March 22, 2012 by 34th Street Magazine

March 22, 2012 34st.com

CAPS CAPPED SPRING FOODIE EVENTS • HUNGER GAMES REVIEW • MUSIC FESTIVAL PREVIEWS

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

march 22

2012

3 HIGHBROW

the roundup, word on the street, overheards, my penn addiction

hunger games

4 EGO

ego of the week, repurposing bookstore buys

6 FOOD & DRINK

basil growing diy, just add this, spring foodie events, top spring veggies

8 FEATURE uncapping caps

10 MUSIC

album reviews, music festivals, concerts of the week

12 ARTS

music festivals

hunger games review, why VHS doesn't totally suck

15 LOWBROW

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

memes of the week, campus complaints

I watched Dazed and Confused last Thursday. And on Saturday, life imitated art. No, not in THAT way. Well, kind of in that way — but in spirit more than substance. If you haven’t seen Richard Linklater’s breezy, instagram snapshot of the 70s, go VanPick it up now. Basically, some Texas teenagers kick it on the last day of school. That’s it. There’s an impromptu party in a field. Some people get in a fight. A guy climbs up on a water tower. And at the end of the day, everyone just goes home and listens to good music. On Saturday, there was an impromptu party on a field that was probably developed some time

stake dinner

in the 19th Century. I saw some people get in a fight (shoutout to the guy who got thrown down the concrete steps outside the Radian! Hope you’re okay!). I climbed up on a roof. And at the end of the day I went home and watched Heathers with my main squeeze. Penn: thank you for chilling the fuck out for a day and making my dream of living in Dazed and Confused come true. We should do this more often. Alright, alright, alright,

CAPS is "slowly chipping away at the stigma."

philly stake, fabric review

14 FILM

FROMtheEDITOR

CHILLIN'

Sorry if you didn't get floor tickets … you can always come to our writers' meeting, which requires minimal wait times and no money. Like the concert, it'll be more fun if you're rolling.

WRITERS' MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 P.M.

16 BACKPAGE

the history of campus buildings

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Elizabeth Horkley, Salad Spinner Joe Pinsker, Egg Timer Adrian Franco, French Press Hilary Miller, Milk Watcher Chloe Bower, Turkey Baster Sarah Tse, 1 Dumpling Laura Francis, Slow Cooker Zeke Sexauer, Milk Steamer Paige Rubin, Roasting Jack Zacchiaus Mckee, Frying Pan Faryn Pearl, Cauldron Patrick Ford–Matz, Magic Bullet Tucker Johns, Pie Bird

Nina Wolpow, Herb Chopper Colette Bloom, Bone Scissors Leah Steinberg, Oven Mitts Sam Brodey, Pastry Bag Frida Garza, Molcajete Daniel Felsenthal, Microwave Alex Hosenball, Cheese Cloth Ellie Levitt, Unagisaki Hocho Megan Ruben, Lemon Reamer Anthony Khaykin, Pepper Shaker Sandra Rubinchik, Salt Shaker Alexa Nicolas, Meat Tenderizer Lauren Reed–Guy, Cookie Cutter Ben Lerner, Lam Patrick Del Valle, Cupcake Pan

34st.com Inna Kofman, Melon Baller Ali Jaffe, Spork Elena Gooray, Idli Katie Giarla, Muffin Tin Cover Design: Chloe Bower & Hilary Miller Contributors: Michael Scognamiglio, David Galperin, Olivia Rutigliano, Robert Holub, Kim Pinsker

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Elizabeth Horkley, Editor-–in–Chief, at horkley@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898–6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581. VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "That night I only threw up purple Nerds." ©2012 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

MY PENN ADDICTION: EXTREME BURSARING

You never forget your first bursar. Actually, I have no idea if that’s true. I’ll never forget my first bursar, anyway. It was a glorious moment, really. I’ve always been obsessed with school supplies. Pens, pencils, index cards, folders and planners all hold a certain sheen to me and, growing up, the first weeks of school were the best of the year. But my parents would always limit me. I only needed as many notebooks as I had subjects and as many pens as could fit in my cheetah–print pencil case. Anyway, I was buying books and a few essentials with my roommate the first week of freshman year. When I went to pay, I realized I had forgotten my parents’ credit card and nearly put my stuff on hold. But then, my roommate uttered the six beautiful words that have become my life’s motto: why don’t you just bursar it? Those words changed everything. I did go crazy with the school supplies at first, but I’ve evolved since then. Matured even. There’s so much more to bursar than that section of the

bookstore. I found stationery, bookends, paperbacks, DVDs, CDs, board games. And then there’s the Penn gear. Don’t even get me started on the hundreds of dollars I’ve spent on shotglasses, mugs, bumper stickers and sweatshirts. It's like I can't show my Penn pride enough now. I even bought a Nook case. “That’s not that weird,” you might be thinking. No, it is. I don’t have a Nook. I have no plans to buy one. Ever. I'm not addicted to heroin or meth. And I could be obsessed with something that costs my parents WAYYYY more money (at least, that's how I justify it to myself). I do feel guilty, though. I try to limit my spending, but sometimes the siren song of the bookstore is just too overwhelming. And I figure, I work hard at school; I deserve this new Penn tote bag. Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself, ya know? So you guys have fun with your Houston sushi and Gatorade from the Uncommon Market. That's amateur stuff. If you ever wanna go pro, you know where to find me.

THEROUNDUP

Girl on Locust: I just want to be engaged by the time I graduate. Then I’ll be happy. Drunk Chick: I have really poor taste in friends. Really, don’t be flattered that I like you, it means there’s probably something wrong with you. Dude: I really shouldn’t have YouTubed “sick cat.” Girl: I was gonna drop acid this weekend but I’m too stressed out over internships. Frat guy: Yo, go to the basement and sniff the lacquer. I’m high as FUCK right now.

