Step 6: Make Disappointment Your Strength

CHAPTER 16

Who do you become when things do not go the way you want?

When I left the Marine Corps my rich dad recommended I get a job that taught me to sell. He knew I was shy. Learning to sell was the last thing in the world I wanted to do.

For two years I was the worst salesman in my company. I could not sell a life preserver to a drowning man. My shyness was painful not only to me but also to the customers I was trying to sell to. For those two years I was on and off probation which meant I was always on the verge of being fired.

Often I would blame the economy or the product I was selling, or even the customers, as the reasons for my lack of success. Rich dad had another way of looking at it. He would say, "When people are lame, they love to blame."

This meant that the emotional pain from the disappointment was so strong that the individual with the pain wants to push the pain onto someone else through blame. In order to learn to sell, I had to come face to face with the pain of disappointment. In the process of learning to sell, I found a priceless lesson: how to tum disappointment into an asset rather than a liability,

Whenever I meet people who are afraid to "try" something new, in most cases the reason lies in their fear of being disappointed. They are afraid they might make a mistake, or get rejected. If you are prepared to embark on your journey to find your own financial fast track, I would like to offer you the same words of advice and encouragement my rich dad offered me when I was learning something new:

"Be prepared to be disappointed."

He meant this in a positive sense, not a negative sense. His reasoning was that if you're prepared for disappointment, you have a chance of turning that disappointment into an asset. Most people turn disappointment into a liability — a long-term one. And you know it's long-term when you hear a person say, "I'll never do that again." Or: "I should have known I would fail."

Just as inside every problem lies an opportunity... inside every disappointment lies a priceless gem of wisdom.

Whenever I hear someone say, "I'll never do that again," I know I am listening to someone who has stopped leaning. They have let disappointment stop them. Disappointment has turned into a wall erected around them, instead of a foundation from which to grow taller.

My rich dad helped me learn how to deal with deep emotional disappointments. Rich dad would often say, "The reason there are few self-made rich people is because few people can tolerate disappointment Instead of learning to face disappointment, they spend their lives avoiding it."

He also said, "Instead of avoiding it, be prepared for it. Disappointment is an important part of learning. Just as we learn from our mistakes, we gain character from our disappointments." Following are some of the words of advice he gave me over the years:

1. Expect to be disappointed. Rich dad often said, "Only fools expect everything to go the way they want To expect to be disappointed does not mean being passive or a defeated loser. Expecting to be disappointed is a way of mentally and emotionally preparing yourself to be ready for surprises that you may not want. By being emotionally prepared, you can act with calm and dignity when things do not go your way. If you're calm, you can think better."

Many times I have seen people with great new business ideas. Their excitement lasts for about a month, then the disappointments begin to wear

It's not the idea that didn't work. It was disappointment that worked harder. They allowed their impatience to turn into disappointment and then they allowed the disappointment to defeat them. Many times this impatience is the result of them not receiving immediate financial reward. Business owners and investors may wait for years to see cash flow from a business or investment, but they go into it with the knowledge that success may take time. They also know that when success is achieved the financial reward will be well worth the wait

2. Have a mentor standing by. In the front of your phone book are listings for the hospital, fire department and police department. I have the same list of numbers for financial emergencies, except they are the phone numbers of my mentors.

Often, before I go into a deal or venture, I call one of my friends and explain what I'm doing and what I intend to accomplish. I also ask them to stand by in case I find myself in over my head, which is often.

Recently, I was negotiating for a large piece of real estate. The seller was playing hardball and changing the terms at the closing. He knew I wanted the property, and he was doing his best to get more money from me at the last minute. Having a hot temper, my emotions went out of control. Instead of blowing the deal by yelling and shouting, which is my normal inclination, I simply asked if I could use the phone to call my partner.

After talking to three of my friends, who were standing by, and getting their advice on how to handle the situation, I calmed down and learned three new ways to negotiate I had not known before. The deal never went through, but I still use those three negotiation techniques today — techniques I would never have learned if I had not gone into the deal at all. That knowledge is priceless.

The point is, we can never know everything beforehand, and we often only learn things when we need to learn them. That is why I recommend you try new things and expect disappointment, but always have a mentor standing

by to coach you through the experience. Many people never start projects simply because they do not have all the answers. You will never have all the answers, but begin anyway. As my friend Keith Cunningham always says, "Many people will not head down the street until all the lights are green. That is why they don't go anywhere."

3. Be kind to yourself. One of the most painful aspects , about making a

mistake and being disappointed or failing at something is not what other people say about us. It is how hard we are on ourselves. Most people who make mistakes often beat themselves up far harder than anyone else would.

They should turn themselves into the police for personal emotional abuse.

I have found that people who are hard on themselves mentally and emotionally are often too cautious when taking risks, or adopting new ideas, or attempting something new. It is hard to learn anything new if you punish yourself or blame someone else for your personal disappointments.

4. Tell the truth. One of the worst punishments I ever received as a child was the day I accidentally broke my sister's front tooth. She ran home to tell my dad, and I ran to hide. After my father found me, he was very angry.

He scolded me, "The reason I am punishing you is not because you broke your sister's tooth... but because you ran away."

Financially, there have been many times I could have run away from my mistakes. Running away is an easy thing to do but my dad's words have served me well f©r most of my life.

In short, we all make mistakes. We all feel upset and disappointed when things do not go our way. Yet, the difference lies in how we internally process that disappointment. Rich dad summarized it this way. He said, 'The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way."

In the next few years, we are going to have financial changes that will test our courage. It is the people who are most in control of their emotions, who do not let their emotions hold them back, and who have the emotional maturity to learn new financial skills who will flourish in the years ahead.

And the future belongs to those who can change with the times and use personal disappointments as building blocks for the future.

TAKE ACTION

1) Make mistakes. That is why I recommend you start with baby steps.

Remember that losing is part of winning. "E's" and "S's" were trained that

making mistakes was not acceptable. "B's" and Ts" know that making mistakes is how they learn.

2) Put a little money down. Start small. If you find an investment you want to invest in put a little money down. It's amazing how quickly your intelligence grows when you have some money on the line. Don't bet the ranch, your mortgage payment, or your child's college education. Simply put a little money down... and then pay attention and learn.

3) The key to this take action step is to TAKE ACTION.

Reading, watching and listening are all crucial to your education. But you must also start "DOING". Make offers on small real estate deals that will generate positive cash flow, join a network marketing company and learn about it from the inside, invest in some stock after researching the company. Seek advice from your mentor, financial or tax advisor if you need it. But as Nike says, "Just Do It!"