January 31, 2013

January 31, 2013 34st.com

coffee

counter

culture

the meh list. movies for flu season. lowbrow v. internet.

january 31

17

2013

3 highbrow

the roundup, word on the street: a rude awakening, overheards, the meh list

4 EGO

ego of the week, shit penn kids do, top 10 ways to distract yourself in class

lowbrow v. internet

14

6 MUSIC

guilty pleasure, how to become a DJ, reviews, five stages of heartbreak mix

8 Film

film reviews, sick movies

buzz

FROMtheEDITOR

Lately, the only thing cooler than coffee is giving it up. “I only drink green tea.” “A skinny decaf mocha, thanks.” “I get eight hours of sleep every night.” Well, la–di–fucking–da for you.

I’m kidding. When Christian Louboutin emphasized his love for loose–leaf in a recent interview, I started on the stuff, too. I felt stylish. When the Print Managing Editor and I first arrived in our offices for training, we spurned the vending machine sodas I’d been hooked on in semesters past and went to FroGro for some bottled oolong. I felt healthy. I thought about my dairy choices, downloaded a few meditation videos, whatever.

Then I got hit by a train. That train is called exhaustion. It hurt

10

10 Feature avril 50

house of our own

6

12 FOOD

tips for stealing dining hall food, best of shop'n'bag, fresh direct's finest, shop'n'bag addiction

14 ARTS

artist profile, house of our own interview five bookstores to visit, first friday

17 lowbrow the internet

a lot, but thanks to coffee, I knew how to make it better—black and in a nice big cup. This week, we’re featuring Avril 50, the Sansom Street coffee shop that’s been around since, like, before Diet Peach Snapple was invented (that’s not a fact).

There is such a thing as Coffee Addicts Anonymous. You could go there. But you could also go to Avril. It’s a spot full of wonders, like chocolates, and books, and magazines. Just don’t forget to read ours.

guilty pleasure

avril 50

see that masthead down there? yeah. get your bad self on it.

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

20 backpage

2

feb club

WRITERS' MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 P.M.

34th Street Magazine Nina Wolpow, Editor–In–Chief Sam Brodey, Managing Editor Alex Hosenball, Online Managing Editor Chloe Bower, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Olivia Fingerhood, Asst. Design Margot Halpern, Asst. Design Zacchiaus McKee, Highbrow Julia Liebergall, Highbrow Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Ego Ben Lerner, Ego Isabel Oliveres, Food & Drink

Abigail Koffler, Food & Drink Ariela Osuna, Music Michelle Ma, Music Alexandra Jaffe, Film Faryn Pearl, Film Patrick Ford-Matz, Features Kiley Bense, Features Megan Ruben, Arts Gina DeCagna, Arts Lizzie Sivitz, Lowbrow Zach Tomasovic, Lowbrow Frida Garza, Back Page Zeke Sexauer, Back Page Lauren Greenberg, Social Media

Allie Bienenstock, Print Copy Madeleine Wattenbarger, Print Copy Marley Coyne, Online Copy Michael Shostek, Online Copy

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898– 6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581.

Cover Design: Chloe Bower

Visit our web site: www.34st.com

Contributors: Rosa Escandon, Andrew Scibelli, Solomon Bass, Katarina Underwood, Shayla Cole, Caroline Quigley, Olivia Rutigliano, Adrienne Ross, Lindsay Balow, Joseph Fisher, Emily Marcus, Maya Nauphal, Kyle BryceBorthwick, Donna Hahn, Nicole Malick, Suzette Wanninkhof, Shelby Rachleff, Isaac Garcia, Kaitlyn Levesque, Emily Orrson

"You called an Asian girl Mulan?" ©2012 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a–okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

the meh list

A RUDE AWAKENING

Highbrow picks the meh–est parts of Penn. Not good. Not bad. Just meh.

1.

1. NSO Toga Party 2. McClelland Brunch

4.

3. PennEats Cards 4. 39th Street

5.

5. Women's Clothing Section of the Bookstore 6. Allegro During the Day

6.

7. Singles in Hill 8. Residential Programs 9. Spring Fling Themes

10.

10. Drexel

THEROUNDUP

at

Overheard in McDonald’s: If I died and went to heaven… I would still be here.

Pledge 1: I have a problem with stalking people.

Pledge 2: I have a problem straddling people and making out with them.

Girl: Oh my God, you’re back! Did they un–deport you?

Girl: You’re gay, right?

Guy: No, I’m just in Elmo.

Girl: Isn’t that the same thing?

Guy on Walnut: Like, he is such a skank. He shouldn't have any friends.

Almost three years ago, right before I first came to Penn, the "good luck" and "bon voyage" that I had been hearing all summer from friends and other well– wishers turned into “don’t party too hard!” and “remember, school comes first!” I quickly learned that Penn is wildly known as “the Social Ivy:” the Ivy most affiliated with partying.

I have never been a partier, but I was curious to see the fantastic and potentially debauched social establishments for which my school was apparently famous.

So, in the beginning of freshman year, my friends and I did as the Romans do: we stood outside frat houses and waited to be invited in.

During the last party we went to that fall, a friend and I left disinterested after only fifteen minutes.

However, as we walked out along the side of the house, we were stopped. A large young man blocked our way and slowly backed us into the dumpster lining the wall.

Staring up at his shadowy form in the dark, I couldn’t help but harken back to that scene in “Alien,” the one where Ripley sees the space monster for the first time. Up until then, she knows that there’s a threatening presence on her ship, because her crew members have encountered it, but she doesn’t actually catch a glimpse until she’s trying to escape. It’s casually lolling in one of the chambers, and it doesn’t notice her crouching­—petrified­—in the hall.

I knew exactly how she felt. But Ripley’s creature hadn’t noticed her, while mine was staring right at me.

His thick arms were folded across his strapping chest and he had glinting studs in both his ears. A fat tongue ring bobbed up and down behind his parted lips, and I could see it clearly, even in the dark, because he was chewing on a glowstick, and this illuminated half his face.

A glowstick.

He began to flirt aggressively with us. He pawed at the necklace around my neck and ripped the phone out of my hands. We got away unscathed, but his behavior and the location both seemed threatening.

Later, I was disgusted that I even wound up in a place where something bad could have happened, but I mostly hated the culture that facilitated such a risk. I wasn’t drinking, I hadn’t even accepted anything and I didn’t try to walk home alone. I had done everything right and something had still gone wrong.

I have nothing against the idea of such institutions, but, as a girl, I don’t always feel safe or smart frequenting certain parties. While some frats contribute to this reputation more than others, it’s possibly because they operate under this kind of modern party culture. The Animal Houses of old are more known for their bacchanalian shenanigans than anything else, but nowadays it feels like there is a more threatening atmosphere in more widespread territory. The important thing is to be careful—anywhere you go. Because in space, no one can hear you scream.

