04.14.2016

April 14-20, 2016 34st.com

STRIKING A BALANCE BETWEEN INTIMACY AND COMPETITIVENESS IN COMEDY

april 14

LETTERFROMTHEEDITOR

2016

LOL

I was going to write my letter about Fling. I was going to write about how every event is off campus, about how much money everyone is spending on the Pool Party. I was going to talk about how Fling has become the worst representation of Penn’s fucked up social hierarchy.

But on Monday, while I was sitting in my stupid Comm seminar, I opened an email telling me—and every other student at this school—that a Junior girl in Wharton had died. And then, 20 minutes later, I found out that she had gone to high school with me.

My high school is huge. There are roughly 2,400 students enrolled—632 in my graduating class, specifically—and it keeps getting bigger. The top 20% is a feeder to Penn.

21 of us came here in 2013, and I haven’t really seen any of those 20 other people, including her, since.

On Monday, there was a “gathering of sharing and support” for anyone that knew Olivia. I went, and so did the 20 other people from my graduating class.

But there were also people there that that knew Olivia in countless different

3 HIGHBROW

people you meet at fling, overheards, roundup

4 WORD ON THE STREET

when you say the word "survivor"

5 EGO

invtroverts and extroverts

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

LOL

7 TECH

fling tech, wearable tech

10 FEATURE

comedy on campus

12 VICE & VIRTUE

advice and virture, senior bucket list, new runnning destinations

15 FILM & TV

UME, Morgan Neville

17 ARTS

art after 5, eco-art, Israel exhibit

ways. In fact, so many people came that they had to move half us to a different room because we had exceeded the legal capacity.

At that moment, Huntsman 250 was comprised of some portion of the people that had made up Olivia’s Penn experience. It is impossible to keep track of all those whose lives you touch, but at this moment I remembered that this number is probably much higher than any of us expect.

I think that it is easy to think that you are alone. It is easy to shut people out, and it is easy not to talk about things. I don’t think we should ever do things just because they are easy, but I also think that sometimes we need a reminder that there are so many other options. You are never alone, and you can always find someone to talk to, even if it is the last person you would expect.

Monday was my reminder, and I hope that this can be yours.

STREET IS SELLING POOL PARTY TICKETS AT FACE VALUE!!!!

19 LOWBROW LOL

fling budget, fling tanks, ensuing your best best fling yet

34TH STREET MAGAZINE

LOL, WE'RE JUST FUCKING WITH YOU. WE'RE NOT DOING THAT. WE'RE ALSO NOT HAVING A WRITER'S MEETING TONIGHT, SO LIKE, GO LIVE YOUR LIVES. HAPPY FLING.

Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief Mikaela Gilbert-Lurie, Managing Editor Giulia Imholte, Audience Engagement Director Jeffrey Yang, Design Director Remi Lederman, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Dani Blum, Features Editor Orly Greenberg, Features Editor Mark Paraskevas, Word on the Street Editor Steph Barron, Word on the Street Editor Emily Hason, Campus Editor Julie Levitan, Culture Editor Brandon Slotkin, Entertainment Editor Rachel Rubin, Lowbrow Editor Genny Hagedorn, Highbrow Beat Keara Jenkins, Highbrow Beat Elena Modesti, Ego Beat Genevieve Glatsky, Ego Beat 2

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Melissa Curley, Music Beat Sydney Hard, Music Beat Talia Sterman, Music Beatlet Johanna Matt-Navarro, Music Beatlet Madison Bell-Rosof, Arts Beat Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Arts Beat Nick Joyner, Film and TV Beat Emily Schwartz, Film and TV Beat Zoe Albano-Oritt, Tech Beat Hannah Noyes, Tech Beat Dina Zaret, Vice & Virtue Beat Chloe Shakin, Vice & Virtue Beat Jackie Lawyer, Lowbrow Beat Jack Cody, Lowbrow Beat Nadia Kim, Design Editor Sofie Praestgaard, Design Editor Alex Fisher, Photo Editor Katie Dumke, Photo Editor

Isabel Zapata, Photo Editor Sara Thalheimer, Copy Director Elana Waldstein, Copy Director Sola Park, Copy Editor Chloe Cheng, Copy Editor Blake Brashear, Social Media Editor Rhea Aurora, Social Media Editor Staff Writers: Frank Augello, Caroline Harris, Mike Coyne, Hallie Brookman, Olivia Fitzpatrick, Jillian Karande Staff Photographers: Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, Julie Chu Cheong Contributors: Cassandra Kyriazis, Claire Schmidt

Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Alex Fisher, Katie Dumke, Isabel Zapata, Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh and Julie Chu Cheong.

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief, at johns@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898-6585.

To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "I'm gonna sext her." ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

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PEOPLE YOU'LL MEET DURING FLING

Sort of like that book "The Five People You Meet in Heaven," except not quite as enlightening.

at

1. The strait–laced kid from your recitation who is raging harder than you are.

Power Bottom: I could use a nine–inch dick in my ass right about now.

2. The rare but nevertheless super enthusiastic Chance the Rapper fan.

Concerned guy to his friends in Smokes’: I'm South, she's North. Like south Indian and north Indian.

3. The person choosing to experience all of Fling through Snapchat.

4. The downtown fiend who will spend more money this week than you made last summer.

5. The inexplicably smashed freshman at the Quad carnival.

6. The person who talks a big game about going out to everything but crashes by Friday afternoon.

9. The human embodiment of FOMO who paid three times the original price for a Pool Party ticket.

10. The SAC all–star repping his ten–plus clubs via Fling tanks.

7. The way too hype friend trying to rally the troops post–darty.

11. The degenerate who pretends Fling is fucking Ultra and is on copious amounts of drugs.

8. The sorority girl who demands to be on an elevated surface at all times.

12. The rookie trying to make “Fling” a verb.

Just no.

THEROUNDUP 'Twas the night before Fling, and all throughout Penn, not a student was working, but blackout by ten. Bankers handles arranged on the counter with care, in the hopes that the pregame would render them bare. And the freshmen all nestled in their shitty dorm beds, while visions of debauchery danced in their heads.

But before we can give our Fling critique, let's look back on those mistakes made last week.

With the run–up to the greatest weekend of the year, it’s no surprise tensions (and testosterone) have been running high. A source informed us that Theos guys were all–too enraged when Oz kids

over heard PENN

came to their party last Friday. Once brothers noticed the impOzters, they started a huge fight that turned quite physical, and the confrontation even continued outside of Smokes’ later that night. Can we all just agree to coexist on this campus? Don’t get your pan(T)y(heos) in such a twist.

Hold onto your Insomnia, Baby Quakes. Around 42nd and Pine Streets, one Penn student was approached by a suspicious group of minors who just couldn’t keep their hands out of the cookie jar, apparently. According to local crime reports, when one of ruffians tried to steal the young woman’s cell phone, "He grabbed what turned out to be a big cookie” instead (this is literally what the official report stated). Because we all understand what it’s like to be as dialed in on a good cookie as you are on your iMessage. Thankfully, undercover police observed the crime and apprehended the five adolescents. All we can say is good(ie) thing the kiddies

Astounded Degenerate: You've never been to the Rhythm Room? You don't know Tasha? Or Payton? OR MR. BAKER? NYC White Girl: I can't get drunk on champagne... it's in my blood!

Broken–down boy in Wawa: Wouldn't it be great to just be homeless in Colorado?

Resourceful girl: Who do I have to blow around here for some pool party tickets??

Stat Prof: Technically it's not about the size, it's how you use it.

got their just desserts, and our friend still fed her sweet tooth.

Speaking of eating cookies, at the Sig Nu chapter house last week, a brother and his lady friend got into some frisky business. After downing large volumes of wine during a stay–in date, the two decided it would be a good idea to have sex in the frat’s chapter room. While maneuvering to have floor sex, our lustful lady ended up drunkenly toppling off the couch, completely shattering her wine glass in the process. The accident cut up her leg so badly that the two almost made moves to the hospital, but resorted to using an extensive amount of gauze instead. Hey, we’re all for some good ol’ spontaneous floor sex, but maybe this time the two should’ve put a cork in it before getting Sig Nu–dey.

