April 11, 2013 by 34th Street Magazine

April 11, 2013 34st.com

hope flings eternal 80 YEARS OF FLING • GUIDE TO THE QUAD • DIY FLING TANKS

april 11

2013

3 highbrow

photo caption contest, WOTS: going back to the quad, the round–up, overheards

4 EGO

the long-awaited annual guide to fling, ego of the week: jarrid tingle (a.k.a. flingle)

diy: face paint

6 MUSIC

itinerary for the quad, profiles of J&G concert artists, reviews

9,16 FILM

concert movies to watch instead of going to girl talk, drunk/high/sober: the croods

10 FEATURE

drunk, high, sober

hope flings eternal...

FROMtheEDITOR

ipartisan

Last weekend, I left Water Works just as Owls Brunch was warming up. Champagne was scarce (–er than at past renditions), but patterned harem pants and retro– tortoise–shell frames were trending and trending everywhere. The riverfront looked like Bryant Park during Fashion Week. Walking to VP that same afternoon, I felt disoriented, and it wasn’t just my state of mind. Campus looked more colorful than it’d been the day before. It was covered in powdered paint. The culprit was Holi. Holed away in the library, halfway through a Says–Does Analysis, I was prouder than ever to be a Penn student. Crimson basketball might get more air time than Quaker (TV, that is), but no one’s asking who throws a better party—frat, Hindu or otherwise. My expectations for Fling are high. Tyga, shmyga, these next three days are about us.

For a quarter of campus, this will be a first Fling. Ego’s got your basics on Page 5. 1,350 students shack up on the quad, that leaves 8,974 of you to slide past AlliedBarton guards and rock the Quad like it's Coachella. My advice: Allied Bartoners are to us what the Amish are to the Chinese—outnumbered. So when you do get in, let Music help your hop (pp. 7–8). Before you go, check Food & Drink’s guide to bootlegging booze—it's online and so on it. And Arts, well, Arts is downright crafty. Do–That– Yourself (pp. 15 and 17). Last and foremost: it’s Spring Fling, not Spring Agenda. Go hard with your heart. BBQ on the roof. Jump on stage. Shave off your eyebrows. #Flash a friend. And when you wake up, send us your Shoutouts.

13 FOOD

fling drunchies, fling artistinspired foods, the weird shit flo rida requested at fling

15 ARTS

DIY: fling tanks and face paint, coffee shops with great art

18 lowbrow

lowbrow does fling, there are art deco booty shorts

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

20 backpage

spring fling mapped out – see you there ;)

spring fling feature

fling artist food advice

start your fling with us. (last) WRITERS MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 PM see you on the roof.

34th Street Magazine Nina Wolpow, Editor–In–Chief Sam Brodey, Managing Editor Alex Hosenball, Online Managing Editor Chloe Bower, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Olivia Fingerhood, Asst. Design Margot Halpern, Asst. Design Zacchiaus McKee, Highbrow Julia Liebergall, Highbrow Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Ego Ben Lerner, Ego Isabel Oliveres, Food & Drink

Abigail Koffler, Food & Drink Ariela Osuna, Music Michelle Ma, Music Alexandra Jaffe, Film Faryn Pearl, Film Patrick Ford-Matz, Features Kiley Bense, Features Madeleine Wattenbarger, Arts Gina DeCagna, Arts Lizzie Sivitz, Lowbrow Zach Tomasovic, Lowbrow Zeke Sexauer, Back Page Lauren Greenberg, Social Media Allie Bienenstock, Print Copy

Ryan Zahalka, Print Copy Marley Coyne, Online Copy Michael Shostek, Online Copy Cover Design: Chloe Bower Contributors: Cassandra Kyriazis, Nicole Malick, Sandra Rubinchik, Daniel Felsenthal, Alina Grabowski, Rachel Zurier, Andrew Scibelli, Caroline Quigley, Bethany Christy, Tilden Bissell, Ciara Stein, Emily Brill, Alex Sternlicht

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898– 6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581. Visit our web site: www.34st.com "Next drunk high sober, we should have someone smoke meth." ©2013 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a–okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

like this photo from fling 2012? vote for your favorite caption online at 34st.com “I hope it’s lemon meringue!”

wordonthestreet Gone But Not Forgotten

“This is the worst pie protest ever.” “Maybe now they’ll notice me.” “Was this worth the free floor passes?”

THEROUNDUP

over heard PENN at

Girl at Starbucks: I don’t even like Fling. It’s like everyone thinks they can be drunk. Like everyone, not just the cool people. It’s worse than Feb Club. Freshman: I’ve spent like six hours total with this kid and we spent most of that time making out. Why does he think he knows me?! Drunk girl in Smoke’s: Sex is like pizza. Sorority sister: It was all about alien birth. Bro in Notre Dame shirt: Dude, Alesso is only $30. That's like free.

In the late spring of my freshman year, while poring over my Math 114 notes in one of those tiny "study rooms" in the Quad, a senior from my Italian class came parading down the hall. “I’m visiting my old room,” he offered after I gave him one of my signature awkward glances. While I could appreciate the sanctity of his outing, I couldn’t fathom being in the same predicament someday. Enter April 2013. In an effort to diminish the sobering reality of a final room visit, I’ve dropped by my old room every Fling since 2010. I’ve let my presence be known by either enthusiastically introducing myself to the latest inhabitants or leaving a drunken message on their exterior white board. I was planning to document the final occasion this year and then download one of those apps that let you post four pictures in one on Instagram and then offer some quippy caption about time and growth and nice weather. Thanks to the buzzkill that is the College House administration, however, I will not be allowed entrance into the Quad's interior this year. Allied Barton security will stand guard to my old room, its memories and Instagram likes. While I could use this breach of freedom as a chance to dwell on the sadness inherent in graduation, I’m viewing it more as a kind of preparation for my departure. For seniors, in just a few weeks, our PennCards will no longer permit us access to the Quad, or the library or Pottruck (for me, read: Energy Zone for smoothies). But we only leave those physical spaces behind when we graduate. It sounds corny, but valuing the relationships I’ve formed in those spaces is my way of coping this month. After living in the uppermost part of the Quad freshman year, I can never look at the word “nipple” the same way. My then–hallmates and now–friends made Fling shirts this year to commemorate our long– standing bonds. I don’t need a visit to my old hall bathroom to remind me of my time in the Quad or the people I was able to meet there. So when a guard prevents me from entering under my former doorway this weekend, I’ll probably mutter something snarky under my tequila–tinged breath. But sometime later in the nearing future, when I decide to make my final visit to McKean 308 and bother some freshman in a Quad study room on the way with my raucous wandering, I’ll try to remember what I’m taking with me when I leave campus: true friends, indelible memories and a useless PennCard.

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

Raise your hand if you're already schwasty (our hands are raised). Fling has flung, as has our integrity. We're too drunk for this. Just… just read. One Bloomer and one Sphinx got pretty wild this past weekend when the pair decided to dress up in matching zebra onesies. Unfortunately, one mare tripped while galloping for no apparent reason and fell at the feet of a frat bro, bloody and bruised (quick joke: What's black, white and red all over? This bitch! Cue laughter). The dumbfounded dude asked the injured horse if she was okay, to which she responded "Of course, I'm a zebra!" Not one to be corrected, the bro retorted "No, you're a gazelle. RUN GAZELLE RUN." Regardless of the actual species, the Circle of Life goes on. And it moves us all. During a protest against post–marital sex, two Mask & Wig brethren got a little feisty when a group of pre–frosh walked by on a tour. The brunette boy called out his red–headed comrade as a negative "product of post–marital sex." Little did the hilarious duo know, they had offended another red–head: a meek high schooler visiting Penn with his mother, guilty of post–marital sex herself. The guests were so unamused that they went as far as to complain to Penn over the malicious slander. Quaker Patrol was sent to issue the Wiggers a cease and desist. With all the pre–frosh and family members visiting campus this past weekend, there were bound to be more than a few DFMOs. One newly– minted fraternity brother set his sights on a pretty young maiden at his initiation party, unaware that she happened to be 14 years old. The two proceeded to "French kiss" and successfully pass first base! Let's just hope she took out her retainer beforehand. At a Bistro la Baia BYO, a group of Penn sorority girls engaged in friendly banter with a large crew of Drexel students. All was well amidst the Franzia and chicken piccata until it was time to get cabs… that's when the Dragon claws came out. Using their superior intellect, the Quakers headed upstream to flag down the taxis before the Dragons. As the Red and Blue sped away, the Drexelites spewed "You're going nowhere in life!" To which the Quakers responded "You go to Drexel!"

