February 13, 2014 by 34th Street Magazine

February 13, 2014 34st.com

february 13 LOL

GROUPIEFROMTHEEDITOR

2014 3 HIGHBROW

As the Editor–in–Chief of an arts and culture magazine, I feel it is both my civic and editorial duty to admit that I have fallen under the spell of One Direction. I am a Directioner and I am not afraid to say it. Go ahead, judge me. It started a little over a week ago when a friend made me watch the “Kiss You” music video—needless to say, I required some coercion and there may or may not have been wine involved. The first time I didn’t understand why everyone thought Harry Styles was so cute. The thirtieth time I swooned. Today, I’m looking for concert tickets/how to stake out the band members’ current locations. I think I’m in love. And since I can’t escape the infinity feed of Valentine’s Day statuses and articles, I’m much happier scrolling in the comfort of the warm sonic blanket 1D provides. As you read this issue, I recommend you do the same, though I bet some of the names on the bottom of this page might disagree with me.

penn mythbusters, the round-up, overheards, in my defense

4 EGO

study date spaces, ego of the week, ARCH investigation

LOL

7 FILM

drunk/high/sober redbox, v-day classic of the week, single tv characters

10 FEATURE

students serving students

12 MUSIC

where are they now, album reviews, haiku reviews, valentine beats

ATTN SINGLE LADIES:

14 FOOD & DRINK

love park restaurants, alternative food dates, v-day recipes

16 ARTS LOL

LOL

photo gallery review, words on the street, campus gem, artist profile

18 LOWBROW

penis monologues, hot or not, missed connections

20 BACKPAGE

where to have sex on campus

Regardless, since every story needs a moral, here is this one’s: there is no harm in giving something a chance. If you’re like me, you might just find yourself a new study playlist (read: life soundtrack). And if you’re short on ideas for things to try or are already a One Direction fan, lucky for you, you’re in the right place. Scattered throughout the next 19 pages (or hundreds if you’re reading this online) are plenty of suggestions. Follow the feature’s advice (p. 10) and you might make a friend in an unexpected place. Check out Food to break out of your cliche–romantic–date shell (p. 15). Whatever you do, just don’t listen to Lowbrow because they make that shit up. And as One Direction put it, “we danced all night to the best song ever,”

HOPE YOUR SNOW DAY WAS FULL OF ROMANCE. IF YOU DON'T HAVE A DATE TONIGHT, TOO BAD, THERE'S NO WRITERS' MEETING. FIND A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND/PET. NO ONE'S UNDATEABLE. EXCEPT YOU. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief Patrick Ford-Matz, Managing Editor Abigail Koffler, Digital Director Margot Halpern, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Byrne Fahey, Assistant Design Ling Zhou, Assistant Design Conor Cook, Assistant Photo Julia Liebergall, Highbrow Alex Sternlicht, Highbrow Nicole Malick, Ego Randi Kramer, Ego Emily Marcus, Food and Drink Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink 2

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Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV Casey Quackenbush, Film and TV Michelle Ma, Features Zacchiaus McKee, Features Ariela Osuna, Music Lucy Hovanisyan, Music Ciara Stein, Arts Molly Collett, Arts Emma Soren, Lowbrow Patrick Del Valle, Lowbrow Marley Coyne, Backpage Emily Johns, Copy Clare Lombardo, Copy Justin Sheen, Copy

Alyssa Berlin, Web Producer Katie Hartman, Web Producer Giulia Imholte, Web Producer Lauren Greenberg, Social Media Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Assistant Social Media Rosa Escandon, Multimedia COVER DESIGN: Margot Halpern BACKPAGE DESIGN: Byrne Fahey Contributors: Rachel Rubin, Isa Oliveres, Joanna Glum, Anna Rosenfeld, Tony Mei, Carolyn Grace, Kimberly Lu, Mark Paraskevas

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief, at bower@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "It's not funny, it's just a lie." ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday

HIGHBROW

MYTHBUSTERS: PENN EDITION

As your trusted authority on Penn rumors, Highbrow is here to catch you up on some favorite stories and help you separate the fact from the crap. The Quad Catacombs: There are a series of underground tunnels underneath the Quad where students go to smoke and screw.

Amy Gutmann takes Locust Walk:

The president uses the campus’ main artery to get to and from her office in College Hall.

TRUE

TRUE(ISH)

TRUTH-O-METER

Truth Meter: 100% true. Only the bravest and horniest of hearts will embark on this underground expedition, but they will be rewarded for their efforts. This might be even better than the Grotto. You’re welcome, freshmen.

Truth Meter: 50% true. Although Amy was once spotted walking a dog on Locust Walk, we can neither confirm nor deny that this is her route of choice. In addition, we can neither confirm nor deny that she sleeps in her white mansion on Walnut. WHERE IS AMY?!

THEROUNDUP Privjet, sukii! That means “Hi bitches” in Russian, the language of the Winter Olympic Games and Pussy Riot. Although Highbrow failed to qualify for ice dancing, we bring you gold–medal gossip that is sure to sweep away the competition (#curlingjoke). Put away your conjuctivitis, Bob Costas. Highbrow has 34/34 vision. In the spirit of Mother Russia, gossip for all! We regret to inform you that another flasher has graced the frat dance floor scene of this hallowed university. At a ZBT party last Friday, an ED–admitted high school senior got a little too excited about college, whipping out his pre– frosh peepee in the hopes of receiving oral sex. The disgusted brothers kicked out the almost–Quaker, who shouted “I’m sorry, but she really wanted to suck it!” Word of advice, young grasshopper—read the Round Up and you’ll know no one wants to suck your dance floor dick. Learn that before August, please. Keeping up with unoriginality, SAE treated campus, yet again, to another full exposure of the male physique. As if the naked Snapchat wasn’t bad enough, Highbrow hears that the brothers were spotted prancing around their chapter house’s backyard, completely in the nude. If you add some body grease and wrestling, you’ve got yourself a beautiful reenactment of authentic Athenian Olympics. That’s one way to fully embody what it means to be Greek. Speaking of Greeks, Highbrow’s favorite time of the year is coming: Big/Little Week! The only thing Highbrow loves more than her big is gossip...and TriDelts experimenting with GoogleDocs. In search of a little with the most Delta Sparkle, one Tridelt soph created her first GoogleDoc that allowed biddies to sign up for one–on–one bonding times with her. Unfortunately, after posting the doc to Facebook, h8ers took over, creating fake names and deleting all available time slots. Well, it was worth a tri. Last but not least, a ruckus erupted at Allegro last Saturday night. Two visitors from Rutgers were trying to enjoy their drunken BBQ pizza (a true Penn experience) when they were accosted by several drunk boys. Upon hearing that they went to Rutgers, the prepsters called them out for attending a public school, using racial slurs and sexist remarks. Insulted, one Scarlet Knight proceeded to slap and attack the genital area of her snobby taunter. In a heroic twist, the Allegro workers kicked out the losers and offered to walk the girls home. Now that’s some real Quaker hospitality. Hurrah!

over heard PENN at

Girl on Locust: Honestly, I am so into homosexuals. OCRing junior: I’m gonna work at Walnut Street Capital. It’s jerking off a homeless man under a bridge for 25 cents. Olympics enthusiast: Rooting for Russia is like rooting for Voldemort. VP scholar: I’m like relaxed enough to be from the West Coast but cynical enough to be from the East Coast, you know? Sorostitute: I wish I could say I don’t love dads anymore, but I do.

