February 7, 2013 by 34th Street Magazine

February 7, 2013 34st.com

WALKING SHORTCUTS 路 PHILLY BREAD 路 OCR TIPS + TRICKS

february 7

2013

3 HIGHBROW

the roundup, word on the street, overheards, my penn addiction: stealing from frats

chinese new year

4 EGO

ego of the week, campus shortcut map

6 MUSIC

reviews, double interview with badbadnotgood and xaphoon jones

8 FILM

"identity thief" feature, penn celebrity look-a-likes, review

10 FEATURE

instagram-ing fisher

republicans at penn

IMPROV

FROMtheEDITOR

The Super Bowl blackout made me nervous. Not because it was a blackout (we're used to those) or because I was incredibly invested in the game (the Patriots were already out and a 49er victory looked hopeless) but because of what it meant for humanity. Or what it would’ve meant had it persisted. We are shrouded in a sort of darkness every day—a virtual one. Hidden behind Twitter handles and Snapchat timers, we do and say things we wouldn’t dream of trying face–to–face. Sometimes, this is a lot of fun. You look better with the lights off. There's nothing wrong with that. But it affects the way we interact in person, which is to say: we don’t. As much. 74,000 people attended the Super Bowl. That’s more than three Penns in one place and I’m including the grad students. Football games aren’t

faculty teas, but game–goers tend to behave themselves to a certain degree. Get a few drinks in them and they might actually talk to one another. Now cut the lights, stop the game and keep the crowd. This is an anthropological goldmine. Thankfully, the Superdome had generators. But a sneaky scientific strand in me asks what would’ve happened had those failed, too. Would people have stayed quiet, too stunned by the cessation to address it? Would they have rioted, rushed the field and left the Harbaugh brothers holding on to one another for dear life? Or would they have surprised us all and met somewhere in the middle, making bi-coastal friendships based on nachos and beer? I guess we’ll never know.

12 FOOD

spotlight on bakeries and bread

15 ARTS

red solo cup diy, 30th street craft market, chinese new year in philly, artist profile

18 LOWBROW

lowbrow's guide to getting a job

penn republicans

spotlight on local bakeries

republican, democrat, green — we don't care. street is post–partisan. join the movement.

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

20 BACKPAGE

how many ways can you instagram fisher fine arts?

WRITERS' MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 P.M.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Nina Wolpow, Editor–In–Chief Sam Brodey, Managing Editor Alex Hosenball, Online Managing Editor Chloe Bower, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Olivia Fingerhood, Asst. Design Margot Halpern, Asst. Design Zacchiaus McKee, Highbrow Julia Liebergall, Highbrow Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Ego Ben Lerner, Ego Isabel Oliveres, Food & Drink

Abigail Koffler, Food & Drink Ariela Osuna, Music Michelle Ma, Music Alexandra Jaffe, Film Faryn Pearl, Film Patrick Ford-Matz, Features Kiley Bense, Features Megan Ruben, Arts Gina DeCagna, Arts Lizzie Sivitz, Lowbrow Zach Tomasovic, Lowbrow Frida Garza, Back Page Zeke Sexauer, Back Page Lauren Greenberg, Social Media

Allie Bienenstock, Print Copy Madeleine Wattenbarger, Print Copy Marley Coyne, Online Copy Michael Shostek, Online Copy

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898– 6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581.

Cover Design: Chloe Bower

VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com

Contributors: Rosa Escandon, Andrew Scibelli, Solomon Bass, Caroline Quigley, Michael Scognamiglio, Angel Chen, Donna Hahn, Isaac Garcia, Kaitlyn Levesque, Glenn Shrum, Gabby Abramowitz, Andie Davidson, Kyle Bryce–Borthwick

"Is that racist? It does come from mostracistmovies.com..." ©2012 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a–okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

MY PENN ADDICTION: STEALING FROM FRATS Let me just state for the record that I am NOT a thief. I don’t get a thrill out of theft, like some kleptomaniac. I’ve never once stolen from a store, unless you count a badass stint during my fifth year of life when I pocketed a pack of rainbow Post–Its from Staples. The five–finger discount just ain’t for me. But with fraternity parties, things are a little different. I’m not talking about sneaking into rooms and taking sweatshirts—bitch please, do I look like Winona Ryder? I’m talking about the alcohol. The awful, disgusting, is–this–alcohol–or–is–this–rat– poison liquid of the ultra–exclusive Banker’s Club. There it sits behind the stained mahogany bar, bottles upon bottles, just waiting to be poured into already–used Solo cups. And it’s free. Free alcohol. For college students. So now you see. The method to my madness is quite simple. When I approach the bar, I don’t ask for a drink— I reach for the handle myself. Nine times out of

ten, the drunken freshman pledge won’t even realize it and if he does he won’t care. Slowly, I reach into my bag for an empty Poland Spring bottle. Fill her up. Put the handle down. Walk away. Victory. It doesn’t just stop there. One time, my friend brought a bag big enough to stash the whole handle. That one kept us going for months. The weekend before last year’s Spring Fling, we arrived at one frat empty–handed and left with ten full water bottles and a box of Franzia. No one really remembers who acquired that last one, but it tasted great at our celebratory BYO at Charles. I tend to think of my actions as Robin Hooding —taking from those with so much and giving to those with so little. It’s just common decency, you know? Sharing is caring, even when it’s anonymous. Let’s all get drunk together! Nothing tastes better than free Banker’s. Except maybe every other kind of vodka.

THEROUNDUP

Girl 1: If I keep eating this much, I’m going to gain so much weight. Girl 2: I wish I had a tapeworm. Guy: And that’s why barley is my favorite type of grain. Girl at Smoke's: She should get a fake ID from the guy who did Obama's birth certificate. Sophomore: Do you think she’s ever, like, killed somebody?

I THINK I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE BY ABIGAIL KOFFLER

Welcome to Penn, where students overlap in webs more complicated than that gross hook–up diagram from "Jersey Shore." Forget six degrees of separation. We’re lucky to get three. Locust is the nexus of this spit web. Running into your own ex is bad enough, what with the loaded glances, attempts at causal hellos and resurgences of old feelings. The equation gets far trickier when the ex in question is not your own, but your friend’s. Society hasn’t quite labeled them yet, but you know what I mean. You recognize these people, the few out of the ten thousand, but do they recognize you? Maybe you met them once as they left your apartment early one morning. Maybe you’ve just seen their Facebook profile one too many times. Or, worse, maybe you only have details about one rather extraordinary part of their anatomy. Try greeting that with a straight face. Options abound and no one I consulted in the matter had helpful solutions. There’s the simple “hi,” recommended for when you’re standing too close to do anything else. There’s the periphery strategy, when you noticed they sat down in your recitation, but you absorb yourself in intellectual discussion for 50 minutes, only to give a quick nod as you leave. It’s coy—or something. When did you notice them? They’ll never know. Depending on how things ended with your friend and this paramour, you may need to be gruff. Treating someone’s heart like a beer can pounded during pledging is not deserving of a wave and a friendly smile. If the parting was relatively amicable, friendship may be possible, but start with a clean slate. Referencing that one time you three all hung out might warrant a fake phone call from Mom to end the interaction. Don’t even think about getting flirty, per the warnings of every single person to whom I brought this up. Netflix accounts are meant for sharing, people are not. Even more pressing than the actual interaction is the report you will soon deliver. Compose your text as you walk away (and you should be the one walking away). Take note of the person’s every gesture and sartorial choice. Be vigilant for signs of weight gain, depression, or worse, newfound happiness. Drop in reports of your encounter causally, “Did I tell you I saw _____ today?” you say as you walk to Chipotle. Prepare to tell the story over and over, usually at least one more time after the friend declares, “Whatever, I’m over it.” We’re only human.