WHISTLE WHILE YOU WORK

BY PAIGE RUBIN

promise I’m not a freak and that I have at least a basic–to–intermediate grasp on social interactions. But there are some questions I have that really keep me up at night. Why do people love talking about their bowel movements? It’s gross and I don’t want to hear about it, least of all when I’m eating. Who made kitten heels a thing? Those are just the worst. How do people start papers any time before the night before they’re due? Is that really something people do or do they just say that to make me feel bad about myself? But most of all, I wonder about whistling. I think about it a lot, really. Is it annoying? Is it appropriate? If so, when? I’m being serious. I whistle a lot. Mostly when I’m walking somewhere alone, like to class or the library or my house. I figure it’s probably inappropriate to whistle while walking with someone, almost as if the whistling is in lieu of conversation. I mostly do it outdoors but occasionally I’ll whistle in the halls when I’m leaving class. Is this something everyone does or am I “that whistling girl”? I consider myself to be a pretty decent whistler, too. Don’t ask me to whistle for you; I’m not a monkey trained to do tricks for you and I’m sure I’d mess up if I had any real audience. But trust me, when I’m alone, I’m like Celine Dion meets Michael Jackson meets Christina Aguilera. My song choice almost always matches my mood. If people do notice that I whistle I hope, at least, that they pick up on that fact. I’ll do some Bright Eyes when I’m feeling depressed on the long walk down Walnut after a rough night in Van Pelt. The Jeopardy Theme if I’m feeling impatient. The Beatles if it’s a beautiful day outside. Whistling is a fantastic way to subconsciously manifest your feelings. I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you don’t ever whistle, at least when you’re walking home alone, you should try it. I think everyone should whistle more! I have this friend who whistles through her teeth. It’s hard to explain. Like, she clenches her teeth and doesn’t really move her mouth but she’s found a way to make a strange whistling sound come out anyway. It really freaks me out. But at the same time, it’s oddly comforting. People are such mysteries and it’s hard to guess what’s going on inside someone’s head. It’s good to know that, with her weird whistle that I’d recognize from a mile away, I can tell if she’s pissed off or excited or in–the–zone working. Wearing your heart on your sleeve (or in the sound waves around you) like that is kind of nice. It’s honest, if you think about it. But maybe it’s just the two of us whistling while the rest of you cover your ears or avoid us freaks. I think I’m okay with that.

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

Top o’ the morning to ya, lads and lassies. We hope your St. Patty’s Day was filled with green beer a–flowing and few arrests a–made. Gingers finally got their day of glory, but the luck of the Irish wasn’t with some poor fellows this week, unfortunately. One unlikely frat had their day in the sun this weekend. On a recent pledge trip to New York, Highbrow hears one new member had to get his belly button pierced — all the better for some fabu sunbathing. But that’s not all that happened on this totally frat–tastic excursion. Sources tell us that the boys also got caught up in bar fight. Wow, just in time for St. Patty’s Day, guys. Don’t worry, dear readers, the fight was broken up rather quickly by two large ex–Marines. No word on what started the fight, but the super cool belly button ring probably didn’t help. Has anybody else noticed College Green has been significantly less … green recently? And we’re not talking about the grass. Sources say Tabard girls have been asked to move from their regular spot outside of VP by the university because of their very public displays of “new member education.” They’ve taken things in a new direction, and have taken up residence at the tables by the compass. The Erin Express wasn’t all co–eds looking for a little leprechaun love on St. Patty’s Day. The bars were packed with 50–year–old guys, who maybe got a little too frisky on the day of mirth. We hear that the guys had to be reminded several times to … um, keep their clothing on. Come on, no one wants to see your beer bellies and Irish potatoes, guys. Our male readers might want to avert their eyes for our next story. Supposedly before the OZ St. Patty's Day party, one SDT senior broke an OZ sophomore’s … "member" over the weekend, necessitating a trip to the emergency room. Ouch! Needless to say, he never made it to the party. Sources tell us he’s fine, but Highbrow is grimacing in pain for him. Maybe he should be counting his blessings — at least the SDT didn't give him an STD too.

over heard PENN

wordonthestreet

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

HIGHBROW

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: HANNAH PLATT

Hannah Platt, President of Off the Beat, is in touch with her inner 11–year–old. But in honor of OTB's 25th anniversary, she vows never to dress up as Baby Spice again. She looks forward to planning your next Bar Mitzvah. Street: If you could have one celebrity join your group, who would it be? Hannah Platt: I personally would want Britney Spears, because I’m obsessed with her, but I think the rest of my group would absolutely hate that.

Street: Do you think your 11–year–old self would be okay with you being a party planner? HP: I think so, because my eleven–year–old self was obsessed with the movie The Wedding Planner, so I’d be okay.

Street: What do you want to be when you grow up? HP: Starting in about three months, I’m going to be an event planner doing weddings and Bat Mitzvahs. I’ll be like The Wedding Planner, essentially.

Street: What’s your tip for a great party? HP: Less speeches, more dancing.

Street: What did you want to be when you grew up? HP: I used to want to be a pop singer, like Britney Spears, when I was, like, 11. But that dream slowly faded into reality.

Street: Fill in the blank: “I still can’t believe I once…” HP: I still can’t believe I once wore a dress that was too short in the Off the Beat show freshman year. People saw things they shouldn’t have seen. I still can’t believe I dressed up as Baby Spice in the Off the Beat show and wore white go–go boats and

a mini dress. Street: I’m sensing a theme. HP: I would never do that today. That was risque on my part. Street: What else can “OTB” stand for? HP: We once did a performance at Georgetown and someone else filmed it and put it on YouTube and they thought we were called “On The Beach.” Otherwise, I can only think of dirty ones: one–time bone… Street: Who’s your alter ego? HP: I feel like sometimes my alter ego is Hannah Age 11, where I like to be that 11–year–old teenybopper who’s obsessed with all those

hummus grill 34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

make it a feast!

pop stars and loved to, like, put on sparkles and glitter (cause I’ll always do that at any opportunity), and dance around like an idiot and be a really big nerd (I was a really big nerd when I was little). And my other, I don’t have a name for it, but when I’m onstage and I’m rocking out, I’m Rock Star Hannah. Or … I don’t know, what’s a good name for that? Street: Hannah Montana. HP: Yeah! My alter ego is sort of Hannah Montana: a little less Miley Cyrus, a little more legit.