inmydefense PICTURE IMPERFECT BY EVE BOWERS

I struggle with depression. Simple sentence, right? But incredibly challenging to admit. Because I see a therapist once a week. Because I take antidepressants daily. And because writing this is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. On February 7th, I sat down at my computer and logged onto Facebook. One by one, I deleted all of my attractive profile pictures and replaced them with a selfie. No makeup, messy ponytail, awkward smile, unflattering angle. I did it because no one has their shit together all the time and no one’s life is perfect, even if it looks like it is from the outside. Since I changed my profile picture, I’ve gotten an incredible amount of positive feedback, but I have also gotten negative feedback. To those who say my actions are “insensitive” or “disrespectful” or anything else along those lines, I completely respect your feelings. But I think you’re missing the point. The idea behind changing my Facebook profile picture was to raise awareness of the detrimental effects of social media on self– perception. I believe that the flawless images we post on Facebook are only a portion of the truth. There is nothing wrong with putting your best self on Facebook, but it’s important that we try to show our whole selves, painting a more honest portrait of who we really are. This movement isn’t a quick fix; it was never supposed to be. I get that a simple profile change isn’t going to solve the mental health crisis at Penn. I did it to make a statement. This is something that everyone’s willing to gossip about but unwilling to admit themselves. With one unflattering selfie, I found an overwhelming amount of support and gratefulness from people who felt uncomfortable admitting imperfection. People like me. Yes, I struggle with depression. Maybe you do too, or maybe you don’t. But you’re not alone. Admitting your troubles doesn’t make you weak; it makes you brave and it makes you human. Sharing my depression has been incredibly difficult, but it may have saved my life. You don’t need to hide behind a perfect photograph. And you don’t need to post an ugly one either. On February 7th, I wanted to start an honest conversation. And a week later, we’re still talking. F E B R U A R Y 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

EGO’S GUIDE TO

EGO

Too busy for a real date? Studying can be romantic, too! Choose the spot with the right vibes for you. Green Line Cafe (43rd and Baltimore location) — A haven for coffee–addicts and vegan enthusiasts alike who prefer the eccentricities of West Philly to the “conformity” of Penn. Bonus: Located just across the street from Clark Park. When the polar vortex ends, you can take your study date outside! Best for: The hipster couple. Avoid if: You need wifi. Heart rate:

Joe’s Cafe — The likelihood of running into everyone you know will keep this study date casual, and you’ll still be able to have a private conversation thanks to the commotion going on all around you. The privacy level may be low, but just escape into basically any part of deserted Steiny-D for a “study break.” Best for: Afternoon delight. Avoid if: Coffee makes you jittery. Heart rate:

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Law Library — The Law Library is the place to go to meet older guys. Beware that talking is frowned upon— you’ll need to prove your maturity and studiousness to your new, grown–up boo. Best for: The lucky undergrad who’s dating a law student. Avoid if: Your study playlist includes Miley, Britney and 1D. Heart rate: Hub Bub — This conveniently located coffee shop, easily accessible to both Quad–dwellers and upperclassmen, is new and exciting. If your date isn’t, at least you

may get a look at the hot owner. Best for: A first–time study date. Avoid if: You’re going for incognito. Heart rate: The Education Commons — Easily move between the gym on the first floor and the state–of–the–art study space above. Enjoy the bean bag chairs for snuggling between problem sets. Best for: The energetic (read: athletic) couple. Avoid if: You’re a heavy sweater. Heart rate: Biomedical Library — Ideal for a couple looking for a little studying and a lot of privacy. This library is equipped with windowless GSRs and locking doors. We’ll leave the rest up to Miss Cassandra. Best for: The relationship that’s just heating up. Avoid if: You need sunlight. Heart rate:

Fraternity Library — Since you woke up there anyway, you might as well get a head start on your work before you walk of shame. You might even get a pledge to bring you coffee. Best for: The Greek couple. Avoid if: You’re not down for a grand exit. Heart rate: Fisher Fine Arts — This library’s “talkers are no great doers” policy matches up perfectly with a doomed or tense relationship. You won’t be able to talk—or fight—in this silent abyss. Best for: The relationship that is fizzling out. Avoid if: That tension is sexual tension.

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: RAYNE HARRIS & TAMARA SHAKARCHI

Vagina Monologues director Rayne and producer Tamara are more than just two friends who love vagina-shaped lollipops. These two are reclaiming Street: Where are you guys from? Tamara Shakarchi: I’m originally Middle Eastern—I’m from Lebanon—and I grew up in Switzerland. Rayne Harris: Are you trying to gauge her accent? I’m actually from Mississippi, from the South. I don’t know if Vagina Monologues has ever been there...it probably has. My grandmother goes, “Rayne, when are the uterus dialogues?” That is Mississippi in a nutshell. Just kidding. Street: What are your thoughts about VagMons on Valentines Day? TS: The first ever Vagina Monologues was set on Valentine’s Day. We personally did not necessarily want it on that day, but Irvine decided otherwise, so…we’re making the whole thing like why spend Valentine’s Day alone or with one significant other, when you can spend it with— RH: 57 girls on stage! You can spend it with all these wonderful vaginas instead. People are bringing their significant others. TS: And I’m bringing Rayne! Street: Have you guys ever performed in the Vagina Monologues? RH: I have, last year. I was in an ensemble piece called “Say It.” TS: I’ve auditioned every year and never gotten it. Since my freshman year. Street: So tell us exactly what you do as a producer. TS: People usually just know about the show, and our movement is so much more than just a show. We say it’s the climax. We have all these different initiatives like fundraising and publicity, so my job is to make sure that everything’s on track.

RH: In short, for producer, I think she produces the movement. And she’s kick ass at doing it. Street: What made you guys first get involved? RH: Sophomore year I saw it, and I remember sitting there being SO freaking uncomfortable. And that making me uncomfortable made me want to start doing something about it. I sat for the rest of the show, I laughed, I cried, I went through all of the emotions. And I just couldn’t help it, but I wanted to be part of it. TS: At the end there is a call to stand, and it was just such a moving experience. And then I was like, I have to get involved. It’s just amazing, you have a community of women on this campus that’s so engaging and so lovely and beautiful and inspiring that you just want to be part of it. Street: How do you guys deal with people being ignorant or negative about the movement? RH: Ignorant about the movement, we try to educate them. Negative about the movement, we try to educate them. TS: It’s really a discussion. Street: If the Vagina Monologues had a mascot, who would it be? TS: Well we definitely have our vagina suit. RH: If I could vote, it would be Beyonce. Street: What’s your favorite piece of Vagina Monologues merch? TS: The Pussy Pops. RH: I like the little buttons. What was my favorite one… TS: “Chilling with my clit”? The best are the “cunt” ones. But they sell out so quickly. The “cunts” are the first to go!

Street: Give us one sentence that will convince everyone to come see the show. RH: Even if you don’t have a vagina, everyone came out of one. You know a woman! That’s a good enough reason. Street: If you are what you eat, what would you be? TS: Pussy pops. Actually! RH: All of the pasta…I’d just be a big ol’ lump of pasta. Street: What is your spirit animal? RH: Beyonce. TS: I would be such a good dog. RH: You would be a good dog! She’d be the most loyal dog.

it was happening. I didn’t know if it was over. I’m not sure if it’s still going on. It was disgusting. I was 15, I was not having it. I mean, I wanted to kiss. But, like, it was bad. TS: I definitely don’t kiss and tell. Street: What’s your guilty pleasure? TS: Oh, chocolate. Pussy pops. RH: I’m not guilty about my pleasures. That’s the true answer. I’m really not.

