November 7, 2013 by 34th Street Magazine

November 7, 2013 34st.com

of s s e v er i l nd e ou h t f o p t u in art k st o lo 's a nn inside: rivalries penn v. princeton & pe hipcityveg v. mcdonald's

november 7 LOL

3 HIGHBROW

2013

the round–up, word on the street, highbrow horoscopes, overheards

5 EGO

ego of the week, penn gear, princeton–penn "rivalry"

LOL

8 MUSIC

not–straight–male rappers, homecoming playlist, album reviews

11 FILM & TV

b-roll, review, netflix pick of the week

12 FEATURE

launching a start up

16 FOOD & DRINK

chez yasmine profile, hipcityveg vs. mcdonald's, vegan lexicon

LOL

19 ARTS

artist profile, DIY, q&a with Platt director

FROMtheEDITOR

V Home, let them come ho–oh– ome. I have this game I like to play with myself in Asian–American Literature: 30 minutes in, I stop taking notes on the literary representation of model minorities, put the tip of my pen (Pilot Precise V7, always) to the back of my hand, and write myself an encoded aphorism: last week, I made a baroque-looking V for vulnerability. This ritual sounds kind of stupid now, but at the time it helped. Homecoming is this weekend. A year away—from our friends or from Penn—can feel like an Odyssey. Did he change out there? Does she have suitors everywhere? I imagine that once upon a time, the pressure to tell tales of real– world success weighed more heavily

on grads. But epic professional success is possible before we get our diplomas, too: it’s a personal pipedream for the subjects of our feature (pg. 12), one they aren’t far from achieving. But what if you haven’t launched a startup, you don’t know if you want to be a dairy farmer (“Ego of the Week” pg. 5) and your touchdowns (Backpage) are still fantasies? You’re not a hero: this Homecoming, your biggest concern is if your ProActiv is going to hold up. I’ve got a solution: write a V on your hand. Be vulnerable. Let making an impact take a backseat to the thrill of someone else impacting you. I don’t know if it will work, but neither do you.

It's November.

Never too late to come see how things work at the 'Nut.

22 LOWBROW

letters to lowbrow, such concerns we're having

24 BACKPAGE

football players answer street questions

Tonight @ 6:30 4015 'Nut, Second Floor

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief Sam Brodey, Managing Editor Alex Hosenball, Online Managing Editor Chloe Bower, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Olivia Fingerhood, Assistant Design Margot Halpern, Assistant Design Zacchiaus McKee, Highbrow Alex Sternlicht, Highbrow Faryn Pearl, Ego Mariam Mahbob, Ego Marley Coyne, Food and Drink 2

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3

Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink Michelle Ma, Film and TV Michael Shostek, Film and TV Isabel Oliveres, Features Patrick Ford-Matz, Features Ariela Osuna, Music Cassandra Kyriazis, Music Gina DeCagna, Arts Madeleine Wattenbarger, Arts Zach Tomasavic, Lowbrow Michael Kandel, Lowbrow Gabe Morales, Print Copy Randi Kramer, Print Copy

Emma Soren, Online Copy Emily Marcus, Online Copy Patrick Del Valle, Social Media

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Nina Wolpow, Editor–in–Chief, at wolpow@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.

COVER DESIGN: Chloe Bower, Sarah Tse BACKPAGE DESIGN: Margot Halperm

VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com

Contributors: Daniel Siegel, Casey Quackenbush, Nathan Weinbren, David Ney, Caroline Kee, Emily Grablutz, Mark Paraskevas, Johnathan Wilson, Marycate Muschett, Caroline Marques, Rosa Escandon, Jordan Rodnizki, Clare Lombardo

"Joe I am so glad you shared this I honestly was unable to choose a single song to listen to without your wisdom" ©2013 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW HOROSCOPES

ARIES (March 21–April 20): People love being around you because of your vibrant and talkative nature. This month, your confidence will draw in the partner you’ve been eyeing from afar in an unlikely situation (think “When Harry Met Sally,” DRL edition) around the 20th. Your strong opinions often cause you to speak without thinking, much like the THEOS listserv. Be careful! You don’t want to be the next see–through scenester. You’re possibly in: The Excelano Project. Everyone loves listening to you.

TAURUS (April 21–May 21): Due to Taurus’ loyal and dependable behavior, Highbrow predicts you’ll spend this weekend performing selfless acts, like holding back your roommate’s hair while she vomits for the third time. Don’t worry, though, the kindness will be repaid double on the 17th of the month. That same roommate will realize your worth and pay you back. You’re possibly in: MERT. You’re used to helping drunken people who vomit on themselves.

HIGHBROW

GEMINI (May 22–June 21): Everyone was a fan of your imaginative Halloween costume, but this is a wake–up call for all you Geminis. You like to think you’re the best thing since HubBub opened its doors, but everyone else thinks you’re downright superficial. Reel it back a notch and stop talking about all the “totally cool SABSing” you did at the downtown last week; nobody cares, sweetie. When Saturn appears in harmony with Jupiter, you may be relevant again. You’re possibly in: Quadramics. Your talent soars above your penchant for the dramatic. MORE HOROSCOPES ON PG. 4

THEROUNDUP After four days of awkward–costumed walk of shames, Halloweekend has come and gone. You put away your cat ears and taking out your winter parkas. But don’t worry, just because you’re wearing a coat doesn’t mean Highbrow won’t bear it all. It was as if by chance that a celebrity (other than Amy Gutmann) graced our campus this weekend. Chance the Rapper appeared at ZBT and allowed merely mortal Penn students to revel in his “Acid Rap.” After the ZBT party was broken up, the lure of ample ganja and college women brought Chance to TEP. Getting the full Penn experience, the rap master proceeded to take a Chi O girl back to his pad… his tour bus. Highbow hears the girl even left her skirt behind. Maybe it’s not a diploma, but at least he has something to commemorate his time at Penn. One freshman girl took sorostitute to a new level. This lil eager beaver betch sent the rush chairs of all the campus sororities her headshots, rec letters and references. Talk about rushing to rush. We don’t know what else to say. This is really embarrassing. Take it from us, frosh: do less, significantly less. There's been a string of robberies of late—but forget breaking and entering. Penn Police is clamping down on delinquent walking. One St. A’s boy was reprimanded for his illegal street crossing practices the weekend. Drunk and in dire need of Wawa, the boy did not wait for the walk signal. A dedicated West Philly cop witnessed the crime and proceeded to call not one, not two but five of his fellow policemen. The cops spread and frisked the boy, attempting to arrest him for the horrific crime. Luckily, he was released with only a warning and sent home to to the car–free shelter of Locust Walk We’ve all had our share of one–night stands, but one girl in Tridelt took it to a new level, having a one–night stand within her one– night stand. Is that even legal? The girl reportedly returned home to a boy’s apartment in HamCo, however, midway through the night, drunkenly left and knocked on a neighbor’s door. The sober female stranger let the girl into her apartment, only to have the girl fall asleep in the neighbor’s bed. Eh, we’ve had more awkward morning–afters.

over heard PENN at

Bro in Pottruck sauna: This is like when I was in Israel and it was literally too hot for my iPhone to function. Girl: He got like an 18–something on his SATs. Like, it’s absurd how dumb he is. St. A’s boy: I might be relevant on this campus, but in real life I’m so irrelevant. Tridelt: So, how exactly do you avoid being in the Round Up? Girl in full dinosaur suit to guy in full dinosaur suit: I’m not seeing anyone in costumes, but I’m also not giving a fuck.

