01.28.2016

January 28–February 3, 2016 34st.com

REFLECTING ON PENN'S GREATEST EQUALIZER

january 28

LETTERFROMTHEEDITOR

2016

LOL

OCR has got to be, like, the biggest joke at Penn.

Last week, I watched over half of my friends put more work into cover letters and info sessions than I’ve ever seen them put into a class at Penn. This week, I watched those same people get nothing. No first round interviews. No job offers. Some of the smartest people I know with near perfect GPAs couldn’t even get a foot in the door.

3 HIGHBROW

Normal v. Pledge v. OCR, overheards, round up

4 WORD ON THE STREET

As Penn students, we are so accustomed to being the best. Being the best was so easy for so long but now, all of a sudden, it’s not. As I get closer to the end of of my time at Penn, I’ve had to come to the not–so– fun realization that, when I leave, I probably won’t be hired at the best job or get into the best grad school—that my days of being the best are almost over.

penn museum is cool

5 EGO

hottest twins, eotw: Megan and Kelly Bridges

LOL LOL

LOL

The thought of being ordinary is fucking scary (which is ironic, because all I wanted as a kid was brown hair and brown eyes and braces so I could look like everyone else). But I think what we have to remember is that it’s not the prestige of your job or your law degree that will make you happy or make you stand out, but rather what you do with those things and who you do them with. We are only 20–some years old and your summer internship after your junior year is not the rest of your life.

You have no idea what will happen in the next few years.

7 TECH

flappy bird, pennapps, tech helps

10 FEATURE

Take this very optimistic advice from one of the biggest pessimists at this school.

smokes'

12 FILM LOL

hanging out with jason sudeikis, netflix this month

15 VICE & VIRTUE

jeffconnect, hot chocolate, food boy: pasta

LOL

17 ARTS

wonderland exhibit, emily Sachs benefit

19 LOWBROW LOL

stalking your interviewer, networking buzzwords, pennlink

HONESTLY, STREET IS KIND OF UPSET ABOUT THE GENDERED TERM "SNOWMAN." ARE YOU PISSED ABOUT IT TOO? COME DISCUSS AT OUR WRITERS MEETING TONIGHT. 6:30 P.M. @ 4015 'NUT.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief Mikaela Gilbert-Lurie, Managing Editor Giulia Imholte, Audience Engagement Director Jeffrey Yang, Design Director Remi Lederman, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Dani Blum, Features Editor Orly Greenberg, Features Editor Mark Paraskevas, Word on the Street Editor Steph Barron, Word on the Street Editor Emily Hason, Campus Editor Julie Levitan, Culture Editor Brandon Slotkin, Entertainment Editor Rachel Rubin, Lowbrow Editor Genny Hagedom, Highbrow Beat Keara Jenkins, Highbrow Beat Elena Modesti, Ego Beat Genevieve Glatsky, Ego Beat 2

Melissa Curley, Music Beat Sydney Hard, Music Beat Talia Sterman, Music Beatlet Johanna Matt-Navarro, Music Beatlet Madison Bell-Rosof, Arts Beat Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Arts Beat Nick Joyner, Film and TV Beat Emily Schwartz, Film and TV Beat Zoe Albano-Oritt, Tech Beat Hannah Noyes, Tech Beat Dina Zaret, Vice & Virtue Beat Chloe Shakin, Vice & Virtue Beat Jackie Lawyer, Lowbrow Beat Jack Cody, Lowbrow Beat Nadia Kim, Design Editor Sofie Praestgaard, Design Editor Dina Zaret, Dining Guide Editor Madison Bell-Rosof, Dining Guide Editor

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Alex Fisher, Photo Editor Katie Dumke, Photo Editor Isabel Zapata, Photo Editor

Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Alex Fisher, Katie Dumke, Isabel Zapata, Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, and Julie Chu Cheong.

Sara Thalheimer, Copy Director Elana Waldstein, Copy Director Sola Park, Copy Editor Chloe Cheng, Copy Editor

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief, at johns@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898-6585.

To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.

Blake Brashear, Social Media Editor Rhea Aurora, Social Media Editor

www.34st.com

Staff Writers: Frank Augello, Caroline Harris, Mike Coyne, Hallie Brookman, Olivia Fitzpatrick, Jillian Karande Staff Photographers: Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, Julie Chu Cheong

"Sorry to interrupt, but is this anyone's ladle?" ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

A DAY IN THE LIFE:

HGHBROW

NORMAL HUMAN VS. PLEDGE VS. OCR

GDI

OCR

On your fifth hour of the day.

On your fifth coffee.

Because you never realized how weirdly similar pledging and doing OCR were.

NORMAL HUMAN

PLEDGE

On your fifth snooze.

12:15 p.m.

Enjoying an impromptu lunch with a friend.

Delivering lunch to your plede master.

Fighting off hunger until 4 p.m. because that's when you eat lunch now.

3:40 p.m.

Refreshing your email furiously for GBM times.

Refreshing your email furiously for tasks.

Refreshing your email furiously for interviews.

8:00 p.m.

Leaving Pottruck feeling fit and fulfilled.

Leaving dirty basement feeling violated and drunk.

Leaving the Inn at Penn feeling inadequate and slightly nauseous.

Memorizing next week's class material.

Memorizing the distinct Philly hometowns of half your pledge class.

Memorizing case studies about the Chinese auto industry and/or any other niche foreign market.

THEROUNDUP Winter Storm Jonas wasn’t the only thing that did damage this weekend. From your bid party to your snarty (for the uninformed: that’s a snow darty) to your 3 a.m. McFlurry, we caught drift of your snowy escapades. Let’s hope the Round Up didn’t (frost)bite you in the ass.

Bundle up or you might catch Alpha Phi-ver. At the Phi bid party last week, one brother led his A Phi mistress to the bathroom in the hopes of getting some below-the-belt action. Instead of blowing the guy, however, she ended up blowing chunks all over his dick. The night definitely could’ve ended better, but at least our Phi-friend was already on her knees.

Phi boys weren't the only ones to encounter unwanted bodily fluids this weekend. The girls swim team hosted a party on Friday, which their male counterparts graciously attended. Perhaps not so gracious, however, were the gifts the boys left for their lovely hosts. Highbrow hears that, after waking up the morning after, the girls discovered that the boys had pissed in their dryer. The disaster didn't stop there, however, as another resident tried to

make a pizza only to open the oven door to a flaming pool of pee. The whole situation leaves us with a lot of questions, but mostly how did no one notice someone peeing in the oven???

Speaking of flying under the radar, St. A's threw an all-too-fitting white snarty in honor of Blizzard 2016. Things were going snow-well until one OAX girl and an A's brother went to hook up and accidentally locked themselves in one of the house’s rooms for almost an hour. Luckily, the guy called in reinforcements and brothers rushed to transport hammers to the couple through a window. After loosening the door’s screws, the A's bros were able to kick down the door and set the two lovebirds free.

Highbrow’s all for seven minutes in heaven, but not so much for the long–HALL. But perhaps nobody was as screwed as Theos this past week. Realizing that they were about to lose at least half of their new pledge class to rival Oz, the brothers were forced to re–rush kids they had already cut. The off–campus frat even invited back alums to save the day, but it appears Oz still wooed the rushes down their yellow brick road. Looks like TheosTheosTheos needs some HelpHelpHelp (see @THEOSTHEOSTHEOS on twitter. You won’t regret it).

