February 4–10, 2016 34st.com
game over. injuries and illnesses take athletes off the field
february 4
PAG E T WO
2016
LOL
I don’t remember what I did last weekend. Not because I blacked out, but because I do the same thing every night of every weekend and I can’t differentiate them in my mind anymore.
3 HIGHBROW
first semester friends, overheards, round up
This is probably a pretty depressing thought: that my life at Penn is being stored in my memory to the same degree as what I had for dinner last night. But I also think that it’s not a strictly Penn thought, or a strictly me thought. Anyone’s life can feel like a monotonous marathon, anywhere at any time. The difference at Penn, I think, is that it’s not a marathon. It’s a sprint that just does not end.
4 WORD ON THE STREET Penn Online
Our lives move so fucking fast here. Think about how your summer went versus how your past semester went. Summer dragged and the semester flew, and I think that pace is what makes it so hard to break the monotony: there’s never really any time to breathe.
5 EGO
sickness quiz, eotw: Rolanda Evelyn
LOL
LOL
LETTERFROMTHEEDITOR
So that’s what I challenge you to do this week: Figure out one way to step off the track and break the sameness. Maybe don’t go to Smokes’ every night this weekend. Try something new in bed (p. 7 ), go to the Waffle food truck instead of Lyn’s (p. 7) or just stop making the same plans with the same people that are making your life miserable (p. 3).
7 VICE & VIRTUE
philly nerd scene, reading terminal, advice, waffle truck
Whatever it is, figure out a way to change it up. Penn is very not boring, Philly is very not boring. Smokes’ is boring, and so is sex in missionary. Be more exciting than that.
10 FEATURE
injured athletes
12 FILM LOL
LOL
LOL
dumpuary movies, classless TV
14 TECH
podcasts, geek of the week: Ros Shinkle
16 ARTS
drunk/high/sober: art exhibit, reading terminal
18 LOWBROW LOL
new oscar categories, where were they then, classic movie endings
STREET IS THE MAGAZINE YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT. FEELING A LITTLE BIT OEDIPAL? COME TO OUR WRITERS MEETING TONIGHT, 6:30 P.M., 4015 'NUT. BYO HAT.
34TH STREET MAGAZINE Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief Mikaela Gilbert-Lurie, Managing Editor Giulia Imholte, Audience Engagement Director Jeffrey Yang, Design Director Remi Lederman, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Dani Blum, Features Editor Orly Greenberg, Features Editor Mark Paraskevas, Word on the Street Editor Steph Barron, Word on the Street Editor Emily Hason, Campus Editor Julie Levitan, Culture Editor Brandon Slotkin, Entertainment Editor Rachel Rubin, Lowbrow Editor Genny Hagedorn, Highbrow Beat Keara Jenkins, Highbrow Beat Elena Modesti, Ego Beat Genevieve Glatsky, Ego Beat 2
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Melissa Curley, Music Beat Sydney Hard, Music Beat Talia Sterman, Music Beatlet Johanna Matt-Navarro, Music Beatlet Madison Bell-Rosof, Arts Beat Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Arts Beat Nick Joyner, Film and TV Beat Emily Schwartz, Film and TV Beat Zoe Albano-Oritt, Tech Beat Hannah Noyes, Tech Beat Dina Zaret, Vice & Virtue Beat Chloe Shakin, Vice & Virtue Beat Jackie Lawyer, Lowbrow Beat Jack Cody, Lowbrow Beat Nadia Kim, Design Editor Sofie Praestgaard, Design Editor Alex Fisher, Photo Editor Katie Dumke, Photo Editor
Isabel Zapata, Photo Editor Sara Thalheimer, Copy Director Elana Waldstein, Copy Director Sola Park, Copy Editor Chloe Cheng, Copy Editor Blake Brashear, Social Media Editor Rhea Aurora, Social Media Editor Staff Writers: Frank Augello, Caroline Harris, Mike Coyne, Hallie Brookman, Olivia Fitzpatrick, Jillian Karande Staff Photographers: Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, Julie Chu Cheong Contributors: Sean McGeehan, Ava van der Meer, Harley Geffner, Aaron Elkin, Taylor Hickman, Augusta Greenbaum
Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Alex Fisher, Katie Dumke, Isabel Zapata, Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, and Julie Chu Cheong. Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief, at johns@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898-6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "Why is Lump, like, moist?" ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.
10 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
HIGHBROW
over heard PENN
FIRST SEMESTER FRIENDS YOU'RE TRYING TO GET RID OF
You're all fucking dropped. The acquaintance you felt obligated to sit with in that huge lecture because you’re vulnerable to social pressures. Surprise: you’re both just using each other. The flake friend. This is the 4th time you’ve skipped out on our low–commitment Starbucks date. You're already failing at adult life. Conversely, the friend who literally can't go and eat a meal without asking you to join them. The Mooch. Be it the friend you’re constantly buying Allegros/drinks for or the one who always bums your notes from class. Either way, drop her. Your shitty roommate. While you’re technically still stuck with this person for a couple more months, start the detachment process now. Come March you two will have mastered the art of being passive aggressive without saying anything. How thrilling.
THEROUNDUP Tis the sneeze–in for snotty noses and even (s)naughtier situations. If you think your sore throat is bad, at least be thankful that you're not being featured in the Round Up this week. We've collected some real patho–gems to remedy your sickness blues. Because if there’s one thing everyone needs to learn, it’s that at Penn, gossip is more contagious than mono on your freshman hall. Tinkle tinkle little stars, let’s not wind up behind bars. This past weekend, one Theta girl needed to break the seal in the snow while traveling between Oz houses (Ed. note: awkward because her house happens to be between those very frat houses.) Unfortunately for her, before she could even squat down, nearby cops actually thought she was running away from them, so they quickly arrested the sorority sister. The police allegedly gave the partier a pretty hard time before letting her off with a stern warning. Can’t a girl just do her business in pee-ce without pissing off the cops? Other sources leaked that one St. A’s upperclassman had a little trouble going number one this weeekend. After coming back to the Tri Delt house with his hook up, the Quaker mistook another Delta’s room as the
6. 7. 8. 9. 10.
at
That freshman you dirty–rushed all first semester that ended up not joining your fraternity/sorority. I pulled for you. We could've been somebody. The last resort booty call. This person isn't even in your top 5, yet you could always count on them to respond to your 2 a.m. "Wya" text. That friend who dips all of your texts but acts like it's nothing when you see them in person. Fuck you. I am important. The degenerate who can't hold their liquor. Your party animal antics were fun at first, but now you're a legitimate liability every weekend. Also can you please keep drinking the water? I promise you're gonna feel soooooo much better. That fuckboi. You deserve someone who treats you like the bomb–ass person you really are. But more importantly, you deserve someone who understands what the word reciprocation means. Furiously fingering me for a minute does not count.
