Your Magazine Volume 7 Issue 3: May 2017

YOUR MAG

VOLUME 7 | ISSUE 3 | MAY 2017

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YOUR MAG V O L U M E 7 | I S S U E 3 | M AY 2 0 1 7

MIA ZARRELLA

Editor in Chief

HANA ANTRIM

Photo Editor

CHRISTIAN LOPEZ

Head Designer

EMME HARRIS

EMILY DRAKE

Photo Editor

JESSICA KASPARIAN

Romance Editor

M E G A N C AT H E Y

Style Editor

LINDSEY PARADIS

A&E Editor

DAY S I A TO L E N T I N O

Managing Editor

Editorial Director

ESTHER BLANCO

Living Editor

TA Y L O R R O B E R T S

Art Director

SHOSHANA BARASHI-EHRLICH

Head Stylist HANNAH MCKENNETT

Head Proofreader

ARIELA RUDY ZALTZMAN

Head Copyeditor

IRIS PEÑA

Asst. Head Copyeditor SARA BARBER

Asst. A&E Editor

ANNIE HUANG

Talent Manager

LUCY CAPPELLO Asst. Living Editor

ALESSANDRA SETTINERI Asst. Romance Editor

RRAINE HANSON

Asst. Talent Manager

KARIN YEHOUDIAN

Social Media Director K AT J A V U J I Ć

Asst. Editor-in-Chief Web Director

COPY EDITORS: REBEKAH SCARBOROUGH, NICOLE COOPER, EMMA GRANT, THERESA MIELE, NATALIE FRANTZ, OLIVIA TONSEND, JEFFREY KRIZMAN, MALCOM ZELAYA, ALICIA TOPOLNYCKY, LINDSAY HOWARD PROOFREADERS: JULIE MOSKOWITZ, LAURA RODGERS, SHADIN AL-DOSSARI EMILY SIERRA, BELLA CARTULARO DESIGN TEAM: BOBBY NICHOLAS III, HELEN REN, MARYAM FASSIHI WEB TEAM: LAURA SABATER, CAITLIN MUCHOW

YMEMERSON.COM | INSTAGRAM: YOUR.MAG | TWITTER: @YOURMAGEMERSON YOURMAG | 2

CONTENTS ROMANCE 4 SAD AFTER SEX by Julie Moskiwitz

STYLE

LIVING YOUR THINGS

ARTS AND ENTERTAIMENT

ARTIST STATEMENT

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6 8 10 14 18 20 26 28 30 40 42 44 48 50 59 60 62 64 68

THE ART OF GHOSTING by Ashley Dunn BENEFITS OF MASTURBATION by Morgan Davies FILLING THE VOID shot by Allison Ngyuen GUIDE TO LEVI JEANS by Mia Zarrella PACKED UP, DECKED OUT by Delia Curtis SWEET SHADES shot by Emme Harris NO SHARED STANDARD by Marni Zipper WORST PARTY OUTFITS by Megan Cathey SPRING TRAINING shot by Hana Antrim and Michael Zahar YOUR THINGS with Karin Yehoudian and Mia Zarrella G.I. BABY by Morgan Davies ST. FRANCIS HOUSE by Alessandra Settineri CULTURE OF OVERCOMMITMENT by Ashley Dunn GETTING TO KNOW SODEXO by Mia Zarrella ADVICE with Braden Bochner TEN YEARS OF BEING A LITTLE BITCH by Ashley Dunn SOLEMN SELFIE by Lindsey Simmons LOGGING OFF ARTIST STATEMENT with Yasmina Hilal

EDITOR’S LETTER W

hen Your Mag decided to feature Sodexo as our cover story, we knew it was a big topic.

Emerson’s Director of Residential Dining Jean Bergeron told me, “In order to know the front of the house, you’ve got to know the back of the house.” So at 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday in March, I devoted nine hours to learning about the kitchen and the people who keep it running.

I wanted to learn firsthand about the issues students care about, like whether or not Sodexo puts laxatives in our food (they don’t, by the way). But I also learned about the people who keep everything running. I learned that Bergeron volunteers at the Stoneham Zoo and his computer wallpaper is of arctic foxes, I found out that D.C’s real name is Darren Castleberry and he is coincidentally from Washington D.C., and I learned that Gerard Burke wants to start a music label and design underwear.

One of my favorite things about Your Mag is how we spotlight the people, stories, and issues not highlighted enough. That’s what inspired our "Spring Training" editorial. We wanted to bring attention to the athletes at Emerson who may not receive enough recognition at this arts-centric school. We also profile St. Francis House, the shelter down the street from Emerson dedicated to providing an education, housing, and food to those in need.

This is my last issue with Your Magazine, as I’m spending my final semester of school studying in London, England.

I’d like to thank the Emerson students and faculty who have shared their stories with us this semester. And to the YM staff: Thank you for supporting me in my role. It’s been educational, it’s been challenging, it’s been an honor.

To our readers, I hope you enjoy this issue as much as we enjoyed creating it. Toss it in your bag, read it on the train, bring it to cafes, and curl up with it in bed. Bend the cover back and doggy-ear the articles you like. Interact with this magazine, because this magazine is a culmination of interactions.

Signing off,

Mia Zarrella

YOURMAG | 4

SAD

AFTER

SEX

WRITTEN BY JULIE MOSKOWITZ PHOTOGRAPHY BY BEN FROHMAN

Postcoital dysphoria. After-sex blues. Sexytime sadness. Whatever you choose to call the feelings of post-sex anxiety, angst, sadness, aggression, depression, melancholy, and general ennui, experiencing them after sex is far more common than you might think.

According to the International Society of Sexual Medicine, 46 percent of young, straight, white, cisgender female university students who participated in a study in 2015, said that they have experienced postcoital dysphoria or PCD, after sex at least once in their lifetime, and 5 percent reported experiencing it on a regular basis.

PCD can last anywhere from five minutes to two hours and even though most studies have focused on young women, it can affect anyone of any age or gender.

At the moment, there is no known specific cause, though there are several popular theories. Vice contributor Daniel Woolfson noted that famed philosophers such as Aristotle, Nietzche, and Baruch Spinoz attributed this phenomenon to the “expenditure of life force,” at least in terms of men. Freud speculated that sex makes us feel like we have achieved the ultimate feeling of connection with another person, so much so that when sex is over and that connection breaks, we feel more alone than ever. British psychiatrist, Anthony Stone, suggests that it all comes back to the circle of life, saying “Do you feel sad at the end of an amazing film, wishing it could have gone on forever? Nothing lasts forever—we are always in the presence of our demise.” There is also the theory that people who experience sadness after sex have some kind of sexual abuse in their past, which may certainly be true for some, but not necessarily all.

I am personally a fan of the neurochemical explanation I found in a video made by the YouTube channel Stuff Mom Never Told You. The host, Cristen Conger, explains that during sex, specifically orgasms, our brain lowers activity in the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala (the part of the brain that controls fear and anxiety). The brain also does other things during sex, like release dopamine when you have an orgasm or two in addition to processing all of the

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goodness-signals we get from physical touch. However, after sex/an orgasm, the brain needs to start to get back to “normal” again, which is where the neurochemical prolactin joins the party --or becomes the party pooper, depending on how you’re looking at it. Prolactin starts to suppress dopamine receptors and increases feelings of sexual satisfaction and as Cristen Conger says “general chillaxin’” vibes.

The prefrontal cortex and amygdala also start to get back up to their regular levels of activity.

As a person diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and mood disorders, I know sometimes my brain doesn’t release enough dopamine or other “happy” neurochemicals like serotonin when it should, but I never really factored in what happens to the brain during sex when thinking about my own post-bow-chick-a-wow-wow melancholy. I always thought that I got sad after sex because something was wrong with me, like either my mental illness was out of control or I wasn’t “letting” myself be happy. While there are instances where either of those things may have been true, I have found a sense of comfort in knowing that it may just be my brain performing a more routine operation, and that so many people experience it.

My question is, if large numbers of all kinds of people feel this way after sex, why do we never talk about it? Why is it not part of sex ed curriculums? So often we are presented with the idea that sex has to be this all-consuming and amazing experience that we love.

But the reality is that, if you are a person who engages in sex (and not everyone does), then you know it can be awkward and messy. Just like the rest of life, sex is rarely, if ever, perfect. No one should feel like something is wrong with them for feeling less-than stellar after a sexual experience. What has really helped me embrace the depressed feelings that I sometimes have after a mattress dance, is talking to my partner about it. Having my partner check in with me after we’re done having sex to see how I’m feeling gets me out of my head and, while it may not always prevent or “cure” my postcoital ennui, it’s always good to (pillow) talk it out. YM

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THE ART OF

G H O S T I N G WRITTEN BY ASHLEY DUNN PHOTOGRAPHY BY MADELINE WEINSTEIN-AVERY

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THERE ARE DAYS WHERE MY PHONE’S CONTACT LIST FEELS MORE GHOST THAN IT DOES HUMAN. This is to say that in a world where communication often exists only in the digital sphere, it is easy to cut off contact with people and stop responding to them altogether. The art of ghosting is rampant in millennial culture. I’ve ghosted. I’ve been ghosted. Whether you’ve been the ghoster or the ghostee, it’s important to look more closely at this phenomenon as it is a complex topic.

Oxford Dictionary defines ghosting as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” Ghosting can transcend romantic relationships, though these are a prime recipient, and be applied to friendships, familial relationships, and other forms of connections. A friend of mine ghosted her last therapist, for instance, ignoring appointment reminders and phone calls.

It is vital to look at this practice through the two lenses mentioned earlier: the ghoster and the ghostee.

Say you’re the ghoster. There can be a multitude a reasons a person may consider ghosting an individual they are in contact with. If abuse is being experienced, ghosting is completely valid. That person doesn’t deserve an explanation and cutting off contact is a healthy response to the situation.

