November 13, 2014 by 34th Street Magazine

November 13-November 19, 2014 34ST.COM

november 13 LOL

3 HIGHBROW

34TH STREET

2014

I’ve always said that my favorite part of being editor–in–chief is the opportunity to create for other people the same experiences that shaped me. As the head of the magazine, I may not be invited to all the pregames anymore and I may get a lot of shit talked behind my back, but I don’t mind. I did it when I was a younger staff member, and it defined my college experience. Street changed me. It made me tougher and at the same time more compassionate. It made me cultured and at the same time feel totally culturally unaware. It made me funnier. And it definitely made me more popular. When I am introduced to someone on this campus, it’s almost always succeeded by “she’s the editor–in–chief of Street.” It’s who I am. It’s my identity. But, not for much longer. I have been looking forward to this moment—to having my Wednesday nights back, to not being on call 24/7 when the website goes down, to not being constantly harassed about the

roundup, overheards, word on the street, insta IDs

4 EGO

eotw alex higgins, letters looking forward and back, penn in three words

LOL

7 MUSIC

album reviews, identity playlist

10 FILM

film identity essays

12 FEATURE

identity blurbs

15 FOOD & DRINK

you are what you eat, streeeats

LOL

CLOSINGFROMTHEEDITOR

Round Up—but I have been dreading writing this letter. The effect that this magazine has had on my identity, and my life, is far too profound to fit above Pat’s quirky black–box ad. Mostly because it’s hard to find the right words. For this issue, the Identity Issue, we challenged our writers and staff to identify themselves in three words. It was my idea, and I feel slightly sadistic now that I’ve realized just how much of a challenge this is. You try. Let me know who you are (bower@34st.com; @chloembower). I promise it won’t be easy to decide. College is for many things. It’s for expanding your mind, for growing up, for broadening your horizons. For me, more than anything, it’s been for creating my identity. Thank you to everyone at 4015 Walnut who helped. I could only hope that I leave this job having done so in some small way for you.

19 ARTS

I've said a lot of weird things in these black boxes over the last year. This week, I'm gonna keep it simple:

22 LOWBROW

Thanks, Street, for everything. Never slow down.

street selfies

funny stories from funny people

Writers' meeting tonight. 4015 'Nut. 6:30 p.m. 24 BACKPAGE

100 person face morph

Club Pat is closed for now. Keep your head up, Penn. ManEd, out.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Chloe Bower, Editor in Chief Patrick Ford-Matz, Not concise enough Abigail Koffler, Determined, absurd feminist Margot Halpern, Hungry, hungry hippo Sarah Tse, Spooky, nihilist aesthete Byrne Fahey, Occasional campus nudist Ling Zhou, But what if? Conor Cook, Ghostwrites for rappers Emily Johns, Not (not) typical Ciara Stein, Figuring it out Nicole Malick, Strong willed female Alyssa Berlin, Better with sprinkles Ryan Zahalka, Space, mother fucker Clare Lombardo, Girl from Mars 2

Katie Hartman, Happy, happy, happy Alexandra Sternlicht, Your worst nightmare Julia Liebergall, Jewish Meryl Streep Marley Coyne, Delta Delta Delta Lucy Hovanisyan, Armenian, poet, savvy Mark Paraskevas, Serial Snapchat screenshotter Justin Sheen, Severely dimpled Korean Molly Collett, Beautiful, sexy, smart Rosa Escandon, A silly feminist Adam Hersh, Unacceptable human being Ariela Osuna, Maybe it's Maybelline Patrick del Valle, Extra cheese, please Sara Thalheimer, Bitchy resting face Orly Greenberg, Flash mob enthusiast Giulia Imholte, Muggle from Minneapolis

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

Diane Bayeux, Fading, high, wandering Rachel Rubin, Liked by parents Cassandra Kyriazis, Confused by blumpkins Casey Quackenbush, Boss ass bitch

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief, at bower@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com

COVER DESIGN: Margot Halpern COVER PHOTO: Sarah Tse BACKPAGE DESIGN: Ariela Osuna Contributors: Isabella Auchus, Isaac Silber, Sarah Fox,

All you Penn freaks on the Walk, Caroline Marques, Joe Miciak, Suzette Wanninkhof, Sofia Demopolos, Alexa Fecca, Hallie Brookman, Julia Wang, Alison Elliott, Rebecca Gever, Emily Johns, Dan Spinelli, Chinyere Agbai, Randi Kramer, Arjan Singh, Salima Ghadimi, Erica Louie, Kimberly Lu, Brennan Cusack

"People are beautiful!" ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

What's Your Instadentity? If you don’t have an Instagram bio, we assume you don’t have a personality. Highbrow pulled some examples from Penn students to see how they present themselves on social media. Philly | SoFla // #familyfirst Food Enthusiast, Nickelback Purist Wag more, bark less Eat diamonds for breakfast and shine all day London - NYC - Palo Alto - UPenn Generally poor life decisions I’m sorry, I don’t speak monkey Don’t quit your day dream I always skip Wednesdays. You can’t be suave in the rain

over heard PENN at

Quotes 1. “I'm really nervous about passing out in a bush tomorrow.” 2. “You hit the tip of my wiener.” 3. “Mom, you need to stop captioning your photos with #yolo.” 4. “She totally waxes her own back.” IDs a. Harvest bartender b. Concerned sophomore c. Judgmental SDT sister d. Sassy senior

The summer before coming to Penn, I would have considered myself halfway out of the closet. I had one foot out; I couldn’t fully open the door yet, but I was getting there. I learned that you don’t come out just once—coming out is a prolonged process that never really ends. As a freshman, I didn’t feel ashamed of my “gayness,” but I felt meh about it. I wasn’t hiding my sexuality, but I evaded conversations about being gay. My sexuality formed a part of my identity, but it was not a defining factor. Coming to a new school, I didn’t want others to characterize me on one aspect of who I was—I wanted to identify myself on my own terms. I was concerned about the ‘gay’ label and I avoided the LGBT community on campus, even threw around a few gay jokes. This year, something changed. I had an ‘aha’ moment. I attended an LGBT business conference during fall break, and one keynote speaker

To all who have tried to label Penn as the #1 party school or the most insecure Ivy: bitch, you don’t know our life. That said, one thing’s for sure—we know how to have a good time. Booze, biddies and boys didn’t mix so well this weekend. Attendees to TriDelt’s annual Woodser event heavily pregamed and got a little too rowdy. While driving to the campsite sans–restroom, sisters and their dates peed in empty water bottles. When no bottles remained, the boys resorted to urinating on the seats at the back of the buses. Once they finally arrived at the campsite, bodily fluids continued to flow—we hear that the firepit was a popular vomit spot. To top it all off, a few party goers got lost in the woods. Maybe these girls should stick to one kind of wood. A few Penn students were pissed off this weekend. On the way to Princeton on Saturday,

emphasized the importance of being out and “proud.” Proud. The word stuck with me, but didn’t resonate at first. I had accepted my sexuality, I felt comfortable with it, but that certainly didn’t translate into a sense of pride. But as I thought more about the idea during the speech, it finally clicked. I did feel proud to be gay. In that moment, the way

deny that my sexuality affects my life now and will continue to do so in the future. In realizing that, being gay became a more valuable part of my identity. After fall break, I knew immediately that I wanted to be more involved in the gay community at Penn. The application deadline for Wharton Alliance was the day I got back from the conference, so I churned out a few short responses and sent them in. Now, as a Wharton Alliance board member, I feel as if I’m part of Penn’s LGBT community, rather than simply gay at Penn. Finally recognizing and understanding this difference compelled me to become more involved. For many, coming out isn’t easy. There’s some consolation to hear that “it gets better,” and it does to some extent. For me, the real change occurred when I was no longer coping with my sexuality—I identified with it.

wordonthestreet CLOSETED PRIDE BY CONOR COOK

in which I viewed my sexuality completely changed—I guess all I needed was an inspirational speech from a Goldman Sachs managing director. I’ve always believed that I should be proud of who I am, but I hadn’t considered embracing my sexuality in the same way. However, I realized that it was more than okay to be gay. Approaching my sexuality with indifference seems pointless—I can’t

the ApeSDT buses stopped for a bathroom break—but not fast enough. Overwhelmed by his full bladder, one Apes sophomore decided he couldn’t hold it any longer. He found an empty water bottle, whipped out his dick and filled

gas station employee accused an A’s brother of stealing, and subsequently called the police to deal with the situation. Upon their arrival, the policemen threatened to breathalyze the crowd of intoxicated students. One angry Theta se-

THEROUNDUP

Identifiers were redacted for the printed version* it up. Upon finishing, he real- nior seemed to think this was ized he didn’t have a top, and unacceptable, and yelled at the threw the urine–filled bottle police to “fuck off.” She was out the window. Unfortunate- promptly put in the back of a ly for him, the window was cop car and detained while the closed and the bottle exploded police proceeded to separate all over the SDT girls around the students into buses based him, covering them in his piss. on those who were 21 and That’ll be the last time you those who were not, breathashower these sisters. L’chaim. lyzing those underage. Some It seemed like all bathroom students received citations, but breaks went wrong this week- at least A’s and Theta got comend. While headed to Princ- fortable with blow(ing). While some students eton, the St. A’s/Theta buses made a pit stop at a gas sta- obliged to being breathalyzed, tion. Sources tell us that one others decided that they could

not take that risk. Highbrow hears that, when the police weren’t looking, some students fled out of the side door of the bus and headed for a nearby Italian restaurant to hide. However for one Theta sophomore , in the process of obtaining a Green Card, the fear of deportation was too great. She felt that this restaurant was too obvious of a hiding place so, she, two of her sisters and four A’s boys sprinted towards a nearby forest instead. While walking through the woods, the boys determined that, in order to find cabs, the group would need to cross a nearby creek. The boys jumped across it with ease, but one Theta sister was not so agile and face– planted into the water. Highbrow is happy to report that they made it to Princeton. At least running from Highway Patrol is easier than running from Border Patrol. *Read the unredacted version online @ 34st.com

N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

Answers: 1. b, 2. a, 3. d, 4. c

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: ALEX WIGGINS

Identifying as a “black woman, lifelong learner, and people pleaser,” Alex keeps busy but has her flyering technique down to a T. She’s a Friar, the chair of the Dance Arts Council, she sashays in Onda Latina, produces Penn Monologues, coordinates PennArts pre-orientation program and networks in Black Wharton (say that five times fast!). Street: Tell us about Onda Latina. Alex Wiggins: Onda is Penn’s premier Latin dance troupe... We do a range of styles, like salsa, bachata, mambo, cha–cha, and we always try to throw some hip hop or lyrical things in there just for fun.

