April 18, 2013 by 34th Street Magazine

shoutouts shoutouts shoutouts April 18, 2013 34st.com

april 18

2013

3 highbrow

round–up superlatives, overheards, regular roundup, WOTS: majors suck

4 EGO

EOTWs: ian bussard and elizabeth horkley (street/ UTB sen13rs), your summer: charted

6 MUSIC

guide to summer festivals (see you in NYC!), study playlist, reviews

8 FILM

we tell you why movies have sucked this year, reviews

10 FEATURE

an exposé of quaker virginity

12 FOOD

philly's summery iced offerings, chitchat with little baby's dude, new eateries to get stoked for (thank god)

15 ARTS

get your poetry on in philly, poets who went to penn (and kno-it)

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

17 lowbrow

SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS

FROMtheEDITOR

34st.com

special online feature: robot soccer tournament

a shoutout

This is a letter in defense of humor and inspired by two unrelated entities: Spring Shoutouts (pp. 16–19) and Stephen Colbert. I’ll start with the latter. I’m from Boston, born by Boylston Street and bred on Marathon Mondays, so the last few days haven’t been my happiest. The administration (Penn’s—BarryO, you’re okay) did a horrible job addressing the bombings. Amy: you’re too hung–up on Locust decoration. I’m proud we’re making history, hurrah for the red, but what about the blue? Lucky for me, Colbert stole the statement right out of your mouth. “I just want to take a moment to talk about the attack in Boston yesterday,” he began, “Obviously our thoughts and our prayers are with everybody there… but whoever did this, obviously did not know shit about the people of Boston… for Pete’s sake, Boston

was founded by the pilgrims.” I laughed and felt better. Shoutouts can hurt. But so can making light of disaster. I don’t always laugh at Colbert and ethically–speaking, I’m not certain how I see his decision to quip on the attack, but it’s a risk he took anyway. Street lives close to that edge. If you are shouted–out and the premise isn’t pretty, try and look on the bright side(s). The pit in your stomach is invisible (just like the authors and recipients of these messages), but everyone can see you smile. Fake it ‘til you break it—your face, that is. If you can’t, turn the page. Summer’s coming soon and Street’s got a lot to say about sunny–stuff, too.

street's got a crush. can we buy you a drank? The 129 The 128 The 127 Kyle Bryce-Borthwick Anthony DeCurtis Hyland Murphy Erich Kessel Jacklyn Kornstein Emma Silverman Rachel Zurier Shayla Cole Alexandra Friedman Nicole Malick Donna Hahn Suzette Wanninkhof Julie Adam Hannah Morse Gabe Morales

Cassandra Kyriazis Caroline Quigley Jack LaViolette Katarina Underwood Bethany Christy Maya Nauphal Sam Trinh Nicole Greenstein Lucy Shi Mike Scognamiglio Gabby Abramowitz Kevin Crouch Megan Ruben Jillian DiFilippo Ben Behrend Alina Grabowski Andie Davidson Sabrina Garcia

Ciara Stein Jack Nessman Isaac Garcia Rosa Escandon Andrew Scibelli Max Hansen Josh Dembowitz David Baker Emily Orrson Dan Gillis Simon Stozloff Eliot Rambach Anjali Tsui Alexa Nicolas Selena Oleck Emily Marcus Tilden Bissell Solomon Bass

Michele Ozer Colette Bloom Sandra Rubinchik "Spooky" Bussard Anthony Khaykin Paige Rubin Inna Kofman Ellie Levitt Katie Giarla Laura Francis Mabel Luu Jake Shuster Fran Patrick del Valle Maanvi Singh Pete Hess Sally Katz

STREET CRUSH PARTY // SMOKE'S // 6:30 TONIGHT. 34th Street Magazine Nina Wolpow, Attending the Bush Inaugural Ball Sam Brodey, Taking the First Step to Fatherhood Alex Hosenball, Parting the Red Sea Chloe Bower, Battling the Purple–Headed Yogurt Slinger Sarah Tse, Throwing the Ring into Mount Doom Olivia Fingerhood, Having Your Weapon Inspected Margot Halpern, Lifting the Em-Margo on the Splooge Trade Zacchiaus McKee, Getting Your Pubes Flattened Julia Liebergall, Voting Your Hymen off the Island Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Serving Cherry Delight Ben Lerner, Spearing the Britney

Isabel Oliveres, Hacerse Hombre Abigail Koffler, Baking Your First Love Custard Ariela Osuna, Making Music for the First Time Michelle Ma, Cracking the Fortune Cookie Alexandra Jaffe, Editing Your First Sex Tape Faryn Pearl, Diving for Hairy Oysters Patrick Ford-Matz, Coming (in 15 seconds) of Age Kiley Bense, Exploring the Redwood Forest Madeleine Wattenbarger, Peter, at Your Cervix! Gina DeCagna, Not DIY'ing Lizzie Sivitz, Giving Mr. Happy Keys to the Furry City Zach Tomasovic, Heading Out to Deep Tuna Waters Zeke Sexauer, Parking the Pink Porsche in the Side Alley Lauren Greenberg, Using the Right # on the Wrong Thing

Allie Bienenstock, Taking Out the Oxford Comma Ryan Zahalka, Bumpin' Uglies (No Hyphen) Marley Coyne, Getting Your Gun Ready, Annie Michael Shostek, Removing Your First Mountaintop

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898– 6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581.

Cover Design: Chloe Bower

Visit our web site: www.34st.com

Contributors: Cassandra Kyriazis, Nicole Malick, Ben Behrend, Shayla Cole, Jack LaViolette, Gabe Morales, Alexa Nicolas, Max Hansen, Andrew Scibelli

"So, something like shit–stained underwear, that's hyphenated, right?" ©2013 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a–okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

BEST FRAT HOUSE FEATURE THE PHI DELT PORN CLOSET Need a place to… relax? The third floor of Phi Delt’s off–campus house boasts an impressive enclave of the finest pornography. Feast your eyes.

BEST REPEAT OFFENDER THE SOIREE URINATOR This shameless sorority girl neglected a proper toilet at Theos Soiree two years in a row. Third time’s the charm?

EDITORS’ CHOICE BIG MAC EATEN OFF GIRL’S TITTIES The story of the year. We wish we could provide you with some context, but we have no idea why/ how this happened.

BEST SPRING BREAK STORY NIPPLES LEAVE BEHIND ONE OF THEIR OWN The freshman hall that spring breaks together stays together… that is, until one of them is detained in a foreign country. SB'13 forever!

STORIES INVOLVING: NON-GREEK AFFFILIATED

6 DRUNKEN ANTICS

5 4

Apes Theos XO

SDT

SK Oz

APhi Owls

2 1

8 11 SEX

BODILY FLUIDS

2 mentions: St. A’s, Tabard, Castle, Beta, Skulls, Sig Chi, TEP, Sammy, ZBT, Kappa Sig 1 mention: AXO, SAE, Theta, ZTA, Fiji, Zete, Tri Delt, Phi Delt

THEROUNDUP

over heard PENN at

Girl: Why do you have a Penn credit card? Boy: Cause I’m a FLOSSY BITCH! Drunk bitch: I saw this guy I thought might be Ben Affleck the other day, so I followed him down an alley. It was a nice alley but it turns out it wasn’t him. DP douche: A good first date food is fish eggs. Because if she’s not gonna eat those, she’s probably not gonna suck your dick either.

NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CORNER By Julia Liebergall

I arrived at Penn as a bright–eyed freshman, armed with a Gustav Klimt wall poster, a New York Jets teddy bear and all six seasons of "LOST" on DVD. As I met new people during NSO, whether at the Penn Summer Reading Project (doubtful) or in frat house bathrooms (more realistic), that age–old question always arose: “What are you studying?” I confessed that I had no idea. The thought of already knowing what I wanted to major in before classes had even begun was absurd to me. Penn is a liberal arts school and I intended to take advantage of it. After all, I didn’t have to declare my major until the end of sophomore year. What was the rush? I had time. But here I am, nearly two years later, with my Penn InTouch still reading “Undecided.” I’m on registration hold. I’m technically not allowed to go abroad. My inbox is flooded with unanswered emails from my pre–major advisor, most of them along the lines of “Advanced registration is OVER! What are you doing?!? PLEASE MEET WITH ME!!!!” Time is officially up. I almost wish I was one of my pre–med friends, who complain about biology almost as much as they Instagram baby pictures of themselves wearing stethoscopes (#destiny). I even envy the Wharton kids, who dominate our Forensics lecture instead of just going on Facebook like everyone else. All of them came to Penn equipped with an idea, a vision of themselves in ten years. Picking a major (or a concentration) was just a formality for them. But it’s not for someone like me, who still doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up. To me, the idea of a major seems suffocating. Confining. A meaningless label on a four–year education that stretches far beyond the realms of one undergraduate department. Because this is COLLEGE. We’re young and stupid and drunk 50% of the time. And for eight semesters, we have a world of knowledge at our fingertips. Seriously! There’s never going to be another time in our lives where we have this freedom to just run around and try to figure it all out. All of the intriguing courses and amazing professors that Penn has to offer are ours for the taking. I can make as many Penn InTouch mock schedules titled “ryan gosling do me” as I want. That "Psychology of Food" class sounds yummy (lol), and I really want to take that Filreis class on the Holocaust. And why shouldn't I be able to? The real world looms beyond the other side of graduation. And once we cross over, we won’t have so much wiggle room. I guess I take it back: declaring a major really will be a formality. But not because I’ve found the key to my future. It’s just a pesty stepping–stone to get me abroad next fall, to take me off registration hold, to calm down my frantic pre–major advisor who probably thinks I’m dead. I’ll just pick something, anything, and hope that I still have time to find out who I am going to be. After all, I still have two years left.