Street: Which TV characters do you most identify with? RH: Olivia Pope. TS: Somebody that’s very clumsy. Who’s really clumsy? I broke so many things on my body just by falling. So many times. Like, two of my teeth are fake. Broke my arm. RH: No comment. TS: That’s probably why I wasn’t cast! I would fall on stage. RH: Why do you keep bringing that up?! Street: Finish the sentence, My Penn card looks like… TS: A pageant queen. RH: Faded. It’s just gone. It’s the third one, you just can’t see shit! Street: Which romantic comedy best describes your life? TS: My life is a comedy. It’s not romantic. RH: Is there a romantic comedy where it just doesn’t work at the end? Because it’s that one. Street: Tell us about your first kiss? RH: It was awful! I didn’t know F E B R U A R Y 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

EGO

EGO INVESTIGATES:

The debris has cleared: The Arts, Research, and Culture House is finally open, with 15 million dollars of renovations...but what is it? First impressions: • The building is b-e-a-u-tiful. Finally, some collegiate architecture... VP is so not chic. • At 36th and Locust, this building is a prime pit-stop between classes. • An empty outdoor space in front is just asking to be turned into your new favorite outdoor study space for SABSing come spring. • The entire building is full of dark, sexy wood paneling. We approve. When you walk in: • Mmm, what smells like tacos? Rick Bayless’ Tortas Frontera is open and serving a wide variety of mexican fare chock full of local ingredients. • The restaurant looks a little too much like a cafeteria, but the Hogwarts-esque common space makes you feel right at home. • A full spread of comfy modern couches await next to a fireplace--but no tables in the main room. • For somewhere to work, post up in the brightly-lit group study room, full of communal tables and a couple comfy seats. • Rent a conference room for a private space to hold a meeting or cram for PSYC101. • NO BATHROOMS ON THIS FLOOR.

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When you head downstairs: • A bathroom! A prime-pooping zone bathroom at that. • The Cultural Center houses swanky glass offices for MAKUU, The Black Cultural Center, PAACH, the PanAsian American Community House, and La Casa Latina, the Center for Hispanic Excellence. • A sleek study bench offers multiple tables and outlets for an additional study space. When you ride the talking elevator up: • You’ll find a classy auditorium on the second floor, featuring a stage and two mega-platforms. Don’t worry if you can’t picture it, it’s probably just for donors. • The Fireside Lounge was locked--but it looked like a sweet new event space as well. • Visit the CURF offices above if you’re struck with Ben Franklin level curiosity and need a grant to know more.

FILM & TV

DRUNK/HIGH/SOBER: FRESH GROCER REDBOX Drunk: At 6:30 p.m., as I stumbled to the Fresh Grocer Redbox, it began to dawn on me that maybe tequila is not my friend. Oh sweet Redbox, so cheap 'n' easy, so unused by Quakers. It’s crazy how many movies can fit in this machine. After scrolling through all the standard blockbusters, the real magic of the Redbox surfaces. Questions like “Why is there a sequel for every movie ever?” and “Literally what is this animated film?” start to arise. Weird kids’ movies you’ve never heard of are Redbox’s specialty. Highlights include “Indiana Pac and the Ghostly adventure” where Indiana Jones is played by Pacman, and “Cinderella: Once Upon A Time In the West” where a CGI deer plays Cinderella in a saloon. Like, why would kids watch that? My personal favorite, though, is “Foodfight.” With an almost indiscernible plot, “Foodfight” features Charlie Sheen as the voice of Charlie the Tuna, Wayne Brady as the Vlasic pickle stork, Hilary Duff as Twinkie the Kid and Eva Longoria as a very sexy Mrs. Butterworth. Not sure if this is commercialism or if it’s far more tongue–in–cheek than I'm giving it credit for. Either way, I had to have it. Unfortunately, I got caught up once the bars opened and continued my tequila buzz all the way through my rental period. I never did watch “Foodfight” before I had to return it to the box, but I’ll always know where to find it, and now so do you.

High: First off, there are actually two Redboxes. How do you know which one has the better movies? It was a tough first decision. And trying to actually pick a movie was impossibly hard. There were just so many options to scroll through (including multiple “Frozen” knock–offs: “The Princesses of Legendare” and “The Snow Queen” anyone?). It was overwhelming. How do they fit so many DVDs and Blu–Rays in that box? Do people actually use Blu–Ray? But as high and full of questions as I was, I could never be convinced to watch “Grown Ups 2,” which was somehow in the “Top 20” category. Ugh. After an indecisive two minutes that felt more like 20, I finally chose “Don Jon.” The 24–hour rental period was not enough time, and I didn’t even get a chance to watch it. My smart touch texting gloves worked on the touch screen though, so that was pretty cool. Technology, ya know? Sober: Between Netflix, Hulu Plus and iTunes movie rentals, the idea that anyone would make not one but two trips to Fresh Grocer for movies is remarkable to me. But hey, I’ve never tried Redbox, and I figured there has to be a reason they’re still in business. And as anyone who’s ever ordered a Wawa sandwich knows, there is something strangely enjoyable about ordering things via touch screen. As I began to scroll through the selection, my skepticism was immediately confirmed. The selection of movies ranged from random (think “Escape Plan”) to horrific (like “Bad Grandpa”). I settled for “Last Vegas,” because don’t try to tell me there’s not something endearing about Robert DiNiro and Morgan Freeman heading to Vegas for one last bachelor party with the gang. Unfortunately, the movie sucked, and when it was over I had to trek back to 40th and Walnut to return it. It’s back to Netflix for me, so that I can watch “Goofy Movies” and “TV Dramas Featuring a Strong Female Lead” without ever leaving my bed.

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FILM & TV

“IT SHOULD HAPPEN TO YOU”

If you’re looking for boobs and blockbusters, look to the theaters. If you’re looking for real black–and–white substance, look to the past. This week’s pick: “It Should Happen to You” “What should happen to me?” you might ask yourself as the weekend of love notes and dreaded rejection looms ahead. This Valentine’s Day, find out by settling in to watch the forgotten 1954 classic “It Should Happen to You.” Directed by George Cukor—better known for films like “My Fair Lady”—this romantic comedy follows the story of Gladys Glover, an endearingly guileless gal who wants to make a name for herself. Her solution? Buy a billboard space in NYC to display—you guessed it—her name! Just her name. Hijinks ensue and escalate, and Gladys eventually finds herself facing the love of two men, an advertising company and the attention of the American public. Gladys is played by doe–eyed Judy Holliday, the comedienne who branded “dumb blonde with emotional depth” before Legally Blonde had a chance. If you’ve ever wondered what it’d be like to be a member of the masses, those dreadfully un–Ivy–League– educated folk, blithely unaware of their intellectual inferiority, take a walk in Gladys’ shoes. [Ed. Note: we're told this was meant to be sarcastic] To the douchey cynic, she’s that one kid who

makes you wonder, “Holy hell, who let you into Penn?” To someone a bit more optimistic, she’s that everyday gal, defined neither by brains nor beauty, but simply by the worth of her own character. How many times do you hear someone around campus saying they’re looking for that this weekend? For the record, Holliday, famous for this kind of simpleton character, had an IQ of 172 and was one of the most sought–after actresses of her generation. So this Valentine’s Day, take a chance on the “average American girl.” At least, that’s the way ad–exec Evan Adams III, played by Peter “fourth member of the Rat Pack” Lawford, sees her. The audience quickly learns that as one of Gladys’ suitors, Evan Adams (aka Mr. Wharton) is only interested in the lady because of the wonderful marketing opportunity she presents. During their seduction scene, Gladys comments that she doesn’t mind the way the man is acting (and by acting, she means foreplay), but she minds the way he seems “entitled.” His rousing defense? “Oh, maybe I am.” She walks away, leaving some members of the Penn community with a threefold bro–tip: just