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

WHEN YOU USE THE WORD “SURVIVOR”

You are doing the right thing. You are drunk; so drunk that your thoughts slap against each other, so drunk that the smack of your Converse against the Quad bricks is a rhythm and your body is on autopilot and every breath you gulp tastes like the Dixie cup of the coconut rum you downed at the last house party. You are clinging to your consciousness. It is a Saturday night, freshman year, and the friend you’ve known for months says he won’t try to kiss you again; he’ll just let you crash on his floor.

You are too gone to walk home—you are being responsible. He looks over his shoulder while you swipe in. He opens the door for you and lets you go first.

When he hoists you onto his bed, you scream out the name of every boy you’ve hooked up with in the past few months, so he knows you’re too out of it. So he knows to stop. He doesn’t.

His hands canvass your chest and his knees poke between yours. You shout no, you shout that this isn’t supposed to happen, and when you shriek the word rape, his hands flutter for

ANONYMOUS a moment, and then start again. You tell him you’re a virgin. You’re lying, he says. You promise that you’re not, but then his pants zipper hisses open, and you dig into his back; you are shaking so hard your head slams into the wall.

“Are you okay?” He asks. “Are you hurt?”

When you see him in the morning, you will both cry at the same time.

••• You’re here. You’re at Penn. You are lucky, so lucky to be here. That’s the last thing you think before you pass out again. You will wake up in the middle of the night, too drunk to hear your heartbeat. That’s when you know that this is real.

You take stock of your body. He touched you, kissed you, smothered you. You can’t remember if he fingered you; you remember strokes, brushes while you cried, but you don’t know what went in where. You know he didn’t fuck you, though. But sometimes, when you are searching for ways to explain what happened to yourself and to friends, you will wish he had. You hate yourself for that.

You will spend months searching for the right terminology: You have been harassed. You have been assaulted. And after months, you will realize you can say it.

You’ve been raped.

••• In the year after you are sexually assaulted, you will replay this memory dozens of times.

On the way to your 9 a.m. psych class. At parties. By a bar near Wall Street during your summer internship. In the arms of your boyfriend, a week after you start dating.

Illustration by Nadia Kim

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In the year after, you will read about awareness campaigns. Lady Gaga will sing “Til It Happens To You.” Joe Biden will talk about assault at the Oscars. You will watch friends take the It’s On Us pledge.

You will read a report that 30% of

It’s sexual assault awareness month.

Here’s my story.

women here are assaulted. You will tell huddles of prospective students and their parents, each week on your tour guide shift, that we have the largest police force in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania right here at Penn. You will tell them you’ve never felt unsafe here.

You will watch as friend after friend approaches you. Something happened, she’ll say. I think I was assaulted. By a consistent hook–up.

By a friend. By men you know from clubs, from class. I don’t know what to do, they will tell you. It will kill you to not have answers.

And so, so many of your friends will listen when you tell them what happened. The boy you’ve known since high school will let you hurl a deck of cards against his wall; your best friends will hold you and look after you at parties and swear that it’s not your fault. But an administrator will tell you that you need proof of assault to get an excuse for missing class, the nightmares aren’t enough. Your roommate will roll her eyes when she walks in on you crying.

I always feel bad after a one–night stand, too, she’ll say. When you use the word “survivor,” she will sigh.

••• You will get shit–faced so many times in the year after. You will realize how easily this could happen again. Not because of the alcohol, or hook–up culture, or the padding in your lingerie. What scares you the most is that the boy who assaulted you knew the statistics, took the pledges. You both had heard the same horror stories. He had promised to be an ally.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

But what do you do when the boy who assaulted you is aware of the epidemic?

For months, your Google searches read like a plea: What do you do when a friend sexually assaults you? What do you do when you don’t want to report assault? What counts as rape?

And, most commonly, how long does it take to get over sexual assault?

Longer than you thought. Longer than a year.

But you are getting stronger. You fight to get back to normal, every fucking day.

EGO

INTROVERTS, EXTROVERTS

AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN AT PENN CAROLINE GRANATH (W'18)

Street: What are misconceptions about being an introvert?

Caroline Granath: I think people think of introverts as ones who don’t go out at all or keep to themselves and don’t have as many friends.

Street: What is the hardest part about being an introvert in college?

CG: It’s a lot harder at Penn because so much of Penn culture is about showing other people that you’re having a good time and involved and

always going out and having fun. So it’s hard if you want to keep up and seem outgoing, but you’re not always outgoing.

I consider myself an introvert, but I think that at times, I’ll be just as outgoing as the next extrovert but in smaller time quantities. Like I’ll be outgoing for four hours, and then I’m done for the week.

Street: What’s the best and worst part about being an introvert?

CG: I love being an introvert.

I'm the type of person who

lives in my head, so I usually think about things before I do them. I'll usually catch myself before I do something I’m going to regret.

Street: Do you think Penn

BEN CHANSKY (C'19) Street: Has Penn made you more extroverted?

Benjamin Chansky: I think it has made me more extroverted. At Penn, versus the high school I went to—which was pretty cliquey and hard to move throughout friend groups—I'm able to coexist in a lot of groups in such a fun way. Like the idea of Locust Walk. I love seeing people across Locust Walk and saying hello. It’s one of my favorite things to do.

Street: How would you describe being an extrovert?

BC: I think that being an extrovert is not having the fear to reaching out to strangers or people you have minimum connections with. Like for example, I was in the art studio the other day, and there were people there I didn’t know at all, but I had no problem going up to them and being like, “Do you like this, or what do you think about this?” And from there, I found things to talk about with them to form a basis of a connection.

Street: What’s the best and worst part about being an extrovert?

BC: I think that something I’ve realized more recently that comes with the territory of having an extroverted personality, you are always the person reaching out and seeing how people are. People can be selfish with your time, and it leads to a lack of them checking in on you. You seem like an endless source of energy. And sometimes I’m like, “Damn, I

ELENA MODESTI

has made you more extroverted?

CG: I think a little bit of both.

When I go out, I’m a lot more extroverted than I would normally be because you kind of have to be in order to keep up, but also when Im in an introverted phase, I go a lot further in the opposite direction, like I won’t see anyone for a day or two. At college, it’s a lot easier to do that because everyone is on their own schedule.

Street: How many people do you see during the day?

CG: I probably see one or two people outside of class.

Street: Do you generally

go out of your way to see people?

CG: I go out of my way to see my very close friends, but outside of that group, I wouldn’t.

Street: What’s the hardest part about Penn’s social scene?

CG: I think it’s mostly that there is all this hype to be a bigger presence than one person can possibly be, whether it's on a social media site or within smaller social circles. It just seems like everyone is trying to push themselves on everyone all the time. Whereas if you want to be more low–key, it’s hard to have a big social standing.

ACED YOUR FINAL?

Street: Do extroverts still need alone time?

BC: I need tor re–juice hardcore. The reenergizing is super important.

Street: How often do you think you are alone?

BC: Honestly, pretty much never. Sometimes, it makes me kind of crazy. I will just want to disengage. Literally, my shower is the only time. Like even when people are sitting alone in the dining hall, I’ll be like, “Join me!

I don’t know you, but let’s talk!”

Not everyone wants to go to the Pool Party.....

do a kegstand

wish other people would ask me how I was doing instead of me always doing it.”

Street: Do you think Penn is easier for extroverts?

BC: I mean, I think that it could be in some ways, but I also think it's limiting. Being introverted has advantages that aren't super explicit, but they are definitely there. I think at a school like Penn that is relatively large, people are go–getters and don’t let people stop them.

Being extroverted is definitely easier when you want to get your voice heard. But I’m sure there are ways that I can’t appreciate where being introverted is better.

FAILED Post finals YOUR FINAL? CALLS FOR A do a kegstand

pre game We’ve got THE BEER FOR your holiday party!

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EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: SAM MATTIS

If you can't find this Olympic hopeful at Legion he's probably leading a coup d'état.

Street: Tell us about how you qualified for the Olympics.

SM: I hit the A–standard. To make the Olympics you have to first make the A–standard.

And then you have to be top three of the people who have the A–standard at Olympics trials which are in July. So I won’t find out until July but it’s looking pretty promising now.

