November 10, 2011 by 34th Street Magazine

November 10, 2011 34st.com

DIY DONUTS • PHILLY ZINE FEST • BEST OF DREXEL

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

11.10.11 Inside: PAGE 5

PAGE 15

3 highbrow

Poo–Inn. penn addiction, overheard at penn, the gutter, word on the street.

4 EGo

Drexel, it's only two blocks away. drexel vs penn, best of drexel, ego of the week rosie brown.

6 FOOD & DRINK

Olykoeks. No, it's not from Lord of the Rings. donut recipe, donut history, federal donut review.

8 FEATURE

Penn students tackle homelessness. Student Run Emergency housing unit of Philadelphia.

10 MUSIC

I HAVE A DISTINCT GAIT.

FROMTHEEDITOR

enn’s changed a lot since I first settled into a cramped Hill double three and a half years ago. No more happy hour specials at LTs. No more terrible service from Marathon. No more almost drug deals at Cream and Sugar. But apparently the Penn landscape's changed infinitely for many alum traipsing back to campus this weekend. Choruses of “OHMIGOD THIS IS SO WEIRD” rang throughout Smoke's on Saturday night. "Nothing's the same!" a nostalgic sorority girl turned consultant cried. And then she took a shot. Well duh, ya weirdos. Of course nothing's the same. You all graduated. New babies moved in. Penn chugs along without you. That doesn't mean we don't miss you (because damnit we do) but it's probably a sad notion for alumni to face: Penn does not revolve around you. And this is pretty sad for seniors, too. You mean to say that the entire undergraduate body won’t welcome us back next year with open arms and free pitchers? You mean there will be no red carpet rolled out embellished

with Kweder lyrics? How dare you! How will we get through the next few months? Oh wait. There’s a ton of things to look forward to. Especially in Street. Like two (not one, but two!) more sets of Shoutouts (p. 12). Cultural Elite’s coming out next week — will you make the cut? And a Joke Issue to boot. There are other things on the horizon, too of course. Walnut Walk. Senior Formal. Fling. Being a second semester senior part deux. Oh, and getting a job or something like that. Maybe. Hopefully. But until then, it might be time to try something new. Work at a homeless shelter (p. 8). Do some drugs at a concert (p. 10). Make some donuts (p. 6). Or just take a nice walk courtesy of Kevin Bacon's father (p. 16). Street your heart out,

Glow sticks. concerts under the influence, one track mind.

11 FILM

OUR WRITERS MEETINGS ARE DEFINITELY BETTER THAN PREMATURE EJACULATION.

Leo and Armie are super awk. j. edgar review, inspirational movies.

12 ARTS

A zine for your thoughts. Top 5 — Philly zine fest at the rotunda, to scale gallery review, artist profile.

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

14 LOWBROW

WE WOULD KNOW.

Cut out this stache. Movember dos and donts, who wore it best?, shoutouts submissions.

STREET Writers Meeting 6:30 p.m. TONIGHT 4015 Walnut St.

16 back page

Kevin Bacon's dad made Philly look nice. bacon walkway photo essay.

34th Street Magazine Jessica Goodman, Editor–in–Chief Nick Stergiopoulos, Managing Editor Frida Garza, Design Editor Kendall Haupt, Online Managing Editor Joshua Goldman, Feature Tucker Johns, Feature Paige Rubin, Highbrow Stephanie Rice, A Little Less Highbrow Faryn Pearl, Ego Leah Steinberg, Ego Mady Glickman, Food & Drink Nina Wolpow, Food & Drink

Sam Brodey, Music Jake Spinowitz, Music Hilary Miller, Film Shelby Rachleff, Film Ellie Levitt, Arts Megan Ruben, Arts Anthony Khaykin, Lowbrow Sandra Rubinchik, Lowbrow Will Baskin–Gerwitz, Back Page Alex Hosenball, Copy Alexandra Jaffe, Copy Adrian Franco, Photo

UnderTheButton.com

Morgan Finkelstein, Managing Editor Michael Arnstein, Associate Editor Ian Bussard, Associate Editor Monika Knapp, Associate Editor Lora Rosenblum, Associate Editor Sandra Rubinchik, Associate Editor AJ Thomas, Associate Editor Cover photo: ISABEL FRIEDMAN

Contributors: Dawn Androphy, Lydia Berlacher, Chloe Bower, Samantha Field, Isabel Friedman, Jacqueline Heinrich, Julie Kozeracki, Isabel Oliveres, Jack Nessman, David Seidler, Zeke Sexauer, Sarah Tse, Lin Zheng

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Jessica Goodman, Editor-–in–Chief, at goodman@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. Visit our web site: www.34st.com "That could be point boobs. Or a vagina." ©2011 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

HIGHBROW

MY PENN ADDICTION: POO–INN' AT PENN Shitting at the Inn at Penn is by far the best non– academic, non–social decision I’ve made in college. I’m overwhelmed by delight inside my comfortable, perfumed haven and make a point of stopping in to relieve myself almost every day. A visit to the handicapped stall of the ballroom bathroom on the second floor can last anywhere from five minutes to a half hour. I hang my coat and backpack on two separate hooks on the mahogany stall door, unpack homework or a notebook and contpooplate. One time I did an entire box of Sudoku perched on that white basin. If I haven’t called home in a while, I do that too. For two years I’d been forced to compromise my day–to–day practices to suit conditions so grungy and raucous that my mother would faint if she even remotely understood. When the time came each morning to take care of business, in a deteriorating frat house cubicle with dried vomit clinging to the seat and toilet paper permanently AWOL, I was simply miserable.

So, I upgraded. Glorious green awnings, flapping in the Walnut Street wind, beckon me. Without realizing, I’m at a brisk trot. I cling to the straps of my backpack to stabilize it as some not–so–steady bowels begin testing my self–discipline. The revolving door of the Inn at Penn gracefully spins me in, fading the stress of the street into soft–jazz. A floral staircase runner is my red carpet, and I’m dashing to center stage. I casually scratch my head to shield my face as I stroll by the receptionists’ desk, en route to the sacred vessel. Butt cheeks are clenched. The ballroom bathrooms are chanting my name. With a personal sink and wall–sized mirror (not to mention a bin of washcloths next to a pot of fake grass) I’m able to fully cleanse before packing up. I depart the zone of Zen wholly consumed by the thought of returning tomorrow. Free of pain, free of fear and free of waste, I face the new day.