Street: What are your techniques for flyering on Locust? AW: We used to give lap dances on Locust. We would put a chair on the middle of Locust and say, “Free lap dances!” We stopped doing that after my freshman year...I definitely do salsa or bachata moves and try to eye people and give them the eye like, “You know you like this.” Street: Did you give any lap dances? AW: I have given one or two.

Complete Rentals:

$59.99

Street: Can you tell us more about Black Wharton? AW: Black Wharton is a group on campus that is dedicated to finding business opportunities for black students...I got my job this summer from someone I met through Black Wharton. Street: What did you do? AW: I worked at MTV and I was a production management intern for the series production development team. So I made sure Snooki and JWoww and the Teen Mom people got paid. Street: If you had to be on or create a reality TV show, what would it be? AW: Are You the One? which is on MTV right now. There are 10 guys and 10 girls, and they’ve done personality tests beforehand, and everyone has a “perfect match,” someone that they will be highly compatible with. Then they have to figure out who. Street: And you have an individualized concentration? AW: It’s called Creative and Cultural Leadership. It’s this hodgepodge of creativity and business and I made it really broad because I either want to work in entertainment or focus on dance. Street: What’s the Penn Monologues show like? AW: It encompasses the entire Penn community—we want to showcase the Penn voice because everyone has a different story and it’s really great to hear a diverse group of stories at a show. We just had a Six Word Monologue Competition, and a lot of people wrote these six word

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

monologues that were really powerful and awesome. Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you drink? AW: Shonda Rhimes. I want to ask her about her creativity, and how she creates all of these characters and has so much diversity in all of her shows. I’d drink an apple martini—that’s the only thing I ever drink. Street: Who was your first celebrity crush? AW: Usher. And Justin Timberlake—I was a huge N*SYNC fan back in the day, I had them on my folders and notebooks and things like that. Early 2000s, I loved them. Street: What’s your favorite place to SABS? AW: When I’m feeling particularly cute, I’ll stop in Platt (Student Performing Arts House) and MAKUU (The Black Cultural Center) so I can see people I know. Street: Do you have a favorite Philly restaurant? AW: Aqua, at 7th and Chestnut. It’s a Thai/Malaysian restaurant, and I went there for my sixteenth birthday and loved it. So now every occasion—my mom’s birthday, my high school graduation— we go there. Street: Tell us about your first kiss. AW: My first “kiss” was at camp, it was summer before seventh grade, and it was truth or dare or something like that. We were silly seventh graders. My first real kiss was with my little seventh

grade boyfriend, on the subway platform after school— it was great, I thought I was in love. Street: What was your first AIM screenname? AW: aphilly124. 124 doesn’t stand for anything, I just didn’t want it to be 1–2–3. Street: What’s the weirdest thing in your backpack? AW: My backpack is literally Rite–Aid. I keep a toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, bandaids, ibuprofen, tampons, everything in there. If you ever need anything, I got you. Street: If the sky’s the limit, what will you be doing on this day in 10 years? AW: Me and a friend who graduated last year want to open our own film–television–theater production company. I don’t know if by 31 it would happen, but hopefully we’ll be working on it. Street: What advice would you give freshman you? AW: Learn how to say no! I feel like I got very over–committed. Which isn’t necessarily bad, but I wish I had more free time. Street: By the way, what’s your six word monologue? AW: Don’t mind me. Doing the most. Interested in Penn Monologues? Hit up One Mic, an open mic for any and all to share their stories about race, gender or identity. Check them out on Facebook.

EGO

LOCUST WALK DIARIES: DESCRIBE PENN IN 3 WORDS Penn students say a lot with just three words. Here's how you see dear, old Penn.

Fun, stressful, rewarding – Way too intense – Way too Greek – Fast–paced, pre–professional, shark–tank – Too much schoolwork – Need more free–time – Stressful, fun, diverse – Intense all ways – Pretty fucking shit

– Everything to extremes –

Competitive, enriching, stressful – It’s many things – Stress-

ful, unrealistic–expectations, lack–of–understanding–towards–different–people

– Shitty, shitty,

shitty – Love this place – Stressful pressure cooker – Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 19104 – Active, ambi-

tious, overachieving – Competitive, pre–professional, urban – Preprofesh, entrepreneurial, dynamic – Save

– Needs more dogs – So many Jews – Elite diverse fun – Great fall foliage – Campus within city – Running to class – Jewish American Princess – THEOS THEOS THEOS – Stimulating, cultured, autumnal – Historic, intellectual, cut–throat – Active, competitive, stressful – Busy, exciting, stressful – Stressful, home, microcosm – Turnt, engaged, liberal – Interesting, close–community, ambitious – Very interestyour nose – The best place – Sceney as fuck

ing place – Dynamic, driven, colorful – Beautiful, fun, engaging – Diverse, vibrant, safe – Wharton, coke, finance – Intense, fun, homogenous – Theos Theos Theos – Chews you up – Funneled, sceney, potential – Jappy, intense, self–absorbed – Jewry–new–york, cocainey, sceney – Segregated, pretentious, entrepreneurial – Number one party – Pre–

– Not fucking California – Just not chill – Sometimes it’s great – Vibrant, ex– I love it – Innovative, exciting, tiring – Feels like home – Easy to criticize – Hard to pinpoint – Love/hate relationship – Draining but exciting – Red and blue – University of Pennsylvania – Stressful, rigorous,

professional, douchebag, new–money

hausting, stressful – Overwhelming and underwhelming

fun – Crazy, fast–paced, Huntsman – Great school, PAACH – Fast paced, cutthroat, premed – Never ending work – Not penn state – Hard fun cold – Stressful, fun, unpredict-

able – Stressful, fun, accommodating – Diverse, self aware, driven – Ambitious, fun, chill – Mental health crisis – Culturally–diverse, active, literate

snazzy –

– Social, serious,

Overwhelming, fun, self–discovery – Exhausting, challenging, oppressive

– Pretentious, diverse, OCR – Superficial, stressful, fun – Wall Street NY – Challenging, diverse, adventure – Nice, energetic, work-play – Collegiate, proud, ambitious – Exciting,

– Amy Gutmann’s army – Benjamin Franklin’s army – Weird, wonderful, stressful – I’ll miss it.

entrepreneurial, interesting

Still need housing for next school year? Call us today. We’d love to help you find a great place.

www.apartmentsatpenn.com

215.222.0222

At Penn, At Home.

N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

EGO

LOOKING FORWARD

LOOKING BACK

Two students reflect on their expectations and realities at Penn

LETTER FROM A FRESHMAN A few days ago, I was walking out of a Geology recitation talking the ear off an upperclassman. He nodded politely as I jabbered on about how cool all the solar system stuff we’d learned in class was. When we left the building, he turned and chuckled, “I can totally tell you’re a freshman.” When I asked why, he just smiled and said, “You’re still enthusiastic.” Well, don’t I have reason to be? I have such an incredible expanse of opportunities ahead of me. Besides just socializing and adventuring in Philadelphia, I came here wanting to help save the environment. When I’m a senior, I still want to have this fire under my heel, this itching to do something meaningful. Now this all sounds very general, and it is. But that’s also why I have four years here: to figure out exactly what I want to do. I love the environment with all my heart, but I don’t yet have the tools to fight for it. I want to leave here with a game plan, and the knowledge to make the Earth a more sustainable, beautiful place. When I think about what I want to have accomplished by senior year, I don’t think of a checklist of clubs and classes. I want to be well versed in the world. I want to have the confidence to venture abroad, join the Peace Corps, throw myself into new situations without fear of failure. For now, I can barely figure out the SEPTA stations and which Le Anh’s I should be buying from. So call me idealistic, I take it in stride. I hope to gain this knowledge and worldliness before I leave senior year. Here’s to making it happen.

LETTER FROM A SENIOR Looking back on my freshman year, maybe there are people I wish that I hung out with more, clubs that I wish I joined earlier (or some not at all), classes I might not have taken, or social circles I could have been more involved in. But my Penn career has been one long string of random events that have all led me towards a group of friends I genuinely love spending time with, professors whose wisdom and guidance I now can’t imagine being without, and a wide variety of exciting knowledge, on subjects ranging from micro–economics to the history of sexuality in the U.S. Above all, my Penn experience has given me a sense of purpose—a career path that I feel is completely grounded in who I am and how I want to contribute to our global community. I joined a fraternity, avoided OCR at all costs, drifted from Greek life and joined other clubs on campus. Through it all, I learned to trust myself and my gut above everything else. It was this mindset that led me to become a camp counselor during the summers after my freshman and sophomore years, something which helped me grow outside of the academic or career–oriented track. It helped me form a connection with a Jamaican musician, who inspired me to conduct field research in Kingston on Jamaican religious music. I now know I want to be an ethnomusicologist, not only because of classes, but because I never stopped asking myself: Who am I? What makes me happy? What makes me, me? I wouldn’t change a thing.

SARAH FOX (NATURE, AUTHENTIC, FAMILY)

ISAAC SILBER (INQUISITIVE, MUSICIAN, POET)

KeswicK cYcle now sTocKinG:

BERN HELMETS AND SWRVE APPAREL & ACCESSORIES

KeswicK cYcle is The onlY BiKe shoP on caMPUs!

fall special $150 off

And has the largest selection of new and used bicycles in Philly

raleiGh Misceo 2.0

EVERYTHING YOU

24-SPEED, DISC

NEED TO RIDE ALL

BRAKES, LIGHT & FAST

SEASON LONG

WAS: 599.99

sale: $449.99

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

UniversiTY ciTY 4040 locUsT sTreeT (215) 387-7433

#JAWNBETIGHT

save while in school! Students get 10% OFF non-sale bicycles and accessories with valid student I.D.

MUSIC

t 14

Great Service!

28 beers on tap

Phillyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Best Wings!

150 Bottled Beers. A favorite of Penn students for decades! 1116 Walnut Street | 215.627.7676 | www.moriartyspub.com N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

MUSIC

ALBUM REVIEWS

"CADILLACTICA"

"THE ENDLESS RIVER"

BIG K.R.I.T.