bathroom, and relieved himself on her floor. To be fair, we hear the gentleman sent both Tri Delt girls edible arrangements to apologize, and even offered to have the pee–stained carpet cleaned. But c’mon guys, it doesn’t take a wizz to realize urine the wrong room. You may be in Philly, but how far would you go for brotherly love? Last weekend, some Kappa Sig brothers had a close call over some close quarters. Sources say one frat event had freshmen, soaking wet and wearing only their boxers, trapped inside "the cage" when the fire alarm inadvertently went off. Although the play– pen was empty when the cops showed up, the scene itself was suspicious enough to warrant the brothers' worry. Highbrow approves of the adorable frat dog you use to woo girls, but not when it’s used as a front for caging your humans. On the topic of cagey occurrences, Highbrow hears that twelve freshmen who were cut from Castle banded together to reform Skulls, a fraternity that was kicked off campus in 2012. While it hasn’t been confirmed that Skulls is resurrecting itself, here’s to hoping the new pledge class doesn't have too many Castle–related bones to pick. But hey, better skeletons than arsonists in the closet, right? Speaking of internationals, we heard one Owls pledge got some seriously cold feet (or should we say
Jewish boy in Hillel: Anyway, I was born jaundiced. Girl walking with her friends: So my birthday's on 4/20, right? I've decided we're going to get super high and then fill the bathtub with noodles and swim in it. Huntsman betch: I didn't eat at Papa John's for 10 years because they burned the crust. Absolute savages at Smokes': Anyways, we're going to Atlantis from here. Then The Pit [AKA Legion Bar]. Then, we're doing a bunch of coke. Amy Gutmann to girl on Locust: I really like your sweatshirt.
talons?). After the first pledging event, the freshman freaked out, decided to drop, and then accepted a bid from his second-–choice, Theos. Two days later, the underclassman changed his mind again and called his buddy in Owls to come pick him up from Theos pledging. Hoping he’d stay Underground, the pledge masters called in the entire frat to prevent the kid from leaving. Despite their efforts, the freshman made what he considered to be a WISE decision and returned to his first choice. We guess he really meant it when he said “Owl be back.” The inter–frat frighting continued downtown, where SAE and Phi Delt brothers had a bit of a scuffle at the OAX bid party. The altercation started when a Phi Delt guy accidentally elbowed an SAE brother in the face while trying to lift an OAX girl up onstage. The situation escalated, however, as both boys started shoving each other on the crowded dance floor, drawing the attention of each other’s respective squads. Not to worry, though. Our clever friend cOAX–ed the Pheuding Phi Delt into submission by making out with him on the spot. It really is better to be a lover than a fighter. The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact. F E B R U A R Y 4 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
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WORD ON THE STREET
word on the STREET
TAKING PENN ONLINE
It was 1:27 p.m. on a sunny summer afternoon after a long hike on California’s Pacific Crest Trail—my off–day from my internship at the global nonprofit Village Enterprise. And it was time to go to class. I logged onto Canvas and clicked the link to enter my live lecture session, and within seconds I was transported, miles away, to my home–away–from–home in Philadelphia. The professor appeared on my screen, a smile on his face as he greeted me and my 30–odd classmates, who were already typing ravenously in the chat room. Four TAs jumped in and out of the discussions, guiding the conversation toward clarity as we reviewed the week’s reading of Oedipus the King, Agamemnon, Eumenides and The Bacchae. Welcome to Greek and Roman Mythology, one of Penn’s 30 for–credit online courses offered every academic year and summer. I have never been one to champion superfluous technology like Snapchat, Instagram and Twitter. Upon hearing about Penn’s online courses, my initial reaction was reproach— another channel for technology to inadequately usurp the roles of social interaction. Yet, my curiosity, paired with the lure of fulfilling dreaded sector requirements in a six–week period, quickly overcame my reserve. What I found was far from what I expected. The technology did not distance me from my classmates and teachers—rather, it bridged the gap. It didn’t stunt my learning process or pose difficulties in getting my questions answered. Perhaps more effectively than in a regular classroom, I was able to watch lectures on my own time and at my own pace, answering worksheets that kept me on track along the way. Each week, a short writing assignment was due (to which my group of seven or so students responded), a live lecture was Illustration by: Sophie Praestgaard
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AVA VAN DER MEER held on the computer (on which attendance was taken) and a constant stream of email communication flooded my online account (at the now normalized hyperactive pace). Not only was I exposed to the material, but I was also immersed in it on every level. Being a somewhat quieter student, the decentralization of online teaching and more traceable participation levels encouraged me to engage more actively in “classroom” conversations. The course could fluidly alternate between the large, professor–led lectures and the small, TA–based sessions without me having to leave my seat, comprehensively fleshing out the various concepts and drawing students like me into discussion. While in the
Penn's online community reaches far beyond social media.
past I wouldn’t have hesitated to preach about the dehumanizing, reality–distorting consequences of the digital age, Penn Online linked me directly to classmates across the world to weave invaluable discussions about the state of humanity over 2,000 years ago. The irony that the modern world’s revolutionary technology can illuminate the thematic continuities of the ancient past was not lost on me. That being said, I do not propose the online course community as a substitute for the physical university environment. Penn Online is merely a welcomed complement of the Philadelphia campus. Although I was able to seize professional opportunities at home while keeping pace with challenging academic requirements across the country, little can replicate the innovative, cerebral culture and social community of Penn’s campus. Living in the academic environment forges lifelong relationships between students and course subjects, which are both necessary for progress and non–replicable by the transience of online schools. Penn in Philadelphia is an incubator, if you will, of the next generation of great minds. Penn Online is simply a way to enable these great minds to reach further than previously possible—to harness faraway opportunities and simultaneously ameliorate the strain of graduation requirements. I typed “Thank you! See you next week!” in the chat room (live video interaction was the other form of participation, which gave me freedom to contribute in the way I felt most comfortable) and downloaded the next week’s reading assignments before closing my laptop. I still had a few hours left in the day to start on my next written assignment, and I had a great idea.
EGO
CAMPUS SICKNESS
QUIZ:
1 2 3 4
YOUR INTERMINABLE ILLNESS EXPLAINED
This campus is a petri dish for disease. It's not if you'll get a crippling sickness—it's when.
Upon entering Smokes' you celebrate by: a) Picking up random half empty beer cups on tables and downing them in the name of being frugal. b) Subjecting a poor Drexel or Penn graduate student to a creepy DFMO. c) Good one, you didn’t get in so you share a cig outside with a random kid from your Philosophy class.
It’s a snow day. Your plans revolve around… a) Taking Fireball shots off of a ski at the St. A’s “Snowpocolypse” darty. b) Getting high and doing snow angels in front of your house. c) Getting Chipotle despite the high risk of E.Coli or the inevitable digestive problems.
It’s a Sunday night and you’ve done zero homework. You… a) Camp out in VP and probably take a quick snooze on one of the ripped up weird smelling couches in the basement. b) Book a GSR that wreaks of pizza from the previous group who chose to pull an all nighter for some god forsaken reason. c) “I’ll just read in my bed.”
It’s not uncommon for you to… a) Not wash your sheets for up to a month. b) Take handle pulls from communal bottles at Oz late nights. c) Fall asleep at 3 a.m. on a Saturday night fully clothed and with a bag of hot Cheetos resting on your chest.
5 6 7 8 9 10
When you grocery shop you buy… a) Gogurt and a bag of popcorn. b) I only eat $12 salads from Sweetgreen. c) I currently have one granola bar to my name.
Your favorite pastime is… a) Pretending you know how to smoke out of a bong when the opportunity arises. b) Making slutty brownies and eating half the raw cookie dough before hand. c) Watching Office reruns naked on the couch. Your last hook up… a) We don’t talk about it. b) Was in fifth grade behind a tree. c) Was on an elevated surface at Recess, next question.
The last time you worked out… a) You paid $25 for someone to guide you through crunches at Core Power b) Fourth level of Pottruck, I’m relevant. c) I have a class in DRL so no need.
When you clean your room you… a) Spray Febreeze on a few pillows b) I don’t even own a vacuum. c) It’s a big deal when I have toilet paper.
My go–to lunch place is… a) Obviously Frontera, I can’t get enough of their partly–defrosted, chewy, chipotle shrimp. b) Houston: preferably the double cheeseburger with curly fries and a side of regret. c) If I’m not eating from a food truck I’m not eating.
