09.15.2016

September 15-21, 2016 34st.com

THE WEIGHT OF THE GRADE: Investigating the ins and outs of Penn's grading system

september 15 2016

LOL

3 HIGHBROW

ghost your dfmo overheards, roundup

4 WORD ON THE STREET new york clubs

5 EGO

asdf eotw: asdf

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7 TECH

chefsfeed uber updates

10 ARTS

laughTERfest atf review 33 to 40

12 FEATURE

grades @ penn

17 VICE & VIRTUE dining hall hacker drink beer sextiquette

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20 F&TV

how to noam osband

22 LOWBROW LOL

a–broad city fall fashion guide

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief Mikaela Gilbert–Lurie, Managing Editor Giulia Imholte, Audience Engagement Director Jeffrey Yang, Design Director Remi Lederman, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Genevieve Glatsky, Features Editor Orly Greenberg, Features Editor Mark Paraskevas, Supplemental Features Editor Dani Blum, Word on the Street Editor Julie Levitan, Word on the Street Editor Genny Hagedorn, Campus Editor Stephanie Barron, Culture Editor Emily Schwartz, Entertainment Editor Jack Cody, Humor Editor Sydney Hard, Music Editor Alix Steerman, Highbrow Beat Jackie Lawyer, Highbrow Beat 2

LETTERFROMTHEEDITOR

Returning to the things that once made you happy never quite seems to work the way that it should. Be it a person, a place, an ex or a job, taking time apart inevitably changes how you interact with that environment. And if you don’t learn to love that person or place or job in a new way, for what it is now and for who you are now, you're going to have to stop loving it all together.

We’ve been back at Penn for three weeks, and now that the dust of NSO has settled, I don’t think I like what I’m seeing. All of the things about this school that used to excite me no longer do. None of my classes are interesting (shoutout to all my intro level classes I never took), Smokes’ is painfully boring… for the first time in my life Penn feels incredibly small.

Some asshole once read my letter and told me that it was a cry for help. My dad read the same letter and told me that I like to make other people feel better by being open about myself. I think we can all agree that the latter is much closer to the

truth, but the reality is that I like writing my letters because they force me to reflect. It’s cathartic.

I’ve had a bad week (it happens) but I am not going to have a bad year. I always say that the thing to do at Penn is to keep changing. I think this is still true, albeit significantly harder to do as a senior. What I think is harder to do is to find ways to love old things in new ways. And while that is perhaps not the best idea for exes, it feels like a pretty good idea for Penn.

In this issue, you will find a WOTS about gaining a new perspective on the New York club scene (p. 4), a guide to eating dining hall food in new and better ways (p. 18) and a review of a book that seeks to memorialize Penn at one single point in time (p. 15). As you read, let these inspire you to look at Penn differently. Just because you’ve done something before, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it the second (or fourth) time around.

HEY, YOU WERE DOING JUST FINE BEFORE YOU FOUND US/ DRINK TOO MUCH BECAUSE YOU'RE IN COLLEGE/ BUT YOU'RE OKAY/ HEY, TELL YOUR FRIENDS THEY SHOULD ALSO READ US/ AND WE HOPE THAT YOU WILL READ US AGAIN/ WE KNOW IT BREAKS YOUR HEART/ WHEN YOU'RE IN THE ROUNDUP AND YOU GET EMOTIONAL SCARS AND/ FOUR YEARS AT PENN/ AND THEN YOU'LL PROBABLY WORK AT A BANK LIKE ALL OF YOUR BORING FRIENDS/ AND WE–E–E CAN'T STOP/ NO WE–E–E CAN'T STOP/ SO BABY PULL STREET CLOSER IN THE BACKSEAT OF YOUR ROVER THAT WE KNOW YOU CAN'T AFFORD BECAUSE IT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN BURSAR/ PULL THE STREET(S) RIGHT OFF THE SHELF BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT IT'S SO GOOD/ AND THEN COME TO OUR WRITER'S MEETING BECAUSE YOUTH IS EVER FLEETING.

CAN YOU ALSO NOT STOP? THEN BABY, PULL US CLOSER AT OUR MEETING TONIGHT, 6:30 PM, 4015 WALNUT. Mike Coyne, Ego Beat Liz Heit, Ego Beat Zoe Albano–Oritt, Music Beat Jamie Gobreski, Music Beat Olivia Fitzpatrick, Music Beat Colin Lodewick, Arts Beat Claris Park, Arts Beat Nick Joyner, Film & TV Beat Dayzia Terry, Film & TV Beat Caroline Harris, Tech Beat Aaron Kim, Tech Beat Haley Weiss, Vice & Virtue Beat Andreas Pavlou, Vice & Virtue Beat Katie Marshall, Lowbrow Beat Andrea Begleiter, Lowbrow Beat Nadia Kim, Design Editor Sofie Praestgaard, Design Editor Gloria Yuen, Illustrator

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Alex Fisher, Photo Editor Julie Chu Cheong, Photo Editor Brinda Ramesh, Photo Editor Sara Thalheimer, Copy Director Annabelle Williams, Copy Editor Morgan Potts, Copy Editor Kyler McVay, Copy Editor Perren Carillo, Copy Editor Sofia Price, Social Media Editor Sanika Puranik, Social Media Editor Staff Writers: Hallie Brookman, Hannah Noyes, Johanna Matt, & Amanda Rota Staff Photographers: Gian Paul Graziosi, Brinda Ramesh, Julie Chu Cheong Contributors: Gomian Konneh, Jacob Snipes,

Jillian Karande, Peter Romanello, Amy Juang, Carissa Zou, Noel Zheng, Zack Greenstein, Leina Betzer, Leigh Ann Eisenhauer, Amanda Rota, Olivia Weis, Anne Marie Grudem Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Alex Fisher, Brinda Ramesh and Julie Chu Cheong.

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Emily Johns, Editor–in–Chief, at johns@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898-6585.

To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "What's the difference between the uterus and the clitoris?" ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

6 WAYS TO AVOID YOUR DFMO The music is bumping, the Banker's is flowing and you’re feeling yourself. Although you’re clawing at a blackout, you’re still “functioning” enough to get in that final DFMO. Unlike DFMOs of the past where you were chatting up your intended hookup all night, this is a one–grind–and–go type deal. It’s like the part of gymnastics where they say, “Just the dismount left,” and all you have to do is stick the landing.

So you Simone Biles that shit and stick it. But then the party ends and you realize you’re just a Penn kid that made a drunk mistake; one that you’ll have to live with forever.

Highbrow’s here with how to cope.

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Wear the unidentifiable srat or frat hat. Chances are the person whose face you sucked didn’t actually spend a whole lot of time looking at yours (unless they were one of those terrifying human beings who makes out with their eyes wide open, in which case, we’re sorry that happened to you). But, while donning the same letters that embody hundreds of people of your same gender, one can not be really sure if you were “that girl from SDT” that he hooked up with last weekend.

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THEROUNDUP Penn might have recently been named one of the top schools in America for academics again, but we all know we’ve fallen from our most notable ranking as Playboy’s number one party school in 2014––and it’s probably because of weekends like this. While there was a lack of putting the “extra” in “extracurriculars” this time around, Highbrow’s never one to leave you high and dry.

Vision got Smokey this weekend when a couple of men notably past twenty–fun seemed to be more interested in a bar brawl than crawl as they attempted to bully their way into the establish-

over heard PENN at

Phone a friend. This way, if an emergency arises and eye contact is made with the person whose tongue was down your throat last night, then you can immediately pick up the phone with “David.” It helps if David is your friend who your DFMO used to date. There’s no way she’d want to approach you, the awkward DFMO and her ex at the same time. (Caution: Fake phone calls could potentially be mistaken for talking to yourself— especially if your headphones are in—but desperate times call for desperate measures).

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Run everywhere. Remember those kids in high school that would zoom down the halls like they were on a mission?

That’s the type of speed we’re talking about. Plus, athleisure is in style these days. While getting fast and furious, you’ll either be going quickly enough that last weekend’s DFMO won’t even notice you, or you’ll be dying in this heat that your sweaty, puffy and red face will be unrecognizable.

Because what happens on the dance floor should stay on the dance floor.

Elitist Settler: And so all of my Aunts are from Idaho and that’s just, like, not one of the 13 colonies, you know?

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Embrace it. If you can’t pull off avoiding the awkwardness, then just make it known. Most of the time, your drunken mistakes are more embarrassing to you than to others.

Plus, it takes two to tango. You didn’t DFMO alone (we hope) which means you can just confront the situation and move on.

Maybe you’ll “make it work” and eventually go from DFMO to dating.