PINK FLOYD

Pink Floyd’s 15th and final album leaves British psychedelic rock fans with a bittersweet taste in their mouth. After all, “The Endless River” represents the end of an era. Based on earlier 1990s recordings, the album is reminiscent of the old while remaining aware of modern challenges (such as living on without key band members—this was recorded sans Roger Waters). This is a composite of ambient tracks that might not break your heart but will suit the soundtrack to your thoughts. The band leaves us, this time for good, but there is reason to rejoice. Even though they bid you adieu with this smooth (and sometimes heavy, especially “Talkin Hawkin” and “Things Left Unsaid”) finale, you don’t have to kick your Pink Floyd obsession just yet.

Grade: ADownload: Allons–y (1) Sounds best when: you and your best friend are zoning out in Clark Park at night

CAROLINE MARQUES (BITCH, CREATIVE, AWAY)

While his major–label debut “Live from Grade: Athe Underground” wasn’t the commer- Download: “Pay Attention” cial or critical success that many hoped Sounds best when: Biking it would be, Mississippi rapper Big down Spruce and not using the K.R.I.T. has redeemed himself with his pedals latest work, “Cadillactica”. While he’s a solid producer himself, he enlisted some outside production this time from talents like DJ Dahi, Jim Jonsin & DJ Khalil, and it paid off dividends. His Southern flair shines throughout, especially on “My Sub Pt. 3” and “Mo Better Cool”. All of the guest features, especially Rico Love and Bun B, add to the experience. Big K.R.I.T. may not have the name recognition that his contemporaries like Drake, J. Cole & Kendrick Lamar have, but “Cadillactica” is good enough to throw his hat back into MARK PARASKEVAS the ring. (SERIAL SNAPCHAT SCREENSHOTTER)

Saturday, November 22

Pottruck Health & Fitness Center • Noon–4 pm Dodgeball • Quizzo Video Game Tournament (FIFA) • Rock Climbing • Free Food Raffles for incredible prizes like an HDTV, a GoPro, Bluetooth headphones, and more

Presented in partnership with

quakertakeover.org

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

YEAR OF

HEALTH University of Pennsylvania 2014-2015 www.yearofhealth.org

FILM & TV

Six Penn students share their stories of growing up with film and television.

DANCER, FIGHTER, DREAMER

The bend and snap. Elle Woods made her grand entrance as she walked her way onto Harvard Law School's campus with her little chihuahua, Bruiser, trotting along behind. Elle exuded a confident, optimistic persona, while remaining focused on the task at hand... winning back her ex–boyfriend, Warner Hunnington III. I know. It may sound ridiculous to say that Elle Woods and “Legally Blonde” have helped shaped my identity and who I am today. I watched it for the first time when I was nine years old, and it’s gotten to the point where I can recite Elle’s break up scene with Warner verbatim. “It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world...” When faced with the challenges that had been laid before her, Elle Woods never lost sight of who she was. Like all the other students still trying to find the “right” path to take, I’ve had to take those challenging steps too. Where do I want to college? What's my major going to be? What am I going to do with my life? Who am I? I felt like I had a little piece of “Elle” in me too. For starters, I’m blonde. Although I didn’t have a puppy to carry around with me at the time, I always had a bright and cheerful smile on my face, and my closet was filled with pink. Elle brought her confidence and optimism to the table. She was brave. When I was thirteen and a half, my passion, dance, was taken away from me for six months because I had to have knee surgery on a torn meniscus that looked like a “shattered windshield.” It felt like a piece of me was stolen by the crutches and leg brace that kept me sitting and watching while everyone else danced. Some give up and lose hope, but I channeled my “inner Elle,” and pushed through it. I rhinestoned my crutches. If I couldn’t wear the bedazzled costume onstage, I’d use bedazzled crutches as a temporary substitute. I stood up tall, focused on the challenge at hand and when I finally got back to the stage, I was dancing stronger than ever. Elle says in her closing words, “You must always have faith in people. And most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.” I continue to live by this mantra to this day. I thought of her optimism and confidence while I spent endless hours of studying for my first Econ midterm freshman year, and I continue to think of her conviction while I take my next steps into the daunting “real world.” I follow my gut instincts, stay true to myself, and as I just celebrated my 21st birthday last week, I can finally call myself “Legally Blonde.”

GIRL IN PROGRESS

It may sound strange, but film and TV have influenced my identity for as long as I can remember. During the early years, it was movie musicals. Then, it was the Marx brothers, which flowed organically into a Woody Allen phase, which then began a “classics” period, including everything from French New Wave to “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” It could be produced by a huge Hollywood studio or by your douche–y neighbor who looks like he should eat a cookie; if someone says it’s worth watching, chances are I’m in. I come by my obsession honestly: both my parents are cinephiles, and I went to my first movie just two weeks after being born (the movie was “Courage Under Fire,” and I imagine no one in the theater appreciated having a newborn cry through the Gulf War drama starring Denzel Washington). Suffice it to say, TV shows and movies have always played a role in my relationship with my family. Some families may spend their summer nights tossing a football around the backyard; mine spends it watching three episodes of “The Sopranos.” It probably started because my parents didn’t want to deal with getting a babysitter. But, more than anything else, it’s become proof that my parents have always talked to my brother and I like adults, which encouraged us to formulate our own opinions and ask questions about what we couldn’t understand. Sometimes they went a little far: I am not, for the record, recommending showing “Psycho” to your seven–year–old daughter. During the hardest times in my life, movies and TV have been a constant. They aren’t things I get to enjoy all the time, so when I do, I try to make it count. If it’s good enough, a TV show can teach you something about human nature in the space of only 30 minutes. I know every time I watch “Girls,” I'm left questioning my own future (and striving to be less of an asshole). A good documentary can open your eyes to a great band or a global issue you didn’t know existed. And if it just makes you laugh, that’s reason enough to tune in. As Roger Ebert always said, “I’ll see you at the movies.”

Mon & Tues- CLOSED Wed & Thurs- 5pm-9pm Fri- 11-2pm + 5-10pm Sat- 9am-2pm + 5-10pm Sun- 9am-2pm

N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

FILM & TV

ADVENTUROUS, INSPIRED, AWKWARD SENSE OF HUMOR Finding a fan of Peter Jackson’s “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy isn’t very hard to do, and I am among the multitudes who have secretly tried to learn the majestic Elvish language and memorize countless other trivia about the epic saga (I was, for a while, #1 in Quiz–Up’s “LOTR” category on my tiny home island, Taiwan). Jokes aside, I do hold the trilogy close to my heart as it has inspired me in several ways. When I was eight, my dad took me to the theaters for “The Return of the King.” Although the only part of the plot that I remembered—or, more specifically, was traumatized by—was Shelob the giant spider, the movie impressed me while its characters held themselves with such honor and bravery in a world so immense and daunting. Now, what I love most about “The Lord of the Rings” is that all of its characters are complex and have agency. Good and evil isn’t necessarily a binary distinction: Frodo began succumbing to the temptations of the Ring and nearly ruined the best of bromances in literary and cinematic history, and the once–honorable Saruman turned to the easier but less moral path of industrializing Middle Earth for Sauron’s questionable purposes. And even though the story is centered on Frodo’s journey to Mount Doom, much of what occurs has little to do with the hobbit’s scene–to–scene actions. There are multiple parallel storylines, each vital to the development of the story: while Merry and Pippin separate to serve Rohan and Gondor, respectively, Aragorn is recruiting the dead and Gandalf is busy getting resurrected. “The Lord of the Rings” really solidified as a favorite when I decided to watch the movies again halfway through high school. I had learned just enough that my mind was blown by the trilogy's literary genius and social commentary. How could something be so fantastical, yet so relatable? Perhaps fantasy wasn’t about escapism, but about framing reality in a perspective so wildly different that we might just be able to understand its complexities. Thie trilogy instilled in me a sense of wonder for what’s out there for us to discover. It helped me understand the complex nature of life, and that even if I am as small as a hobbit, I could still end up doing something worthwhile.

1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

NOT (NOT) TYPICAL When I was a kid, I attended the Waldorf School in Chicago. Waldorf schools are small private schools that exist in various parts of the country and focus on arts and a very specific method of education—they do not teach you how to read until about third grade—and they have been described by a few online articles as “cultish.” Part of the curriculum is the very specific requirement that students do not watch any TV or movies at home, a requirement that some families chose to follow. Mine did, to an extent. So, between the ages of three and seven, I was not allowed to watch TV. Two exceptions were made for Barney (because I watched it one time at my friend’s house and became obsessed) and the movie “Aristocats,” which my sister and I watched over and over. I couldn’t read (since the school wasn't teaching me how—I didn't even know how to write lowercase letters by the end of first grade), so most of my free time was spent playing make–believe with my sister. At night, my dad would read to us before bed. At the end of first grade, my family moved from Chicago to outside of Philadelphia, where my sister and I enrolled in public school. My TV consumption was no longer restricted, but at this point I had become accustomed to not watching often. Once I learned how to read, I spent all of my time doing so, playing with my sister and our American Girl dolls and, when I did watch TV, I only watched the Star Wars movies (weird in itself, but this restriction came from me). My parents had my brother when I was six, so when we moved he was only two. He never attended Waldorf, and his TV consumption was never restricted. He grew up watching cartoons after school and in the mornings. He didn’t have a sibling close in age with whom to play make–believe and the only times he would read were when my parents or his teachers forced him to. Growing up with heavily restricted media consumption left a sizable gap in my cultural knowledge that I am still trying to fill. I don’t know if I would ever restrict my children’s media intake the way mine was, but I do firmly believe in it to some degree, provided it is coupled with an environment that encourages reading and other pastimes. While it may seem strange to most, I feel my lack of childhood television intake has had a positive and profound effect on who I am, and I would not want to change it.

