March 21, 2013 by 34th Street Magazine

March 21, 2013 34st.com

march 21

2013

3 highbrow

round up, word on the street, overheards, in my defense

4 EGO

flume interview

ego of the week, spring bucket list

6 MUSIC

flume interview, musicians who went to penn, reviews

9 FEATURE drag queens

springtime snacks 12 FILm

FROMtheEDITOR

realness

Ever run a 5k? It’s a singular kind of race—too long to take sprinting, but too short to justify not killing it, at least on the homestretch. Finishing a year at Penn is a lot like that. The seconds till summer run out fast. Even if you’ve been lucky enough to land a job, you fist pump with one hand while you calculate the value of your final with the other. You’re busy worrying how you’ll sneak Fling vodka into your freshman year bedroom and wondering simultaneously if you’ll have a couch to sleep on come June. At the rate I’m going, it’s looking like a bench in Central Park. Since slowing down isn’t really an option—32 days until classes end, we’ve been notified of Hey

Day already—I’m thinking about opting for scenery. That’s the stuff that gets you through the run. Skill in multitasking is a prerequisite for noticing. Great news! There is a lot of greenery round these ‘hoods. There are pretzels to be had mid–route (pg. 15), innovative approaches to course registration (pg. 18), and songs to download that’ll remind you that life is fun after college (pg. 6, hint: they’re written by graduates of the grind). And for the coolKids brave enough to say fuck the 5k, there’s Street. And the QSA Drag Show on Friday.

bosses in film

14 FOOD

snack attack, what's back in season, spring food stops, drink of the week

16 ARTS

gardens of philly, antique stores

18 lowbrow guide to registering for classes

drag queen feature

gardens of philadelphia

there is a month until reading days~ 4 more weeks to get your name down here. (and chill with us)

20 backpage 34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

meet the mayors

WRITERS' MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 PM

34th Street Magazine Nina Wolpow, Editor–In–Chief Sam Brodey, Managing Editor Alex Hosenball, Online Managing Editor Chloe Bower, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Olivia Fingerhood, Asst. Design Margot Halpern, Asst. Design Zacchiaus McKee, Highbrow Julia Liebergall, Highbrow Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Ego Ben Lerner, Ego Isabel Oliveres, Food & Drink

Abigail Koffler, Food & Drink Ariela Osuna, Music Michelle Ma, Music Alexandra Jaffe, Film Faryn Pearl, Film Patrick Ford-Matz, Features Kiley Bense, Features Madeleine Wattenbarger, Arts Gina DeCagna, Arts Lizzie Sivitz, Lowbrow Zach Tomasovic, Lowbrow Frida Garza, Back Page Zeke Sexauer, Back Page Lauren Greenberg, Social Media

Allie Bienenstock, Print Copy Ryan Zahalka, Print Copy Marley Coyne, Online Copy Michael Shostek, Online Copy Cover Design: Chloe Bower Contributors: Rosa Escandon, Rachel Zurier, Cassandra Kyriazis, Marie Nikolova, Michael Scognamiglio, Jack LaViolette, Solomon Bass, Andie Davidson, Shelby Rachleff, Erich Kessel, Nicole Malick, Jacklyn Kornstein, Gigi Kwon, Jennarose Placitella

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898– 6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581. Visit our web site: www.34st.com "I'm going to put lipstick on this." ©2013 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a–okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

Last week, Highbrow brought you gossip about a girl getting stranded in the DR by her freshman–hall friends. This is her side of the story… To My So–Called Friends,

wordonthestreet RUN THE FLING (GIRLS) By ben lerner

Today marks the 10th day since you’ve deserted me in the Dominican Republic. For those of you who don’t know, I was detained for one day at the Santo Domingo airport because I did not have my student visa with me. This might be the only airport disaster when the airline representative was more helpful than your so–called loved ones. First of all, I want to make a big shout–out to my friend who quietly took out her stored liquids from my suitcase the minute she learned that I was not coming home with everyone. Thanks for the solidarity. I also want to thank the girl who started crying before I had a chance to start crying. Bitch, trying to steal my show. And to my Internet–savvy friends who researched the U.S. Customs and Border Protection website before we left and convinced me that I don’t need to take my student visa with me: YOU WERE SO WRONG. On a different note, I want to thank my friend at home who picked up my visa, my friend’s dad who drove it to Newark, and my friend who mailed it to the DR’s United Airlines customer service desk. I wish I celebrated Spring Break with you guys. Last but not least, thanks to the accommodating U.S. Customs and Border Protection. Your misleading website cost me $$$. Get your shit together. By the way, I haven’t told my parents yet, so no talk of this during graduation. Shhhhhh.

Love, The Rejected One

THEROUNDUP

Sorority girl: A rando guy paid for my cab going downtown so I went on a date with him. MBA: I’ve had stylish friends go there and just go straight plaid. Girl: I’m think I'm going to bring my own Everclear on Saturday. SDT sis: Do you think I should freeze my eggs? Frat bro on St. Patty's: Yeah, I like, woke up next to a lot of people.

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Erin Go Bragh, lads and lassies. With your hearts, stars and horseshoes, clovers and blue moons, pots of gold and rainbows and your red balloons, you made this weekend into an Irish paradise, even though the weather was more reminiscent of the Arctic. Don't worry though, the hail didn't stop you from losing your Irish tempers this week. One lucky partygoer stumbled upon a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow this weekend. And by end of the rainbow, we mean the APES/OZ day party. And by pot of gold, we mean cup of tested urine. Not to worry, the results were negative. Somehow we have a hard time believing that, especially a week after spring break, but congrats on the Goldman job! O'Golly gee, a fight at ZBT! Highbrow hears that Beta bros got a little rowdy towards their next–door neighbors on Saturday morning. Allegedly, the boys captured a ZBT pong table and used it as a personal trampoline, sending mud and curses flying everywhere, ultimately breaking the table. While Beta jeered and whipped off their shirts, ZBT scurried to bring their remaining tables inside. Needless to say, the beer pong was over. Back to you, Sinead. But the drama didn't stop there. One girl decided to use the ZBT basement as her personal toilet during St. Patty's festivities. When the boys tried to stop her, Penn's own Merida just up and left—but not before taking two handles with her and threatening to fight back. St. Patty's Day: 2. ZBT: 0. Move aside, red Solo cups, there's a new favorite drinking vessel in town. A prosthetic leg has stepped onto the scene as the latest fad in drinkware. What one boy lacked in limbs, he more than made up for in swag at a Friday night party. The non–Penn uniped was seen jagerbombing out of his own titanium extremity. Talk about having a leg up on the competition. Finally, a Castle bro has been wearing the same pants for over five days straight. We don't think anything more needs to be said other than EWWW. We're never going to Rumor again.

