January 29th, 2015

January 29 - February 4, 2015

34st.com

january 29

MEATFROMTHEEDITOR

2015

LOL

“Did you make any friends today, Alex?” A Design Editor asked me last night.

No, I made zero friends. In truth, as the Editor–in–Chief of Street I seem to be losing friends rapidly. (I’m not like our Ego of the Week, Daniel Fine.) Maybe it's because I am preoccupied with Street. Maybe it's because I don't have time for a glass of wine. Maybe it's because everyone is just as busy as I am.

What I hope is that I am losing friends because 34th Street makes people on this campus feel something.

Whether you feel challenged, delighted, entertained, informed or some other emotion, my existence is validated. Because this magazine gives you something other than the everyday. That's why journalism matters.

If you agree with me, I’d love to be your friend.

3 HIGHBROW

round up, overheards, guide to social climbing

4 WORD ON THE STREET

black lives and the criminology department

5 EGO

dan fine, taking advantage of your illness

7 MUSIC LOL

LOL

LOL

not another hans zimmer score

10 FEATURE

cultural appropriation

12 FILM

14 FOOD & DRINK

wing bowl, strausage

LOL

16 ARTS

les fumeurs

18 LOWBROW LOL

With love,

movies for class, tweets from jon hurwitz ...........

THIS WEEK, WE'RE RETURNING TO OUR ROOTS. IF YOU LIKE THE TASTE OF LUKEWARM PBR, THE SMELL OF FRIENDSHIP OR ANYTHING YOU SAW IN STREET THIS WEEK, COME.

culture shock

20 BACKPAGE more cultural appropriation

WRITER'S (& PHOTOGRAPHERS & DESIGNERS & CO.) MEETING. 6:30PM. 4015 'NUT.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief Marley Coyne, Managing Editor Ariela Osuna, Digital Director Ling Zhou, Design Editor Byrne Fahey, Design Editor Corey Fader, Photo Editor Galit Krifcher, Assistant Design Holly Li, Assistant Design Amy Chen, Assistant Photo Conor Cook, Highbrow Elie Sokoloff, Highbrow Katie Hartman, Word on the Street Randi Kramer, Ego Casey Quackenbush, Ego 2

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Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink Julie Levitan, Food and Drink Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV Orly Greenberg, Film and TV Clare Lombardo, Features Amanda Suarez, Features Caroline Marques, Music Amanda Silberling, Music Justin Sheen, Arts Molly Collett, Arts Rosa Escandon, Lowbrow Mikaela Gilbert-Lurie, Lowbrow Kimberly Lu, Backpage Mark Paraskevas, Copy Editor Sarah Fox, Copy Editor

Pat Goodridge, Copy Editor Alyssa Berlin, Marketing Director Giulia Imholte, Social Media Editor Rachel Rubin, Digital Designer Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Editor Lucy Hovanisyan, Web Producer Alex Cohn, Web Producer Mara Veitch, Web Producer COVER PHOTO: Corey Fader BACKPAGE DESIGN: Holly Li Contributors: Natasha Doherty

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief, at sternlicht@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "Are most girls here on birth control?" ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

HIGHBROW’S GUIDE TO SOCIAL CLIMBING: TIPS FOR THE SUPERFICIALLY INCLINED

It’s not easy to get to the top, but Highbrow has the inside scoop on how to fake it until you make it Dress the part: cultivating your social prowess is tricking others into thinking that you already had it. Black is sleek. Black is chic. Black is slimming.

Tall tales: Make yourself interesting, even if you have to stretch the truth. Spark someone’s interest by casually mentioning that your godfather is George Clooney or how you spent your gap year meditating with monks. Wow, tell me more.

Classes: Social Statistics, History of the Information Age, Wasting Time on the Internet—

Parties: Our dirty secret? You don’t even have to go out, as long as you excessively document your pregame.

Utilize (read: abuse) social media.

HELP FROM HIGHBROW Post a late–night Snapstory with your best–looking betches and time stamp.

Everyone will think you had a crazy fun night!

Your accent: Cultivate an exotic accent to distract people from the fact that you’re actually from Jericho. Be sure to avoid third world countries at all costs. Save those for your stories about your “transformative” volunteer work abroad (see #2).

Common enemy: There’s no better way to manipulate yourself into a position of favor always raising her hand? She’s making everyone else look bad! Stepping on other people is the best way to get #elevated.

Mystique: tic answers. For example, when asked,“Hey, where are you at the party?” “Don’t know.

Maybe."

over heard PENN at

Girl on Locust: You 100% just farted into the phone!

Cosmopolitan betch: He’s not that scary—he’s just a Russian oligarch.

Drunk girl: I’m so friendly, it’s crazy.

Boyfriend: I don’t carry money, it’s dirty.

Girlfriend: But you do coke with it...

Boyfriend: Yeah, only with hundreds.

Professor: They met at nightclub, but they're getting married in Zambia.

Frathlete: Baseball pledging is so much worse than Theos pledging.

Social climbing is a solo mission. Party of one. Don’t let other bitches weigh you down on your way to the top.

THEROUNDUP Play hard, but OCR harder. This time of year, we are suffocated by poorly–tailored suits and the stench of fear. Take off your J. Crew jewelry, Cho Chang and get ready to spray yourself in eau de Highbrow—a mix of sweat, Allegro and rumors. Gossip has never smelled so good.

TriDelta? More like try-harder.

Sources tell Highbrow that our sparkly sisters ran into a little trouble during rush. After struggling to fill their pledge class, DDDelta had to scramble to meet their quota.

Looks like they might be tri–hopping their way down to second tier.

Welcome to the Mile High Club!

After drinking a bit too much at Smokes Sink or Swim, one special Quaker decided to board a flight in an inebriated state. At the airport, the boy showed TSA his fake ID and miraculously boarded the plane. The flight’s turbulence may have gotten to him and our wasted friend got up to go to the bathroom—blacking out on the way. A few hours later, this boy woke up in his seat with oxygen mask. Highbrow thanks you for flying the not–so–friendly skies.

Slow down, grab the (Western) Wall—Highbrow’s news is sure to

make your ass fall off. You goys won’t believe it, but it looks like AEPi has recolonized on Penn’s campus. Our rabbi told us that a group of juniors has already been initiated as the frat's founding members and they are recruiting new members. Highbrow can’t wait to get the deets on their “Menorahs and Dirty Horas” mixer.

Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. One boy found himself in a sticky situation this weekend.

After matching with an older guy on Tinder, our friend made a trip to his Inn at Penn hotel room. Both boys stripped down to their skivvies but

suddenly realized they didn’t have a condom. In DIY spirit, the creative student allegedly tried to use a CVS plastic bag as a condom, adding a little body lotion for lubricant. Unfortunately, the penetration was unsuccessful, but Highbrow applauds these activists' ability to reduce, reuse and recycle!

Any juicy stories from this week? Send your best tips and tales to stories@34st.com

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

WHY BLACK LIVES DON'T MATTER TO THE DEPARTMENT OF CRIMINOLOGY ROSA ESCANDÓN

Saturday is the 150th anniversary of the Thirteenth Amendment. Sunday marks the start of Black History Month. Despite the days and weeks dedicated to remembering, Penn's Department of Criminology forgets—or refuses to acknowledge—the violent, inhumane treatment of black Americans throughout history. This week, Word on the Street brings you a story of a class that didn’t count and the implications of a seemingly harmless administrative decision.

A

bout a week ago, I was sitting in my advisor’s office. As a graduating senior, I only need one more class to complete my major.

Last year, someone in the Department of Criminology told me a history class called “Racial Violence in Modern America” (HIST–231) would count towards my criminology degree, and I didn’t question it. Violence and crime are related in my head, but during this particular office visit, my advisor calmly told me I was wrong. The class couldn’t count because this class did not have a “substantive crime or criminal justice component.”

I was taken aback. It just sounded wrong.

The class had covered rape, murder, brutality and aggravated assault. These are all crimes. I was shocked.

In my silence, she continued, ‘It seems to me that it is a class about lynching and lynching isn’t a crime.’ She argued that lynching was something else.

In the remainder of the meeting and my subsequent emails, she explained further. She had an argument for why she denied this course, along with other Africana Studies courses, from being counted towards the criminology major.

4

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She explained: Lynching is a conflict. And a course on this type of conflict is about the way “social progress occurs in a diverse society.”

It's not about a crime. To me, this seemed like rhetoric. This seemed wrong in a more empirical sense.

Yes, one could development an argument with this line of rhetoric. But it’s dangerous.

In the first hours of Criminal Justice (CRIM–200), I received a specific definition of crime: “An act committed or omitted in violation of a law forbidding or commanding [the act] for which there are possible penalties.”

Now, some would argue that when lynching was a trend in America, there were no possible penalties. It's true that there wasn't always a specific law against lynching in early American history. But, as far as I know, it was always illegal to murder someone, no matter the context.

The department also says that “acts of terrorism” or war are not included in what’s defined as crime. However, last semester, I was in an in–major class that covered terrorism and one girl in my thesis class wrote her thesis on war.

So why can’t we talk about lynching?

To be clear, I’m not saying an entire Ivy League department is racist. I'm not saying that any one person in the department is in the wrong. I’m saying America has a problem talking about race, and that problem has seeped into all aspects of society, even academia.

The hardest part is wrapping my head around the fact that I thought I knew this department. I thought it was liberal. This didn’t feel liberal at all. This felt old. This felt wrong.

Unfortunately, not talking about race is more than uncomfortable. It’s dangerous. The definition of crime has two requirements: a legal statute and a subsequent punishment.

Mike Brown. No indictment. Emmett Till. No indictment, even after two people admitted to the kidnapping. Eric Garner. No indictment, even with video evidence. Jesse Washington.

No indictment, even with an anti–lynching law on the books in 1916 Texas. Hundreds of others. No indictment. No punishment.

If we discount racial violence one hundred years ago because no action was taken against injustice, if we label it as something else, if we deny that those murders are even included in our definition of “crime,” what stops us from doing it again? In one hundred years, what will we call the deaths of Trayvon, Mike and Tamir?

Will we call their deaths “crimes” and “murders,” or will we call them “brutality?”

When we call it anything other than crime, in one hundred years, we give people the opportunity to say, “this is about a social process” and not about individuals lives. We let them say this was not about crime.

In the end, I felt like I didn’t really understand the major in which I used to be so confident. To finish my major, I've enrolled in Literature and Law (ENGL–066). It's approved by the department. I still believe they should count other classes. But in the end, I'm just a student. I don't control the Department of Criminology.

Whether or not the program changes their definitions or classes in the coming years is entirely up to them. I hope they challenge their own definitions, but something tells me they won’t. For academia to change, the world around academia has to change. People need to start asking questions. So, here's mine: Isn’t it always a crime to kill a man?

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: DANIEL FINE Hometown: West Windsor, NJ Age: 21 Involved in: Founder + CEO: Glass-U, Dosed LLC, MatchTutors. Co–Founder and CEO: Team Brotherly Love, Apes, Bell Society, Management Client, ex-swimmer Lives in: Radian Major: Global Change and Innovation, OPIM Street: Are you nervous?

Daniel Fine: Very.

Street: Why? DF: I’m afraid of what you’re going to do to me.

Street: So you are a student in Wharton, you run four companies. Do you go to class?

DF: I try to. I will be taking 1.5 credits this semester.

Street: Tell us about being featured in the New York Times.

DF: That was flattering, pretty awesome...it was one of those things that kind of validates everything and transcends almost every network.

What’s especially cool is frankly both the validation and also the access of interest across all different domains, so from people in each of the industries that we work with, reaching out not only with congratulatory measures but also with interest in working with us on different types of projects.

Street: Which was more flattering: this or The New York Times?

DF: Definitely Street, 100%.

Street: What’s one piece of advice you would give to an aspiring entrepreneur?

DF: Always do. And what that really means is don’t just talk about it and stop going around and just asking people what they think of your idea.

That’s important, but actually try and make something of it...Don’t be afraid to actually test something, start it, and

really make something real.

Street: We hear you’re pretty good with names. Have you ever forgotten one?

DF: What’s yours?

Street: How many friends do you have on Facebook?

DF: Currently says maxed out at 4,999.

Street: Do you know all of them?

DF: I do. I will say that I frequently go through and have to remove because there are people…that I would rather be “Facebook official” with.

Street: How do you know so many people?

DF: I’m very shy.

Street: And very sarcastic. Who’s your biggest role model?