Apparently frats aren’t the only ones who hire

at

One professor to another professor: I admire you because you're delicious.

10:36 a.m.

12:10 a.m.

over heard PENN Kinky frat bro: My brother definitely had to lick chocolate sauce off of his girlfriend’s nipples because of me.

Girl looking at herself in Apes bathroom mirror: Do you ever wonder how you became this heinous?

Resourceful frosh: I had to crop a mojito out of my PennCard picture.

strippers. Last Friday night, SDT upperclassmen hosted an event at an off–campus house where they invited a male stripper to perform for them. Upon arriving trashed, he stayed for a mere 30 minutes, showed off his matzah balls a little, then bolted and puked right outside their house, before making a quick getaway. A word to the wise: don’t drink Manischewitz on an empty stomach.

The he-brew continued to flow at an AEPi date night, as one drunk sophomore fell down some stairs and impaled her hand on a piece of metal. Oy vey. To buoy the bad vibes, she got high and fortunately found someone in MERT to temporarily bandage the wound. When the sober biddy finally made it to the ER the next day, a fearless freshman from the night before texted her asking what she was up to. After responding “ER lol, come thru,” the recovering soph was surprised to see the guy did, in fact, actually come thru. Talk about emergency care. To be clear, Highbrow doesn’t want anyone landing in the hospital, but we commend the bold frosh for checking in on his potential H(ook)UP. The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

LOOK AT THIS STUFF, ISN'T IT NEAT?

I’ll let you in on a little secret: Penn’s world– class Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology exists all year, every year—not just during the NSO toga party.

I’ve read pieces about the Penn Museum in student publications, and invariably, they open with sentences like the one above. This suggests that the Penn Museum is one of this campus’ best–kept secrets. And this is always frustrating for me, not because it isn’t true, but because it is.

During the very first class I walked into at Penn, I found myself sitting in a room in the museum surrounded by models of human ancestors, listening to my professor tell us that we would be working directly with the artifacts— things that were made and used and thrown away by people who haven’t walked the Earth for thousands of years. The thought was thrilling, and my experience in ANTH148, “Food and Fire,” did not disappoint. Examining stone–age bones for tooth marks left by scavengers, holding 6,000–year–old tools and even cutting meat with a flake I chipped from a piece of obsid-

JUSTIN ESTREICHER ian with my own hands were some of the most engaging learning experiences I’ve ever had.

That semester, my PennCard gave me access to the artifact labs at the museum. I felt like such an insider. I was brought face–to–face, through physical contact, to something from the distant past. The feeling you get from learning through real, physical interaction is infinitely more powerful than just reading a book or looking at images.

I reveled in the thought of being a part of an exclusive club, in being able to see and do and touch things that most people— even most Penn students—never

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of ancient people just by looking at their skulls.

I must have sounded like I had come from an archaeological dig in some faraway land, and sometimes I felt as if I had. But I’d only been as far as 33rd and South.

By the end of the semester, I still thought that my special opportunity was incredibly cool, but I was no longer happy to think of myself as the keeper of a great secret.

I began to wonder why so few students explore this wonderful resource. I was baffled and, frankly, distressed by the fact that some have never even been to the Lower Egypt Gallery and seen the sphinx—the museum's most iconic treasure that, for some reason, is not the life of the toga party.

Unfortunately, I have to admit that this reality makes perfect sense. Most Penn students don’t even know how to access the building.

The Penn Museum is commonly viewed as a sort of house of mysteries. We may have heard that there are amazing things to be seen and done there, but we never really go and experience them for ourselves. And whenever anyone reports on those amazing things, the language is always colored with a tint of disbelief, as if this museum that has stood for over a century only just opened its doors.

So here is my suggestion: Let’s keep reading and writing about the Penn Museum and the events and research that go on there, but let’s not be surprised that they are going on. Treat stories from the museum like an exciting sports game or a change in the price of campus housing or free Federal Donuts during exams—interesting, but not mystifying.

Yes, the Penn Museum is awesome, but I urge you to remember that it is real and that you have access to it. It doesn’t just pop up out of the ground to receive toga–clad freshmen in late August. I promise.

"I must have sounded like I had come from an archaeological dig in some faraway land, and sometimes I felt as if I had. But I’d only been as far as 33rd and South."

would.

Among my friends, I became the go–to authority on any and all things related to the museum (Ed. note: every friend group needs one of those).

Of course, as a first–semester freshman, I was no expert, but I was always the person to call with any questions—like where to find a recitation room in the museum, how best to enter the building at different times of day and so on.

In addition to knowledge of the museum, I also acquired stories. I would come back to my dorm and brag that I’d spent my day examining potsherds for evidence of forming and finishing techniques, or identifying signs of iron deficiencies in the diets

4

Why is the world–renowned Penn Museum Penn's best–kept secret?

EGO

PENN'S CUTEST SIBLINGS How do we sign up to be a member of these families? Asking for a friend.

JAKE AND GRACE VAN ARKEL Otherwise known as JVA and GVA. Grace transferred from Columbia her sophomore year to join her brother Jake at Penn. Motives behind the transfer are unclear, except they are also very clear because Columbia sucks. These two can be spotted strolling down Locust in matching Barbours and Bean Boots, or sipping freshly brewed coffee at one of United By Blue's overly– crowded tables. Grace admits, “People think it’s weird how close we are, but honestly my favorite part of Penn is going to school with Jake.”

Just check out either of their Instagram accounts for further evidence on their sibling dynamism (and solid gene pool).

AHMED, KHALIL AND MALIK JONES These three are simply known as “the triplets” around campus. Mostly because everyone mixes up their names 90% of the time, but also because everything looks the same down to the last abdominal muscle. Khalil discloses that “a lot of the time people I don't know will wave to me or say 'hi' on Locust because they think I'm one of my brothers. I usually just smile and wave, but sometimes I go all in and try to hold a conversation if they start talking to me.

If you know one of us, chances are this has happened to you, but you'll never know.” (Ed. note: rumor has it one of the brothers has a freckle on their face that the others don’t have, so no more excuses.) These three celeb siblings are also extremely fit, which provides a lot of opportunities for them take their shirts off (not that we're complaining). For more abs, check out their Youtube videos under the name 3hree Triplets Fitness.

ELENA MODESTI

ROSIE AND ALEX WARREN It doesn’t hurt to have a twin brother in Beta, that’s for sure. Except for the fact that 50 guys immediately become offlimits. These two look absolutely nothing alike, which leaves a lot of room for dating ambiguity. For example, the two were once at Nordstrom's and a sales associate recommended that Alex buy his sister some jewelry for Valentine's Day, oblivious to the fact that they were just a couple of gorgeous siblings, not an actual couple.

However, I can’t imagine Rosie declined the jewelry suggestion. PSA ladies, Alex has a sister, not a girlfriend. Which also means you'd better watch who’s listening to your conversation about how hot he is: that red–headed bombshell standing next to you is related to him, not just another groupie.

