March 17-23, 2016 34st.com
:
DEBUNKING THE MYTHS OF EATING DISORDERS AT PENN
march 17
LETTERFROMTHEEDITOR
2016
LOL
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I make post–Spring Break resolutions. Spring Break has a unique way of throwing all of your habits from the beginning of the semester into perspective. There’s nothing quite like sitting (or drinking) on your ass for a week to make you question all of your decisions that brought you to that point. It’s just the right amount of debauchery or indulgence to make you miss being a real person. Or at least that’s how it goes for me. I have never made a New Year’s resolution in my life. I think they’re dumb. I know that I’m not going to do them, and I hate the idea of changing your life around a set marker each year. Change is only effective if you’re so totally ready for it, and the odds that you will be at that mental state every year on Jan. 1 are pretty low. But, by the time Spring Break rolls
3 HIGHBROW sprng brk detox
4 WORD ON THE STREET
hating on st pattys
5 EGO
eotw: prashant ramesh, not PV sprng brk
LOL
LOL
LOL
LOL
LOL
7 VICE & VIRTUE
food boy, dsm 5, st pattys drink
10 FEATURE
eating disorders
12 TECH
fitbit log, FBI vs apple
14 FILM
creative control, penn film fest
16 ARTS
santurce art
18 LOWBROW LOL
sprng brk destinations, sunburn
around, I’m usually there. So, I resolve to go to the gym at least three times a week, cut my expensive salad consumption down to one per week, learn how to cook something other than pasta, and to find a fucking job. I’m going to be a real person again, starting by deleting all of my texts from Spring Break (p. 3), reading (understanding) the news (p. 13) and never saying the word “PV” again (p. 5). I encourage you to do so as well. Let’s break some societal norms together. P.S. There is a mountain lion named P22 that lives in the LA woods who broke into the LA zoo and killed a Koala. The authorities decided that the murder was chill and I want P22 as my pet.
A MESSAGE FROM THE MANAGING EDITOR: I FEEL REALLY SAD ABOUT THE WHOLE KOALA/ MOUNTAIN LION SITUATION. DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT TOO? LET'S TALK ABOUT THOSE FEELINGS AT OUR WRITERS' MEETING TONIGHT. 6:30 PM, 4015 'NUT.
34TH STREET MAGAZINE Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief Mikaela Gilbert-Lurie, Managing Editor Giulia Imholte, Audience Engagement Director Jeffrey Yang, Design Director Remi Lederman, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Dani Blum, Features Editor Orly Greenberg, Features Editor Mark Paraskevas, Word on the Street Editor Steph Barron, Word on the Street Editor Emily Hason, Campus Editor Julie Levitan, Culture Editor Brandon Slotkin, Entertainment Editor Rachel Rubin, Lowbrow Editor
Melissa Curley, Music Beat Sydney Hard, Music Beat Talia Sterman, Music Beatlet Johanna Matt-Navarro, Music Beatlet Madison Bell-Rosof, Arts Beat Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Arts Beat Nick Joyner, Film and TV Beat Emily Schwartz, Film and TV Beat Zoe Albano-Oritt, Tech Beat Hannah Noyes, Tech Beat Dina Zaret, Vice & Virtue Beat Chloe Shakin, Vice & Virtue Beat Jackie Lawyer, Lowbrow Beat Jack Cody, Lowbrow Beat
Genny Hagedorn, Highbrow Beat Keara Jenkins, Highbrow Beat Elena Modesti, Ego Beat Genevieve Glatsky, Ego Beat 2
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Nadia Kim, Design Editor Sofie Praestgaard, Design Editor Alex Fisher, Photo Editor Katie Dumke, Photo Editor
Isabel Zapata, Photo Editor Sara Thalheimer, Copy Director Elana Waldstein, Copy Director Sola Park, Copy Editor Chloe Cheng, Copy Editor Blake Brashear, Social Media Editor Rhea Aurora, Social Media Editor Staff Writers: Frank Augello, Caroline Harris, Mike Coyne, Hallie Brookman, Olivia Fitzpatrick, Jillian Karande Staff Photographers: Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, Julie Chu Cheong Contributors: Ali Greenstein
Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Alex Fisher, Katie Dumke, Isabel Zapata, Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, and Julie Chu Cheong. Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief, at johns@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898-6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "When I'm watlking with my friends and we see a hot guy we're always like, 'yeah, I would choke on his dick'" ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.
HIGHBROW
HOW-TO DETOX FROM...
SPRING-BREAK
These eight steps address the irreparable damage you have done to your body and your self–image.
Step 1:
Water. Drink it. When you think you've had enough, you haven't.
Step 6:
Avoid social media for a few days. Not only should you be napping instead, but your psyche can only take so much. Clear your mind before school eventually consumes it all again.
Step 7:
Similarly, avoid embarrassing hookups. Unless they're in your classes. Then just sit very far in the back with your head hanging low in shame.
Step 2:
Pop those pills. And we're not talking about the Ritalin you copped in Mexico. Advil, Tylenol and Vitamin C supplements are your new friends.
Step 5:
Revisit your childhood. Realize how disappointed your 12– year–old self would be with the decisions you've made. This will bring back the perspective and direction that you had in your life before PV.
Step 3:
Exercise. Start with small things. We guarantee that five minutes into your first elliptical session, you will have sweat out 40% of the tequila in your body.
Step 4:
Aloe the fuck up. Most of you were too wasted to re–apply/ apply sunscreen in the first place.
Step 8:
Complete steps one through seven for the first three days and then revert back to your party ways because ST. PATTY'S.
