First Connections | May 2021

MAY 2021

UNITED METHODIST CHURCH

LAKELAND, FLORIDA

Wise Words of Fairness

by Jill Martinez Asbill

From Room to Zoom

by Vicky Pitner

Memorials January - March 2021

WORSHIP

INVITE

GROW

SERVE

first: things first!

Wise Words for Wise Living The Book of Proverbs is filled with wisdom, what many would call solid advice for solid living. God intends for us to live the abundant life of which Jesus spoke and the wisdom found in scripture is a compass for navigating through life and the Book of Proverbs offers a parent’s advice and wisdom to a

beloved child.

Like a well-stocked tool box, the wisdom of Proverbs is full of down to earth and practical advice for nearly every aspect of our lives. In Proverbs we find wisdom for handling emotions, making decisions, speaking wisely, gaining true success, raising children, developing self-control and much, much more. While we might tend to gloss over the Book of Proverbs, it is wonderfully beneficial to spend time reading and studying the advice found there.

Your pastors hope you will take time to read through Proverbs and join us as we begin an eight week series (May 9) we call, “Wise Words for Wise Living.”

As the book of Proverbs reveals, “Getting wisdom is the most important thing you can do. Whatever else you get, get insight. Love wisdom, and she will make you great. Embrace her, and she will bring you honor.” (Proverbs 4:7-8. GNT) Grace and Peace, David McEntire

CONTENTS

����1 Prayers and Praise �����������������������������������������������������1 Wise Words From Our Dads by Jill Martinez Asbill ������������� . 2 Proverbs:Wise Words for Wise Living by Sam/Sandra Sheets �����3 Wise Words for Wise Living by Steve/Carole Parham Wicorek ����������4 From Room to Zoom by Vicky Pitner ������������������������������������5 Memorials ������������������������������������������������������������������6

Connect 4: Putting the Pieces Together by David McEntire

Prayers and Praise Births Maren Swan Schichtel, March 21 Daughter of Matt & Katherine Schichtel Evan James Swartz, March 31 Son of John & Erin DeWitt Swartz Weddings Lindsay Orr & Jantzen Ellis, February 6 Alison Rhoads & Eric Lyons, March 6

a publication of First United Methodist Church, 72 Lake Morton Drive Lakeland, FL 33801, 863-686-3163 • www.firstumc.org #1stLKLD

Deaths Carolyn Elkins, March 3 Sean Foxen, March 13 Phyllis Artman, March 20 Ron Rulon, March 25 Tom Thonebe, March 30

Wise Words of Fairness from our Dads by Jill Martinez Asbill Zechariah 7:9 “Thus says the Lord of hosts, render true judgments, show kindness and mercy to one another.”

When I was young, my Dad would resolve an argument between my brother and me by saying this one sentence: “Whatever is fair.” Can you imagine being a seven and nine-year-old, standing there trying to seek justice from an adult only to have to resolve this conflict together? Some may perceive that as a cop-out in parenting, but I perceive it as one of the best situations that he could have placed upon us. We were infuriated, but we resolved it on our own.

Today I am rearing three children, and one the phrases that their wonderful father, “Pepe,” would refer to in many situations was a quote from Star Trek: “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.”

I have been placed in many situations when I had to make a decision that affected all three of my children.

As we can all relate, making a decision that is fair for our children, for our employees, for the team, or for a group of friends, is difficult, because not everyone will feel good about it. However, if they know that the person making the decision is trying to be fair, it softens the individual disappointment. “Whatever is fair” has been a fabulous gift from my father. There are many other Proverbs that refer to the Grace of fairness, but this one may be speaking to a part of what we are going through, during this time. Small and fair actions, now, are going to be for the good of the many.

My husband Chris has the blessing of having two Dads.

I asked him about a lesson that he learned regarding fairness from his father and stepfather. One phrase that has had an impact on him from when he was a teenager was the day his Dad sat him down and said, “This is not a hotel.” Meaning, it is not fair to your stepmother, or to me, that you are doing your thing as a busy teenager and taking for granted that we are cleaning up your mess, when you are old enough not to leave work for other people to do for you. When I asked him, his stepfather, Rev. Tom McCloskey, he said, “He is never unfair.”

