YUCKZINE by YUCKZINE

YUCKZINE Eyedress p.6 / Paradigm Shift p.8/ No Rome p.12/ Library Kids p.14/ The Ringmaster p.16/ 11 OPM Debut Albums p.18 / Dwein Baltazar on Her Full-length Film Debut p.22/ Tokwa Pe単aflorida on His First Drug Use p.24/ Everywhere We Shoot on Their First Solo Photo Exhibit p.26/ Tarsius in Hong Kong p.28/ Analog Editorial by Ralph Mendoza p.34/ How a Seventeen Year-old Popped Her Cherry p.32/ High School Lover: A Chat With the Straight Guy I Thought I Loved p.42

The FIRSTS Issue

PREFACE I don’t want to label what exactly YUCKZINE is but I envision this as a door for open discussions. Let’s just say it’s a fearless platform for novel ideas and views that maybe too risqué for conventional media. YUCKZINE’s first theme is about the “first time”. Do you remember yours? Strange as it may sound but I don’t. I can’t remember or rather don’t want to be reminded of my embarrassing earliest memories. What you’re holding right now, this piece of paper, is my most proud and unforgettable accomplishment. My own first. In this issue, I interviewed some of my favorite young bands and learned a thing or two about their music and their quirky firsts. Also, my good friend Thyzs Estrada gets initial high with artist Tokwa Peñaflorida, Everywhere We Shoot talks about its first solo exhibit and a 17 year-old girl’s juicy and salacious first time (baby, you know what I’m talkin’ about). I relived their earliest times with them and it had been weirdly comforting. Here’s my maiden foray and I kindly ask you to be er… gentle with me. First time’s always the hardest. Cheers to our firsts and more! Enjoy.

xx Bonnapart @indiebon

CONTRIBUTORS YUCKZINE’s awesome contributors share their memorable first-times. SHIN LOPEZ

about how grossed he was of the

(shinhappens.tumblr.com)

situation. And then when I went

My memorable first time

home, I found out that both my

experience was my first mug

phone and wallet were missing

shot. I was 9 when my uncle

in my bag. Bam! A first time

brought me to see Eat Bulaga.

victim of a hoodlum modus.

We were buying snacks at Mercury drugstore when I saw

THYSZ ESTRADA

this bubble gum with fancy

I’ve experienced a lot of firsts this

packaging. I put it in my pocket

year. But the one that literally

and the next thing I knew I

tops everything is my first time

was being dragged by a sekyu

to climb a legit mountain. All

to the manager’s office. They

9000+ feet of Mt. Pulag, Luzon’s

took pictures of me holding

highest peak, was under my feet

a small white board while I

that fateful Sunday in March.

beg them not to kill me.

I needed a victory of some sort after a really rough patch in my

RALPH MENDOZA

life and I did it. I conquered a

My first fight was in fifth grade.

my proudest achievements.

(ralphmendo.tumblr.com)

mountain. It remains one of

It wasn’t as cool as I expected my first fight to be because my class-

EDRICK BRUEL

mate and I ended up pinching

My first major concert experi-

each other, instead of punching.

ence was at the Manila leg of Big

It hurt like hell, though.

Bang’s Alive tour. It was really amazing to hear and see them

IAN URRUTIA

perform in real life. I jumped and

(vandalsonthewall.com)

danced and sang to everything

www.yuckzine.tumblr.com

While on a passenger jeepney,

and wished for the night to not

someone who looked heav-

end. Watching the clips I took

Editor Bonnapart Galeng

ily drunk sat next to me, spat

during the concert, I can’t help

phlegm on my hair and left.

but cringe at the sound of me

Panic took over me, so much

shouting and singing but hey,

that I allowed a stranger clean

things like that don’t happen

the sticky, foul-smelling saliva

everyday so I was like, why not?

off my hair and listen to him rant

#noregrets #justlove

Design Marlon Lacanilao Vagina sculpture on the cover Julie Lluch For contributions, inquiries and love, email yuckzine@gmail.com

INTRO DUC ING Profiles on Music, Fashion and Arts

introducing MUSIC

EYEDRESS Musician Idris Vicuña aka Eyedress has become the favorite of music bloggers and audiophiles around the globe since he released his first EP Half-Japanese a few years back. And now with an international debut on his sleeves, we get to chat with the musical genius before he snobs us for a Pitchfork feature. photo by MAYA KIBBEL Congratulations on your Beko release. Are we expecting another one under an international label? Thanks! We should be thanking everyone at Beko though for believing in me. Yes. My album with Skint Eastwood (Hearing Colors) is being released and distributed worldwide by Abeano (sub label of XL Recordings) How did the Beko deal come into existence? Beko just found me on cyber space. Beko was the first to officially release my music. The first release was a mini CD which consisted of collaborations with different artists from the Philippines, Arizona, Miami, and Singapore. After selling all the CD’s, Beko believed in me more and decided to release the very first Beko LP in collaboration with Phantasma Disques which is another French label What’s the story about your current record Hearing Colors? Well Beko decided to collaborate with fellow French label Phantasma Disques on putting out the very first Beko LP. So, they decided to get me and Skint Eastwood to make an album together. Skint Eastwood would fly out from Boracay almost every week since the project started and we’d just send each other back and forth via internet then we’d record the final product in my room. You’re getting a lot of attention on the blogosphere and other social media. What is the worst thing people said about you? That I make music for retarded people on drugs like myself. Talk is cheap, though so I don’t really give a fuck. I make music for myself and there are plenty of people that can relate. So I guess that’s why it’s working out. I speak my truth and I never censor myself. If you don’t like my music then keep listening to your wack ass shit coz I don’t give a fuck about what anybody thinks. You also produce tracks for other artists. Given a chance, which local bands/artists

would you like to produce music for? I’ve just been producing for all my friends. I try my best to make time for everyone. Lately, I’ve been working with singer Miki Hahn but she’s so busy sometimes. I’m also producing tracks with all my rapper friends aka the FUCKBOY POLO GANG. I’d like to work with anyone but not everyone wants to work with me. I’m not trying hard to reach out or anything but I’ve offered to with some bands but sometimes egos tend to get in the way. Most of the songs from Hearing Colors are poignant bordering to wrist-slash. Do you get turn on with idea of sadness? Do you plan to write happier songs in the future? I was just a very sad person when I was making that record. My music depends on my mood really. If happiness comes my way then why not. Life is sad and tragic most of the time but now I’m finding reasons to be happy because dreams are actually manifesting into realities. A lot of people seem to like your song I Wanna Teleport to You. Besides teleportation, what non-human power/s would you like to have? I’ve got everything I need. I just want to share my love with someone special and my family and friends and everyone who’s ever believed in me. Can you name local bands/artists/musicians that you think people around the world should be listening to right now? FUCKBOY POLO GANG, KARL MILHERB DA 3RD, ASIGN, GOLD MAPS, MIKI HAHN, BEE EYES, OUTERHOPE, POW MARTINEZ, RH XANDERS, SIMILAR OBJECTS, RAYA MARTIN Besides creating music, what are you into these days? Are you drawing some inspirations from these in creating new material for a future EP/Album? I’m a director. I’ve been writing screenplays lately; doing music videos for my friends’ bands and just trying to build bridges with everyone who wants to build a better brighter

IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY MUSIC THEN KEEP LISTENING TO YOUR WACK ASS SHIT COZ I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT ANYBODY THINKS.

and positive future. I also draw, I’m pretty artsy. My father is an artist so I’ve just always been surrounded by all this creative energy. I draw inspiration from my life. Like, if you feel stuck, it’s just because you’re not doing (anything). You simply must live in order to have something to write about or sing about. Experience is the best teacher! You are also part of the band Bee Eyes. Which Bee Eyes member/s has the worst taste in music? No one haha. We’re all very particular with taste from the way we dress speak and what you listen to, of course. Because if you don’t have your own style, then you lack originality and no one in Bee Eyes fuck with anything lame or fake or generic because we’ll call you out on it. We’re just real with each other so yeah, I guess everyone in the band has really good taste in music. “Your life “style” determines your death style.” - Metallica HAHAHA. Any guilty pleasures? I overspend on food, just food really. Like fast food. My friends have been trying to convert me into a vegan in order to feel more connected to the earth but I can’t resist a nice oily burger at 3 am when I’m drunk off my ass haha. I also

listen to a lot of ignorant ass misogynist rap music with heavy ass beats despite my conscious lifestyle. I still like to listen to people with egos who think they’re the shit because it helps me believe in myself haha. I’m just trying to keep it g. And last but not least... candy. I love candy. I have a sweet tooth. Since this is the “firsts” issue, can you tell us a memorable first-time experience? The most memorable first I had was when I had an out of body experience at my old place in the Ritz. That building has some weird vibes. What did you see during the out of body experience? I saw myself passed out on the couch then I levitated into my bathroom. But, I couldn’t see my reflection so I went back to my body. And when I went back, I had bangungot and I was silently screaming for like a few seconds then I finally snapped out of it. Then, I went to my room and slept. Thank God you went back! I just knew I didn’t want to leave my body yet. Iguess from there I’ve been questioning what my purpose in life was supposed to be and I guess creating is it. soundcloud.com/eyedress

DESIGNING “WEARABLE” ALTERNATIVES WILL NOT MAKE YOU ONE OF THE 100 RICHEST.

introducing FA SH ION

PARADIGM SHIFT

Mike Magallanes, Karl Leuterio and Curves Lopez collectively known as Paradigm Shift reveal their fetishes, what makes their eyes roll and the inspiration behind their newest collection, Visual Pollution.

How’s your day? MIKE: Fine so far. I just woke up and remembered I have to answer this interview. KARL: exhausting in a happy happy joy joy kindof way... CURVES: I’m waiting for it to end. Any interesting new stuff you discovered today? M: Well, I discovered my shirt from last night rank of cigarette. I really need to quit smoking. K: Instagram-ing can consume 45 minutes or more of your time. That includes taking and editing the photo, thinking of a witty caption and “hashtagging” haha C: Squid tentacles don’t grill evenly Let’s talk about your latest collection, what is the inspiration behind it? M: We were fascinated by the jologs culture here in Manila. We found it interesting

how they mix active wear with their blings and often times leather shoes. It was this disconnect that mainly inspired our collection They say if you aren’t sure, just wear black. Your new collection is all black. Are you rooting for a “safer” look compared to your previous collection? M: Black has this certain magic. It feels like an armour. It makes me feel safe. K: It is not about looking safe. It’s more of appreciating the silhouette that black pieces create when layered brilliantly. Though honestly it reaffirms that black is still our favorite because it blends nicely against the environment wherever you are in this planet. C: We went back to our roots, to the moon and back. How is your design process like? Do you design based on what pleases you or what you think would sell? M: A mix of both. K: I think both. As a designer and a businessman you must make ends meet. You will feel the success once your vision gained a feedback in the form of sales. C: I design based on what I want. Design process depends greatly on the concept, sometimes on fabrics, textures and emotion or lack thereof. I have Alpha personality. Are you weird? Why or why not? M: I’d like to think I’m normal. K: Weird in dressing up? We are all weird but I guess a weird person can be officially called weird if his logic, emotions, psychological state, etc are odd. I may dress up weird (based from other’s perceptions) but I am just a regular guy C: I can put my whole fist in my mouth. Why not. As young designers, what are the things you realize in creating your own brand? M: That hard work is everything. K: That team work is the key! C: Designing “wearable” alternatives will not make you one of the 100 richest. Is it fun being a fashion designer here in the Philippines? Why or why not? M: Yes, definitely. There are still a lot to explore. K: Yes! It’s a small world and everyone is friends with one another!

C: It’s always interesting to make heads turn and eyes roll with something I believe is beautiful, functional and practical in a sea of blind sheep trying to look like everyone else. I’ve had it. What trends make your eyes roll? M: Never say never. That’s what I think. K: Trends are okay but they have an expiry date. I love it when trends are hybridized and upgraded. I hate it when trends go stale and backward and repetitive and it becomes cheap in the process. C: Anything “hip”. Hooray How about music. What is your current jam? M: Superficial music like K-Pop. It is the most amazing thing. I’d recommend it to anyone. K: I wanna discover new artists. But whenever I Youtube, I type Mariah Carey’s 90’s songs, Lisa Loeb, The Cranberries! 90’s to early 2000’s. I wanna have my youth back! C: I don’t do music anymore. I listen to the voices in my head. Always. What are your fetishes? M: P.E. uniforms K: Hmmm right now? White leather and the smell of real leather. C: What? Since this is the “firsts” issue, can you tell us a memorable first time experience? What makes it memorable? M: First time I tasted authentic ramen. It was quite intense. K: First time to drink Pepsi! I was 4. I’ve always been curious of what Pepsi tastes like because it has always been Coke. I remember drinking my first Pepsi with my mom in a dingy grocery after church. I can still taste that Pepsi up until now. *tears* C: I made a pair of trousers made of PVC. It was fun taking it off. www.paradigmshiftclothing.com