DF: My brother and my parents, plural.

Street: What kind of shampoo do you use?

DF: Whatever is in the shower.

Street: What’s the most scandalous thing you did over break?

DF: New Years, period.

Street: Elaborate, period.

DF: New Years was an eventful evening that transcended all of South Beach.

Street: What’s one question you would never want anyone to ask you?

DF: That’s a hard one. I’m actually not sure, but when it comes up, I’ll figure out how to faze away from it.

Street: Are you involved in anything else on campus, besides your own companies?

DF: Well I’m a senior in Apes, I’m in Bell Society, I sit on and help out with different board stuff through Penn in trying to kind of reshape the community. I mentor younger entrepreneurs pretty extensively and I am a client

You don't need a pair of Glass–U glasses to recognize this entrepreneurial frat bro at Smokes. You could check out his feature in the New York Times, but you should probably read this instead.

for two Management 100 courses, which is something that I have a lot of fun doing. And I was a swimmer!

Freshman and into early sophomore year, which now nobody has a clue of anymore. But yes I was a recruited swimmer to Penn.

Street: What’s your biggest flaw/ insecurity?

DF: To most people’s surprise, I’d say lack of focus and procrastination… but it drives me insane when I’ll look at a to-do list that I had a month ago and I’ll look today and it may be the exact same list....

Street: What’s on your to-do list?

DF: You. [Ed. note: cringe.]

Street: Fill in the blank: there are two types of people at Penn…

DF: Those I like and those I don’t.

Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history, who would it be and why?

DF: The writers of Street.

Street: You should be so lucky.

DF: Seriously. They wouldn’t even let me buy them tea.

Street: You can buy us drinks.

DF: After this you’re gonna need it.

That’s not an original question though.

Street: We’ve gotten a lot of very original answers so why don’t you give us an original answer too.

DF: Nelson Mandela, because he’s someone that has truly and did truly make a difference in the world, and has commanded respect from just about everybody on this planet, and that’s something I have a huge admiration towards.

Street: What’s your biggest pet peeve?

DF: Missing a belt-loop.

Street: Describe yourself in three words.

DF: Just do it.

Street: If you could live anywhere on the planet, where would it be and why?

DF: I’m gonna throw Beaver Creek, Colorado, out there right now because I would love to be there at this very minute.

Street: Why? DF: Because it’s awesome, it’s beautiful, it’s fun, the food is great, it’s romantic.

Street: Are you a big romantic?

DF: Huge.

Street: What’s the most romantic gesture you’ve ever done for a girl?

DF: Paris.

Street: You gave Paris?

DF: Yes, I gave Paris. I presented Paris on a silver platter.

J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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EGO

4 APPS THAT MAKE YOUR LIFE A LITTLE MORE APPEALING Pocket

Wawa

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Now you have one more reason for the Wawa pit–stop on the way home from your night out and one less reason to drunkenly steal donuts. The Wawa app rewards you with free food and drinks after spending $50—an easy task for any Quad–dwelling drunkard on a Friday night. Stuck downtown?

The app let's you locate the nearest Wawa, a home away from home.

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We’ve all been there. You and your friends are arguing over what to eat, when you realize you’re only arguing because you’re so damn hungry. That’s where the Hangry App comes into play. Tell it what cuisine you want, how many people you're with and it tells you exactly which Distrito taco dish to order. Foolproof.

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Next time you're hanging in University City with your mistress, wanting to dance to '80s music but don't know where to go, try UrbanDaddy.

UrbanDaddy’s slogan, “Tell us your situation. We’ll tell you the move.” It's perfect for the indecisive college kid. You plug in the time, location, who you’re with and what you want to do, and UrbanDaddy sends you on your way.

HERE'S HOW YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF YOUR ILLNESS “I didn’t have to speak to anyone for three days.” — female, Wharton senior

The Trustees’ Council of Penn Women (TCPW) is pleased to announce its 2015-2016 Grants Program and encourages members of the University community to apply.

Grants ranging between $1,000-$5,000 will be available to individuals or organizations which promote: • women’s issues • the quality of undergraduate and graduate life for women • the advancement of women • the physical, emotional and psychological well-being of women Favorable consideration will be given to projects that: • affect a broad segment of the University population • foster a greater awareness of women’s issues • provide seed money for pilot programs that have the potential to become ongoing self-supporting programs

“Omg yea [sic] fake herpes anytime I need someone to get out of my face.” —female, College sophomore “Mostly staying in bed but occasionally standing up quickly for the head rush if I feel like turning up.”

— male, College junior “I marked my favorite foods as my territory by coughing on them. Gross, but effective.”

— female, College junior "No one questions diarrhea."

— male, College sophomore

To apply, visit the TCPW website at www.alumni.upenn.edu/tcpwgrants and download the application from the TCPW Grant web page. Applications must be submitted no later than February 13, 2015.

Awards will be announced in the Spring of 2015 and funds will be distributed in July/August 2015 for projects in the 2015-2016 academic year.

IMAGES: JULIA MASTERS 6

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MUSIC

NOT ANOTHER HANS ZIMMER SCORE

www.patheos.com

INHERENT VICE

Paul Thomas Anderson’s adaptation of the famous Pynchon novel of the same name centers around murder and a pot–smoking private investigator. And, of course, the film's soundtrack was created by Radiohead guitarist Johnny Greenwood. The smooth, ambient vibe and classic rock style just work, damnit.

This is it. You’ve arrived. 10/10 would bang.

For a movie that's only appealing to people who love Zach Braff, the track is pretty much universally appealing. Movie?

Nah. Soundtrack? Yeah, alright.

If you’re into mellow tunes by bands whose album covers all use a vintage filter, then feel free to fuck with this.

www.rottentomatoes.com

Listen because: You’re looking to slow it down and enjoy banana pancakes.

Because the film depicts 12 years of boyhood, the soundtrack features 12 years of chart-topping hits. We’re talking Soulja Boy, Phoenix and Sheryl Crow. It's almost historic. If you don't flashback to a middle school grind line, we don't even know you.

BOYHOOD

WISH I WAS HERE

www.cigsandredvines.blogspot.com

Listen because: You need an intellectual excuse to justify a #TBT playlist. www.collider.com

Listen because: You can't get a P.I. job through OCR. Live vicariously.