One of the main reasons people ghost is because they are afraid of being confrontational and letting the other person down. Hurting someone’s feelings is never easy, but it’s easier to avoid your own emotional discomfort through ghosting. Despite the existence

of many reasons to ghost, avoidance is at the heart of the act. Sometimes people also just get caught up in life, forget to respond to a text or a phone call for a few days, and accidentally fall into the pit of ghosting.

A few factors should be considered before ghosting, though. How long have you known the person? Did you met through Tinder or another dating app? Is there any chance of seeing them again in real life? If the relationship is meaningless and a deep connection hasn’t been formed yet, it may be acceptable to cut off contact in this manner. What will your one-, maybe two-night stand care if you don’t call them back?

If you’ve given a person months of your time, however, and have spent hours talking, hanging out, and creating a personal and meaningful connection, ghosting can be psychologically damaging.

Studies are even being conducted to measure just how harmful ghosting can be to a person’s psyche. Research suggests that social rejection activates the same neural pathways in the brain as physical pain. Accidentally burning yourself with your morning coffee may hurt the same amount as scrolling through an ex’s social media account. While the immediate pain the burning coffee brought will subdue, the overwhelming feeling of regret and sadness you might experience reading through a former lover’s tweets can be consuming.

This brings me to the recipient: the ghostee.

Being ghosted is never fun. It can make a person question the validity of their relationship, and even themselves.

A ghostee might question their selfworth or their ability to gauge social situations. How could they have not seen this coming? Where were the warning signs?

The worst part of ghosting is the lack of closure. You’re unable to ask questions or find out why the person wanted to cut off contact, as that would defeat the purpose of the act. This diminishes a person’s ability to emotionally process what has just happened. It is an act of silencing, the worst and most permanent form of the silent treatment.

There are times where the ghosting is mutual. Both parties just slowly let contact come to an end and no one feels bad. While these situations are ideal, they can also be very rare.

While experiencing ghosting can be distressing on both ends, it shouldn’t be something that stains future relationships. I’ve tried to view the times I’ve been ghosted as a learning experience—or, if anything, as some solid material for a new poem.

What’s important to remember is that ghosting exists on a spectrum. You are ultimately the only person who can decide whether it’s the right thing for you to do.

In today’s dating culture, it’s only a matter of time before we all become ghosts. YM

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On the long list of stigmas surrounding masturbation sits an idea that I dislike the most: solo-play can never be as good as sex with a partner.

It’s a common misconception, which is present everywhere in our society. From schools leaving self-pleasure completely out of sex education, to articles in mainstream media like Cosmo Frank’s, “Is He Masturbating Instead of Having Sex with You?” Masturbation is often cast aside as the less-attractive version of intercouse: it’s always an option, but never seen as the more appealing choice. The unfortunate downside of this mentality is that the many amazing benefits of DIY loving are often overlooked. According to Planned Parenthood, these benefits include: aiding with sleep, relieving physical and psychological tension, enhancing sexual health and satisfaction, and even increasing happiness within relationships. The cherry on top? Many of these perks are actually the result of two other effects of self-pleasure: improved self-esteem and body image.

Masturbation can give you that one feeling that nobody else can: self-love.

So how does solo-play manage to do ALL of this for you?

Let’s start with the science.

In the article “M is for Masturbation,” The Center of Sexual Pleasure and Health cites three “happy” chemicals that your brain produces when you have sex or masturbate: dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin. The first two are known for their ability to improve moods and reduce pain, while the last of the three is known as the “bonding” brain drug, as it creates feelings of trust and connection. With these three “feel good” elements combined, your mind naturally associates masturbation with feelings of happiness, comfort, and closeness. Meaning that when you get off, you physiologically enforce good feelings in regards to your own body, sexuality, and self.

However, it’s not just the biology behind solo-play that helps you become more confident. Masturbation allows for hands-on self-discovery, which the CSPH also says can be a huge source of positive emotions. The Center states: “Experiencing masturbation can be very empowering, giving a sense

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of independence because you rely on yourself for pleasure, and don’t have to worry about feeling shamed for your turn ons and fantasies.” It’s a purely personal and private experience, that becomes a sexual and emotional self-affirmation. By entertaining your own physical desires, you are validating your own sexual feelings and body on a consistent basis. This validation then translates into confidence, as you begin to feel more at ease with your individual sexual and physical traits.

On top of that, better understanding about how to make yourself orgasm has endless positive effects, which Planned Parenthood goes on about in their informational guide, Masturbation. According to the organization, “When you know what you like when it comes to sex, your comfort with sex increases. And when your confidence and comfort level are high, it is easier to let your partner know what you like.” This doesn’t just go for pleasure, it also goes for things like protection preferences, and communication concerning STI status between partners. Better communication and better sex leads to the aforementioned improved happiness in relationships.

Long term, these effects are literally orgasmic for you and your partner(s), since increased confidence and understanding of your sexuality are known to improve performance in the bedroom. In the 2012 study, “Predictors of Body Appearance Cognitive Distraction during Sexual Activity in Men and Women” (featured in the Journal of Sexual Medicine), researchers found that a lack of confidence and body positivity distracted lovers during sex, and decreased their satisfaction and frequency of orgasms. People with high self-esteem are not as concerned with their partner’s judgement, and communicate what they want more openly, leading to more frequent orgasms. Therefore, masturbation actually improves you and your partner(s) sex lives, by making you more confident about your body and the sex you’re having.

The overall result? Plenty of good sex, lots of good vibes, and a ton of well spent alone time. So do yourself a favor, and give yourself a hand. YM

THE BENEFITS OF M A S T U R B AT I O N (BESIDES THE OBVIOUS) WRITTEN BY MORGAN DAVIES ILLUSTRATIONS BY EMILY DRAKE

ROMANCE | 10

FILLING THE VOID PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALLISON NGUYEN CREATIVE DIRECTION BY EMILY DRAKE

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A DENIM-LOVER’S GUIDE TO

LEVI JEANS WRITTEN BY MIA ZARRELLA

PHOTOGRAPHY BY SABRINA ORTIZ

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Strong, stylish, and dependable, Levi jeans are like the significant other you’ve always wanted.

The History of Blue Jeans

styles from these previous decades. So today, you can scour for genuinely vintage Levi’s It has been over 100 years since the creation or purchase vintage-inspired Levi’s. of Levi jeans, yet they remain a wardrobe How Deep are Your Pockets? staple that is simultaneously trendy and classic.

If shopping vintage, keep in mind that According to the Levi Strauss & Co website, the idea for their signature denim condition, label, and age affect the pricing. was born in 1872, shortly after Levi Strauss And that pricing can vary, depending on the opened his first store in Gold Rush era San buyer’s Levi knowledge. Levi’s are priced anywhere from ten to 100 dollars, and in Francisco.

Levi Strauss and a man named Jacob cases of rare collectible denim: thousands.

Levi Strauss & Co published a memo Davis crafted a pair of durable working men's pants by adding metal reinforcements about verifying a true vintage pair of Levi's. to the stitching. These rivets, combined with First, check the red tab for the spelling of brown cotton duck material, blue denim, “Levi’s.” If it has a capital “E” then they and a five-button fly, resulted in a sturdy were manufactured before 1970 and are pair of pants. The straight-leg jeans were considered authentic vintage. And if your patented and called the “XX,” until 1890 tab is orange, not red, that means your jeans when the style became known as what they were part of the “orange tab” collection, manufactured from the 1960s until 1999. are today: 501s.

Check above the back right pocket of In March 2017, Levi’s revived the orange your Levi's. The rectangular brown cotton tab collection, manufacturing new jeans refduck label features two galloping horses erencing the company’s past.

Those care tags people tend to cut each fastened to a pant leg. The trademark, called the Two Horse Pull logo, is a historic off because they tickle, were implemented symbol of the jean’s quality and strength. in Levis in the ’70s. So if your jeans don’t And according to Levi Strauss & Co’s site, have one, they were manufactured prior. the red tab on the back right pocket was The inseam can also reveal their age. A another way to differentiate the jeans from single stitching running down the inside of competitors, although not added until 1936. the pant leg signifies they were made prior Over time, the jeans gained popularity. to the mid-1980s, a double stitch signifies a In the 1930s, they were trendy with cow- newer model. boys. It was also the decade Lady Levi’s Find Your Fit were invented for women to wear while gardening. In the Fifties, troublemakers like Sizing depends on the year of producJames Dean and Marlon Brando adopted the pants and by the Sixties and Seventies, tion, as male and female sizing and styles musicians and counterculture groups were have altered through the years. It is important to keep in mind that older pairs of Levi’s sporting Levi’s in various styles.

Recognizing their past, Levi's Vintage will likely be sized for men and not women.

If you are thrifting or online-shopClothing line emerged in 1996, reproducing

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ping, the most efficient way to shop vintage denim is to know your measurements. Otherwise, it will be a Goldilocks situation, trying to find the pair that fits just right.

Shopping vintage denim is an overwhelming and time-consuming process. If you’re in-store, sizing guides and employees are very helpful, but it’s in your best interest to research beforehand.

It often takes a creative mind to be able to see the potential for a pair of pants that are too long or too wide. Don’t underestimate the power of scissors and DIY. My favorite Levi’s were initially six inches too long until I hemmed them, now they’re perfect.

Care For Your Pair Levi’s website offers several suggestions for washing your jeans because these pants are not like regular laundry. Over-washing will stiffen them and Levi’s are meant to mold to your body. Washing will also cause the indigo to fade, so if you must wash them, do so inside out in cold water then hang them to dry. Otherwise, soap and water on a cloth usually does the trick.

As for the possible smells, try deodorizing spray. Another option is to bag the jeans and put them in the freezer for 72 hours, which can also kill odor-causing bacteria.