By Emily brill

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

OPEN CAPTION PHOTO

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

EGO’S ANNUAL SPRING FLING SURVIVAL GUIDE

Just as the weather gets good enough to actually look like Fling, Mother Nature is threatening to rain on our parade. Never fear: Ego’s here to ensure you have the rowdiest Fling in forty years. BY BEN LERNER AND SOPHIA FISCHLER–GOTTFRIED

THURSDAY The calm before the storm, literally. But don’t be calm––rage your heart out for Fling’s inaugural night (even if you’ve been drinking all week). Remember to pace yourself, though: there’s a full weekend of intoxication ahead! That downtown is the tip of the iceberg. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Feel free to BYO your 6:00-9:00 p.m. seminar.

FRIDAY DON’T MISS:

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

• Waking up: It’s easier said than done. Make sure to rally so you’re drunk before the clock strikes noon. • Quadfest: Real talk, you’re not too cool for the Quad. It’s pretty and this weekend, the freshmen are the minority in this carnival of debauchery. Bring dollaz for drunchies––overpriced Fried Oreos will be calling your name (and your wallet’s). • Off campus parties: If you’re sobering up, there’s no new AlliedBarton policies here. And even without a video crew, you’ll be SHMACKED.

YOUR CALL: • Fling Concert. Need we say more? Go if you want, don’t bitch if you’re not. It won’t be a disaster if you don’t make it to Franklin Field this year. Power nap? Or, if you’re going to Nova—get home safe.

SKIP: • Summer–y clothes. You’re gonna need a sweatshirt and or umbrella for that bro tank, dude. • Morning recitation.

SATURDAY DON’T MISS: • Performers: There are “big” names hitting the Quad stage besides your favorite campus a capella group this year! (This doesn’t make up for the sucky concert lineup.) Still, day–rage your heart out to the musical stylings of Gigamesh (Lower Quad, 2:50 p.m. – 3:35 p.m.), Autre Ne Veut (Upper Quad, 1:55 pm. – 2:40 p.m.) and Delorean (Lower Quad, 3:40 p.m. – 4:40 p.m.). And plan your departures to block parties around Mask & Wig, Off the Beat, Glee Club and [insert your favorite student group here]. • Eating: Remember to do that, kiddos! Mom wouldn't approve of this kind of "all–liquid cleanse." Even Wawa is more acceptable. BYO Commons. The possibilities are endless. • Off campus parties: Again. Duh.

SKIP: • All day nap. As tempting as the Netflix/GrubHub route may seem in your physically drained state, be strong and take some shots to go out with a bang! (Please don’t get hospitalized.) But foreal, it might not even rain! So there’s that.

SUNDAY Fling has flung. No need to mourn the ~*BE$T WEEK3ND EVR I LUV GRLTALK*~ because now it’s time for reminiscing. Feed your soul with bagels, Bui's and gossip. Catch up on carbs and commend yourself for considering a Sunday morning Pottruck trip (ha). Your iPhone library has a story to tell… and so does all the work you have to do. Back to reality, babies. Finals are just around the corner!

JARRID TINGLE

Street: What made you get involved with Black Wharton? Jarrid Tingle: It’s a big club in the Wharton community. Basically, they were all in suits and I was like, “Oooh, I wanna be like them when I’m older!” They just looked cool, but as I got involved, I learned the value in being mentored and everything. Street: What was the hardest part about leading such a professional club? JT: I take professional life pretty seriously, but I also go out and drink and stuff, so it was hard to have to wear suits to every GBM. Gotta look fly all the time. Sometimes we’d color coordinate though, and the girls liked it, so it worked out in our favor. Also deciding what food to order for meetings is always a big dilemma. Street: Sounds snazzy. Do you have to be in Wharton? JT: You don’t have to be in Whar-

As a former president of Black Wharton Undergraduate Association and St. Elmo, as well as a member of Onyx, Lantern and Friars, Jarrid Tingle has a lot on his plate. But he still has time to teach himself how to Dougie on YouTube.

ton. Or black. Or even interested in finance. A lot of people are in it to get good at networking. Although sometimes people are really just flirting when they network. I see people trying to find subtle ways to get each other’s numbers. Street: What’s it like being in a co–ed fraternity? JT: I thought it would teach me how women think. It didn’t. It’s really just like a group of friends hanging out. It’s only confusing when like maintenance men come in and are like, “Is this a frat or sorority?” People try to assign stereotypes, but we’re really different. For example, I’m not trendy or edgy at all. But I did get an interesting music taste. They love Major Lazer for some reason. Street: Was it hard being president of such a unique organization? JT: I mean, I had a vision, but it’s hard to bring the house in one di-

rection when we’re so diverse and small. I feel like I can voice my opinions more not as president. Once we were told we had to recruit more preppy kids. Street: Who’s your alter ego? JT: Flingle. Someone gave it to me freshman year and I started a Fling Facebook name–changing movement. We had a Martin Luther Fling, a Jerry Flinger… an Osama Fling Laden. Street: What advice would you give to your freshman self? JT: Live in the Quad! I missed out on the whole mattresses in the hallway/I love college pranks craziness. Street: What will you miss most about Penn? JT: I’ll miss having everyone in one place, because I’m lazy, so

it’s nice we’re all here in one place. And I suck at answering my phone. Street: W h a t ’s y o u r guilty pleasure? JT: Teaching myself dances off of YouTube. You know, Stanky Legg and stuff? I led a Stanky Legg congregation with dozens of participants at the art museum party during NSO my freshman year. I was also kind of a Dougie pioneer, I showed all my friends, people still ask me to teach them how to Dougie.

Street: When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? JT: An astronaut or scientist, mostly because of Bill Nye. I had an NFL player phase, but, you know, you can get hurt. Street: Describe yourself in five words or less. JT: Animated, stubborn, frank, restless... and spiffy. Street: What’s your greatest Penn memory? JT: I was at a party freshman year but they played the “All That” theme song, and everyone flipped. It was amazing. So now when I DJ, I try to work it in every four parties or so.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

egoof the week

Street: There are two types of people at Penn… JT: People who grew up watching Legends of the Hidden Temple and people that didn't have a real childhood.

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34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

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highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

HOTEL CALIFORNIA TYGA

PARAMORE PARAMORE By SAM BRODEY

By CAROLINE QUIGLEY

TYGA’s new album, “Hotel California,” was released on April 9th—leaving exactly 72 hours for eager Penn students to learn all of his new lyrics before we see him in concert on Friday. These new songs will have to earn their place among favorites like “Rack City,” “Faded” and “Make it Nasty.” The new album’s cover displays a majestic tiger lounging beside a sunlit pool, because of course it would. TYGA’s recent singles, “Dope” and “For the Road,” are exactly what you'd expect them to be. Also featured on the album are Lil Wayne, Rick Ross, Judakiss, Wiz Khalifa, Chris Brown, 2Chainz and others. This conglomeration of artists will definitely “fill the air.”

