October 2-9, 2014 34st.com
october 2 LOL
3 HIGHBROW
WISHESFROMTHEEDITOR
2014
Today, over a lazy lunch, a friend of mine was telling me how badly she just needs Fall Break. "Don't you just need a break right now?" she asked, "I just need a break." I said I knew what she meant, but I realized quickly afterwards that I don't feel the same way. I definitely know what it feels like to just need a break. In fact, I don't think there's been a single break in all of my college years that I haven't needed. Exams seem to somehow always creep up all at once right before breaks. Your sleep deprivation seems to always reach a shocking apex right before breaks. Life seems to always just beat up on you right before breaks.
roundup, in and out, overheards, word on the street
4 EGO
quidditch for muggles, ego of the week
LOL
LOL
LOL
6 MUSIC
album review, elevator songs, meet the penn musician
8 FILM
fall break film guide, skeleton twins, gone girl
10 FEATURE
sober at penn
13 FOOD & DRINK lots of liquids
LOL
LOL
1 ARTS
my room at penn, king lear, selfie game
But, for me, not this time. This time, I can't wait to see my boyfriend and to try some new restaurants while I'm back in Chicago, but I don't need any breaks. What I need right now is a genie who will let me go back to freshman year in the quad. I need time to slow down. I need college to stop slipping away so quickly. And I need to listen to my boyfriend's advice to never wish away time. I'll enjoy every slow minute that ticks away until I get to board a plane and leave my stress behind for a while. Time is too precious to wish away.
Our managing editor bumped his head and now he has to sit in a dark room and avoid screens. Sorry if the black boxes aren't as funny this week. It's not the same without you, Dad.
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Do you miss Dad? Do you hope he feels better? Send him a note at patrickfordmatz@gmail.com
20 BACKPAGE
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34TH STREET MAGAZINE Chloe Bower, Draco Malfoy Patrick Ford-Matz, Gilderoy Lockhart Abigail Koffler, Minerva McGonagall Margot Halpern, Bellatrix Lestrange Sarah Tse, Basilisk Byrne Fahey, Mrs. Norris Ling Zhou, Pansy Parkinson Conor Cook, Colin Creevey Emily Johns, Lee Jordan Ciara Stein, Tonks Nicole Malick, Luna Lovegood Alyssa Berlin, Mrs. Figg Ryan Zahalka, Barty Crouch Jr. under Polyjuice Clare Lombardo, Hedwig 2
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Katie Hartman, Dobby Alexandra Sternlicht, Severus Snape Julia Liebergall, Dolores Umbridge Marley Coyne, A butterbeer Lucy Hovanisyan, Cho Chang Mark Paraskevas, Seamus Finnegan Justin Sheen, Norbert Molly Collett, Fleur Delacour Rosa Escandon, Madam Rosmerta Adam Hersh, Remus Lupin Ariela Osuna, Charlie Weasley Patrick del Valle, Tom Riddle, Jr. Sara Thalheimer, Filius Flitwick Orly Greenberg, Lavender Brown
Giulia Imholte, Ginny Weasley Diane Bayeux, Victor Krum Rachel Rubin, Angelina Johnson Cassandra Kyriazis, Sybil Trelawney Casey Quackenbush, Moaning Myrtle COVER DESIGN: Margot Halpern BACKPAGE DESIGN: Ariela Osuna Contributors: Amanda Silberling, Alli Greenstein, Ariel
Smith, Ben Lerner, Peishan Huang, Rebecca Gever, Hallie Brookman, Danny Siegel, Alison Elliot, Lauren Chin, Mikaela Gilbert-Lurie, Harley Geffner, Manola Gonzalez, Sarah Fox
Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief, at bower@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "I know you want to make alternative veggie fries but you JUST CAN'T!" ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.
HIGHBROW
wordonthestreet
HIGHBROW'S OVERSIMPLIFIED GUIDE TO RELEVANCE IN
YOU'RE A WIZARD, HARRY BY ABIGAIL KOFFLER
OUT
Pumpkin spice lattes
Pumpkin spice lattes
Postmates
GrubHub
Huntsman Late Nights
Zete Late Nights
Sushi burritos
Chipotle burritos
Actual jewelry
Flash tattoos
SAJ-ing
SABS-ing
Smoking with Shwayze
Smoking with Chance the Rapper
THEROUNDUP Listen up, little ones. Midterms may suck, but fall break is right around the corner. In the mean time, put down your coffee because Highbrow has the best stimulant on campus—gossip. This fall, make sure to get a flu shot before you come down with Alpha Phiver. At the sorority’s date night, one drunk attendee was bored of Dave & Buster’s arcade games—and probably his date as well. To entertain himself, the boy stole a security guard’s radio and ran around the venue yelling into it: “where my bitches at?” When the guard finally pinned the drunkard down, the boy vomited—all over his uniform. Next time, Alpha Phi–males, keep your dates in line. Get ready for a curve ball. During an Owls late night, one brother was drinking on the balcony when he looked up into his bedroom window—only to see a burglar sifting through his closet. Sources tell us the boy immediately grabbed his baseball bat, tackled the intruder to the ground and called the police. In two cigarettes’ time, the cops arrived and subsequently arrested the robber. Highbrow applauds the brother’s courage—we will always feel safe under his wing. Were you shwasted at Shwayze? Us, too. After his Skimmerfest performance, our rapper friend hopped all around campus. Sources tell us he hung out at HamCo, partied at SAE, and smoked in a Radian apartment (ed. note: he’s almost 30). One Zeta caught his eye, and the two have been texting all week—he even offered to fly her out to California. It appears that Shwayze has learned to “bow down to the crown”. Apparently porta–potty head is passe. Highbrow hears that things got rowdy at a Toby Keith concert. Turned on by southern charm, one junior girl gave head to a fellow country music fan—until the police intervened. Our friend was arrested for public indecency, handcuffed and put in the back of a cop car. Looks like it really does suck to suck.
over heard PENN at
Zete boy: Yeah, we basically invented downtowns. SDT senior: I can’t wait to fast for Yom Kippur so I can get ready for Vegas. Beta boy: I would suck his dick to get a job at Bain Capital. Dumb girl in Houston: I need to take an Adderall to get through an episode of “Scandal.” Guy who needs a room change: He’s a really nice guy, he just tends to beat the shit out of me.