wordonthestreet VICTORIA'S SECRET ALEX STERNLICHT

“That’s it?” My first and only boyfriend stared with dismay at my pale, exposed 32A boobs. That was the first time I let a boy take off my bra. I pretended like I didn’t care. I kissed him harder, allowing his sweaty hands to grope the little lumps growing out of my chest. He broke up with me shortly after this. I blamed myself. I wasn’t hot enough. No boy would ever want to hook up with a girl who still wears her first training bra. I couldn’t fit into Victoria’s Secret, so I had to resort to other options to conceal my secret. I went to Target and bought the “EXTREME PUSH UP” with enough padding it may have been bulletproof. Going out at night, I would wear two bras, because there was no way I would let any boy see what was really underneath my tank top. I refused to go swimming—I couldn’t find a bathing suit that had the inches of padding I felt was necessary to have in public. I was obsessed with padding. I would go to the mall every weekend, searching for a bra with even more. A bra that would keep the real me safe from the glances of boys on the street and girls who might realize I didn’t go through puberty like they did. And yet, no bra was ever padded enough. Coming to college, I stopped wearing two bras out at night, because I wanted to do all the things I never did with boys in high school. The experiences with the boys were all the same. When he’d get to taking off my bra I’d apologize for my lack of bust. He’d respond, “It’s okay, I’ll focus on your ass,” or he’d shrug and say “whatever,” not wanting to ruin his chance of sleeping with me. It wasn’t a boy who taught me to love my boobs. It was me. For a period of time before falling asleep in my twin XL, I’d stare at myself naked in the mirror, examining the little breasts that I’d covered so well all day. I would scrutinize them, trying to find what had so horrified my first boyfriend. But I didn’t see deformity. I saw me. I was never going to undress and find Pamela Anderson. No, I would find me, and more than anything, I love that. I started running errands without a bra. Then, I started searching for styles that would give me an excuse to go braless. One unremarkable Sunday, I went to Van Pelt without a bra. Complaining to a friend about work at Mark’s Café, I smiled, because he didn’t know I was breaking the rules. Only I was in on the secret of myself. I loved the way it felt. And I loved breaking the padded barrier between me and myself. I was free. And that, as my ex–boyfriend might have said, was it. N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

HIGHBROW

CANCER (June 22–July 22): You’ve been hooking up with that smokin’ hot girl or guy for just enough time for your clinginess to start flaring up like acne in DRL. You want to take things to the next level but, ugh, your partner doesn’t want to start holding hands on Locust. Tone it down a little, Cancer, and make sure you and your guy or girl are on the same page. You’re possibly in: Penn Secular Society. We all see you—and you can be a bit intense. LEO (July 23–August 22): Well, Leo, we can hear you roar. Literally, stop being so loud. Leos are known for their boisterous personalities. You might be a lion, but you’re far from the cat’s meow. You’ll learn that the hard way this month when something from your past comes to haunt you. Make sure you make amends, and you’ll be in the clear. You’re possibly in: St. Anthony’s Hall. You’ll protect your reputation at all costs.

VIRGO (August 23– September 23): You’ve spent way too much time in a Van Pelt carrel plotting perfection. Your determination, and borderline obsession, will help you get an A on your English paper, but in doing so you’re cutting yourself off from friends and potential lovers. This will reach critical mass by the last week of the month, and Virgo, sweet duckling, please take a shower, a study break and realize there’s more to the world than Mark’s Cafe. You’re possibly in: CIS 110. We no hablo Java.

SCORPIO (October 24– November 22): Scorpio, you think “there ain’t nobody fresher than your clique.” However, your loyalty to your peeps often borders on obsession. You often find yourself yelling at nightclub bouncers and Penn Police when they chastise your drunken homies. But this month you’ll take obsession to the next level. That secret you’re hiding will consume more and more of your life. Take a step back and evaluate your choices. You’re possibly in: THEOS. You know what you did.

LIBRA (September 24– October 23): As a Libra, you’re always seeking the finer things in life. This month you’ll probably complete at least one lap around Van Pelt with your Pod delivery bag before actually eating your California rolls. But be sure to balance your lifestyle with some actual studying. Equilibrium is the key to your happiness. You’re possibly on: The UA. You work hard at upholding harmony.

SAGITTARIUS (November 23– December 21): Nothing will stop you from getting a job at Goldman, especially not sex. For you, love is a word in the dictionary, which you never had time to read, obviously. This month you will suppress your human desires like you suppress the other students in your group project. Unlike Scorpio, you don’t try to mask your dubious intent with empty remarks like “let’s

march to the beat of your own drum. However, this month your sarcastic and rebellious nature will cause problems at homecoming. Your ironic school spirit won’t mesh with the hordes coming back to root for the Red and the Blue. Just don’t bean anybody with toast. You’re possibly in: St. Elmo CAPRICORN Club. We all know you bought (December 22– that beanie at Urban Outfitters— January 20): You’re known as the mother hen we have the same one. of your group and everyone looks PISCES up to you. Responsible, ambitious (February 20– and resourceful, you’ll go far in life. March 20): However, people think you might be a bit bossy. When Virgo is in Like, oh my God, just get over the house of Venus, you’ll receive it already. Whatever’s been some bad news that you won’t be bothering you is not worth it, able to control or fix by yourself. honey. Everyone complains You’re possibly in: SAC. You that you’re oversensitive, and pretend you have all the power, sometimes you just have to suck but sometimes there’s nothing you it up. Like having a 9 a.m. on a Friday, life’s a bitch, then you die. can do. Get used to it. To be fair, your compassion shines, and you’ll be AQUARIUS rewarded for your kindness when (January 21– the sun aligns with Mars. February 19): Alright Aquarius, you think You’re possibly in: West Philly you’re really bad ass. That’s right, Tutoring Project. You help others you reuse the “paid” stickers to before yourself. steal food from Houston. You

get lunch!” No, you’re cold, hard and Amy Gutmann–y. Around the 10th, people will continue to dislike you, and you will continue to not give a shit. You’re possibly on: Wharton International Business Review and you are not apologizing for it.

senior superlatives are coming 34st.com

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3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: MATTHEW GOULD

Matthew Gould is the man behind the Quaker. Underneath the mask, this dairy farming enthusiast enjoys the “occasional” chick flick, is passionate about manatees and has touched the Gutt’s butt.