OPENING ACTS New OPM bands on their fresh debut

You are under the awesome Number Line Records now, how did it happen? I know! Truly awesome, I must say. I don’t know. I wasn’t even updating No Rome that time. Then this magical day came that they messaged me on Facebook. Guess that’s where it all started. Tell us something about your debut single Dance with Me. Dance with Me was written back in 2010. I wasn’t really positive about that song ‘coz I thought it sounded kinda bad lol. The lyrics are plainly about dancing with girl you like. The lyrics are filled with cheesy metaphors. Dance with Me has that chillwave, synth-pop sound. Are you rooting for that kind of musical direction? Yes for the synth-pop sound, but no to chillwave because I’m really rooting for that “dance” feel to No Rome Besides No Rome, do you have other bands/projects? Yes I do. I front and still do synths for Rome and the Cats. A synth-rock/new A teen sensation playing wave joint and along with the same people, post-chillwave music with electro we founded a music and arts collective synth-pop sensibilities. called “YOUNGLIQUIDGANG.” LABEL: Number Line Records It’s primarily a group of indie projects or artists both music and visual. At 17, I want to know your perception about our current local music industry. I don’t really like the mainstream local music. With all the indie local artists that I’ve been hearing ever since I got in the scene, I really see international potential (in them). Because honestly, I believe that mainstream local music is applying crab mentality on one another. It hasn’t changed ever since. Yes there have been a few changes but these aren’t well received by their fans and I know a few bands that are being treated that way. Which local acts/bands are your favorites? Mainstream local? I guess Silent Sanctuary, Up Dharma Down, Rico Blanco (the new music, though) and Itchyworms. Indie based? Too many lol! Is there an EP/album in the works? Yes I am working on a new one; a single will be released soon along with a music video. I’m still not sure whether this one coming out should be an EP or an LP. It is gonna be a wee bit different from my old songs. I do hope people still listen to it when I release it. It’s gonna be called Fantasy. It’s more EDMish, I guess. Really excited to release it and nervous at the same time! What is the best thing about being a teenager? Man, life is rad. I mean I get to enjoy my youth man, like really. The best thing about being a teenager is actually you can still have fun and take things seriously without anyone judging you.

NO ROME

I DO WANT A BIEBER SHIRT THOUGH LMAO!

What do you think of Justin Bieber? I saw his Never Say Never movie and I guess he “had” talent. But you know, he’s probably not the guy I’d hangout with? If given the chance. I do want a Bieber shirt though lmao! Since this is the “firsts” issue, can you tell us a memorable “first time” experience? My first outdoor camping experience back in grade school. It was in La Mesa Dam, it was a jamboree. I didn’t expect it to be literally all outdoors. I was expecting some kind of portable toilet or something and I realized that we had to take a bath and take a shit in the forest, with goats watching us, man. But No Rome is really vibed with outdoor experiences; like, that camp made me love the forest. soundcloud.com/ylgrome

LIBRARY KIDS Sigur Ros on mute. No label yet.

How did you form Library Kids? Ridge: The band was conceived through a pair of like-minded possibly heterosexual guys that just wanted to create their own sound. We both never knew how symbiotic and complementary we would be to each other; until we did our first practice session in my place and wrote A Quiet Walk Outside. Ifrit: (Quoting Ridge’s answer) “Possibly” heterosexual.Do you have other bands besides Library Kids? Ridge: Yes. A dance rock outfit named We Are Warships, a folk alternative band project called Everyday Airplanes, and (this might not count) a solo folk pop project Our Numbered Days. Ifrit: Yep. I’ve other bands as well. One is a symphonic metal band, another is a variety band, and a Christian rock band. All of them currently “dormant”. This whole band thing is my “secret” life. Otherwise

I’m known to be an operatic singer. Tell us something about your music? Your influences? Ridge: The music we make is simple folk pop with abstract aspirations. A portion of my bag of influences include: Radiohead, Kings of Convenience, The Smiths, Nick Drake, Elliot Smith, Fleet Foxes, Simon and Garfunkel, Coldplay, Bob Dylan, Iron and Wine, Sufjan Stevens, and Sigur Ros. I recently got acquainted with Beirut and some of Beethoven’s works. Ifrit: Our songs are somewhat stripped off of the complexities and technicalities of today’s music. We wanted something raw, fresh, and honest. Something fundamental yet quite unheard of on this side of the planet. There are a few artists who’ve had quite an influence on me namely Björk, múm, Nightwish, Philip Glass, and Arvo Pärt. Why the name Library Kids?

Ridge: While cooking up random band names, Library a Thom Yorke on acoustic would be nice. Kids was the name we agreed on from the get-go. It Ifrit: Sigur Ros. Wouldn’t it be interesting to contain an just sounded right to both of us. Personally, the band ambient and colorful soundscape in a tranquil place? It name made me remember my high school days. A breaks the silence but it doesn’t bring about chaos. time I was more interested in reading books I liked What’s the story behind your song A Quiet Walk Outside? instead of listening to class…and not surprisingly— Ridge: It’s a personal song that is shaped with the cultural good times in the library. I was an introvert. context of whoever the listener is. I don’t have the faintest Ifrit: We’re, to some degree, what people consider to clue what it is exactly, but I am proud to have been a part be the oddballs. We were the weirdos back in college of making such a song. Wait! I have something. A Quiet as we’ve had a different view on things. I was the Walk Outside is like gummy bears—slowly chewed. extrovert psycho and he the friendly introvert. Ifrit: A Quiet Walk Outside is all about being in a state where Were you part of The Library Club peace is almost tangible. That moment when you just back in high school? Admit it! wake up at the crack of dawn, you take your jacket and Ridge: Nope. head out. You look at the streetlamps, the houses, and all Ifrit: That was in grade school actually. modernity but your mind is still half-asleep to process what Do you love reading? What are your latest reads? they are and you just find yourself among trees and you Ridge: Yeah, I grew up reading dictionaries, encyclopedias, just feel euphoric about it. A brief period in time when we fantasy/science fiction novels, short stories and some poetry. just stop caring and be one with everything around you. Recent books I’ve read would be The Picture of Dorian Gray I believe you both grew up in a province. Can you tell by Oscar Wilde and American us something about the Gods by Neil Gaiman. I’m music scene there? Ridge: I’ starting to get back the reading m from Naga. Forgive me for FORGIVE ME FOR SAYING habit—maybe pour some time saying this but some bands THIS BUT SOME BANDS to read some Chuck Palahniuk. there just want to be the next THERE JUST WANT TO Ifrit: Definitely. I’ve a great clone of (insert famous penchant for picture books, band name here). Honestly, I BE THE NEXT GREAT encyclopedias, old tomes, think there are a lot of talented CLONE OF (INSERT FAMOUS novels, and even dreaded musicians in my hometown. BAND NAME HERE). textbooks! Just finished Noli It’s just that some of the bands Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo need a conscious attempt to (English Translation by try-out different soundscapes Leon Ma. Guerrero) and currently reading some or at the very least make an attempt to sound fresh. Paulo Coelho. And oh, I’m a Bob Ong fanatic. Ifrit: I’m from Samar. Everybody loves music there. They Have you written songs about a book or now have their own mini-music industry and a local radio anything that have you read? station plays young folks’ original music. Rock, hip-hop, and Ridge: Most of the songs I’ve written are inspired by festive tunes can be heard from every household all day long. a combination of life experience, emotions, dreams, What’s fun is that all musicians there religiously write in our songs, and written literature. Short answer: yes. dialect. We are very proud of our mother tongue you know. Ifrit: Few years ago I’ve composed an instrumental Can you guys tell us your first gig experience? quintet and a choral piece inspired by a novel Ridge: Dec, 9, 2012, we played two consecutive gigs. and a tragic article from a school journal. Stories The true first one was a pleasant experience, we (thought with strong emotions compel me to create. we) sounded great and we had a fuzzy reception from the Given a chance to curate a music festival audience. The second one was sort of a scary experience inside a library, who are the headliners? for us. We were sandwiched between 22 metal/heavy Ridge: To see Bob Dylan, Kings of Convenience, rock bands--the moment we stepped on the stage, Iron and Wine, Beirut and Sigur Ros in a library clad in dress-shirts, we thought in unison “shit”. stationed music festival would be a dream. Plus soundcloud.com/librarykids