Street: How many people have the A–standard?

SM: So far just two. It’ll probably end up being six at the max. If it’s two it would be awesome because I wouldn’t have to do anything but it’ll probably be a few.

SM: Penn doesn't really care about the track athletes. Like football guys get a bunch of gear. They get food and snacks and stuff. Our locker room just got heat this year. Our showers weren’t warm until like January.

We just don’t really get treated like a real team even though we’re like low–key top 25 in the country right now. No one knows that. We’re probably one of Penn’s best teams. And it’s all under the radar.

Street: Do you feel like there's a stigma around athletes?

SM: I know the rest of the campus views student–athletes as being like dumbasses but we're not. I mean some people Street: How did you get into are. Some people definitely are. discus?

There are some bricks on every SM: I went out for the track team. But there are also some team in eighth grade to stay in really smart kids who are totally shape for football. That was the involved in the community first and last year I ever played outside of athletics, too. I also football. I wanted to run and wish Penn would give scholarjump because those are the cool ships or meal plans to athletes things that people care about. but they don’t do that.

But then I tripped over a hurdle and my coach was like ‘Okay, Street: Why do you think they you’re big you’re gonna throw should give athletic scholarnow.’ And I was like ‘Fuck you ships? guys... fine.’

SM: I think part of the reason why Ivy sports don’t really comStreet: What’s the pare to programs around the hardest part country is because of the lack of about being scholarships. We definitely have an athlete at the resources. There are a lot of Penn? athletic, smart kids out there.

If you look at Stanford or Duke, they’ve got amazing athletic programs and they’re a top–tier school, just like Penn. It’s definitely possible. But why would someone come here if they have to pay

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and they’re not going to get the best athletic program possible when they can go to an amazing sports program for free?

Street: Did you have a moment when you realized you could be going to the Olympics?

SM: It’s been something I’ve thought about since I’ve started throwing. I think I'm a pretty competitive person. My friends tell me if I'm not the best at something immediately I don’t play it. Like I don’t play Super Smash Bros with them because I’m pretty bad. It’s just really frustrating. I don’t want to put the time in because they’re just way better. With discus I started out and I was pretty decent.

Street: What do you love the least about Penn?

SM: There’s so much to choose from. There’s the dining halls.

The scholarships. Some really privileged snobby people. We have to pay for a cap and gown even though we’ve paid $60,000 every year to go here.

I guess a lot has to do with how Penn treats students as opportunities to make money instead of trying to improve a lot of their services.

Name: Sam Mattis Hometown: East Brunswick, NJ Major: Operations, Information and Decisions Activities: Track, Friars, The Deuce INTERVIEW CONDUCTED

BY GENEVIEVE GLATSKY

and those who don’t become involved in a life of crime.

Street: Can you explain?

SM: Legion is like being inside of a cigarette. Everyone there is smoking, either cigarettes or crack. I mean crack is involved Street: If you were going to be somehow in the night for most infamous for something what of the people there. You get would it be? inside thinking it’s a fun, crazy SM: Leading a failed coup idea at 2 or 3 a.m., only to d’état against the United States realize you’ve made a terrible government. mistake, but don’t know how to leave while still preserving your Street: What’s your dream Street: Why would you lead a life and the life of others around job? coup d’état? you, so you pick someone in SM: If discus could make SM: Because the system’s your group who has to be a money that would be awesome. rigged. The man’s controlling sacrifice, and you try to get out That’s what I’ll be doing next everything. It’s rigged for the as quickly as possible. That is year. I’m just going to throw. billionaire class, as Bernie Sand- Legion.

I deferred an offer from J.P. ers would say. Social mobility’s Morgan just to throw. down in the US, the educaStreet: Do you have any hidtional system’s not great, the den talents?

Street: And if discus doesn’t political system’s broken. Some SM: I’m great at causing minor work out? sort of revolution. Thomas Jef- inconveniences to people.

SM: I'll be super depressed. I ferson said we need one every I’m pretty annoying. With don’t know. I guess I’ll go back 20 years. It’s been like 250, so my friends instead of holding to J.P. Morgan and the rat race it’s about time. the door I’ll close it for them and corporate culture, but I so they have to take another don't really want to do that yet. Street: What advice would half-second to open it again. you give freshman year self?

I’ll close their laptops so they Street: What’s the best part SM: In hindsight I would say chill have to open it again. Or their about being an athlete at out with school, you won’t need it lockers. Or move a drink about Penn? because you’ll be throwing. Who three feet to their right so they SM: The people. The guys that I would have known. Went to an have to lean over. It’s just a lived with I never would have met Ivy League school and didn’t need series of being pretty constantly if it wasn’t for track. They’re amaz- the education at all. annoying. That really adds up ing people and we get to travel and makes it special. together to meets across the coun- Street: Describe yourself in 3 try. They’re just awesome. I love words.

Street: What’s your biggest being with them. We were going SM: I am a rebel. Because that's guilty pleasure? to live together next year but then four words. Or a jackass. That SM: Drinking. It’s really bad for people got jobs in different places works too. sports but it’s really fun. and were really selfish and took those jobs. Because they Street: There are two types of Street: What's one thing we wanted to sustain themselves people at Penn… forgot to ask you? or whatever.

SM: Kids who go to Legion SM: My phone number.

TECH

FASHION FOR THE 21ST CENTURY:

WEARABLE TECHNOLOGY

So much technological clothing that you're pretty much a robot. ZOE ALBANO–ORITT We live in a technologically connected world, from our phones to our computers to our tablets, and depending on who you ask, that's either a great thing or a bad thing. Well, if you ask me, I think it's fucking stellar. I say, give me all the bacon and eggs smart technology you have. Cover me head to toe in that shit. And you know what? That's actually entirely possible. What we have here is Street's short guide to wearable technology. Check this shit out.

PANTS:

Do you wear pants? Do you have an iPhone? If you answered yes to both of these questions, you seriously need to check out the new #Hello jeans by Joe's Jeans. They're just like normal jeans, except you can charge your phone in them, which is pretty convenient. They're perfect for those nights when you have class until late and don't have time to charge your phone before heading out and taking a million drunk snaps. Unfortunately, the pocket is only big enough to fit an iPhone 5, 5s, or 6, so sorry to everyone who has a behemoth iPhone 6 Plus (seriously, why did you buy this in the first place? It's too big, it's too wide, it's too strong, it won't fit, your phone has a big ego). The #Hello jeans can be yours for the price of only $189, but the special charger pack that actually does the charging is sold separately for $50. Rats.

SHIRT:

Now we have the PoloTech Shirt from Ralph Lauren, for all you brand name betches.

This shirt is perfect for when you're SABSing on the third floor of Pottruck with the rest of your #sisters. It works by downloading the special PoloTech App from the App Store and putting it on either your iPhone or your Apple Watch (if you actually have one of those). Special fibers woven into the fabric of the shirt track your heart rate and other athletic information and report this information back to the app via a Bluetooth box on the back of the shirt. And don't worry, it's super affordable at the low, low price of $295.00.

the list at $74.97, and they're basically the adult version of light–up Sketchers. Dope, right? Right. They come in white, black and gray, so they won't ruin your #aesthetic. The sole of the shoe is encapsulated by a ring of LED lights, and are perfect for all the '80s–themed mixers in your futures.

ACCESSORIES:

In order to finish off this smart (double–meaning, haha) look, the perfect accessory is the LEAF necklace by Bellabeat. This necklace tracks your physical activity, sleep cycle and menstrual cycle (for all the people with vaginas out there). There's no price yet, because it hasn't ~technically~ FOOTWEAR: come out yet, but I'm not Okay, so you've got the expecting it to be cheap. You basics, but now you need some better hurry if you want it, beshoes. We've got you covered cause the wait list is 96% full, with the Light Up LED Bolt and you don't wanna be the shoes from Electric Styles. one girl in your pledge class They're the cheapest item on without one. Hurry hurry!

Low prices Quick service Always reliable!

Stop by today!

RIGHT NEXT TO CAMPUS: 3944 Chestnut St www.thecomputerfixer.com | 215-387-5900 A P R I L 1 4 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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TECH

TECH GOES BACK TO THE BASICS

HANNAH NOYES

Learn from our mistakes to survive fling.