THEROUNDUP

DP reader: Tyler Ernst is more fucked than a Theta pledge at a Theos mixer. Senior guy: I hate searching for classes because my PennCard picture's sooo bad. Crazy Girl: Imagine… sex in clogs and nothing else. Supreme Douche: You wouldn’t believe the property tax in my neighborhood! Frat guy in Houston Hall: Why the fuck can’t I unsubscribe from Penn for Life? I’ve been trying for three years! We luvvvvv gossip. highbrow@34st

Cut My Hair By FRIDA GARZA

There are a few things that nobody told me when I decided to cut off most of my hair. I was never informed that my pixie cut would result in serious bedhead every morning. I wasn’t aware that maintaining it requires monthly trips to the hair salon, lest I start to show signs of a gnarly mullet. And I was certainly never told that my hair would naturally take on a Justin Bieber quality if left untouched after a shower. One thing everybody did tell me — it was a terrible idea. I don’t really remember when I first thought “Yeah! It would be really cool to get a pixie cut!” I imagine it happened between my mid–morning naps (yes, plural), as all my best ideas do. Summer had just started and I was armed with nothing else to combat my boredom. As I lounged around my house, I planned out all the details of my new life: “Short hair will be awesome! Emma Watson and I will become best friends! My shower drain will never get clogged!” But my idea was met with less enthusiasm by others. Friends and relatives made a collective “Uhhhh” when I brought up how excited I was. Most changed the subject, but a few were quick to tell me what they thought. “Please,” a high school friend pleaded, “don’t do it. Short hair will look SO BAD on you. I’m telling you this as your friend.” I was stunned. Every visceral reaction added to my confusion. Was this what I had waited for all semester? A return home to see friends only to have several catch–up sessions turn into uncomfortable silence sessions? My friends’ words left a knot in my stomach. People kept asking me, “Cut off all your hair? Why?” as if asking, “Cut off a leg? Why would you ever hurt yourself like that?” In the back of my mind, something didn’t add up. I mulled it over, the haircut, the potential for disaster, the groans from my closest friends. Then it clicked. It wasn’t about the haircut. I realized the friends I’d waited so long to reconnect with weren’t my friends at all. All at once, I had a reason to go through with it — I wanted to prove people wrong. I wanted to do it because they said no. I wanted to piss people off. The next day, I made the appointment. The old ladies in rollers sitting next to me held their breath as they watched my hairdresser braid my long hair and audibly gasped when she made the critical cut just above the ponytail holder. I heard disgruntled mumbles all around as I saw her hold up what was once my hair in the mirror. Someone asked my hairdresser if she was okay or if she needed someone else to take over. She said no, but the scissors still shook in her hands. I smiled as everyone else frowned. These days, I'll be the first to admit — I'm not crazy about my hair. The honeymoon stage is over, but others still rave about how short hair is "sooo you!" Despite mixed reactions, I know why I did it. I don't regret it for a second.

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

Apparently Theos Woodser wasn't as Texas Chainsaw Massacre–y as we led you to believe. The event was less "in the woods where no one can hear you scream" and more "The Woods Presents: Avicii," as the boys set up a giant rave in a tent for their usual crowd to enjoy. Highbrow hears multiple people got sent to the hospital from the event, so we're sure it was a night to not remember whatsoever. Thank God for the professional photographer and his artfully blurred pictures of the action, or none of us would have any idea what went on that night… This past weekend, an alleged sprint football player brought a new meaning to "raise the roof." At PhiDelt's party this Saturday, the jock was dancing like crazy and somehow ended up pulling down the entire ceiling of the frat's off–campus house, causing massive damage and creating a huge mess. The damage was so great that we hear Campus Apartments is footing part of the cost. Didja read the DP's coverage of UA hazing this past week? If you didn't, check it out. If you did, the saga continues. Highbrow hears from a UA source that the author of the original whistleblowing op–ed himself was an overzealous hazer. We're told that during his first year of participating in the initiation, he had to be told by peers to calm down. This past year, he apparently asked UA leaders to join in the activities but wasn't permitted to. Really puts an interesting spin on his claims that he didn't attend out of principle, doesn't it? James Franco's talk this past weekend left most in attendance with general feelings of doubt about Franco's mental capacities, but others walked away with much, much more. The actor gave one ZTA junior his personal email address and the two have been chatting ever since. The emails are amazingly awkward, and the best part is Franco's insistence that the girl come work for him. We would make a prostitution joke, but it seems a bit mean, so we'll let you fill in that blank for yourself. Want to read the convo? Our mysterious Franco–phile forwarded the exchange to her sorority listserv, so it shouldn't be hard to get your hands on if you know the right people — which, of course, we do. Despite the exec board's insistence that the emails stay between the sisterhood, the secret's out. They should have known the emails were too good to not share. Peace.

over heard PENN

wordonthestreet

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: ROSIE BROWN Rosie Brown is adorkable.When she’s not running the Mexican–American cultural group, MEChA de Penn, this proud political activist can be found chilling outside McDonald's. Here, she shares with us the meaning of life, her spirit dinosaur and why MexiCali needs to try harder. Street: There are two types of people at Penn… Rosie Brown: Activists and people who don’t care. I feel like everyone has something they can be active about, whether or not it’s a big thing. It could be writing comments or speaking up in a class against something that is completely against your view. I’m not just talking about left–wing activists. I’m talking about people who are invested in what they believe in.

don’t know what it was. I think it was stress, and I would just get sick. Maybe that’s a bad thing to have in your paper.

Street: What’s your most embarrassing travel story? RB: Until I was about 17, whenever I would go anywhere outside 50 miles from my house, I would puke everywhere.

Street: Or in the universe? RB: Ooh, the universe! Oh my god! Alright. So, in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, there’s this planet where everyone is the color blue. And they’re super intelligent beings. And I totally want to go there because they’re super intelligent

Street: Literally? RB: Like, actually literally. I

Street: If you don’t mind, we don’t mind. RB: Yeah, why not. That’s innocuous. Street: If you can travel anywhere in the world, where would it be? RB: Um, well…

shades of blue. Street: What is the meaning of life? RB: Other than 42, I would say that it's talking to people and hanging out. Street: What’s better: American–Mexican food or Mexican–Mexican food? RB: Mexican–Mexican food. Even as a vegetarian, it’s just so much better, because they use real stuff and they have corn. There’s something special about going to a place to get tacos and all the hot sauces have been sitting out since 8 a.m. and now it’s 2 a.m. It’s just better. I was complaining about that the other day at MexiCali: that they need to let their sauces sit out and become real.

hummus grill 34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

make it a feast!

Street: What do you wish was your superpower? RB: I usually would say X–ray vision, but I secretly think that would make you blind, because if you keep on looking through things, what would you see? Nothing. Otherwise, it would be teleportation because I could be everywhere. I want to teleport to a cloud, Mario style. Street: If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be? RB: I would want to be the Brontosaurus, because he’s real-

ly tall, and he’s also really long, and he’s also vegetarian. But he’s so huge that no one wants to fuck with him. Also vegetarian. That’s very important.