Street: Where will you be 25 years from now? HP: I would definitely be living in L.A. still and going to karaoke to relive my youth as an a cappella singer. I’ll be that mom that gets up and grabs the mic at a kid’s Bar Mitzvah and is like, “It’s my turn, I’m gonna sing now.”

3931 Walnut Street Philadelphia 215-222-5300 | www.hummusrestaurant.com

make it a success!

feast special feeds 25 for only $199

place orders in advance of your event offer available exclusively online

includes: falafel, hummus, pita, Moroccan cigars mixed meat, rice, Israeli & cabbage salads

The Penn Bookstore is full of goodies. Dog treats, ping pong balls and, uh, books, we guess. But we’re all about DIY here at Street. Why settle for an object’s original use when you can use it creatively? BY FARYN PEARL AND PATRICK FORD–MATZ

GLASS VASE

THERMOS

Retail Cost: $16.98 Regular Use: Make it alive to your 9 a.m. class in style with this butt–ugly, postmodern attempt at a thermos! Repurposed Use: Cram it full of things that make you warm/fuzzy/nostalgic (i.e. failed papers, vom–stained Fling tanks, pictures of skanky exes) and it makes the perfect time capsule! The people of the future won’t even know what hit them.

Retail Price: $550 Regular Use: Using the same fine glass techniques normally reserved for your grandma’s drawing room, this is the perfect vase to hold your hydrangeas. Repurposed Use: Class up your dorm room with these beautiful glass bed risers.

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

EXTREME MERCHANDISE MAKEOVER

VOICE AMPLIFIERS

Retail Cost: $3.98 Regular Use: Annoy everyone around you at football games (as if you even go) with this noise amplifier! Repurposed Use: Traffic cones for partitioning off seating at Greek Lady. Watch those SDT girls try to steal your booth now.

GIGANTIC MUG

Retail Price: $16.78 Regular Use: A larger–than–average bowl for your larger–than–average tea drinker. Repurposed Use: Shot glass! CHUG IT. CHUG IT.

BEN FRANKLIN POSTER

QUAKER PLUSHIE DOG JERSEY

Retail cost: $19.98 Regular Use: Show that your Shih Tzu barks for the Red and the Blue with this adorable dog jersey. Also: perfect as a Puppy Bowl uniform. Repurposed Use: Well, it’s at least six sizes smaller than a regular t–shirt … meaning that it shows just the right amount of skin for Halloween 2012.

Retail Cost: $24.98 Regular Use: For the low, low price of $25, this plush Quaker doll will watch you every night while you sleep … and wait … watch and wait.. Repurposed Use: Kindling.

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

Retail Cost: $24.98 Regular Use: Stick this awkward fabric poster up on your wall and awaken each day to a little wisdom from B–Frankz. Repurposed Use: Doormat! Toilet seat cover! Bath towel! Small, impractical blanket! The uses of knowledge really are limitless.

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

FOOD&DRINK

‘TIS THE Meet Spring’s best produce and find out where it's being dished up in the city BY NINA WOLPOW

FENNEL:

A strongly aromatic herb, fennel tastes like licorice and is found often in Mediterranean cuisine and salads. While it's usually the leaves you're after, fennel’s bulb and seeds (particularly when dried) can be incorporated into dishes like braised fennel or pastas. Also, fennel’s one of the primary ingredients in absinthe. Where you’ll find it used: White Dog’s Crab Cake ($16) Amis’s Fennel Gratin ($8)

AVOCADO: While this fruit’s native to Mexico, it's good for much more than guac. Try avocado on its own, spread on toast, stuffed in sandwiches or tossed on a salad. 75% of avocadoes’ calories are fatty, but don’t be deterred — it’s the good kind. These green guys have got 35% more potassium than bananas and lots of fiber, too. Where you’ll find it used: Matyson’s Chimichurri Chicken Wrap ($10) Honey’s Sit ‘n Eat Brisket Soft Tacos ($12)

ARTICHOKE:

ASPARAGUS: You know it makes your pee smell, but did you know asparagus contains vitamins A, C, E and K and is so favored that several cities host week–long festivals to celebrate its spring arrival? If you can’t make it to Nuremberg to see the world’s fastest asparagus peeler this April, try shaving its stalks yourself. Toss with olive oil, salt, pepper and lemon for cheap a cheap and refreshing alternative to lettuce.

Where you’ll find it used: Chloe’s Ravioli ($17) Osteria’s Lamb Neck ($28)

Where you’ll find it used: Garces Trading Company’s Verde Pizza ($16) Monk’s Cafe’s Mac & Cheese ($16.50)

Eaten by Romans and grown in Henry VIII’s garden, these funny–shaped vegetables might be history’s favorite fruit (with some concession to the olive). Boil one in salted water and use its leaves as scoops for creamy dips, or stuff them with your favorite bread and cook — the artichoke is versatile and lends itself to creativity.

justaddthis 34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

TZATZIKI’S GOT A NEW BEST FRIEND

And it’s got nothing to do with shawarma What you need: One leftover side of tzatziki sauce (like Greek Lady’s) One whole artichoke Salt Slice about 3/4 of an inch off the head of the artichoke, trim its stem and the smaller leaves at its base and rinse it in cold water. Add some salt and two inches of water to a large pot. Allow to boil and then add artichoke. Cover and cook 25–45 minutes (until outer leaves can be removed easily). When ready, use leaves as scoops for the tzatziki.

STREET PICKS

Want to spice things up? Don’t bother with dried herbs; follow our foolproof guide to growing basil at home.

Want to know where Food & Drink is headed? (Hint: it’s not Commons) Check out these Spring culinary events.

By LAURA FRANCIS

What you’ll need: 2–liter soda bottle (label removed) scissors knife 2 sheets of paper towel permanent marker small, pre–grown Basil plant regular soil

Want to gorge?

Amada’s Pig Roast: Sunday March 25, 4 and 7 p.m. Starting Friday, the chefs at Jose Garces’ Spanish restaurant Amada will brine two whole pigs in sugar and salt water and then roast and season them. For $55 a person, you can have at it (plus side dishes and dessert) at one of Amada’s two seatings. For $75, you’ll get bottomless sangria.