For the majority of my generation, the Harry Potter series conjures up memories of magical childhood nights lined up outside of Barnes and Noble and heated debates about which Hogwarts house you would be in. But, until last week, those stories meant nothing to me. I had never read any Harry Potter books. I didn’t know what house I would be in (although everyone who suggested Hufflepuff can suck it). I never camped out for a book release and I never thought about getting points for Gryffindor when I answered a question in class. So why did I board the Hogwarts Express during the fall of my senior year? Well, some of the thanks goes to my roommate. She barraged me with just enough Harry Potter references to make me feel out of the loop and poked holes in my stalling strategy, which entailed reading Harry Potter for the first time with my (very theoretical) children. But it was more than that. It’s my senior year and I want to try new things. So I cracked open the first Harry Potter book and was transported into a magical world. I’ve heard the characters and places referenced countless times, but now I’m obsessed. I love discovering the stories for myself, but the best part is discussing big moments of the series with friends and watching them remember when they first read the same words. Harry Potter somehow resonates with us all and the world of Hogwarts feels relevant in so many ways. As I get to know the characters, I want Professor McGonagall to give me job advice, I want Hagrid to be a bartender at Smoke’s and I want Harry to worry less. I want to put the Dursley boy on a diet and maybe in therapy. It’s easy to get bummed about things that don’t live up to your expectations—Barbuzzo’s salted caramel budino, I’m looking at you. That being said, it’s equally as important to celebrate the things that do. There are little things to appreciate, like taking Penn Transit home from a bar or finding a new café with great smoothies. I couldn’t think of a better way to approach the rest of the year. The series will end with Harry’s emergence into adulthood, much like my upcoming graduation from Penn. I’m in the middle of book four, but I want to savor this. It’s a simultaneous distraction from the ever–impending real world and a journey into a new one, full of moral choices, secret threats and important relationships. When something big comes up, I remember what Dumbledore once said: “It’s our choices that define us, Harry, much more so than our abilities.” It's time to make some big ones and I'm glad to use a series of children's books as my guides. See you at Platform 9 ¾. O C T O B E R 2 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
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EGO
EGOOF THE WEEK: JORDAN HOLMES
This Sig Nu brother is all about Penn pride. Whether working it as the mascot or cheering with Red and Blue Crew, he never misses a game. Off the field/ court, he’s chief of Carriage (the LGBT senior society), a Pennacle leader, and an architect-in-training. And BTW—he’s technically a varsity cheerleader. Street: When did you start being the mascot? Jordan Holmes: Freshman year! I was walking down the activities fair and I went to the cheerleading table, and they said “Come be our cheerleader!” and I’m like, “Ha! no.” But they were like, “Then come be the mascot!” So I “tried out” for the mascot, and I got it. Street: What does being the Quaker involve? JH: You have to go to all the basketball and football games... And then we do promotional events...People request us for birthday parties and bat mitzvahs. So if you’re looking for a Quaker for your sister’s bat mitzvah, call us. We got you.
Street: What’s your best Quaker memory? JH:The most fun I’ve had is interacting with other mascots. I did a charity dinner and there were a bunch of other mascots there from the Big 5 and Drexel and it was hilarious (Ed. note: Philly Big 5 = Penn, La Salle, St. Joe’s, Temple and Villanova). We had a dance competition, we were playing practical jokes on each other—mascot to mascot interaction is like watching little kids interact.
Street: Tell us more about Red and Blue Crew! JH: We’re the student spirit organization on campus—we paint up, we’re loud and rowdy, we organize the roll outs at basketball games. We organize away game trips, so...we organize buses through Penn Athletics and give you discounted tickets. Or free tickets sometimes!
Street: And how’s architecture going? JH: It’s going. We’re making an ice-fishing hut now, don’t ask me why. It’s our first actual piece of architecture that we’re Street: Are you on the field when they building, so it’s exciting, but it’s throw the toast? very tedious as well. JH: I don’t even try to avoid it. I know that they’re going to try to hit me Street: Do you want to be an anyway...I pretend to eat it, but because architect? the mouth is over my eyes, I sometimes JH: That’s actually a good quesget toast in my eyes. tion—my dream job would be an Olympic consultant, where Street: Do you have signature moves? you go around to different citJH: I dance... I shimey all the time. ies that want to host the Olympics and tell them, “No you can’t do that there!” Build this!” Street: Have you ever fought the Princeton Tiger? JH: Yo. Of course. Shit gets bad when the Princeton Tiger comes around.
Street: If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? JH: Good wine, good views, good people...I don’t know, Greece? Street: What’s on your Penn bucket list? JH: Go to a class in the Quaker suit and act like it’s completely normal. By the end of senior year, it’s going to happen. Street: So you’re strutting down locust—which song are you listening to? JH: Shake it Off, Taylor Swift. (Ed. note: he didn’t miss a beat) Street: Give us a cheesy pick up line. JH: Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see... Street: Fill in the blank: There are two types of people at Penn... JH: Those who love Penn and 4
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those who wish they went to Princeton—BYE. Street: If you had a superpower, what would it be? JH: Teleportation because fuck walking. Street: What is your spirit animal? JH: A husky because I absolutely love huskies. They are adorable. Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history who would it be and what would you drink? JH: I would probably say Nelson Mandela. We’d have a Memphis Mule from the Fat Ham. Street: What’s the most disappointing present you’ve ever gotten? JH: A Burger King gift card! It was $25...like woooo, go crazy? Street: What’s the last thing you bought? JH: Muddy Buddies Chex Mix at Wawa last night. It’s Chex with peanut butter and chocolate covered in powdered sugar. Street: Who’s your current celebrity crush? JH: Chris Pine. Now and forever Chris Pine. Street: What’s your favorite place on campus? JH: I think it would have to be sitting on the stone benches outside of the Palestra on Shoemaker Green. Street: What was the first concert you ever went to? JH: It was Smashmouth, Pussycat Dolls and Black Eyed Peas. It was in middle school, it was great. Street: What will you be doing on this day in 10 years? JH: How old will I be? 31. Christ. I’ll probably be in Greece with good wine, good people, good views.