3931 Walnut Street Philadelphia 215-222-5300 | www.hummusrestaurant.com

make it a success!

feast special feeds 25 for only $199

place orders in advance of your event 4

Street: What’s your superpower? RB: Making friends outside the bathrooms at McDonald's. My favorite thing to do late at night is to sit by the bathrooms there and talk to the random people.

includes: falafel, hummus, pita, Moroccan cigars mixed meat, rice, Israeli & cabbage salads

It’s fair to say that Penn students don’t think much of Drexel. Scratch that — they don’t think about Drexel at all. So it may come as a shock that Drexel not only has a campus (!!!), but it also boasts some beautiful architecture, lively student life and a somewhat befuddling mascot. In other words, they may not be as different from us as we think.

Mascot

clear. Pascal’s Triangle? The Bermuda Triangle? A little mystery is always good for business.

Dorm Post–It Art

Most Dangerous Spot

Penn: 40th and Walnut. Between the McDonald's, Rave Theater and FroGro, it’s like a holy trinity of crime. Drexel: 40th and Walnut. They really are just like us.

classy, Penn. Drexel: If you rub the toe of the Drexel Dragon, you’ll have good luck. The Drexel Gent would be proud.

Greek Houses

Penn: The lovable and thoroughly frightening Quaker. Oh, sorry, the “Fighting Quaker.” Note to future universities: pacifists don’t make the most intimidating of mascots. Drexel: A really badass dragon named "Mario the Magnificent." Why not "Draco the Daring" or "Daryl the Deadly"? Coming up with alliterations that start with D isn't that difficult.

and internet memes abound. The high rise kids are never gonna let us down when it comes to window messages. Drexel: “Swag Daddy.” Enough said.

Newspaper

Late–Night Pizzerias

Penn: The long–running Daily Pennsylvanian and a little doo–dad called Street. Drexel: The Triangle, although the origins of the name remain a little un-

Penn: Emoticons, birthday wishes

Penn: Allegro: where the food tastes so much better after 2 a.m.

Drexel: The self–explanatory Drexel Pizza. It’s like Allegro’s pizza brother from another mother.

Short for cooperative education program. Students work full–time with companies for a year and half of their time as undergrads.

2. Engineers

Drexel is known for its engineers in training.

3. Greek Week

They take it very seriously as an opportunity for interhouse competition.

4. Fashion Design Major

They have one and we don’t and we’re jealous.

5. Five Years

Because of the co– op program, earning a Drexel undergrad degree takes five years. Since you asked: freshman, sophomore, pre–junior, junior and senior.

Penn: An eclectic assortment of houses in varying states of decay. Drexel: Gorgeous town houses with perfectly manicured lawns, Ionian columns and marble fountains. It’s good to be Greek.

Traditions

Penn: Having sex under the button and peeing on Ben Franklin. Stay

Commons

Photos by Faryn Pearl

Penn: The Class of 1920s Commons, which boasts a menu of undercooked pizza, stale desserts and expired nacho cheese — oh, sorry, just puked in my mouth a bit there. Drexel: The gorgeous Ross Commons, which includes flatscreen TVs, Victorian decor, billards tables and the popular brunch hotspot Sabrina’s Cafe. How is this fair?

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

THE TOP 5 THINGS ABOUT DREXEL 1. Co–ops

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

DREXEL: THEY’RE JUST LIKE US

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

FOOD&DRINK

HOME EC: DONUT MAKING 101 Forget yeast, kneading and industrial–size fryers. The secret to making airy, golden donuts is a can of biscuit dough.

*Makes 8 donuts with their respective donut holes Ingredients: • • • •

1 can of buttermilk biscuit dough (like Pillsbury) 1 quart peanut oil or canola oil 1/4 cup white sugar (optional) 2 tsp. cinnamon (optional)

How to make the easiest donuts in the world:

Photos by Leslie Krivo–Kaufman

1. In a large pot, heat up oil to 350° F. If your collection of dusty kitchen appliances doesn’t include an infrared thermometer, carefully flick a drop of water into the oil. If the water disappears immediately, the oil is hot enough. While the oil heats up, mix the cinnamon with the sugar in a shallow bowl. 2. Pop the can of biscuits open and separate them onto a cutting board. Use a 1.5 inch cookie–cutter to cut out the center of each biscuit. If you don’t have a cookie–cutter, your standard shot glass is a fine alternative. 3. Gently drop a donut into the oil. Fry until golden (about 45 seconds) and then flip using tongs or a spatula to fry the other side. Repeat with all the donuts and donut holes. 4. Remove the donut from the oil and onto some paper towels. When they’re cool enough to handle, roll the donuts and donut holes in the cinnamon sugar. Now go and impress your friends with your newly acquired baking skillz. —Isabel Oliveres

loc he B t n O Kidz w e N

THE 3 STRANGEST THINGS THAT HIT THE FRYOLATOR THIS YEAR

**************************************************************

1. Deep–fried butter sticks: Paula Deen has been making deep–fried butterballs for years. But this year, the Iowa State Fair offered deep–fried butter on a stick. This meta dish features an entire stick of butter, on a stick, covered in honey and cinnamon batter, then fried and served with a sugar glaze. What’s that? Yes, it is the sound of your arteries clogging.

SPECIAL OFFERS WITH MARIA & MIRANDA

Every Day

C O Free bang trims U for ladies P Free neck cleanups O N for gentlemen

Tuesday & Thursday 1/2 off cutz Regular Price $25 Expires 11/31

*********************

**************************************************************

*********************

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

2. Deep–fried bubblegum: OK, it’s not actually fried bubblegum. But this year’s Texas State Fair winner in the “most creative” food category includes a marshmallow dipped in bubblegum–flavored extract, covered in bubblegum–flavored dough, then deep–fried and served with blue bubblegum icing and sprinkled with Chiclets.