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because you think you look hot in your salmon–colored khakis you bought at Urban with your parents’ money doesn’t mean everyone else is absolutely dying to pull them off; have a good answer to the question “are we only dating because I’m their TA and turned their F to an A?”; and whether or not “III” or “IV” follows your name, no one is entitled to anything. In other words, college doesn’t last forever. Perhaps you’re thinking to yourself, “you’re wrong—I’ve met plenty of creative, individual folk here!” Congratulations, you’ve read Ego of the Week. If this is the case, you’ll enjoy watching the charmingly quirky, would–be filmmaker attempt to win Gladys’ heart. This true love is played by, in his first film role, Jack Lemmon—better known for dressing up like a lady in “Some Like it Hot.” If you’re into comedies just a bit smarter than anything starring Ice Cube or Zac Efron (in theatres now!), or if you’re single this Valentine’s and are tired of watching “Atonement” with a carton of B&J’s, keep company with this big–hearted gem. JOANNA GLUM

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FILM & TV

TV'S MOST ELIGIBLE Ted Mosby Why he rocks: True, Quote on "How I Met Your Mother we know Ted eventuRomance: ally does get married. “Shouldn’t we But that knowledge just hold out for makes it less painful to someone that watch as he loses women over doesn’t just and over again. You can’t help tolerate our but love the underdog, and this guy was left at the altar, told little quirks there were literally no matches for but him in all of New York and is now actually best man at the wedding of his BFF and kinda likes ex. In spite of it all, he remains funny and them?” endearing for nine long seasons. Why she rocks: We’ve watched Shoshanna suffer through some humiliating moments, like accidentally smoking crack and being told by the guy she wants to sleep with that he doesn’t “do virgins,” but that never phases her bubbly personality. She’s the kind Shoshanna Shapiro of friend who would gladly stay in "Girls" and eat cookie dough while everyone else is at that stupid downtown, and we wouldn’t want her any other way.

Quote on Romance: “I don’t wanna touch it if we haven’t kissed.”

Quote on Romance: “My mom used to send me articles about how older virgins are considered good luck in Mexico.”

Single life got you down this Valentine’s day? Don’t worry, we’ve mingled the best single TV characters together to help you buck up and embrace #foreveralone. Quote on Romance: Why she rocks: "Today is the day Sue dresses like a we honor St. lesbian from the Valentine—a man 1970s, is obsessed publicly beheaded with her unimportant career and for defying his probably works too government—by hard on her insults— exchanging candies but that’s all okay with and chocolates her. She doesn’t need steSue Sylvester to nonsensireotyped notions of romantic "Glee" cally render love or any other BS. In fact, Sue the objects of our goes the extra mile and just marries affection more fat her fine self because SHE DON’T NEED and less attractive." NO MAN. Quote on Romance: “I am not a toy you can play with when you’re bored or lonely or horny...If you want me, earn me!

Why she rocks: Despite her super complicated presidential affair/weird love triangle/daddy issues, Olivia still reigns supreme as a badass. She always puts her work before the men in her life and remains fiercely loyal to her Olivia Pope employees, despite her own emo"Scandal" tional baggage. She has no problem drinking red wine alone, but we’d be happy to have a glass (or a bottle) with this gladiator.

Why she rocks: Lemon owns her singleness. Girl is not afraid to eat cheese alone Liz Lemon or buy a wedding "30 Rock" dress just for herself. Forget independent–woman– who–don't–need–no–man, she doesn’t need anyone. Just food and her kick–ass job. Plus for always “being single,” she still got to date Matt Damon, lucky bitch. Why they rock: Sherlock can’t stand people. And the worst thing about people (especially when you're single) is their sappy, nonsense emotions. "Sherlock" Watson assumes, at first, that he is gay, but Sherlock shows a more complicated side of the human experience of love and sexuality. Plus, who needs a romantic interest when they are solving crimes? Oh yeah, every other crime show ever. Kudos, Sherlock.

Quote on Romance: “Girlfriend? No, not really my area.” Sherlock Holmes

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F E AT U R E

t’s Friday morning. You bursar a latte at the Starbucks under Commons before dragging your way to that 11 a.m. recitation you thought wouldn’t be that bad when you signed up for it. Come noon, nothing sounds better than a steak burrito from Honest Tom’s, so you trek to 44th. A few hours later, you’re standing outside Blarney, shivering while you wait to get your ID checked. You drink, you dance, you shout over the music until the lights come on at two a.m. Once home, you call Jimmy John’s and order a Turkey Tom, which arrives at your front door 10 minutes later– the edible medal of a great night out. But who made it all happen? The barista who made your latte, the girl who rang up your burrito, the bouncer who checked your ID, the bartender who made your drinks, the delivery boy who brought your sandwich. Did you thank them? Did you tip them? Did you ever consider they might go to Penn, too?

If there’s one thing Penn students can improve on, it’s our tipping etiquette. Rule of thumb: tip generously and often. Being a college student is no excuse to not tip well: calculate tip into the total amount you’re willing to spend at a restaurant—if it’s too much, pick another place!

Most servers make well below minimum wage because tipping is calculated into their salary. At sit–down restaurants, once taxes are deducted, servers effectively make $0 an hour. A tip isn’t just a nice gesture to reward good service, it’s the basis of a server’s income.

peop

At a restaurant: 15–20% of the total bill, after tax, is usual. At a bar: If you’re planning on ordering a lot of drinks, $10 upfront guarantees great service. A buck or two per drink is much appreciated. At a coffee shop: Your change, a few dollars once in a while if you’re a regular.

Server at a restaurant (even if the service is bad) • Bartender •Tattoo artist • Housekeeper or maid • Delivery person •Hairstylist or barbers • Masseuse • Anyone who serves you

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“I could feel that people didn’t even want to talk...they thought I was a dude from the neighborhood or something,” says Chris Noble, who graduated from the College in December and has been a bouncer and bartender at The Blarney Stone since fall of his sophomore year. “When I told people ‘Yeah I go to Penn,’ they’d act surprised and ask ‘Oh really?!’” The shock of realizing that your server is also a peer is not just reserved for a well–bearded man like Chris, who arguably looks older than the average Penn student. Shiro Githere, a petite junior in the College who works as a barista at the Starbucks under Commons has had similar experiences when, while on the job, other students overhear her talking to her friends about classes they share. “You see peoples’ demeanor change or they look surprised like ‘Wow, that’s weird.’” In a way, it is weird: At an elite school like Penn, students from affluent backgrounds—the 58.9% who receive no financial aid—seldom have to worry about