HIGHBROW

Stay inside. Being antisocial has its perks. Aside from not running into anyone you can also catch up on the important things in life like Netflix, your ex’s life on Facebook, Tasty videos and most importantly, snacking in bed. You’d much rather be a homebody than a home–wrecker, so just stay inside and leave the sketchy DFMOs to some freshman.

Engage in conversation with the awkward flyer people on Locust Walk. Usually you try to avoid them at all costs, but this is a matter of life or death. Plus finding Jesus at Penn might be helpful since you seem to be making bad choices on the dance floor and most likely in life as well.

ment. Our unlucky hero came in the form of a ZBT senior hoping to pub–licly defend Smokes’ honor. The match soon burned out, but the fight wasn’t the only thing that came to a close. He walked away with a black eye and a whole lot of pride as he rolled back into Smokes' the next night for his 21st birthday like any true hero would.

While attempting to float into post–practice slumber, members of the women’s swim team dove into a different kind of wetness when they heard something fishy and ventured up to the top of their house to see what was making waves. The mystery sound turned out to be a mystery pound when they realized it was two randos having sex on their roof. The two uninvited guests must’ve wanted some advice on their breaststroke. Or

Betch-erlorette: I’m like The Bachelorette, I have so many guys fiending for me right now.

Reflective Pot Head: I feel like the pond has been contaminated and all the fish have died.

Insightful Realist: If you want a boyfriend that badly, then you should just transfer.

Girl in Oax: If I wear the hat backwards, then I don't get the "Oax." Then it's not a conversation starter.

Very Unique Girl: I spend more money on pens and stationary than anything else. Except maybe kale.

maybe they were just staying up all night to get Lochte. Either way, we hope they Phelped themselves to some protection before they had to (butter)fly their way down the fire escape.

Although it seemed like everyone was hitting the books this weekend, an SDT girl and ZBT boy were hitting it off while getting sexual—and not so textual—in the Judaica section of fourth floor VP. While we think the srat–frat combo is Jew for a change, mazel tov to the happy couple for pleasuring them–shelves and Deweying the nasty.

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

DANCING WITH THE DEVIL

“Put the fat one in the back,” my boss ordered me. “Put the fat one in the back so that the rest of your girls can get in. The bouncer isn’t feeling her.”

“Who are you talking about?” I asked.

“You know who I’m talking about.

The pig. Put her in the back.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about and I can’t do that.”

"If she gets in, she can’t be at our table. I can’t be seen with people like that.”

That was the first night.

Before I became a club promoter in New York this summer, I saw the role as a glamorous, powerful position. Every weekend in the dusk of a Chelsea nightclub, a Hummer H2 limousine with tinted black windows halts just feet before the VIP entrance.

Heads turn and eyes widen as 20 or so models gracefully exit in stunning Balmain, Roberto Cavalli and Tom Ford pieces. They strut past the bouncers and into the threshold of the club, apathetic toward the crowd of ogling spectators waiting hours on end for their chance to enter. Their club promoter leads the pack, a person whose job is to host the models at expensive tables adorned with fine wines and top–shelf liquors inside.

The promoter's objective: performative mirth. To giggle and shimmy and sing along to the mixes blasting from the DJ booth, all in the hopes that onlookers will succumb to the temptation of wanting to belong—joining in on the calculated “fun” with their hearts and, more importantly, with their wallets. Promoting is, at its root, an exploitation of human insecurity and vulnerability. The culture breeds and prizes greed, vanity and the belief that personal worth is contingent upon material possession. It was shallow. It was superficial. Almost laughable, even. And I wanted in. So, during the summer of 2016, I joined the ranks as a club promoter in New York City.

It had mostly started out as a joke, a job I described as "an ethnographic case study into New York City’s club scene.” Not necessarily the most reputable of openings one could come 4

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GOMIAN KONNEH

My Summer as a New York Club Promoter.

“No, you know what I mean.” He scoped my body with his eyes. “How much?”

The third night: “I’m sorry, but you can’t get in,” a staff–worker informed me as he stood in front of the door, barring club access to me after he let my two friends in.

“But both the doorman and bouncer said that I could get in."

“Well, I’m saying that you can’t.”

“But you just opened the door for two of my friends," I said.

“Because they can get in.”

“But it isn’t your job to choose who can and can’t get in.”

“That’s not your problem.”

"But… you know what this looks like, right? You let my two friends who are white get in and you’re not letting me in.”

“That’s right.”

I stared at him. “Are you not letting me in because of the color of my skin?"

“Maybe.” He grinned.

No matter how many times I told my boss that I wasn’t going to work another Illustration by Anne Marie Grudem day for an industry so narcissistic and vile, I found myself returning because of exteracross through PennLink (I actually did apply for nal financial pressures. Trapped in a purgatorial war this through PennLink); however, in addition to in my mind between money and morals, I returned my summer internship, I needed another job to to the same clubs every week—laughing on cue, mitigate the overwhelming financial burdens of dancing on beat, but writhing in the pain of knowliving in New York for the summer and studying that the “joke” job had evolved into something ing abroad in the fall. Plus, making money from spiritually damning. partying every weekend didn't seem like the most I was supposed to be the host. I was supposed to arduous task. be in charge. And even then, I was still dissected as A friend introduced me to the New York club an object existing purely for judgment, entertainscene last summer. We drank without care. We ment and pleasure. The club scene unapologetilaughed without cue. We danced without beat. I cally disregarded my agency as a promoter and my indulged in the absurdity of the moment; I toasted agency as a black woman. My experiences only the unpredictability of life. I was in the center of exposed me to a microcosm of the intersecting, exa world that had seemed exclusive and remote. tensive and complex issues facing our society. And The exhilaration was so intense that, over time, I these problems persist at Penn. became actively blind to the superficialities of the It’s okay not to be okay with the systems around classist, racist, sexist and counterfeit atmosphere. I you, even if they’ve “always been that way.” And was a passive critic of my own self–exploitation. while I will always regret my passivity in engaging It wasn’t long after I started promoting, howcritically with these issues over the past summer, ever, before my rose–colored glasses began to self– I have come to recognize my own complacency. I destruct. am working to take a more active role in the fight The second night: to dismantle these forces, one day at a time. After “How much?” a man in leather and tight jeans a summer crammed into clubs, it's finally time for asked me. me to face the music.

“To buy a bottle? I’d have to ask my boss.”

EGO

FIRST PENN-ERATION

How three Penn students understand their identities as first–generation students on a campus filled with privilege.

Thirteen percent of the class of 2020 is composed of first–generation college students.

However, as you’re about to find out, first–gen students are more than just a number—they aren’t just a selling point for the diversity section of a brochure. Their stories highlight the truth of what it means to be a part of the first–generation of children to obtain a college degree, a truth that comes with its highs and lows. Read on for a glimpse into the first–gen experience.

NAYAB KHAN (C '18)

“My dad immigrated from Pakistan to Germany and then he worked there for many, many years and then he came to the US, he worked as a taxi driver, at a gas station, at a store, and he did all of those menial, all of those small jobs and then eventually he opened up his own LIZ HEIT & MIKE COYNE business and he says ‘If I can go this far ahead in life without JOSE MACIEL (N '19) a degree, you guys should be able to do way more,’” Nayab Jose hails from a town called explains. Her father’s sentiments Yakima, Washington. He and capture much of what being his sister are the first in his first–generation means for Nayfamily to attend college, and ab: a combination of challenges Jose is the first to travel across and pressures mixed with ambithe country to do it. “Everyone tion and pride. While college is goes to community college scary enough for anyone at the where I’m from,” he mentions. outset, Nayab feels a greater level While he has noticed a gap between first–gen students and a of pressure to succeed because of majority of Penn’s student body, Jose deals with it in a variety of the hard work of her parents to ways, such as working multiple jobs. He even fixes broken iPhone provide her such an opportunity, screens, a skill that took him eight hours of self–training to acbut the flip side of that pressure quire. Unfortunately for Jose, he says that getting involved in extracurriculars has been particularly hard for him. “I feel like I have to focus myself academically because if I don’t have enough time to focus on my academics, things would go bad with my grades.”

He’s in the Alpha Sig fraternity, and hopes to get involved with Penn Outdoors and PennFirst this semester.

is a powerful sense of motivation to serve a larger purpose. In addition to studying biology and working towards dental school, Nayab recently sub–matriculated into the non–profit leadership master’s program in the School of Social Policy & Practice, combining her personal passions and the work ethic to go beyond what her father instilled in her.