Fling is upon us!

If you haven’t already shattered your phone or fallen down a flight of stairs at Rumor, congratulations! Now all that’s left is to push through this marathon of a weekend and hope your poor, abused liver makes it out okay on the other side. As seasoned fling veterans, Street attempted to try out some tech to help the rest of your body survive the weekend. What did we find?

Don’t rely on technology that will ultimately fail you—stick to the tried and true methods.

DO:

Download Drunk Mode and expect it to save you from embarrassment.

The app Drunk Mode is designed to help you “get crazy, stay safe,” however, we would argue it does neither.

Designed to fix most of the problems that one faces during fling such as texting your ex, drunk dialing your mom, or blacking out and forgetting where you were the night before, it doesn’t really live up to the hype.

The app allows you to program in “drunk dial blocks.”

This feature will remove the person in question from your address book. If you’re anything like us, this absolutely will not stop you from texting your ex–hookup, since their number/texts are still in your phone, just without a name.

The only cool part about the app is the “breadcrumbs” feature. Your late night trek to Allegro Pizza will not be

OUNG

U E LIST★BEST BR

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NC

BE

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Convince all your friends to download/enable the Find My Friends App. Created

by Apple back in ‘nam (aka around 2013), this old feature is a fail–proof way to figure out if your friends made it to Chance or if they’re napping from the earlier darty. It’s not creepy if it helps.

DON'T:

WIN

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BEST OUTDOOR DINING, BEST CRÊPES, BEST DRAG SHOW

8

www.creperie-beaumonde.com

TO MAKE A RESERVATION CALL: 215-592-0656

MONDAY: NOON – 10PM TUESDAY – FRIDAY: NOON – 11PM SATURDAY 10AM – 11PM SUNDAY 10AM – 10PM

HAPPY HOUR: MONDAY - FRIDAY 5:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m.

MONDAYS FOR SPECIAL EVENTS TUESDAY–THURSDAY 7:30–1AM FRIDAY & SATURDAY 7:00–2AM SUNDAY 7:30–1AM

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CABARET HOURS

CREPERIE HOURS

6th & BAINBRIDGE STREETS, PHILADELPHIA

Photo by Rob Kopf

forgotten, as you can set the parameters the next morning to show you where you walked between certain hours of the night.

fling or your last. Have fun, stay safe and stay away from roofs—you will fall and break

a rib and ruin your fling #themoreyouknow.

DO: Buy a heavy duty phone case if you don’t already have one.

The Ballistic ($59.99) can survive a drop from 12 feet on concrete, so it can probably make it to the Pool Party and back safely, depending on your thoughts on elevated surfaces.

DON'T: Expect your battery to last all day.

Write your address/safe friend’s number on your body—it has saved us many a drinking holiday. Or, you’ll be stuck with your hookup's address tramp–stamp style for days post fling. Although they are made for children, we can all admit the practicality of these tattoos—pop one on and write that cutie you've been crushing on's number in the space provided. Trust us, they will love the phone call from the quad drunk tank.

Hopefully these things help you out, whether its your first

PRO TIP: IF YOU WANT TO HOOK UP WITH SOMEONE SPECIFIC DURING FLING, BUT ARE TOO NERVOUS TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE, WRITE "IF LOST PLEASE CALL" AND HIS/HER PHONE NUMBER ON YOUR ARM. THEN WANDER AROUND PRETENDING TO BE LOST AND CONFUSED, SO SOMEONE ELSE WILL FIND YOU AND THEN, INEVITABLY, WILL CALL THE NUMBER ON YOUR ARM. YOUR PRINCE/ PRINCESS WILL COME TO YOUR RESCUE, AND YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE TO SEND A RISKY TEXT. PROBLEM SOLVED. YOU'RE WELCOME.

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

FILM FILM FILMT E C H

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DO DOYOU YOU YOUPAY PAY PAYPER PER PERVIEW? VIEW? VIEW? APP OF THE WEEK: DO 69 PLACES

Do you ever feel like having sex on a comfortable surface ispolled just you like, sotofi meh?

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DINA ZARET hough hough hough wewe all weall know allknow know thethe thewatch watch watch Hugo Hugo Hugo in in theaters. intheaters. theaters.

And And And weweweyou you you guess guess guess then then then that that that Penn Penn Penn stustustu69 Places is basically a list of places to have sex. You can check off places you’ve already done the dirty, star your favorites and hit the random button for some inspiration. The locations are broken down into categories: home, outdoors, public places, sporting venues, transportation and obscure.

All 69 Places come with a mini description, half of which make you think, “Yeah, I could do it on a piano bench,” and the other half, “Did they just tell me to have sex in a toy store?”

With Fling happening, like, now, however, these suggestions could actually come in handy.

When you’re browned–out making passionate eye contact with your freshman hall–mate from across the darty (even though you’ll say you blacked it out later), you can find a better place to go back to than your double in the Quad or shitty off–campus house. Here are a

few of the random suggestions I was given, and how they could translate to your Fling flings.

Under a Bridge: Rando cars and the Schmear It guy may see you, but you could definitely make a subtle doggy–style work under the 38th Street Bridge.

Soccer Goal: If you’re looking to ~score~ take a romantic walk down Spruce Street and make your way over to Penn Park.

Library: Those single stall bathrooms on the third, fourth and fifth floors of VP aren’t just good for pooping!

Pool/Hot Tub: Pool party tickets have been selling of upwards of $100. If you’re gonna pay that much money to do exactly what you could do in your backyard, you’d better be able to sneak in a quickie in the germ–infested pool.

Walk–in Freezer: Sex in

there’s like a 50% chance you’ll blackout

(but we’re cool with that)

TT T

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

HOW IT WORKS

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MAKE EM' LAUGH F E AT U R E

F E AT U R E

STRIKING A BALANCE BETWEEN INTIMACY AND COMPETITIVENESS IN COMEDY BY ORLY GREENBERG There are many instances in which silence is good. Preferred, even. On a quiet beach, with no sound but the waves. Or else a forest, interrupted only by the hum of nature.

Silence on the stage, however, is bad. Very bad. Standing in front of a crowd, rattling off jokes, hoping one will land.

Hundreds of eyes glued to you. Mouths folded down into frowns. And nothing but an empty, gaping silence.

“I black out.” Hannah Ceisler (C’18) realizes her verbal misstep in a millisecond.

“Not drinking! I just black it out,” she laughingly explains.

Hannah is Vice President of Simply Chaos, Penn’s resident stand–up group. They have two productions a year, each with a Friday and Saturday show.

However, to Hannah, there might as well just be a Saturday show—she can never quite remember Friday.

“The Friday [show] I always do better…I’m so nervous that I black out and I’m just more personable, I riff, I’m having fun, and then I go off stage and I’m just like, I need to see

a recording of myself because I literally do not remember the things I say,” Hannah says.

Hannah has one goal: avoid silence. Laughs, gasps, even groans are good. For the five– minute set, Hannah and her audience enter a solemn pact, a kind of pseudo–relationship.

She talks, they listen. She tells jokes, they laugh. It’s just her, her microphone, and her listeners. And for those five minutes, they’re in it together.

Comedy exists as an incredibly intimate process. It involves exchanging jokes, being open to criticism, and performing in front of students and strangers alike. However, comedy at Penn is undeniably competitive.

There are only four established comedy groups on campus— two sketch, one stand–up, and one improv. Comedy at Penn, it seems, exists in a strange juxtaposition of intense competition and intense intimacy.

•••

Without a Net, Penn’s only improv comedy group, always incorporates audience member suggestions into its performanc-

es. Just please, don’t call out a politician.

Jonathan Serota (C’18), Without a Net member and social chair, is somewhat famous for his love of politics and American history. So when friends and family attend a show, Nixon or Kennedy inevitably end up as character suggestions for his improv bit.

“I really don’t like it!” Jonathan notes. “When people try and place you in a box that they think you’ll be funny in, it’s so much harder to be funny. Because the whole point is to do things that don’t come naturally to people’s logic.”