INTERSTELLAR

Oh, look. Hans Zimmer scored another movie, probably taking home the Oscar for Biggest Mindfuck. (Ed. note: We lied.

Another Hans Zimmer score.) All your friends at the "iMax theatre near you” couldn’t get over the sweeping dramatic shots, but the background music is where it's at. A thousand years in space and this shit still wouldn't get old. Or maybe that's just the cryogenic freezing.

Listen because: This movie used fake science to explain how ghosts are real, which is way better than real science. Pretend it's studying anyway.

www.thegeeksclub.com

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Say what you will about Guardians of the Galaxy, but it’s hard not to enjoy the film's soundtrack of upbeat classics. From “Hooked on a Feeling” to “Spirit in the Sky”, each track builds energy. Thank god that you're not at a bar listening to that girl from your recitation drunkenly butcher the lyrics. Kidding. These songs came out a million lightyears before you were concieved, mortal.

Listen because: Underestimate the power of old school, underestimate the power of the galaxy.

Look smart.

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make your appointment today (215) 222-9252 • 3743 Walnut St., Philadelphia, PA 19104 www.josephanthonyhairsalon.com J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

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MUSIC

THE RETINAS: ON SHOTGUNNING BEERS AND WORLD DOMINATION With big hair and a big sound, The Retinas are ready to rock the North Star Bar this Thursday. Study up and then check out their exclusive performance of their unnamed new single at 34st.com wanted to listen and enjoy the music instead of kids that just stumbled in from a party. So I guess Lundt Basement is the ideal venue 'cause that doesn’t happen all the time.

on purpose, it just happened.

John Brennan: We all write the songs, but usually Tom will come in with the basic idea Street: How did you all meet? and then everyone’s influences Tom McHugh: Jake and I are come together. It’s like a free childhood friends and go to for all.

Temple now. We met Brennan Anthony Fulginitti: Or a and Anthony via the internet dogfight. and have been playing together TM: We’ll write a song for three years. without really knowing what it’s about and then, a month Street: Who are your influlater, something will happen ences? to make us say, “That’s why we Jake Joseph: We listened to a lot wrote this song.” of The Strokes and The Replacements for this album.

Street: What does a typical day look like for The Retinas?

Street: Hello My Name Is… The JJ: A fridge full of Genesee Retinas has a lot of different usually becomes an empty sounds —some tracks are much fridge when we’re practicing. rawer, others much tighter. Is TM: At the end of every practhis a deliberate choice? tice we each have to shotgun a TM: Yeah, it has a lot going beer. One person gets to shake on. The album is almost schizo- it while the other three people phrenic, but we like it that look away. way…We didn’t write it like that Street: There’s a lot of hair in this group.

All: (laughing) Yeah…

Street: Do you all have the same definition?

JJ: I take it as a person who Street: Tell me about this manipulates you with the lyric from “Teenager Dance of threat of doom to save someDeath,” off your Ha Ha Nos- thing that isn’t really there. talgia EP. What is a "racecar queen?"

Street: What does the future TM: That whole song is hold? describing a relationship I had JB: We’re gonna stay consiswith a person who had a lot of tent with touring, putting out issues…She was really crazy. music and doing shows.

Street: Like Russian roulette.

A racecar queen, though… I TM: Above all, we don’t want TM: Exactly. Keeps things excitwould say is somebody who [is] to be Taylor Swift or on the ing... Usually Anthony gets it like…I don’t know, man. cover of People Magazine— though.

JB: Sellouts, man. Sellouts.

AF: Yeah, I’m not a lucky guy.

Street: Come on. What does it JB: We wanna do a Ramones take to be a "racecar queen?" or Vaccines thing where we do Street: Any songs particularly I want to be a racecar queen. a bunch of shows and tour the close to your hearts?

TM: It’s the kind of girl that world.

TM: My baby is “No Culmakes you drive so fast that you ture,” off of our first EP, Life at Work… We had a moment where we all were like, “Whoah…We’re doing something really cool here.”

AF: I like to play “That’s How it Works”. It’s a cool vibe, slows everything down.

JJ: For me, there are some songs that we write and write and then throw away cause we’ve killed them. Every now and then there’s one that comes together in an instant somehow...

And we’re like “Wow... How did we do that?”

TM: Yeah like “Saturday” off the album… We only had to The Retinas are a Philly garage–punk band record it once.

Street: What’s the ideal venue?

All: Last night.

JJ: It was pretty chill. We were at the Lundt Basement. When we started playing it really filled up, and it was cool 'cause it was all young people who

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know you’ll crash…But you can’t stop driving. All the doors are locked.

formed by Tom McHugh, Jake Joseph, John Brennan and Anthony Fulginitti.

See them live on Thursday, Jan. 29th at Philly’s North Star Bar.

34TH STREET

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YouCoca must ask for this limited time“Coca-Cola” offer. Minimum purchase required for delivery.

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vary. Returned checks, along with the state’s maximum allowable returned check fee, may be electronically presented to your bank. ©2013 Dominos IP Holder LLC. Domino’s®, Domino’s Pizza® and the modular logo are trademarks of Domino’s IP Holder LLC. ©2013 The Coca-Cola Company, all rights reserved. “Coca-Cola” is a registered trademark of The Coca-Cola Company. “Coca-Cola” “Coke”, the contour bottle design and the dynamic ribbon design are trademarks of the Coca-Cola company. All rights reserved. ©2013 The Coca Cola company, all rights reserved. “Coca-Cola” is a registered trademark of the Coca-Cola company.

215-557-0940 401 N. 21st St. • Philadelphia, PA

215-662-1400 4438 Chestnut St. • Philadelphia, PA

OPEN: SUN - THURS 10AM - 1AM FRI & SAT 10AM - 3AM J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

9

F E AT U R E

T

he room glows orange, illuminated by the blush of street lamps outside. Everything is dark, unmoving. The yoga class lies still, dazed by the waft of musky sweat and blurry-eyed from meditation. In a moment, everyone is ready for the closing sequence. Some listen to their teacher and her soft whisperings of inner peace and universal tranquility.

Eyes are firmly shut or wandering, hands lie soft or restlessly fidget.

Palms come together and heads bow.

Namaste.

Eventually, fluorescent lights of the Pottruck studio flash on and the chatter of Penn students fills the room.

Sweaty mats are replaced, the yoga students file out and kickboxing students file in.

