* FREE DIGITAL MAG *AUGUST 2020
Apologies from The Honest Toddler I Rescued a Human Today
My daughter won’t Spend family time
The Stressed Out Child
Ride the Energy Flow
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My Daughter Doesn’t Want to Spend Time with Family
Letter of from a concerned mother Our family has been a very active outdoorsy family over the years and both our kids have been gung-ho about it, but this year our 12-year-old daughter suddenly screeched to a halt. She no longer wants to be involved in anything with the rest of the family—she would rather hide away in her room. She used to be the first one off the high dive and now she doesn’t even want to go swimming. What happened? I have asked about doing family things that she wants to do and her reply is basically, “I don’t know” or “Nothing.” We realize that she may be entering a teen phase, but does anyone know how to navigate it and is there another side? Our son, who is two years older, never went through this, so it is baffling.
When a Teen Doesn’t Want to Spend Time with Family While it’s a common trend among young teens to withdraw from prior activities, you do want to make sure there is not more to it in your daughter’s case. To determine if this is more than her attempt to separate and form her own identity, first try a conversation about how she has been feeling. Many parents find that their kids share the most while riding in the car, nonchalantly talking in front of a TV show, or at bedtime. I would ask about her mood, friendships and worries. If you don’t get anywhere yet your intuition tells you there is more, reach out to a trusted adult friend or family member or a school counselor to find out if she is upset about something or facing depression or anxiety. Other signs of these disorders include change in affect, appetite, sleep, energy, academic functioning, interests.
Once you have moved past the concerning possibilities, I advise the following. Remember this is a normal aspect of a teen’s development, even though, as you have seen in your own family, not every teen goes through this phase.
1. Give Advanced Notice In order to increase participation, first, I would include your child in planning. For example, “We are going to go on a hike next weekend, is there a day or time that you prefer?” I recommend this because often times parents have to learn that their child will begin to make her own plans and needs more notice about family activities. Also, you are showing respect and increasing the likelihood she will join in.
2. Decide What is Non-Negotiable and What is Not Next, prioritize events and communicate your priorities in advance. For example: “We’re going to Grandma’s Sunday, and we need you to come.” “I know it may not be your favorite thing, but going to your brother’s play is non-negotiable. My college roommate is coming for lunch this weekend and she’d love to see you, but it’s optional. Let me know if you want to join us.” It’s also good to explain: “We understand you want more time to your self now that you are older, and we will give you a pass when we can, but we will let you know when it’s not okay to opt out.”
3. Look for Activities Your Teen Will Enjoy Lastly, don’t push a singular activity, as you might create more resistance to it. Find activities that your teen enjoys and join in. What I see most often in young teens is that they behave as though they want less attention from their parents. Nonetheless I advise parents to still be around as much as possible, because the teen still needs you there — at a distance, and on-demand.
Wendy Moyal, M.D., is a child and adolescent psychiatrist with the Child Mind Institute.
Source of article – with gratitude to:
Know That You're a Gift Of Joy.... Babies are often referred to as "bundles of joy." Well, you're also a delightful present to others - you, too, are joy, gift wrapped in a beautiful human body. Everywhere you go, you exude wonderful energies, even when you're unaware of this process. You can't help but spread happiness, as that's your true essence and nature... Of course, you can increase or decrease the amount of joy that you radiate, so place your attention on showering huge amounts of bliss wherever you go.. You can do this without a word - without even being noticed... Simply set your intention throughout the day to spread happy feelings, and its done... You'll know by the smiles and laughter you inspire that your aim has been fulfilled, for these are reflections of the gift that you've given......... Thought For Today...... I spread happiness wherever I am.. I set the intention to give more of this feeling than ever today.. Everywhere I go, I ask that delight fill the hearts of those I encounter.. I am the embodiment of joy itself..... Daily Guidance From Your Angels - Doreen Virtue.......
When Friends Phase You Out: That Ageless Conflict
by Samantha Wills
First came the sting of shock. Then came the mild bubble of anger and resentment at the betrayal. Then came the internal slagging off, the “well, I have loads of amazing pals, I don’t need them anyway.” Then, finally, the little deflated balloon of sadness that farts out its last scrap of air and says, in a tiny voice, “but they were my friends.”
I’ve been phased out by two mummy friends recently. I won’t lie, it feels shitty. Both “phasing's” have been carried out in a passive aggressive way. The first friend – let’s codename her Coral – just stopped replying to messages, committing to play dates, being free for drinks, telling me about life events, and so on and so on. To everyone else, she’s the same old socially available Coral, but to me and a couple of other buddies, nada. The second – let’s codename her Rose – sent the first fluttering's of uncertainty up my sails by neglecting to invite my daughter Mouse to a party that she’s hosted, and we’ve attended, for the last three years. Again, with no former grumblings that our friendship had fallen shy of the runway.
Rose’s nail in the proverbial coffin came with that most feared of all PassAgg behavior: the Facebook Unfriending. In my standard overanalytical manner, I mentally retraced my digital footprint. Two weeks ago, I liked one of her statuses, so we must have still been “friends” then for me to have seen it. So at some point in the last fortnight, Rose called up my page and decided that no, she didn’t need me in her friends list. She didn’t like me enough to keep that little string of communication open, and she didn’t want my daughter to go to her daughter’s party. Each of those little realizations felt like a bit of a kick in my stomach. Instantly, I felt transported back to the playground. I wondered what I’d done wrong, why I wasn’t good enough all of a sudden, and whether some of my other mutual friends might see what Rose and Coral have seen in me, and follow suit. Rose and Coral are in the same NCT pack, within a wider First Time Mum brigade (established back when we were First Time Mums and clung to each other like limpets in uncertain seas). So it’s not beyond the realm of possibility that the phasing out might have been discussed at NCT Headquarters, a.k.a. the local health club. First came the sting of shock. Then came the mild bubble of anger and resentment at the betrayal. Then came the internal slagging off, the “well, I have loads of amazing pals, I don’t need them anyway.” Then, finally, the little deflated balloon of sadness that farts out its last scrap of air and says, in a tiny voice, “but they were my friends.”