Jill Martinez, father and brother

I recall having a conversation with Tom, after June of 2016, when his congregation was at the First United Methodist Church of Orlando. I asked him about the tragic time of the mass shooting at the Pulse nightclub, and his decision to conduct funeral services for victims who were not members of the church. He said, “It was the right thing to do.” He went on about caring for their families and their need for healing. However, those seven words defined fairness, and that is how Tom reacts, and then takes it into action. Being fair and kind, and a steward of God’s grace is what I took away from that conversation.

In addition, to point of being fair to each other, ever changing technology has imposed a tremendous challenge for parents and grandparents regarding the guidance of their children in our modern and global society. My prayer is that our guidance, as Christians, will guide our children, and our grandchildren, to always do and “post” what is fair and good. We have a responsibility to guide their fair actions. Eventually, when their actions and reactions are not within our control, we must trust that they can handle it, because not only parents, but “the village” of our church members have helped to guide them along the way.

Sometimes, there are no easy answers to questions about what is fair. However, if we make trying to be fair a priority in our actions at home, at work, and within our community, with the Grace of God . . . sit back and watch!

Chris Asbill and his father

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Proverbs: Wise Words for Wise Living

by Sam and Sandra Sheets

The book of Proverbs provides comfort and encouragement in many areas of Christian living. We found it especially instructive in rearing our children and hope they benefit from our interpretation of Proverbs Proverbs 13:24: He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

To some, this verse invokes images of punishment but, upon deeper study and reflection, we understand it as a loving and encouraging guide to teaching and disciplining a child.

The definition and use of the word discipline devolved from its original root “disciple” (student) to meaning a form of punishment for not following rules. One of the biggest struggles for most is the understanding and application of learning and discipline. Life is a series of making mistakes and learning from them. A child’s brain is an empty vessel regarding the world, its dangers and societal expectations. It is human nature to explore and push all boundaries, which can lead to success and progress. The trick is to teach a child without stunting natural development, doing harm or diminishing the all-important foundation of trust.

It seems many cultures and traditions throughout history have not valued the importance of healthy human development in parenting, instead employing techniques designed for the most immediate (though short-lived) results with the least amount of time and effort – discounting the long-term results and psychological setbacks to the future adult. These traditional customs may have been necessary for survival in earlier civilizations.

Now, primitive (sometimes barbaric and cruel) techniques, both physical and psychological, should be retired and replaced with methods that rely on reason, calm and age- appropriate teaching methods, utilizing an understanding of the child’s stage of brain development. This is supported by the Proverb.

Because this is topic is personal (and traditions die hard), I want to double down on the subject. Violent and cruel treatment of children (especially by the parent) is not only unnecessary but also harmful. Many parents believe punishment, either physical or emotional, is the only recourse for their young. This is understandable since history, society and experience often support this approach and the idea that a child is not a whole person deserving of the same respect as an adult, but rather something different and far less.

Striking, shouting, threats and angry posturing are expedient and may achieve temporary results, but will also inhibit lasting results built on trust without addressing the actual problem. The parent is the only one on earth a child relies upon for safety, security, protection and love and to assist in comprehending the complex world. When this reliance is violated, the parent-child trust bond is broken and no longer supports important future lessons of life. This is a significant loss for the child as well as for future opportunities for effective parenting. Additional losses for the child are self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem, all of which are slowly developed and quite quickly destroyed. That, sadly, may not be the only lesson learned with striking a child, even if executed “with a loving heart.” A child learns (from the parent) that it is OK to strike another person out of disappointment, anger or disapproval; it sets precedent that it’s acceptable to strike your loved one under the “right” conditions.

Additionally, your child should NEVER be OK with “deserving” to be struck by anybody else, neither as a child nor later as an adult.

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Scripture is often used to support behavior.