“A lot of the words are rooted in Sanskrit, but [most people who do yoga] don’t know what [they] mean.

They don’t know what ‘namaste’

means,” explained Tanya Jain, Wharton junior and UMC (United Minorities Council) Chair.

“There’s a lot of history that needs to be told. [Yoga’s] just become a fad.”

It seems almost ridiculous. For most people, heading to a 4pm yoga class is just a means to a toned physique, not to a spiritual journey with origins dating back thousands of years.

But what does the widespread practice of yoga actually mean? It is an innocent homage to another culture, or blind appropropriation of a rich historical context?

In its most rudimentary form, cultural appropriation is adopting another culture's methods, practices or traditions. But that’s just the textbook definition. In reality, cultural appropriation is messy—it’s hard to define. And it’s even harder to differentiate innocuous cultural

Penn students practice yoga in Pottruck this past Tuesday.

1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5

F E AT U R E

exchange from offensive appropriation. Not all cultural appropriation is easily identifiable; some forms are so ingrained in society that it’s difficult to distinguish what you’re taking and from whom.

E

lias Bernstein, Wharton junior and member of fraternity Alpha Sigma Phi, defined cultural appropriation as, “taking something from a culture in such a way that’s detrimental to that culture directly or indirectly.” Indirectly, it can be “taking the best practices from a culture… and then not giving anything back to the community or the culture itself,” he said.

Cultural appropriation, however, isn’t always about taking or giving back.

Take, for instance, Phi Delta Theta’s brush with scandal last December. The fraternity’s Christmas card included a blow–up sex doll, one supposedly modeled after Beyonce.

The card struck a chord with Brittany Marsh, Associate Director for the Race Dialogue Project (RDP).

“In terms of the doll itself, I was upset that after [Phi Delta Theta was] called out on it, they said it was supposed to be Beyonce,” the College junior explained.

“I don’t know if they meant that the person giving it thought it was Beyonce, or they thought it looked like Beyonce, because that goes under the narrative that all black people look the same and are just, these characters. I was like, ‘you guys could’ve just said sorry instead of just

saying, ‘You guys all look the same!’”

In December, Phi Delta Theta president Jimmy Germi sent a draft apology about the incident to Wharton junior Rachel Palmer and College sophomore Ray Clark, who co–chair UMOJA, the overarching organization for students and student groups of the African diaspora.

“There were absolutely no prejudicial motivations behind the gift,” read the apology, which was published in a December 15th Daily Pennsylvanian article and signed by “The Brothers of Phi Delta Theta at the University of Pennsylvania.”

Chi Omega and Beta Theta Pi's “gangsta” themed party last year drew similar cries of outrage.

“I’m black, but I don’t think I can relate to gangster culture,” Brittany noted. “I wondered if it was kind of like, ‘We want to throw a black party, but we don’t want to say it. So we’re going to call it a gangster party.’”

Elias, on the other hand, notices the glaring contradiction of fraternity parties themselves and the music the brothers play.

“How do you feel as a white Jewish boy in a fraternity having a great time...playing lots of trap music and there’s not a single person of color in sight?” he asked. “I’m not saying that’s going to make you become a racist, but that disconnect could be considered part of an atmosphere that [leads] to views that are morally incorrect or culturally appropriative.”

According to Scott Reikofksi, Director of Penn’s Office of Fraternity and Sorority Life, Penn’s Greek councils “set up programs and initiatives to encourage open dialogue across the community, most recently

with the LGBT Center.” The growing diversity of the community itself “is represented in many ways, from the first Native American president of an IFC [Interfraternity Council] chapter to African American fraternity and sorority members winning national acclaim for their leadership and service,” he wrote in an email.

It’s simply too easy to blame Greek life for any and all instances of cultural appropriation on campus.

Fraternities and sororities combined constitute about only 30% of Penn’s total undergraduate population.

Cultural appropriation isn’t limited to widely publicized parties or front–page scandals. Some instances, whether they be on College Green or in a simple logo, go widely unnoticed.

C

ome springtime, students wander back to their Quad bedrooms from Holi, coated head to toe with a fine, heavily pigmented powder. The ancient ceremony, which takes place every spring, is a Hindu testament to love, religion and of course, color. Holi has long been a widespread celebration in India; however, people celebrate the holiday all over the world, including on campus, organized by Rangoli—Penn’s Indian Association, in conjunction with the four class boards.

When asked if she was bothered by the widespread participation among Penn students during Holi, Tanya answered, “I’m not offended at all!”

She paused.

“But when I first went my freshman year, everyone just threw up the

colors, but there’s a specific way you do it. People think it’s an activity, but it’s actually a huge deal in India,” she explained.

“People don’t realize that when they go to the ceremony. I know they’re trying to make it a non–religious thing, but at its core it is religious. Is that cultural appropriation?

I don’t know.”

Brittany, on the other hand, doesn’t understand Holi’s popularity. She considered, “When you have someone who’s not part of that culture, all it would be is throwing dye at people and washing it off…”

But she understands why Penn students join in the festival. “We shouldn’t bash someone who participates. This has been advertised to them as something that’s fun, that allows them to learn about other cultures, to spend time with other students. We should question why it was made for everyone to consume in the first place.”

While Holi is a widely celebrated festival, walking down Locust proves that instances of cultural appropriation aren’t isolated to big events: They’re seen daily.

F

or Talon Ducheneaux, a College senior, “It could be anything from the fake moccasins that people wear, to the fringes on purses and geometrical designs on a T–shirt that are clearly indigenous, but not called that, to avoid being sued.”

Talon, an active member of NAP (Natives at Penn), is a part of the Lakota and Dakota nations, or what

most people know as the Sioux.

And he sees his culture appropriated regularly.

Talon identifies Gap and Urban Outfitters, two commonly frequented clothing stores on campus, as companies guilty of blatantly appropriating Native culture.

In 2012, Gap was forced to pull a t–shirt with the logo “Manifest Destiny” emblazoned on the chest, a phrase that, to Talon’s people, is a “term of war.” Urban Outfitters, on the other hand, regularly uses generic Native prints and draws inspiration for much of their jewelry from Native American designs.

As for cultural appropriation on campus? Talon’s voice dropped as his face grew grim. “At one point there was a fraternity, and I won’t say their name, who actually used my nation, the Sioux, as their alias for their annual party,” he said.