THEROUNDUP Welcome back, spring breakers. We’re glad you’ve turned all of Locust into a walk of shame, but if you’re like the rest of us, your brief interlude of sobriety between break and St. Patty’s was a harsh reminder of your impending workload or lack of summer plans. Speaking of coffee chats, rest assured that spring break gave you something to talk about when you finally caught up with that acquaintance. Or maybe you used break as a chance for a narcissistic resurrection of your social media presence. But whether you raged in PV, ventured somewhere original or bitterly griped over your staycation, we’re here to dish all the dirty deeds. With Puerto Vallarta’s questionable water sources and high levels of intoxication, it’s no surprise some spring breakers were really thirsty for the D. Or should we say hungry? An instagram was circulated showing a drunk Tri Delt girl with her mouth around one Quaker’s
bathing–suit clad burrito during a party, with the caption “This iz PV.” We guess the free–flowing tequila had our friend feeling a little Hornitos. Days later on a flight back from PV, the same sophomore then got on a plane’s intercom system and asked an Oz soph to “prom,” which we hear was well–received by the other passengers, but not so much by the guy himself. But hey, in ques–o you don’t succeed, you can always Tri again. The PV depravity continued at a local strip club, where two frat bros indulged in some lap dances, before one of them realized he was short on cash. In an effort to cover his friend’s dance, the other guy tried to pay for both of them but soon realized he also didn’t have enough. ¡Pes–oh no! Sources informed Highbrow that while scrambling to finance their exotic endeavors, a member of a Mexican drug ring approached one of them and threatened him if he didn’t pay. In response, the frat stars emptied their entire wallets and made a quick but successful escape. Talk about a show and cartel. Speaking of foreigners with drug problems, after
texts SPRING BREAK from
(717): Wake up pussies. Theme of the day: I regret nothing. (718): it really grinds my gears that boys will never know the feeling of standing up and bleeding out of their vagina. (610): Don't worry about the check, my family owns this club. (272): Someone please pick up their condom from room 3. (412): Bro your Tinder date and your sister look exactly the same. (717): I had sex seven times today with seven different people.
coming back from a darty, Owls brothers attempted to truly keep the party rolling. One member hurled a barrage of pills over the balcony of their pricey villa to the delight of eager partiers below. While the drugs in question are still unidentified, it’s safe to say that when in Mexico, getting fucked up is as easy as uno, doses, tres. Pills weren’t the only thing making landfall off of balconies this break. A Phi Delt sophomore was feeling a little too tipsy when he fell off what sources confirm was at least an eight–foot tall ledge at a Theos darty. Highbrow hears that our injured amigo was allegedly motionless at the bottom of the ledge, but no brothers in Theos or Phi Delt rushed to help him. A few OAX seniors ended up taking the sophomore to the hospital, which led to his early exit from spring break due to pulled ligaments and a nasty concussion. Looks like you can only be King of the Hill for so long before you end up a Trauma Queen. The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact. M A R C H 17 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
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WORD ON THE STREET
word on the STREET
WHY I HATE ST. PATRICK'S DAY MICHAEL COYNE
Unpopular opinion, I know, but before you say anything, check the byline and Google my surname—the first Coyne in my family came to America, alone, on a boat, in the hopes of later being joined by family. He found himself a job at a Nabisco factory and taught himself to read from textbooks. As a child, I remember spending hours watching TV to see when my brother would go by in the New York St. Patrick’s Day Parade or listening as my father pridefully explained the significance of the seahorse and spear on the coat of arms hanging on the wall. I certainly don’t hate my heritage or the opportunity to celebrate it. What I hate is the image of reckless intoxication, the throngs of rowdy college students crawling from bar to bar and the unscrupulous “darties,” where everyone is wearing that shade of green that proclaims their public drunkenness, safe in the knowledge that law enforcement is color blind—it can only see in black and white. When I look at people drunkenly stumbling around the street every March 17, I can’t help but think that so many of the Irish weren’t massacred, starved and deprived of rights in Ireland—and then initially hated in the US before assimilating into white privilege—so that people could be belligerently drunk in public. Now, I’m sure plenty of others of Irish ancestry are probably like, “Hey, we’re all about celebration, enjoying life and sharing our culture with others!” Totally, I couldn’t agree more. Ever been to an Irish funeral? It’s basically just a party because we do, indeed, like to have fun and we’re also really awful at expressing negative emotions—30 Rock and John Mulaney are right about all that. However, if you’re going to give yourself that magical hyphen—the optional ethnicity—of “Irish– American,” maybe we can make the celebration of it about more than just indulgence in
whiskey, repetitive jokes about alcoholism and an inevitable hangover. Especially since the history of the Irish in America when it comes to drinking is a painful one. Truthfully, America is more often a meat grinder than a melting pot for any immigrant group; when the Irish left the land—both literal and geopolitical—that had betrayed them, many fled to cities and ways of life unlike anything they had ever experienced, turning to alcohol as a coping mechanism. Before their descendants could benefit from the historical privileges of being white—as they would come to, and as I and many others do—Irish immigrants had to assimilate and come to grips with urban life in America, which caused many to spiral into alcoholism, bringing derision upon their communities. It didn’t stop there either—alcoholism is often intergenerational and believe me that when you see it for yourself you’ll know why I’m angered by this intransigent public connection between the drunk and the Irishman. When you’ve seen Jack Daniels bring a man to the brink of death you’ll know why I don’t find it funny when you joke about being an alcoholic because you’re a messy drunk, or an “amateur,” as my dad would say. Addiction isn’t a joke, plain and simple. It’s only funny if you don’t know what it looks like. For everyone that’s ever asked me why I don’t drink, it’s because of this history of substance abuse, both familial and ethnic. It’s this history that challenges the nexus of alcohol and inconsequential fun in my mind, making this a day that perverts a fraught reality for some cheap drinks and cheaper fun. When it comes to St. Patrick’s Day, it feels like a missed opportunity to explore an unfathomably rich history. What of the language,
ST. PATRICK’S DAY FEELS LIKE A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLORE AN UNFATHOMABLY RICH HISTORY.
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St. Patrick’s Day became a day to celebrate Irish heritage in the United States. Now, the day— and subsequently, the heritage—is indelibly tied to alcohol and its abuse. the resilience of the people, the fight for independence from the British? The history of the Irish is not just one of folksy drunkenness. My mother imitates a brogue as she tells the stories of those who helped raise her, and I want the day to be about their stories too—not just the ones that you’ll tell your friends at brunch tomorrow. Now, don’t think I don’t see the irony in complaining about a white ethnicity being reduced to a negative image; in America, people of color often do not have the luxury of picking and choosing when to activate an identity. I am not crying oppression, just voicing a personal frustration in wanting the ethos of St. Patrick’s Day to be less about PBR and more about the people who were chewed up and spit out so I could be where I am.
