September 19, 2013

September 19, 2013

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34st.com

september 19 LOL

3 highbrow

2013

the round–up, word on the street, overheards, frat icons

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4 EGO

ego of the week, flyering 101

LOL

LOL

LOL

7 MUSIC

meet the penn musician, philadelphify your music, album revuews

9 film & TV

emmy picks, netflix pick of the week, b-roll

10 feature

dressing for OCR

14 FOOD & dRINK

professors' cocktails of choice, dining hall comparisons, baltimore dollar stroll dispatch

LOL

LOL

16 arts

philly flea markets, smak parlour interview, artist profile teaser

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FROMtheEDITOR

gstring I sympathize with the desire to go barefoot. I went to high school with this kid named Keziah. He climbed a lot of trees and never wore shoes except when he would disappear into the woods to build forts and smoke salvia. Even then the sneaks were just a farce—once he got far enough away from the administration, he’d ditch them.

To our Ego of the Week (p. 4): you do you.

But expectations for dress are a little different at Penn than they were in New Hampshire.

I’m not even talking about couture, I mean biz cas. I loathe wearing skirts unless they drag on the floor. For me, heels come in two styles: flat or six inches high. And hate it or love it, I never switched my shoes during rush. You don’t have to either, in

case you're wondering.

I will never understand the desire to rock a suit just because you can. But “dressing for success”—the topic of this week’s feature (pg. 10)—is not incomprehensible to me. I get it the way I get red thongs: sometimes, six inches of fabric can make you feel like Olivia Pope (see our TV eds' Emmy picks on pg. 13).

OCR is in full force. Good luck to all ye bankers: fix up, look sharp. And if you’re not quite there yet, never fear: Locust Walk is your runway. I will take your flyers (pg. 5).

Show up wearing anything.

(As long as it's clothes. We're not *that* laidback.)

18 lowbrow

fake news, such concerns we're having

20 backpage wi-fi@penn

Writers' Meeting. Tonight @ 6:30 4015 Walnut, Second Floor

34th Street Magazine Nina Wolpow, Niner Sam Brodey, Sammo Alex Hosenball, B-Man Chloe Bower, Clojob Sarah Tse, Lil' Sauron

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Olivia Fingerhood, Shlomo Margot Halpern, Margdaddy Zacchiaus McKee, Ziggy Alex Sternlicht, Miss Fish Faryn Pearl, Ego Mariam Mahbob, Cigarette Marley Coyne, Pumpkin Seed

Ryan Zahalka, Blackcock Michelle Ma, Film and TV Michael Shostek, Chappy Isabel Oliveres, Izzy Patrick Ford-Matz, Patchy Ariela Osuna, Chiquirinna Cassandra Kyriazis, Cassassy Gina DeCagna, Gigi Madeleine Wattenbarger, To the Max Zach Tomasavic, Lowbrow Michael Kandel, Lowbrow Gabe Morales, Gabey Baby Randi Kramer, Pooh Bear

Emma Soren, Elmo Emily Marcus, Emzy Patrick Del Valle, Pokey Cover design: Chloe bower Contributors: Emily Johns, Rosa Escandon, Yuqi Zhu, Noah Shpak, Bethany Christy, Michael Scognamiglio, Carolyn Grace, MaryCate Muschett, Emily Grablutz, Johnathan Wilson, Anosha Minai, Jessica Yackey, Solomon Bass, Michael Gu, Byrne Fahey

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor-–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.

Visit our web site: www.34st.com "Hair long, money long." ©2013 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

isn't it iconic : famous frat decorations

HIGHBROW

wordonthestreet

Some frats house more than free alcohol and somewhat attractive guys. Highbrow brings you all the famous frat decorations you may have overlooked. If walls could talk...

CASTLE MOOSEHEAD Much like metrosexuality, cigarettes and face kissing, Tuttle—the Castle moose head—is an integral part of this fraternity. Located above the fireplace in Castle’s living room, Tuttle has become the fraternity’s token American bro. Despite his antlers and inability to speak, hundreds of drunken Penn bitches have kissed Tuttle’s juicy lips and rode him with the fervor of an engineer riding a Razor scooter down Locust. Despite the fact that he has never attended a Castle Downtown, his status as the most sceney work of taxidermy on campus has gained Tuttle a reputation as a most prestigious elevated surface. In fact, last Spring Fling, all the ladies grinding up on Castle’s most American brother caused him to fall into the party. Luckily, no one was injured, and with a little superglue and a can– do attitude, the brothers returned Tuttle to his perch.

ZBT COMPOSITE Composites aren’t just ways for you to pass time at frat parties with your friends by pointing out which guys from 1993 were, like, so totally bangable. Composites are decoration, composites are informational, composites are life. At least, according to one female freshman in 2009, the ZBT composite was. For those of you that don’t remember, the girl was seen fleeing the ZBT house a few years ago with the large picture. She would have gotten away with it, too, if she hadn’t been caught dragging it up the ramp at Wawa because she wanted mac n’ cheese. We feel you girl, that mac n’ cheese is worth it.

THEROUNDUP

Welcome back, kiddies. Did you have a nice Yom Kippur? Highbrow did. While most of campus made a mass exodus back to Long Island and North Jersey, we were here: watching, waiting, commiserating.

We hear you blew more than the shofar. ;) Ooh, la, la! The AXO girls got quite the eyeful at their chapter meeting on Sunday. Or rather, we hear they might have needed binoculars. Due to some technical difficulties with their chapter house, the AXO sisters held their chapter meeting at a nearby frat. Amidst the discussion of the sorority's next philanthropic event, the bros decided to do service of their own: one boy went streaking through the meeting. Rumor has it the streaker may have been impromptu auditioning for BMOC. Instead, the sisters found him better suited for Small Man on Campus.

Who ever said Penn kids aren’t humanitarian? After losing her friends, one engineering sophomore decided to befriend a homeless lady. Learning of the woman’s difficult story, the generous sophomore did her best to help out... by trying to Venmo the homeless woman child support. Shockingly, the mother did not have an iPhone, and was unable to accept the payment. Untapped market? We don’t know; maybe Venmo should look into it.

Bringing creepy to a whole new level, the welcoming brothers of Oz and APES hosted their own orientation to campus at a Charles Plaza BYO this weekend, open only to freshman girls. Luring female freshies from the quad with the promises of free alcohol and mediocre lo mein, the boys engaged in conversation like “What classes are you taking?” and “Wow, that’s so cool you’re thinking about majoring in English.” We’re not sure what’s more fascinating­—how the boys found these girls or that freshman girls think APES is relevant?

In an unlikely turn of events, testosterone raged just as hard as the freshmen girls at a Theos downtown in our most hate crime–y story of the week. Racial slurs flew as a St. A’s boy and a Theos bro got into a fight...over Judaism. Turning into a full­– blown holy war, several boys came home bloody and bruised. Oy vey!

See more frat decor @ 34st.com

over heard PENN at

Gay guy: I’ve been a SWUG since second semester freshman year.

Sorostitute: She thinks I’m just another elite private school, Upper East Side, Dad works on Wall Street, Ivy Leaguer... but I’m not.

Bro: My friend dared me to shit off the bridge. Should I do it?

Drunk kid at Smoke’s: What are the drink specials here?

Joe: Excuse me?

HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND SWIPE RIGHT

BY ALEX HOSENBALL Tap photo: mutual friends, mutual interests— swipe right. Tap photo: no friends, no interests— swipe left. Unless I slip, rarely do I swipe left on Tinder.

Tinder simultaneously capitalizes on and proves our generation’s much–derided digital narcissism. As we sit in lecture perusing the endless library of photos on Facebook, judging ourselves and our friends at parties and abroad, there’s no denying that at least some critiques of “millennials” are justified. Our addiction to social media has undoubtedly caused some of us to become shallower, at least online, and Tinder is only the natural extension of that.