Make the Container:

Want to splurge?

Want to get out of Philadelphia? 4

Plant the Basil: 9. Remove the top half of the bottle. 10. Fill the bottom half of the container with water just above where the paper towels peek out from the bottle opening. 11. Replace the top half of the bottle and fill with soil. Make sure to leave a hole about twice the width and depth of the basil plant’s ball of roots. 12. Place the roots into hole and cover with soil, compacting lightly. 13. Water the soil. 14. Basil grows best in warm, sunny conditions, so place your container on a windowsill with light for at least 6 hours per day and keep the soil moist but well drained.

Blackfish’s Titanic Dinner: Sunday April 15, seatings begin at 5 p.m. In commemoration of the 100th year anniversary of the world’s most famous sunken ship (and just in time for the release of the 3D film), Chip Roman’s Blackfish will host a 10–course tasting menu riffed off the one offered to the Titanic’s first class passengers. The only catch? It’s $95 a person.

Young Friends of Team Jamaica’s Caribbean Restaurant Nights: Wed. April 4 and Thurs. April 5 Put on by Team Jamaica Bickie (which means "food"), a nonprofit that helps bring athletes from the Caribbean to Philadelphia for the Penn Relays, this event is Restaurant Week’s much cooler cousin (at least that’s what we’ll be telling ourselves on our fourth helping of jerk chicken). For a good cause, less than $20 and in time for summer, you’ve got no reason to miss this, unless of course you’re still waiting around for Winter.

Never want to leave? 7

Rocky screening at the new Nomad Pizza’s Pizza & Beer Theater: Wednesday March 28, 8:30 p.m. They’ve already done Amelie and Rebel Without a Cause, but Nomad can’t get any more Philly than Rocky. And the pizza and beer? Well that makes them perfect for college. Prices are TBA, but we can’t imagine they’re high.

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

1. Draw a line around the circumference of the bottle about 4 inches from the bottom. You can use a regular–sized can to estimate this height. 2. Puncture along the line with the knife (keep the cap on). 3. Cut along the line with the scissors until the bottom and top are separated. 4. Make about 8 incisions in the top half of the bottle. At each, make two parallel slits with the knife — about an eighth of an inch apart — then make two slices perpendicular to these and remove the extra plastic. These holes will allow the soil to breath and drain. 5. Take one sheet of paper towel, fold it twice, and roll until it's a flat strip about as wide as the cap. 6. Take the second sheet of paper towel and cut or rip it in half. Place the towel strip into one of these half sheets. Gather the excess towel around the strip. 7. Remove the bottle cap and place the towels into the bottle’s opening from the inside. The flare of the outer towel should come up into the container, toward the small holes. The towel will help filter the water up into the soil. 8. Place the top half of the bottle (the section with the towels), into the bottom half. The cap end should almost touch the bottom of the bottle. If it does not, trim the bottom half of the container with the scissors until the towel almost reaches the bottom.

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

DIY: GROW YOUR OWN BASIL

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

CAPS, an invaluable service located not too far from Van Pelt, actually serves a good deal of the Penn population. Street talked to CAPS students and staff alike to demystify the program that keeps a lot of students’ stress in check. Follow Zoe, a fictional student crafted from anecdotes gathered from interviews, and explore a world of therapy that many are unaware of. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN AND SANDRA RUBINCHIK

oe* turns the corner on 36th and Walnut, where she pretends to window shop outside of Ann Taylor Loft, though she is really stealing glances at the passerby in the reflection. She then slightly lowers her Ray–Ban Wayfarers and turns around, facing the Penn Bookstore and Cosi across the street, scanning for anyone who might recognize her. Once Zoe reassures herself that she is undetected, she enters through the narrow doorway of the Counseling and Psychological Service (CAPS) building, proceeds to show her Penn ID to the security guard and takes the elevator to the second floor, all the while nervously tapping her foot.

* All names presented in this article have been changed to protect the anonymity of the students involved. Zoe is the amalgamation of several students who participated in in–depth interviews about their CAPS experiences. She is not a single person, and is fictional only in the sense that her character borrows from true stories.

This chart graphs the percentage of students in each school compared against the percentage who use CAPS, suggesting that the composition of CAPS users closely reflects the overall Penn population.

do better in school. We don’t many affiliates, and maintains see ourselves as a medical clinic its own separate contact dataor treatment facility,” says Dr. Zoe walks toward the re- base. In an effort to broaden Bill Alexander, Director of ceptionist’s desk to check in, access and make it easy to preCAPS. Dr. Alexander explains scribbles her name illegibly on serve confidentiality, “there’s that less than 20% of students the sign–in sheet and sits in no clinical fee, there’s nothing who visit CAPS are treated a chair in the waiting room. on your bursar and your insurfor serious mental illness. The She slowly removes her sun- ance doesn’t get billed — so majority of students who seek glasses and surveys the room. it’s completely free.” out CAPS “come for We think of ourselves as academic ordinary, support, like a learning resource developJust as before mental every other apcenter or academic advising. Aland age– pointment, though we can treat mental illness, Zoe fills out appropriwe’re really very interested in help- a survey that ate issues: relationis designed to ing you do better in school. ships,homegauge her cursickness, rent mood. She schoolwork and other tradi- Whether intentional or fortu- rushes through the questiontional college problems.” itous, the ill–lit waiting room naire quickly but carefully, so It is likely no surprise then, casts a shadow over its patients as not to sound off any alarms that Dr. Alexander cites No- and cloaks them in anonymity. of neuroticism or psychologivember, March and April as However, this obscurity comes cal instability. This reminds the busiest months at CAPS, at a cost. From the bleak walls her of the 15–minute phone when students are in the to the sterile environment en- interview she had with Daniel* throes of midterm and finals cased within them, the climate when she made her first apseasons. He also notes that at CAPS can be described in a pointment at CAPS. Daniel, the emphasis on counseling word: gloomy. a triage counselor, inquired probably explains why CAPS about Zoe’s motivation for sees significantly more seniors scheduling a visit. “How do coming through its doors than you feel about your schoolfreshmen. From pre–major Because of the sensitive and work?” “Are you experiencand peer advising to intimate personal nature of CAPS, con- ing any difficulties with your contact with RAs, “freshmen fidentiality is taken very seri- friendships?” The questions are already bombarded with ously. Although funded by were benign, resembling a counseling and advising.” Penn, CAPS operates inde- conversation she might have pendently of the school and its with her mom. Zoe felt at ease

The Four School Breakdown 60%

Greeks

until the disembodied voice asked her whether she had any self–destructive thoughts or considered harming herself. She replied no. Though she understands the importance of the question, she can’t help but feel frustrated at the idea that her run–of–the–mill problems might be conflated with psychological ones.