A LOT OF PEOPLE TELL ME I SHOULD JUST RELEASE IT FOR FREE… BUT I DON’T LIKE THE IDEA OF UNDERVALUING MYSELF.

THE RINGMASTER Pastoral emo minus the guyliner. LABEL: Terno Recordings

Can you tell us something about your upcoming album Delusions of Reference? How different is it to your other band Sleepwalk Circus? Delusions of Reference will be my first solo release. I don’t really want to give a specific date since I seem to have misc problems whenever I do. So being foolishly superstitious I think I will just say “soon”. It’s quite connected to Sleepwalk Circus in the way a few songs we’re written pre and during the time we were finishing SC’s first album. If Sleepwalk Circus were to be color linked to diluted red, I would say The Ringmaster would be pure purple. Speaking of Sleepwalk Circus, why name ‘The Ringmaster’? Do you have a fascination with circuses or carnivals? Besides being an established title reflecting how I act in a musical group setting, my real name would have sounded silly for the image I wanted attached to the music. Haha no I don’t have a fascination with carnivals (though I love those dustbowl gritty portrayals). The only circus I have a real fascination with was one run by those professor screw eyes and professor nice eyes. Okay at the risk of that sounding off topic, we could say there was a bit of inspiration from those 2 somewhere. Anyways, The Ringmaster is the cooler me ‘Francis’ could never be. By the way, is The Ringmaster a one-man band or are there other members? Songwriting/Album wise, it is a pure one-man band (with a few guests playing on some songs). But since I can’t clone myself, I needed manpower for live performances. Your album arts contain dark and surreal female imageries.

Is Delusions of Reference about a certain woman in your life? Yeah the girls really did an amazing job making their respective artwork. So amazing it could seem like the music is just cover fire for it. I’ll be sure to make it center stage during launch somehow. A lot of the songs are generally ‘negatively’ driven and so they inspired the girls to create such imagery. It was just by coincidence most of them created a female subject. What can you say about dubstep? Oh man I am very musically close minded. I read a thread where they try to convince you to like a genre by posting said genre’s “gems”. Hey I tried but that mine was personally dry. How much do you focus on the business side of your music? Hmmm I try not to think of the money side since this album was born of expression. Almost as if I am paying to do so. A lot of people tell me I should just release it for free if that’s the case but I don’t like the idea of undervaluing myself. You are what you value yourself to be. I could technically call the album a gift then? Least favorite Terno band? The Ringmaster. Album was finished 2 years ago yet no live and release date yet wtf!? Since this is the “firsts” issue, can you tell us a memorable “first time” experience? The first time I saw Jurassic Park oh man. That T-rex roar, the fresh use of CGI, Raptors, Dennis Nedry, the amber walking stick I still want to this day and the “clever girl”. How can you not be blown away by that! There is no success like excess. https://soundcloud.com/theringmaster

HIT LIST 11 best OPM debut albums from 1990s to the present

Part of the reason why debut albums are deemed essential is because they offer a window of opportunity to make or break a new artist’s cred. While not relatively applicable to some, first albums have become standard measurements for artists to live up to, and in the case of The Strokes’ Is This It—it could be the last great thing an artist will be remembered for, if career assessment is to be gauged. With this in mind, I decided to pick random debut local releases that drew impact and importance over the last two decades. Like any other list, there were several factors weighed in to come up with a selection, but aside from records that have massive influence on subsequent albums, I’ve also lobbied for some obscure favorites that have confirmed their place in the pantheon of indie greats. Forget that some of the artists in the list have failed to carry the legacy of their first album. Just bear in mind that there was a time when they delivered impressive results bigger than what we needed, wowed us even to some extent. by IAN URRUTIA of Vandalsonthewall.com

THE ERASERHEADS – Ultraelectromagneticpop! (1993) • Only few have greater impact other than The Eraserheads’ sextuple platinum-selling breakthrough, Ultraelectromagneticpop!—a

refreshingly raw but immediately gratifying debut that pined college rock at the forefront of com-

mercial success. Who would have thought Ely, Raimund, Buddy and Marcus could rival Ariel Rivera and Regine Velasquez’s popularity with unkempt teenage ramblings about confiding love problems to a friend (“Pare Ko”) and going to greater lengths in expressing admiration for a girl (“Ligaya” “Tindahan Ni Aling Nena”). Renowned music critic David Gonzales called Eheads’ first album an instrument in “establishing a rock renaissance in the Philippines,” and even praised it for churning a “scruffy, entertaining affair.”

SUGAR HICCUP – Oracle (1995) • The fact remains that despite immortalizing Cocteau Twins’ ethereal lushness, Sugar Hiccup embraced the swooning 4AD sound with an icy precipice that’s unmistakably theirs. Oracle, the album that Ely Buendia and Raimund Marasigan produced,

caters to this strength, one that actually delivers keening and fluttery dream-pop with a ‘90s alt-rock

edge. There’s an incredible amount of shadowy soundscapes and swooshing guitars that cruise outside spooky comfort, but that doesn’t take away the whimsical charm and accessibility found in this album.

YANO – Yano (1994) • It’s comforting to know that Yano’s self-titled album--a gritty, uncompromising tirade against the ills of Philippine society—ended up as one of the biggest selling

local rock albums of the ‘90s, eventually earning quadruple platinum certifications from The

Philippine Association of the Record Industry (PARI). But despite its gargantuan commercial feat, Yano’s eponymous debut, which spawned the hits “ESEM” “Senti” and “Banal Na Aso, Santong Kabayo”, will forever be remembered for taking a stand on important issues affecting the country at large, delivering a radical pulse that finds its strength on youth empowerment, pre-social media era.