Keep in mind, these are traditionally workers’ pants. They were created with the idea that they would be ruined, therefore they can withstand some damage. Miners weren’t using Tide-to-Go sticks during the Gold Rush. Granted, stain-removing sticks didn’t exist back then. The premise remains: grass stains, paint splatters, rips, and tears all add character. Imperfections are merely personalization. And that’s the beauty of Levi’s. YM

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Packed Up, Decked Out WRITTEN BY DELIA CURTIS

ILLUSTRATED BY MORGAN WRIGHT As soon as my gate appears on the monitor, I’m ready to run. After I’ve gone through security and hastily repacked all of my belongings, panic starts to set in. Do I have everything? There’s no time to waste. Fifteen minutes before the plane takes off and I better be in it.

When taking trips, whether they be by train, plane, or bus, it’s always good to be on top of your packing. Airplane travel is obviously the most restrictive. If you’re traveling for an extended period of time via plane, a checked bag is the way to go. Make sure to put irreplaceable valuables like jewelry, medicine, and eyeglasses in your carry-on. If it’s a weekend trip, your backpack will be your best friend. Backpacks are versatile, and have many pockets and spaces to store things without hassle. The first thing to check if traveling by carry-on is how many bags you are allowed. Some airlines will only let you have one item; others allow a personal item as well.

Know this before you go so that you don’t have to redistribute your luggage, or, dare I say, check your carry-on.

Once you’ve got your carry-on bag, you have to know what to put in it. It’s always good to invest in a clear, reusable quart-sized bag for your liquids. The travel size section at Target is a holy grail.

The liquid limits are different for different regions, so check these numbers before traveling. Having a toiletry bag can be helpful for the non-liquids by keeping all your things in one place.

Trying to pick outfits to pack can be the most stressful part of the process, but just know that you always think you need more than you do. If you’re in a place for three days, you only need three outfits, despite the fact you might want to bring your whole wardrobe. Bring things that work in different combinations so that if an unfortunate circumstance were to occur, you have options. Extra underwear and socks are handy and don’t take up much room.

Shoes are even easier. One or two pairs will get you through the weekend. Make it three if you’re staying at a hostel. You want to keep those feet clean, so bring a cheap pair of flip flops for the communal showers. The shoe(s) you bring should be comfortable to walk in, and should be able to pair with any of your three outfits for quick styling.

Something to keep handy is roll-on perfume or cologne that fits the liquid limit to prevent the possibility of body odor, and it’s always good to bring a reusable water bottle to fill up once you’re past security to ensure you stay hydrated. It’s also cheaper and

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faster to bring your own snacks for the ride, because transportation stations hike up prices.

One of the most important things you’ll want to remember are electricity converters for the countries you’re visiting. The maximum voltage for each country varies, and you don’t want to fry your phone or computer or blow a fuse, so do your research beforehand.

After you know how you’re going to pack, it’s important to know how to dress for the occasion to make for a comfortable and stylish journey. The first order of business is comfort. You want to wear things that you don’t mind running, sitting, or walking around in. You might be up and about for quite a long time in lines for security, passport control, and gates. That means durable shoes, a pair of well worn jeans, and a fitted t-shirt.

A piece of advice from a girl who sweats, I mean glistens: too many layers can be a hassle. Planes are cold, but airports are not, especially after rushing around. Have a few light layers that you can add or subtract as needed. Finding items like scarves that can double as pillows get you bonus points. Try to avoid fabrics like linen or silk that wrinkle easily.

When going through security, know whether your accessories, like belts and jewelry, will make it through without setting off the alarm. These items will often have to be removed. I suggest bringing a small bag that you can throw these items into for easy access and storage.

Beware of chunky boots or heels for obvious reasons. They are heavy and hard to move around in, and often have metal in the soles or heels that set off the alarm. (Pro tip: if you are trying to keep your checked bag from being overweight, wear your heaviest pair of shoes through the airport.) Always wear socks through security in case you are required to remove your shoes so that you don’t have to walk through barefoot.

Don’t waste time on an intricate hairstyle for the day, because security may check your hair if you’re stopped. Instead of coming out of line feeling disgruntled, it’s best to keep it down until after the checkpoint.

Whether it’s hustling through the train station or scrambling across the airport, knowing how to pack and what to wear can be lifesavers. Keep these few tips in mind and your travels will be safe, quick, and easy. YM

TIPS AND TRICKS F O R T R AV E L I N G

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SWEET SHADES

PHOTOGRAPHY BY EMME HARRIS CREATIVE DIRECTION BY EMILY DRAKE MODEL ANNELIESE DU BOULAY SUNGLASSES FROM FREE PEOPLE, AMAZON, FENDI, CRAP EYEWEAR, GIANT VINTAGE DESSERTS FROM TOP BREAD, CORNER BAKERY CAFE, GREAT TASTE BAKERY

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NO SHARED STANDARDS WRITTEN BY MARNI ZIPPER ILLLUSTRATION BY HELEN REN

YM WRITER MARNI NARRATES HER JOURNEYS AROUND THE NETHERLANDS AND ITALY WHERE SHE LEARNS THAT BEAUTY DOES NOT HAVE A UNIVERSAL STANDARD. Beauty standards are intense and hard to wrap our heads around, but being in Europe gave me a new perspective on what the defintion of “beauty” is.

American beauty standards have been drilled into my brain from the minute I began purchasing Smackers strawberryflavored chapstick from my local CVS. I’ve been aware of the ideal body image since the age of eight, when I was too embarrassed to wear tank tops in fear that my arms were too hairy and too chubby to be displayed on the playground.

In order to be beautiful one must meet the criteria in all departments: tall but not too tall, perfect skin (tanned but not too dark), straight bright smiles, hair growing only from the head, defined cheekbones, full lips and most importantly thin but not too thin! In Katy Perry’s "California Girls," Snoop Dog so eloquently states the beauty standards that all American women are supposed to live up to in five simple words: “toned, tanned, fit and ready.” It’s difficult to escape the world of “toned, tanned, fit and ready” in America. Whether I’m flipping through a magazine, scrolling through my Instagram feed, shopping online, or even driving past a billboard, it’s rare if I witness someone that I could share a pair of pants with.

This past semester I had the opportunity to study at Kasteel Well in the Netherlands and travel to various European cities. This experience not only allowed me to take a brief sabbatical from the complex and convoluted American beauty ideals, but also opened my eyes to what is perceived as beautiful in countries other than America. Being a white woman, I acknowledge that my viewpoint may vary from that of a woman of color who is also witnessing European beauty standards. Many of the beauty standards I witnessed around Europe were still based off of western ideals and many times mirroring American standards. However, certain aspects captured my attention.

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In the Netherlands, the ideals are vastly different than those in Naples, Italy. Getting on a train to head into Amsterdam, there were so many fresh-faced Dutch women who towered over me in their smart and structural wool coats. While in Naples, many of the women’s faces I saw, whether at a café or at a club, were boldly and beautifully contoured, painted perfectly, and donning heavy gold jewelry from lobe to neck.

The differences between what I witnessed in Amsterdam and Naples versus what we live with on a daily basis in America, were fascinating. Although beauty standards were certainly present in these two countries and people definitely dressed a particular way, the pressure that typically comes with American beauty standards didn’t seem to be as prevalent in Europe.

For Dutch women, it is the norm to be tall, wear natural and light makeup, have light eyes and light hair. But, the pressure to possess these features didn’t seem to be nearly as crippling as that of the intense pressure we face in the states. Dutch advertisements are not pushy and are not constantly in our face.

Many times, it seemed as though Dutch beauty products were meant to help you highlight what you already have, not change who you are and who you ought to be. Beauty advertisements in the Netherlands didn’t seem to call out women’s flaws and point out what needed be to changed as drastically as ads we see in America.

In the States, we are bombarded with articles on how to get a “tighter booty in just eleven minutes without sweating at all!!!,” constant images in advertisements for beauty products telling us how to look, tabloid exposés on celebrities having too much cellulite exposed on the beach, and social media perpetuating unhealthy and unrealistic expectations for its users. In Europe, body image expectations through societal pressures do not seem to run nearly rampant as they do in America. In America, we are facing a body image issue epidemic due to what is constantly pushed in our faces.

During one taxi ride through Naples, I noticed a large billboard featuring an advertisement for a lingerie company.

The woman featured on the billboard had darker features, and her body was not nearly as photoshopped as a woman on an American billboard would be—her body had shape to it. While there is no such thing as a “normal” or “regular” female body, this woman on the Neapolitan billboard did not look digitally distorted, she looked natural. The lingerie model on the billboard had on heavy makeup and was posed in somewhat of a sexually compromising position, but the focus was not on the fact that her body was slimmed down to unrealistic proportions. There was certainly a lot less of the “toned, tanned, fit and ready” sentiment looming above this billboard that would allow for Neapolitan women to feel societal pressures.

My time in Europe has allowed me to come back feeling somewhat liberated from American beauty standards. While I know that I will still feel pressured to purchase certain beauty items to attain a specific standard or have moments of insecurity, I have become more aware of the fact that the whole world does not revolve around what America deems beautiful. YM

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WORST WORST PARTY PARTY OUTFITS OUTFITS WORST WORST PARTY PARTY OUTFITS OUTFITS WORST WORST PARTY PARTY OUTFITS OUTFITS W R I T T E N B Y M E G A N C AT H E Y

PHOTOGRAPHY BY BEN FROHMAN

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David Carliner, Writing for Film & Television David’s worst party outfit comprised of baggy jeans, a dress shirt, and Sperry boat shoes, completed with a winter jacket from Costco. To make matters worse, he wore it to a friend’s birthday party at a club in Worcester—perhaps not the best club attire.

He says, “I'm wearing a dress shirt that's okay, but I've matched it with baggy jeans that probably aren't even touching my legs on the inside and Sperry's, because I was like ‘a club is probably fancy and therefore deserves these shoes that I should not be wearing out into the snow but YOLO!’ It's early 2014 and I still probably say YOLO!’” Although David may find the outfit cringe-worthy, it’s proof as to how he’s changed for the better, even if he’s not always confident now. “[This outfit] makes me feel great about the choices I've made since,” he says. “I have a better haircut and glasses. I've lost some weight and own clothes that fit it better,” he says. “I'm Word on the street is that college is a time to find yourself. Well, also not at a club in Worcester, so yay me.”

