October 20, 2011 by 34th Street Magazine

October 20, 2011 34st.com

CAN YOU HANDLE

THE HEAT? At The Restaurant School, the kitchen is the classroom.

PHILLY FILM FEST PREVIEW • PHILLY FILM FEST PREVIEW

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

10.20.11 Inside: PAGE 8

PAGE 13

3 highbrow

Why do butts have muscles? Dispatches, overheard at penn, toasts and roasts, word on the street.

4 EGo

Divinity's Thrust. fashion dos and don'ts, ego of the week joe lawless.

5 FOOD & DRINK

You went apple picking. Now what? things to do with a bag of apples, pure food review.

6 FILM

Wacky Delly ah, Wacky Delly ahh! take shelter review, philly film fest skips, best of netflix instant view.

8 FEATURE

Don't sneeze. the restaurant school.

10 MUSIC

Kinda like the Factory. music collectives, real estate review, musical notes.

12 ARTS

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

MEDIHATE. MEDITATE.

ists are like crack to organized girls. We can add to them indefinitely and make them look elegant and important with curly handwriting. Awesome. Most of my lady friends agree. Even some dudes. Lists rock. They keep you classy even if you spill coffee and wine all over them. They make you feel accomplished even if you never cross anything off. They're general ego boosters. Which is why when I was asked to meditate in class — yes, it's one of those feel–good classes made for seniors that's pretty much like group therapy — I took the time to make a list. Duh. This time about classes. With one semester left in my undergraduate career (gawdfabid!) I'm dumbstruck. Photography, graphic design, Urban Studies, something with Childers, like four more classes in my major. There were too many. And it's not like I'm the most curious student in the world. I've

never taken more than four classes at a time. I admit to always checking Penn Course Review to make sure it isn't too hard. I started to curse myself. Bad, Jess. You should have taken at least six more courses. And summer classes! Pass/fail. Take 'em all! But then my professor snapped me out of my list–lovin' heaven and insisted we share our what we learned from our forced meditation. Learn? Apparently I didn't learn anything in four years. I cringed. I tried to hide under a desk until I realized the irony. I was asked to meditate. In a class. That counted for my minor. And made me happy. So instead, I made a list of my favorite classes starting with the unofficial one right here on these pages.

FROMTHEEDITOR

Street 101. Get at us,

WE NEED PHOTOGRAPHERS

Kansas City represent. here gallery review, top 5 art classes in philly, campus gems.

*we'll give you free SEPTA tokens and sick nasty cameras

14 LOWBROW

and let you hang out with us. cuz baby it's you.

From Fuddy Duddy to Street. street cred quiz, study space Romance, top ten.

STREET Writers' Meeting *6:30 p.m. TONIGHT 4015 Walnut St.

16 back page

Sex addicts, cultists, psychoanalysts, etc. philadelphia film festival preview!

34th Street Magazine Jessica Goodman, Editor–in–Chief Nick Stergiopoulos, Managing Editor Frida Garza, Design Editor Kendall Haupt, Online Managing Editor Joshua Goldman, Feature Tucker Johns, Feature Paige Rubin, Highbrow Stephanie Rice, A Little Less Highbrow Faryn Pearl, Ego Leah Steinberg, Ego Mady Glickman, Food & Drink Nina Wolpow, Food & Drink

Sam Brodey, Music Jake Spinowitz, Music Hilary Miller, Film Shelby Rachleff, Film Ellie Levitt, Arts Megan Ruben, Arts Anthony Khaykin, Lowbrow Sandra Rubinchik, Lowbrow Will Baskin–Gerwitz, Back Page Alex Hosenball, Copy Alexandra Jaffe, Copy Adrian Franco, Photo

UnderTheButton.com

Morgan Finkelstein, Managing Editor Michael Arnstein, Associate Editor Ian Bussard, Associate Editor Monika Knapp, Associate Editor Lora Rosenblum, Associate Editor Sandra Rubinchik, Associate Editor AJ Thomas, Associate Editor Cover photo: Adrian franco

Contributors: Dawn Androphy, Eillie Anzilotti, Chloe Bowery, Brian Horwich, Liza Johnson, Ali Kokot, Louise Malle, Emily Orrson, Noah Sanders, Zeke Sexauer, Rebecca Stein, Ajai Vishwanath, Steph Wit, Lucy Wolf

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Jessica Goodman, Editor-–in–Chief, at goodman@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. Visit our web site: www.34st.com "I wish my mom were here cuz she always has gossip." "Omigod can we be best friends? Not me and you, me and Rihanna." ©2011 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

wordonthestreet

HIGHBROW

DISPATCH: Butthurt at Pottruck 12:06 p.m.: Arrive at Bodycombat® class slightly late. Almost punched in the face as I put my stuff down. Promising start. 12:07 p.m.: Struggle to find an open space on the floor; almost punched twice. Is this gonna be a theme? 12:08 p.m.: Situated next to a frail middle–aged lady. Might as well try to make myself look good. 12:11 p.m.: Right jab, roundhouse kick… this is some Jackie Chan shit right here. 12:15 p.m.: Okay, starting to break a sweat. This is a little intense, but nothing horrible. 12:16 p.m.: Why is the music changing? Techno remixes are never a good sign. Wait… this was all a warmup?! 12:17 p.m.: New routine: kick, turn, shuffle, side kick, shuffle punch, jab. I’ve made a terrible mistake. 12:23 p.m.: The cute assistant instructor laughs as he tells the next steps. So he’s a masochist. Awesome. 12:26 p.m.: New song choice. I think I’m getting the hang of this? #denial 12:28 p.m.: The back kick is introduced. I don’t have a good feeling about this one.

BY PAIGE RUBIN

12:29 p.m.: I AM DYING. DYING. MY BUTT IS LITERALLY BURNING. AAAAHH! 12:30 p.m.: Temporarily remove myself from the class. Middle–aged lady is still going strong and is now looking extra–smug. Bitch. 12:32 p.m.: Why do butts have muscles anyway? It makes no sense. 12:33 p.m.: Force myself back onto the floor. Feeling oddly motivated. Weakness (see: butt) only makes you stronger! 12:37 p.m.: Side note: why did everyone bust out their best Under Armour spandex for this? Whatever — I’m totally rocking the oversized Skimmer t–shirt. 12:45 p.m.: Pirates of the Caribbean music plays. Are we sword fighting now? Sa–weet! Nope, just more punching. Hide my visible disappointment. 12:51 p.m.: I did it! I made it to the cool down! Never been more proud/disgustingly sweaty. 12:54 p.m.: Sweat in my eye = unexpected pain. 1:00 p.m.: And that’s a rap. Leave class with a sweat– stained shirt and a possibly strained muscle. Mission accomplished.

TOASTS&ROASTS College is a time to figure yourself out and discover who you truly are. Roasts to those who masqueraded this week as something they’re not. A few Tridelt girls, while brainstorming for their Woodser t– shirts, suggested the slogan “Shake That Bear,” a reference to a porno involving sex on a dead bear. Don’t Google it… or don’t say we didn’t warn you. This prompted one junior to angrily protest, explaining that her reputation as a good, Christian girl would be tarnished by the shirt. Sorry, girlfriend, but you gave up the innocent rep when you signed your bid card. The Freshman class board had fun pretending to be a senior society this weekend when they were paired up and sent off on a scavenger hunt for things like a Pottruck towel, Greek Lady napkins, a dildo and a vuvuzela. We always knew kids joined class board desperately seeking acceptance and self–worth, but a dildo is an interesting addition to the list.

over heard PENN at

Girl in gym clothes 1: Wow, the new cancer transition center looks, like, super nice. Girl in gym clothes 2 [longingly]: Do you think they have a gym…? SAE guy: I’m surrounded by chunky girls. I feel uncomfortable. Sketchy guy at the bookstore: I have a girlfriend now! I found her online… and she goes to Temple… but still! Guy on Locust: It’s your dog and it’s on Twitter and it’s following me. Bro: Dude, I just tripped on so much Ibuprofen.