UP DHARMA DOWN – Fragmented (2006) • The best thing about Up Dharma Down’s debut album Fragmented, besides the fact that it may have bridged the huge gap between experimental

abstraction and pop song intimacy, is that it delivers an emotional punch so genuinely warm it provided

the ultimate soundtrack to love lost and found, and between its time, created a beautiful struggle that we could only hope to last a lifetime. Entirely effortless and sophisticated, it’s the kind of album that converted us, bunch of curious to instant fanatics, presenting a deep human pulse to an otherwise haunting sonic elixir.

CYNTHIA ALEXANDER – Insomnia and Other Lullabyes (1997) • What makes Insomnia and Other Lullabyes so important is that it remains sincerely affecting and intimate 15 years later. Cynthia Alexander addresses with heart and sharp, romantic

disaffection on mystic high, penning a flawless singer-songwriter gem that gives off furnished poetic sparks inspired by the deft folk-pop craftsmanship of Tori Amos and Joni Mitchell.

6 7

FRANCIS M. - Yo! (1990) • Francis M is responsible for bringing rap music to critical and commercial prominence, and with the release of his first album, Yo!—the undisputed King of Rap spoke of personal tribulations and nationalism with charismatic flair that cuts across class and

gender, spawning beloved urban classics “Mga Kababayan,” “Loving You” and “Don’t Make Me Over.”

RIVERMAYA - Rivermaya (1994) • Taken everything into account, Rivermaya’s eponymous album could easily pass off as definitive Greatest Hits compilation, peppered with smash singles that could very well end up as interesting addition to the classic karaoke canon. On this particular record, two

iconic rockstars were born: singer-songwriter Rico Blanco, the one responsible for penning big, gorgeous ballads that revitalized rock traditions with Britpop sensibilities, and Bamboo Manalac, whose emotive delivery gives Blanco’s heartbreaking anthems, its much-needed vulnerability and electric power.

DAYDREAM CYCLE – Daydream Cycle (2001) • Before chillwave became a meme-driven

spectacle parodied by the internet world thanks to Hipster Runoff, Daydream Cycle have been imbibing layers upon layers of sun-soaked, nostalgic dream pop shyly and expertly to their

repertoire, never intending to jump on the bandwagon that has been flooding international music blog space for the last 5 years. Their self-titled album contains hazy, lo-fi escapades that drift into weirder, more sublimal sonic territories, a work of art moved by the fragility and vulnerability of Kathy Meneses’ washed out vocals and the band’s efforts to make daydream songs to lose our senses and soul in.

9 10

P.O.T. – P.O.T. (1997) • Make no mistake: P.O.T. only made one album under its moniker. But it became so immensely phenomenal that it catapulted Karl Roy’s status into one of the

most formidable music icons of the last two decades. Their songs, which swing from ‘70s funk

to nihilist rock n’ roll, impresses the first time you play it and gets better with multiple listens.

IMAGO – Probably Not But Most Definitely (2001) • At a time when Kupaw acts (Slapshock, Greyhoundz, Cheese et. al.) dominated mainstream rock radio, Imago came out like

unexpected monsoon rain in the middle of a desert heat wave, a band that unlikely combined

otherworldly neo-ethnic grooves with classical violin arrangements, tight folk rock instrumentation and compellingly imagist songwriting style. Aia De Leon stripped off her bare soul on the band’s debut album, Probably Not But Most Definitely, and went on to make a stamp on the local music scene with her ethereal and powerful banshee singing, as well as her intelligible take on poetry and songwriting.

NARDA – Formika (2005) • Narda finds its sweet spot between confessional teenage musings and strident punk brashness on their 2004 debut album, Formika. Detailed with

low-key campfire tunes, jangly pop shambles and ‘70s garage rock, this must-have indie classic

tells awkwardly relatable stories with so much innocence and gusto, that even in its rawest form, Narda seems to make intimate conversations feel like communal experiences too, of heartbreak and growing up, of how both hard and easy it is opening up to a world that doesn’t even care about what you think.

FIR ST S cover stories

First bruise. First kiss. The firsts will always be memorable no matter how much weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to forget about them. On the maiden issue of YUCKZINE, we choose to relieve the fond memories of Manilaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s interesting people and we hope it will inspire you to create your own memorable first-time.

cover story

DWEIN BALTAZAR

I talked to the young director about her first full-length film, her first child, her first international award and her duet with an OPM icon. interview by BONNAPART GALENG

Hi! Can you tell Yuckzine readers your real name? NO! Sorry, I cannot. Just Dwein Baltazar. Period. Your first full-length film Mamay Umeng debuted at the Cinama One Originals last year. How did it change your life? I mean, can you still go to the mall without being mobbed by screaming fans? I can even run around the mall naked without being mobbed by screaming fans! Hahaha! Seriously my life is still the same. I think it just made me focus more on my writing. Mamay Umeng somehow talks about death and how the main character waits for it to happen. Can you tell us your perception about the death in general? Are you afraid to die? Death is inevitable. I’m not really afraid to die. I’m afraid of how I’m gonna die. I don’t wanna be hit by a bus or shot dead after being brutally raped! I worry, about how I will look like inside the coffin. Or who’s gonna come and cry on my wake. But that’s it. I believe most of the “actors” on the film are your relatives. How did you convince them to be part of this project? I just told them that any speaking lines will be paid. I dont know if this is sick or what but I actually enjoyed

the nude scenes of the main character on Mamay Umeng. What was the reception of the people who saw it? How did you convince Mr. Gerry Adeva to do that scene? We had no problem convincing him to do the nude scenes. When Tatay Gerry auditioned that’s the first thing that we asked and right then and there he wanted to take off his pants! May dad actually thought that the nude scene was too long. Others we’re asking why we blurred the mirror, it was unintentional. And I’m glad you enjoyed it! You are also singing for a band Tether. Are you releasing an album soon? We’re done recording but it’s still in the studio. They’re in the process of mixing/fine tuning it. We really hope to release it soon! You’re an upcoming mom as well! Wow a lot of firsts! When is it due? Do you have baby names already? August 25th! Yes, we do have names already. Is there a follow up to Mamay Umeng already? Yes! Yes! I’m actually in the middle of revising the script and my producer, Joe Alandy’s working on our funding. But it’s a long process, maybe in the next 2 years? Congratulations on your Best Film award! How

I WANNA TEST IF DJ DURANO IS A GREAT KISSER.

