September 13, 2012 34st.com
Droppin' Wisdom things we wish we knew as freshmen
See Inside: Freshmen Superlatives • Summer Music Recap • NSO Gossip
september 13
4
2012
FROMtheEDITOR
SELF–HELP
3 HIGHBROW
the roundup, word on the street, overheards, mythbusters
ego of the week
4 EGO
campus tour, college v. high school, ego of the week
6 FOOD & DRINK
campus updates, breakfast recipes, places for productivity, refrigerator page 217
8 FILM
digital premieres, best of vod, filmmaker profile, trailer of the week
10 FEATURE
seniors share wisdom
13 MUSIC
city rain profile, album reviews, summer music news recap
new commons
14
6
Just short of three years ago, I held in my hands my first–ever issue of Street. On the cover was a cartoon illustration of 10 characters, crudely rendered but immediately distinguishable. The headline: "This is your freshman hall." "Good," I thought to myself. "Someone is about to break this place down easy for me." Despite the Street editors' best efforts, there's no easy way to break down a class of 2500. Sure, I had met a few of those "10 People You Meet Freshman Year," but where was I on the list of archetypes? Instead of seeing this as the positive affirmation that it was — that in a sea of floundering freshman I had thus far resisted stereotyping — I took it as further evidence that I had landed somewhere that I didn't fit in. If I could visit my freshman self like the ghost of Christmas past, I would scare the hell out of her if I told her that she would never "fit in" at Penn. But that doesn't mean I
spent the next three years hating my life and wishing I had gone somewhere else. Instead, somewhere along the line I began to focus on what was actually inside of me, and to coax whatever was there out. And once I was able to convince myself that my passions, interests and strange quirks weren't anything to be ashamed of, the right people started to come along and realize it toow. Freshman: my advice to you is to embrace who you are from day one. Trying to fulfill some role that’s already been acted out ad nauseam is boring and won't impress anyone. You might not meet your best friends on your freshman hall, in any of your classes or in a frat or sorority (if you decide to join one), but you'll find them eventually. And it will be worth it.
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15 ARTS
top 5 philly fringe, artist profile teaser, arts summer photo contest, room decor the philly way
18 LOWBROW
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
freshmen superlatives, then and now, freshman matchmaker
2
20 BACKPAGE
seniors' penn advice
city rain's new ep
Come hang at our first writers' meeting of the semester. It takes a ton of people to make this magazine — even YOU can get your name on the bottom of this page. WRITERS' MEETING 4015 WALNUT 6:30 P.M.
bingo!
34TH STREET MAGAZINE Elizabeth Horkley, Editor–In–Chief Joe Pinsker, Managing Editor Adrian Franco, Online Managing Editor Hilary Miller, Design Editor Chloe Bower, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Laura Francis, Asst. Photo Inna Kofman, Asst. Design Stephanie Witt, Asst. Design Paige Rubin, Highbrow Zacchiaus Mckee, Highbrow Patrick Ford–Matz, Ego Sandra Rubinchik, Ego
Katie Giarla, Ego Patrick Del Valle, Food & Drink Isabel Oliveres, Food & Drink Abigail Koffler, Food & Drink Alex Hosenball, Music Ben Bernstein, Music Kiley Bense, Music Ben Lerner, Film Samantha Apfel, Film Megan Ruben, Arts Eillie Anzilotti, Arts Faryn Pearl, Lowbrow Lizzie Sivitz, Lowbrow Colette Bloom, Back Page Zeke Sexauer, Back Page
Julia Liebergall, Copy Mariam Mahbob, Copy Amanda Shulman, Copy Cover Design: Chloe Bower & Hilary Miller
Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Elizabeth Horkley, Editor-–in–Chief, at horkley@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 898–6585. To place an ad, call (215) 898–6581. VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "I want to go on Birthright this Winter Break. It's going to be such a scene." ©2012 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.
wordonthestreet
HIGHBROW
MYTHBUSTERS: PENN EDITION
Culture Shock
In Penn’s many years of existence, it has accumulated its fair share of urban legends — crazy myths that whether true or false have been integrated into Penn lore. As your trusted authority on Penn rumors, we at Highbrow will be your teachers with this recurring feature, catching you up on some classic stories and helping you separate the fact from the crap.
True
False
Far yn Pe arl
Zete Pledging aka #onepercentproblems: Rumor has it that pledging Zete includes being forced to buy a first class ticket to China and destroying it, promising 5% of your income for the rest of your life to the fraternity and, on the bright side, a trip to Puerto Rico on a private jet. Truth Meter: We have it on good authority that Zete boys take their little trip to PR every year, but we can’t imagine the other two money–squandering tidbits are true.
True
False
How ZBT Became OZ: In 2004, ZBT got kicked off campus and later formed OZ after several bizarre incidents, including: keeping a stripper in the basement as a pet and dropping a kitten wearing a parachute off one of the highrises. The stripper was well–fed and released, and the kitten survived, but OFSA was obviously displeased. Truth Meter: We’re not all too sure. The official story is that alcohol– related incidents were the final straw for ZBT, but OZ would be way more interesting if this were the real deal.
THEROUNDUP
send us gossip to highbrow@34st.com
at
Sorority girl: Hold on, I’m stealing money from my mom. Girl: He said he’d never love anyone like he loves me. And I said, “You know what? Just cause you said that, I’m gonna marry you and make your life miserable.” Stoner: One time I tried to make, like, shredded Mexican cheese and Frosted Flakes and yeah… it wasn’t good. Hipster 1: West Philly is kind of a charming area. Hipster 2: I wouldn’t use “charming.” More like… “gentrified.” Guy passing SDT: This frat’s name is EAT. HA. Do you think they did that on purpose?