I eavesdrop constantly for overheards. You’re probably thinking this makes me really creepy — and you’d probably be right. But one morning, as I hurried to class in Huntsman, I overheard something that made me think: Tall suited–up Wharton boy: It’s been a while! Have you been doing good? Comparatively tiny Wharton girl: Yeah! I’ve been really busy, so I’m happy. Yes, I know you were expecting that to be funny, but chill for a minute; I don’t always have to make you laugh. I thought about this conversation well into the first few minutes of my class — I’d do anything to distract myself from marketing and I’d had enough of doodling my name — but something about it really stuck with me. That little Wharton chick associated being busy with being happy, as if taking it easy was an immediate cause to be depressed. The more I thought about it though, the more I realized that this is something that permeates our campus culture. As Penn students, we associate packed schedules with feeling fulfilled, and this association leaves us with the idea that to be happy with our lives, we must do a million and one things to become as busy as possible. This school of thought goes far beyond Wharton. Although I’m in the College, I’m no exception to this rule. I’m my sorority’s social chair, a Street editor and enrolled in five classes, and I was still upset about the fact that I couldn’t find an internship to fill my heaps of free time. I thought a full schedule would make me happy, but I already have daily semi–breakdowns due to stress and rely on my planner like it’s a bodily organ. So, we’re all victims of the theory that busy equals happy, but why? Maybe it’s part of our basic Penn student nature. We’ve been multi– tasking all our lives, so it’s a mere continuation of the habits we’ve been developing for years. But maybe it’s something more than that. We were all the best and brightest at our high schools, but being smart is no longer enough. You got an A in MATH–114? Congrats, so did like half the school. In order to differentiate ourselves from the mass amounts of people with brains and talent, we pick up as many activities as possible to break away from the pack. There’s nothing wrong with this instinct; some would call it Penn survival of the fittest. Yet I’ve creeped on this campus enough to know that it’s full of amazing, brilliant kids who deserve a break every once in a while. Granted, lazy doesn’t equal happy either, but a little bit of it never killed anyone. However, if you’re gonna have some spectacular public breakdown, do it when I’m around. God knows I love a good overheard.

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

We tend to attribute manipulative cunning to Wharton kids alone, but we’re all capable of cheating the system to our advantage. Toasts to those who got clever this week. We hear a Beta guy leveraged his Microsoft job offer into fun for the whole brotherhood. Apparently the software company wanted him so badly that when he said he would only take the job if they gave interviews or internships to his friends, they agreed. Props to you, Beta dude! Way to look out for your bros. We hope for your sake Bill Gates likes keg stands and other displays of general fratitude. This past weekend, one Theos dude took doing research for his URBS thesis from awful to awesome. Instead of researching in the library like the rest of us, the senior hit up Smoke’s and did an ethnographic study of bar behavior until 2 a.m. Wait, since when does Smoke’s count as studying? Now we’re all mixed up.

ON BEING BUSY

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EGO

egoof the week: Joe lawless Our Ego this week isn't afraid to make you blush. This Sphinx is president of Abuse and Sexual Assault Prevention, SMAC Chair on the Performance Arts Council, President of Kite and Key and the best RA ever. Check out 34st.com for a video of Joe ranting about… well, just go online and you'll see. Street: Your last name is “Lawless,” so how do you feel about anarchy? Joe Lawless: Oh, love anarchy. Love it. Like obsessed. All my grandmother talks about is disolution of government, and she’s just scathing and ridiculous, so I get my inner anarchist from her. As well as my inner “kick–out–the–bullshit feminist.” She’s a ferocious, ferocious woman. Street: What would be a more fitting last name for you? JL: Joseph Frank Thunderdome would be totally incredible. Street: What law could you do without? JL: DOMA. Defense of Marriage Act. That’s offensive.

Keeps gays from getting married. That shit is icky. Street: If you could swim in a pool of anything, what would it be? JL: The first thing that pops into my head — how disgusting is this — would be black beans. To be in a pool of them would mean, as I took a breath, they would come into my mouth and I’d be able to just crunch and get my day’s protein. Street: What is your secret talent? JL: I can do a split. My crotch can almost touch the earth. Street: What’s your latest discovery? JL: The degree of homoerotica

at Pottruck. It’s amazing how bros will be next to one another and will just be feeling each other's pecs as they're lifting weights, and I’m like oh man, it’s just amazing. It’s kind of like soft–core porn. Street: What qualities make a good RA? JL: I like tough love. I tell my residents that if I even smell alcohol or hear even the scent of fun, they’re fried. Street: So you’re a strict RA? JL: I wouldn’t say I’m a strict RA, but in my opinion, there are rules for a reason. Last night my residents were playing board games. And instead of drinking, they were using a big bottle of water. And I was like, I’ve done my job.

Street: How do you keep tabs on your residents? JL: I email them constantly. Today I sent an email telling them I couldn’t be at Yoga, which doesn’t really matter. I told them I wanted to go to Yoga with them. Nobody ended up going, but I just wanted to let them know that I couldn’t be there. Street: What’s your favorite Yoga position? JL: I don’t know what it’s called. Do you want me to show you? Street: Yeah. JL: You’re in the typical downward dog. The yoga instructor makes us go like this, and then

we g o like this. I just love that upward thrusting motion. It’s my way of letting Jesus know that I don’t believe in his hierarchy. Street: What’s the name of the position? JL: You know, I honestly don’t know. And I skipped Yoga this morning. Godammit. Street: What would you call it? JL: Divinity’s Thrust. Or, The Joe Lawless Version of Saying Hello to the Clouds. Which is, pelvis first.

WHAT’S TO GAIN WITH ALL THAT PAIN? If you’re nursing actual wounds along with your hangover on Sunday morning, you’re doing it wrong. Toss your old party uniform (left) and go out looking cute and feeling comfortable (right).

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

Beer Jacket:

Warmth from the inside out, because the vodka you’re chugging doubles as an anesthetic. However, remember that the cold will come, even if it arrives with the sniffles a few days later.

Stilettos: Do stilettos make you look great, or just like you’re wearing stilettos? They may make your calves look ah–mazing, but they hurt. After all, they’re named after a type of dagger.

Bandage Dress:

Faux Fur Vest:

Leather shorts:

Unless you spend your night completely still, this thing is never going to stop riding up. If waddling to a place with good lighting and standing there is your thing, go for it.

It’ll keep you warm and you’ll look totally hot. See what we did there? Wear real or fake; if people ask, lie and tell them whatever they want to hear.

For your very own bad ass. These look cool and theoretically allow you to do splits in public. Theoretically.

Booties: They go up to your ankles and place about a brick’s worth of material between your foot and the floor. No more blisters and no more urgently Googling the symptoms of frostbitten toes.