watch them. I can even pretend Street: What’s your secret in as the Quaker. The secret they’re for her. Date night! talent? service wasn’t a big fan of that… MG: Well, I really like trying that was a no–go. Second, Street: What romantic comedy things—wait, no, that’s about you have to be a pretty good describes your life the best? dairy again. I make songs. I make dancer. Dancing is a form MG: "(500) Days of Summer." very lewd and vulgar songs, which of expression that doesn’t I sing in my home in private. require talking. Being Street: That’s really sad. a good Quaker is really MG: Depends where I am in the Street: Can you give us an all about trying to find movie. example of one? new ways to communicate MG: I cannot. without words. Third, you have Street: My PennCard looks to be very good at charades. like… Street: There are two kinds of Fourth, you should be MG: “Little Matt.” Like a little people at Penn… really good at praising Street: Who is the Captain man. I think my cowlick looks MG: Those who are risk–averse, Amy Gutmann. Fifth, Quaker? out of control. Would you not and those who do things they you must have said “no” MG: Basically, I’m in charge of agree? Out of control. never thought they would. to going to Princeton. making sure that when people Every mascot has been want the Quaker, they get the Street: What can we find you Street: What are the secrets to accepted to Princeton Quaker. I gave myself the title, doing outside the Quaker suit? being a great Quaker? and has always though. MG: You’d find me trying to MG: First is that you have to be said “no.” convince someone to join the fearless. When you put on the And lastly, Street: How did you become dairy industry. Like, “Hey! Quaker suit, no one...holds you mundanely, the Penn Quaker? Look, you’re so smart. There’s so accountable for your actions. you have to MG: I was at a football game, and much opportunity to use your The only restriction is, honestly, be between I saw the Quaker use a T–shirt smartness in the dairy industry.” how fearless you are. When 5’10” and cannon, and I was like, “Hey Clinton was here, I tried getting 6’ tall. cheerleader! Can I borrow the Street: If you could have T–shirt gun?” She said, “Only anything on your farm, what if you become the Quaker!” So I would it be? became the Quaker. MG: Oh, no doubt—manatees! I wanna have a manatee farm Street: If the Quaker costume in my retirement. And if were burned in a terrible fire, anyone wants milk, well, they’re what would be the next best technically called “sea–cows.” I’ve mascot for Penn? never had manatee milk, but I MG: It would probably be a assume it’s fabulous. 3408 Sansom Street zookeeper… because somebody has to tame the Princeton Tiger. Street: What’s your spirit animal? Street: If the Fighting Quaker MG: Well, it’s not going to could fight anyone, who be a manatee. That would would it be, and who would be insulting. They just float win? around all day. They get hit by MG: The St. Joe's Hawk and boat propellers! I would like to I have had some run–ins. One be an owl, but owls have gross time, the ref had to break up a behaviors. Like, they puke up fight between us. I would have rats and stuff. Probably a koala. most definitely won, though. I At first glance they look cuddly, have hands, he has wings. they look kind… but deep down inside they have the Wharton in Street: What’s your guilty them. A ferociousness. pleasure? MG: This started in middle Street: If you are what you eat, Monday-Friday school: I wasn’t very good at what would you be? talking to girls, so I started MG: Fat. Like us on Facebook for watching chick flicks to learn special updates or check out how to impress them. And now www.newdecktavern.com I have a girlfriend, but I still Street: Who are you and what do you do on campus? Matthew Gould: I’m Matthew; I’m a senior in Wharton studying insurance and risk management. As a senior, I’m starting to retire from my previous roles on campus, but my main role now is Captain Quaker. Previous to that I was really involved in Penn Traditions as the co–chair. I’m also in the Alpha Delta Phi Literary Society.

Welcome

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N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

EGO

PUCK FRINCETON?

Penn’s school spirit is never more evident than when ragging on our rival, Princeton. Or should we say, “rival?” We knew Princeton wouldn’t reciprocate our contentious feelings, but the big shocker: it doesn’t seem like Penn kids care, either. HOW THEY FEEL

HOW WE FEEL “I guess I would say Penn’s rival is Princeton since the UA and Penn Athletics keep trying to push those “Puck Frinceton” shirts on us. I’m not sure if we actually have a strong rivalry with Princeton, or if they want us to think that so we get more of a sense of school spirit. Since I don’t attend a lot of sports games here at Penn, the only display of this rivalry I see is the people on Locust Walk wearing those shirts.” —Katie Parra, Penn Class of 2014

"I'm aware of this rivalry because I was totally a dork in learning everything about Penn before coming my freshman year. Although it might be one–sided because friends at Princeton don't think anything of it."—Dave P. Sawyers, Penn Class of 2014 “I want to say Princeton’s our rival. I feel like the majority of our big sports games come against them. I mean, people wear “Puck Frinceton” shirts around. But honestly, there just hasn’t been any consistency with another school. We have a bit of consistency in our rivalry with them.” —Matthew Brottman, Penn Class of 2014

“I have heard about the Penn– Princeton rivalry, but I think it’s pretty one–sided: Only Penn students care about it. At Princeton, I think we joke around and equate Penn with Penn State. Sorry about that.“ —Neelay Patil, Princeton Class of 2014 “I don’t think Princeton students consider Penn to be their rival. However, I’m in the glee club, and whenever we go to Harvard to sing before a football game, there’s always this intense rivalry.” —Nikhita Prasanna, Princeton Class of 2014

3432 Sansom St. Philadelphia, PA 19104 Phone: 215.382.3474

“From my perspective, Princeton’s two main rivals are Harvard and Yale, because when we beat both of them in football in the same year, we get a school–wide bonfire.” —Mandy Swenson, Princeton Class of 2017 “I don’t have much of a view on the situation, except that at the end of the day we’re all brethren in the Ivy family.” —Jason Zhi, Princeton Class of 2017

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also join us monday-friday for happy hour from 5pm-7pm $1 Select oysters, 5 for $5 Appetizer Menu, $5 Concord Bay Cocktails, $5 orange Crush Cocktails, $4 Red & White Wines, $3 Select Drafts

EGO

WHAT YOUR PENN GEAR SAYS ABOUT YOU

Now that the Penn Bookstore is about 90% apparel, Ego couldn’t help but wonder: Who’s buying all this? If that who is you, allow us to make some uniformed judgement. IF YOU BUY AN: Under Armour Women’s Studio Full Zip Stand ($74.98)

IF YOU BUY A: Holloway University of Pennsylvania Custom Jacket ($354.98)

IF YOU BUY A: Klutch Side Glitter Teardrop Tank ($29.98)

You Are: An early morning person with an absolutely perfect life.

You Are: A sad freshman who already misses his high school glory days.

You Are: An inner lax bro fighting to come out.

You Are: A legit baby. Aww.

You Are: A very happy mother.

So you’re one of those “healthy” people, aren’t you? Running around campus at 7 a.m. with your cute, fit jogging buddies and already–toned muscles becoming more defined by the step? Judging the people eating their first brunch of the day at Chipotle? Well, don’t you feel foolish now.

Outside of "Grease 2" (oh, and its prequel), we’re pretty sure no one wore varsity jackets in high school. But that doesn’t mean you never pined for one. Next up for you: scoring a man–sized locker that you can decorate to totally reflect your, like, unique personality.

The tank's reversible fabric makes it optimal for those who aim to do laundry as little as possible. Unfortunately, if you have to buy one of these, chances are you aren’t really on the lacrosse team.

Nothing screams “legacy” like a Penn onesie.

First: mazel on your child getting into Penn! You deserve to be proud. But seriously, how did you find this magazine?

IF YOU BUY A: Penn College Kids Infant Bodysuit ($19.98)

IF YOU BUY A: Champion Penn Mom T–Shirt ($18.98)

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MUSIC

RAPPERS WHO AREN’T STRAIGHT GUYS

So we freaked because Chance the Rapper came to our frat parties last weekend, but he fits the profile of most rappers: straight, dude. Here’s a partial list of some sick rappers who don’t fit the typical bill. ANGEL HAZE You might know Angel Haze from her feud with Azealia Banks, but her music is better than their Twitter fights would suggest. Haze’s style is bold and innovative. She raps about being pansexual, a rape survivor and a woman in the rap world. Her freestyle over the “Same Love” instrumental—about what growing up as an LGBT youth is actually like—will make you never want to listen to Macklemore again. DOWNLOAD: “Werking Girls”

AWKWAFINA Awkwafina is one of the few Asian– American women to find success as a rapper. Her lyrics are hilarious and crude; for example, she did a cover of “My Dick” called “My Vag.” She likes to rap against the hipsterfication of her hometown: “New York City, bitch, that’s where I come from / Not where I moved to on Mom and Dad’s trust fund.”

MYKKI BLANCO Mykki Blanco is a gender–fluid, gay rapper with amazing style who makes some of the raunchiest tracks you’ll ever hear. He’s friends with LE1F as well as fellow rappers Zebra Katz and Cakes da Killa, who all rap openly about gay sex and the gay culture in NYC.