FILM & TV

RESERVED, THOUGHTFUL, AWKWARD I have watched “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” twice. The first time hours before hearing back from Penn, and the second months later after graduating from high school. In both instances, I experienced a wide variety of emotions and found myself reevaluating my identity, albeit in different ways. Upon first watching the film, based on the novel by Stephen Chbosky, I immediately felt it gave new life to the characters I had read about and grown to love (even Emma Watson’s Sam with her not–so–convincing American accent). The movie perfectly illustrated the emotional ups and downs of each character, all of which inevitably come with being a teenager. I immediately identified with the story’s protagonist. Throughout the film, the habitually–passive Charlie struggles to participate and gain self–acceptance. I naturally related to Charlie’s hesitancy. Throughout high school, I found it easy to hide in my schoolwork, using studying and extracurriculars as an excuse to sit on the sideline. As I watched Charlie challenge himself to make new friends and try new experiences, I made a promise to myself that night. Regardless of how the college application process turned out, I too would participate. Though I was not about to dress up like a character from the “Rocky Horror Picture Show,” I would learn to accept myself and make the most of what little time I had left in high school. Fast–forward to one a.m., five months later, my post–graduation–self sitting in bed with my laptop, too overcome with excitement to sleep. As I impulsively decided to rewatch the movie, I once again found myself invested in Charlie’s story. However, the second time around, I focused on a different element of the film, Charlie’s feeling of being “infinite.” Reflecting on the intense whirlwind that was second semester senior year, I took pride in the ways in which I had forced myself to participate and become part of my senior class. Simultaneously, I could not fight off an underlying feeling of sadness as it all came to an end. I empathized with Charlie as he struggled to hold onto each last moment with the friends he had only just come to know. As I prepared for my daunting first year of college, I found myself making another promise to appreciate the infinity of each moment. Almost halfway through my sophomore year at Penn, I do not know under what occasion I will next watch “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” I do know that the film has permanently shaped my identity and my outlook on life. Though it's easy to get caught up in Penn’s intense academic atmosphere and worry about what lies ahead, I remind myself to fight off my inhibition and appreciate every day.

For Updates, Like us on Facebook facebook.com/campusapts livecampusapts.com

4043 Walnut St. Philadelphia, PA 19104 866.739.1786 N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

Hello my name is

F E AT U R E

As high school seniors, the Common App gave us five hundred words and free reign to answer a simple question: “Who are you?” A lot of our answers were bullshit. We selected our most compelling quirks and our finest accomplishments. We left out the rough bits. We polished our admission essays to shiny, gold–standard acceptance. And then we came to Penn. One, two, three or even four years later, and we're still asking, “Who am I?” This week, Street presents a collection of answers.

You’ve probably all heard them before: what’s your name? Where are you from? How did you get here? All these questions are just basic, non–creepy ways of getting acquainted with one another. Anyone can answer them, whether you’re at an interview under the pressures of possible unemployment, or at a party where your drunken companions have the attention span of a goldfish. But for me (and surely I’m not the only one) these are the trickiest of questions. If I have a feeling the conversation will be under 60 seconds, I say “I’m Italian.” If I’m asked where I’m from immediately after saying my name (which is definitely not Katie, Maddie or any other name on my PSYC 001 roster), I just say “I’m Persian.” Where did I learn French? “I grew up in Switzerland.” And if the conversation topic is about post–graduation work

visas, then I (gladly) respond, “I’m American.” That’s not even a lie—I was born in Houston. And don’t even get me started when people ask me about “home.” Because in my mind, that word has just a few definitions: “Home” where my high school friends are = Geneva, Switzerland “Home” where my parents are = Naples, Italy “Home” where my couch is = 41st and Delancey “Home” after 2 a.m. = depends on the night So yeah, I guess you could say I am a rare case. But in any case, can you really grasp who someone is just by the way their name sounds, or where their parents live, or where they were born? Sorry for the complicated answer. But it’s a pretty complicated question.

You know how little kids in movies always blurt out embarrassingly personal facts about their families? That was me. I would tell anyone who would listen, “My mom was adopted, her mom was 16 when she was born!” It was a pure truism to me, nothing special, so ingrained in my mind that I didn’t realize there were any possible negative implications. So what if I looked nothing like my adoptive grandmother, Nanny? But in 2007, my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. After a year of chemotherapy and multiple surgeries, she went into remission in the winter of 2008. Because of her unknown medical history, she had to go through painful (and expensive) gene testing to determine the likelihood that my brother and I would also develop colon cancer. Fortunately, she doesn’t have the hereditary gene, but I still have to start getting colonoscopies at age 37. Most people start at 50. My mom’s illness was a turning point for my family. We started eating healthier, we spent more time together, we appreciated the “everyday things.” And my mom

made the decision that it was time to get to know her mother. Her real, biological mother. We knew my biological grandmother’s name and had a twenty–year–old phone number from the adoption agency, but that was it—not a whole lot to work with. So my mom turned to the one place where you can find almost anybody nowadays: Facebook. Believe it or not, that’s where she found her. One painstakingly crafted Facebook message later, my mom got the following response from her biological mother: “OMG! You finally found me!” Getting to know my new grandmother, Renese, was bizarre. I found out that my family came from Austria, I saw pictures of great–grandparents and great–great– grandparents, I learned that I had three younger cousins—all these things that people seem to know since birth, but I was just learning at the age of 15. I figured out where my voracious love of reading came from. In the case of nature versus nurture, nature won in a landslide. The similarities between Renese and my mom,

Every morning at home, I woke up to the smell of aki and saltfish, as my mother swayed to the rhythmic melodies of Bob Marley's "Red Wine." There's comfort in her accented “good morning,” and I often say that she brought a piece of Jamaica's sunshine when she moved to America. In August, our family reunions are gatherings of smiling voices thickly speaking patois, a dialect only the trained ear can decipher. Laughter echoes throughout the house when my uncles try teaching my brothers how to “rock ‘n roll” while my aunts pull my hand to “dutty–wine,” a complex Jamaican dance. By winter, the ringing laughs are replaced with phone calls. My mother greets everyone with, “Gong xi fa cai!” to welcome the Lunar New Year. Oranges are placed in every room and our counter is decorated with red envelopes from distant relatives. The days we spent cleaning the house in preparation are rewarded with a feast of chicken, fish, noodles and rice. However, in the morning we revert back to our diet of patties and Jamaican

dumplings. I am Chinese–Jamaican, or colloquially know as “Chimaican.” This anomaly is common within the realms of Jamaica, though receives a look of puzzlement in the States. To put it simply, I am ethnically Chinese, though I identify myself as culturally Jamaican. But growing up in a Caucasian–dominated community complicated my melting pot of cultures. My hometown contains a relatively homogenous population. When questioned about their backgrounds, my peers’ answers seemed to flow off their tongues so easily. Then there was me: the only Asian girl in her entire class, who barely knew her own ethnicity. I found that it was easier to reject my roots than to stand out in my classrooms and always having to answer the question, “What are you?” Externally, I’m Chinese. Internally, I’m Jamaican. Mentally, I wished to be Caucasian. When I entered college, the cliched “everything began to change” happened to me. It was less com-

F E AT U R E

even between Renese and me, were shocking. Yes, on the surface, we all looked alike. But more than that, we could talk for hours. We had similar temperaments, similar preferences. But after that initial “honeymoon phase” of getting to know each other, our relationship with Renese turned sour. She couldn’t grapple with the fact that my mother ended up living a better life without her. She lashed out at us for showering my younger cousins with gifts and “showing her up.” Now, she has more or less cut off all contact with us. On the brighter side, we see my mom’s younger siblings and my three little cousins regularly. They keep us up to date on Renese’s life, and they’ve introduced us to more of my mom’s biological family. I don’t think my relationship with these people will ever be quite as ingrained as my relationship with my dad’s side of the family. But meeting them has given me a new perspective on who I am, and, under different circumstances, who I might have been.

parison, and more acceptance of myself. I stood among 10,000 undergraduate students, each holding onto something to differentiate themselves. My cultural background is what kept me interesting in my homogenous background. However in the process of falling in love with my heritages, I also began to find passion within other cultures. Being “Chimaican” anchors me in who I am, but the exploration of cultures keeps me afloat. I have the warmth of Jamaican hospitality, the strong family values from my Chinese roots and a heart filled with the desire to learn of the world. Having two contrasting backgrounds helped me understand how much identity can influence humor, growth, values, fears and hopes. And I would be doing myself an injustice by remaining ignorant of what other cultures have to offer. To say that I’ve found my identity would be premature, though coming to terms and warmly embracing my background has certainly set a strong foundation.

YOU WOULD NOT LIKE YOUR FACE IF YOUR MOTHER DID NOT LIKE IT YOU WOULD NOT LINGER ON EPITHETS FOR EYES OR METAPHORS FOR MOUTHS IF YOUR FACE LOOKED LIKE BURGER MEAT YOU WOULDN’T SMILE SO HARD IF IT FELT LIKE YOUR CHEEKS WERE THE SUNRISE SPLITTING YOUR FACE JUST WIDE ENOUGH SO YOU COULD TASTE THE WET LIGHT EVERY TIME YOU SMILE, YOUR FACE IS ONE OPEN WOUND SO YOU DON’T SMILE SMILING HURTS, YOU NEVER SMILE YOUR FACE IS A SCAB YOU CAN’T STOP PICKING OPEN JUST TO SEE THE LIGHT YOUR MOTHER CAN’T SEE BUT I WANT HER TO SEE EVERYTHING THE POSIES IN YOUR SKIN, THE SKIN ON YOUR TEETH EVERYONE ALWAYS TALKS ABOUT HOW LOVELY YOU ARE I ALWAYS HEAR ABOUT HOW LOVELY YOU ARE SHOW HER YOUR STREET–STOMPED SMILE, EVEN IF SHE CAN’T SWALLOW IT WASN’T IT HER WHO TAUGHT YOU TO LOVE YOUR OWN TORN FLESH? WASN’T IT HER WHO STITCHED UP THE UGLY SO SHE COULD PLANT KISSES ON SOIL SMOOTH ENOUGH FOR BEAUTY TO GROW? THIS IS YOUR CHILD, YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR FAMILY YOUR LEGACY, WRITTEN ACROSS YOUR FOREHEAD LIKE A BILLBOARD FOR AN EXPENSIVE WATCH NO ONE WILL EVER BUY WHO WOULD WHEN THE EARTH FIRST SPLIT OPEN, IT BLED YOU OUT IT CRIED, BECAUSE NO ONE EVER TOLD IT THAT TEARS RUIN A COMPLEXION EVERY ORIGIN STORY STARTS WITH PAIN AND ENDS IN DISAPPOINTMENT I WAS TAUGHT EARLY THAT PAIN IS LOVE JUST ANOTHER VERSION OF THE SAME STORY: A MORNING, A MISTAKE, A MAMA YOU WOULD NOT LIKE YOUR FACE IF YOU COULD NOT LOVE YOUR PAIN, IF NO ONE EVER CUT YOU OPEN, JUST TO SEE THE VIEW YOU COULD NOT LIKE YOUR FACE IF YOU’VE NEVER SLICED IT YOURSELF AND STOOD WATCHING THE DAYLIGHT POUR OUT OF YOU

More people, identities and stories online @ 34st.com 1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