FOOD&DRINK

Sour Cream Apple Pie

Beer Battered Fried Apples

2 store bought or homemade pie doughs 4–7 tart apples 1/3 cup sour cream 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1 egg, lightly beaten 1 tsp. vanilla extract 3 tablespoons all–purpose flour

4 Granny Smith or Golden Delicious apples — peeled, cored and cut into 1/4 inch rings 1 cup flour 1 cup light beer 3 tbsp. of granulated sugar 1 tsp. of cinnamon 1 tsp. of salt Vegetable oil for frying Handful of brown sugar

Preheat oven to 350°. Peel apples and cut into thin slices. Set aside in a large mixing bowl. In another bowl, use a whisk to blend the remaining ingredients. Pour over apples and toss until all of the slices are coated. Assemble the pastry dough in the bottom of a greased glass pie pan. Spoon the apples into the pan and cover with the remaining dough, crimping at the edges for decoration. Want to impress? Cut the second dough into inch–thick slices to create a lattice top for the pie. Apple Chicken Breakfast Sausage 1 lb ground chicken 1 large apple, grated 1 tsp. maple syrup or honey 1 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. Allspice 2 tbsp. dried sage Ground black pepper for seasoning

Brie and Apple Crostinis

Mix flour, beer, salt, sugar and cinnamon together. Let the batter sit for about an hour at room temperature. Pour oil in a pan, about 1 1/2 inches deep. Heat to 375°. Dip apples in batter. Let excess batter drip off. Fry apples in hot oil, cooking for about 2 minutes on each side. Make sure to fry the apples in shifts, so that the oil stays hot and each ring gets crispy. Place fried apples on paper towel. Sprinkle brown sugar on top before you serve.

Thin baguette Olive oil Brie cheese (any type) 2 apples, cut into thin slices

Apples to Apples We won't knock an apple a day any time of year, but when it comes to fall, we'd prefer a whole bag. Here's what we're cooking with our dozen.

Set oven to broil. Slice baguette into 1/4 inch rounds. Pour oil into a small bowl. Using a pastry brush, apply oil lightly to both sides of the bread. Slice brie and spread generously on bread. Press apple into the brie. Assemble crostinis on a baking sheet. Place in oven. Cook about 3 minutes, until bread is just golden. Watch carefully so as not to burn. Simple Apple Salsa 2–3 Granny Smith apples, finely chopped 1 medium onion, finely diced 1 jalapeno pepper, cored and finely diced juice of 2 limes Sea salt Sugar

Te Aromatica Combine all ingredients in a bowl; using your hands works best for this. Create small patties, about two inches in diameter. Heat a large skillet and fill a quarter of the way with oil. Fry patties for several minutes on each side — they should appear a golden brown. Remove from pan and place on platter covered with paper towel to absorb grease.

Several apples — any variety should do Water Dried mint leaves, or a mint tea packet

Dice apples, set aside. Tear mint leaves into small shreds. Boil water, place mint leaves in mug and pour over with water. Add apples and allow to steep for several minutes. Add sweetener as needed.

Combine apples, onion and pepper in a small bowl. Squeeze lime juice over. Add salt and sugar to taste. Serve with chips or grilled chicken.

ast year, Pure Fare arrived in Rittenhouse to join the series of cafes that make up Philly's organic lunch scene. Now, they've launched a food truck on Coup de Taco's old turf. Pure Fare's truck is serving up a host of pre–made sandwiches and salads — a small list on which they’ll expand once they get more refrigerator space installed. The Mexican Grilled Chicken Salad ($7.50) came with chicken that was thinly sliced,

pure fare

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Don't Miss: Mexican Grilled Chicken Salad Skip: Noodles that are actually zucchini $$$$$ ADRIAN FRANCO

flavorful and moist served atop mixed greens, jicama, avocado, roasted sweet potato and other veggies. The cubes of roasted sweet potatoes were a nice surprise, since they weren't in-

cluded in the menu description. Their sweetness complimented the chipotle scallion dressing. The Zucchini “Noodle” Salad ($7) was a strange mix of flavors. These are not noodles,

By MADY GLICKMAN

but spaghetti–like strips of raw zucchini paired with cherry tomatoes, edamame, red peppers and chives. We found the lemon miso dressing too sweet for an otherwise bland salad. We splurged for a Roast Turkey and Plum Chutney Sandwich ($7.50), accented with sliced plum and chutney spread. We liked the turkey, chunks rather than thin slices, but overall not hearty enough for the steep price. Plus, the red onions failed to cut through the sweetness of the plum and chut-

ney spread, leaving the overall flavor of the sandwich one–dimensional. The Goat Brie and Fig Sandwich ($7) is a solid vegetarian option. The goat brie, arugula, roasted peppers and caramelized onion fig spread combination was full–flavored and diverse in texture. But like the turkey, this portion was unsatisfactory and left us hungry. Our advice? Stick with Sweetgreen, especially if you’re hungry and like your meals prepared to order.

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

NEW TRUCK'S ON THE BLOCK Pure Fare made it to West Philly, but when it comes to the grub, it's got a ways to go.

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

FILM

A Storms a’ Blowing Nichols’ latest leaves us wanting more, in a good way. BY ALEXANDRA HOULIHAN

he question posed in Take Shelter is an intricate one: how thin is the line between intuition and insanity? Director Jeff Nichols utilizes superb cinematography and a suspense–filled plot to blur the distinction between delusion and reality, keeping viewers on edge until the film's final seconds. While the ending is not wholly satisfying, the complexity of the film’s topic is conveyed perfectly by the superior acting skills of Michael Shannon. Shannon stars in this mysterious drama as Curtis, a young, working–class husband and father whose mind is haunted by the sneaking suspicion that a storm of some kind is brewing on the horizon. The apocalyptic vi-

Take Shelter Directed by: Jeff Nichols Starring: Michael Shannon, Jessica Chastain, Shea Whigham

See if you liked: A Beautiful Mind (2001) Rated R, 120 min.

sions and prophetic dreams begin to consume him to the point where he suspects his own sanity, leaving him to question whether his obsession is justified paranoia or a psychotic breakdown. Now he must decide whether to protect his family from an impending storm or protect himself and his loved ones from his infected mind. The supporing cast, including Shea Whigham

and Tree of Life’s Jessica Chastain, provide compelling performances that help to further question Curtis’ mental state. Set in the rural plains of Ohio, the cinematography powerfully brings the envisioned storm to life, effectively articulating his mental disorientation. Despite its plot points, this is by no means a fast–paced action movie or a thrilling di-

hummus grill 34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

make it a feast!

of this resolution. After two hours of scenes leading up to this tell–all reveal, the movie ends with the long–awaited answer followed by a rapid fade–out. Apart from the aggravating cliffhanger, Take Shelter explores the depths of the mind and human intuition in an intricate manner that leaves viewers reeling and begging for just a few minutes more.

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saster film. On the contrary, it is a drama focused on the battle between a man and his mind; thus, the scenes are predominantly introspective, capturing solitary moments that feature Curtis alone with his thoughts. The question of Curtis’s insanity is answered in the final scene of the movie, which leaves no time for an explanation of the consequences

includes: falafel, hummus, pita, Moroccan cigars mixed meat, rice, Israeli & cabbage salads

The Philadelphia Film Festival begins today and ends November 3rd, and since you can’t make it to every screening, you better know which to avoid. Having seen some of the line–up, these are the few to miss. So, what should you see? Cut out our schedule on the back page. BY HILARY MILLER Sleeping Beauty

The Conquest

Not your typical fairytale, this Australian film explores the intricacies of a woman who leads a disturbingly normal life while carrying on a frightening side job. Signing up to cater erotic parties, she finds that working her way up in the field means being put to sleep while older men, seeking sex and discretion, have their way with her. While the story piques viewer interest, the execution is creepily more mundane than satiating.