over heard PENN

There are many fields that men continue to dominate, even after years of progress for feminism and equal pay for women. The popular music scene is not one of them. Female artists constantly top the charts, sharing the spotlight with their male counterparts on radio stations and DJ booths, around campus and the country. Carly Rae Jepson’s “Call Me Maybe” owned Penn’s St. Patrick’s Day festivities last year––let’s not talk about this year––and Madonna had the highest grossing concert tour of 2012. Of course, personal tastes and genre preferences may cause one’s iPod to stray towards a specific gender, but it is undeniable that ladies have a huge place in the music world. This is why it’s a huge relief to me that SPEC has chosen Janelle Monaé, a female singer, as one of three performers at this year’s Spring Fling concert. As a feminist but also as a fan of music in general, I was shocked to learn the last ladies to take the Fling stage were Cat Power and Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon in 2005. And in the few years before that, female artists were the usual––The Donnas joined Busta Rhymes in 2003 and The Black Eyed Peas, of course featuring Fergie, rocked the stage in 2001, along with Ben Harper. So why the eight–year drought? I don’t think SPEC consciously gravitated towards male artists, but there has been a trend towards rappers. These genres are mostly controlled by men, so it’s no surprise we’ve seen Lupe, Kid Cudi, Snoop Dogg, Flo Rida, Ludacris and Shwayze in recent concerts. Increasingly popular house music, helmed by male DJs, brought us Tiesto last year and rumored artists this year like Calvin Harris and Swedish House Mafia. All of the aforementioned performers are great to dance to––but so are the girls! When Ke$ha or Katy Perry comes on at a downtown, don’t act like people don’t love it. In fact, the percentage of attendees dancing has been known to go up when Britney Spears and will.i.am’s “Scream & Shout” comes on, or even a dupstepped Taylor Swift song. (I’ve been known to thrash wildly on the cold, hard ground a la Tay in the “Trouble” video.) Some female singers are known for less danceable ballads and might not be suited to Fling, such as Adele (although put a beat behind “Someone Like You” and everyone will be dancing/crying together). But there are dozens of female superstars whose songs would bring the house down. Think Robyn or even Rihanna, if we could afford her. Janelle Monaé has a cool, jazzy sound that will make for a fun, unique opening act. So let’s hear it for the girls and for SPEC, for finally bringing back a woman’s voice to Fling. And how about Beyoncé next year?

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

IN MY DEFENSE

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

egoof the week

ALEC MILLER

A self–proclaimed “obvious choice” for EOTW, this Alexander Hamilton aficionado is currently running UA and Class Board voting as the chair of the Nominations & Elections Committee (NEC). And he’ll never let go of his Gia Pronto Foursquare mayorship.

Street: What’s your deal on campus? Alec Miller: It’s a lot. I’m Chair of NEC, Vice President of the Engineering Dean’s Advisory Board, the former president of the Engineering Students Activities Council (ESAC) and M&T club, a Management 100 TA and I’m in Skulls, Hexagon, and Sphinx.

Street: We hear there was once a scandal when your gavel went missing. AM: Yes, my gavel was stolen and wheresalecsgavel.tumblr. com was created. It was a series of pictures of my gavel with things I hate to give clues as to who might have done it: McDonald’s, regular peanut butter, fruit.

Street: Damn. What’s your major? AM: Finance and systems engineering. Systems gets a bad rep, but it’s really hard! Computer science is really the easiest major and everyone knows it.

Street: Did you ever find the culprit? AM: It was Scott Dzailo, the chair of SCUE (Student Committee on Undergraduate Education). I’d steal from them but they don’t have anything that’s important. We’re known as the best–looking branch of student government and they’re known as the most boring.

Street: What do you do as Chair of NEC? AM: I’m not in charge of anything. I just get to oversee, which I love. It’s mostly bossing around. And I get a gavel, which I only abuse sometimes.

Street: Would you ever run for an elected position? AM: Ugh, no, I don’t like running for things. I like be-

ing selected or appointed but asking for votes? That’s too political. That’s not for me. Street: Why are nominations and elections important at Penn? AM: We pay to go here, but the UA gets back $2 million to serve us. It’s like if you don’t vote, you can’t complain about taxes. Same thing. So vote. Now! Street: What do you advise the Engineering deans about? AM: Curricular changes, like that we don’t have enough study space in the engineering quad. And the closest food is Starbucks! There’s not even a Wawa around there! Street: What’s it like to be a TA? AM: So fun. I like to play Fantasy MGMT 100. Who’s

gonna pause for 30 seconds during their status report, predicting what frats and sororities people will end up in, who’ll wear a Wharton shirt or who will say something smart—that one’s rare. Street: Not to be an annoying relative, but do you know what you’re gonna do next year? AM: I’m consulting. I don’t really know what that means. I know they’re gonna pay for my phone. I’m just really looking forward to retirement in Arizona.

Street: Already have plans for your golden years? AM: Oh yeah. I’ll play Bingo; I get really competitive over things like that. I like food that doesn’t vary too much from the air temperature–– so like mashed potatoes and oatmeal in Arizona. Can’t wait to be old! Street: What advice would you give to your freshman self? AM: I’ve been the mayor of Gia Pronto for ages and let me just say that the iced coffee at Gia is cheaper than at Wawa! And it’s classier. They also don’t

3931 Walnut Street Philadelphia 3931 Walnut Street Philadelphia 215-222-5300 www.hummusrestaurant.com

215-222-5300 | www.hummusrestaurant.com

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

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charge for soy milk, which I can’t emphasize enough. I’m excited for their move [down Spruce next to Beijing]. I’ve discussed introducing lox to the menu with them, which will be great for the whole campus. It was well received. Street: Who’s your alter ego? AM: Alexander Hamilton, hands down. We have the exact same character strengths and flaws––it’s almost eerie. Street: Oh, so do you like to duel? AM: I haven’t, but I think I would. When my honor is questioned, I’d get sucked in. When arguing, I like to bother the person into submission, which is very Hamiltonian. And Jefferson sucks, everyone knows that. Street: Controversial. What about B-Frank? AM: Franklin was just a fat drunk. [pauses] I mean, he was productive, but if Hamilton lived to 80–something, God knows what this world would be like.

Street: Do you have any nicknames? AM: No. Definitely not. Street: What will you miss most about Penn? AM: Well the thing I’ll miss least is the walk to the third floor of Towne, which is the worst thing that’s happened to me in my entire life. I will miss SABSing on Locust, though. On nice days I like to walk back and forth on Locust and just say hi to people.

SPRINGTIME BUCKET LIST

There's a month until reading days. Get to work.

Freshman Year:

Smoke weed in the caves beneath Riepe. Steal decorative vegetables from the dining halls. Get a pre–Fling fake from source other than IDChief (RIP). Steal a shopping cart, ride it down the Quad hallways, DGAF if you’re written up. Swipe in upperclassmen friends to dining halls because you WILL have 50+ meals left over come May. Continue to DFMO whenever possible, comfort yourself that there’s plenty of time left to find a husband.

Sophomore Year:

Burn bridges with that friend you’ve started to hate. It won’t be awkward next semester if you’re both abroad! Bonus points if you’re going in the fall and she’s gone in the spring. Try to make it to the fling concert this year. Stash your fling alc in your old quad room. When it gets warm, make your grand return to Penn Park after avoiding the schlep since its opening in September 2011. Panic about being halfway done and still single. Have your little purchase all your Starbucks iced drinks with his/her dining dollar$.