This is different than the natural drifting apart that many friendships go through, when interests and lifestyles and locations change, and the friendship isn’t quite strong enough to navigate and mold around those new differences. I’ve got a few of those under my belt, and I’m ashamed that I’ve let them get away. But with those, at least both parties are usually aware that their path has become overgrown and indistinct. With Rose and Coral, I really thought that we were muddling through quite well. Running concurrently to this, Mouse’s preschool has reported a few instances of her friendship group regularly disbanding, or worse, excluding one member with exclamations such as, “You’re not my best friend anymore. We don’t want you to play with us.” Although not the ringleader, she’s certainly one of the main culprits, and we hear all about the remnants of the fallouts as we’re getting ready for bed. “I couldn’t do dress-up today with X, because she’s not my friend. Y pushed W because they’re not best friends anymore. I didn’t want to sit next to Y for snack time because I don’t like her today. She’s not best friends with anyone.” As a mum, this breaks my heart. I watch Mouse at home and with other children, and she’s BRILLIANT. I’d love her to be my very best friend. She’s funny, she’s kind, she’s attentive. She’s imaginative, she’s playful, she’s gentle. She’s protective, she’s silly, she’s got an infectious belly laugh.
She’s also rather stubborn, quite bossy, and a complete snitch. Oh, she’ll rat you out in a heartbeat. It’s these three traits that make me worry for her, that I hope in time she’ll learn to tone down just a touch to align with what’s deemed socially acceptable, keeping her nicely below the parapet. I want her to develop a sense of social conscience, basically.
Isn’t that what life is all about – having a few hard knocks and tests of character, but enough happy feels to outweigh them? Isn’t it about realizing that some friendships are lifelong, and others come and go as life stages peak and ebb? Shouldn’t we accept these stages as a fact of society, rather than using them as a reason to self-deprecate? Maybe. I hope so.
I see her innocence and her vulnerability, but is this starting to give way to something I wish wasn’t there? Is she already displaying the tiny, icy daggers of cruelty and exclusionary power that girls just seem to have? I don’t want that for her. I don’t want her to be mean. I don’t want her to be a pushover, either.
Girls, though. Damn girls.
I just want her to be her, as I know her. I don’t want her to feel that knot in her stomach when she realizes that she’s not been invited to the party that her friends are going to. I don’t want her to comprehend the very notion of not being invited, of not being in favor with someone. Of not, full stop. Equally, I don’t want her to be the reason that another person feels sad. I don’t want her to be the reason they might cry to their parents at bedtime and not want to go to school the next day in case they have no one to sit with at lunchtime, or play with at break time. I suppose, really, I need to stop internalizing her anticipated feelings and behaviors, jumbling them up with my own. Just because I’m a sensitive old soul doesn’t mean that Mouse will be, too. Just because she’s feisty doesn’t mean she’ll be a bully, either.
Samantha Wills Mouse Moo Me Too is my parenting blog, with a sideorder of societal awkwardness and the odd swear. I use humor to glaze over my panic at all the challenges parenting throws my way. I live in Southampton, England with my two young daughters – who are irresistible and infuriating in equal measure.
You have the uncanny knack for being in the right place at the right time.. We angels are working with you today to further develop and polish this skill. This begins with an understanding of energy flow..... which operates exactly like a stream of water or air... You've learned that a physical object such as a rock can bend a river's currents but ultimately won't stop them...In the same manner, Divine timing means trusting all the factors involved in answering your prayer. If you assume that there will be a problem, you erect an energy wall that's exactly like a boulder under the water: The flow doesn't go through the stone - it goes against and past it...... Today, hold the intention of letting the universe move you along. Don't resist the "push" that encourages you to expand and grow; instead, enjoy the ride that the current's flow provides...... Thought For Today... I am in the right place at the right time, for Divine timing works in my favor. I surrender any and all resistance to abundance. I am now completely open to receiving the Universe's help and gifts. Daily Guidance From Your Angels - Doreen Virtue.....
If there is one thing we know for certain and that is thing's CHANGE...
There is nothing more certain in our lives than change... Yet many of us fear change, and make elaborate plans to avoid it. We fear the new and find comfort in the stability of the known and familiar. But to grow....... you need to not only accept change, but to embrace it, joyfully.... Think of a flowing stream, as representing your life. In some places it flows smoothly with barely a ripple as it travels on its journey. At other places along the way, obstacles create great turbulence, the water roars and thunders, as it crash's through the gorges and down the falls.. These represent both the easy and difficult times your experience..
Yet a stream may have a place where the water becomes banked up, stagnant, unhealthy, here nothing thrives and nothing changes. Welcome the rushing waters of change into your life. Change means growth, spiritual health and self-realization. Embrace each new direction you encounter with courage and enthusiasm. It the key to a happier you.... ~ Jane Powell ~
Learning Games For Your Preschooler by Maren Schmidt
The What If Game
When we observe that a child is having difficulties exhibiting appropriate behavior, the What If Game gives us a way to begin teaching thinking skills and different possibilities. For example: If we see a child who is pushing children out of the swings at outdoor time, we can gather a small group, or you can even do this in a whole group setting. Pose a situation and then ask and discuss with the group three key questions. Ask: What if you wanted to swing on the swing and nobody would let you have a turn? • • •
How would you feel? What could you say? What could you do?
Introducing this simple scenario followed by these three discussion questions helps the child with lagging skills express their own emotions, listen to others’ point of view, as well as listen to other ways of doing and being.
For other children, this exercise also empowers them to help the child with lagging skills by offering friendly reminders about how to ask to swing, how to wait your turn, etc. Perhaps for the child who swings more than her share, she can begin to understand others’ frustrations and points of view. Play the What If Game to help children learn appropriate behavior and learn to be successful in social situations.
Number Trains
“It’s not fair. He has more than I do.” Bryan and Dana had started out with identical candy canes. Dana’s had dropped and broken into three pieces. There was no convincing her that Bryan had the same amount as she did. She wanted the long peppermint stick. It was more. Bryan, then six-years-old, traded his one long stick for the three short pieces. Peace again ruled the day.
Research shows that pre-school children perceive the length of objects to be the indicator of quantity, instead of the actual number of objects. Children were asked to say which of three vases contained the most number of flowers. One vase had three flowers. Another vase had five flowers. The third vase had two flowers about three inches taller than the flowers in the other vases. The children chose the vase with the two tall flowers as having the most flowers.