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

Congratulations, freaks. You truly outdid yourselves this weekend. Even with the rain, Girl Talk and basically no Chancellor darty (#notoverit), you managed to shine bright like Tyga’s diamond grill. Read it and weep, children. This is the last Round Up of the year. And we are not apologizing for it. Let’s start off with our drunken GF in AXO who just could not hold it in at St. A’s Fling bash. Highbrow hears that the girl climbed to the very top of the firescape to relieve herself. Cuz you know that’s the place to do it. But alas, the girl did not realize the platform was grated, and the partygoers below were treated to a golden shower for a lengthy two minutes. Nothing like a drunk girl to rain on your parade, amiright Babs? The Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board was on the prowl this past weekend and Theos was its first kill. On the Thursday night of their annual Fling downtown, the cops allegedly shut down the on–campus pregame and refused to let attendees exit without showing a 21+ ID. Since most of them were not of age, the situation got a little tricky. Sources say a total of 31 students were cited and given court dates, some just for being at the pregame. Sucks to suck, Theos. At least your parents can pay someone off to make this all go away. Fling isn’t just for Penn students; sometimes, your friendly neighborhood coke dealer sneaks in to join the fun. Highbrow hears a West Philly blow dealer lost 10 grams of cocaine while flinging with her favorite customers over the weekend. But don’t cry yet! Allegedly, she later located her product nestled safely in her vag. Which we guess makes sense? It just seems like a lot of coke to stick up your hooch without noticing. But maybe we’re just inexperienced. But then again, 10 GRAMS. You know what’s the same size as 10 grams of cocaine? A mouse. Jealous of your friends who headed over to Nova for Alesso on Friday night? Don’t be. Sources say one Penn student was thrown in Alesso Jail after a display of public intoxication and failing to produce ANY form of identification. Alesso Jail consisted of a group of unruly drunken concert–goers, roped off by security and denied human rights. But with the peacekeeping of a true Quaker, the girl became Alesso Jail's most well–behaved prisoner, earning her early release. A parade is set for later this week.

CHECK OUT MORE ONLINE @34ST.COM

wordonthestreet

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

BEST OF THE ROUND UP

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

egoof the week

ELIZABETH HORKLEY AND IAN BUSSARD

Street: How did you lovebirds meet? Ian Bussard: We were forced to. It wasn’t a choice. Elizabeth Horkley: It wasn’t until January 2012, for DP training, but I had long been a fan of his Facebook profile. IB: Yeah, I saw you in the office the summer before but you never said hi. EH: That’s because we’re both cold and standoffish people. Although when we got hired, I sent you that email saying “Ian, I’ve had a crush on you for a really long time…” You replied with a lot of crab emoticons. IB: I have that email starred in my inbox. There was glitter going on too. Street: Elizabeth, what was the highlight of your Street career? EH: As Film editor, I was flown out to L.A. and put up in the Four Seasons for a press conference with Christian Bale for “The Fighter.” Oh, and

These Friars became BFFs when she was named Street’s Editor–in– Chief and he became Under the Button’s Managing Editor. When they get to reminiscing, things get spooky.

also my lovely staff and all the friends I made! They made me love Penn. Street: What was the hardest part about being on the editorial board? EH: It was weird to deal with complaints and realize how much people take what you say into account. IB: Oh yeah, commenters are just the worst. Street: Did you get a lot of backlash for exposing stuff on campus? IB: Sometimes. I would get looks. My vest–wearing professor called me out when I wrote he was teaching a class on the history of vests for Joke Day! But it had its perks. Amy Gutmann knows who I am… Chasing Amy works. Street: What’s changed the most since you came to Penn? EH: The most monumental seismic shift for me was the

closing of Won Chinese; that really shattered my world. And the loss of the FroGro wine kiosk. What was it called? IB: THE PRONTO. EH: Yeah, the only changes on my radar have been food–related. IB: Also, Amy got a couple billion for Penn. EH: Penn got a little richer. I got a little poorer. IB: Facebook changed. Street: What’s your greatest accomplishment at Penn? IB: I founded Penn’s cat video listserv. It’s called Kitten Cutletz, we’ve got 70, 72 subscribers now. We had Fling tanks this year. People loved them. EH: My best moment

was designing those Fling tanks, then. IB: Oh, I submitted gossip about that thing that happened during Fling to the Round Up this week! EH: You submitevery week. About yourself. IB: That’s not true. I did it once. Street: What will you miss most? IB: Koja. EH: Beijing. IB: See, that's where we're different. EH: Also the world–class academics and fine facilities! IB: Oh yeah, I'll miss the

Jaffe art history building. EH: Also the first few warm days of spring, which are unrecognized national holidays. The smell of cherry blossoms and manure... Street: There are two types of people at Penn… IB: Those who got it and those who ain't. EH: Those who twerk and those who work. Street: Cast who would play the other in a biopic and what each film would be called. IB: She’d be played by Tilda Swinton. It’s called “Jesus Take the Wheel.” EH: All of mine will be really esoteric. I was a film ed after all. IB: I don’t care, as long as they got them cheekbones. EH: Okay, Morrissey in a Bobby Fischer-esque musical tale about his viola playing. IB: I play in a quartet in the Penn Chamber Music Society. Would it be called “Precious”?

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34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

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EH: I want a “RuPaul’s Drag Race” reference… it’s called “Shantay You Stay.” IB: “Shontay you PLAY.” Street: On a related note, who’s your alter ego? EH: People have told me I’m Helga Pataki–ish. And Catherine from “Wuthering Heights.” As in the one who screams a lot and then dies. IB: Well, I am known as Spooky Bussard. EH: Ian read me this tweet that said, “I bet when Helena Bonham Carter makes pancakes she makes spooky pancakes.” We just started saying “spooky” all the time. IB: So I changed my Facebook name to Spooky. When the sunglasses are on, Spooky’s out. EH: I say Spooky’s always out. Also, this will come across as the biggest compliment ever, and I don't want to inflate your ego, but you’re a little Bowie–esque. In the asexual alien way with really nice hair. IB: Oh good, I'll take that. I thought you were going to say Hillary Clinton.

Street: Describe yourself in five words or less. EH: Don’t care. Love it. IB: Unst Unst Unst Unst Unst. Street: What would you tell your freshman self? IB: Once you leave your dorm in the morning, don’t go back until you’re going to bed. EH: I would tell myself to chill. No matter who you are, Penn people will love you. Because there really is a niche for everyone. Me and Penn, we’re cool.

It seems like everyone has landed glamorous NYC internship dream jobs, but you’re unemployed and more anxious than ever. Don’t fear—you have approximately three weeks and Ego is here to help. BY BEN LERNER AND SOPHIA FISCHLER-GOTTFRIED

What grade did you just finish? freshman

sophomore

Did you luv your camp friends in high school? bffz 4ever <3

yes

Are you on track creditswise (no eight credit senior year) ?

Do you at least love your high school friends? SENIO12S!

yes

senior

Did you intern in summer '12?

Are you going abroad?

yes

junior

Do you have an employment plan come September?

yes

Did you have a glam intership during any of your past three summers?

Do you have a long shot lead or backup?

yes

no Penn Summer Session

Back to Camp

School in the summer is like, a crime. But you’ll be happy senior year when you’re part–time. Plus, Philly is as fun as it is sweltering in the summer.

If you’re a frosh, you’re only 19. This is basically your last summer of freedom, so enjoy the campfire one last time. If you’re the 22–year–old who ended up here, if you don’t have leads, the job search can wait a few months. And there’s always that token 30–year–old counselor anyways.

Ca$h at All Costs

If you love your high school classmates, you might as well get some real world experience (retail? tutoring? barista?) while having a ball at home. If you’re going abroad and the internship search just hasn’t worked out, you won't regret having a bunch of extra cash for your adventures overseas. Especially when you’ll be somewhere where the exchange rate isn’t your friend.

Volunteer

A major–related volunteer opportunity might look just as good on your résumé as an internship. And it’s good for your soul.

Last-Minute Random Connection It may be awkward, but just reach out to anyone you know if you’re still bent on a 9–to–5 internship. Ask your old boss if you have one. If you don't, you might as well email your mom’s friend’s therapist who knew something about that thing that would be perfect for you, honey. Seriously, just go for it!