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

The weather might be warming up, ducklings, but that doesn't mean you should drop those winter hats and gloves just yet. Highbrow still has some chilly gossip that will bite your toes off. Bundle up ;) In light of the treacherous icy conditions that plagued our campus this past week, one professor decided to offer a light at the end of the tunnel.

The forensic science whiz treated her 100­–person lecture to 30 pizzas in the middle of class as a thank–you for showing up. Trying to switch in now? Too bad, the add period's over. Whatever, we're getting cheese fries.

BREAKING NEWS: We have an update on our nocturnal friends over at 4K Pine. They may have received several more pledges! And by several, we mean four. Yes, the three best friends are hoping to add a quartet of former Skulls sophomores to their flock. The nest is getting fuller by the day! Well done, Owls. You've proven that sometimes the last–minute bird catches the worm, too.

Lather up the Purell, because influenza has just been dethroned as the Queen Bee of campus viruses. Highbrow hears that shingles (chicken pox's baby daddy) has arrived at Penn and he is not apologizing for it.

No word yet on the number of afflicted students, but grab your surgical masks. Surviving chicken pox won't protect you from this conniving bastard, but maybe try praying?

Or ask one Theos pledge, who received some divine intervention during Greek recruitment—and we're not talking about Zeus. Sources say the pious freshman was told which frat he was destined for in a vision from God himself. Apparently, the prophecy was enough to guide him away from his original choice, Beta, in favor of our favorite Chancellor Street dwellers. No comment yet from the zealot outside Van Pelt.

over heard PENN

By OLIVIA RUTIGLIANO

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

wordonthestreet

HIGHBROW

3

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

egoOF THE WEEK

JONATHAN YOUSHAEI Street: Were you a precocious pre–frosh always pumped to run for student government?

Jonathan Youshaei: No! I honestly thought it would be an awesome way to meet people as a freshman stuck in King’s Court.

And I had a world of respect for the senior class president at the time. I think I got elected because of the of the Huntsman community.

Street: What was your best slogan?

JY: Probably freshman year: “Every vowel for every voice.”

Because my name has every vowel, get it?

Street: What’s your secret to balancing all of your campus commitments?

JY: Power naps.

Street: You’ve taken Penn by storm as class president for four years running. What are your postgrad plans?

JY: I’ll be working at Google

When he's not in charge of the biggest (Feb) club on campus, this quadrilingual, class prez Persian of SAE, Lantern and Sphinx can be found shamelessly noshing at Sweetgreen and Googling pics of Chelsea Handler.

in product marketing. I interned there last summer. I think Google’s one of the best companies in the world. And the Doodle of the Day was once a link to the Penn Fight Song!

JY: Joey Tribbiani from “Friends,” also of the spinoff show “Joey.” Why did it get cancelled?! He has grey hair now.

Also Chelsea Handler. She’s so funny.

Street: Have you always been a Google guy?

JY: I remember Ask Jeeves for Kids and Yahooligans! Floppy drives and Oregon Trail. Those were the good old days. But now, Chrome is my browser.

Bar none.

Street: Actually, Matt LeBlanc dyed his hair all throughout “Friends.” So your alter ego is like a silver fox that is the lovechild of Joey and Chelsea Handler?

JY: Yes! Wow, what a couple.

And they’d have to have their first date at a Persian restaurant, a Persian BYO on campus.

Street: What’s your guilty pleasure?

JY: Sweetgreen. But I feel no guilt.

Street: We hear you can chitchat in four languages. Do tell!

JY: Well, I’m Jewish and proudly Persian, so I speak Farsi, Hebrew, Arabic and English.

Street: Who’s your alter ego?

Street: Feb Club starts tomorrow! What are you most excited about?

JY: Before it was a 28–day event, but now it’s the four weeks of February, inspired by the four years of college: freshman week, sophomore week and so on. I’m especially excited for our “21st birthday party” on February 21, during junior week at Vango Skybar.

Street: What would senior class president Jonathan tell freshman class president Jonathan?

JY: Be quirky, be foolish and don’t take yourself so seriously.

Isn’t quirky a cool word? I feel like it’s in vogue, you know?

Street: What has been your greatest challenge as class president?

JY: The most serious challenge I’ve faced is getting that campus Persian BYO on the map. But also the idea of taking traditions to another level and connecting us to alumni. Innovating Skimmer was a big challenge that we were unexpectedly amazed by. A lot

of work, but I could not have asked for a better thing to do over four years.

Street: Describe yourself in five words or less.

JY: Once you go Persian, there ain’t no conversion.

That’s not five words, is it?

Street: There are two types of people at Penn…

JY: The people that love Sweetgreen and the people who secretly love Sweetgreen. As I mentioned, I’m in the former category.

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34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

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So your professor banned laptops—what’s a tired, hungover student to do?

By NICOLE MALICK

1

2

Listen to the chorus of hacking coughs, delightfully accompanied by a symphony of sniffles.

6

Check Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, send Snapchats, read Street… on your phone.

Buy watch. Wear watch.

Stare at watch.

9 5

Rowdiest of All! LISA

Doodle. If drawing circles and squiggles or signing “Mrs. Harry Styles” aren’t your thing, take it to the next level with the person next to you and invite them to play tic–tac–toe.

Check watch again. See only four minutes have passed.

Whimper.

10

“One time, I saw some kids practicing a dance in the lobby. Only some of them were good.”

COREY (Huntsman) “I personally witnessed the Hurricane Sandy streakers running down Locust Walk.

That was pretty crazy. Also, in July, when I first started working here, I arrived to see a kid asleep in the bushes

by Huntsman. When I woke him to ask if he was okay, he was really drunk and just said, ‘No, it’s fine, this is my bed. Leave me alone.’”

TYRRELL If it gets too unbearable, drop the class. There’s always next semester!

(Lower Quad Gate) “A group of students always carry these dotted lunchboxes around and people try to take them. We have to calm it down sometimes.”

DAVID (Upper Quad Gate) “I saw a kid running from Locust Walk, completely out of it, try to actually jump over the gate. He totally wiped out.”

TYRIQUE (Everywhere) “Outside a party near the high rises, a drunk girl was standing outside in her panties in the snow. What was she doing?! It was freezing outside. Also, during the hurricane, a bunch of kids came out in coats and spread their arms out in effort to fly. Needless to say, they didn’t.”

ASIA (Commons Starbucks) "Pikachu. Some girl orders drinks dressed as Pikachu. Like all the time."

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

Daydream about that one time you rode a Vespa abroad—or those twelve times you’ve watched “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” in preparation for one day riding a Vespa abroad. This is what dreams are made of.

Pay attention.

Continue to chug your Venti Double Shot in hopes of maybe staying awake.