You might know Paramore best from the band's 2009 hit “Misery Business,” an ass–kicking pop–punk anthem for a generation of angsty teens. They’ve spent the last four years since then working on this album, their third studio effort, and the attitude is far less teenaged. This album’s production is noticeably smoother and the aesthetic skews far more pop than punk (“Ain’t It Fun” even has gospel choir back–up vocals). But the punky grit and energy of their past efforts is lost in the shuffle. The lead single, “Now,” is disappointing, lacking the infectious guitar hooks of their past efforts—it’s reflective of most of the album. Sure, lead singer Hayley Williams’ remarkable voice is still on full display, but it’s wasted on forgettable, generic pop. Paramore has definitely grown up, but the added years don’t sound great on them.

GRADE: B+ Sounds best when: You’re

GRADE: C Sounds best when:

99-Cent Download: “For the

99-Cent Download: “Anklebiters"

tired of being classy and just wanna make it nasty

Reminiscing about high school

Road”

XPN

Music Film f e s t i va l

APRIL 11-14, 2013

Produced by the P H I L A D E L P H I A F I L M S O C I E T Y

Rockumentaries, musician biopics and movies defined by their great soundtracks! OPEN ING N IGH T

GOOD OL’ FREDA

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

The Beatles as seen through the eyes of the woman who spent 11 years as their secretary.

SPE CI A L SCR EENING S

FREAK NIGHT

Costume party set to The Flaming Lips’ famed 2012 Halloween show.

PLEASED TO MEET ME

CL O SING N IGH T

TWENTY FEET FROM STARDOM

The untold story of back-up singers, the true heroes when creating a full musical sound.

Starring John Doe and Aimee Mann.

GREASE SING-A-LONG THE HISTORY OF FUTURE FOLK

2012 Philadelphia Film Festival Audience Award Winner.

Plus performances, open and closing night parties, and special events! Details at XPN.org/music-filmfest | Student Discount Available with I.D. All screenings and events in University City facebook.com/XPNMusicFilmFest #xpnmff13

Forget flingin' at Franklin. The case could be made that this weekend's best day—musically, at least—is Saturday. By cassandra kyriazis

12:20 – 12:40

If you’re feeling groovy, check out Penn Jazz (Penn’s very own jazz ensemble group) in the Upper Quad. And if you've managed to get totally nuts by noon, go see the Bloomers band at 12:30 in the Lower Quad for covers of everything from the Killers to Carly Rae Jepsen.

12:50 – 1:00 Hang around to catch the Penn Glee Club Band in the Lower Quad. Boasting a repertoire of “standard hits and [their] own unique fusion of rock, ska, and swing,” PGCB is sure to keep you entertained. Sorry, Yalla.

1:10 – 1:25 Check out Kapacity in the Lower Quad for a taste of Korean culture—feel a Gangnam Style cover coming on?

1:30 – 1:50 Head back to the Upper Quad to groove with an interactive performance featuring the rhythms of Penn Samba. Plus, you can get a good spot for...

1:55 – 2:40

SHAKE YO FANNY(PACK)S.

Run to the Lower Quad to get a good spot for...

2:50 – 3:35 Gigamesh is definitely the most dance–worthy pro act that J&G has secured to play on Saturday and you won’t wanna miss them. If you haven’t seen Strictly Funk at this point, you don’t go to enough Penn events. Just go to Gigamesh right now!

3:40 – 4:40 Sit tight in the Lower Quad for the final pro act, Delorean. This Spanish alt–dance band has some seriously neat beats to throw down as the afternoon winds down. J&G is reporting that they are “INSANE” live, so you won’t wanna miss this. Dischord and Dhamaka performances in the Upper Quad fall under the same category as Strictly Funk—how have you not seen them already?

4:40 – 5:00 Either dash back to the Upper Quad to catch a cappella group Off the Beat or stick around the Lower Quad for...

5:00 – 6:00 Mask & Wig in the Lower Quad. Why did J&G put no one else in this time slot? Because at this point, everybody knows that Mask & Wig is a show worth seeing. Or if you’ve had enough M&W at this point in the game, go frolic in the emptying Upper Quad.

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

Autre Ne Veut in the Upper Quad. We don’t mean to discount (former/current) student bands The Marigolds and Fat Panther, which are good choices if you’re looking for a more rock–type deal, but Autre Ne Veut’s unique R&B sound makes his a can’t–miss set this Saturday.

2:40 – 2:50

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

MUSIC'S GUIDE TO FLINGING RIGHT

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

SPOTLIGHT: FLING BANDS IN THE QUAD By bethany christy and cassandra kyriazis

Gigamesh Sounds best when:

Delorean Matthew Masurka, better

Lying on your back in known as Gigamesh, is that kind of existential the man behind Mike place before shot #6 Posner’s multi–platinum

99-Cent Download: “All My Life”

single “Cooler Than Me” and just about every super–popular remix of Top 40 music out there. Although most recognize his characteristically chill remixes of bands like Grouplove and Foster the People, his original music is even better. His 2012 EP “All My Life” is dreamy and pretty disco heavy—perfect for an afternoon in the Quad.

Sounds best when:

Autre Ne Veut Trippy, lots of cricket

Pretending it's 4:20 on noises in the background, 4/20 but it's actually heavy synth, weird but 4/13 inexplicably catchy—all

99-Cent Download: “Deli”

of this pretty much sums up this Spanish alternative dance band. Their sound alternates between fast–paced dance beats like “Push It” and more psychedelic anthems like “Stay Close.”

Sounds best when: The French moniker aside, Autre Ne Veut is actually an 99-Cent Download: R&B singer from Brooklyn. A serious up–and–comer in “Your Clothes” the R&B world, ANV touts a Prince–esque falsetto and the energy to bring the house down with sultriness. He’s been called a “bedroom phenom,” and his most recent album is a perfect example of an artist growing into their potential. Other than crafting excellent dancing beats, ANV has a tortured quality that makes his music especially interesting. But seriously, EXCELLENT dancing beats. Plus the songs on his new album cost $1.29, so he’s gotta be a big deal right? DFMOing

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

Gigamesh:

high

sober It’s better to judge Dreamworks’ “The Croods” by its cover. The premise—that a family of cavemen must leave its home when Pangea starts to break apart—is merely an excuse to set up a train of magnificent, Technicolor setpieces. While the film's flora and fauna are strikingly beautiful, the character animation on the titular family is stunningly bad. Their bodies seem to be in constant unnecessary motion, and their dilated eyes reach a new summit of the uncanny valley. This, combined with the odd editing choice to use “shaky cam,” distracts from the otherwise lavish eye candy. The film tries hard to be character–driven, focusing on an overprotective–father–rebellious– daughter subplot that was done much better in “The Little Mermaid” (or even the more recent “Hotel Transylvania”), but is slogged down by its heavy dependence on common family film tropes. That said, the characters and understated jokes come into their own as the film progresses, and “The Croods” even manages to hit a note of poignancy by Act Three. Overall, it’s a truly gorgeous romp—although with all those screeching kids in the theater, I wish I saw it drunk.

drunk We can’t be out in the open this long we must find a cave!!! Symbolic/motifc This dizzy shot. Every thing is beautiful though so colorful HOLY SHIT THE BOY BETTER COME PROTECT HER WITH THE FIRE FROM THE BIRD THAT EAT PEOPLE’s flesh. Why is this PG? Omg so chaotic as the fire spreads. The dad is trying to kill the mother in law by giving her a hear attack? lol too real “Animals we don’t eat we call children” lol moral of the movie. She just popped an egg to seduce him... SEXUAL!!! She stood at the edge, saw the light, she fell she slipped and she flew... TO TOMORROW IF U HAVE ANY OTHER PACE THAN WANDER LET ME KNOW. The barbarians getting shoes, ‘where are my feet?’