Junior Year:

Get an internship, because like, it actually matters this year. Get your tan on once it gets sunny. No one wants to be pale for Hey Day. Start sanity–threatening countdown ‘til graduation. Only like 525,600 minutes! Try to avoid succumbing to online dating as your hopes of finding your Penn husband fade. Ready your extracurricular and social life to be eligible for Ego of the Week next year...!

Senior Year:

Finally do the deed under the button and/or pee on Ben Franklin while tourists are on him. Wear fling gear from the past three years. Refuse to buy anything new. Spend money on more drinks instead. Brag about being “bored” as a part– time student. Look for alternate ways to “spend all your free time.” Go to Smokes mid–day a lot. Reconcile with your freshman year roommate. Feign nostalgia for a simpler time of sharing a 10 ft. by 10 ft. space. Decide it’s too late to find a husband at Penn. Resign self to graduating alone. DFMO whenever possible.

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Street: What’s your guilty pleasure? AM: I can’t say. Any of them would make me sound too jappy.

EGO PRESENTS:

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

MORE EOTW

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

WHO'S WHO IN MUSIC: PENN EDITION

So you’ve heard of Hoodie Allen (née Steven Markowitz) and John Legend, but what about other famous Penn grads doing cool things in music? Street gives you the lowdown on three artists reppin’ the Red & Blue. By Cassandra KYRIAZIS

Naledge & Kidz in the Hall

KIDZ IN THE HALL

A 2004 Penn graduate, Naledge raps both by himself and as one half of the hip–hop group Kidz in the Hall (with fellow Penn grad Michael Aguilar, aka Double–O). His most recent album, "Chicago Picasso 2" (which followed mixtape "Chicago Picasso") dropped this past November. Kidz in the Hall underwent some style changes with their most recent album and went for a more upbeat and funky pairing of beats and raps. Check out “Running” off their "Land of Make Believe" album to better understand their sound. Naledge by himself, on the other hand, appeals to a more traditional rap audience. Check out his “It Is What It Is Part I,” for a sampling of his sound.

The Disco Biscuits The Disco Biscuits formed here at the U of P in 1995 and identify as a jam band/ livetronica/trance fusion band. What does all of that mean? Well, they have an album that’s a tribute to Lynyrd Skynyrd, and then various albums that combine electronica and rock. The most interesting thing about the Disco Biscuits, though, is that they started a music festival in upstate New York called Camp Bisco. Still going strong today, Camp Bisco is an electronic and jam band music festival that was originally started by the DBs with the idea of combining improvisational rock bands with sets by electronic DJs when both genres were just taking off. The festival featured artists like Skrillex and The Big Gigantic this past year, and has evolved to include indie and hip–hop acts. The Disco Biscuits and their unique genre of music are not a band to be missed; check out their live Camp Bisco albums available on iTunes.

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

THE DISCO BISCUITS

Anand Wilder (of the band Yeasayer) Another 2004 Penn grad, Wilder is the lead guitarist for the indie rock band Yeasayer. Yeasayer first garnered serious attention after performing at SXSW in early 2007 and has gone on to release three albums since then. Their discography represents an ever– evolving musical style, and each one offers something different. You might already know “Ambling Alp” off their second album Odd Blood, but definitely check out “O–N–E” and the scathing political commentary (that Penn education hard at work!) of Fragrant World’s “Reagan’s Skeleton.”

YEASAYER MORE ABOUT THESE MUSICIANS ON THE NEXT PAGE

THE DISCO BISCUITS Sound Like: Phish 99-Cent Download: "Feeling Twisted" DID YOU KNOW: According to his Wikipedia page, guitarist Jon Gutwillig's nickname is "the barber," because at Penn, he would put partygoers in a barber chair and give them drinks while they sat. NALEDGE Sounds Like: Discount Nas 99-Cent Download: "Look at Them Hips (Remix)" DID YOU KNOW: He is a member of Kappa Alpha Psi here at Penn.

WHAT ABOUT NOW BON JOVI

THE 20/20 EXPERIENCE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

By michelle ma

By michael scognamilio

“You wanna raise your voice / Don’t be scared to breathe / Don’t be afraid to hurt / Don’t be ashamed in me,” Jon Bon Jovi sings straightforwardly in the title track off of his band’s twelfth album. This aspirational, gung–ho message is nice, but it’s also vague and a bit dated, much like the rest of the album. Gone are the heavy metal solos and unabashedly fun nature of old hits like “You Give Love a Bad Name.” The whole album is almost soft rock in its vibe, with “That’s What the Water Made Me” as the one track that seems like it has a pulse. The bland earnestness of “What About Now" is the sort of thing that could have been excused in earlier albums due to the band’s status as reigning kings of all–American, working–class rock ‘n roll. The fact is, the ‘80s are over, but Bon Jovi is still here.

The crooner genre has come a long way since 2006’s "FutureSex/LoveSounds" and J.T. had some catching up to do. Relying heavily on production by Timbaland and J-Roc, "20/20" is a bombastic soul album woven from engrossing beats and epic, seven minute jams. From the Gatsby–esque string opening to the humid, jungle bump of “Don’t Hold the Wall” the production is multifaceted and exciting. This isn’t just a return for Timberlake—hearing Timbaland’s famous ‘wiki–wiki–break it down now’ on “Tunnel Vision” is absolutely nostalgia–inducing. Lyrically, the album offers typical R&B clichés (Justin fails to break ground in the sexy nickname department with “Strawberry Bubblegum”), but J.T. and his reliably polished voice only care about getting you moving.

GRADE: B– Sounds Like: Flying down

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

YEASAYER Sounds Like: Local Natives 99-Cent Download: "Sunrise" DID YOU KNOW: Rolling Stone named Yeasayer's 2010 album "Odd Blood" as one of the top 30 albums of the year.

GRADE: A– Sounds Like: The champagne

the interstate in some sleepy Midwestern town

is flowing and everyone is dressed to the nines

99-Cent Download: “That’s What the Water Made Me”

Vision”

99-Cent Download: “Tunnel

presents 34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Vote for your favorites now at www.thedp.com/BestOfPenn 7

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

ARTIST PROFILE: FLUME By marley coyne

ING COM IS TH ND EKE WE

After discovering a music production program as a prize at the bottom of a cereal box, Harley Streten, a.k.a Flume, began producing music. The cereal box prize turned out to be the twelve–year–old's lucky charm. We caught up with the artist, now grown–up and coming to the Rotunda this Saturday. To hear more about his approach to music, life and his lucky day, read on. Street: How did you get your start making Street: Do you have a dream collaboration? music? HS: I’d like to work with Oliver from the HS: Basically, [I] went shopping with my xx. I think that would be really nice. Also, dad and I found some sort of music making Yukimi from Little Dragon. program in a cereal box—it was some kind of a competition or something. So I got that and Street: Do you find it difficult to balance mucked around with that. I was about twelve touring, writing music and enjoying yourself, at the time and ever since then, I’ve been doing music as a hobby and it’s become an actual job probably "I love the fact that I didn’t write in the last year or so. this music for clubs or anything." Street: Now you’re on tour in the U.S.—are you enjoying the American audiences so far? HS: It’s been really nice so far. I’ve played four shows so far, and I was in South By Southwest [SXSW]. I’ve had a pretty good response and I’m going to do another one tonight at one o’clock. It’s been really good so far and I’m even more excited to see how it goes down on tour.

as any 21–year–old should? HS: I’ve found it a bit intense. I’ve been touring a lot. [Once I] get back from the US, I’ll start touring around Australia. But after that I’m going to be chilling out for a while and doing my own thing and basically finding time to write music. I’ve got some time off, so that’ll be really nice.