This film is about as French as you can get, and we don’t just mean the language. Delving into the personal life and rise in power of French President Nicolas Sarkozy, you’ll be taken through the ups and downs of French politics. Unfortunately, the acting and production is the downfall here. The Conquest would be really incredible… for a Lifetime original.

House of Tolerance All the glamour of French cinema is wrapped up and contained in a brothel in House of Tolerance. Focusing on the women who work at The Apollonide, this film manages to disturb viewers while still leaving us oddly unsatisfied — much like the women’s clients. Unless you’re into things like women crying tears of semen (yes, that really happens). Skip it.

Flip to the BACK PAGE for a preview of the Philadelphia Film Festival's best offerings, starring Michael Fassbender. A film a day keeps the doctor away.

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

LESS THAN FESTIVE

Or something like that.

A LESSON IN DISTRACTION: BEST OF NETFLIX INSTANT It’s midterm season, which means that your time spent on Netflix is likely to increase exponentially. Sure, you know that Mad Men and 30 Rock are currently available, but here are some hidden gems you may not realize are on instant view. So stop complaining about the price hike already. By NICK STERGIOPOULOS Saturday Night Live: the 1970s With hosts like George Carlin and Richard Pryor and a cast including John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd and Gilda Radner, these were SNL’s glory days. Watch out for the land shark.

Monty Python’s Flying Circus Besides searching for the Holy Grail, Gilliam, Cleese and Co. brought their comic absurdity to people's living rooms each week in the early 70s, brilliantly combining scatological with intellectual humor. Alfred Hitchcock Presents/The Twilight Zone Alfred Hitchcock and Rod Serling were masters of suspense and science fiction, respectively, and their mindbending television vignettes from the ‘50s and ‘60s continue to influence the genres to this day.

Memphis the Musical Can’t afford to dish out $120? Netflix has a recording of this Tony award–winner for Best Musical. Oh, there's also a Cannibal! the Musical on instant.

‘90s Nickelodeon Shows O l d N i c k shows are more fun to watch in college t h a n they were in elementary school, because now you totally get all the sexual innuendo. How Ren & Stimpy and Rocko ever got approved for children remains a mystery. Just look how we turned out.

Hoarders Stressing about exams and life in general? Watching a season of Hoarders will make you realize just how in control you really are. So chill out.

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34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

Hobo With A Shotgun While it likely never played in a theater near you, this grindhouse gore–fest follows a hobo determined to clean up a crime–ridden city, reinvigorating the exploitation genre in the process.

s 7

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

The Restaurant School readies students for careers in the culinary industry. By Samantha Sharf

student sneezes. Professor Henry Piotrowski shouts, “Go wash your hands.” In an upstairs classroom in Allison Mansion, tired students sit behind four long metal tables waiting for class to begin. They are wearing white coats and floppy chef hats. The uniforms give the impression that they know what they’re doing, but many of them picked up a knife for the first time just six weeks ago, when they began their freshman year at The Restaurant School at Walnut Hill College. The 18 students in Introduction to Culinary Arts are among the 458 hopeful chefs, bakers and hotel or restaurant managers working toward degrees just blocks from Penn’s campus. Their schedules hardly resemble a Penn student’s typical day.

Today’s lesson is about tomato sauces, part of a unit on the five mother sauces — tomato, bechamel, veloute, espagnole and hollandaise. Variations of these sauces are used in the school’s four restaurants where students cook and serve the public, as well as throughout the culinary industry. The three–hour class begins with attendance and a dress check. An appointed sous chef calls out names and makes sure uniforms are clean, that each woman’s hair is tucked into her cap and that each man’s beard is trimmed. A PowerPoint lists facts about tomato sauces and recipes. Cooking begins with clanging as metal vessels are pulled from shelves and pattering as pots are filled with water. A metallic buzz pierces above the cacophony as two students sharpen their knives in tandem, chatting as blades graze against the metal sharpening rods. Onion skins crinkle as they are peeled back before knives thud gently against thick cutting boards. Watching a student struggle, Piotrowski asks, “How did I teach you how to cut? Learn what you are doing in school.” The professor whispers,

“This is what you get with freshmen.” There are approximately 200 freshmen this year, the college’s largest class ever. Piotrowski, the director of culinary arts, believes the economy is the main source of the growth. People graduating from traditional academic institutions are unable to find jobs, so they figure having a skill will serve them. According to Peggy Liberatoscioli, the school’s Vice President of Administrative Services, 85 percent of students who began their education in 2007 had jobs within 30 days of graduation,

“

chaos,” says Professor John Gallagher, surrounded by pastry arts majors. Everything the students make is sold in the campus pastry shop or served to restaurant patrons; it’s on the job training, without the danger of getting fired. The students are divided into nine stations — breads, cookies, tarts, chocolates, cakes, restaurant, pantry, oven and finishing. They spend two weeks at each station over the course of one semester and visit each station twice. Itia Hooper, a 19–year–old sophomore from Philadelphia, is working at the chocolate station. She commutes to

I like to think of it as controlled chaos.

which for most was sometime in 2009. The range of levels becomes clear when one student diced his onion before others filled pots with water. Another student has more difficulty; she is slow and awkward and larger chunks of onion remain on the cutting board when she is done. Piotrowski can already tell that five won’t graduate. By 9 a.m. onions are simmering in saucepans and tomatoes are being added to the mixture. One student focuses intensely on the contents of his pan, his body shaking as he shimmies the forming sauce over the gas burner and stirs it with a wooden spoon. An hour later, students individually present their work to Piotrowski. He moves the food around on the plate with the back of a plastic spoon, and takes just one bite of each dish. He will later grade their performance for the day, and they will receive a letter grade at the end of the semester based on their daily performance, a midterm and quizzes. Pastry Production class begins at 6 a.m. “I like to think of it as controlled

campus each day, which can take her up to two hours on the bus. Itia cuts a square in half and examines its middle. She takes a bite and makes a face, “Tastes like metal.” Itia enjoys this station but says humid days are not good for chocolate. She originally planned to study art at a traditional college, but her dream was always baking, so she decided to make a change. When she started designing cakes she realized that “this is an art too.” For freshman Shayna Clary, 21, baking began as a relaxing hobby. Like many of her classmates Shayna hopes to one day own a bakery, hers specializing in wedding cakes. Karly Peifer, 18, also hopes to find a career in wedding cakes. Although Karly has not yet made a wedding cake, she has made baby shower cupcakes and sells pies at her church. Today, she is working in the finishing room cutting up strawberries and kiwis to put on top of torts and brushing them with apricot glaze so they shine. Sharing the finishing station with Karly, Erika Johnson is filling cream puffs. As a standing electric mixer blends together heavy cream and powdered sugar to form whipped cream,