By Isa Oliveres paying for their own expenses. They converge with those who come from low–income families and receive generous need–based aid meant to cover all their expenses. But what about those in the middle, who aren’t eligible for work– study or don’t earn enough from it? Even the best–paying work–study job only earns $256 for a 20-hour week. Some of these students work as servers, bartenders and baristas— and they seem the exception to the norm. For students who serve their peers, situations can range from uncommon to awkward. “People are much ruder to me as a customer service person,” says Emma Mlyniec, a College senior who works at Honest Tom’s, “Sometimes they won’t stop texting when I’m taking their order or respond when I ask them how they are.” Uncomfortable half–waves or nods of pseudo–recognition on Locust take on a whole new meaning when you poured someone their drinks at Blarney the night before. The challenges don’t stop once the lights come on and hoards of stumbling students make their way home. “Cleanup is such a tiring thing,” says Chris, “People wreck the bar, they tear shit off the walls, people tear the flusher off the toilet so if there’s puke and shit in the toilet you can’t even flush. For Max Hansen, a senior who worked at Jimmy John’s his first three years at Penn, the experience made him feel increasingly separated from the students for whom he was making Big Johns: “I was always bothered by the fact that there’s such a culture here of not working that all the service people around the school are assumed to have nothing to do with Penn...It was alienating more than anything.” Once, at a party his sophomore year, a girl found out about his job, news that made her “instinctively recoil and say ‘Eww!’” Maybe the girl recoiled not because she thought his job was fundamentally disgusting. Maybe the thought that one of her peers spent his evenings making sandwiches instead of preparing for OCR interviews or interning at a PR

firm downtown was just too baffling to immediately grasp. When engulfed in an environment that glorifies busy and highlights a certain pre–professional career path, service work doesn’t fit the bill of the job or internship that you “need” to sign your dream post– grad offer. But for Penn students who work in service, the jobs they need to pay their rent prepare them for the future just as well. “Just because you’re working at a bar doesn’t mean you’re not doing cool and studious things like everyone else,” says Jenna Shultz, a Nursing senior who spent the summer after her junior year bartending at Blarney—in lieu of doing the externship that is typically expected of students in her school. She did apply for these sorts of positions, but when nothing bit she decided to combine making money at the bar with volunteering at an ALS clinic and CHOP Sports Medicine. “I like to work, I have a very strong work ethic, I like to multitask, I like to be busy and I like to be surrounded by other people, so bartending is obviously perfect,” she asserts. “It benefits me in the hospital: my people skills have just skyrocketed— dealing with drunk people teaches you how to deal with sick and crazy people,” says Jenna. She sees an enormous parallel between working as a bartender and as a nurse. When top local hospitals like Presby and HUP host their holiday parties at Blarney, Jenna also gets to network on the job. “I’m doing everything all at once, right now, by being here.” Even though ringing up burritos on an iPad may not resound as much with her future career, Emma, like many others, thinks that waitressing allows her to learn valuable interpersonal and professional skills, like dealing with difficult people and multitasking effectively. It also provides some, like James Tully, a Wharton senior who bartends and bounces at Blarney and hopes to own a business someday, with an insider’s perspective as to how they’re run.

In Max’s opinion, the majority of work–study jobs would not have prepared him as effectively for the challenges he’ll face once he enters the “real world” as a consultant in Buenos Aires this fall: “[I feel like I’ll be] able to deal with clients that are important even if everything behind the scenes is totally in disarray...I know that I can put on my game face and play it totally cool.” When he applied for the job, he felt his resumé was weak, lacking the swanky internships most Penn students boast, but he found that the majority of his interviews focused on his experience as a server and what he learned from it. Apparently, Jimmy John gives James McKinsey a run for his money on a resume. The benefits of working in the service industry aren’t just pre–professional—for these students, their jobs and workplaces provide a much needed break from the tensions and stresses of Penn social culture. “A lot of people have their ‘safe haven,’ that one place that they go when they’re really stressed or just need to decompress, and that’s what [The Blarney Stone] has always been for me, even when I’m working,” says Jenna. When pouring lattés, Shiro finds “p r o d u c tive peace of mind, which is a weird thing: I’m there doing something and its not like I’m idle, but my mind gets to relax and focus on [the task at hand].” Working at Blarney, Chris finds that he can let go of the stressful

conversations that abound at Penn. It’s also a place where he feels at home: “I had been searching for that family, group feeling at Penn for the longest time and when I got it [here at Blarney] I stuck with it.” Even though he graduated in December, Chris is sticking with his Blarney Stone family until he heads to law school in the fall. Max left Jimmy John’s the fall of his senior year, worn down by the feelings of alienation and lured by the better pay of upscale dining. He now finds a similar sense of community and peace of mind as a server at Rosa Blanca, Jose Garce’s new restaurant downtown. “I love Penn but I now find peace when I’m away from it,” he says, “Well–run restaurants have a real family feel, so I get to work and even if you’ve been dreading it all day you’re like 'Man I feel great! This feels awesome!’” Even though James loves his job at Blarney, he does not want to be a professional bartender. “I think my parents would die, especially after sending me to Wharton,” he notes. It is in that expectation of their futures and the value that a Penn education will add to their careers

and lives that the tension underlying students who serve and are served lies: we come to Penn to get jobs that are “better” than bartending or waitressing. We set out to emulate what we want to be in the future, usually through prestigious internships, and try to stand out in the eyes of recruiters on campus. Yet the students who work as bartenders, servers and bouncers—whether they do so to pay their rent or just make some extra cash on the weekends—are preparing for the future as well. Whichever path we take, we’re privileged to have a choice many others who work those same jobs do not. “Even if you didn’t know I went to Penn you shouldn’t treat me differently,” says Chris. Shiro agrees: “Just because I happen to go to Penn doesn’t mean anything to anyone except another Penn kid. Treat people the same because we all have the same needs.” You don’t have to work behind the counter to realize that. Isa Oliveres is a senior from Mexico City, Mexico majoring in english and history. She is a former Features and Food and Drink editor for 34th Street Magazine.

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MUSIC

Ah, childhood. A sweet but fleeting time defined by popsicles, pretend and passé pop stars. What happened to the crooners of our golden age? They had their five minutes of fame and then faded into irrelevance...or so we think. Let’s take a journey through time! Cue hypnotic, dream sequence beats. THE CHEETAH GIRLS a.k.a. Raven Symoné & Co.

“Oh snap!” You probably remember The Cheetah Girls for their feminist beats and strong, sassy attitudes. I still hum the tune of “Cinderella” sometimes when I’m feeling particularly girl–power. Since her days as the Beyoncé of the Cheetah Girls, Raven has splintered off and done her own thing, starring in movies (“Revenge of the Bridesmaids” is on Netflix, guys) and on Broadway. In her personal life, Raven has continued to be as sassy and real as her psychic alter–ego. You may remember her being one of the earliest advocates of healthy body image, but Raven now seems to have gone for the svelte look. In 2011, she debuted a “How I lost 70 lbs.” spread in People mag. She also recently tweeted her support for legalizing gay marriage and stepped out with her girlfriend, AzMarie Livingston. Even so, she’s always tried to maintain a private life away from Hollywood. Look’s like her disappearance from the spotlight wasn’t a total accident—and we have to say, that’s so Raven.