“Spare the rod, spoil the child” is a commonly cited example. But that phrase in not found in the Bible – it originated with 17th century English poet Samuel Butler’s satirical polemic, Hudibras, set in the day of rising puritanism.

Proverbs 13:24 is close enough though: “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” In that context, I understand a rod to be a Sheppard’s crook used to “guide” the sheep and more in line with Proverbs 22:6 – “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it.”. Taken together, both Scriptures inspire a parent to “guide” and “train” (or teach, discipline being derived from disciple) a child.

Wise Words for Wise Living by Steve and Carole Parham Wicorek The Book of Proverbs might be considered God’s book on how to wise up and live. It applies to God’s principals to the whole of life – relationships, the home, work, justice, decisions, attitudes, reaction, everything a man or woman says and even thinks. The Book of Proverbs is filled with valuable life lessons for daily living and with wise words we hope our boys, Stephen and Brandon, have heard from us and will continue to use.

Life is a gift. It is in your hands to make the best out of it.

Through the ups and downs, you’ll find a lesson to learn that will make you a better person. Each experience – good and bad – helps you grow. Live for today and enjoy the little things and every moment. Capture the best that life has to offer you.

We have often told both our boys to live each day to the fullest. Of course, over the last year we have all had to stop and remind ourselves of this daily amid the COVID pandemic. We have to stop and count our blessings and smell the roses more each day!

Be compassionate and kind to everyone as you do not know what challenges or struggles others are going through. “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.

Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” (Proverbs 31.8-9). We had a proud parent moment this past February on one of the coldest Florida nights. Our younger son, Brandon, who attends the University of Florida, texted and said, “I just gave a homeless man a blanket and a pillow.” I teared up and quickly thought to myself “Job well done!” It made me thankful to our wonderful church, where our boys have grown up, and where we are so blessed to be.. I say “Job Well Done to First United Methodist!” Our boys were both baptized and confirmed here. They were acolytes and crucifers. First United Methodist has taught our boys to be kind to others.

We were married at First United Methodist Church and this April we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary.

Our family is truly blessed to be surrounded by wonderful parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, coaches and pastors who have also provided guidance and wisdom to our boys.

Through the years we have encouraged our boys to be good leaders both on and off the soccer and baseball fields. “His children, seeing his example of integrity, are encouraged to be the same kind of people.”

(Proverbs 20:7) Recently our older son was traveling from Clemson to Charlotte for a job interview. While talking to him, we reminded him of Proverbs 3:5— “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Finding the right job requires us to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and not lean on our own wisdom.

Why are the Proverbs so Important? In Proverbs 23:23 we are told to “get wisdom” and the proverbs themselves are one of the best places to observe and learn that wisdom. God gave us the book to teach us how to walk in wisdom – that is, how to conduct and regulate our lives. It helps us conform our lives to God’s character and standards.

We have often told our boys that integrity is more important than money, so be grateful with what you have, and also that your reputation is more important than your net worth. “ A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor than silver or gold.”

(Proverbs 22:1) Read it! Then live it! Proverbs contains some of the most applicable nuggets of truth in all of the Bible. Most of the proverbs allow us to see clearly how any particular proverb might be applied to any number of everyday situations we encounter – from getting out of bed in the morning to a job interview to building a strong foundation in our relationships with others. The book of Proverbs and the wise words of wisdom can help us on this journey to be a better human and make our world a little better.

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From Room to Zoom! by Vicky Pitner It has been a year since Connections – the respite program of First United Methodist’s memory ministry – met inside the church building. In-person gatherings present a risk for increasing the spread of COVID-19, so to keep our participants, volunteers and staff safe during this pandemic, we have been gathering virtually.

Comments such as “It’s just not the same” or “I miss everyone” are not uncommon as we continue to struggle with a need to be together in the church building. Connections has meet outside once for a drum circle with plans to offer this again soon. The facilitators did home visits during the winter to deliver a holiday gift to the participants, but remained outside and quietly drove off in the night to assure the secret mission was successful. So until we can reconvene in person for Connections let’s take a moment to really look at why we began to gather in the first place and to decide if we have been successful transitioning from a room in the church building to a Zoom virtual platform.