Regardless, Tinder doesn’t exactly function as a dating app, and it’s hard to imagine a Tinder match “made in heaven.” Yet, Tinder does have an important purpose to its users: it’s a wonderful way to score an easy ego boost. Yes, the better–looking the match the higher bout of confidence you may gain, but it’s more likely you will never end up meeting the match on the other end, due either to distance or the admittedly creepy nature of Tinder.

Personally, I find Tinder sort of soothing. When I’m bored or need a brief break from reading, I’ll just sit and well... judge people. Sure, I try to take friends or interests into account as much as possible, but in the long­–run it doesn’t ever really matter. By senior year I’ve basically just gotten through the first problem set in Flirting 001, and I’m certainly never going to be smooth enough to land a good line on Tinder.

My go–to is usually “‘Hey Ya.’ My favorite song by OutKast is definitely ‘Hey Ya.’” Then my matches just tell me their favorite song by OutKast and everything just goes downhill from there. Alternatively I pull the old "ohi" out and see where I can go from there. I’ve made a few temporary friends, I’ve been blocked without even sparking a conversation and I’ve been hit on by numerous robots and scam accounts.

Ultimately what comes after doesn’t honestly matter—only the match matters. Only that brief moment of acknowledgment holds true significance, and even then it’s as fleeting as coming up with a clever comment in class. With Tinder, everything boils down to the statistics, in which my skills are severely lacking.

Despite this, I’m pretty sure the law of Tinder states that the more I swipe right, the higher the probability I’ll get a little confidence boost to get me through the day. So I’ve learned to stop worrying about the number of matches I might get or the conversations I might miss. If I end up matching with someone I really didn’t want to, then I can just ignore it with no repercussions or commitments.

Remember, Tinder isn’t a dating service; it’s just a confidence engine—you put the effort in out of boredom, and then every so often the little tinderbox puffs out a match and you press onwards. And if something comes of it, well then, there ain’t nothing wrong with a little bit of bump and grind.

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highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

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EGO

FILM

egoof the weeK: Alex Rattray ST

DO YOU PAY PER VIEW?

How Penn Students Watch Movies

Borrow over from Library Alex Rattray is more than just the kid who doesn’t wear shoes—he’s an entrepreneur. A self–taught hacker, he’s created seven apps, like Emerald Exam and the Musical Toilet. He’s also started multiple businesses (have you heard of PennCycle?).

And every Don't Watch Movies 24.6% Film polled youwith to fi nd Franklin. out how you are getting your Sunday afternoon night, he sleeps Ben Theaters

movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

Street: We know you’ve created we all knowyour the a lot of hough apps, but what’s current project?

Internet is for porn Alex Rattray: just finished (thanks IAvenue Q), the working bedroom on is noEmerald longer theExam, only which is aceded start–up that terriI’ve area being to digital been working on for a little tory. For every girl with daddy’s over a year...

It lets browsing students take AmEx, window on in–class exams on their laptops Fifth Avenue has been replaced without being able to cheat. with online shopping.

And Students download a desktop FYEs everywhere have virtuapplication, and it opens up a ally screen been rendered useless them (pun full which prevents intended) without theofexistence of from switching it. the multifarious iTunes store.

Things are no different here Street: We've heard you hate students. at Penn, Why? where the Rave gets AR: was the always by nearlyI half traffibullied c for the students. midnight screenings of blockbuster hits like Twilight as Hulu Street: you’ve does theOfdaythe afterapps the newest created, which is your favorite? episode of 30 Rock airs. This AR: The Musical Toilet is a lot makes sense. We Penn students of fun. Basically, there’s a little are toothat’s busywatching procrastinating webcam the toilet on Penn InTouch and designbowl. Using advanced computer ing funny lacrosse(but pinnies for vision algorithms actually the clubsmen we’reand involved in to though), adventurous leave thecan comfort of our bedsand to women just start going

T

it starts playing music when epiphany: The more you wear Hugo in theaters.

Andyou we shoes, you guess Penndown stuitwatch detects a stream.

When the then morethat worn move the right,Ivy it they But the more fit thisyour moldleg of to overworked dentsget. would prefer to you get wear their goes to the next song, feet, the they get.

League students well, and withwhen only your RomCom fix tougher online with free you move leg toundergrads the left, it And it’s great to feel you about 17%your of Penn streaming websites like like SideReel tweets at you on Twitter. strong feet. feelpay more watching movies at the Rave ev- have and Ch131 ratherYou than for connected with where you are. ery semester. services provided by Netflix and Street: does it But What how about thetweet? other ste- Redbox?

AR: Well if it was me, it Street: You’re in the middle of reotype, the one that says all colWhile 75% of us watch movwould say something like “@ the wilderness, but you have lege students are poor?

The free ies for RattrayAlex is jammin' out to oneonline, thing nearly with 50% you. pay What movement of information made it.

I hear Horrible Bosses — a ‘insert song’ while takin’ a pee.” would that be? possible by the interweb makes new release on iTunes — is hysterical, but is Street: Are you a Mac or a AR: My backpack, because Whose recommendations do you take? I’m it lworth PC? i t e r a lthe ly 1.5 salads at 47.7% AR:50 These days I only Other use Apple, but Sweetgreen 40% I really 40 A Friend prefer Linux. That’s, like, it would Cinema Studies too30 hipster for practical have cost if Major 26.2% purposes though. 25% 25% I had seen it Professor or TA 20 in theaters?

Street Street: You’re Ramen noo10 *Students surveyed were also known for allowed to choose more dles aren’t than one option. walking around 0 that bad, I barefoot. How guess. did that start? entertainment The average Penn student AR: Mostly I accessible and inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if just felt like it. account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watchIAirPennNet also had this

prepared for anything that Street: If we gave you an Free Streaming could hit47.7% me in the woods. It’s elephant, where would you 16.9% all in there: rope, gorilla tape, a hide it? Paid Online Services leather moon that has a pair of AR: Oh, that’s a wonderful scissors and a knife, a toothbrush question! I actually think about and toothpaste, two sticks 9.2%of that sort of thing—well, not deodorant, et cetera... specifically that—all the time. I 1.5%can tell you that there is a two– Street: Fill in the blank: My story office space for sale just at PennCard looks like… the other side of Saunders Park, AR: Like my mom didn’t have a between Market and Lancaster, do youat the gotime. to the movies? very Why good camera and that looks like it could be good. There’s also a horse stable 3.1% 6.3% Other 66th and Woodland, Street: If you had a bicycle built between for two, who would be your andIt'sthat it could a waylooks to hanglike out with friends be 25% plus one? ideal.

It's a good study break 40.6% AR: Benjamin Franklin, to be It makesWhat’s you feel relaxed honest, but that’s pretty boring Street: yourand happy secret because 25% people will think it’s just talent?

Required for Class ’cause he started our school, but AR: I can make a “Z”-shape with actually I came to this school my tongue. Well, a “Z” is pretty because he started our school. I hard. I can turn my tongue have a giant door above my room upside down. es seven movies, more or less, with a huge spray painting of his every Simple arithmeface andsemester. his thirteen virtues that Street: There are two kinds of tic proves that it’s $40 he had. I actually made ancheaper app of people at Penn... to watch said movies on Netflix AR: Those who say fih-nahnce, that: BFvirtues. than at the Rave, and an addi- and those with a stick–free colon. tional $20 less onyour iTunesspirit (cost Street: What’s of popcorn and Mike and Ikes Street: Any last words? animal?

AR: been told notI’ve included in dolphin. these calcula- AR: Brick feels great to walk on. tions). The low cost of watch- It’s almost as good as grass. That’s Street: Why? ing seven movies on iTunes for the thing with brick: it’s cool, Total amount of it AR: Dolphins are really sexual.the and>>even in the hot summer less than 30 bucks is worth money spent in movie many conveniences that online feels pretty good. Walking down theaters* by Penn paid services afford us: not be- Locust barefoot? Amazing. students each semester ing interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses and most importantly, not having to wait 54 minutes after >> Total amount of watching 72 minutes of a movie money spent watching on Megavideo. online, Citta if all people who Not to mention, it’s a small La Fontana Della paid for online services price to pay when you look at 215.875.9990 used iTunes* the big picture — the combined savings of the 47.7% of PennExperience a Touch of Italy students who pay for their online At the Best BYOB In Philly!