Travel

Frosh, you might as well take this final summer of freedom to go somewhere new. You might not get this opportunity again. If you’re not going abroad for five or more months, don’t feel left out—plan your own “semester” abroad, sans classes. Seniors—you did it! Livin’ the dream. Time to backpack around Europe. Bon voyage, baby!

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

Street: Who were you in your past life? EH: Ian was an elderly Upper West Side socialite who lives in a mint green apartment and only wears Chanel suits. The money just keeps coming from a long– dead husband. IB: Yours is a bit less glamorous, but… Emily Dickinson? A posthumously famous poet, who’s maybe a recluse. EH: DON’T CALL ME EMILY DICKINSON IN PRINT!

EGO PRESENTS: SO YOU’RE STILL UNEMPLOYED?

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

more eotw

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

WELCOME TO SUMMER–FESTIVALS GUIDE

Still haven’t heard back from that backup firm in the city or that Philly–based start–up? Drown your sorrows in this summer’s sick festival lineup. Did somebody say “roadtrip?” By cassandra kyriazis and Ariela Osuna

Bonnaroo

Dates: June 13–16 Price: $269.50

Going down south this summer? Don't miss this four–day concert experience (that's what previous Bonnaroovians would call it) in good old Manchester, Tennessee. With artists like Paul McCartney, Billy Idol, Matt & Kim, Earl Sweatshirt, Passion Pit and the Lumineers headlining, Bonnaroo offers the most even distribution of up–and–comer, super–popular– right–now, and forever relevant musical acts (and there's comedy, too!) A camping area is provided for you in your general admission ticket and you'll be stationed with a bunch fellow barefoot, music–loving hippies. Don't fret though, there are bathrooms and showers for you to use as well. Not to mention, a "Broo'ers Festival" tent featuring over 20 different breweries, and more food trucks (including vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free options) than you'll know what to do with.

Firefly

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

Writer's Musical Pick: Pretty Lights Writer's Comedy Pick: David Cross Editor’s Must-See: Don’t miss Local Natives down in Tennessee. Their young acoustic sound matures in their most recent album release, "Hummingbird." Apart from their emotive lyrics and rich acoustics, Local Natives have come up with a unique sound characterized by an upbeat tempo umatched by other indie rock bands. Make sure to know the lyrics to “Breakers."

Governor's Ball

Fling is over, which means that finals season is around the corner (sorry!). An instrumental playlist might be just the cure for your cram sesh. By GABE MORALES

Delicate Steve—"Positive Force" Start off your studying on a positive note with Delicate Steve. "Positive Force" will leave you feeling optimistic about the hours of work to come, setting the tone for a study session that won’t drive you nuts. Let the good vibes and upbeat strumming determine your finals season mindset.

Dates: June 21–23 Price: $258

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Vampire Weekend, MGMT and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs will be headlining this concert festival in nearby Dover, Delaware. Kicking off its second year, Firefly plays out like a sort of lightweight, light–drug version of Coachella, only not in California. Campgrounds are all sold out, but alternate lodging options are available—plus, if you're in Philadelphia for the summer, getting over the border each day shouldn't be too troublesome. Plus, with only four stages, it'll be easier for you to catch every single act you wanna catch once you're there. Dogfish Head has brewed a special Firefly Ale just for the occasion, which is a reason to go on its own. If you're looking for baby steps into the concert fest scene, Firefly is the place for you.

STREET’S DEFINITIVE STUDY PLAYLIST

Writer's Pick: The Lumineers Editor’s Must-See: St. Lucia’s distinctive pop sound will definitely be worth checking out. Jean–Philip Grobler’s (a.k.a. St. Lucia) raspy vocals and melodic instrumentals create euphoric energy that’s sure to speak to a chilled–out crowd. Grobler’s eponymous debut album, “St. Lucia,” got buzz from dance–floor DJs such as Alex Metric and The Knocks last year. Be sure to know “Before the Dive” before you dive into this fly concert.

The Album Leaf—“Another Day” As you start getting into the zone, groove to the calming electronic sound of "The Album Leaf" paired with the influx of information. Nothing gets done when you’re stressed and overwhelmed and this album will get you into a focused, calm space.

Diamond Messages—"Liquid Summer" When your studying starts to lull or you get writer’s block, play Diamond Messages’ "Liquid Summer" and open your mind. The luscious electronic sound will flow from your brain to your fingertips as you type your final paper, or at least give you the motivation to push through.

Dates: June 7–9 Price: 3 day passes are sold out, but $95/day

Did you nab an NYC internship? Good Quaker, give yourself a break and go see the likes of Pretty Lights, Local Natives, Japandroids, and Yeasayer (don't forget to holla at Penn alum and lead guitarist, Anand Wilder) in Randall's Island Park. Heavyweights like Kanye West and Kings of Leon will be at Governor's, too, but never fear the force of the mainstream: this festival also offers non–concert activities like the Silent Disco and fun lawn games. How can a disco be silent? By way of live DJing channeled into personal headsets. Then dance your ass off with a bunch of other people doing the same thing. Music + bad dancing = great time, at least in our opinion.

Writer's Pick: Of Monsters and Men Editor’s Must-See: Trekking from Australia, indie electronic group Cut Copy is a must. Their latest album, “Zonoscope” provides a varied mix of upbeat pop and soft techno. Their 80’s pop-infused sound allows for a unique experience that attracts all sorts of crowds. The synth ballads with disco beats will get everyone dancing. Furthermore, “Lights & Music” is sure to have a psychedelic light show.

Bonobo—"Kong" The end is near; it’s almost time to call it quits and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. By this point, your motivation is fading and you are tempted to just go to sleep. But once “Kong” comes on, that will all change. Bonobo gives you a mental boost when you need it most. Holy Fuck—"SHT MTN" When it’s time for the home stretch, turn on Holy Fuck’s "SHT MTN" and get the adrenaline rush you need to finish what you started. The hard, lo–fi electronic beats and sonic energy feel of "SHT MTN" will feel like a shot of espresso when you have one page left of your ten–page final paper.

MOSQUITO YEAH YEAH YEAHS

THE TERROR THE FLAMING LIPS

Fall Out Boy is back and they've brought with them that pop–punk sound that used to inspire our braces–clad and zit–tastic selves to scream– sing–along every time FOB came on the radio. Featuring a diverse set of guests like Elton John and Big Sean, "Save Rock and Roll" will most definitely cure you of any FOB nostalgia you’ve been having recently. Not even Courtney Love could kill the fun vibe on this album—“Rat– a–tat” (feat. Lady Cobain herself) has the same fun vibe that “Dance Dance” did all those years ago. Their sound has evolved in some ways and regressed in better ways, but the most glaring differences on this album probably come in the shorter song titles and slightly slower lyrical delivery from lead singer Patrick Stump.

The Yeah Yeah Yeahs have always dabbled in experimentation. Their latest effort, “Mosquito,” is conceptual, fun and a little trippy. The album revels in its range with unique percussion and an extremely lo–fi sound. The first single, “Sacrilege,” is a hit that doesn’t try to be. Featuring a powerful gospel choir, the track employs both memorable vocals and high riffs. The next song, "Subway," sets the tone and character for the record: weird and unpredictable. With garage rock songs like "Mosquito" and "Area 52" and sensual tracks like "Slave," the Yeah Yeah Yeahs once again demonstrate their ability to come up with a fresh sound with each album.

“The Terror is, we know now, that even without love, life goes on... there is no mercy killing,” lead singer of The Flaming Lips Wayne Coyne said once in an interview. Clearly, Coyne’s last relationship did not end well; either his lover left and ruined him for all others, or she turned out to be a flesh–eating alien from outer space who tried to eat his heart out. At the very least, the band must have been partly inspired by the supernatural, because “The Terror” is such a strange, hypnotic auditory experience. Tracks like “Try to Explain” and “You Lust” sound as if every electronic baseline carried with it the vague wobble of a theremin. Either a fever dream or a crazy person’s diary put to music, this album's frenetic and charged with anxious energy. But it’s also mesmerizing the same way crazy people are mesmerizing.

By CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS

By gabe morales

GRADE: A– Sounds best when: Driving

GRADE: A– Sounds best when: Lying

around aimlessly blasting the stereo.

down on the rooftop in the hot sun.

99-Cent Download: “Save

99-Cent Download: “These

Rock and Roll”

Paths”

By MICHELLE MA

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

SAVE ROCK AND ROLL FALL OUT BOY

GRADE: A Sounds best when: You're

about to go apehit a lá Jack Nicholson in The Shining and you need a soundtrack for your murder spree.

99-Cent Download: “Butterfly, How Long it Takes to Die”

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs H.A.G.S. @34st.com Make your dollar go the extra mile at...