Nayab recalls visits to Pakistan where her father muses about all the good they could do once Nayab finishes dental school, “’We can start farming here or build, like, a hospital or dental hospital for you and your sister to help the poor here,’ these are the thoughts that go through my dad’s mind and that’s what encourages us to not just have a very basic career, not that being a dentist or doctor is basic, but going beyond that and push

yourself.”

Still, along with the joy Nayab finds in her identity she notes that many Penn students don’t seem to care about the extra barriers first–gen students face. More than just a percentage of the student body, when we think about first–gen students Nayab notes that, “[Y] ou need to understand these kids are here and it was harder for them to get here.” While being first–gen has shaped Nayab positively, she makes it clear that Penn at large needs to understand the realities that first–gen students face, from the challenges to the triumphs.

DAVID THAI (C '18) Fo David, being first–gen can take an emotional toll, not to mention the problem of the ever– looming resource gap that comes with being both first–gen and low–income. “I’m always feeling like it’s a constant uphill battle…

I came from, like, a really low place and started off really low and as we’re all learning and in class, we’re all moving upwards, but there’s still that gap that separates me from most students,” he says. His unexplored inequality is important because the resource gap extends past academics and into everything, from how students are able to present themselves to how they can afford to socialize. But, perhaps the biggest issue is in the emotional impact that gap creates, “[F]or me I wake up every morning and I’m grateful to even wake up in my own bed because I grew up in a bedroom for 18 years of my life with two brothers living on the same bed and like to wake up and have my own bed, to have my own desk, to have Wifi…but, walking down Locust Walk I never feel like I deserve to be here, but rather I feel like I’m lucky to be here.”

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EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: LAUREN SILBERBERG Sorority sister, fraternity brother, president, engineer–what role doesn't Miss Silberberg play?

Street: So you were in Israel this summer. What for?

Lauren Silberberg: Yeah, so I was doing this program called Birthright Israel Excel. So basically it’s a ten–week internship.

Part of it I was working at General Motors, which was really interesting. I was doing an intersection between autonomous systems and autonomous vehicles. And then also... like ride–sharing. And I actually patented this idea and it’s like in the works, so hopefully that’ll go through. Um, and then another part of the program is you're sort of paired within Israel with a peer to kind of get you integrated into society.

How has being in a sorority or having three sisters impacted either one?

LS: So we call ourselves ‘The Silberberg Sorority.’ When I was growing up I sort of knew I wanted to be in a sorority and like loved the fact that the house was always busy and crazy and loud. And that actually is what drove me to live in SDT because I didn’t get a chance to live in sophomore year. I think I knew going in that I wanted to be in a sorority. I think in a lot of ways having a supportive community of all girls is different and a lot of times like has a different dynamic that is really inclusive, and I think that that’s one of the things that drew me to sorority life.

of them. I really think that it’s those sort of conversations that need to be had, and ought to be had a lot more. And in Theta Tau, we did something similar.

We did something called ‘Share’ which actually was taken from Phi Psi. Basically we sat there in a room, like didn’t give anyone a time limit, didn’t say you had to speak, and if someone wanted to speak they could speak as little or as long as they want about something happy, something sad—just something about themselves that they felt was important to share. It ended up going for like six or seven hours.

Street: People often criticize Greek life. How do you deal with that?

Street: You mentioned mental LS: First of all, health a couple of times. So, everything has their how important are things ups and downs and I like Theta Tau and SDT for think the structures in mental health? place sometimes make LS: I definitely think at Penn, it difficult. I think a lot and really in college in general, of like sorority things have one of the hardest things is been in place for years and finding a community of supyears and years. And so, some portive people, and it’s definite- of that I can’t change because ly possible. This is something it’s written in the by–laws. But that last semester I struggled a I think there are ways to like lot with because the communi- make it so that people underties that I’m in are exclusive by stand the reasoning behind why nature, and they can’t encomyou’re doing certain events, pass the entire student body. certain activities.

So I think that when seniors in high school are talking to me Street: What would you be Street: When you have a free or are like, ‘How do you like infamous for? moment, what do you do to Penn? How do you like college?’ LS: I have a couple of difrelax?

My response is ‘It is what you ferent outfits that I wear LS: I really like exercising. I make of it.’ And so if you go so I think I’d be infamous ran a half marathon—two half out and look for those comfor repeating outfits all marathons last year. So that was munities, like sometimes things the time. And by that, I really cool ‘cause it was sort of might be hard. The Birthright love to dance, but I also giving me a goal to train for.

Excel program that I applied think I have one dance I just think exercising is just a to, I got rejected the year before move that I do, so I great mental health de–stresser. when I applied. So like, there is definitely think people I also really like reading but rejection. I do think my soror- know by that and can unfortunately don’t have any ity’s very supportive. I think repeat it pretty spot on. time for it at Penn. the Wellness Workshops SDT has put on have been unbeliev- Street: There are two Street: You have three sisters. able, and I’ve been to almost all types of people at Penn…

Street: What are you involved in on campus?

LS: I’m really involved in the Panhellenic Council which is overseeing all the different sororities. Throughout the year we plan different events [and] fundraise for scholarships so women who can’t pay for sororities can still have a chance to be a part of them. We really want to work with mental health and do an initiative with that. I’m also really involved in Theta Tau, which is my favorite thing in the entire world. It’s basically like a group of brothers who are really supportive, really different.

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LS: People who live to eat and people who eat to live.

cold in January,’ but when you get through that process, really, like, you have a pledge class Street: If you could give advice of 50 girls who you have the to freshmen women or sopho- opportunity to meet and say mores that are rushing what that it’s worth it–to come out do you think your main piece on the other side and have that of advice would be before network. heading into that process?

LS: I would say that while Street: First screen name?

I think rush is a necessary LS: xsoccerbabyx33. process, how it is just because it is so organized to make sure Street: What is one question no one falls through the cracks, that we forgot to ask you? it’s not necessarily indicative of LS: So, I haven’t been in a what sorority life is like. I don’t while, but I love hiking and think anyone is like ‘Yes, I’m in high school I went off–trail excited to wait in line in the backpacking in Colorado. My goal is to hike the Appalachian trail one day, like take four months off.

Name: Lauren Silberberg Hometown: Scarsdale, NY Major: NETS Activities: SDT, Theta Tau, Panhellenic Council, Engineers without Borders, Sphinx, Omega, Hex INTERVIEW CONDUCTED BY MIKE COYNE AND LIZ HEIT

EVERYDAY I'M BABBLING TECH

Facebook and Instagram, step aside.

If you're like me, you have a bunch of randos as Facebook friends even though you don't care about their cousin Bertha's wedding or the cliché trip they took to the Bahamas. It's too much effort to unfriend all these people, but you're sick of missing your bestie's new cover photo because Patricia from psych keeps posting links to The Odyssey (Ed. note: You're the worst kind of human). This is where the new social media app Babble comes in.

Babble creates a highly customized feed. Say goodbye to spam on your social media page—with Babble, you only see the people and posts you want. For every post you make, you can specify the audience (good friends to everyone), post reach (five blocks to worldwide) and time frame (self–destruct in three hours, or stay

Tubular Hilarious Interesting Rasputin TotallyTubular YasssKween Finchy Ontological UmbrellaBird Ratatatat TikTok Hillary4Pres SaveTheBees Tittilating

in place forever). You can pre–select your audience, creating as intimate or all–inclusive of an experience as you want. This customization creates a comfortable space where people can post freely, "babbling" about midterms, downtowns, family reunions— really anything.

Babble was founded this year by Ethan Rosenbaum—a recent Penn grad (SAS '16), kick–ass entrepreneur and one of the rare people I enjoy talking to before I've had my morning coffee. He described some of the many ways Penn students can weave Babble into their lives. "3 a.m., you can specify you want to get coffee with friends within five blocks," he said. "If you want to throw a pre– game, you can only let your good friends know in Philly. If you have an embarrassing video or something funny that happened to you, you can send it to your best friends nationwide...if you're strolling through Rittenhouse, you can pull up the

location–based feed and see who else is around."

I love Babble and not just because of the scenarios Ethan described. Posting on Facebook can feel like posting into a void. It's massive, impersonal and you never really know who's viewing your posts. Babble takes a lot of the pressure off. You pick exactly who sees what, which creates a laid– back environment where people can post openly and often. Because the network is smaller, there's less focus on likes and more focus on posting whatever, whenever.

This app is for you if you want to share a lot but not with a massive network, wonder which of your friends are nearby and are sick of being spammed on social media. There's no need to unfriend Patricia from Psych or juggle 85 GroupMes—download Babble instead.

CAROLINE HARRIS

Who's your pick?

Share your opinion.

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TECH

SUBTITLE HERE.

UBER UNDERSTANDS YOU Avoid walking outside altogether with cheap campus shuttles and food delivery.