The barbarian boy is sexy seriously. Right? My friend agrees. He got a pet... He threw a shell out of surprise and it went to go roll over!!! And the dog rolls over the cliff... HAHA. Goodbye, dog. Take us to tomorrow, we are gonna ride the sun to Tomorrow???? In other words: they’re gonna die. What’s there at “tmrw”? Tmrw is love. PREACH. THE DAD IS SECRETLY JESUS IS BRINGING THEM TO TOMORROW AND HE IS GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF This is like Armageddon the world coming to an end and the dad sacrificing himself. Painting a family portrait with dust as he’s alone. I am most likely going to cry. The tiger and the dad become friends. So adorable. Moral of the story: follow the light.

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

Monday night 9 p.m., drunk. Great life decisions. The big man is scared of a cat. Oh nope, the cat is much bigger when you’re closer to it. What barbarian is named Eve? Oh nope, the barbarian’s name is Eep. Family problems are prevalent even with the barbarians. The stuffed animal is just a dead animal... Literally stuffed lolol FIYA!!!!! the roof is on fiya I bet this is about barbarians living among like current society. What the fuck is that animal mutant behind you!!!!! Omg barbarians in love? The male barbarian looks like Jim Carey. Omg the road is splitting!!!!! Get toooo the cave!! Shit was cray, rocks falling on rocks on rocks on rocks. Dad saving kids “Lion King” style?

I walk into the movie late— choosing to wait in the snack line over not missing the beginning was a Sophie’s choice decision. Is the girl who’s voiced by Emma Stone supposed to look like Emma Stone? She does. I mean, she has red hair too. The younger brother caveman speaks for the first time. “It’s Dale from 'Greek'!” says my partner–in–crime Roe Ranch. Wait… okay, so apparently there’s a huge earthquake that destroys their cave and reveals this lush magical fantasyland. It’s Dr. Seuss colorful with giant pastel tigers and other enormous predators—is that a walking whale? “This is what exists in a fruit loop box,” says R.R. Wasn’t this movie supposed to take place in the Stone Age? This movie is so complex. First I thought it was set in the past but now I think it’s set in the future. Hardcore magical realism. The caveman family meets a caveman boy traveling alone who inexplicably knows how to make fire, eats with silverware, wears shoes and has a pet sloth. The attempted romantic plotline between the Emma Stone girl and caveman boy makes me want to vomit up nacho cheese. I’m almost thinking that the dad caveman is the best dad in the world. Then I remember he’s voiced by Nicholas Cage. Now the world is ending and the only way they can survive is if the dad sacrifices himself. The final goodbyes are equally absurd and moving. Is this a religious allegory? False alarm, he survives too. Was this a family–friendly romantic comedy? Or a deeply disturbing end–of–the–world religious epic? Hard to say. Maybe the cavemen family died in the earthquake early on and the rest of the movie is Heaven. The end.

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

THE CROODS : 3 takes

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

by kiley bense and patrick ford-matz

| Some British guy is commencement speaker. | Total progressive pro–university President Martin Meyerson creates the School of Arts and Sciences and introduces Penn’s first equal opportunity programs for women and minorities. | College football’s first two black starting quarterbacks face off at Brown vs. Penn. | Commons, McNeil, Stiteler and Sansom East & West celebrate third birthdays. | WIND TUNNEL SUCKS | There’s a College, and there’s a Women’s College. ‘Nuff said. | Roe v. Wade is decided. | The United States withdraws from Vietnam. | Women’s studies becomes a major. Women still have to study it in a separate college. | Endangered Species Act passes. Pandas breathe a collective sigh of relief. | Students conduct a Stop Rape sit–in in College Hall. | Sorry fellas, Mortar Board only accepts women. Sphinx is only in its second year of taking ladies. | Pablo Picasso dies, uttering the final words “Drink to me, drink to my health, you know I can’t drink anymore.” FLING FLING FLING! | Local bands and Penn musicians perform at inaugural Fling. Still probably cooler than Girl Talk BOOM! | Hill becomes a co–ed dorm, panty raids ensue. | You think you hate the high rises? The Class of 1973 referred to the then–new trio of giant dorms as “Superblock”: “Superblock ultimately destroyed whatever cohesiveness there was to the campus at all.” | SPEC Sound/Concerts hybrid Penn Union Council facilitates musician performances across campus. | Sorry freshmen—new university policy says you can no longer rush until you’re a bit older and wiser.

TUITION: $39,088

| Joe Biden and his horse mouth are slated as commencement speaker. | Amy Gutmann is president and top bitch at Penn. | Penn tries to buy all of Philadelphia west of the Schulykill, is a little too successful. | WIND TUNNEL SUCKS | Women’s Center kicks ass, takes names/back the night. | United States plans to withdraw from Afghanistan. | Mother Jones publishes an article entitled: "Wine versus Pandas." You must choose one. | Carriage, a new senior society for gayz/ allies, begins accepting applications. | North Korea is freaking CRAZY. | Prop 8 and the Defense of Marriage Act are argued in the Supreme Court. | Lily Pulitzer dies; prepsters and sorority stars cry over their watermelon–colored handkerchiefs. | Girl Talk, Janelle Monae and Tyga slated to perform at Fling. Floor pass holders include chauvanists, people who didn’t go to Made in America and no one. | Hill is getting a new neighbor dorm. | People love to hate on the high rises, even though they have names and mottos now. | Penn admit rate reaches record low, doesn’t stop Dean Furda’s effortless glee. | Sorry freshmen—social pressure says you can and must rush in your fledgling, newborn second semester state. Wipe off that amniotic fluid and get butt chugging!

Recognizing Penn at Fling for the drug palace it is, the DEA partners with VPUL to insititue full body X– ray scanning at all Quad gates. Pledges everywhere just give up. | Heidi Klum Benjamin Buttons; looks like a baby. | Penn Communications student writes thesis on early 21st century nerd comedy. | The Oscars are now a musical revue starring Anne Hathaway. | America’s Next Top Model enters Cycle 80. The world is no longer smizing. | "Twilight" spin–off spin– off, "Midafternoon," releases on Holo–Kindle. Tweens and cryogenically preserved Twi–hards rejoice. |

TUITION: One. Billion. Dollars.

| After a ten year term as CEO of Google, Apple and a handful of start–ups you haven’t heard of (but you will!!!), Jonathon Youshaei takes helm as University president. | Penn opens The Harrison Nanotechnology Center … FOR ANTS! | WIND TUNNEL SUCKS | United States stays out of other people’s business (as if.). | Hyper–evolved pandas make miraculous recovery, begin opening vineyard franchises across the West Coast. | New programs of study include Instagramming History, Harry Potter and Literature, Comparative Twitterature, Intermediate Emoji–ese, The Selfie: History, Form and Context and Apocalypse Preparedness Studies (APS). | AGut is cryogenically preserved, visited daily by the Under the Button staff. | The Ben Franklin bench is almost totally eroded due to the combined effects of frat bro urine and nightmarish acid rain. | Blue Ivy Carter performs at Fling. Earth implodes. | Hill gets razed. And all is finally right in the world. | High rises are enclosed in a giant glass bubble to keep out both terrible Philadelphia weather and anyone who isn’t a Penn student. Wind tunnel miraculously persists. | Penn admits a single student. NSO is weird. | Penn rush now begins in junior high, with ice cream and soda smokers and duckpin bowling/DIY pottery trips.