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

Well pets, we're here—that awkward hump between winter and spring breaks where the only thing that keeps us going is the promise of a beautiful week in the Bahamas a month away. But hopefully your weekly gossip will cheer you up. Also the sweet, sweet memories of Beyonce's thighs. This weekend, one ZBT bro really fumbled the ball at their Super Bowl mixer. After getting lucky with a girl, the boy apparently got up to go to the bathroom, but it was already too late. His companion woke up to a pledge vigorously scrubbing the turd–stained carpet. Oh well, shit happens. But Highbrow doesn't discriminate, we have more than just the scoop on your poop (like, the biz on your whizz). Sources say a Penn athlete has become notorious for wetting her boyfriend's sheets after getting a tad too inebriated. No word on how the boyfriend responds, but for her sake, we hope he's into water sports. Or at least rubber sheets. In a classic "Parent Trap" mix–up, the Sammy fraternity got into some hijinks recently (and we aren't talking about Lindsay Lohan's latest DUI). Highbrow hears that one brother and pledge look strikingly alike, so much so that one Quakerette got them confused. It wasn't until the pledge denied any past affairs did the girl realize her fatal error: she had mistaken him for the brother she'd been with before. For more, tune in next week to Wife Swap: Fraternity Edition. The walk to DRL is hard for all of us, especially when we’re in Theos. To ease the commute, one upperclassman made a pledge drive him to the ol’ Laboratories in a sophomore's expensive car. The nervous freshman ended up denting the vehicle in the process. The shocking accident had the sophomore wondering, “Dude, where’s my friend's car?” In the shop, because you’re a lazy dumbass.

over heard PENN

wordonthestreet

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LOL

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

EGOOF THE WEEK BHARGAVI AMMU

This longtime Fisher RA, MERT miracle worker and self–proclaimed Indian grandmother knows how to alternate your spring break, leads Penn’s Dance Arts Council and is a proud member of Oracle.

Street: You're DAC Chair and in PENNaach. What’s the group's specialty? Bhargavi Ammu: Naach is a South Asian female dance team. A bunch of us are trained in classical Indian dance, but I’m all about fusion. I did 15 years of classical training, but I was also on step team in high school. Our show is tomorrow and Saturday at the Iron Gate Theater, which is my second favorite place in Philly.

Street: So you’re super tight with your residents? So cute. BA: I've been an RA since sophomore year and take my job really seriously. My residents call themselves the Bhargavites of Bhargaville Hall. Some of them from last year are even dating now! I have one–on–one meetings with my residents. I know when they have their exams. I know one of my girls’ period schedules to make sure she’s not pregnant.

Street: What’s your first? BA: 30th Street Station. It’s so beautiful. It connects my two homes since I’m from New Jersey.

Street: Dating? Scandalous. So you’re okay with hallcest? BA: It’s okay, it mostly happens at the end of the year. I know I’m gonna be invited to some of their weddings. I better be. Being an RA has been one of the most gratifying things I’ve done here.

Street: So you mentioned you can stomp the yard. What are your thoughts on “Step Up”? BA: I don’t want to be associated with Channing Tatum right now. There’s more to it than that! I did a step piece with Dhamaka and in this year’s show, I’m dancing with to a Lupe Fiasco song with a former resident who’s in Penn Dance.

Street: As DAC Chair, you must be really invested in the arts at Penn. Do you support all the other groups? BA: Absolutely. I go to like three or four shows a week. I have a schedule of arts events in Philly and all the PAC shows.

There are more than 42 groups at Penn and I’ve gone to at least 35 of them. There’s so much raw talent at Penn and it would be a waste of my going here to not capitalize on that. Street: We hear you’re in MERT, which is awesome. What was the most bizarre incident you’ve experienced? BA: I always work Saturday of Halloween and it’s hilarious. Once, there was someone in a Penn Police uniform and I was like, “Everyone get back!” But it was a student, all decked out in a Penn Police costume. And he was the patient. He'd gotten in a fight and gone through the glass in Allegro! The worst part was that he was like, “Oh, you’re on MERT? I just applied. Is this going to affect my application?” Street: What’s it been like leading Alternate Spring Break trips? BA: ASB is the bomb diggity. You think you would get close to people knowing them for years, but you become amaz-

ingly close in seven days. It’s about the idea of engaging in service, when Penn can be a very for– profit type of place. It’s nice to separate yourself from that, to serve others. Street: What’s your guilty pleasure? BA: Getting Naked. The juice. Mighty Mango. I’m obsessed with mangos. And berries. Of all types–black, blue, straw and rasp. Wait, also, I love complimenting random people. Once I saw a woman getting into a cab in New York whose dress I loved, so I got in a taxi to follow

her for 10 blocks. I ran out and said, “Hey! I just wanna say I think your dress is fabulous and I hope you have a wonderful day.” And then I just walked away. Street: There are two types of people at Penn… BA: Those who think they know what they’re doing and those who know that they don’t know and are cool with it. Street: Who’s your alter ego? BA: Bhargamma. I’m an Indian grandmother at heart. I won't say, “How are you?” I’ll say, “HAVE YOU EATEN?” Because if you have food in your stomach, what can be wrong? I’ll send emails reminding people to back up their computers on December 31. Lists are life. I have a list of my lists.

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34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

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STUDENT HEALTH SERVICES

In the final weeks of winter, any route to avoid the cold is welcome. Follow Ego's map of shortcuts to shorten (or delay) your chilly walk.

DOMUS

HILL HUNTSMAN

ANNENBERG VAN PELT FISHER FINE ARTS

COMMONS

BEIGE BLOCK WAWA

QUAD

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CAMPUS SHORTCUTS

Click through an interactive map with more routes at 34st.com.

The silver lining of this Wharton labyrinth. Unforeseen Advantages: Besides being a ton shorter, this route allows you to stop by the cafe to get your morning breakfast. Downsides: May bump into the semi–sketch construction

BEIGE BLOCK TO COMMONS VIA DENTAL SCHOOL

HILL TO STUDENT HEALTH SERVICES VIA DOMUS STARBUCKS

WAWA TO FISHER FINE ARTS VIA AMY GUTMANN'S OFFICE

QUAD TO HUNTSMAN VIA LEHMAN BROTHERS QUAD

That mysterious grassy area between Vance and McNeil. Unforeseen Advantages: Feel important as you live up the pre–2008 "great moderation" in peaceful grassy surrounds. Downsides: Could bump into the PennMed meth clinic people who loiter there. Plus, there's always that awkward moment when you connect Wharton with the reckless bank that, like, helped start the biggest economic crisis since 1929.