EGO
THE "NOT PV" SPRING BREAKERS ELENA MODESTI AND GENEVIEVE GLATSKY
1. Will Slotznick (C'17), Hannah Van Drie (C'17), Olga Belyanina (C'17), Nimay Kulkarni (E'17) and Ivan Sandoval (C'17) went canoeing and backpacking in Louisiana. This included kayaking down the Bayou amongst a million alligators, getting knee–deep in a crawfish bowl and drinking mimosas with hostel owners. 2. OAX senior Becca Nolan (C '16) and a guy from Boston University named "Nick" agreed to get married while on vacation in Mexico because it wouldn’t legally transfer over to the United States. They met at a day party and drunkenly picked out their wedding parties. Olivia McKelway (W '16) snagged the title of "Maid of Honor." The next day, they tried to get married on a giant rock. However, the two got distracted when they began to hook up, so the wedding never came to life. However, sweet Nick came to her gate before she boarded, and they now text. She admits, “It wasn’t all that crazy. I just found my soulmate.”
There's more to spring break than passing out on a beach and throwing up before 3 p.m. Check out what Penn students did the past week and start planning your next SB2K17. 6. ZBT senior boys Jordan Schack (W '16), Matt Wolfen (C '16), Jake Morse (C '16) and Jeff Horowitz (W '16) drove 1,500 miles from Austin to Los Angeles. They somehow managed to skip the typical four–hour wait at Franklin’s BBQ in Austin, sleep in safari tents in the west Texas artist colony of Marfa, run into Luke Bryan in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant in a small town in New Mexico, stop at a Chicago Cubs Spring Training game outside of Phoenix, do a day hike through Joshua Tree National Park and end with Matt Wolfen's (an LA local) two–day tour of his favorite hometown spots.
3. Nine SAE guys, Jeffery Silver (C '17), Pele Coolins (C '17), Eli Goldman (C '17), Max Newberger (C '17), Peter Herbst (C '17), Jonathan Baer (C '17), Michael Youniss (C '17), Andrew Becker (C '17) and Charlie Van Doren (C '17) and three girls, Emma Leibowitz (C '17), Caroline Flores (W '17) and Emmy Zevallos (C '17), went to Arizona and Utah to visit the Grand Canyon, Bryce and Zion. The group hiked, drank, went to a baseball game, discussed climate change, drove to Las Vegas and learned shit. Applications for this friend group will be coming out in a few weeks. 4. Alternate Spring Break, an organization that gives students the opportunity to volunteer over spring break, sent a group to Austin, TX and worked with a non–profit called the Workers Defense Project, which protects construction workers from wage theft and unsafe working conditions. After a delayed flight due to mechanical problems, these ASB–ers got put up by Delta in a dope Holiday Inn with a pool and hot tub, and they got to sleep in beds for the first time in a week. 5. Monica Donegan (C '16) took an environmental science class this semester called Puerto Rico Ecology, taught by Dr. Sarah Willig. For the class' eight–day field study, the group traversed the island to check out all the different ecosystems with their unique flora and fauna. They hiked through a rain forest, coastal scrubland, dry forest and karst topography (aka caves). Monica recalled that during a night hike at the Sabana field station in El Yunque National Forest, she came across a snail chilling with a tiny coqui—a tiny frog, smaller than a thumbnail, with a croak loud enough to fill the forest at night. M A R C H 17 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
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EGO
EGOOF THE WEEK: PRASHANT RAMESH
When the President of Penn Masala isn't getting stopped by fans on the street he's getting stopped at airport security. TSA, WTF?
Street: How did you get involved in Penn Masala? Prashant Ramesh: I had briefly heard about it before I came to Penn. Some friends told me to check out their music. Because I’ve always liked to sing growing up, I took a look at it, thought it seemed really cool. Street: How did you guys get to be in Pitch Perfect 2? PR: Elizabeth Banks who directed it is a Penn alum. I guess she had heard about us when she was at Penn. Her team reached out to us via Facebook message. Street: Is it true they wouldn’t let members of the group that didn’t look Indian be in the performance? PR: Yeah, there’s one guy in our group who is white. They said they didn’t want him in the shot because they wanted an Indian a cappella group. It was a little awkward to navigate. We tried to push back on it. We were like ‘No he’s a full member of the group’. But they were like, ‘We just prefer it this way for image.’ We were like ‘Okay, there’s nothing we can do.’ He did come for the filming. Street: So you were portraying an Indian a cappella group? PR: The premise of the movie is that they go to a world competition. So we were the a cappella group from India. They gave us a cheesy name and everything. They named us The Naan Stops. Street: Any fun stories from set? PR: We ran into Anna Kendrick briefly. She was pretty stressed and didn’t really want to be stopped, 6
but we asked her for a picture and she was like ‘Okay, sure.’ Apparently she’s quite an introvert and doesn’t really like the spotlight. Street: What do your friends at home think of you being in a Hindi a cappella group? PR: The first time we released a video and I sent it to them they were like, ‘Whoa why does it have all these views? Where is this coming from?’ I was like ‘Yeah I guess some people know about us.’ They were like ‘Dude you’re like an Indian film star! You’re like a Bollywood star!’ Street: Have you ever gotten recognized? PR: Yeah, actually. Me and a couple of the guys from the group were driving back from a show. The car was passing us. We saw them look at us and we assumed it was because we had cut them off or done something on the road. They pulled in front of us and they all turned around and kept looking back. They started taking selfies of themselves with us in the background. Street: Is that the only time that’s happened? PR: Once I was in Times Square with my family someone walked by and was like. ‘Are you in Masala?’ My family was like, ‘What is going on?’ Street: Can you talk about your involvement in APALI? PR: The purpose of the program is twofold. One is to educate and get aware of issues affecting the APA community at Penn and globally. The second is to try and find a little bit more about your identity as a member of this community.
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Street: What are some of the issues that people talk about? PR: One of the topics was about the bamboo ceiling, which is the concept that for people of Asian American background it’s sometimes difficult to move past midlevel or entry-level positions at companies. Another is affirmative action when applying to college, does it help or hurt being a member of the APA community. Street: What do you love the least about Penn? PR: The emphasis on meeting goals as opposed to learning along the way. I think that’s both a product of the school and the people here. Street: If you were going to be famous what would it be for? PR: Either insider trading or coming up with some cool scientific discovery. But what I would like to be famous for ideally would be being a really successful music producer, preferably hip–hop or R&B. Street: If you are what you eat, then what are you? PR: Spicy. Street: What was your first AIM screen name? PR: Bostonboy876. Not from Boston. Parents are not from Boston. I just like Boston sports teams growing up for some reason. Street: Describe yourself in 3 words. PR: Creative, clown, confident. Street: There are two types of people at Penn... PR: If there's one thing I've learned at Penn it's that binaries don't exist.
Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history who would it be? PR: Either Freud or Bill Clinton. Street: Do you have any hidden talents? PR: I've never met someone that I couldn't beat at ping pong. Street: Kill, Fuck, Marry Amy Gutmann, the Quaker mascot, Kweder. PR: Marry the mascot. I feel like the mascot would be pretty chill, I'm sure it would be an open marriage. Fuck Amy Gutmann, but kind of like hate fuck. I was debating between kill and fuck but I don't want to fuck Kweder. I'd fuck Amy Gutmann, but angrily.
Name: Prashant Ramesh Hometown: Voorhees, NJ Major: Chemical Engineering Activities: Penn Masala, Wharton Undergraduate Energy Group, IAA, Club Tennis, South Asia Society, Asian Pacific American Leadership Initiative (APALI), Bell, Oracle, Sphinx
Street: What's one question we forgot to ask you? PR: I've had a beard for the last year. It's one of my proudest things. I'm very into grooming my facial hair. I had to shave last week because my mom was worried about me traveling internationally with a beard. So if I'd had a beard here, the one question you should have asked me would be something related to my beard. Street: How does it feel not having a beard? PR: I feel terrible. It sucks. I feel very exposed. Every time I look in the mirror I'm taken aback. Street: Did it help you avoid getting stopped? PR: No, I got stopped anyway. This interview has been edited and condensed.
INTERVIEW CONDUCTED BY GENEVIEVE GLATSKY
ARTS
ART AND URBAN CRISIS In Writings on Cities, Henri Lefebvre wrote, “the future of art is not artistic, but urban.” Santurce is Ley, an annual international art festival that happens in San Juan, Puerto Rico, is living proof of this. In 2010, a group of art gallery owners in San Juan, Puerto Rico got together to paint a mural to spark life in the crumbling and quiet quarters of the Santurce neighborhood. What started as a spur–of–the–moment neighborly rendezvous eventually became an international arts festival with the purpose of revitalizing the area. This mission has become especially significant in the context of Puerto Rico’s socioeconomic crisis. As the island drowns in a debt of $72 billion, it has lost over ten percent of its population as unemployment and taxes skyrocket. Basic services like electricity, education and healthcare have collapsed. As a Puerto Rican who has lived on the island my entire life, I have witnessed the economic depression first–hand. I have seen it spiral into a humanitarian crisis, but I have also seen how transformative and powerful the art regarding it can be. The Santurce es Ley Festival (which translates to Santurce is Law) has, over time, solidified its position as the prime expositor of emerging contemporary art and young creative talent in
Puerto Rico. Like artists and organizers of the MuralArts program in Philadelphia, Puerto Rican artists aim to rehabilitate the Santurce neighborhood through art by transforming the sector into an arts mecca. "Buscamos crear ciudad a través del arte." This saying, roughly meaning, "We strive to create city through art," is commonly heard throughout the festival. The project aims to create artwork on abandoned walls and deteriorated spaces to promote anti–violence and peaceful messages of unity and creativity—so even when the festival is over, it continues to change and transform the Santurce landscape and its residents. Even if Penn students cannot all visit Puerto Rico for spring break (you should, by the way) and admire art actively changing urban spaces, a similar, impressive initiative has existed long before the Santurce es Ley festival: MuralArts. Established in 1984 as part of the Philadelphia Anti–Graffiti Network's effort to eradicate the city’s graffiti, MuralArts began as an initiative to cover the entire city during a tough period in messages of love, unity and peace. Jane Golden, an iconic and prominent muralist, began the initiative. The MuralArts program organizes individual projects executed
The transformative power of murals, from Puerto Rico to Philadelphia.
by both community members and artists alike. The program eventually became a separate entity. Over time, MuralArts’ mural–making processes became powerful vehicles for generating conversations, emboldening neighborhoods and creating economic revitalization by bringing in artists to work, live and work in these urban spaces. Through its core series of programs—Art Education, Porch Light and Art Education—it provides thousands of project–based opportunities of creative growth for thousands of Philadelphia residents— from artists, to students, to community leaders, to crime victims and jailed inmates. The program currently boasts a collection of over 3,000 murals which have transformed the Philadelphia urban landscape and highlighted the transforma-
SYRA ORTIZ–BLANES
tive and healing powers of art in communities. A usual trope which surrounds both the Puerto Rican and the Pennsylvanian initiative is that the words of prophets are written on the walls. Street art is stigmatized as a visual representation of the degradation of society—yet in the case of both MuralArts and Santurce es Ley, local and international artists
and communities are bringing about messages of peace, light, love and change through artistic expressions that last long after the collaborations are over. Graffiti and mural prophets, if anything, are changing both home and the place I have learned to call home, one mural at a time.
LET'S HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR THE KOALA THAT GOT MAULED AT THE LA ZOO OVER SPRING BREAK, PLEASE. M A R C H 17 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
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F E AT U R E
F E AT U R E
DEBUNKING THE MYTHS OF EATING DISORDERS AT PENN
THERE ARE EATING DISORDERS HIDDEN ALL OVER CAMPUS. But they’re camouflaged, tucked between the disordered habits that have somehow gained access into our culture’s twisted definition of “normal.” “No, I already ate before.” “Oh, I feel fat today.” “I need to work off the calories.” “All I’ve had today is coffee.” These comments seem benign, and variations are often tossed around in harmless conversation. But these statements also promote a disordered eating—this type of language, intentional or not, only adds to our already skewed understanding of what it means to have an eating disorder. The stereotypes that surround eating disorders, paired with the normalized and trivialized language we so often use to describe them, make it that much harder for sufferers to acknowledge the problem. And with this language saturating the dialogue, there doesn’t seem to be much space to have an honest conversation about eating disorders.