FILM & TV

SON, ITALIAN, AMERICAN

In “A Bronx Tale,” young Calogero Anello (Francis Capra) is told by his well–meaning father, Lorenzo (Robert De Niro), “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” This concept of continual self–improvement is integral to the Italian–American identity, and “A Bronx Tale” captures this idea better than any other film. “A Bronx Tale” is essentially an afterthought (if even mentioned at all) in any discussion of gangster films. Far from the realm of baptism–juxtaposed executions and glitzy nightclubs, De Niro’s film set its sights on one street in the Bronx, with its blue collar, Italian–American families. Mob boss Sonny LoSpecchio (Chazz Palminteri) is no Vito Corleone. His operation is local in scope and desire; he collects his payments and keeps mostly to his own stretch of the neighborhood. If law–abiding citizens like Lorenzo wish to keep out of Sonny’s affairs, so be it. Only when Sonny takes Calogero under his wing in gratitude for the boy’s helpful testimony does conflict ensue. Now, the boy faces the classic dilemma between going through life the “easy” way as one of Sonny’s associates, or following in his father’s footsteps as an honest, but poor, bus driver. The life of the blue–collar, Italian immigrant is crucial to my family’s history. My maternal grandmother immigrated to America at the age of eighteen, joining her father who had been sending paychecks back to Italy for years previously. With an advanced education hardly an option for non–English speakers, my grandmother and her family buckled down in grimy, undesirable jobs. Her father busied away as a railroad worker, and she eventually supported her husband’s butcher shop. My paternal grandfather, upon returning from a five–year stint in World War II, worked night hours as a bank guard. One day, my father came home from his job as a bartender with a sizeable pile of tips. In shock, my grandfather remarked that it was more money than he had ever made in a day. Better than any movie of its kind, “A Bronx Tale” reflects the Italian–American cultural drive toward progress. Through each generation, the going gets better. My grandfather worked so my father could work for me to work for my children...and so it goes. The unyielding drive toward bettering one’s self and one’s family eschews the “easy way,” including the Mafia. Lest we forget, Mafia members often advance themselves at the expense of other Italians, as my grandmother recalls from growing up in Southern Italy. Lorenzo Anello rejects his son’s predilection to violence and racketeering, in a way representing the Italian father wanting the best for his American son. Eventually, Sonny is assassinated. Calogero realizes the cost of pursuing the “easy way,” and reconciles with his father. Besides being a cautionary tale against joining the mob, “A Bronx Tale” reaffirms the desire for Italian–Americans to advance themselves in this land. Both Sonny and Lorenzo impress the idea that “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” Calogero soon realizes that “wasted talent” is all that organized crime is. It is a waste of men and resources, Party Packages for Groups up to 300 Innovative Menu Options Exemplaryyes, Service but a waste for all Italians in A Growing up with heavily reFull Bar Including Over 30 Beer Selections and 15 Moonshine Flavors stricted media consumption left a sizable gap in my cultural knowledge that I am still trying Flexible Leasing • Single and Double Rooms • to fill. I don’t know if I would Individual Leases • All Amenities and Utilities Included ever restrict my children’s media Call Today 215-923-3300 or parties@jjbootleggers.com | www.jjbootleggers.com intake the way mine was, but I Sunda Monday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Monday Wednesday Wednesday Thursday Thursday Friday Friday Saturday Sund Monday Saturday do firmly believe in it to some Call 50¢ Wings Quizzo $10 Unlimited Tacos 50¢ Wings Quizzo $10 Unlimited $4$4 Craft Drafts $5$5 Moonshine 50¢ Win Wings $10 Unlimited $4 Craft Drafts Moonshine Wing 50¢ Wings Quizzo $10 Unlimited Craft Drafts $5 Moonshine 50¢ W Party50¢ Packages for Groups up to 300Quizzo Innovative Menu Options Exemplary Service degree—provided it is coupled 50¢ 6pm-9pm Starts at 6:30pm 5pm-9pm Tacos Tacos Tacos 6pm-9pm Starts 6:30pm 9pm-11pm Milkshakes 12pm-7p 6pm-9pm Starts atatat 6:30pm 9pm-11pm Milkshakes 12pm-7p 6pm-9pm Starts 6:30pm 9pm-11pmSaturday MilkshakesSunday 12pmFull BarDraft Including 30 Selections and 15 Moonshine Flavors Monday Wednesday Friday $4 Craft s Over $4Beer Craft Draft s Thursday $4 Craft Draft s 215.662.0802 with an environment that en-$4 5pm-9pm 5pm-9pm 5pm-9pm Craft Drafts $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm $4$4 Craft Dr $4$4 Craft Drafts Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm Craft Dr $4 Craft Drafts $4 $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm Craft $4 Craft Drafts courages reading and other $4 Craft Drafts 50¢ Wings Quizzo $10 Unlimited $4 Craft Drafts $5 Moonshine 50¢ Wings $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-7p 12pm-7p 12pmMonday Thursday Friday Sunday Monday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Wednesday Wednesday Thursday 6pm-9pm Friday Saturday Sunday MondaySaturday Wednesday Tacos Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Email Starts at 6:30pm 9pm-11pmpastimes.Milkshakes 12pm-7pm While it 50¢ may seem 50¢ Wings$5 Quizzo $10 Unlimited Craft Drafts $5 Moonshine Wings $5 Moonshine 50¢ Wings 5pm-9pm 50¢ Quizzo $10 $4 Drafts Moonshine 50¢ Wings DRAFTS 50¢ Wings Quizzo $10 Unlimited $4 Craft Drafts $5 Moonshine 50¢ Wings 50¢Wings Wings Quizzo $10Unlimited Unlimited$4 Craft $4Craft Craft Drafts $5 Moonshine 50¢ Wings$4$4$4 DRAFTS $4 DRAFTS Drafts $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm $4 Craft Drafts $4 Craft Draft s Tacos 6pm-9pm Starts at 6:30pm 9pm-11pm Milkshakes 12pm-7pm Milkshakes $4 Craft Draft$5 AxisLeasing@AltmanCo.com lack Any Check Every Day Any Check Every APPETIZERS Any Chec Every Day $5 APPETIZERS strange to most, I feel my 12pm-7pm Tacos Tacos Tacos $4 Day Craft Drafts s$5APPETIZERS 9pm-11pm 6pm-9pm Starts Milkshakes 12pm-7pm 6pm-9pm Starts atat6:30pm 6:30pm 9pm-11pm Milkshakes 12pm-7pm 6pm-9pm Startsat 6:30pm 9pm-11pm Milkshakes 12pm-7pm 5pm-9pm Call9pm-11pm Today 215-923-3300 or parties@jjbootleggers.com | www.jjbootleggers.com $4 Craft Drafts $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm 12pm-7pm HALF PRICED MOONSHINE HALF PRICED MOONSHINE HALF PRICED MOONSHINE 5pm-7pm 5pm-7pm 5pm-7pm of childhood television intake 5pm-9pm $4 Craft Drafts 5pm-9pm 5pm-9pm 12pm-7pm $4 Drafts 12pm-4pm $4 Craft Drafts $4 Craft Drafts $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm $4 Craft Drafts $4Craft CraftDrafts Drafts $4 $4Craft Craft Drafts 12pm-4pm $4 Craft Drafts $30 oror SPECIALTY DRINKS $30 or Mor $30 M SPECIALTY DRINKS SPECIALTY DRINKS Stop in $4 $4 DRAFTS $4 Craft Drafts $4Craft CraftDrafts Drafts 12pm-7pm has had a positive and Any profound 12pm-7pm 12pm-7pm WithWith thiscoupon. coupon. Cannot bec With this Cannot be this coupon. Canno $4 DRAFTS Check Every Day $5 APPETIZERS withother otherother offers. ExpirEs 12 Anyand Check Every Day $5 APPETIZERS with offers. ExpirEs 12 with offers. ExpirE effect on who I am, I would HALF HALF PRICED MOONSHINE 20 South 36th Street 5pm-7pm PRICED MOONSHINE 5pm-7pm $4 DRAFTS $4$4 DRAFTS DRAFTS $30 or More SPECIALTY DRINKS $30 or More SPECIALTY DRINKS 35s.s.35 2nd street Old| City, City, ph Any Every Any Check Every Day AnyCheck Check EveryDay Day not want to change it. d compa35 2nd || Old $5 APPETIZERS s.street 2nd street Old phi City $5$5 APPETIZERS APPETIZERS 215-923-3300 www.jjbootleg 215-923-3300 | | www.jjbootlegg 215-923-3300 | www.jjbo PRICED MOONSHINE HALF PRICED MOONSHINE HALF PRICED MOONSHINE 5pm-7pm 5pm-7pm 5pm-7pm HALF triotism becomes. My identity $30 or More $30 or More SPECIALTY DRINKS SPECIALTY DRINKS SPECIALTY DRINKS Watch your $30 or More Watchfavorite your WithWithWiththisthisthiscoupon. Today to learn how to make as an Italian–American comes Cannot bebe combined coupon. Cannot combined coupon. Cannot be combined 35 s. 2nd street | Old City, philadelphia PRSR PRSRT PR Watch your with other offers. ExpirEs 12/31/14. with other offers. ExpirEs 12/31/14. with other offers. ExpirEs 12/31/14. ECRE | www.jjbootleggers.comECRW *****************ECRWSS EDDM**** with knowledge that215-923-3300 laziness The Axis your home away *****************ECRWSS EDDM**** U.S.PO *****************ECRWSS EDDM**** favorite teams teamson on U.S.PO U.S PRSRT STD PA ECRWSS PA s.35 2nd street | Old City, philadelphia 35 s. 2nd street | Old City, philadelphia s. 2nd street | Old City, philadelphia *****************ECRWSS EDDM**** EDDM means “waste” and crime U.S.POSTAGEis favorite over teams on 15 35215-923-3300 EDDM R from home! EDD PRSRT STD over | www.jjbootleggers.com PAID Local Postal Customer 215-923-3300 | www.jjbootleggers.com 215-923-3300 | www.jjbootleggers.com 15 screens! Local Postal Customer Local Postal Customer EDDM RETAIL ECRWSS the sacrifice of talent. Local Postal Customer *****************ECRWSS EDDM**** My U.S.POSTAGE screens! over 15 screens! parents taught me that, andEDDMPAID PRSRT STD PRSRT STD PRSRT STD RETAIL Local Postal Customer ECRWSS ECRWSS ECRWSS Monday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday *****************ECRWSS EDDM**** *****************ECRWSS *****************ECRWSSEDDM**** EDDM**** 35 S 2nd St | jjbootleggers.com | 215.923.3300 U.S.POSTAGE so did “A Bronx Tale.” U.S.POSTAGE U.S.POSTAGE PAID

Book Your Party Today!

