By Dr Paul Epstein
Parents, teachers, and other adults understand the necessity for disciplining children. Discipline typically refers to what adults must do if children are to become obedient. Adults, according to this understanding, must be consistently vigilant. Reward children when they are good. Otherwise, punish children to control their wrongful impulses and desires. If adults are successful, disciplined children should become morally ethical and responsible citizens. In practice, however, the adult-in-control approach is problematic. Adults simply cannot consistently give out rewards. In fact, it is actually counterproductive to do this. Children stop behaving for rewards once their basic needs are fulfilled. Similarly, adults cannot consistently punish bad behavior. Perhaps this is a blessing because over time punished children become confused and angry. They become passively compliant, and their selfconfidence and self-esteem suffers. Discipline as control leads children to become co-dependent on others who decide their worth.