After working with young children for many years, I’ve observed this phenomenon of children perceiving length to indicate quantity. This perception explains the tears behind a broken peppermint stick, as children see the short pieces of a broken candy cane as being of less value than an equal unbroken piece of candy. This perception of length for quantity can make it difficult for some children to grasp the concept of quantity. This exercise, Number Trains, can be put together with jumbo colored craft sticks. It can help your three-year-old or older child with the concept of quantity while using their innate perception of length for quantity. Number Trains Materials Needed • 55 jumbo craft sticks in red and blue (30 red color, 25 blue) • Two containers for sticks Place the 30 red sticks in one container, the blue ones in the other. Take one red stick out, and place it horizontally in front of the child. Say to the child, “One. This is one stick.” Diagram:
Take out a red stick, and place it directly underneath the first red stick. To the right place a blue stick. Place your index finger on the red stick and say “One.” Then place your index finger on the blue stick and say “Two. Here are two sticks.” Diagram:
Take out a red stick, and place it directly under the first two red sticks. Add a blue stick and then another red one. Place your index finder on the first red one and say “One”. Then place index finger on blue and say “Two.” Then place your index finger on the third and red stick and say, “Three. Here are three sticks.” Diagram:
Return the sticks back into the container and say to the child, “Now it’s your turn to build one, two and three.” After the child can build these three “number trains” independently, which may be anywhere from one day to many days, introduce four, five and six, in the same manner as you introduced one, two and three. Introduce quantities to ten as your child independently builds the number trains, one by one, length by length.
They Set Up A Camera In The Forest And Captured The Most Incredible Scene Ever Paul Stamets spent his live exploring fungi, their role in enriching the forest soil with nutrients and ultimately in helping our home planet defend itself against us humans. Unfortunately, unless we learn to communicate with Mother Nature and stop killing Her, all of this won’t be enough.
The fungal-fantastical. Emerging from their axial homes, fungi are beginning to be understood as nutrients to the human consciousness and ecological sustainability. Paul explores mycology and compels support for your own good nature and our fungal allies. This is the first in a collaboration of Louie Schwartzberg of Blacklight films http://bit.ly/FantasticFungi ) and Paul Stamets of Fungi Perfecti http://fungi.net
By Judy Hanning Dyslexia is a different way of thinking. There are significant differences in brain function among children with dyslexia. Sadly, the diagnosis often comes after a child has fallen behind, frustrated by schoolwork, and is giving up. Most teachers do not understand the challenges of dyslexia. Testing as early as possible is important. When dyslexia is identified, students can get the help they need. Educators need to start getting creative. Dyslexia is a different way of thinking and a result of cerebrodiversity. It can be confusing for a student to be in a typical learning environment. • • •
Each person's brain operates a little differently from any other person’s brain. Typical teaching methods are not always compatible with the way a dyslexic learns Most educational methods cater to using one broad approach for all students.
Dyslexia occurs because brains are organized differently Children with dyslexia tend to struggle with phonics or sounding out words. There are three areas that can challenge the dyslexic brain: • • •
Phoneme awareness Fluency Comprehension
Hannah talks about her dyslexia
Understanding dyslexia is the first and most important step in dealing with the condition. Dyslexic children’s brains are organized differently. Thus, learning to read for a dyslexic child requires non-traditional methods. Students may have confusion over learning methods that don’t work for them, but seemingly work well for others. Diagnosis often comes after the student has experienced repeated scholastic failures and fallen behind their peers. However, testing for possible dyslexia allows early intervention, as early as kindergarten or first grade. Once diagnosed, a child is able to learn to read with the help of specially trained teachers and necessary resources. If a child suffers for a long period before getting help it is likely they will suffer damage to selfesteem.
Dyslexics are not the only "Different Thinkers". Many of the world's best creators throughout history saw things in a different way. We need to find ways to enhance our teaching systems to help these children get the best education in a way that they will thrive.
Do You Need help with a Dyslexia Problem? Our simple online analysis will help you get to the core of the problem and find the right solution for you. Understanding how to help someone with a learning difficulty starts with understanding which micro-skills are affected. When you learn which of the micro-skills is the problem, you will then be on your way to solving it. You'll also learn how to: • • • •
Build confidence Enhance Learning ability Eliminate avoidance Build grit
You can get this analysis for free by filling out this simple form. This will help you get to the bottom of a learning difficulty and provide you with a solution. If you are ready to put this problem behind you click the button below and fill out the form.
Conscious Life Magazine
THE STRESSED-OUT CHILD By Maren Schmidt – Kids Talk “My seven-year-old daughter says she’s stressed-out. But what kid isn’t stressed-out nowadays?” my dentist said. As I lay there mouth opened, unable to speak, I thought about my dentist’s daughter and other stressed-out kids. Seven seems young to say you’re stressed-out. Maybe ninety-seven is too young to say you’re stressed-out.
Are kids more stressed-out than generations past? My mother dealt with World War II when she was seven. My grandmother was seven during World War I. We had monthly atomic bomb drills when I was seven. Perhaps we didn’t have the language for stressed-out. Maybe we had a stronger social network to relieve the tensions of the time. Somehow, I sense an underlying truth in my dentist’s question, “What kid isn’t stressed out?”
Stress is not all bad. It can help energize us to get things done in our lives. Stress is the body’s chemical and neural response to a situation that is threatening or frightening. With stress our heart rate increases, our blood pressure rises, stress hormones increase. The fight or flight instinct emerges in our behavior and our thoughts. Stress can become toxic when our body’s systems stay on high alert for weeks or months at a time. Elevated levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, can damage vital parts of the brain, such as the hippocampus, which regulates memory and learning. Sleep and appetite are disrupted and behavior problems related to our flight or fight instincts may appear. Lingering illnesses, such as the cold or cough that won’t go away, may be signs of toxic stress in our children, and in ourselves. Our children cannot deal with the fears and subsequent stresses of life on their own. Our children need the presence and assistance of caring adults who can reassure and comfort them. Children who emerge from severe traumas with few or no serious effects have strong relationships with supportive adults. Positive adult relationships help keep stress levels in a manageable zone for children. With reassurance and trust from adults, a child’s brain development and physical health are not compromised by the overabundance of stress hormones.
A stressed-out child is a child who feels frightening or threatened. Let’s listen and help our children name their fears and learn how to deal head on with those fears with our loving support. Let’s help every child feel safe and loved.