Now Leasing!

Happy Happy Hour Happy Hour Hour

Watch Watch your Watchyour your favorite favorite teams on favoriteteams teamson on over over 15 screens! over15 15screens! screens!

1 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

Book Your Party Today!

Happy Hour Happy Happy Hour Hour HappyHappy HourHour

$10 $10Off Off $10 $10OffOff

$10 $10Off Off

Watch your Watch Watchyour your favorite teams on favorite favoriteteams teamson on over 15 screens! over over15 15screens! screens!

50¢ Wings 6pm-9pm $4 Craft Drafts

Quizzo $10 Unlimited Tacos Starts atLocal 6:30pm Postal Customer Local Postal Customer Local Postal Customer 5pm-9pm $4 Craft Drafts $4 Craft Drafts Every Day

With this coupon. Cannot combined With thisbecoupon. with other offers. ExpirEs 12/31/14.

Cannot be combined with other offers. ExpirEs 12/31/14.

35 s. 2nd street | Old City, philadelphia 215-923-3300 | www.jjbootleggers.com

PAID PAID $4 Craft Drafts $5 Moonshine EDDM RETAIL EDDM RETAIL EDDM RETAIL 9pm-11pm Milkshakes 12pm-4pm

$4 DRAFTS $5 APPETIZERS

50¢ Wings 12pm-7pm $4 Craft Drafts 12pm-7pm

Any Check

FOOD & DRINK

Dietary restrictions, heritage and eating habits all affect our identities—

Sometimes, you are what you eat CONSUMING IDENTITY

I used to think my eating disorder was synonymous with my name, but now I know I'm so much more I went through eating trends. For example, the period where I only ate oatmeal for every meal. Or the period where I ate nothing ‘til 4 p.m. and then, like clockwork, I ate everything I could find, only to throw it up half an hour later. I would eat even after my jaw hurt, or my tongue was painfully raw from too much salt. I felt like I couldn’t stop. Mealtimes were a competition; depending on my mood I either had to eat less than everyone else, or had to eat more. The latter determination was followed with a trip to the bathroom, and often the former was too. For four years (but for what seemed like a lifetime) I thought about food approximately once every 60 seconds. Where would I eat? What would I eat? Was I eating too much? Where was the nearest bathroom? Would people notice? I carried gum with me everywhere I went to cover my tracks. And while I constantly felt guilty or scared, I also felt proud. I had something that was mine and that I thought I could control. It became such a crucial part of my life that I thought it was a crucial part of me. I wanted to stop, but I was terrified of

#STREEEATS

aking is a part of my identity, but it’s also a part of my genes. My great–grandmother passed down her recipes to my grandmother, who handed them off to my mother, who is now teaching them to me. I've grown up in the kitchen being my mother’s sous–chef and helping her replicate the recipes that have been in my family for generations. My great–grandmother and grandmother both originated from Germany and brought their recipes, with little else, to America after the Holocaust. One cake recipe that has became a staple at family celebrations and Shabbat dinners is the “Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte” or black forrest cake. It is a traditional German chocolate torte, made with dried cherries and tons of whipped cream. It is

what that would mean. I would have to change my daily thought processes and routines, and I thought that would mean I would have to change me. I didn’t really have a turning point or a revelatory moment that made me want to denounce the identifier of having an eating disorder. And it certainly has not been a straight path to where I am now. It was gradual and filled with many ‘one step forward, two steps back’ moments. At some point, the thoughts and food anxiety began to ebb away, and now I only think fearfully of food once or twice a day. It feels like this will always be the case, but then again, last year I thought I would always think of food every minute, so I’m hopeful. Yesterday, when I was asked by Street to describe my identity in up to three words, ‘eating disorder’ didn’t blaze in my mind as it used it to. I suppose that’s why I wanted this to be anonymous—I no longer identify myself as having an eating disorder, and I don’t want anyone to have to either. ANONYMOUS (INFINITY AND BEYOND)

light, sweet, chocolaty and a bit tart; it made the perfect birthday cake for me and my sisters growing up. When my mom rediscovered the recipe, buried between the various handwritten index cards in her recipe box, it soon replaced our old birthday tradition of Duncan Hines marble cakes with chocolate frosting. Recipes are a large part of my identity. I grew up licking the spoons of my mother’s cake batter and cutting vegetables for my dad’s wild creations. I helped make Thanksgivings, Rosh Hashanahs and Sunday night family dinners happen, sometimes with my careful knife skills and more often with childish mistakes. These recipes created special meals throughout my life and helped me learn about the history that makes up my identity and the life I lead today. I still have a lot of learning to do and a lot more recipes to try, but every time I sneak a lick of the whipped cream off of the “Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte,” I stop and think for a second about where it came from and what it means to me. And then I proceed to take another lick, before I get caught.... Recipe on page 18

La Fontana Della Citta 215.875.9990

Experience a Touch of Italy At the Best BYOB In Philly! Seats 180 People 5 Lunches, 7 Dinners, 7 days a week Excellent for Family and Group Meetings Contact Management, they are happy to meet your needs!

Authentic Italian Cuisine at Reasonable Prices

15% off with Fixed Price Sunday-Thursday

1701 Spruce St. - Philadelphia, PA 19103 - www.lafontanadellacitta.com N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5

FOOD & DRINK

DISPATCH: I'M GLUTEN–FREE A day in the life without that pesky protein (and all the best carbs). For some, going gluten–free is trendy. A few months ago, I had to give it up for my health. Non–celiac gluten sensitivity, gluten allergy, whatever you want to call it—I can’t eat it, and I’m still adjusting to the extensive thought process that now precedes my every meal. 10:15 a.m.: I wake up starving, because food is the first thing I think of when I wake up and what I dream about when I go to sleep. 10:22 a.m.: Toast a gluten–free frozen waffle and make coffee. 10:42 a.m.: I (once again) forgot to make a lunch. Hastily pack a bag of trail mix and plan to wing it for lunch and dinner. 10:43 a.m.: Mental note (for the hundredth time): buy mini Tupperware so I can pack hummus and carrots. Buy plastic spoons so I can pack a yogurt. Remember to make lunch in the first place. 11:50 a.m.: Check email. A board meeting later this week will have food from some new company. Send reply: “Can you double check if anything is gluten free?” 1:16 p.m.: Stop by Joe’s Cafe after class for sushi (hold the soy sauce). I stare longingly at the chocolate chip scones, the pasta of the day and even the meh–looking sandwiches. Oh, ciabatta… 4:06 p.m.: Start thinking about dinner tonight, squeezed in between meetings at 5:30 p.m. and 8:00 p.m.

4:28 p.m.: Still weighing dinner options. I had

Sweetgreen yesterday, Honest Tom’s is too far and I had sushi for lunch. 4:32 p.m.: Houston? No —aside from a (delightful) selection of snack products, none of the dining options are really gluten–free–friendly. 5:36 p.m.: Definitively settle on cooking. 6:40 p.m.: Walk home, notice a sign on the door Saxby’s—they sell gluten free bagels now. 6:55 p.m.: Make some rice, saute some vegetables and grill chicken (with chili garlic sauce for a nice kick). 7:25 p.m.: Stuffed and very pleased with my decision. 7:40 p.m.: Ugh, Huntsman is far and home is cozy. 8:02 p.m.: Arrive at club meeting. Someone brought homemade red velvet cupcakes. This is a joke, right? 8:03 p.m.: “No thanks, I just ate a huge dinner!” 8:08 p.m.: Friend: “You didn’t take one? What, are you on a diet?” 8:07 p.m.: Shrug it off. I’ll get a gluten free brownie at Metro tomorrow.

A go–to recipe for breakfast, lunch or dinner: Tacos. Ingredients: Corn tortilla For breakfast: Eggs For lunch or dinner: chicken breast Any desired toppings: black beans, cheddar cheese, bell pepper, onion and/or avocado (if you can find decent avocado in Philly) Salsa Lightly toast tortilla. Scramble eggs or saute chicken in a little olive oil. Saute veggies. Put it all together on top of the tortilla and pile on the cheese (shredded), beans and salsa.

ANONYMOUS (STRONG WILLED FEMALE)

I am a banana You peel me, with your delicate fingers, your spunky nail art shimmering in the November sun.

CREATIVE • BALANCED • SIMPLE 1608 SOUTH STREET • PHILADELPHIA, PA 215-790-0330 • ENTREEBYOB.COM 1 6 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

Philadelphia Magazine Best Boutique 2014 37 N.Third Street · Philadelphia, PA 19106 · 267-671-0737 vagabondboutique.com

As you eat my face, you enflame my heart. I love you, girl

34TH STREET

Any + Any + Any

Any Large 1-Topping Pizza + Breadsticks or Cinna Stix® + Any 8pc. Wings

$1999

$1899

5363

Two Large 1 -Topping Pizzas

ANY

Additional toppings More. Legends & Specialty Pizza not Included

Limited Time Offer.

PIZZA & SPECIALTY CHICKEN

$18

TWO PIZZAS

PIZZA & BREAD

$1399

Any + Any + Any

TWO PIZZAS

Any Large 1-Topping Pizza + Breadsticks or Cinna Stix® + Any 8pc. Wings

$19 ANY

Additional toppings More. Legends & Specialty Pizza not Included

Limited Time Offer.

$1999

ANY

Additional toppings More. Legends & Specialty Pizza not Included

Limited Time Offer.

ANY

$18

Specialty Chicken

Large 3 -Topping Pizza & Specialty Chicken

Limited Time Offer.

Monday thru Thursday

CARRYOUT DEAL

Monday PIZZA & thru$ Thursday 99 CARRYOUT 7DEAL SPECIALTY CHICKEN $ 99 99 Large 3 - Topping Pizzas

EACH

Large 3 - Topping Pizzas Carryout Only Limited Time Offer.

$18 7

Sweet BBQ Bacon

Classic Hot Buffalo

EACH

5901

$599 Sweet BBQ Bacon Large 3 -Topping Pizza & Specialty Chicken Spicy Jalapeno Pineapple

EACH

Crispy Bacon & Tomato

215-557-0940 $ 401 N. 21st St. • Philadelphia, PA Crispy Bacon & Tomato

Limited Time Offer.