EMILY CIESLAK SUBTITLE HERE. Have you ever contemplated Ubering from DRL to Huntsman but pressed cancel out of shame for the level of laziness you were about to express? Well, now you can embrace the sessile lifestyle with Uber’s uncanny ability to answer students’ most pressing needs: dollar drives, food delivery and Pandora collaboration. Through September, rides that begin and end on campus will only cost $0.99, regardless of surge. The defined area spans from about 30th to 43rd Streets, and Chestnut to S. University Avenue. The catch is you have to request UberPOOL, though let’s be honest, how often does the driver actually pick up another person?

Uber markets this for the times you are sprinting to class or heading home late from the library. Fair enough. But we foresee a high demand on Thursday nights or Friday mornings when dirty–rushing freshmen need to crash in their New College House suites (Distance used to be your only hardship. Why is the class of 2020 given everything?) or when the sun is shedding light on whose sheets you are under.

So long, walk–of–shame; let’s just hope your hookup lives within the zone.

In the same sluggish spirit, you can now have food delivered by your favorite Uber driver to your door through UberEATS. Last year they teased us with one night of free Insomnia orders; this year they offer more than 100 Philly restaurants on the separate app. We are talking both regulars like Hai Street Kitchen and Wishbone as well as treats like Parc and Waffles & Wedges. You don’t have to tip, and for a limited time, you only pay for the food, not delivery.

Eat. It. Up.

8

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Some of the new features actually let you be proactive. Just open the app and you will see the option to schedule rides 15 minutes to 30 days in advance.

Drivers were also given a new perk of ad–free music from Pandora. As a rider, you too can select what music you want to hear through the app on your iPhone.

The verdict? Never walk on campus or go to a restaurant again, at least in September.

We tested these features in our humidity–induced coma, and this is what happened.

Campus Carpool: To my surprise, when I hopped into my lift by Van Pelt, there was another student in the front seat, already taking advantage of the promotion. The shared ride to Fresh Grocer was quick enough, and not having to cross the detestable bridge on Locust was definitely worth $0.99.

UberEATS: I already know UberEATS and I are going to be best friends. I was able to track my Spot Gourmet Burger en route, it came earlier than predicted (in less than half an hour). And it was free because I used my friend’s code (share yours with everyone to get $10 dollars off your next order). The only flaw was I received beef instead of chicken, but I blame this on the restaurant rather than the driver,

and as all college students know all too well, free food is free food.

The verdict? Never walk on campus or go to a restaurant again, at least in September.

Next month, Uber should seriously consider these features: • Hiring drivers fluent in Drunk Penn Student Slur. Calling your driver to figure out where they are parking is the worst.

• Pre–scheduled rides between sorority houses during Formal Recruitment that sync with each Potential New Member’s rush schedule.

• Permanent walk–of–shame discount. Ubers from frat houses to dorms 6–10 a.m., Thursday through Sunday are only $0.89.

• Textbook carrying. The Econ textbook breaks the Whartonite’s back.

• Grocery delivery. You can order groceries online at Fresh Grocer but to get free delivery you have to spend $125. No thanks. We have already invested a ton in Uber.

• Steep discounts when it’s raining with wind speeds that destroy your umbrella. The surcharges they have at those times are just cruel.

• Water bottles and phone charging stations in every vehicle. Enough said.

• Better lighting for snapchatting and/or filtering photos in the car.

• Alcohol deliveries for BYOs. • The new ability to schedule rides is great, but being able to sync them with your Google calendar would be even better.

WHAT IS THE BACELET? TECH

The bracelet that sports your blood alcohol content.

During our time in college, almost all of us have known someone who went to the hospital for having a few too many drinks. It’s pretty tough to argue that alcohol isn't huge issue on college campuses around America. In an effort to reduce alcohol–related incidents and promote a safer drinking space, Max Reed (C '19) and Anders Larson (W '18) have created a startup called BACelet.

BACelet is a bracelet that can tell you what your blood alcohol content (BAC) is.

They are currently starting with a bracelet and trying to expand to other pieces of wearable technology such as clip–on devices. There is a micro–breathalyzer planted into the bracelet. As a result, you can simply blow into your bracelet and it will glow green, yellow, orange or red. Green means you are sober, yellow is buzzed/ tipsy, orange is drunk and red means that you are in the danger zone and should stop drinking. Colors are easier than numbers when you're hammered. When you first set up your account for BACelet, the app is personalized for each person because you're asked to put in your height, weight and other factors of intoxication levels. The information from the bracelet automatically transfers to an app that is connected via Bluetooth.

This app component makes the BACelet much more than a simple breathalyzer. In the app, you'll be able to view your color level (green/yellow/orange/red), numerical value of BAC and a prediction of how many

drinks you’ve had. You can Techalso connect with other nologies friends who have the app.

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S E P T E M B E R 1 5 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

9

ARTS

THE ALTERNATIVE THEATRE FESTIVAL: SKYDIVING AND FALLOPIAN TUBES The only time corporate culture, miscarriages, Tinder weirdos and Big Ben come together for an hour.

On September 10, iNtuitons Experimental Theatre, Penn’s only student–run experimental theater group, produced its tenth–annual Alternative Theatre Festival (ATF) as part of the Philadelphia Fringe Festival. The festival consisted of four entirely student written, directed, acted and produced plays and was held in the lobby of the Platt Performing Arts Center.

Although one reviewer from the now–discontinued Philadelphia City Paper criticized the location in 2013 as being little more than a “big room with a shoddy coffee bar, sleep–inducing fluorescent house lights and inconvenient construction,” for being held in a place so often associated with exhausting hours of rehearsal and the smell of sweat, the festival was quite pleasant in atmosphere (Ed. note: Also, like shitting on people is our job, stay in your lane). Student crew members sat at the entrance, and one director, Mikey Miller (C '19), asked incoming audience members for adjectives, verbs and nouns, to be used later in the evening.

The first show, Uncanny Valley, written by Jeremy Cohen (C '17) and Laura Cosgrove (C '16), was the most confusingly alternative piece of all four. With script in hand, the five actors spat out buzzwords and crude sexual jokes to com-

ment on corporate culture and sexual harassment in Silicon Valley. Voiceovers provided some sense of context, but the show, being so short, did not seem to quite make the point it wanted to, leaving the audience unclear on what the point was supposed to be.

The second show was by far the least “alternative” of the pieces and resembled a more “traditional” play, striking many emotional chords in its few short scenes.

Four Weeks, written

by Izzy López (C '19) and directed by Savannah Lambert (C '18), followed an overly enthusiastic father–to–be (Blake London, C '18) and a much less enthusiastic mother–to– be (Tess Speranza, C '18).

Starting with scenes in which

his support after miscarrying give the piece a bittersweet, yet hopeful ending.

Tinder (Noun) was about (you guessed it!) Tinder. Directed by the aforementioned Mikey Miller, the show used

the couple attempt to conceive (including a hilarious dessert–related innuendo), the play quickly progresses to show how the mother–to–be worries over her desire and ability to be a mother in contrast to her husband’s confidence and joy after conceiving. Their grief, her guilt and

the words he collected at the ticket line to fill in blanks in the script (a compilation of real Tinder conversations) in the style of Mad Lib. It led to some outrageous lines that had the audience giggling and cringe–laughing, such as: “Would you ever skydive me?”

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“Would you rather be shot in the fallopian tube, or be stuck in a hole with a fuzzy coat on?”

“Bb my molars are pierced.”

“My bonnet is not on my penishead.”

The scenes were also punctuated with Spongebob style timestamps (Three.

Hours. Later.) and filled with enormous personalities and distinct performances from all four actors, Adam Mansell (C '18), Ashley Stinnett (C '17), Chelsea Cylinder (C '17) and Cohen.

The last piece, aptly and irritatingly titled Presented Without Comment, was a whirlwind. Cohen and London retook the stage as versions of themselves, pulling audience members into a rule filled (or rule–less?) game show, practicing self– help and yoga, and calling themselves “Coco” and “Big

Ben.” Although the audience was later assured that there was indeed a script and that the audience members were pulled at random, the show was interspersed with bizarre yet witty improvisations in a quick stream of consciousness style. The show was confusingly hilarious.

Overall, the festival was short and sweet, displaying a wide range of interests and talent that mostly landed well with the audience. iNtuitons managed to develop four solid shows that kept the audience’s interest, with clear ideas of what it wanted to do, even if some did not reach its intended goals. Be sure to make the trip to next year’s ATF and check out more student written and produced shows.