Seats 150rather People services than going to the movie theater is somewhere be5 Lunches, 7 Dinners, 7 days a week tween $196,136 and $295,344, >> Total amount of for Family Group Meetings depending on Excellent whether they use andmoney spent watching Netflix or iTunes, respectively.

Contact Management, are who online, if allthey people Moral of the story is: we won't happy to meetfor your needs!services paid online judge if you just stay in bed. used Netflix*

BY THE NUMBERS

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15% off with Fixed Price Sunday-Thursday

*A simpleItalian random sample Authentic Cuisine *$12.50/ticket at the Rave of 100 Penn undergrads at Reasonable Prices were *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes surveyed to collect data about on Netflix 1701 Spruce St. - Philadelphia, PA 19103 -*$7.99/month www.lafontanadellacitta.com their film viewing habits.

EGO

The 5 kinds of People You Meet on Locust

The Loud Mouth

The One Who Would Rather Be Doing This person is often found Literally Anything Else shouting obscene and unrelated comments to passersby. It’s almost as if she confuses flyering with a solo version of “The Penis Game.”

He's the one sitting on the curb, checking his Gmail. You see someone else from his group pass by and just sorta shake her head. This person is probably you.

The Super Excited Freshman

The Sad Puppy

The Broken Record

You can see it in her eyes.

He cannot! Believe! That he's Rejection after rejection after Food. Music. Come. GBM. flyering! On Locust Walk!! At rejection has taken its toll. She's Huntsman. Food. Music.

Come. GBM. Huntsman.

Penn!!! He totally wrote about empty shells of what she was a mere 26 minutes ago. You take this in his supplement. a flyer out of pity, but you know in the end it won’t help. Some people just aren’t cut out for this business.

DOs and DONTs for the Flyerer and walker Locust is a two–way street. You get what you give—so learn how to give correctly.

Walker: DO: •

•

•

•

Flyerer: DON’T:

If you happen to receive a flyer • and don’t want it anymore—hide that shit, yo. Nothing screams “I’m weak and willing” more than a bundle of flyers clenched in your fist.

• If you really need to get to class and have no time for this flyering business, power walk through.

Hold an open textbook for added effect. Muttering under your • breath really sells it. It also makes you seem like a crazy person, but take what you can get.

Wear headphones if you don’t want to be approached. It’s an easy visual cue that says “Hey! Please don’t talk to me!,” like wearing Crocs to a bar.

Recycle. But seriously though.

Even if you know you’ll never show up for “The Knitting Club’s” first GBM—don’t immediately throw away a flyer. Wait until you’re out of sight before discarding a flyer.

Don’t be the jerk you desperately want to be. Mind your Ps and Qs and say “thank you” if given a flyer. Like basic human civility and stuff like that.

If the flyer doesn’t answer all of your questions, don’t be afraid to ask the group for more info! You will be MAKING THEIR DAY. Also, wait a sec, isn’t that what flyering is for in the first place?

Duhhh.

DO: •

•

•

•

Make eye contact—nothing screams “Take this piece of paper away from me” more than creepy, extended eye contact.

Be enthusiastic, not obnoxious.

Creating on–the–spot skits to sell your group’s event? Super cute. Blocking the entire walk and shouting “You Shall Not Pass without taking a flyer”? You’re literally the worst.

Showcase your group’s talents.

If you’re a dance group, dance as you flyer. If you’re an improv troupe, tell (good) jokes. If you’re Model Congress, you better have a damn good banner.

Target anyone wearing 2017 apparel. Those suckers are still signing up for listservs. Now’s your chance.

DON’T: •

•

•

•

Try to give a flyer to someone on a moving vehicle! Dedication to your group is super important, but not turning into roadkill should always be a priority.

Performing a little sketch with your group to promote your event? Great.

Blocking the walk and shouting “You Shall Not Pass without taking a flyer”? You’re literally the worst.

Lie. There’s nothing worse than showing up to a GBM that promises free food and leaving with an empty stomach. (That being said, if you say there’s free food, people will come. So... say that there’ll be free food).

Lose hope. You will be ignored 95–percent of the time—it comes with the territory of doing the most hated job on campus.

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EGO

ANATOMY 101: THE PERFECT FLYER

Ego is SICK of seeing terrible flyers. We have had it. OFFICIALLY. Get ready to get schooled, small–piece–of–paper–handed–to–you style.

COOL–ASS FONTS

GRAPHICS, NOT PHOTOS, YA RUBE

We don’t want to see Papyrus or Curlz MT. That makes us mad.

Use something your grandmother would be proud of, like Merriweather Sans or Flex Display Typeface.

Typography, bitch.

Learn it.

Printed photos of people get blurry and pixelated, and no one wants that.

Use your brain, dummy, and find some vector logos and decorative art.

MOTHERFUCKING INFO

PRETTY COLORS

Save yourself some money by printing in black and white, but print on some fine ass neon paper. Tennis ball yellow or raver pink, chase the goddamn rainbow and pull those unsuspecting passers–by in for the ride.

Some people say, “Less is more.” When it comes to flyers, those people are WRONG. Tell me where it is, when it is, who’s performing, your dog’s name. I want it all.

PROMISE FREE SHIT

I think this one speaks for itself: if you provide free anything, they will come.

Stay on campus for all of your salon needs MEN’S SERVICES AVAILABLE

Spartan Race Stadium Series Heads to Citzens Bank Park SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28

Spartan Race Inc., the world’s leading obstacle race series, is coming to Citizens Bank Park on Saturday, September 28 as part of the Spartan Race Stadium Series. Heats will start at 8 am and will be running all day.

Spartan Race is a series of obstacle races that involve all sorts of obstacles from barbwire crawls to fire jumping. The Spartan Race is known all over the world, and more than 10,000 racers are expected to participate in Saturday’s event at Citizens Bank Park. University of Pennsylvania students are encouraged to join the Spartan Race in September. Penn students will be able to register for only $65 ($60 value) by entering the code UPENN on the resgistration page on the website.

Go to spartanrace.com to register and to get more details.

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Men’s Cut $22 Shampoo & Cut $27 Cleanup $10 and up Beard Trim $16 ROTC w/ ID $15 Cut

NEW, LONGER HOURS

Consider this our flyer.

Mon, 9am-6pm Tues & Weds, 8:30am-6pm Thurs & Fri, 8:30am-6:30pm Sat, 8:30-5pm Sun, 11am-5pm

3730 SPRUCE STREET

Near the 37th and Spruce St. Trolley Stop

215.222.9351

penncampushairsalon.com

Writers mtg.

6:30 tonite 4015 'Nut.

MUSIC

PHILADELPHIFY YOUR MUSIC

You could wait another year for your favorite band to stop in town for one night only. Or you could check out these Philly–based bands who are always here (and might even be better).

If you like: Blink–182 and Bloc Party Check out: MODERN BASEBALL Formed in 2011, Modern Baseball’s been a breakthrough act in the Philadelphia music scene.

They boast the familiar honest charm that endeared us all to Blink–182 back in 1999, but they add Bloc Party’s pulsing guitar strumming. Their debut album “Sports” showcases a level of self–awareness lacking in most music these days. They never try for more than they’re capable of, but they push their talent to its limits in the most satisfying way. Standout track “Re–Do” features especially poignant lyrics like “Try to, try to forget, that your bones will dismantle / And the dreams you had, they’ll collide with time.”

It’s these types of true–to–life lyrics that give Modern Baseball listeners the “scream–sing–along” urge that’s been hard to find since Blink–182’s heyday.

The band is trying to be the voice of a generation, and it might just be time for everyone to let them.