Spicy Jalapeno Pineapple

$4.49

99 EACH

Limited Time Offer.

$6.99

$10.99

$6.99

$25.99

$10.9

CARRYOUT DEAL $4.49 Large 3 - Topping Pizzas $4.49

Two Large 1 -Topping Pizzas $ 99

$4.49

$25

5363 Monday thru Thursday $10.99 $25.99 $6.99

$6.99

Limited Time Offer.

Carryout Only Limited Time Offer.

$4.49

EACH

215-427-3000 3400 Aramingo Ave. Philadelphia, PA 19134

Classic Hot Buffalo

Limited Time Offer.

Classic Hot Buffalo

$3.99

Limited Time Offer.

Large 1 -Topping Pizza Cinna Stix® Breadsticks OR Cinna Stix®

$6.99

$2.89

$6.99

$13 13

Carryout Only Limited Time Offer.

$1.89

Two Large 1 -Topping Pizzas

Large 1 -Topping Pizza $6.99 Breadsticks OR Cinna Stix®

$18 $3.99

Limited Time Offer.

5363

PIZZA & PIZZA PIZZA & BREAD PIZZA & & BREAD SPECIALTY CHICKEN SPECIALTY CHICKEN Additional toppings More. 99995619 99not Included $ Legends 99 & Specialty $ Pizza 5619 5901 5901 Offer. Large 1 -Topping Pizza Limited Time Breadsticks OR Large 3 -Topping Pizza &

$18

Specialty Chicken

5363

1 -Topping Pizzas

Limited Time Offer.

TWO PIZZAS

$1.89 Pizza $2.89 Large 3 -Topping &

Any Large 1-Topping99 $ or Pizza + Breadsticks + Any TWO PIZZAS + Any 8pc. Wings Cinna 99 StixAny®+ Any Two Large $ 99

Any Large 1-Topping Pizza + Breadsticks or Cinna Stix® + Any 8pc. Wings

5619

5901

Sweet BBQ Bacon

215-427-3000 3400 Aramingo Ave. Philadelphia, PA 19134 Store Hours: Sun-Thur 10am - 1am Fri & Sat 10am - 2am

PIZZA & BREAD - 1am Store Hours: Sun-Thur 10am99

Spicy Jalapeno Pineapple

$13

EACH

Fri & Sat 10am - 2am

Crispy Bacon & Tomato

5619

Large 1 -Topping Pizza Breadsticks OR Cinna Stix® Limited Time Offer.

215-662-1400 4438 Chestnut St. • Philadelphia, PA

OPEN: SUN - THURS 10AM - 1AM FRI & SAT 10AM - 3AM

Monday thru Thursday

CARRYOUT DEAL

N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

FILM

FOOD & DRINK

How Penn Students Watch Movies

DISPATCH: VEGAN Borrow from Library DO YOU PAYI'M PERAVIEW? As a vegan, I wake up and get Sweetgreen. Then I have a midday snack at Sweetgreen. After that, I get a nice big lunch at Film polled you to find Iout youwith are dinner gettingatyour Sunday afternoon Sweetgreen. Obviously, endhow the day Sweetgreen. Just kidding. movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

10:15 a.m.: I wake up, make coffee with almond

10:43 a.m.: Pack another apple and walk to class

24.6%

Don't Watch Movies Theaters

7:28 p.m.: Deal with the haters when I ask for no Free Streaming

hough we all know the watch Hugo in theaters. And we you guess then that Penn stu47.7% milk and don’t draw attention to the fact that it’s not feeling content with my compassionate lifestyle. cheese or sour cream. Yum. 16.9% Paid Online Services Internet is for porn fit this mold of overworked Ivy dents would prefer to get their “real (thanks milk.” Avenue Q), the League students well, with 11:50 a.m.: In class. Try to eat the apple quietly. 8:02 p.m.: Get some tea and get back to work. only RomCom fix online with free 10:22 a.m.: Cut up an apple and make two packets 1:16 p.m.: Come home for lunch: a salad with len- 8:03 p.m.: Working is tough. Instead, check bedroom is no longer the only about 17% of Penn undergrads streaming websites like SideReel instant oatmeal because thosewatching are two ofmovies my favortils and if I haverather any, and Facebook. Someone 9.2% has posted an aggressive vegan areaofbeing ceded to digital terriat the Rave ev- tempeh and Ch131 thanmore pay coffee. for 4:06 p.m.: Go work in Huntsman/coffee shop/not ite foods. Also because they are vegan foods and they Buzzfeed article on my wall. Typical. I basically intory. For every girl with daddy’s ery semester. services provided by Netflix and VP and wish I had some dark chocolate and/or Sour are in my house. vented those. AmEx, window browsing on But how about the other ste- Redbox? 1.5% 10:23 a.m.: Eat a replaced couple carrots for good they are Fifth Avenue has been reotype, the measure. one that saysPatch all col-Kids because While 75% of usvegan. watchDecide mov- to go to 8:08 p.m.: Read it anyway. Starbucks. 9:07 p.m.: Eat a bowl of cereal every hour on the with online shopping. And lege students are poor? The free ies online, nearly 50% pay for 4:28 p.m.: Contemplate going to CVS to get some, houryou untilgo I gototothe sleep.movies? FYEs everywhere have virtu- movement of information made it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a Why do but don’t because then I’ll lose my study spot, ugh. ally been rendered useless (pun possible by the interweb makes new release on iTunes — is hys3.1% 6.3% 5:36 p.m.: Try to buy some terical, food but OATS intended) with the existence of butdon’t is because An easy recipe for breakfast: Other my only options are an unripe banana or minty gum. Ingredients: Whose recommendations do you take? the multifarious iTunes store. it worth the It's a way to hang out with friends 6:40 p.m.: Give up on studying and at come home25%Oatmeal 50 Things are no different here 1.5 salads 47.7% Other It's a good study break 40.6% to sit in the kitchen… a girl asks me for the fifth + any of the following: at Penn, where the Rave gets Sweetgreen 40% 40 Friend is vegan. It is vegan. you feel relaxed and happy time if DietACoke Blueberries, Strawberries, It makes Bananas, Raspberries, nearly half the traffic for the it would Cinema Studies 25% 6:55 p.m.:Major Start to thinkhave about dinner. midnight screenings of blockcost if Decide Blackberries Required for Class 30 26.2% 25% 25% buster hits like Twilight as Hulu had seen it sure I can Pumpkin and cinnamon/nutmeg to go out toProfessor dinner or TAwith Ifriends…I’m 20 does the day after the newest in theaters? find something. Cranberries/raisins and almonds/hazelnuts Street episode of 30 Rock airs. This Ramen nooMaple syrup and brown sugar 7:25surveyed p.m.: 10 *Students were Walk into Chipotle and allowed to choose more makes sense. We Penn students dles aren’t es seven movies, more less, Applesauce andorcinnamon order a vegetarian bowl. than one option. 0 are too busy procrastinating that bad, I every semester. Simple arithmeon Penn InTouch and designguess. tic proves that it’s $40 cheaper ing funny lacrosse pinnies for entertainment accessible and The average Penn student to watch ISABELLA said moviesAUCHUS on Netfl(SPUNKY, ix ENERGETIC, HEALTHY) the clubs we’re involved in to inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if than at the Rave, and an addileave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch- tional $20 less on iTunes (cost of popcorn and Mike and Ikes not included in these calculations). The low cost of watching seven movies on iTunes for >> Total amount of less than 30 bucks is worth the money spent in movie many conveniences that online theaters* by Penn paid services afford us: not bestudents each semester ing interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses and most importantly, not having to wait 54 minutes after >> Total amount of watching 72 minutes of a movie money spent watching on Megavideo. online, if all people who Not to mention, it’s a small paid for online services price to pay when you look at Dine-In, Catering & Delivery Black Forrest Cake Directions: used iTunes* the big picture — the combined savings of the 47.7% of Penn • Preheat oven to 375 and Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 grease a spring form pan. ¾ cup margarine students who pay for their online Cream margarine and sug• 1services ½ cuprather sugarthan going to the Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 ar. 4movie eggs theater is somewhere beall other ingredients 3tween tablespoons cocoa $196,136 and $295,344, • Add >> Total amount of Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95 except cherries and mix ¾ cup flouron whether they use depending money spent watching well. ¾ alNetflcup ix orfinely iTunes,chopped respectively. online, if all people who into pan then add Moral of the story is: we won't • Pour monds paid for online services cherries sprinkling them judge if you vanilla just stay in bed. 1-teaspoon used Netflix* around. Bake 40 minutes 2 teaspoons baking powder *A drained simple sour random sample • Invert cake. PattayaRestaurant.com • 215.387.8533 1 can cherries *$12.50/ticket at the Rave with whipped cream. of 100 Penn undergrads were • Frost A little lemon juice 4006 Chestnut Street • University City *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes surveyed to collect data about on Netflix ALYSSA BERLIN*$7.99/month (BETTER WITH SPRINKLES) their film viewing habits.

BY THE NUMBERS

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

$153,701

$196,136

$295,344

1 8 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

ARTS

Each week in the Arts section, we comment on exhibitions and art pieces. This week, we let the artists do the talking via self–portraiture in their individual styles. We're taking a break from identifying art. Here's how student artists identify themselves.

Individual leases Utility package w/internet & cable Fully furnished w/full size bed City-view clubroom w/walkout terrace Private study room Fitness center

NOW LEASING FOR 2015–2016 SCHOOL YEAR

radia

napar 3925

tment

Walnu t

s.com

Street

- 215 .2

22.42

The Radian’s daring lines and cutting edge lifestyle is your boldest choice for off-campus freedom. Space is limited. Don’t miss out!