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

TUITION: $2,850

Construction on the One World Trade Center nears completion. | The Quad tightens Fling security—residence halls in lockdown and undercover liquor cops on the prowl. Welcome to "The Wire." | Heidi Klum rules Project Runway and looks like she’s 20. She’s most definitely in. | Demetri Martin visits Penn and is girlish and understated. | America’s Next Top Model enters its 20th “cycle.” Without “noted [gorgeous hunky] fashion photographer” Nigel Barker and the J./ Jays, no one cares. | The adaptation of Twilight’s try– hard sci–fi cousin, "The Host,"enters theaters to reviews of “ineffective” and “unintentionally hilarious.” |

2053

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80 years of FLING 2013 1973

The first Fling may have been one of few bright spots in 1973. Richard Nixon was being a tricky dick, the Vietnam War had reached a breaking point at home and abroad and—worst of all—Penn’s fraternity life was in remission (the yearbook blamed the construction of the highrises). Penn needed Fling like a hippie needs drugs and affectionate petting. Today, Fling is the most necessary catharsis in Penn’s bag of traditions. Whether you’re rolling face or rolling with your BFFs, it’s a time for letting go and forgetting. And we at Street think it always will be. Here’s our look at eighty years of history, Penn, and Fling, from 1973 to 2053.

spring fling guide

the

guide

in the quad

• Spring Fling hours: Friday and Saturday, April 12-13, 2013, 12 – 6 PM. • Spring Fling Concert: Friday, April 12, 2013, 7:30 – 11 PM. • All bags are subject to inspection by security. • All guests must have their Guest Passes, a photo ID, and be accompanied by their host in order to enter the Quad. • ONLY OPEN, EMPTY BEVERAGE CONTAINERS will be permitted inside the Quad during Fling hours. • All Concert attendees 18+ are required to have either a valid PennCard or other valid photo ID. Those under 18 must be registered Guest Pass holders, with valid photo ID, and be accompanied by Penn Student Host. • Passes can be revoked by University officials at any time without refund if guests fail to adhere to University, Housing, and Spring Fling Policies. Guests will then not be able to re-enter the Quad. • For Emergencies: Call 215-573-3333

1. Lil Pop Shop 2. Liberty Concessior 3. J–Dogs Concessior 4. Luke's Lobster (Sat. Only) 5. Festival Food 6. Little Baby's Ice Cream 7. Photobooth 8. Lumpy's BBQ (Fried Oreos) 9. Moon Bounce 10. Joust/Bungee Run Inflatable 11. Inflatable 12. Penn Thai Presents: Dippin Dots (Fri. Only) 13. Penn Band Presents: Candy Bars and Ice Pops (Sat. Only) 14. SNAP Presents: Free Water Station 15. Face Aids Presents: Face Painting (Fri. Only) 16. Pi Kappa Alpha Presents: Watermelon Eating Contest (Sat. Only) 17. Fling 40th Birthday Giveaway Tent

guest policy During the hours of 10 AM - 6:30 PM on April 12th 13th, ONLY Quad residents and their registered guests may enter into Quad buildings at their assigned entry doors. Guests MUST be accompanied by their resident hosts at all times when inside Quad buildings, e.g. hallways, lounges, student dorm rooms, etc. Guests do not need to be accompanied by their host ONLY while in the outdoor areas of the Quad during Spring Fling hours. WORRIED HOW YOU CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM? NO WORRIES! 12 PORTA-POTTIES WILL BE AVAILABLE--STATIONED NEAR LOWER QUAD GATE!

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spring fling rules

a paid advertisement by SPEC

spring fling guide

Spring Fling is a time when the entire undergraduate community comes together in a last joyous hurrah before the culmination of the academic year. It is also a time when new friendships are forged and good times are remembered. For two days, Penn is one in body, spirit, and sound mind. We, the Social Planning and Events Committee (SPEC), are proud to provide these types of events to the community throughout the year. We cannot emphasize enough the importance of safety at this year’s Fling. At a time when thousands of students simultaneously scramble for fried Oreos, mechanical bull rides, and inflatable obstacle courses, it is especially important to be aware of any unsafe circumstances. We encourage you to enjoy Fling for what it is, not for the behavior that it can elicit. Fling Safe committee members, donning gold t-shirts, will be available throughout Fling to ensure your safety – they are there to help you and are a great resource to seek out. Additionally, MERT will have dedicated observation areas set-up in the Quad and in Franklin Field should you or your friends need their assistance. Finally, SPEC’s directors are exceptional undergraduates who dedicate their time and effort to events that shape your time at Penn. None of our nine committees would exist without the relentless support of its dedicated members – their efforts make all of SPEC’s events possible and we would like to express a fond thank you to them.

Fling On,

Josh Oppenheimer Andrew Davis William Madden Sharree Walls

Dear Flingers, This is a BIG year for Spring Fling, our beloved Penn tradition is turning the big 4-0! This year the Quad will be like one big birthday party honoring the many great years of Fling. On Saturday we will be having a 40 Year’s a Fling booth with free giveaways and 1200 cupcakes to celebrate this exciting milestone! Like the many Flings that came before, this weekend will be filled with tons of ways to release stress before the final weeks of school.

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This year will have all of the Fling favorites like fried Oreos in the Quad and free Pat’s Cheeseteaks at the Saturday Night Carnival. However, be on the look out for some new additions, like Lil Pop Shop in the Quad and Mac Mart at Carnival. This is a time to let loose and have fun with friends, so we hope you are preparing for the most anticipated weekend of the year. This is a time for the whole Penn community to come together and put that “work hard, play hard” mentality to the test. We’ve been so thrilled and honored to have been given the opportunity to plan Penn’s most treasured weekend for the second year in a row along with SPEC Concerts. We would like to give a special thanks to our awesome committee, especially our sub-chairs, thanks for all your hard work.

Your Spring Fling Directors,

Kelly Chen Julie Palomba Casey Peeks

Amber McCoy Angel Chen Binh Nguyen Chelsea McCook Colleen Ryan Crystal Ma Danielle Chuang Debbie Ly Derek Standlee Dylan Phillips Elizabeth Broden Evan Nazareth George Li Jasmine Barksdale Jasmine Payne Jenny Lu Jessie Choi

Josh Jayasinghe Katie Rolin Kelechi Okereke Kriya Patel Ling Zhou Micah Rainey Neil Cholli Rachel Beck Rachel Buff Rachel Marc Ryan Hill Tierney Weitz Tomoko Nyunoya Victoria Ng Wesley Peng Yoojung Kim

flinger food shoemaker green friday, 5:30–7:30

Outside artists in the Quad Saturday, April 13th, 12 – 6 PM

gigamesh SPECIAL THANKS TO Jan Kee-Scott Marilynne DiggsThompson Perelman Quad Tiffany Freeman John Cook Marty Redman Randy Boczkowski April Herring Julie Lyzinski MERT Rodney Robinson Erin Becks Karu Kozuma Nancy McCue Sarah L. McFarlane Cpt. Jerry Leddy Katie Hanlon Bonner Office of Student Affairs Allen Watson Dave Kerr Kris Kealy

Pamela Robinson Stacey Woodson Elizabeth Sivitz Office of Fraterinity and Sorority Life Paul Forchielli Amelia Carter Derek Hunsberger Laura Carney Peggy Kowalski Ben Evans Renke Yang Laura Harcourt Tom MacDonald Utsav Schurmans Facilities Staff Lynn Moller Penn Traditions VPUL Erika Gross Cherrie Heller Gene Janda Josh Oppenheimer

If you’re not dancing your little tush off when Matthew Masurka, aka Gigamesh, hits the stage in the Quad April 13th you’re either tone-deaf or you hate music. Everything this remix master touches turns into funky nu-disco gold. He has done remixes for everybody from Fleetwood Mac to Foster the People to Radiohead to Two Door Cinema Club… you get our point. Gigamesh also produced Mike Posners “Cooler Than Me” which has 35+ million hits on YouTube and has gone 2x Platinum since its release, nbd.

delorean We’ve long dreamt of Delorean playing in the quad on a Spring Fling afternoon and we can’t believe it’s coming true. A fourpiece band living in Barcelona, Delorean brings sunny vibes and plenty of dancing wherever they perform. They’ve played between Earl Sweatshirt and French Montana at SXSW, remixed the XX and Franz Ferdinand, and have had prime spots at major festivals throughout Europe. And after our show they’re going on tour with MGMT.