Street: You’ve done a lot of work remixing other artists. Do you find yourself going back and tinkering with your own music, too? HS: No, I leave it. When you work on something like that you listen to it a lot of times. By the time it's finished, you’ve listened to it thousands and thousands of times individually, each little bit. When I’m through with something I like to leave it and start write something fresh.

Street: We hear that your record outsold both One Direction and The Rolling Stones on the Australian charts. How are you finding your skyrocketing success? HS: It’s good, but I try not to think too much about it. I try and really focus on the music.

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

"So I guess the goal is to music for myself, see what happens, and hope my fans will like it."

Street: Is there a direction you would like to see yourself going in creatively? HS: I can never really predict that kind of a thing. People ask me that a lot, but I can’t really give an answer. I just write and whatever happens, happens. I draw influence from some outside music artists, but I try and not let the success change anything and my creative approach to it. Now that I have an audience, I could get sidetracked by trying to please my audience... or I could do what I did from the beginning which was basically to write music for myself.

have a cereal box moment

writers meeting. 6:30 tonight.

Street: What do you want your audience to gain from going to your shows? HS: I love the fact that I didn’t write this music for clubs or anything. I guess I had in mind... an iPod or at home, but at shows people seem to really get into it and dance to things that aren’t necessarily even beats that aren’t even big dance tracks—but people really get amped up with it. I’d like for people to have more of an open mind when it comes to going out and seeing music.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

“Oh my god, I have to tell you about the blowjob I got the other day,” drag queen Miss Karma tells me in her apartment as she lines my lips with red pencil. “He put a Listerine strip in his mouth. Whoa. It was intense.” I spend the next two hours getting plucked, brushed, lashed, teased and tucked by Miss Karma, or Brendan, as he’s known out of drag. Neither persona shies away from subjects that might make the uninitiated uncomfortable, as Brendan continues to tell me about Miss Karma’s sexy, Hot Topic Barbie doll image. After putting the final touches on my makeup, Brendan helps me slide into a slinky peach dress and pins an electric blue wig on my head. I get the first glimpse of myself in the mirror in full face and, damn, I look hot. It’s only that… I look unrecognizable. I am a completely different person, a clean slate. Caking layers upon layers of cosmetics on my face has washed away my identity. It’s both troubling and comforting. I can be anybody I want to be. Brendan agrees. “When I get into drag, Karma does things that Brendan wouldn’t even dream of. As Brendan, I would never leave the house in even a tank top. As Karma, I’ll wear boobie tassels and fucking corsets and shit. It’s basically me getting to express my super feminine side.” Perched on six–inch heels, Miss Karma joins drag queens Roxy Boom Boom and Saline at Voyeur Nightclub on 12th and Saint James Streets as the girls take the stage in the first round of this year’s Philly Drag Wars competition. The girls, dressed in complete nuns’ habits, begin to fall into choreography as the opening notes of Madonna’s “Material Girl” start to play. They bring the audience to its feet in a standing ovation after a mid–performance quick change into skimpier, more sequined outfits. It was the performance of the night, gaining them first place and a spot in the next round of the competition the following Tuesday. “We entertain and we make you smile. We intrigue you. We break conventional social rules by putting on lipstick. But don’t let the glitter fool you; drag queens will wreck your shit if you cross the line,” Miss Karma responds after I ask the most basic question: Why? Why choose to dress up as a woman and subject yourself to more potential discrimination as a result? In short: it’s fun. I can’t disagree. It’s like adult dress–up; drag lets you live out a fantasy for a night.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

show. If you want to see a drag show you go to Voyeur and you fucking watch girls perform.” Philly Drag Wars, a drag competition hosted by Mimi Imfurst, a former contestant on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” is currently in its second cycle. The show does its best to highlight new and upcoming queens that may not have the name recognition to draw in large crowds yet. And due to the popularity of “Drag Race,” local competitions like Drag Wars have garnered something of a cult following. Philadelphia Drag superstar Cleo Phatra, Queen of Denial, is lip–syncing to Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” at the Philly Drag Wars Winner– Takes–All Battle Royale. Dressed as a Victorian sex robot, Cleo reaches into her bosom and yanks out a fabricated robot heart, releasing the bag of fake blood stored in her bra. The sticky fluid flows over her voluptuous curves and soaks her tip money. “I was questioned by the transit police later that night for having a bag filled with blood–covered one dollar bills,” Cleo’s male counterpart, Bobby Fabulous, tells me after-

wards. “Some girl reported me!” Misinterpretations like this are common outside the community. In my mind, backlash and bigotry were too, but Cleo and her drag sister Luna LaVey beg to differ. “I’ve heard horror stories, but I’ve yet to experience any discrimination and for that I truly am happy,” Luna says. “I feel like drag has become less of a taboo and people are starting to appreciate what we do. Cleo and I had to walk down South Street at six o’clock on a Saturday in full drag and the only response we got was a whole lot of people wanting to take pictures with us.” In fact, the queens all agreed that they receive more criticism from within the drag community than from outside it. Some girls have what it takes to perform and some don’t. According to the queens, the only way to improve is by being knocked down a few pegs. Throwing shade (the drag queen version of dishing sassy insults) is an essential technique for any truly great queen. There’s a steep learning curve in drag, and if you don’t bite back, you’ll be eaten alive. “Oh yeah,” Brendan admitted, “I’ve received so much criticism.

‘You don’t dance, you’re not interesting enough, your music selection isn’t good.’ I know I ain’t got a thigh gap, but a lot of the girls expect a performer to act a certain way, so we critique. But in the end we all just want each other to be better for it.” The unity that exists between the queens is instantly apparent even from an interloper’s perspective. All the criticizing, the cat fighting, the “reading,” is ultimately done out of love, not malice, Brendan says

while putting my wig on. “The girls are really helpful. I lost my makeup bag and one of the girls offered to give me some of hers. It’s really hard when somebody not in the community critiques you because they don’t know what goes into this. It’s easier to take it from the girls because we’re really close.” The queens support one another, making makeshift families of drag

mothers, sisters and daughters. Much like frats, they create houses and lineages devoted to styles and types of drag. They stick together, because despite the progress made by drag queens in recent years, there’s always fear present in the minds of even the most self–assured queens. “You have to be really confident to walk out of your house in women’s clothing,” Miss Karma says. I can empathize. In my few brief moments outside in drag, I received stares—mostly benevolent, but still disconcerting—from every person I

passed on the street. “In Philly, it’s more about being yourself,” Brendan assures me. “It takes a lot of balls to be a girl.” If anything, it became apparent that the drag community is one of the most accepting in Philadelphia. Every single person I contacted was willing and excited to speak to me. When I asked to be put in drag, all were fantastically accommodating.