EGO
A team has seven players, each with a broom held tightly between their legs: 3 x Chaser: Plays offensive and defensive; passes the quaffle amongst teammates and scores points by shooting it through the opposing teams hoops 1 x Keeper: Defends goal hoops, but may also enter gameplay to pass, defend and score
Adding a little magic to campus, Quidditch has made its way to High Rise Field. While at first it was difficult to find their playing grounds, a few laps around the high rises finally revealed a bevy of blue and red players. With the tri-part goalie rings and intrigued onlookers, I knew I’d found the Quidditch team. As I Rita Skeeter-ed around the action, taking pictures of the frenzy of vibrant pines, hula hoops and brooms, I received many invitations to join the game play. “Brooms are by the quaffles,” chimed a friendly face from the field, “We could use an extra player!” Knowing the rules from my Harry Potter marathons, I gave it a shot. Grabbing my “broom”—really a glorified piece of PVC pipe that required more than a little bit of imagination—I stepped onto the grass ready to “fly.” I joined the blue team and awkwardly galloped about while the players around me seamlessly passed balls and shot them towards the goals (and at each other). Meanwhile, I was still trying not to trip over my own broom. After just a few minutes in the hot sun, I was sweating bullets. But when I wasn’t panting or laughing at my own clumsiness, I was incredibly into the match. Everyone was genuinely having fun; the effect was contagious. I, for one, am not a Harry Potter fanatic. But if you are—or if you’re like me and love mixing the whimsical with the physical—pick up a broom and join the action. Work hard, fly hard, as they say. SARAH FOX
2 x Beater: Attempts to knock out other players and interrupt game play by chucking bludgers 1 x Seeker: Chases snitch and aims to catch the tennis ball in order to end the game They play with: 6 x Goalposts Muggle translation: hula hoops on sticks 3 per team 14 x Broomsticks Muggle translation: brooms 7 per team 1 x Quaffle Muggle translation: a volleyball
3 x Bludgers Muggle translation: dodgeballs 1 x Snitch Muggle translation: a dedicated player who… • Has a tennis ball, enclosed in a sock, attached to his/ her waist • Runs around the field dressed in yellow, skillfully eluding broom-wielding
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MUSIC
ALBUM REVIEW
MEET THE PENN MUSICIAN: ADAM REID
“ENCYCLOPEDIA” THE DRUMS
Like so many other people, Adam Reid spends his time talking to people on the Internet and playing around on his computer. However, Reid is no Facebook stalker or Photo Booth diva (although nothing is certain). Actually, Reid is a successful producer. Using his keyboard, programs on his computer and sometimes samples from known tracks, he creates the beats for hip-hop, R&B, EDM and pop tracks. He uses his SoundCloud, his website (aboveavrageprod.com) and his YouTube channel to sell his music to people who then write lyrics for it. “So many people do music that you don’t really know,” Reid says. Through his music, he has met many people online and at Penn who are aspiring artists. His music not only grants him a side job and a community, but also a way to unwind. Reid uses producing to help him relax when stressed. Reid was introducted to music at a young age. He chose to conquer the saxophone in 4th grade music class. He played in school concerts and participated in jazz band. With this, he was following in his father’s footsteps. According to Reid, his dad “plays music all over the house.” In 6th grade, Reid began messing around with GarageBand. However, he didn’t start producing until his sophomore year of high school. Besides his father, Kanye West is Reid’s biggest inspiration, because “he makes all his own music as well as writing his lyrics.” Despite music playing such a big role in his life, Reid doesn’t see himself being a fulltime music producer. Instead, he’s planning on going for a degree in psychology and fine arts. He is excited to “keep music on the side of everything he does in life”, and continue producing for creative and social reasons, but most importantly, for fun. ALI GREENSTEIN
After three albums, The Drums have finally surpassed one–hit–wonder indie stardom. Before their new album, the NYC–based duo was best known for upbeat, alt–pop songs like “Money” and “Let’s Go Surfing,” but with their new album “Encyclopedia,” The Drums have finally recorded an album that can be easily listened to in one sitting without getting bored. “Magic Mountain” is an eerie, slightly discordant opener, but the following song, “I Can’t Pretend” has the catchiest of catchy beats. Though there are some dull spots, “Encyclopedia” is a solid album. Next time you need some fast–paced, happy sounds to motivate you to write that dreaded essay, check these guys out. AMANDA SILBERLING
Grade: B Download: “There Is Nothing Left” Sounds best when: Pretending your life is a trailer for an inspirational, coming–of–age blockbuster instead of studying.
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MUSIC
We’ve all been there. Trapped by social convention, you stare desperately at the floor or the walls. If you speak up, the conversation will quickly fall dead and leave you with at least four more floors of mind–numbing discomfort. The elevator is nothing less than the physical epitome of a misanthropic, socially awkward culture. So, what songs describe your various Penn elevator experiences? ARIEL SMITH “THE END” PEARL JAM (Williams elevators)
“SAY SOMETHING” A GREAT BIG WORLD & CHRISTINA AGUILERA (Van Pelt elevators)
“SAY MY NAME” DESTINY'S CHILD (Quad elevators)
You’ve spent the outrageously slow Williams elevator ride pretending to text, even though you and all of your bilingual elevator companions know that there is no service to be found aboard this metal box of doom. But finally, sweet release approaches! You near the ground floor! As you exit the elevator, the world is suddenly a brighter place. You have escaped...at least until the next time.
You near the ground floor of Van Pelt after a particularly grueling study session on the 6th floor, yet the one other person in the elevator hasn’t said a word. The tension of the silence is so palpable that it could be cut with a knife. You’re both tired from working, but still, they should make an effort right? Who is this person? What are their hopes, their dreams? You see they are wearing a One Direction shirt. “But why?” you wonder to yourself. You will never know and your nameless quasi-friend will always remain an enigma.
“THIRST” CITY AND COLOUR (High rise elevators)
“SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT” NIRVANA (College Hall elevators)
If you’re a freshman taking the elevators in the Quad, you are no stranger to this predicament. At first, you are lulled into a sense of false security after realizing that you know the other person on the elevator. You begin to smile and prepare yourself for the adventure of social interaction. You’re going to have so many new friends this year! Alas, the person looks at you with confusion and consternation—you are not recognized. You sadly retreat into the corner and pretend you were smiling at the suspicious smudge on the wall behind them. If only this person had remembered your name. If only conversing with other humans wasn’t so difficult. If only...
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like pornhub.com, but different
They’re like bamboo lemurs (rare), but once in a blue moon you will encounter the mysterious and fascinatingly beautiful elevator companion—this person probably even smells good. The encounter will undoubtedly happen in a high rise elevator, which gives you plenty of time to go through the five stages of grief after you determine that they either are unattainable or taken. Whatever you’re eating becomes embarrassingly messy and you forget how humans stand normally. The thirst, as they say, is real.
You encounter this situation at 9 a.m. as you take the elevator in College Hall out of sheer laziness. The trip alone is the punishment for your sloth.The single floor is one too many. You aren’t going to make it. Your head begins spinning. Have you ever held your breath for this long before? “Please,” you think, pleading silently with your fellow elevator adventurer, “Please learn the art of the shower.” It isn’t teen spirit you’re smelling, but rather massive amounts of B.O. that (you swear) isn’t your own.
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FILM AND TV
REVIEW: "THE SKELETON TWINS"
From SNL to FML: Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader bring laughs and tears as clinically depressed twins in this winning dramedy. Any “SNL” fan knows they have chemistry. They’ve shared the screen in sketches like “The Californians” and “Secret Word.” And we know they have the comedic chops: she’s Penelope and Dooneese and he’s, of course, Stefon. But as twins in a dramedy with a decently serious premise? Yeah, they kill that too. The brilliant Kristen Wiig teams up with her former cast mate Bill Hader to headline “The Skeleton Twins,” a laugh-out-loud funny, tenderly bittersweet, often heartbreaking family drama. Hader plays Milo, who attempts suicide and subsequently repairs a long–estranged relationship with his equally depressed twin sister, Maggie (Wiig). Milo moves in with Maggie and her husband Lance (Luke Wilson, here nothing like his Emmett of “Legally Blonde”), who is incredibly earnest but has little in common with his wife’s gay brother. Sadness, sex and betrayal follow, but so does lip–syncing and a scene with characters high on dental laughing gas. You may have last seen Wiig on the big screen warning passengers about a colonial woman churning butter on the wing of the plane, but this is not “Bridesmaids” 2.0. Wiig has made onscreen strides into the dramatic since her Oscar–nominated hit, including her performances in “Friends With Kids,” “The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty” and “Girl Most Likely” (where
Street's taking a fall break too. We'll see you back here on October 16th. Stay on campus for all of your salon needs STOP IN FOR OUR FANTASTIC SERVICES!
