Looking after themselves

The process of becoming an autonomous adult is not easy, especially for young people looking for a home of their own in a city where decent housing is unaffordable. Making the transition includes not only taking on financial responsibilities but also learning self-discipline and selfcontrol. Obviously, for the majority in Hong Kong, staying on with parents is easier. It saves money, relieves them of household chores and delays decision-making. But isn’t learning how to look after themselves a better idea?

In Hong Kong, according to the latest by-census of 2016, 78% of all 18-35-year-olds who had never been married lived with their parents as did 95% of males and 94% of females aged 18-24. 1

Compared with most places overseas, this figure is very high. Only Macedonia rivals it, with Europe’s highest at 75%. 2

In fact, many young adults are becoming what’s known as “boomerang kids” if they return to their parents' homes after living independently while studying or working. They struggle to get by without the financial, physical, and emotional support of their parents. Taking on the responsibility for leaving home does not rest solely on the younger generation. In a poll 3

of nearly 900 American parents last year, 25% said they considered themselves to be the main barrier to their young children's independence. However, 60% said their children were not mature enough, didn’t know enough or didn’t have enough time to learn how to take on more responsibility, especially for tasks related to health care.

The question of cultural attitudes is often raised where a very high percentage of young adults at home is concerned. Intergenerational households are the norm in many Asian cultures and in some European countries. Most parents in Asia are happy to live with their children for periods much longer than those in western countries. Traditional societies consider it to be a sign of respect and good fortune for junior and senior adult members of a family to live together. This mentality still persists in Hong Kong augmented by the persistent rise of property prices which has made the stay-at-home trend more prevalent and accepted.

• Leavinghomeismanyyoungpeople’sgoal butit isn’tthenorm forHongKong18-35-year-olds. • Autonomyisusuallypostponed, partlybecause ofthecostinvolved in movingout. • Self-relianceand lifeskillsforindependentliving maysufferasaresultand hangingoutathome becomeshangingon athomeindefinitely.

離開父母自立是很多青年的目標，但對 18 至 35 歲的香港青年來說， 實非易事。 生活費高昂乃青年難以自立的原因之 一。 一直與家人同住使青年過於依賴 ，難以 建立生活技能。

Another factor is that young people are not getting married as early as they used to. Compared to the older generations, those who have partners often want to continue working rather than get married, have children and settle down in independent households. This raises the question of whether it is a coincidence that the fall in fertility rate in Hong Kong is mirrored by the rise in youth staying on in parents’ homes.

However, millennials who are living at home in Hong Kong say they actually enjoy doing so for both fiscal and personal reasons. They can enjoy the benefits of a comfortable, if rather cossetted home life without any financial losses. It makes sense to them to rationalize and share expenses rather than insisting on autonomy.

Nevertheless, staying on in close quarters with parents, especially if they are the cocooning, over-protective type, has its downsides. It can result in young adults who lack not only the independence of mind that helps them deal sensibly with emergencies and crises, but also the self- esteem that comes with acquiring problem-solving skills. This is sometimes called “learned helplessness.” 4

Heightened short-term effects of such phenomena have become more evident as a result of the recent COVID-19 outbreak. Cooped up at home together for long periods, without the normal structure and social interaction of work or school that gives life variety and meaning for most people, family members have needed to cope with an exaggerated version of the learned helplessness scenario which in some cases has resulted in anxiety, depression, or both.

Learning how to live together harmoniously in a multigenerational adult household is no easy task. It requires tolerance and patience. Whether as a result of economic benefits or externally-imposed restrictions, living in close proximity with one’s family may offer some easy answers but it also removes the rich experience of being a young, independent adult, with all its attendant risks, hurdles and satiusfactions.