ELENA MODESTI
If you got mostly A’s: There is a 120% chance that you already contracted mono your first semester freshman year, so thankfully that’s off the table. However, based on your going– out habits and betchy lifestyle, there is also a 120% chance you will be the kid coughing in lecture until March. No amount of rehydrating via Diet Coke is going to allow your immune system to conquer the perpetual Penn cold. At least you’ll have an excuse to be sipping Matcha 24/7, besides the excuse that you “can’t even.” If you got mostly B's: Most Freshman–y Freshman: Your life is just not simple to begin with. Aka you were probably already that one kid in Texas who got the swine flu a couple years ago. A few pointers: Lock yourself in your room for the rest of the school year and invest in one of those fashion forward hospital masks you see hypochondriacs wearing during the doldrums of finals week in December. If you haven’t already gotten salmonella this year (which you probably have), it’s only a matter of time. See you in May! If you got mostly C’s: SWUG: Not sure how you aren’t already dead. You’re the kid every parent worries is going to devolve into an animal when left to fend for themselves in college. Your parents were right. Try washing your lululemon joggers at least once this semester and we will call it baby steps. And no, chips are not a vegetable. Neither is veggie pizza.
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5
EGO
EGOOF THE WEEK: ROLANDA EVELYN
Rolanda Evelyn is President of Penn Fashion Week and is working for Google. Read on to find out more about how much cooler she is than you. Street: How did you get involved in Penn Fashion Week? Rolanda Evelyn: Before I came to Penn, I stalked The Walk super hard and read all of the issues and then I stumbled upon Penn Fashion Week and I watched this promo video with students modeling. Street: Do you want to be involved in fashion as a career? RE: Post–grad, I’m going to be working at Google. When I came in as a freshman, I wanted to be a buyer at Bloomingdale's living in New York. I wanted to be Rachel Green. And then around sophomore year, I realized that it wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted it to be more creative. The tech thing just happened. Street: Do you meet other people with that same intersection of interest in fashion and tech? RE: Not really. When I was at work over the summer they
would ask me what I did at Penn and I would tell them about Fashion Week and that the keynote speaker was Rebecca Minkoff (Ed. Note: She’s a handbag designer.) they were like ‘I don’t know who that is, but that’s cool I guess. She makes things, maybe?’ Street: What would be your dream job? RE: That’s so hard! I’d love to be Chief Marketing Officer at a retail company. I used to want to be an Editor–in– Chief so badly. Street: Do you feel like one industry is harder to break into as a woman and as a person of color? RE: In my mind, I do think of the tech industry as very progressive. Obviously my experience is very colored because I’ve only been at Google. I haven’t seen those things in the fashion industry. Street: Why do you think
Even college housing
should feel like home.
Contact us today to find your ideal off-campus housing! Fantastic units anywhere from a studio apartment to a 10 bedroom house available near 39th & Pine or 44th & Spruce. Available June 1st. 215.387.4137 ext. 100 abergeson111@gmail.com www.ConstellarCorporation.com 6
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that is? RE: I don’t know. It could be that tech is very new. It’s all about the next thing. The whole point is to be the most accessible. Whereas the reputation for the fashion industry, which is very hard for me to grapple with, is very exclusive, very whitewashed, very heteronormative—the list goes on.
for your PennCard because they don’t think you’re a Penn student. But then there’s other things, like when you’re in class and a professor uses a certain word that they probably shouldn’t use and you’re one of two black students in the class and no one says anything.
Street: What was the word? RE: Lynch. She said, “I’m so Street: How has being a mad, I could just lynch you.” I woman of color affected heard it the first time, but the your personal experience person she was talking to didn’t in the fashion and the tech hear what she said, and she industry? repeated it. She said it twice! A RE: I’ll start at Penn because professor saying that in a class that’s where my interest start- is so poignant. If someone like ed. I think it’s very hard to her can say it that means that be a woman of color at Penn. students think that we can go It’s a predominantly white around saying it. It’s also hard institution, so if you’re the to walk down Locust. There minority it’s always harder. It have been way too many times kind of took me four years to to count where I’m walking grapple with the idea of being down Locust and someone who unapologetically black. Going I know is walking towards me into the professional experiand they don’t even look at me. ences that I’ve had at Google There’s no eye contact. It’s such a in both of my positions, I was sinking feeling to feel invisible. the only black woman on my teams both years. But there’s Street: What do you think something special at Google. can be done improve the They’re really good about divide and feelings of being inclusive and making exclusion at Penn? everyone feel accepted. RE: The one thing that’s so important is Street: What about Penn’s listening. That sounds environment makes it diffi- so simple. When I say cult to be comfortable being listening I mean not black? discrediting someone’s RE: I went to a prep school experience. When I and it was a majority white tell you that I feel this school but there were people way, I feel invisible, of lots of different races. For the conversation the most part people at my shouldn’t be, 'That’s high school were very open– not people’s intenminded, very progressive, very socially aware, very woke. But at Penn it wasn’t like that. And then when you want to go to a party, being told that the party’s full and then having other people walk in when you’re being stopped. Or being asked
tions, you’re totally taking this out of context.' It should be, 'Why do you feel that way? Street: Describe yourself in three words. RE: Passionate, open–minded, personable. Street: There are two types of people at Penn… RE: Those who listen and those who don’t.
Name: Rolanda Evelyn Hometown: Brooklyn Major: Communciations Minors: Consumer Psychology, Hispanic Studies Activities: Penn Fashion Week, Wharton Retail Club, Seniors for the Penn Fund, Onyx, Friars, Bell
VICE AND VIRTUE
ADVICE AND VIRTUE
Dear Miss Appropriation,
I don’t know how else to say this: guys keep asking to fuck my ass. Recently, every single one of my hookups has practically begged for anal, especially when they’re drunk. I keep feeling like I should be a good sport and say yes, but the pain is so unbearable that even saying we made it to “just the tip” is an overstatement. When I asked my friends about it, not only had none of them ever tried it, but none of them have ever even been
asked. Is there something about me that just screams “please stick it in my ass”? And if so, does that mean I’m somehow destined for anal, and should suck it up and fight through the pain? And honestly, what’s with these guys? Is regular—even freaky—sex just not enough for them? What the hell is so appealing about buttstuff anyway?! Sincerely, IAmLiterallyButthurt Dear IAmLiterallyButthurt, First things first: you call the shots, and not only regarding anal. If there’s something you’re not comfortable with, it’s completely off–limits: no ifs, ands or butts. There’s probably a few reasons for these dudes’ obsession with trying to slip it in your backdoor: a) You have a really nice ass, b) They’re trying too hard to be cool or
c) They’ve never tried it, either. If these guys are comfortable enough with you to want to be acquainted with your butthole, that means you’re a cool girl who offers a safe space to try new things. But that space does not have to manifest itself up your ass if you’re not into that, either. Try shuting down his request by reversing it and asking him if he’d like to know how it feels to reverse–poop something. He’ll probably grow pale, shake his head and get off his high horse. If he nods eagerly, you have a different problem on your hands. Sincerely, Miss Appropriation Got a question for Miss Appropriation? Ask anonymously at 34st.com.