Next Philly Show: TBA Download: “The Weekend”

If you like: the Black Keys and the Flaming Lips Check out: DRGN KING DRGN KING is headed up by guitarist Dom Angelella and producer Ritz Reynolds, who is responsible for cuts from the likes of Mac Miller and the Roots. The four–person band describes their sound as indie pyschedelic pop and their music is reminiscent of a kickass combination between the Flaming Lips and the Black Keys. Some songs off their debut album, “Paragraph Nights,” inspire head–banging while others offer slower and more contemplative tracks. DRGN KING’s most notable quality, though, is a subtle hip–hop influence that stems from producer Ritz Reynolds’ hip–hop background. That characteristic is what drives them apart from iconic rock bands, like the Lips and the Keys, and puts them into a whole new musical category that should make Philadelphians proud to call DRGN KING their own.

Next Philly Show: Friday, Oct. 25 at Ortlieb’s Lounge Download: “Holy Ghost”

DRGN KING

If you like: The Grateful Dead and the Strokes Check out: BLOOD FEATHERS After being orphaned by failed ensembles in 2005, Ben Dickey and Drew Mills began performing together at open mic nights under the not–so– ingenious name Dickey Mills. With the solicitation of more Philadelphian musicians and their musically –inclined friends, Blood Feathers eventually came into creation. Certain elements of this group are ostensibly reminiscent to two legendary sets of rockers: the Grateful Dead and the Strokes. The milky voice of Blood Feathers’ lead singer, Ben Dickey, glides on top of bluegrass–evoking guitar phrases, producing sounds comparable to the Dead’s own dulcet Jerry Garcia. In some tracks, layered voices create choir–like vocals similar to Dead songs like “Truckin.” Still, other Blood Feathers songs feature a more modern rock sound, suggestive of older Strokes music. Although they have not toured for a little over a year now, let’s cross our fingers that it’s all in efforts to craft another album, allowing us to see Blood Feathers grace Philly stages once again.

Next Philly Show: TBA Download: “The Same Mad Part”

If you like: Neil Young and Tom Petty Check out: KURT VILE & THE VIOLATORS When his father handed him a banjo at the age of 14, Kurt Vile was instantly captivated by music.

Attributed by many as an unwavering devotee to both the “lo–fi” and “heartland rock” movements, Vile’s smoldering voice leaves his listeners in a daze. Accompanied by short echoes, his vocals are sometimes ethereal, and his folk–like acoustic artistry evokes Neil Young's tendencies. In the same way Young’s lyrics arouse deeply personal sentiments, many of Vile’s songs are reflections of his family— to the point where many fans have labeled him the “family man.” Still, Vile’s instrumentation often transitions from his acoustics to more electric sounds; you can hear a charged guitar leading his songs in a manner akin to Tom Petty’s electric guitar riffs. Even more similar to Petty is Vile’s somewhat nasal voice, but it’s alluringly unhurried and meticulous. Indulge yourself in some Philly–bred phonetics and check out Vile’s newest album, “Wakin’ on a Pretty Daze.”

Next Philly Show: Saturday, Oct. 26 at Union Transfer Download: “Wakin’ on a Pretty Day”

toy soldiers

modern baseball If you like: Third Eye Blind and Rick Springfield à la “Jessie’s Girl” Check out: SHARK TAPE Indie rock band Shark Tape is everything easy and sugary about ’80s and ’90s pop. Members Stephen Lorek, Niles Weiss and Dylan Mulcahy have the vocal sound of Third Eye Blind and the musical structure of every ’80s pop song in the books, all the while adding their own contemporary spin.

Shark Tape formed in March of 2012 and has since released two EPs full of breezy and playfully harmonious tunes. The Philly band’s most recent EP, “Eyes on You,” showcases its blend of classic pop while experimenting with hints of electronica.

Tracks such as “Put Those Things Away” and “Eyes On You” keep listeners in the digital age while still invoking the nostalgia of tamagotchis.

Next Philly Show: TBA Download: “Eyes on You”

If You like: Dr. Dog and Bruce Springsteen Check out: TOY SOLDIERS With the upbeat energy of Cold War Kids and the soulful twang of Dr. Dog, Toy Soldiers meshes blues and rock in a way that’s bound to get your feet stomping. The Philly five–piece band released their second full–length album, “The Maybe Boys,” earlier this month. Described by lead singer Ron Gallo as a meeting of “five blood brothers reunited for our third time at Mardi Gras in New Orleans,” the album has a folksy, feel–good vibe that inspires a desire for the Americana and blue jeans found at a Springsteen concert. Tracks like “Tell the Teller” and “Been Here All My Days” prove that Toy Soldiers loves nothing more than a good song and dance, and isn’t that what everyone’s looking for at the end of a long, hard day working for the American dream?

Next Philly Show: TBA Download: “Tell the Teller” 34TH STREET MAGAZINE

S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

7

MUSIC

MEET THE PENN MUSICIAN: MICHAEL LEWIS

ALBUM REVIEWS

MGMT—"MGMT"

Veteran Penny Loafer and self–proclaimed “West Coast kid” Michael Lewis sat down to talk to us about his recently released EP “Hearts of Sand” and the struggle of wanting to be a musician.

Michael Lewis has been playing music seriously ever since he made his mom cry with a ukulele rendition of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” and realized he might actually have some talent at this little musical hobby of his. It’s been a whirlwind of songwriting, voice lessons and a capella groups (he’s in Penny Loafers) since that fateful night in tenth grade, and with his first EP, “Hearts of Sand,” Michael is putting a lot out on the table.

“The title of the EP— ‘Hearts of Sand’—it’s this idea of hearts being fickle and able to fall through your hand, just like sand,” he says about the album title, and the stories behind the five–song track list clearly indicate that.

From slower tunes about the disintegration of a relationship to the waltzy title track, the EP explores a number of emotions and musical styles.

“I started out really listening to Jason Mraz and Ingrid Michaelson and Sara Bareilles, and I was very lyrically inspired by their metaphorical language,” he says about his musical influences. Those influences are prominent in songs like “Stay A Little

While” and his personal favorite “Pittsburgh/LA,” which he describes as “rootsy” songs with imagery—heavy lyrics about love and missed connections. “My songs are sort of an autobiographical vignette or a snapshot of that moment in time,” he says about the stories his songs tell.

One of the most entertaining stories he tells is on the fourth track, “Emily,” which Michael describes as a “sort of ‘fuck you’ song.” With a fun bass line and a saxophone–filled accompaniment, Lewis dips his toes into an R&B style inspired by the likes of “riffers” like Jazmine Sullivan and Tori Kelly. “That song I wrote for two reasons, one: to tell somebody ‘fuck you’ and two: instead of saying something like with most of my songs, I needed somebody to hear something with that song,” Michael says about the angrier nature of the words. The Mraz/Michaelson/Bareilles inspirations are clear when he croons clever lyrics like, “But I’m not going silently, no / I want everyone to see / the way you fed me to the wolves / when I called out your name / Emily.” On another note, this song, arguably the most adventurous on the album, is a clear effort to achieve what Michael calls, “a dichotomy of singer–songwriter lyrics and... these things that are typically R&B, gospel, that sort of vein, in terms of the stylistic chocies

and notes.” Although right now he wouldn’t describe all of his music as that dichotomy, he “would love to be able to do that one day.”

While Lewis seems to be easily finding his footing with his music, he’s been having a harder time deciding what to do with his Penn career. “I don’t know, I don’t know yet.

I’m one of those undecided wishy–washy West Coast kind of kids,” he declares when asked about what his major might be. Except that he’s really not a wishy–washy kid, because Michael wants to be a musician when he grows up. “I used to think of [a music career] as a siren. A siren calling to a ship and just destroying it, and I felt like I was on that ship. All I could think was ‘oh my God, I need to not be pulled in because this [a music career] is impractical, and it’s scary, and it’s hard, but I just came to the realization that... I feel like this is the only career path that could fulfill me.” Initially afraid of pursuing a music career, he’s now fully embraced the idea, with all of its impracticalness and scariness and difficulty.

Check out his most recent EP “Hearts of Sand” on Bandcamp or check out his pipes in person in a Penny Loafers performance on campus.

CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS

Grade: C+ Download: “Introspection” Sounds Best when: You can’t decide what to major in and you want some confused company

YUQI ZHU

Grouplove— "Spreading Rumours"

Grade: B+ Download: “Ways to Go” Sounds Best when: Dancing away your angst

JACK JOHNSON—“FROM HERE TO NOW TO YOU”

Jack Johnson has charmed his way into the music industry by consistently delivering lovable and laidback songs. Expanding on his M.O., his new album “From Here to Now to You,” aside from the first and last tracks, follows the form and style of his previous album, 8

just with different lyrics. While Johnson’s songs can sometimes feel like the same thing over and over, his percussive acoustic guitar style and soothing tenor vocals bring the lyrical stories he tells to life in a satisfying enough way.

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While widely known for breakthrough pop songs off their first album, MGMT’s most recent output continues to shun mainstream pop in favor of the experimental style they pursued on “Congratulations,” but “MGMT” meanders when it needs to focus. The album opens strongly with rewarding songs like “Alien Days” and a cover of Faine Jade’s “Introspection,” but it loses focus and any semblance of progression with formless songs on the latter half of the album. MGMT shows that they still have the potential to construct solid psych–pop songs, but their third album does not do enough to prove that they are actually capable of it. MGMT’s self–titled album is their third with Columbia Records and their strangest yet.

Grade: B Download: “Ones and Zeros” Sounds Best when: Spending a long day at the beach NOAH SHPAK

Grouplove’s choice to experiment more on their sophomore album, “Spreading Rumours,” further proves they are capable of more than 2011’s radio hit “Tongue Tied.” “Spreading Rumours” ranges from crooning to pulsing beats and back over 13 tracks, occasionally all in one song (“Shark Attack” or “Hippy Hill”), while more upbeat songs like “Ways to Go,” the lead single, are likelier to reach larger audiences. The second half of the album lacks the gusto of the first, but “Spreading Rumours” hits a perfect ending with a more natural sound in “Save the Party for Me.” It features the impressive blend of male and female vocals which brought Grouplove to the spotlight in the first place.

EMMA SOREN

Street has a new music columnist.

Check him out at 34st. com.

FILM & TV

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Did you know that Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp were in a movie together? Or that Johnny Depp used to have long, ginger locks? Or that John C. Reilly (from “Stepbrothers”) wasn’t always funny? I didn’t, but all these things are true in Lasse Hallström’s heart– wrenching movie about brotherhood and love.

“What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” is a goofy but charming tale of Gilbert (Depp), his mentally disabled 18–year–old brother, Arnie (DiCaprio), who wasn’t supposed to make it to puberty, their two mundane sisters and their extremely obese mother, whose own self–consciousness prevents her from leaving the house.

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“What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?” is the perfect movie if you just want to feel a little over–emotional for awhile. It’s perfect if you love romance, love Johnny Depp, want to feel good or if you just want to see pre–"Titanic," 18–year–old Leo.

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F E AT U R E

Elbows plowing through crowds of black, cashmere rubbing with silk, smiles screwed on tight. Quick feet navigating in a minefield of high heels, each well–coiffed Quaker hoping to be the first to deliver a resume, the first to secure an interview.

Forsaking the sweatpants Penn students never wear anyway, juniors– and seniors–turned–job–applicants stormed the Sheraton Hotel in a swarm of suits, ties and Sunday bests to play the roles of future I–bankers and analysts at the Penn Links Career Fair on September 11.

The two–day annual event drew employers in marketing, finance, consulting and beyond to Penn, marking the beginning of on–campus recruiting, not–so–lovingly known as OCR. In general, outfit was uniform: girls in knee–length skirts and conservative blouses, guys in stiff jackets and ties. Two girls clad in jeans navigated the pre–professional masses as an inseparable duo, standing out for their lack of conformity. All those falling on the less formal end of the business casual spectrum proved conspicuous. For many of the students in attendance, the conference presents a turning point: teetering somewhere between impressionable college student and regulation adult, seniors start making plans. Recruitment meetings like the Career Fair and subsequent interviews allow soon–to–be alumni to try on future careers much like a high stakes game of dress up, but this time the heels fit and were buried in your closet— not mom’s.

ing away the knight’s sword, plastic policeman’s badge, princess’s tiara and astronaut’s helmet for good. The conversation stops revolving around majors and extracurriculars; it’s about what comes next.

G, a College senior, sits at her kitchen table in a crisp navy shift dress and simple silver necklace, heels off, just back from an informal coffee meeting with a recruiter. She explains that she didn’t originally intend to go through OCR since it’s not necessary when entering the healthcare field, but signed up so she could interview for management and consulting positions. “All anyone talks about is OCR, and ‘what are you doing next year?’” says G. One of the most stressful parts of the process, she says, is that it dominates not only all of her time but also her day–to–day interactions. There appears to be a need to tailor a clean image fit for employment, from purging Solo–cupped photos from Facebook to opting to remain anonymous in an article about dressing for the recruiting process. “[Employers are] googling us now and you never really know what they might think.” Her two roommates, dressed in similar variations of business casual, nod i n

After two decades of formal education and preparation, members of the class of 2014 prepare to suit up, pack1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3

agreement.

In the fall of 2011, more than 400 employers flooded Penn’s campus to hold over 350 information sessions and conduct close to 13,000 interviews. With such stiff competition, the need to stand out—and stand tall— becomes all the more pressing and the art of presentation becomes all the more important. While clothes may not make the man, they can certainly make him look more employable. Wharton professor Adrian Tschoegl noted in an email that “There is a tendency [in recruitment] to prefer PLU (People Like Us), and one marker is dress.

Firms say they want diversity, but they say that ‘fit’ is critical.” Tschoegl, who teaches management with a focus on international business, added that many employers send recent Penn graduates as recruiters who lack the same level of experience as older employees and fall back on superficial indicators because they may struggle to confidently judge talent.

Because employers receive an abundance of applications—some applicants hand out upwards of fifty resumes—job offers don’t hinge on something as trivial as the color of a tie or cardigan. At the same time, employ-

F E AT U R E

ers are forced to make snap decisions and weed out potential employees based on any number of factors that could be a potential detriment to the company. Just as important as the outfit itself, for example, is the way an applicant presents himself or herself in it. Mehreen Mudh, an analyst at Boston–based equity firm Audax Group, cautioned in an email: “Don’t be the interviewee who is soaking wet because he didn’t check the weather when there was a 100% chance of rain.”

In fact, many employers noted that the details were just as important as the overall ensemble. James Peng, another associate at Audax Group, added that a second mistake is “wearing clothes that looked like they haven’t been washed or ironed in months.”

Some seniors have been preparing for OCR from the beginning of their Penn careers. One senior, A, who estimates she owns eight or nine suits— outnumbering the collections of most of her male friends— describes the gradual process: “I’ve been accumulating my work wardrobe over the years… [Wharton students] have so many events where

business casual is the norm.”

Others, not so much. College senior G said in an interview, “Never before have I had to wear business attire at school because I’m in the College, and that’s not what you do.” The pair both noted the staunch differences in the pre–professional atmosphere between the College and Wharton. While most Wharton students own at least a suit or two, many students in the College are buying theirs for the first time. Though not necessarily at a competitive disadvantage, there is an element of catch up. With the average suit ringing in between $600 and $900, a first– time buyer making roughly $10 per hour at a work–study job would have to clock over 60 hours to offset the cost.

For men, the central debate when deciding what t o wear boils down to one crtical question: tie or no tie?

Or,

at a slightly higher level of discernment, red or blue?

“The only real thought that went into my attire was making sure not to wear the same clothes for the second round as the first round,” senior J recalls of his experience going through OCR when applying for internships last year. “I had three outfits in my rotation—a black suit, a blue suit, and khakis with a blue blazer.

All hand–me– down, but fit pretty nicely I must say.”