CLARIS PARK

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F E AT U R E

W THE

T H G I E

OF A

F E AT U R E

GRADE:

FINDING THE MEANING IN GPAS BY NICK JOYNER

F

or Katherine*, a senior in the Huntsman drastically across the four schools and a relaxed Program of International Studies and approach towards top–level oversight, Penn Business, there were many good reasons students find themselves at an unclear academic to study abroad in Cuba. But one surpassed crossroads: How is a letter grade determined at all the rest: getting As. Students often look to Penn, and what does it mean? upperclassmen for advice on going abroad—an experience that seems to be the pinnacle of How Penn Gets Graded exploratory learning at a university level. For The grading policy at Penn is decentralized, Katherine, the advice was concise: Go to Cuba, with grades overseen by individual department you’ll get As. chairs. In some cases, the deans of each of the The recommendation was accompanied by four schools can supervise as well. Technically, information about the easiest classes that could there are some academic offices, such as the be used to fulfill sector requirements, and a list Office of the Provost, that could request access of specific recommended courses and professors. to grading distributions and consult with school Penn students’ deans, but none attraction to ever done so.

Because grading is so indeter- hasRob studying in Cuba Nelson, makes sense—the minate, students are left to Executive Direcprogram is a grade tor of Education wonder what a grade really booster that clears Academic means, and what Penn has re- and out demanding requirePlanning in the ments with easy courses. ally taught them.

Office of the However, the highly–recProvost, explains ommended study abroad that “grading is experience is a small irony, a microcosm in the up to the instructor of the course and subject to complicated world of grading at Penn. Abroad review by the academic leadership of that proexperiences are intended to be a time for pergram according to the norms of that discipline.” sonal and academic challenges, an expansion of However, norms are widely disparate intellectual horizons. Cuba, however, represents throughout different academic concentrations, the mechanical urge many of us have to take the complicating any streamlined attempt at implepath of least resistance, a quintessential college menting a grading standard. experience morphed into an opportunity for Nelson explains, “If you’re in a humanities higher grades and easier classes. This desire, major and you’re writing mostly papers, that’s a however, can’t be simplistically explained away different grading experience than if you’re in a as laziness on the part of Penn students. It’s far STEM field and taking exams that are by design more complicated—emblematic of a distorted separating really high–achieving students from attitude towards university grading. students who are just getting by.”

For something as subjective as grading, the Dennis DeTurck, Dean of the College of discussion about academic assessment at Penn Arts and Sciences, sees this same patchwork of becomes more philosophical than anything else. grading habits and norms within the college.

If grades are determined by individual profesAnd while he admits that grading at Penn is sors, do they accurately reflect the skills and inconsistent amongst the different schools, he knowledge acquired by a student? And does this has noticed a steady GPA increase throughout preoccupation with grades punish intellectual the years across the board. Ultimately, DeTurck curiosity? feels that it is better for the university to make Faced with a grading system that varies grade distinctions amongst students. He points

"

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out, “Why give grades if you're gonna give everyone an A?” Harvard is often criticized for precisely this, especially after a 2013 report by the Harvard Crimson found the most common grade given at the University to be an A. Meanwhile, Princeton was lambasted for doing just the opposite. While they’ve since reverted, Princeton famously capped the percentage of As in each department to 35% in 2004. Reaction to the experiment was overwhelmingly negative, as students felt the experiment was hurting their chances in the job market by giving them lower GPAs than competitors at other universities.

“When Princeton changed its rules without everyone else changing their rules, it could only hurt Princeton students,” DeTurck adds.

“You’ve got to make it possible for an outsider to read the transcript and understand, and I think we have that.”

•••

There are others, however, who don’t think too many As are a bad thing. Adjunct Sociology Professor Hocine Fetni, for example, doesn’t believe in giving out bad grades. “Giving someone a C or a D is not really gonna challenge a student,” he explains, “because we have students who resign to the fact that they’re a C student.”

Fetni, who teaches a Law and Society class to about 60 students every fall, maintains that the promise of higher grades motivates students. “Is that how we are really supposed to deal with our students as educators, just say you are a D and C student and that’s it? Or should I really find a way and how can I really challenge and motivate students and tell them ‘Dammit, look, you can do better.’”

Due to his experience teaching and advising pre–law students, Fetni began tailoring his class to help students succeed in law and graduate school.

He notifies students in his class who will likely receive bad grades, giving them the option to withdraw. And as an advisor for the College, he even considers recommending academic leave for these students that seem to be floundering at Penn.

Fetni is particularly concerned with the effect of grades on his students’ careers. However, as Claire Klieger, Senior Associate Director of Career Services at Penn, explains, “You get recruiters who are good at learning what the classes are and the level of the classes at institutions which they recruit and they know when you’re doing GPA padding,” she explains. In other words, a 3.8 GPA with no rigorous courses translates into transparent fluff.

And, particularly in a professional context, Dr. Fetni acknowledges that the reality that college is more than just intellectual pursuit. He realizes the raw power of grades. “When you really look at the job market and you look at grad schools, with all honesty I cannot just tell my students [classes are] all about knowledge.”

The Student Experience Katherine’s encouragement by another Huntsman student to study abroad in the “easy” Cuba program helped her realize something very quickly: In the complicated world of Penn grading, connections are paramount.

An internal document compiled by Huntsman students advised on which classes to take, which professors to study under and which to avoid.

“Most people who leave Cuba… all had 4.0s or 3.8s or something like that for their semester GPAs,” Katherine explains. Every student that took the two courses recommended by Penn in the program, she says, received the highest grades possible.

As for on campus grading, Katherine—as a Huntsman student doing a dual–degree between the College and Wharton—has a unique vantage point from which to compare the two schools.

“I have a 4.0 in all my College classes, and I just think they’re so much easier,” she remarked.

“In Wharton,” she continues, “there’s a clear right or wrong… you need to have a grading scale that’s curved to distinguish because of the fact that so many people could have the right answer.”

Because curves and grades vary for each class in each school, it becomes impossible to fully understand the significance of their grades.

Jackson*, a junior in Engineering, explains that

his classes are usually curved to around a B, but the grade is variable depending on the professor.

Jackson explains, “None of them are usually too stringent about it, except for one of them who wanted to give more Fs because he thought that not enough kids deserved to pass the class.”

Still, Jackson finds it difficult to reconcile studying for with pleasure without focusing on grades.

He remains stuck in a grading paradox, in which he must both disregard grades to enjoy learning, but consider grades above all else to excel.

“Since I got here I’ve put less pressure on myself for the grade and more just in the moment of learning,” Jackson says. “But when you aren’t thinking about your grades in Engineering, you just won’t do well, because everything is for the grade.”

•••

Still, there are other students that find themselves bogged down by requirements. While humanities students can find many ways to fill a required course, students in Nursing are tasked with strict requirements—and unlike Engineering, core nursing classes have no curves.

For sophomore Jose Maciel, freshman nursing requirements like Microbiology and Biology act as huge barriers for students. Jose, like Katherine, heeded the advice of upperclassmen. “The upperclassmen told us it’s the hard sciences that beat the nurse out of you,” Jose explains.

With something as strictly pre–professional and skill–based as nursing, it makes sense that requirements would be difficult and intensive.

However, these requirements completely change how nursing students can compare their grades to

other schools. Moreover, it philosophically changes how a student looks at their grades. A low grade in nursing might indicate the difficulty of a course, but not one’s preparedness to be a nurse—this dichotomy is what strains and confuses how a student views their own performance within their chosen field, and at Penn.

the gpa dichotomy Annaliese*, a junior, transferred into Wharton after her freshman year in the College. Two years into her studies in business, she describes her initial shift into the school as, “a huge adjustment.”

Annaliese was especially surprised by the way that students tapped into their social networks for academic gain, something she hadn’t witnessed as much during her time in the College. Students who performed the best on exams were those who could acquire past tests from students, and use their listservs and extracurricular contacts to learn more about the course. But she learned quickly, meeting other Wharton students and pooling resources.

“It was definitely more about the outcome and definitely more about how you do relative to everyone else,” Annaliese explains. Now, she doesn’t even look at her grade until the professor tells the class what the standard deviation was.

While she’s confident that that employers who recruit from Penn know how to read applications and transcripts from Penn, she’s not as confident about the online recruitment resources: “The

PennLink system has minimums, so if you don’t have a 3.3 GPA or a 3.5 GPA, you can’t apply, and I feel like that definitive hard–line is really tough.”

•••

If there's confusion among students about how they receive their grades, it's because the process of determining those grades is inherently confusing. There is no overarching power that regulates the distribution of letter grades, it is based almost entirely on the discretion of the class’s professor.