N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

ARTS

FALL FASHIONS FOR O

NLY

$1.95-$5.95 Thrift Shopping at The Second Mile Center is affordable, earth-friendly, and fashionable. 214 South 45th Street (Between Locust & Walnut) Mon-Sat 10am-8pm

thesecondmilecenter.com 215.662.1663

2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

LOWBROW

TURN DOWN FOR SQUAT I squatted in a New York City closet for a summer. At first, I lived there rightfully. My brother was already living in the Harlem basement apartment with two teachers, a drug dealer and an “entrepreneur,” and he allowed me to sleep there, rent free, if I agreed to do his laundry and cook his meals. The steamy two foot by six foot hole was suffocating, but I felt just enough like Harry Potter to stay happy. But the roommate dynamic quickly fell apart—much like the rotting kitchen shelves and cracked bathroom tiles. George flooded the bathroom and left the shitwater stewing for days. Jack started dealing harder goods to seedier characters. Joe mysteriously left for Africa and took everyone’s rent deposits with him. Hugo ate my brother’s leftover Thai food—and my brother really likes his Thai food. My brother moved out, and one by one, each roommate moved out too. But I just, well, stayed. There is an art to being a squatter in New York City. Five new roommates moved into the five rooms, but I held claim to my beloved, claustrophobic closet. To delay my imminent eviction, I devised a set of strategies. 1) Use verbose, confusing answers when describing your departure date. Promise this confidently. Roommate: “Seriously dude, when are you leaving our home?” Suzette: “After the second departure of the rental case leasing agreement of the tenants’ landlord’s verbal contract. I promise. Truly.” 2) Leave subtle remind-

ers of your presence to assert your dominance. Roommate: “Who washed a Frisbee in the dishwasher?!” Suzette: “Me. I did. Because I live here. In this apartment. Where I live.” 3) Create small problems and fix them to seem like an asset. Roommate: “Yo, the WiFi isn’t working” Suzette: “Oh! I can fix this! I am very useful and tech savvy!” Roommate: “It says that you just changed the password…” Suzette: “That means I’m really the only one who can fix it.” 4) Remind your roommates that you have a key. Emphasize that you will always be able to get into their home. Roommate: “Hey, how’s it going?” Suzette: “I have a key and will always be able to get into your home.” 5) Do nice things for your roommates when you suspect eviction is imminent. Roommate: “We seriously need to discuss you not even paying utilit—” Suzette: “How about after we eat all these cookies I baked!” Fortunately, I avoided eviction until I was set to return to Penn. I thanked my roommates/victims, boxed up my belongings, and bused back to campus. I didn’t return the key though—New York City Summer 2015, here I come. SUZETTE WANINKHOF: COMEDIENNE, CYCLISLT, SQUATTER (SIMPLY CHAOS)

FUNNY PEOPLE Penn comedians tell their funniest story

(Ed. note: yes that is comic sans.)

Garg Behavioral Health is Accepting New Patients! All Students Welcome! We provide evidence-based, up-to-date treatment for the most common psychiatric conditions: Depression Anxiety Addictions Eating Disorders Trauma ADHD Relational Issues

“You had a choice of where to go to college. You now have a choice of where to go for the best mental health care.”

Minimal wait time. No referral out. One-stop shopping. Evening and Weekend Hours! SEPTA stops below our office! We understand your time crunch! Nick Garg, MD | 1500 Market Street | (215) 665-5618 nick@gargbehavioralhealth.com | www.GargBehavioralHealth.com N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 1

LOWBROW

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR?

The year was 2012, the location Nassau, Bahamas, and the motto was YOLO. #SENIORWEEK had arrived and this 18–year–old Catholic high school grad, suppressed by years of tartan skirts and perfect attendance, was on the loose. My ticking time bomb of a teenage self hit the resort at nine a.m. and was intoxicated in an hour. I recall recruiting three friends, stumbling upon a dilapidated watersports shack and inquiring about the activities included in the “Student Friendly Package.” When the attendant asked me if I had sailing experience, I told

him that my grandfather once worked on a ship. Thankfully, due to lax Bahamian water traffic laws, this lie convinced him to trust four drunken teens with a 30–foot mast, 800–pound, Hobie Cat sailboat. After receiving lifejackets and a two minute briefing on steering, we were off. My friends sat laughing with joy as I, their self– appointed shit–faced captain, stood clutching the steering rope for dear life, hiding my fear with a smile as the boat sped 30 mph offshore. When the wind died down, I used my best judgment and advised everyone to remove

Even college housing

should feel like home.

Contact us today to find your ideal off-campus housing! Fantastic studio to 9 bedroom apartments available on 39th & Pine. Central air, laundry, newly renovated. Available June 1st.

215.387.4137 ext. 100 abergeson111@gmail.com 2 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4

their lifejackets to avoid getting tan lines. And in the spirit of doing something unforgivably dumb for a laugh, I jumped off the boat—about 500 feet offshore—and drunkenly waded in the blue. I was floating on my back with my eyes shut, at one with the tranquil Caribbean, when a sudden gust of wind sent my friends zooming away from me. I had one decision to make: I could backstroke violently after that boat (I don’t freestyle) and risk losing my D&G shades or drown. In a fit of panic, I hurled the glasses and cut through the waves like an adrenaline–pow-

ered retrograde David Hasselhoff. After a few minutes, the salt water, dashing up my nostrils and into my eyes, began to produce a burning sensation. I felt as though the devil had swabbed my nasal passages and corneas with hot sauce. Just as I was ready to give up, I spotted something extraordinary. A rogue nude—or possibly hallucination of a—jet skier was approaching from the opposite direction of the beach. The naked man was coming right for me! Once he was close enough, he scooped me out of the water. I was delighted to find that the

man was both of material existence and wearing a Speedo. He heroically offered to tug my friends ashore and, together, we tied the sailboat to the back of his jet ski. As we sped to safety, I recall realizing two very distinct things; one, being a drunken sailor is by no means easy occupation and two, YOLO should be used less to encourage spontaneity, and more to inspire intelligent choices, i.e. it’s not worth getting lost at sea to prove that you’re a good time. ALEXA FECCA: CANDID, EFFERVESCENT, SPONTANEOUS (CLASSLESS & BLOOMERS)

DANCE DANCE EVOLUTION I am often told that I look like a ballerina. By that, I mean that one time someone saw me wearing tights and slurred drunkenly that I looked like a nutcracker—but I like to cling to that moment as evidence of my undeniable elegance. Sometimes, when people don’t ask, I like to tell them: a graceful strength like mine is something you’re born with, but it dies unless you cultivate it. And then they don’t ask me, Sofia, how did you cultivate this God–given talent? And I tell them, well, friends, my artistic development as a dancer was like a candle burning bright in the long darkness of my tweenage years. I fell in love with dance when I was 12. It was, as the French say when referring to things that are not this, un coup de foudre: love at first sight. My little sister had just started taking ballet and tap. I remember the jealous nausea that took over my body when we visited the dance store. She got to pick out different shoes and tutus, and looking on all these sparkly material possessions, I suddenly discovered my passion for la danse. I enrolled in a ballet class taught by a beautiful Ukrainian woman. Contrary to my high hopes as an awkward 12–year–old who just kind of wanted a leotard, Tuesdays from 5–7 p.m. became the most miserable time slot of the week. The class was in a basement, a “Silence of the Lambs”–esque hole where girls who maybe enjoy a Pop–Tart every now and then can go to hate themselves. The beautiful Ukrainian woman was named Tatiana, and from her I learned

many valuable lessons. For instance, that fascists invented ballet. Also, that I was way too fat for that shit. Further, that skinny but insanely muscular Eastern European women will be making appearances in my nightmares until I die. So I quit. Before my last recital, Tatiana yelled at me that my bun was too low on my head. I sort of fixed it, muttering to the girl next to me how not worth it ballet was. She looked upset and told me she loved ballet; it was her life, apparently. I thought she was dumb at the time, but looking back, I don’t begrudge her this passion. After all, are we human, or are we dancers? Or are we chubby seventh–graders coveting our little sister’s “Dance Princess” tote bag? Definitely ponder that. SOFIA DEMOPOLOS: BORN AGAIN UNICORN (WITHOUT A NET)

LOWBROW

FORGET ME NOT

I don’t think I could ever forget this story. After all, it was an unforgettable date. With a girl I hate to remember. Debbie. Ah, Debbie. It was a Sunday afternoon, just at the end of the summer—just when the heat of August begins to subside, and students begin to trickle back onto Penn’s campus, and I realize I’m probably not going to wash my shorts until next summer. I had made plans to meet her at a restaurant RIGHT at 6:30 p.m., and I was running late. I remember because it was downtown and there was a ton of traffic on the way down, since it was almost the weekend. So actually...it must have been...a Friday? Yes, it was! I know it was because I always make up a short song for the dates I set. And this one went “Don’t forget, oh don’t forget/You’d be ever so upset/If you don’t remember me, say/Be there 6:30 on Friday.” It’s a great way to remember when I have to be places. The only problem is that most days of the week fit into the same rhyme scheme. But I’m positive this was on a Thursday, right at noon. Once I finally made it to the restaurant, Debbie was already there. Ah, Deb. There she was, sitting at the table outside. And did she look gorgeous.

Did she look gorgeous? Yes, of course she did! She was wearing a beautiful, tight black dress. Ah, Debbie. I used to call her ‘Big Sunshine’ and ‘Libby’ before I knew her actual name. The way the moonlight hit that face of hers that night, I’ll never forget it. And her...heart shaped face? Well, the light hit it, and it was kind of in this playful way. It made her red hair so much more vibrant!...or her dark hair...so much darker. You know what, the dress was red, her hair was black. That’s it. And she looked so beautiful set against the interior of that coffee shop, first thing in the morning on that fateful Wednesday. She was holding a wrench. I remember because I said, “Why are you holding that wrench? This is a coffee shop.” And she looked at me, through those thick horn-rimmed glasses, and said “Your car’s almost finished.” Ah, Debbie. Always...talking about cars. In coffee shops? Wait—you know what? Scratch that, I met her at an auto shop. I could never forget the way she looked in that grease–stained jumpsuit. Working on that car. Her blonde curls kind of bouncing playfully against her forehead. Man, she was working the hell out of that car. I remember thinking, “Wow. Do you put quotations around thoughts in stories?” But before I could say something she slapped me right across the face. She screamed, “Where have you been, Greg?!” That stuck out in my mind because I’d never been slapped before. And my name’s not Greg. And then the WORST part was— Wait. I’ve never been to an auto shop. And I don’t know any Debbie’s. Hmm. Oh, you know what? I’m thinking of the wrong story. The real story begins long, long ago, in a little town called... Ah, I just lost it. Totally blanking. This usually doesn’t happen. But the moral of the story was very profound. And it changed my life forever. And I hope it changes yours too. I’ll always love you, Deb. Sincerely, Joe JOE MICIAK: A GOOFY DUDE (MASK & WIG)

For the first time in history, Lowbrow gets real. Being a comedian's not just about making jokes. It's who you are.

TIMEOUT:

Bring out the keg beer springfield distributor

Studying too hard? WE DELIVER

2206 Washington ave, Philadelphia

(215) 546-7301

Take a break with us.

N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 3

B AC K PAG E

2 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 01 4