was your experience at the 14th Jeonju International Film Festival? Traveling alone on your first international film festival with you first film while pregnant. Then winning your first ever award! I cannot sum it up! It was liberating at the same time humbling experience. During the screening of Mamay Umeng, were you looking at people’s reactions? How did Koreans respond to your film? Yes, I was! I always do that even with our local screening. I have this hobby of counting my audience and checking if they are either sleeping or texting. With the Koreans and in foreign audience in general, I noticed their attention to details. You know that they really appreciated it and took time in watching/understanding our film. The best thing that a foreigner said about your film? Eve Deboise, director of Lost in Paradise (France) who won the grand prize, came up to me just before the awarding started. She told me, Mamay hit her heart and that it was a beautiful film. Being a fan of French cinema and hearing it from a co-director was really something. One for the books! Are you a fan of Korean films? Any faves? Not really, but I watch everything! Regardless if it’s a korean or star cinema flick. My favorite Korean film is Kim ki-duk’s 3 Iron! Now that you won an international award, is it pressuring you to make your next film another festival success? Hell no! When making films I have so many things to think about and be pressured for, certainly not that one. Perks of winning an international award? The cash prize! I need it. I’m pregnant! Hahaha. Seriously, getting into an international film festival already works to our film’s advantage (with or without an award). We got to meet new people, hand more screeners, foreign audience got to see your work, etc. But of course winning is still something. It’s the prestige, more people take notice, and the best thing is seeing my parents proud! Proud like they own the world -It’s a pretty sight. A fairy wakes you up one night and asks you to trade in places with a big time director. Who would you choose, Wenn V. Deramas or Carlo J. Caparas? Why? Wen V! I wanna test if DJ Durano’s a great kisser. Given a chance, would you cast Daniel Padilla? What is storyline? Last year, along with Mamay Umeng there was another material that I had to pitch for cinema one! It had one character that pegged Daniel! It’s a love story, he’s a school boy. And in one scene, his character touches himself & jacks off. Yes, I would cast him only if he takes that role. Since this is the “Firsts” issue, can you share any memorable first-time experience besides your debut film and first child? Oh! I had a duet with Gary V! Do check that out in YouTube! Title is “Gary V’s dream duet with Dwein Baltazar” www.facebook.com/Mamay.Umeng www.facebook.com/tetherrobots

cover story 5 QUES T IONS

Let’s get right into it. What was it, your first drug? TOKWA: First is unsurprisingly, weed. It was in 2nd year high school when I first tried it.

TOKWAPEÑAFLORIDA

Red-hot artist and illustrator TokwaPeñaflorida has always spoken candidly about his past drug use and how it has influenced his creative process. Here he answers five questions about that pivotal moment, his first ever. by THYSZ ESTRADA

2 3 5 4 It’s always peer pressure, or is it? Who was that mofo who passed you that joint? Briefly take us back to that moment TOKWA: NO! HAHA, nobody really “pressured” me to try drugs, it’s always just me being curious. High school is different. Everybody wanted to be cool. Internal pressure yun.

How did you feel right after? Guilt, indifference or GOD, I’M A FUCKING BADASS! TOKWA: Looking back on how I felt so cool and badass, cringe.

Rate it: High as a bird, a plane or Superman? TOKWA: Bird. My first experience was a big meh. I didn’t even know how to smoke a cigarette properly back then. I think I just felt sleepy, of course I faked how high I am, because, yeah, pa-rakista ehhahaha.

Did you know right then you’re gonna have this relationship with drug use? I mean, you must’ve enjoyed it. Kidding (not kidding). TOKWA: I tried so many other drugs after weed - organic and chemicals - Shrooms, Cocaine, MDMA/Ecstasy etc. etc. Clearly, I’ve enjoyed it. Enjoyed it too much maybe that there was a point that I was so broke and one time almost died. Pulp fiction realness right there. I paint experiences and emotions and use muses to encapsulate that thought. Sorry (not sorry), but painting the “high”, re-visualizing it, is just so pretty. It’s both real and imaginary. Even though I don’t really do drugs anymore... ok, maybe not THAT MUCH like before haha, I still use the “visual experience” in most of my paintings. I never really consciously wanted to use my drug experiences in my art but it has that perfect something that pulls escapists’ heartstrings like me. Like going somewhere faraway just for a while without actually going somewhere.

I NEVER REALLY CONSCIOUSLY WANTED TO USE MY DRUG EXPERIENCES IN MY ART BUT IT HAS THAT PERFECT SOMETHING THAT PULLS ESCAPISTSâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; HEARTSTRINGS LIKE ME.

What can you say to that kid reading this with a joint, a bong or a line? TOKWA: I have nothing against organic shit, pero kids, MAHAL talaga yunghindi organic, bumili na lang kayo ng painting ko, thanks. http://tokwap.tumblr.com/

cover story

EVERYWHERE WE SHOOT Newly wed artists Ryan and Garovs Vergara aka Everywhere We Shoot talk about their recently concluded first solo exhibit entitled Foods. interview by EDRICK BRUEL

A banana, a slab of meat, instant noodles, fried chicken, spaghetti--these are just some of the “foods” that we saw at the show. What’s the story behind the selection? Or did you just go cray at the grocery and picked your favorite stuff? We wanted our first exhibit to be something would easily reflect us. It was a really big burden for us to think up a concept that would satisfy us, we had to decide if we would go deep into art or just make art out of the shallowest way possible. As you already know, we picked the latter, we wanted an exhibit that would have our viewers react to our works, in a way that they would feel sentimental towards the subjects, we are sure that everyone has eaten one or all of the food we picked. We executed a technique that any other person could easily do. We solely intended that our works be simple and inspiring despite that our subjects are something you see every day. We chose to do a photography exhibit because it is the closest to our hearts, the subject, food, closest to our stomach. So you see, our “Foods” exhibit is very close to us. Can you tell us more about your process? Which part did you enjoy doing the most? We enjoyed the part where we were picking the food, then shooting them

on a colored cartolina, it was as if were giving them honor. Hahaha Okay, this is like asking you to pick your favorite child --any favorite piece from the show? Our favorite is the butter. It is the first subject we thought of, and almost cried from sheer joy and how amazing it is that it was created in the first place. Can you share your thoughts on photography as an art medium in the Philippines? We can’t answer this. Mahirap sagutin kasi it’s our first solo palang. But I think we need more photography exhibits here in the Philippines. Natakot kami at first pero lumakas loob namin to push na photography! Any other “first/s” that you want to tick off your life list soon? Family first! Haha If you were to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? Ryan: roasted chicken! Garovs: lasagna! What did you have for breakfast today? Spaghetti!!! www.everywhereweshoot.com

cover story DI S PO SA BLE DI A RY

TARSIUS IN HONG KONG

Stoked for Tarsiusâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; first international tour, YUCKZINE gave the electronic band a throw-away camera to document their Hong Kong gig. captions by DIEGO MAPA

Still sound checking. XXX crowd. It was packed. Not bad for a few indie bands. We also had a good sound going on. Thank you Chi Brotonel for including us in your show!

Posters at the XXX Club which is a literally underground club. You have to go down a flight of stairs to get in and not up.

Similar Objects setting the mood. Shiva Unit. Chi Brotonel on drums leads Intastella Burst, the group that brought Similar Objects and Tarsius to HK. He is one of those responsible for bringing Mouse on Keys and Toe to Manila. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a good man.