This decentralization of grades means that there is no way to properly compare grades within or between the four schools. The GPAs of two students in the same major can vary drastically, based only on the professors with whom they took classes.

This strange dichotomy attracts students to easier classes, ones in which they can fulfill credits without taking a GPA hit—keeping their credentials strong and competitive. However, this path of least resistance also discourages students from learning for the sheer pleasure of learning. Because grading is so indeterminate, students are left to wonder what a grade really means, and what Penn has really taught them. *Names have been changed.

Nick Joyner is a sophomore in the College studying Communications and Cinema Studies. He is a Film and TV Beat for Street.

S E P T E M B E R 1 5 , 2 016 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

LAUGH WITH HER ARTS

This weekend, Penn’s female musical sketch comedy group Bloomers will host its second annual LaughtHERfest, a day of celebrating women in comedy regardless of age and experience. The day includes panels, workshops and different activities, ending in an evening performance of both professional and amateur female comedians.

This year, Bloomers will be hosting an impressive lineup of female comedians who will sit on a panel, including Hillary Robbie (WME, Comedy Central), Lynn Harris (stand–up, activist, creator of Comedy for Girls) and Brooke Wurst (Penn alum, ImprovED, Triad Trust). They will also be hosting Marlena Rodriguez (The Second City, writer for Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt), Emily Maya Mills (UCB LA, Key & Peele, OITNB, Parks & Recreation) and Eliza Skinner (stand–up comic and writer for The Late Late Show with James Corden, Adam Ruins Everything, Conan) who will be leading workshops and performing in the evening performance series.

Even with this exciting group of female comedians on board for LaughtHERfest, Gena Basha (C & E '18), the head writer of Bloomers and producer of this year’s LaughtHERfest, told Street that the most exciting part of the festival is “the fact that it’s bringing not only women in comedy

"

together, but also women in comedy of so many different ages, experience levels and backgrounds.” The evening performance includes not only the aforementioned professional comedians, but also students from Bloomers, Penn's Simply Chaos and student groups from Dartmouth, Columbia, Swarthmore, Harvard, Penn State and Brown. In fact, one all– female sketch comedy troupe from Brown was inspired by and formed after last year’s LaughtHERfest, which included performances and panels with Vanessa Bayer (current SNL cast member) and Aparna Nancherla (stand up and writer for Totally Biased, Conan, @ midnight).

One performer of note is Sarah Wilson (C '17), former Bloomers member, stand–up comedian and

president of Simply Chaos, the co–ed stand–up comedy group on campus. Stand–up comedy has been an integral part of Sarah’s life and influenced her decision to come to Penn, because Penn was the only school she applied to with a stand–up comedy troupe. “What’s interesting to me about stand–up comedy is when it gives you

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insight into what’s going on in someone’s mind, and when they can tell it to you in a funny way,” Sarah said.

She also admits, though, that there are challenges that come with being a female comedian.

“I think a lot of times, growing up when you’re funny and a girl, you’re interpreted as being kind of weird as opposed to being known as a ‘funny guy,’” Sarah said. “There’s a kind of self–consciousness that comes with being a girl and being funny and a fear of being misinterpreted.” Gena also acknowledges that being a female comedian can be difficult, although she described it as more of a numbers game. “Regardless of whether or not someone is targeting you, it is always scary and intimidating for girls to perform and thrive where there aren’t that many girls alongside them,” Gena said.

Regardless of whether or not it’s difficult for women to perform comedy without the presence of other female comedians, it is true that in the industry and at Penn, there is a disparity in the number of comedians among the genders. Currently, only two of the nine Simply Chaos members are women. Bloomers has 38 members and Mask & Wig, Penn’s male musical

A look at this weekend's LaughtHERfest and women in comedy at Penn.

CLARIS PARK

sketch comedy group, has 48 members. There are ten men and two women in Without A Net, Penn’s co–ed improv comedy group.

And yet, despite these perceptional and numeral challenges, some women are taking their experience with comedy on Penn’s campus to the real world. Taiwo Sokan (College '16), a working actress in Philly, also joined Bloomers her first semester of freshman year as part of the cast. Taiwo is currently performing in the Philadelphia Fringe Festival Cat–A–Strophe, a dark comedy produced by Fail Better Productions. She talked to Street about how her four years with Bloomers allow her to find roles and get cast in comedic productions. “I feel like comedy is where I find my comfort,” Taiwo said. “I like knowing that people are enjoying what they’re seeing, and with comedy that’s easier to tell because people laugh.”

Fortunately, challenges haven’t caused female comedy to suffer at Penn.

Bloomers members across the board speak of an increased interest in female comedy, resulting in more competition in tryouts for comedy troupes and larger audiences comprised of both women and men. Taiwo recalled friendly collaborations between Bloomers and Mask & Wig throughout the years.

Considering all this, LaughtHERfest is not only needed on a college campus, but already lauded by both student comedians and professionals in the industry alike. It strives to spread the idea that anyone can make anyone laugh as long as they’re funny, regardless of gender. Gena pointed out that the presence of successful female comedians inspires women, regardless of whether or not they’re in a comedy group, to pursue comedy. “Last year we had two Penn alums, and this year we’ll have two Penn alums as well,” Gena said.

“People are surprised to see they could totally do it.”

33 TO 40 ARTS

TAKE IVY

TAKE TWO: University culture is an alluring one. The intellectualism, the youthfulness and the permeating notion of hope for the future all contribute to a sort of mythic ideal. Though romanticized, there is truth to the idea that college is a period in a person’s life unlike any other, for those who are privileged enough to experience it.

It’s a time for figuring oneself out and a time when failure hardly ever has lasting consequences. It’s a time to take risks and test different modes of self and develop deep and varying interests. This ephemeral period has been captured in literature and film, most recently by a group of Penn students. Working diligently the semester before the seniors on the team graduated this past spring, these students compiled and published a book, 33 to 40, about their time at Penn.

Something of a cultural time capsule, the project takes inspiration from the iconic Japanese publication Take Ivy, a 1965 book focusing on the fashion of (male) Ivy League students.

Featuring candid snapshots of well–dressed young Ivy Leaguers, the book curated a portrait of style which quickly became popular in Japan. 33 to 40 follows Take Ivy in its attempt to capture the essence of the Ivy League environment, in this case Penn’s. The project’s site defines the book: “This publication is part photo book—capturing student lives’ on Penn’s campus—and part cultural documentary—essays and anecdotes encompassing Penn at present.”

For the project’s managing editor Bryan Choo (W & C ’16), the book was meant to encapsulate what he enjoyed most about going to school at Penn. Speaking with Street, he meditated on the physical product and how, as with producing 33 to 40, his most enjoyable times were when he was able to create. He also mentioned the satisfaction that comes with holding a physical object, with being able to read a bound and published book. For Bryan, 33 to 40 is a reminder of his time at Penn.

It’s a relic­–to–be, a physical artifact left to signify in the future, again, his time on Penn’s campus. The book, only published so far in a small edition and released Friday, September 2, has been met with positivity from the Penn community.

Bryan mentioned how, due to the continued demand, it might one day be stocked on Amazon or even in the Penn Bookstore.

“33 to 40 is a showcase of what can happen when people put their minds to something and run with it,” Bryan said.

He noted how at Penn there exists a tendency for students to follow only what they think they should do, not what they actually want to do. He stressed the importance of breaking this course, of identifying what you want for yourself and making it happen. He also defined the difference between manifesting one’s ideas and simply talking about them, and how only the former actually produces something meaningful. For Bryan, Penn was a place where

he could do anything, and 33 to 40 represents that fact.

Conceived and produced only during the second semester of his senior year with design editor Ashley Leung (C '16), lead photographer Alex Fisher

(C '19) and other content contributors, the project was an ambitious one from the beginning. The fact that he and his friends were able to create the book is a testament to what happens when you properly

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VICE & VIRTUE

MY VAGINA DOESN'T WORK Fifty percent of people in this world own one, yet they are still a taboo subject in many ways. For example, no one ever talks about the fact that, sometimes, they just don’t quite work properly. Some have trouble lubricating, some are prone to UTIs or yeast infections and some get extremely painful or heavy periods while others go two years without one! Aren’t vaginas so weird? A lot of women have painful sex but—due to these taboos—are too afraid to talk about it. Conditions such as vulvademia medically explain some cases of painful sex, but there is also a lot of misinformation and misuse out there, so it’s important to be open and honest with yourself and your partner(s). Fun fact: Not only can there be misuse when it comes to smushing our parts together, but there can also be overuse.

Last year, my gynecologist told me not to have sex

Chronic yeast infections, UTIs and low estrogen.

for two weeks, because she said I had an “overuse injury.” Apparently, vaginas aren’t really meant to have sex all that much. In fact, the normal “sex act” (intercourse) is only supposed to last three to five minutes! Anyway. Moving on.