And improvisational comedy is all about defying the logic of comedy. It’s about bending expectations, delivering something authentic. It’s about working closely with the audience and a partner together to create something new, original, and above all, funny. “[Improv is] probably one of the only forms of comedy that is wholly dependent on someone else,” Jonathan explains.

“We’re more reliant on each other than we are on ourselves.”

Improv is about saying yes.

It is about learning to work with whatever scenario you’re thrust into and finding the humor in it. However, this split–second form of comedy renders improvisational comedy so personal. All an improviser

"

Comedy at Penn exists in a strange juxtaposition of intense competition and intense intimacy.

has to rely on is a partner, a scene, and the hopes that the audience will be kind.

“There’s definitely something nerve wracking about improv, especially earlier on, when you’re thinking, okay, I’m about to go in, I’ve thought about my idea for three, four seconds, I have absolutely no idea if this is an idea that will last a minute, two minutes, or two seconds,” Jonathan says. “It’s incredibly vulnerable and incredibly scary because sometimes…you only know what you’re saying as it comes out of your mouth.”

•••

Three Mask and Wig members are shown performing in their spring show "Flight Club".

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say I spent another…seven to ten hours a week planning and doing stuff outside of it,” Aleah explains, remembering her hectic Bloomers schedule.

Ultimately, Aleah estimates she spent, “upwards of 26, 30 hours a week” working for the group.

Aleah first joined Bloomers as a freshman, pursuing her long–lasting love of theater and stage performance. She remembers the group as being smaller and less competitive in her first year. As director last semester, however, Aleah held auditions for somewhere from 60 to 70 girls, all looking to join the cast. Ultimately, five new performers were added.

Reilly Martin (C’16), who served as head writer for Bloomers for the past year, was tasked with hiring new writers.

Out of the forty–odd applications she received, three writers were selected.

Bloomers recently added a fourth show to their usual three show weekend to compensate for increased demand. Applications numbers have almost doubled since Aleah was a freshman. However, opportunities for comedy on campus remain limited.

“I don’t think there’s actually a ton of opportunities [for comedy at Penn],” Aleah notes. “I was talking to somebody about the hierarchy of the dance groups or a cappella groups or something, and there’s so many of those to join, and there’s not really many [comedy groups].

Aleah Welsh (C’16) sits in a plush chair in Houston.

Later, she’ll meet a friend to go on a run. This kind of free time would have been unheard of last semester, during which Aleah served as cast member, director and apparel chair for Bloomers, Penn’s only all–female comedy sketch group.

“There’s 15 hours a week rehearsal time, and then there’s one hour a week on exec, but when I was director I would

There’s a male sketch group, a female sketch group, a stand up group, and an improv group.

And like, beyond that, I’m sure things exist beyond that, but I don’t know what they are.”

Despite its competitiveness, comedy remains an incredibly personal process for those working on and behind the stage.

Reilly explains, “when you’re pitching an idea, even if you’re comfortable in a room, you’re still putting your idea on the line.” Watching a performance in the audience is equally as vulnerable—audience members watch, hoping the show will be funny and relieved when it is. Bloomers performs on level ground with the first row of the audience, as opposed to on a stage, and the close proximity makes it feel as though everyone watching participates in the show. “When you’re watching [the show] performed, you kind of feel like you’re in the bit a little bit. It’s not some far away stage, you’re really in there, and they’re pointing at you, and they’re five inches away from your face if you’re close enough,” Reilly notes.

And although that closeness is inclusive for an audience, it can be frightening to a performer. “I’ve always been a little self–conscious about theater,” Aleah says. “It’s always been a little self–promotional and a little ridiculous sometimes…I always wonder when I perform for people who aren’t like, into [comedy] themselves, are they going to get what we’re doing?

Are they going to look at it and be like, what the fuck is this?”

•••

A large stuffed deer head

Members of Bloomers perform in their spring show "Continuous". Photo by Julio Sosa

presides over the room, and the walls are plastered with pictures of alumni. It could almost be a common room in a fraternity house, save for the costumes, tangled microphones, and what appears to be a bedraggled wig.

Teddy Lavon (C’16) is perched on a couch in the Mask and Wig clubhouse in the Quad. He’s been a member of Mask and Wig for the past four years, and wrapped his final show this past weekend— a full length musical, in which he starred and served as head writer.

“I love performing comedy specifically because of the reaction when you say a line that gets a laugh…I don’t think there’s any other feeling like that,” Teddy observes.

Putting together a Mask and Wig show is intensive and exhausting. Teddy began preliminary work on the musical starting in early February—of last year. The production employs an acting director, music director, choreographer, costume director, light designer, and set designer. The hours the cast and band spends rehears-

ing and performing are roughly equivalent to the time spent at a part–time job.

Being a part of Mask and Wig is exclusive and elite—the group boasts an extensive alumni network, a slew of traditions dating back to more than one hundred years, and a rigorous application process. Teddy estimates that applicants for cast members number in anywhere from 35 to 55 students a year, with around six being selected.

Despite this competition, Teddy acknowledges that comedy is also intensely personal, particularly in Mask and Wig. “We’re up there making fools of yourself for the amusement of other people…You put yourself in a vulnerable position when you’re on stage saying dumb stuff, sort of pleading for a laugh,” Teddy says. “That’s, I think, what comedy is. These are people that you know watching you do this. Usually, people appreciate it. But when you take a step back and think about it, I don’t know, it’s a weird place to be.”

•••

There’s only one thing scarier than actually performing: waiting to go on.

“I love all the people in my group, but I’ll be in the back and hearing how many more laughs somebody’s getting, and I love them, but I’m also just like, they’re gonna make it, and I’m not gonna make it,” Hannah explains. “I’m really jealous of the people who can go and write full sets on their own and then just kill it. Like, I love you, but I hate you so much.”

Most of the time, however, stand up sets don’t emerge from one person sitting down and writing a piece start to finish.

Simply Chaos relies heavily on group feedback. A comedian will pitch a joke. The group will laugh, or they won’t. Then, they’ll figure out a way to punch up a set, to shape and prune it into what the audience eventually sees. Even though comedians present alone on stage, the writing process is backed by a team.

“I take full advantage of the collective aspect of [Simply Chaos],” Hannah says. “I’m still a little self–conscious, so I

feel the need to pitch a premise first, and be like, oh, is it okay, is it okay, and then get the validation of the group and then go and write it.”

Comedy is loud and public.

Jokes are meant to be understood and to be laughed at.

Still, there is something oddly private about it, something delicate. At its core, comedy is about nothing more than a performer and an audience.

“The thing is getting up there and doing well is just like, it’s the ultimate vulnerability.

Because you’re looking for one response, and it’s just you, and everyone gets to pay attention to you,” Hannah notes.

“Sometimes I wonder if it feels better to make them laugh, or to have them laugh at my jokes. It feels really good, and it feels that good because it’s that vulnerable.”

Orly Greenberg is a sophomore in the College studying English and Cinema Studies. She is a Features Editor of Street.

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VICE & VIRTUE

YOUR NEWEST

RUNNING DESTINATIONS

(Hint: They’re all food, and none are in Center City).

Some people love running, some people find it to be the worst possible way to spend their time. No matter where along that spectrum you fall, there’s no denying that running is great exercise and that it's getting slightly more tolerable with the nice weather. We’ve made it one step better by giving you something to look forward to based on how far you want to run (or walk).

And yes, all of those destinations are 100% food–based. Nothing gets me off my ass like the thought of a stack of pancakes.

1.3 miles–The Igloo The best self–serve froyo in the city awaits you just over the South Street bridge. It’s an easy walk, and an even easier sprint. Make sure you get the Greek yogurt one—it tastes exactly like Yogorino— and then smother it in salted caramel and peanut butter flavors.

2223 Grays Ferry Ave. 2.8 miles–Cafe Lift This stripped down brunch spot serves nothing but the absolute best. Their frittatas are unmatched, their huevos rancheros have been called life–changing and their hot sauce is next–level. To top it off, they have addressed the ultimate brunch hardship: sweet or savory? They offer a side of one pancake so you can have your eggs and eat cake too. But not just any

pancake. You can get a side of lemon ricotta or PB&J pancake. I know, we’re in love too.