I would argue that it is also time to find yourself in some interesting, dare I say, bad outfits. Us art students aren’t one to Emma Glassman-Hughes, shy away from experimenting—whether sexually, artistically, or The Political Sociology of Social Change sartorially. Many want to make an impression when we go out, especially as underclassmen when you may still think that imThe motivation behind Emma’s least favorite party outfit pressing your Emerson peers is worth your time (take it from a was rooted in her insecurity at the time. Her mostly Forever 21 graduating senior—it’s not!). Over time and by pouring over old all-black getup included a semi-revealing bustier crop top and Facebook photos, we can reflect upon our former party selves and a black skirt. “My motivation was simple: look appealing to the be grateful for what has changed. opposite sex,” she says. “This was before I was out as bi, before I was openly queer at all… I wanted to be noticed and desired by Corey Malone, Marketing Communications dudes at parties probably more than anything else.”

But like David, Emma looks back on this outfit and recMalone regrets a few party outfits he wore freshman year. “I ognizes how far she’s come since then—both personally and wore some ugly shit,” he says looking at old photos on Facebook, style wise. “To me now as someone who is openly queer and “I was a mess!” A notable outfit included a Lake George Bike better-adjusted than I was as a freshman, my outfit just screams Week 2008 purple muscle tee with green corduroy pants with ‘insecurity.’” Now Emma dresses only for herself and as a means tan boat shoes. At one point during a party, he snatched a red for personal expression. “[Freshman year] I wasn’t expressing San Francisco 49ers beanie from a peer and wore it. The perfect anything about my personality...other than that I wanted to be accessory. noticed as a hot body instead of as an interesting person,” she Another outfit involved an oversized red muscle tank (sens- says. ing a theme here) with the words “Just for Fun” and a picture Emma has done an overhaul of her closet since freshmen of a carnival. Why a carnival? “I don’t know why,” he says. The year, ditching generic fast fashion styles for clothes that feel more “Just for Fun” tank was paired with equally fun denim cutoffs and her: unique vintage and previously worn pieces in a variety of Nike slides and socks. A neon Demi Lovato tee shirt also made colors and fabrics. “I wanted to start expressing myself through multiple appearances throughout Corey’s college career. “Some my clothes in a way that felt more authentic and thoughtful,” she of these it’s like, ‘Really that’s what you decided to wear?’ Fresh- says. “I still wear clothes with the intention of being sexy, but my man year was a darker time.” Although Corey’s party outfits have definition of sexy has changed. Sexy to me isn’t just showing a drastically improved over the years, he still can be found wearing lot of skin and wearing tight clothes. Sexy is style, individuality, his signature backwards baseball hat from parties to beyond. creativity, and comfort.” YM

THREE EMERSON SENIORS REFLECT ON SOME OF THEIR MORE QUESTIONABLE PARTY ENSEMBLES.

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SPRING TRAINING PHOTOGRAPHY BY HANA ANTRIM AND MICHAEL ZAHAR CREATIVE DIRECTION BY EMILY DRAKE MODELS: FARA COHEN, PARKER HUGHES, EYUEL BERHANU, CHARLIE BOYLE, NATALIE BUSCH, CHIARA BERNARDI, DIEGO GARCIA

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YOUR THINGS I L L U S T R AT E D B Y TAY L O R R O B E R T S

YOUR MAG SOCIAL MEDIA DIRECTOR KARIN YEHOUDIAN AND EDITOR IN CHIEF MIA ZARRELLA’S FAVORITE THINGS What are three objects you can’t live without and why?

Cashmere Velvetine by Lime Crime. I wear lipstick almost every single day, so I naturally have a pretty extensive collection.

Though they range in formulas, from liquid to mousse to stick, the shades I own are all pretty similar. My best friend once told me when she thinks of me, she thinks of greyish-purplish-pinkish colors, and I’ve been drawn to them ever since. There’s one tone in particular that I call my “signature.” Despite how boujee that may sound, I own seven lipsticks from five different brands that are the exact same color, but Cashmere by Lime Crime was the one that started it all.

Gold Notebook. I have a password protected word document on my computer for in-the-moment entries. Whether it be through poetry or word vomit, it's the best way for me to work through my emotional ups and downs. Over winter break, I decided it was time to trade in the digital file for an actual notebook. I’ve always prefered writing things down, Looking at the words on the paper brings me back to the moment I wrote them, and my handwriting usually reflects whatever I was feeling inside at the time. I use this notebook kind of like a personalized Wreck This Journal, but more emo.

DIY Poster. I’ve always underestimated my own creativity, but one thing I know for sure is that I’m severely lacking in artistic ability, but that didn’t stop me from deciding to make my own wall poster. Using black glitter and unicorn pattern wrapping paper, hand-made letter stencils, and lots of double sided tape, I came out on the other side with the crooked message “Be Happy. Be Bright. Be You.” As basic as it may sound, it’s a simple reminder to stay optimistic and true to myself. I rearrange my room often, but I always make sure the poster positioned for it to be one of the first things I see every morning.

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Record Collection. My collection has exceeded 120, yet I religiously listen to the same dozen albums. I spend my mornings with Patsy Cline and Leonard Cohen. Patsy’s Greatest Hits album is perfect for a post-shower singing session and Songs of Leonard Cohen eases my stress. When I need to purge emotions, I turn to the Man in Black, Johnny Cash. The Live at San Quentin recording has become my favorite. And if I’m going out, I’ll either put on Stevie Nicks’ Belladonna or Dr. Dre’s The Chronic (get yourself a girl who can do both). At the end of the night, I like to wind down with my melancholy musicians: Lana Del Rey, Father John Misty, and The National.

Leather Jacket. My style is greatly influenced by James Dean and Jane Birkin because of their mastery in looking effortlessly cool and chic. My soft black Mackage biker jacket is my wardrobe staple. It’s cool like James and effortless like Jane. It is my lifeline. I keep a pink lip plumper and lighter in the left pocket at all times because a leather jacket is really incomplete without those two items. When I oversleep alarms, run out of clean clothes, or can’t pick an outfit, like a knight in shining armor, my jacket gallantly awaits me.

Apple & PB. Fox Mulder had sunflower seeds, Dale Cooper had donuts and cherry pie, Scooby Doo had Scooby Snacks, and I have peanut butter and apples. I probably eat an apple with peanut butter twice a day and I’ll even pack a travel bag of it when I'm on-the-go.

I don’t eat just any apple or just any peanut butter, though. I have a strong preference for Honeycrisp or Granny Smith apples with a side of creamy, reduced fat Jif Peanut Butter. Sometimes I dip, sometimes I spread, sometimes I just eat them separately and spoon the PB from the jar. This is the fuel that gets me through my days.

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WRITTEN BY MORGAN DAVIES ILLUSTRATION BY TAYLOR ROBERTS

I am a resident military-affiliate, one of the small, undefined population that attends Emerson College. The total of our population here is unknown, because any published demographics do not account for people like me, the dependents of retired and active military personnel. However, we do know that there are only 13 veterans in the entire student body. Having any connection to a branch of service is a rarity here. In fact, I’ve only met three other students, two of which were the children of servicepeople, like myself, and only one who is Marine Corps affiliated.

My dad is a Master Sgt. in the Marine Corps, and he is coming up on his 19th year of being enlisted. Meaning, for my entire life, I grew up on and around bases, fully immersed in the culture of military life. Before coming to Emerson, I had almost no experience with civilians who had little knowledge about the armed forces. The town I was primarily raised in actually houses various

bases for multiple branches of service since the 1940s. Even citizens who were not directly connected to anyone serving usually had an understanding of the lifestyle, traditions, and struggles of those who were. There was a feeling of shared experience and compassion, which I felt was lost when I moved here. As accepting and supportive as the Emerson community has been, it has never truly understood that part of me or my life.

Being a Military Brat is a complicated experience, and one that is hard to articulate to someone who has no idea what it’s like.

Basically, my life revolved around my dad’s career, which was whatever the Marine Corps wanted him to do. My family moved where other people told us to, lived in houses that were designated to us by rank, and constantly waited for my dad to come home. Sometimes, it felt like my sisters and I only had my mom, and, to this day, she’s the parent we go to for everything. During deployments, we would have a system, a way in which us four females managed to all work in harmony to keep from going insane. My dad would come home, and it would all change. Adding another person back into your life, after six to eight months of not having them there, is very difficult. You have to relearn routines, you have to relearn their living habits and preferences, and they have to do the same for you. As you start to grow up and evolve as a person, sometimes you begin to feel a gap. You and your parent remember each other as they were before they left, but one or both of you are not always the same when they come back.

I won’t tell you that I’ve never experienced my dad coming back from a warzone different, or that it was easy to. That’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with in my life, and it is an experience very clearly not felt by my fellow Emersonians. It is surprising to me how casually and often I have been asked things like, “What is your opinion on the war in Iraq?” or “Does your dad have PTSD?” I have been told that people ask me because I must have an interesting perspective on these things. I do not, I promise. My perspective is that it’s horrible to wait and wonder if your loved one is coming home. My dad had no choice in where he fought or why, and war is horrible in nature, regardless of any proclaimed reasoning behind it. Once you deploy a person to a warzone, it is no longer the politician’s war, it is the individual’s. I don’t talk about what my dad was doing in Iraq or Afghanistan, because he doesn’t talk about it a lot. What I do know is that he doesn’t sleep well because of it and his last combat deployment put him in the hospital. You never know what someone else has experienced, so please think about that before asking an affiliate these questions.