Shoes 214 Books S. 45th Clothing St. Furniture (Between Locust & Walnut) Appliances Mon. - Sat. Computers 10 AM - 8 PM Household Items .............and more! www.TheSecond Want to Donate? Call for pick-up: 215-662-1663

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

THRCOND M IFT ILE CEN STO TER RE SE

MileCenter.com 7

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

WHY MOVIES HAVE SUCKED LATELY An investigation into the Hollywood formula that is generating boring, repetitive films—and what you can do to restore your faith in cinema. By alexandra jaffe

Movies Today: When was the last time you saw an unpredictable film in theaters? A movie that wasn’t a sequel, or shoot–em–up action thriller, or an adaptation of a comic book? Actually, when was the last time you even went to the movie theater? If it's been awhile, you don't need to be a cinephile to know why: the films coming from the studios lately have been pretty appalling. Thus far in 2013 the box office’s number one is "Oz the Great and Powerful"—a movie that got panned by critics and earned a mere 44 out of 100 on Metacritic. Number two from this past weekend’s box office is "Scary Movie 5," which earned a dismal 5% score from Rotten Tomatoes. In the next eight months you can expect to see over 30 sequels and reboots coming from Hollywood. That includes Fast and Furious 6 and Paranormal Activity 5. Hardly inspiring stuff. So what gives?

•The Problem In Hollywood today, there's almost no room for failure. The movies that are made have astronomical budgets, so they need to have a high likelihood of box office success, too. The studios have come up with what cinema studies professor Timothy Corrigan calls a “dull, repetitive formula” for these commercial winners. That means blockbusters and sequels with big name stars and huge special effects to tap into an established audience. And after the theater run, don’t forget about the franchise of video games, action figures, clothing and junk food endorsements. “It’s all about limiting risk,” says Heather Steinman, co–president of Undergraduate Media and Entertainment Club, “[Hollywood wants] to get a four-quadrant audience—that’s male, female, old and young. It’s the only way you’re going to get a film made today.”

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

•Break The Mold

Even if this year's Hollywood blockbusters have disappointed, quality cinema is still at your fingertips—SPEC Film Society provides preview screenings of new releases on a monthly basis. Meg Schneider, co–director of Film Society, says that they select movies to show based on what campus will like the most, and comedies have proven most popular. For those with more art–house tastes, the International House is constantly screening foreign films. And if that's not enough, the nearby Ritz theaters offer art cinema alternatives to the mainstream blockbusters at the Rave. For buzzy new premieres, nothing can replace a festival experience— check out the fall Philadelphia Film Festival or the Tribeca Film Festival, only a train ride away. Plus, Penn is the only university with a program that brings students to the famed Cannes Film Festival. Maybe the most compelling films won’t be coming out in theaters anymore, but if you work a little harder you can still find them— they're just a click away on Netflix or down the red carpet at Cannes.

The Experts Tim Corrigan – cinema studies professor Best movies of the year: "Life of Pi," "Anna Karenina" Looks so bad I’d never see it: "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" Movie that I’m looking forward to: "To The Wonder" (directed by Terrence Malick) Throwback I wish would comeback: Screwball comedies of Katherine Hepburn and films with sassy, smart fast-talking women. My recommendation: Take a Cinema Studies course!

Meta Mazaj

– cinema studies professor

Best movies of the year: "Holy Motors," "Amour," "Beasts of the Southern Wild" Looks so bad I’d never see it: "G.I. Joe: Retaliation" Movie that I’m looking forward to: There’s lots, but it’s not coming out of Hollywood, it’s not in the mainstream. I’ve kind of given up hope. Throwback I wish would comeback: For art cinema to be in the mainstream the way it was in the ‘60s and ‘70s. My recommendation: Use Netflix and web streaming

Heather Steinman – president, undergraduate media & entertainment club Best movie of the year: "Celeste & Jesse Forever" Looks so bad I’d never see it: "Battleship" Movie that I’m looking forward to: "Monsters University" Throwback I wish would comeback: Romantic comedies My recommendation: Find a film that you like, look at that director, then look at everything else that s/he’s done.

Meg Schneider– Co–director, SPEC film society Best movie of the year: "Pitch Perfect" Looks so bad I’d never see it: "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" Movie that I’m looking forward to: "Star Trek Into Darkness" Throwback I wish would comeback: Psychological thrillers My recommendation: Watch documentaries

let's keep in touch

FILM REVIEWS

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THE FOLLOWING SECTION IS A PAID ADVERTISEMENT

A guide to bars and nightclubs on or near Penn’s campus

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THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES By Max Hansen

Yes, Ryan Gosling stars in "The Place Beyond the Pines." And yes, he drives fast, looks good and does illegal things. But this is no "Drive" sequel. It’s something much heavier—all East Coast working–class grit, no L.A. music–video polish. Despite its having been marketed as a small–time crime drama, the film is actually a sprawling, slow–burning essay on fatherhood. The bank robberies and high–speed getaways take backseat to truly beautiful, surprisingly chaste interactions between Gosling and his female counterpart, Eva Mendes. At over two hours, "The Place Beyond the Pines" is a bit of a long, slow haul, but one that ultimately pays off.

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going away for the summer? we are, too.

Our Grade: A Rating and Runtime: R, 140 min.

Metacritic: 66% See if you liked: "The Wrestler"

By dAN MAHER

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“42” is a solid contribution to the legacy of Jackie Robinson and the sports–movie genre, though the film fails to explore the icon's human side. The film is never better than when it focuses in on Robinson’s (Chadwick Boseman) first season, showing how he managed to overcome his club’s initial resistance and be embraced by his teammates as a true Dodger. Off the field, however, the story of newlywed parents Jackie and Rachel is underdeveloped, failing to give us any insight into the man behind the legend. “42” does not try to sterilize the horrible racism that Robinson faced, but it seems uninterested in examining exactly how the couple withstood it.

128 min.

Metacritic: 63% See if you liked: "Money-

ball"

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

fall away and real college students navigating the same confusing curricula come alive. Unfortunately, the sample of students who responded to interview requests was limited both in number and in diversity. Everyone expressed fears about speaking for his or her community as a whole, insisting that each experience is unique.

My inquiry into religious abstinence began with Rabbi Josh Bolton at Hillel. He explained the Jewish principle, shomer negiah, which isn’t as much about abstaining from sex — it literally translates to “guarding the touch.” This “elevation of holiness of ‘the touch’” manifests itself primarily in the Orthodox Community at Penn (OCP) by males and females not having sex, kissing, hugging or even high–fiving or shaking hands. Rivka* describes her practice of shomer negiah as a struggle where she “everyday must reaffirm her decisions.” She is “shomer negiah everyday, all of the time” and says, “by now my close non–Jewish guy friends know better than to try to high–five me.” Her convictions guide her. Rivka describes herself as “disconnected,” and “not interested in being a part of Penn’s mainstream culture, whatever that is.” For Rivka, shomer negiah is one of

the ways she defines herself as a good Jew. “God wants me to be shomer negiah. It’s freeing because it doesn’t confuse relationships,” she says. Among Christian practitioners of abstinence, similar sentiments of conviction resonate. Matt Pershe, a junior urban studies major, practices abstinence. He speaks eloquently about Christian principles of adultery and loving one another as one loves oneself and Christ. These ideas guide him in his relations

thing that Christian guys on this campus screw up with, I don’t know what is.” To combat lust, there are what Matt calls “accountability partners.” These are informal pairings in which both Christian men and women in Penn Cru (the Penn chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ) and other organizations take part to help each other avoid sinning. “I’ve got an accountability partner, he even tracks my web browser if I’m looking in the right places,”

with spirituality and principles that might be helpful in navigating Penn. Their communities and the shared beliefs among students in those communities give them comfort of the home away from home. Matt in particular talks about coming to college and the pressure not only to transition into new social and academic worlds, but to find himself religiously away from his parents, too. The Christian community at Penn welcomed him right away.

Neither of them say that their boyfriends pressured them into sex or any unwanted interaction; rather, despite the difference in the Jewish principle of shomer negiah and traditional Christian practices of abstinence, both girls found that their relationships prompted them to examine the role of physicality in relationships. Both believe that dating should be directed: they seek an orientation towards marriage that Penn’s “mainstream” lacks.

Between buying a new Urban sweater and picking up dinner at Chipotle, shedding one’s virginity has become, for some, just another transaction. However, for those Penn students who’ve yet to do the deed virginity carries some serious weight. From the religious to the personal, they take agency in their abstinence. They’re unpopped on purpose. (* denotes anonymous subject). with women and give space for respect and friendship in the same way Rivka’s practice of shomer negiah does. He rationalizes his abstinence by saying, “I would feel bad sleeping with a woman who would not end up marrying me. That’s not showing her a lot of love, because that’s giving her as much as I can possibly give her without any kind of commitment..." But Matt struggles, too. Lust dogs him as it does any guy in college. His ideas on lust sounded unfamiliar, yet not irrational. “It’s not like I don’t look at girls and lust after them… If it’s not the number one

he says, referring to pornography. Matt speaks about the implications of pornography in daily interactions with women. “The way you view women and the way you think about women will shape your interactions with them, it will shape the way you feel about them," he explains. "You can become disrespectful towards women just because of what you’re allowing your thoughts about women to look like.” Matt and Rivka’s convictions provide them with a sense of assuredness. In college, that can be hard to find. With morals and guides to abide by, their religions seems to furnish them

However, the intersection of religion and sexuality does not always translate immediately to conviction and self– assuredness. For two other girls, Sarah* and Maggie,* sexuality acts as a point of transformation in their religious identities. Not only has their time at Penn served as a point for individual growth and discovery, but it has also become grounds for religious questioning and development. Sarah (who is also in the OCP) and Maggie found that their boyfriends challenged their religious ideals.