428 N. 13th St. 3.3 miles–Stargazy Just over a 5K will take you to Philly’s own homemade traditional British pie–and–mash shop. They switch up their offerings every day, serving mushroom, kale and brie one day and a classic steak and kidney the next, with a few regulars like beef and onion you can always count on.

1838 E. Passyunk Ave. 4.9 miles–Frankford Hall Wanna end your run with a beer, burger and big–ass Bavarian pretzel (with cheese dip)? Run across town and follow the river up north to Frankford Hall beer garden.

You can sit outside and bask

in the glory of pseudo–German experiences brought to you by the same guy who owns Pod and Parc. Once you’ve realized that schnitzel is really just flat, fancy chicken fingers but still savored every bite, you can hop right on the MFL Septa line and get back home in a jiffy.

1210 Frankford Ave.

6.9 miles–Winnie’s LeBus When you want a long run and a bomb lunch after, head down the Schuykill River Trail to Manayunk. LeBus breads are renowned in Philly, this place takes them to the next level with everything from killer sandwiches to omelettes to high protein six–grain pancakes to really fill you up post–run. Plus, the Regional

Rail SEPTA line takes you right back to the University City station by Franklin Field, so you don’t have to worry about cabbing.

4266 Main St. *Distances calculated from the Tampons

DINA ZARET

Fabulous 4 Bedroom Apartment at

225 S. 42nd Street

2 bathrooms, laundry in building, backyard & a beautiful front porch! www.apartmentsatpenn.com

215.222.0222

At Penn, At Home.

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CREATIVE • BALANCED • SIMPLE 1608 SOUTH STREET • PHILADELPHIA, PA 215-790-0330 • ENTREEBYOB.COM

YOUR SPRING 2016 BUCKET LIST VICE & VIRTUE

Ten ways to make the most out of your final month. DINA ZARET

If you’re a senior, you’ve got one short month to live it up and ball out in this wonderful city of brotherly love. If you’re not, you’ve got no excuse to not make it to all of these places in your years left. Here are all the things you absolutely cannot call yourself a Penn graduate without consuming:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

The Honest Tom’s Breakfast Burrito. Eat it all. Don’t be a lil bitch.

A slice (or two) of Allegro Pizza's buffalo chicken pizza at 2 a.m. No earlier, no later.

The prickly pear double margarita at Copa. Forget your shame about the bright pink color; it’s damn delicious and as long as it’s not a single there’s no cause for judgement.

FroGro Chinese food. Don’t question it.

Sitar buffet with a minimum of four plates.

Roast beef, turkey, russian dressing, swiss cheese, etc… at Koch’s deli.

The Lion or the eggplant spinach pita parm at Lyn’s.

Wear your finest black cuz this place is scenier than Rumor.

Eat fluffernutter spring rolls while wearing sweats in the pod at Pod. You’re a SWUG and you don’t care who knows.

Mark’s Café sushi. It’s like VP pledging.

Wawa macaroni and cheese in a hoagie. Is this real? No. Can you make it real? Easily.

DRINK BOY:

THE DRUNK ALTER– EGO OF FOOD BOY a lity Food t College St u es

DRANK AUGELLO

de n t Pr ic

I, Drink Boy, am making a special appearance this week to prepare all the plebes out there for the 72–hour inebriation marathon that is Fling. Check out 34st.com for a few drink recipes to help you actually enjoy ingesting obscene amounts of alcohol so you can avoid that regretful aftertaste of your seventh shot of Fireball.

Q ua

DRINKS FOR FLING AKA FLINKS

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VICE & VIRTUE

ADVICE AND VIRTUE

with all of my friends and fellow freshmen.

But what I never admit, even in the conversations with my closest friends, is that I’m a little wary. That’s not to say I’m not excited—I am. I like to go out, Dear Miss Appropriation, I like to get drunk, but I’m cerI have a confession to make: tainly not a rager (Read: I usually I’m nervous for Fling. aim for two nights out a week, All week, I’ve been going and I try not to black out). along with the hype: clicking And I’m intimidated. I’m in“interested” and “going” on timidated by the prospect of four endless Facebook events (and full, inebriated nights—not to shelling out the cash that goes mention the days. I’m intimidatwith them), listening to Chance ed by the repeated emails remindthe Rapper and 3LAU and gen- ing us of the increased security erally joining in the incessant, in the Quad and the emphasis excited conversations about it on the consequences of getting

caught. I’m intimidated by the fact that, despite that security, the vast majority of this campus will be fucking wasted for most of the weekend.

So, yeah, I’m nervous. About the drinking and the drunk people and the drugs I usually avoid.

And the fact that I’m not sure which parties are the right parties, and I’m not even sure I like Chance the Rapper.

And the fact that I have a tendency to get lost and lose my friends when I’m drunk. And a tendency to get a little emotional.

Or agressive. And by that I mean, I turn into a raging, screaming, crying bitch. That, or I just end up having a lot of sex.

And the fact that I went out last night, and I’m already hungover and tired and stressed about my homework. Oh, yeah, and the fact that I have a midterm on Tuesday.

The list goes on, but now I’m starting to panic, and I think I should stop before I freak out and do something crazy like call my mother or buy a train ticket home or tell my friends.

So, please, any advice?

Thanks, ScaredToPopMyFlingCherry Dear ScaredToPopMyFlingCherry, I'm sitting here with a killer hangover and very little recollection of what my night consisted of, so I definitely feel your pain. Spring Fling has been a hyped–up weekend at

Penn ever since 1973, another excuse for students to live out our "work hard, play hard" mentality before diving into our last few days of classes.

But in recent years, Fling has manifested into something totally different: Events have been relocated to off–campus venues with pricey tickets.

Parties start as early as Tuesday night and it's harder to get into the Quad than it is to have sex under the button.

But before you book that train home, here's a declassified Survival Guide that will help you and your freshman friends make the most of this epic week(end) AND remember it.

Week Before: • Make sure to get a solid amount of work done before you partake in any Fling festivities. Nothing's worse than trying to study the night after a full day of partying.

• Locate your room and hall keys: Fling is not the time to leave your door unlocked.

• Clock in some more sleep if possible. If you want some realistic advice, stock up on 1) Energy drinks to ensure you don't sleep through the darties and 2) Coconut water, the only successful hangover cure out there.

• Take out some cash to make sure you can afford the fried Oreos available in the Quad.

They're life–changing.

During: • Don't forget the essentials: $$, keys, Penncard and portable phone charger.

• If you're not already part of several overactive group chats, start one. The incessant phone battery–draining texts might be annoying, but a buddy system is imperative.

• Turn on Find My iPhone.

Self explanatory.

Skip: • Any party with a wristband price over $40. Don't be that kid who blows $250 to stand in an overcrowded venue among people he doesn't even care about.

• The main concert if you're not obsessed with the performing artists. You have three more years to jump around on Franklin Field trying to ignore the brutal hangover that has been creeping up on you all week. Hold out for Beyoncé (Ed. note: Dear SPEC, please make this happen.)

Don't Miss: • The Quad, especially while you're still a freshman and can avoid the Porta Potties. During Fling, the Quad is a chill alternative to overwhelming darties. Food vendors, smaller concerts and room to lay out are all you need to have an awesome time.

Most importantly, relax and enjoy! If you're not having fun at a party or feel like going out sober, go for it. We only have a few more weeks left in the semester: Use this time wisely.

Keep calm and Fling on, Miss Appropriation

ATTN: ALL UPPERCLASSMEN JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE BLACKOUT IN THE QUAD DOES NOT MEAN IT'S SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO HOOK UP WITH A FRESHMAN. THINK ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU WAKE UP IN A TWIN XL BED WITH SOMEONE WHO WAS IN HIGHSCHOOL LITERALLY *LAST YEAR*.

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FILM & TV

DEAL OR NO DEAL? Perhaps you’re sitting in your introductory cinema studies class, watching the clock tick by and wondering how many more hours you’ll have to sit in the classroom before your name will be on the big screen (Ed Note: a lot.) Maybe you’re counting down the minutes in your political science class, dreading the years of law school ahead of you before you’re doing the real work.