NEW FOOD TRUCK ALERT:
WAFFLES
For when the line at Lyn's is too long and sceney for your hangover to bear. Have you already had three bacon, egg and cheeses this week? Lucky for you, there's a new breakfast food truck in town to get you out of your rut: Le Anh's Waffles Noir. Location: Right next to Magic Carpet and Lyn's on 36th and Spruce Streets. Hours: 10 a.m.—6 p.m., weekdays only. The Lowdown: Not affiliated with The Real Le Anh, this unsuspecting truck serves Belgian waffles ($4), fried chicken ($4) and french fries ($2). It's only been open for about two weeks, according to the one "tired" (read: stoned) dude in the truck. The Verdict: The waffles are slightly worse than what you'd get at your average diner but, given that Penn lacks diner food in general, they're a godsend when you've already vomited up your Allegro's from the night before. Warm, pleasant–looking and only slightly soggy, these waffles won't judge you for your sinful behavior. Insider Tips: - Get the maple syrup on the side—if poured directly on, the syrup instantly makes the waffle soggier than if it were left out in the rain. - The syrup is especially sticky, so be a civilized human for once and eat your waffle(s) with a knife and fork. - Fried chicken costs $4 on its own but $3 with your waffle. And after your first, an additional waffle costs $2. I sense some epic fried chicken–and–waffle sandwiches on our horizons.
CHLOE SHAKIN
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PHILLY NERD SCENE
VICE AND VIRTUE
DINA ZARET
Science and alcohol: Brewed well together since ancient Mesopotamia! Nerds are everywhere. They’re in your classes, they’re hiding behind your friends (or they are your friends). And they like to have fun. Let’s be real, you wouldn’t be at Penn unless you had some nerdy element to you. You rant to your friend about some article you read or actually kind of like doing that one problem set. For those times you want to geek out but also have a beer or two, the Philly nerd scene has got you covered. We found some nerdy events and groups—pretty much all free—to get you started.
Philadelphia Science Society If you ever want a new crew to hang out with, check out meetup.com to find your new niche. That’s what some science enthusiasts did, and they became the Philadelphia Science Society. It’s essentially just a forum for people to publicize cool science talks and events happening around the city. At the end of the day, it has created a great place to meet people with similar interests in an environment that doesn’t necessitate pointless small talk before diving into fun, scientific conversations. To hear about more events around Philly and make some new friends, check out their Facebook page.
Science and Lightbulb Café When you walk into World Café Live for one of these hour–long talks you’ll find yourself greeted by a packed house and warm atmosphere, clearly not your average research symposium. The brick–and–mortar location of 88.5 WXPN, Penn’s rock, folk and blues radio station, has hosted these monthly events for years. They all feature Penn faculty performing cutting–edge research. The Science Café subjects vary widely, including friendship and your brain, the public understanding of evolution and the effect of climate change in Mongolia. The Lightbulb Cafés focus on the social sciences, arts and humanities. The next lecture, Febuary 9th, has Peter Decherney speaking about Hollywood’s domination of the film industry. Where: World Café Live, 3025 Walnut Street When: Two Tuesdays a month, 6 p.m. Next Event: February 9th, “Hollywood’s Past and Future”
More events to check out: Science on Tap: The second Monday of every month at the National Mechanics bar. Next event: February 8th, Forensic Autopsy “Hot Lights, Sharp Steel, Cold Flesh.” Mütter Museum Events: The events at this museum of medical oddities are not for the faint of heart. Next event: February 20th, Creating Etchings from the Mütter Museum’s Collections. Franklin Institute: Monthly “Science After Hours” events for the more drunken science fun, and speaker series for a more casual, less alcoholic science fun. Next open even: Vaccines: To Mandate or Not (featuring CHOP’s chief of the Division of Infectious Diseases. 8
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Photo by Bernard A. Jones Jr.
Nerd Nite When Chris Balakrishnan, a Penn alum getting his Ph.D. in Boston, returned from a trip to study birds in southeast Asia in 2003, he found himself retelling his story over and over again as more friends showed up at the bar one night. The bartender eventually came over and told him to just give one big presentation to all his friends another night. And so Nerd Nite began. They’ve been happening in Philly for six years, and are currently held at Frankford Hall. People get there at 6:30 p.m. to drink, eat and hang before the main event. There are three talks total, each around 20 minutes. In between, you
can get another drink or talk to the speaker while listening to local music. The talks vary from pop culture–like Archie comics–to science and history. One time all three speakers were NASA themed. Philly grad students and young professionals, among others, come every week to have a good time and walk away feeling like they’ve learned something. Where: Frankford Hall, 1210 Frankford Avenue When: The first Wednesday of every month, 7:30 p.m. Next Event: March 2nd
VICE AND VIRTUE
READING TERMINAL MARKET'S GREATEST HITS CHLOE SHAKIN & DINA ZARET
For Feb Club and Beyond
Valley Shepherd Creamery & Meltkraft Grilled Cheese If you haven't been hiding under a rock you've probably seen these incredible grilled cheeses and teared up a little. The aged and fresh local cheese is the star of the show, but the chips on the side ain't bad either. Beiler's Bakery and Donuts Owned by an Amish– raised farmer and mostly staffed by Amish women, Beiler's donuts and fritters and cinnamon rolls will make you drool like no other. **Feb club alert: 50 cent deal!!!!** That's right, for less than it costs to do one round of laundry, you can get a maple bacon fried circle of dough!
Hunger Burger Ever wanted to do good and eat a burger simultaneously? At Hunger Burger your dreams become reality. For every burger sold, the equivalent of one meal will be donated to help feed children from Philadelphia to El Salvador. Wursthaus Schmitz A branch–off from the beer hall and restaurant Brauhaus Schmitz, this place has your OG German food down pat. Mmmmm bratwursts. Bassett's Ice Cream Mr. Bassett, the founder of the oldest ice cream company in America, started churning ice cream in 1861 and has been selling it in Reading Terminal Market since it opened. Make sure you try the Guatemalan Ripple, a coffee based ice cream with a mocha–fudge ripple and mini coffee filled chocolates.
Win $50,000 To Launch Your Product Idea Prize submissions will be accepted at idesignprizesubmissions@gmail.com The Integrated Product Design throughProgram March 21st Master's and PennDesign
are excited to announce the inaugural year of a $50,000 iDesign@Penn prize which is committed to creating the next generation of product design leaders. The prize is aimed at helping Penn graduate students successfully launch an innovative venture based around the design of a physical product.
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Mueller Chocolate Co. The best damn non–pareils and anatomically correct chocolate hearts you'll find in Philly are right here at Reading Terminal Market.
The Integrated Product Design Master's Program and PennDesign are excited to announce the inaugural year of a $50,000 iDesign@Penn prize which is committed to creating the next generation of product design leaders. The prize is aimed at helping Penn graduate students successfully an innovative venture Master’s based around the design Thelaunch Integrated Product Design Program and PennDesign a physical product. the second year of the $50,000 prize are of excited to announce
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9
GAME OVER: F E AT U R E
Bubbles stream up furiously, erupting from the swimmer’s mouth. His legs work powerfully as he propels himself towards the wall—just one final push, he’s almost there. His arm reaches out, groping for the wall, prepared for victory. But his fingers can’t quite brush the chilled concrete. This wasn’t how Michael Hamman (W '17) envisioned his swim career ending. He hadn’t envisioned it ending at all, actually. After hundreds of practices, years of early wake–ups and hours spent training, one race against the University of Delaware didn’t end with a victory—it ended with a tingle. A tingle in his arms, to be exact. “I went to push my hand against the wall to grab the wall and I couldn’t do it,” Michael explains. “l was diagnosed with this heart condition…[I have an] undeveloped ventricle in my heart... basically, my heart pumps like 75 to 80 percent [of the amount of blood pumped per minute] of a normal person.” Penn’s athletic department boasts 33 sports teams. Each team is comprised of carefully selected athletes, most of whom had been scouted and recruited in high school, perhaps even earlier. About 900 athletes are distributed over the varsity teams, with
new recruits funneled in every year. They make up about ten percent of the student body. These hundreds of student athletes walk campus, proudly sporting personalized Nike backpacks and jerseys. Football players nod with recognition at passing rowers, a volleyball and soccer player embrace on Locust, excitedly exchanging conversation and comparing bruises. Sport–specific houses are scattered throughout campus, and hoards of athletes, no matter what team, can be found swarming Blarneys, a favorite bar amongst athletes, on any given night. Entering Penn as an athlete immediately provides a close–knit community, filled with students who face the same academic, physical and social challenges. While most freshmen fumble desperately for an identifier, college athletes arrive with a concrete identity and social sphere. However, this identity is destroyed when an athlete can no longer play his or her sport. Injuries and illnesses don’t just force athletes to reconstruct themselves physically—they shatter not only bones, but social lives, mental states and identities. * * *
An undeveloped ventricle brought the swim career of Michael Hamman (W'17) to an abrupt halt.