According to Dr. Alexander, anxiety and symptoms of depressed mood caused by situational and individual circumstances are actually the main reasons that students reach out to CAPS, followed by Attention Deficit Disorder — “we get a lot of requests for that.” Dr. Alexander realizes that many students in the larger Penn community usually perceive eating disorders, alcoholism and mental breakdowns as the most common problems treated by CAPS. “It’s not the biggest thing going,” he says. “It’s just very visible. But it’s still overshadowed by the students who come in for ordinary stuff.” Nevertheless, eating disorders and alcoholism are “something that comes up, and it’s usually mixed with something

else like anxiety or stress. For some students, alcohol is a way to solve a problem, to cope.” In general, Dr. Alexander notes that Penn students don’t seek help for body image or alcohol concerns until these issues begin to impact their health. Dr. Alexander says “the culture at Penn” fosters an environment in which “you can easily blend in. You don’t look very different. And it is true, you can drink fairly heavily, and you’re not gonna stick out” — the same holds true for eating disorders.

After an hour of counseling, Zoe leaves the office of Judith*, her therapist. “See you next week, Judith,” she says. Zoe and her therapist have been on a first–name basis ever since her first visit to CAPS freshman year. She’s grateful that Daniel paired her with Judith, whose expertise and methodology truly is the best match for Zoe’s needs. Not everyone is so lucky. Zoe’s heard stories about students who never find a therapist that’s

program targeted specifically at international students, “who are underserved by CAPS now.”

a good fit; they become discour- of view,” one that cultivates all aged and never return. But even of these different backgrounds when months pass between and adheres to no single meththeir sessions, Zoe continues odology or school of thought. to schedule her appointments Unfortunately, the volume of at CAPS with Judith. And with students currently seeking help Zoe is exiting the elevator no limit on the number of times far exceeds the number of staff when she runs into Amanda*, she can a friend from visit, Zoe Her “The culture at Penn” fosters an en- class. intends to cheeks begin vironment in which “you can easily to blush as she continue seeing Jugives a subtle blend in.” dith until nod and atgraduation — and e–mailing members available, making the tempts to avoid eye contact. with her thereafter. wait between scheduling an ap- But Amanda bites. “How was pointment and seeing a special- your appointment?” Zoe does ist relatively long. Dr. Alexander not know how to respond; she Right now, the main obstacle explains that this is a problem musters a sheepish mumble of that faces CAPS is understaff- that Penn is currently address- affirmation. Amanda does not ing. The staff at CAPS con- ing. He expresses his satisfaction pry. Instead, she carries on to sists of therapists ranging from in seeing how much the services the second floor, comfortably pre–doctoral and post–doctoral have grown in the last decade. and unabashedly. psychology students to social In the future, Dr. Alexander workers and psychiatric nurses, hopes to expand the facilities resulting in what Dr. Alexander and add more clinicians. Next refers to as an “eclectic point year, CAPS is organizing a new Despite its accessibility and

50%

CAPS

40%

Penn

53%

35%

47%

35%

65% 10%

30% 20%

56%

10% 0%

Anthony Khaykin and Sandra Rubinchik are co–editors of Street's Lowbrow section.

Gender Breakdown of CAPS Users

How Helpful Was CAPS?

Non-Greeks

emphasis on counseling, CAPS still struggles with the stigma surrounding its services. According to Dr. Alexander, only about 13% of the undergraduate and graduate student bodies uses CAPS services, as compared to 16–18% at other Ivies. In an effort to reach out to the Penn community, CAPS has an aptly–named Associate Director of Outreach. Through constant speaking engagements, this director serves as a liaison and consultant to academic departments, athletic teams, Greek organizations and student groups. Dr. Alexander attributes much of CAPS's progress to the “increased number of student–initiated mental health advocacy groups." He says that CAPS is “slowly chipping away at the stigma."

College

Engineering

Nursing

Wharton

Go to CAPS Do not go to CAPS

28%

10%

20%

30%

40%

50%

60%

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

“We think of ourselves as academic support, like a learning resource center or academic advising. Although we can treat mental illness, we’re really very interested in helping you

This mental map illustrates the most common words used by surveyed students to describe CAPS.

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

THERE'S A CAPS FOR THAT

65% 9

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

LOL

MUSIC

OR The pros and cons of the hottest summer music festivals

WHEN: 2 weekends, April 13–15 and April 20–22 WHERE: Indio, CA (2 hours outside of Los Angeles) WHO BE PLAYIN': Headliners are The Black Keys, Radiohead and Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg; also slated to play are Bon Iver, M83, Pulp, AVICII, Florence + the Machine and many more PROS: • The biggest, best acts in the world will be there • The organizers have a knack for bringing in great up–and–coming acts • Really diverse lineup will please pretty much anyone CONS: • It's really crowded, and getting there via car means a lot of traffic • It's hard to find good accommodations that don't cost a fortune • It's in the desert, which is hot. Really, really hot.