GEORGE AND CAROLINE CALLE If you haven’t wished you were a Calle yet, you don’t have your priorities in check. “The Calle Smile” should be a coined term on this campus. If you haven't seen it, get in line. George takes appointments by phone call only. Caroline is a senior in TriDelt and George is a sophomore in St. Anthony's Hall. Basically, a better sibling duo does not exist anywhere in Philadelphia. George takes full credit for this sibling nomination: he clarified that Caroline is certainly “uglier and has less social capital.” But then be flashed that dashing smile of his and re–clarified that he and his sister are actually extremely close, and he isn’t sure if people at Penn other than A’s boys even use the term “social capital.”

Valid. Regardless, at the end of the day, it’s nothing but #siblinglove. Keep being blonde, Georg–oline.

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EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: MEGAN & KELLY BRIDGES

These twins aren't telepathic and they don't want to indulge your twincest fantasies, but they are saving the world so you should probably give a shit about them.

Street: Why did you guys choose to go to college together?

Megan Bridges: We actually didn’t want to. It was the best choice for both of us, so it just worked out that way. And also in terms of financial aid, we got the best scholarship here at Penn. So it made a lot of sense for us to go here.

Kelly Bridges: It was far away from home, which was nice.

Street: What’s the best and worst part of being a twin?

MB: The worst part for me is the questions we get. People always ask if we're psychic. That kind of gets annoying. And twin telepathy. We don’t have twin telepathy. But we know each other pretty well.

KB: I’ve also had really weird questions asked to my boyfriend.

MB: I’ve never had that problem with a boyfriend, but I’ve been hooking up with a guy before and he’s called me Kelly midway. That's pretty bad.

Actually, that’s the worst.

KB: But it’s really nice too because we mostly have all the same friends. A lot of our friend group is the same, and we have a lot of the same interests. We’re best friends. It’s nice being so far away from home but still having family.

Street: Is there one distinctive thing that differentiated the two of you physically when you were growing up?

KB: When we were babies, our grandpa painted one of our toenails red to differentiate us.

MB: And personality-wise, I was always the more vocal one.

And she was very shy. So when we were out somewhere, she would also say, “Kelly, can you ask this for me?”

6

Street: What’s the biggest difference between the two of you now?

KB: In high school, people thought I would be the more liberal one, but now that we're in college, Megan is way more liberal. I’m left, but Megan is WAY left.

MB: I feel like I'm more free-spirited. We're both risk takers but we're willing to take different types of risks.

I'm more comfortable making decisions that are a little less conventional.

Street: What's an example?

MB: I took a leave of absence last semester and stayed in Nicaragua after a summer internship. I was working for an NGO called Nuevas Esperanzas.

Street: Kelly, what were you doing last summer?

KB: I spent 10 weeks in a rural village in central India through IIP and CASI. I worked with an environmental non-profit that included a lot of women's rights and empowerment issues.

Street: Why do you think both of you are so globally oriented?

KB: When we came to Penn I never thought that I’d be going abroad so much. I thought maybe I’ll do a fall abroad, definitely a summer abroad. There were just so many really good opportunities that we wouldn’t have had otherwise due to our financial status. So for me if my financial aid covers this I’m hopping on that plane.

Street: Does financial status affect your experience at Penn in other ways?

MB: There’s a lot of perceptions about what it means to be low-income and be at Penn.

I’ve overheard students say that

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financial aid students bring the curve down because they believe that financial aid students wouldn’t do as well on exams as students that came from a private school and had access to tutors....There’s another layer added that not only if you’re low income but also if you’re a minority.

For us, we’re Latina. I’ve heard people say comments about affirmative action and “you didn’t get here on your own merits because of your ethnicity” or whatnot.

KB: One kid told me “I’ve never actually met someone who was poor before.” It was a weird comment.

Street: What do you think about twins who dress the same in high school?

MB: Twins freak me out.

When I think about twins the first thing that comes to my mind are these twins that we saw a few years ago that were in their 50s and dressed exactly the same down to their shoelaces.

That was kind of creepy.

KB: I have less of an opposition to wearing clothes similar to Megan. Whereas Megan is very much doing her own thing. One year ago we showed up at the airport wearing the same outfit. Megan got her carry on suitcase and changed in the bathroom. Or Sophomore year when I was in Australia and she was in Cuba, we both got highlights without consulting each other. Then we got back and we were like “Oh shit.”

Street: What are your sentiments on the twin threesome fantasy?

KB: Megan and I have had several instances where people

Name: Kelly Bridges Hometown: San Diego Major: Science, Technology and Society Activities: Global Water Alliance, World Polybian Society Name: Megan Bridges Hometown: San Diego Major: Cultural Anthropology Activities: In Situ, Penn Spectrum, Penn Government and Politics Association

KB: I’m very perceptive, but accident-prone. I am very perceptive of people though. I have a good judgment of people’s character.

Street: Are there any questions we forgot to ask you?

KB: No, but I have a quick have made it clear that that is anecdote about being a their intention with us. There twin. There was a boy who lived was a guy in high school that on our freshman hall who didn’t used to ask my boyfriend if he realize we were two different ever slept with the two of us people. He didn't realize until at the same time. That hasn’t he saw us both moving into happened and it will never the dorm after winter break. happen. We’ve had guys tell us and was like, He just thought that they’ve really liked both of our name was Megan Kelly. us and wanted to go out with There have been many incidents both of us. where people don’t know who MB: I don’t want to have sex is who, but we just try to be with my sister. polite.

MB: You asked who the favorite Street: Do you have any hidden twin is, but you forgot to ask talents? who the evil twin is. (You MB: Well, it’s not twin telepa- decide, Penn.) thy. I’m really good at picking up a lot of slang and dirty jokes This interview has been edited in Spanish. It happened when I and condensed. visited Nicaragua.

TECH

A BYTE OF PENNAPPS Spoiler alert: PennApps is really about the food.

It’s so big it has its own Snapchat filter and “Humans of ” page. It’s the only activity on campus that was not canceled due to the blizzard. It’s where ideas begin and flourish, or tank miserably. People from all over the country and all over the world flock to Penn twice a year to see if they might build the next Facebook at PennApps. Yet, few kids outside the coding or engineering worlds really know what happens within the hallowed halls of Penn engineering during this biannual hackathon.

From tracking the PennApps live web page, I was able to glean a few interesting facts about the PennApps life. The weekend is populated with tons of forms of entertainment for the casual hacker, ranging from Hackenger hunts and puzzle solving to bottle art competitions and Star Wars movie nights.

(Unfortunately, ice-skating with the PennApps penguin mascot was cancelled due to the blizzard. It was quite the tragedy.) There’s a mass of free t-shirts, pajama pants, Amazon gift cards and giveaways of all shapes and forms. When

I asked Krishna Bharathala, a longtime PennApps veteran what the strangest item he received at PennApps was, he responded “a stuffed minion.”

I personally would love to own a stuffed minion.

But the absolute best part of PennApps—everyone agrees almost unanimously—is the food. SO. MUCH. FOOD. AND IT’S FREE. AND IT’S REALLY GOOD. LIKE REALLY GOOD. Vaishak Kumar, a senior who went for the food last year, mentioned they had some amazing caffeinated cupcakes, serving the dual purpose of being absolutely delicious and keeping the hackers awake to code forevermore.

This year, the featured menu included sandwiches from DiBruno’s, 3 a.m. Insomnia cookies, breakfast from Federal Donuts, Sugar Philly macaroons, Boston Market mashed potatoes and oh so many more items. The food options are so great it really made me question whether the participants’ motivations were more gastronomic than educational.