“It happened while I was working one of the night shifts earlier last year. These two students came in with no shoes on, just walking around and wandering the store. The kids looked like they were pissed drunk but they weren’t doing any harm, so I kind of let them do their thing. I was amused enough that I kind of let the no–shoes thing go. It was all good until one of the kids tried to steal a “get well” teddy bear right in front of me. I confronted the student, asked him to drop the teddy bear and took him to the office to get his photo taken. Well, now he’s permanently banned from Fresh Grocer, and we’ll never forget him because turns out his name was Teddy.”

(Harnwell)

8 4

ANONYMOUS (FroGro)

7 3

Play footsie with the person next to you. Don’t know them? You will now.

personalities work in the dorms, dining halls and other campus establishments, and were eager to share their wildest memories of Quaker debauchery.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

TOP 10 WAYS TO DISTRACT SHIT PENN KIDS YOURSELF IN YOUR LAPTOP­— DO, PART DEUX Ego proudly presents an ode to AlliedBarFREE LECTURE ton and Bon Appetit. These beloved Penn

5

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

MUSIC

ty res l i u g su a e l p

“DAMAGED”— DANITY KANE

1. Acquire a catchy, original stage name.

— Caroline Quigley

Preparing for the LSAT? Preparing for the LSAT?

If you’re set on going to law school you’ll have to conquer the LSAT first?

Free Practice Test

Sunday, February 3: 10:00 am - 2:oo pm

If you're set on going to law school, you'll have to conquer the LSAT first.

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

Whether you're a second semester freshman or soon–to–be graduating senior, everybody knows the importance of a good party. And however long you've been here, chances are you’ve been to a party—or eight. The three most important things that every successful party must have are: good people, good drinks, and most of all, good music. A great DJ is key. Thinking about becoming one?

Here’s five steps to making it happen: By shayla cole

Remember that song “Damaged” by Danity Kane? Don’t lie; you definitely know all of the words. If not, you should probably be concerned—D.K. only sings the word “damaged” seven times before they transition to spelling it out for you: D–A–M–A–G–E–D. The lyrics’ limited vocabulary ensures you will have all the words memorized and the song stuck in your head after just one listen. I dare you to hit play, but beware of the song’s catchy rhythm, which will inspire you to strut down Locust, up the stairs of Van Pelt and all over campus. Listen to D.K. for some sass in your day!

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Think of something unique like DJ EarthQUAKER (see what I did there?). As a DJ, your stage name is often the first thing a potential client will see about you, so make it good.

2. Acquire portable DJ equipment.

When you come with your own equipment, not only can you charge more, but you’ll be more comfortable too. You don’t have to break the bank with this either—try Ebay before buying the fancy $500 equipment from Best Buy. 3. Familiarize yourself with said equipment.

Despite what some may think, DJing is not just plugging in your iPod with a pre– composed “party” playlist and letting it do the work for you. DJ stands for “disc jockey,” a person skilled at mixing songs and keeping the party going. Make sure you know how to use your equipment to avoid awkward transitions between songs during your set.

4. Familiarize yourself with your potential audience.

Do your research. Find out what’s hot and what’s not right now. What songs are people listening to and what are they looking to hear/dance to when they go to a party? You don’t want to be at a party and not have what the crowd wants to hear.

5. Make a Twitter/Facebook/Instagram.

It’s the era of social media. If you want to make it big, you better promote the crap out of yourself. Have all your friends retweet, mention and #hashtag you—ideally, you get yourself to be a trending topic (#instantsuccess).

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

LOL

FILM

S(ICK) MOVIES It’s flu season again. Skip the popcorn and screen these with some chicken soup.

Contagion (2011) A deadly infectious disease causes an international panic and kills Gwyneth Paltrow.

Disease: Meningoencephalitis Virus One: highly contagious. Side effects may/always include sweating, seizures, foaming at the mouth and death.

Ick Rating: 10. MEV–1 is particularly nasty and terrifyingly realistic. Don’t watch this film on a plane, in a theater or pretty much anywhere with other people.

Children of Men (2006) Women can’t have babies anymore... unless they’re Baby Jesus.

Disease: Unknown Mystery Disease/Metaphors and Symbolism 101 Ick Rating: 10. Complete and utter lack of faith in humanity coupled with the collapse of civilization as we know it. It’s pretty unpleasant.

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

Ben Hur (1959) Wealthy Jewish Prince Charton Heston (Ben Hur) is forced into slavery, becomes a champion chariot racer, seeks revenge on the man who wronged him and his family and becomes Jesus’ last BFF. Disease: Ben Hur’s mother and sister are imprisoned and contract leprosy. When in the leper colony, do as the lepers do.

Ick Rating: 7. Although the faces and bodies of the lepers are mostly hidden in rags, the skin around their eyes and off their hands is peeling. Even Ben has to look away.

8

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) High school slacker plays hooky with his sidekick best friend and hot girlfriend. They proceed to have the most awesome, epic sick day ever.

Disease: His “symptoms” include: clammy hands, fever, coughing and some really pleasant loud bathroom noises.

Also, rumor has it that he needs a kidney transplant.

Ick Rating: Around a 4, since faking the flu never let us dance on a float or drive our dad’s Ferrari.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937) Pretty 16–year–old girl shacks up with seven tiny old men.

Nope, nothing strange here.

Disease: Flu, presumably? Maybe allergies? Sneezy’s clearly had this for a while.

Ick Rating: 2. Barely a sickness at all. Though we do imagine that Snow White uses a lot of disinfectant as she whistles while she works.

The Thing (1982) Kurt Russell. Antarctica. Aliens. Flamethrowers.

Disease: A shapeshifting alien that infects its host, assimilating it into one supreme organism.

Ick Rating: 10. The most warped depiction of blood and gore of its time. What Jeffrey Dahmer daydreams about.

District 9 (2009) Stranded aliens suffer under Apartheid–style institutionalized racism.

Disease: Our kinda douchey hero, Wikkus, gets exposed to some goop. Slowly, agonizingly turns into an alien.

Ick Rating: 9. Body horror that’s not for the faint of heart. Includes vomiting, fingernails falling off—the works.

Osmosis Jones (2001) White blood cell and rookie cop Osmosis Jones teams up with a cold pill to fight off a lethal disease within Bill Murray’s body.

Disease: The Red Death, which overheats the body within two days. Cameo appearances by influenza and gingivitis.

Ick Rating: 8. “The Red Death” may be lethal, but it’s Murray’s disgusting personal habits that really raise the “ick” factor.

Les Miserables (2012) One very long singing/cry–fest that is only somewhat marred by the director trying to pass off a cardboard cutout of Russell Crowe as the real thing.

Disease: It’s 1800s France... everyone is sick with something. But let’s focus on tuberculosis.

Ick Rating: 5. At the end of the day, you did have to sell your hair. Also, you now have facial lesions.

Safe (1995) Julianne Moore’s suburban housewife is such a hypochondriac that it becomes a disease.

