Zipped Magazine 2020

Page 6

ISOLATION IN QUARANTINE

2020

Isolation: the feeling of being separated from everyone and everything else. No wonder it starts with the letter “I,” this word literally shouts me, myself, and I. I believe most people have encountered some of these moments throughout their life — I am no exception. At the age of 16, I decided to leave my home country, family, and friends to study abroad in America. I have always been an independent kid, so the idea of moving to a new country never really scared me. There was not one second that I wanted to chicken out. I still remember the thrill and excitement I had a couple of weeks before I left China. I was dreaming about Hollywood, The Big Apple, and mostly the freedom that I would have from being away from my parents. The future is unknown, but that’s the most fascinating part, isn’t it? This feeling of excitement lasted until the day I departed. It was a hot and humid summer day in 2014. I don’t remember many details, but there’s one moment I still remember clearly. It was my turn to board and had to say goodbye to my family in the airport lounge. I hugged my whole family and said a quick goodbye, then I gave them the biggest smile and said, “I will be ok!” I quickly walked straight to the gate, scared of looking back to see the tears in their eyes. At that moment, the thrill suddenly disappeared because the idea of being physically separated from the people I loved finally crept in. That feeling was so strong and heavy that the minute I was out of their sight I couldn’t hold back my tears anymore. The sadness I had from being physically isolated quickly went away after I arrived in America. I made some friends and my host family at that time was just like my real family. However, as days went by, this feeling evolved into mental isolation. I was isolated from my culture. Being thrown into a whole new culture is a pretty weird experience. I felt like there’s nothing wrong with my life but at the same time everything is just not right. There weren’t random Chinese pop songs playing on the radio, no one had heard of the city I come from or knew how to pronounce my name correctly. Every Chinese restaurant was giving out this thing called a fortune cookie, which I had never seen in my life before. It almost felt like a part of me died. I gradually shut myself down because I didn’t want people to know I am vulnerable, to know I am afraid to embrace my differences. I was surrounded by people but I felt so lonely. Then here we are, the year 2020. Just when I have finally gotten pretty familiar and comfortable with being isolated from my family and culture, COVID hit. Thanks to coronavirus, isolation has become the keyword. With the virus rampant and the lockdown order spread across the world, many people, including myself, have experienced isolation from the people they love and care for. The word “social distancing” is everywhere and it is making me exhausted. This time, my experience is different from any isolation I have faced before, because many people across the globe are going through it with me. It is an isolation, but everyone is in this together. The isolation I have faced before can be fixed by phone calls with my family, quality time with my friends, or a flight ticket home. This time, it seems like the solution to isolation hasn’t been found and I have no idea when it is going to be actually over. Nonetheless, there’s one thing that I realized has changed: my attitude towards isolation. Isolation used to be so daunting to me. This year, I started to appreciate isolation a little bit more. I realized all these moments of isolation might not be that bad after all. It has allowed me to learn a little bit more about myself. I take the time to reconnect with myself and reflect on my life. I learned how to get along with myself, because at the end of the day, I am the only one that I can count on. I started to appreciate little things around me and complain less. This is how I know I have found the beauty of isolation. It is a time to be stronger and mindful, to be deeply connected with myself, to love myself more so I can love the people I love even more. Vera


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