HUNTSMAN TO VAN PELT VIA GRADUATE STUDENT CENTER MEDITATION ROOM Avoid the stressful environment with the Graduate Student Center Meditation Room. We promise it's a real thing. Unforeseen Advantages: Reaching Nirvana. Downsides: It won't exactly speed up your walk if you're OMing for hours. Namaste.

Choose the hypotenuse of this potentially strenuous journey and Pythagorean Theorem the shit out of the cold. Why wait to use the crosswalk by Copa? Unforeseen Advantages: Mingling with grad students who are guaranteed to be future high earners. Downsides: You might end up cast on The Bachelorette against your will. We love you Ashley!

We hear the Starbucks on Chestnut is super nice. Unforeseen Advantages: Feel privileged. Downsides: Feel privileged.

Share your hoagie with Madame President. She'll say no, but you can still mingle with A-Gut in College Hall. Unforeseen Advantages: Daryl at the front desk is a gem. We <3 AlliedBarton. Downsides: Let's be honest, Amy G will not be there.

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

QUAD TO ANNENBERG VIA STEINY-D (JOE'S ENTRANCE)

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

JOSH GROBAN — “ALL THAT ECHOES” There’s nothing Mama Scogs likes better than donning her fluffy robe, kicking back with a glass of chardonnay and rocking out to Josh Groban. With an undeniably powerful voice, massive orchestral backing, and Hallmark–ready lyrics, he certainly appeals to a large audience. Yet, beyond his angelic pipes, there is little compelling material in the largely predictable "All That Echoes." The high production value is impressive, but there is a noticeable lack of feeling to the ethereal instrumentation. Not even covers of Stevie Wonder, “Falling Slowly” from "Once," or a Spanish ballad can stave off the formulaic shallowness of the effort. Josh Groban has a massively loyal fan base and this album will fly off shelves. I’ll be buying it too—for Mother’s Day.

Letter Grade: BSounds best when: You're trying to seduce the Italian exchange student with a home-cooked meal of chicken parmesan and garlic bread. 99–cent download: "E ti Promettero" featuring Laura Pausini

— Michael Scognamilio

you raise us up~~ let us distract you in lecture 34st.com. new erryday.

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

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BJORK— “BASTARDS”

Listening to Björk’s new album, "Bastards," is a sonically–challenging experience. Her songs aren't just background music; they pull you in and demand your full attention. This new album has 13 of Björk’s songs remixed in various ways. If you’re running late to class, listen to “Crystalline (Omar Souleyman Remix)” or “Sacrifice (Death Grips Remix)” to bring out your inner "Mission Impossible" fast–paced walk down Locust. However, if you choose to listen to “Virus (Hudson Mohawke Peaches & Guacamol Remix)” or “Moon (The Slips

Grade: B+ Sounds best when: You’re relaxing at home but have misplaced your Sudoku book. 99-cent download: Virus (Hudson Mohawke Peaches & Guacamol Remix) Remix)” instead, the songs' relaxing notes may encourage you to go straight back to bed. Although these songs are not easy listening, they are perfect for Penn students who are always up for a challenge.

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MileCenter.com

Street sits down with the two headliners for this Saturday’s Jazz & Grooves show at Castle.

BADBADNOTGOOD Street: Let’s start with your name. How did you guys come up with BADBADNOTGOOD, all caps, no spaces? Matt Tavares: Before this whole band thing was even a thing, I was just writing a TV show with some of our friends, and that was the name for it. And then we totally forgot about it until one day, and I was like, “Oh, I have this name.” And that was it. Street: What was it like working with RZA on "Man with the Iron Fist?" Alex Sowinski: We produced two songs on it. Basically Ghostface and RZA and Raekwon, they needed some songs, and they really liked ours and they used a couple for the soundtrack. We had no idea that it would happen and it was a pretty good surprise. Chester met Ghostface briefly. It’s never been all us three meeting him. Chester Hansen: To be honest, I didn’t really talk to him. We just shook hands. There were like a million fans around.

Street: You all went to school together at Humber College in Toronto. Are any of you still in school, or are you planning on making music for the rest of your life? MT: We all dropped out a year ago. We’re probably not going back to school because we didn’t really drop out on the best terms. So hopefully this music thing works out. We’re planning on doing music for the rest of our lives, but if for any reason that doesn’t work out, we’d probably go to school for something completely different. Street: How would you describe your music? Is it jazz, is it hip hop, is it experimental?

CH: It’s always pretty hard to define. Our music isn’t the same as when we started because when we got together we were still getting to know each other. It’s been evolving constantly. I guess it’s just a combination of all our influences. Definitely heavy jazz influence, hip hop influence, electronic music, whatever we’re into at the time. Street: What’s playing on your iPod? Do you think hip hop is dead? MT: Personally we all think hip hop’s in one of the coolest places it’s ever been. Suddenly, like all these unique artists are coming out. We all listen to it so much it’s pretty crazy. AS: It’s always progressing,

Street: Who’s been your fa-

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34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

Street: You do a lot of mashups/remixes. How do you decide what goes well with what? XJ: It’s less about instinct and more about being able to hear chord progressions, key signatures, and tempos. For instance, “I Want You Back” and “Sleepyhead” are both around 107 bpm and both in the key of G# Major.

Street: So what can we expect from your upcoming show at Penn “Top-rated BYOB in Philly!” with Xaphoon Jones? Have -Citysearch you guys worked with him before? AS: No, but we’re super stoked.

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www.lafontanadellacita.com vorite rapper/producer/MC to rap?” work with? XJ: Pharrell Williams.

Street: What projects/tracks are you currently working on? MT: We got a track on Earl [Sweatshirt's] next album that’s coming out, which we’re really, really proud of. It sounds super weird. We’re working on our sixth album, which is really cool. It’s actually kind of under wraps.

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XAPHOON JONES Street: What projects/tracks are you currently working on? Xaphoon Jones: I’m currently working on a record for Wiley, the U.K. grime MC. Also working on Theophilus London’s new project, "Paris 96." Producing another cover song sung by Ms. Ellie Goulding. And doing lots of remixes for people. So yeah, life’s good.

and it’s sort of on this whole wavelength where you don’t know what kind of sound or what production style or what the hell’s going to happen next or what 16–year–old rapper’s coming next. We like Danny Brown, this really dope rapper named Tree from Chicago—he’s tight—Kendrick Lamar, Wu-Tang, Chiddy and stuff.

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DOUBLE PROFILE: BADBADNOTGOOD AND XAPHOON JONES

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IDENTITY THIEVES

"Identity Thief" is coming out tomorrow, but Hollywood started stealing a long time ago. Below, we judge movies that are suspiciously similar... and decide which are worthy of your time. "A Bug’s Life" (1998) vs. "Antz" (1998) The Case: Ant colonies attempting to defeat evil dictators that take form as larger insects. Both boast endearing animations, funny microscopic bug adventures and, of course, a dash of romance. The Verdict: Though both are excellent films, “A Bug’s Life” definitely takes the childhood classic vote. Also, it’s Pixar. Pixar just doesn’t lose.