I
t was 2 a.m. when I got off the plane in Kolkata, India, and immediately I noticed two things: the heat, which was almost suffocating, and the condition of the airport, which consisted of only two gates. It was entirely different from even the airport in Delhi, which was about as upscale as you can get. I was paralyzed with fear. I didn’t even know the name of the person picking me up from the airport, but we somehow found each other and I made it to my home for the next six weeks. I promptly laid in bed for the next three hours having an anxiety attack because I knew no one and I was miles away from home. I’d only really felt like this once before in my life, and it was the day I moved into Penn. Culture shock is both gratifying and terrifying. You feel awed by this history and significance surrounding you, excited by the prospects of something new and afraid that you’ll be seen as unworthy of participating in it. Whether this has to deal with flying across the world or driving a few hours to attend a university, the experience is the same. Right now, a good majority of Penn 2016ers are trying to figure out their place in a community that has a vast historical and social meaning. They feel frightened, eager, lonely, anxious. We all felt like that. That feeling will pass. And when it does you’ll be left in a place that feels like home, even if it’s as far away from your actual home as possible. My sister had a baby last month. A boy. He’s adorable and tiny and squishy and named after a president. And as I sat in a spotless, air–conditioned hospital waiting room for eight hours watching a Steelers game, I thought about all the times I sat in hospital waiting rooms in India while I was working with a medical clinic. The experiences could not have been more different. India was hot and cramped, and one time, monsoon rains flooded the hospital with waist–high water that we had to wade through to reach the doctor. But in the end, it didn’t matter. My sister received the best treatment possible, as did the patients in India. Different cultures, different experiences — but ultimately everything was the same. I spent six weeks in India and my only regret is that it took me a few days to assimilate into the culture. The food, the language and the people might be shocking at first, but eventually they become rich and endearing. And that’s how I felt about Penn too. My life at Penn may be different from my life back home or in India, but it still feels like home, which is what really matters.
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
Welcome, welcome, Penn lovies, new and old, sullen, cynical, bright and beautiful, to The Round Up. For those of you who don't know, we're Penn's weekly source of all things scandalous and shameful. You probably don't want to end up here, unless you have a penchant for the dramatic. …And we're back with MTV Cribs: Penn Edition. We left off last year on a real cliffhanger wondering whether or not AEPi's transformation into Apes would be a success. The verdict's still out, but the boys jumped their first hurdle by scoring a sick Walnut pad. This place has everything: a fully stocked kitchen, ivy–covered stone, a huge basement and, best of all, a "solarium," which is basically an all glass room where they, like, smoke and hang out and stuff. We'll admit, we're pretty jealous. Freedom! Bravery! Beer! 'Merica! All of these and more at the Made in America festival, which happened over NSO. Surprisingly, only one person was arrested. An unaffiliated sophomore boy, which is pretty impressive even for our illustrious university. But even more impressive are the trumped–up charges, which amount to…stealing a single beer. Not exactly grand larceny. He was ultimately released with 18 hours of community service. Maybe he should stick to BYO–ing next time. At least the chances of arrest are lower. SDT's chapter house has gone to the dogs. Girls were panicking when a bug was found in their chapter room and the rumors started swirling soon after: SDTs have fleas. Exterminators brought in a dog to sniff out the little devils, and the girls were ordered to keep away from the house yesterday while it was fumigated. For next time, maybe a flea collar would be less expensive. Some rowdy frat seemed to have put the coke in Coca–Cola this weekend while they threw a party where the attendants dressed up as soda cans. While the brothers enjoyed some "refreshments" upstairs, the cops showed up, forcing the entire party into hiding on the second floor. The boys got away scot– free, but not before the coked–out seniors scared the freshies even more than the cops. Fun, fun, fun. Until next week, kiddies.
over heard PENN
BY ZACCHIAUS MCKEE
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
LOL
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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
EGO
EGOOF THE WEEK Sam Pasternack College senior and funnyman Sam Pasternack, a former "Daily Show" intern, literally walks to the beat of his own drum. Street: Tell us a little bit about your roles on campus. Sam Pasternack: I am one of the co–editors–in–chief of The Punch Bowl, Penn’s humor magazine, and I’m the Vice President of the Penn Band. I like wearing two hats at once; it’s a lot warmer for my head.
gious leader of the Colbert Nation, Stephen Colbert’s religious expert, is a Punch Bowler.
Street: What’s been going on at Punch Bowl since you took over? SP: We started Punch Bowl’s alumni program last summer. We found people from like 1928 who were still alive. And one who lived in Philly and was so excited that he died the week that we sent the email.
Street: So tell us more about Penn Band. SP: I’m the head of their show– writing committee. So when you go to a football game, at halftime, the band stumbles onto the field and they form ridiculous formations. What I do is, there’s a booming voice coming down from the PA system…I am the one who tells them what to say. But any time it’s a nasally Jewish voice, you’ll know it’s me. And I’m the senior snare drummer on the drumline now.
Street: What are the coolest things these people are doing now? SP: The second–ever female editor–in–chief of the Punch Bowl wrote for "Jackie Chan Adventures." And, um, the reli-
Street: Is "Drumline" an accurate representation of your life as a Penn Band drummer? SP: Nick Cannon’s character and I are very similar: we’re both sons of disapproving NY subway tollbooth workers and
we both go to a small Atlanta technical college. Last year the Penn Band had a drumline battle against Cornell, but unfortunately it did not end with Zoe Saldana jumping into my arms and telling me we won the BET Big Southern Classic. Street: What’s the biggest misconception about the Penn Band? SP: Once you’re in the band, you never leave. It’s like the mafia. But more musical. We once ran out of tokens underground at a SEPTA station, so we played “Free Ride” until the overwhelmed (and entertained) SEPTA worker let us through. Street: What can you tell us about "The Daily Show" without breaching any terms of confidentiality? SP: "The Daily Show" is a political satire program on Comedy Central that airs at
hummus grill 34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
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11 p.m. EST. It’s hosted by Jon Stewart. And I worked there. Street: So not much. SP: I had an amazing summer. The product that you see every night reflects not only the level of effort that all of these people pour into it every day, but a kind, considerate sensibility. Street: Punch Bowl and Penn Band. Both PB. How do you keep them straight? SP: I usually go with PBowl and Band. Street: So emphasis on the B. SP: Yeah, well I can’t do Punch B. It sounds like
a Chris Brown to–do list item. Street: Who would win in a fight between Penn Band and Punch Bowl? SP: When you can throw tubas, you have a slight advantage. Throwing puns is a dangerous game. Somebody’s gonna get hurt — but it might be the people throwing puns. Street: You’ve got a tiny Harry Potter scar. How’d you get it? SP: I don’t wanna talk about it. Street: Did it happen at "The Daily Show"?
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Hig hS
Is it finals? Did your entire wardrobe burn to ashes in a sudden fire? Are you an athlete? Are you just rude? No sweatpants.
Gossip is the most valuable social currency.