I have one of the most ill–functioning vaginas in the world—I have low estrogen in my vulva, I suffer from chronic yeast infections and I currently have a severe UTI. In addition, condoms irritate the living daylights out of me, semen literally burns me (some people legitimately have a semen allergy, jury is still out on whether I am one of these people) and my vagina is abnormally small. If you don’t suffer from any of these taboo conditions, either because you are extremely lucky or because you don’t own a vagina, you probably don’t know much about them. So let’s slide right in.

YEAST INFECTIONS

UTIs

LOW ESTROGEN

What is a yeast infection? According to WebMD, “Yeast is a fungus that normally lives in the vagina in small numbers. A vaginal yeast infection means that too many yeast cells are growing in the vagina.” These infections are very common, and, though they can be uncomfortable, are easily treatable.”

Yeast infections can be caused by normal stuff. The culprit behind your pain could be hot tubs (personal experience), antibiotic use or even wet bathing suits, so don’t be surprised if post–summer your vagina isn’t doing so hot. At the peak of my yeast infection issues, I actually had to blow dry my vagina instead of using a towel after a shower. To prevent a yeast infection, keep your vagina nice and dry, take a probiotic and eat lots of yogurt (it’s full of the good bacteria).

Real talk: I always thought that there must be something wrong with me, because I literally got yeast infections all the bleeping time. However, after finally visiting the #1 gynecologist in North America (Dr. Nyirjesy at the Drexel Vaginitis Center, Philly represent) this past summer after months of waiting, I learned that chronic yeast infections actually affect normal, healthy women all the time and they are extremely treatable. Getting an infection doesn’t make you unhygienic or dirty, it makes you a normal woman with a normal vagina.

The same goes for UTIs. According to WebMD, if you own a vagina, your chances of getting a UTI in your lifetime are one in two! UTI stands for Urinary Tract Infection, and they have a bad rap for being caused by having sex and lots of it. This is true and also not true. Basically, a UTI occurs when something (namely, bacteria) that shouldn’t be in the urethra gets in the urethra and travels up. It could eventually even infect the bladder or kidneys if untreated. Having sex can introduce bacteria into the urinary tract. This is why gynos, your mom and that guy at Wawa always tell you to PEE AFTER SEX. Some say it’s a myth, but all I’m gonna say is I had sex last week and didn’t pee, and now I have a UTI (first one in my whole life, so).

Other ways to prevent a UTI include taking a cranberry probiotic and drinking lots of cranberry juice—doctors don’t really know the science behind cranberries, but it definitely works. Symptoms of a UTI include burning or pain when you urinate, frequent or intense urge to urinate, pain or pressure in your lower back or abdomen, cloudy/dark/bloody/ or strange smelling urine, feeling tired or shaky and/or fever or chills. A fever could be a sign that the infection may have reached your kidneys, so again please see your doctor if your vagina is being funky.

Okay, so low estrogen. What is estrogen? According to healthywomen.org, estrogen refers to a group of hormones that play an essential role in the growth and development of female sexual characteristics and the reproductive process. Many women suffer from low estrogen, in varying forms, and it can cause lots of issues, including painful sex. This is because when estrogen levels are low, the vagina can become drier and the vaginal walls thinner. This can even happen if you’re on the wrong birth control pill, so if you feel like your vagina is dry maybe you need to switch pills.

Low estrogen is usually associated with older women and menopause, but it can affect young women, too.

However, low estrogen in young women can be a signal of something more serious, so if you think you might have this, get tested by your physician. My low estrogen is confined to my vulva, which is unique, and is actually due to my chronic yeast infections, according to the doc. I treat it simply by rubbing a low dose estrogen cream on my vulva daily, and inserting the cream vaginally once a week. I should be able to stop this treatment in the next couple of months once the yeast and estrogen are all balanced out. My mother, who is going through menopause, uses the same cream. Bonding at its finest.

Having all of these problems with my vagina has been, as you can imagine, tough to say the least. Guys can’t go down on me the same day I have applied the estrogen cream since they shouldn’t ingest estrogen (we’ve all seen John Tucker Must Die). So if I want to receive oral sex, I literally have to plan for it. I also have to have awkward conversations when I have sex with someone for the first time, explain-

ing that it might hurt me (like, a lot) until I get used to it, I absolutely need to use lube and I would prefer not to use condoms, which means I need to know the last time they got tested and then usually have to ask them to not bang other people whilst banging me, which, if you know college boys, doesn’t always go over well. Over all though, I’ve found most guys to be understanding, and mostly just excited

that they get to put their penis inside of a real live vagina, no matter how poorly functioning that vagina may be.

If the experience of the last year of my vagina falling apart has taught me anything, it’s that I shouldn’t be having sex with someone who doesn’t want to talk or understand my vagina issues anyway. Respect is more than just a text the morning after, ladies. If you can’t say, “Hey dude when was the last

time you got tested,” “I have a condom allergy” or, “I have a UTI because I didn’t pee and now my hoohah hurts like a mofo can we watch Netflix instead tonight” without embarrassment or because you’re worried he’s going to be unchill, then he shouldn’t have the privilege of touching your hoohah anyway.

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VICE & VIRTUE

DINING HALL HACKS

How to simultaneously avoid starvation and the Freshman 15. OLIVIA WEIS

Ah, the Dining Hall: a freshman–dense minefield where culinary dreams are squashed and temptations reign. Help yourself turn down that soggy pizza and give your body some nutrition by amping up your dining hall game with these hacks.

Sans–Mayo Egg Salad Sandwich: Make the old classic a tad more health–conscious by swapping mayo for yogurt.

Take two hard boiled eggs and mash together with three spoons of plain yogurt (Greek if available) and one spoonful of mustard. Season with salt and pepper, and serve in a lettuce cup or on whole wheat bread.

Veggie Sandwich (VEGAN): Get your veggies in with this veggie–dense sandwich. Toast your favorite bread, add a smear of hummus and pile your veggies of choice high.

My combo suggestion is cucumber, tomatoes, avocado, sprouts (or a flavorful, small– leaf lettuce such as arugula) and shredded carrots. Sprinkle with vitamin–E–dense sunflower seeds if available.

Overflowing Grilled Cheese: Be that overachiever you were in high school and go way beyond the basic grilled cheese. Add a few slices of your favorite cheese to whole wheat bread. Then shred any available meat (or tofu) and add. Make your way to the salad bar and add in any additions you wish. I’m thinking tomato slices and pickles.

Finally, top with your choice

of dip from below. Or make it a sweet–and–salty combo by adding a sprinkle of dried cranberries.

Dips to disguise the dryness of dining hall meat or bland vegetables: DIY BBQ Sauce: Combine ketchup, a spoonful of hot sauce, soy sauce and mustard.

Then season with salt and pepper to taste.

Buffalo Chicken Dip: Increase the heat with this warm dip that pairs perfectly with tortilla chips or veggies. Mix an equal ratio of plain cream cheese with blue cheese dressing from the salad bar. Microwave this mixture for about ten seconds. Stir, and repeat four times. Add hot sauce to taste. Then shred a chicken cutlet and add to mixture.

Put back in microwave for 15 seconds.

Thai Peanut Sauce: For when you can’t be bothered—this dip couldn’t be easier. Simply mix a spoon of peanut butter and soy sauce together. Once again, add hot sauce to taste.

Mix into pasta, smear over meat, or use as a salad dressing.

French Onion Dip: This dip will get you closer to that svelte French woman physique than the original variety.

Combine one container of Greek yogurt with about two spoons of olive oil and diced onions from the salad bar.

Season to taste with salt and pepper. Now revel in this dip’s je ne sais quoi.

Fruit Crisp: Like the variety your grandmother made, sans excessive added sugar. Take any fruit available (such as an apple, banana or berries), and cut into small pieces (if whole originally). Then add one spoon of honey and mix together with the fruit. Top mixture with granola and heat in microwave for about 45 seconds.

WHEN I HAVE GRANDCHILDREN I'M GOING TO REQUEST THAT THEY CALL ME GRANOLA. IT'S LIKE "GRANNY" BUT SIGNIFICANTLY MORE EXOTIC. LIKE, LOOK HOW CUTE IT WOULD BE: "WE'RE GOING TO GRANOLA'S HOUSE FOR THANKSGIVING!" "WHY IS GRANOLA HITTING ON THE WAITER AGAIN?" "WHO LET GRANOLA DRINK TEQUILA?"

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VICE & VIRTUE

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF ROOMMATE SEXTIQUETTE So you can get it on the way Emily Post intended.