JESSE MCCARTNEY

Ok, this is a stretch. Jesse McCartney was barely famous even when he was famous, but he won our ten–year–old hearts. We loved this man. He was a sexier Aaron Carter with acting potential. You might remember him as the voice behind “Beautiful Soul” (swoon) and Theodore from Alvin and the Chipmunks. In 2008, McCartney starred in the crash–and–burn film, “Keith” (also on Netflix!), which probably dealt the final blow to his short–lived career. Since then, he has stayed low–key with smaller roles on television. In 2011, he released a fragrance called Wanted by Jesse (double swoon). As for his music career, it looks like Jesse McCartney has been touring with the newly reunited Backstreet Boys circa Summer 2013...along with DJ Pauly D. Oh well, take what you can get, right Jesse?

RYAN CABRERA

We have a soft spot for Ryan Cabrera, because our high school ex–boyfriend made us a mix–CD with “I Will Remember You” on it...that probably should’ve been the first sign, but we digress. You probably remember Cabrera for his hit “On the Way Down,” his spiked blonde hair and the slew of hot women he dated. Since his early 2000s fame, Cabrera has released a few flop singles. As of July 3, 2012, Cabrera still seems to be actively making music. He’s also stayed relevant by on–and–off dating Elvis Presley’s granddaughter, Riley Keough, AND getting a tattoo of Ryan Gosling’s face on his leg. Hey, whatever it takes to extend those five minutes of fame.

NELLY FURTADO

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We're listening to “The Queen” right now. Nelly Furtado was our sixth grade girl crush and she basically killed the game on all levels. They played “Turn Off the Light” on repeat at our sixth grade dance, and the entire auditorium of sweaty children grinded to her serenading. Her 2006 album, Loose, spawned hits like “Promiscuous Girl” and “Maneater.” When asked about the inspiration for her fun, modern music, Nelly attributed the youthful vibe of the album to her two–year old daughter. Talk about being the hottest MILF ever (have you HEARD “Say It Right?”) In Victoria, Canada (homegirl’s hometown), official leaders proclaimed the day she visited, March 21, 2007, as NELLY FURTADO DAY. Since getting a holiday named after her, Furtado put out the understated Spanish album, Mi Plan, in 2009. She’s stayed somewhat relevant after it was leaked that she accepted one million dollars to perform for Libyan dictator, Muammar Guddafi. In her defense, she donated it all to charity! Nelly, you can do no wrong in our eyes! KIMBERLY LU

MUSIC

ALBUM REVIEWS

“LIVE AT THE RYMAN” Band of Horses

Beginning as a rock outfit in 2004, Band of Horses was catapulted into alternative stardom on the back of iconic singles “The Funeral” and “No One’s Gonna Love You.” Likened to The Decemberists and Bon Iver, lead singer Ben Bridwell’s fragile, emotive vocals take center stage. Released on February 12, “Live at the Ryman” features a ten–song acoustic set. Stripped of Band of Horse’s layered instrumentals and reverb–laden vocals, Bridwell’s voice elevates the band’s haunting, spare lyrics. “Everything’s Gonna Be Undone” is quietly powerful and, like the rest of the album, has a sound that lingers well beyond the last notes.

“DUNES” Gardens & Villa

After releasing their eponymous debut EP in 2011, Gardens & Villa could have easily gone back to making laidback Southern California electro– pop. Instead, they did something totally different, heading to the relatively remote state of Michigan to record their second album. The result is a refreshing change of scenery. Although their previous EP was promising, it sacrificed emotion for catchiness. In “Dunes,” Gardens & Villa delves further into ambient electronica than ever before, creating space for their vocalist Chris Lynch to weave a vibrant atmosphere perfectly reminiscent of Michigan. “Dunes” is at its strongest when the band embraces this new aesthetic, like in the beautifully piano–tinged “Chrysanthemums,” or in the heavily synth–based “Avalanche.” Gardens & Villa is not perfectly consistent, but the majority of “Dunes” is definitely worth a listen.

TONY MEI

Grade: B+ Download: “The Funeral” Sounds best when: Immersing yourself in the desolate sadness of Math 114

MITCHELL HUNG

Grade: B Download: “Colony Glen” Sounds Best When: Wondering why anyone would ever live in Michigan

HAIKU REVIEWS

Roses are red / Violets are blue / Street listens to music / And writes some haikus

“LO–FANTASY” Sam Roberts Band

Psychedelic grooves Push outside the comfort zone With focused, fast sound Grade: B Download: “We’re All In This Together” Sounds best when: You’re on your third all–nighter and you can’t figure out whether you’re in space or in Van Pelt.

“KING CITY SESSIONS EP” Loners Society

An alt–country group Holds a live show and decides To make an EP Grade: C Download: “Jersey Devil” Sounds best when: Driving your pick–up truck to Penn. LUCY HOVANISYAN

BEATS FOR MY VALENTINE Upgrade your ramen. No matter where you'll be spending your Valentine's Day dinner, Music's got you covered. Here's what you should listen to. White Dog Café

Where: 3420 Sansom Street What to Order: Scottish Salmon with Cauliflower Risotto and Tuscan kale. Why? The salmon is covered in Red Chile oil. Two aphrodisiacs for the price of one. What You’re Listening to: Given the swankiness of White Dog, expect to hear some beloved jazz standards during your meal. Tony Bennett and Carrie Underwood’s duet of “It Had to Be You” will most likely start playing as the entrée is brought out. Michael Bublé’s entire “Crazy Love” album will also be featured throughout the evening. Finally, as you clink wine glasses to toast the end of a wonderful dinner, you’ll hear the crooning accompaniment of Nat King Cole’s “(I Love You) For Sentimental Reasons.” Check out more By the End of the Night: If the mood strikes, beats for your you may break out some dancing underneath valentine the pagoda on 36th and Sansom.

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FOOD & DRINK

TAKE A (ROMANTIC) WALK:

Take the Market–Frankford line eastbound and get off at the 15th St. stop. ith the fountain running and the iconic LOVE statue illuminated by lights, few places in Philly scream “romance” more than Love Park (1599 JFK Blvd). Looking west down the Ben Franklin Parkway to the looming façade of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, it’s hard not to feel a little sappy. Start at La Colombe Torrefaction (1414 S. Penn Square). This too–cool– for–a–menu coffee shop is the perfect place to warm up. Options include drip and siphon coffee as well as classic espresso drinks, and don’t miss out on their pastries, baked in–house. Try the double–egg–glazed challah, but get there early in the day before the baked goods run out. Sit and enjoy the romantic vibes, or order your drinks to–go and stay warm with your coffee in one paw and your lover’s hand in the other. Next, head to Tria Café (1137 Spruce St). It’s a few blocks away but well worth the walk, especially now that your coffee has your insides all steamy! The low lighting and wooden furniture contribute to the generally lovey atmosphere,

and the reasonable prices are as sexy as your date. The small plates are delicious and perfect for sharing. If you’re loking for a snack, try the spicy jumbo crab–stuffed peppers with parsley–garlic oil ($7.00) and the housemade lamb sausage with white beans, piquillo pepper and mint–feta sauce ($6.50). Bruschetta comes two to an order; we recommend the sauteed broccoli rabe with tomato pesto and parmigiano–reggiano ($4.50). End your Lunch of Love or Dinner of Devotion with dessert at Audabon Bakeshop (Arch St. between 16th and 17th streets). Owned by a Penn alum, this charming bakery is the birthplace of the delicious French macaroons sold at WilCaf and in Rodin. Traditional flavors like lemon cream and German chocolate cake never fail to disappoint. If you’re feeling adventurous try the Asian–inspired flavors like matcha red bean or lime–basil sriracha ($1.50 each). We promise: after taking this walk, the lovin’ you’ll get will be anything but brotherly. ANNA ROSENFELD