In a community made up of outsiders, I was instantly treated like an insider. It’s been said that drag queens have big hair and bigger hearts. In my experience, that is unquestionably true. Almost a year ago exactly I watched as drag queen Dylayla Mizani centered herself with a few steady breaths before her performance at the Penn drag competition, hosted every year by the Queer Student Alliance. She launched full force into

the “Single Ladies” choreography as Beyonce’s powerhouse vocals filled the room. Dylayla evoked an energy that coupled perfectly with the R&B female empowerment anthem. She tells me that she is effortlessly fishy, which apparently means she looks biologically female in drag. Her style is vastly different from Cleo Phatra or Miss Karma, who employ elaborate costumes and unique artistry.

Dressed in a simple black leotard, Dylayla engaged the crowd in a different way from her drag counterparts, just as every other queen has her own tricks to please the crowd. Luna LaVey conveys the fluidity of drag eloquently. “If I want to do a goofy performance and throw glitter out of a beer bottle all over the audience, I can. Or if I want to put on something skimpy and do a burlesque performance, I can. It’s one of the joys of drag. You make it what you want it to be.” Some queens, like Miss Karma, view their drag as an art performance. Others do it for the fun, or the attention. All of them will entertain you. “As long as you’re having a good time, you’re doing it right.” Party hopping around West Philadelphia, I spend a few hours in full drag. The reaction is overwhelmingly positive. I receive requests for pictures and hugs, multiple exaltations of “Ohmygod! Sweetie, you look fabulous!” I revel in the attention, until I don’t. One drunken frat guy gropes me and asks for a lap dance “from the T–girl.” I realize not all of the stares are given approv-

ingly. I leave and walk back to my place, the heels and wig Brendan let me borrow in hand. I scrub my face for ten minutes before I start to recognize myself in the mirror. My eyes burn from the rubbing and the eyelash glue refuses to wash away completely. The result looks like I'm still wearing mascara, but it’ll have to wait until tomorrow. “I’m not going to say that some of the people close to me didn’t have negative reactions when I started doing drag,” Miss Karma explains, “but I know that if you’re doing something, and it upsets someone, you’re probably doing it right. At the end of the day I go home, I take my clothes off, I untuck my dick and I melt my face off. That’s all there is to it.” In a community that faces so much misunderstanding, it’s easy to get beaten down. But in the words of famed drag queen Latrice Royale, “it’s OK to fall down. Get up, look sickening and make them eat it.” Preach, sister. Zacchiaus McKee is a junior majoring in anthropology from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He is Highbrow Editor for 34th Street.

(adj.): To look like a woman, not a man, in a dress. “Girl, I’m serving fish on a platter. Eat it up.” (v.): The act of throwing shade. To insult someone. “She read me to filth, but you know I still love her.” (adj.): To look fierce, flawless, and absolutely fabulous. “I look sickening on the runway and all of these bitches know it.”

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Drag has been dancing on the fringes of gay culture since long before the rainbow–flag–toting, Pride– parade–marching gay of today. Films like “Paris Is Burning” (1990) and “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert,” (1994) shoved drag into the mainstream over the past two decades. And with the recent surge in popularity of “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” a reality series in which queens compete in drag challenges and are eliminated on a weekly basis, drag is quickly gaining recognition as a legitimate and meaningful undertaking, both inside and outside of the gay community. Television’s way of saying, “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it,” “RuPaul’s Drag Race” received heaps of praise from queens for sashaying drag into the hearts of modern pop culture lovers, but the show isn’t without its criticisms. “I feel like it’s almost a double–edged sword,” one queen waxes philosophically, “on one hand it brings drag to a whole new audience. However, it doesn’t paint an accurate picture of what we do. There’s a lot more to drag that isn’t shown.” Miss Karma isn’t afraid to put it more bluntly. “Drag Race is unbelievably fun, but it’s not a drag

(v.): To do a good job, or ‘bring it.’ “Werrrrrrrk it, bitch.” (n.): To represent a particular look or style very well. “I was giving her 1970s disco realness but she wasn’t having none of it, hunty.” (n.): A portmanteau of honey and cunt, it is a term of endearment among friends. “Ooh, hunty, where’d you get that wig? It is gorgeous, sweetie!”

(n.): An experienced drag queen who acts as a mentor toward new ones. “You know my drag mother’s going to clock me if I wear that ratchet–ass weave, bitch.” (n.): A kiki is a party, for calming all your nerves. “What are you doing tomorrow? Let’s stay in and have a kiki.” (v.): To position one’s male genitalia to resemble a woman’s. “This tuck is killing me, I need to go fix myself.”

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

(n.): Gossip. The chatter that goes on between friends. “What’s the T, girl?”

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THE FOLLOWING SECTION IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

A guide to bars and nightclubs on or near Penn’s campus

3408 Sansom Street • 215-386-4600 Nestled on historical Sansom Street in University City, Philadelphia since 1986. We offer a vast array of draft beers. Our European draft beer system imported from County Cork, Ireland, gives us reason to boast that we pour the Best Pint in the City! Kitchen open to 1am daily with $5 late night menu Sunday-Thursday.

First Phila. Quizo location ever • Quizo every Mon & Wed at 10pm.

452-472 N. 9th Street • 215-908-2063 starlight-ballroom.com FREE PIZZA NIGHTS every Wednesday night from 9pm-2am. Industrial/house music night.

Venue available to book parties! 40th & Spruce • 215-382-1330 • copabanana.com/uni.php Copabanana is THE place to go for margaritas! Half price margaritas Mondays from noon to midnight. Happy Hour Mondays to Fridays from 5-7pm. Open late seven days a week! Philly’s award winning DJ Karaoke Joe is now at the Copabanana from 9:30 on Thursdays!

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Stop in for Sunday brunch!

DAHLAK Like us on Facebook for upcoming events

Eritrean&Ethiopian restaurant and bar. A staple in the growing community of Baltimore Avenue and THEE venue of the avenue spreading free love and hot fun night after night. And everyone is welcome. We keep an atmosphere that’s diverse, but just right. We now serve our divine Ethiopian-cultured food all night from 4pm-2am. We’ve even added a new late night menu of specialties affordable for anyone with 3 or 4 bucks on them. And our drinks are always cheap, like our $3 Hot Totties & $4 citywide combos.

Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. Even if you have to steal the clothes from said job. ("The Devil Wears Prada") If you ever feel uncomfortable or harassed, make sure your boss knows. ("9 to 5") Stay motivated, stay competitive. Remember: you’re not the only one who wants that promotion. ("Glengarry Glenn Ross") Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. ("The Social Network") Keep your eye on your goals, no matter how insane they are. ("Wall Street, Money Never Sleeps") Prostitution is the fastest way to land a buyout guy, a whole new wardrobe, some killer over–the–knee boots and a fairy tale ending. ("Pretty Woman") Savor the little things at the end. ("Citizen Kane")

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Conveniently located in Center City, Con Murphy’s is the ideal venue in Philadelphia to host a party. We provide the perfect combination of food, drinks and exceptional service for all of life’s special events. We have a great bi-level space for parties both large and small, and everything in between. We offer a $35 Party Package which includes a 3 Hour Open Bar and 3 buffet options. Let us take the stress out of event planning. Call or email today for more details: conmurphys@live.com.