Unless you’re Highbrow or within the walls of Sweetgreen, gossip will only earn you dirty looks.
Football games are fun! Everyone goes to football games! Let’s get drunk and go to a football game! Go to school 8 a.m. to 3 p.m., head straight to soccer practice, play rehearsal, mock debate, have a sit– down, well–balanced, home–cooked meal with parents and stay up into the wee hours crying about AP Physics. Hook up with someone and become high school sweethearts.
Pe n
n
Sweat pants are acceptable day–to–day attire, even impressive when matched with bedhead and a lax bro attitude.
No one goes to football games.
Wear a condom.
Hear alarm at 11 a.m. “Nah.” Alarm at 11:10. “Nah.” Alarm at 11:20. “Nah.” Regret skipping class. Go on Facebook. Order Jimmy John's. Think about doing work. Go on Facebook again. Rinse and repeat. Hook up with someone and never see them again in your life.
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
ol o ch
Three letters: B.Y.O.
Go to Chili’s once a week with your parents.
Pretend you aren’t drunk to the security guards in the Quad. They will hospitalize and/or arrest you.
Pretend you aren’t drunk when you arrive home and find your dad waiting up in the living room. Don’t want to get grounded! When the police break up parties it means underage citations, suspension, expulsions and groundings for all.
Police break up parties and have a beer with the homeowners.
CAMPUS TOUR TRANSLATOR We know what Penn tour guides are saying to prospective students. But what aren’t they saying? BY PATRICK FORD-MATZ, KATIE GIARLA & SANDRA RUBINCHIK
LOCUST WALK
trying to convince you to join or attend. Take in the significance and depth of the historical and defining icons along the Walk, but keep in mind they are primarily used for urination or intercourse.
ENGINEERING QUAD Kite & Key: As you might have already guessed, the Engineering Quad houses the School of Engineering, haha. Probably the most exciting feature of this school is its senior final projects; the Zamboni that clears the toast off Franklin Field was actually made by Penn students! Ego: This is where you’ll invariably have all of your early morning language classes. It doesn’t make much sense, but neither does a gi-
ant vacuum that inefficiently sucks up bread.
VAN PELT Kite & Key: Housing a staggering collection of rare manuscripts, reference materials and of course, books, Van Pelt is most students’ favorite go–to study spot. The basement houses Mark’s Café, a delightful refueling station for late–night study sessions, and the ground floor features the highly social, high–tech Weigle Information Commons. Ego: Housing a soul–deflating collection of sleeping students, broken water fountains and of course, discarded Adderall bottles, Van Pelt is an awkwardly constructed hellscape of all–nighters and
double panic attacks. The basement houses Mark’s Café, which just sucks, and, more importantly, the most hopping fake–studying social scene in the Penn Libraries universe. And don’t miss that one dicey, half–constructed elevator that still resembles a high school dropout’s final shop class project before finally giving into drug addiction and life on the streets. We recommend the stairs.
THE HIGH RISES Kite and Key: The High Rises serve as perfect transitional housing for upperclassmen after they move from the safety and security of the Quad towards the streets of West Philadelphia. They are conveniently located in close
proximity to most classes, Commons and many of popular off–campus attractions. Ego: The housing for the misguided, misinformed and socially inept. The paper– thin walls, perpetually broken elevators and wailing fire alarms are topped only by the judgmental security guards (dressing like a slut and blacking out is your prerogative) and menstrual modern artwork. Additionally, the below–zero temperatures in the wind tunnel make the already painful walks of shame all the more stinging. For the rest of Ego's campus tour, please mind the tree on your right and follow us to the extended online portion at 34st.com.
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
Kite and Key: As we walk along this scenic, wooded boulevard, try to take in all the history and prestige of Locust Walk. Penn icons such as the compass, the button and the Ben Franklin statue line this shaded stroll, only adding to its historic ambience. The bustling nature of the Walk is a daily reminder of all the culture and diversity Penn has to offer. Ego: The walk down Locust is time best utilized asserting your social relevance — nod and wave to people you met once freshman year. If you have no friends, consider taking Walnut. Attempt to avoid the barrage of flyers and categorized–by–race– or–religion a cappella groups
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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
FOOD&DRINK
Don’t be fooled by the shiny floors and snazzy menus. We get to the bottom of the summer facelifts and indoor fireplaces (what?).
Start Your Morning With a Bang
Mama does know best when it comes to the importance of the first meal of the day. And no, coffee doesn’t count as a complete breakfast.
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
Easy Frittata: • 2 eggs, beaten, with salt and pepper • 2 slices of turkey breast, chopped • A handful of shredded cheese In a small pan, over medium heat, add the turkey breast and top with the eggs. Sprinkle with cheese and wait for it to set (about six minutes). Pop the pan under the broiler for 30 seconds to make sure it cooks through. You can make this the night before, refrigerate and then throw a slice in the microwave in the morning; think of it as an omelet–pizza.
6
Can You Teach an Old Dog ?
Peanut Butter and Jelly Oatmeal • 1 serving of plain oatmeal • 1 spoonful of peanut butter • 1 handful of dried cranberries Cook the oatmeal and add a spoonful of peanut butter. Top with cranberries and enjoy. PB & J was all the rage in elementary school, but this version is ready for college (or three back–to–back lectures). Bonus: A swirl of honey is great on top. Not–Your–Mother’s Morning Smoothie • ½ cup frozen strawberries • ½ cup frozen blueberries or blackberries • ¼ cup frozen pineapple chunks • ½ small avocado • a handful of baby spinach • about 1 cup milk/soy milk/almond milk Put all the ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. You can add more milk to get a thinner smoothie. Make a large batch and keep in the fridge in to–go cups so you can dash to class without missing your morning meal.