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Wiig is also a suicide–attempt survivor), but this latest offering is probably the most worth your time since her beloved tryst as Maya Rudolph’s maid of (dis)honor. She didn’t co–write, and there’s no wedding–dress–store–food– poisoning humor, but her charming onscreen interactions with Hader provide both laughs and tears. “The Skeleton Twins” is not revolutionary—family dramas with heart and wit come around every once in a while—but the film is done right with the perfect balance of hilarity and heartache, which isn’t easy to master. In 93 minutes, you’ll grow to believe and feel for Maggie and Milo, largely thanks to the leads’ supremely silly and deeply grounded performances. And for those of you who never knew you wanted to see Phil Dunphy go gay, you’re in for a treat: Ty Burrell of “Modern Family” is perfectly complicated as Milo’s much older ex–boyfriend. Grade: A– Rating and Runtime: R, 93 minutes See if you liked: “Girl Most Likely,” “Away We Go” BEN LERNER
REVIEW: “GONE GIRL” This buzzworthy adaptation doesn’t disappoint. “Gone Girl,” David Fincher’s powerful adaption of Gillian Flynn’s bestselling book, opens with a voiceover that poses a few unsettling questions: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? Who are you? What have we done to each other? What will we do? These questions reverberate over the course of the movie, as Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike play husband and wife in a domestic horror film that is consistently thrilling, enigmatic and dark. Their story is set in North Carthage, a fictional Missouri town. We first meet Nick Dunne, whose relationship with his wife Amy is on the brink of collapse. It’s their fifth anniversary, and what started out as a perfect fairy tale has slowly disintegrated since the couple both lost their jobs and moved from New York to Missouri to take care of Nick’s dying mother. The story of their marriage, which takes a quick turn for the worse, is told through flashbacks woven into the plot. Soon after the movie begins, Amy goes missing. Nick returns home to a smashed coffee table and calls the police, who find blood in the kitchen. As the police, the town and the media enter crisis mode, the audience knows only what Nick knows, which, as it turns out, isn’t really much. The first half of “Gone Girl” is structured as a mystery; the big reveal occurs in the second half, when Amy finally begins to narrate her side of the story. The narrative is fairly balanced, with Nick taking us through events as they happen in first person, while Amy’s story
is partially told through detailed diary entries. The two of them make an interesting pair: Amy is neurotic and brilliant, the inspiration for a beloved book series called “Amazing Amy” created by her parents; Nick plays second fiddle as an ordinary, flawed man with his share of issues. It is decidedly easier to sympathize with Nick, especially as the movie progresses, but the alternately dazzling and terrifying Amy is the star of the show. Though it has its share of shocking moments—the climax is horrifically violent— “Gone Girl” never seems to strike a deep emotional chord. In spite of this, it is an enormously clever, beautifully composed film that will not fail to shock and thrill. Grade: A– Rating and Runtime: R, 145 minutes See if you liked: “Zodiac” PEISHAN HUANG
FILM AND TV
STREET'S GUIDE TO GETTING YOUR FALL BREAK FILM FIX Staying at Penn? Hosting friends
Hitting the road?
Cuddling up with your bff, your laptop
Watch “Sleepless in Seattle” on Netflix Throughout October, Netflix will begin streaming a whole host of new TV shows and movies. If you’re staying at Penn and you want to save “Gilmore Girls” for future bonding with your mom, you should definitely check out “Sleepless in Seattle.” It’s a smart, funny romantic comedy with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan doing what they do best: making you forget your singledom for a glorious 106 minutes. Plus, the ‘80s shoulder pads throughout the movie are on point. Available on Netflix
Binge watch “Scandal” Season four just premiered and it’s finally time for mourning– after discussions of last night’s episode. That also means it’s high time to sit down and look back at the first three seasons. Binge watching will only make the fourth season that much better, knowing all about Olivia and President Fitz’s history. That way, when someone asks you if you’re Team Fitz, you’ll proudly be able to justify your position. Available on Netflix
REBECCA GEVER
HALLIE BROOKMAN
Visiting family
Visiting friends
See “Jimi: All is By My Side” with your parents “Jimi: All is By My Side” has a little something for everyone. Written and directed by John Ridley, Oscar–winner for “12 Years a Slave,” “All is By My Side” stars André Benjamin (better known as André 3000 from Outkast) as Jimi Hendrix and follows his ascent to fame in London during 1966 and 1967. Producers couldn’t get the rights to Hendrix’s estate, so the film doesn’t have any of his original songs. However, the soundtrack makes up for it with André 3000 covers of Hendrix contemporaries like The Beatles and the Rolling Stones. In theatres nationwide DANNY SIEGEL CLARE LOMBARDO
Binge watch “Transparent” “Transparent,” the newest dark comedy series from Amazon Studios, stars Jeffrey Tambor as Maura Pfefferman. Maura, formerly known as Mort, begins her transition into a woman and must reveal the truth to her three adult children. When they learn of their father’s sex change, Maura’s children all take a hard look at their own lives. This heartwarming show is unlike anything else on television and with only 10 half– hour episodes, it’s a relatively short binge. Available on Amazon Prime
See "Whiplash" This dark and intense drama tells the story of the tense relationship between a young, aspiring drummer and his challenging music instructor, and it's the perfect way to spend an evening with old friends. With gripping performances from rising star Miles Teller of “The Spectacular Now” and the talented J.K. Simmons of “Juno,” the film is certain to capture your attention and thoughts for days. It’s already received praise from countless critics and film festivals, so see it now and get ready to act like a total hipster when it comes up in conversation during awards season. In theatres nationwide ALISON ELLIOT
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O C T O B E R 2 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E
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F E AT U R E
W
e aren’t afraid to drink the spiked Kool-Aid. We love our Kweder Tuesdays, our slap–the– bag BYOs, our handle pulls in dark basements. We use phrases like “I’m trying to blackout tonight” or “I’m too sober for this.” Drinking is an enormous part of our culture—even Playboy knows it. But despite the boozy aura surrounding our social life, not everyone is willing to take a shot. Roughly 40% of Penn’s student body doesn’t spend Fling, St. Patrick’s Day or Homecoming as a member of the Banker’s Club. According to Penn’s Alcohol & Other Drug Program Initiatives, 4,000 of Penn’s 10,319 undergraduate students drink twice or less a semester. There’s Drug and Alcohol Peer Advisors (DAPA), a SubstanceFree Living Residential Program, but for most people who are sober at Penn, living above the influence is just life.