DOWNLOAD: “NYC Bitche$”

DOWNLOAD: “Haze.Boogie.Life”

LE1F

BROOKE CANDY

Speaking of Macklemore, he totally stole the beat for “Same Love” from LE1F’s track “Wut.” LE1F is a gay rapper from NYC who makes killer club tracks bolstered by his amazing, deep voice. Pitchfork called him the “anti–Drake” which might give you a good idea of what he’s like (Drake probably cried about it).

You might recognize Brooke Candy and her pink waist–length cornrows from the music video for “Genesis” by Grimes, but she is much more than her bizarre style. She raps about feminist messages: “You say that I’m a slut / It ain’t your business who I’m fucking with.” She also believes that her sexuality shouldn’t define her, and that her rap should be judged on its quality, not her qualities.

DOWNLOAD: “Damn Son” EMILY GRABLUTZ

DOWNLOAD: “Das Me”

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Shoes 214 Books S. 45th Clothing St. Furniture (Between Locust & Walnut) Appliances Mon. - Sat. Computers 10 AM - 8 PM Household Items .............and more! www.TheSecond Want to Donate? Call for pick-up: 215-662-1663

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MUSIC

MUSIC’S GUIDE TO HOMECOMING

Penn celebrates Homecoming in a variety of ways. We’re here to do what we do best—provide the soundtrack.

IF YOU’RE STUDYING: “EASY” BY REAL ESTATE

IF YOU’RE GOING TO THE FOOTBALL GAME: “RED 2 GO” BY DANNY BROWN

IF YOU’RE TOO HUNGOVER TO DO THINGS: “GLORY AND GORE” BY LORDE

You know you’re screwed for that midterm, but at least you can pretend you aren’t. Let this catchy, breezy track take you to a place where everything is remarkably effortless, including getting “A”s at Penn.

Between the darty and the second Wawa run of the day comes the magical football game, and, although, you may not remember whether we beat the Princeton Tigers, at least you’ll be ready to go.

You’ve been drinking like the world is gonna end, Lorde sings, and that’s exactly what you’ve done in your misguided pre–homecoming hype. Take this day to lie back in bed and bask in last night’s glory. You don’t understand football, anyway.

Street's Shock Absorber—

Takes on Childish Gambino this Friday. 34st.com

IF YOU’RE CLEANING: “STEREO” BY BOOMBOX

IF YOU’RE DARTYING: “PUMPIN BLOOD” BY NONONO

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MUSIC

"MATANGI" M.I.A

“MOON LANDING” “THE MARSHALL James Blunt MATHERS LP 2” Eminem

“Matangi” is British–Sri Lankan artist M.I.A’s first studio album in three years, and she delivers everything her fans were anxiously waiting for and more. The time away has not left her stale; if anything, it has allowed her to evolve the electronic, alternative hip–hop she is known for. Tracks like “Only 1 U” prove the success of that evolution. The hard–hitting “Warriors” is a testament to the artist’s versatility with a combination of wind chimes, tribal drums and an underlying distinct electronic sound. Each song melds effortlessly into the next. Though heavy on the bass at times, the album offers a slower less oppressive beat on tracks like “Come Walk With Me.” With “Matangi,” M.I.A. has produced an album akin to an audible drug, full of songs both fantastic and addictive.

If you were alive in 2005, you remember James Blunt’s number one hit, “You’re Beautiful.” Striving to stay away from what he believes is “a dirty place called 'Mainstream'” and return to a more poignant intimacy with his music, Blunt released his fourth album, “Moon Landing.” Although the album’s themes encompass the concepts of both blossoming and failing love, seemingly relatable matters that should trigger emotions in many listeners, his songs are far from cathartic. As Blunt’s quavering vocals deliver melodramatic lyrics, the album’s instrumentation fails to help; it lacks variation and artistry, making it unintentionally depressing. Blunt commented that he had created “Moon Landing” for himself and not any one audience. His album’s inability to establish a relationship with its listeners and provide a cohesive sound or meaning makes his words ring true.

JOHNATHAN WILSON

MARYCATE MUSCHETT

Most Eminem fans were skeptical, especially given his last effort, when they heard that he was naming his new album “The Marshall Mathers LP 2.” However, with constant references to older songs, especially those from the original MMLP, this album can satisfy anyone with nostalgia for his bleach–blonde hair and baggy clothes from his days of yore. There isn’t nearly as much yelling and screaming as there was on “Recovery,” nor is there that drugged–out sound that toned “Relapse” and “Encore.” While there are misses, like the Mountain Dew–drinking, Call of Duty–playing 12–year–old anthem “Survival” and the cringe–worthy ballad “Stronger than I Was”, they’re mostly outweighed by standout tracks like “So Far…,” “Love Game” and “Headlights.” Though the album may not fully live up to its namesake, no one should’ve expected it to: it stands to satisfy on its own. MARK PARASKEVAS

Grade: A Download: “Y.A.L.A” Sounds best when: You need a mood boost.

Grade: D+ Download: “Miss America” Sounds best when: You’d like to feel uninspired.

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Grade: B+ Download: “Headlights” Sounds best when: Laughing and crying away your post–midterm stress.

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FILM F I L M

REVIEW: "BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR" DO YOU PAY PER VIEW? In Abdellatif Kechiche’s recently debuted French drama, blue is not only the warmest color, but it is also the most heart–warming one. Its every hue permeates all aspects of the film, most notably in the form of Emma (Léa Seydoux). She is an art student at the Beaux–Arts whose cyan glance declares love at first sight with Adèle (Adèle Exarchopoulos). Adèle's heartbreakingly raw bildungsroman quickly unfolds when she again encounters her blue–haired admirer at a gay bar, simply by chance. “Blue is the Warmest Color,” the well–deserved winner of the Palme d’Or at Cannes this past summer, explores identity from the perspective of Adèle, a French teenager riddled with sexual insecurity as she grows up in the northern city of present–day Lille. Neither she nor

Film and polled youlove to fistory, nd out Emma’s as ithow is you are getting your Sunday afternoon the audience understands her, movieconveyed fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN even more powerfully even though the camera never glassy eyes, the tangled hair,Hugo in theaters. And we you guess then that Penn stustrays farther than two feet from through hough we all know watch pouts and a few vivid Adèle’s face. She remains a mys- trembling Internet is for porn fit this mold of overworked Ivy dents would prefer to get their scenes. While tery to all except for the self– sex (thanks Avenue Q), the the romance League students well, with only RomCom fix online with free takes an unnecessary assured Emma, who catalyzes bedroom is no longer the onlyamount aboutof17% of Penn undergrads streaming websites like SideReel time to unfurl, Kechiche’s bril- movies at the Rave ev- and Ch131 rather than pay for Adèle’s coming–out by introarea being ceded to digital terri- watching liant film is one of the few ducing her to Jean–Paul Sartre’s tory. For every girl with daddy’s ery that semester. services provided by Netflix and depicts the idea that “existence precedesAmEx, es- accurately window browsing onemotional But how about the other ste- Redbox? sence.” As the sheltered Adèle torment first love—both Fifth Avenue has of beena replaced reotype, the one that says all colWhile 75% of us watch movfound and lost. easily ponders this notion that identity with online shopping. Emma And islege students are poor? The free ies online, nearly 50% pay for FYEs everywhere have the best thing thatvirtuhas ever hap- of information made it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a is not inherent, but discovered movement ally been rendered useless (pun pened to Adèle, which possible is why by the interweb makes new release on iTunes — is hysthrough action, Emma begins intended) the existence of when she terical, but is shewith struggles so much to sketch her. These drawings the multifarious iTunes it worth the mirror Adèle’s growth as Emma lets Emma slip store. through theWhose ten- recommendations do you take? 50The Things are grip no different here 1.5 salads at 47.7% uous of her sexuality. refines rough profiles into grand Other where the that Rave ensues gets Sweetgreen falling–out never nudes for public display by at thePenn, 40% 40 A Friend nearly fully half the trafficleaving for theboth Adèle it would resolves, end of the film. Cinema Studies midnight of blockhave cost if 30 andscreenings the audience with a tearful These thought–provoking Major 26.2% 25% 25% like Twilight as Hulu the auI had seen it Professor or TA emptiness. Nevertheless, motifs of philosophy and buster art hits 20 does the day afterofthe in theaters? Street thenticity thisnewest passionate, ennot only deepen the dimension of 30 and Rock irresistible airs. This romance Ramen noo10 of identity, but enrich the episode al- ergized *Students surveyed were allowed to choose more makes sense. dles aren’t fills it,We as Penn this isstudents the kind of love ready honest, throat–knotting than one option. 0 are toothatbusy that bad, I doesprocrastinating not only happen in the heartbreak that evolves, too. The Grade: A– on Penn InTouch and designguess. frequent silence does not inter- movies, but is indeed real. Rating & Runtime: NC–17, 179 mins. ing funny lacrosse pinnies for entertainment accessible and The average Penn student CASEY QUACKENBUSH fere with the intensity of Adèle See if you liked: “Juno” the clubs we’re involved in to inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if leave the comfort of our beds to AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