Sarah prefers to talk about OCP in general. She revealed that, rather than a “hook– up culture,” the catch–all that has come to signify the sexual landscape in college, OCP maintains a dating culture. “[Students] tailor dating practices around it [shomer negiah]. If you’re dating someone for a really long time and are trying to practice shomer negiah, it’s really hard. So some people will then stop being shomer negiah. Then, other protective buffers kind of set i n , ” Sarah says. Another orthodox rule, ‘yichud,’ mandates that an unmar-

ried man and woman are not allowed to be alone and in an isolated place. On the subject of her own religious development, she explains, “As you... discover things that matter to you [like being Jewish], the priorities, or the way that they manifest themselves in college, sort of shift around or get redefined.” In talking t o Sarah, it became evident that c o l lege can pose a challenge to religious identity. Students must take ownership of their own practices as they learn to live on their own. For Sarah, the struggle of shomer negiah appears as she mulls over the place of “the touch” in relationships. “[The] element of friendship or touch that isn’t just sexual comes up a lot. That, you know, that touch is a mode of communicating caring. You might want to hug your guy friend or your girl friend, that pops up also, and I think sometimes people’s convictions to be observing Jewish law strictly seems to waver.” When Maggie entered Penn abstinent, her relationship with her boyfriend inspired her to reconsider her mores and her place in the Penn Christian community. She describes herself as having gone through a transition before her junior year where she decided to take more control over her re-

ligious identity. “I made the decision to stop letting other people tell me what to believe,” she says. Previously, she was involved in a Christian group that she felt regulated her conversations and public beliefs. She realized she could depend on herself and her own “very liberal interpretations of the Bible.” Despite her move away from abstinence, Maggie says, “if it got to that point where I was 100% sure I would not marry him, I wouldn’t be in the relationship anymore.” While she now has a group of Christian girl friends she can talk about sex toys and crushes with openly, she still fears being judged among other Christians. She has reconsidered the way sex functions in her personal life, but she seems to have found herself in a space where sex is heavily regulated and the lack of sex is socially normalized.

Both Blair and Rob have now lost their virginities and both are happy with their decisions. Rob says he is in a healthy monogamous relationship, which he describes as “A+.” For Blair, the anxiety around her sexual identity has compelled an opposite vein of thinking to Sarah and Maggie’s questioning of the need for the physical in the emotional relationship. Blair sought to remove the emotional from the physical and describes the ability to do so as “empowering.” But not all stories of virginity fol- low religion's lines: take Em-

ma’s*, for example. Emma's family's immigrant status drives her decision to abstain. Her parents are from Lebanon, and Emma claims virginity out of a desire to please them and respect her culture and tradition. Though she continually uses the word “struggle” to describe this choice, she admits that it’s in jest. For her, virginity is not difficult. In response to her roommate’s drunken stories and sexcapades she says, “I’m so glad I’m not you. I couldn’t handle that emotional stress.” Although virginity on campus inhabits many forms and communities, the thread that connects them seems to be intention. Individuals who chose to abstain grapple constantly with the significance of physicality, virginity and of upholding one’s own definitions of what is right. For many Penn students, the decision to abstain serves as a point of change and transformation in attempting to understand what and who defines them. For these individuals, virginity was and is a choice, a choice that can be empowering. Alexa Nicolas is a senior from New York, NY, majoring in molecular biology. She is a former columnist at the Daily Pennsylvanian and former Backpage editor of 34th Street Magazine.

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

rassing and you are supposed to feel embarrassed.’” Both Blair and Rob expressed anxiety surrounding their virginities. The tension between a desire to be honest and another to hide was confusing, Blair explained. She confided in me that prior to her friend’s advice, “I wasn’t a victim as a virgin, but I very much felt that way.” Later she elaborated, “It felt like this identity that everyone was giving to me so I felt okay sharing that with people in a way.” Her friend’s comment changed her desire to share her sexual status, but under the imposition of abstinence, she experienced conflict between no longer wanting to be a virgin and wanting to cherish her “purity.” She couldn’t just lose it to anyone, could she? As a male, Rob’s anxieties took on the same tone and similar language, but there was another component at play. Rob noted, “When you’re not dating someone, and I wasn’t hooking up with people, people would assume that, like, my friends and I were... gay... for someone to imply your sexuality based on an absence of sexuality is problematic.” The easiest place to find virgins at Penn is in religious groups. There, the anxieties of virginity meet religious conviction. Identity, entangled in questions of faith and practice, serves as a source of individual inquiry and guides these students’ sexualities. Alongside peers, assumptions about those who choose abstinence

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“We had been hanging out and she went to a different school, so we stayed up all night talking to each other and I didn’t make a move and she asked me if I was going to make a move. And—” “You didn’t even kiss?” I interrupt. “No,” he replies. “And then I said I was a virgin and she got weird about it and said she didn’t want to do anything then… But she was wanting to do something before I said it so it was like, clearly a weird thing.” Rob* later lost his virginity during the first semester of his junior year. He was 20 and felt as if no one was interested in him. “If you’re a virgin at a certain age it’s almost embarrassing, and then you develop anxiety about performance issues, and,” Rob hesitates, “and it’s that desire to be honest with someone. I wouldn’t want to pretend to be not a virgin, then have sex with someone and then reveal it.” Rob is right in feeling like an outlier. The Kinsey Institute places the national average for males to lose their virginities at around sixteen years of age (about seventeen for females). By nineteen, 69% of males claim to have had sexual intercourse. In our co–ed college culture of raves and Round–Ups, where are the virgins? When Blair* revealed to a random guy she took home from Blarney that she was a virgin, he abruptly left, telling her it was better they not “hook up.” A friend advised her, “‘You’re not supposed to tell people that [you’re a virgin]. It’s embar-

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

COMING ATTRACTIONS: FOOD COURTS IN THE FALL

Drink

Check out what exciting openings are on your food–horizon after the summer (sorry seniors!) By Marley Coyne

Something for Everyone: 40th and Sansom Streets Donuts, dosas and froyo will share a home on 40th and Sansom. For the eclectic at heart, this new food court will feature Dunkin Donuts, Whirled Peace Frozen Yogurt and Philadelphia Chutney Co., which serves healthy Indian fusion food.

Why Does Drexel Get All the Good Things?: 3200 Chestnut While it may not be enough to inspire a transfer, the new food court at 32nd and Chestnut might bring out your inner Drexel Dragon for an hour. With options including Yogorino, Shake Shack and Zavino, a Center City pizzeria, we have a feeling we’ll visiting our neighboring campus more often.

Stay tuned...for what’s coming in to replace the old Gia Pronto (3736 Spruce) and defunct Mexicali (110 S.40th Street).

of the Week:

MARGARITA ICE CREAM

Mix 4 oz. of lime juice, 4 tablespoons of tequila and 6 tablespoons of triple sec in a bowl. Add 5 oz. of powdered sugar and stir until dissolved. Add 20 oz. of heavy cream and whisk until the mixture is thick and smooth. Pour into an airtight container and freeze overnight. Scoop and salt your South–of– the–Border sundae.

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

Reason #17 to

RIDE A BIKE roll past rush hour and actually enjoy your morning.

just past locust walk: 4040 locust street (215) 387-2453

Get down with the best frozen treats in town. By Jack lAVIolette and isabel oliveres

Ice Cream

Froyo

On Campus: Little Baby’s Ice Cream

On Campus: Kiwi

2311 Frankford Ave.; 4903 Catherine St. (coming soon) Get a rare taste of real Philly–style (it’s a thing) ice cream in all sorts of wacky flavors. They even have non–dairy coconut–based flavors for vegans! Don’t miss: Earl Grey Sriracha ice cream, rolled in Rice Krispies ($4 for a small)

3606 Chestnut St. With 13 seasonally–changing flavors and apparently endless toppings, it's the perfect place to get creative. Don't miss: Coconut froyo with pretzel bits (49 cents per ounce)

Off Campus: Franklin Fountain

Off Campus: Yogorino

116 Market St. Check out this increasingly popular Philly landmark for some handmade, old fashioned scoops made from Lancaster country milk. Don’t miss: Pistachio ice cream ($4.60 for small cup or cone) You get a bonnet with your scoop at Franklin Fountain

MILKSHAKES (NON–BOOZY) On campus: Lee's Hoagie House 4034 Walnut St. Sure, you can be skeptical about getting a milkshake at a hoagie place, but one sip of this super–thick shake and you'll be a convert. Don't miss: Chocolate Three Scoop Milk Shake ($5.35)

Off campus: Sketch Burger

SMOOTHIES On Campus: Manakeesh 4420 Walnut St. Three words: Two. Dollar. Tuesdays. Pick four fruits and add yogurt or orange juice for an extra 50 cents. Practically perfection. Don't miss: Strawberry, mango, banana and blueberry smoothie with yogurt base ($2.50).