My own experience with the PennApps menu took place

MANJU GANTI

over a year ago during my freshman fall. I was walking back from the squash courts with a friend, and we decided to cut through engineering. It was dinnertime, and we were planning on going to Chipotle. Of course, we had no idea PennApps was happening. As we cut through Levine, we saw tables and tables of catered food. We looked at each other, and we both knew this was where we would eat our dinner. The mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and biscuits I had there, to this very day, still visit me in my dreams.

Filled with very little sleep, lots of Swift (the programming language, not the female pop singer) and showers in the Palestra, PennApps is a truly unique experience. To Penn kids who’ve never been, you’re missing out. Star Wars and free food? Where do I sign up?? I’m so down to be that one kid on every team with no coding experience who brings everyone coffee.

Seriously, LMK if you need me. I'll be over here reliving the memories of my freshman year PennApps food orgy.

Even college housing

should feel like home.

Contact us today to find your ideal off-campus housing!

Fantastic units anywhere from a studio apartment to a 10 bedroom house available near 39th & Pine or 44th & Spruce.

Available June 1st.

215.387.4137 ext. 100 abergeson111@gmail.com www.ConstellarCorporation.com J A N U A R Y 2 8 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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TECH'S GUIDE TO

HIBERNATION

HANNAH NOYES

Put down your phone, go outside and make a snow fort. Take advantage of the fact that your friends actually left their houses and rescued you.

TECH

Encouraging your inner agoraphobe to never, ever leave the house

Last week’s winter storm Jonas had us the opposite of hot and bothered. The 20+ inches of snow we got made leaving the house a whole lot of nope. From the flywheel–obsessed to the stoner boy who can’t move from his couch (much less trudge to Allegro), Street has got your winter needs covered. It may be too early to call a pledge to grab you a breakfast sandwich from Lyn’s, but here are some apps to help you be lazy while it's shitty outside—they put a twist on the classics.

Download Evil Apples. A Cards Against Humanity for the snowed-in folk, Apples allows you to either play against the app or against your friends (which we highly recommend). Best part: not having to leave your bed during it, obviously.

Yes

Can your friends make it over to rescue you from boredom?

No I’m home alone and I’m bored as fuck. I have run out of Netflix shows.

This was a high idea.

Unsure if I want Allegro or New Delhi.

Send help.

Can you drink more?

HOW’S YOUR SNOW DAY GOING?

How do you feel about making decisions regarding food?

Kinda hungry, TBH. I’m feelin’ like spending some bank.

GrubHub isn’t quite cutting it these days.

Say no more. Push for Pizza “uses state of the art technology to make ordering pizza that much easier.” Enter your address/credit card number before you hit the bong and whenever you need it, press the big red button. Simple as that.

Yes

Download Instacart. For those of you living under a rock for the past four or so years, Instacart can deliver you alcohol for the low, low price of $5.99. Be sure to utilize the “add a special request” function if you don’t see what you want. There should be absolutely nothing stopping you from getting a bottle of Bulldog gin whenever the options are between Tanqueray and Burnett’s. Sure to create a good time and save you the trek to 43rd and Chestnut.

No

Hungover as fuck.

Those snow day darties murdered me.

Sunday Scaries have hit. The fact that the Allegro employees know your name and your order (curly cheese fries) is alarming. You need a workout. Pottruck or Flywheel?

Sweat with Kayla is kind of a cop-out and not really worth paying $20 a month for exercises that you can get with a free download of Kayla Itsines’ eBook.

Try 7 Minute Workout by Wahoo Fitness. It’s free, you focus on every exercise for only 30 seconds and the interface is super easy to use.

Pottruck

Flywheel

Caviar- Food delivery from local restaurants, and by local, we mean downtown hotspots.

Our favorites are Little Nonna’s, Sweet Freedom Bakery and Charlie was a Sinner.

In the fall, Postmates teamed up with Walgreens offering $1.99 delivery, so you don’t have to feel guilty about ordering Alka Seltzer and Gatorade to your door.

The trek to 15th and Locust streets is a little farther than you’re willing to go this morning. Hop on an exercise bike (hopefully your apartment complex/high rise/ Radian is equipped with one) and download Peloton Cycle. For less than one Flywheel class, you can get a monthly unlimited membership to a spin class on demand. We liked the instructors a lot, as they began the class explaining, “If you are hungover…modify.” They get it, and they also offer live classes.

former Flappy Bird addicts: your drug of choice is APP OF THE WEEK: FLAPPY RETURNS Attention new, improved and waiting—free of charge—in the Apple Store.

ZOE ALBANO-ORITT

Let's take a trip back to a simpler time. It was the winter of 2014, I was in high school and the polar vortex was ripping through the East Coast (and it sort of still is).

The one thing that got me through from one day to the next was a singular app on my phone: Flappy Bird.

I took great pride in the fact that my high score was well over 100. Yes, I was that cool. This app, though, was fucking everywhere. It went viral and stayed viral, which was (and still is) rare for an 8

app. After a couple months of fame, the creator, Dong Nguyen, pulled Flappy Bird from the Apple App Store on February 10, 2014, citing fears that the game had become too addictive and overused.

Phones that had the app already installed on them sold for high prices on eBay, which

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maybe proved Nguyen's point that people had become addicting. Flappy Bird lovers can breathe a sigh of relief, though, because I present to you the Street app of the week: Flappy Returns—The Classic Original Bird Game Remake.

We're back, bitches.

How it works (in case you live under a rock and have been doing so for the last two years): The premise of Flappy Bird (and its remake) is incredibly simple. An 8-bit bird charac-

ter, apparently named Faby, flaps its way through a series of openings in tubes that look like they're straight out of Super Mario Bros. You help Faby along his journey by tapping the screen, which gives him a burst of flight before gravity takes over and he starts to fall again. If Faby hits a pipe, he falls to the ground and that's game over. That's it–that's the entire game.

People loved and hated Flappy Bird because getting the proportionate amount of air necessary to keep Faby

going was very difficult, and you had to time your touch exactly right. I personally loved the no–frills challenge of the game and I spent all my time honing my skills (this isn't a joke; my high school friends made so much fun of me for how much time I spent playing Flappy Bird). Anyway, to all those who haven't played Flappy Bird, I highly encourage you to download this remake if you've run out of interesting ways to waste time. Flap on, friends.

FILM & TV

HANGING OUT WITH JASON SUDEIKIS His new movie Race is so hot that we're not even allowed to discuss it. Good thing we're rebels.

This past weekend Focus Features held a press screening for the new Jesse Owens biopic Race, and Street was invited to attend the college roundtable.

Even though they screened it for us in a private theater on Rodeo Drive, the film’s so hot that there’s a press embargo on writing a review of it until February 18th––but Street has the privilege of providing you with some background information. Plus, we got to sit down with the film’s director, Stephen Hopkins, the star Stephan James, two of Jesse Owens’ daughters and fucking Jason Sudeikis, who played Jesse Owens' coach.

The film charts the running career of Jesse Owens, the famed Olympic athlete, from his beginnings at Ohio State University under coach Larry Snyder to his momentous competition at the 1936 Berlin Olympic Games. Fashioned

more as a life story than as a triumphant sport film, this biography immortalizes Owens in the most deserving way.