• Collaboration between SPEC Spring Fling committee and SPEC Jazz & Grooves committee • New format brings a festival like experience • Free temporary tattoo giveaways

autre ne veut Autre Ne Veut is rising in a big way and we at Jazz & Grooves could not be more excited to bring him to Fling before he blows up. Autre Ne Veut is what you would get if How to Dress Well and Prince made a musical love child (would Prince make any other kind of child?). He has the beautiful atmospheric, R&B indebted sound of the former and the 80s tinged flourishes, falsettos and energy of the latter. That’s not to say that Autre Ne Veut is recycled and derivative, far from it. He takes those sounds and turns them on their head, injecting them with stabs of synths and horns, and danceable hiphop inspired drum tracks.

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

We’re especially excited for SPEC Jazz & Grooves’ Saturday in the Quad with, Delorean, Gigamesh, and Autre Ne Veut! It is sure to be a great time with great music.

SPRING FLING COMMITTEE

• Sponsored by SPEC and Penn Traditions • Free food and giveaways • Food: hotdogs, granola bars, finger foods, drinks (water, soda, juice) • Giveaways: Glow items - rings, necklaces, hats, glasses that people can bring into concert! • Music!

spring fling guide

Dear students and guests,

spring fling guide

Lower quad: friday

12:00-12:15..........................................................USS Mars 12:25-12:45................................................................Rail 3 12:55-1:10.....................................................Phortissmo 1:20-1:40...................................................The MirrorMen 1:50-2:10.......................................................PENNaach 2:20-2:30....Bené Buscapé (Robert Chung and Friends) 2:40-3:00..............................................................Fat Angel 3:10-3:30........................................Chalk Theory Bandits 3:40-4:00...............................................................Frat City 4:10-4:30.....................................................................St. Oz 4:40-5:00...............................................................King Sky 5:10-5:30..........................................................Party Lines 5:40-6:00............................................Slow Dance Chubby

upper quad: friday

12:00-12:15..............................................Disney Acapella 12:25-12:40.............................................Sarah Lindstedt 12:50-1:05......................................................DJ Sexybeats 1:15-1:30..........................................................Onda Latina 1:40-1:55.....................................................Counterparts 2:05-2:25..............................................................Penn Jazz 2:35-2:50......................................................Quaker Notes 3:00-3:20...............................................Skeleton Lipstick 3:30-3:45............................................................Penn Hype 3:55-4:10...........................................................Penn Masti 4:20-4:35................................................Pennchants 4:45-5:05............................................................Penn Raas 5:15-5:35......................................................Breakpoint 5:45-6:00...................................................Spaceman Craig

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

Lower quad: saturday

12:05-12:20..............................................Pomelo Perfect 12:30-12:45...............................................Bloomers Band 12:50 - 1:05................................................Glee Club Band 1:10 - 1:30...............................................................Kapacity 1:35 - 1:55..........................................................Smart-Ease 2:00 - 2:20............................................................Marigolds 2:25 - 2:45.........................................................Fat Panther 2:45-3:35.................................................Gigamesh* 3:40 - 4:40...........................................................Delorean* 5:00 - 6:00.......................................The Mask and Wig Band

upper quad: saturday

12:20-12:40.....................................................Upenn Yalla 12:50-1:10..................................................Penny Loafers 1:15-1:30.....................................Pan-Asian Dance Troupe 1:30 - 1:55........................................................Penn Samba 1:55- 2:40....................................................Autre Ne Veut* 2:50 - 3:10.....................................................Strictly Funk 3:10 - 3:25......................................................................JBOY 3:25 - 3:40...................................................Greg Oliveras 3:50 - 4:10.............................................................Dischord 4:15 - 4:30 PM.........................................................Dhamaka 4:40 - 5:00 PM...................................................Off the Beat

fling concert franklin field friday april 12th doors open at 7pm

featuring: girl talk, tyga & janelle monae

Carnival Saturday, April 13th College Green

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FLING CONCERT 2.0 No one likes a concert in the rain. Enjoy a floor pass to these concert alternatives from the snuggly comfort of your bed. “Shut Up and Play the Hits” (2012) LCD Soundsystem Why? Because the beautiful cinematography and desperate atmosphere perfectly capture the closing chapter of the monumental band’s career.

“Justin Bieber: Never Say Never” (2011) Justin Bieber Why? Because, even though he's fun to hate, Bieber is a true technology–age celebrity, and to watch his rise from YouTube to teen stardom is honestly fascinating.

DISCONNECT By andrew scibelli

“Disconnect” is an intense, multi–perspective drama whose four star–packed storylines are tethered by loss, emotional detachment and internet crime. The film is an anthology of topical offenses, from cyberbullying to identity theft, offering important information about privacy and internet security without getting overly–educational or preachy. The ensemble cast is sizable but none of the performances fall flat. Although most of the storylines converge, the reporter’s (Andrea Riseborough) remains disappointingly separate, disjointing an otherwise unified plot and seeming like a late addition to add sex appeal. However, all of the stories explore ways in which the internet can foster connection and disconnection between people, both young and old, and share powerful drama that culminates in a suspenseful, emotional climax. Grade: A– Rating and runtime: R, 115 min. See if you liked: “Crash”

“The Last Waltz” (1978) The Band Why? Because the rockumentary’s director, Martin Scorcese, is a bigger household name than any of the Fling artists.

“Stop Making Sense” (1984)

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Talking Heads Why? Because it's raw, quirky and straight–up good music that gives you the highest of highs. Not to mention it features a comically large suit—you really can’t lose.

“This is It” (2009)

come fling with us let's fling let's fling away

Michael Jackson Why? Because, although he died before the concert tour even began, Jackson knew how to put on a show. “Live” music videos, special celebrity cameos, gravity– defying dance videos—he really was the King.

“Woodstock” (1970) Grateful Dead, The Who, Jimi Hendrix, and more Why? Because this is what Spring Fling should be: a weekend of sex, drugs and powerhouse performers. Take note, SPEC.

6:30 tonight. there will be soda.

This Fling weekend, party smart: know where the nearest snack is. You never know when a craving will strike. By Nicole Malick

WHERE YOU ARE (TO DRINK) 1. Rumor (1500 Sansom St.)

3. The Quad

2. Chancellor St. Day Party

4. Franklin Field

You started Fling early with a Thursday night downtown, got yourself a VIP wristband and you’ve gotten several compliments on your new dress. A mosh pit of frat tanks, cheap alcohol and endless picture–taking to prove we’re still the “Social Ivy.” You’ve been spilled on three times, and one of your friends cracked his iPhone.

You attempted to sneak into Ware to visit your old room, were denied access and watched the Mask & Wig performance since you were already there. With a lineup like Janelle Monae, Tyga and Girl Talk, it’s hard to imagine being ANYWHERE else Saturday night (except Villanova). You have to admit, after all the hoopla, the concert was awesome! And you’re still drunk!

5. Villanova

Poll of Penn’s campus (read: guesstimate based on recent Facebook statuses) revealed Alesso > Girl Talk. You’ve enjoyed leaving the Penn Bubble but have no idea where you are. Which was your bus again?

WHERE YOU SHOULD BE (TO EAT)

THE FOLLOWING SECTION IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

A guide to bars and nightclubs on or near Penn’s campus

1. Little Pete’s Diner, 17th and Walnut Streets

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DRUNCHIES 'R US

24 hours You may be exhausted after tearing up the dance floor, but the short walk will be worth it for chicken fingers ($8), a BLT ($6) or a Cheeseburger Deluxe ($7)—each for the price of one more drink, with table service at no additional cost.

2. Allegro Pizza, 40th and Spruce Streets

452-472 N. 9th Street • 215-908-2063 starlight-ballroom.com FREE PIZZA NIGHTS every Wednesday night from 9pm-2am. Industrial/house music night.

Venue available to book parties!