Dr. John Gottman, in Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, tells us that the fears that most children face, varied as they may seem, are related to these six issues: • • • • • •
Fear of powerlessness Fear of abandonment Fear of the dark Fear of bad dreams Fear of parental conflict Fear of death
We can help our children by assisting them in recognizing their fears, and giving those fears a name when they appear. We can talk about those fears in an empathetic way and not dismiss our children or their fears as being babyish. We can give our children strategies for dealing with dangerous situations, for example having a fire escape plan for your family, how to call for help or how to deal with strangers. We can help our children learn skills to cope with the feeling of powerlessness. We also need to listen for the emotion behind the questions our children might ask. Asking about power outages may be a question about how to deal with the fear in complete darkness, and not a question about electricity generation. The stories that children, around age six, love to listen to and read, usually address all of the fears listed above. In books, such as Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, The Lord of the Rings, Charlotte’s Web to Harry Potter, the issues surrounding these six fundamental childhood fears are handled in a way that speaks the truth to our children. These stories ignite our children’s imagination about how they might act in similar situations.
SUPPORTING THE CHILDREN By Penni du Plessis www.divinespace.co.za This collective pause has been a time to take stock of our lives. We have been given the time to be aware of how much toxicity we had been living with and feeding into the planet. How little nurturing you were receiving and how much time did you have to nurture and enjoy your family? How much of your life was fun for you? Everyone is talking about how nothing will be the same again, and yet we don’t know what that will mean for us in the future. Maybe the best thing we can do is to acknowledge that everything we have experienced and done up to now has been sacred and has given us the tools to move forward in a new way.
This means that your first step is to look at what you would love to do, and what you need to let go of. Would this mean job changes, lifestyle changes, having healthier boundaries, simplifying your living and expenses or choosing who you want to include in your life going forward? Sadly, most of us have been focusing more on the problems than the possibilities, and we have noticed how severely this is affecting many of the children. They listen to our conversations and fears and in their little minds it becomes insurmountable. Many have become fearful of going back to school, seeing their friends and have lost their spontaneity and social skills. I heard a child become hysterical in a shopping center when she saw a Chinese person. She had obviously heard her parents talking about the pandemic and blaming the Chinese for it. We have to be so careful of what we say in front of these sensitive little beings. I was guided to make a new oil on the 22nd April to support us all, and this one is Olive in colour. It is called Earth Gift and is truly that. The colour is a combination of yellow and green. The hidden yellow helps to ease the stress and fear we are all feeling or picking up from others, while the green energy opens the heart and invites a new way forward. The 9 essential oils included have all been chosen to help support the immune system, while clearing and opening both the lungs and the heart energy. I use it twice a day and I am on my 3rd bottle – it is amazing how it is helping me to keep centered, healthy and not to get hooked into the collective fear or anger-based energy. I highly recommend it for all members of the household. The Yellow Light Matrix oil rubbed on the face and the tummy helps the child to absorb information, process and integrate it. Use it while doing homework or studying, and again just before writing tests or exams – to assist with recalling the information while calming the stress and fear of exam time. I am also available for individual counselling and Bars sessions (only seeing 1 client a day), This is supportive for all ages, as it calms the mind and puts you into a deeply relaxed state. During this time I will give you tools to help manage your life going forward. Please see this video demonstrating and explaining this amazing modality. Planet earth is evolving and societies are struggling to keep up because they don’t have the tools to work with. The best gift you can give to yourself and others, is to be of service in any way. A comforting hug, listening ear or cup of tea to a troubled soul could be all it takes to lift someone's spirits. As you start living your life in a more aware, conscious and compassionate way, you will be an example for others. Think of it as walking on a pristine beach and all you can see are your own footsteps. This is the path your children will follow, so chose your path well. Sending you love from my heart and home to yours
What is CBD? CBD is a natural compound found in cannabis flowers. It is a safe non-addictive substance and is one of hundreds of Phyto cannabinoids that are unique to cannabis. CBD stand for Cannabidiol and is found in both hemp and cannabis plants. CBD is closely related to THC, which is psychoactive (can make you high). THC has many uses and works synergistically with CBD. They both have significant therapeutic properties, but they act in different ways on different receptors in the body. CBD and THC interact with our bodies in a variety of ways. One of the main ways is by mimicking and enhancing the effects of the compounds already in our bodies called “endogenous cannabinoids” - so named because of their similarity to compounds found in the cannabis plant.
These “endocannabinoids” are part of what scientists refer to as the “endocannabinoid system.” The endocannabinoid system gets damaged after we are born. First off, many years ago the animals were fed hemp or cannabis and that came through in the products that we ate. Since around 1937 hemp and cannabis were banned, so animals never got it anymore and neither did we. Then vaccinations were brought in to protect us for some of the horrible illness around, which in turn damaged our cells and bodies in unseen ways. That is how our life starts and we wonder why we all end up with arthritis, depression and cancers. CBD is easily able to heal diseases. It offers anti-inflammatory action, immediate pain relief and regulates blood pressure and cholesterol. It doesn’t just treat the symptoms. The CB1 And CB2 receptors are situated throughout our body so CBD wont just heal one issue in your body but everything that it comes across that is out of kilter. And it’s not just for us, the young middle aged and elderly, any animal that has a skeleton can benefit from this. There is growing evidence that many diseases can be successfully treated with CBD, from any inflammation and stress related diseases, cancers, arthritis, epilepsy, Alzheimer’s etc.
CBD does not work on Hormones and Testosterone, but it can help with the side effects. CBD can be taken as an oil, capsule, balm, tincture etc. As with most products it is best to speak to a professional and ensure that the product is safe to use for your particular ailments.
What, how, and why middle class teens steal By EJ DICKSON
I was 13 when I stole my first pair of underwear. It was a pink rayon polka-dot thong from Victoria’s Secret, the type of candy-floss garment that an adolescent girl might find sexy, but that no adult woman would actually wear. There may or may not have been a bow tie in the back. "Hey," I told my friend Amanda* while we were in the dressing room. "I’m going to put this on and wear it out of the store." Amanda was sweet-faced and curly-haired, the type of girl people assumed was nice because she smiled a lot and wore pastel-hued J.Crew cardigans. Like most adolescent friendships, we had our circumscribed roles that we both leaned into. I was the bad girl from the big city who wore smudged eyeliner and carried menthols in my Hot Topic kitten purse; she was the princess from the suburbs who would almost certainly end up majoring in French literature at a liberal arts school.