she seems unsure of herself but says she is enjoying school. She likes that the school is “small and homey.” After tasting her whipped cream, Erika folds in more sugar with a plastic spatula. Content with its taste, she shovels the mixture into a pastry bag. Then, with the help of an older student, she pipes the cream into the puffs forming shaky but elegant spirals. Once the professor approves her work, Erika brings her gold tray to the pastry shop. She places it on the top shelf of a display case with a sign identifying the product. Erika’s work will be sold for $2.50 a piece. The cake station spends its morning making sheets of paper–thin cake. A giant metal bowl from an industrial sized electric mixer rests on a stool that has been turned upside down. Erin Dugan, 20, has removed the contents of her pockets so no pens or thermometers fall into the batter as she leans over to mix it with her hands. Elbow deep in chocolate and eggs, Erin explains that she is vegan and dreams of opening a vegan, gluten– free bakeshop. A freshman in her third semester, Erin says it is tough to be a vegan in pastry school but she “came here to learn the fundamentals.” When baking vegan she replaces dairy milk with soy and almond milks and butter with vegetable margarine. She also uses a lot of silken tofu. Because Erin sees the goal of vegan baking as making foods that taste like the original, Erin always tastes what she bakes in class. She says her non–vegan parents can’t tell the difference. In her six semesters she will pay almost $36,000 in tuition (not including lab fees, equipment and uniforms

which vary in cost), so she wants to get as much as she can out of her education. After six semesters, students earn an associate degree. Then a small handful stay on to earn bachelors degrees. Students don’t register for specific classes because all associate degree candidates in a given major take the same specific courses. In addition to pastry production, the college offers these students classes related to chocolate, wedding cakes and college success. Allison Mansion, the school’s main building at 4207 Walnut Street, contains the main culinary teaching facilities, four restaurants and a pastry shop, in addition to a library and computer labs. The center for hospitality studies is one block east at 41st and Walnut Streets and contains additional classrooms and a school store. Dorms are located across the street and next door to the mansion. Each school year has three 10–week semesters. Erin completed half of an associate’s degree in English before starting at The Restaurant School, and stories of traditional educations left behind are common among the students. Zachary Kowalski, 18, however, always wanted to be a baker. Growing up, Zach loved making Christmas cookies with his mom. He came straight to Walnut Hill College from vocational high school in Pittsburgh. One of three males in the class, Zach knows that many people think baking is for girls, but says the

PHOTOS BY ADRIAN FRANCO

only difference he sees between himself and his 32 female classmates is that he has to “reach up and get things off the top shelf.” Jimmy Mercado, 18, is one of Zach’s roommates in the dorms. They live with James, the third boy in the class. Today

“

In this field you are supposed to start from dirt.

Jimmy is making butter cream by stirring a mixture of egg whites, powdered sugar, vanilla, shortening and butter over heat. He keeps the liquid moving so the eggs don’t harden. Jimmy also went to a technical high school and had a job at a bakery. He chose Walnut Hill College because it is “only about” food. Nicole Dalessio, 18, also lives in the dorms. She says living with other students has made her experience feel more like what she expected a traditional college to be like, but thinks this is even better, because she is studying the same things as her roommates.

Only 160 students live in the dorms. Like many other Philadelphia natives, Veronica Figueroa, commutes from home, because she could not afford to live in the dorms. A sophomore, Veronica has enjoyed her experience less than most of her peers. She is interested in cakes specifically so finds making little tarts and pastries unfulfilling. She came to Walnut Hill College because she will graduate with a degree, rather than the certificate that some culinary schools offer, but would have liked to specialize more. “Production is a trip,” exclaims Olivia Portelli, 20, an alumna of The Restaurant School. Olivia graduated in March with an associate degree in pastry arts, and she now works on Walnut Street at Penne Restaurant and Wine Bar making all their desserts and handmade pastas. Although “nobody wants to get up that early,” Olivia describes production class among her best college experiences. She explains that in this industry it is important to have a lot of tricks, and she never wanted to be a “one note” anyway. She also enjoyed being to be able to point to something on a pastry shop shelf and say “I made that,” but noted that it can be stressful to think about the public seeing your work. After a long day of production and

other classes, Olivia used to go to her brother, a 2010 Penn grad, Joe’s apartment to make dinner (The Restaurant School dorms don’t have kitchens). She had less time on her hands when she began working at Penne in her sophomore year to fulfill the college’s internship requirement. Although she knows some people who struggled to find jobs, she doesn’t know anyone in her class who does not have a job now. Olivia decided to go to culinary school because “All I could think about all day when I was in [high] school was what I was going to make to eat that night.” She went for pastries because she never skips dessert and likes the challenge, calling baking “the perfect mesh of art and science.” Now that she is “a real person,” Olivia knows her passion for baking “truly is love” because she is willing to put up with the exhaustion, heat and injuries that come with working in a kitchen. Average entry–level pay is only around $11 per hour for someone with a culinary degree. “In this field you are supposed to start from dirt,” explains Olivia.

Check out 34st.com for information on how to eat at the Restaurant School.

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

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CHEF PREP

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

MUSIC

A GUIDE TO MUSICAL COLLECTIVES Music Collective — a phrase used to describe a group of musicians in which membership is flexible and creative control is shared. From OFWGKTA’s Tyler, The Creator winning this year’s Best New Artist VMA to Arcade Fire’s much–talked–about 2010 Grammy for Album of the Year, collectives seem to be dominating music news. Clearly, collectives have been producing some of the most creative works due to their artistic contributions on an individual level and to their unique vision as a group. Read up and take a look at some of the most diverse and prominent collectives on the cutting edge of music today. BY SAM BRODEY AND JAKE SPINOWITZ

OFWGKTA

Animal Collective Animal Collective is an experimental psychedelic collective originally from Baltimore. With most of the members engaged in solo projects, the group is more a loose coalition of performers rather than a standard rock band. Each of the members assumes an alias under which they record: David Portner is Avey Tare, Noah Lennox is Panda Bear, Josh Dibb is Deacon and Brian Weitz calls himself Geologist. Merriweather Post Pavilion, the group’s eighth and most accessible record to date, was released in 2009. It reached the Top 20 in America and peaked at number 26 in the U.K., establishing the group’s strength as a commercial force. Key tracks: "You Can Count On Me" (Panda Bear), "My Girls" (Animal Collective), "Oliver Twist" (Avey Tare) In the news: Animal Collective curated an All Tomorrow’s Paris festival in Minehead, England this past summer, which featured them performing alongside Ariel Pink, Big Boi, Lee “Scratch” Perry, Atlas Sound, Gang Gang Dance and many more.

The rap collective Odd Future — short for Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All — has gained tremendous notoriety in the last year for members’ controversial lyrics and outrageous performance antics. Oh, yeah, and they’re all killer rappers, producing some of the scene’s most creative music today. Founded in Los Angeles by a group of high school skate punks, the collective consists of roughly 10 members — the most prominent being crooner Frank Ocean, rapper Hodgy Beats and the acknowledged ringleader, Tyler, The Creator. A few mixtapes have been put out under the Odd Future name (with various members contributing tracks); these days, members appear most on each other’s individual projects. With many more projects from the group slated to roll out soon, the near future is sure to be pretty damn odd. Key tracks: "Yonkers" (Tyler, The Creator), "Rolling Papers" (Domo Genesis feat. Tyler, The Creator), "She" (Tyler, The Creator and Frank Ocean) In the news: Odd Future will be performing at Philadelphia’s Union Transfer this Saturday, as part of their 2011 Golfwang Tour. If you manage to score tickets, wear protective gear. It’s going to get wild.