Commons: Entering the new Commons is certainly overwhelming. The new downstairs is split into a grocery store that replaced the Uncommon Market, a weird McClelland–like prepared food section called Fresh on the Walk, a mediocre pizza spot (like the pizza at Houston) called Pi and a new noodle joint called Global Fusion. The grocery sells completely random items like frat sunglasses and yoga mats but does have a good selection of frozen dinners and vegan/gluten free options. At Global Fusion, choose from three broths (dashi, miso, beef) and the protein you like and you get a big stir–fry for only $4.99 without protein or $5.99 with. Global Fusion also has rotisserie chickens that are perfect for cooking or making quick lunches. The much–touted indoor fireplaces are further downstairs in the upgraded study space. It’s really nice and includes outdoor seating! Be warned: the metal chairs get really cold, so cover up. There’s more Starbucks, more tables, but no increase in outlets. What’s up with that? We have a feeling it’s gonna get real scene-y, real fast. — Abigail Koffler
Allegro: Well, it looks as if everyone’s favorite 2 a.m. hangout spot finally got a facelift. Now featuring some all–too comfortable booths and new tables and chairs among other things, Allegro is trying its best to class itself up. We happen to be pleased with the comfy booth seating which will undoubtedly become the pass–out spot of choice for some too–drunk freshmen. Despite its new décor, there will always be something decidedly and endearingly seedy about Allegro. It's got the same greasy fare, the same no–nonsense employees and the same inebriated clientele. You can bet that you’ll find us camped out in the corner booth at least once this semester, going to town on BBQ chicken pizza and curly fries. — Patrick Del Valle
The Bridge Café: After a few (very few) tears were shed once ABP departed, we couldn't help but wonder: what would replace the undrinkable coffee and soggy salads in the Death Star known as Huntsman? Turns out it’s The Bridge Café, which is basically ABP with a more depressing color scheme and no sweet cheese danishes. Food–wise, The Bridge seems uninspired; call us spoiled, but five sandwich options and two salads don’t seem like enough. We do support its use of fennel, though, and the ingredients do look fresher than they used to. Where this new kid on the (Locust) block does vanquish its predecessor is in the drink department. The coffee is not just drinkable, it’s pretty ok. Plus, The Bridge is killing it with sodas: Fizzy Lizzies and a quirky New Hope Premium soda fountain? We do dig that. — Isabel Oliveres
Page 217: Refrigerator Edition
As soon as you realize that Rosenparty is not a party, you’ll need to leave VP. Going from West to East, here are our picks for the best alternative study spots.
BY ABIGAIL KOFFLER AND ISABEL OLIVERES
If your fridge could talk, here’s what it’d say around page 217 of your college experience.
BY ISABEL OLIVERES AND ABIGAIL KOFFLER
Café Clave (43rd and Locust): 12–minute walk There’s a quiet study room in the back with ample outlets, wi–fi, spinning chairs and committed workers. We’ve witnessed people enforce the quiet rule: this is a spot for serious work. The cash–only shop serves great empanandas and often has live salsa music come evening. Lovers and Madmen (40th and Ludlow): 10–minute walk Market St. isn’t scary when you’re at Lovers and Madmen. Despite an early closing time of six, this is a great hang–out spot known for good cupcakes, excellent tea and a cozy, quiet atmosphere good for reading, blogging or catching up with a friend. If you come near closing, ask for your drink in a to–go cup.
Freshman Year: Your mini–fridge is an utter mess of NSO free samples (what was that weird European yogurt?), stolen desserts from Convocation, the food your mom bought you so you could stay healthy and your roommate's stuff. Except you ate your roommate’s mac & cheese one night at 3 a.m. Oops. Better to buy microwave popcorn and call it a day.
Junior Year: This is the year: OCR is right around the corner, the LSAT and the MCAT are weeks away, it’s time to get your life together. Your fridge is stocked with brain food: salmon, dark leafy greens, blueberries, all of which you ordered from Grubhub ‘cause who the hell has time to cook with so many interviews to prep for? There’s also a 12–pack of Yuengling because Bud Light is such an underclassmen thing.
Sophomore Year: You just moved off campus. You need to stock this fridge with food for the healthy adult lifestyle you’re planning for yourself. This means lots of things you will never use, including but not limited to: pre–cut veggies, microwavable eggs and fresh juices (or worse, a juicer). Also, you have lots of alcohol “casually” chilling because you no longer have to hide it.
Senior Year: There’s no food in your fridge because you’re going to spend the next ten months consuming all your calories in alcoholic form. Here’s what you have: lots of bottled water (for your hangovers), a handful of Vitamin Water Zero's (ditto) and a half–gallon of chocolate milk from Wawa because it’s dawned on you that you’re old and you just want to feel young again.
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Good Karma Café (22nd and Pine): 25–minute walk This fair–trade committed establishment has an artsy– eclectic interior, large tables and really solid (free) wi–fi. Grab a strong Iced Coffee and snag a seat outside while the weather still allows it.
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
Hasta La Vista, Van Pelt
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34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow 34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012 8
FILM
THE
:
Digital premieres of films like "Bachelorette" go viral before ever hitting theaters. (Check out our review of the film at 34st.com.) BY SAMANTHA APFEL
I
love going to movie theaters. The crunch of the popcorn, the anticipation of the crowd and the sheer thrill of being overwhelmed by images on such a larger–than–life scale is a huge part of what makes film great. It’s an event. It might seem odd, then, that I am such a proponent of VOD, the video–on– demand paradigm that is becoming an increasingly legitimate release platform for independent films. These films will often be premiered on VOD either before their theatrical debuts (called an “ultra” release), or simultaneously with a theatrical release (called “day–and– date”). Last month, the film "Bachelorette" became one of the most successful VOD releases yet as the first film to reach number one on iTunes without ever receiving a wide release in theatres. "Bachelorette" is only the most recent and highest– profile film to find success on VOD. Many others have found digital homes outside of theaters, like 2011’s "Margin Call" and 2010’s "All Good Things." These films were released using a multitude of on–demand outlets, from cable and satellite providers like DirecTV and Comcast, to web–based companies like iTunes and YouTube. "Bachelorette" was distributed by RADiUS, The Weinstein Company’s new label specializing in alternative distribution, which has recently inked a deal with Netflix to stream its titles. VOD demonstrates the changing ways in which people are receiving visual content. Despite my love of cinemas, even I have found that
-
Video–On–Demand Hidden Gems
In honor of the success of "Bachelorette," Street is taking a look at other lesser– known titles in the iTunes library that are also worthy of your attention. These are some of the best movies that can be found in the “independent” section; none have received a wide theatrical release. BY SAMANTHA APFEL
"Detention" (2011) This movie is ridiculous. Seriously, you will be left scratching your head for days at the myriad plot twists and the rapid–fire dialogue laden with retro pop culture references. What other film can boast a mad axe murderer, time travel, teen romance and Dane Cook? It’s a treat for all occasions. Major bridal dramz in "Bachelorette"
it is very difficult to reserve two–hour chunks of time for a trip to the theatre, regardless of how well–reviewed the film is. And yet, no matter how busy I get, I am still likely to end my evening with a quick perusal of the new Netflix Instant releases or iTunes rentals as I curl up in bed with my laptop. VOD service is also a great option for heartland audiences who have traditionally been overlooked by independent releases. Nearly all movies open in New York and Los Angeles, but now people between the coasts don’t have to wait to see the same buzzy festival flicks. Distributors believe VOD to be a great marketing tool for films, building strong word–of–mouth momentum before they ever hit theaters — without an expensive marketing campaign, and generating revenue all the while. Yet the theatrical release is still an essential part of the rollout plan. Viewers want to be assured of quality, so films need the mainstream public-
ity only a movie in theaters will garner; audiences might be deterred from watching a movie that was made specifically for a smaller screen, which implies a lack of legitimacy. It may seem counterintuitive, but distributors like RADiUS insist that VOD and theatrical releases fuel each other, creating a mutually beneficial feedback loop. If you have a good film, the logic goes, it can’t hurt to show it to as many people as possible, regardless of the format. This philosophy on movie distribution will only make smaller films more accessible to a broader audience. Indie films can get buried at the box office, especially when they are only released in a few cities, in a few theatres. But this new, easy, and relatively cheap multi–platform marketing and release system ensures that good films find their audiences, instead of audiences having to hunt them down at the multiplex.