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

WHEN: May 25–28 WHERE: The Gorge Amphitheatre in George, Washington WHO BE PLAYIN': Headliners are Jack White, Beck and Bon Iver. Other acts include Pretty Lights, Beirut, Girl Talk and a DJ set with James Murphy. PROS: • The Gorge Amphitheatre is a huge, scenic outdoor venue on a beautiful river • It's four days long, so you get some bang for your buck • The $315 four–day pass includes camping fees CONS: • Four days would be enough to tire out any festival–goer • With so many acts, it could be tough to figure out who to see, and time conflicts abound • Some of the line–up is pretty obscure, so research is a pre–req

WHEN: June 7–10 WHERE: Manchester, TN WHO BE PLAYIN': Headliners are Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Phish. The festival will feature hipster darling Bon Iver, as well as The Avett Brothers, The Shins and Foster the People. PROS: • If you aren't into the rock–heady headliners, there's always The Roots, Das Racist and Scrillex • A great comedy line–up including Aziz Ansari • Two words: silent disco (YouTube it) CONS: • No showers, save for a giant mushroom–shaped fountain in which festival– goers periodically bathe • Unbearably hot temperatures all weekend • Manchester is literally in the middle of nowhere, which means Bonnaroo is basically like hippie summer camp. Make of that what you will.

BY FRIDA GARZA AND SAM BRODEY

WHEN: July 13–15 WHERE: Union Park in Chicago, IL WHO BE PLAYIN': Announced acts include Vampire Weekend, Feist, Hot Chip, Grimes and others (more to be announced soon) PROS: • You’ll be exposed to stuff you haven’t heard of, and it’ll probably be awesome • It’s incredibly affordable — only $115 for a three–day pass CONS: • Don't expect to know more than half the line–up. In other words, Girl Talk and AVICII will certainly not be gracing Union Park this summer • There's definitely a lack of diversity — pretty much everything is pitchfork.com–approved

WHEN: August 3–5 WHERE: Grant Park in Chicago, IL WHO BE PLAYIN': Lineup not yet announced; last year's headliners were Eminem, Foo Fighters, Coldplay and Muse. PROS: • It's in Chicago, which means no camping or excessive driving • Usually has a nice balance of well–established and brand–spanking–new acts • Has its own farmers' market and a bunch of local food vendors CONS: • Ticket prices are a bit hefty — three–day passes are $215 • You can't camp out, which means crashing with a friend or paying for lodging • The line–up hasn't been announced and tickets sell out quickly

WHEN: August 10–12 WHERE: Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, CA WHO BE PLAYIN': Lineup not yet announced; last year’s headliners were the The Shins, Muse and Arcade Fire PROS: • Golden Gate Park is an ideal venue. It's gorgeous, green wilderness that's also right in the middle of a city • A bargain compared to other festivals — $200 for three days of solid music • Great gourmet food options from top S.F. restaurants and a wine–tasting area CONS: • Small festival grounds means it gets crowded pretty quickly • Long walks between stages mean you may have some tough choices to make when it comes to time conflicts • S.F. hotels are notoriously pricey, so try to find a couch to crash on

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

The OF Tape — Odd future

OFWGKTA returns with a self–congratulatory victory lap. Unfortunately, its pricetag raises expectations above a “kids– just–havin’–fun” mixtape. Tyler is frontman for his mesmerizing absurdity and advanced rhythms, but Hodgy is clearly gunning for prominence and even Domo garners attention. The diverse production leans toward heavily weeded–out R&B, and it usually works except for missteps like the fiasco “50” or the lazy “Snow White.” Ultimately, the 18–track behemoth from the talented crew suffers from a pervasive mediocrity that weighs down the instant–classic material (“Rella” or “Hcapd”). It’s predominantly disappointing, but the standout cuts will make this a likely addition to any fan’s catalogue.

FILM

concerts

DO YOU PAY PER VIEW?

Film polled you to find out how you are getting your Sunday afternoon movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

hough we all know the

watch Hugo in theaters. And we

you guess then that Penn students would prefer to get their RomCom fix online with free bedroom is no longer only about 17% of Penn undergrads streaming websites like SideReel When: Today at 10 the p.m. Where: The Electric Factory area being Castle ceded to digital terri- watching movies How at the Rave ev-$23and Ch131 rather than pay for Where: much: tory. Formuch: every girl services bysolid, Netflixacand How Freewith daddy’s ery semester. Why: Because the showprovided promises AmEx, browsing on brings But how aboutcessible the other ste- Redbox? Why: window SPEC Jazz & Grooves these indie–rock and because you want to Fifth Avenueartists has been reotype,tothe one that says allyour col- Philly–native While 75% of us watch movelectronic to replaced campus tonight celsupport acts with shopping. lege students ebrateonline the launch of the And J&G website — it'llare poor? The free ies online, nearly 50% pay for FYEs everywhere have virtu- movement of information made it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a be free and aaaawesome ally been rendered useless (pun possible by the interweb makes new release on iTunes — is hysintended) with the existence of terical, but is Whose recommendations do you take? the multifarious iTunes store. it worth the Odd Future Bruce Springsteen 50 Things are no different here 1.5 salads at 47.7% Other atWhen: Penn, 03/23 where the Rave gets Sweetgreen When: 03/28 and 03/29 40% 40 A Friend nearly halfTin theAngel traffic for the it would Where: Where: Wells Fargo Center Cinema Studies midnight screenings have cost if How much: $10 of blockHow much: $71–$101 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25% buster like Twilight as Hulu I had Why:hits Come catch this cray–cray rap collec- Why: It’s Bruce Springsteen. said.seen it Professor or TA‘Nuff 20 does after the newest in theaters? tive the spitday inappropriate rhymes and try not Street episode of your 30 Rock Thisfight 10 Ramen nooto break nose airs. in a fist *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more makes sense. We Penn students dles aren’t than one option. 0 are too busy procrastinating that bad, I on Penn InTouch and designguess. ing funny lacrosse pinnies for entertainment accessible and The average Penn student the clubs we’re involved in to inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if leave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

Designer Drugs and Mustard Dr. Dog Internet is for porn fit this mold of overworked Ivy Pimp(thanks Avenue Q), the League students well, with03/24 only When:

How Ye doin'?