Women, on the other hand, must balance a more sensitive set of variables. Senior Associate Director of Career Services for Wharton Students Barbara Hewitt cites the two most common fashion faux pas among female students going through OCR as “too short, too tight.” By looking sexy, women risk looking unprofessional. As A put it: “Nothing is more annoying as a girl than business casual.” Wearing a suit, she explained, is simple; the pieces are easily assembled and always polished. Business casual, however, poses a series of decisions that straddle the line between overdone and underdressed.

A d d i t i o n a l l y, many of the female students interviewed complained that it was difficult to find suits that looked professional while maintaining femininity—especially at an affordable price. Theory, Donna Karan, Stella McCartney and other high–end designers artfully maintain a balance between femininity and professionalism, but cheaper brands often struggle to do the same.

Curvier girls, in particular, found difficulty dressing in a manner future employers would deem appropriate. Scoop neck sweaters that would look modest on girls with petite figures could

be distracting. Further, a study conducted in 2010 by economists at Ben–Gurion University of the Negev in Israel examining the relationship between attractiveness and securing an interview showed that attractive men were more likely to be called for an interview, but good– looking women were actually at a competitive disadvantage. Paradoxically, there’s a certain element of dressing down for women that comes with dressing up for OCR: Makeup is minimal, hair is simple and clothes are modest. To address this concern, Wharton Women hosts an annual philanthropy event, held this year on September 25, to “dress for your dream job, while maintaining your style,” says the organization’s president, Allegra Margolis.

According to G, “[Penn tends to] judge your intelligence and your skills on what job you have and when you get it.” But suit culture doesn’t fit everyone. PennApps, a biannual hackathon that took place from September 6–8 and attracted over 60 sponsors, rewards its top competitors not only in cash prizes but also opportunities to network and interview with top tech companies—all while wearing jeans and a hoodie.

At PennApps, the uniform is more relaxed than the stiff suits of Huntsman classrooms overrun with OCR madness.

For students looking to make

a career in startups and tech, the competition. “There’s this expectation that if you’re a senior, you’re doing OCR because why wouldn’t you, but in reality it’s not applicable to most people,” says G. In reality, only 10% of students end up accepting a job through OCR. If a majority of students won’t sign offers at the end, why are so many of them running around in suits and heels, going through the motions of OCR? When thrown in an academic and social pressure cooker with 10,000 other students, it’s hard not to feel like everybody is always doing something all the time. We never need time off, every night is a late night and we are always way busier than you are. Dressing up at Penn is a means of presentation and identity.

The adage goes: dress for the job you want and not the job you have. Fifteen years ago that might have been a ballerina who moonlighted as a firefighter, decked to the nines in a fluffy pink tutu and a siren–red fireman’s hat.

Today, you might opt for a Brooks Brothers three–piece.

Or maybe you go for jeans and a t–shirt. Perhaps, if you’re lucky, the tutu and firefighter cap are still hanging in the closet. The important part is finding what fits—or more importantly, what doesn’t— and trying it all on until you know for sure.

So suit up. Or don’t. As much as the jobs we will choose in the future will grow to define us and the way we present ourselves, the jobs we have now, as students, are truly what lay the groundwork for what lies ahead.

Marley Coyne is a sophomore from Tulsa, OK, studying English and history. She is a Food & Drink editor for 34th Street Magazine.

S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

FILM & TV

EDITORS' CHOICE: EMMY PICKS

Category Outstanding Drama Outstanding Actress Drama Outstanding Supporting Actor Drama Outstanding Supporting Actress Drama Outstanding Comedy Outstanding Supporting Actor Comedy Outstanding Supporting Actress Comedy

Meth, dragons, Liz Lemon, and more of what to expect at the 65th Primetime Emmys.

Michael's Pick

Michelle's Pick

Will Win

"Breaking Bad"

"Breaking Bad"

Should Win

"Breaking Bad"

"Game of Thrones"

Will Win

Clare Danes, "Homeland"

Clare Danes, "Homeland"

Should Win

Elizabeth Moss, "Mad Men"

Kerry Washington, "Scandal"

Will Win

Mandy Patinkin, "Homeland"

Mandy Patinkin, "Homeland"

Should Win

Mandy Patinkin, "Homeland"

Peter Dinklage, "Game of Thrones"

Will Win

Anna Gunn, "Breaking Bad"

Christina Hendricks, "Mad Men"

Should Win

Christina Hendricks, "Mad Men"

Emilia Clarke, "Game of Thrones"

Will Win

"Girls"

Should Win

"Louie"

"30 Rock"

Will Win

Ty Burrell, "Modern Family"

Ty Burrell, "Modern Family"

Should Win

Bill Hader, "Saturday Night Live"

Bill Hader, "Saturday Night Live"

Will Win

Sofia Vergara, "Modern Family"

Sofia Vergara, "Modern Family"

Should Win

Jane Krakowski, "30 Rock"

Jane Krakowski, "30 Rock"

"Girls"

13 S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

FOOD & DRINK

Choice Cocktails of Penn’s Faculty If the only cocktail you recognize is Vladimir and soda in a solo cup, take your cue from Penn’s cultured faculty: professors and deans who are well–versed in the art of the drink as they are in academia.

The cheerful House Dean of Ware and anthropology faculty member, Belgian native Utsav Schurmans, swears by the vin de noix. This translates roughly to nut wine, or more specifically green walnut wine. According to Schurmans, it is “a French southwest regional product in which macerated green walnuts are soaked in wine.” He's even made it before and has some in his Ware apartment. The taste is “thick and sweet, with a very rich and spicy flavor.” Since the flavors are warm and reminiscent of winter, the drink is usually enjoyed during cold weather.

(Sorry, Utsav, if during the winter months we come knocking on your door for some homemade walnut wine).

Faculty fellow and Slavic languages professor Kevin Platt praises the classic gin and tonic, but he also enjoys “playing with the cocktail" by adding fresh Meyer lemons. For a more complex cocktail, his go–to is the Negroni. Traditionally served on the rocks and in an old fashioned glass garnished with an orange peel, the Negroni cocktail is made with one part gin, one part vermouth rosso (aromatized fortified wine), and one part bitters, traditionally Campari.

Despite being forever branded as the alcoholic advisee, I was able to shed some light on physics professor Masao Sako’s

drinks of choice. Masao’s preference is for no frills: “I’m not a cocktail person. I like to keep it simple—wine—especially a good bottle of red—or beer.” However, he did mention that his first go–to cocktail would be the classic gin and lime.

Former bartender, Budhhist monk and current professor of religious studies Justin McDaniel shared two popular inventions of his, the Uncommon Cold and the Broken Resolution. The Uncommon Cold is made with Drambuie (a specialty Scottish malt whiskey), Widow Jane Bourbon, meade, lemon, honey, St. Germain (a French liqueur made from elderberry flowers), homemade falernum (spiced Caribbean syrup), rhubarb bitters, candied ginger and an Angelique Absinthe wash, served on the rocks. The Broken Resolution, as its name suggests, is a decadent mix of Green Chartreuse (a French liqueur made by Carthusian monks using 130 herbs, plants and flowers), Armagnac (a French brandy), Strega (an Italian liqueur), Killepitsch (a German spirit), simple syrup, Burnt Cherry sugar, bitters and Lemon hart 151 (a dark Guyanan rum) as a float, served neat. As for his regular drink of choice, Justin prefers the classics— “my favorite simple drink is either Sazerac or Rhum Agricole, straight.”

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FOOD & DRINK

NOT YOUR AVERAGE HOUSTON HALL

Shh – it's okay to let your tastebuds daydream about Chick–Fil– A and Shake Shack.

Commons will never know.

University of the Sciences Dining Hall I didn’t walk into the University of the Sciences dining hall anticipating anything close to a restaurant–quality meal. The smells of garlic and soy from the stir–fry station drew me in for round one. After choosing a combination of vegetables, noodles, chicken and Szechuan sauce to be cooked–to–order, I sat down and twirled some of the creation onto my fork. While the noodles and vegetables prompted the ideal amounts of chew, the brown water “sauce” drowning the bowl diluted any chance for flavor. Burning from an overdose of Sriracha and chili oil in reaction to the blandness, I went for round two: sweet potato casserole, roast chicken and cinnamon crumble cake. The chicken’s moistness beat the frequently parched meat in Commons, and the cinnamon crumble cake rang with just enough sweet, easily standing up to the syrupy pies in Hill. With a dining room closest to a more spacious King’s Court, I’d say the spread–out, serene vibe outshined the cafeteria fare.