"The Vow" (2012) vs. "A Walk to Remember" (2002) The Case: Honestly, this goes for all Nicholas Sparks movies: they both center around some damsel who gets sick and the guy tries to take care of her. This is literally all that Sparks writes about. The Verdict: Take “A Walk to Remember.” Channing Tatum is not an actor in any sense of the word.

"Capote" (2005) vs. "Infamous" (2006) The Case: That awkward moment when there are two movies about the writer Truman Capote. What’s worse is only one of them got any praise, recognition or awards (sorry, “Infamous”). Sometimes one Capote is enough. The Verdict: Unexpected choice, but “Infamous” is better. “Capote” may be more true to the actual story of Truman Capote, but would you rather have that or a movie with a sexy bisexual Daniel Craig? Also, Toby Jones (who also plays Alfred Hitchcock in this year’s completely forgotten “The Girl”) is incredibly underrated.

"The Illusionist" (2006) vs. "The Prestige" (2006)

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

The Case: Two movies that explore the dark reality behind magic shows. Truly, 2006 was out to destroy our childhoods.

The Verdict: "The Prestige" wins, but only by a little. Christopher Nolan’s movies are best when they’re high on intrigue and low on self–indulgence—"The Prestige" is just that. Plus, Edward Norton is great, but David Bowie as Nicola Tesla? Game, set, match.

"Lincoln" (2012) vs. "Saving Lincoln" (2013) The Case: Abraham Lincoln is having a moment. While Speilberg’s drama details the rough passage of the 13th Amendment, "Saving Lincoln" will focus more on the president’s relationship with his bodyguard. The Verdict: Clearly, "Lincoln." It’s the frontrunner for the Best Actor, Best Supporting Actor and Best Picture Oscars, and somehow convinced us that the great Lincoln’s voice was as high–pitched as a newly bar–mitzvah’d boy. Sorry, "Saving Lincoln." Oh, and "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" too, we guess.

"No Strings Attached" (2011) vs. "Friends With Benefits" (2011) The Case: Male and female are friends. Male and female become friends.... who have sex. Male and female develop more feelings but keep them to themselves because they don’t want things “to get complicated.” The Verdict: Go with "Friends With Benefits." Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman do not make a good pairing. In the competition of the Swans, Mila comes out on top.

"Finding Nemo" (2003) vs. "Shark Tale" (2004) The Case: Colorful marine wonderlands! Little fish with big ideas! Fun for the whole family! Except... WILL SMITH FISH. WILL SMITH FISH IS TERRIFYING. The Verdict: Duh, “Finding Nemo.” Not only is it a modern classic, containing a father-son relationship as complex and moving as anything a “real” film has to offer, but it DOES NOT HAVE WILL SMITH FISH.

"The Hunger Games" (2012) vs. "Battle Royale" (2000) The Case: There’s something compelling about a dystopian society sending a bunch of kids out into the wild to fight to the death. It’s kinda like "Lord of the Flies," but here they’re supposed to kill each other. The Verdict: Tie. The two movies are surprisingly similar: both were based on books, both skewer the over–saturation of violence and entertainment in the media, and both are excellent.

"The Lion King" (1994) vs. "Kimba the White Lion" (1967) The Case: Disney claims that “The Lion King” is actually an adaptation of “Hamlet,” but multiple sources say otherwise. Compare the two movies shot–by–shot and brace yourself—“The Lion King” is a complete rip off. The Verdict: Try “Kimba the White Lion.” We know Simba is a treasured part of your life, but try to give the original its due.

6:30. 4th weekly writers meeting. may the odds b evr in ur favor (but 4 real. the odds are pretty good.)

Is Madame Presidente Gutmann moonlighting as Holly on The Office? Is that Quentin Tarantino running around at basketball games in a funny hat? Now presenting the long–lost twins of some of our favorite Penn personalities.

VS Amy Gutmann

Amy Ryan

Dennis DeTurck

Thomas Childers

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts low-

DOUBLE TAKE

Muppet characters "Statler and Waldorf" The Quaker

Quentin Tarantino

VS The Benjamin Franklin statue

Anthony Hopkins

VS Octavia Spencer

FILM REVIEW "BULLET TO THE HEAD" BY ANDREW SCIBELLI

Based on a crime noir graphic novel, "Bullet to the Head" is certainly graphic but offers nothing novel. The stereotypical action flick follows hit man Jimmy Bobo (Sylvester Stallone) and a self–righteous detective as they join forces to stop a conspiracy involving greedy businessmen, corrupt cops and other action movie clichés. As much as I want to make fun of Stallone for playing the same role yet again, the charm, humor and self-awareness he brings to his character help make this movie bearable. For a movie that should promise over–the–top action, “Bullet to the Head” is disappointingly tame and lacks any real tension. I can’t say that devoted Stallone fans won’t enjoy this film, but if you didn’t like “Rambo,” it’s probably best to stay away.

Grade: C– Metacritic: 48% Rating and length: R, 91min. See if you liked: "The Expendables"

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

Marilynne Diggs-Thompson

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

flaws in Romney’s positions for full class periods.” It wasn’t as though the Republicans in the room had been forbidden to share their own perspectives, but the atmosphere had made Daniel and some of his fellow conservative classmates

Party indeed has trickled down to the minds of this country’s younger generations—its confounding image. When I started researching for this piece, I told some friends about the project. I was hoping to gain some insight on what seemed

The Republican Party. The Grand Old Party. The howdy– neighbor–Bible–thumpin' GOP! Barring the ever–contested feasibility of Reaganomics, one thing about the modern Republican

to me to be the singular plight of young Republicans at Penn: a serious image problem. So I wanted first to be candid with them. “Well, I am a Republican,” I told one friend. “Wait—what?” “I am. I thought you knew?” “No! Wow—and I feel like I have good Republican–dar.” I do say “y’all” and tend to drop the g’s in gerunds. I did grow up in Cobb County, Ga., which, according to a Daily Caller rating in 2010, ranked number 60 in the 100 most conservative–friendly counties in the country. (Two of the five adjacent counties made the top 20.) But are there signs, detectable only by Republican– dar, or stigmas attached to being a staunch Republican at Penn? College junior Anthony Liveris, vice president of College Republicans, recently sat down with me and fellow CR board member and College junior Lucie Read to discuss a few of the misconceptions they have met as conservative students. When I met Lucie, I recognized her face immediately: she told me that she and I shared a history class this semester. Wary to speak much of a class we had in common, she began instead with an experience in an urban studies class she had taken in the fall.