Off Campus: Yellow Juice Bar 2046 Sansom St. For a super healthy snack on the go while wandering in Center City, pick up one of Yellow Juice Bar’s many fruit (and/or veggie) juices and smoothies. Don’t miss: Ginger, carrot, lemon and grapefruit juice blend ($4)

You too can be this happy

Frozen MargarITAs Every single fruit at Manakeesh

Milkshakes (Boozy) On Campus: Bobby’s Burger Palace 3925 Walnut St. Quite possibly better than the burgers, these shakes are thick, rich and have enough kick to get you tipsy. Don’t miss: Vanilla Caramel Bourbon Shake ($7.50)

Off Campus: PYT

Heart–healthy cuisine at Bobby's

1050 N. Hancock St. The "Adult Shakes" are a taste of childhood (with tons of booze) and they're great for sharing. Don't miss: Bananas John Foster shake ($10)

On Campus: Mad Mex 3401 Walnut St. Big Azz (22 oz!) margaritas for small prices make this a happy hour haven. Plus, they don't charge extra for flavors (we're glaring at you, Copa). Don't miss: Big Azz frozen raspberry margarita ($7 during happy hour, 4:30–6:30 p.m. Monday–Friday)

Off Campus: El Vez 121 S. 13th St. One of Philly’s top upscale Mexican restaurants, El Vez has made a name for themselves with their margarita menu. Don’t miss: Frozen Blood Orange Margarita ($9 per glass, $36 per pitcher)

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

413 E. Girard Ave. The burgers aren't the only thing that stand out in this Fishtown dice. Sketch whips up one mean shake. Don’t miss: Vegan Vanilla Milkshake ($7)

233 S. 20th St. Simplicity reigns supreme at this Center City favorite: deliciously creamy probiotic froyo that's just the right amount of tart. Don’t miss: Froyo with semi–sweet Ciocco Sauce and strawberries ($5 for a medium)

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

CHILLYDELPHIA

highbrow ego music film feature food & drink arts lowbrow

All Grown Up: Little Baby’s Ice Cream Moves West

In just two years, Little Baby’s has gone from dishing ice cream from tricycles to opening its second brick and mortar location. The brand new Cedar Park shop is promised to open soon — co–founder Jeff Ziga talks flavors, Philly, and experimentation. Street: At what point did you decide to open a second store? Why this location? Jeff Ziga: We wanted to do another thing because it was going well at our World Headquarters in Fishtown/ East Kensington. [Cedar Park] is similar to where our other store is: people around here own houses and that’s the demographic where we opened before and found a lot of support from people who lived a block away and loved it. We wanted to be near people who were going to support us long term.

right. You look at an ice cream cone and you go “Awww.” It has the right vibe. I didn’t think about this then but I explain it now: you look at ice cream and you feel like a kid. It’s like reverting to an infantile state of pure id.

to evolve. It really always has been: we source a lot of produce as locally and seasonally as possible. We have emerging relationships with local and urban farms. Sometimes they come to us with something interesting that we

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

Street: And you’re next to Dock Street Brewery so, pizza? JZ: That’s a third reason: We like the neighborhood, it’s close to a park, we happened to find a building we liked and it’s close to pizza. We’re next to Pizza Brain in [our] East Kensington [location] so being next to pizza is a good thing. Street: You had a cart in the Quad during Fling. How did your partnership with Penn start? JZ: We’ve been doing events since we started in 2011 with tricycles. Events and festivals were one of the first things we did and I think we were at Penn in 2011.

Street: Are you sick of it? JZ: By no means, but I haven’t had a scoop of ice cream since the fall of last year. I just taste things, like the rest of a milkshake. Last Friday, though, we made a flavor with Arctic Splash, a subpremium type of iced tea popular in random places, like Fishtown. I had to scoop one to post a picture online and no one wanted it. So, I had a scoop of ice cream on a cone outside and the weather was nice and I was like, “this is nice. I see why our customers like it.” Street: With flavors like Earl Gray Sriracha, how do you differentiate between what’s weird and is going to work out well and what’s just weird? JZ: It’s a combination of methods of discovery. We’re getting better at knowing what’s going to work. It starts out with trial and error then it becomes more trial less error. If it sucks then you don’t give it to people.

Street: You work with Bon Appetit Dining too... JZ: Yeah, they reached out to us. I think they wanted to feature nice local artisan– type people producing food. It’s good. The hope is that by next fall we can do single serving cups for a more grab– and–go product.

Street: What flavors have been your biggest hits? JZ: There are some that I call no–brainers like Bourbon Bourbon Vanilla. It’s the thing we’re doing to be there instead of just vanilla. It’s not alcoholic but people always ask if kids can have it. We have to explain a lot of things, like “What’s pizza flavor?” Yeah, it tastes like pizza.

Street: How’d you choose the name? 14 JZ: It just kind of sounded

Street: Are you making any new flavors right now? JZ: The idea is constantly

have not made an ice cream flavor with before and we will do that. Our first event was May of 2011 and we’ve made 40 ice creams at this point. Some of them have been “let’s not do that again.” Street: If you were ordering off your menu, what would you get? JZ: I would probably get a scoop of ice cream on a cone. Street:Uh–huh…well which flavor? JZ: [hesitates]

Street: Is there a flavor you really pushed to have on the menu? JZ: I was really particular about the coffee ice cream (Coffee Toffee). I really believe we make the best coffee ice cream that exists. It’s so fucking good. We use Blue Bottle coffee beans. Another one is Speculoos flavor, which everyone knows because now Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods make cookie butter. Speculoos is a Belgian cookie for the St. Nicholas festival and you can get them everywhere in Europe. A year and half ago it wasn’t a flavor people in America were into. I brought a bunch home from Europe in my suitcase and right after we made it

and Trader Joe's and Whole Foods started marketing their cookie butter. Before they started selling it here, I had to smuggle Speculoos back to the U.S. That might be a federal crime. Guilty. Street: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve tried to make ice cream out of? JZ: We made a spicy mustard ice cream that some people loved and some people hated. We made a honey miso chai ice cream that most people hated. My friend Liam, who likes everything we’ve ever made, wrote, “I think that with honey miso chai flavor, Lil Baby’s has finally flown too close to the sun.” I told him, “If not us, then who?” Store Hours: M – Th: 3-10 F: 3–11 Sat : 12–11 Sun: 12–10

head online for an interactive look inside the history of little baby's flavors

34st.com

In honor of National Poetry Month, get to know these three notable organizations promoting poetry in the city. APIARY MAGAZINE

PHILLY YOUTH POETRY MOVEMENT Founded in 2006, the Philly Youth Poetry Movement provides Philadelphia teenagers mentorship and education in spoken word poetry. PYPM hosts regular workshops and open mic nights, and the program has produced a number of renowned poets: many PYPM alumni have competed in Brave New Voices, a national slam poetry competition televised by HBO. Penn’s own Joshua Bennett, a College '10 graduate and former member of the Excelano Project, worked with the organization and now performs his poetry around the U.S. Get Involved: Attend an open mic night or slam competition—find event listings at pypm215.org. — Ben Behrend

AMERICAN POETRY REVIEW

This up–and–coming lit mag released its first issue in September 2010. Focused on promoting the literary arts in Philly, the all–volunteer organization accepts submissions from anyone capable of forming sentences—Apiary has published prominent Philadelphia poets and six–year–olds. Apiary’s issues are available for free at cafes, bookstores and arts organizations around the city. Get Involved: Submit your creative writing or visual art at apiarymagazine.com. — Madeleine Wattenbarger

The American Poetry Review is a literary magazine dedicated to presenting a diverse array of the best contemporary poetry and literary prose from around the country. Based and founded in Philadelphia in 1972, APR is one of the most widely circulated poetry magazines in the U.S. APR has published over 1,500 writers, including 9 Nobel Prize laureates and 33 Pulitzer Prize winners. Get Involved: Pick up a copy of the magazine at any local bookstore. — Ben Behrend

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POETRY IN PHILLY

Don't let the pollen get you down. Blow your nose in style with a personalized tissue pack. Check out this DIY on 34st.com

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34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

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PHILLY POETS THROUGH THE AGES

Philadelphia has spawned its fair share of literary giants. Meet five of its premier poets—and take note of related landmarks around the city. BY SHAYLA COLE

Edgar Allan Poe Greatly affected by the untimely deaths of both his mother and his wife, Edgar Allan Poe lived a remarkable yet strikingly dark life. Known as an exemplar of Victorian Gothic horror, his poem “The Raven” is ubiquitous in high school lit anthologies—you’re sure to have encountered its haunting rhymes before. Though there’s been a dispute as to whether Poe belongs to Philly or to Baltimore, we like to claim Poe as our own. To get inside Poe’s mind, visit the Edgar Allan Poe National Historic Site (532 N. 7th St.), where he lived during the six most productive years of his life, working as an editor of two monthly magazines and publishing over thirty works.

Ezra Pound This Penn alumnus and former Quad resident led an eccentric and controversial life. A figure at the forefront of 1920s literary modernism, Pound headed to Europe several years after receiving his masters degree from Penn. He got involved with the fascist movement and was later accused of treason by the U.S. government. Some of his most renowned works include "The Cantos" and "Hugh Selwyn Mauberley."