3. Deep–fried kool aid: This snack made quite a splash at the San Diego County Fair this summer. The fried–food legend Charlie Boghosian deep–fried a mixture of Kool Aid powder, flour and water to make the artificially–flavored childhood drink available in a heart attack–inducing ball. —Mady Glickman

Federal Donuts is a hole in one.

t seems couscous, coffee and barbecue just wasn’t enough for Michael Solomonov. Where for some star chefs progress means complexity, for Solomonov, whose story made the New York Times dining guide back in September, headway is in simplicity — and more particularly, in donuts. Opened in mid–October, Federal Donuts sold out its debut batch in less than two hours. Now things have slowed down a bit, but Philadelphians are still crazy about the spot, which switches its menu midday, swapping donuts for fried chicken. On our visit to Pennsport, we opted for the donuts, which come in two categories: fresh ($1.25) and fancy ($2). The fresh donuts are made to order and served hot, the fancy donuts pre–glazed and stuffed. Among the three varieties of fresh donuts, there

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

MICHAEL SOLOMONOV IS AT IT AGAIN By tucker johns and nina wolpow

wasn’t a dud in the bunch. Each of these uses the same airy, subtly sweet batter, allowing every dry sugar blend — Indian Cinnamon, Vanilla–Lavender and Apollonia Spice — to steal the show. The Indian Cinnamon could compete with the best cinnamon donuts out there. The Vanilla–Lavender, dusted a pale purple, perfected the marriage of the two distinct flavors. The Apollonia, doused in an uncommon mixture of cocoa powder, orange blossom and a touch of pepper, was our favorite of the trio; its flavors were simultaneously unexpected and familiar. The fancy donuts weren’t as uniformly stellar as their fresh counterparts, but we’re not going to pretend we practiced self–control. Unlike regular jelly donuts, these ones are still center–less. The filling is pumped through the pastry ring instead of pooled

fEDERAl DONUTS 1219 S. 2nd St. (217)687–8258

Don't Miss: Indian Cinnamon donut Skip: Nutella–Tehina–Pomegranate donut $$$$$ in the middle, making the donut a lot less messy and the ratio of filling to dough more manageable. The Chocolate–Raspberry, robed in rich chocolate icing and stuffed with jam, was as good as it sounds. The Key Lime’s graham cracker crust and lime curd filling recalled the summer pie’s best features. If you love citrus, the Blood Orange will be right up your alley, but we found the filling and flavor to overpower that of the actual donut. Least successful was the Nutella– Tehina–Pomegranate, whose unusual blend of nutella stuff-

THE DONUT: A BRIEF HISTORY

Nina Wolpow

ing, pomegranate glaze and sesame seed topping, was, to put it simply, a mouthful. Given that Solomonov's Bodhi Coffee serves Stumptown beans, we expected those here, too. But Federal pours a custom blend coffee,

NEW NUMBER ONE Chinese Restaurant

From olykoek to Krispy Kreme

tain Hanson disliked nuts, thus removing them from the center and creating the hole — this one's boring, so we'll stick to the first. In 1900, the doughnut suffered yet another loss when three of its middle four letters were robbed by writer George W. Peck in one of his many short stories. It wasn’t until World War I that the donut emerged as an American staple. Later, Adolph Levitt created the first donut machine to satisfy the ever–increasing demand for the treat. In the 1940s and '50s, popular donut chains like Krispy Kreme and Dunkin’ Donuts were established. Today, the popularity of the mysteriously shaped pastry continues to soar. —Samantha Field

4251 Walnut Street Philadelphia, PA 19104 (Corner of Walnut & 43rd Street)

Egg Roll

with $10 Order

One per order. Cannot be combined with other offers.

Pizza Roll with $10 Order

One per order. Cannot be combined with other offers.

Tel: (215) 387-3000 (215) 387-3226 Fax: (215) 387-3200 Hours: Mon-Thur �11am-10:30pm Fri & Sat� � 11am-11:30pm Sun� � � 12noon - 10:30pm

2 Liter Soda

with $20 Order

One per order. Cannot be combined with other offers.

Dumplings with $25 Order

One per order. Tuesday Only. Cannot be combined with other offers.

Corporate Accounts Welcome

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

iver Del

rge Cha livery 8.00) $ 5 De $0.7 inimum (M

In the mid–19th century, donuts were known to the Dutch as olykoeks, translating literally to oily cakes. These primitive pastries were sweet, fried in pork fat and often contained nuts in the center. In 1847, Elizabeth Gregory, a Dutch woman known for her delcious olykoeks, decided to call them "dough–nuts" instead. Shortly thereafter Elizabeth sent her son, Captain Hanson Gregory, on a voyage to America accompanied by her dough–nut recipe. Here, the story gets hazy. Two legends involve the disappearance of the dough–nut’s center. The first describes Captain Hanson’s struggle to steer his ship while holding the dough–nut, causing it to slip and land on a spoke of the steering wheel, puncturing the treat. The second, simpler account claims that Cap-

courtesy of Topeka, Kansas’s PT Coffee Roasting Co. We loved the robust flavor, which was plenty strong for our 7 a.m. trip, and kept our palms warm while we headed home to get started on our dozen.

www.newnumberonefood.com 7

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

BY LEAH STEINBERG | PHOTOS BY ISABEL FRIEDMAN

t’s November 2, the second night that Student Run Emergency Housing Unit of Philadelphia (SREHUP), the second student–run homeless shelter in the country, has been open, and volunteers, clad in college sweatshirts, dash in and out of the kitchen. As the buffet table grows heavy with food, they slide spoons into platters of pasta and answer when asked what’s for dinner. Around the communal table, guests and volunteers talk about the Dallas Cowboys. The shelter, a linoleum room in an old brick church, is located on 4th and Race Streets in a touristy part of Old City, near museums and the Liberty Bell. After dinner, the room is calm. One of the men staying there, Chaz Colones Sr., has headphones in his ears, and the salsa music coming from them can be heard across the room. Elbows in, hips swaying and feet speedy, he’s dancing alone in the corner. “I was in a halfway house, I was doing great,” he says, cha–cha–ing. “I was looking forward to playing baseball again.” Then he had

a lung injury, which squashed his baseball game and acted as a major setback. Chaz wears a shirt with tattoo art screen– printed on the chest. He says his family has been begging him to “grow up” for the sake of his three children. In another part of the room, Eric Cherry sits on a chair against the wall reading a book. It’s black and red with an all–caps title: A Killer’z Ambition by Nathan Welch. Eric says the book is about gang violence in Washington DC, and he says he can relate. “I’m a carpenter,” he says, but he lost his apartment because he’s been out of work. For him, SREHUP represents an opportunity to get his life “back together.” “Plus,” he says, “It’s starting to get cold out, so, you know.” Steve Cooper is the one whose Cowboys jacket seems to spark conversation, maybe even a little controversy. He has an especially soothing voice, and he says he just got out of federal prison. “I wasn’t a drug user,” he says. “I was the opposite. A drug dealer.” He says he could easily go back

to his old neighborhood, to what he was doing before. He admits that staying at a shelter is humiliating, “but when you know you want to live right, it don’t matter,” he says. Mark Scott sits near Steve. He’s tall and his hair pokes up in exuberant spikes. When he moves, he takes up a lot of space. He says he’s been a friend of the church for 20 years. “They’ve been dying to get me in here for this thing,” he says. “So I decided to finally grace them with my presence.” He says that people want to know other people’s stories, especially those of homeless people. “Me personally, it’s a bunch of really bad choices, revolving around the liking of drugs and alcohol,” he says. He makes small gestures to the other people in the room. “I know most of them, I won’t say a good majority, because I can’t stereotype, but most of them, probably have the same story that I have.” Mark also has a degree in Economics from Boston University. All of these men and the roughly two dozen others have been selected by the Bethesda