Or maybe you’re neither of these two students but wish you were, wondering how on earth you let yourself major in Econ.

All of these cases and more filled the seats in JMHH 365 this past Friday for Wharton’s Undergraduate Media and Entertainment Club’s annual Spring Conference.

Called “Making the Deal,” the event focused on teaching students anything and everything about surrounding Hollywood life. Three speakers were featured who covered topics ranging from Hollywood terminology to major studios to law firms that represent the big names in the business. As students munched on Greek Lady and Insomnia provided by the club, their minds were filled with the insight and knowledge that speakers had to offer.

First to present were Kathy Demarco Van Cleve and Emory Van Cleve, a husband and wife duo that both teach in Penn’s cinema studies department. Both professors are widely loved, with classes that fill up quickly and are always hard to get into semester after semester. And, both have a lot of wisdom to offer about the film industry—Kathy is

a producer, screenwriter and novelist, with several highly regarded books published and films produced. Emory has played a part in almost every aspect of the filmmaking process and has worked on several films as well.

The pair’s presentation “Hollywood 101” gave a helpful run through on Hollywood basics. The talk went through the basic steps of production, names of the major studios, definitions for important terms and much more. Both speakers also interspersed their lecture with helpful pieces of advice for those trying to break into the film industry. Points that they stressed? Every film is collaborative. A passion for storytelling is absolutely essential. And talent has a whole new meaning in film.

“Talent is a funny word in the film business,” Kathy said. “It does mean talented people, but it’s talent as a noun. Talent is writers, talent is actors.”

Next came Stewart Brookman, a successful entertainment attorney, who discussed how to make deals in the Hollywood industry. Stewart first shared his personal story, setting an example for many students. After hearing an entertainment lawyer speak in his Entertainment Law class at Berkeley’s law school, Stewart was struck by his appealing lifestyle compared to most lawyers—Stewart didn't fail to include that the speaker was dressed in a blue blazer, pink shirt and wore a chain around his neck.

Stewart left his first job at a corporate law firm to pursue entertainment law quickly and has been working in the business ever since. “It’s a

dream career,” he shared. “I really like what I do. That’s not to say it’s not stressful… but I really like what I do.”

His talk stressed key tips to making successful negotiations in Hollywood.

Among the most important things are thinking creatively, knowing your buyer, understanding your leverage and thinking outside the box.

Stewart also explained that it’s important to understand your role. “In terms of the deal process, we’re on the front line,” Stewart said, staring the audience down. “We are really the quarter backs.”

Students came to satisfy their curiosity about the Hollywood industry, and left with minds full of advice and bellies full of cookies.

Whether or not the attendees actually end up working in Hollywood can’t be known, but one thing is for sure—they are now far more prepared for the challenge That’s a wrap!

EMILY SCHWARTZ

The lowdown on UME’s Spring Conference

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FILM & TV

MORGAN NEVILLE

ON MOVIES, MUSIC AND MAKING

Street spoke with Penn alum and Oscar-winner Morgan Neville to discuss his newest film, advice on getting into the business, and the time he listened to 100 records with Keith Richards.

When Morgan Neville graduated from Penn (C '89) with a bachelor in History, he didn’t know that he would move on to be one of the country’s biggest documentarians, let alone win an Oscar. Now, Neville’s name is a recognizable one, not only in Hollywood, but also on the international film festival circuit. His new film, The Music of Strangers, recently premiered at the Berlin Film Festival. A new exclusive trailer for the film was released three weeks ago and has already generated a lot of buzz. And this is just one film on a list of impressive projects, ranging from award–winning 20 Feet from Stardom and Netflix–hit

Keith Richards: Under the Influence. Known for his documentaries that tell musicians’ untold and personal stories, Neville has become famous as an artist exploring the world of music.

His passion for storytelling, he told us, began at Penn, but was not something he felt he could properly explore until he was 25. He explained, “I grew up a total film nerd, which is funny, because Penn had no real film program when I went there—those of us interested in movies at Penn kind of had to do it in our time.”

He had three big loves at the time: music, journalism and film. But he found movies and music to be too

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frivolous, so he decided to go for journalism instead. As a writer for the DP, he found colleagues who shared his inherent curiosity and love for stories. This pushed him to move to New York after graduation and work at The Nation, a far–left newspaper.

Though Neville left Penn with doubt about making it in a creative field such as film, his experiences at Penn and the DP taught him how to be curious and tell stories.

Ultimately, journalism didn’t drive him away from film; it pushed him right into it. When asked why he opted out of going to film school, Neville explained, “film school is about finding your voice, and to me, journalism is about learning to listen.” He decided to quit his job and make a feature length film on his own, a documentary called Shotgun Freeway: Drives thru Lost L.A., that he calls his “own film school” and solidified his desire to make movies.

He stills believes journalism is tied to film: “I always tell people that, to me, documentary filmmaking is journalism. I call it 3–D journalism”.

This explains why he stuck to documentaries, and hasn’t ventured into fiction filmmaking. It’s his experience in journalism that fed his desire to document real life through his films. He met and heard the stories of icons such as Darlene Love, followed Yo–Yo Ma and his

musical ensemble around the world to Spain, China and Iran and spent an afternoon playing all types of records with Keith Richards (his 13– year–old self ’s dream).

His love for documentaries is Morgan Neville (C '89) has made a name for himself on both the national and interclear, as he believes “there national stages sin the world of documentary filmmaking. is no shortage of great real stories to ate (and humble) as ever. tell, there is only a shortMuch of his passion, he says, age of time.” For him, “the comes from the unexpected. irony of it all is that reality His parting words can apply is so much more interestto both art and life: “If you ing.” For anyone who wants to follow in his footsteps, he follow your plan, that means you’re not paying attention has some words of wisdom: “Be careful—and just do it”. to what is going on around you. The reality of what you With the rise of technology, find is always going to be “everyone already possesses more complex, and more everything they need to interesting than what you make a film with between imagined before you got their laptop and phone.” there.”

From his career to journalism to his career CAROLINE MARQUES & in documentary film, one KATIE DUMKE element has remained the same for Neville: His passion for telling stories. Even after a career of making one celebrated film after another, Neville is still as passion-

ART FIVE

AFTER

Tired of the ol' Smokes lather–rinse–repeat cycle?

UPCOMING EVENTS JAZZ FROM THE 1960S Friday, April 15 5:00 p.m. – 8:45 p.m.

Jazz bassist Buster Williams will step back in time by paying tribute to the sounds of the sixties. This program is offered in conjunction with the exhibition International Pop. FRENCH CONNECTION Friday, April 22 5:00 p.m. – 8:45 p.m.

Music and science fiction will come together when pianist and composer Cédric Hanriot presents an homage to the work of sci–fi writer Dan Simmons.

A FRENCH–AMERICAN JAZZ EXCHANGE PROJECT

SYRA ORTIZ– BLANES

ARTS

Love good art, good drinks and good food? Then look no further: Street has the perfect Friday plan for you. Though you probably know the Philadelphia Museum of Art as one of the biggest powerhouses of culture and fine arts in the nation, it's also one of the most under–appreciated and coolest performing arts venues in the City of Brotherly Love.

Art After 5 is a music performance held every Friday in the Great Stair Hall of the main museum hall. The event presents international music every first Friday, and jazz every other week of the month. Along with live music from really awesome Philadelphia musicians, you can also enjoy the museum's galleries and exhibitions, as well as catered food from Stephen Starr restaurants. Think: El Vez guacamole, Morimoto's tuna pizza and Jones' Baked Mac and Cheese. Basically, you get really good food, good art and good music. It literally couldn't get

Friday, April 29 5:00 p.m. – 8:45 p.m.

Presented in association with the French–American Cultural Exchange and Mid–Atlantic Arts Foundation. Get a sneak peek of the city's most exciting jazz festival, the Center City Jazz Festival Kick Off.

opens the night at 5:45 p.m. with African pop sounds.

Then, stick around for a performance featuring the infectious and joyful music of Sierra Leone’s Refugee All Stars, a band that has toured extensively to raise awareness for humanitarian causes.

FROM MOD TO MOTOWN Friday, May 6 5:00 p.m. – 8:45 p.m.