“Historically, eating disorders were thought of—even in the literature—as happening mostly among white, middle class women.” Though she says historically, Jeannine Cicco Barker, a Post Doctoral Fellow and member of the Eating Concerns team at CAPS, is reminded of the inaccuracies of this statement every day. “If you look at the numbers that’s just not the case, it’s just across different areas of diversity and across different ethnicities.” She glances across the room at her nodding colleagues. “Racial identities, sexual identities, gender identities, everything.” These myths blind our culture, and espe-
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cially the smaller community of Penn, to the realities and complexities of eating disorders. By allowing inaccurate stereotypes to dominate our mental image of eating disorders, we often forget to look for them in people who don’t fit the mold. Even individuals suffering from an eating disorder themselves can be blinded by the stereotype. Adam*, a first year graduate student, explains that gender bias made it difficult for him to accept he had a problem. He admits that sometimes, especially as a gay male, he feels he’s “not being taken seriously by straight men.” He explains that he finds it difficult to associate himself with a disorder that has always been “in such contrast to my idea of masculinity.” Even months after finally addressing the issue with his therapist, Adam still avoids saying “eating disorder.” “It’s still hard.” He cringes. “I hate saying it.” Adam began seeing a therapist at CAPS when he started at Penn in the fall. Around that time, Adam began to lose control of his eating habits, frequently skipping meals and often eating less than 500 calories in a day. But despite that, and his visibly thin frame, he and his therapist didn’t even address his eating habits until December. For Adam, and most other patients, the triggers of an eating disorder are much less tangible. Although biological predisposition is a large factor, many disorders ultimately develop as a means of coping with emotional distress. “I don’t feel as if body image is the sole reason that I’ve developed an eating disorder,” Adam explains. Rationally, he’s able to admit, “I can’t control how my parents reacted [when I came out], I can’t control what other kids said in my childhood, I can’t control a lot of things.” Instead, Adam turned to things he could con-
trol—his eating habits. “My therapist asked me if I self–harm, to make myself feel better, you know, take control. And I said, ‘no, no, no, no,’” Adam remembers. “And she was like, ‘Okay but let’s think about what you told me about your eating. Isn’t this a mode of self–harming? Like starving yourself as a way of taking control of the situation?’ I guess I didn’t think of it that way.” For those who only associate eating disorders with thin, white females, it’s easy to assume that all eating disorders are driven by a desire to be skinny. And that is perhaps the most destructive, and inaccurate, side effect of this myth. Less than a few months before Liza Bernstein's (C ‘17) eating disorder landed her in CHOP's inpatient program—on bed rest and at risk for a heart attack—at the beginning of her sophomore year at Penn, she didn't think she was skinny enough to have an eating disorder. She had severely restricted her diet and lost weight all summer. When her mood started deteriorating from extreme hunger and fatigue, she began seeing a therapist. But when the subject of eating came up, her therapist told her that she hadn’t lost enough weight to meet the DSM–5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition) requirement for an eating disorder. “You couldn’t see my bones, I didn’t look like I was dying,” she explains. But looking back, as if addressing herself and the therapist who helped her remain in denial, she notes, “Well... I was kind of dying.”
“It’s not just looking skeletal, you’re not gonna show up looking like you weigh 60 pounds all of the sudden.” Even two years after recovering from a severe bout of anorexia her sophomore year of high school, Becca Lambright (C’19) still sounds frustrated when she refers to the assumption that in order to be anorexic, you need to look sickly thin. And she has a right to be frustrated. Becca’s malnourishment so diminished her mental
capacity that she nearly flunked out of high school. “That was the hardest part,” she admits, “I didn’t feel like I had anyone helping me through it.” The size stereotype Becca faced can make it difficult for someone to acknowledge their own disorder, let alone recognize it in someone else. “People don’t realize it’s not just an adjective, you can’t just be like, ‘Oh, she looks so anorexic,’” Becca says. Although Becca hasn’t been anorexic since high school, she admits it’s been more difficult since coming to Penn. Part of that, she knows, is due to the fixation on body image and seemingly constant stream of disordered language. But for her, the most difficult part has been the conversations that aren’t being had. “I know it exists,” she says, “But it’s just not talked about.” She says she doesn’t tell people she has an eating disorder because “...I’m really afraid people won’t believe me. I don’t know if that sounds stupid. Because I feel like people say things like, ‘Oh, well, you don’t look underweight,’ and, ‘Oh, well you don’t look like you’re struggling with that.’” Despite her fear, Becca still wishes there could be a more open dialogue. I think that’s another reason that people don’t talk about it,” she says, “It’s hard finding the right audience.”
“The cult of salad is so real.” Though her phrasing is almost comical, Sasha* (C ‘17) isn’t joking. While eating a salad a day, as Sasha admits she does, isn’t inherently unhealthy—it’s the motives behind her consumption that make it so dangerous. “I hate my body. That’s why I go to Sweetgreen every day.” Sasha explains. “Whenever people ask, ‘How are you?’” Sasha notes, “I never say it, but the answer is always, ‘Hungry.’” “It’s concerning how normal it is to the students,” says Debbie Westerling, one of the nutritionists at Student Health Services. “It’s not normal to not eat all day, and it’s not normal
to not eat a specific food group—every food group, every nutrient has a purpose. By excluding it, it can, again, start to fester and spiral out of control.” The line between these “normal” unhealthy eating habits and genuine symptoms of eating disorders has become so blurred that it’s almost impossible to even differentiate the two. Last spring, Sophie* (C ‘17) would stumble back to her sorority house with her friends after parties or downtowns. But instead of ending up in her bed, Sophie would find herself hunched over in the bathroom, throwing up a night’s worth of Banker’s and, more importantly, dinner. Her friends wouldn’t think twice about it—at least one or two of them was hunched over in another bathroom doing the same thing. The only difference is, her friends just drank too much. Maybe they were lightweights, or started too early or just weren’t paying attention. Sophie was paying attention, though. She knew her limits. She would get drunk to the point where she knew that even one more shot would make her sick. Then, she’d take it.
calories, and like, I ended up eating like 600 calories a day. My goal was 1,000, most days I didn’t even hit it, and I lost like ten pounds...but I wasn’t doing anything, I was just not eating.” At Penn, Sara found that her low weight wasn’t a point of concern for those who surrounded her, but rather, something worthy of praise. “My roommate, a couple times, would make some comment like, 'You look really thin today.' And she meant that in a nice way, like she didn’t know that I wasn’t eating...It was very much like, positive reinforcement.” Her disordered eating was compounded by an intestinal condition that made it difficult to keep down food. Later, when Sara returned from a summer abroad, she started taking antidepressants, which suppressed her already small appetite. She quickly shed 30 pounds in ten weeks. Some days she would get by eating just a bowl of cereal and a piece of bread. At a certain point, Sara explains, “It was like, how many days in a row can I go with eating that little, before I have to actually eat one day.” Sara pauses. “It’s four, by the way.” Still, despite her rapid weight loss, none of her friends or boyfriend at the time said anything. “When I actually take a step back and think about it,” she realizes, “it’s shocking how no one had said anything.” Sara, who was willing to share her real name after keeping her secret for three years, argues, “I think for many people with eating struggles, especially at Penn, there’s a big part of them, maybe subconscious, that wants people to know.”