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“Tri Row, is our sorority...we have big little week,” Taylor Byxbee (W '18) explains of her crew team. Byxbee details her lineage, her “Greek” tanktops (the name “Tri Row” itself is a playful pun on Greek life house names) and her crew family. Being a student–athlete means having an obvious, incontrovertible identity, a built–in family made up not only of teammates, but of all athletes on campus. Penn’s varsity athletes make their bonds clear, to themselves and to the rest of the school. Girls on the volleyball team bring hand–painted signs to football games; athletes note the labels on each other’s team gear and sit next to each other in class. And when something goes wrong, on or off the field, athletes will do everything they can to get back. “The overwhelming feeling... in the locker room is that most people try to come back,” says Will Williams (C '18), an offensive lineman on the football team. “People always joke like, ‘Oh, I wish I didn’t have practice today,’ but when you’re injured and you can’t practice, you realize you really do want to practice.”
F E AT U R E
INJURIES AND ILLNESSES TAKE ATHLETES OFF THE FIELD
//KEARA JENKINS
Anders Larson (W '18), a squash player, has a “laundry list” of injuries: hurt ankles, a strained forearm and hamstring, a broken finger. He made it to the semifinals of the US Open when he was a junior in high school and was on his way to compete in the British Open, when, he says, “everything fell apart.” Larson was diagnosed with pneumonia and sick for five months. Now that he’s back in the game, he says injuries are another, almost expected, part of playing a college sport. “You get through ‘em, right?” he says. “You survive.” But sicknesses usually just require a couple of weeks in bed, spent counting down to practice. And while most illnesses slow you down, injuries can end careers. Sometimes, getting back isn’t an option at all. * * * Jack Stein’s ankle ached with loose metal. A few of the 30 screws that had been surgically implanted after a diving accident moved around in his body, causing swelling and pain. The injury occurred two weeks after he won state finals in high school his junior year. “It had kinda gotten to the point
where I couldn’t do it anymore,” the Wharton junior said. By the time he stopped swimming, halfway through his sophomore year, he could barely walk. “I was limping everywhere and in constant pain and irritable,” he says. “It was really time.” Jack isn’t ready to leave swimming behind, though. He watches practices and goes to every meet. He helps coach divers, especially strong freshmen. And his housemates are all members of the swim team. But even though he stays anchored in the swim community, he says he doesn’t wish he could go back. He can register for classes that fit in any schedule; he can sit down to do a problem set without crumbling from exhaustion. “At the end of our season we don’t have practice or anything, and that’s the best part of our year,” he says. “So now I just have that permanently.” * * * Jacklyn D’Alleva (C ‘18) didn’t stop playing lacrosse after one concussion. Two didn’t stop her either. Three weren't quite enough to take her off the field, but after four concussions, Jacklyn officially decided to quit. Her initial three concussions occurred during high school: The first from a snowboarding incident, the second during soccer and the third while playing lacrosse. However, her most recent concussion, which she got during practice last April, was different from the rest. More severe. Jacklyn explains that, “[At] end of last year a girl on the team accidentally checked me during a drill… It was a three– month recovery, I had to do physical therapy for my eyes. My vision was stuck.” The concussions didn’t just affect her vision. Jacklyn lost much of her short term memory during the recovery time. She recalls heading to CVS Pharmacy after a doctor’s appointment, intent on doing… something.
Jacklyn remembers calling her doctor, frightened, hysterical and sobbing. She knew she had something to do. She just didn’t know what. The decision to quit was difficult, but medically necessary. Jacklyn remembers that, “My willingness to stop [playing lacrosse] was really low.” However, she admits that, “I can never be as sick as I was. I would never ever want to experience that again. There are so many studies about the longer your recovery time is, the more brain damage [from concussions]. My first recovery time was a week. My fourth was three months. You definitely see an increase, and you can’t reverse any of the damage you cause. So it’s really not worth the risk.” Although she no longer plays on the team, Jacklyn can’t quite detangle her Penn life from her lacrosse identifier. She still considers herself part of the lacrosse team—she attends its parties, lives with girls on the team. Jacklyn chose not to remain on the team’s roster, though, noting that, “I don’t want to commit to having to stand on the sidelines for the three years if I’m never going to see any field time.” Jacklyn now chooses to stay busy during team practices, filling her empty hours with community service— including teaching lacrosse to young girls back home in Long Island. And while she’s adopted less contact–heavy exercise regimens–mainly yoga and spin classes–Jacklyn refuses to give up entirely on her sport. “If I could play tomorrow, I absolutely would. I would kill to play,” Jacklyn says thoughtfully. “There are girls who, for personal reasons, are no longer on the team, and I would give an arm and leg to get on the field.”
* * * not participate, Michael maintains Michael Hamman sits on the that, “Being on deck and watching bench, eyes focused on the boy glidpeople swim is just as enjoyable for ing through the lane in front of him. me because I still get kinda that thrill Splashes echo across the pool, water of competition, without having to do flecks the deck, the benches, perhaps it anymore, I still get that adrenaline even Michael himself. The boy in the rush.” water pushes faster, harder and on However, that neglected part the bench Michael can feel his heart of his identity will always remain, pumping, too—adrenaline racing, waiting for another chance. “I never body and mind caught in the rush. considered not [being an athlete in Michael knows this swimmer— College],” Michael remembers. “I where he’s from and what his athletic had a pretty legit shot at trying to do ranking is, if he’ll qualify for NCAA. something special.” He can predict the race time. “Kids on the team say I’m a big Keara Jenkins is a sophomore from New swim nerd,” Michael says. “If anyone Jersey studying Modern Middle Eastern has any questions, they come to me.” Studies. She is a Highbrow Beat for Although Michael no longer swims Street. on the team, he still enjoys watching his former teammates practice and compete. He recalls, “As soon as I started having issues, the coaches had me come out of the pool and started having me do splits and do things for other people and they kept me really involved.” And while he Jacklyn D'Alleva (C '18) quit the Penn Lacrosse Team after sustaining four concussions. himself does F E B R U A R Y 4 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1
FILM & TV
MERRY
DUMPUARY The only time we'll recommend movies for you to not see.