Disease: Supposedly chemical sensitivity, but director Todd Haynes makes a good case that it’s all in her head.

Ick Rating: 3. The disease is implied by the shaky cam and zoom–ins, but its existence remains in question the whole movie. Suck it up, Julianne!

ICK-O-METER

SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER (1977) John Travolta being John Travolta.

Disease: Disco fever, baby!

Ick Rating: 1. Tight flared pants, blinding colors and some very questionable dance moves. Viewer discretion advised.

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

ST

NO

By shelby rachleff

DO YOU PAY PER VIEW?

HANSEL AND GRETEL: How Penn Students Watch Movies WITCH HUNTERS

Pablo Larrain’s “No” mesBy ANDREW SCIBELLI merizes its audience immediately, not to viewers andafternoon Gretel: Witch Filmwhether polledoryou find out how you are getting your“Hansel Sunday have a background in South Hunters” is the most recent movie fihistory. xes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN American Gael Garcia product of the fairy tales– Bernal stars as we René hough all Saavedra, know the watch Hugo in theaters. And we you guess then fad. that Penn on–steroids The stuplot an ad exec who becomes the fit this mold of overworked Ivy dents Internet is for porn would prefer to the get their is too simple: take basic driving (thanks force behind Avenuethe Q),camthe League students well, with only RomCom fix Gretel online with Hansel and story free and paign to isforce Chilean dic- about 17% of Penn undergrads streaming bedroom no longer the only websites like SideReel add Gatling guns, grenades tator Augusto out watching movies at the Rave ev- and area being ceded Pinochet to digital terrirather The than pay for andCh131 crossbows. witches of office.

Bernal's delicately tory.

For every girl with daddy’s ery semester. services

by Netfl ix and receiveprovided a similarly extreme intense aloneon is AmEx, performance window browsing But how about the other ste- Redbox? horror treatment. worth the price admission.

Fifth Avenue hasof been replaced reotype, the one that says all colWhile 75% of us watch Unfortunately, theremovisn’t Perhaps most controwith onlinetheshopping.

And lege students are poor? The free iesmuch online, 50%ofpay for pastnearly the mist blood Grade: A– versial part of “No” is that it movement FYEs everywhere have virtuof information made it.and I hear Bossesmeager — a bodyHorrible parts. The Metacritic: isally shot entirely on useless an ‘80s–era been rendered (pun possible by the90% interweb makes new on iTunes — is hysplotrelease is strung together by Rating and length: U–matic camera.

However, intended) with the existence of terical, but is cheesy one–liners that add R, 188 min.

Whose recommendations do you take? the way LarrainiTunes weaves this the multifarious store. it worth the charm but not substance.

See if you liked: "Che" 50 technique andnoarchival Things are differentfoothere at 47.7%It appears that 1.5 thesalads majorOther age of the actual at Penn, where the campaign Rave gets Sweetgreen ity of the budget was spent “No” affects the viewer 40% 40 A Friend into filmthe is seamless, nearlyhishalf traffic for sucthe quietly, subtly. It’s hard not it and would on impressive CGI the Cinema Studies cessfully au- to 30be 26.2% midnight transferring screenings ofthe blockhave cost if star power of the two leads, swept up in 25% the emotion Major dience back 1988. as Hulu of such a true victory. 25% buster hits liketoTwilight I had seen it or TA whoProfessor understandably phone 20 does the day after the newest in theaters?

Street episode of 30 Rock airs. This Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more makes sense. We Penn students dles aren’t than one option.

0 are too busy procrastinating that bad, I on Penn InTouch and designguess. ing funny lacrosse pinnies for entertainment accessible and The average Penn student the clubs we’re involved in to inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if leave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) read more about Avril 50 onwatchpage 10

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24.6%

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47.7%

Free Streaming

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Paid Online Services

9.2% 1.5% in their performances. To its Grade: C– credit, “Hansel and Gretel” Metacritic: 22% go to the movies? is Why fun do andyou action–packed, Rating and length: but3.1% ultimately unsatisfying.

R, 88 min.

6.3% If you’re looking for someOther See if you liked: "The Brothers Grimm" thing that requires a brain to It's a way to hang out with friends 25% watch, hunt elsewhere.

40.6%

25%

es seven movies, more or less, every semester. Simple arithmetic proves that it’s $40 cheaper to watch said movies on Netflix than at the Rave, and an additional $20 less on iTunes (cost of popcorn and Mike and Ikes not included in these calculations). The low cost of watching seven movies on iTunes for less than 30 bucks is worth the many conveniences that online paid services afford us: not being interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses and most importantly, not having to wait 54 minutes after watching 72 minutes of a movie on Megavideo.

Not to mention, it’s a small price to pay when you look at the big picture — the combined savings of the 47.7% of Penn students who pay for their online services rather than going to the movie theater is somewhere between $196,136 and $295,344, depending on whether they use Netflix or iTunes, respectively.

Moral of the story is: we won't judge if you just stay in bed. *A simple random sample of 100 Penn undergrads were surveyed to collect data about their film viewing habits.

It's a good study break

It makes you feel relaxed and happy Required for Class

BY THE NUMBERS

$153,701 >> Total amount of money spent in movie theaters* by Penn students each semester

$196,136

>> Total amount of money spent watching online, if all people who paid for online services used iTunes*

$295,344

>> Total amount of money spent watching online, if all people who paid for online services used Netflix* *$12.50/ticket at the Rave *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes *$7.99/month on Netflix

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

caught the campus plague? we did too. just try not to sneeze on us.

@34st

Borrow from Library

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

FILM FILMREVIEWS

34

9

tween New Deck Tavern and Baby Blues is a piece of Penn history and a 15–country coffee tour. A tasting menu of European chocolate. A card for any occasion, or any lack of one.

A newly minted magazine. A cigar John will offer to cut for you. A beatnik’s dream and a traditionalist treasure. If you can’t call yourself a visitor, it’s not too late. As Linda Pastan writes on page 94 of John’s Paris Review, winter issue, “you won’t even need to pack for the journey.”

avril 50 3406 Sansom

Yellow Juice Bar 2046 Sansom

Emily Orrson is a senior from Baltimore, Maryland, studying creative writing.

Helium Comedy Club 2031 Sansom

Home Sweet Homebrew 2008 Sansom

Fat Jack’s Comicrypt 2006 Sansom

Su Xing House 1808 Sansom

Sa Va 1700 Sansom

There's more to Sansom Street than Avril...read on at 34st.com Federal Donuts 1632 Sansom

Philadelphia Chutney Company 1628 Sansom

On the Road

he asks an espresso–seeking entrant.

One Yelp enthusiast remembers retrieving clove cigarettes from the bushes outside Avril 50, where John would leave them when she couldn’t get into the shop before closing.

John grins as he confirms this account. “They’re my friends.

All my friends. Every single one of them.”