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*A simple of 100 Penn surveyed to their film vi

F E AT U R E

those who can't stop, start

onalize to mdoingit, most basic because I p myself.”

Despite running on six hours of sleep every night, Huntsman senior Edward Lando is finding himself more energized than ever. “I love the game,” he announces, and from the grin on his face for the entirety of our hour– long conversation, it’s clear that he really does. “I can rationalize E d w a r d ’ s currently to you why I’m working doing it, but at on his its most basic fourth level it’s because startup venture, a I can’t help fashion/e– myself.” commerce project named Fleur that will bring him to New York post– graduation. “The game” appears to be everyone’s favorite part of being a startup founder. It starts with the idea—an easy task for this breed—and is followed by selecting a team, building the product, seeking funding and legally incorporating. Then a lengthy process begins: it consists of iterating model after model until something, hopefully, works. At a bigger firm, these tasks would be diffused across tens or hundreds of Edwards;

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When PennLink’s not enough to find the perfect job, some people just make their own. These are Penn’s startup founders and they seem to all want one thing: to do what they want, when they want, with whomever they want. And also to “change the world.” By Chloe Bower at his startup, there’s only one. In many ways, startups are about control—of the process, the people, the product—but in many others, they’re about freedom. For Pulak Mittal, a senior M&T student with a summer at Facebook under his belt, building one feature of one component of one app was “unfulfilling”—even if that feature would be used by millions of people. Now that he is working on a company of his own, Pulak is excited to have a deeper impact. “I’m solving a problem that I really see and feel and care about. And I’m the one calling the shots.” He and his co–founder Alex Rattray are stationed out of Pulak’s basement where they arranged a “rag–tag” assortment of desks and office chairs obtained from a summer of dumpster diving. Not exactly Palo Alto. However, staying on campus does have its perks. Not only is there quick and easy access to talent, but Penn also offers a number of funding opportunities for budding entrepreneurs. Competing in the PennApps hackathon can score you a finished product and a top prize of $10,000

in 48 hours. The Weiss Tech House Innovation Fund doles out approximately 20 grants annually of up to $5,000 each, without taking any equity from funded projects. Isaac Sukin, a Wharton senior, is the earliest member of the entirely student–run Dorm Room Fund investment team, which arrived at 41st and Locust Streets along with First Round Capital’s new headquarters a little over a year ago. Through the Fund, student startups can apply for a venture capital investment of up to $20,000. Isaac likes to ask founders a simple question when they apply for the fund: what does success look like to you? He says you’d be surprised to know how many people haven’t thought about it. But founders aren’t lazy or forgetful. They’re quite the opposite—many are pursuing dual–degrees in business and engineering, others are learning how to code on the side and all are juggling an Ivy League education while they get their companies off the ground. Towards the end of our conversation, Pulak, who will be graduating a semester early in December, admits “I’m so

pumped to not have school to worry about and to just work on my company and nothing else. We’re going to be able to go totally heads down and focus on building, and that’s the fun of it.” Founders aren’t daydreaming about the picture of success; they’re too busy enjoying the game.

raising any capital outside of an initial investment from the Dorm Room Fund. It was Dan’s goal to build a company that would make money from day one. “I can rationalize to you why I’m doing it, but at its most basic level it’s because I can’t help myself.”

DF Dan Shipper, a College senior, is a co–founder of Firefly, a cobrowsing platform for businesses (kind of like screensharing on the web). He talks fast and moves faster; in about a year, he grew his company to over six figures in revenue and 5,000 customers. Dan acknowledges that, in terms of extracurriculars, “Firefly is really the only thing I do.” Pausing for a moment, he then adds, chuckling, “except for flag football, which is my other serious commitment.” Meanwhile, at 7 p.m. on a Monday, he’s on his way to New York, presumably for business. Dan has been building software products and selling them since he was in fifth grade. Now in the process of hiring full–time employees, Firefly can pay for a staff without

For most of these founders, they see a problem and can’t help but think of a way to fix it. Many are motivated by the idea of changing the world. “Ultimately this is how I look at my life: I want to improve things. I want to make things better,” Pulak declares. The company he is currently working on, called Emerald, seeks to replace blue books with paperless exams taken through their secure online system. “Nowadays, the environment is set up in such a way that a startup really is your best bet for making a change. The resources out there for working on startups are abundant.” Dan Getelman, co–founder of Lore, a social education tool, is back at Penn to finish his M&T dual –degree after selling the company in March. Why did he leave in the first

place? Not for money, he says. Rather, it was “a mix of solving a problem that had bothered me for years and being able to do something I really believed would have a positive impact.” Project Applecart is an “unconventional startup,” its co–founder Matthew Kalmans, a College junior, explains. It attempts to help more moderate candidates gain traction in elections despite the historical disadvantages against them—a problem its founders discovered from years working on political campaigns. Co–founder Sacha Samotin, also a College junior, explains, “the people that we look to for inspiration are the ones who put the problem first and recognize that if their solution was as effective as they thought it would be, they would do just fine financially.” Sacha looks to Matt, sitting next to him. “For us, really, the only way to do well is by doing good first.”

Over fall break, 20 students went on a “Tech Trek” to Silicon Valley, the trip was marketed as both a networking opportunity and, less professionally, “a fun chance to get to know California

just a little bit better.” The seventeen men and three women selected to participate—a telling statistic that is a story in itself— met with some of the founders and CEOs they hope to one day become. Aaron Levie of Box was on the docket, as was Sal Khan of Khan Academy, but no event seemed to compare to the experience of meeting Jack Dorsey. Jack created both Twitter and Square; he is one of the few startup founders to successfully “change the world.” On his blog, Edward Lando describes the experience: “We walk past the Square logo that glows on the white wall to the reception where the pretty receptionist is waiting for us and the good music plays.” After a tour, the group has 15 minutes with Jack. They search for clues; they want to learn how to have their own pretty receptionist and play their own good music. These entrepreneurs, founders, coders and students want to know Jack. However, as Edward puts it, “To know him better is to learn that he’s a person. And even though Jack told us himself that he doesn’t approve of putting public figures on a pedestal, it’s hard to avoid doing that with him.”