Philadelphia’s infamous Martha Graham Cracker evokes the 1960's and invades the Great Stair Hall at this not–to– be missed event. This program is offered in conjunction with the exhibition International Pop.

ORRIN EVANS Friday, May 20 5:00 p.m. – 8:45 p.m.

This distinctive and inventive pianist is at the forefront of the jazz scene.

CREATIVE AFRICA DANCE PARTY Friday, May 13 5:00 p.m. – 11:00 p.m. $10 admission after 8:00 p.m.

Enjoy the “golden voice of Liberia,” Fatu Gayflor, who

any better.

The PMA began to host the event's precursor during the 1990s when it began to bring small ensemble classical and jazz concerts. It was part of the museum's efforts to make audiences more engaged with the institution's artwork; to make viewing art more engaging and animated. The program slowly became a huge success and continued to evolve until it was a formalized, weekly program every Friday evening.

For over ten years, Art After 5 has been unique and prominent component of the Philadelphia arts scene. As jazz clubs and live music bars have disappeared in the city's neighborhoods, the PMA–based music event has filled a much–needed niche which allows composers and musicians from all over the American nation to perform. It

also allows for a really interesting exercise: in many cases, the museum will commission music related to special and permanent exhibitions to be performed during the Friday soirees. Thus, the PMA becomes a place where more than the arts and music meet: it becomes a place where music is created through artistic inspirations, provided by the museum.

All the time people are trying to find ways to connect with the amazing, rich cultural life that Philadelphia can provide. Every Friday, the museum brings nationally renowned, contemporary musicians to play music while you view art and socialize with other college students and Philly dwellers. What better way to connect with the City Brotherly Love and all that it has to offer?

OUTSIDE SOUND Friday, May 27 5:00 p.m. – 8:45 p.m.

Bassist and composer Chris Coyle will share new music inspired by artwork by adults with disabilities.

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LOCUST WALK OR CATWALK On the first Saturday of April, Penn students had a chance to showcase their love of designer clothing down a runway that wasn’t Locust Walk. Student models strutted through the

Dental School wearing clothing both hand–designed and pulled from the rack by Penn undergrads at the Spring Penn Fashion Show, the final event of Penn Fashion Week.

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ARTS

done before is expand the show to include designers from places outside Philadelphia,” Madeline says. Since the previously bi–annual Fashion Show only materialized in the Spring this year, “we wanted to make it a bigger deal with bigger names.”

The Penn Fashion Collective offers students interested in fashion a creative outlet at a school where pre–professionalism can sometime threaten to

major, like the degree found in Cornell’s Agricultural School.

Cat, who knew she was interested in fashion retail before coming to Penn, appreciates that her Wharton classes give her the opportunity to learn more This year’s theme was called general things about the busi“FOCUS.” As VP of the Fashness side of fashion marketing. ion Show for the Penn Fashion Instead of straight marketing, Collective, Madeline McCalhowever, Cat is concentrating lum (C’17) was tasked with in retail. She mentions that the envisioning its direction. Her Baker Retailing Center, which is inspiration for part of Wharton, the marketing is a great resource campaign came that Penn has to from photogteach students raphy, either about the indusfrom fashion try. Penn Fashion magazines or Week strives to from surfprovide networking Pinterest. ing opportunities When people for underclassare photomen who are graphed in their considering a everyday lives, career in fashion. the camera “We created a focuses in and fashion internout on them ship panel with and the lighting upperclassmen creates differbecause that’s not ent shades. something that The show then career services worked to “blur really does,” says out,” in the Cat. They also same way you organized speaker would in a phoevents, such as tograph, aspects an event with the like color, stylcompany “Negaing and accestive Underwear,” sories. Each outfit kept a neutral squash artistic expression.

“The founded by two Penn Alums. palette so that the architecture PFC is definitely more artistic A communications major in and texture of the clothing was minded than other fashion the College, Madeline isn’t sure the focal point of the show. “It organizations on campus,” if she plans to fit a passion for was great to see the designers says Cat Ding (C’17), the VP fashion into her future career. take the vision that I had and of Internal Events. Cat is also “Having been in this club for apply it to their own artistic involved in the Wharton Retail the past three years, I see the talent,” says Madeline.

Club, which collaborated on show as a really good example In addition to student sewFashion Week along with busiof people pulling from their ing machine creations, stylness frat Delta Sigma Pi. outside interests. Even if people ists pulled clothes from nine Cat thinks that Penn is a eventually go into investment boutiques, including Knit Wit, hotspot for fashion largely banking, it’s fun to see your Jack Wills, Aioki Boutique and because of the diverse student friends modeling or designing Metro Mens. This year, the population and international clothing or doing anything they show also included two featured contingent.

“People care about don’t normally do in school.” designers. One was Chicago– appearance and pay more atbased designer Hogan Mclaughtention.” She points out, “We (Photo credit in order: Aran lin, who has worked for Lady don’t often walk around in Nike Rana, Teresa Xu and Emily Gaga (and has aspirations to shorts and t–shirts.”

Cheng) design costumes for Game of Although Penn students can MADISON BELL–ROSOF Thrones). They also pulled from be known for their style, we Ramy Brooke, a New York dedon’t have a Fashion or Textiles signer. “Something we’ve never

Street was disappointed to learn there are modeling tryouts for the Penn Fashion Show.

LOWBROW

IF FLING TANKS WERE HONEST Because sometimes puns and pop culture references get old.

For the person who always has the best solutions:

For the kid you’ve never seen outside of a party:

For the M&T kid who doesn’t embody the M&Turnt lifestyle:

YOUR FLING BUDGET $$$$$ Make sure you budget for the fake cocaine you’ll accidentally buy!

$20—Cover charge at fling downtown $35—Wristband $5—Five $1 drinks at the pool party for you

$70—Price of cocaine that is really powdered smarties but you can’t tell the difference because everyone here is faking anyways $20—Bribe for photographer to get you in more pics to up your social media game

For literally everyone attending fling:

1. LOWBROW IS FAKE 2. LOWBROW HERETOFORE WISHES TO BE REFERRED TO AS LOW3RAU. THANK YOU FOR RESPECTING OUR WISHES.

$5—Five $1 drinks at the pool party for your pledgemaster $3.97—Paper towels used to wipe up vomit off of frat bathroom floor $17—Fling tank for your frat $21—Fling tank for your Spanish 110 study group $16—Fling tank for your club frisbee golf team (#frolfforlife!!!) $16—Fling tank for the Underground Secret St. A’s Yu–Gi–Oh Club

$3.97—Paper towels used to wipe up your tears after seeing your crush DFMO with someone else Priceless—Buying your soul back after you smack the ass of a freshman on a picnic table and pretend she’d be into you if she were sober.

$30—Fine for accidentally telling people about the Underground Secret St. A’s Yu–Gi–Oh Club A P R I L 1 4 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

LOWBROW

WAYS TO ENSURE THIS IS YOUR BEST FLING YET There’s no better time for experimenting.

Have your friends visit and lock them in the library: Why should friends get in the way of your special weekend? Be responsible by making sure they can do their homework.

Make your snapstory at least 150 seconds: Here’s some quick math: # of seconds in your snapstory*20/(100 – # of people who viewed your snapstory) = Amount of fun you had in kilometers.

Ingest the molly before the acid, but not after the cocaine: Don’t mess this one up! A rookie mistake could kill you here. Not sure if this is the right order though so take this advice with a grain of salt.

Show off your church group’s customized fling thongs: Tank–tops are for casuals.

Tell everyone how much you loved every performer way before they were popular: They need to know and it’s your duty to tell them.

Put heroin in the jungle juice: It’s fling! Be a little adventurous for once!

Keep your Fling catchphrase handy for use at any time Here are a few that have worked in the past: “Ping Pong? More like fling flong,” “Give me some immodium, because I have a terrible case of flingarrhea,” and “My parents don’t love me but at least fling does!”

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Venture deep into West Philly When you’re all flung out, you’re gonna want a change of scenery. Luckily you go to school in one of the most diverse, welcoming cities in the world.

Make some friends with the locals from the land of the Fresh Prince.