1

Coming to college and moving into a postage–stamp sized room with someone you barely know can be confusing, awkward and frustrating if you don’t treat him/her with respect. You may have signed a roommate contract and turned it over to your dorky RA, but we very much doubt it fully covered the most critical situation—what do you do when you want to bring someone home? How do you bang in your XL twin bed?

Worry not beautiful quakers, Street’s got you covered. Learn from our mistakes. This is Sextiquette: Roommate Edition.

Do NOT just assume that your roommate will be okay with vacating the room on the second night of NSO because you DFMOd with this super hot person and just need to get to know his/her genitals. Having the conversation before you have a 3 a.m. suitor will save you a lot of drama. Seriously, it may be awkward AF, but you need a plan in case of emergency. It can be as simple as, “Hey, if either one of us needs to get it in, let’s have a plan that the other person hangs out in the lounge for an hour.”

2

It’s college. Get crafty.

Hooking up in your dorm room should be the worst–case scenario. Recommended locations include laundry rooms, lounges, that music–practice room behind McClelland in the quad, 5th floor of VP, the Street Office...

3

For God’s sake, do not have sex while your roommate is in the room. You may think you are being sneaky, but they can 100% tell what’s going on under the sheets.

4

On that note, check and double check your roommate’s bed to ensure they aren’t asleep in it.

Sounds ridiculous, but believe us, it’s happened.

5

Avoid hall–cest at all costs. Now, this can sometimes be extremely difficult. Willpower is only so strong. If you must hook up with the guy in the triple at the end of the hall, at least wait until second semester.

The less time you have to run into them on your walk of shames, the better.

6

Avoid sleepovers, unless your roommates have assured you that they are okay with it. How are you fitting a second person in that tiny bed, anyway?

7

Lock your damn door.

We really can’t tell you how many times we’ve been walked in on by friendly hallmates, subjecting them to an image that may possibly be eched in their brains forever.

If your roommate comes in unexpectedly, at least you will have time to pretend you’re “watching a movie” or “doing a new form of yoga” while they struggle to open the door.

9

Share the details. If your lovely roomie can tolerate your sexcapades, they at least deserve a good story. Maybe leave out the part about fucking on their desk because yours was too messy, though.

10

Figure out your roommate’s schedule. Have sex during the day. 2 p.m. booty calls are underrated.

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As with sex, roommate sextiquette is a two–way street. If they give you an hour in the room when they’d rather be sleeping, be sure to return the favor.

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FILM & TV

'THE RADICAL JEW': EXAMINING RIGHT-WING EXTREMISM

Noam Osband has always seen filmmaking as the ideal way to bridge the gap between his intellectually curious side and the side of him that hungers for more artistic forms of expression. The candidate for a PhD in Anthropology has also broken ground in the College of Arts and Sciences by having his documentary film, In the Pines, which examines the work of Mexican and American reforestation workers in the South, accepted as a doctoral dissertation. And now, with funding from the Penn Dean's Award for New Media and Research, Osband has finished up a new documentary short that's just set out on an extended festival run.

Osband got into filmmaking when he came to

Penn as a PhD student in 2008. He was particularly inspired by Ellen Reynold's "Video I" course in the Design School, and from there began to seek out documentary subjects in the Philadelphia area, including the increasing presence of Mexican vendors in the Italian market and the string of murders of several cops in 2009.

"There was something very thrilling about going around with your camera and filming and sort of having a funda-

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mental responsibility to make something out of it," Osband explains about his initial forays into the field of documentary filming.

While he's been finishing up his dissertation film, he's found the time to film a 22–minute profile of

Baruch Marzel, a far-right wing leader living the city of Hebron in the West Bank, called The Radical Jew. Marzel is a distant relative of Osband, whom

he reached out to during his summer stay in Israel.

He's particularly well– known there as a provocateur, but does not enjoy the same notoriety in America and the West.

Osband sees The Radical Jew as a reflection on the concept of radicalism: "I thought, here’s a chance to make a thoughtful movie about extremism. Like, what does it mean to be an extremist? How does an extremist see the world?"

To him, the concept of extremism has to do with moral reductionism, seeing conflicts as us vs. them, good vs. evil and no room for compromise.

His approach towards depicting Baruch Marzel has been one of neutrality and directorial distance.

He was inspired by the approach of Errol Morris, citing his objectivity and ability to give the audience

a closer view of the individual at the center of the film. He tries to humanize him as a subject, showing scenes of him playing with his grandchildren in equal parts with him talking

A short film by Penn's very own grad–student–cinematographer.

about killing Lebanese prisoners of war and encouraging his children to fight Arabs. This approach has not always been received well by those who have thus far viewed his film, however.

Osband recalls after showing his film at a conference that people objected to his reserving directorial judgments of Baruch: "I always thought that’s a weird way of attacking someone.

These people are human beings, it’s not a bad thing to recognize that. It’s like me telling you the sky is blue. Part of it is just his ideology and politics, but part of it is just how does this guy view the world?"

He continues: "If I show you the movie and you come away with a strong opinion on him but you don’t know how I stand, I’m happy with that. That to me is success. Because it’s not about how I feel. It’s about what he thinks and what you think of that."

As he film begins its festival run at places like DocUtah, Covellite International Film Fest and Charlotte Film Fest, Osband hopes that he can bring the film back to Penn, and organize screenings accessible to the university. In doing so, he thinks that it's possible to start a conversation about the potential of objectivity in documentary films.

NICK JOYNER

FILM & TV

HOW TO GET INVOLVED WITH FILM & TV AT PENN A handy guide.

SPEC FILM One of the branches of SPEC, SPEC Film, is for general film lovers. They provide students with the opportunity to see advance screenings, give free/ discounted movies and occasionally work with SPEC Connaissance to bring important speakers in the film and TV world on campus.

Want to get involved?

Send an email to film@ specevents.net.

BENT BUTTON PRODUCTIONS Say hello to Penn’s premier film club, which strives to bring together movie lovers and makers in order to create amazing student content. This undergraduate filmmaking club teaches its members ev-

ery stage of the movie making process from writing, to filming, to acting, to editing—the list goes on! Based out of the Kelly Writers House, it’s a small club environment meant to make sure everyone is included.

Get involved by emailing wsixk@sas.upenn.edu or stopping by one of their meetings at KWH, Tuesdays at 8 p.m.

Nexo Productions Nexo is not a club— it's a company, so it behaves and runs like one. A creative production agency that creates marketing films and commercials, Nexo is a great way to get involved and get real world experience right now on campus. Though it’s a startup helping other startups, you could learn to manage projects with budgets averaging $1,500 for companies in the US, UK and Russia! Not a fan of conference rooms?

Don’t worry—Nexo prides

itself on a laid–back, collaborative environment where meetings happen over coffee and members even make cameos in some of their commercials.

No resume or experience required to get involved, just send an email to v@nexoprod. com.

be holding screenwriting competitions where anyone (involved in the club or not) can submit their work.

Shoot an email to opiafilms1@gmail.com to get involved.

DAYZIA TERRY

Opia Films Opia Films, as Amanda Prager (one of the co–founders) says, “serves to fulfill the artistic community that desires to not just make something creative, but also make something engaging.”

Opia is a club for people who want to make the content others watch, especially if you are interested in submitting to film festivals off–campus. The club is made up of roughly 71 members, 11 of which are “Creators” who act as board members to decide the direction of the club and the screenplays. Opia will

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LOWBROW

A–BROAD CITY

• Watch Love Actually instead of doing your political science reading so you feel connected to all the happenings.

• Speak in a fake British accent so you start to convince yourself that you are, in fact, in London.

• Find a tall kid named Ben. Only call him Big Ben. • Attempt to make fish and chips. Fail. Order spicy tuna crispy rice from Pod instead.

• Write Snapchat and ask for a British geotag in

your room. You’re allowed to lie to your followers.

• Convince yourself you don’t regret not going abroad by taking advantage of all Penn has to offer. aka go to a themed frat party with a bunch of freshmen because you’re still not old enough to get into Smokes’. Beat yourself up for remembering that you would be legal in London.

• Go downtown and see the Liberty Bell because you still haven’t seen it since you’ve been in Philly.

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What to do when your best friends are in London and you’re sitting in DRL.

• Make a promise to yourself that you’ll become close with new people. Then, unavoidably, meet zero new people.

• Go home and make yourself a nice cup of English Breakfast tea. Spike it.

• Listen to The Beatles and cry.

• Buy ticket to London because you know you made a mistake. Rip it up because you're stubborn and made a choice and now must stick to it. Question whether or not you are a Castle pledge.

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