On that day, however, Amanda didn’t play to her role as the corrupted innocent. Instead, she buttoned down her jeans to reveal a pair of striped bikini briefs. "The trick is to not take the ones with the tags," she said. "That way, they can’t track them when you leave the store." Was there some sort of adolescent comingof-age ritual that I had somehow skipped over up until this point? I was stunned. Clearly, this was not the first time Amanda had shoplifted. Was it possible that she was somehow more advanced in her juvenile delinquent-dom than even I was? Was there some sort of adolescent coming-of-age ritual that I had somehow skipped over up until this point? Was I actually not as bad a girl as people thought I was?
I wasn’t sure, but I knew I had to catch up. So for the next few months, Amanda and I casually stole whatever small sundry items we could get our hands on — a Bonne Bell root beer-flavored chapstick from Claire’s here, a candy-floss thong or panty with the word "slut" on the back from Hot Topic there. Occasionally, I’d introduce the practice to friends from out of town, by way of offering them a real city experience. "The trick is not to take the ones with the tags," I’d tell them sagely, as if I were a miniature Danny Ocean with tits. "That way, they can’t track them." If you asked me why I did it, I couldn’t possibly have told you. I didn’t particularly want the items I stole, and I could have easily afforded them. For whatever reason, it just seemed like the right thing for a white, middle-class teenage girl like me to do.
But when (and how) did this become the case? Why do so many girls from what’s colloquially referred to as "comfortable" homes, girls with no history of juvenile delinquency, somehow become stickyfingered once they reach adolescence? Why did I? I wanted to find out, so I spoke with psychologists, experts, and current teen lifters to get to the bottom of why young women love stealing.
From Pretty Little Liars to very special episodes of Full House, shoplifting as a rite of passage for teenage girls is omnipresent in popular culture. And while statistics show that the most common shoplifters are white middle-class men, according to Rachel Shteir, the author of The Steal: A Cultural History of Shoplifting, throughout history it’s most commonly been associated with young women. That’s been the case since the 19th century, following the rise of chain department stores and kleptomania diagnoses among young women. "It is a kind of rite of passage, and speaks to the commercialized idea of beauty for young women. The idea that young women need to steal, especially expensive things, to improve their lives, is really wound into our culture," she told Racked. It’s unclear exactly how many shoplifters are young and female, because shoplifting statistics aren’t super reliable, says Barbara Staib, the director of communications for NASP. There’s a huge chasm, she said, between "the percentage of people who actually shoplift versus the percent of people who are reported to the courts or retailers," she told Racked. "Many times, if it’s young people, [security guards will] catch them and they don’t report them to the police." It’s also fairly common for teenage shoplifters to do it in groups rather than on their own, said Dr. Barbara Greenberg, a clinical psychologist and therapist who often works with teenagers. "You get so much more excited in a group than if you do something alone," she told Racked. "The rush of getting away with something is contagious. It’s sort of like having a little party."
For that reason, many teen shoplifters who don’t get caught the first time will likely do it again. "It's pretty easy to steal, considering most stores don't put alarms on their items and don't check how many items you bring out of the dressing room," Talia*, 19, who has been lifting since she was in elementary school, told Racked. For the most part, teenage girls are prone to lifting smaller, more compact items, such as lipsticks and eye shadow palettes from chain drugstores. This is for both pragmatic and symbolic reasons, said Greenberg. "Teenage girls are really focused on their appearance and how they compare to other girls," she explained to Racked. "So it makes perfect sense why they’re stealing things that have to do with their identity. They’re also stealing things that are easiest to steal, that are small and easy to hide.“ While some lifters descend to almost Inspector Gadget-levels of thievery, using hooks or magnets to swipe items, some, like Julia*, 19, are more low-brow. "I typically would stick things in my bra and underwear, as I knew those were safe places where your average store owner wasn't going to try to look," she said.
For this reason, she predominantly lifts small items like makeup, bath bombs, incense, and various other trinkets, usually from stores like Forever 21 or Victoria’s Secret. She also lifts from small local stores, which sets her apart from many other lifters who frequently express their aversion to stealing from momand-pops. "Those were the easiest to take from," she said. "They usually didn't have cameras and the stores had lots of blind spots, and I was a sucker for cute trinkets and yummy-smelling candles."
One of my friends even told me that when she shoplifted as a teen, she once walked out of Kmart with a bicycle. "The security guard paused me and said ‘Is that your bike?’ And I said yes," Emily*, 35, said. "When I got out of the store and started to ride it, I realized it still had a card in the front wheel that said ‘Kmart sale’ with the price and everything." She attributes her ability to walk out unscathed in part to her privilege: "I look like a teenager, I’m white, I’m an attractive girl, etc. "I assume it was easier for me to slip through unnoticed."
As depressing as it sounds, there is some truth to Emily’s suggestion that young, white female shoppers are less likely to get caught. Stores like Barneys have been accused of racially profiling people of color, with one lawsuit alleging that the store detained "a disproportionate number of AfricanAmerican and Latino customers" for alleged shoplifting, even though 2012 FBI statistics show that nearly 70 percent of those arrested for shoplifting are white. For this reason, many young shoplifters don’t do so out of necessity, said Staib. "It’s typical of teenagers," she said. "They feel entitled to an item, whether they have the money or not." Talia said that her friends are emblematic of that sense of entitlement. They lift, she said, because "they believe they deserve the item but don't think the price is fair — not because they can't afford it," she said. That said, there’s a sizable contingent of shoplifters who will tell you that they do it out of necessity, not out of a desire to have pretty things. In fact, when asked why they lift, many of the young women who haunt Liftblrs (the nickname for Tumblr’s shoplifting community) will echo a social justice-infused rhetoric. "I kind of lift with a Robin Hood philosophy," one lifter told Good magazine earlier this year, expanding on her philosophy in the "about me" section on her Tumblr: "I essentially believe: take from the rich, give to the poor and fuck capitalism."