Joon Guillen aka Modulo Geek, we really love his quirky electronics. And we also drop his remix of Deathless Gods. He is also the only one I personally know who owns a Monome. He actually owns two! I wish I had one too. And here he just incorporated a video game joystick to his set up doing “adookens” (Street Fighter) that fires effects. He’s a good boy. The XXX Club door.

Yup this is the whole Numberline crew standing outside the XXX Club.

Jorge Wieneke aka Similar Objects. The biggest surprise touring with Jorge is that even though his music seems to be very drug induced. But in real life, he lives a clean life. While Tarsius is devouring meat the whole tour, he is eating fruits. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s also a good man.

And this is my wife Ge. Hi!

Before leaving Manila.

Jorge and Tarsius drummer Jay Gapsin hitting it off instantly. Little do they know that they will also share the same room as room mates. 35

cover story

HER FIRST TIME

Few months ago, when I tweeted that I am in need of stories about anything first time experiences for this issue, a girl emailed me telling me she has an interesting “first time” experience. We chatted over Skype and here’s here story. Due to sensitive topic and graphic details, YUCKZINE decided to make this girl anonymous.

YUCKZINE: Hi! How are you doing? I’m good. Just spending the last days of summer. YUCKZINE: How old are you, by the way? I just turned 17 last month. YUCKZINE: Are you still in school? Yes. I’m an incoming college freshman. YUCKZINE: Cool! What are you studying? Well, my parents wanted me to study liberal arts and then law school after but I don’t really want to. So I enrolled architecture. YUCKZINE: Are your parents strict? Not really but they boss me around. Well, I guess that’s their job. YUCKZINE: What are your interests? I’m into sports. I play football in my school and I love swimming. I’m also into photography and cute puppies. YUCKZINE: Ok, enough about the intro, let’s get into the business. How did you lose your virginity? Does hand job count? hahaha just kidding. It happened not too long ago. It was summer last year. I went to my friend’s party and did the usual high school kids stuff. YUCKZINE: Like what? Like what? hahaha you were high school once, you should know. YUCKZINE: Yes, 11 years ago! I don’t’ know what you guys do now. We used to play Dance Revolution during my best friend’s birthday party and

I thought it was the coolest thing. hahaha well, we drank beer and cocktails (which I totally hated) and my friend had this rental mobile bar. It was crazy. YUCKZINE: And her parents allowed it? Yeah, they were pretty cool. YUCKZINE: Ok, so what happened? Okay, back to my story. I didn’t drink that much because I don’t wanna go home drunk. So I stayed away from the bar with a bottle of beer which I held the whole night. I was talking to this cute guy about football and stuff and he has these beautiful eyes that I just stared the whole time we were talking. YUCKZINE: So you liked him? Yeah. He’s so cute and I loved his skin color. He has this surfer tan skin which made sense because he’s a surfer. Anyway, he’s a cousin of my friend. YUCKZINE: What happened next? So, we’re talking about senseless stuff and he randomly asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no. And then he asked me if he could kiss me and I said no. But of course I was lying. And we laughed and then the next thing I knew, we were kissing already. He invited me inside the house and went to a

would happen or to whom I’d do it with. So I guess I wasn’t expecting too much. Plus I really liked the guy. YUCKZINE: ok, so you were touching him... Yeah and then he asked me if I wanted to put it in my mouth and I said NO. NO. NO. I couldn’t do that... I just can’t. It was big. YUCKZINE: What did he say? Did he force you? No he didn’t he just smiled and we made out again and he put down his pants and he’s doing things to me which felt good. YUCKZINE: Alright, I will not ask any graphic details about that. hahaha it’s cool. Ok, fast forward, when he’s about to put his thing, I asked him if he had a condom. He said no. I asked him

to wear one but he told me he didn’t have and told me he just got tested and he’s

number and found out that he’s 21 years old. YUCKZINE: Wait? What? Exactly! YUCKZINE: You didn’t even ask his age when you were talking about football and stuff? No. I never thought of that and he looked very young for a 21 year old. YUCKZINE: But still, he’s 21 years old. He could spend jail time. Yeah, I thought of that. That’s why I didn’t tell anyone. YUCKZINE: After the experience, what did you feel? Were there any changes? I must admit, I felt a little confident after that. Like, I can do anything now. But I wasn’t proud about it too. I didn’t tell anyone even to my best friend. I believe I haven’t told her about it. I think virginity isn’t a big deal for me. I didn’t pressure myself or let other people pressure me into it. It just happened. And the less you expect the more it becomes special. YUCKZINE: What is your view about teen pregnancy? I think teen pregnancy is a choice. Before you do ‘it,’ you will decide whether you’re gonna do it at that moment or you’re gonna

room. I don’t know whose room was. And then we just made out. I made out with other guys before but he’s totally different. He’s just so good and knew what to do. And then he asked me if could touch his dick and I touched it. It. Was. Hard. That was the first time I touched a guys penis and I never knew it could grow that big. YUCKZINE: What were you thinking when you’re making out? I was actually thinking what time it was because I had a curfew. But my mind was completely blank. YUCKZINE: Did you realize that you are going to do something you haven’t done before that might change your life? I was actually nervous and excited about what’s going to happen. I didn’t really plan on how’s my ‘first-time’

clean blah blah. And told him, ‘DUDE, I don’t wanna get pregnant!’ So he went out of room and looked for a condom. After a few minutes, he went back. I dunno where or how he got one that fast. So, yeah. We had sex. A quick one. YUCKZINE: Did it hurt? Yeah a bit but when he’s already inside me, it felt ok. YUCKZINE: So after you did it what happen next? We kissed, I saw my mom’s text and I told him that I needed to go home. He drove me home and thought it was so sweet of him. YUCKZINE: Awwww yeah that’s very sweet. Did you contact each other after that? About that, we forgot to get each other’s phone number. I had to ask my friend for his

stop and wait; or whether you’re gonna use protections or not. In my case, we or I chose to do it with protection. Plus, I love watching Teen Moms on MTV, it’s one of my guilty pleasures hahaha and I don’t wanna be like those sad girls. YUCKZINE: That’s very adult of you. Can’t believe I am talking to a 17 years old. I wish I was making sense when I was you’re age. So, after that first time, did you ever try it again? Yes, but not with the same guy. I freaked out when a friend told me that he’s 21 years old. I mean, I like him but I don’t want to make everything complicated between us. My second time was with my boyfriend and I told him that I was a virgin when we did it Okay! Thanks for your time! My pleasure. Bye.