Jamie* is a recovering alcoholic. A junior in Wharton, Jamie found herself in rehab for the second time this past summer— the first being her junior year in high school. She started drinking at age 12, though she says she wouldn’t call herself “an early drinker.” Coming from a family of heavy drinkers, alcohol didn’t seem like a big deal. By age 16, Jamie was emancipated from her family and had added cocaine to her routine. After her first stint in rehab, Jamie arrived at Penn sober but immediately felt the “incredible pressure to make friends.” If she wasn’t partying, she felt as though she would miss out. Jamie began going out five to six times a week, drinking an average of 10-15 drinks a night. “For a long time I was a highly functional alcoholic,” she says.
“I did feel pretty good about my life.” The moral hangover was inevitable. Jamie knew she couldn’t continue like this much longer. “I realized that I valued blacking out more than [I did] my friends and family,” she admits. “And that just seemed really fucked up.” Last summer, Jamie worked on recovery. She refers to her three months in rehab as “tough love.” She suffered withdrawals and dealt with the underlying issues of her alcohol abuse. During two weeks of reflection and forgiveness, Jamie reached out to everyone she had ever hurt due to her drinking problems. She learned that two–thirds of everything you say when you’re drunk is a lie. Jamie’s body also paid the toll for her drinking habits. Her enzyme levels had suffered greatly, making her liver function like that of a 55-year-old man. Jamie will need to get her liver checked after college and speculates that she’ll never be able to drink again. Although she says waking up sober is “one of the best feelings in the world,” she’s still fighting temptation and facing withdrawals. However, things are easier when she thinks about her future. “I think about where I want to be in 5 years. I don’t want alcohol to deter from that.”
Unlike Jamie, College sophomore Hope Mackenzie never found alcohol appealing. She doesn’t want to rely on any sort of stimulus to have fun. “I have a conscious mantra in my head: ‘you’re gonna have a good time,’” she says. “And it’s normally pretty awesome.” Hope has found a lot of support through Chi Omega. Although she worried joining a sorority would be awkward, more often than not her sisters’ comments range from “That’s really respectable,” to
F E AT U R E
“Here are my keys, remind me later.” None of them pass any judgment on her choice to be sober, which often gets a raised eyebrow from strangers at parties. “You have to have a lot of confidence [to go to] a frat party [sober],” she admits. Despite her decision to be sober now, Hope doesn’t necessarily believe she won’t always drink. It’s a choice she’ll make when she turns 21, or perhaps if she studies abroad. Even so, she doesn’t think she’ll ever drink to get drunk. Hope jokes, “I’ll just have to be very confident in myself and order a seltzer and call it a day.” Rocky Diegmiller ended his sobriety on the night of his 21st birthday, but not for legal reasons.The first time the Engineering senior got drunk was on the stroke of midnight—Rocky remembers having a group of 80–90 people around him ready with shots. “I just thought to myself, this was really surreal that this many people would come out to watch my first drink,” Rocky remembers. “But that really just meant that without drinking, [I’d] made...this many real friendships.” Rocky doesn’t regret waiting until his 21st birthday to drink, but it wasn’t always easy. He left parties by himself and wasn’t ready for crowds of belligerent drunk people. Rocky ultimately rushed a preprofessional fraternity for fear of feeling alienated by Greek pledge events involving alcohol. Now, Rocky is a frequent patron of Smoke’s. “I see it as, I was just late to the party and I guess that just makes me fashionable,” he jokes. “We’re the top party school after I started to drink.”
For some, it’s not about what alcohol could be, but what it has been.
College sophomore Kat McKay has a history of alcoholism in her extended family. For her, the decision to be sober was not a hard one to make. “It’s different to come home drunk to a family with a history of alcoholism,” she shares. But Kat’s family history doesn’t define her, or her social life. “It’s not like I hang out with sober people and we sit and tie-dye t–shirts on a Friday night,” she jokes. Through Sigma Kappa and PennQuest, she’s found a community of people who enjoy her company any night of the week. Looking forward, she knows that drinking is not just a part of Penn’s culture. “It is representative of the socialization I’ll be in for the rest of my life,” she admits. Drinking was a part of Mike’s* life until his sophomore year. The Engineering senior found that alcohol aggravated his anxiety. “Being drunk would make me nervous,” Mike says. “Because I was drunk, I wouldn’t be able to control my anxiety. One of my reactions [was] to throw up, and then throwing up [made] me [more] anxious.” Without alcohol, Mike doesn’t have to be anxious about what he did last night. “The result of not drinking is I don’t do anything horribly embarrassing,” he laughs. He may want to leave Smoke’s earlier than others as the night gets rowdier, but he still has fun, especially with his pre–professional fraternity, Theta Tau. Mike would like to go back to drinking at some point, but for now he enjoys his sober lifestyle. At parties, Amber* doesn’t need liquid courage to be the first one on the dance floor. “When Beyoncé comes on, I’m gonna be all over this one!” she announces. Amber believes people lean on alcohol to make themselves feel more accepted, or socially relevant. But she thinks they’re forgetting something. “We were all kind of weird in high school, let’s be real,” Amber laughs. “People try to pretend they weren’t, and I’m like, I
know who you were in high school!” A member of both a pre-professional fraternity and student government, Amber has found Penn to be very accepting of her sobriety. Although she’s faced uncomfortable situations, she now laughs at her original reactions. “The first couple of BYOs I went to, I ended up paying for the alcohol because I didn’t feel like explaining to people I didn’t drink,” she says. Amber also remembers the time she lied about having too much work to go to a semi-formal; really, she didn’t want to tell her prospective date she wouldn't be drinking.
For Sarah*, an Engineering sophomore, alcohol has been limited to church wine. “Being raised Catholic made me know that I should treat my body well,” she says. “I always think about how it’s said that Jesus turned water into wine. Wine is a drink, and drinks are made for us to enjoy, but not abuse.” But abusing alcohol, or binge drinking, is perceived by many to be the norm at Penn. Still, Sarah doesn’t regret signing up to live in a “culture of excess.” And she doesn’t judge those who partake in it. She has met many drinkers and nondrinkers alike in her dance troupe and pre–professional fraternity. “No one should judge people who drink,” Sarah points out, “because behind stumbling bodies, more often than not, live hardworking, passionate and caring students.” Like many of the people interviewed, Sarah references Penn’s “work hard, play hard” mantra. But she doesn’t believe it means the same for everyone; “we all work and play in different ways.” Manola Gonzalez is a senior studying English, French and political science from San Diego, California.
*Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of students. 1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E O C T O B E R 2 , 2 01 4
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FOOD & DRINK
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e is not a tip paid to your driver. Our drivers carry less than $20. You must ask for this limited time offer. Minimum purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may cks, along the state’s allowable returned check fee,must mayask be electronically to your bank. purchase ©2013 Dominos Holder LLC.Prices, Domino’s®, Domino’sdelivery Pizza® area and the ot a tip paidwith to your driver. maximum Our drivers carry less than $20. You for this limitedpresented time offer. Minimum requiredIPfor delivery. participation, andmodular chargeslogo may delivery charge is not a tip paid to your driver. Our drivers carry less than $20. You must ask for this limited time offer. Minimum purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may Domino’s Holder LLC. ©2013Any The Coca-Cola Company, allfee, rights “Coca-Cola” is acheck registered trademark of The Coca-Cola Company. “Coca-Cola” “Coke”, the contour design and the along withIPthe state’s maximum allowable returned check mayreserved. be electronically presented tofee, your ©2013 Dominos IPyour Holder Domino’s®, Domino’s Pizza® bottle and the modular logothe modular logo vary. Returned checks, along with the state’s maximum allowable returned maybank. be electronically presented to bank.LLC. ©2013 Dominos IP Holder LLC. Domino’s®, Domino’s Pizza® and sign IP areHolder trademarks the Coca-Cola company. All rights reserved. ©2013The The Coca Cola all reserved. rights reserved. “Coca-Cola” isCompany. a registered trademark ofCompany. the Coca-Cola company. no’s LLC. of ©2013 The rights reserved. “Coca-Cola” is company, a registered trademark of The Coca-Cola the“Coca-Cola” contour bottle andbottle the design and the areCoca-Cola trademarks ofCompany, Domino’s IPall Holder LLC. ©2013 Coca-Cola Company, all rights “Coca-Cola” is a registered trademark of“Coca-Cola” The Coca-Cola“Coke”, “Coke”,design the contour ribbon design trademarks of©2013 the Coca-Cola company. rightsless reserved. ©2013 The Cola company, allisrights reserved. isofa the registered trademark of the Coca-Cola company. are trademarks ofAny the Coca-Cola company. Allarights reserved. The ColaAll company, all rights “Coca-Cola” a registered trademark Coca-Cola company. deliverydynamic charge is not tiparepaid to your driver. OurCoca drivers carry than $20. reserved. YouCoca must ask for this limited time“Coca-Cola” offer. Minimum purchase required for delivery. Prices, participation, delivery area and charges may
vary. Returned checks, along with the state’s maximum allowable returned check fee, may be electronically presented to your bank. ©2013 Dominos IP Holder LLC. Domino’s®, Domino’s Pizza® and the modular logo are trademarks of Domino’s IP Holder LLC. ©2013 The Coca-Cola Company, all rights reserved. “Coca-Cola” is a registered trademark of The Coca-Cola Company. “Coca-Cola” “Coke”, the contour bottle design and the dynamic ribbon design are trademarks of the Coca-Cola company. All rights reserved. ©2013 The Coca Cola company, all rights reserved. “Coca-Cola” is a registered trademark of the Coca-Cola company.
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FOOD & DRINK
SO YOU'RE THINKING OF TRYING
A short FAQ
Q: What is soylent? A: A nutritionally complete food substitute that contains: Macro–Nutrients: Carbs: Mostly from oat flour and maltodextrin (a derivative of corn) Protein: From brown rice Fat: From canola oil and fish oil (gotta get them Omega 3’s)
Micro–Nutrients: The complete set (read: a shit– ton) of vitamins and minerals your body needs, ranging from the no–brainers (vitamin C, calcium, potassium) to the unfamiliar (…molybdenum?)
Q: What is soylent not? A: Organic Non-GMO Vegan Gluten-free Soy-free Artificial sweetner-free People
Day 2
Day 1
It’s 1:47 a.m. on a Wednesday morning and I’m standing in my dorm, staring at a boring white bag with the word “Soylent” across the top. It’s odd to think that this bag, roughly the size of an iPad mini, contains all the carbs, protein and nutrients I’ll need for the next 48 hours. I take a whiff at the powder inside. At first, it smells like cookie dough. Then oatmeal. Then…Playdough? After following the instructions (water+ powder + fish oil?), I end up with a thick liquid that reminds me of chocolate milk. This is to be my breakfast…and lunch… and dinner. This is Soylent. Not like soylent green, a cannibalistic wafer from an old ‘70s. It’s the liquid meal replacement invented to “take food out of the daily equation” and could potentially cure world hunger. This is the blend that someone claimed to have exclusively consumed for seven months without ever eating a single piece of food. It tastes like watered down oatmeal protein powder. It’s not bad, and it’s certainly time–efficient since I now have nine minutes to speedwalk over to DRL. Two hours later I drink some more and resume my day. Once I finish class at 3:00 p.m. I try and calculate how many calories I’ve “eaten” so far. I’m running on about 320 calories since the morning. I know I normally consume more by this point, so I drink 200 calories more. Around 5:00 p.m. I get a mild headache. After reading the instructions manual, I learn that this is what happens if you don’t slowly build your consumption to allow for your body’s adjustment to the new nutrient/fiber delivery system. I don’t want to experience any of the other possible side–effects of quitting food cold turkey so I head to Kings Court and grab a bowl of soup and some grapes. I’m feeling really healthy at this point, I feel optimistic that it is in fact possible to avoid the Freshman 15. I go to sleep content and full on my Soylent and soup.
I wake up and drink about 200 calories. I’m craving an omelet. Once classes end, I come back to the quad and drink 200 more calories before I head off to the city. I come back, drink a little more and go to a meeting. Not needing to spend time to sit down and eat is extremely efficient. I like efficiency. But I also like food. I miss it and it doesn’t help that my mom sent a care package of dried mangoes and delicious asian ramen crackers. On my way back, I make a grilled cheese with tomatoes and have another bowl of soup. I definitely miss food. I feel a little strange as I eat, almost as if I’m high from eating. Is it possible to get high off of food? I cheat again with an entire bag of popcorn, and then later a bowl of instant ramen.
Day 3
Soylent goes bad after 48 hours once it’s in liquid form, so I’m forced to make up a new batch this morning. I cheat with a salad, and then later with pasta, rice and ice cream. Throughout the night I feel very normal. I’m not more lethargic, nor am I more energetic than usual. Probably because I ate so much normal food.
Serving
Day 4
I wake up and realize I have to take my Soylent on the go. I leave the quad trying to drink lukewarm Soylent from a bright red solo cup at 1:00 p.m. I look like an idiot. Fast forward to the evening and I’m at a date night. I drink some pretty sugary drinks, but they don’t count as “food” so that’s not breaking my vow of “no more food” for the day. While my alcohol tolerance was definitely lowered by my lack of food, it’s not a drastic change and I’m able to consume about two–thirds of what I normally would before I’m in a good place.