Throughout the process of making the film, Stephan James (of Selma fame) felt the pressure that comes with playing such a beloved American icon,

especially one who has many living relatives and adoring fans with knowledge of his history. In preparation for the film, James practiced his running form at the University of Georgia and worked on mimicking the unique cadence of Owens’ speaking voice.

“It was important to me to give him a level of humanity,” Stephan told Street. “From 1936 there were only so many YouTube clips I could find of him speaking and interviews and that sort of thing. I just used his family to fill in the gaps of whatever I couldn’t find online or in the books. I tried to look at myself everyday and see him.”

Throughout the five year course of the movie production, the Owens' family had final script approval. “It wasn’t close [to begin with]. It was written by young people who couldn’t translate what happened in those days with what’s happening now,” Marlene Owens told us, describing the original tone of a script that she and her sister Beverly marked up with thousands of pink Post-Its. But they were impressed with the integrity of the end product. “I think they did a phenomenal job of embracing his character and projecting it, and because we had script approval, we know that the facts were right. And they were extremely cooperative in making the changes after the film was shot if there were things we wanted to tweak.”

Although this was Jason Sudeikis’ first dramatic role, he didn’t feel his playing coach

Larry Snyder was a departure from his comedic body of work. “I just wanna work and work with people that tell stories that I believe in, that aren’t inconsequential to the human experience,” he adds. “I’m for-

tunate I haven’t had to do a role solely for the dough yet.

I just want to continue to be the dumbest, least–talented person in the room.”

Still, for a movie titled Race with racial commentary laden throughout, it was surprising how little the personnel wanted to comment on this specific timeliness of the film. The film’s director, Stephen Hopkins commented “I was born in Jamaica and was brought up to be colorblind.”

He spoke to the duality of the

NICK JOYNER

film’s title, and how it may refer to both the oppressed African American race and the Jewish Americans prevented from running in the games. Hopkins saw the film more as a celebration of a hero than a comment on institutional racism.

When asked about the lack of people of color nominated for Academy Awards this year and the importance of his leading role as a black man, Stephan James dodged the weightier historical significance of his role. “I didn’t see it as a black thing or a white thing.

This guy’s a hero. For me it was so much bigger than race.

It was more about the way he transcended the world through his love of sport.”

Whether you view it as a film about race or a race is up to you. I wish I could tell you what I think, but Focus Features would come after my ass.

Bring your and your oh, and your

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F E AT U R E

Dim light bathes the room—it’s hard to tell whether the wood is dark and varnished, or simply catching a shadow. Glasses filled with liquor are exchanged between patrons and bartenders, accompanied by the soft murmur of conversation. It could almost be a medieval pub, with customers nursing their beers and crests displayed on every available surface, emblazoned with the words, “Leges sine moribus vanae.”

Or maybe it’s not a medieval pub at all. Perhaps it’s a 1950’s joint. The faces of hundreds of smiling football players with cleft chins and greased hair, cheerleaders with jaunty ponytails and modest skirts, all looking down at the customers with their grins frozen in grainy photographs.

Plush booths fit comfortably beside walls, which bear the scars of carvings: graduation dates, initials encompassed by hearts, names shaped by angles so sharp they almost call hieroglyphics to mind.

But then again, maybe that’s just the mystique of Smokes’. Smokey Joe’s, fondly dubbed Smokes’ by adoring students, has served as Penn’s beloved bar for over 80 years.

And while Smokes’ is cherished by Penn students, at first glance, it’s hard to determine what differentiates it

from any other university bar. College towns across the country boast their own pubs, each one flowing with students and liquor, and draped with university colors and slogans. But Smokes’ is different because it exists as a magnet, attracting students from every circle of Penn’s social sphere. It is an inclusive hub for everyone at a school where exclusivity reigns.

The bar was founded in 1933 as a waffle shop during Prohibition.

In 1952, Philly native Paul Ryan purchased Smokes’. Says Paul Ryan, the current owner and son of Paul Ryan (fear not, there’s only one more Paul Ryan in the mix after these two), “My grandfather, who was also in the bar business, thought he was crazy. He said, ‘college students, they don’t drink!’ But my father, I think he liked the young crowd. He saw the potential. So he bought it in ’52.

And he was young at the time, I think only 27 or 28. And then it moved to 38th and Walnut in 1961” (from its original location on 36th). The bar eventually found its permanent home on 40th street in 1978, and is currently operated by Ryan and his brother Patrick.

Ryan is as familiar with Smokes’ history as he is with its many patrons, both former and current. Before I

SMOKES' IS AN INCLUSIVE HUB AT A SCHOOL WHERE EXCLUSIVITY REIGNS SUPREME. ORLY GREENBERG

have time to turn on my recorder, Ryan asks about my journalistic ambitions, and tells me about a former waitress that went on to have a successful career as a reporter. He’s a smiling, friendly man, clad in a navy cardigan and clutching a water cup.

He offers me a seat in a booth, a glass of water and a firm handshake. He gets up twice to turn down the music, conscious that the throbbing '60s beats might disrupt the recording.

Paul Ryan is Mister Rogers, if perhaps the friendly neighborhood educator decided to instead obtain a liquor license.

A small photograph of a figure surrounded by shrubs grabs Ryan’s attention. “See that one? His name’s Kyle.

He’s a comedian in LA… he put that up. He put that up himself. In fact, I’m just noticing that… I didn’t put that up!” He chuckles appreciatively.

“Kyle Wassell. He worked for me.”

Ryan is well–versed in the lives of his former customers (his forehead wrinkles with familiarity when I mention that my sister used to frequent Smokes’ when she was an undergrad).

His familiarity serves as a testament to Smokes’ existence as the great 1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E J A N U A R Y 2 8 , 2 016

F E AT U R E

equalizer at Penn: regardless of social circle, anyone can enter and enjoy themselves—and Ryan will remember them all.

However, Ryan’s affection extends far beyond just those framed on a wall. He swirls the ice in his cup, smiling thoughtfully. He says, “I tell people, ‘this is a neighborhood bar, where the neighborhood is from all over the world, all races, all creeds, from different parts of the country, number one, and from the whole world, number two. And every four years, the neighborhood changes.’ So there’s some nights that I’m standing over here at the bar, talking to somebody from Mumbai, and somebody from Paris is here, and then London, and there’s LA, and New York, and Montana, Texas, Puerto Rico. It’s fun.

It’s a lot of fun. You get a lot of different perspectives.”

I can’t hear Sara–Paige Silvestro (C ‘16) over the mechanical roar of an espresso machine at Metropolitan Bakery. Silvestro has been a Smokes’ regular since turning 21, and considers it one of her main social outlets.

She leans in confidentially, waiting for the froth to sputter out so she can

continue.

“Last semester I was writing a thesis, so [I would only go to Smokes’] two or three nights a week. But I’ll definitely go for Kweder, which is Tuesdays,” she explains, absentmindedly picking at a bagel. “Then Thursdays and Saturdays, and most likely Fridays, and just throw Wednesdays in there if I’m out.”

She explains, “Socially, [going] is the easiest way to see the most of your friends. [More] will be at Smokes’ than anywhere else, so if I want to just go and hang out, I’m going to have people there.”