Copabanana is THE place to go for margaritas! Half price margaritas Mondays from noon to midnight. Happy Hour Mondays to Fridays from 5-7pm. Open late seven days a week! Philly’s award winning DJ Karaoke Joe is now at the Copabanana from 9:30 on Thursdays!

Stop in for Sunday brunch! • 267-687-1128 conmurphyspub.com

1700 Ben Franklin Parkway

Great Party Venue!

Book your next event here

Conveniently located in Center City, Con Murphy’s is the ideal venue in Philadelphia to host a party. We provide the perfect combination of food, drinks and exceptional service for all of life’s special events. We have a great bi-level space for parties both large and small, and everything in between. We offer a $35 Party Package which includes a 3 Hour Open Bar and 3 buffet options. Let us take the stress out of event planning. Call or email today for more details: conmurphys@live.com.

3. The Quad

Since you're locked out of the buildings, eat your feelings and reconnect with the freshman 15. Booths will be dispersed throughout selling fried Oreos ($5), funnel cake ($5) and chili cheese fries ($5) to satisfy any mid–day cravings. Sorry upperclassmen, freshman meal swipes won’t help you here.

4. Wawa, 38th and Spruce Streets 24 hours Savor the memories of finally seeing Girl Talk after all these years over a meatball hoagie ($) or mac and cheese ($). The Spruce favorite is a great spot to rendezvous and the snacks are crucial to help you rally for the late–nights that await in Rack Frat City. 5. Campus Corner, 829 Lancaster Ave.

11 a.m.–2 a.m. Best to refuel before heading back—or to ensure you find your way back at all! Right on the edge of campus, Campus Corner has thick crust pizza ($12), onion rings ($4), wings ($8) and everything in between. Try to keep post–departure–FOMO to a minimum.

going to villanova? come back safe. tweet at us while you're at it @34st

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

40th & Spruce • 215-382-1330 • copabanana.com/uni.php

11 a.m.–3 a.m. Skip the mediocre pizza you get every weekend anyway and spring for a stromboli ($10–14) or mozzarella sticks ($6) to reenergize… and maybe help you black–in for the long day/ night/weekend ahead. It’s nearby, on campus and dangerously close to Copa margaritas…

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine April 04, 2013 14

FOOD ADVICE FROM FLING ARTISTS Proficiency in beats and eats. By Tilden bissell

THE SONG

THE JAM

THE FOOD

HOW TO INCORPORATE IT INTO YOUR FLING

“Diced Pineapples” by Tyga

"Shorty get it together,/ Diced pineapple"

Fruit

Fling fruit in salad. Take advantage of great seasonal produce (and antioxidants) so you can pretend you actually did something healthy this weekend. Grab pre–diced fruit from Houston or Commons (if you can swipe in), or DIY by dicing some favorite fruits in your own kitchen. Add French toast or eggs and mimosas—or screwdrivers—and turn it into a drunk brunch pregame to start Fling off right.

“Mushrooms and Roses” by Janelle Monae

"Mushrooms and roses is the place to be"

Mushrooms

Another way to add some shrooms to your Fling experience: grab a mushroom slice from Allegro. Next week, get ambitious and sauté some sliced button mushrooms in a bit of olive oil, salt and pepper. Put them on salads, in omelets or toss them with pasta and a bit of Parmesan.

“Neon Gumbo” by Janelle Monae

Janelle sings about feelings (it’s a metaphor)

Gumbo (or get lazy and just do chili)

Take a cue from Janelle at a barbecue. Make a pot of gumbo (seafood stew) or go the classic tailgating route and make a big pot of chili. Take ground turkey and cook until browned, adding onion, kidney beans and crushed tomatoes. Season with paprika, garlic, cayenne, oregano, salt and pepper and simmer until thickened. Top with cheese, sour cream or avocado. It’s pretty easy and almost Fling–proof.

“Coconut Juice” by Tyga

"Coconut juice got me real loose like/ Got me leaning three thousand proof/ like Coconut juice all on the dance floor"

Coconut and lime

Pretend it’s warm and sunny out and whip up a pina colada. Mix one part coconut cream (available at Fro Gro or Shop n’ Bag) to three parts pineapple juice. Add as little—or as much—rum as you like and serve over ice, with a lime wedge. Copa can also do this for you. Come Sunday morning, grab some coconut water and gently nurse your hangover.

FLING ARTISTS GET DEMANDING BY TILDEN BISELL

We all know celebrities can be difficult. From having enough food to feed a small army to just plain annoying “requests," here are some of the other diva demands from fling artists past, according to an anonymous on–campus source. Girl Talk, we hope you like roses and thorns.

Flo Rida:

Lupe Fiasco:

Tiesto :

dethorned roses

ice cream sundae bar

main audio feed from stage (before the concert).

This isn’t your middle school t–shirt revamp. Greet spring and Fling with a tank upgrade slightly more sophisticated than your seventh–grade DIY crop tops. BY MADELEINE WATTENBARGER

YOU’LL NEED:

• a tank (or t–shirt) • scissors

INSTRUCTIONS:

Turn the tank over and cut a series of horizontal slits down the middle from top to bottom so they'd fall along your spine. You should end up with a series of parallel loops.

Starting from the top, pull the second loop under the first.

Begin weaving: pull the first loop over the third, then the third over the fourth and so on. Each time you weave a loop, you’ll form a knot on either side of the previous loop; keep doing this until you’ve reached the bottom of the “Top-rated BYOB in Philly!” shirt. -Citysearch

Cut the final loop and knot each end to the side it's closest to. You’re done!

La Fontana Della Citta Fine Italian Cuisine

Celebrate with us in style... Sun-Thurs $22.95 PRIX FIXE DINNER with PennCard á la carte menu also available

ss of

see www.lafontanadellacitta. com

La Fontana Della Citta

• B.Y.O.B. •

215.875.9990

1701 Spruce St. Philadelphia, PA 19103 215.875.9990

Experience a Touch of Italy At the Best BYOB In Philly!

Seats 150 People 5 Lunches, 7 Dinners, 7 days a week Excellent for Family and Group Meetings Contact Management, they are happy to meet your needs!

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

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itta

DIY: SPRUCE UP YOUR FLING TANK

15% off with Fixed Price Sunday-Thursday

Authentic Italian Cuisine at Reasonable Prices 1701 Spruce St. - Philadelphia, PA 19103 - www.lafontanadellacitta.com

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

COFFEE SHOP ART SPOTLIGHT At these sophisticated spots, don't let the Internet distract you—just stare at the wall. Metropolitan Bakery

Lovers and Madmen

Green Line Cafe

4013 Walnut St.

28 S. 40th St.

4239 Baltimore Ave.

To add to its cozy ambience, Metro's featuring quilts on their orange walls. These fabric collages experiment with color, texture and pattern. They're the works of 8–year–old Iris Kim, 4–year–old Lily Dominus and their mother Lorrie Kim. The two girls' designs are different from their mother's. Iris’s works are a kaleidoscope of vibrant colors and shapes. Meanwhile, Lily uses the quilts as a storytelling medium. The talented and artistic four– year–old, characterized by her dyed hair, told us that her favorite quilt was her self–portrait as the princess of butterflies and color. The works are remarkable considering how young their artists are—these kids are doing way more than coloring in the lines. — Ciara Stein

The drawings of local artist Nile Livingston brighten up the walls of Green Line's Baltimore location. The shop has chosen everything from her portraits of historical figures and performers like Frank Sinatra to her depictions of daily life. The drawings— created with colored sharpie paint markers—depict social changes Livingston sees in the community. The artwork is a byproduct of her own experiences growing up and living in West Philadelphia. Livingston is experimental. She employs splashes of color, scribbled marks and dots, all of which evoke childhood innocence executed with adult precision. — Ciara Stein

Italy and espresso are best friends. Obviously. On 40th Street, Lovers and Madmen is toying with that tie: photos of Venice by Lindsay Browning help set the scene. Surrounded by images of orangey sunsets and blue boats docked under a clear sky, it's like you’re steps from the River Piave and not a mile from the Schuylkill. Browning, who grew up dancing, has also done a series of dancer photos hung grid-style on one wall. This clean presentation puts the focus on the progression of motion from photo to photo. — Alina Grabowski

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

Make your dollar go the extra mile at...