— Michael Scognamiglio

@34st

When musicians evolve, they can lose track of themselves and their original sound. While some groups have fallen to this ever–demanding, genre–bending nature of modern music, The Shins have managed to tame it. Their latest effort, Port of Morrow, features equal parts synth bloops and acoustic twangs, distinguished by James Mercer’s alternatively soothing and engaging voice. While remarkably cohesive as a whole, certain tracks still stand out, especially those not focused on Mercer's love life. At times both haunting and jaunty, Port of Morrow doesn’t belabor many points, marking a triumphant return for the ever–changing Shins. — Alex Hosenball

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47.7%

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es seven mo every semeste tic proves th to watch said than at the R tional $20 le of popcorn a not included tions). The l ing seven mo less than 30 many conven paid services ing interrup buffering and immunity to and most im ing to wait watching 72 on Megavide Not to me price to pay the big pictur savings of th students who services rathe movie theate tween $196,1 depending on Netflix or iT Moral of the judge if you j

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

port of morrow — the shins

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

ALBUM REVIEWS

*A simple of 100 Penn surveyed to 11 their film vie

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

LOL

ARTS

STAKE FOR DINNER Vote for Philly art projects to receive funding and fill your stomach with local delicacies on the way. BY LIN ZHENG PHILLY STAKE 3/25, 5 p.m. First Unitarian Church 2125 Chestnut St. phillystake.org $10–20 donation encouraged

hy suffer for art when you can instead eat a relatively cheap ‘stake’ dinner instead? This Sunday evening, March 25, head over to the First Unitarian Church for Philly Stake, a micro–granting program that hosts a three–course meal every few months with food sourced from local farms and prepared by volunteers. Diners pay $10–$20 (you choose!), and contributions in turn nourish creative endeavors pioneered by fellow Philadelphians. Stake invites local groups to submit project propos-

als that will help the Philadelphia community and that often support an artistic or environmentally–conscious cause. 10 projects, seven randomly picked and three selected by the Stake organizing team, are presented at the dinner, after which attendees can vote on which ones they think most deserve the proceeds. As Theresa Rose, one of the founders, explains, Stake champions untapped areas of potential in the city because there aren’t really any other sources where burgeoning groups

can obtain the funds or platform to implement their ideas. “I kind of see everything as art if it’s done in a creative way,” Rose says, and the diversity of the proposals proves that Philadelphia has an abundance of innovative thought to offer. Previous proposals have included a lending library of musical resources for young girls, a workshop in which war veterans could create art and communicate about military trauma and an urban farm cultivated by refugees.

THIS STAKE’S CANDIDATES INCLUDE

1 The Afrofuturist Affair: A workshop for authors, artists and musicians to produce sci– fi and fantasy–inspired works and to stimulate dialogue about black culture in the future

Friday MARCH 23 • 8p RESISTANCE IS FERTILE

Seeds of Spring: Feminist Performance Art Ruchama Bilenky, Kate Black-Regan, Jana Nogowski Amanda Geraci, Kathleen Harmer, Denise Shubin, Sammy Shuster, Natanya Apfelbaum, Kira Darian. P Sliding scale $5-20 • Proceeds benefit Project SAFE

Saturday MARCH 24 • 6p ONE THOUSAND PULSES

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

micro-fest of electronic music & otherwise Groupthink • Alpha Wave Movement • Thin Air Peter Biedermann • Tim Motzer & JA Deane $7adv/$10dr • otp.ticketleap.com/onethousandpulses

River: Performance art that allows people to experience dance and visual 2 Invisible installations along the Schuylkill River by taking them for a journey in beautifully ornamented dragon boats.

Sunday MARCH 25 • 6p FREEDOM GATHERING

celebration of youth performers in tap dance, hip-hop, spoken word, R&B, and fashion • $10

WPA: An ambitious civic teen challenge to build a prototype bus stop, providing 3 Tiny high school students the chance to contribute positively to the city and simultaneously hone their design skills

4014 Walnut Street TheRotunda.org

BY DAVID GALPERIN

n overwhelming serenity envelops the viewer immediately upon entering Pae White’s installation "Summer XX" at the Fabric Workshop. Hundreds of individual red strings are tightly pulled from the ceiling to join the opposite wall in a massive, webbed cascade of thread. When sunlight pours through the large window, the network of red oozes with an ethereal weightlessness that must be experienced in person. The three–dimensional lattice created from the suturing of string spells the words "Hasta la muerte" onto the wall, which translates to "Until death." The artist borrows the phrase from graffiti near her East Los Angeles studio, transforming a temporary, immaterial text into the focus of the viewer’s con-

templation. White’s pieces, which have been included in the 2009 Venice Biennial and 2010 Whitney Biennial, employ simple materials to investigate the overlooked aspects of the everyday. In her own words, she claims to confront people, "nudging them off balance, encouraging a deeper look.” In this site–specific installation, White’s use of plain string emphasizes the ephemera of the text while imbuing it with a rational, clearly–defined physical presence. "Hasta la muerte" is about the notion of time; wrapped into this short axiom is a sense of anticipation, fear and a ticking clock. The spatial process of weaving the threads together to form each letter materially represents our progression toward an end. Here, the end is the

Jacob Rivkin

Pae White: Summer XX The Fabric Workshop and Museum, 1214 Arch St. Now–Late Spring $3

For an extended

wall. What, or where, is our end? The work inspires an unnerving simultaneity of awe and tranquility in the viewer. Leading us to reconsider and re–evaluate our spatial surroundings, "Summer XX" traces the ghosts and the fears that inhabit our everyday but are persistently overlooked. This is one exhibit that demands to be noticed.

For an extended review and information about other exhibits at the Fabric Workshop, check online at 34st.com

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34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

Courtesy of the Fabric Workshop

Check out an extended interview and images of Jacob Rivkin's work on his ARTIST PROFILE at 34st.com!

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

TYING IT TOGETHER

L.A. artist Pae White confronts and consumes her audience in a new immersive installation at The Fabric Workshop.