Older lifters like Shana*, 25, don’t necessarily believe they’re undermining the capitalist structure by shoplifting — instead, they’re doing it for their own survival. "The biggest misconception I'd like to clear up is that ‘all shoplifters do it for the thrill and will take from anywhere/anyone,’" she said. "I have never stolen from a friend or family member, nor will I. I have never lifted from a local shop... I began shoplifting to keep my sanity. I have continued shoplifting as a means of providing for myself and my daughter.“ Amanda and I, fortunately, were not in that camp; we were privileged enough (not to mention stupid enough) to get away with our minor transgressions simply because no one would have suspected two ungainly adolescent white girls of having the balls to commit such an act. Nor did we experience the rush of adrenaline that many lifters report experiencing when they come out of the store. In fact, I don’t recall particularly liking or even wanting any of the dime store items I swiped. Mostly, what I remember feeling is an utter sense of befuddlement that I had gotten away with stealing in the first place. I spent my adolescence being constantly chastised — by parents, teachers, friends — for committing minor transgressions, while my friends who put on a more innocent front, like Amanda, were spared punishment. Even at 13, I was known as a bad girl, even though I actually didn’t do anything that bad except wear off-the-shoulder sweatshirts and eyeliner and curse a lot.
The fact that I’d gotten away with shoplifting — the one objectively immoral thing I’d ever done in my life — struck me as unspeakably ridiculous. But it was also, in a way, incredibly liberating. I’d spent so much of my adolescence resisting the labels that my parents and teachers had thrust upon me that to avoid wearing the one label that I actually deserved — thief — felt like a tremendous act of subversion. When I brought this up with Dr. Greenberg, she said it "made a lot of sense" that shoplifting would feel empowering to me, as well as other teenage girls. "There’s this feeling of, ‘Look what we did, what we got away with it, despite the adults around me,’" she said. Adolescence is a psychically tumultuous time for most young women; more than ever, it’s a time when women are torn between resistance and submission, between embracing the roles that society imposes on them or shaking them off entirely. Not every young woman caught in this struggle resorts to theft, obviously. But I do know this: Even if I didn’t need or want the items I lifted, even if I didn’t feel the rush of adrenaline when I got my paws on that thong or lip gloss, I kept shoplifting — not because I wanted to, but because, in a world that consistently labels young women as good or bad for no reason, as not thin enough or hot enough or rich enough or slutty enough or not slutty enough at all, stealing is the one thing a girl can do to feel some semblance of control. To get that $13 Physicians Formula powder compact for free might not be an affirmation of power in itself. But in a world that constantly tells young women they can’t do anything right, shoplifting is the one thing that they do simply because they can.
*Names have been changed.
Article with courtesy to
Three Tips for Raising Resilient Teens Be a better listener. Listen with the intention to learn. Let go of your desire to convince or impose your opinions onto your teen. Your conversation should provide space for them to express their ideas, explore new frontiers, form an identity, and remain open to constant change. If we can teach our teens to be curious and refrain from viewing experiences through a binary lens of black or white, good or bad, success or failure, they’ll begin to explore everyday experiences more fully. This more open mindset allows them to experiment, falter, and change their minds when something is not going according to plan and enables them to hear and appreciate diverse perspectives. The ability to adapt well to all circumstances builds resilience.
Empathize. Be a source of support. Life is full of painful moments—friends move away, university applications are turned down, parents separate, and sometimes the road gets bumpy. Whether they’re experiencing excitement, anxiety, disappointment, or failure, let them know that you’re always there. The more you’re able to demonstrate a willingness to see life through their eyes, the closer you’ll become. A strong and trusting relationship makes the admission of defeat, disappointment, and achievement easier and the emotions that course through these moments will begin to unite you rather than divide you.
Talk honestly. Ask questions that get the whole family to share about who they are, what they like, and how they interact with the world. Having their feelings validated gives teens the encouragement they need to feel accepted, admit defeat, and re-adjust. Often times the simple act of showing you care is enough to strengthen connections and build meaningful conversations that last a lifetime.
Theo Koffler is founder of Mindfulness Without Borders, a registered charitable organization that focuses on long term, strategic initiatives that advance mindfulnessbased social and emotional learning in educational, healthcare and corporate settings. Philanthropist, author, public speaker and mindfulness practitioner, Theo has served on several boards and advisory committees including the A Mindful Society, Hawn Foundation, Students For Canada’s North, Inner Kids, and the Garrison Institute—where she co-authored the first-ever mapping report on Contemplation and Education in K-12 Educational Settings in the United States.
Scrumptious Smoothie Bowl for Baby & Mom
Recipe from Naturally Savvy
Smoothie bowls are becoming popular not just because of their pleasing taste and eye-catching colors, but due to the health benefits you can get from them as well. What’s more, almost anyone can satisfy their taste buds with a smoothie bowl. Let your creativity run wild by combining different types of fresh and organically grown fruits and vegetables to create a nutritious and delicious mix. An example is this Spinach, Mango and Pear Green Smoothie Bowl recipe from Naturally Savvy. Not only is this something that your kids will enjoy, it’s also a good snack that mom and/or dad will love, and will set them up for improved health.
Ingredients 2 organic mangoes 1 organic pear 1 tsp. coconut oil 250 ml organic baby spinach ¼ to ½ cup of water
Optional: Make this for mom too. To half the recipe, simply add 1 scoop of your favorite protein powder or 2 tablespoons of hemp seeds, use raw spinach, and a bit more water to desired consistency. So yummy!
Procedure: Wash, peel, core, and dice mango and pear. Heat coconut oil over medium-high heat. Add spinach and cook until wilted. Drain excess oil from spinach. Place spinach, mango, and pear in a food processor and blend until desired texture, adding water as needed. Once prepared, refrigerate your homemade baby food within 2 hours and use within 24 hours. For later use, store the puree in the freezer in airtight containers portioned into individual serving-sizes and use within one week.