THRCOND M IFT ILE CEN STO TER RE SE

Shoes 214 Books S. 45th Clothing St. Furniture (Between Locust & Walnut) Appliances Mon. - Sat. Computers 10 AM - 8 PM Household Items .............and more! www.TheSecond Want to Donate?

Call for pick-up: 215-662-1663

MileCenter.com

“[Films] get more fun as we figure out what we need to be doing, so it’s less like we–should–prepare–every–fucking–thing–down–to–the–last–detail and more like ‘ready?’” Go to 34st.com to see an extended interview with and videos by filmmakers Dylan Hansen–Fliedner & Jason Jadick.

You’ve gone to paint parties and powdered yourself at Holi. Looking to paint your face with some organized design this time? Just in time for Fling, Arts shows you how to do it yourself. By GINA DECAGNA

You'll need:

• a paintbrush and assorted face paints

For a pretty picture:

Our inspiration: the Art Nouveau style of art, characterized by organic swirls and floral or plant designs.

Take your brush and draw a line extending outward from your outer lash line. Curve upward and outward into a swirl.

Draw a second line from your inner lash line. Again, curve upward and outward into a swirl above the previous one.

Draw a third line from the inner corner of the eye, going upward and outward into a swirl above the other ones. Add additional swirls, if desired.

Draw a fourth line from below the middle of the eye, curving inward along the cheekbone.

Add additional smaller swirls below and along the side of the face. Feeling extra creative? Incorporate leaves and flowers.

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DIY: PAINT YO’ FACE

For a fierce front:

Draw a thick line from the center of the forehead to the tip of the nose.

Continue drawing the line from the bottom of the lips to the chin.

Add large dots of color horizontally across the cheekbone.

Continue adding dots across the other cheekbone for symmetry. Snarl and yell like a true warrior.

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

Our inspiration: traditional African masks, characterized by bold lines, colors and geometric shapes.

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Ten Things That Are More Fun Than This Year’s Spring Fling Concert 1. Going to see Alesso at Villanova 2. Going to see Macklemore at Columbia 3. Listening to talk radio 4. Watching a silent film 5. Going to the dentist 6. Going to see Penn Glee Club 7. Watching a ball of yarn 8. Eating a ball of yarn 9. Vomiting up the ball of yarn 10. Cleaning up your vomit

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT REAL. DUMMY.

Fling themes

This year is the 40th anniversary of Fling, thus the theme “40 Years of Fling.” Here are some of the other themes they were considering. Fling brought to you by Bing: We all know it wouldn’t be as good as Google Fling. Beijing Fling: 20,000 people and Penn’s most mediocre BYO, a match made in heaven. Right Wing Fling: No Democrats allowed!! Sling Fling: The person with the least injuries by the end wins! Wedding Ring Fling: Franklin Field is turned into one giant chapel. Martin Luther King Fling: I have a dream, that one day fling will have a good headliner. String Fling: No alcohol in the quad? Who cares! It’s STRING FLING! Cling Fling: Find one friend, and do not leave their side for the duration of fling.

shoutouts 34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

SHOUT

Well, aren't you lucky. It's finally time to air all of your grievances... GOOD SHOUTOUT "To my roommate who stopped dealing Adderall: Wait, I forgot what I was gonna say."

OUTS BAD SHOUTOUT

"To [INSERT NAME], I hate your guts."

submit at 34st.com or shoutouts@34st.com

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spring FILM

How Penn Students Watch Movies Borrow from Library

24.6%

Film polled you to find out how you are getting your Sunday afternoon movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

hough we all know the Internet is for porn (thanks Avenue Q), the bedroom is no longer the only area being ceded to digital territory. For every girl with daddy’s AmEx, window browsing on Fifth Avenue has been replaced with online shopping. And FYEs everywhere have virtually been rendered useless (pun intended) with the existence of the multifarious iTunes store. Things are no different here at Penn, where the Rave gets nearly half the traffic for the midnight screenings of blockbuster hits like Twilight as Hulu does the day after the newest episode of 30 Rock airs. This makes sense. We Penn students are too busy procrastinating on Penn InTouch and designing funny lacrosse pinnies for the clubs we’re involved in to leave the comfort of our beds to

watch Hugo in theaters. And we fit this mold of overworked Ivy League students well, with only about 17% of Penn undergrads watching movies at the Rave every semester. But how about the other stereotype, the one that says all college students are poor? The free movement of information made possible by the interweb makes

you guess then that Penn students would prefer to get their RomCom fix online with free streaming websites like SideReel and Ch131 rather than pay for services provided by Netflix and Redbox? While 75% of us watch movies online, nearly 50% pay for it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a new release on iTunes — is hysterical, but is Whose recommendations do you take? it worth the 50 1.5 salads at 47.7% Other Sweetgreen 40% 40 A Friend it would Cinema Studies have cost if 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25% I had seen it Professor or TA 20 in theaters? Street Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more dles aren’t than one option. 0 that bad, I guess. entertainment accessible and The average Penn student inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

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Don't Watch Movies Theaters

47.7%

Free Streaming

16.9%

Paid Online Services

9.2% 1.5%

Why do you go to the movies? 3.1% 25%

6.3%

Other It's a way to hang out with friends

40.6%

25%

es seven movies, more or less, every semester. Simple arithmetic proves that it’s $40 cheaper to watch said movies on Netflix than at the Rave, and an additional $20 less on iTunes (cost of popcorn and Mike and Ikes not included in these calculations). The low cost of watching seven movies on iTunes for less than 30 bucks is worth the many conveniences that online paid services afford us: not being interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses and most importantly, not having to wait 54 minutes after watching 72 minutes of a movie on Megavideo. Not to mention, it’s a small price to pay when you look at the big picture — the combined savings of the 47.7% of Penn students who pay for their online services rather than going to the movie theater is somewhere between $196,136 and $295,344, depending on whether they use Netflix or iTunes, respectively. Moral of the story is: we won't judge if you just stay in bed. *A simple random sample of 100 Penn undergrads were surveyed to collect data about their film viewing habits.

It's a good study break It makes you feel relaxed and happy Required for Class

BY THE NUMBERS

$153,701 >> Total amount of money spent in movie theaters* by Penn students each semester

$196,136

>> Total amount of money spent watching online, if all people who paid for online services used iTunes*

$295,344

>> Total amount of money spent watching online, if all people who paid for online services used Netflix* *$12.50/ticket at the Rave *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes *$7.99/month on Netflix

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

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fling for any climate DO YOU PAY PER VIEW? 34

Backpage PRESENTS:

SPRING FLING MAPPED

A wise man once said: "You are where you fling." We couldn't find the man, but we did a little research and made a map to help you out. Bonus points for hitting 7 through 10 in sequence. Try not to be number 4.

Fried Oreo stand

34TH STREET Magazine April 11, 2013

"I love these Oreos as much as I hate myself"

Quad portaâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;potties

WASPs

Chancellor

People who were in line for fried Oreos 10 minutes ago

JAPs

Hill

Hipsters with painted faces (ed. note: see ya there)

Lost

HUP

Flung too hard

Wawa

Probably vomit

Inn at Penn 24

Delancey

Horrified Penn Previews parents

Elmo

Van Pelt

People who hate their lives

Fisher

Grad students who hate their lives

The Compass

"Copy of the paper?"

Biopond

"Alternative" Spring Flingers

Franklin Field Sweaty twerkin'

Pottruck

Frat bros getting in a lastminute swell sesh before donning their tanks

Villanova

Half of Penn's campus