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

Arcade Fire

If you haven’t heard of this incredibly talented and seriously accomplished band by now, we’re not judging you, but go look them up (now). Formed in 2001 in Montreal, Arcade Fire boasts a lineup of eight members, including the husband–wife duo of frontman Win Butler and vocalist Regine Chassagne. Since their EP debut in ’01, they’ve put out three stellar albums — Funeral, Neon Bible and The Suburbs — with the latter winning a Grammy. There’s a lot to like about this band, but their democratic ethos as a group is pretty cool. Each member of the band contributes actively to songwriting and album–crafting — truly embodying the music collective spirit. Key tracks: "Sprawl II" (Mountains Beyond Mountains), "We Used To Wait," "Wake Up" In the news: The band recently hosted a charity basketball tournament in Montreal, with a marquee matchup of avid baller Win versus the San Antonio Spurs’ Matt Bonner (apparently Win put up a good fight but lost).

Elephant Six Collective The Elephant Six recording company is a collective of american musicians who spawned many notable independent bands, including The Olivia Tremor Control, Neutral Milk Hotel, and Of Montreal. The collective was ofﬁcially founded in Denver by childhood friends Robert Schneider, Bill Doss, Will Cullen Hart and Jeff Mangum. They started from home, trading music recorded on boomboxes and four–track cassette recorders. Eventually, these friendships gave way to the Elephant Six recording collaborations and bands we have come to know and love. Key tracks: "Holland 1945" (Neutral Milk Hotel), "Dream About The Future" (Apples In Stereo), "Jumping Fences" (The Olivia Tremor Control) In the news: The Olivia Tremor Control recently embarked on a Fall Tour of the U.S. and Canada, marking the first live performances for the band since the handful of shows they played in 2005.

MUSICAL NOTES: HAZY BEACHES I miss the endless summer, no matter how lackadaisical it felt. Of course, this period in between senior year of high school and freshman year of college may not have involved many physical beaches for me, but it did bring with it many figuratively misty shores. I speak on the subject of the “hazy beach,” a trend in music revealed to me by Francis Tseng of Deerhaus. Contemplating this briefly, I realized Tseng had a point. One of my favorite artists of that summer, Surfer Blood, is precisely characterized by the notion of “hazy beaches,” building their first album and initial identity around the concept. Jumping from this, I thought about some other artists I had on repeat that year — Animal Collective, the Unicorns and Gorillaz — all had that element of haze and cloudy contemplation. Is this making music shallower? It’s hard to say. While it may be putting a thematic damper on upcoming tunes, it’s lead partly (in my opinion) to the adolescence of chillwave, let alone other surf–core bands resembling Surfer Blood. Playing devil’s advocate for a bit, I’ll admit I don’t hate the trend. Hazy beaches remind me of deeply conceptual nostalgia, of encasing your treasured memories in sepia because you’re a pretentious Tumblr fanatic. Still, that may be the case, but so be it. Music has already begun moving past this fascination with late–night bonfires, pressing forward into whatever frontier comes next. I for one am extremely excited for the coming winter–themed obsession — Odd Future’s Christmas album would be absolutely Yonkers. — Alex Hosenball

Real Estate really milks this whole "beach pop" thing.

fter producing indie rock gold with their self– titled debut album, Real Estate is back with their sophomore effort. In 2009, Real Estate excited listeners with lo–fi tunes and hazy vocals, earning themselves a “Best New Music” nod from Pitchfork. Now, the New Jersey group is making good on that distinction with their latest LP, Days. To say Days sounds like a walk down the beach is an understatement. Real Estate’s fuzzy and warm sound harkens to that of the Beach Boys and Best Coast, but with an extra dose of monotony. Days is full of songs that seem to embody a beachcomber’s lifestyle: slow, aimless, easy. There’s a certain weight behind the cheery lead guitar in every song, a sadness that comes with each repetitive guitar riff. From the first track, Days clearly rings of nostalgia. “Easy” begins promisingly enough, with a sun–splashed melody

BY FRIDA GARZA

real estate Days Sounds Like: Best Coast if Best Coast was less happy and had a lead male vocalist. 99–Cent Download:

“Green Aisles”

Good For: Lazy days and

moping.

sure to make your head bob. But lead singer Martin Courtney’s words give him away, as he sings “Back when we had it so easy/I would surrender completely.” The sweet sadness of his voice hangs in the air, bringing gravity to the deceiving jingle–jangle of the guitar. The rest of the album follows this sort of lethargy, but there are some shining moments in the mix. “Kinder Blume” provides a nice instrumental interlude; the dreamy tune repeats over and over without boring

the listener. Moreover, “Wonder Years” stands as a testament to Real Estate’s songwriting talent. The lyrics are simple but sound so loud and honest that it’s tempting to look away: “Well I’m not yours/And you’re not mine/I’m not okay, but/I guess I’m doing fine.” Herein lies Real Estate’s genius: finding depth in the mundane. The problem with Days isn’t its quality — it’s the repetition. “Easy” sounds good. But then, so does the next song "Green Aisles," because it sounds extremely similar. Repeat this

process nine more times, until the whole album blurs into one long, really sad stroll. It numbs with its endless rhythms and melancholia ad nauseam. But

if Real Estate can continue to show their depth through their wistful ways, they might earn the right to be called "Best New Music."

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DAYS('D) AND CONFUSED

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011 11

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

s Campus Gem

ARTS

TAKE THAT, NEW YORK

Two dozen artists give underrepresented American cities an exhibit to take pride in. BY EILLIE ANZILOTTI

et’s face it — here in Philly, we have a bit of a complex. Not about our penchant for plastic cheese or our baseball team’s furry green mascot, but the fact that no matter what, we are not New York City. Some people get their big– city contact high by pulling the “but it’s only two hours away on Bolt” card. But there are some people who wouldn’t trade their smaller downtowns for all 200+ blocks of Manhattan, and they’ve got the art to prove it. “here.,” an exhibit at the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts, showcases the work of 24 artists from six flyover– state cities. Philadelphia, Cincinnati, Phoenix/Scottsdale, Raleigh–Durham, Detroit and Kansas City take center stage in an attempt to “look away from

here. 10/22–12/31 PAFA's Samuel M. V. Hamilton Building 128 N. Broad St.

Tuesday–Saturday: 10 a.m.–5 p.m. Sunday: 11 a.m.–5 p.m. $12 with student ID pafa.org Ziggurat by Scott Hocking

places regarded as the artistic centers, and play with the idea of the periphery,” curator Julien Robson said. The quirks of each locale emerge in full force. Kansas City–based artist Michael Krueger’s work pops off the walls in psychedelic tones that recall Lawrence, Kansas’ history as the first hippie commune. (The first hippie commune was in Kansas. Who knew?)

Native American ritual slaughter traditions are projected onto the walls in a video installation by Arizona–based collective Postcommodity, and Michigan artist Scott Hocking transforms the post–industrial disrepair of Detroit’s factories into a series of complex and provocative photographs. Philly itself is brought to life in the work of four artists — in

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

You’re canceling?

Jerusalem Stabile by Alexander Calder

It’s not that your cooking tastes like crap, it’s just that we heard about a great new restaurant from the Dining Guide.