WHENEVER PEOPLE ASK,
"HOW ARE YOU?", I NEVER SAY IT BUT
THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS,
"HUNGRY."
“I’ve never really talked about it, so sorry if I don’t make sense or cry about it or something,” says Sara Thalheimer C ‘17, a Street copy director. Sara has always struggled with food. She explains, “I’ve always had eating disorders, like since I was a kid, when I was little I was really picky and I was underweight. But I was aware of it, and I liked it.” “In high school I would throw up sometimes,” Sara remembers. “...I like tracked
*Names have been changed. Julie Levitan is a sophomore in the college studying English. She is the Culture Editor for Street.
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9
TECH
YOUR SPRING BREAK
FITBIT LOG We tracked three girls' fitness habits over spring break, just to make you feel shittier about the fact that your average BAC that week was 0.3.
What are the odds that you've seen a black silicone bracelet on the wrist of athleisure–wear clad sorority girl in class next to you? In the second quarter of 2015, FitBit earned $400 million in sales from its fitness trackers. Fitbit was created in 2007 when founders Eric Friedman and James Park realized that sensors and wireless technology had advanced to the point that they could create what now has become their Fitbit tracker. Street was looking for a way to immortalize the spring break experience, and Tech came up with something that lasts longer than your snapchat story. Our solution was to track three different spring breaks via FitBit, with the Fitbit Charge ($149) and the original Fitbit Flex ($99). We compared the fitness logs of a girl in Cancun, one on a chill trip to Florida and one adventure in Costa Rica. Four days, three girls, let's go.
SB1
Freshman Brielle Weiner went the route many of us go during spring break—aunt/friend/cousin’s condo in Florida. Brielle decided to go because she and a couple people from her hall wanted to go somewhere warm for break. "One of my friends lives in Florida and another has a vacation condo there, so it was easy and cheaper for us to go to Florida and stay in their houses rather than rent a hotel elsewhere," she said. As you can see by the Fitbit activity, Brielle avoided the massive activity of PV, instead hanging out on the beach and preparing for the upcoming darty weekends to come. Peep the nine hours per night of sleep she got— she's gonna be missing that come midterms/St. Patty's/ life.
SB2
Freshman Elena Iaconis decided to go to Cancun, Mexico for Spring Break. "My roommate offered the idea. Her parents bought all our tickets and then we paid them back, pretty simple," she said. By starting the day with the mimosas and participating in light activity—playing beach volleyball and occasionally working out—this girl had the best of both worlds. Iaconis described most of her break as the classic darty experience. Props to this freshman for a) being close enough with her freshman roommate to go to Mexico with her, and b) not blacking out for the entirety of the experience, even getting a hike in (see the 1:00:23 walk on Tuesday.)
SB3
Wait, what? Sophomore Emily Goldman missed the memo that spring break is to be spent parked on the beach/raging your face off. Emily went to Costa Rica, instead. Between hiking up volcanoes and climbing down waterfalls, she got more physical activity in than we do running around Bamboo Bar during Fling. She also white–water rafted, jumped into hot springs and made time to bar hop. Damn, girl.
HANNAH NOYES
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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
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ST STST
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34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011
If you're at all like me, you've probably heard a lot about the iPhone that was recovered after the 2015 San Bernardino attack, but you didn't know jack shit about what was actually going on. So here it is in a nutshell: After the shootout that ended up leaving both perpetrators, Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik (along with 14 victims) dead, the San Bernardino police recovered an iPhone 5c that belonged to one of them. The FBI wanted to view its contents to get more information about the attack, but ended up not being able to unlock the phone, and then issued a court order trying to force Apple to unlock it. Apple refused. What happened next was a massive, nationwide debate about the issues of personal privacy versus national security. Now here's the lowdown: The iPhone 5c in question had a version of iOS installed on it that was either iOS 8 or later. With these later versions of iOS, there's a level of encryption on the phone that is so detailed that not even Apple can break into the phone to retrieve the information. The only way to access it is to enter the four–digit passcode that most of you probably have enabled on your own phones. In order to get around this pesky problem, the FBI asked Apple to create a whole new iOS that could be installed on the iPhone that would allow law enforcement to access the information on the device. The only problem with this new iOS is that it would include a "back door" to the device; a master key to the whole iOS would have to be created, allowing anyone who knew this master key to access any device that has
How How How Pe
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VICE & VIRTUE
FOOD BOY: CORN MUFFIN FRENCH TOAST WITH PEAR AND CRANBERRY COMPOTE
I gotta hunch you will love this brunch!
FRANK AUGELLO
Hell hath no fury like waiting an hour to be seated at your favorite brunch place. You didn’t drag your hungover ass out of bed for that shit. Instead, invite your homies over to your place to recount the previous night’s debauchery and to keep the inebriation going when the champagne starts flowing. This brunch idea has just the right blend of savory and sweet and will satisfy your rumbling tummy without knocking you up with an incapacitating food baby. Also, since you probably dropped a hefty number of dolla dolla billz on alc over the weekend, this easy brunch will satisfy your wallet as much as your stomach. On a more serious note, I sometimes lose sight of how important and uplifting good food can be because, as a student, and I’m constantly rushing through meals or struggling to fit dinner into my busy schedule. What I tried to do with this recipe was create a fun and unexpected dish to break up the monotony of uninspired food on the go. Not only is food a significant aspect of history and culture (holla at me, fellow Italians!), but it’s also an incomparable way to express yourself and bond with family and friends. So go ahead and TREAT! YO! SELF! by taking some time on Sunday morning to whip up this delectable brunch, hang with close friends and take a few hours off. Your real life can wait.
INGREDIENTS: • • • • • •
PROCEDURE:
(serves 2; $3.01/serving)
2 corn muffins ($2.50/4-muffin pack at FroGro) 3 eggs ($1.99/dozen at FroGro) 2 Bartlett or Anjou pears (~$1.00 each at FroGro) ½ cup of dried cranberries ($2.57/bag at CVS) 2 tablespoons butter ($2.99/2-stick box at FroGro) 4 packets of honey (FREE from most coffee shops or the Penn bookstore café; snatch them like you would snatch the weave right off the head of that bitch you hate!)