When William F. Buckley Jr. published “God and Man at Yale” in 1951—when he was still the crew–cut Ivy Leaguer, years before he would become the highfalutin’ harbinger of American Conservatism—a critic reviewed the book (and, more conspicuously, its author) in the New York Times: “You do not earn a heart– felt and conviction–carrying conservatism…without the inspiring agony of lonely, unrespectable soul–searching.” Have Penn’s Republicans endured that kind of jarring introspection? If conservatism is reached by only the most forlorn and trying path, then by what right has a tide of young Republican students earned that rugged title? “You know, you can have a healthy discourse on international relations, foreign affairs, and people respect the conservative angle,” Anthony said. “But it’s when you switch to entitlements, LGBT rights, that things get a little uncomfortable.” He added that Obama “definitely just has that cool–guy mantra that Mitt Romney just didn’t have. So, to say I worked for Romney—it was like, ‘Why would you want to be against Obama? He’s so awesome, look at the stuff he does for us.’” This issue came up mostly in discussions of entitlements and federal aid for college students. Liveris said that for a Republican to touch on such a student–relevant program as the Pell Grant, and consider it alongside many other entitlement programs, sparks a strong reaction. The response, he said, can be-

come like: “‘You’re encroaching on me…You’re not going through what I’m going through, how can you dare attack this, I need this.

campus, the toughest issue is finding yourself involuntarily packaged as either a) a Tea Partier, or b) a social conservative.

This is my education.’” The problem of discussing entitlements, however, raises certain questions of its own. Federal programs like the Pell Grant (which helps low-income students pay for college) benefit Democrat and Republican students alike—many of whom have not yet held a job where they must file tax returns. A fair rebuttal, then, might be to argue the credibility of calling for lower taxes or entitlement cuts when the person has had little experience with either. But for many Penn conservatives, especially College Republicans—whose concerns as a club lie more in policy–making than in election talking points—the most productive strategy would be to look beyond one’s own demographic. Supporters of Mitt Romney, whose policy on federal financial aid was less than explicit in his campaign, felt compelled to qualify their support by taking a broader view of national policy, outside of what would affect them most directly. Anthony, for example, thought it best to “touch on that kind of issue and say, ‘Look, I obviously agree with helping students, but there are some entitlements we need to address…just as much as health care, just as much as foreign presence abroad. All of these things need to be on the table.” What Republicans want most on campus is the chance to put their cards on the table and have their perspectives fairly considered and disassociated from the more Yosemite Sam-like acolytes of the GOP. College senior Jonathan Skekloff said for any conservative on

While Jonathan has “had a lot of situations being the only conservative in the room,” he finds that conversations run more smoothly, conservative opinions digest more easily, when he makes clear that he is also socially liberal. “The term ‘Republican’ has become tarnished by the extreme social conservatism you see in the ads on TV,” he said. However, “distinguishing yourself from that, people become more understanding.” Though sometimes hesitant, Penn’s Republicans, like many others in this country, seem more than ready to shuttle forth the vanguard of a new, dynamic conservatism. Not all of them, of course, for the Party represents conservatives of all platforms and perspectives, students of every discipline, worshippers of all gods or none at all. They do comprise a minority voice on campus, but they are there. And most agree that there’s some pride in fighting against the grain. “The underdog thing kind of fuels our fire, don’t you think?” Lucie asked me toward the end of our discussion. And that reminded me of a passing comment Klepach made. In her group of friends, she said, with equal dignity and frustration, “I’m the token Republican.”

Glenn Shrum is a sophomore from Kennesaw, Georgia, studying comparative literature. He is the general assignments editor for the Daily Pennsylvanian.

Celebrities you didn’t know were Republican

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

"scared to speak." David explained that Fetni once assigned a Democrat in the class to prepare a critique of Romney’s performance in a recent debate. When he asked if a Republican would meet the challenge for the incumbent candidate, the “right side of the aisle” kept mum. “No one wanted to respond,” Daniel added, “because we didn’t want him to know we were Republicans.”

there is this stigma, just the idea that Penn is incredibly liberal, that kids are a little bit uncomfortable to break that barrier. But I firmly believe that Penn is actually quite moderate, especially with the Wharton presence.” Lucie agreed. “I heard this during the election and I think it’s absolutely true,” she explained. “It’s a lot harder to be a Republican than to be a Democrat today. I think it’s harder to explain my views and have people not jump all over it.”

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

“Does anyone here really think that two people who love each other should not be allowed to have that love recognized by the state?” David [source asked not to be identified by his real name], a College sophomore and Republican, was not so sure that a professor should begin a class discussion on gay marriage with such a biased icebreaker. The topic arose in Hocine Fetni's course "Law and Society," where Fetni “would spend most of the ‘discussion’ time allotted for us to express our viewpoints disparaging the conservative side,” David said in an email. “It was especially bad during the election cycle, where [Fetni] would point out all the

She remembered certain times when she would have liked to engage in a class discussion from a conservative point of view, but instead would text a Republican friend also in the class and say "Oh, I don’t know if I should say this.” Unlike David, Lucie had found neither her classmates nor the professor especially unwelcoming, but rather believed “it was [her] own self–imposed stigma.” Lucie, who said she grew up in a steadfastly Democratic household—her father, born in 1947, has never voted for a Republican presidential candidate—feels now that some of her trepidation in expressing her conservatism came “with having to defend myself” at home. “I worked for the Romney campaign,” Anthony said, “and it was by far the most uncomfortable thing to say in a bar.” This, he added, had been most noticeable during the election season. And maybe with good reason. Last November, in Philadelphia’s 27th ward, which encompasses all of Penn’s campus, Democratic voters sealed the election for the President by a truly astounding margin: 85.2 percent to Romney’s 14. According to a poll released by The Daily Pennsylvanian, of all Penn voters registered last fall, 55 percent identified themselves as Democrats and 15 percent Republicans—more than nine points short of the “Independent” constituency. The town, the college houses, hell, even the Benjamin Franklin statue, had all been painted blue. College junior and College Republicans President Arielle Klepach felt an unease similar to Liveris’ last fall. “Once, somebody said in front of me, ‘Remember that voter ID [law] that was so totally racist?’ Then she kind of turned around at me and said,” her tone here taking a sharp, disdainful turn, “‘Oh—sorry.’” "[It's] a little awkward,” Arielle added, “when people know that you’re the only one who disagrees.” “It almost seems like there isn’t a [Republican] presence here,” Anthony said, but “there actually are quite a lot of us. It’s because

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

FOUR WORLDS BAKERY: A JOURNEY TO SOURDOUGH NIRVANA BY SOLOMON BASS

hat is it about the taste of bread that makes it so appealing? For Michael Dolich, owner of Philadelphiaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Four Worlds Bakery, the answer is clear: nothing. Ninetyâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;five percent of bread, in fact, has no taste at all. Even our most beloved carboâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;licious indulgences, like asiago bagels and ciabatta, are really blank slates for slices of turkey and slabs of butter or cream cheese. At Four Worlds, however, Michael has created a business that diverges from this allâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;tooâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;common factoryâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;produced blandness; he is obsessed with flavor. Michaelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s interest in baking developed later in his life when, disenchanted with his life as a lawyer, he began a new life journey with a spiritual retreat in the Catskill Mountains. To minimize the cost of the trip, he was assigned to bake for his peers. He ended up falling in love with the kitchen because of its meditative effect and continued cooking as a hobby at home until he decided to turn it into a profession. He began by working for nine