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Day 5
Waking up and hopping out of bed, I’m ready to start a whole day of no food and only Soylent. I’m pumped for the day, excited to be healthy...and then I slip and bash my head on the corner of my desk. After a few hours of only Soylent and intense studying, I realize I slipped because I was clumsy, not because I was light–headed or anything. My concentration is fine as long as I’m still getting my nutrients. I feel energetic as ever, colors seem brighter and I’ve saved so much time by sitting and studying instead of leaving to get actual food. I can see why engineers everywhere are jumping on this train. But then again, this is only the fifth day. Check back with me when I’ve drank a whole month. LAUREN CHIN
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FOOD & DRINK
#STREEEATS Ingredients: 1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef
A burger for your soylent cheat day:
Kosher Salt Pepper Canola Oil
Directions: Divide meat into 4 portions and form into patties. Season both sides generously with salt and pepper. Head oil in a grill pan (or preferably a cast iron skillet) until it begins to sizzle and then add the meat. Cook on each side until the outside turn golden brown, for about three minutes. Remove from grill and begin the fun part… Potential toppings: Lettuce and tomato Cheese (tip: if adding cheese, do it while the burgers are still in the pan and tent them with aluminum foil while the cheese melts) Onion rings Potato chips Jalapeño slices and pickles
Caramelized onions (tip: make your own by slicing onions and cooking them with olive oil over a low heat until they turn brown and sweet) Fried egg Bacon Hamburger bun options: pretzel bun, waffle, brioche, texas toast, ramen
LIQUID LUNCH
Soylent three times a day definitely isn’t for everyone. If you’re still looking to drink your meals though, try these alternatives: ALYSSA BERLIN
1. The Groothie: A HipCityVeg drink and a sorority girl staple, this meal replacement smoothie gets all your servings of fruits and veggies into one drink. Ignore the green color and drink up.
2. Pangea Earth Foods: Based out of Philadelphia, this juice joint makes cleanses to order and allows for pickup across the state (including from a location on South 17th street). These juices are completely natural and unpasteurized, leaving all the goodness of the nutrients in the drinks.
3. The Juice: These juices are aimed at athletes and therefore contain more plant–based protein, along with more plant fibers. Currently, the owner is working from home on custom orders but is starting to connect with fitness joints around Philadelphia. Hopefully, the juices will be available via food truck by spring.
4. Yellow Juice Bar: Missing the Juice Generation you lived off of this summer in NYC? This juice bar, just minutes away from campus, is your favorite juice stop’s first cousin. Yellow Juice Bar is filled with fruit and vegetable options, leaving you with a juice for every meal.
FAQ courtesy of www.soylent.me: "Do You Poop On Soylent?
Mon & Tues- CLOSED Wed & Thurs- 5pm-9pm Fri- 11-2pm + 5-10pm Sat- 9am-2pm + 5-10pm Sun- 9am-2pm
Soylent contains plenty of insoluble fiber so bowel movements are more or less unchanged." We're not convinced.
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ARTS
STEPHEN MASSO On the afternoon I visit, I walk into Stephen Masso’s room eating pizza rolls which his friends/lovers have cooked in the kitchen on the floor below. The hospitality and social environment is appropriate for a space created as much for Stephen’s friends as for himself. “My room’s for beers and bitches,” he laughs. The space has a relaxed feel, the kind of room you want to stay up with your friends and smoke in til 4am. There’s a low table with space for people to lounge around, and a laid-back atmosphere created by artfully mismatched furnishings and artefacts. Stephen is an Engineering senior, and if OCR doesn’t pan out you’ll be seeing him on next season’s “Extreme Hoarders." He is a collector. The biggest wall space is occupied by a collage of things he’s accumulated: prizes (“MOST LIKELY TO LACTATE”); photos; a drawing of a bunny found in the Charles Plaza bathroom, drawn by Charles himself. The mural snowballed from a single artefact, a letter from Stephen’s dad, and has become something of a home-improvement tiling project. Grow your own wall-paper: just add life experience. “What’s your favorite thing?” Stephen points out two open, interlocked scissors, taped in a hilarious and sexual engagement. Scissors scissoring. Exploring his room, sub-collections of the collection emerge, like a row of beanies pinned onto corkboards, or copies of Playboy displayed like coffee-table books. The chill vibe comes as much from outside the room as from within it. Located on the 2½ floor of a corner house on Pine Street, Stephen’s room is in the trees: two large windows face right into the branches and leaves of the trees outside. The room looks like a Normcore-Lisa Frank mash-up in a tree house. What could be more beautiful.
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ARTS
A SELF(IE) PORTRAIT My Facebook cover photo is a picture of me standing in front of a large, colorful art piece at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I didn’t know who the artist was and I didn’t know what the piece was called. But damn, did I look artsy. I realize that I’m part of the problem. When I saw “Spectrum V” by Ellsworth Kelly at the Met, my first thought wasn’t, “Wow, what an interesting artwork!” It was, “Wow, what an interesting mupload!” To be fair, my Met visit this summer was the first time I ever went to a famous art museum, so I was a bit overly excited. Even though my Facebook profile still shows blatant evidence of my art ignorance, my vastly more mature, three–months– later–self can’t help but feel annoyed while I walk through the Philadelphia Museum of Art and see teenagers take selfies with Van Gogh’s “Sunflowers.” Art doesn’t begin and end with the piece itself—part of art is the way that its viewers interact with it. Is taking selfies with art a positive reaction? Should curators care if some teens just want to make their Insta-
gram look interesting? Selfies stir up controversy in the art world more than what one might expect. Sir Peter Bazalgette, Chair of the Arts Council England, thinks that when people have something digital to take away from a gallery it facilitates the spread of art. He also suggested, however, that galleries should allow one hour a day when selfies are banned—sparking mass controversy and discussion. Not all art aficionados are anti– selfie. Cindy Sherman is essentially famous for selfies, and the Moving Art Image Fair in London curated the “National #Selfie Portrait Gallery” in 2013. This summer, leading up to the demolition of Brooklyn’s historic Domino Sugar Factory, Kara Walker promoted her exhibit—a sphinx made of 80 tons of sugar— through the hashtag “#KaraWalkerDomino.” Walker wanted to use the uploaded photos to create an interactive, 3D model of the sculpture so that the art could live on after the Domino Sugar Factory was demolished. The selfie problem is also rooted in our desire to portray ourselves on so-
Yom Kippur at Penn 2014-5775
Service Times
Candle lighting 6:23 pm
CONSERVATIVE
ORTHODOX
REFORM
Friday, Oct. 3
Friday, Oct. 3
Friday, Oct. 3
Kol Nidre Services 6:10pm Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Irvine Auditorium
Saturday Oct. 4
Morning Serices 9:00 am Yiskor after 11:30 am Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Irvine Auditorium Afternoon & Evening Services 5:00 pm Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Irvine Auditorium
Fast Ends 7:20 pm
Kol Nidre Services 6:10pm Bodek Lounge, Houston Hall
Saturday Oct. 4
Morning Serices 8:30 am Yiskor after Shacharit Bodek Lounge, Houston Hall Afternoon & Evening Services 4:15 pm Bodek Lounge, Houston Hall
Fast Ends 7:20 pm
Kol Nidre Services 6:10 pm Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Harrison Auditorium
Saturday Oct. 4
Morning Serices 10:00am Student led at Steinhardt Hall Community Service at Harrison Auditorium Afternoon & Evening Services 5:00 pm Yiskor at 5:00 pm Community/Student Services at Harrison Auditorium
Fast Ends 7:20 pm
For more information about Break the Fast with Penn Hillel go to www.pennhillel.org Holiday meals will be served following services Falk Dining Commons, Steinhardt Hall.