“We all know that fraternities have different aliases for parties that involve alcohol. This was their alias for thirty–some odd years.”

The question is not whether cultural appropriation exists on campus.

The real confusion lies in distinguishing an admiring tribute from theft and disregard for a culture’s origins.

“There’s a basic concept of cultural exchange, which I don’t think is strange—I think it’s natural,” explained Brittany. "[It’s bad when] it’s taking of something from a culture… and using it without citing it and

without keeping in mind the original purpose––using something in a sacrilegious way. To me, it’s not necessarily about the item itself or the culture itself, but the way it’s appropriated.”

Case in point? Talon’s rapping career. “I bring out Native rappers as much as I can to performances. And the way I see the culture of music is that—with acknowledgment of its roots and its origins—it has the ability to diversify itself and celebrate the different voices that can be within it.”

He draws from Native influences, noting, “A lot of our hip–hop artists who are from reservations and indigenous communities, they’re talking about our struggles and what we go through and how it’s similar and how it differentiates from the reservation to the ghetto.”

The exchange of ideas and culture is what keeps humanity’s artistic spirit thriving. Blatant theft and disrespect of cultural tradition, however, pushes appropriation across the line and into offensive territory.

Orly Greenberg is a freshman in the College undecided on her major.

She's from Westlake Village, California and currently works as 34th Street's Film Editor.

J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

FILM & TV

1.

IF YOU'RE IN THIS CLASS, WATCH THIS FILM Skip the required reading and check out these movies instead. At least you can pretend to be informed.

WONDERFUL

HOUSE

If you’re in Modern China: the People’s Republic of China 1949, you should watch To Live

Arthur Waldron takes on a monumental task in his class on modern China: He explores the country’s tumultuous social and political upheavals from the mid-20th century to present day. To Live does the same. The 1994 film begins in the 1940’s, and uses a single family to demonstrate China’s struggle with civil war and its eventual descent into communism. To Live is somewhat of an epic, spanning nearly fifty years of Chinese history.

Be warned: this film is heartbreaking. You will cry.

Course Listing: EALC 442-401

2.

If you’re in America in the 1960s, you should watch A Single Man

Thomas Sugrue’s class is much like the Sixties themselves: chic, thrilling and utterly fascinating. The course follows America from 1954–1974, arguably the most transitional point of the 20th century for the country. A Single Man is a poignant look at life during the Sixties. The film follows Colin Firth, who plays a gay professor, through the day of his intended suicide. Directed by Tom Ford, the movie features lush lighting and gorgeous frames––elements that aid in comprehensive depiction of a gay man's life during the 1960’s. Oh, and the movie features Nicholas Hoult in a white angora sweater so beautiful it inspired its own fan following.

Course Listing: HIST 373–401

If you’re in Sleep and Sleep Disorder, you should watch The Machinist

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The Machinist is yet another movie in which Christian Bale thoroughly freaks us out, but in the best way possible. Bale lost over 60 pounds to play Trevor Reznik, a man suffering from insomnia. This psychological thriller perfectly complements Phillip Gehrman’s intimate psychology lecture on sleeping disorders.

2015-2016 school year

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Course Listing: PSYC-440-601

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At Penn, At Home | apartmentsatpenn.com | 215.222.0222 1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5

If you’re in Game Theory, you should watch A Beautiful Mind

This is the year of the genius. “The Imitation Game” and “The Theory of Everything” wowed us with powerful depictions of the struggles that accompany brilliance. But no performance tops Russell Crowe’s depiction of John Nash in A Beautiful Mind.The movie follows Nash and the onset of his schizophrenia. Check out the film to gain some further appreciation for game theory, taught in Yuichi Yamamoto’s aptly named lecture, Game Theory.

Course Listing: ECON–212–001

FILM & TV

FOXCATCHER'S JOHN DU PONT Penn in Film: Billionaire Killer Edition Oscar–nominated film Foxcatcher tells the tale of crazed billionaire John du Pont during the 1988 Olympic wrestling trials. He eventually murder one of the wrestlers he sponsored after drama at the Olympics.

But before all that John du Pont attended dear old Penn. He’s pictured here with his fellow Zeta Psi brothers, better known as Zete. In our defense, du Pont didn’t even finish his freshman year here. In fact, he graduated from University of Miami five years after his brief stint at Penn.

We wonder why Penn has been staying away from this particular association.

The film is nominated for Best Original Screenplay and Best Makeup & Styling and for Best Director (Bennett Miller), Best Actor (Steve Carell as John du Pont) and Best Supporting Actor (Mark Ruffalo as David Shultz).

PENN ALUM TWEETS: JON HURWITZ

“What do Wharton and Harold & Kumar have in common?” you may ask. That’d be Penn Alumn Jon Hurwitz, the would-be investment banker and Finance graduate of Wharton who asked, “why sell my soul to the banking world when I can sell it to Hollywood, instead?” Responsible for writing and producing the Harold & Kumar trilogy, Hurwitz is hard at work, combining biting social commentary and comedy on his Twitter.

Looks like Hurwitz is putting the broadened world-view fostered by his Ivy League education to good use in 140 character or less.

PHILADELPHIA MAGAZINE BEST BOUTIQUE 2014 37 N. Third Street Philadelphia, PA 19106 267-671-0737 vagabondboutique.com

Don't we all, Jon. Don't we all.

J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

FOOD

STRAUSAGE

#STREEEATS THE STRAUSAGE SANDWICH We know most of you meat–lovers wouldn’t be afraid to bite straight into the bear meat “strausage” crafted by Sonny D’Angelo and 34th Street, but for those of you who might feel a little hesitatant to dig right in, we’ve crafted the Strausage Sandwich. Though we recommend pairing with caramelized onions and arugula, the versatile Strausage can go with any ingredients you like.

Yeilds: 1 Strausage Sandwich Cook time: 35–40 minutes

Welcome to the Week of the Sausage: Are you thinking about penises yet?

Sonny D’Angelo helped us create our very own Street sausage recipe. Here’s what we came up with:

SPICES ME AT HERBS FRUIT

Black bear (Ed. note: because why the fuck not?)

Sonny says: “For bear, you want to go with black bear, not grizzlies. Black bears are mostly herbivores and bear meat tastes best when they eat stuff like fruits, berries and honey—not other animals.”