There are some things that can never be cyber–replaced.

There are some things that can never be tech–translated.

The texture of a print in Hi Fructose, a contemporary art magazine. The luster of an ad in V Magazine. “We’re humans, you want to see, want to touch,” John says. He’s banking on it.

Squeezed be-

Long in the Tooth 2027 Sansom

Yasha remembers spending many after–school stints in the store, growing up. Later,

as a student of philosophy and political science at Penn, Yasha appreciated having his father close. “He’s one hell of a dad,” he said. And for many students on campus, he’s one hell of a friend. “Avril got me through law school,” one customer wrote in the comment book.

“I think people who come here never leave,” another, a patron of 12 years, says to me. I’ve watched John anticipate the orders of consecutive customers over the course of a day, for whom Avril 50 is clearly routine. “You have a quarter?”

John asks one, knowing he has come for a cookie at $1.25.

“Double or single?”

Josie’s Sophisticated Seconds 2019 Sansom

nipples flank greeting cards of New Yorker cartoons and marijuana, carrying everything from puppy dog sentiment to political rhetoric to borderline vulgarity.

“Well,” John says of the selection, “I don’t discriminate.”

Classical music wafts around the stacks with the smell of coffee. “There is no other place like this, maybe in the world,” John says. He spreads his arms out.

“This is me.”

Philly Soft Pretzel Factory 1532 Sansom

Jim Corner, architect of New York's High Line, began visiting Avril 50 for a daily cup when he was a graduate student at Penn in the mid–80s. He returned daily while working as a professor at the School of Design and still loves to stop in today, he said via email.

He praised John for building a “deeply enriching social place—a small, cozy setting where all the world’s problems get dissected and quite possibly momentarily resolved.” So our print–hostile environment is not only a threat to Avril 50, but the conversation cultivated by its existence as a physical

space, its social function as an international crossroads.

As you work your way around the store, thick art, design, fashion and architecture magazines spill out of floppy stacks and into the walkway. Vogue India flanks Vogue Australia and Vogue Japan, Elle Italy naturally next to Elle Spain. “May You Live in Interesting Times” reads the subhead to the Fall/ Winter edition of GARAGE, above a floral cartoon of a redhead wielding a machine gun and an emoticon.

All this squeezed into a room that rivals my own in square footage.

Avril 50 hosts over 2,500 publications. Meat Paper offers “your journal of meat culture.”

BLOW is a “collaborative, libertarian experience” around fashion, nudity and art. Baseline, a hub for international typographics. Apartmento declares itself “an everyday life interiors magazine”—for those for whom “life interiors” are daily.

On first glance, there seems a method to the madness. But look again. “No organization whatsoever,” John says. “Why organize?”

Grayscale postcards of nude girls, old automobiles, babies and

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

“Europe in Philly,” the comment book reads. Michel Cluizel chocolates and Gavottes from Paris neighbor Dolfin chocolates from Belgium and Francois Pralus cocoa from Trinidad. Rolls of hand–painted acid–free wrapping paper from Italy unfurl crisply by the register. There is no fiction here, unless you read French or Spanish. Likewise, few of the chocolates bear English labels.

“Lait aux noisettes carméliesées et salées” reads a Café Tasse bar from Brussels.

Dark chocolate connoisseurs clamor for the 99% noir bars.

But chocolate is an overstatement. The bars are 99% cocoa, which translates to a very full–flavored bitterness. “Don’t chew it so fast,” John tells me.

Protocol is to let the chocolate sit on the roof of your mouth for a moment before swallowing. I choke it down and wish I had the sophistication to comment on anything but the astringency. I have the sense to wonder at least how John has managed to sustain the store on niche candies, esoteric design magazines, 50–cent squares of chocolat noir.

But truth be told, most customers don’t come for the gold–foiled chocolates, the textured magazines, the flavored shisha or the vintage Playboys.

They come for the coffee. And most ardently for the Avril 50

blend. “That’s the consumer favorite, that one,” says Yasha Shahidi, John’s son, who is currently studying law at Rutgers.

He and his father both drink it black. “The elixir of kings,” one customer calls it.

A fresh pot of Avril 50 will inevitably greet your entry to the store. The rest of the selection is a revolving door of the 63 kinds of coffee beans stacked along the street–side wall. Beans from Tanzania, Kenya and Zimbabwe flank those of Guatemala, Indonesia, Colombia and India. But none from Jamaica, John qualifies.

“Too expensive.” He laughs.

John took two years to create his signature mix. Like the store, it is named for his birth month and year: April 1950 (a seasoned visitor will recognize ‘Avril’ as the word for April in both Farsi and French).

When I ask why John decided to design his own blend, I find myself penning the response before I hear it: “Why not?”

Turning down the corners of his mouth with a shrug, John has met many a query with this response.

Bikram Yoga 1520 Sansom

White Dog Café sold only coffee. Le Bus bakery, now located in Center City (and in plastic sandwich boxes at Williams Café), was an actual bus. New Deck Tavern moved in next to the bakery’s old haunt. John Shahidi, the owner of Avril 50, has seen it all.

“I am the grandfather of this block,” John declares from behind the register. He tells me he misses La Terrasse. “It had the character,” John remembers of the institution that dated back to 1966 before it closed last year. He used to study at the bar.

John speaks Turkish and Farsi. He sleeps four hours a night. He is 62 and always wears a tie. At 5 feet 8 inches, with dark black hair and thick eyebrows that raise easily, he

John consumes 10–12 cups of coffee daily, as well as three to four shots of espresso, “for a boost.” I have never encountered a calm so caffeinated. He likes opera and David Byrne and dislikes change. For almost three decades he has stocked the same snuffs, cigarettes, magazines, journals and reviews.

I worry aloud about the societal shift from print to digital, the ability of the internet to box out smaller presses, prints, periodicals. The torrent over the tactile. The bitwave over the binding. “What do you think?”

I ask John. “Well, it hurts.” But it hasn’t stopped him.

In the small comment book that sits above a rotating display of Zippo lighters, someone has written, “This place should be protected by UNESCO.” But it isn’t. It’s protected by patrons.

A customer enters. “You’re almost American, now. You’ve been here, what, 27 years?” he asks. In the 1970s, John and his wife, Shiva Vakili, moved from Iran to the States, beginning Penn graduate degrees in international relations in 1980.

When the Iranian revolution broke, the two became unable to return and haven’t in 35 years. “It’s not the same country I left,” John says. “Philadelphia is my home.”

Many who have not yet become so settled here find their place in Avril 50. For doctorate of law student Matteo Erede, the espresso is a taste of Milan.

He is stopping in for his third shot of the day. “I’ve asked John if he’ll adopt me,” Matteo says. John practically has.

Matteo is in a Penn Law program that allows him to live in Italy, but when he visits Philly approximately twice a year, he

always heads straight for Avril 50. “You live on espresso?” I ask.