Going to a downtown is both a financial and time investment, and the clubs attract a niche group of Penn students. Fraternity parties are limited to brothers and the few allowed in at the door. But Smokes’ provides the unique opportunity to transcend any social boundaries Penn has constructed. It allows every student, from every social walk, to sit down, share a pitcher of beer and enjoy conversation.

The espresso machine gurgles, almost drowning out Silvestro’s throaty explanation. “I definitely know a lot of people there, and it’s also good for keeping friendships with people that you don’t have class with, or don’t get to see much, you know, they’re just at Smokes’… I can stop, we catch up.

So it’s helped me maintain friendships.”

Allie Cohen (C '16) wears a pair glasses so reminiscent of the '50s that she could have easily stepped out of a photograph on the wall of Smokes’ and slid into a seat across from me, where we share an Enjay’s pizza (the pizza served in–house at Smokes’).

She pushes the frames back as she explains Smokes’ s allure to Penn students, noting that, “Even along the

walls, you’re so reminded of its history with Penn and Penn students... that sentiment gets communicated throughout the student body, and therefore Smokes' is way more than just a place to get a drink.”

As Executive Vice President of Class Board, Cohen often utilizes Smokes’ inclusive nature and large space as a gathering for class–wide events. Feb Club, a schedule of special events for seniors every day of February, completes its run with a senior class gathering at Smokes’ every year.

Class Board also looked to Smokes’ when throwing its annual Junior class reunion night at the start of spring semester. For the University, Smokes’ is open, available, and welcoming to all students.

As Cohen puts it, “That’s why a group like Class Board chooses a place like Smokes’ to hold these events that are trying to bring classes together...for a lot of people, when they look back on their college experience, Smokes’ will be such a college staple…[there is] ultimately the sentiment of, ‘this is where I went to see my friends, this is where I went to meet new people, this is where I went and felt like I belonged to Penn’s student body.’”

Greg Louis (C ‘16) sits with his legs slightly splayed out, unable to entirely fit his 6’7” frame underneath a Capogiro table. Based off his height alone, it’s easy to see why Louis was hired as a bouncer earlier this fall.

He’s calm, measured, reasonable: everything a bouncer should be.

Louis is well aware that Smokes’ is something unique to Penn students, noting that, “It’s very simple: I think...

Smoke’s gives people a place where they can be comfortable.”

This comfort, Louis hypothesizes,

is a large reason behind Smokes’ longevity. “I think Smokes’ has lasted, and will continue to last, because they’re reliable,” Louis begins, breaking apart a cookie as he explains.

“It has an identity as a college bar, and that’s exactly what it is, from top to bottom.”

Some students lounge on bar stools, excitedly talking to their friends.

They gesture excitedly while they speak, their drinks slosh out and speckle the bar, the table, the ground. Others find the small, dark corners of Smoke’s—insulated nooks in which they can immerse themselves in conversation.

Still others make their way to the dance floor, twirling and chatting, too engaged to notice that the tight grip on their beer has warmed it past the chilled serving temperature.

Perhaps you chat with Louis as he wiggles your ID to ensure its authenticity. Or you find yourself talking with the football team, the debate team, the fraternity brothers.

A Smokes' experience is personalized, tailored, a wild medley of everyone and everything you’ve seen at Penn.

As Silvestro explains, “[Smoke’s] is homey. It’s not a trendy bar, it’s not a dive bar...it’s a Pennstitution. It belongs to Penn.”

Orly Greenberg is a sophomore in the College studying English and Cinema Studies. She is a Features Editor of Street.

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FILM & TV

WHAT SHOULD BE IN YOUR NETFLIX QUEUE THIS MONTH EMILY SCHWARTZ

Netflix and chill?

As second semester ramps up (300 pages of reading for one class like, okay) and winter settles in, resisting a Netflix binge will become increasingly difficult (read: impossible). The weather outside is nothing but sleet and snow, midterms are too distant to think about and the prospect of leaving your bed to face the wind tunnel that is Locust Walk just isn't doing it for you. But, have no fear—Netflix kicked off 2016 by adding tons of new shows and movies to its site to carry you through the next few cold weeks. If you’re a girl getting through winter and Valentine’s Day season, you’ll thank us. If you’re a guy looking to find one of those girls, you’ll thank us even more. For anyone in between, stay tuned.

Along Came Polly If you’re an early 2000’s romcom or general chick flick fan (and let’s be honest, who isn’t), January was a good month for you. First on your list that’s newly added should be Along Came Polly, starring none other than the romantic comedy queen herself—Jen-

nifer Anniston. Follow her as she catches the attention of— you guessed it—Ben Stiller in this 2004 movie that will win your heart just as easily as she wins his.

The Wedding Date Next comes The Wedding Date, another stereotypical

only because they’re classics, but also because you’ll want to understand the next time someone includes you in her “circle of trust.”

romcom that most likely goes along well with your unmade bed and carton of ice cream. All the clichés are there: a beautiful wedding, an unhappy maid of honor and a London destination. Yes, you may have a hard time telling Amy Adams and Debra Messing apart. And yes, you may predict the plot. But, at least the movie is reliable.

Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers If after Along Came Polly you still haven’t had enough of Ben Stiller, we have good news: both Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers were released on the same day in January. It's perfect if you’re

looking for a movie marathon to waste away a Friday morning with or when you’re the only one of your friends with no class. If you’ve already seen them, they never get old. If you haven’t, you most definitely should get on that, not

Bring It On Last, but certainly not least, is the cheerleader genre, to which Netflix showed a lot of love this month.

Both Bring It On: Fight to the Finish and Bring It On: In It to Win It were released to bring some spirit to the roster. Whether you love them or hate them is a personal choice, but there’s no denying that the dance routines are mesmerizing and the sass is certainly something to learn from.

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VICE & VIRTUE

A DEFINITIVE RANKING OF

BEST

HOT CHOCOLATES ON CAMPUS

6) GIA KITCHEN

Just think of it as our way of helping you combat Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Drink if: You still suck your thumb sometimes.

The betchiest salad place on campus does not deliver, hot chocolate wise. In contrast to its flowery description ("rich and creamy aroma and flavor"), Gia hot chocolate is essentially hot milk. It was weirdly soothing, though. Translation: don't purchase this disappointment unless you're in the mood to feel like a toddler again.

$$$:

5) $:

$2.75 for a "small" that looks more like a sample cup; $3.70 for a large.

MARK'S CAFE

Drink if: It's 3 a.m. and the only two words you've written of your 12–page research paper due tomorrow are your first and last name.

Mark's hot chocolate is just how you would imagine it: artificial, slightly watery, and with $2.60 for a small. the burnt–coffee aftertaste that finds its way into every drink you order from there. This hot chocolate tastes like Hershey's chocolate syrup in hot milk. And unfortunately, it won't make a bad night in VP any better.

4)

STARBUCKS

Drink if: You're basic and want to carry a Starbucks cup, but have the caffeine tolerance of a small child. This hot chocolate is tolerable and will make you look like an espresso–pounding adult.

I used to think Starbucks hot chocolate was a watery waste of my time, too.

But now, Starbucks' hot chocolate has undergone a creamy new makeover.

It's a few steps above Swiss Miss but still cloyingly sweet. It's like that girl you always see out but can't recall the name of: Eh.

$:

$2.30 for a Tall, $2.55 for a Grande, $2.80 for a Venti. As always, negative points for the pretentious size names.