SOLOMON BASS

Drexel Dining Obviously no college dining experience is ideal, but Drexel makes a valiant attempt to lessen the depressing blow of dining hall diets. Included in Drexel dining plans are an enticing selection of dining dollar options spread throughout campus. Every energy–deprived college kid gravitates towards Starbucks, which Drexel makes available for students on dining plans. Like our once- beloved taqueria in Houston Market, Drexel offers its students some serious Latin options with Taco Bell and a burrito bar called “Currito,” which serves everything from classic burritos to Indian–inspired meals. Even better, Drexel’s Chick–Fil– A and Subway outposts accept dining dollars. And while they may not all be included in students’ dining plans, the ever–expanding dining options piling up at Drexel’s front door, including the new crop of foodcarts at 33rd and Arch Streets and the brand new Chestnut Square­—with options like Zavina, CoZara and Shake Shack, are more than enough to make us green with Dragon envy.

JESSICA YACKEY

University of the Arts Dining From the outside, Terra Dining Hall looks everything like a pleasant Center City bistro, and its location in the heart of the Avenue of the Arts makes it a prime spot for people watching. But despite the fun I had observing the ebb and flow of tourists, UArts students and plastered Eagles fans, none of it made up for the sad, sad food. The mac n’ cheese was rubbery, the fried rice was crunchy and way too salty and the baked eggplant was all oil and pepper. Though the food was very disappointing, the friendly UArts students I ate with assured me that “not everything here sucks ass, at least not always.” A vegetarian student praised the usual selection of vegan and vegetarian foods, claiming that “well... this is an arts school, they kinda have to cater to their demographic.” All of them agreed that the other café on their meal plan, Mangia, had good pizza and great hoagies. But they also agreed that despite being on campus for only a couple weeks, they were already sick of eating “Man–gina.”

RYAN ZAHALKA

: BALTIMORE DOLLAR STROLL $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 6:13 p.m.: Begin the trek to Baltimore Avenue and 43rd Street with three other hungry bellies. Hallmate: “You know it’s gonna rain, right?” (Sure, but you know there’s food for a dollar, right?)

6:37 p.m.: Two guys in Clark Park start slowly walking backwards. Is this some kind of meditation?

6:38 p.m.: No, wait, everyone in Clark Park is walking backwards. This is an Improv Everywhere flash mob.

6:41 p.m.: It’s pouring. Drenched. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.

6:48 p.m.: Take cover inside with my first dollar deal: a slice of Fiesta Pizza. Cheese burns my mouth, but hey, at least it’s fresh.

6:56 p.m.: Rain has diminished. Woman attempts to stuff her wet dog into an oversize purse. Watch as she experiences difficulty.

7:09 p.m.: Philly cheesesteak, lentil wraps, shrimp skewers. Spring rolls from unofficial vendors: the Chinese owners of the Laundromat.

7:19 p.m.: Jimmie’s Cupcake truck. One Jimmy Neutron, one Jim Carrey, one Jimmy Rolo, one James Bond and four Lebron Jameses please.

7:20 p.m.: Foodgasm commences with the Lebron James from Jimmie’s Cupcake (vanilla cake, lemon glaze, raspberry icing). Exercise extreme self control to not get in line again.

7:28 p.m.: “AND I WAS LIKE GET THAT FUCKING GUN OUTTA MA FACE. AND THEN I PUT A HOLE IN HIS ASS!” The friendly men nearby remind me that I am in West Philly.

7:37 p.m.: Banana whips with chocolate chips from the Mariposa co–op grocery store, followed by mini scoops of speculoos ice cream from Little Baby’s. Brain freeze.

8:17 p.m.: Sipping mango lassis, waiting for Desi Village to bring out more fresh samosas with tamarind sauce.

Penn grad student hits on my friend until he realizes she’s 18.

8:57 p.m.: Back to campus. Compare how pregnant our stuffed stomachs look. $12 well spent at the Baltimore Dollar Stroll.

BYRNE FAHEY

15 S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

ARTS

FLEA MARKETS OF PHILADELPHIA PHAIR

Brooklyn Flea Philly

23rd & Arch Streets, Saturdays through November 25, 10 p.m.—5 p.m.

PHAIR is a weekly event for those who prefer slightly more upscale flea markets.

You’re more likely to describe your finds there as “handcrafted” or “artisanal” than “looks like it came from someone’s basement.” Held in a lot right off the Schuylkill River Trail, PHAIR is a hub for artists, crafters and vintage vendors.

The focus on artists sets this apart from other events—the majority of vendors create their own wares, selling jewelry, clothes, paintings, photographs, ceramics and more. PHAIR also features a wide selection of delicious and unique gourmet food trucks, which make the walk (or trolley ride, let’s be real) there totally worth it.

Why to go: Support local artists.

Emily Grablutz

The Piazza at Schmidts, 1001 N. 2nd St., Sundays, 10 a.m.—5 p.m.

Originally based in New York City, the Brooklyn Flea’s Philadelphia market has been running since June of this year. A combination of artisan products and repurposed vintage wares, the Brooklyn Flea boasts an offbeat but trendy mix of merchandise.

Vendors sell everything from hand–painted bicycle helmets to more traditional fare like vintage clothing. The Brooklyn Flea also features the works of several local artists— find city skylines captured in amazing detail on Post–It Notes or oil paintings of bicycles.

The food, too, is whimsical and upscale.

Stop by Dough to try doughnuts in flavors like passionfruit and Nutella.

Why to go: Sift through a boutique–style selection of wares in the open air.

Anosha Minai

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Junk sales take a refined turn in these arts–oriented Philly markets.

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16 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3

Philadelphia Flea Markets Various locations, see http:// www.philafleamarkets.org/ Don’t expect a hip crowd hawking this season’s hottest accessories—you may have to sift through whozits and whatsits galore, but you’ll stumble on something unexpected. The Philadelphia Flea Market’s offerings range from eclectic, ass–grazing earrings to remarkably well priced antique clocks. Combination junkyard–antique store– community fair, PFM will satiate your taste for whimsy and novelty.

If you tire of the wares themselves, enjoy scoping out your fellow flea market divers, dressed in all manner of attire, get your fortune read or check out one of the many food vendors at the market.

Why to Go: People–watch.

Learn to haggle. Surprise yourself.

Johnathan Wilson

ARTS

SMAK PARLOUR ON LOCUST: AN INTERVIEW WITH ABBIE KESSLER Street: How’d you get into fashion design?

Abbie Kessler: Katie and I met when we were 15 in high school, and at that point, we were designing our own clothing. We would spend entire nights together sewing and making things in Katie’s basement with her mom. We had a knack for it. People in our high school would always want us to make them clothing. When we went to college together at Drexel, we were still always making things for friends.

Street: So where did the idea for your boutique Smak Parlour come from?

AK: When we graduated, we kind of knew that we wanted to put a store together. It became a clear goal for us. We worked in the garment district in New York together, eventually moved back to Philly, and started our own line of t– shirts. They were all made in Katie’s mom’s basement and they were our own art that we actually drew or painted.

Street: Now, you sell more than just t-shirts....

AK: It wasn’t sustainable to have just our own brand here. So, we brought in local people, and now we collaborate with independent designers who fit our aesthetic, quality and price point. But we still design our own clothing. We opened our entire store with our own clothing. And we still have our own t–shirts.

Street: Describe the design process to us.

AK: We work with a sewing house in Philadelphia. They do all our cut and sews, and they also do all our pattern work. We still work with small tailors as well. They do some of the really simple t–shirt patterns. We have a nice mix between

ANASTASIYA SHEKHTMAN

This fashionista–designer–entrepreneur and her partner Katie Lubieski have been getting a lot of publicity lately.