“On espresso and John’s company.” He mentions he’ll be back for a fourth on his way out the door. (Tomorrow, he’ll bring his friend Giacomo, visiting from Rome, to start the day with a double.)

Chris’ Jazz Cafe 1421 Sansom

se

ah T

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

pauses before he responds. “ A r e you Avril?”

I ask the first time I visit him.

Vested, buttoned and turning to face me, John peers up suspiciously through thick rims and pauses. The rich smell of cocoa beans and espresso mixes with the scent of paper. For the past 29 years he has stood behind this counter, sourced these scents, curated this coffee. Most importantly, he has defied the passing of time.

“Yes,” he lies.

I browse. It takes 24 paces to pass through black and white greeting cards, boxed cigars, piled up papers, quirky magazines and journals, tinseled chocolates and eight pots of steaming coffee. A slice of Europe, squeezed and stacked. As I turn to leave, he stops me.

“By the way,” he says, grinning. “My name is not Avril.

It’s John.”

rrs ar S on | Photos by

O

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

il y

by E m

10

nce upon a time on Sansom Street,

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highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

A WHOLE NEW (GROCERY SHOPPING) WORLD Walk three blocks further west to find Fro–Gro’s cheaper, better, more international alter ego.

By SOLOMON Bass

Get out of your FroGro funk! Its well worth walking to Shop’n’Bag, a not–so–hidden gem with great deals and a huge selection of unique products that will satisfy any ethnic food fix. Here’s our top picks: Costa Rican yucca ($0.79/ lb.)

It’s all in the family: boil or fry this South American staple to create a succulent side dish to replace dull ole potatoes.

COMBO

of the week

White hominy ($1.99) The meaty texture of these oversized corn kernels will give depth to soups or provide a more flavorful alternative to grits.

Dulce de leche ($5.32) Reward your sweet tooth by choosing a few items from the endless selection of dulce de leche products. Find this dense and creamy mixture of heated milk and sugar inside in pies, cakes, cookies, pure chocolate shells, or just plain in a jar.

Shop'n'Bag 4301 Walnut St. (215)387-3070

Aloe vera ($1.39 ea.)

Think this green gush is reserved for extreme sunburns?

Think again! Make a final stop in the juice aisle, where you’ll find the substance in an array of drinkable flavors like pineapple, strawberry and guava.

vanilla ice cream

:

+

dulce de leche sauce +

Fuck January, we want ice cream.

salted dulce de leche pistachio = sundae

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

Reason #17 to

12

RIDE A BIKE Roll past rush hour and actually enjoy your morning.

just past locust walk:

Follow us:

4040 Locust Street

keswickUC

Philadelphia, PA 19104

keswickcycle

P: (215) 387-2453

keswickcycle.com

kEswIck cYclE Is tHE oNlY BIkE sHop oN caMpus!

And has the largest selection of new and used bicycles in Philly

If you’re forced to pay for a dining plan, you might as well get the most out of it, right?

By Maya Naupal

Be proactive and make the dining hall work for you so you're not hungry later.

Here’s a typical pocket sized haul, as glimpsed in Hill: • • • •

4–5 pieces of large fruit (pears, apples, bananas, oranges) 20 packs of salt/ sugar/tea bags 10 packs of hot chocolate mix 10 packets of cream cheese or butter

Another very popular technique is to fill the to–go paper cups with pretty much anything: raisins, granola, strawberries, pickles, take your pick. Some even fill them with condiments, (yes, we saw you walk out of Commons with a paper cup filled with ketchup).

On a larger, slightly more awkward scale, some people go all out. We’ve spotted: • A pumpkin (apparently used to decorated a room for Halloween) • An eggplant – because apparently they are “cute” • The entire jar of peanut butter from Hill • Coconuts (Ed. note: when did the dining get coconuts?)

• One of the tubs of ice cream from Hill. The entire tub.

FRESH IN YOUR FRIDGE Welcome to Philly, FreshDirect.

By Emily Marcus

Sometimes even FroGro is too far away. Get your groceries delivered to your doorstep, literally, and do some food–exploring while you’re at it. With so much to choose from, here’s some highlights: 4 Minute Meals—These quick and easy dishes, like the Presto Italiano Chicken Marsala ($8.99), bring restaurant quality meals right to your dorm room.

Frozen Dinners—Fresh Direct has many more sophisticated options than your normal frozen food aisle, including bistro chicken ($7.99) and linguine with red clam sauce ($8.99).

Red Jacket Orchards—For something fresh and local, try Red Jacket Orchards’ fruit juices, including strawberry apple ($2.29) and spiced apple cider ($4.99).

Lesson learned.

MY SHOP N’ BAG ADDICTION We all have our weaknesses.

Backpage Editor Zeke Sexauer tried Maggi on a service trip to Ghana. His life had never been the same—until he found it at Shop’n’Bag. According to Zeke, “It’s delicious as a seasoning. You can literally just break up one of the little cubes and sprinkle it over any type of food. I sprinkle it over chicken often. The other day I made wilted spinach, grilled chicken and Greek yogurt and then sprinkled that over it all and it was amazing.When I was in Ghana they would rub it on pieces of chicken, let it sit for an hour, then grill it on a kebab. The most delicious thing ever.”

Pick up your Maggi cubes ($0.79) at Shop’n’Bag.

dear kid who stole the tub of ice cream from hill... be our friend?

Ronnybrook Farm Dairy—This Hudson Valley dairy farm makes delicious ice cream ($4.49), maple vanilla yogurt ($1.49), and chocolate milk ($1.49) Trust me, it’s better than Wawa’s.

Bonus Benefit: The delivery guys will carry the boxes up the stairs, so make sure to order your heaviest groceries on FreshDirect. Our suggestions: milk, cases of yogurt, wine and beer (they have craft brews), laundry detergent, eggs and things in glass jars.

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

Sarabeth’s—Now you can get this popular New York City restaurant’s delicious baked goods and preserves—try the peach apricot! ($7.99)—delivered right to your door.

If only the thieving would stop at food. Many freshmen find the dinning halls a convenient place to put together their dinning sets.

A group of four guys from Harnwell confessed to sneaking out cups, mugs, plates and cutlery. They now have a wonderfully stocked kitchen that didn’t technically cost them a penny.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

EAT THIS, TAKE THAT: A FRESHMAN’S GUIDE TO THE DINING HALL

writers mtg 6:30pm 13

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013 14

LOL

ARTS This week we’re all about One Book, One Philadelphia.

This is a joint project of the Mayor’s Office and the Free Library of Philadelphia that promotes reading and the literary arts through community bonding. With events—ranging from book and origami workshops to author and artist talks—running until March 13th, you’ll want to check out our online events calendar for our picks. In the meantime, get an inside look of House of Our Own and our favorite bookstores around the city.