Edward doesn’t show any naivete when it comes to success. “You have to have a big ego if you want to build something that will be successful because you have to believe that you can build something that’s tremendously successful.” That said, delusions of grandeur never hurt. “I like people who match their big ideas with a crazy attitude. This project right now is just as much about working on ourselves as it is about working on the company.” When asked what success looks like for him, Dan Shipper doesn’t have time to “get into it.” Instead, he would rather talk about the goals he set for his company and the ways in which he has already achieved them. He’s not going to waste "For us, time imagining really, the the future; he’s only way to too busy owning do well is by the moment.

doing good first.”

Chloe Bower is a junior from Long Island, NY, studying communications. She is the Design Editor for 34th Street Magazine.

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FILM

B–ROLL: BRAVE NEW WORLD, SAME OLD FORM Every Monday night, I watch the latest episode of “How I Met Your Mother,” even though the show hasn’t been consistently funny in years. It might sound absurd that I spend so much time watching something I don’t even fully enjoy anymore, but I’ve committed enough time to it that I want to see how these characters end up. And what’s

even more absurd is that it took the show nine seasons to finally live up to its title and introduce the mother. While television offers a chance to tell stories that are too long for movies, not every story needs 100 episodes. In order to extend the show, filler plots that are often unnecessary for the overall narrative are used.

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On “HIMYM,” for example, the debacle this season was the choice to send Marshall on a road trip to separate him from the rest of the cast and push back his argument with Lily. “Lost” infamously based an entire episode on the explanation of Jack’s tattoos, a clarification that no one had been asking for. Some shows even extend long enough that they need to change their initial premises to tell an ongoing story. “Homeland,” for example, has changed from a thriller depicting the return of a prisoner of war with questionable motives to a more stereotypical government show where the main character’s job with the CIA becomes more implausible with every episode. “Revenge,” a fun show with interesting twists and turns in its first season, was forced to explore the idea of company conspiracies to stall on its main plot; the result was a decrease in both quality and viewership.

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Luckily, shows are starting to experiment more with season lengths. The major benefit of this change is the ability to tell stories with a tighter narrative. Fox's new hit “Sleepy Hollow” will only have 13 episodes, allowing the network to condense its crazy plotting over fewer episodes and have a higher ratio of mythology episodes to monster–of–the–week episodes. Even cable channels have begun to experiment with the reemergence of anthology shows. Creators are able to tell interesting stories that fit within a single season without worrying about a long–term plan. The writers of “American Horror Story” are able to do whatever crazy stuff they can think of to their characters each season, and then introduce another fun concept the next year. HBO has the promising “True Detective” on the way, with plans to explore a differ-

ent case every year with different casts. While some shows would benefit from shorter seasons, the television business model doesn’t need to be demolished. The standard 22–episode seasons still work very well for a majority of comedies and procedural crime shows. They don’t need to completely change; they just need to tinker and experiment a little. But it’s a good sign that they’re slowly learning that not every show needs the same number of episodes. The optimal number of episodes for a show is the number needed to tell the story the creators wish to tell. I will watch “How I Met Your Mother” until the bitter end, but I hope it’s the last show to hold me hostage while I wait to see how it finally ends. From now on, I’d much prefer shows to be short and sweet. DANIEL SIEGEL

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Reviews & Trailer of the Week.

"BETTER OFF TED" “Better off Ted” is a hard comedy to define; half satire and half heart, its cast of characters feels both real and totally cartoonish. Led by titular every–man Ted (Jay Harrington), an executive at the research and development department of Veridian Dynamics, the workplace comedy chronicles a team that develops calamitous products, such as killer pandas and weaponized pumpkins. The jokes fly quickly, particularly from Ted’s boss Veronica (Portia de Rossi), and characters soon depart from the stereotypes they embodied at the show’s commencement. The show’s satire is never stronger than during the mid–episode Veridian Dynamics ads that play. Typically the funniest part of each episode, these ads would give a marketing student a heart attack, as they push the subtlety of corporate advertising to the absurdly obvious. Needless to say, you will never look at an Apple commercial the same way again. The show’s heart surprisingly manifests itself through the dark satire of the corporate world. Beginning with

Ted’s frank yet adorable daughter Rose (Isabella Acres), we see the humanity in each of these characters; this subsequently strengthens the satire, particularly in Veronica’s case. In a less capable actress’s hands, the character would be shrew and off– putting, but we see bits of the lovable creature beneath thanks to some of de Rossi’s brilliant work. The show deals with some very real ideas, which is one reason why it’s such a gem. It touches on important issues like race and gender in the workplace (in the deservedly lauded “Racial Sensitivity”), appropriate workplace behavior (“The Impertence of Communicationizing”) and how far is too far to go to support one’s company. In the end, “Better Off Ted” should be on every sitcom or comedy fan’s list. NATHAN WEINBREN Best for: “Arrested Development” withdrawal Worst for: Getting pumped for OCR

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FOOD & DRINK

The Man Behind Chez Yasmine Immunologist turned food truck–ist, Jihed Chemini is all about personal chemistry.I It is 2 p.m. on a Monday and unusually warm for October in Philadelphia. An iPod plays French music as Jihed Chehimi bumps around his station. The day usually starts at 11 a.m. or 12 p.m. “I’m always late!” he laughs. It’s a lifestyle choice. Jihed’s commute is a quick drive—probably with the windows down and Buena Vista Social Club playing—over the Walnut Street Bridge to Penn’s campus from his home in Fairmount. Late, or fashionably late, Jihed always

begins his day in style, giving endless smiles and second–hand whiffs of European cologne. There is something precise about the way he slips the blue latex gloves on his hands. It is quick, clean, automatic. After 25 years conducting lab research on viral immunology, it’s a habit. But Jihed is no longer pipetting DNA into a test tube; he traded his lab specimens for radishes and rose water. The muscle memory is obvious. Jihed glides through a baguette with his ser-

rated knife and carefully layers salmon, radish, egg, capers and caviar, then douses it all with a squeeze of fresh lemon to create La Josie: The Swedish Salmon Smörgås. Two years ago, Jihed walked two blocks westward from his laboratory at the Wistar Institute at 35th and Spruce Streets to begin a new experiment: Chez Yasmine Food Truck. Jihed hardly looks like your typical food truck guy. Instead, he looks like he’s ready for a vespa ride by the Seine. The slim, tanned fifty–something wears fitted jeans and an abstract–design button–up shirt. His sleek, shaved head hides behind a pair of tinted aviators. He is mysterious—like his accent, which is somewhere between French and Arabic. Jihed was born and raised in Tunisia and received his PhD in Immunology and Infectious Disease in Paris. He came to Philadelphia in 1987 to teach at Penn's School of Medicine. In 2000, he transitioned to the Wistar to conduct grant–funded

research on AIDS and Hepatitis C. When the cut–throat competition to renew grants became unbearable, he left. Jihed and his research friends had toyed with the idea of opening a food truck before. “The friends left, but the idea didn’t,” he smiles. The small cart is nestled between Chinese and Indian, just above the Trolley stop. It is named after his daughter Yasmine—who is Tunisian and Swedish, by her mother. It took 19 months to create the menu. According to Jihed, he “tested dishes the right way” at dinner parties. The physical truck part was not so easy, either. “For months, I could not attach the truck to my car. Every day it fell off into the middle of the street, until the Asian fruit cart guy,” Jihed points across Spruce, “taught me how to use the, quest–ce que c’est…?” Jihed does a cranking motion at his employee Seth. “A car jack? Ah yes, the car jack—but I still can’t back up!” The real hard work is found in Jihed’s mission to create a unique

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culinary experience. Chez Yasmine’s menu appears more strange than his career path, because it is. It starts with the Wistar Sandwich, and features cuisine from Vietnam, Sweden and France—all the way back to Tunisian specialties. “People tell me the menu is random, but no—it it is my heritage, my story—except the grilled cheese and PB and J… they stay on the menu because they are nostalgic for my students.” He also names each item after his most loyal students, or “kids.” “Wharton students tell me it is a great marketing strategy, but I say I’m not a business person, I’m a scientist, a nerd—it’s a thank you to Chez Yasmine’s sponsors.” Whether it is tailoring a dish to food allergies or cooking on the spot, it is always the customer and the experience that matters. “Some students can’t afford the food, but we still make it work… I don’t care about losing money. Without my students, there is no food cart.”