Talking about experiences as a military child in general can be a hard topic. Coming from an area where these conversations were normalized, I am often frustrated by an absence of understanding from my fellow Emersonians. While my voice may not always be heard on the matter, it’s always there. The conversation is open, and it doesn’t have to be sad or uncomfortable if you have it the right way. Our perspectives aren’t important because they are different, they are important because they come from a place that is not well understood and should be paid more attention. We may be a small population on campus as military-affiliates, but we offer notable stories that I feel everyone can take something away from.

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ST.

FRANCIS

HOUSE WRITTEN BY ALESSANDRA SETTINERI PHOTOGRAPHY BY MONIKA DAVIS

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Just down the street from Emerson College is a place with services that can change a person’s life. Students often walk by the building, but may hardly acknowledge it. The banners outside the facility and the individuals who linger around the entrance are its only visible identifiers. However, once inside St. Francis House, the dedication to helping the poor and homeless members of the downtown Boston community becomes apparent.

Founded in 1984, St. Francis House is a nonprofit day shelter at 39 Boylston Street committed to assisting the 500 homeless men and women who visit the facility daily. Ashley Medlar, the volunteer services coordinator at St. Francis, says that what lead so many people to this situation is a lack of affordable housing and, in many cases, mental illness, substance abuse and addiction, and other challenges that prevent individuals from maintaining a steady job and income with which they can afford housing.

Much like Emerson, St. Francis House is a community intent on including all those who may need the services it provides with around 80 staff members and 40 volunteers making sure it is fully operational. “Our guests in particular are really all over the map in terms of demographics,” says Medlar, “We consider ourselves to be a really low threshold environment with no real rules of who can or can’t come to St. Francis House.”

The building is divided into three specialized sections that allow guests of many ages spanning from age 18 to 75, and of several nationalities, to find the resources they need to “rebuild their lives.”

The first four floors (including the mezzanine) comprise the day shelter. The first floor of the building is where the kitchen and dining room are. It’s run mostly by volunteers who serve about 650 meals per day, according to Medlar. “Our food’s pretty good, by the way,” she adds. The atrium is also on the first floor, providing sitting room for guests needing protection from the elements, and a mail room where guests can establish a local address and pick up their correspondence.

The mezzanine is where the resource center is located— there you’ll find more sitting space and entertaining, but productive, activities like “Healthy Me Bingo” happening. There is also a classroom where meetings for groups like book club, pastoral counseling, and chorus are held. More amenities on this floor include phones, a computer lab, a library, and an art studio where art therapy takes place (in fact, most if not all of the artwork around the building was created by guests).

On the second floor, “guests can make appointments to receive clothes up to once a week”, says Medlar, with showers located on this level as well. The medical clinic is also on the second floor; Medlar says, “By having a medical clinic in here, if someone’s hurt or sick we can say ‘Go to the second floor’ instead of ‘Go down to Tufts’, because the further away you try to send people, the less likely it is that they’re actually going to get there.” Finally, although there are women-only shelters in the city, the Women’s Center at St. Francis House is also available on the second floor to provide for female-specific needs and give sanctuary to women who face harassment and assault on the streets.

The third and final floor of the day shelter section of St. Francis House is where mental health counselors and case managers both short and long-term (depending on what a particular guest’s circumstances are and how they’d like to proceed) are located. This is arguably a crucial step for many guests so that they find solutions not just for their external obstacles, but also for the conflicts they deal with internally. All these resources are located so closely together with the hope that guests will be more inclined to utilize them.

The fourth and fifth floors are where the 150 students enrolled annually go through a rehabilitative vocational program called the Moving Ahead Program (MAP), which prepares them to “find and maintain employment.” Through word of mouth or information provided by St. Francis House staff members, individuals apply for the the 14-week program

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MODELS (FIRST PAGE) EDWIN JACOBS, ROBERT POHL, (SECOND PAGE) DAVID W. TANGHERLINI, SUSAN TERRELL

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where they do much self-reflection, build up their individual skills, create résumés, and fill out applications in order to secure a job by graduation. This past year, by graduation day, 91 percent of MAP students have secured employment. With staff members of St. Francis House following up every few months, it was shown that by the last check in, 75 percent of students had maintained employment at that original job. The program also provides support to alumni should they need help finding another job or simply some moral support.

Finally, the seventh through tenth floors provide 56 subsidized units of affordable housing for adults who were once homeless, paying about one-third of their income in rent. Much like a college dorm, the floors contain individual rooms with a shared living room and kitchen. Case managers, much like Resident Assistants (RAs), are there to provide support to residents. And while some can use the units as a temporary form of housing before finding someplace else to live, most appreciate the stability and choose to make St. Francis House their permanent home.

“We have a lot of college students volunteer with us,” says Medlar, who runs new volunteer orientations every two weeks for those interested. Mostly, volunteers are involved in the kitchen and clothing department. You can either volunteer solo, with a group of friends, or go as a club. Or, you can donate clothing or money.

However, if you don’t have the time, the stuff, or the money, Medlar says your voice is the most influential force of all. By spreading the word about the existence of St. Francis House and their services, you’re giving a voice to every individual being served there and acknowledging their humanity and dignity as people. YM

“WE CONSIDER OURSELVES TO BE A REALLY LOW THRESHOLD ENVIRONMENT WITH NO REAL RULES OF WHO CAN OR CAN’T COME TO ST. FRANCIS HOUSE.”

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THE CULTURE OF OVERCOMMITMENT WRITTEN BY ASHLEY DUNN PHOTOGRAPHY BY VIVIAN LAU ART BY TAYLOR ROBERTS

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I can’t help but laugh at the irony in this article as I struggle to put the words together by my first draft deadline, overwhelmed with other obligations and projects I’ve committed to.

There is no denial that there is a culture of overcommitment at Emerson. Students figure this out before they are even accepted to the college.

If you’ve taken a campus tour, you know what I mean. Student ambassadors, also known as tour guides, introduce themselves to tour groups with their name, major, and campus involvements.

Rarely is the latter of the information just one organization, but rather a laundry list of titles and memberships.

“What you learn your first week freshman year is that you overcommit,” says Jackson Davis, a soon-to-be Emerson alum. Just a week into his collegiate career, Davis was well-aware of the community’s tendency to take on too much, falling into the trap himself.

I, too, have tragically given shape to this culture, just as almost every Emersonian has.

It is a culture that feeds off of the competition of being busy. Oh, you haven’t slept in two days and have a film shoot this weekend and a paper that was due a week ago? Well, I haven’t slept in five days, have two film shoots, three articles to write, and an entire thesis due in an hour.

These are fake scenarios, sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if that was an actual conversation that played out between Emerson students.

With over 80 organizations to join and an entire city at the tips of our fingers to work in and explore, it only makes sense that we should overcommit ourselves. How else would we experience everything Emerson and Boston has to offer? Four years is not what it used to be.

I think the passion Emerson students harbor is incredible. I think it’s admirable that so much creativity exists at this school, and that students are able to have multiple interests as the outlets are available.

I don’t think the tendency to take on so much that you feel like you’re collapsing every day is admirable. I think this culture is toxic and something that we need to transform.

But where does this culture begin?

Does it start at the Organization Fair held at the beginning of each semester? Every publication, film organization and Greek-lettered collective throwing pamphlets in your face, encouraging you to come to at least one meeting?

Is it embedded in the student leaders on campus, the ones you somehow find on every corner of our city block, managing to be a part of anything and everything?

Maybe it starts with the notion that we should take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself. The notion that if we say no, we’ll be missing out.

Fuck this notion.

You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to turn down offers and ask for more time on projects and put yourself first. While the fear of disappointing others might be present, and while saying no might not be easy, it might be what’s best for you.

While it’s cool to be involved on campus and have a visible presence, it’s also cool to be a part of just one organization, or to be a part of nothing.

There is no right way to experience college.

I remember talking to my Resident Assistant, Danny, as a freshman, venting to him about how overwhelmed I felt trying to keep up with my school work, job, and outside obligations.

Looking around campus, I had this false idea that everyone around me was successfully handling the pressure of being a college student, especially a student at a campus that was swimming in ambition.

He told me to take a step back and really think about my commitments. Was I positively contributing to these organizations and were they doing the same for me? Was I creating experiences and work that would benefit me in the long-run? Most importantly, was I happy?

Danny showed me that it was okay to not be an over-involved Emerson student. Outside of his RA job, Danny focused on his major and the projects he created inside of the classroom. He didn’t overcommit and seemed a lot happier this way. It was eye-opening to meet someone who was comfortable living outside of the Emerson culture.

It’s okay to want to be involved in everything.

Think about how you are dividing your time, though, and dedicate yourself to what you love.

Your mental health is more important than your resume.

Take time for yourself. Breathe. We were the ones who created this culture. Let’s be the ones who change it. YM

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GETTING TO KNOW

S O D E X O

Learn about the people and processes behind Emerson’s largest food facility, the dining hall.

WRITTEN BY MIA ZARRELLA PHOTOGRAPHY BY YOHJI UCHIDA

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Before the the sun is up, the dining hall lights are on.

It’s 6:50 a.m. on a Saturday in March when Jean Bergeron walks into the Little Building, up the stairs, past the tap-in desk, and into the office space across from the dining hall. He puts his green coat around the black swivel chair at his desk, revealing a white button-down and a black tie with white speckles, and then gets to work.

Director of Residential Dining Jean Bergeron is an omnipresent figure in the dining hall. Identifiable by his mustache and glasses, Bergeron is often seen lending a hand in the cafeteria or working at his computer. It’s his job to make sure everything's running smoothly. This morning, Bergeron is doing what he does every morning, Tuesday through Saturday: checking for problems.

There is a lot that can go wrong in a kitchen, from food not being delivered and cooks not showing up at work to foodborne illnesses. Bergeron’s primary goal is to make the sure that safe food is being fed to the 1,800 students who show up for a meal every day.