TIPS AND TRICKS: Feel free to top this dish off with whipped cream if you like sweeter brunches or sour cream (I know, it sounds weird but trust me) if you like more savory brunches. You could use normal bread for this recipe, but Food Boy doesn’t fuck around when it comes to making a boss–ass brunch. You can try different types of fruit or muffins; chocolate chip muffins would make for a decadent, dessert-y brunch if you’re into that. Also, this recipe can easily be scaled for cooking for just one or your whole squad. Betches love brunch, so embrace your inner betch, and this recipe will make your brunch anything but basic.
IRISH WE WERE DRUNK ALREADY
Start your St. Patrick's Day festivities off right.
St. Patty's Day is quickly approaching. To ensure you last through your 8 a.m. pregame and the full darty you'll be attending, pound one of these classic Irish coffees first thing in the morning. And remember (coffee before) liquor before beer! You'll need: • 1.5 ounces Irish Whiskey • 6 ounces hot, strong coffee • Whipped cream • Optional: 3/4 ounce Irish cream, or a teaspoon of brown sugar, for a sweet kick
Directions: Pour the whiskey into a large coffee mug. Add the hot coffee. If you're adding sugar or cream, do so now and stir until it dissolves. Add a hefty serving of whipped cream on top (spring break is over,
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after all). Garnish with green sprinkles (they have clover– shaped ones at FroGro) for a festive touch. Adapted recipe from mixthatdrink.com
CHLOE SHAKIN
1. Melt 1 tablespoon of butter in a pan over medium-low heat, cut the pears into thin slices and cook in the butter until softened, about 5 minutes. 2. Add the cranberries and honey, mix it around, and let it cook on low while you prepare the French toast. 3. Slice the corn muffins into one-inch thick slices. 4. Beat the eggs in a bowl and add a splash of milk if you have some. Add the corn muffin slices to the bowl, fully coat them and let them absorb the egg for a minute or two. 5. Melt the other tablespoon of butter in a separate pan over medium heat and add as many slices of corn muffin that will fit. 6. Cook the corn muffin slices for 3-4 minutes on each side until they start to brown, and serve immediately with the compote on top.
VICE & VIRTUE
EATING DISORDERS SPELLED OUT The diagnosis criteria and what it actually means.
The American Psychiatric Association publishes the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) to provide the standard for classification and diagnosis of mental disorders. It sounds kind of boring, but it actually opened up our eyes to just how many behaviors and mindsets eating disorders encompass. The section of “Feeding and Eating Disorders” has eight different disorders, and we list two of them below. We copied and pasted these directly from the latest manual (DSM 5), and what you read might surprise you.
BULIMIA NERVOSA DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA: A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating. An episode of binge eating is characterized by both of the following: 1. Eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any two–hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than what most individuals would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances. 2. A sense of lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating). B. Recurrent inappropriate compensatory behaviors in order to prevent weight gain, such as self–induced vomiting; misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or other medications; fasting; or excessive exercise. C. The binge eating and inappropriate compensatory behaviors both occur, on average, at least once a week for three months. D. Self–evaluation is unduly influenced by body shape and weight. E. The disturbance does
not occur exclusively during episodes of anorexia nervosa. IN PLAIN ENGLISH: We all have the occasional (read: biweekly) 2 a.m. Allegro rampage or Hill brunch ball–out, but a sense of lack of control during those times is what may raise a red flag. Contrary to popular belief, bulimia doesn’t always mean throwing up. The compensatory behaviors include anything that prevents weight gain, even too much exercise. While movies and TV shows may make it seem like the standard for bulimia is binging and purging after every meal, the DSM says "at least once a week for three months.” That’s way different from what people often think. For example, throwing up after a rough night at Smokes’ might suck, but doesn’t really seem like the end of the world. However, if that last shot that puts someone over the edge is, at the back of their mind, a reason to throw up to get rid of whatever they ate before, that fits in these criteria.
ANOREXIA NERVOSA DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA: A. Restriction of energy intake relative to requirements, leading to a significantly low body weight in the context of age, sex, developmental trajectory and physical health. B. Intense fear of gaining weight or of becoming fat, or persistent behavior that interferes with weight gain, even though at a significantly low weight. C. Disturbance in the way in which one’s body weight or shape is experienced, undue influence of body weight or shape on self–evaluation, or persistent lack of recognition of the seriousness of the current low body weight. IN PLAIN ENGLISH: The DSM's first criteria specifies that the restriction is relative to each specific person. This might seem obvious but if you're working out a lot, are taller than your friends or any number of other factors, you'll need more energy. Be careful when comparing yourself to others. Most people have, at some point, been self–conscious or critical about some aspect
of how they look (like that pimple that won’t go away or the unibrow hair you always forget about until it's too late). When how someone thinks about his or her weight or body takes too much control over their life, or drifts too far from actuality, it poses a problem.
Important disclaimer: Street is not medically certified, nor are we experts. However, if anything here rings a bell either for you or a friend, seek help. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.
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FILM & TV
PREVIEWING THE PENN STUDENT FILM FESTIVAL How to navigate Penn's cinema extravaganza.
Next Tuesday, March 22 marks the start of Penn’s annual Student Film Festival, a five–day cinema extravaganza that showcases both student films and commercial films alike. Sponsored by Penn College Houses and the Wharton Undergraduate Media and Entertainment Club (UME), the festival aims to bring the world of movie–making to the Penn community at large. All Penn students are welcome to submit their short films to be featured in the festival alongside this year’s popular and award–winning movies. The festivities start each evening at 7:30 p.m. and continue into the night, so in the chance your six midterms and two papers are preventing you from attending the full shebang, Street has hit the highlights for you. What To See If you only choose to attend one part of the festival, you won’t want to miss the evening of Friday, March 25—the final night and awards ceremony. The festival consists of two preliminary nights where many of the entries are shown, but the final night only shows the finalists from the first two nights. Three general winners are selected (not divided by category), each receiving monetary prizes, as well as an audi-
ence favorite who also receives a prize. Though all entries submitted wow the crowds year after year, the finalists are bound to be the ones worth watching. It’s no secret to Penn students that these winners are often on par with highly acclaimed professional work, meaning the final night always impresses. “I’m excited to see the juxtaposition of student work next to Oscar recognized work,” future cinema studies major Katie Marshall (C’19) told Street.
are plenty of ways to watch the popular movies from the past year on your own, but the opportunities are far fewer for the student films, so this is where you’ll want to focus your time. The popular movies tend to be lengthy, especially in contrast to the eight–minute student films, so you’ll get a lot more bang for your buck by ditching the Oscar winners of this year and diving into the Oscar winners of the future.