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The Penn Alum Special: Chocolate ice cream/yogurt,

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FREE DELIVERY AVAILABLE* Monday Night Football Specials 6pm-9:30pm Thursday Night Football Specials 6pm-9:30pm Wednesdays 5pm-8pm Sunday Football Specials 5pm-10pm * Minimum $15 per order (cash or credit). Email orders to: ScoopDeVilleDelivers@gmail.com

1315 Walnut Street | scoopdevilleicecream.com | 215-988-9992

FOOD & DRINK

HIPCITYVEG VS. MCDONALD'S

A vegan Philly upstart goes glove–to–glove with the titan of fast food. BY DAVID NEY

McDonald's

HipCityVeg Burger

Fries

WINNER!

Shake

WINNER!

The Classic Veg Burger and the bag it’s in are both 100% plant–based. Topped with the usual suspects—lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle and ketchup—this soy burger was as advertised: classic. Not a lumpy vegetable mash, just a solid burger. The burger was a little small, but it might just be the perfect salad substitute we’ve all been looking for. The sweet potato fries were served hot and plentifully. The bag was stuffed with wonderfully–salted, little orange fritters. These were unforgettable, cut at fastfood shoestring thickenss, served with a sweet and tangy cilantro–black bean dip. The Groothie is enough to fill you up. It’s also green. It’s a smoothie with apple, pineapple, banana and kale or spinach. Channel your inner Popeye and and power down the HipCityVeg specialty—a Groothie a day keeps the doctor away.

Burger

Price: $7.50 Nutrition Info Calories: 460 Total fat: 11g Sodium: 1340mg

WINNER!

Price: $4.00

Fries

Nutrition Info Unlisted

Price: $4.50 Nutrition Info Calories: 200 Total fat: 1g Sodium: 20mg

Shake

It’s a Big Mac. Two all–beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun. Served in a box that reminds you that there’s only one Big Mac (it’s just been cloned about a billion times). It’s greasy, it’s not fresh, and it may have less real meat in it than the HipCityVeg burger—but come on, it’s a Big Mac. Fun fact #1: It’s impossible to eat just one of McDonald’s fries. Fun fact #2: It’s impossible to feel like a human after eating McDonald’s fries. Skinny, golden–brown and salty, this home–wrecker makes for an epic side that’ll immunize you to shame. It’s chocolate or vanilla. There’s whipped cream and a cherry. It’s way too sweet. You definitely can’t finish it… you can’t believe you already finished it. The McDonald’s shake is simply a knock–off diner shake so sweet you’ll feel the cavities develop in real time.

Price: $6.50 Nutrition Info Calories: 550 Total fat: 29g Sodium: 900mg

Price: $1.49 Nutrition Info Calories: 380 Total fat: 19g Sodium: 270mg

Price: $2.49 Nutrition Info: Calories: 530 Total fat: 15g Sodium: 160mg

u could be a winner 2 tweet of the week

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N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 17

FOOD & DRINK

VEGAN IN DISGUISE: A QUICK LEXICON Protein you can't believe wasn't butchered.

Tofu (toe–foo): A.k.a. bean curd, made from coagulated (solidified) soy milk. Available either soft or firm, this MVP of make–believe meats is a bland substitute made to resemble different meats depending on preparation and seasoning. Miso (mee–so): A thick paste of fermented soybeans and grain with a strong umami flavor. Most often used in Asian cooking (a la the soup of the same name), miso is beginning to appear more often in American cuisine. Tempeh (tem–pay): Meat substitute made from fermented soybeans. The overshadowed little sister of tofu, tempeh is chewier and has an earthier taste than the former. The soy product is often used to add protein, fiber and texture to pastas and soups. Seitan (say–ton): Meat substitute made from wheat gluten. The most protein–rich of meat substitutes, seitan also has a tougher, jerky–like texture that’s more complex than that of tempeh and tofu. TVP (tee vee pee): Texturized Vegetable Protein. In the form of dehydrated vegetable flakes, TVP is cheap and nutrient–rich—perfect for spiking that 99–cent ramen. MARLEY COYNE

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ARTS

Bonnie Arbittier Check out an interview with and work by photographer Bonnie Arbittier at 34st.com.

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N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

DIY: PENN T–SHIRT PENNANT Homecoming weekend may be the only football game you attend this year. Muster up some spirit to make it count.

ARTS

You’ll Need: 1. Old Penn t–shirt 2. Scissors 3. Masking tape 4. Optional: Dowel or string

Cut out the triangle, making sure to leave extra space.

Trace a triangular pennant shape over the text on your shirt. Leave several extra inches at the wide end of the triangle.

Fold the extra inches over the back to create a clean edge; tape to make a sleeve.

Hang your pennant from the wall or insert a dowel into the sleeve to use as a flag.

La Fontana Della Citta 215.875.9990

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1701 Spruce St. - Philadelphia, PA 19103 - www.lafontanadellacitta.com 2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3

ARTS

PERFORMING ARTS IN THE HOUSE: INTERVIEW WITH LAURIE MCCALL As director of the Platt Student Performing Arts House, Laurie McCall juggles the 44 comedy, spoken word, dance, theatre and music groups on campus— in addition to coordinating PennQuest. Platt itself like? LM: It’s a place to come to rehearse, to just bang on a piano, to sing, to dance, to get involved with groups already here or just to work and hang out and get coffee.

Street: Where are you from? Laurie McCall: I’m from Lehigh Valley originally. I went to college to be a teacher, went to grad school to be a teacher, started out at York College and then came to Penn in 1992. Street: How’d you first get involved in performing arts at Penn? LM: Interestingly enough, I was working part–time and just managing some pre–orientation programs, mainly PennQuest. I became full–time eventually, and we brought pre–orientation in conjunction with performing arts under Platt House. I started working here in 2007. Street: Has your time in the wilderness with PennQuest influenced your experience at Platt? LM: Yes, well, in the broader sense: student leaders are student leaders, and managing PennQuest is much more difficult than managing student performing arts groups, because they sometimes even have no cell service out in the woods. So if you can handle anything that goes wrong with PennQuest out in the woods, you can handle anything that goes wrong with a performance. Street: What is the space of

Street: What are some lesser–known groups based in Platt? LM: Penn Duree is a Korean Drumming group that also has some choreography to it—it’s very interesting and colorful; Without a Net or Simply Chaos, our comedy groups; a dance group called Yalla. They’re Middle Eastern dance—you might not realize what belly dancing really is until you watch them. Street: What can we look forward to in the upcoming weeks? LM: Collaborative shows.