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IN THEATERS MARCH 22ND UPENN Daily Pennsylvanian

2col (3.558”) x 3.5”

THU 3/21

CRAZY

Read why these bosses earned their spots at 34st.com "101 Dalmations" (1961) Cruella De Vil This lady’s name is literally Cruella De Vil. Is her assistant repaying a debt to Satan or something? Also that coat needs, like, 10 Dalmation furs, tops.

"Austin Powers" (1994) Dr. Evil Sure, he’s really misunderstood, but that doesn’t excuse keeping a tank of sharks (er, sea bass) with frickin’ laser beams attached to their heads next to the conference room.

"Fight Club" (1999) Tyler Durden "Zoolander" (2011) Mugatu

"Despicable Me" (2010) Gru

"Star Wars" (1977) Darth Vader Choking your employees to death every time they make a mistake is not conducive to healthy workplace morale.

EVIL

"Weekend at Bernie’s" (1989) Bernie Lomax

"Django Unchained" (2012) Dr. King Schultz He treats his employee more like an equal than an inferior—no small gesture when his employee is a former slave in the antebellum South.

SAINTLY

"Horrible Bosses" (2011)

"Pulp Fiction" (1994) Marcellus Wallace Yeah, there have been worse mob bosses in movie history, but it’s safe to assume not a single one of them threw a guy out a window for giving his wife a foot massage. Don’t piss him off, or he might get medieval on your ass.

"Clerks" (1994) Dante

"Star Trek (2009) Captain" Kirk

"The Proposal" (2009) Margaret Tate Lonely? This boss will marry you (for her green card... hmmm, maybe she belongs in the “worst” pile).

"Office Space" (1999) Bill Lumbergh

REALISTIC

"The Godfather" (1972) Vito Corleone

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

"Matilda" (1996) The Trunchbull

"Pan’s Labyrinth" (2006) Captain Vidal

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THE BOSSES WE ADORE... AND THE ONES WE’D NEVER WANT TO WORK FOR

"Zero Dark Thirty" (2012) Maya

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

GET BACK IN THE SPRING OF THINGS

Celebrate the first day of spring by checking out these seasonal food stops just a few blocks west of campus. BY SOLOMON BASS

Lil’ Pop Shop 235 S. 44th Street This creative homemade popsicle joint reopened on February 1st and is back with new flavors for spring. After a taco from next–door–neighbor Honest Tom’s, try a south–of–the–border inspired dessert: “Mayan Chocolate,” will please the lactose intolerant and the spice– crazed. Like a chilly version of Mexican hot chocolate, the treat is made with coconut milk and a tingly hint of cayenne pepper. Grab a punch card for future visits!

University Square Farmers Market Corner of 36th and Walnut Streets (Wednesdays, 10 a.m.–2 p.m.) Dining Dollars are better spent on fresh produce. Stop at the weekly farmers' market (sponsored by Bon Appetit Management Co.) after class and pick up fresh and local peaches from Beechwood Orchards. Feeling indulgent? Grab a unique chocolate from Philadelphia entrepreneurs John and Kira.

BACK IN SEASON

Get your nutritional fix with seasonal produce, all available at your local FroGro. Asparagus (Vitamin A): Grill and add to your favorite pasta dish.

Radishes (Selenium): Slice thinly, drizzle with lime juice and add a pinch of salt.

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Scallions (Vitamin K): Use instead of onions in practically any recipe.

Mariposa Food Co–op 4824 Baltimore Avenue Pick up some food (and food for thought) by stopping by Mariposa, which has been selling socially conscious and sustainable foods since 1971. Members of the co–op receive special prices but anyone can grab a reusable bag and stock up on everything from fresh veggies to vegan baking aids and organic cleaning supplies. Bonus: they’re celebrating one year in their expanded location.

Clark Park Farmers Market Clark Park, 43rd Street and Baltimore Avenue (Saturdays,10 a.m.–2 p.m.) While this West Philly staple is open year–round on Saturdays, springtime brings new vendors and an expanded produce selection. Brogue Hydroponics, a Pennsylvania farm that supplies products to restaurants throughout the city, is among the tents that will be opening this spring. Look out for their famous butterhead lettuce and edible flowers.

you're not gonna want to pass over street's tasty k4p options... head to 34st.com to make the most of your matzah

Strawberries (Vitamin C): Combine with baby spinach and goat cheese for an easy and delicious salad.

Valencia Oranges (Folate): The king of portable snacks— drop it in your bag and eat anywhere.

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Granola bars, like puffy coats, are so last season.

By Jack LaViolette DO YOU PAY PER VIEW?

Film polled you to find out how you are getting your Sunday afternoon movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

hough we all know the Internet is for porn (thanks Avenue Q), the bedroom is no longer the only area being ceded to digital territory. For every girl with daddy’s AmEx, window browsing on Fifth Avenue has been replaced with online shopping. And FYEs everywhere have virtually been rendered useless (pun intended) with the existence of the multifarious iTunes store. Things are no different here at Penn, where the Rave gets nearly half the traffic for the midnight screenings of blockbuster hits like Twilight as Hulu does the day after the newest episode of 30 Rock airs. This makes sense. We Penn students are too busy procrastinating on Penn InTouch and designing funny lacrosse pinnies for the clubs we’re involved in to leave the comfort of our beds to

watch Hugo in theaters. And we fit this mold of overworked Ivy League students well, with only about 17% of Penn undergrads watching movies at the Rave every semester. But how about the other stereotype, the one that says all college students are poor? The free movement of information made possible by the interweb makes

you guess then that Penn students would prefer to get their RomCom fix online with free streaming websites like SideReel and Ch131 rather than pay for services provided by Netflix and Redbox? While 75% of us watch movies online, nearly 50% pay for it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a new release on iTunes — is hysterical, but is Whose recommendations do you take? it worth the 50 1.5 salads at 47.7% Other Sweetgreen 40% 40 A Friend it would Cinema Studies have cost if 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25% I had seen it Professor or TA 20 in theaters? Street Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more dles aren’t than one option. 0 that bad, I guess. entertainment accessible and The average Penn student inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

Drink

of the Week:

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How

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es seven m every semes tic proves t to watch sa than at the tional $20 of popcorn not include tions). The ing seven m less than 30 many conv paid service ing interru buffering an immunity and most im ing to wai watching 72 on Megavid Not to m price to pa the big pictu savings of students wh services rath movie theat tween $196 depending Netflix or i Moral of th judge if you

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Rain or shine, a glass of this will make you feel like spring has sprung.

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5 DAYS OF SPRING SNACKS FILM

*A simp of 100 Pen surveyed to 15 their film v

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WANNA GO FLOWER PICKIN'?

As the daffodils and tulips rise from the ground, Street shows you the best spots in town to appreciate garden design. By GINA DECAGNA

Awbury Arboretum 1 Awbury Rd. Getting There: Take the Chestnut Hill East line to Chelten, then the 26 bus to Chew Street; walk several blocks northwest This 55–acre former estate was designed by William Saunders, the mind behind the Capitol grounds in Washington, D.C. The landscape encourages getting lost in the open meadows, symmetrical ponds and rolling hills that no golf course could emulate. With visuals reminiscent of the Victorian kitchen garden, you will encounter a great variety of trees hundreds of years old. Perfect for a romantic stroll in the sun, look out for the early spring roses that will remind you of summer.