Winter blues setting in? Time to rely on the only thing to get you through your slushy trek to class: hot chocolate. After sampling the best and worst specimens, I'm left with a burnt tongue, an empty wallet and a newfound appreciation for this winter treat.

3)

COSI

CHLOE SHAKIN

Drink if: Your sweet tooth rivals Buddy the Elf's. If dark chocolate in moderation is more your speed, steer clear of this at all costs.

A large white hot chocolate from Cosi—presumably made with white instead of milk chocolate—clocks in at over 600 calories. It tastes like a sickly–sweet combination of melted Lucky Charms marshmallows and whipped cream. It's so nauseatingly sugary that it's insanely delicious. You'll probably end up with a few cavities after the first one, though.

$$:

$3.29, excluding dental fees.

2)

METROPOLITAN BAKERY Drink if: You need to spice up your life ;).

Try the Aztec Hot Chocolate at Metropolitan Bakery: it's a cinnamon–y blend of different spices that adds an extra kick to an already top notch cup of cocoa. It's like normal hot chocolate's sexy older cousin.

$$$:

$3.50 for a "one size" cup which is actually a large.

1)CAPOGIRO

Drink if: You need to get laid. Plus, this hot chocolate will never ditch you the way last semester's booty call did.

You know those people who argue that some food is better than sex? I finally (partly) get it. The Italian Hot Chocolate at Capogiro lives up to, and even surpasses, all the hype. It's like drinking chocolate fondue, winning the lottery, and getting a lap dance from Channing Tatum at the same time.

$$$$:

$4.60 per cup. More than a complete meal from Lyn's, yes. But this drink will change your life.

J A N U A R Y 2 8 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

VICE & VIRTUE

JEFFCONNECT: Jefferson University Hospitals, a giant and growing system of hospitals and clinics in Philadelphia and the surrounding areas, has expanded into the trendy telehealth market. Their new app, JeffConnect, lets you video chat with a doctor pretty much whenever you need to.

You heard us. No more hellishly long walks to student

health. No more ER visits that aren’t actual emergencies just because SHS is closed. Urgent care doctors are on call, eagerly waiting to see your beautiful, snot–covered face.

Another great thing about this app is that you don’t need to have ever seen a Jefferson doctor and actually don’t even need insurance. They’re work-

THE SICKEST NEW APP Skype away the sniffles.

ing with Independence Blue Cross to start getting reimbursements in the next month or so, but for now, all urgent care Skype “visits” are a flat $49. Considering how much a visit to the ER can cost and the fact that you can literally be in bed, this is pretty incredible.

While there’s no substitute for a physical exam, these Jeff-Connect doctors are trained and experienced in telehealth. If you have a sore throat, for example, they might ask you to shine your phone light down your throat. Modern medicine at its finest.

And yes, the doctors can prescribe medication (just not pain meds or other controlled substances). If you’ve had something before and know exactly what you need, a quick video

chat can do the trick. You could save a lot of time getting antibiotics for sinus infections or UTIs, or avoid those times when you go to SHS and they tell you all you need is some over–the–counter Mucinex and Tylenol.

JeffConnect can do so much more than just give you advice for a common cold. You can make appointments with different departments, so if you wanted to talk to a psychiatrist, you can video chat and actually see them (not just hear a voice on the phone) from the comfort of your own home.

If you’ve seen a gynecologist at Jefferson and need to have a quick follow–up visit to see how your birth control is working, you can do that using JeffConnect. And last but certainly not least, if you have a massive breakout and can’t wait

six months to see a dermatologist because you have a date night in a week, you can see a dermatologist at Jefferson and get your prescription renewed stat.

DINA ZARET

FOOD BOY:

ROTINI WITH PARMESAN AND FRIED EGGS Ain't nuthin' but a cheese thang.

The Trustees’ Council of Penn Women is pleased to announce its

2016-2017 Grants Program Earn money for your group/organization. To apply, visit the TCPW website at www.alumni.upenn.edu/tcpwgrants Applications due by February 12, 2016.

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Recipe adapted from a classic Northern Italian dish that my nonna used to make.

Global warming was dope while it lasted, but now winter is, like, a thing again. After a long day of walking around in the cold and saying, “Could you not?” every time the wind (dick)slapped you in the face, the last thing anyone wants to do is go out again to pick up dinner.

Luckily, this savory pasta dish is ready in no time and will warm you up with cheesy goodness from the inside out.

Instead of making yourself mac and “cheese” in the microwave (we all know that cheese isn’t even close to real), try this classier alternative. It might sound a little strange at first (pasta with eggs?), but just trust my Italian ancestors and get crackin’!

Get the recipe online at 34st.com.

ARTS

EMILY SACHS DANCE BENEFIT CELEBRATES 20 YEARS On Friday, Penn’s dance community comes together for the 20th anniversary of the Emily Sachs Dance Benefit.

On Friday, Penn’s dance community will come together for the 20th anniversary of the Emily Sachs Dance Benefit. Emily Sachs was a Penn student and a vibrant member of Arts House Dance Company before she passed

year to remember my sister and to raise money for asthma research and treatment.”

Following in her sister's footsteps, Sara is a member of Arts House Dance Company, which will be featured along with eleven other groups from

MADISON BELL–ROSOF

Penn Dance Community is like,” says Sara. If you’re someone who strictly vibes to Fetty Wap on Friday nights, this eclectic mix will expand your horizons and let you sample styles from Contemporary to Swing to traditional Indian dance. If that’s not enough to spark your curiosity, there are rumors of a final dance battle between Arts House and Onda Latina, along with multiple other duels.

This year in particular marks a milestone anniversary, which Sara sees as an opportunity for innovation. In Emily’s time Photo by Carson Kahoe, provided by Arts House Dance Company at Penn and in the Benefit’s past away her freshman year from Penn’s dance community at years, today’s technology didn’t asthma complications in 1995. the Benefit. “It’s the only time exist, but will now add another I had the opportunity to chat where all twelve Dance Arts dimension to the event. In one with Sara Sachs (C ‘18), who Council groups come together change, the 2016 Benefit will is performing in the show for to perform on one stage,” she mix video with live perforthe tenth time and is also the explains. Groups taking the mance. “This year, my family artistic director this year. If you stage on Friday include Arts converted old VHS tapes to already did the math, Sara has House Dance Company, AfDVD, so all of my sister’s danced at the Benefit since she rican Rhythms, Onda Latina, dances and performances will was in the fourth grade. She Pan–Asian Dance Troupe, be seen for the first time,” says was adopted into the Sachs PenNaach, Penn Dance, Penn Sara. “I don’t think I’ve ever family in 1996, the same year Dhamaka, Soundworks Tap seen a video of my sister dancthe benefit was born. During Factory, Sparks Dance Compa- ing and now everyone will be our conversation, Sara reflects, ny, Strictly Funk, West Philly able to remember.” Sara is also “As I’ve grown up with this Swingers and Yalla. “If you’re focusing on using current gadbenefit, I’ve realized that the not that familiar with dance, gets to strengthen the Benefit’s participants had huge hearts then this is definitely the best mission to aid the Children's coming together year after way to get a taste of what the Hospital of Philadelphia

Asthma Center. In a modern twist to the old–fashioned “Penny Wars,” Sara announces a “Venmo Challenge” this week on Locust Walk, where students can donate in the name of their favorite dance group.

