5 minute read
On the brink
Persistent misunderstandings can prevent suicidal young people from getting help.
It can never be assumed that a suicide attempt is just an appeal for attention.
Real danger faced both Sze and Cindy, both of whom were helped by HKFYG social workers.
• 持續被誤解令有自殺傾向的青年抗拒求 助。
• 我們不應假定自殺只是尋求別人關注的 手段。
• Sze及Cindy均曾企圖自殺，並接受香 港青年協會社工的專業輔導。
Sze: caught shoplifting
“At home, there have always been strict rules. At school, I didn’t get good results. At work, the boss always seemed to pick on me. I suppose I put pressure on myself too, panicking about trying to please other people and failing.
I never used to let anyone know how I felt. I bottled it all up and pretended to be calm. Eventually, I was so stressed that I started cutting myself. I don’t really know why. It seemed to distract me from all my troubles. Then I stopped eating, but I don’t think anyone really noticed.
Sze was caught shoplifting when she was 21 when she started stealing but her troubles started long before that. In order for her to recover, a counsellor helped her relax the rules she set for herself and escape from a mesh of negative thoughts.
Every day, I used to wake up and hate myself until one day I started stealing. I didn’t really want the things I took and was so ashamed when the police arrested me. I was put on probation but just wanted to end it all. One day, Dad found me on the roof. He was just in time to stop me jumping.
I was sent to hospital but I refused to talk to anyone. I just wanted to avoid the world. In the end, a social worker came to see me. He coaxed me into telling him many things about myself that I had never told
anyone else. About my boyfriend and how I thought I couldn’t live up to his standards, about being desperate for approval but feeling hopeless inside.
The social worker was so patient. He helped me see how I set traps for myself, always imagining the worst. I learned to listen to myself and recognize the triggers that made me panic. I discovered how to stop that horrible downward spiral that led me into a black hole of depression.”
I have put what I did wrong behind me and see the world in many colours now, not just black and white. I can see Dad is an introvert like me. I never realized that before. I see Mum needs me to look after her and that helps me be less inwardlooking. I was so surprised when people at work didn’t seem to be labelling me even though they know I got into trouble. The world is beginning to look like a new place.”
Cyndy: attempted suicide
“My parents got divorced when I was two. Since then, I’ve always lived with Mum. I have no memory of my father. We never saw him again.
Even though we lived together, Mum and I hardly ever talked to each other. She used to send me to my auntie’s flat each day when she went to work. It was auntie who took me to school and made my dinner. Mum picked me up around 9 at night on her way home after work and then we went to bed. That was it. Our life together. The only special thing I remember is being good at sport, particularly athletics and I dreamt of being a sports coach one day.
Cyndy attempted suicide when she was 20. She didn’t have close friends and even her mother was rather distant at home. When she became suicidal, her mother confessed – she too had emotional problems.
A couple of years ago, when I was 19, I had a boyfriend. It didn’t last long. He fell in love with someone else. That hit me hard. It was around then that Mum met a social worker. I was actually quite shocked when I found out because Mum had told her all about me. I didn’t want to meet her but Mum insisted and we got on OK. She was nice and I started to WhatsApp her about how bad I still felt about breaking up with my boyfriend.
That feeling stayed with me for a long time. I always shut myself in my room when I’m down and can’t talk to anyone. In the end, I hated myself and cut myself and then tried to end it all by closing the windows and burning charcoal while Mum was at work but I couldn’t do it without saying goodbye.
I messaged her. Next thing I knew, the firemen arrived. Mum had called the police and I was sent to hospital. My only memory of being there is staring up at the ceiling in an emergency ward, thinking nothing, wanting to die.
Although I didn’t feel like talking, Mum did. She told me about herself, about her own problems and the awful feelings she had and the medications she has to take. That
changed everything. After that, I agreed to see a psychiatrist who said I was suffering from serious depression. He gave me medication, something like Mum was taking.
All of a sudden, I felt better. It was like a window opening and fresh air coming in. My social worker also helped me a lot and I was touched by the way she cared about me even before we knew each other well.
I do voluntary work with the elderly now. It helps me and reminds me of Grandma. I see now that Mum, me and Grandma are alike. We all need each other. Although my feelings get me down sometimes, maybe I’ll make that childhood dream come true.”