Project, a Christian homelessness organization that’s handling their cases, to spend the winter in the relative warmth of SREHUP’s new shelter. Brianna Fram, a College senior studying Biology, has been thinking about opening a student–run shelter since she first heard the idea her sophomore year. As the President of Penn Student Advocates for the Homeless, she’s collaborated with students from universities around Philadelphia to bring SREHUP into fruition. For a while, Brianna merely let the idea of the homeless shelter sit. She saw Penn Haven, a proposed shelter that was to be run through Penn, fizzle and fail. But in the spring of her junior year, she began asking around again, with help from her friend Patrick DeGregorio, an ‘11 Penn graduate now working at a chemical company in Philadelphia. They wanted to determine if a shelter on Penn’s campus was even feasible. “The hurdles seemed insurmountable,” Brianna said. To start a shelter from scratch near Penn would

SREHUP and began recruiting students to volunteer. So far, she has about 15 active volunteers, but she’s hoping for at least 40, especially for when SREHUP opens two new shelters. On December 1, at the current location, SREHUP will add 10 beds for LGBT youth, and on January 1, they’ll open a shelter for 30 women at Arch and Broad. Volunteers at SREHUP work either the dinner or the overnight shift. For dinner, they arrive at 6:30 p.m. to cook and serve and inevitably sit around the table with the guests, eating and chatting. Brianna says one night she played Scrabble with them, or rather, they taught her how to play. Things got competitive, out came the Scrabble Dictionary, and now Brianna knows that “qi” is in fact a word. At 10 p.m., the second group of volunteers arrives. By this point, the guests have already folded the dinner tables, mopped the floors and laid out their mats. They sleep on a few inches of foam, with blankets and pillows. The volunteers take turns staying up in another section of the room and sleeping in a nursery room elsewhere in the church. At least two volunteers are up at all times, along with a security guard that SREHUP pays for, the only non–volunteer that works at the shelter. By 4:30 a.m., the volunteers are all up to make breakfast and coffee for the guests. By 7 a.m., they head back to their respective campuses, usually

for class, but sometimes for a much–needed nap. The shelter doesn’t operate during the day, when guests with jobs go to work and others are picked up and taken to programming for homeless people run by the Bethesda Project. According to Project H.O.M.E., a Philadelphia homelessness advocacy organization, there are about 4,000 homeless people in Philadelphia, which far outnumbers the available spaces at shelters. During the winter, shelters are always at their highest capacity because of the weather. In recent years, funding for existing programs has decreased further as a result of budget cuts at the federal, state and local levels. The space that SREHUP now uses for its first shelter, which houses 30 men, had actually been used in the past to house the homeless through another organization, but budgetary constraints forced it to close early last year. SREHUP was able to scoop up its facilities and supplies, like the mats, and now the doors are open again. Since lack of funding is one of the primary issues surrounding homelessness, SREHUP was able to open as quickly as it did partially because it operates under a relatively small, all–volunteer budget. Brianna estimates that the current shelter, which houses 30 men, requires $15,000 for its season, which will run until March, and that’s without unforeseen costs or extra supplies. With the addition of the two new

[

shelters, that number will shoot toward $33,000. Right now, Brianna is working to submit grant applications to increase funding to SREHUP. Penn freshman Skyler Butler wants her volunteering at SREHUP to help her pop the Penn Bubble. She grew up in Brooklyn and punctuates earnest assertions about helping others with a nod of her head and “word.” In a cab on the way down to the shelter for her first night of volun-

the same people for the duration of winter will lend itself to moving guests permanently off the street. Brianna says it’s this goal that keeps the SREHUP emphasis on cultivating community. Already, she says, “it feels like people are settling in.” Esther Baranov, a Penn senior who’s been involved since the start of the semester with Penn Student Advocates for Homelessness as support services director, agrees. She says one of her first shifts at

For him, SREHUP represents an opportunity to get his life "back together." teering, Skyler admits she’s a little nervous. “Honestly, I’m kind of tired, and I’m just afraid it’s going to be a lot of physical work,” she says. Skyler sees the opportunities she and many other Penn students have been given. “It doesn’t seem fair or right to have all the advantages and to just use them for myself and not for people who never had the same privileges I have,” she says. Skyler has friends in Brooklyn who are teenage transients. For them, the shelter system didn’t offer a transition to a more settled life, just some much–needed immediate respite. She hopes that SREHUP’s plan to serve

]

SREHUP began with the understandable but nonetheless uncomfortable awkwardness of 40 or so near–strangers milling about a room. “But after an hour,” she says, “we were all warming up to each other.” One of Esther’s roles at SREHUP, other than volunteering for shifts, is to secure food for the dinners and breakfasts that SREHUP serves its guests. She and other students have been hurriedly contacting restaurants and companies asking for donations. They’ve been met with plenty of generosity, but it’s not dependable. As of now, they’re constantly

in talks for the meals planned for a few days after the one they’re serving. Just like the many homeless people around the city, SREHUP suffers from long–term food insecurity. SREHUP was opened in a rush, before every detail could be finalized, and it’s a student project, so it works on a student schedule. This is a shelter operated by people sturdily in the ‘learning’ stage of their lives, people who are balancing a huge project with a full course load. This constant scramble, at least for the time being, is their reality. As the student volunteers hustle to organize and staff their shelter, Philadelphia grows colder. Soon the sidewalks that many of their guests slept on last winter will be coated in snow. Baranov recalls a conversation with a SREHUP guest about a storm. “He was saying, ‘Do you remember that snowstorm last Saturday?’” she says. Of course she did, snowfall in October is rare. “He was like, ‘Yeah, some of us guys were out there in that storm, sleeping out there,’” she says. “That was before the shelter had opened.” At least this winter, this won’t happen to the 30 men currently housed in the shelter, but SREHUP is still hoping for more. Leah Steinberg is a College sophomore. She co–edits the Ego section. To get involved, email psafh@gmail.com

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

Student–run shelter opens in Old City.