dollars an hour at a bread shop in Chestnut Hill, where he learned to move around heavy mounds of dough and use specialized ovens. While the work gave him some foundational knowledge, he soon became disinterested in the shopâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s production of nondescript white bread. He started reading books about bread recipes and experimenting at home with his own dough creations. His work eventually culminated in a sourdough process, or levainâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;a French word for bread leaveningâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;which he brought to the opening of his own bakery on 47th and Woodland in 2006. Michael claims that the base for his bread recipe makes him stand out from a crowd of bakeries that arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t small enough to produce true sourdough. The modest size of the bakery gives his bakers time to use two grain mills to grind the shop's own flour, allowing full control over the grainsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; coarseness and temperature. Most importantly, the machines are kept cool so that the enzymes in the flour stay alive for added

flavor. After the dough is assembled, the bakers place it in a walkâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;in refrigerator where it ferments slowly enough for a rich taste to mature. Once the bread is finished baking (at 5:30 a.m. each day), the sourdough quality has fully developed. Michael describes the result of the handâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;milling and slow fermentation as a drugâ&#x20AC;&#x201C; like experience that heightens senses. The bread opens up the palette, allowing us to taste its flavorings, fillings or toppings with a unique level of depth. Michael acknowledges that Four Worlds isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t going for a fluffy WonderBread texture. Combined with the effect of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;sourdough process,â&#x20AC;? his use of coarser grains makes lightness impossible to achieve. The unusual density of his products does, however, have its benefits. The sourdough culture is gentler on our digestive systems than regular white bread, and our bodies absorb the whole grains easily. With a second baby on the way, Michael has put plans for expanding the bakery on hold, but in the meantime

we can enjoy his goods at shops including Joeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s CafĂŠ in Steinyâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;D, where his famous sourdough bagels are sold, and Lovers and Madmen on 40th between Ludlow and Chestnut.

Four Worlds Bakery 4634 Woodland Ave. (215) 967-1458 Tuesdayâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Friday: 6:30 amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;1:00 pm Saturdayâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;Sunday: 8:00 amâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;1:00 pm

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

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BY SOLOMON BASS

1. CHOCOLATE OR RAISIN CROISSANTS ($1.75 EACH) Michael spent an entire year with a traditional French baker, learning how to authentically make these wrapped stacks of flakey dough layers. Known for its almond variety (described by the bakers as a gateway product), Four Worlds also recommends these simple and sweet chocolate or raisin fillings because they complement the buttery and slightly salty surrounding pastry.

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HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE STOREFRONT

2. OLIVE ROSEMARY LOAF ($6.50) Fresh chopped kalamata olives and rosemary are sprinkled throughout this hearty sourdough loaf, making it the baker's favorite. Its savory quality— resulting from the saltiness of the olives and the aromatic rosemary—would complement an Italian meal perfectly when savored plain or dipped in olive oil.

3. 100% WHOLE WHEAT LOAF ($4.75) A knockout soft consistency balanced with crunch from the sesame seed crust. Build a sandwich with some slices, or experience the out–of–body tastebud experience that Michael describes by spreading some fruit preserves over its wholesome goodness.

After one of his bakers went to Reading Terminal Market to learn the twisting technique from the all–knowing Dutch, Michael came up with his own interpretation of a classic, baking his pretzels with the same forty percent whole–wheat dough that he uses for bagels and pizza crust. Unlike the factory–made version, these are the real deal; even without lard or sugar they make an especially satisfying snack.

5. CHOCOLATE BABKA ($7.00 PER HALF LOAF)

Sarah Tse

Every Thursday, Four Worlds bakes a whole grain version of this traditional Eastern European bread that resembles streusel. Along with the rich chocolate–walnut swirl, its butter content explains why Michael calls it his most “ridiculous” menu item.

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

4. SOURDOUGH PRETZEL ($1.00 EACH)

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FILM BEST OF PHILLY: 34

DO YOU PAY PER VIEW?

THE

Film polled you to find out how you are getting your Sunday afternoon Best Croissants Best Nearby movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

How Penn Students Watch Movies

EDITION

Borrow from Library BY DONNA HAHN Don't Watch Movies 24.6% Best Gluten-Free Theaters

Free Streaming hough we all know the watch Hugo in theaters. And METROPOLITAN we you guess then that Penn stu47.7%TAFFETS BAKERY & STORE BAKERY 16.9% ARTISAN BOULANGER PATISPaid Online Services Internet is for porn fit this mold of overworked Ivy dents would 4013 Walnut St. prefer to get their 1024 S. 9th St. SIER Avenue Q), the League students well, with only (thanks RomCom fi x online with free Believe it or not, we have one of the best It’s so difficult to find gluten–free bread op12th St. bedroom1646 is noS.longer the only about 17% of Penn undergrads websites SideReel bread streaming options right on like campus. Skip Frotions and9.2% even more difficult to find gluten– “Can I to getdigital someterricroy–swant?” you area being ceded watching Yes, movies at the Rave Gro ev- and and visit Ch131 than pay forMetrotherather ever–so–quaint free bread options that are both edible and this particular Reminisce on tory. Formay everyatgirl with daddy’s ABP. ery semester. provided by Netfl ix and baked politanservices Bakery for local, freshly good. Miracles do happen in the form of a all the good times you’ve had the about dearlythe other ste- Redbox? AmEx, window browsing on Butathow 1.5% Market. Taffets Bakery goods. They have seasonal and handmade bakery at the Italian departed ABPreplaced (R.I.P.) while having some Fifth Avenue has been reotype, the one that says all colWhile 75% of us watch movbreads, as well as cookies, cake and granola has everything from quinoa loafs to gluten– of the shopping. most amazing pastries with online And croissants, lege students are poor? The free ies online, nearly 50% pay for to satiate your sweet needs. Metro has it free pumpkin muffins, French baguettes to and bread in town. FYEs everywhere have virtu- movement of information made it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a Why do you go The to the movies? all—within walking distance. cookies. coffee isn't too shabby, either. ally been rendered useless (pun possible by the interweb makes new release on iTunes — is hys3.1% 6.3% intended) with the existence of terical, but is Other Whose recommendations do you take? the multifarious iTunes store. it worth the It's a way to hang out with friends Best Freshhere & Au-Naturale Best Best Cannolis 50 Things are no different 1.5 Hoagie salads at Rolls 25% 47.7%Italian Bread and Other It's a good study break 40.6% at Penn, where the Rave gets Sweetgreen 40% 40 A Friend It makes you feel relaxed and happy ISGRO PASTICCERIA nearly half the traffic for the it would SARCONE’S BAKERY BEILER’S BAKERY Cinema Studies 25% 1009 Christian St. Required for Class midnight screenings of blockhave cost if 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25%758 S. 9th St. 12th Arch St. (Reading Terminal) This is bread gone wild—mouthwatering buster hits likeand Twilight as Hulu I had seen it Professor or TA Some of the best Italian bread and hoagie usual and doughnuts, pre20 and alluring. Visit Isgro’s 100–year–old does theGet daytheafter thebagels newest in theaters? Street rolls to date. Sarcone’s Bakery does it well, the way to be preItalian market for a treat of ricotta cookepisode pared of 30inRock airs. bread This is meant Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were with their rolls maintaining a crusty texpared:We fresh the oven at a local marallowed to choose more ies, more creamor puffs makes sense. Pennoffstudents dles aren’t es seven movies, less, and chocolate–covered than oneoutside option. ture on the and chewy dough on Notably, the Amish ladies know how 0 espresso biscotti. Most importantly, the are tooket. busy procrastinating that bad, I every semester. Simple arithmethe inside. Stop by for some garlic bread, make them on PenntoInTouch and apple design-fritters. Don't leave tic proves thatperfect it’s $40cannolis cheaperwith their rich soft filling pizza bread and all yourguess. Italian necessities. without a sticky bun. and crispy sugar–dusted shells will win you ing funny lacrosse pinnies for entertainment accessible and The average Penn student to watch said movies on Netfl ix the clubs we’re involved in to inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if than at the Rave, overand in a an heartbeat. addileave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch- tional $20 less on iTunes (cost of popcorn and Mike and Ikes not included in these calculations). The low cost of watching seven movies on iTunes for >> Total amount of less than 30 bucks is worth the money spent in movie many conveniences that online theaters* by Penn paid services afford us: not bestudents each semester ing interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses and most importantly, not having to wait 54 minutes after >> Total amount of watching 72 minutes of a movie money spent watching on Megavideo. online, if all people who Not to mention, it’s a small paid for online services price to pay when you look at Dine-In, Catering & Delivery used iTunes* the big picture — the combined savings of the 47.7% of Penn Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 students who pay for their online services rather than going to the Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 movie is somewhere be-warm, fresh banana bread Theretheater is nothing better than tween $196,136 and $295,344, straight from the oven. Every time>> I make loaf, myof friends Totalaamount Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95 depending on whether theyonly use the money attack it with forks until tiny crumbs left. But spentarewatching Netfl ix or on the oddiTunes, chancerespectively. that I have a few slices ifleft turning online, allover, people who Moral of the story is: iswethe won't it into French toast next bestpaid thing. How can you go for online services judge you just stay inbread bed. with chocolate wrongif with banana chips, used Netflix* covered in spices, pan–fried and smothered in *A simple random sample PattayaRestaurant.com ! 215.387.8533 chocolate syrup? Get the recipe at 34st.com. online *$12.50/ticket at the Rave of 100 Penn undergrads were — Alyssa Berlin 4006 Chestnut Street !" University City *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes exclusive! surveyed to collect data about *$7.99/month on Netflix 8 14 their film viewing habits.