You might run into their shop on wheels at 40th and Locust streets, where they’re dishing out autumn bags and scarves to Penn students instead of lunchtime munchies.

local Philly and bigger companies. But nothing you could find in a department store.

Street: How does your design aesthetic appeal to Penn students?

AK: We’re girly, French, mixed with a really fun punk–rock feel. We definitely look for unique items. Penn girls have been loving the aesthetic because it’s unique­—it’s not something you can find everywhere. And there’s something for everybody.

Street: What items are popular among Penn students?

AK: We sell a lot of vegan leather backpacks and handbags at the truck. Scarves are also popular.

They’re easy, grab-able items.

Street: Did you design the truck with the same aesthetic in mind?

AK: Yes, we wanted the truck to have the same aesthetic as our store in Old City, and to bring the best of our store to Penn’s campus. We put French doors on the back so it felt a little homier.

You almost forget you’re in a truck when you’re in there.

Street: How about the truck’s exterior design?

AK: We didn’t want it just to be a pink truck, so we worked with local street artist Dave Holley, and he created the wrap of the truck for us. He’s our main graphic designer. He understood our girly, punk look perfectly, and he incorporated a lot of pop culture into it.

Street: What’s next for Smak Parlor?

AK: A fleet of fashion trucks across the country!

Words and images coexist in the world—I don’t have the heart to divide them. Each informs the other; images describe, words evoke pictures and text can be image. Both share the ability to spin moods and stories. I’m interested in what their interaction can do for an idea.

Check out an extended interview of graphic designer Anastasiya Shekhtman @34st.com!

17 S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

LOWBROW

LOWBROW'S BREAKING NEWS

"ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FAKE TO PRINT"

Report: World Rests Easy After College Sophomore solves Israeli– Palestinian Conflict JERUSALEM—After publishing a few opinion pieces in The Daily Pennsylvanian, College sophomore George Aaronow has stunned the world by bringing peace to the Levant.

Israelis and Palestinians alike rejoiced, linking arms and shouting to the heavens in rapturous jubilation upon reading George’s editorials.

Inspired by his writing, Israeli and Palestinian officials quickly met and hammered out a peace agreement, instantly resolving long–standing grievances on both sides and healing all cultural rifts.

George is pleased—if unsurprised—that his work has forever changed the course of history. His secret?

“Well, I start out with an unappealing, extreme viewpoint. Ask Mr. Nuance to take the day off, you know what I mean?” he said. “Instead of making an argument, I try to accuse and lash out at people.”

Some, including Wharton management professor Dr.

James Lingk, think George has broken new ground in conflict resolution.

“What he’s done, it’s incredible,” Dr. Lingk said.

“Very few people would have thought to antagonize those on both sides of an issue in such a vitriolic manner. In light of his work, I think my field is going to have to reassess the social value of things like cutting lines, or yelling at people to get out of the way.”

Fortunately for the future of humanity, George was forthcoming with his now– signature style.

“Yeah, I try to use inflammatory rhetoric. It’s also good to have a parochial worldview but still talk down to people. Really gives people agita,” said George, who finally got around to watching “The Sopranos.” “Oh, and if people are sympathetic toward your opinions and actually do things to support your cause, you definitely want to dismiss their efforts and do your best to alienate

them. That’s pretty tight.”

Many who know George are pleased to see him achieve so much. Ricky Roma, a roommate of George’s who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity, notes that,

up into an angry froth and spammed our friends with our political screeds.”

In addition to George’s friends, The Daily Pennsylvanian and Penn community at–large are proud to be as-

vanian. “Our editorial standards are very low. Normally, we just run this crap as click bait and never bat an eye.”

For George, this victory for planet Earth makes him remember the first time he

“It was just a few weeks ago that he was posting political nonsense on his Facebook wall, and now, well—it just makes you think how much we could change the world if we all just worked ourselves

sociated with the polemic– cum–panacea.

“Honestly, we never expected this kind of result in a million years,” said Shelley “The Machine” Levene, an editor at The Daily Pennsyl-

was inspired to take action.

It happened at a local food truck, “Glengarry Falafels,” on 39th and Spruce streets.

“I was ordering a falafel from the guy—Baylen, I think his name was—and he kept talking about some kind of intractable situation in the West Bank,” George said. “Finally, I said to him, ‘I’m not paying five bucks to listen to you talk, so just give me my food, asshole.’ But a little bit later, that got me thinking. Not too much, but, you know. And my best buds, John [Williamson] and Dave [Moss], they were both like, ‘You gotta write what you feel,’ so I did.

And the rest is history, I suppose.”

At press time, Palestinians and Israelis were finalizing plans for a one–state solution and developing a hug–based currency. Meanwhile, George was taking time to reflect by doing what he does best: grinding axes and disappointing his parents.

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Prof Devastated After OftMissing Student Drops Class P H I L A D E L P H I A­­­— “Introduction to Geology” professor Graham Stone was stunned yesterday after a student with a “spotty at best” attendance record dropped his intro–level rocks class.

“It was the start of a normal Tuesday for me, when I logged on to Blackboard only to realize that my class count had gone from 157 to 156. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t see this coming at all.”

Stone, just happy that another human was listening to him, continued, “I mean sure, he missed my class a few times and sure, he sat in the last row, but there was nothing else to indicate he wouldn’t be sticking around. This just came out of nowhere.”

Jane Goldblum, a college sophomore who spoke on the

had mentioned anything about the class and told me to tell him to respond to his emails. He smelled like licorice.”

Stone justified his actions.

“I just believed there was still a chance to convince him to think about taking one of my more advanced rock classes. I assured him there would be field trips and stonings (that’s our lingo for Geology department raves). I think there’s a chance he’ll reconsider.”

Several sources confirmed that after dropping “Intro to Geology,” Jon was seen in the back of a Thursday “Survey of the Universe” lecture.

“Oh, I saw him alright and he seemed really happy curled up back there. He even cracked a smile when the professor made a Milky Way pun. We try not to

condition of anonymity, said that during this Wednesday’s class, Stone was disheveled and appeared to be out of breath, exasperatedly asking the class, “Why has he done this to me?”

Another student reported that Stone then singled out those who “appeared to be on the fence” and interrogated them accordingly.

“He asked me if I was ready to make a commitment to rocks,” said College sophomore Bernadette Minx. “He said I looked unsure when I answered and then asked me to ‘just go,’” she added.

“It was all very bizarre.”

College senior Dan Tithers described a similar scene. “After Wednesday’s class, Prof. Stone cornered me and asked me if Jon

take ourselves too seriously here in the astronomy department.

I don’t think he’ll be going anywhere anytime soon,” said one Survey of the Universe T.A. with a wink.

“How does the solar system hold up its pants?” the T.A. then asked, trying her hardest to keep from laughing. “With an asteroid belt!” she quickly belted out. One student laughed.

“You know, we’re a pretty goofy bunch here in astronomy,” she said, with her voice trailing off near the end of the sentence.

As of press time, Jon was still registered for ASTR 001. Though judging by Jon’s past trigger–happiness with that drop button, there’s just no telling what he’ll do.

LOWBROW

Such Concerns We’re Having

S E P T E M B E R 1 9 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

THE DEFINITIVE

GUIDE TO

OFF-CAMPUS WIFI 39th

40th

41st

42nd

We are how we wifi. From the clever to the juvenile, network names offer a passwordâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;protected glimpse into the twisted minds (and senses of humor) of our friends. Kudos to those on the list: to the "saggyballs" and "fatcock"s of West Philly, try harder next time.

Router?

I Hardly Know Her Swinger House

Pineapple Under the Sea

Hide yo kids, Hide yo Wife-i AirPennNOT

sansom

House of Shambles

walnut

locust

fuck off 4037

This is a virus

spruce

Sharing is caring (*password protected)

2Girls 1Router

Pretty fly for a wifi

A pimp named slick back

delancey

India

pine