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VARY YOUR VALENTINE’S

Skip the fancy restaurant and go on these alternative food dates instead. Take a cooking class Go to a couples’ cooking class, or go on your own and use the skills you learn to cook a romantic meal for two. Classes cover cuisines from around the world, as well as a range of culinary techniques. Best of all, the school's just a few blocks from campus. The Restaurant School at Walnut Hill College 4207 Walnut St. Philadelphia, PA 19104 (215) 222–4200 walnuthillcollege.edu Go on a food tour Head off campus with your loved one and explore Philadelphia on one of City Food Tours’ trips. You can splurge on the Aphrodisiac Couples Dinner Tour ($75.00), or choose one of their other themed options with a smaller price tag (starting at $29.00). For a sweeter alternative, go on a Philadelphia Chocolate Tour ($40.00). Mm, milky. City Food Tours 1518 Walnut St. Philadelphia, PA 19102 (215) 546–1234 cityfoodtours.com Philadelphia Chocolate Tours (215) 833–0044 philadelphiachocolatetours.com

Go to a wine tasting Have a classy Valentine’s Day without the huge price tag. This wine shop offers budget deals, like five wines for $5. They also have weekly events, like Develop Your Wine IQ ($25.00) and First Sip Fridays ($25.00). And, if you want to splurge, they’re hosting a special “Love, Wine and Chocolate” couples’ event for Valentine’s Day ($49.00). Pinot Boutique 227 Market St. Philadelphia, PA 19106 (215) 627–9463 pinotboutique.com

FOOD & DRINK

Why it’s cliché: We get it—chocolate is an aphrodisiac. The solution: Mexican–inspired fondue with unique things to dip. The recipe: Break up several ounces of your choice of chocolate (dark chocolate preferred). For every two ounces of dark chocolate add one ounce of Abuelita (chocolate mix found in specialty aisle of the grocery store). Place a metal bowl in a larger pot of boiling water and stir frequently to stop from overheating the chocolate. Quickly dip potato chips and dried mango into the mixture. Add extra cayenne for garnish if desired.

The Cliché: Chocolate Dipped Strawberries

DIY Dinner For a cheaper alternative to eating out, dine in. Head to Reading Terminal Market with your significant other and bring some food home. If you’re feeling domestic, buy fresh produce, seafood or meat and cook a meal together. If you’re on the lazier side, just buy some prepared foods. Check out the roast pork sandwich at Dinic’s, apple dumplings from Dutch Eating Place, donuts from Beiler’s and chocolate chip cookies from Famous 4th Street Deli.

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Why it’s cliché: A red dessert on Valentine’s Day? How original! The solution: Take that cake and make it into a shake (or buy one from Wawa, we won’t judge). The recipe: Make a simple vanilla milkshake as a base. Add about a tablespoon of chocolate syrup and four tablespoons of red velvet cake mix. This won't be enough The Cliché: to turn the milkshake Red Velvet the right shade of red, so add a couple of drops of Cake red food dye for full effect.

The Cliché: Red Wine

Why it’s cliché: You are in college, we know that you aren’t buying nice wine. No one finds "$8.99 and tastes like grape soda and rubbing alcohol" romantic. The solution: Turn your cheap wine into a Spanish classic. One word: Sangria. The recipe: Get one bottle of the cheapest red wine you can find, add two–three shots of brandy (or a fruit flavored liqueuer) and 1/5 cup of sugar. Stir and then add a half can of sprite (taste for sweetness). Add various fruits. Oranges and limes are classic choices, but strawberries work particularly well for Valentine’s Day. Add arugula if desired.

The Cliché: Steak and Potatoes

Pou

RECIPES FOR A LESS CLICHÉ V–DAY:

Why it’s cliché: Meet a nice lady, buy her a steak? Doesn’t make sense, but I guess someone popularized it. The solution: Deconstruct boring steak by adding some skewers. The recipe: Soak bamboo skewers to protect against splinters. Marinate chunks of steak in a mixture of soy sauce, olive oil, lemon juice and garlic powder (add a couple drops of hot sauce for added heat). Alternate marinated steak and diced potatoes and char them on a medium–heat skillet.

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ARTS

REVIEW: MICHAEL SNOW'S “PHOTO–CENTRIC,” PHILADELPHIA MUSEUM OF ART On Wednesday I took advantage of the Pay–What– You–Wish evening at the Philadelphia Museum of Art (a.k.a. $1 or $2 entrance instead of the usual $14 student price) to see the Michael Snow “Photo– Centric” exhibition. Never heard of Michael Snow? Don’t worry, neither had I. In fact, when the show curator Adelina Vlas came to the PMA in 2007 from the National Gallery of Canada, the question of Snow’s anonymity in the U.S. was a popular one. “I didn’t realize that was the case, so Michael and I sort of walked together into the Philadelphia Museum of Art,” she recollected. Michael Snow, 84, is a

Toronto–based filmmaker, musician, painter, sculptor and photographer (a man of many talents). While the show was dedicated solely to his photography, his other expertise showed through in the images. The works engage the viewer in quasi–narrative sequences. One becomes an active participant in the composed worlds within the photographs. “Atlantic” (1967) features a series of black–and–white photos of waves behind a metal grid–like construction. The metal boxes reflect light in such a way that it appears the waves are coming out of the photographs. The composition compels you into a peaceful trance as you

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walk slowly back and forth, watching the waves move. Meanwhile, for “Crouch, Leap, Land” (1970) the audience must squat underneath the hanging artwork to look up at images of a jumping nude. Staging and composition are recurring themes in Snow’s work, which is unsurprising given his filmmaking background. In an essay reprinted in the exhibition catalogue, Snow writes, “I have added the camera and its products to the traditional tools of the painter/sculptor. My photographic works are an art of the studio, not of daily life.” In “Powers of Two” (2003), a mural–sized photographic transparency hanging from the ceiling, a woman stares defiantly at the audience from beneath her lover. Viewer instantly becomes voyeur. The audience’s gaze is locked with the woman's, as though they too are in the room. The piece draws into question the distinctions between public and private, as well as the meaning of intimacy. The experimental processes that Snow has worked with are truly inspiring and exciting. The exhibition makes you wonder why you haven’t heard the name Michael Snow before. Remember, you heard it here first. CIARA STEIN

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wordsonthestreet: TYPOGRAPHY ON PENN'S CAMPUS

1. Wawa The success of Wawa rests solely on the illumination of this sign. To Quad residents stumbling through West Philly at 4 a.m., the pulsating red light reads less “Wawa” and more “Welcome home.” Like the happy lamp of our weekend nights, these four letters give us that warm feeling when we are on the verge of public hunger–hysteria.

2. The School of Design Face it. The School of Design sign is cooler than you. All day (and night) overworked architecture grads stand around it smoking, drinking wine and not sleeping. Zero fux given by this sans–serif minimalist.

3. LOVE That awkward moment when Robert Indiana misspelled SEX for his 1998 installation.

4. Graffiti outside Williams Scrawled on the side of Williams since time immemorial, behold the miracle chalk that never disappears. Modern art can be any object that has no functional use to society. An ad for Funk that doesn’t tell you what to actually turn up to? Art.