"About Cherry" (2012) This hazily–shot film will appeal to the voyeur in all of us as it gives us a behind–the–scenes look at the making of one of our culture’s most taboo icons: the porn star. Ashley Hinshaw is beautiful and ingenuous throughout her journey to the dark side, and it’s a special thrill to see the beloved “Roller Girl” from "Boogie Nights," Heather Graham, flip the script as Hinshaw’s mentor and maker.
"Nobody Walks" (2012) Just released on iTunes, this festival darling is a riveting character study of an estranged family caught in various love triangles. A project from the mind of Lena Dunham ("Girls"), the film perceptively captures the quiet, unspoken moments of desire and heartbreak, and the charisma of John Krasinski and Olivia Thirlby is endlessly watchable.
INTRODUCING...
Kevin Hudson, a junior English major and the Literary Chair of the Alpha Delta Phi Society, spent five weeks in Sweden and France this summer making a film. The movie, tentatively called "Sara," is Hudson’s first feature–length film. It is currently being edited and will tentatively be finished by winter break. Street: How did your filmmaking journey come about? Kevin Hudson: I spent last winter break giving myself a crash course in international cinema. After seeing "Wild Strawberries," I got stuck on Ingmar Bergman. I learned that his biggest influences are unquestionably the Swedish modernist playwright August Strindberg and the grandfather of Swedish cinema, Victor Sjostrom, the silent movie director who made his last foray into Swedish cinema as the curmudgeonly protagonist in "Strawberries." Our project anchors on the terror of dreams and the bleakness of reality. I thought if I was going to be so damn arrogant to try to add my name to this list of
Swedes, I’d have to go to Sweden to do it. Street: Is moviemaking more of a hobby, post–grad career path or both for you? KH: I’d say it’s both. As you can tell, I take it very seriously and I’m studying all the time. With each project, I feel I’ve made big improvements, but I still watch a movie like "There Will Be Blood" and start to feel hopeless. It’s like watching the Olympics while training to be an athlete. On one hand, it’s motivating, but at the same time, I get very cynical and think: how the hell can I, or anyone, be that good? It’s a constant struggle against that pathetic, Eeyore–esque at-
titude. At the moment, I plan to apply to some film schools. Hopefully I don’t hate it. Street: If you could change one thing about your experience making "Sara," what would it be? KH: I would’ve made a rom– com or something. Maybe change the ending so that everyone was a vampire the entire time or something. No one’s gonna watch what we made. I guess it’s not very charming to be so self–interested when you’re not a genius. Check out the full interview at 34st.com.
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MOVIEMAKER PROFILE: Kevin Hudson
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34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
Nestled on historical Sansom Street in University City, Philadelphia since 1986. We offer a vast array of draft beers. Our European draft beer system imported from County Cork, Ireland, gives us reason to boast that we pour the Best Pint in the City! Kitchen open till 1am daily w/half price menu Sun-Thurs. First Phila. Quizo location ever. Quizo every Mon and Wed at 10pm.
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Listen up: once upon a time, everyone here at Penn was just as confused as you freshmen are now — we’ve all at one time or another legitimately tried to avoid the Compass or purposefully touched the Ben Franklin statue. To help out the freshest shipment of freshmen who have just wobbled their way through NSO, we rounded up some of Street’s seniors to share what they’ve learned in the past three years.
WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE
IT’S HALL IN THE FAMILY
When I first came to Penn, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, but I learned quickly from my Wharton–conditioned peers that my literature–based skill–set was extremely “un– marketable.” Panicked about the prospect of homelessness upon graduation, I took practical classes en route to a practical major. It took two years before I finally escaped that confining, pervasive pressure to be practical. And, when I finally did, I realized I had known what I wanted to do all along. Don’t let others’ thinking shape the course of your time here. – Katie Giarla, Ego Editor
Just because I'm a senior doesn't mean I'm a Penn expert. With my December graduation growing closer, I think I'm actually more confused than ever. But there are a few things I feel I do know for sure, that I wish someone had told me: –Whether you're a senior or a freshman, overachiever or total mess, you will never feel that you have enough on your resume. So relax. –Life is short. Your Penn career is even shorter. Eat at Bui's as much as possible. –Study more at Fisher Fine Arts. Nothing will make you feel more like a Harry Potter character (trust me, I've tried real Butterbeer) and there's no prettier setting for your college studying memories. –Surround yourself by friends who make you laugh so hard you cry. Who will try anything at Fro Gro at least once, no matter how questionable. Who will pick you up from your last final with a huge jug of mojitos. Who won't judge you when your room looks like something exploded and your hair looks even worse. And when your four years with them are up, do not let them go. Nothing is more important. – Paige Rubin, Highbrow Editor
Whether you’re living conjoined to your roommate in the sardine can known as Hill or quarantined separately in the pods of Stouffer, make an effort to build some sort of hall community. As the saying that I just made up goes, a freshman hall that plays together stays together. Close–knit freshman halls are the envy of everyone else at Penn (me). While the rest of us are just trying to figure out housing and avoid eye contact with every other person at Smoke’s, you’re walking down Locust shooting high–fives, accepting flyers (!) and waiting til class to group text your little fingers off. – Sandra Rubinchik, Ego Editor
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
DO THESE THINGS
10
Make new friends. Take lots of pictures. Learn a new language. Join a club. Join another club. Quit a club. Black out. Hook up on the dance floor. Get a fake. Eat a cheesesteak. Eat a Copa burger. Go to a BYO with your entire hall. Steal something from a frat house. Go downtown. Go to a downtown. Get sexiled by your roommate. Sexile your roommate. Find a class that you’re obsessed with. Rush a frat or sorority. Explore Rittenhouse. Explore Old City. Explore West Philly. Go to class drunk. Smoke at the Biopond. Walk to the Delaware and back. Befriend a professor. Befriend a security guard. Stay in touch with your freshman hallmates. Participate in Penn traditions. Live on campus. Move off campus. Travel abroad. Apply to something you have no chance of getting. Bomb an exam. Find your perfect study spot. Make new friends. – Zeke Sexauer, Backpage Editor
DOUBLE–COUNT LIKE IT’S YOUR JOB
THE BEAUTY OF BRANCHING OUT
It’s your first semester at Penn and your advisor tells you to roam free! Have at it! You’re a freshman and you have four blissful years ahead of you. Anything you take will most likely count for one sector requirement or another…right? Wrong. Listen up! Do you want to go abroad? Do you want to spend your last semester at Penn tanning on College Green? DO YOU LOVE FIGHTING THE SYSTEM AND STICKING IT TO THE MAN? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you need to perfect the art of double–counting. Play your cards right and you can even graduate early or go part–time for your last semester. – Inna Kofman, Asst. Design Editor
Lyn’s, Marrakesh Express, Bui’s. If you haven’t tried them, go. If you don’t know what they are yet, let me tell you. These are just a few food trucks around Penn, and they are some of my best discoveries from the past three years. Maybe Bui’s spicy mayo sauce should not be considered so highly next to everything I’ve learned in six college semesters, but during my first two years, I bought the same thing from Williams Cafe almost every afternoon: plain bagel, plain cream cheese, black coffee. My first purchases from these food trucks mark somewhat of a turning point in my time at Penn. They taught me the best lesson I’ve learned from college: the importance of going out, trying new food and even wasting time every once and a while. – Laura Francis, Asst. Photo Editor
BE UNCOMFORTABLE My friends have a little jar in the corner of our living room and every time I express any variation of discomfort, I have to put in pocket change in order to eventually buy them the liquor it takes to put up with me. You’re only young once. You’ve heard it. You’ve hated it, but it’s true. It doesn’t matter if you’ve committed four years to the same friends, same boyfriend, same major — you can always explore new interests, meet more people and take new risks. I’m having a pre–career career change; I’ll be here another year studying things that overwhelm me in the most brilliant way, surrounded by people I’m not as comfortable with. My friends will have more Jack Daniels than they’ll know what to do with. But it’s never too late to make an uncomfortable change. – Hilary Miller, Design Editor
FOMO IS FOR DWEEBS As Penn students, we’re known (amongst other Penn students, at least) for our “Work hard, play harder” mentality, and it’s kind of brilliant that even the nerdiest of nerds here can build a robot by day and moonlight as a professional booty–popper. But no one here has the time to do it all. Learn to embrace that. Discovering how to spend time by yourself will not only allow you to better appreciate hanging out with your friends, it’ll prepare you for those long nights of aching loneliness when your children are spending the weekend at your ex’s. (Jokes, we hope.) Wasn’t it Andy Warhol who said, “Two’s company and three’s a crowd, but one is also pretty funktastic — trust me on this one”? – Ian Bussard, Under the Button Managing Editor
POP THE PENN BUBBLE Don’t be one of those kids who never leaves the Penn campus bubble. The city of Philadelphia is a thriving, vibrant place, and it’s a huge mistake not to spend at least some of your time at Penn exploring it. Whether you’re into sweaty indie dance parties, classical music, art galleries, food trucks or farmers’ markets, Philly has a lot to offer. Familiarize yourself with SEPTA and use it. Go beyond Center City and investigate Philly’s neighborhoods. And don’t count out West Philly: there are plenty of things to do (and eat) just a few blocks from your dorm. – Kiley Bense, Music Editor
THESE MAY NOT BE THE BEST FOUR YEARS OF YOUR LIFE Right after high school, all your parents’ friends told you that "college will be the best four years of your life. You’ll love it.” As someone in the midst of it, I’ll give you this instead: Don’t try to make it the best — make the best of what it is. Instead of forcing yourself to love everything and have the greatest time ever, think about what really makes you happy. Bored in a class? Transfer out. Hate the food at Commons (not uncommon)? Go somewhere else. “Friends” not being so friendly? Take the time and find some who are. Don’t get so wrapped up in trying to love everything that you forget to seek out what makes you happy. – Eillie Anzilotti, Arts Editor
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
BE IMPRACTICAL
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CITY REIGN Local musician Ben Runyan grows up, conquering heartbreak and Philly | Pit’s latest, most buoyant melodies. Runyan attributes part of this taste to the car radio in the classic video game "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City," itself an ode to the eternally unremembered 80s. Though Runyan doesn’t play instruments himself, he handles the synth and computer work, while Zerrer’s crisp guitar adds an extra layer of what Runyan calls a “Western twinge,” differentiating them from, well, all of the above, mixing skillful auto–tuning with traditional pop and electronics seamlessly. Even with its distinct sound, City Rain has managed to evolve over the years, as has Runyan himself. From his musical roots grounded in heartbreak and turn–of–adulthood mysticism, Runyan and his music have grown. When City Rain was founded, he worked as a professional mover, a waiter and a bartender, having just graduated from Temple with a degree in Communications. While Runyan claims that being a “poor as fuck” starving artist was “kind of fun,” he admits that it’s easy to burn out on that lifestyle. So, Runyan managed to turn it around, netting himself a job at Apple that provides both cash and experience for his music. As such, City Rain’s latest EP, "Montage," spotlights Runyan’s maturity and shifting values — rather than being mired in the post– breakup blues of "I’m Gone," "Montage" takes greater joy in life, growing up audibly and visually, as Runyan intentionally cleans up his image for the various photo shoots necessary for the album’s publicity.