Blueberries and Herbes de Provence (French herb mix, usually containing savory, marjoram, rosemary, thyme, oregano and lavender) Sonny Says: “Those two will go well with a strong flavored meat, like bear.”

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Ingredients: 1 Strausage (Note: If you’re finding a bear meat, herb and blueberry sausage difficult to find, a mild Italian sausage makes a delicious—though far less exciting—substitute)

1 6-inch Italian hoagie roll 1 medium onion A handful of arugula Honey Mustard 1 tbsp olive oil

Directions: Step 1: Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Step 2: Start caramelizing the onions.

Step 3: After the onions have been cooking for about 10 minutes, it’s time to put your Strausage in the oven. This is the easiest part: just plop it in a pan and stick it in the oven. After about 15 minutes, flip the sausage over. It’ll take about 20 minutes to cook, and should be firm without any pink in the middle. As you’re cooking your sausage, make sure you continue to caramelize your onions.

Step 4: Take the onions off the heat, which should be brown and nicely caramelized. While the onions cool and your sausage rests, slice the Italian rolls and warm them in the oven for a few minutes.

Step 5: Assemble your sandwich. Start with a layer of mustard on both sides of your roll. Place the sausage on top of a bed of arugula and coat it with a heaping layer of caramelized onions.

Step 6: Devour your creation like the carnivorous animal that you are.

! s r e v o l , meat

re e h t y e H

Don’t worry, there's always Wing Bowl.

Wing Bowl

-

FOOD

DELICIOUSLY WEIRD AT D'ANGELO'S From boar to rattlesnake, no creature is safe from Sonny D'Angelo's palate, except, maybe, emu

Everyday, Tuesday through Sunday, you can find Sonny D’Angelo behind the counter of his Italian Market shop making sausages. As his right hand powers the meat grinder, his left delicately guides the sausages into a variety of shapes, from long, continuous coils to loops of short links. Though Sonny moves effortlessly, it’s easy to forget that the grinder is forcing dozens of pounds of meat through the spout every minute, into a casing that isn’t much thicker than a condom. One small tear and the whole sausage is ruined.

But Sonny has had plenty of time to master his craft. Fifty–four years, in fact. “I started making sausage when I was thirteen. When all the other boys were playing football or basketball or hockey or soccer, I was here, literally right here, learning to make sausages.”

Though he started out making classic Italian sausages, he began experimenting with more and more exotic meats and spices. “I can make sausages from almost any ethnicity...and I’m always thinking of new recipes. I’ll be in traffic and suddenly have a great idea for a sausage.”

His display case is filled with the exotic: pheasant and boar and kangaroo/fig sausages, sitting beside footballs of haggis. Alligator steaks are also available. According to Sonny they do, in fact, taste like chicken. “But alligator also has a distinct seafood flavor, almost like scallops.”

From alligator to yak, Sonny has an extensive knowledge of game meats and their complimentary herbs, spices and fruits, which lets him build appealing flavor and texture combinations for otherwise insane sounding sausages—like rattlesnake sausage. “It actually sold well, but I’ve stopped making it because the meat is so

expensive. It’s almost fifty dollars a pound!” Although rattlesnake is off the counter for now, snake lovers can instead get their fix with python fillets.

And while snakes are fair game, the one meat Sonny doesn’t mess with is, curiously, emu. “I tried it once, but it was very waxy. Didn’t like it at all.”

Still, filleted python is only the second-weirdest thing in Sonny's small shop. From the back wall a giant stuffed elk head peers curiously over the shoulders of patrons, a black bear screams silently beside it, and an eight–point buck looks on, bored.

Beneath the trio is an extensive rack of animal pelts, from deer to bear to coyote. All are for sale. “I also do a little taxidermy...I tanned all those. I used to sell a lot of them. Mostly the Native Americans that came here for the game meat also bought skins for drums and stuff.”

Though an avid hunter in years past, Sonny now spends most of his time with the shop. “I’ve built up loyal customers and I enjoy making what they love.”

RYAN ZAHALKA

SPACIOUS

HOUSE

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At Penn, At Home | apartmentsatpenn.com | 215.222.0222 J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5

ARTS

ALI LOTZ'S LES FUMEURS Desperate to take a break from the creatively–dead confinement of my Wharton existence, I went to see Ali Lotz’s installation, “Les Fumeurs,” in the Addams gallery for the

(She didn’t remember me.)

Sometime in late November, in the first month we knew each other, Ali showed me footage for the film. At that time, I recognized only a few people in it.

As the weeks passed, I floated vaguely throughout the stages of Les Fumeurs’s creation: sitting next to Ali for hours in the MacLab while she colored in the photos and I worked on my design projJunior Show. by an eerie set of photographs ect for a class, watching her In its most basic sense, Les of the sitters, where everything piece the photos together on Fumeurs is a black and white except their hands is colored- the floor of Diane's bedroom.

But when I saw the final film showing individual por- in with black sharpie. As the video in the gallery, I realized traits of fifteen people smok- camera rolls, it captures the ing cigarettes; this is mirrored sitters flicking their hair, sigh- that in two simple months ing, smiling to themselves and I had met and formed great relationships with many of staring into nothingness. As the sitters. They had added so the sitters are alone onscreen and in their private moments, much fun and meaning to my each person’s smoking tics and life. As I had gotten to know Ali, I had been part of an idiosyncrasies become clear.

They smoke at their own pace, ever-deepening, intricate web of Penn students and not even until they finish. And one by known it. Seeing the film was one they leave the shot, their like watching a small puzzle of picture disappearing. The myself, a tiny yet eye-opening structure of the single act of window into how I’ve revealed smoking strikes the perfect myself to these new friends balance, where the sitters are in such a short space of time, free to be themselves. and how they have changed Ali is the gal wearing the me. stripy sweater in the bottom Three of the sitters are left hand cover of the video. strangers.

I met her at (cough) Owls One is a friend from middle (cough) last semester and school, who has been brought we awkwardly cemented our back into my life by lucky friendship when I saw her magic. around Addams shortly after.

1 6 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5

Three are new friends who I’ve pulled aside at parties.

We’ve bonded in discussions about our sex lives, the heartlessness of humanity, cultural differences, and the true value of money. Ironically, I’ve confided in them about the 2-4 people that I find attractive in this film.