Quoting his old culinary instructor at Bryant and Stratton College, Bergeron says, “In order to know the front of the house, you’ve got to know the back of the house.” And Your Mag decided to do just that, venturing into the back of the dining hall to learn more about the faces and functions of the most visited food facility at Emerson.

HOW IT WORKS On weekdays, the dining hall opens at 7 a.m. Bergeron clocks in at 5:15 a.m., followed by the staff at 6 a.m. Produce and dairy are delivered to the loading dock at 6 a.m. and other groceries arrive at 7 a.m. Since today is a weekend, the dining hall opens at 10:30 in the morning, but Bergeron’s inspection starts at 7 a.m.

He opens the dining hall doors, switches on the lights, and inspects the floor, the tables, the dishroom, and all machinery, ensuring everything was cleaned and properly shut down. Bergeron then ventures into the prep areas for a rou-

tine health and food safety inspection, recording on a clipboard the temperatures of every refrigerator and freezer.

Inside one refrigerator are trays of cookie dough made from scratch the day before.

“We like to keep it between 35 and 41 degrees F°,” says Bergeron. According to Bergeron, nothing is kept in a cooler more than three days.

As he walks through the kitchen, turning on the four ovens, Bergeron passes shelves of pots and pans stacked from floor to ceiling. He and other employees find the kitchen to be too small, which makes work difficult. “It was built for 700 people on a meal plan, but there is now 2,000,” says Bergeron. “It's old and it's too small.”

Bergeron then takes a cramped and creaky service elevator to the ground-level loading dock where food deliveries come in. He travels down another story to the salad bar prep area to continue his refrigerator inspection. After assuring that everything’s working properly, Bergeron heads up to the main kitchen.

“I like to choose what we’ll have for water,” says Bergeron, grabbing two handfuls of fresh basil, four apples, and three oranges to be used for the infusion water. “I try all crazy kinds of combinations.”

As 8 a.m. approaches, the bakers arrive and clock in, followed by the cooking staff, who show up at 9 a.m. As employees enter, they grab their uniforms from the office closet and greet the managerial staff. Some of them have been here for over a decade, others for just a couple of years.

Sodexo replaced Aramark as Emerson’s food service in the 2013-2014 school year. That was when Bergeron, a Maine-native with a long history in the hospitality business, came to Emerson.

When Sodexo arrived, the management hired new workers but gave Aramark employees the chance to interview and attend Sodexo trainings and orientation.

Seventy percent of Aramark employees stayed at Emerson to work with Sodexo, contributing to a staff of 110.

One of Emerson’s former Aramark workers is Martha Guevera. Guevera, 67,

is from El Salvador and has been working in the dishroom for 16 years. Bergeron says he doesn’t worry about the dishroom because Guevera knows what she’s doing. “I've been here for a long time,” says Guevera speaking in Spanish, “and I know everything here.”

The next to arrive is Shercora Baker, who has just returned from maternity leave and works salad bar prep. Baker takes out a flip phone to show Bergeron pictures of her baby boy, who she says is now 14 pounds. Another cook enters the office space, greeting Bergeron as she puts on her chef ’s coat. The embroidered name on the uniform reads: “Dianna MacPhee Executive Chef.”

This is MacPhee’s sixth month at Sodexo. The South Boston native worked at Harvard from 2005 to 2010 and then at Sophie’s at Saks Fifth Avenue in Boston.

“My goal is to create a community within the confines of the dining hall,” says MacPhee. “I want it to be a home.

It is just food, but at the same time, it’s more than that.”

By 10:20 a.m. a line of students in pajama pants and flip flops await the 10:30 opening. “Next time those doors close is at 8 o’clock tonight,” says Bergeron.

Sodexo creates their menu on fourweek cycles through a software called Food Management Systems. Menus are fairly predetermined with a couple of amendments. For example, since today the dining hall is celebrating National Waffle Day, a waffle bar was added to the menu. MacPhee asserts that Sodexo celebrates all fake food holidays.

“We are trying to redo some folklore,” says MacPhee. “We are trying to change that section in the US and News World Report that says: ‘You don’t go to Emerson for the food.’ It’s been a hard reputation to shake.” The claim that Sodexo puts laxatives in the food is an especially disturbing rumor, but management isn’t taking it personally.

“The same rumours are at every school. The same problems are at every school,” says Director of Catering Michael Bope. “This is my third food service company and every school has this

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rumour.” Before coming to Emerson two years ago, Bope worked with Bon Appetit at Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

The menu for today’s brunch is: cinnamon rolls, scrambled eggs, oatmeal, french toast sticks, omelettes, scrambled tofu, broccoli and garlic, glazed hams, mashed butternut squash, and roasted red potatoes and rosemary. And then there is the waffle station, offering a variety of toppings from fruit and whipped cream to chocolate chips.

Production Manager Mitzzy Picardo determines the amount of food to order ensuring there is not too much food, nor too little. According to the register, on average weekdays, breakfast feeds 300 students, lunch feeds 500, and dinner feeds 800. How much food was prepared and how much was eaten is recorded in production reports which help with future orders.

Any excess food, which tends to be cheese, milk, fruit, and Einstein bagels, is donated to the St. Francis House down the street. The management team also goes to the Pine Street Inn in Downtown Boston every month to cook food for the homeless men.

“Whatever we have that we can donate, we’ll do it,” says Bergeron.

In order to recycle the food that cannot be donated, Emerson’s new sustainability coordinator, Amy Elvidge, helped implement a dining hall composting program in 2016. Bergeron calls it a “trust system,” as students independently separate their compostable food and organic materials from other waste before depositing their plates. Once collected, the compost goes to processing facility Save That Stuff. So far, the dining hall is the only campus facility to implement a composting program. And in case you’ve ever wondered why we don’t have trays in the dining hall, it’s because it prevents overloading food and reduces the amount of chemicals and water that would be used to clean them.

Despite these efforts, the dining hall services fall under regular scrutiny, often because of limited nutritious options. Petitions circulate social media nearly every year. The most recent Change.org peti-

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tion was created on March 22, 2017 by Libby Sweeney, ‘20, writing, literature, publishing major. As of April, the petition garnered 515 signatures. Sweeney was unable to be interviewed for this article because of a conflict of interest.

The petition is titled “Better Emerson College dining/food options for the well-being of students.” One section of the petition reads, “The food has been reported to leave students feeling nauseous after eating it, and many with dietary restrictions have says they often struggle finding meals each day (i.e. Celiac/gluten-free, Kosher, Vegan options). Much of the food offered isn’t exactly a healthy option for students; instead, they often have frozen food versus fresh food, and the fresh options don’t exactly feel fresh.”

“Criticism has always been a learning tool for every organization,” says Bergeron, citing monthly committee meetings for students to attend. “We’ve had those meetings and nobody has shown up. That’s their opportunity to show up and voice their satisfactions, their dissatisfactions.”

Regarding students with dietary restrictions, Bergeron assures that Sodexo accommodates as much as possible. The dining hall is peanut-free, offers nondairy milks, and has gluten-free bread and cereal. There is also a vegan food station open during the lunch and dinner hours of 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and 4:30 to 9 p.m., along with the salad bar and a vegetarian option for dinner.

At the beginning of the school year, Emerson notifies Sodexo about students with food allergies. Those students can then meet with Sodexo to discuss meal options. For students with gluten allergies, Bergeron says, “We prepare them in a separate area, with separate utensils, with separate pans, so there’s no contact. We change up their menus on a daily basis based on what they can eat and what they can’t eat.” If students have dietary or nutrition concerns, they are encouraged to meet with the Regional Dietitian Karen Jew. “Being vegan and being vegetarian is a choice, so they have to understand that it’s going to limit their options,” says

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Bergeron.

The napkin notes board is one way for management to hear students’ feedback and requests. “We’ll fix any problem there is, as long as we know what their problem is,” says Bergeron. But he wants students to know that unless there is a high demand for a meal or product, it is unlikely the dining service will supply it.

“If we were to answer everybody’s request we’d have products we’d never use,” says Bergeron. “If a bunch of people want it, we’ll say ‘okay, we’ll consider it.’”

Sodexo’s food comes from many different locations. Most of the meats and groceries come from Sysco, a global food distributor located in Plympton, Massachusetts, and the produce comes from Boston-based Costa Fruit and Produce.

Garelick farms supplies the dairy products, and Nantucket Nectar, Frito Lay, and J. Polep are the purveyors for convenience store drinks and snacks. Aside from cans of applesauce and pasta sauce, there aren’t many canned foods to be seen inside the dry-food storage area.

Sodexo makes an effort to source 20 percent of their food from various local farms such as: Lanni Farms in Lunenburg, Massachusetts for apples; Red’s Best seafood company in Boston for fish; ice cream from Gifford’s in Maine; some breads from Jessica’s Bread in North Andover; Backyard Farms for tomatoes in Madison, Maine; and Narragansett Creamery in Rhode Island for different cheeses.

The management staff wants improved communication and more transparency between students and services, encouraging students to stop by the Dining Services office on the ground level of the Little Building to voice concerns.

“A lot of what we hear is through the rumour mill and if you ask somebody you don’t get a specific,” says General Manager Kerri Donnelly. “Moving forward, what I would like to see happen is the students and dining to be able to really work together to improve what they’re looking for and to find out what they are looking for.”

Donnelly spent eight years in Sodexo

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food services at MIT prior to becoming the general manager at Emerson- a position she has had for four years. According to Donnelly, the college and the state conduct unannounced inspections of the dining facilities, checking for overall health and safety. The most recent audit from Emerson was on Feb. 14, 2017 and Sodexo scored a 93. On these audits, anything below a 90 is considered poor.

The City of Boston conducted an inspection on Jan. 18, in which four areas of the dining hall did not pass. Cityofboston.gov reported multiple containers of cooked chicken being held at around 107 degrees F, instead of the required 140 degrees F or above. The inspection sheet also cited cold grilled chicken at the sandwich line as being 13 degrees warmer than food safety requirements. These violations were, as noted by the city, corrected at the time of inspection. The two other areas in which the dining hall failed inspection were related to adjusting the sneeze-guards and cleaning nonfood contact surfaces.