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

a home for the homeless

cost at least $100,000, and that’s before annual operating costs. Plus, they didn’t perceive much administrative support, something that would have been essential. According to her, Penn doesn’t want to attract more homeless people to campus. This summer, just before giving up, Brianna and Patrick stepped off a SEPTA train into the 8th and Market Station and bought a copy of One Step Away, a weekly newspaper run by people experiencing homelessness. In it, they learned about Stephanie Sena, a history professor at Villanova University. As the final project for a class she taught, Sena asked her students to ponder a big problem in the world and propose a solution. Many of them wrote about the challenges of poverty and homelessness. Over winter break, says Sena, those ideas materialized, and starting this past January, Sena and her students got to work establishing the second student–run homeless shelter in the US, after one started by Harvard students. Brianna and Patrick reached out to Sena, attracted by organizational support and like– minded students. SREHUP expanded from an entirely Villanova operation to one that now includes students from Penn, Drexel, Swarthmore and Temple. At the start of this semester, Brianna established Penn’s chapter of

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

MUSIC

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON CONCERTS Shows become playgrounds for recreational drug use. BY DAVID SEIDLER

he tipping point was seeing a Donnie Darko bunny rack up in the bathrooms of Union Transfer at a SBTRKT show. That the putrid version of dubstep the intermission DJ was spinning was enough to drive anyone to coke is beside the point. In a packed house on Hal-

"The crush of bodies, dazzling lights and wobbling bass of live shows become loud, unshakable sensory cues: get wasted now or you will not enjoy this.

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

loween eve, with everyone costumed to the nines and a sternum–shaking sound system in full evidence, what made Darko Bunny and many others like him turn to drugs for solace? The atmosphere of live

shows — ever bigger, brighter, louder — almost makes coke, molly and weed redundant. Yet here are Tron Girl, Wizard Dude and Fairy Chick scrounging around on the floor for their baggies, blunts and blow. When did live performance, a bastion of moneymaking entertainment in

a desiccated era for the music industry, become a spectacle that required augmentation? Why did Darko Bunny need to powder his nose? Where substances like cocaine and ecstasy are character-

SBTRKT, add, mutliply or divide? Your mask is fucking scary no matter what.

ized as “party drugs,” concerts seem the ultimate environment in which to experiment. Supply is assured, big sound and big lights only bolster the experience and large groups of people, many under the influence as well, mean damage control if users green out or have a bad trip. Josh*, a sophomore in the College who has smoked marijuana at a couple of shows, wouldn’t be drawn on his perceptions but suggested that “some people can definitely find it enlightening.” What enlightenment means differs from concert to concert, says Amy*, a Wharton junior who says she was “pretty high” at September’s Popped Festival. “If you’re at a festival and you’re on your feet for ten hours, the situation sort of lends itself to drug use.” Crowds turning to drugs as a cure–all for boredom, a tired back and a lack of dance skills has become a mainstay of the festival circuit. Bonnaroo 2011 saw 380 drug–related arrests and the confiscation of over $12,000 worth of drugs. 200 were medically evacuated from the Electric Daisy Carnival in Los Angeles this year. Josh claims he stays away from big dance festivals for this very reason. But the practice is becoming more pervasive, the infiltration of drug culture into

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

mainstream events more complete. Changes to the chemical messenger dopamine through frequent drug use means that getting high becomes increasingly situational. Just as a front man holding out his microphone signifies audience participation, the crush of bodies, dazzling lights and wobbling bass of live shows become loud, unshakable sensory cues: get wasted now or you will not enjoy this. Back at SBTRKT Darko Bunny is causing a fuss, but his twitchy whiskers, random limb jabs and dilated pupils fail to raise an eyebrow. So commonplace have the sights N.E.R.D. described — of “all the girls standing in the line for the bathroom,” grinning and stumbling, grinding teeth and dancing wildly — become, that it is now a faux pas to question them. A crowd constantly moshing, even in the silence be-

ONE TRACK MIND

"FREAKS AND GEEKS" BY CHILDISH GAMBINO

reaks and Geeks, the TV show, was cancelled after 18 episodes. Donald Glover could be the new hip–hop sensation to bring life back to that fallen name. Known as Childish Gambino, this rising rapper combines fresh rhymes and an infectious energy in his recent single, “Freaks and Geeks.” “Freaks and Geeks” opens

with a clean beat that sets the stage for Gambino’s swag. A measure in and he launches directly into his tight rhymes. His lyrical agility inspires as he darts seamlessly from verse to verse, never ceasing or losing speed. He weaves wit and the occasional literary reference into his lines without sacrificing flow — “E. E.

Cumming on her face/now that’s poetry in motion.” He’s determined to be taken seriously and by the end of the song, he’s earned it. Gambino is the picture of someone at the top of his game, poised to take on and defeat any competition. His upcoming album, Camp, drops on November 15. —Frida Garza

Childish, I am. Italian, I am not.

tween tracks, looks good from the obscured view of the artist on stage too. But what drug use means for the future of live music is more worrying. Incentives for artists to actually perform — scratch, sing, dance or otherwise — rapidly diminish when the most the “black–out” audience can remember is how much water they drank. Audience members not high at one show inevitably resort to drugs at the next so that they don’t have to play sober witness to the antics of those ostensibly “enjoying themselves.” The benchmark for measuring a good show gradually shifts from quality musicianship to how conducive it is to rolling. Sadly, rock ‘n’ roll is getting steamrolled by its towering partners in the decadent triumvirate: sex and drugs. *Names have been changed

FILM

BEHOOVED TO SKIP J. Edgar is exposed in an unconventional light, but different doesn’t always mean good. BY JULIE KOZERACKI

s the first FBI director, J. Edgar Hoover set a precendent for the bureau that is remembered fondly by Americans today. But what aren't smashed in the AP History lesson plans are his suspected habit of hiding gay affairs and his taste for women’s clothing — this is where the story gets juicy. That being said, it is distressing to consider the number of things that must have gone wrong to render this Clint Eastwood–directed feature of such a storied man into a strangely boring biopic. Present in nearly every frame of the film, Leonardo DiCaprio gives an earnest performance

J. EDGAR DIRECTED BY: Clint Eastwood STARRING: Leonardo DiCaprio, Armie Hammer, Judi Dench

DON'T SEE IF YOU LIKED: The

Aviator (2004) Rated R, 137 min.

that is tragically marred by a caricatured accent and black contact lenses that leave him with dead shark eyes — in fact, all of the actors are eventually reduced to clumsy displays of liver spots and lumpy flesh by awful aging makeup. Shot entirely in shades of gray and blue, the film often evokes

FOUR THE

BETTER Freedom Writers (2007)

To the homosexual witchhunt brigade, I now submit this clip of me making out with Kate Winslet.

emotional or historical account of a man whose life should have provided enough controversy for both. Rather, Eastwood’s depiction of Hoover remains decidedly ambivalent, alternating between derisive portrayals of paranoid delusion and a few Norman Bates–y scenes (featuring a terrifying Judi Dench) that are intended to garner sympathy. Though it is unclear whether the blame lies with Dustin Lance Black’s uninspired screenplay or with Eastwood’s

uneven direction, the narrative is not satisfyingly coherent, nor is it compellingly told. Weighed down by a clunky voiceover, the obvious subjects of veracity and unreliability are not brought to their full potential. What could have been intriguingly handled only serves to further emphasize the movie’s wasted potential. Despite the mysterious history and film giants behind it, J. Edgar’s narrative dullness and tonal awkwardness leave behind only a bizarre misfire.