DINING GUIDE

OCTOBER 26, 2011

Lewis Colburn’s case, almost literally, as one of his installations involves the reproduction of a section of the L train tracks. More conventionally, Tim Portlock uses a gaming program to manipulate his photographs of Philadelphia into stunning landscapes. In his piece Sunrise, which shows an orange sky emerging through a layer of signature Philly gray, “there is a sense of a new tomorrow coming, something enigmatic going on,” Robson said. Though it’s one of the simpler pieces of the show, that sense of something new might as well stand for the whole exhibit. Though in essence “here.” is an opportunity for these 24 artists to strut their local pride, it’s part of a fundamental change in the art world — that “the hegemonic power of New York is beginning to wane,” Robson said. These artists are part of the movement to shake things up a bit, because “when you live on the periphery, you can think in a more expansive manner,” he added. “You can do stranger things.” So the new direction of art might be a traveling “cabinet of wonders” from Raleigh–Durham or a video of a Kansas– based artist mouthing off while wearing a magician hat. Either way, it’s something completely different, and it’s happening here, in Philly.

enn has been home to the inventors of MeepMe, bifocals and the toast zambini. Celebrated on campus–wide plaques and emphasized on prospective student tours, these innovators often outshine a very crucial other: the inventor of the mobile. Though he didn’t go to Penn, Alexander Calder has left a vibrant mark of avant– garde construction on our campus. Calder’s grandfather created the enormous bronze William Penn atop City Hall. His father designed the Swann Memorial Fountain at Logan Square. And in 1976, Calder continued the family legacy with orange–red Jerusalem Stabile, a sculpture that sits in front of Meyerson Hall. Famous for his suspended structures, delicately hanging in galleries and shifting with the air currents, the artist altered his vision for this piece. The term ‘stabile’ was coined by Calder’s friend and fellow artist Jean Arp. “You have to walk around a stabile or through it — a mobile dances in front of you,” Calder famously said. While Calder’s mobiles allow for movement, his painted steel stables are bolted into place. Striking as it is, Jerusalem Stabile is a model for another work three times bigger: Homage to Jersualem, Stabile, installed on Mount Herzi, Israel in 1977. Both frame their surroundings with large loops and arching beams. There is no better place for Calder’s sculpture than the School for Art and Design. But next time, can’t Israel take the model? We want the 72–foot version. —Emily Orrson

Best Art Classes in Philly

BY ELLIE LEVITT AND MEGAN RUBEN Add/drop is over, and the prospect of Drawing I lowering your GPA scared you out of a studio art class, again. Arts knows how you feel, and we got your back with some top–notch creative outlets outside of Penn. Drop some summer–savings dollaz, grab a bus downtown and spare a few hours each week to take one of these workshops located within 15 minutes of campus. All materials are included, and final projects serve as fantastic gifts or dorm room decor. You can’t blame Penn InTouch for missing these deadlines — sign up now for six weeks of Arts–endorsed artistry.

5. Photo-

4. Glass Blowing

graphy I When: Wednesday 6–8 p.m., November 9 through December 14, but no class on 11/23 Where: Philadelphia Photo Arts, philaphotoarts.org Tuition: $300

ArtistProfile:

If you’re nostalgic for the Renaissance festival, or just fighting to have the strongest lungs of all your friends, glass blowing might just be the perfect hobby. With no experience required, this class starts with the basic techniques and teaches you a new shape and skill each week. Hone your inner teacher’s–pet and the instructors might even let you shape a… tobacco pipe.

“All beautiful things really fall into the same category in my mind. I started pairing my pottery with words and phrases from poems and novels, because I was toying with the idea of the two things complementing and intensifying each other, like when you place two complementary colors side by side and they make each other brighter.” –Jillian Blackwell Check out an extended interview and images of Jillian Blackwell’s most recent work on her ARTIST PROFILE at 34st.com

In addition to the materials provided by the course, students are encouraged to bring in t–shirts to stamp their own designs on, the perfect remedy to that Urban Outfitters shopping addiction.

2. Clay Studio Sampler 3. Contemporary Jewelry When: Monday 6:30–9:30 p.m., November 7 through December 12 Where: Fairmount Art Center, fairmount@phillyartcenter.com Tuition: $160

When: Wednesday 6:30–9:30 p.m., November 9 through December 14 Where: The Clay Studio, theclaystudio.org Tuition: $195

So the gym's got you down — we've all been there. Blow off Pottruck to work out your quads on the pottery wheel in this intro course at the Clay Studio. By December, you won't just have muscles but also four glazed products ranging from ceramic bowls and tiles to little sculptures of your own. What's creepier than giving your boyfriend a miniature bust of yourself? (The answer is… nothing.)

Feeling crafty? Craving excess jewelry? Ladies and the otherwise feminine, your prayers have been answered. This class will guide you through a number of jewelry making skills from beading design to intricate wire work. Incorporating pendants, earrings, rings and necklaces, don’t miss this chance to create your own personalized accessories. Bring your own materials if you feel like jazzin’ things up.

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

Still trying to figure out that fancy pants camera of yours? Philly Photo Arts can guide you through the perils beyond automatic mode. Learn how to adjust everything from shutter speed and aperture to lenses and depth of field. Weekly assignments will get those creative juices flowing, allowing you to experiment with tonalities, lighting and color in your photographs. We’ll keep an eye out for that new Facebook album.

When: Saturday 1:30–4:30 p.m., November 5 through December 17 Where: East Falls Glassworks, eastfallsglass.com Tuition: $470

1. to aspiring Warhols of all levels, this course will guide Screen Open students through the basics of the print press. After creating of stencil–based images, you’ll move on to stampPrinting aingnumber a variety of two dimensional surfaces. And the best part?

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ARTS TOP 5:

when: Thursday 6:30–9:30 p.m., November 3 through December 15 where: Fairmount Art Center, fairmount@phillyartcenter.com tuition: $170

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

LOWBROW

STREET CRED

In an age when 500 friends is far too few and updating your status is as essential as brushing your teeth, it’s important to stay on top of what’s cool and what’s not. Here’s a point system to help you check yourself before you wreck yourself. Skipping the line for Hemo’s because he knows you +2 Avoiding the Compass –13

Thinking Beijing is a good BYO –9

Still having your original PennCard +4

Asking if there’s anything other than Natty –5

Knowing about the student discount at McDonald’s +5

Playing your guitar in the Quad –10

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

Getting a supportive email from your writing seminar prof after writing a slightly depressing blog post. Call CAPS: (215) 898–7021, but also –17

Not wiping down your machine at Pottruck –7

Waking up from a night out with more money than you started with +9

Going to a date party with a friend, but leaving with benefits +3

Waking up in different clothes from what you went out in +1

Ms. Lois knows your name +2

Being a murse among nurses +28

Not being from the northeast +63

Being able to tell the difference between Banker’s rum and Banker’s vodka by taste +8

Becoming Foursquare mayor of HUP –6

Playing your ukulele in the Quad +10

Having an “awesome” time at Castle –69

Wearing your PennCard on a lanyard like it’s a baby blanket –3

Waiting outside for Van Pelt to open in the morning –4 Running for UA –100

Running for UA… and losing –101

Fuddy Duddy: You like to think you know what’s up, but you’re usually late on the scene, gramps.

Penn’s a big place, and while you may think that you’ve already mastered its ins–and–outs, found all the spots for free printing and know just how to avoid awkward hookups on Locust, here’s a list that’s sure to burst your bubble. Lowbrow presents the top 10 things you’ll graduate still not knowing: 10. The real rules of Beirut 9. What’s in Bui’s sauce 8. How to listen to the TVs at Pottruck 7. How to write a concession essay 6. Whether the curve is helping or hurting you 5. How to spell Skookle 4. What the Philomanthean Society does 3. How to properly please a woman (have you seen our sex survey?!) 2. Rebecca Stein’s true ethnicity

If You Scored… Less Than Zero

TOP TEN:

Zero

Middle O' the Road: Though you don’t know your Colt from your Beretta, you get by… with a few tips from your homies.