ARTS

CAMPUS GEM: THE PRINT STUDIO

Shakeil Greeley "DJ culture, my mixed heritage—living bi–coastally since I was 6—and the open-mindedness of my parents have all had a massive influence on my work. As far as specific people, Japanese art has always been a big influence (I love the work of Murakami, Nara, Tadanori Yokoo and Yayoi Kusama). I also am very inspired by the diverse creative outputs of people like Check out the rest of the Pharrell and Kanye West." interview and a video with Shakeil Greeley at 34st.com!

The Morgan Fine Arts Building is not a place you end up by accident. Unlike other campus buildings, its doors don’t open with a simple push, or even with the swipe of a PennCard. Instead, the front entrance is equipped with a keypad that requires a code for entry. Inside, the building is dim, quiet and seemingly empty. The walls in the stairway want repainting. The air is thick with the smell of art supplies. David Comberg, design professor and co– founder of the Common Press, says the building primarily hosts graduate courses in the fine arts, and that classrooms can be found upstairs. Instead, he leads the way down, descending into a basement where the comingled smells of paint, ink and paper are even stronger. Around a corner and past several empty workspaces is another door, requiring yet another code. Comberg enters it and steps into the print studio. Printing presses dominate half the space, the largest among them an imposing black iron beast that Comberg declares is an authentic nineteenth century press. He gives a brief demonstration of its use, requiring the manual maneuvering of levers to roll paper in and make the desired print. To the right are two more modern electric presses dating from the mid–twentieth century, these smaller and sleeker than their elderly neighbor, and more commonly used by those who work in the studio. Set against the walls are cabinets full of equipment: both wooden and metal type pieces in various sizes and fonts, sheaves of paper, digital plates for designs too complex to arrange by hand and various instruments

required for using the presses. On a table in the center of the room, what looks like a recently printed flyer sits beside containers of ink and metal type pieces still arranged to form words. Framed prints adorn the walls, some instructive in the printing process, some purely decorative. This room comprises the center of the Common Press program, founded January 17, 2006, on the 300th anniversary of Benjamin Franklin’s birth. The Press is a collaborative effort on the parts of the School of Design, the Kelly Writers House and the Rare Book and Manuscript Library. It acts as a studio for classes in printmaking, graphic design and typography, but is also generally available to students interested in making use of its equipment—as long as they ask first. Most Penn students may graduate without ever setting foot in the print studio, content to do their printing from computers in the library or their own dorm rooms. But those who do make use of it will benefit from a very different and artistic experience. “[The Press] is a relief from the digital, dematerialized culture,” Comberg explains. “Although there is technology (largely mechanical) and there are many ways to bring digital methods into the process, it’s a material environment—tactile, slow and surprisingly enjoyable. It’s a very rewarding environment: you can produce an original design—a book, a print, or some hybrid—in a relatively short amount of time. As long as you’re curious and patient, it’s very satisfying.” ANNIKA NEKLASON F E B R U A R Y 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17

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The Penis Monologues hopes to raise awareness of the true struggle that comes with being a cis–gendered straight male at Penn and will be holding auditions tonight in JMHH 202. Please come with an excerpt from one of the following monologues prepared: “My Penis Is My House” (a.k.a. the Penis Workshop)

...that’s when I realized my penis was more than a dick. It was connection, it was safety, it was my hometown, my house. Like a really big house. Like huge, mansion house. Multiple car garage, are you guys getting that I am saying I have a huge cock?...

“Because She Liked To Suck On It”

“Escaping Manscaping”

...I probably would have never noticed her, to be honest. But when she came up and said “how about we go to the bathroom?”—in that moment, I was pushed by some invisible force, some deep well inside me, some karmic intervention to say, “trill, I’m into that”...

“Reclaiming the C–word”

When she said I was hairy, I said, “that’s what men are supposed to be.” But after she called it gross, I shaved around the shaft. It felt cold and naked. It looked like a scary bald upside down ice cream cone. When she said, “see, this is why I don’t love waxing and shaving either,” I thought for a while and said, “yeah, but your hair is totally nasty, shave that shit.”

“The Moaner”

...Say it with me: it is no longer just a kind of Sriracha, or something to rock out with. Cock. Cock. Cock! Cock! Cock!! Cock!!!

I am a man. I do not moan. I just say “you’re so fucking hot,” make some weird grunting sounds and then make a truly embarrassing cum face. And then I jizz where I want. Because I am a man.

OR 1. Latte from Mark’s Cafe 2. 34th Street offices 3. Shake Shack shroom burger 4. Smokestack thing in front of the Love Statue 5. Pottruck sauna 6. Manhole at 37th and Walnut 7. MGMT 100 team–filled Huntsman GSR 8. Lit joint at the biopond

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1. Coffee from my Keurig 2. Silent Study Center in Williams 3. Yogorino 4. Amy G's heart 5. Running Club's post–workout ice baths 6. Manhole at 38th and Walnut 7. The haunted VP carel 8. APES pledges doing pushups in the snow

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Looking for love? It's not here.

Treadmill Hottie m4w–20 Pottruck

Hungover Honey m4m–20/23 on my fake ;) The Walk

You were on the treadmill next to me on the third floor of Pottruck. Every time you upped your speed, I did too, hoping you’d notice my competitive flirting. Then we hit level nine and I threw up all over myself. I left in shame, and you barely acknowledged it. Let’s meet up?

I could tell by all the glitter you still had on your face that you had been at Woody’s last night. I was there too. Bummer—I didn’t see you on the dance floor (I was getting old men to buy me shots), but there’s always next Wednesday night to see you at the club, and always next Thursday morning to see you stumbling to your nine a.m. class in Fisher–Bennett.

Laundry Lover m4w–18 Ware Laundry Room I was taking your laundry out of the machine when you walked in. We made eye contact when you noticed that I was folding your thongs. To be flirty, I caressed them more passionately. You left immediately. Meet me again by the washing machine? We could have some good clean fun. And sex.

Fuck you, this section is fake.

Hip–Star (whale tattoo on left forearm) w4m–18 HubBub You were standing at the counter with your black coffee wearing an unbuttoned flannel. I walked by and wanted to go in and talk to you about black–and– white movies, but I was banned from HubBub last week for singing a Taylor Swift medley too loudly. Call me—I’d meet you for coffee anyday and anywhere. Just not HubBub.

SHS Stud w4m–19 Student Health Services You stood in front of me in line—the way you violently itched your crotch made me think you weren’t like other guys. The crack in your voice when you whispered, “STD Test?” to the receptionist had me interested immediately. Meet me later to compare test results?

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1701 Spruce St. - Philadelphia, PA 19103 - www.lafontanadellacitta.com F E B R U A R Y 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

STREET SCHOOL: Sex Ed(ition)

Let Street help you celebrate with your (in)significant other. Spread the love, and whatnot. 100 boxes of 10-count Trojan Pure Ecstasy Condoms at $12.99 each from CVS: $1,299 Bulk order of 1000 condoms at Penn SHS: $75 Freedom from youths and venereal diseases: Priceless

Condoms on Campus Wawa College Houses Student Health Services LGBT Center Women's Center CVS @ 39th and Walnut CVS @ 34th and Walnut

Best Places to Have Sex Kelly Writers House Huntsman GSR 8th Floor Hill Laundry Room Radian elevators, Radian lounge, Radian anywhere Frat Row Pod Bathrooms Street Office

Bonus: AGut's House

Van Pelt "Small Film Viewing Rooms" Fisher Fine Arts Irvine Balcony Wawa MERT study room Quad tunnels Behind the bar at Smoke's

No: Under the Button