Boost Your Health With This Delicious Spinach, Mango and Pear Green Smoothie Bowl Getting your kids to eat healthy while they’re young can be difficult, but the rewards are beneficial, as the vitamins and nutrients in healthy foods, like the ingredients used in this recipe, can positively impact their growth and overall well-being. Spinach is a leafy green that is abundant in different vitamins, B vitamins and minerals that benefit your nervous and cardiovascular systems. Most of spinach’s health-promoting properties come from plant compounds called flavonoids, which prevent cholesterol oxidation and help combat free radicals in the body. Meanwhile, chlorophyll and other plant pigments called carotenoids in spinach can improve vision and provide anti-inflammatory and anti-cancerous properties. It’s not hard to love mangoes because of their sweet taste, and even more so when you consider their health benefits. Apart from having vitamin C that boosts healthy immune function and collagen formation, mangoes have vitamin A that’s critical for bone growth and maintenance of healthy mucous membranes and skin. Meanwhile, mangoes also contain flavonoids with antioxidant and vision-protecting capabilities. Make sure to eat mangoes in moderation, as the high fructose content can spell disaster if you eat too much of it. Note also that mangoes are allergenic for babies because of a chemical called urushiol that’s found in the rind,1 and may cause rashes around your baby’s bottom. According to Wholesome Baby Food, it would be ideal to start feeding mango to babies that are 8 months old and up.2 Apart from being tart and sweet enough to deliver sweetness to this smoothie bowl, pears have their benefits too, as they contain good amounts of: Vitamin C that fights infections Vitamin K that builds and preserves bone strength B vitamins that lessen incidence of colitis, arthritis, gallbladder disorders and gout Hydroxycinnamic and hydroxybenzoic acid that can prevent stomach and lung cancers Plus, if you keep the peels intact, you’re exposed to quadruple amounts of plant nutrients, such as betacarotene, lutein and zeaxanthin. These can shield your body from free radicals and ensure a lower risk for type 2 diabetes, cancer and heart disease. The only caveat about pears, like mangoes, is their high fructose content, which can be dangerous when eaten excessively, so make sure to control your consumption of this fruit. If you haven’t used coconut oil yet for your baby’s meals, now’s a good time to start. Coconut oil contains medium-chain fatty acids (MCFAs), which are healthier compared to long-chain fatty acids (LCFAs) present in vegetable oils.3 MCFAs are easily digested, easier to break down, and go straight to your liver, allowing your body to convert these MCFAs into energy and not fat. Coconut oil also has lauric acid that’s converted into monolaurin, a known virus-destroyer that works against lipid-coated HIV, herpes, flu, and measles viruses. Plus, coconut oil is capable of: Enhancing heart health Boosting healthy brain function and immune system Regulating proper thyroid function Keeping your skin healthy and youthful-looking
Easy DIY Crockpot Candles Supplies needed: – Glass jars – Soy wax flakes – Weighted candle wicks, large – Rosemary oil – Lavender oil OR dried lavender – Crockpot – Scissors – Chopstick or stirring stick
Directions: 1. Place the wick in the jar. If you need help getting it to stay centered, add a tad of glue to the weight and press into place. 2. Fill to the top with the soy flakes. Keep the wick centered as you fill. 3. Add 7-10 drops of rosemary oil to the jar. Place the jar in the crock pot set on high. 4. As the wax melts down, you will add more. Just sprinkle it in evenly around the wick. 5. Allow the jar to sit for about 60-90 minutes in the crock pot until the wax has liquefied. Add additional flakes as needed. 6. When the wax nears the top, sprinkle in the dried lavender buds. Or, you can add some of the lavender oil at this time. 7. Give the candle a last good stir, and remove from the pot. Allow to cool and harden. 8. Snip off any extra wick before burning. Never burn any candles unattended or do crafts with hot wax around children. DIY Crockpot Candles with Essential Oils are super easy and do not take a lot of time. You can do other things while they melt down. Have you tried making candles? If so please leave a comment letting me know how you make yours.
By Stephanie
Dr. Shefali Tsabary is a international speaker, clinical psychologist and acclaimed author of the award-winning book "The Conscious Parent". She blends eastern mindfulness with western psychology integrating wisdom from both traditions. Her first book, "The Conscious Parent", has been endorsed by Oprah as one of the most profound books on parenting she has ever read. This book revolutionizes the parenting journey and allows us to transform our relationship with our children.
Conscious Life Magazine
“Look into my eyes and you will see the same expressions of pain, despair, hunger, happiness and love that other little babies feel”. Many of us get hit by cars, shot with pellet guns and often watch our mothers die on the side of the road. Luckily for some of us we are rescued and end up in the care of Tracy, who takes us to Aunty Dr Kerry Eason in Durban for our injuries. Tracy is an angel to us, she cares for us and makes us feel better – we love her. We need all the same things that human babies need like bottles to feed us warm milk, blankets and other baby items.
Tracy Rowles This amazing woman dedicates all her time to the rescue and rehabilitation of vervet monkeys on the KZN coast, in and around the Umkomaas area. She is on call 24/7, caring for the injured babies and often the older monkeys. She sees the horror of what these animals go through when they are injured – she also feels the joy when her little monkeys get well again.
Its all about saving furry babies
Umsizi Umkomaas Vervet Rescue Centre
Watch Tommy get his balance!
CONTACT DETAILS Tracy Rowles Mobile: 072 883 5119 Email: tracymonkeylady@gmail.com www.umsizi.za.org
ADOPTING A BABA Would anyone like to be Tommy's Adoptive mommy and support his care and feedings. R200 per month and you get a certificate, visiting rights as well as tagged in all his photos and updates. He is our first orphan of the season this year and after a traumatic past he needs all the milk and spoils of nice toys and blankets to keep him a happy baba. There will be lots more babies up for adoption.
An Invitation to a Baby Shower with a difference "You are cordially invited to Umsizi's Vervet Rescue's baby shower. We at Umsizi are throwing a baby shower to try get together all our needed items before the little ones start arriving so that we can offer, not only all our love and attention, but the best possible care and enrichment for these traumatized little souls. With their mothers gone forever they need all the light and joy we can give and we need the your help to do that To donate your items you can deposit in our bank the amount chosen with a list of the items you want to see purchased. Any left over money will go towards monkey food of course. You may also drop off donations at Scottborough Vet or directly at Umsizi, just please phone Tracy to arrange before arriving. You can follow our progress on Facebook as to how the basket is filling up, and also meet our new babies.
Bank Details and a list of items and prices are below: Bank: FNB (non profit) Chq Acc No: 624 987 321 58 Branch Code: 250 655 Swift Code: FIRNZAJJ
Items Needed: Price list: Small Lactogen 1 R 160 Large Lactogen 1 R 280 Porridge small R 30 Porridge large R 60 Fluffy blankets R 50 Towels R40 Toys R 10 and up Wet wipes R 35 Bottles R 36 (Available at vet) Meds R50 and up
Thanks so much to all our supporters . Tracy is working really hard to make a difference for these guys - let’s help as much as we can!