BY THE NUMBERS

34TH STREET STREET Magazine 1, 2011 34TH Magazine December February 07, 2013

$153,701 COOK WITH BREAD $196,136

$295,344

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THE YEAR OF THE SNAKE: A GUIDE TO WHERE TO SLITHER ON DOWN

The Dragon is out and the Snake is in! Gear up for the Chinese New Year with these cultural experiences around the city. BY ANDIE DAVIDSON

SHANGHAI BAZAAR 1015 Race St. As you glide through a week of New Year’s celebrations, a visit to this Chinese mini–mall can be an event in and of itself. If you can get past the stone lions guarding the door, you’ll find rows of home décor, jewelry, clothing, musical instruments, books and more. The emporium, according to owner Fei–hong “Lily” Song, aims to represent Chinese culture and offer a diverse selection of Chinese merchandise. Stop in to pick up some Lunar New Year celebration supplies or to just browse around. This is a perfect prelude to your evening of Lion Dance and firecracker mania.

CHINATOWN FLOWER MARKET

Lion Dance: 10th & Race St Feb. 9, 11 p.m. Parade: 10th & Spring St. Feb. 10, 11 a.m.–2 p.m. Amid the pounding of drums, dancers perform a traditional Chinese ritual inside a giant lion costume complete with intricate swirling tassels, flapping ears and fluttering eyelashes. Celebrating Chinese culture and the joy of the New Year, the lively spectacle will be performed by members of the Philadelphia Suns, a local athletics nonprofit. The Suns continue the festivities the following day with the Lion Dance Parade, an afternoon of dancing and exploding firecrackers trailing the parading lion around Chinatown.

CHINESE NEW YEAR AT THE FREE LIBRARY OF PHILADELPHIA 18 S. 7th St. Feb. 13, 4:30 p.m. & Feb. 20, 12:30 p.m. The typical “silence in the library” rule is about to be broken in the name of New Year’s revelry. The Free Library’s Independence Branch is hosting two festive Lunar New Year celebrations for the debut of the Year of the Snake. On February 13, the Pennsylvania Chinese Dance Club will spice up the boring library scene with traditional Chinese folk dance. Then, on February 20, the kids of Holy Redeemers Elementary School will join the celebration to perform the custom Lion Dance, followed by a reading of traditional Chinese folktales by Librarian Jennifer Chang.

LUNAR NEW YEAR PARTY AT INTERNATIONAL HOUSE PHILADELPHIA 3701 Chestnut St. Feb. 15, 7:30 p.m. ($12) If you want to celebrate and absorb the Lunar New Year and Chinese culture—and eat while you’re at it—head to International House, located right at the edge of campus. A residential building and community for Penn's international students, IHP assists international students and hosts programs and events to celebrate diverse cultures. In honor of the New Year, IHP’s Lunar New Year Party will feature performances of the Lion Dance and other traditional Chinese presentations, including an appearance by special guest Zhang Wenpang, a prominent performer of the Shanxi opera style.

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

10th Street Plaza (10th & Vine St.) Feb. 9, 10 a.m.–3 p.m. Flowers might be a rare sight among February’s drab days, but Chinatown can remedy that. At Chinatown’s second annual Flower Market, merchants will flood the scene with festive blossoms, fruits, candies, handmade lanterns and red envelopes. This flower market follows in the footsteps of those of Chinese cities and other Chinatowns around the world in celebration of the Lunar New Year. As symbols of growth and rebirth, these festive blooms will help usher in your wishes for an auspicious year.

PHILADELPHIA SUNS LION DANCE AND PARADE

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DIY: CHINESE LANTERNS Arts teaches you a new way to use red Solo cups. BY GINA DECAGNA

Cut one cup from the mouth to the base into half–inch strips.

Bend the strips of the cup outward from the base.

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

Jab a hole into the lantern’s top and insert a paper clip. Tape the paper clip to the inside.

You need: s Red plastic cups s Paper clips s Scissors s Duct tape

Bend the tops of the strips outward again.

Cut the bottom off a second cup. This will be the lantern’s top.

6 Tape each strip of the first cup to the inside of the top, working around the circumference.

7 Hook the lantern from the paper clip onto those Christmas lights in your dorm room. Revel in your accomplishment. Then, go be merry and fill up those extra cups.

If our DIYâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s got you feeling all warm and crafty inside, make a trip to 30th Street Station this Saturday. From 11 a.m. until 5 p.m., local vendors and boutiques will be selling just about every breed of knick knack you could possibly imagine. Think Valentineâ&#x20AC;&#x201C; worthy jewelry and cards, ceramics, candles, handâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;knit goods and other locally crafted products. Not convinced? This popâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;up market is sponsored by one of our favorite West Philly boutiques, Vix Emporium. We know: drool.