The city inspected the dining hall six times since Sept.18, 2015. The facility passed three of those inspections with either minor or no violations and will be re-inspected following this recent failed inspection. The Max Cafe, Einstein’s Cafe, and the Paramount Cafe have passed all previous inspections since 2015 with either minor or no violations.

Pest control also inspects the dining facilities five to seven times a week. “If there seems to be more activity they start to come more often,” says Donnelly.

On multiple occasions, Emerson students have gone to the emergency room claiming food poisoning. Whether it was caused by dining hall food is undetermined, but Zach Tretter, ‘19, visual and media arts major, is cautious of the food service since a trip to the ER during his freshman year when he got sick after a meal.

“I totally think that Emerson should spend its money smarter,” says Tretter, citing University of Massachusetts Amherst as having a commendable dining service. According to BestColleges.com, UMass has the fifth best college food

service in the nation. Niche.com ranks UMass’s dining service as best in the state, meanwhile, Emerson ranks as last-- coming in 63rd place with a student survey rating of 2.3 out of 5 stars.

Emerson’s Sodexo staff is looking forward to the major changes taking place in Fall 2017. The new multi-level dining center on Boylston Place will be larger, more modern, and more functional -- an open layout, with state-of-the-art equipment. Students can watch their food be prepared at individual stations and will be able to interact with the chefs. There will be a stage for students and faculty to entertain on, and there will be a private dining room to book for events.

District Manager Varun Avasthi says, “We want the administration and people from the college to come, walk through the space, see the space, see where the food comes from, come for the tours, check it out. We are very transparent in the way we do stuff, we don’t hide it.”

Bergeron says there will be a brickoven pizza station where cooks will be using fresh dough, as opposed to the frozen dough that is used now. There will also be a lunch and dinner station called “Simple Servings” which will supply healthy, allergen-free ingredients for one basic meal.

“One of the things about the new dining hall is that you’ll be able to see what you don’t see now,” says Bope. “A lot of the cooking will all be done in front of the student that’s asking for it and it will be prepared by the same person.”

These changes will provide a better functioning facility, shorter wait lines, more nutritious options, more customization in ingredients, and more peace of mind.

“We like to welcome everybody and anybody that has any questions, we would be happy to share with them how we procure the food, where we get it from,” says Avasthi. “We’ve got try to bust this myth of fake food.”

“It’s too bad that students can’t see what’s involved in feeding them,” says Bergeron. Nobody is going to beat mom’s cooking. We can’t compete against

mom, but we put our best foot forward as far as nutritional value, product, and presentation.”

Despite mixed feelings about the quality of food, many Emerson students have positive experiences and relationships with the Sodexo staff. This week, the Napkin Notes board in the dining hall has several napkins tacked. “Chepe is the best,” reads one note from a student complimenting Emerson’s omelette station chef, Jose Mendoza. “Lisa is a wonderful person,” reads another.

WHO MAKES IT WORK Arlene Lisa Manzo, otherwise known as Lisa, operates the swipe-in desk. Manzo, 54, from Chelsea, Massachusetts, is wearing her blue Sodexo uniform and light blue eyeliner. Named after her mother Arlene, Manzo grew up being called Lisa by her high school friends and she liked it enough to let it stick.

August will be Manzo’s fifth year at Emerson. She started as a cashier during the final year with Aramark. When Sodexo took over, she worked as a baker for the first year before going back to the cashier desk.

“The way I treat the students is the way I would want somebody to treat my daughter,” says Manzo, whose daughter Brittany was a student at the University of Massachusetts Boston, another Sodexo school, when Manzo first joined the company.

“She didn’t like it, people weren’t friendly, she never related with anybody.

They didn’t talk to the students, they just did their job and that was that,” says Manzo. “I’m an outgoing person and I know a lot of these students are away from home and I just want these kids to feel comfortable, you know, like a mom.”

Manzo is a mother of four: George, 37; Brian, 32; Ashley, 27; Britanny, 24.

Her maternal tendencies shine when she tells students to dress warm before going outside on a cold day or when she checks in on how their semesters are going. It’s uncommon for Manzo to forget a face or name once she meets someone.

“I’m just a big ol mom and I can’t

help myself,” says Manzo. “This is just how I am.”

Darren Castleberry is similar to Manzo in this way. The 38-year-old from Washington, Castleberry has a daughter named Dejan’nee attending St. Joseph’s College in Connecticut. Because of his daughter, Castleberry treats students with the same respect he hopes his daughter receives at college.

“I hope we are giving the best service to these kids because it’s part of your college experience,” says Castleberry. “I think the dining hall is an important part of that aspect. For instance, if you’re having a bad day sometimes the perfect meal can change your attitude about things.

The dining hall is an escape.”

In his white chef ’s uniform, Castleberry, early for his noon shift, is sitting at the table nearest the dining hall doors.

His name plate reads “D.C.” and there is a pink breast cancer awareness ribbon attached. Castleberry works at various stations, but can usually be found at the pizza station. He has been working with Sodexo since 2013 when the company first arrived at the college.

“I hope [students] take away that the Emerson staff is very gracious and I want to say loyal, because I do think most of us go above and beyond to satisfy their needs,” says Castleberry.

Hantzley Audate, ‘17, marketing communications major, has felt this graciousness. “While the food leaves much to be desired, the employees of the DH always leave a good memory in my mind,” says Audate. “No matter what, they're always friendly and receptive to my concerns and do as much as they can to accommodate me. When I used to live on campus, Cliff and the rest of the boys would always show me love.”

Audate often spent up to four hours in the dining hall on weekends with friends. He says, “I mean, it was the only spot you could get your favorite cereal, ice cream, waffles, and sandwiches and pizza.”

In 2014, organizations like the Coalition of Lions in Action with Workers (C.L.A.W) and Progressives and Radicals In Defense of Employees (P.R.I.D.E),

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played important roles in the worker’s unionization process.

“We understood that there were people on our campus, in our community, who we saw everyday that were not being treated justly- that were not being paid a living wage, that were not being given respect, that had no voice or ability with which they could change their circumstances,” says P.R.I.D.E member Kevin McCaffrey, ‘17, visual and media arts major. “It wasn’t up to our standards, and I don’t think it would have been up to the school at wide’s standards if they were aware of it.”

McCaffrey and the other members not only raised awareness of the problems the food service workers were facing, but also showed their solidarity with them.

“A union is the avenue by which workers can pool together their collective strength (as there is nothing without the workers) and use their collective voice to make positive change,” says McCaffrey.

When the workers joined UNITE HERE’s Local 26 in 2015, they secured their first four-year contract. According to Local 26’s Food Service Division Director Michael Kramer, there are now minimum wage rates for each classification that increase every six months. Workers either moved up to their classification’s minimum or received an hourly raise of 75 cents, whichever was more. Currently, the job classification minimums range between 13 to 19 dollars an hour. The Local 26 websites reports that the contract provides workers with “a new higher-quality more-affordable health care plan, additional paid sick days, more full-time jobs, and a process to ensure workers are treated with dignity and respect.”

“Before we had the union, it was tough, we had a lot of turnover,” says

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Castleberry. “With the union here now, somebody has your best interest and they are looking out for you. I hope they stay around.”

According to Manzo, there was a lot of turnover in the executive chef position, which made things exceptionally difficult since the head chef needs to know about everything that’s going on. Manzo says things have been working well since MacPhee took over as executive chef, calling her “down-to-earth.”

“The only that frustrates me about my job is when I see other people not doing their job and other people are busting butt,” says Manzo.

Castleberry agrees, calling the union a gift and a curse. “[The union] protects jobs, but it also protects workers who aren’t compatible for this type of job,” says Castleberry. “I find myself trying to be an ambassador of discipline.”

Manzo wants to become the shop steward for Emerson’s Sodexo workers.

As shop steward, she would represent the employees and be responsible for communicating between staff and management. “I’m the peacemaker because some of these people are afraid to talk to the management,” says Manzo. Manzo says she has a good relationship with management, noting that Avasthi, the district manager, is assisting her with becoming shop steward.

If there is a smiling, talkative cook behind the grill Tuesday through Saturday from 6 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., it’s probably Gerard Burke. Burke, 25, started working with Sodexo two years ago. “He’s the nicest person,” says Bergeron. “He will say hello to every student.”

Sitting restlessly in a swivel chair in Bergeron’s office, Burke says, “Really, I like my job, I make everybody happy be-

cause everybody likes to eat,” says Burke.

“I’m the bearer of good news.”

Born in Boston, Burke started this job to earn some money, but his real professional goals lie within the music and fashion industry. “What I’m basically trying to do in the future is have my own business, be an entrepreneur,” says Burke.

“I want to do everything.” He wants to start his own music label with a heavy Caribbean music influence, but he won’t discriminate genres because he listens to everything from Beethoven to Tupac. For his clothing line, he wants to start with underwear, “because everybody wears undergarments,” he says.

Burke wants students to look at him as a friend. “We’re all on the same level,” says Burke. “They can tell me whatever they’d like. If they wanted to come talk to me or they wanted to come and say hi, whatever, I got them.” Burke even offers to help students with their school work. He wants to deliver more good into a world he thinks doesn’t have enough good interactions. “I’m trying to change the world.”

Burke leaves the office and heads into the dining hall to work aside Castleberry behind the grill. Everybody in dining services has an essential job to do, whether it’s managing the staff, cleaning the dishes, prepping the salad bar, swiping in students, or cooking the meals. However, their main job is making sure we, the students, are comfortable and fed enough food to sustain us during our day. There’s always room for improvement, but the mission of everybody in dining services is to accommodate the students waiting outside the doors every day. YM

HONESTLY...