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cial media in the best light possible. We want our friends to see us hanging out around a Rembrant self– portrait. We want to make it seem like we go to concerts, museums and art galleries every weekend, where we hang out with our cool, artsy friends. We want to appear more cultured than we really are. There’s no use in resisting the force of the social media generation, but we also need to appreciate and
respect the history of art. I’m still going to feel annoyed when I see people pose beside Picassos, but I’m excited to see how the next generation of artists incorporate social media into their work. Take your selfie, post that Insta, and update your cover photo—but first, just think about what your Art History professor would say. AMANDA SILBERLING
Are you hungry? Maybe in the mood for a little snack? Well, in only 13 short days you can get inspired by Street's fall dining guide. We'll be fasting until then.
ARTS
GLOBE THEATRE ON TOUR PRESENTS KING LEAR
King Lear: fresh prince was only preliminary
Last week, The Shakespeare Globe came to the Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts to perform King Lear. The production is touring on a small scale, Elizabethan– style stage, choosing to keep the house lights on for the entire performance in order to mimic the outdoor stage experience the audience would have at the real Globe. Everything going on in the show happened on the stage. Many of the costume and set changes were on stage, and the actors made all of their own sound effects. There was no special lighting or background music that was not produced on the stage itself. King Lear is arguably the most challenging of Shakespeare’s plays to perform. The titular king is supposed to be in his eighties and many other characters have to be evil but not totally one–dimensional. Having seen multiple other productions of the play, I left this one feeling confused and disappointed, after having such high hopes for the company that carries the name of Shakespeare’s original theater. This rendition of the play assumed a lot of previous knowledge from the audience. Granted, it is probably fair to assume that their audience is full of Shakespeare fans, who have studied, or at least read, the play’s text before. Even though this was true for me, it was not for many of the Penn students I was surrounded by. On a university campus where student tickets were being sold for ten dollars, the seats weren’t only filled with Shakespeare freaks or Theater Arts majors. It is particularly bothersome that prior knowledge was assumed when considering that no one in Shakespeare’s time would have been able to read the text before going to the theater. What made the show the most challenging for a non–familiar viewer was the fact that six of the nine actors had to portray more than one character. Usually slight additions or subtractions to costumes helped to clarify, but it still required extra attention from the audience. However, Bethan Cullinane did a particularly good job as both Cordelia and the Fool, while Alex Mugnaioni stole the show when he was portraying Poor Tom. The costumes belonged more in a Jan Steen painting than in pre–Christian Britain. Throughout the show, the actors randomly burst into a sea shanty or two, despite the fact that no one in the play travels anywhere by sea. While it was definitely entertaining at points and picked up significantly after intermission, the play ended up feeling longer than the three–hour run time. The Globe Theatre On Tour’s performance did not stick to the original enough to feel like a real loyal tribute, but it did not deviate enough to be a fresh or modern take on the text. I stopped thinking about the play about five minutes after I had left, which is not the way anyone should feel after encountering one of Shakespeare’s most thought–provoking pieces. KATHERINE HARTMAN
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At Penn, At Home.
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LOWBROW
MOVING ON OFF: A GUIDE TO OFF CAMPUS LIVING People who have parties on Tuesdays and the people who go to these parties. You are not invited.
Penn owns this, maybe it’s classrooms or something. I think a Cinema Studies professor has an office there, or maybe it’s his house?
You can just tell that they are rich, but still living in this shitty neighborhood. They have made some weird life choices.
House full of centaurs. Every block has one.
Old woman. Why does she live in this neighborhood? Doesn’t she hate all of us? Has she always lived here? So many unanswered questions.
Guy who definitely has a dog. Maybe more dogs. That can’t be allowed in the lease.
They definitely play a sport, maybe rowing or, like, fencing? Is fencing a thing here?
Literally the worst. Everyone hates her. She’s that guy. Need we say more.
My Roommate is a Serial Killer So, your roommate keeps leaving you grocery lists written in ransom-note format, insists that you "stay the fuck away" from the "collection" under her bed and refuses to return the Dexter DVDs she rented from Netflix. She might be a serial killer. Here's how to deal.
1
Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, “It makes me uncomfortable when I find a severed human head in the vegetable crisper,” as opposed to, “You’re a serial killer, can you stop?”
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2
Set up a chore wheel. She doesn’t want to take out your gross trash and you don’t want to clean the blood off of her chainsaws all the time.
3
Cult compound.
TRUE LIFE
Set boundaries. If you’re the kind of person who doesn’t want to hear the muffled screams of an innocent person as the life is slowly drained out of them, ask your roommate to politely put a sock on the door so you know when something is going on.
LOWBROW
Dear College Apartments,
Dear College Apartments,
I just wanted to send you a super quick email with a few maintenance requests for our house on 4666 Spruce. First of all, some of the paint is peeling in the living room, so I’m hoping you could send someone over to repaint it. The window on the second floor is also stuck and it would be great if you could help with that. One other thing is that in the dead of night there’s an uncanny wailing, as if from the very depths of hell itself and my roommate on the third floor hears eerie whispers that the dead will rise to exact revenge.
Sorry to bother you again. All week long, the lights have been suddenly going out as a booming voice proclaims the coming of the end of time and my roommate has begun gibbering meaninglessly. I would really appreciate if someone could come over to sort this out.
Dear College Apartments,
Thanks so much! I was just wondering if you’ve had any time to think about dealing with the last problem I mentioned? When I woke up this morning my walls were covered in unintelligible runes that appeared to be written in blood, so it would be very helpful if we could try and come up with a solution.
Thanks, Alison
Dear 4666 Spruce,
Thanks, Alison
Dear 4666 Spruce,
Issues with power should be taken up with PECO. Best, College Apartments
Thanks, Alison
Unfortunately, we won’t be able to come repaint the walls until the end of the semester. Someone from our office will stop by to unstick that window tomorrow between 8 a.m. and 10 a.m.
Dear 4666 Spruce,
Attention Mortal,
Please remember that any decorations on the walls have to be painted over before the end of your lease. Best, College Apartments
Best, College Apartments
Alison is no longer your tenant. There is no Allison. She resides among the spirits now, and this house belongs to Ba’al, God of Darkness. Also, the window on the second floor is stuck again.
Lowbrow has never actually lived off campus, they never let us leave the 34th Street offices. My Roommate is a Serial Killer
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If you are having a party, feel free to ask your roommate to clean up first. Clutter gets in the way of the fun—no one wants to turn up in a basement filled with dismembered bodies.
5
TRUE LIFE If you finish the orange juice, just buy more orange juice, don’t turn it into some whole passive–aggressive thing.
CREATIVE • BALANCED • SIMPLE 1608 SOUTH STREET • PHILADELPHIA, PA 215-790-0330 • ENTREEBYOB.COM O C T O B E R 2 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9
B AC K PAG E
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