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

Sonia Sanchez

Philadelphia's current and first poet laureate, an activist and an educator, Sanchez has authored over a dozen books of poetry in addition to plays and children's books. Serving an influential role in the Black Arts Movement, Sanchez writes plays and books about the struggles and lives of black America. She is also known for her melding of musical forms like the blues with traditional poetic forms, like haiku and taka. In 2012, Philly's Mural Arts Program collaborated with Sanchez to create a mural (1425 Christian St.) commemorating her public art project "Peace is a Haiku Song."

Marianne Moore This midcentury modernist was noted for her irony and wit. While attending Bryn Mawr College, Moore served as editor of the literary and cultural journal The Dial. She went on to publish various collections of poetry and criticism. Center City's Rosenbach Museum and Library (2008 Delancey St.) holds the Marianne Moore Collection, featuring the complete intact contents of her former Greenwich village living room.

William Carlos Williams This noteworthy Penn alumnus is the author of more than 40 volumes of poetry, short stories, novels and plays— all on the side of his day job as a doctor. During his time at Penn, he was a member of Mask and Wig, an arts editor for his medical school yearbook and a varsity fencer. Listed as "most versatile” in his yearbook, he was also known for shaping modern poetry through his use of imagery and his innovation in form. His poems “The Red Wheelbarrow” and “This is just to say” are well–known exemplars of the Imagist literary movement. Stop by the Kelly Writers House (3805 Locust Walk) to see a sampling of his poetry carved in the sidewalk.

"A set of rough sketches might be enough to go off of for some shows, but sometimes they aren’t, and then there are five million ways of visualization to choose from. I’ve been trying to get myself working more from abstract painting, because otherwise, I tend to get bogged down in detail."

Check out an extended interview and a 34–second setbuilding video @ 34st.com

To my orgo lab TA: We all know your girlfriend excites your carbonyl group, but how bout you wait ‘til after class to show it?

To the manager of Williams Cafe: I like you just like my coffee—tall, steaming hot and full of cream. To the freshman boy who tried to get with me this Fling: You had a booger in your nose, so you can blow yourself. To the Theos boy who probably wrote most of these cruel Shoutouts: Do you realize how much time you’re wasting writing this? You could be out right now making yourself socially relevant! To myself: You’re hot (sorry I needed an ego boost).

To the Adam Levine look– alike bartender at Smoke’s: This love is taking its toll on me. Shoutout to the KS pledge that bleeds out of his butt hole when he gets nervous (EDITOR’S NOTE: This shoutout is written incorrectly, but we kept it in because HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?) To the APES sophomores: When I see you talking to girls in my sorority, I just want to laugh thinking about how you all were skinny virgins in high school. To the Perelmans: Surely there must be a couple ‘mil in there somewhere to tackle the scourge of early–onset baldness that’s been plaguing Penn men, right? To my ex–bf: Dishing out for Valentine’s Day dinner doesn’t make you any less Jewish. To the blackout idiot who took a leak on my radiator and then climbed back into

To my creepy roommat e: I know where you sleep. To Debbie at Magic Carpet: Sometimes I think I love you more than my own mother.

To my poor aching lady parts: Maybe I shouldn’t have fit four years worth of college

bed with me: You really know how to piss me off. To the sushi station Houston workers: Nothing excites me quite like the way you yell “spicy bowl.”

To my senior boyfriend who I always freak out by talking about babies and marriage: Marry me?

To my roommate who jerks off when he thinks I’m asleep: It’s hard to sleep to the noise of UFC reruns.

To the senior girl who told a cop during fling, “Unless there is a law against being 21 in a dinosaur costume while in ZBT’s bushes you better leave me alone”: You are dino–mite.

To Allegro’s: This isn’t Student Health. You can’t just set your own hours.

To all the gays in Elmo: Look, I know you make out with girls. Just tell me where to sign up. To my housemate: Okay, fine, don’t break up with him—but TELL HIM TO STAY AWAY FROM OUR CHOBANI. To The Latina Friar: Please disconnect your Foursquare from your Twitter. We already know you’re at Smokes. To everyone who went abroad second semester: You’ll miss seeing this shoutout, just like you’ve missed everything else. To Greek Lady tzatziki sauce: Are you just sour cream? Be honest. To APES: Your off–campus status will last about as long as you do in bed. To the girl who left her shit– stained underwear in my room: Stop asking me why I won’t text you back. To Kweder: I hope your documentary is as good as my Tuesday nights. To Girl Talk, Tyga and Janelle Monae: I went to the concert and still have no idea who you are.

bad senior year only happens once.

To the DP: Stop trying to make “fetch” happen. To the Walk: I don’t hate you because you’re fat—you’re fat because I hate you.

To the girl wearing an all–

To Greek Lady tzatziki sauce: Are you just sour cream ? Be honest. denim ensemble to Penn Previews: You’re not going to fit in. But it’s going to be okay. To the football player who pours beer on girls that deny him: It doesn’t take a Guinness to know that your Yuengling is a stout. To the Smoke’s bouncer who bends my New York ID & rubs his fingers across the chalky interior every single fucking time: We get it. You learned a new card trick. Can I get in already? To everyone who got arrested at Theos: Sucks to be so scene–y, huh? To front–row girl in Human Rights: Sending the professor extra homework for the class violates OUR human rights! To the gorgeous EIC of 34th Street: I’d totally edit all your sections... Backpage included. To senior thesis writers: Too

To the impotent guy from Friday: Eat pumpkin seeds. To the creepy contemporary poet who accidentally came in my ear and tried to clean it out for me: Dunno what’s more rancid—your disrespect for women or the crusty cum in my cochlea. To the lovely, innocent, perfect, green balloon that my boyfriend pried out of my arms at the Fling concert: I miss you. I’m sorry. To Disney A Capella: You do know that you sound like you are meowing right? To the Vagina Monologues: Let's not put all the black girls in one monologue... To the Tier One Fraternities: Must be nice up there. Love, Castle.

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

To the King of Fisherman: You no longer have me hooked. You of all people should have known that catch and release doesn’t yield the greatest net gain. Don’t bother throwing out another line. You’ll never reel me back in ‘cause that boat has sailed… (EDITOR’S NOTE: This Shoutout seems a little fishy).

experiences into my last semester.

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SHOUTOUTS

To the Tier Two Fraternities: Must be nice up there. Love, Castle. 17

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To the Tier Three Fra34 ternities: Must be nice up ST there. Love, Castle.

FILM

To that guy that tried to finger me during NSO: Not surprised you were cut from A’s.

To the TEP boy who plays basketball: I think you joined the wrong frat.

DO YOU PAY PER VIEW?

To the Tier Four Fraternities: To those pre–frosh who con- To the Pikapp pledge Must be nice up there. Love, stantly posted on the Face- who hooked up with my bookhow groups: yougetting embar- your Sunday afternoon Film polled you to find out youAre are Castle. sister: Prom rassed now? KHAYKIN movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY 14–year–old 2016? To the bouncer at Rumor: Yeah, hough we all know the To watch Hugo in theaters. we you guess then that Penn stuMy Virginity: SoAnd long, like anyone is over 21 here. Internet is for porn fit this mold of overworked Ivy dents would prefer to get their and thanks for all the stress and (thanks Avenue Q), the League students well, with only RomCom fix online with free masturbation. To the kidisinnomy negotiations bedroom longer the only about 17% of Penn undergrads streaming websites like SideReel class who offered tradeterrime watching movies at the Rave ev- and Ch131 rather than pay for area being ceded toto digital atory. boxFor of every Kraftgirl macaroni and ery semester. with daddy’s services provided by Netflix and cheese my yarmulke: AmEx, for window browsingUse on But how about the other ste- Redbox? your Fifth noodle. Avenue has been replaced reotype, the one that says all colWhile 75% of us watch movwith online shopping. And lege students are poor? The free ies online, nearly 50% pay for FYEs have virtu- movement of information made it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a To Chieverywhere O: More like Jai Ho! ally been rendered useless (pun possible by the interweb makes new release on iTunes — is hysintended) withwith the existence of terical, but is To everyone an equals Whose recommendations do you take? the multifarious iTunespicture: store. it worth the sign as their profile 50 Things are math no different here 1.5 salads at 47.7% Stop mixing and social Other at Penn, where the Rave gets Sweetgreen activism. 40% 40 A Friend nearly half the traffic for the rich co–edsitwho would paint To those protesting Tyga: To the Cinema Studies midnight screenings of blockhave cost 30 Major To the SDT girls going veg- It’s good their faces and pretend to beif 26.2% 25% 25% to know that, in a buster hits like Twilight as Hulu I had seen Professor or TA an to lose weight: Please stop: world privilege isit full of injustices, it was bohemian: Your in 20 does the day after the newest theaters? Street your leggings will fall down. lyrics about tits that showing. episode of 30 Rock airs. This a rapper’s Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more makes sense. We Penn students put you over the edge. dles aren’t one option. To all Pottruckers: Am I the To thaneveryone who thinks 0 are too busy procrastinating that bad, I only one deeply disturbed by To the gingers on campus: they're a DJ: You’re not. on Penn InTouch and designguess. the naked old ladies that roam Why do you ALL wear oring funny lacrosse pinnies for entertainment accessible and The average Penn student the women’s lockers? covered the clubs we’re involved in to ange? inexpensive to anyone with an To (whoeveryone is anything but average,inif powder two weeks ago: leave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

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To Cashmere Sweater Comedy: I’ll Venmo you both a dollar if you put this in shoutouts. (EDITOR’S NOTE: 24.6% We're cheap.)