May the best group (with the most charitable friends) win bragging rights.

After years performing alongside girls years who were older than her, Sara is finally chairing the event where her family has sat in the same place in the Iron Gate Theater for 20

IRON GATE THEATER 3700 Chestnut Street ..................

All proceeds benefit the American Asthma Association and Indigenous Pitch ..................

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years. “This time, the event will be more of a celebration,” she says, mentioning the new addition of anniversary balloons.

This Friday, Street urges you to get to the Emily Sachs Dance Benefit in celebration of a former student’s legacy—Sara’s artistic vision and moves that don’t need elevated surfaces.

Photo provided by Sara Sachs J A N U A R Y 2 8 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5

A TRIP DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE

ARTS

Don’t miss your chance to see Lewis Carroll’s original etchings of his obsession with little girls.

MADISON BELL–ROSOF

“Down the Rabbit Hole,” an exhibition that opened at the Rosenbach Museum and Library on October 14th and will run until May 15th, takes the haphazard nature of Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and breaks it down for you. Like a hotel party, the exhibition is split into different rooms, none of which have drinking games, but all of which have artifacts from the 1920s when the novel was written.

This month, when hundreds of Penn students shuffle up and down Locust in suits, looking for the perfect internship, wondering if they chose the right major, if they chose the right classes, the right friends or right thing to eat for breakfast, we might feel like we’re falling even faster than Alice down the rabbit hole.

Even though Alice in Wonderland appears to be a nonsensical book for children, its pages have meaning for a Penn student who begins to realize that even though Locust Walk follows a straight (albeit bumpy) path, adult life may not be as straightforward. Maybe college is the exact right time to embrace some nonsense.

ROOM 1:

WONDERLAND RULES: CELEBRATING THE 150TH ANNIVERSARY The first room breaks the news that (spoiler alert) there was no Lewis Carroll. It was the pen name of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, a British guy who liked to befriend pre–adolescent girls and write stories about them. Dodgson’s fascination with six–year–old Alice Liddell inspired Alice in Wonderland and its sequel, Through the Looking Glass. The Rosenbach’s collection of drawings and photographs takes everything you saw in the Disney film and throws it out the window. Pencil sketches prove that the rabbit was anything but a cute, animated bunny with a pocket watch, and the original Alice was not blonde.

ROOM 2:

ROOM 3:

This is where you learn that Alice in Wonderland was a really big fucking deal here in Philly. A.S.W. Rosenbach, a renowned literary collector from Philly and the namesake of the museum, bought the original manuscript, originally titled Alice’s Adventures Under Ground, from Alice herself for $77,000. In comparison, Disney spent $50 million on Johnny Depp to play the Mad Hatter in the 2010 remake. In 1928, though, $77,000 was a legendary auction price. Room Two celebrates the little– known connection between Alice in Wonderland and Philadelphia, and is an opportunity to learn more about the world–famous man who lived on Delancey and brought incredible treasures to our city.

Although we promised no drinking games, this room could definitely spark some ideas. From a chessboard to a station where you get to pen your own story (strictly backwards of course), at first glance, Room Three seems like a child’s playroom. However, in addition to being the world’s creepiest babysitter, Charles Dodgson was also a genius. A working mathematician, Dodgson had riddles and references in Alice and Wonderland that are often more complex than they appear. In Room Three, you can take a crack at Dodgson’s favorite puzzles and mind games. Curious about the answer to the Mad Hatter’s famous riddle, “Why is a raven

ALICE IN PHLLYLAND

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WHY IS A RAVEN LIKE A WRITING DESK?

like a writing desk?” Visit the exhibit to find out.

Don’t miss out on the Rosenbach’s “Down the Rabbit Hole” exhibit and the chance to be a kid again, if only for an afternoon. Too often, the stress of OCR or the dullness of our calc textbook causes us forget how enjoyable reading can be.

MADISON BELL–ROSOF ..................

ROSENBACH MUSEUM AND LIBRARY 2008–2010 Delancey Place (215) 732–1600

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STALKING YOUR INTERVIEWER: A CASE STUDY You gotta get your hands dirty if you want the job.

By far the most important element in getting hired for the job of your dreams is properly stalking your interviewer before the interview takes place.

We were able reach out to Ernie Gilroy (W ‘16) to write about his experience doing exactly that a year ago for his interview with Silverman Sacks. Here is his account: Five days before my interview for an audit analyst position with Silverman, I received an email from my interviewer explaining to me what he does at the company, where the interview would take place and, most importantly, his name. The name was all I needed to find out everything about him, including his address. I drove up to his Brookville, New York mansion one morning while he was at work, allowing me to find some decent hiding spots from where I could spy on him when he returned home.

Later that day, I returned and, while hiding behind some bushes outside of his room, I learned some vital information.

I noticed that he was eating pizza and buffalo wings in his room for dinner. But, the most shocking part of it all was that he was using ranch dressing with his celery in lieu of the more traditional blue cheese.

What might’ve been more interesting, though, was that he started masturbating after finishing his dinner. He did so while wearing what first appeared to be a cheetah costume, but upon closer inspection was unequivocally a luscious leopard one. He was watching some pretty messed up stuff on his computer while doing so, but I've repressed that memory for the most part. He went to sleep immediately after, still donning leopard attire. Overall, I found out that we

had a lot more in common than I had anticipated and was ecstatic to find that my spying and inadvertent voyeurism had worked out as planned.

I soon realized that what I had discovered through that eye–opening stalking experience would prove to be invaluable. I confidently strolled into his office a few days later for the interview.

When he asked if he could get me any coffee or water or anything, I asked him if he had any ranch. He was stunned. He pulled a bowl of ranch dressing from right under his desk and we shared it throughout the interview’s entirety. Though I couldn’t accurately answer any of his questions about the job itself, he kept saying he liked my aura and wanted to know what my spirit animal was. Of

course, I told him that I was a leopard without hesitation. He was in complete awe. Needless to say, I got the job.

Illustrations by Gloria Yuen

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• 215.387.8533 • •215.387.8533 PattayaRestaurant.com PattayaRestaurant.com PattayaRestaurant.com 215.387.8533 • University • •University 4006 4006 4006 Chestnut Chestnut Chestnut Street Street Street University City City City

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LOWBROW

BUZZWORDS/PHRASES TO USE WHEN NETWORKING Because they can’t know about your inadequate social skills.

"The flounder population has been dwindling."

"Not in this economy."

The recession is rough, and your employers need to know.

"No hope... None."

Try this one while blankly staring off into space.

"Job me up, Brodude!"

A slightly informal way to show that you’re not just a potential employee, but a true friend. Women will also appreciate the use of brodude as a gender–neutral term. Talk about a win–win!

"I possess no soul."

There is only darkness.

It’s on everyone’s mind. Be the one who has the courage to say it.

"Arson."

This will grab their attention, and give them that sweet feeling of nostalgia.

Illustrations by Gloria Yuen

LOWBROW LIES ON ITS RESUME. AND ALSO ALL THE TIME. LOWBROW IS FAKE.

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B AC K PAG E

21+ COLORING BOOK: SMOKES' EDITION The only thing more therapeutic than grown–up coloring is grown–up coloring that reminds you of Kenn Kweder.