“I think Penn yields such amazing talent so it will be fun to see beginning of career projects compared with award winning ones.” What To Skip Though certainly fun, skip the screenings of this year’s popular award winners and nominations, including The Martian, Driving Not Knowing and Spotlight. By far the best part of the festival is the extensive body of student work. There
EMILY SCHWARTZ
AUGMENTATION AND ADDICTION: A LUNCH
DATE WITH THE DIRECTOR OF CREATIVE CONTROL So fresh it hasn't hit Philly yet.
“Can I be the girl?” asks Benjamin Dickinson as he slides into the booth side of the table at White Dog Cafe. The Brooklyn–based director’s second feature film Creative Control is about to hit theaters in wide release this Friday,in Philly playing at the Ritz at the Bourse. Dickinson plays the lead role as David, an adman who spirals into self–destruction as he becomes dependent on a pair of eyeglasses that augment reality for pleasure. “I wanted to make a movie that was set just a little in the future because I was trying to do a social satire more than hard sci–fi. To me, all the technology in the movie is present, it’s just one step further.” He classifies his film as “spec–fiction,” a particular brand of science–fiction that takes an existing technology and speculates about what it could do. In fact, a centerpiece of Creative Control is the way that walls between the simulated and real can collapse
NICK JOYNER
in the present, and the torture that this causes. For the millennial who depends so much on a screen in his pocket, it’s easy to relate to David’s confusion as he blurs the distinction between his real–life best friend’s girlfriend and the digitized fantasy he makes of her. Dickinson explains this dilemma: “It’s strange that there’s so much fluidity between talking on the phone in person, texting, forgetting where you heard things, pretending it was in person.” Dickinson was concerned that his film would be lost on teenagers who have developed different ideas around technology, but this was not the case, as several teenagers on the festival circuit congratulated him on Creative Control’s realism. The film attains a universal reach to everyone who's ever felt the sensation of wanting to be in contact with everyone and no one at the same time. For this reason, Dickinson opted for a self–reflective ending that forces the audience to reconsider its own relation-
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ships with technology. The only escape that’s posited at the end of the movie is going off the grid. “I wanted the ending to be ambiguous. I wanted to leave it that way because I want the audience to be like, ‘What am I gonna do? What kind of person am I gonna be?’” Dickinson doesn’t think that our relationship with technology is productive, in that it doesn’t operate in a two– way function. “After a while you’re in a feedback loop. It’s just you and your fantasy, you and your projection. And the classic comparison is addiction.” He talks about the way that South Korea has a 12–step program for video game addiction, and how we need the same thing for pornography addiction in the United States. To portray this seductive quality of technology, the entire film is shot in black and white, save for the glimmer of color that is Sophie’s avatar, the simulated version of David's dream girl. This pop of color effect was used
in a Schindler’s List–esque way to show how technology is more alluring than reality. As the conversation rounded up and the check for lunch came, Dickinson expressed his gratitude for the creative management that Amazon Studios provides, in distributing his movie and providing a platform for more experimental endeavors like Transparent. After an hour of talking, he pulled out his phone and asked if I could give him the number of the publicist who set up the lunch. As I slid my iPhone out of my pocket to read out the digits, I realized that this lunch would probably the longest stretch of device–free time I'd enjoy all day.
LOWBROW
SEVEN WAYS TO DISGUISE SUNBURN Don’t be beaten by being beet red.
Paint one half of your body blue This way, you can just say you’re really school spirited and were looking forward to going to all of Penn’s great sporting events this spring. Those exist, right? Go sportyball team.
Say you took a really hot shower People will think you’re a superhuman for withstanding the duration and intensity of heated water that got you to your current scarlet shade. They’ll also think you’re hygienic. Win, win.
Paint spiraled white stripes on yourself Now you’re everyone’s favorite wintery treat! This is simply a campaign to have Starbucks bring back their peppermint hot chocolate for the summer months because peppermint is delicious; you’re delicious, you minty–fresh delicacy.
Tell people you're red–green colorblind St. Patrick’s day is coming up and you just wanted to get a jump on the painted–body fun, but what you thought was green paint is actually red, you poor unfortunately–hued soul.
Say you ate too many beets We’ve seen it happen with carrots, so why not have it happen with beets? Why should skin discoloration discriminate based on type of vegetable? People may question your vegetable preferences, but they sure won’t think it’s sunburn.
Buy a pig mask You haven’t been burnt by the sun. You’re just testing out a Halloween costume for next year and really think that the swine suit speaks to you.
Tell everyone you had a horrible allergic reaction Any allergen will do; people are sympathetic to allergies. They may think of you as a lesser human but at least they won’t know that your real allergic reaction was from the sun.
NOTE TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO PEEL OFF THEIR SUNBURNT SKIN FLAKES IN CLASS: YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY. KEEP YOUR EPIDERMAL DETRITUS OUT OF MY LEARNING ENVIRONMENT, THANKS. M A R C H 17 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5
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MOST UNDERRATED LOCATIONS TO SPEND Because anything is better than staying at Penn.
SPRING BREAK Puerto Vallarta, MEXICO Looking to get away from that obnoxious, boisterous Penn scene? Puerto Vallarta is a little–known destination that is perfect if you don’t want to be annoyed by any drunk college ruffians.
Death Valley, CALIFORNIA Talk about fun in the sun. With temperatures approaching 140 degrees, Death Valley is the perfect place to forget about those brutal 55–degree temperatures back in Philly.
NORTH KOREA The best of the Koreas, North Korea is full of residents willing to welcome any friendly tourist face that may come their way. You’ll never want (or be able) to leave! Camden, NEW JERSEY Only a few miles away from Philly, Camden is a cute little town that just screams relaxation, as its citizens scream in reaction to recent homicides. It recently lost its status as the most dangerous city in the United States, so you know you can count on Camden for a much–needed quiet week off.
THE OTTOMAN EMPIRE It fell in 1923, but residents have been turning up ever since. Join the Sick Man of Europe at the sickest party.
MOLDOVA Spring break and alcohol go hand–in–hand, right? Lucky for you, Moldova has the world’s highest per capita incidence of alcoholism! Awesome! 1 6 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E M A R C H 17 , 2 016