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Getting There: Take the Media/Elywn line to Swarthmore; walk several blocks northwest It's a space described as “a garden of ideas and suggestions,” so you wouldn’t be surprised to discover that this garden belongs within the intellectual, leafy confines of Swarthmore College. Covering more than 300 acres and exhibiting over 4,000 kinds of ornamental plants, the arboretum might inspire the million–dollar idea for your novel or startup while you meander the trails of flower–laden paths. With just a little wind, you might feel like you can overcome the world, Mulan–style, as pink cherry blossoms rain from the magnolia trees.

Meadow Garden at Morris Arboretum 100 E. Northwestern Ave.

Bartram’s Garden 54th St. & Lindbergh Blvd.

The Scott Arboretum of Swarthmore College 500 College Ave., Swarthmore

Getting There: Take the 36 trolley to 54th & Grays; walk one block east to Lindbergh This 45–acre oasis contains reclaimed meadows that will blow you away with their fresh beauty. Boasting a collection of species acquired, grown and studied by the Bartram family from 1728 to 1850, this garden celebrates eastern North American blooms. You’ll find plenty of the little white flowers called Franklinia alatamaha, named after our very own Benjamin Franklin, a close friend of the Bartram family. You’ll also be greeted by the orange blossoms of the Prickly Pair, Turks Cap Lily flower, and powder–pink Damask Rose.

Getting There: Take the Chestnut Hill West train to the end of the line and walk the remaining three blocks up Germantown Avenue—or take a Penn shuttle Built in 1887 and spanning 90 acres, the arboretum has no shortage of flowers to sniff or trees to climb if you feel so inclined. Skip over to the Meadow Garden, a vibrantly colorful prairie with masses of native grasses and perennial flowers. The garden is especially known for daffodil blooms, trailed by blue and lavender baptisia and iris flowers. With a simple train ride, you can abandon the urban noise and your exam worries to become one with nature.

Shofuso Japanese House and Garden Lansdowne Dr. & Horticultural Dr. Getting There: Take the 40 bus west and get off at Parkside & Belmont; walk two blocks north This 17th century example of Japanese garden design was originally exhibited in the courtyard of the MoMA. Transplanted in Philly in 1954, the house was a gift from Japan to America symbolizing post–war harmony. Each element of the design reflects the peaceful order: the garden showcases over eighty ancient stones from an original Japanese holy temple, an abundance of moss and luscious shrubbery among ponds. Bonus: Shofuso also houses 20 waterfall murals by internationally acclaimed artist Hiroshi Senju. You can’t find anything more calming than that.

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spook and sparkle on bainbridge street By MADELEINE WATTENBARGER

Anastacia Fahnestock needed her wisdom teeth removed. It was 1985 and she had just graduated from University of the Arts. She and her partner Scott Evans were making a living through a hodgepodge of odd jobs: working at flower shops, driving carriages through the streets of Philadelphia, performing puppetry at the Wilma Theater. So, when pressed to scrounge up $500 for the medical procedure, they turned, with characteristic resourcefulness, to trash–picking. Their sidewalk sales at 16th and Spruce Streets became a booth in the basement of a synagogue–turned–flea market. Now, Anastacia’s Antiques occupies a 2,400 square foot shop at 619 Bainbridge Street. The store makes an overwhelming impression. Dozens of fringed Victorian chandeliers hover above taxidermied woodland creatures. Medical charts and yellowing needlework samplers hang from the walls. One particularly striking display contains a number of fragile–looking ventriloquist puppets from the turn of the century. Another showcase glints with jewelry of all eras, from enamel brooches to mourning jewelry woven from human hair. The overall effect: quirky decadence, a dazzling nest of artifacts, an inexhaustible treasure trove. Every inch contains a curiosity. Fahnestock attributes the shop’s stunning impression to her background in art. “Creating these little vignettes is like creating a world, something for people to wander through,” she says. “It’s an experience. It’s theater.” She’s also drawn to the historical significance of antiques. “It’s like be-

ing an archaeologist, uncovering things that have been buried for so long and then bringing them to a second life,” she says. Take the store’s supply of old family photographs, for example. They come from every source imaginable: flea markets, old trunks discovered in basements, estranged family members who’ve lost sentimental connections to their photo albums. Because most of the pictures come in sets, they provide insights into the arcs of entire lives: one series shows a family in their horse and carriage, then in their new car. Photos overflow from the drawers of an old card catalog cabinet, an overabundance that Fahnestock attributes to her obsession with collecting. “I gravitate towards one thing and then tend to hoard it,” she says. And because she tends to keep her favorite objects, rather than selling them, her tendency towards excess manifests itself in her and Evans’s home, too. Fahnestock laughs to herself at this conceit: “Scott likes to say that our house looks like this, only crowded.” Her collection of doorstops, for example, fills their home. “You can’t be in a store that’s really cluttered and then go home to somewhere stark,” she says. “Antiques are kind of a lifestyle.” Even after 28 years, Fahnestock doesn’t see herself abandoning that lifestyle anytime soon. “Sure, there are bad weeks when people don’t respond to the store, and you think, wouldn’t it be nice…” she trails off before asserting herself once again. “But then you have a great weekend. We like what we do. As long as people keep responding to the experience, I don’t see it stopping.”

“Top-rated BYOB in Philly!” -Citysearch

“I’ll whip out my guitar and start playing around with the melody and with words that fit whatever mood I’m in or whatever kind of story I want to tell with this song–to–be. The words usually come pretty easily.”

Sara h Linst ed

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Check out an extended interview and a 34–second video with singer and songwriter Sarah Lindstedt @34st.com!

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Celebrate with us in style... Sun-Thurs $22.95 PRIX FIXE DINNER with PennCard á la carte menu also available

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BY ANDIE DAVIDSON

Requiem Curiosity Shop 603 S. 9th Street If you’re feeling nostalgic for Halloween, head over to Requiem. A quick sweep yields a full human skeleton, various stuffed creatures and ghostly specimens suspended in glass jars. The medical and scientific gadgets are also worth a look. Requiem is not for the faint of heart (or stomach), but you’re bound to find things you won’t encounter elsewhere. Toad purse, anyone? Getting There: Take the 40 bus down South St. to 9th St.

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34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Check out an online photo gallery 1701 of Street’s favorite finds from Spruce Street Antiquarian’s Delight these shops @34st.com. Philadelphia, PA 19103 615 S. 6th Street 215-875-9990 If the regal stone façade doesn’t intimidate you, the entrance might: you have to knock on B.Y.O.B. www.lafontanadellacitta.com the large wooden doors, wait for someone to answer and pay a dollar to enter. Browsing the store feels a bit like snooping around an aristocratic European home. The shop is stocked with Enjoy complimentary glass of items suited for an elderly lady—fur coats, stately furniture and avintage luggage. Ideal if you’re wine with this ad! in need of a mink coat. Getting There: Take the 40 bus down South St. to 6th St.; walk one block south

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Lowbrow’s

disclamer: go to Penn inTouch and see for yourself. NOT REAL

Guide to Advanced Registration How to fulfill your requirements

Cultural Diversity in the US Bus Tour of America BUS-270-401 Hop aboard the UPenn Express for this semester–long bus ride across America. Students will get to know each other quite well as they will be on a bus together for over 500 hours! This classroom on wheels is a refitted children’s school bus. There’s a library in the back, complete with an Allied Barton guard, difficult– to– find books, and no toilet! (NOTE: Please do not use library as toilet). You’ll get to know your TA quite well, as the TA is your bus driver. We will stop at many rest stops to learn about all the different types of people that this great nation has to offer. As there are no printers on the bus, students will have to hand–write their papers. Also, please do not register for this class if you get carsick easily.