Twitter.com/KeswickCycle 13

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012 14

FILM

THE (SURPRISINGLY) BRIGHT FUTURE OF VHS Yes it does have a future, as a matter of fact |

HS tapes most seem like a thing of the past. They’re chunky. They’re grainy. They’re full of tape–stuff foreign to the digital age. All in all, not much to attract the modern viewer. But despite what you might think, they haven’t quite made their last exit. Stepping into thrift stores around Philadelphia, shoppers can still find these clunky, archaic objects on the shelves. Blockbusters and local–grown video stores might be on their way out, but places like Bainbridge Street’s Philly AIDS Thrift and Mostly Books still carry a range of films on tape — anything from an obscure, 1996 Steven Soderberg film to Citizen Kane. And people are buying. What could possibly be the draw to VHS? Even cinephiles find the tape outdated. Penn’s Cinema Studies department, for instance, has been phasing out VHS due to lack of storage space and tape players in classrooms, according to Professor Timothy Corrigan. It makes sense. There’s just no room. If VHS might be placed in the category of older forms and dying arts, why doesn’t it just, well, die already? But VHS might hold some advantages. The New York Times recently ran a whole spiel on the counter–culture surrounding VHS slasher films. The article, “Like the Best Zombies, VHS Just Won’t Die”, points to the cottage industry supplying those who prefer their art-

house gore like The Mutilation Man on tape. Here in Philadelphia, thrift stores have followed similar trends. Mostly Books owner Joe Russakoff says certain niches like “weird, old horror” keep his VHS section standing, despite the fact that about 90 percent of his shelf remains unsellable, forcing him to purge hundreds of movies. In addition to those low– budget, low–quality horrors, he explains that Hollywood classics also make up a distinct number of sales. Many customers apparently find that the nostalgic feel and all that rewinding add to the experience. Beyond aesthetics, though, the real gems of VHS thrift store diving come from rarity. According to Professor Corrigan, the Cinema Studies Department still holds a special collection of VHS — 55 tapes in total — be-

BY LAURA FRANCIS

KEEP ON GAMING

BY OLIVIA RUTIGLIANO

Amy Gutmann's Betamax collection

on VHS. The short film, unavailable on DVD, takes an important look at one of the predecessors to film, early English photographer Eadweard Muybridge, following both the man's life and the origins of cinema. If a complete purge of VHS were to occur, this documentary work and other prized films would be lost. Like Corrigan, Mostly Books employee Nick Capoferri mentions that one of his favorite films, Michael Radford’s version of 1984, is only available in its original form on VHS. Although released on DVD by MGM in 2003, the original saturation and washed–out feel — as well as its original music — have been changed, making the VHS version a rare relic. Stumbling upon archaic finds like these, whether just a DVD rarity or a film simply unavailable in newer forms, can make VHS shopping more worthwhile. Mr. Russakoff adds that

[ [ "If VHS might be placed in the category of older forms and dying arts, why doesn't it just, well, die already?" cause many important films aren’t yet available on DVD or are difficult to come by. Mr. Russakoff’s collection at Mostly Books plays to this. One such movie is Eadweard Muybridge, Zoopraxographer, a 1975 film essay by Thom Anderson that Penn holds

FILM REVIEW

going through the old movies brings back a certain intimacy from the era of mom– and–pop shops, saying, “that whole culture of video stores — there’s kind of a remnant of it here.” VHS could easily be placed into the larger debate of society’s shift toward big business and digital technology. Mostly capsized by YouTube, Netflix and pirating sites, in some ways tapes and even DVDs fit in with CDs, cassettes, print newspapers and books. Thrift stores — not even a block from Philly AIDS Thrift and Mostly Books — have discontinued their VHS sections. According to employee Dan Balcer, the Record Exchange stopped selling VHS because no one purchased. There was simply no demand. Yet, that same Record Exchange brims with vinyl, probably once thought extinct as well. Perhaps some hope remains for VHS then, although any comeback will probably grow more from indulgence of nostalgia than utility.

As many of the movies released nowadays are bastardizations of old TV shows or children’s books, there are few adaptations less irritating than the refreshingly well–constructed The Hunger Games. Based on the sensational novel about a post– apocalyptic America where children fight to the death in grandiose gladiatorial tournaments, this movie doesn’t try to set itself apart from the book. Unlike many adaptations, The Hunger Games humbly translates author Suzanne Collins’s beloved characters and gritty tone to the big screen without re–interpreting aesthetics or re–imagining plot. The wobbly handheld shots and cinema verite–ish style may infringe on these pure intentions and clash with the big–budget special effects, but overall the film is a calculated and exhilarating retelling that will leave zealots and newcomers alike hungry (sorry!) for more.

highbrow ego food & drink feature music arts film lowbrow

LOWBROW

meme

HIPSTER

of the week

“I saw them at Lolla. I blacked out before their performance, but it sucked.” “Is that that guy with the face who sings about ‘cars and hoes’?”

Commencement Speaker “At least it’s not The Bachelorette.” “Don’t worry! Bon Jovi’s gonna do it next year if his son comes to Penn.”

“Why is it always rap artists?”

“Who cares about education reform? I’m fucking graduating.”

“Why is it always DJs?”

“Waiting for Superman? More like, waiting for this speech to be over.”

“They’re great, they’re just not a Fling artist.”

34TH STREET Magazine March 22, 2012

Fling Artists

CAMPUS

“Suddenly the Fling artists don’t seem so bad.” 15

Behind the architecture

Freemasons, playgrounds, murders and more: the buildings around us have a lot of history that often tells of more than just donors' names, architects and dates. Read on for some of Penn's juicier history.

Our beloved Van Pelt library takes its name from Charles Patterson Van Pelt who, while hiking with a friend in Pennsylvania, was mistaken for a robber and shot and killed at just 19.

Wilson Eyre Jr., that guy who designed the Anthropology Museum, also designed Penn’s first on–campus frat house, the St. A’s Chapter House, in 1889.

Houston Hall was a gift from the parents of Henry Howard Houston, Jr. (C'78) who died in Rome on a post–graduation Eurotrip. The building housed what was toted as the good ol' U.S. of A.'s first student union, the "Houston Club," which was very exclusive. As a result, into the 20th Century, women weren't allowed in Houston Hall.

Bennett Hall, Fisher–Bennett's better half, used to house both the women's student center and the women's residence hall. When the buildings were demolished, the lot was transformed into “University Playground,” a play area run by the Playgrounds Association of Philadelphia.

The Furness Library a.k.a. Fisher Fine Arts was the first library on campus. Its conerstone was laid in 1888 with "full Masonic rites" by the Officers of the Right Worshipful Grand Lodge of Free and Accepted Masons of Pennsylvania, which many University founders belonged to … smells like the DaVinci Code.