To Hampton the chow chow: You are the only cute boy on this campus. Watch Movies

To PennBorrow Admirers: Penn from Library Compliments, Penn Secrets, Don't Watch Movies Penn Hearts, Penn Stories, Theaters Penn Guy, Penn Socialize, Penn Crushes, etc.: This isn’t Free Streaming penntertaining anymore. To the 47.7% kid who kept me from 16.9% Paid Online Services climbing that forklift during fling: Thank you. To the Oztitutes: I hope your

9.2% Oz beaus have the money to To all the girls standing in buy you some self–respect. line at Sweetgreen on fling 1.5% Sunday: That salad won’t To the guy next door who undo the double order of fried apologized for any noises we Oreos and 20 shots you took hear coming from his bedWhy do you go to the movies? this weekend. room: We’ve heard nothing. 3.1%

6.3%

To Simply Chaos: We don’t get it. 25%

40.6%

Ever. Other It's a way to hang out with friends

ToIt'smy friend who woke up a good study break in an RV last Fling with a It makesbaster you feel relaxed and hand: happy turkey in his for Class DidRequired you artificially inseminate anyone with it?

To the vegan girl who ruins all25% of our events trying to force everyone else to be healthy like you and love the earth: Just try bacon… just To theBYOB hot blonde in my “Top-rated in Philly!” try it once, just tomore see how it Linguistics recitation: Will es seven movies, or less, -Citysearch feels… every semester. Simple arithme- you help me turn my alveolar tic proves that it’s $40 cheaper ‘d’ into a bilabial ejective? to watch said movies on Netflix To the sig–delt S.W.U.G.S: than at the an addi- To the girl who complimentSo When U Rave, Gettinand Some?? tional $20 less on iTunes (cost ed me on “opening up my Fine Italian Cuisine of popcorn and Mike and Ikes To the Jew in Onda Latina: stride” as I sprinted down not included in these calcula- Walnut at 2 a.m.: Thanks You’re an orthoFOX tions). The with low us cost of watch- coach, let’s hit the showers? Celebrate in style... ing seven movies on iTunes for $22.95of >>Sun-Thurs Total amount less than 30 bucks is worth the PRIX FIXEin movie money spent many conveniences that online DINNER theaters* by Penn with PennCard paid services afford us: not bestudents each á la carte menu semester also ing interrupted by incessant available buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses see and most importantly, not hav- www.lafontanadellacitta. com ing to wait 54 minutes after >> Total amount of watching 72 minutes of a movie money spent watching Megavideo. 215.875.9990 •onB.Y.O.B. • online, aif Touch all people who Not to mention, it’s a smallExperience 1701 Spruce St. of Italy Philadelphia, 19103 paid for online services price to pay PA when you look atAt the Best BYOB In Philly! 215.875.9990 used iTunes* the big picture — the combined Seats savings150 ofPeople the 47.7% of Penn students who pay for their online Lunches, Dinners, 7 days a week services 5rather than7going to the movie theater is somewhere beExcellent for Family and Group Meetings tween $196,136 and $295,344, >> Total amount of depending on whether they use money spent watching Contact Management, they are Netflix or iTunes, respectively. if allneeds! people who happy toonline, meet your Moral of the story is: we won't paid for online services judge if you just stay in bed. used Netflix* 15% off with Fixed Price

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To Tyga: The University of Pennsylvania might not be your biggest fan, but somewhere a school called Penn University loves you. To the beautiful SDT sophomore I met at Shabbat dinner: Shut up. You had me at Hillel. To the house of girls that takes pregnancy tests together: If one of you tests positive are you going to keep it as a house pet? To the ZBT boy that pooped while hooking up: Shit happens, right? To people who hashtag real life: #go #fuck #yourself To the girl who insists on calling us “humans” all the time, in any situation: Can you fuckin' learn to speak like a human? To the Royal Tennenbaum: The only sex position you know is the one where she’s having sex with someone else instead. To the Wizard of Farts (wof): We missed your noxious mist while you were abroad. You may not be the wizard we need, but you’re the wizard we deserve.

To Chipotle: Sorry my Ultra family stole your “start your career rolling” sign. It was our first meal after three days in Miami. To the Managers of Houston: It took you guys WAY too long to start serving chicken fingers. To the guy who made a “your mama” joke on Facebook: Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad knees and a bad back from driving the truck, but you probably do not care about that case either. Oh well, I am not one of those people. I am 6’4”, 245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something like that to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would say that to someone's face. Just my thought. What do you think? Oh I am sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand I will be happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the nerve to say that to someone I know. (EDITOR'S NOTE: uhhhhhhhhh....) To the cook at Houston Grill: Don’t judge me for eating chicken fingers twice in one day.

To Bursar: I knew you were trouble when you walk ed in. To the barista in Williams: Wanna roast my nuts?...Wow.

To the Chicken Fingers in Houston: I can’t quit you.

To the alcohol monitor that was drunk: No punchline. To anyone I’ve made out with 2–5 times: WHY DO I RUN INTO YOU EVERYWHERE? To my subletter: When you and your London boyfriend break up, I will gladly bring your Big Ben from six to midnight. To the Asian girl with the half shaved head: Stop trying so hard, we get it you’re alternative. To everyone on campus: No, I didn’t drink or do drugs during Fling. Yes, I still had more fun than you. (EDITOR’S NOTE: …nah. You didn’t.) To the Freshman living in lower Quad who requested a walking escort to Houston: So you can stumble home drunk, alone and shoeless at 3 a.m., but you don't feel safe walking to buy a bagel at 5 p.m.? To the Ultimate Frisbee player I hooked up with during Fling: It was great talking about Jesus in between hickeys with you. To my flask full of captains: You were worth more than the concert I had to throw you out at. R.I.P. To the Elmo girls: None of the things that you are wearing are shirts. To the transfer from New Orleans: Do you want to explore my French Quarter? Yo Penn Cru: Nice try, but you guys are still homophobic. To the Polish guy: No one cares if you are important in Poland. No one cares about Poland. To Girl Talk: I’d rather listen to girls talk.

To Simply Chaos: At your last show someone literally did an airplane food joke. The 1990s called, they want their punch lines back.

To the junior in Pikapp who texted me in Spanish: Nosotros somos finitos.

born in s a w I : ts y studen el and my parm ll a o T "" Isra ou aised in r , d n a. Now y ic la r g f A En h t from Sou gure out my acents are ying to fi for the final.” r t p o t s g can rt studyin a t Cheers! s d n a cent ” Dr.Stein. To the girl who thought I was her only straight friend: Turns out you have no straight friends. Sorry about that.

To the girl who was eating a Greek Lady gyro on the dance floor of a Beta fling party: You’re my gyro.

To the AXO who peed off the fire escape at A's: You brought a whole new meaning to the word “April showers."

To the weight–conscious women: You’re beautiful the way you are. Love, The Nice Jewish Boys.

To the senior rower: Your coach should be proud of how well you’ve mastered the art of the quick finish.

To Carriage: Every senior society on campus is already gays and their allies. What are you bringing to the table?

To Sammy: Your house is a mess, call Consuela.

To my Jimmy John's crush: It takes less time for you to deliver my sandwich than to make a move.

To my parents: I’m sorry for drunk calling you on Saturday crying about my lost sunglasses... on your anniversary. To the girl with her head in the McDonald’s trash can Fling Saturday: Did it smell as desperate as it felt? To the freshman trying to crowd surf in the quad despite the fact that there was no crowd: You taught me that I don’t need other people to have fun. Dear HamCo: Why are you still such a dump when there are so many construction workers roaming your dismal courtyard? To Diet Pepsi: How does it feel to be Diet Coke's bitch?

To the one they call “needledick”: They call me “pinhole vagina” ;) To senior design: Thank you for assuring me that finance was the right career choice. To a certain Theta: Third nose job is the charm? To Amy Gutmann: Thank you for shaming SPEC by bringing a better performer than they ever could. Looking forward to getting rowdy with John Legend. You rock, A–Gut.

to penn: you're weird, no need for a disclaimer on this one

34TH STREET Magazine April 18, 2013

To the admissions staff at Penn: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ACCEPTING ME I LOVE YOU SO MUCH <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3< 3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 <3<3<3

That... that sounded a lot smoother in my head. Now that I wrote it, it’s obviously seriously disrespectful. My apologies. You’re beautiful.

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To an AXO: I can say no.

high brow film food & drink music feature ego guides low brow give me 5

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