I’ve kissed many of them, but two on more than a platonic level.

One is a random hookup that will never reawaken from the dead.

I’ve smoked with them, drank with them, snuggled with them on sofas, danced to "Come on Eileen" with them and sat outside with them in the cold, while they smoked and I chatted in my typically awkward, non-smoker way.

For me, Les Fumeurs demonstrates the strange way in which Penn life brings totally random people together and how great friendships and even romance are born in a way that is impossible to predict. Ali’s eleven minutes of silent, bewitching film is a cross-section of my life here.

She has pinned down the unique essences of each person as I know them. It sums up all the great conversations and priceless moments of college bliss that I’ve been lucky enough to share with them.

NATASHA DOHERTY

ARTS

O.C.R. OR GO SEE ART Some call it home. Others know it as that phallic–looking building with escalators. Either way, Huntsman Hall doesn't exactly have a reputation for style—unless you count the thousands of tastefully–crafted business cards. This week, Street puts the art in Wharton and checks out the OCR hub's little–known collection.

1. Joseph Wharton, 1906 by Joseph Story (1857–1919), Oil on canvas Even from his grave, Joseph Wharton is looking down on us. It’s surprising that he couldn’t crack a smile, though. He invented, owned and won the industrialism game. It probably gets lonely at the top.

2. Arrowhead, 2002 by Charles Searles, Polychrome Wood Construction Does anybody else see the word “money” in this installation? (Ed. note: No. We're liberal arts majors.)

3. Blue Figure, 2010 by Deborah Kahn, Oil on Linen The figure actually looks hopeful— pensive and blue, but underneath working in multifaceted and multicolored ways. We wish we had the (I count) seven legs of the figure to help keep us standing after hours of networking and info session–ing.

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Check out more art pieces at art.wharton.upenn.edu. Or stop being lazy and walk over to the open 24/7 art gallery that is Huntsman Hall.

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LOWBROW

It's DEADLINES O'Clock CULTURE SHOCK AND YOU Penn Abroad presents this brochure to help students adjust to their home

Penn Abroad knows about making a new home in a foreign land.

You have your maps and guidebooks. You've plotted out your route to and from the airport and you are pretty sure you know what to expect.

WRONG. Culture shock is everywhere. Prepare to not know anyone, anything and pretty much curl up on the floor of a terrible dorm room in a puddle of your tears. 'Cause abroad is hard. Luckily, you have this brochure, so you are on your way to conquering the sleeping dragon that is culture shock.

Penn students go all over the world. Like Europe, England, London, sometimes Edinburgh. Culture shock is very real in these places. The food is different, the language is mildly different and the TV shows are much better. We have some helpful hints to help minimize the shock. Thankfully, at most UK universities (or, as they would call them, “Unis”) you will be surrounded by other people who go to Penn. Make friends with these people. That guy who dated your freshman roommate. The dude in that math class, which he then dropped. That girl who was in the same sorority with your friend who you met at Tap House one time. No connection is too weak to solidify your new BFF–status while abroad.

Food can be another significant source of culture shock. They call fries 'chips.' They call chips 'crisps.' There is no refuge from confusion. Pack everything from ketchup to ice for your drinks.

(They don’t use ice in Europe. How will your water stay cold? It's madness.)

Classroom norms may also be very different at your new home.

Try to impose some America on their education system. Try to get people to stay late to do icebreakers. Raise your hand a lot so people think you're smart. Buy expensive textbooks off the internet. The sky is the limit when it comes to forcing your customs on other countries. Don't worry, the English already know this all too well.

We hope these trips help you. And remember, the deadline to apply is rapidly approaching. Check out our new program in Montreal—space is running out! Pro–tip: this helpful brochure also works for Canada.

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Lowbrow isn't good at deadlines.

Or real content.

LOWBROW

Fact: Talking about your thesis is the best way to sound fancy at dinner parties. However, not all majors, require that you write one. So if you are one of those number-one-party-school-idiot seniors who chose not to write one, Lowbrow's got the thesis title for you

There is No Spaghetti God: Unless You are Italian

Telomerase: Is it the Answer?

Was that a Question?

Why Some Birds Don’t Fly: Are Penguins Just Losers?

Juggalos: A Society of White Trash, Terror and Shitty Music: An Ethnographic Approach (Ed.Note: A Juggalo is an Insane Clown Posse fan.)

Fucking Magnets? How do Those Things Work?

How Insane is the Clown Posse?

Music Festivals and Community: An Observational Approach

LEONARD BERNARD'S RESUME Please hire me

Remember that One Time When that Thing Happened?

No, Neither Does Anyone Else

Half of Penn is Jewish, But Only One Jew is in this Department: An In–Depth Look at Why I'm So Alone

Leonard Bernard

(215) 422-4640 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, PA, 19104

Education: B.A. University of Pennsylvania (2014)

Life Sciences

Cows and Cowards: A Dramatic Examination of Madam Bovary in the Era of Madam Bovine Et Tu, Based God: Is Lil B the New Shakespeare?

Virtual Friends: Finding Well–Being in the Online Fantasy Community of Sorcendia

Work Experience: Summer 2014 Intern at Morgan Stanley 2006-2010 “Mother’s Helper” for Mrs. Ainsley Bernard 2008 Sold magazine subscriptions to the elderly for charity that may or may not exist Skills: - Oxygen to carbon dioxide conversion - Knows when to hold ‘em, fold ‘em - Opposable thumb usage expert - Stand up (not in the comedic sense) - Sitting down - Bipedal -

- Impressive masturbation speed - Sandwiches - Bilingual (English, American English) - Conversational Pig Latin - Undersands the “I before E except after C” phenomenon - Finger puppetry

NOW OPEN

between Urban Outfitters and Pod

3610 Sansom Street | 215.382.5207 | shophelloworld.com J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

B AC K PAG E

CULTURALLY INAPPROPRIATE? We surveyed 112 of you, and here's what you found offensive

INDIAN HEADDRESSES DREAM CATCHERS

HOLI

BINDI

(on the forehead)

KIMONO PAJAMAS

DREADLOCKS

TRIBAL PATTERNS

CINCO DE MAYO

SOMBREROS

GEISHA MAKEUP

FRINGE

WHITE RAPPERS

TWERKING *Bubbles are sized relative to number of responses

2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E J A N U A R Y 2 9 , 2 01 5