House of Our Own An Inside Look

Street takes an inside look at the little intellectual bookstore between Pike and Chi O at 3920 Spruce. Owner and College alum Debbie Sanford talks books, arts and crafts, and college life.

Street: How did you come to be situated in an old West Philly house?

Debbie Sanford: We liked the idea of being in a house. The books fit into the architecture. Originally the house was boarded up and not in good shape; we worked on renovating the house. It took several months to rehabilitate it. It was open for everyone and there was a great sense of camaraderie. It had to do with getting the house ready together... the idea was to make good books and significant books available to everyone.

way with all the classics, philosophy and poetry. You walk through the archway to get to the different sections of the store. It’s not in terms of numbered bookcases—it’s through the archway or the balcony doors. The children’s section is in a bay window that brings in all the light.

Street: What do you think of the Penn students who come in or walk by?

DS: I see a real interest in real books. They’re interested in reading to broaden their own knowledge and enjoyment. They come here for the Street: So the books and ar- atmosphere, for the different chitecture function together? kinds of artwork, for the old DS: All the books are integrat- binding of books. Certainly, ed to the architecture. There many students are reading are books above the lintels­­ online or using Kindles, —there are books above the but it’s definitely not the cabinets that have a curved generational divide that space—it’s just a really pretty people may think. Our place. There’s a peacefulness clientele is not just older about it. There’s a pretty arch-

people—there are a lot of current students and young alumni.

Street: So what’s it like being amongst Penn fraternities?

DS: It is a shock to people to see a bookstore among fraternities and the kind of bookstore we are—having an aesthetic experience as you read. We play classical music on the radio! And when I was a student, Sigma Epsilon used to put their stereo speakers on the windows upstairs, and they would blast Beethoven, and you would hear it as you walked down the street. But I appreciated when Pike played Irish folklore music on St. Patrick’s Day last year.

Debbie talks Penn squirrels and alumni in an extended interview @ 34st.com

Check out the rest of our First Friday picks @34st.com!

Music Inspiring Art

"I see my work now, and in the future, as the deftest tool at my disposal for understanding and speaking about my relationship to the world. Art is the best way I can communicate... I have chosen a career that you never retire from, that never gets dull and that challenges me daily. The future looks pretty good."

Indy Hall 22 North Third Street Getting There: Take the Market Frankford Line and get off at 2nd St. February 1, 6–10 p.m.

Free We know art can be a little intimidating at times, but this First Friday event can ease your timid self into the world of wine, cheese and British accents.

The collective product of over 25 artists, Music Inspiring Art is an exhibition dedicated to—you guessed it—the music that fuels our creative spirits. From photography and fashion to painted wooden panels and sculpture, these works promise to be as versatile as they are conceptually innovative. And if we haven’t reeled you in yet, Johnny Cash, Nina Simone and other artists referenced by works throughout the show will serenade you as you meander about Indy Hall’s unique gallery space.

— Megan Ruben

Best of Contemporary Realism Artists’ House Gallery 57 North Second Street Getting There: Take the Market Frankford Line and get off at 2nd Street.

February 1, 5 – 8:30 p.m.

Free Showcasing four local artists, this exhibition represents the best of Contemporary Realism. Valerie Craig captures the beauty of nature in grand American landscapes, composing her canvases with loose strokes reminiscent of the Impressionists. Saskia Ozols Eubanks also showcases nature’s beauty, but through graceful, sinuous lines. Eubanks recreates traditional classicism from paintings of the New England landscape to academic paintings of nudes, flowers and fruits. Daniel Miller, a woodcut printmaker and Logan Speirs, an oil painter, are also featured. They display realistic portraits of famous artists such as Cezanne and Monet and recreate Van Gogh’s famous sunflowers. Beware that you may walk away crying over the fact that you can’t even draw a stick figure.

— Gina DeCagna

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

THANK GOD IT’S (FIRST) FRIDAY

$$$ GRANTS AVAILABLE FOR YOUR GROUP $$$ $$$ GRANTS AVAILABLE FOR YOUR GROUP $$$

Grants ranging between $1,000-$5,000 be available to Grants ranging between $1,000-$5,000 will be will available to individuals or individuals or organizations which promote: organizations which promote: • women’s issues

• Women’s issues • the quality of undergraduate and graduate life for women

• The quality of undergraduate and graduate life for women • the advancement of women

• The advancement of women • the physical, emotional and psychological well-being of women

• The physical, emotional and psychological well-being of women Favorable consideration will be given to projects that:

Favorable• consideration will beofgiven to projects that: affect a broad segment the University population

• Affect a broad segment of the University population • foster a greater awareness of women’s issues

• Foster a greater awareness of women’s issues • provide seed money for pilot programs that have the potential to

• Provide seed money for pilot programs that have the become ongoing self-supporting programs potential to become ongoing self-supporting programs To apply, visit the TCPW website at www.alumni.upenn.edu/groups/tcpw/ and download

Check out an extended interview and mixed–media works

by Laine Godsey online @34st.com!

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

The Trustees’ Council of Penn Women (TCPW) The Trustees’ Council of Penn Women (TCPW) is pleased to announce its 2013-2014 Grants and of the University is pleased to Program announce itsencourages 2012-2013 members Grants Program and community to apply. encourages members of the University community to apply.

the visit application from the TCPW at Grant web page. Applications must be submittedand no later To apply, the TCPW website www.alumni.upenn.edu/groups/tcpw/ download the than February 2012.

Awards will page. be announced in the Spring 2012 and fundsno willlater be application from the 13, TCPW Grant web Applications must ofbe submitted than distributed in July/August 2012 for projects in the 2012-2013 academic year.

February 15, 2013. Awards will be announced in the Spring of 2013 and funds will be distributed in July/August 2013 for projects in the 2013-2014 academic year.

15

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

OFFBEAT BOOKSTORES Check ‘em out, they’re only a short trip away!

By MADELEINE WATTENBARGER

2. Wooden Shoe Books 704 South Street

1. Garland of Letters 527 South Street Getting There: Take the 40 bus down Spruce; get off at 5th Street.

Yes, the massive lion sculpture guarding the door may seem intimidating. Keep going, though, and you’ll find an incense–scented hodgepodge of books on yoga, Eastern religion and alternative medicine.

Sections include homeopathy, astrology and “freedom of thought.”

Check Out: The gorgeous display of meditation crystals.

3. Joseph Fox Bookshop 1724 Sansom Street

4. Bindlestiff Books 4530 Baltimore Avenue

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

Getting There: Take the 21 bus down Chestnut Street; get off at 17th Street.

As well–curated as it is charming, Joseph Fox features terrific literary fiction and a stunning collection of art– and architecture–related titles. You won’t go wrong with almost anything you grab.

Check Out: The selection near the door of smaller books; the coffee–table books.

16

garlandofletters.com

Getting There: Take the 40 bus down Spruce; get off at 7th Street.