In The Art of Gathering author Priya Parker explains how we met, and why that matters. The book explores the paradox of gathering. Why were we really gathering in the first place? Was Connections created because we needed one another? To have lunch together? Or did we begin gathering to show strength and share joyful moments?

In order to assess our success with our transition to a virtual setting, we must ask ourselves: what was/is the purpose of our gatherings? Until we fully understand why we began gathering in the first place, we can let faulty assumptions dictate the form of our gathering and miss the real purpose of why we developed Connections.

Ms. Parker suggests that when seeking the answer to why we gather for any occasion, such as a book club or family event, we often answer with what we are supposed to do at the gathering. To read a book or to celebrate Uncle Joe’s birthday seems reasonable. But until we examine the real reason why we gather, we may forgo the opportunity of creating and experiencing memorable events.

So why does Connections gather? Is it to exercise, create art or talk about what’s new? Do we gather to do things or is it really the deeper reason to continue our Memory Ministry’s mission of connecting family, friends and faith?

If that is why we gather, then our transition from “Room to Zoom” has been successful. Each week, our activities are designed for participants, volunteers and staff to feel the connection with each other, as we share music, prayer, poetry and wonderful adventures while embracing a community of faith.

So thanks to all our family members, volunteers, special guests and participants that join Connections on Monday mornings.

Our gatherings are at the heart of why we are all still connected. ***Connections, the respite program in our memory ministry, supports individuals and their families living with memory challenges provide opportunities for self-expression and connecting friends, family and faith. If you, a friend or family member living with memory loss would be interested in learning more about the Connections Zoom group, please contact Vicky Pitner at vpitner@fumc.org.

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Memorials: January - March 2021 The Kind-

Gifts to First United Methodist may be given in memory of a deceased loved one. A Memorial gift shows thoughtful support for a ministry that was important to your family or friend. When giving a memorial gift, the remembered person’s family will receive a written acknowledgement of your gift.

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Published monthly by First United Methodist Church 72 Lake Morton Drive, Lakeland, Florida 33801, 863-686-3163

PASTORAL AND WORSHIP TEAM

Rev. David McEntire Senior Pastor Rev. Melissa Stump Associate Pastor Rev. Andy Whitaker Smith Associate Pastor Nicole Wood Pastors’ Administrative Assistant Matthew Corl, AAGO Organist/Assoc. Director of Music & Fine Arts Karen Buie Music & Fine Arts Assistant/Youth Choir Coordinator Dr. Waite Willis Worship Leader, 9:30am Service Jeremy Hearn Worship Leader, 11:20am Service Susan Willis Worship Leader Assistant, 9:30am Service Cindy Cleveland Assistant Worship Leader,11:20am Service Diana Russell Kids PRAISE Coordinator

INVITE TEAM Diana Russell

Director of Newcomer Ministries

GROW TEAM Warren Pattison Director of Adult Ministries Cristi Moore Director of Children’s Ministries Cherry McClellan Director of Preschool Ministries Alice Hazel Christian Education Administrative Assistant Stephanie Keen Youth/Neighborhood Administrative Assistant

SERVE TEAM

Sean Hults Forrest White Rev. Betty Batey Rev. Dale Golden Vicky Pitner Jennifer Cross

Director of Neighborhood Ministries Director of Mission Ministries Minister of Visitation Minister of Visitation Connections Ministry Coordinator Connections Ministry Facilitator

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Worship Services

Church Reopen: We will continue with the lawn worship at 8:15am. Bring a lawn chair and observe social distancing.

The 9:30 and 11am services (also livestreamed) will take reservations with the 9:30 service limited to 125 and the 11am service limited to 150. Both with safety protocols in place. www.firstumc.org/reservation All services will observe safety protocols to include (but not limited to) the following: 1. Wearing masks inside 2. No congregational singing 3. Social Distancing 4. No physical contact Both the 9:30 and 11am are livestreamed at: www.firstumc.org/worship-now or Facebook.

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