Many a film — no, not just Michael Moore's fiery docs — have left us moved by what we've seen on screen and eager to make a difference in the world. Here's to taking that initiative past the two–hour viewing experience and doing some actual good, here, at Penn. Let us connect the dots for you. BY HILARY MILLER Sleeping With The Enemy (1991)

It’s a common misconception that all Julia Roberts films are sappy and romantic. Sleeping With The Enemy sends quite the opposite message about love. Roberts plays a woman whose marriage looks ideal from the outside, but in reality she is threatened daily by her abusive and obsessive husband. Driven to desperation, Roberts’ character fakes her own death and flees her captive situation. Are your eyes opened by the domestic violence on screen? ASAP (Abuse and Sexual Assault Prevention) is a group for both men and women that works to spread awareness about domestic violence and sexual abuse. Stationed in the Women’s Center, they plan such grassroots events as “Take Back the Night.”

City of God (2002)

Following two Brazilian men with very different Rio experiences, City of God addresses issues of drug culture, glorified violence and public health. While one works the streets, trafficking drugs and taking on rival gangs, the other is a photographer who judges his impact by the images he takes. The result is a shocking display of cultural toxicity and inefficient government regulation. Does the display of rough Brazilian culture make you want to take action? The Global Medical Brigade takes students of all majors into consideration when they run medical missions to in–need areas, such as Honduras. Like Doctors Without Borders, the organization spreads awareness of the harms of drugs and administers basic medical care.

Milk (2008)

Sean Penn brings the story of Harvey Milk, a gay San Franciscan politician and activist, to the screen in a presentation of a domestic social justice battle. The biopic tells the true story of a national figure whose influence is needed in our political system today just as much as it was in the ‘70s. Fun fact: the activist–cum–screenwriter made famous for this gem, Dustin Lance Black, also penned J. Edgar. Does Milk make you want to pick up Harvey’s battle for equality? Penn’s Queer Student Alliance opens the conversation about gay rights and the importance of forging a united front about persecution. Who knows, maybe you could be the next Milk — or his cute boyfriend, appropriately played by James Franco.

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

In one of her better performances (think somewhere in between Karate Kid and Million Dollar Baby), Hilary Swank plays a young teacher struggling to connect with her students at an at– risk high school. Fighting her own emotional turmoil and the prejudices placed against her, Swank’s character finds ways to unite her racially and socio–economically divided classroom. As it turns out, writing crosses all prejudice lines. Problem solved. Are you touched by Hilary’s warm heart and guidance? West Philly Tutoring Project is an easy way to connect with children from at–risk schools and help them succeed. Urban education is a national problem and one that is particularly prevalent in Philadelphia.

hokey historical reenactments (an evocation not helped by amateur–hour acting where an eye–rollingly obnoxious Bobby Kennedy impression does not feel entirely out of place). As Hoover’s alleged gay lover, Armie Hammer smarmily hams it up. Their interactions seem forced at best, unintentionally hilarious at worst; what on paper would seem to be the film’s most serious moments instead play as utterly off–kilter and painfully cringe– inducing. The nature of their relationship is left intentionally ambiguous, never finding its place in a film that does not seem to want to commit to either an

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

ARTS

ARTS TOP 5: BEST OF PHILLY ZINE

Refresh your eyes from all those midterms and check out some quirky, visual stimuli at the Philly Zine Fest this Sunday at the Rotunda. BY LIN ZHENG Never heard of a zine before? Think of it as an independently published mini– magazine or comic book, often devoted to an arts or music scene, but mostly based on the creative whimsy of its author. Basically, it's artistic expression and strong opinions in pretty books. Since the event’s taking place on campus, a casual stop–by could lead to a discovery of your artistic or counter–cultural sensibilities. Plus, we hear there’s food… and free underwear.

1. Decades of Confusion Feed the Insect Yes, the title confuses us too. Get a sense of Philadelphia’s underground cultural scene with artist and musician Justin Duerr. His zine features obsessively detailed and otherworldly drawings in pen and watercolor accompanied

by “electrical zig–zag” text conveying poetry and essays. This dude won an award at the Sundance Film Festival and has tri–state fame for drawings done in sharpie.

2. How Not to Flirt Because you thought your attempts at dating were bad. Writers Johanna and Mary will be offering refreshments and silk–screened panties along with their sagely advice about everything from grooming to ending that terribly bland conversation in the form of hysterical real life anecdotes.

3. Philly Comix Jam Interested in simultaneously satisfying your thirst for cartoons and alcohol? Meet this ensemble of local cartoonists who organize regular drinking/drawing sessions. If you pick up a copy and think you’d be able to add something to the mix, just

s h ow u p to one of their next meetings at Manny Brown's Bar on South Street with a brush and bottle in hand.

best of Philly Zine Philly Zine Fest The Rotunda 4014 Walnut St. Sunday, Nov. 13 12–6 p.m. Free phillyzinefest.com

5. Threadbear

4. Shooting Wall This one is for cinephiles and prospective filmmakers. To understand what you just watched at the Philly Film Festival or to find out what upcoming films will be on Oscar Awards circuit, make sure to pick up this group’s current zine, in which Philly film theorists merge history, movie reviews and recommendations for the cinematically curious.

If you have a soft spot for th e h a ndmade, then take a look at the comics and talents of Fiona and Connie. Their wide range of techniques, such as embroidery and drypoint, might seem old–fashioned, but it just may perfectly complement their subject matter: post–apocalyptic science fiction, punx, anti–consumerism and werewolves.