I JUST CAN’T. IT WAS BIG.

cover story A NA LO G EDI T OR I A L

AN ALIEN’S FIRST TIME IN THE CITY I’ve always been curious as to what aliens would do if they lived among us, hence this story. shot on film, produced, and styled by RALPH MENDOZA

Sam Potenciano as E.T. Girl

cover story CON V ER SAT IONS

HIGH SCHOOL LOVER

A Chat With the Straight Guy I Thought I Loved (The author wishes to make himself anonymous for whatever reason he may have) illustration by SHIN LOPEZ Oscar Ortis: We knew each other for a year but we only became friends in 2007 as juniors. You remember how the friendship started? Assia Vereen: Yep. It was that you used to take the cab home with me to Pasig. It was cheaper for you to go home to Makati. OO: That’s true. I was a class A loiterer and you happened to be there. AV: Haha. OO: I met your elementary school friends really quickly. AV: Yeah. So does everyone. OO: Oo naman! I think we all conspired one night to help you on an assignment. This was during my first visit? AV: Hindi, because a lot of people tell me that whoever I hang out with, they end up hanging out with Isada and Joseph. What assignment? OO: I forget the specifics. You’re right, you three were this amorphous musical entity. AV: Ech. OO: I was a fan.

one of them came out in college, so... AV: :)) OO: How awkward was it for you when I told you about my crush? AV: Which crush? Me? OO: Yes, my crush on you. AV: Well, obviously, by that time, alam ko na. OO: What tipped you off, exactly? AV: That night at Isada’s house that freaked me the fuck out. OO: I confessed to you before that! AV: NO YOU DID NOT. OO: YES I DID! I EVEN SAT YOU DOWN. AV: ... ‘CAUSE BY THAT TIME, I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA. I can’t believe I was so clueless. AND NO, YOU FUCKING DID NOT. OO: Let’s talk about when I confessed to you! We were in your room, with Isada on the top bunk... or Joseph. I did a whole routine that might as well have been interpretive dance because I couldn’t tell you up front, even though it was all my idea. AV: I can’t remember. I can’t remember when you told me,

AV: I can’t imagine asking you for help with my homework. :)) OO: So burned. AV: ... OO: Later that year I got a car, and the most resonant memory for me, obviously, was this one time that you probably don’t remember now: We were stuck in C5 for about three hours, and we came out of it o.k. friends. AV: Why? :)) OO: Haha why not? You might have also been my first straight friend in high school, but I digress. I think being stuck in traffic with someone and not being sick of them afterwards makes for a solid indication that hanging out more could be a good idea. AV: I think you have to elaborate. OO: I think you want to fish. AV: First straight friend? OO: If you think about it, yeah, you were. AV: Noice.... You mean straight guy friend, right? OO: We had no shared lesbian friends, sir, until

to be honest. I just know it wasn’t before that night. OH YEAH, I remember. But by that time, I had to pretend not to know yet. How else would someone not guess from all that you were doing? If you remember, I couldn’t guess it. It probably doesn’t matter now, but someone already told me before hand. It was about a week, maybe, from when you told me. OO: I vaguely remember that. Haha. I should’ve told you first. AV: Yeah, but you told me AFTER kela Isada, so fuck you. Haha. OO: This is where we step into odd territory. Let me preface this by saying you were a complete gentleman to me, and you handled the following weeks with aplomb. AV: Thank you. OO: I want to talk to you about the difficulties you faced after finding out about my feelings for you. AV: Alright. Gahd, my download is taking a while. OO: What are you downloading now? AV: An update to the Dungeons & Dragons character builder.

OH SHIT, ABOUT THAT: The guy who Dungeon Masters for my party, in my opinion, looks and acts just like how I remember you. I never talked to the guy before in my life, but in that first session, I found myself wondering, “Why am I so comfortable with the guy?” I was already being loud around him, and then I realized he looks and acts like you. OO: Well, I’ll take that as a compliment. AV: *shows picture of friend* Thoughts? OO: He’s cute. :)) AV: Anyway... haha. OO: Certainly you had a struggle to face in having to reconcile our long-standing familiarity between each other with the complexities of dealing with a young, impulsive friend who seems to have taken a liking to you. AV: Hmm. Honestly, I bet it was difficult, but I can’t remember. It’s crazy; it’s either it’s not as bad as I thought it was, or it was so bad that I blocked it. Haha. But from my memory, I had to act cool for about two weeks. It was difficult in the sense that you didn’t tell me you liked me yet, so, I was really like WTF. I’m sure I asked this before, but when I did back then it was awkward, and now I’m actually curious. What was it about me? OO: I thought you’d have more confidence in your looks that you wouldn’t need to ask... but besides that, I guess we just clicked in this odd way that I couldn’t with anyone else. Combining this platonic chemistry with your looks and my leanings toward

frustrations. My difficulty in accepting the concept of no means no, I think, became too much for you. AV: I guess. Now that you mention it, it does sound familiar. OO: And that’s when the friendship took a pause. AV: Dun dun dun. OO: That said, you still maintained civility. How were you able to juggle that and an imposed distance, especially since we were part of the same social circle? AV: It wasn’t so difficult, I guess. I remember growing apart from the group in the last months of junior year. I remember getting tired. I just hated the whole pointing-out-to-everyone-you-havea-secret-that-you-only-share-with-like-one-other-person-in-thegroup. I remember that feeling more than the feeling of having to maintain some level of poise when hanging out with you. OO: Completely guilty over here. I’m sorry. AV: Hahaha. OO: Haha. AV: Oo nga noh. Ikaw rin pala ganun. OO: Actually, after 3rd year, we kept some distance for a while. AV: Did we? OO: I think it bled over to post-high school life, more or less. We weren’t the closest for a while, though we did hang out. AV: Hmm. OO: When did you first determine that things could become comfortable again? AV: I dunno. I guess things just fell back into place.

boys, an attraction was bound to happen, though one-sided. AV: Honestly--and I’m not trying to fish--I seriously don’t have this “confidence.” With my looks, I mean. OO: Eh di don’t, oh my God haha. AV: Wala lang. It was because I was straight, wasn’t it? Say it. SAY IT! OO: What? AV: You liked me for being straight. J/k. Wait, did you think I was straight or gay? OO: I didn’t doubt that you were straight; I suppose I just selfishly refused to believe it. Speaking of... AV: Yes? OO: There followed a time that really tested your threshold for interpersonal stress, and it ended up causing a rift between me and you. AV: Well, for some reason, you thought I was telling people about you being gay. OO: In hindsight, that wasn’t a big problem for me. It was more of somewhere I could displace my

OO: I’ll toss something into the air and say that around college time was when things really went back to normal. AV: Didn’t we hang out anymore in 4th year? OO: We did! Actually in some ways we were more okay senior year. My issue was that there still residual feelings from the year prior.... I think I projected a little when I thought of college time as when we truly returned to being friends. AV: Projected a little? OO: College was when I could say that I finally moved on from you, to be quite honest... so there, now you know. AV: Awww. Did you feel bad when Demi and I became a thing? OO: Nah, I saw it happening before even you guys knew.... I think was jealous. For two seconds. And then I was happy for you two. Haha. AV: Hahaha. You know, everything that happens to us, although seemingly huge at the time, becomes okay someday. :) OO: Thank you, dear.

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