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"The rehearsals, meetings and emails donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel like chores if you really enjoy what youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re doing, and I love Counterparts, Quadramics and PAC. It helps to just go with the flow, to be open to making time for things when they pop up and to rearrange your schedule sometimes. It also helps if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t do your schoolwork. Just kidding. Maybe."

30TH STREET CRAFT MARKET

Check out an extended interview and a performance by singer/actor Joey Wallerstein @34st.com.

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34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

RIDE A BIKE # ' ( ! & '( ' ! ( $# $ # * # )' + ! ' # !!+

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LOWBROW PRESENTS:

THE GUIDE TO

OCR: Oh crap! Right? Don’t worry! Getting a job is easy! Did you know some monkeys have jobs? Lowbrow knows a lot about how to get a job. We have had several jobs in our lives and we, combined, have made over $1,000. Therefore, you ought to trust our judgment. The number–one best way to get a job is to stand out from other applicants. This is how:

THE RESUME

THE CLOTHES

Print your resume on matzah: Reading resumes is tiring work—allow your recruiter the opportunity for a snack.

Wear something a little bit different: be professional, but memorable. Wonka hat: $20. Moustache sunglasses: $10. Body paint: priceless. My gender is unclear I'm comfortable

THE BRIBE

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

Print your cover letter on the margins of a $100 bill: It will a) show that you have a lot of disposable income, which means you’ve had business success in the past; b) show that you’re a fucking baller; c) make you look clever because it’s Ben Franklin, which is perfect because you go to Penn, so hilarious and clever; d) function as a bribe.

THE NETWORK Utilize your network: Go online and find a Penn alum that works in your desired field. Now all that’s left to do is impress the alum. There’s one easy way to do this. Two words: Edible. Arrangement. Why say “hire me” with words when you could say it with fruit? Yeah, we know. Genius.

THE SUBLIMINAL WORD USE: 1. Use words you want associated with you: Weak: “For the above reasons I’m a great candidate.” Strong: “I am great. There are things in this world that are great, and I, [insert name] am great. Great.” 2. Give commands: Weak: “I’d appreciate it if you’d direct your attention to this part of my résumé…” Strong: “You must look here.” (Point to the part of the résumé you want them to see.) 3. Use alliteration. Weak: “Hire me.” Strong: “Hi. Hopefully happy that you will have hired me by hamburger hour [lunch].”

Now, as good as Lowbrow is at getting jobs, weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve made some mistakes in the past. So we have some tips for what to avoid. s Do NOT bleed on your cover letter. s Do NOT show up at your employerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house dressed in all black just because you happened to be in the neighborhood and you wanted to come by and drop off an Edible Arrangement and when you noticed the lights were off you thought it would be more polite to just climb in through a window and leave the arrangement in the living room. s Do NOT make racist jokes. s Do NOT make sexist jokes. s Just DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T make jokes.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

THE LAST RESORT

s Do NOT point at anyone and laugh. Keep your fingers in your pockets at all times. s Do NOT assume your interviewer knows Nepalese. Buy a billboard in Times Square: If you want a job in NYC, then use the greatest marketing tool that exists on the planet: billboards. This is super logical and we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t believe this doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t happen more. Think about it: an executive who works in the business/financial sector is going out to a Broadway show and a fancy night on the town. He or she looks up and thinks â&#x20AC;&#x153;Oh my gosh! Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a candidate that has all the skills I like in a new hire.â&#x20AC;? Why go to them when you could have them coming to you?

$$$ GRANTS AVAILABLE FOR YOUR GROUP $$$ $$$ GRANTS AVAILABLE FOR YOUR GROUP $$$

The Trusteesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Council of Penn Women (TCPW) The Trusteesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Council of Penn Women (TCPW) is pleased to announce its 2013-2014 Grants and of the University is pleased to Program announce itsencourages 2012-2013 members Grants Program and community to apply. encourages members of the University community to apply. Grants ranging between $1,000-$5,000 be available to Grants ranging between $1,000-$5,000 will be will available to individuals or individuals or organizations which promote: organizations which promote: s WOMEN S ISSUES s 7OMEN S ISSUES s THE QUALITY OF UNDERGRADUATE AND GRADUATE LIFE FOR WOMEN s 4HE QUALITY OF UNDERGRADUATE AND GRADUATE LIFE FOR WOMEN s THE ADVANCEMENT OF WOMEN s 4HE ADVANCEMENT OF WOMEN s THE PHYSICAL EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL BEING OF WOMEN s 4HE PHYSICAL EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL WELL BEING OF WOMEN Favorable consideration will be given to projects that:

Favorables AFFECT A BROAD SEGMENT OF THE 5NIVERSITY POPULATION consideration will be given to projects that: s !ÂŤECT A BROAD SEGMENT OF THE 5NIVERSITY POPULATION s FOSTER A GREATER AWARENESS OF WOMEN S ISSUES s &OSTER A GREATER AWARENESS OF WOMEN S ISSUES s PROVIDE SEED MONEY FOR PILOT PROGRAMS THAT HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO s 0ROVIDE SEED MONEY FOR PILOT PROGRAMS THAT HAVE THE BECOME ONGOING SELF SUPPORTING PROGRAMS potential to become ongoing self-supporting programs 4O APPLY VISIT THE 4#07 WEBSITE AT www.alumni.upenn.edu/groups/tcpw/ and download

Your interviewer will be overcome with a sudden and inexplicable urge to hire you. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re too nervous about tapping, you can always blink in this pattern.

THE APPLICATION FROM THE 4#07 'RANT WEB PAGE !PPLICATIONS MUST BE SUBMITTED NO LATER To apply, visit the TCPW website at www.alumni.upenn.edu/groups/tcpw/ and download the than February 2012 !WARDS WILL BE ANNOUNCED IN THE 3PRING OF AND FUNDS WILL BE APPLICATION FROM THE 13, 4#07 'RANT WEB PAGE !PPLICATIONS MUST BE SUBMITTED NO LATER THAN DISTRIBUTED IN *ULY !UGUST FOR PROJECTS IN THE ACADEMIC YEAR February 15, 2013 !WARDS WILL BE ANNOUNCED IN THE 3PRING OF AND FUNDS WILL BE DISTRIBUTED IN *ULY !UGUST FOR PROJECTS IN THE ACADEMIC YEAR

34TH STREET Magazine February 07, 2013

Utilize the power of psychology: As we all know from studying psychology, our brains are susceptible to subliminal messages. So send some! While youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in your interview, constantly tap your finger in the following pattern:

disclaimer: this is less real than Beyonce's performance at the inaugaration

How many ways can you

???

Fisher Fine Arts A BACKPAGE ORIGINAL EXPOSĂ&#x2030;

wait guys guess where i am

no come on this is so #original

#reflections #rihannafollowmeback

"it's the climb" - sylvia plath

#symmetry #thatsdope

#plumbing #thedarksideofFFA

#redbrick #abuilding

the ivy league #waitthatsmoss

what is it? #itsalamp

#sign #signs #meaningful

nature vs. man #sodeep

#mylife #myart