” For the entire car ride home, I played the song over and over again, never letting the song finish before I restarted it. On each listen, I waited for the line to come: Do you hate what you see, like I do?

Those words stuck with me, and I became obsessed. I started playing “Souvenir” on every walk I took, I played it before I fell asleep, I put it on every playlist imaginable. Then I listened to Stranger in the Alps, and then the rest of boygenius. I couldn’t stop.

Quickly, Bridgers became my top artist even though it had just been a few months.

I can’t quite remember when Bridgers rose in popularity. All I know is that, suddenly, she was everywhere. Her songs were on every pre-made sad indie playlist, just waiting to become someone else’s new obsession. Her Twitter, @phoebe_bridgers, flooded my timeline with viral tweets, and I couldn’t stop talking about her. Maybe it was her unique melodies that drew me to her, the devastatingly beautiful lyrics, or both. But, she did something to me.

I had become a punisher, someone who could not and would not shut up about a certain blonde who always wore a skeleton onesie.

Throughout her career as an artist, Bridgers has developed a fanbase of people like me. We cling onto her words and experiences, but only because they mirror our own. Her witty personality and ability to not take herself too seriously makes her approachable.

Coupling that with her clever lyrics and raw honesty, we get a unique artist in a genre that is oftentimes

PHOTOGRAPHED BY EMILY KING

oversaturated.

“I feel like as a lyricist, she’s really honest with herself and I think that allows for her music to hit me harder than other artists,” says Acting BFA major Olivia Wolff ‘22. “One of my favorite songs is “Kyoto.”

It has a really fun, upbeat orchestration but it’s about her really sad relationship with her father. I just love how she’s able to find the joy in the sadness and the sadness in the joy. She writes from a really raw place and has a lot of similar experiences and thinks about life in the same way I do, and I think that’s why I really connected to her.”

On the title track of her latest album, Punisher, which she released this summer, Bridgers writes about the complicated relationship between an artist and a fan. She shows how an all-consuming fixation masked by admiration can become toxic and still be written off as love. I listened to this song in my childhood bedroom after months of deep isolation and extreme loneliness. I heard her sing, “What if I told you / I feel like I know you / but we’ve never met? / It’s for the best.” These lyrics, theorized to be about Elliott Smith, resonated with me. I too felt like I knew her, even if she didn’t know me. Am I the type of person she’s talking about, I’d often ask myself. Do I take it too far? Realistically, I know my love for her isn’t toxic but it’s new. I’ve never had this kind of relationship with an artist before—one that is seemingly unimportant to her, yet so incredibly necessary to me.

On my 20th birthday, almost a year after I listened to Bridgers for the first time, I bought Punisher on vinyl, even though I don’t own a record player or plan on owning one anytime soon. However, I realized I needed a physical representation of it. I needed to be able to hold it in my hands and put it on display for everyone to see. Because this album, and Phoebe Bridgers herself, had become so much more than a top artist on my Spotify profile. She is and forever will be, a source of joy, heartache, comfort, and pure catharsis in my life. YM ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT | 6

Ym Advises Dear 2020, “You sucked in ways I didn’t know were possible, but you also brought me closer to both myself and many others in my life.”—Jess Ferguson, Co-Copy Chief “This has both been one of the best and one of the worst years of my life, and I guess that’s how it goes. I can only hope that I learned something along the way, through all the hurt and pain and stress, that somehow it was all worth it. I’m still waiting on that.”

—Lillian Cohen, Editor in Chief “Man what the hell, why’d you have to go as hard as you did?”—Katie Powers, Co-Head Proofreader “In 2020, I turned 20 and also got my first gray hair.

But despite the shitshow, I learned how to find silver linings (pun intended).”—Olivia Cigliano, Style Editor “TBH, we started out as friends, but now you’re just acting differently. Rate 4/10.”—MaryCatherine Neal, Living Editor “You felt like a strange fever dream, and I really hope I wake up in 2021 and don’t remember. See ya!”—Emily King, Photography Director

“Even though I didn’t ask for it, this year gave me a lot of time for self-reflection and growth. Maybe next year will be better… I really hope it is.”

—Ileana Perez, Assistant Designer “This year has felt like a decade. It was supposed to be the best year yet, but alas, you decided otherwise. You definitely changed my life, but I’m ready to say goodbye.”—Shawna Konieczny, Co-Head Proofreader “Time flies when you have no sense of time or normalcy and you spend an entire summer sleeping. I’m thankful for the pockets of joy I have found this year, here’s hoping the country gets their shit together soon.”—Laura Philips, YMTV Director “You made me appreciate parts of life preciate before, you were definitely but you helped me figure out who I am. next door neighboor 2021 is better for -Marianna Poletti Reyes Romance Editor designer

I didnt apa challenge I hope your the world.” and Co-Head

WITH LOVE,

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ARTIST STATEMENT:

Mollie stern

When and why did you start taking portraits?

I guess I actually began experimenting with portraiture as a very young child, though my preferred medium was drawing at that point. As a kid I was always working on some sort of creative project, most of which included people as the subject. Oftentimes, these drawings were of my family members or friends, but one portrait that I can clearly remember working on with a particular sense of determination was actually a mural, depicting a young “witch” holding a big book of spells. My parents allowed me to use the blank white walls of our unfinished basement as my canvas, and my witch is still there, proudly on display, along with hundreds of other early works.

What is your favorite part of photography?

I don’t know that there’s really one part of photography that I favor above all—I truly find enjoyment in every step of the process. One thing I spend too much time doing, because of how much I enjoy it, is browsing around online for costumes, accessories, props, backdrops—all that good stuff. I don’t even want to guess how many hours a week I spend on eBay and Etsy ( literally just looking! ) but ultimately, that’s where I end up finding a lot of the inspiration for shoots. I’ve always found myself feeling particularly drawn to vintage styles and, in that same vein, I’ve always been very particular in how I dress myself. When I was in first grade, I begged my parents for a pair of saddle shoes, and I wore them to my public elementary school every day, until they no longer fit. While no one ever said anything outright mean, the comments I got from my classmates made it clear that, while I couldn’t have been more thrilled at the idea of playing dress up in my signature (2006-does -1950 style), anyone else my age deemed my favorite pair of shoes to be outdated and boring. In time, however, this obvious distinction between the stylistic choices of me and my peers only served to intensify my own particularity, which is, undoubtedly, an aspect of my personality that tends to be reflected in almost all of my photography. In fact, I notice myself feeling a strong sense of dissatisfaction towards any work of mine that does not fully and enthusiastically articulate the meticulous nature of my own aesthetic preferences.

What inspires your work?

I really can find inspiration almost anywhere, and I can easily become interested— and even hyper fixated—on all sorts of topics, ranging anywhere from theories in social psychology to Googie architecture. Recently, I’ve really been enjoying live musical performances from the 1970’s. It’s not uncommon for me to spend hours sorting through all the footage YouTube has to offer, but I rarely view it as a waste of time because at, the end of the day, I’m learning something and, oftentimes, the knowledge being gained will flower into some kind of creative inspiration. Above all, there are few things in life that I enjoy more than deep dives down neverending rabbit holes made available through the internet.

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