"If it's in you, it'll find a way out." City Rain’s first LP, "Running Man," before taking the Philly indie scene by storm with an EP, "I’m Gone." Runyan worships 80s New Wave, and it shows in his music, which jumps in influence and sound anywhere from the Talking Heads to Underworld, yet features a similar jauntiness to Passion
Surprisingly, Runyan’s jaded cynicism seems to have faded somewhat, leaving behind a cheerful, friendly man with his finger on the pulse of the local music community. Having played the game for so long, Runyan feels tired of the live–fast, die–young touring of yesteryear; the stress of loading, unloading and booking gigs has started to get to him. He yearns for the chance to start producing for other musicians, using his ever more–refined skills and even some techniques learned while at Apple. Runyan understands his own growth and skill set perfectly, and sincerely believes that “if it’s in you, it’ll find a way out,” though at the same time understands that “you can’t be out there pretending to care, you have to actually go out and get it.” Though Runyan
Ben Runyan, one half of Philadelphia's City Rain
may be aware of his advice's cliché nature, he says it seriously, and believes it reigns true. Considering City Rain’s
speedy rise in local prominence and quick cycle through self–image, it's tempting to believe him.
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34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
Ben Runyan knows three things for sure: his taste in music, his taste in clothes and his taste in brunch. Though he may look like a Williamsburg hipster, this image shrouds a truly pragmatic man aware of both his artistic sense and place within the system. Half of Philadelphia– based electro–pop duo City Rain, Runyan has lived and grown up in the city, cultivating the connections and skills needed to transform himself into a player in the Philly music scene. Having grown up in and around Philly, Runyan has spent most of his days here, along with some tours between D.C. and NYC. He and band–mate Jarrett Zerrer met as acquaintances in middle school, became friends in high school and finally band– mates during their time at Temple. Founded soon after, City Rain grew out of the most classic of humble beginnings — heartbreak. After experiencing a breakup punctuated by moments of spiritual clarity, longing and LCD Soundsystem’s "Someone Great," Runyan joined up with Zerrer (who was experiencing a similar situation at the time) and they produced
BY ALEX HOSENBALL
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WHAT HAPPENED THIS SUMMER? 6/7–6/10 – The unwashed masses head to Manchester, TN for Bonnaroo 2012, featuring…pretty much everyone. 6/12 – Diplo releases his "Express Yourself" EP; starts Facebook photo competition. 7/2 – Girls frontman Christopher Owens announces he’s leaving the band; indie kids everywhere mourn. 7/10 – The Dirty Projectors release "Swing Lo Magellan"; indie kids everywhere rejoice. 7/15 – Korean rapper PSY releases "Gangnam Style," which quickly goes viral, gaining over 130 million views to date. 7/25 – Taylor Swift moves on to her second Kennedy. 7/29 – Animal Collective begin a weekly radio show leading up to the release of "Centipede HZ," complete with trippy visuals. 8/17 – Three members of punk–rock group Pussy Riot are convicted of hooliganism in Russia, sparking conversations worldwide about freedom of speech. 9/1–9/2 – NSO moves to Center City as Jay–Z & Co. take over Philly with Made in America fest; stay tuned for the Ron Howard directed documentary.
"MONTAGE" – CITY RAIN
Promoting "Freedom of Expression"
The cover of Animal Collective's "Centipede HZ"
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
Jay-Z Joins Pearl Jam onstage at Made in America
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If there’s one word to describe City Rain’s new EP, "Montage," it’s anthemic. While the hooks and bridges may cause memories of Passion Pit’s jauntiest tunes to surface, the lyrics and gentle encouragement of "Montage" definitely move it into its own niche. Runyan and Zerrer have created something special, deftly weaving synths, auto–tuned voices and traditional guitars into mosaics of personal clarity. The titular track opens the EP nicely, and as it segues into the loose beginning of “Big Boys Do Cry” and brooding croon of “Hearts on Fire,” it can be easy to lose yourself. That being said, some of the tracks can be marginally too–long, and the nature of electro–pop can cause headaches at high volume. But "Montage" is a solid offering not to be missed by either newcomers or veterans of the genre. — Alex Hosenball
THE NORTH – STARS
Stars, the Canadian baroque–pop quintet, are back this fall with their sixth full–length album, "The North." The album opens with “Theory of Relativity,” a track that’s classic Stars, weaving together singer Torquil Campell’s even notes with the high chimes of Amy Millan’s voice. “Hold On When You Get Love And Let Go When You Give It” is a stand–out, equal parts lush guitars and steadily building beats, and closer “Walls” presents Stars’ brand of hushed sentimentality at its best. "The North" might not boast the soaring, cohesive heartbreak of 2004’s "Set Yourself On Fire," but it’s certainly worth a listen. Or ten. —Kiley Bense
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FILM
PHILLY FRINGE THEATER EVENTS DO YOU PAY PER VIEW? Has the post–NSO haze of sober responsibility left you feeling uninspired? Fear not! The
you to fiyour nd out howtheater–lover you are getting your Sunday annual Fringe Festival Film offerspolled a cure that inner cannot afford toafternoon miss. movie RUBEN fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN BY EILLIE ANZILOTTI AND MEGAN
Now that random hookups seem a little less socially acceptable, you’re desperately seeking an outlet for your sexual frustrations. “Crave” is the show for you. This performance straddles the worlds of both improv theater and spoken word poetry as it explores the violent extremes of human emotion.
2. "3 Wishes" Walking Fish Theatre Thursday – Saturday, 7 p.m.
While we’re on the topic of sexual frustration, “3 Wishes” addresses the "50 Shades of Grey" phenomenon by spoofing the inexplicably popular novel. But if tall, dark and handsome plumbers and busty protagonists aren’t really your style, at least go for the people–watching: this one should have an interesting crowd…
Check out an extended interview and performances by Miles online at 34st.com.