More Than Zero

Street Smart: No one on the corner got swagga like us. Come to our writers' meetings on Thursdays at 6:30.

1. Whether or not that Shoutout was about you

Disclaimer:

Street keeps it real. Except Lowbrow.

She ventured to the BioMed Library for the same reason she enrolled in Bio 121: to find a nice Jewish doctah. Lucky for Rachel, that’s exactly when she met David. Even after she dropped PreMed in lieu of an Urban Education degree, their love for Hillel chicken wraps kept the two together. That, and their grandmothers play Bridge together at the Boca JCC. Now married, she stays at their Westchester home with little Rebecca and Daniel while he’s still completing those final 10 years of residency. Life as a trophy wife is just as she imagined it — hosting house parties when he finally opens his own practice and smuggling Viagra into his cupcakes.

Capogiro provides a sceney Mecca for Penn’s international population. The denizens of this makeshift study lounge sip on overpriced cappuccinos during the day and guzzle glasses of vino blanc at night, a combination that oft culminates in the coalescence of foreign tongues… literally. And while we might not see these Capo couples in the States after graduation, we can expect them to export their offspring to Penn, where little Pierre will become the future president of Castle.

Illustrations by Ajai Vishwanath

While Fisher Fine Arts is not the first place that comes to mind when you think of finding love, it’s definitely a great spot to find a kinky sex partner. Just imagine it. The lights are dim, the silence is echoing and when you finally lock eyes with her, you both know exactly what comes next: profound, noiseless sex in the carrels upstairs — no strings attached. Except the ones around your ankles.

Van Pelt serves as the prime breeding grounds for Penn’s indigenous couple: the fratstar and sorostitute. You can find them in Rosenparty recounting tales of the latest bacchanalia at the local watering hole, the Blarney Stone. And even though he’s a BMOC now and she’s been a Beta sweetheart since sophomore year, we all know how this love story will end — the retired Greek couple shotgunning Buds in their trailer home (which may or may not double as a crystal meth lab) reminiscing on them good ol’ days before his six pack turned into a beer belly and when her nose was properly intact.

Huntsman Hall is the meeting place for the future power couples of corporate America. When they're not calculating the present value of their trust funds, young Whartonites sometimes try their hand at love. While steamy interactions in GSRs may momentarily thaw their cold, frigid hearts, we know that their love is one investment that won’t pan out. She’ll get the penthouse on the Upper East Side in the divorce settlement while he sails the Mediterranean on his yacht with young supermodels.

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STUDY BUDDIES

We've all heard the story about the Penn alum couple who met freshman year and are now happily married (yeah, we’re talking about you Mr. and Mrs. Elizabeth Banks). But with our days split between studying hard and procrastinating harder, we have little time to create a substantive love connection. Don’t fret because Lowbrow knows a thing or two about finding love in the bookstacks. Take a peek at what your love life has in store based on your favorite study haunts.

34TH STREET Magazine October 20, 2011

Dine-In, Catering & Delivery Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95

PattayaRestaurant.com • 215.387.8533 4006 Chestnut Street • University City valid from 10/13/11 to 10/27/11

Friday, October 21

Thursday, October 20

Saturday, October 22

Shame

A Dangerous Method

7:55 p.m., Ritz East B Directed by: Steve McQueen Starring: Michael Fassbender, Carey Mulligan Avant–garde visual artist Steve McQueen’s second film explores the sexual addiction and destructive chemistry of a brother and sister.

Like Crazy — Opening Night Film 8 p.m., Annenberg Center Directed by: Drake Doremus Starring: Felicity Jones, Anton Yelchin A college–aged couple is torn apart by an expired visa in this Sundance darling.

7:40 p.m., Ritz East B Directed by: David Cronenberg Starring: Viggo Mortenson, Micahel Fassbender The psychologically damaging triangle between psychoanalysts Freud, Jung and their most disturbed patient is one of the festival’s most anticipated films.

Tuesday, October 25

Wednesday, October 26

7 p.m., International House Directed by: Nick August–Perna Starring: Glen Hansard, Marketa Irglova The award–winning duo from Once is followed as they tour and explore the intersection of love and music.

2:45 p.m., Ritz East A Directed by: Philipp Stozl Starring: Alexander Fehling, Miriam Stein In a season of biopics, this German film details the early life of novelist Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

The Swell Season

Sunday, October 23

Monday, October 24

12:10 p.m., Ritz East A Directed by: Ralph Fiennes Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Gerard Butler Take a midday study break to see Ralph Fiennes’ directorial debut in an adaptation of the Shakespearean classic.

7:40 p.m., Ritz Five Directed by: Sean Durkin Starring: Elizabeth Olsen, John Hawkes A young woman is haunted by the memories of the abusive cult from which she escaped.

Coriolanus

Martha Marcy May Marlene

Young Goethe in Love

A ONE–A–DAY PREVIEW OF THE PHILADELPHIA FILM FESTIVAL

Thursday, October 27

The festival’s most highly anticipated films — and the ones worth skipping work for. By Shelby Rachleff

The Artist

7:20 p.m., Ritz East A Directed by: Michel Hazanavicius Starring: Jean Dujardin, Berenice Bejo A silent film actor evolves as the industry shifts towads talkies in this silent film — the preemptive winner of the Street Meta Award.

Sunday, October 30

Friday, October 28

Saturday, October 29

7:30 p.m., Prince Music Theater Directed by: Constance Marks A profile of the man behind one of Sesame Street’s most beloved characters, Elmo.

Night Film and Party 7 p.m., Annenberg Center Directed by: Alexander Payne Starring: George Clooney, Judy Greer In Alexander Payne’s much– anticipated follow–up to Sideways, a man struggles to fix his relationship with his daughters after his wife suffers an accident.

Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey

The Descendants — Closing

Into the Abyss

3:25 p.m., Ritz East B Directed by: Werner Herzog Werner Herzog’s latest documentary concentrates on a 10–year–old triple homicide case and the convicted teenage killers.

Monday, October 31

Tuesday, November 1

Wednesday, November 2

Thursday, November 3

5:10 p.m., Ritz East B Directed by: Michael Collins Celebrate Halloween with this Filipino documentary about Paco Larranaga, an innocent man who has been in jail since 1997 for a mistaken conviction of double rape and murder.

10:15 p.m., Ritz East A Directed by: David Mackenzie Starring: Luke Treadway, Natalia Tena Set at the “T in the Park” music festival, this Scottish romantic comedy focuses on two musicians who interfere with each other’s performances.

7:20 p.m., Ritz East A Directed by: Nancy Glass Philadelphia local Todd Carmichael aims to be the fastest to make the journey across Antarctica to the South Pole, and the first American, in this documentary.

9:45 p.m., Ritz East B Directed by: David Mackenzie Starring: Ewan McGregor, Eva Green Say goodbye to the Philadelphia Film Festival with a fantastical romance about love and a mysterious disease that wipes out a large part of the earth’s population. No big deal or anything.

Give Up Tomorrow

You Instead

Race to the Bottom of the Earth

Perfect Sense