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It was 2:30 last Saturday afternoon when we strolled into Cinemark to view this year’s crop of Dumpuary showings. This affectionately (scatologically?) named season comprises the months of January and February, the period in which the Oscar nominations for the past year have already come out, but it’s too early in the season for films to be remembered for the following year’s nominations. So all the major studios dump the pictures that would never have gotten any awards onto the theaters, and we’re left with absolutely nothing to see when it’s godlessly cold outside. But don’t worry. We saw the three most atrocious selections, so that you won’t. Our trifecta has a combined score of 32% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. We first saw the Wayans Brothers’ 50 Shades of Black, a Scary Movie–style spoof on the already indefensibly horrid 50 Shades of Grey. Let me tell you: this movie had everything. White girls performing blackness and saying the n–word, pencil fellatio, a sex scene spoof of Whiplash involving drums, and the quote, “I licked six buttholes last week, and all I got was a Dell. Desktop.” And in the “BDSM” room, no one was safe. After the protagonist is waterboarded and asked about bin Laden’s whereabouts, she’s brutalized by listening to 50 Shades of Grey read aloud. But for some real pain, I wish they would have made her watch this flop. Next came Dirty Grandpa, a Zac Efron and Robert de Niro flick that can only be
described as all the worst parts of grandma’s funeral, wedding jitters and spring break combined. We weren’t sure whether to be more horrified by the swastika–shaped penis (dubbed a Swasticock) drawn on Efron’s forehead, by De Niro’s motto “party till you’re pregnant,” or by the duo finding inspiration in an athlete whose hands were so big he was able to finger five women at once in the revered Playboy Mansion. Even the jokes that weren’t meant to be vulgar were cliché and stale. How many movies can feature a pushy bride trying to decide between the pistachio and sea foam–colored napkins? How many puns can be made about a WASP–y couple having sex, seeing as Efron’s wife couldn’t wait to be “Tommy Hilfingered”? No amount of shirtless Zac Efron scenes could redeem this full–on failure. Last but not least came Ride Along 2. Our patience was thinning as we settled into the theater for a fully racist “action comedy” featuring Ice Cube and Kevin Hart. We found ourselves getting angry trying to figure out who comes up with this type of shit as Hart was chasing a hacker–turned–criminal through backyards filled with chicken coops and cougars tanning by swimming pools. We decided to leave after about an hour during the lightsaber bar fight scene, for the purposes of our health and sanity. You can only listen to Ice Cube say, “Imma shoot you in the face” so many times.
EMILY SCHWARTZ & NICK JOYNER 1 2BBP-SALAD-PROMO-LSM-U-PENN-Print 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E F E BCreative�.indd R U A R Y 4 , 22 016
1/19/16 2:31 PM
FILM & TV
PENN'S "STRAIGHT FIRE" COMEDY CLUB: CLASSLESS TV How Penn's comedy web series is doing it better.
Ever wonder what it’s like to be sexiled? Why a TA would ever want to be a TA? Which seniors are looking to get laid? One comedy club is answering all of those questions and more—Classless TV. Classless TV is Penn’s narrative comedy web series about all things relating to campus life. The group releases their five to eight minute episodes online in the spirit of a sitcom, following a plot and a structure, as opposed to sketch–style work. The show’s topic changes from year to year and has covered everything from the shenanigans of freshman dorm living to the grim life of a TA to the challenge of being a publication in competition with the DP. This year’s series, titled Screwed, highlights four seniors dealing with their awkward social skills and desperate attempts to lose their virginities. The team contains students filling a wide range of roles, including produc-
ers, directors, writers and actors. Yet, Classless prides itself on its accessibility and inclusivity. “Classless is one of the few clubs I encountered early on that is just 100% open to anyone who is willing to commit their time and energy,” said Arielle Port, Classless TV’s executive producer. The club gets to its final product after going through a process of writers’ meetings, editing, shooting and more editing, all of which can be learned by people of all skill sets. The more people that get involved, the stronger the club becomes. “My team is just straight fire,” Port said. The club is also unique in that it brings opportunities to its members that reach far beyond just its scripts and episodes. Classless TV is affiliated with the Kelly Writers House, a major resource for the club. The Writers House helped organize a speaker series for the club featuring Penn alumni working in all different fields of entertain-
Associate producer Will Gregoire recording using the sound boom and laying down to get the best angle, teaching us that angle does matter.
ment. Students were invited to ten lunches over the course of the semester to Skype with alumni, hear about their careers and receive advice for the long term. Actors Ava Kikut and Adam Parham hiking together during their first date on the show. Students take advantage of these sessions both to advance their work and better public speakers, chosen career.” on the actual series and to as well as sharpen other skills Next time you’re looking help plan for like working in a team and to fill time and have already future experi- tackling obstacles. “It’s just watched everything new on ence in the a cool opportunity to learn Netflix, check out Classindustry. how to problem solve, more less TV’s YouTube channel Even than anything else,” Port said. for some good laughs and students who Though a senior looking to entertainment. The episodes aren’t interested go into the entertainment are quick, the binging is easy in a job in world after college, Port has and you’ll feel inner joy for entertainment noticed the great impact the supporting your hardworking find that the club has had on her peers. classmates. Even better? You’ll club has other “That’s what we do. We feel validated knowing you’re lifelong benput out fires when there’s a not the only student at Penn efits. Students problem...so it’s kind of a who’s still a virgin. learn to become great experience whether or better thinkers, not you think it’s going to better writers translate directly into your
EMILY SCHWARTZ
Actors Elizabeth Martinez and Daniel Chung doing what we all do in our spare time: playing with a dart gun but getting interrupted by hysterical sobs. F E B R U A R Y 4 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3
PODCASTS ARE THE NEW BLACK TECH
“Everyone has like, a boner for young people and the internet.”–Amy Shumer in Trainwreck. Street currently has a boner for podcasts. Podcasts have been around since the '80s, but the iPod and podcasts went hand in hand in 2004, when they "caught on" according to Apple (and the subsequent trademark patents they filed the same year). In the decade since, podcasts have been demoted to nothing but that little purple icon buried somewhere amidst the 17 apps you've downloaded to edit your selfies. So, why
should you be listening to them? The short answer is that you should listen to podcasts because they're really cool. Street's sure you've heard about Serial. Currently in its second season, this addicting show produced and narrated by Sarah Koening tells a twisted, suspenseful, true story over a series of weeks. The first season focused on the murder of Hae Min Lee by her boyfriend Adnan Syed. The second season, which is currently underway, focuses on Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, an American soldier who was
STREET DOESN'T HAVE A PODCAST, BUT WE'VE BEEN TOLD WE TOTALLY HAVE THE FACES FOR RADIO.
They're not just those things your dad HANNAH NOYES won't shut up about.
held by the Taliban for five years and arrested for desertion upon his release. While Serial is seriously addicting, Street recommends that you give these other guys a listen, too.
NOT TOO DEEP Created by YouTube star Grace Helbig, this funny, relatable podcast interviews fellow YouTube stars and other seriously hilarious people (we can’t really see a discernible pattern to the people she interviews either, just roll with it). Listen to it when: The Sunday Scaries hit, you fail your first MATH 104 midterm, you realize that the class you picked up takes attendance.
PENN PROFS LIKE TO GET IN ON THE ACTION AS WELL PennSound: Hosted by Kelly Writer’s House professor Al Filreis, these audio recordings discuss poetry and poetics. Wharton FinTech: This student–led podcast invites investors, students and thinkers from the world of Financial Technology to discuss various topics and ideas that are shaping financial services. Case in Point: Produced by Penn's Law School, this podcast combines both audio and video components to provide conversations about law, society and culture. Listen to them when: You feel like taking a break from Huntsman but you feel that you should at least try to be educational.
BON APPÉTIT FOODCAST This podcast features interviews with chefs, writers and “anyone who has something cool to say about food,” (according to the iTunes description of the series). Highlights include interviews with Jacques Pepin, Nigella Lawson and an episode dubbed “Healthy–ish”. Listen to it when: You want to listen to top chefs describing food while you suffer through your fifth bridge omelet of the week.