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hough we all know the watch Hugo in theaters. And we you guess then that Penn stuInternet 3. "You Don’t Say" is for porn 4. fi"Scout" of prefer Our Bodies" t this mold of overworked Ivy 5. "The dentsEdge would to get their (thanks Avenue Q), the 155 League RomCom fix online with free Cecil students B. Moorewell, 2B with only Studio X Philadelphia Soundstages bedroom–isSaturday, no longer the only Monday about 17% of Penn undergrads streaming like SideReel at 7websites p.m., Friday at Thursday 8 p.m. – Wednesday 8 p.m. Thursday area being ceded to digital terri- watching movies at the Rave ev- 9 p.m., and Ch131 than8 pay for Saturdayrather at 5 and tory. For girl with daddy’s What’s ery semester. services provided by7Netfl p.m., Sunday at 3 and p.m.ix and What’s the every only thing better good and bad about AmEx, window browsing But how the other ste- Redbox? than the circus? Dance, the- on America, doneabout by everything Fifth has combined, been replaced that’s reotype, oneFringe–style that says all col- So, your While 75% of us watch movgoodthe about emo, teenaged, diary– ater andAvenue the circus shopping. And theater. lege students poor? ies online, nearly days are over.50% Wantpay for ofwith course.online Well, all that In a halfare hour andThe free keeping FYEsthe everywhere have ofvirtu- next movement of information it. I hear to no budget, the groupmade to relive them?Horrible In “TheBosses Edge — a minus lingering scent ally been rendered useless (pun possible by the interweb makes new release on iTunes — is hysof Our Bodies,” a boarding elephant poop. “You Don’t ponders patriotism, nuclear intended) with the existence of terical, school girl reads aloud from abut is Say” presents audiences with a energy, the Boy Scouts, Whose recommendations do you take? the multifarious iTunes store. it worth dinner party turned surrealist and how America’s screwed diary that chronicles her inner the 50 Things are no different here 1.5 salads at 47.7% turmoil as she stumbles toward dance party. And for an added up (but still manages to be Other at Penn, where the Rave gets Sweetgreen 40%"Moonrise adulthood. It’s provocative and bonus, it features a number of charming). Think 40 A Friend nearly half the it would insightful, and it will make Penn students andtraffi staff.c for the Kingdom," theater style. Cinema Studies midnight screenings of blockhave cost if 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25% you glad you’re no longer in buster hits like Twilight as Hulu I had seen it Professor or TA high school. 20 does the day after the newest in theaters? Street episode of 30 Rock airs. This Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more makes sense. We Penn students dles aren’t than one option. 0 are too busy procrastinating that bad, I on Penn InTouch and designguess. ing funny lacrosse pinnies for entertainment accessible and The average Penn student the clubs we’re involved in to inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if leave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-
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34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
“My favorite writer of all time is probably James Baldwin— but I get asked that question a lot and don’t think its fair to limit my answers to people who’ve only written books. For instance, Bob Dylan is one of my favorite writers.”
34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011
1. "Crave" Power Plant Basement Thursday at 7 p.m., Friday at 9 p.m., Sunday at 3 p.m.
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
ARTS
*A simple of 100 Penn surveyed to c 15 their film vie
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
You went somewhere cool this summer.
We want to see it. Love, Street
Summer Photo Contest Calling all Instagram–ers, DSLR–ers, and people who use those hipster cameras from Urban — send your postcard–worthy photos to: arts@34st.com
ROOM DECOR, THE PHILLY WAY The poster sale at the Penn Bookstore is long over, but let’s face it: your room could always use a little more swag.
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
PMA Gift Shop 2600 Benjamin Franklin Pkwy. Go here for: Smart–looking wall art.
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Circle Thrift 2233 Frankford Ave. Go here for: Anything. Cheap. Seriously.
Omoi 1608 Pine St. Go here for: Quirky home and office supplies. Like animal–shaped shot glasses. We’re intrigued.
Philadelphia Salvage 542 Carpenter Ln. Go here for: Old–school homewares. Because who doesn’t want another excuse to drop the “oh, it’s vintage” line?
Anthropologie 1801 Walnut St. Go here for: Bedding, vases and accessories to make your place a whole lot prettier.
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
LOL
LOWBROW
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Look how far these 2009 superlatives have come! We’re just... we’re just so proud.
JEFFREY: the story of a prison inmate who gets a second chance at life...and love.
JENNIFER still struggles with her crippling addiction to oversized eye wear.
COURTNEY has blossomed into a beautiful young woman. And by that, we mean she has flowers growing out of her hoo–ha.
ts!
uden t S k c a B come
Wel
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
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Dear Froshies, NSO is like a dream come true, isn’t it? Finally, you get the independence you craved, the popularity you deserved and the alcohol poisoning you earned — truly, an experience like no other. Well, snap out of it. The semester’s finally started, and that means that you’re fresh meat for the most carnivorous section around (tm), Lowbrow. Consider this “tough love” —your first lesson in the real world. That lesson being, of course, to keep your profile on private.
ERICK: He’s the diva Penn deserves, not the one it needs.
BOWEN: “Say one wrong thing and you’ll be a mummy too, motherfucker.”
RONNIE, ERICA, ANTONIA: Playtex: the protection that modern girls need
IAN: Even with this photo, Penn Admissions is still not happy that you declared yourself as “latin american” on your application.
highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow
FRESHMEN
JOHN: You made it, you’re at Penn. It’s time to relax. OCR isn’t for another five months.
disclaimer: this section is a joke. like lol.
MAX: “Yo, mom, make sure you get the logo in the shot! Did you get it?? Did you??”
SAGHM: “What is the Great Wall of China made out of? ROCK.”–This kid
34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
BABY: We’re assuming you’re a baby genius that goes to Penn that just had these two goofballs take the picture for you. Good work.
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34TH STREET Magazine September 13, 2012
B I N G O
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walk into wrong class on first day
get ignored by new summer friends at Smoke's
pretend to be interested in someone’s boring–ass internship
girl clearly hungover in class on a Tuesday
overachieving friend already has two offers
professor tries to be funny and awkwardness ensues
friend can't go out because he’s working on his resume
get bribed for spot in closed class
NSO hookup turns out to be lab partner
have nobody to eat lunch with; go to Van Pelt to “work on resume”
get friended by overzealous freshman on Facebook
get asked by freshman where Van Pelt is
see someone avoid the Compass
see freshman order hot chocolate from Williams
subletter still squatting in your room
have convo in English class about the “transience of human existence”
get mistaken for a freshman
Commons food already sucks
sign up for 20 listservs at the activities fair
roommate sets insane house rules
drop hundreds on books, then drop class
throw up all over new school supplies
consider dropping class, see hot TA, stay in class
all condoms already stolen from RA’s “goodie bag”