LITERALLY...

SERIOUSLY...

THIS IS HOW I FEEL...

WITH BRADEN BOCHNER

Dear Braden, I want to be skinny and work out in the mornings, and be productive and get shit done, but I also want to binge drink and eat pizza. Will I regret not being a “college babe” when I’m older because I was boring and stayed home and ate lettuce?

Sincerely, Well Rested But Conflicted

Dear Braden, I need to make new friends. It just seems like everyone in college has a closed friend group and doesn’t want someone else to join. What are your thoughts on friends in college? Big groups? Small Groups?

Sincerely, Fish in a Small Sea Dear Fish in a Small Sea, My therapist once told me that if you’re not losing friends, you’re not growing up. Or maybe I read that on an inspirational quote Instagram, but either way, it stuck with me. While I think that’s entirely true, there’s also an exception to this rule.

I believe that we all have a tribe – an orbit, if you may (so New Age-y, I know, but stick with me….) – that remains constant no matter where we are or what we’re going through.

Connect with people in your classes or at parties, even if it may feel like it’s on a surface level. Trust me, you will find people you vibe with on the same frequency. It just takes time, and once you meet these people you’ll just know.

All you need are a couple of really good friends who you feel totally comfortable around. Not people to go out and party with – those people are fun, don’t get me wrong, but it’s important to also find people who you’re comfortable doing absolutely nothing with at the same time. People you can watch Law & Order: SVU with for hours and not have to say a word. People who will stand in line with you at CVS and let you vent to them about the same thing for the thousandth time.

Love, Braden

Dear Well Rested But Conflicted, I think every twentysomething feels this Conflict. We’re torn between going out and having fun, while simultaneously feeling bad for avoiding responsibilities or what we think we “should” be doing. No one has their shit together! Your twenties are like your toddler years – you have to learn who you’re going to become. Don’t feel so much guilt for acting your age and making mistakes. You’re supposed to graduate college with a Bachelors degree in Binge Drinking and Buffalo Chicken Pizza. At the same time, it’s important to do the things we as human beings need to do to take care of ourselves – exercising, sleeping, eating lettuce. Some nights you want to go out and drink too much tequila and maybe lose your iPhone or puke in an Uber (we’ve all been there – no judgments), and other nights you’d rather stay in and watch Big Little Lies while thinking of ways to become as perfect as Reese Witherspoon.

I admire that you have a will to take care of yourself, Well Rest But Conflicted. It takes some people a long time to get there. Those are your life instincts! It’s some super Freudian shit, but allow me to summarize it for you (sorry, Sigmund!)

– life instincts are pretty much the self-parent in the back of your head; it’s the voice that’s telling you to “be productive and get shit done.” It’s usually the same voice that tells you to never drink again when you wake up hungover. That right there, readers – if anyone besides my therapist actually reads my rambling– is adult-ing. Yes! Adult-ing. Everyone in college is constantly freaking out about becoming an adult, but little do we know that we’re all actually adult-ing one night in at a time.

Love, Braden

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10 YEARS OF BEING A LITTLE BITCH

YM writer Ashley details the emo nostalgia that anniversary tours conjure.

WRITTEN BY ASHLEY DUNN ILLUSTRATION BY TAYLOR ROBERTS

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LET’S BE CLEAR: I AM STILL IN MY EMO PHASE. I am incredibly grateful to have grown up during a prime time for emo and pop-punk music, and now that those golden years have passed, I am even more grateful for the 10 year anniversary tours that have been popping up over the last two years.

There is something special about going to these celebratory tours and seeing the emo youth of 2007 as mature adults. Some of us are in college, some of us have 9 to 5 jobs, some of us might even have kids of our own that will be raised on this music. We are all transported back to our glory days, however, when we come together to be crowded and hot in a venue, sticky with sweat that is both ours and not ours.

The first 10 year tour that I went to was for Motion City Soundtrack’s sophomore album Commit This to Memory. This served not only as a celebration of the album, but as a farewell to the band as they announced their retirement. I went to both of their back-t0-back Boston dates, half-screaming and half-crying along to every song.

MCS wasn’t the only band to say farewell to an era by playing an entire album from front to back. Yellowcard did the same last fall, saying goodbye to a 20-year-old musical endeavor with a celebration of their album Ocean Avenue. My ticket may have been for the last row in the highest level of seating, but my energy matched that of anyone in the pit that night.

Nostalgia is at the heart of these tours. While I am still pretty deep into the same genres I listened to in middle and high school, others’ music tastes have evolved. It may have been years since they last threw on a Taking Back Sunday song, but when the first few chords to Cute Without The ‘E’ fill the air, a dusty and forgotten flame is reignited. Music and human emotion are so intricately intertwined that it’s easy to feel instantly transported to a time where this music meant the most.

So often I find myself going to these tours alone, unable to convince my friends that bands we have stuck in our back pocket for safe keeping are worth revisiting for $30. Maybe they don’t

want to revisit the emotions this music evokes, or maybe it really just was a phase for them. For those who do find themselves back in the pit, the experience is unlike any experience had when these albums first came out.

I can’t begin to describe the feeling of comfort and connection I feel when going to these tours. It’s even more heartwarming to think about the bands themselves, the ones who actively appreciate and recognize fans who have stuck around for years.

The fans who have heard their sound shift and transform and who continue to support their musical growth. Anniversary tours are as much a celebration of the album as they are of the fanbase, both old and new.

Some anniversary tours also serve as reunion tours. Boys Like Girls embarked on a six-city tour this summer in support of their first self-titled album, coming together for the first time after a two-year period of silence. They started and ended their set with the album’s hit The Great Escape. We the King’s followed suit, beginning and closing out the set with Check Yes Juliet during their own self-titled anniversary tour.

Other bands who have celebrated decade anniversaries of albums include Cartel, the Used, Mayday Parade, Escape the Fate, Circa Survive, and many more. Metro Station even announced that they’re planning to reunite to play their self-titled in full, a future tour that I will probably, and a bit shamefully, attend.

My bank account is slowly being drained with each anniversary tour announcement. There will always be a part of me that belongs in the center of a crowd, pressed against strangers who have nothing in common with me other than the fact that they too cherish the words and melodies of emo bands. Maybe that’s the strongest connection you can have with someone, though.

While many bands have given back to long-time fans with these tours, I’ll be sitting in the corner, waiting for All Time Low to announce their 10 year celebration of So Wrong, It’s Right. YM

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SOLEMN SELFIE

WRITTEN BY LINDSAY SIMMONS

ILLUSTRATION BY HAYLEY JOSEPH

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The air is stale. It catches in the throats of the onlookers, whose nervous exhalations come out in thick, gray puffs of winter air.

Thousands of meticulously cut concrete slabs of various heights and shapes stand on the unevenly sloped, winding ground. Upon the first step into the eerie structure, a silence falls upon each person. They all take in the smooth, unforgivingly dark surface of the pillars surrounding them. They can’t hear the sound of their own feet or heavy breath as they look to the grayscale sky above, clear as a warped conscience and seemingly frozen in time.

After a solemn minute or two, something changes in them all. What moments before seemed an ode to those lost, a devotional graveyard to finally allow six million some rest becomes in a flash a twisted playground. The sound of clomping feet bounces from one stone to the next, coagulating into a near-tangible entity in the sky above. The padding and clomping, running and stomping encourages more and more pairs of lively tourist feet to join in.

Next come the cheers and cries of misplaced emotion.

So-called adults take their clomping feet for a boisterous run, hiding and seeking one another. The once ominous, respected symbolic stones become elements of the game. A plethora of people weave through the blocks, dipping under selfie sticks like it’s the limbo to escape their jeering friends who laugh while trying to catch them in the newfound maze.

And the stones, themselves, may not be perfect, but at least they stand tall. They are ones for the memory and a reminder of time. How we’ve gotten to this spot, today, acknowledging the millions lost so that we may now stand and laugh and play the hunt. 52.5139° N, 13.3787° E. Here, there is stone-cold proof, standing sky-high, that there were times when we had none of that.

The Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe rests in the open air around the heart of Berlin while its skeletal, cemeterial air produces no aortic beats. The memorial, as many like it, has become a destination more than a sanctuary. When one looks around the space, there is a clear distinction between

the mourner and the marauder. One comes to remember, with squeezed eyelids and praying hands. The stale air is choked right out of their lungs, hushing them. The other visitor is here on a memory raid, with a band of fellow thieves around them. They run their hands along the cool stone as they rush past, giggling as they escape their seekers or stop to take a selfie.

In the past few months, during my study abroad program at Emerson’s Kasteel Well in the Netherlands, I have found myself in similarly upsetting situations at various memorials or museums. Each place is well-intentioned. From the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe to the Anne Frank House, each place stands still in time while visitors are enveloped in the places’ metaphorical arms. Once the light of modern day shines through, in the form of extended selfie arms and gift shops and chilling giggles of grown men and women, doubt bounces around the walls of my head.

It is important for us, in 2017 and beyond, to remember the atrocities of our past so as to keep them from happening again.

We know this; we’ve built the memorials, monuments, and museums. What we’re fighting against in the quest for remembrance, though, is our own modernity in comparison to the times we are immortalizing. We, the 21st century people, are bombarded with flash photos, instant-memorialization in the form of social media postings, and commodification culture from the moment we’ve left the Twitter feed-free womb. And the gift shops at the end of memorial tours, like that of the Anne Frank House, don’t help to quell our capitalistic instincts.

People pat the dried tears rimming their eyes in the Anne Frank House bathrooms, then shuffle out the door and make their way towards the exits. Fresh Amsterdam air is much needed after the harrowing experience of the Franks’ hidden annex. They cannot escape without going through the gift shop first. And there’s not only Anne Frank’s book for sale, which is truly all that should be there, but posters and toy models of the hiding place and other gaudy collectibles that turn crying eyes wide and dry.

Are we here as mourners, or marauders? YM

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