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A podcast about crime—how creative. These crimes are a little different though. Think, like, an interview with a courtroom sketch artist who drew John Wayne Gacy, a detective investigating a gruesome murder on the Schuykill River and a headless body found in 1896. Listen to it when: CRIM 200 isn't quite cutting it or you're looking to fill the void left by Making a Murderer.
MODERN LOVE This podcasts takes personal essays previoiusly publihsed by the New York Times and has recognizable voices (Lauren Molina, Sarah Paulson) read them. The stories focus on love, loss and everything in between. Listen to it when: You get catfished by your Tinder date, or if you like the NYT's coverage of love stories.
TECH
Street: Okay, let’s start with the basics. What’s your major? Ros Shinkle: So I’m in Mechanical Engineering and Applied Mathematics, MEAM for sort. So it’s a lot of higher level physics, then applied.
ROS SHINKLE
Street: How long have you been in business? RS: I started setting up in August, bought my first printer in September and my second in November. They’re in my apartment. One is actually under my sink and the other is in my bedroom.
some more geeks. I’m not the geekiest. I wish I were. I want to thank my parents…my teachers…my back brace for getting me through the really dark days.
MEAM Sophomore and 3D Printing mogul Ros Shinkle talks to Street about her "stiff members," the soothing sound of her printers and, most importantly, Arabic Choir.
Street: Back brace? RS: I just wear it every once in Street: Are you close with the a while. I have serious, serious MEAM kids? Street: What’s the weirdest back problems. And if I’m RS: So MEAM is highly thing you’ve 3D printed? really stressed out, it all goes to structured. You have to take RS: Nothing that weird, really. my back. So I literally want to certain classes at a given time, I printed octopus tentacles that thank my back brace. and because of that really rigid were an iPad stand once. That curricula (Ed. Note: Yes, she was pretty cool. Street: What’s the one thing I really said curricula), we know forgot to ask you? most of the kids in our classes. Street: How’d you get started RS: Well, I’m taking Arabic We also have study halls…it’s with this? Choir. I don’t speak Arabic. I’m really nice. It’s how I survive. If RS: Last summer, I was work- tone deaf. I’m in Arabic choir. you’re doing the kind of prob- ing for a startup and was build- All I do is sit there and chant, lem sets that make you stay up ing a 3D printer–slash–robot. and there’s a point in every all night, it’s nice to do them We were working in a startup class where I literally feel my with a group of people. That incubator and one thing we shoulders drop an inch and I’m eases the pain. did in between grants to keep like, 'Okay, it’s the weekend.' making money was CAD and Literally, if there’s a key to sucStreet: Has anything bizarre print supplies for other startcess, it’s Arabic Choir. ever happened in one of your ups. And I basically realized engineering classes? that you were taking a $20 roll RS: Oh, last semester, we had of filament and turning it into a class called Statics. Basically $800 of revenue, and that’s a the whole conversation was lot of money. all about 'stiff members' and 'stiff bodies,' so yeah. Nerds get Street: Is the 3D printer the down. nerdiest thing about you? RS: I mean yeah, but I really Street: What other nerdy ac- enjoy the 3D printing, like I tivities are you involved in? genuinely enjoy it. I get really RS: Well, I do own a 3D excited about it. I like to watch printing business. It’s called the printers and the sound is The Trustees’ Council of Penn Women Print Prodigy, LLC. The name literally soothing to me. It’s like sounds really obnoxious. But listening to R2D2. is pleased to announce its anyway, I basically do CAD Street: They say that Engi(Computer Aided Design) neering is the Ravenclaw of work and 3D printing. So either someone will have a 3D Penn, but which house do you think you’d be in? model that they want to be RS: I don’t know enough to printed and they’ll send it to me, or they'll have an idea and categorize myself. As long as I’m not in Hufflepuff. Just put ask me to do the CAD work Earn money for your group/organization. To and build it. Then I charge me in Gryffindor—I know that’s the good one. fees for the printer time, the apply, visit the TCPW website at volume and the amount of www.alumni.upenn.edu/tcpwgrants filament I use. (Ed. Note: Check Street: How do you feel about being the Geek of the Week? out her Instagram account @ Applications due by February 12, 2016. RS: I feel honored, and I printprodigy.) feel like you should meet
2016-2017 Grants Program
F E B R U A R Y 4 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5
JOSEPH KOSUTH'S ARTS
ELEMENTARY PARALLELISM
Joseph Kosuth proposes in his most recent installation at the Philadelphia Museum of Art, An Elementary Parallelism, that art and life are one and the same, and college is all about seeing life through new perspectives. The work is a homage to Duchamp, and it combines preparatory drawings from both "Green Box" and "White Book." Penn students looking to find non–traditional art in a museum that mostly focuses on older movements will be highly pleased to encounter this exhibition in the modern art wing of the hallmark Philly institution. Also, it's just fun to go to if you're high or drunk (and even sober).
DRUNK:
In my attempt to Van Gogh fucking wild, I thought the best route was to down a good ole’ 40 in less than eight minutes (Ed. note: this is a horribly inefficient
way to get drunk). I chose to rip some extra shots, just in case, only to be met with an instant gag reflex and yep, you guessed it, booting back into the Gatorade bottle that I had so recently used to hold my chaser. I call it splatter art. I don’t really remember anything, but apparently I did text a friend, “yo fucked up and going art museum.” Once at the museum, I bought a ticket and was then handed a map. How the hell am I supposed to read a fucking map? I know two things at this point. I am plastered. I have to pee. I start to wonder if I will ever make it to the exhibit I came to see. “That’s okay,” I think. "We can’t win ‘em all? Maybe I should just get some pizza. NO. Stay focused." So as I go to find the bathroom (for the first of ten times this afternoon), I eventually stumble upon the exhibit. The first term I see is “El-
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ementary Parallelism,” and I immediately know there is just no way this is going to go well. I’m hammered trying to write a review of an abstract exhibit. First, I come across a shovel, then a picture of a shovel, then a definition of a shovel. At this point, I start to feel a mixture of panic and sadness. I think, “Am I actually an idiot because I don't get this? I should be understanding this, right? What am I missing?” As two hipsters wearing rimmed glasses and beanies circle around me and discuss the depth and profound meaning of the shovels, I strain my face and furrow my brow to make it seem like I am intently thinking about the true meaning of the shovel; but really, I’m just thinking about the quickest route to the bathroom. Even when drunk, the deliberately ambiguous and rough landscapes in the Van Gogh pieces and Cezanne's stunningly poignant collection of Mont Sainte–Victoire are always breathtaking. The subtle, grey mist rising above the blue– and–white–capped mountain peaks would stop anyone in their tracks. These are paintings that can be immediately appreciated and understood, even if you don’t quite know what you are looking at. The exhibit of Joseph Kosuth is a more raw matrix of conceptual art. The exhibit delves into the nuance of what art truly is by introducing language as a means to question not only what rigidly defines art, but perhaps more importantly, what inspires it. (Somehow, I got this last bit out while still drunk).
HIGH:
We looked at art under the influence so you don't have to (but if you want to, it's pretty fun).
Disappointed that we went in the back so I didn't get to run up the Rocky steps, we got lost on our way to our target exhibit in Cezanne’s folding mountains. After 30 minutes of wandering through my imagination and subconscious (Salvador Dali took me for a ride), we finally arrived at Plays of / for a Respirateur. First of all, who puts a slash in the title of an exhibit? Second of all, I'm really hungry. Most importantly: this exhibit is ridiculous. There is a shovel on the wall, next to a picture of a shovel, next to a white rectangle with the definition of shovel and some German etymologies. This exhibit is supposed to be about "Elementary Parallelism," (read that in sarcastic air quotes) and has something to do with Sigmund Freud. I'm calling bullshit.