One Acts Theater Festival and the Emily Dance Benefit— you can see a lot of people performing for good causes. We always welcome people to participate in community service, our after–school programs, ticket donations and workshops for schools. We’re also starting an alumni–mentoring program with alumni in the arts and entertainment industry. Street: What are your long– term goals for the arts at Penn? LM: We’re always looking for better ways to use our space. We just got a new dance studio for non–PAC groups. We’re looking to collaborate with as many other groups on campus as possible and to build those connections. JORDAN RODNIZKI

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215.243.9999 | ramenbarphilly.com N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 1

LOWBROW

LETTERS TO

DEAR LOWBROW,

I have a sharp pain in my lower back after lifting yesterday at Pottruck. It’s basically impossible for me to walk upright. Should I see a doctor?

I want to do a fraternity, but I’m worried about hazing and its effect on my grades. What should I do?

-LUMMY LUMBAR DEAR LEONARD,

LOWBROW

We've got mail! Does anyone still have AOL? Just us? What about Hotmail? Anyway, Lowbrow finally checked our inbox for the first time since NSO, and have we got some good advice for you! If you think this is real, please put this magazine down and take a good look at yourself in the mirror. We mean a really good look. You look good.

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2 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3

No. Absolutely not. No pain, no game. Is that the expression? We recommend increasing the amount you usually lift by 50 lbs. Try lifting with your back, and always use fast, sudden movements. Oh, and try not to be such a pussy next time. -LOWBROW DEAR LOWBROW, I failed my last midterm. Should I start going to class? -SALLY SKIPSALOT

-FRATSTAR FRANK DEAR FARRÉLL, Absolutely. 100%. -LOWBROW DEAR LOWBROW, I’m looking for some campus shortcuts on my way to class, any tips? -KARL ABRAMS-JAFFE DEAR KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR, What an honor! An NBA great writing in to Lowbrow! Sir, you should be giving us tips, sir. What’s your secret Kareem? Don’t be shy. -LOWBROW DEAR LOWBROW, What’s a generous amount to give a homeless person? -GIVING GARRY

DEAR SIMON,

DEAR GARÁGE,

Have you heard about the option to withdraw? We hear med schools are enchanted by lots of W’s. How many do you have? What do the W’s stand for you ask? Wonderful, wacky, whimsical, Worcestershire, etc.

What would Jesus do? As Jesus once said, “I can cut the front and back for $20.” He's a great gardener. What were we talking about?

-LOWBROW

-ALFREDO

DEAR LOWBROW,

-LOWBROW QUERIDO POPULACHERO, Cuántos años tienen ustedes? DEAR ABUELA, Para mi, un té helado por favor.

I just got hit by a car on my bike. I think my leg is broken. Is it 919? Where did my friends go?

-LOWBROW

-INJURED IKE

They fixed all the lights in 1920 Commons. I’m looking for another spot on campus with poor lighting. Any recommendations, you guys?

DEAR BIKE,

DEAR LOWBROW,

It’s 191! Your friends are gone! Run! To the nearest payphone! Quick! Your safety’s been compromised!

-ANONYMOUS

-LOWBROW

DEAR JUDY, We know it’s you. What the fuck. Fuck you, Judy.

LOWBROW

SUCH CONCERNS WE'RE HAVING Dear the Daily Pennsylvanian, Hello. It is I, Sharon Blum (pronounced BLOOM), neé Rosenbaum, mother (and friend!) of Sara. I am writing this to you under great duress, although not too much, as the Miami sun has been calming my nerves. That’s right, I am writing this to you not from the confines of my Great Neck BarcaLounger, but instead from a poolside beach chair at the Howard Johnson Plaza Miami. Saul called me last night. He had a colonoscopy yesterday. It did not go as planned. An argument ensued. I say to Saul, “Saul, let us make a new life for ourselves, here in Miami. Perhaps not Miami, there are lots of Cubans, but somewhere such as Boca, or Del Rey Beach.” Saul says, “No.” And then I say, “Saul, you’re in insurance. We’ve got the world on a string, baby!” Recently, I have been speaking of my troubles to a nice Jewish man. Dr. Stein is his name. Though, he is a therapist, not an M.D. Even more suspicious is his bachelorhood. 49 years old and not a single wife? Tsk, tsk. He says my new Shih Tzu, Babs, is a coping mechanism, meant to fill the large void left by my beloved daughter Sara. I say to him he’s wrong, that’s what Appletinis are for! I’m such a Miranda! Speaking of Sara, my biggest gripe is the notable absence of myself over the weekend colloquially known as “Family Weekend.” Where was I? My Sara made no mention of such a gathering. Where was my UPennAlert then, Sara? Another thing, Sara. What is this two B-minuses on your midterms? Your father and I did not raise a two B-minus daughter. I have a hunch this is from all that alcohol I’m reading about in The Daily Pennsylvanian. Or perhaps my dear Sara is spending far too much time at rehearsals for her Disney a cappella group. Now I’m a big fan of Mr. Disney’s films (“Song of the South" and so forth), but what are you doing singing mashes of Disney songs for hours a day? Singing is for the shower, Sara. Do your homework. Tuition is expensive. Another thing Sara, please book your America “Am” Track for Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving is special, as Chanukah is also the same day! Oy vey, things are getting out of hand at the Blum residence! The preparations are overwhelming. Dr. Stein will be hearing about this. Remind me to invite said Stein. I will introduce him to Patty Klein, I think they will be perfect together. Do you remember Patty? Patty, the one with the limp. You used to call her Fatty Patty due to her obese nature and then I would scold you. She still has issues with her weight. Poor Patty. Such a nice girl. Do I make myself clear? —Sharon Blum

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N O V E M B E R 7 , 2 01 3 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 3

1. Yes, a private, secret routine. 2. "Wipe Me Down" by Lil Boosie, "Swag Surfin" by Lil Wayne, "Work (Remix)" by A$AP Ferg. 3. New York Giants. Family favorite and make my Poppa proud. 4. Allegro's chicken parm. Post– game, anything from the McGinn cooler.

1. I write ADR and WIN on my wrist tape. ADR is a shoutout to my aunt for all that she's done to support me, and the latter is selfexplanatory. 2. "Work (Remix)" by A$AP Ferg, "I Run This" by Lil Wayne. 3. Houston Texans, I've been a fan since they beat my dad's Cowgirls in their first game in franchise history.

1. One that isn't very appropriate. I also like to walk from endzone to endzone two times as soon as I get to the stadium. 2. A lot of country music but then Steve ¨Cash¨ $tozak forces me to listen to Ellie Goulding. 3. Green Bay Packers. The greatest franchise in sports and I would love to catch back shoulder fades from Aaron Rodgers and get to do the Lambeau Leap. 4. Allegro´s chicken parm for pregame. For my post game meal, I usually find Mr. Dunsmore´s trunk and Mr. Migihn´s cooler.

1. I write F4L, RK, CK, JK on my wrist [for family], 201 (area code), LG, LG (Let go, let God), and just started writing Luke 12:22 (one of my favorite Bible verses). 2. "Wild Boy" by MGK, "Til I Collapse" by Eminem, "Work (Remix)" by A$AP Ferg. 3. New York Jets. Grew up loving the team and watched them every Sunday. Even through all the pain I've remained loyal. 4. Baby Blues' BBQ with my dad after the game.

1. Put my pads on and then go kick the ball for a bit. Drinking Gatorade finds its way in there sometimes. 2. "Hakuna Matata" is my go–to for sure. 3. I would be a professional sledder if I could. Maybe even a pro kite–flying champion if I was talented enough. 4. At the post–game tailgate, Mr. Thexton´s grilled steak is tough to beat. I´d work with his kielbasa too.

1. Look as fresh as possible. 2. "Knuck If You Go Buck" freestyle by Lil Wayne, last song I listen to before I take the field. 3. Lakers, play with my man Kobe. 4. Allegro's chicken parm. Postgame, Mama Jackson's wings and things.