This bookstore and anarchist collective served as a hub for protestors during the Occupy Philly movement. Spend some time thumbing through the diverse array of zines or their shelves of books on, among other things, labor and identity politics.

Check Out: T–shirts with slogans like “capitalism is organized crime.”

Getting There: Walk up Baltimore Avenue.

The quaint blue storefront houses a stellar assortment of literature and children’s books. Bindlestiff's attention to detail makes up for the small size: it’s clear that every title is carefully selected, and the cottage–like atmosphere is sure to delight.

Check Out: The graphic novels.

foxbookshop.com

5. Book Trader 7 N. 2nd Street Getting There: Take the Market–Frankford Line; get off at 2nd Street.

All the staples of a great used bookstore: volumes piled high in stacks on the floor; a section of one–dollar titles; that distinctive old–book smell. You might not find exactly what you need, but you’ll have a lovely time looking.

Check Out: The sofas upstairs—grab some books, sit down, stay a while.

honorslounge.com

woodenshoebooks.com

LOWBROW

Disclaimer: Have you ever, like, been on the internet. This is obvi a joke. Duh.

W recent searches

Why are there calories in a salad?

Where is 40th and Walnut?

What movies are recommended for people who have never touched a girl/ been outside?

Where can I buy more boat shoes?

Why is there no fish art in Fisher Fine Arts?

Where is New Jersey?

Where can I find a coffee shop that only plays shitty early 2000 covers?

What’s the easiest way to transfer into Wharton?

!

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

LOL

You ShOUld

w w w.r a di a n a p a r t m e n ts .com Individual leases (per person) – w/ utilities included*

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Washer and dryer in every apartment Internet Cafe & Private study room Ground floor shopping & dining State-of-the art fitness center 2-story city-view clubroom with walkout terrace *restrictions apply on electric usage.

40th & Walnut St.

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

LIVE HeRE

215.222.4212 17

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

Lowbrow Takes on

the Internet:

Penn Edition

38th Street Bridge For students like me, the bridge between Huntsman Hall and Commons is the best (and for most students the only) way to get fit on campus. I just love to walk up and back down this bridge. Never the same experience twice! If it weren't for the troll that lives underneath, I would totally give this bridge 5 stars.

The Bench @ 40th and Locust After a long walk from Huntsman Hall to 40th Street last Tuesday, my feet needed some serious TLC. That’s when I stumbled onto The Bench @ 40th and Locust. This bench exceeded ALL expectations (you will not find a bench with better lumbar support, you just won’t!). My only caution: do not sit down unless you’ve got several hours to be pampered. I ended up clearing my schedule for the rest of the day! Run, don’t walk, to The Bench @ 40th and Locust!

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

Houston Hall

18

Being from Manhattan, I’m naturally wary of entering a building that pronounces Houston the way everybody else pronounces Houston. Going with that logic, I already know this building sucks. Call me when they build a South of Houston Hall.

La Fontana Della Citta Fine Italian Cuisine

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Sun-Thurs $22.95 PRIX FIXE DINNER with PennCard á la carte menu also available

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1701 Spruce Street Philadelphia, PA 19103 215-875-9990 B.Y.O.B. www.lafontanadellacitta.com

Enjoy a complimentary glass of wine with this ad!

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-Citysearch

see www.lafontanadellacitta. com

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34th Street 34th Street Bar Guide Bar The Guide Starlight Ballroom The Starlight Ballroom

A guide to bars and nightclubs A guide to near bars Penn’s and nightclubs on or campus on or near Penn’s campus — 452-472 N. 9th Street • 215-908-2063 • starlight-ballroom.com

— 452-472 N. Street • parties!

215-908-2063 • starlight-ballroom.com Venue available to9thbook FREE PIZZA NIGHTSVenue every Wednesday night from 9pm-2am.

Industrial/house music night available to book parties!

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

1701 Spruce St. - Philadelphia, PA 19103 - www.lafontanadellacitta.com

FREE PIZZA NIGHTS every Wednesday night from 9pm-2am. Industrial/house music night Copabanana — 40th & Spruce • 215-382-1330 • copabanana.com/uni.php Copabanana is THE place to go for 40th margaritas!

Half price Mondays from noon to midnight. Happy Hour Mondays to Fridays from Copabanana — & Spruce • margaritas 215-382-1330 • copabanana.com/uni.php 5-7pm. Open late seven days a week! Philly’s award winning DJ Karaoke Joe is now at the Copabanana 40th and Spruce from 9:30 on Thursdays !

Copabanana is THE place to go for margaritas! Half price margaritas Mondays from noon to midnight. Happy Hour Mondays to Fridays from Stop in Open for Sunday brunch!

5-7pm. late seven days a week! Philly’s award winning DJ Karaoke Joe is now at the Copabanana 40th and Spruce from 9:30 on Thursdays !

Stop in for Sunday brunch!

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West Philly – 61% Center City – 21% NoLibs – 7% South Philly – 7% Fairmount Park – 4%

Food/Restaurants – 18% Performing Arts – 7% Community Service – 4% Sports – 7% Miscellaneous – 14% Bars – 50%

TION A C O L BY

18

YEARS OF FEB CLUB

Freshmen, Feb Club is almost as old as you are.

NUMBER OF EVENTS YOU WON'T HAVE TO LEAVE THE PENN BUBBLE TO ATTEND

15

If you haven't explored the rest of the city by the time you're a senior, why the hell start now?

5

34TH STREET Magazine January 31, 2013

FEB CLUB

BY THE NUMBERS

Let’s be real, anyone’s fake works at Smoke’s these days. (Smoke’s, if you’re reading this, we encourage you to start being a little more stringent. Backpage wants their booth back.)

AVERAGE NUMBER OF SENIORS WHO ATTEND EVERY EVENT

And win the ultimate prize of having their name etched onto a plaque and enshrined on the hallowed walls of Smokey Joe's Tavern.

1

OPPORTUNITIES TO DONATE TO SENIORS FOR THE PENN FUND Or 28. Every day is a chance to donate to the Penn Fund!

Seniors, the time is upon you.

February. Well, February is upon everyone, but for seniors, it's their last full month together, and to celebrate we're all going to awkwardly crowd into bars together enough times to get a free shot glass. You don't want to be one of the 2,459 seniors who doesn't your name on the plaque at Smokes, do you?

40.8

EVENTS AT PLACES THAT WILL REALISTICALLY BE FILLED WITH UNDERCLASSMEN

20

ITY

TIV C A Y B

N WIN SHIT YOU CA

1

NUMBER OF HARRY POTTER THEMED EVENTS

Because nothing says "I'm about to enter the real world as an adult in just a few months' time" like children's fantasy novels.

Vessels from which to drink liquid shot glass, pint glass, travel mug, flask

Other t-shirt

For a full list of events and more, visit www.facebook.com/penn2013