SOBER:
Shortly before his death, Duchamp described himself as a respirateur—a breather—to underline the fact that art and life are inevitably entangled. Kosuth’s An Elementary Parallelism is a homage to his
teacher, and it presents this very idea: the installation redefines boundaries between reality and its interpretation. By juxtaposing his own work with Duchamp’s works from the PMA’s permanent collection, the American conceptual artist creates a work of art that inspires and challenges its audience. By taking as its springboard Duchamp’s elementary parallelism, Kosuth’s An Elementary Parallelism resonates and rhymes with Duchamp’s original ideas. Kosuth is a pioneer of modern conceptual art, who in the 1960's began to use processes and methods based on language and linguistics to challenge the traditional conceptions of art. Like Duchamp, Kosuth wanted art to interact with the mind— art was “to be at the service of the mind.” It was to use ideas as the fodder and primary material of the work. Kosuth, ultimately, intertwines the visual and the verbal, exposing the intrinsic, intimate relationship between the two concepts with fluorescent lighting, a shovel, and Duchamp’s bicycle wheels.
ARTS
MOVIES AT THE MARKET
On Wednesday night, a friend and I decided to go to the movies. Seems like your pretty classic night for a couple of SWUGS like us (who are actually sophomores; we washed up pretty early). Except, instead of paying $8 for a ticket, we headed to Reading Terminal Market for its first ever free movie night, “Movies at the Market.” When we walked in, the ticket booth had no machine to swipe your credit card. Instead, they just asked you to write your name down on a list and head right into their makeshift theater. “We’re doing this for no reason,” said the woman who handed me a brochure explaining that there will be one free movie a month for the rest of the school year. I gazed hungrily at the back of the brochure, which listed off food stalls still open for the event. Ah yes, Flying Monkey Bakery’s famous butter cake and Old City Coffee to help me through that late night homework. These people were making my week, and they didn’t even know why. They chose the movie Chef for night one—a story about a guy who quits his upscale restaurant job to open a food truck. What makes more sense than watching a movie about one of Penn’s favorite kind of food venues while eating at another? I sat on chairs that
were gathered from across the market and lined up in rows in front of two screens opposite each other, and watched the film, courtesy of Netflix and a projector. It was no professional theater, but it was pretty great. I felt like part of the neighborhood, as if I were at an old–fashioned drive– in. I munched on cake and pastrami (because at Reading Terminal, you can do both) and thought of the overpriced Raisinettes I usually get at a typical concession stand. Surrounded by food paradise—complete with a bar—I knew I would definitely be coming back for night two. Assistant General Manager of the Market, Chris Gowen, has big plans for its future. “We want to prove to the vendors that people will come, and tonight had a great turnout.” Soon, Reading Terminal after dark might not be so unique anymore. “If this works out, we want to start being open as many nights as we can.” Not
SEARCHING FOR THE PERFECT GIFT?
Reading Terminal by day, movie theater by night.
UPCOMING MOVIES AT THE MARKET: February 11th: An Affair to Remember March 17th: Little Shop of Horrors April 14th: National Treasure May 12th: Burnt
51 N. 12TH ST only does Reading Terminal offer movie nights, but they will also be throwing their 6th annual “Party for the Market” on Saturday, February 20th, which includes a dance floor, a band, and all the food you can eat. “We even throw in young people prices for guests under 30” (hint: he’s talking about us). The party seems to be a neighborhood favorite. "At our party last year during a huge ice storm, we thought about canceling, and then over 700 people showed up,” remembered Gowen.
Phone: (215) 922-2317 Hours (for now): Monday-Saturday 8am-6pm Sunday 9am-5pm How lucky are we to have a place that gives us free entertainment on a cold winter’s night along with hundreds of gourmet food options this close to our campus? Reading Terminal Market is so much more than a place to walk to when you’re high—it’s a Philadelphia landmark. MADISON BELL-ROSOF
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CELEBRITY EDITION: WHERE WERE THEY THEN? DO DO DOYOU YOU YOU PAY PAY PAYPER PER PERVIEW? VIEW? VIEW?
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Because apparently not everyone used to be a waitress!
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NEW OSCAR CATEGORIES ///////////////////////////////// Where even the losers are winners.
Best Ability to Make Babysitters Want to Punch Walls, Or Children Winner: Frozen Nothing makes you beg for instant death via icicle like a tone deaf six–year–old trying to replicate Idina Menzel’s voice in “Let It Go.” And no, I have no desire to build a snowman. Okay byyyyyeeee.
Best Film to Leave You with a Feeling of “WTF?” Winner: Jupiter Ascending Mila Kunis, Channing Tatum, Eddie Redmayne and friends, what about this movie seemed appealing when it was presented to you? Everyone already thinks you’re a queen, Mila. Did you need to convince us you were intergalactic royalty as well? And Channing, when it comes to costuming, stick to the Magic Mike outfits. Wings don’t suit you.
Best Murder Weapon in a Horror Film Winner: The afro pick in Leprechaun 5: In the Hood Of all the ways to die in a horror movie, smoking with a leprechaun who only speaks in rhymes (“A friend with weed is a friend indeed”) and then stabs you in the neck with your own afro pick is certainly memorable. And that’s all you can really ask for in a horror movie whose body count is well over 30.
BEST REASON TO FINALLY GIVE LEO HIS OSCAR: Winner: Literally any movie. Just give him his own category, let him take a picture with the little gold man and call it a day.
Best Film with No Plot But Lots of Violence Winner: The Hateful Eight We get it, Quentin Tarantino, you like blood and shooting and death and profanity. You’ve made this clear with a number of quality films. Now it feels like you’re just using your good name as an excuse to set the Guinness World Record for amount of fake blood used in one three–hour period. You had my curiosity, and now you have my attention. I checked; Evil Dead won.
Best Performance by a Child Star Whose Life Will Inevitably Be Ruined By Hollywood Winner: Mackenzie Foy as little Murphy in Interstellar It’s not you, Mackenzie. It’s the fact that Interstellar was so spectacular and just plain cool that starring in another movie this awesome might take a while—thus launching you into an early life crisis about your career. Plus, we’re pretty sure your mind is completely fried by whatever happened in the last half hour of Interstellar, so you won’t make it that far, anyway. But don’t worry, we’re rooting for you. We’re all rooting for you.
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UPCOMING LECTURES URBAN TRANSPORTATION & ENERGY CONSUMPTION
TRANSFORMING TRANSPORTATION
Explore the future of transportation energy in two upcoming lectures...
02.19.2016 What role should urban planners play in determining the use of fossil fuels in cities? Grab a seat and learn more. BOB CERVERO, Professor and Chair of Urban and City Planning, University of California, Berkeley MATT TURNER, Professor of Economics, Brown University GILLES DURANTON, Chair, Real Estate Department, Wharton ERICK GUERRA, Assistant Professor of Urban Planning, PennDesign Moderated By: EUGENIE BIRCH, Lawrence C. Nussdorf Chair of Urban Research and Education, City and Regional Planning, School of Design. Co-director Penn IUR * This event co-sponsored by Wharton Real Estate Department and Penn Institute for Urban Research
BATTERIES, FUEL CELLS, OR FUEL ECONOMY? 04.05.2016 Join us for a panel discussion on the intended and unintended consequences of gasoline-saving policies. DR. WILLIAM CHERNICOFF, Manager of Energy & Environmental Research, Toyota DR. MARK JACOBSEN, Associate Professor of Economics, University of California San Diego ANDREW STOBER, Vice President of Planning and Economic Development, University City District DR. ARTHUR VAN BENTHEM, Assistant Professor of Business Economics and Public Policy, Wharton
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