Cross Cultural Analysis Border Patrol at the US–Canadian Border BORDR-101-070 This class examines the unique importance of the US–Canadian border by installing students as border patrol officers. This hands–on experience cannot be found anywhere else. Students will learn about immigration policy, as well as how to discern Canadians from Americans and weed out illegal immigrants. Students can only hope for an “eh”—there is a heavy curve. The student who uncovers the most amount of illegal drugs, people or other contraband will receive the highest grade in the course. All students must meet a contraband quota. Recitations will occur in the detention facility near the border station. NOTE: Do not apply if you have a fear of dogs because there are many bomb and drug–sniffing dogs at the border. Good eyesight is a plus.

Formal Reasoning

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Dressing Strategies for Formal Events FORM-170-002

Sometimes it’s difficult to reason what to wear to your formal. This class deals with the biggest dilemma facing college students today: what to wear to your fancy event. This class teaches about the decision of whether to match your date, at what point renting a tuxedo is too expensive, and how to not look douchey. What if the invitation doesn’t specify dress code? What do you do then? This class gives coping strategy and reasoning skills to deal with the most complex questions regarding dressing for a formal. Prerequisites: Must be upper–middle–class or above and have taken game theory and fashion design to enroll in this course.

Physical World Sector Dirt. DRT-401-007 Dirt. You know. It’s brown, sometimes different colors, feels like it’s EVERYWHERE. This class takes a multi–directional approach to dirt. Students will simulate the experience of being dirt. This will involve classmates criticizing them until they are dehumanized. We will also make art depicting dirt made entirely out of dirt. This may or may not be just a bucket filled with dirt. Students will learn to approach dirt from a mathematical perspective by counting out how many smaller pieces of dirt make up a larger piece of dirt. You’ll find yourself asking "what is a piece of dirt?" The class will also explore that deep philosophical question.

Arts and Letters Letter Writing 101 LTR-101-001 Students will travel back in time to the year 1886, the peak year of letter writing. What does it take to write a good letter? How can we express ourselves without a keyboard? Why say “dear” at the beginning; isn’t a little intimate and weird? What’s a colon? How do I sign my name? Do I just write it out? What type of pen should I use? When do I use a wax seal? Students will become pen pals with each other and will send each other letters. Because of the inefficiency of the USPS, this course will be two semesters in length. If you have a question for the teacher or the TA please send a letter, and do not e–mail, because you’ll fail the class. No postcards allowed.

History History of White and Black COLR-002-001 It’s not what you think. This class has nothing to do with society or race. This class is all about the classic combination of the color white and the color black. Have you seen a chessboard? Have you shopped at White House Black Market? Have you seen a 50s diner’s floor? Have you seen a penguin? Are you color blind? This is the class for you. Students will also learn about the history of the White House and how the shade of white has changed over time. There’s no grey area in this course—it’s all white and black. ;)

Writing Seminar Writing About Writing WRIT-030-210 In this writing seminar students will engage with writing on a meta–level by writing about writing. Do you like the seminar? Is it good? You will analyze your seminar on a week– to–week basis. It may seem to become an infinite loop and/ or Droste effect that is inescapable. But don’t worry; it’s no worse than any other writing seminar. Because they’re all terrible. Writing About Writing About Writing* WRIT-031-210 In this advanced writing seminar students will engage with writing on a meta–level by writing about writing about writing. Did you like the course last semester? Was it hard to write about a course that you were in? Well, try writing about writing about writing in that course. This class will confuse you endlessly and literally teach you nothing. That’s why it’s a writing seminar. *Instructor: Val Ross.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

bus270: tentative schedule

Reason #3 to

Spring is just around the corner. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s reason enough!

juST paST locuST walk:

4040 Locust Street

keswickUC

Philadelphia, PA 19104

keswickcycle

P: (215) 387-2453

keswickcycle.com

kESwIck cYclE IS THE oNlY BIkE SHop oN caMpuS!

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

RIDE A BIKE And has the largest selection of new and used bicycles in Philly

meetthe mayors Have you heard of Foursquare?

If you think you're a campus power player, think again. These social media butterflies have taken obsessive to whole 'nother level. Their affinity for Foursquare, the app that lets you "check in" to your favorite locations, has transformed them from mere students to almighty mayors. These guys spend way more time at Van Pelt/Smoke's/the Pottruck juice bar than you do, and they're proud of it. Meet them here.

smoke's: Lucy What do you really do when you're there? You can find me at the main bar, vodka– RedBull in hand, or at the DJ booth shamelessly requesting T-Swift songs. I also work as a server on Wednesday and Saturday afternoons (yes, Smoke's does serve food). If you were actually mayor of Smoke's, what would you do with your powers? Nothing... Smoke's is clearly perfect. JK. I'd fix that stupid broken stall lock in the girls' restroom.

VAN PELT: MATT Why do you deserve to be mayor of VP? You don't choose VP; VP chooses you.

MAGIC CARPET: SOPHIA Why do you deserve to be mayor of Magic Carpet? I stood in line that day in January when it was 15 degrees. (There wasn't a line... I was the only one there.) If you were actually mayor, what would you do with your powers? I would mandate that Bui's relocate next to Magic. Favorite thing about Magic Carpet? They get really excited when I give them one–dollar bills. What do you have to say to those lesser contenders vying for your spot? Stop paying with credit cards!

What do you really do when you're there? People–watch.

34TH STREET Magazine March 21, 2013

Favorite thing about VP? The air quality and the lighting. Hard to get tired in there.

Least favorite? The basement. It just sucks you down and before you know it, it's 2 a.m. and you’ve gotten no work done. It's sort of like a casino. Really lose track of reality down there. What do you have to say to those lesser contenders vying for your spot? Fuck off.

DRL: JEFF

When did you become mayor of DRL? About a month ago. What do you really do when you're there? I'm actually never there besides physics and math classes. My guess is that no one wants to check in there. If you were actually mayor, what would you do with your powers? I'd upgrade the classrooms and make the building's layout not as complex.

ENERGY ZONE JUICE BAR: DANA Why do you deserve to be mayor of Energy Zone? I am Penn's number one fan of liquid fruit. One peanut butter banana smoothie and I'm the happiest of campers. What do you really do when you're there? I stretch intensely while waiting in line most times. If you were actually mayor, what would you do with your powers? Take down the mayor of Pottruck. (Ed. note: Good luck.) What do you have to say to those lesser contenders vying for your spot? Remember this: When I walk in the spot, this is what I see. Everybody stops and they staring at me. I got passion fruit in my pants, and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it. I'm sweaty and you know it. (Yeah, I work out.)