About Wags & Whiskers Rescue Team We are a small group of people who are dedicated to helping all furr-kids. Located in Fourways & Midrand JHB. Email wagsandwhiskers7@gmail.com Robyn: 084 593 1292 of Cheyna 082 307 2377
NEVAEH NEVAEH (Heaven spelled backwards) is being looked after by Robyn herself until she can find her forever home. “She is beyond amazing. Can be skittish with strange men but she has been amazing with all the kittens, puppies, kids and whoever else comes through my door. Please someone offer her a forever home.�
CHILDHOOD CANCER Awareness & Early Detection CHOC’s Awareness Programme It is estimated that currently less than half of children with cancer in South Africa are diagnosed, and many of those who are diagnosed are in advanced stage of illness. One of the reasons for this is a lack of awareness and knowledge in parts of the health system regarding the early warning signs of childhood cancer. As a result, CHOC initiated an Awareness Programme to disseminate the early warning signs that the South African Childhood Cancer Study Group drew up. The objectives of the programme include ensuring that all children with cancer in South Africa are diagnosed as early possible and that the early warning signs of childhood cancer are well known in all parts of the health system (including primary health care clinics and all hospitals).
Cancer Facts Cancer incidence Although childhood cancer is relatively rare, the incidence rate has been increasing. According to a 2014 report by the American Cancer Society, it is now estimated that one in 408 children worldwide will be diagnosed with cancer before the age of 15. Yet with early detection and treatment in paediatric oncology units, globally the survival rate can be as high as between 70% and 80%, with variance depending on the type of cancer.
Common childhood cancers Cancers in children tend to be different from those found in adults, most often occurring in the developing cells like bone marrow, blood, kidneys and nervous system tissues. Life-threatening blood disorders include aplastic anaemia, thalassaemia and idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura. Despite being relatively rare, in Western countries childhood cancer is the second most common cause of death in children aged 5 to 14 years, after accidents, whilst in Africa it does not make it into the top 10 common causes. According to the most recent South African Children’s Cancer Study Group (SACCSG) registry statistics, for 2009 to 2013, the five most common childhood cancers in South Africa are leukaemia, followed by lymphoma (tumours that begin in the lymph glands), then brain tumours, nephroblastomas, or Wilms tumours – cancer of the kidneys - and then soft tissue sarcomas, which are tumours that begin in the connective tissue.
The Saint Siluan Early Warning signs These early warning signs were drawn up by the South African Childhood Cancer Study Group and they have been adopted by the International Society of Paediatric Oncology. St Siluan was a monk who prayed for humanity ceaselessly.
If you detect any of the warning signs in your child please contact your nearest CHOC region contact your nearest treatment centre or SMS the name of your province to 34486, at a cost of R2. A CHOC representative will contact you shortly thereafter.. There is also a TOLL-FREE HELPLINE: 0800 333 555 that sisters and doctors at the primary healthcare clinics can call (hosted at the Chris Hani Baragwanath Academic Hospital) for advice on whether to refer the child for further investigation and to which unit. http://www.choc.org.za/regions.html
Keeping more than hope alive for nearly four decades
CHOC Childhood Cancer Foundation was established in 1979 as a support group to parents of children with cancer, by parents of children with cancer. Having experienced the immense emotional and financial toll that cancer takes they recognised there is more than one victim in the family of the child with cancer. Their aim was to ease the burden on parents facing the same journey by providing access to relevant, accurate information, as well as emotional and practical support. From the onset CHOC provided support in the hospital wards, hence the name Children’s Haematology Oncology Clinics, or CHOC. Gradually parent groups were set up in other key centres, where the major state-funded academic hospitals are located and paediatric oncologists practice. In 2000, these regional entities merged into a national organisation. CHOC now has a head office in Johannesburg, six regional offices, two branches, and 13 accommodation facilities close to treatment centres. With occupancy steadily increasing our budget for maintenance and running costs of the accommodation facilities in 2015 will amount to R7.132 million, with each facility costing over half a million and we have a total capacity of 66 030 bed nights per annum.
We do not receive funding from government but rely heavily on donations from caring corporates, individuals and parents of children with cancer. Funds raised are used to provide all-encompassing support – from direct practical help to the children and their families and those involved in the treatment – to necessary equipment.
Donate to CHOC The support of corporations and individuals is vital to the ongoing work of CHOC.
Her eyes met mine as she walked down the corridor peering apprehensively into the kennels. I felt her need instantly and knew I had to help her. I wagged my tail, not too exuberantly, so she wouldn't be afraid. As she stopped at my kennel I blocked her view from a little accident I had in the back of my cage. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't been walked today. Sometimes the overworked shelter keepers get too busy and I didn't want her to think poorly of them. As she read my kennel card I hoped that she wouldn't feel sad about my past. I only have the future to look forward to and want to make a difference in someone's life. She got down on her knees and made little kissy sounds at me. I shoved my shoulder and side of my head up against the bars to comfort her. Gentle fingertips caressed my neck; she was desperate for companionship. A tear fell down her cheek and I raised my paw to assure her that all would be well. Soon my kennel door opened and her smile was so bright that I instantly jumped into her arms. I would promise to keep her safe. I would promise to always be by her side. I would promise to do everything I could to see that radiant smile and sparkle in her eyes. I was so fortunate that she came down my corridor. So many more are out there who haven't walked the corridors. So many more to be saved. At least I could save one.
Support your local animal shelters – ‘forever homes’ needed
HUSKY ROMI WOLF SANCTUARY HuskyRomi is a non-profit organization providing a safe haven for abandoned and abused huskies and wolves in South Africa. We provide a home to all huskies and wolves that can’t be kept as pets because of their complicated nature. Many of the animals arrive in a poor condition, some not even knowing what grass is. They are rehabilitated with loving care by Larry Paul. This website was started to provide support to the HuskyRomi project and to promote the protection of wolves and other wildlife. The sanctuary is open for the public to come and learn about wolves. We do appreciate donations and sponsorship for the buying of food, for veterinary bills and doing maintenance to the enclosures. We currently take care of more than 200 huskies, wolves and hybrids in 54 enclosures.
Get Involved We are working towards getting a formal volunteer program off the ground at HuskyRomi. This is available to both local (South African) and international volunteers. Should anybody be interested to become a volunteer or to assist with the program please contact Larry on the number or email below.
Sponsorship and Donations Name a Wolf. Should you wish to name a wolf, for instance in remembrance of a loved one or pet, you may arrange it with Larry. We just request that you then will be prepared to do a full monthly sponsorship of that wolf for a period of at least two years.
Get in Touch: Mobile: 071 679 5141 larry@huskyromi.co.za http://huskyromi.co.za/wp/
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