ARTIST KELSEY

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

PROFILE HALLIDAY JOHNSON

Chec k Hallid out Kels ey ay Jo hnso inte n photo rview and ’s gr work aphs of h at 34 e st.co r m

Sight Seeing

The Print Center’s new exhibit makes life–size cutouts far more sophisticated than Hollywood stars. BY IAN BUSSARD

hat comes to mind when you think of life–size printed images? Naturally, some may reflect on their prized cardboard cutouts of Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan (definitely not this writer). But luckily for the rest of us, the Print Center’s latest exhibition, "To Scale," considers the full implications of what it means for an artist to print to scale. Ten different artists work with printed forms and photography to produce works in a one–to–one ratio with their real–world references. It’s a concept that sounds dry on paper, but dull it is not! In fact, "To Scale" is a true feast — nay, a buffet! — for the eyes and mind in its exploration of the consequences of life– size printing. The technique of trompe–l'oeil, applied throughout the history of art, aims to trick the viewer into thinking he or she is not looking at a mere representation of an object but the object itself. Artist Kay Healy cleverly turns this notion on its head. One of the most prominent contributors to the exhibition with almost 20 works on display, Healy’s wheat–pasted

TO SCALE Now–Nov. 19 The Print Center 1614 Latimer St. Tues–Sat, 11 a.m.–5:30 p.m. (215) 735–6090 printcenter.org

screen prints of household items ranging from lamps, radios and tables use the vocabulary of trompe–l’oeil without all of its pretensions. At a distance, one might mistake them for their actual counterparts, but a closer inspection reveals their simply twee and ultimately charming qualities. Nichola Kinch and Gary Kachadourian further explore this concept in a remarkable large–scale work, House. The piece is a real showstopper: a life–size fiberglass– mounted photograph of a stairwell that hangs away from the gallery walls with precise cutouts, providing the viewer a look into a false reality. View it head–on and you’ll glimpse a set of stairs leading up to the ceiling; move five inches to the right and you’ll see a flat plane hanging on

Happy Hour: Mon-Fri 5-7 Lunch Special: Mon-Fri $8.95 Early Bird: Sun-Thur $10.95

ments that created it. The Print Center’s “To Scale” guides viewers through a journey across one– to–one representation, illustrating that this sort of printed image is not merely a stale attempt to imitate reality, but a way to uncover the shifting relationships between signifier and signified, between the eye and mind.

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

Dine-In, Catering & Delivery

House by Nichola Kinch and Gary Kachadourian

wires. It’s a witty trick of the eye as much as a conceptual game. But it’s not all about the trompe– l’oeil in this show. Take Jenn Figg’s stunning Deadfall (canopy gap), a lush woodland scene constructed by photographs wrapped around cylindrical and leaf–shaped forms that imitate the image of a tree. It sounds interesting enough, but what prevents Deadfall from being a simple mind trick is its display of the corrugated cardboard on the interior of this “tree,” a bold reference to the very ele-

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

LIFE–SIZE OR LARGER THAN LIFE?

PattayaRestaurant.com • 215.387.8533 4006 Chestnut Street • University City 13

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

LOWBROW

HAIR TODAY, GONE TOMORROW

By Merlin’s beard! It’s Movember already and Lowbrow is tired of spotting ill–groomed beards and tacky chinstraps all along Locust. That’s why this week we’re taking a page out of Seventeen Magazine (literally, this was in their 2002 issue) and providing a guide to No–Shave November for guys and girls alike. (This section is brought to you by the Men’s Center. It’s in the Women’s Center. Right behind the Wo. If you hit a girl, you’ve gone too far.)

Dear Lowbrow, It’s hard for me to truly get into the No–Shave November spirit. I know everyone suggests that I grow out the hair on my legs and armpits, but in this cold weather, such celebratory measures are hardly recognized under all my winter layers.

Help, Hairless Female Dear Hairless Female, Your hairless nature should by no means deter you from participation in this holy tradition. In fact, under certain pressures, women indeed have the capacity to grow facial hair in the same way that men have the capacity to lactate. Why else would women’s faces be covered in soft peach fuzz and men’s bodies be equipped with two nipples? We recommend you slather on some Rogaine and see where it takes you. And if all else fails, we have provided a festive cutout for you and your sistren.

Love always, Lowbrow

TOP TEN:

Movember DOs and DON'Ts

Lowbrow gives you tips on how to avoid a hairy mess. 1. Do, if you need it, get a head start in Awktober. 2. Don’t dye your facial hair. No frosted tips, no highlights, no purple streaks, nothing.

3. Do shampoo and condition. Lather, rinse and repeat. 4. Don’t go to the airport. You will be interrogated. 5. Do name your beard. (Something more macho than Fluffy but less intimidating than Thor.) 6. Don’t wuss out and shave your beard over Thanksgiving. (Tough noogies, Mom.) 7. Do eat carefully. No one wants to see your Hansel and Gretel trail of crumbs. 8. Don’t walk too closely behind a girl at night. 9. Do shave in December. 10. Don’t forget that Movember is really about men’s health… and winning your fraternity’s prize.

SHOUTOUTS 34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

WAS YOUR GOSSIP OVERLOOKED BY OUR SISTERS OVER AT HIGHBROW?

IS THERE SOMEONE SPECIAL IN YOUR LIFE YOU'D LIKE TO TOAST OR ROAST?

WELL 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE SNARKY. SHOUTOUTS ARE COMING TO TOWN & WE HOPE YOU'VE ALL BEEN VERY NAUGHTY. GET YOUR SUBMISSIONS IN BY NOVEMBER 23 TO

SHOUTOUTS@34ST.COM OR ONLINE AT UNDER THE BUTTON'S NIFTY ANONYMOUS TIP BOX.

THE

BUZZ It’s new(er)

Brought to you by The Blarney Stone 3929 Sansom Street

Disclaimer: We mustache you not to believe anything in this section.

Adolf Hitler

Charlie Chaplin

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore Gandalf the Grey

vs.

Tom Hanks (in Cast Away) Brad Pitt (in real life)

Ron Burgundy Burt Reynolds

vs. Monopoly Man

vs.

Pringles Man

Tom Selleck

Joseph Stalin

vs. Cousin Itt

COME TRY...

PHILLY’S BEST

Bring in ad & get 20% off food with Penn ID

WINGS!

1999 • 2000 • 2001 • 2002 • 2003 • 2004 • 2005 • 2006 • 2007 • 2008 • 2009 • 2010 • 2011

vs.

Happy Hour 7 Days a week 5 - 7 All 20oz Drafts $3.00 Belgian Drafts $5.00

1116 WALNUT STREET 215.627.7676 www.moriartyspub.com

KARAOKE NIGHT

EVERY SATURDAY 9 pm - 1:30 am

Voted Philly’s Best by Citysearch 30 Drafts 50 Bottles WE HAVE TAKE OUT!

34TH STREET Magazine November 10, 2011

vs. Chewbacca

highbrow ego food & drink feature music film arts lowbrow

WHO WORE IT BEST?

Fall From the Bacon Walkways

ou could argue that no one is more important to the look of Philadelphia than Edmund Bacon, who was executive director of the city’s planning commission in the mid 1900s. Part of his re–imagining of Society Hill and Old City included the creation of Bacon’s greenways, a series of paths that cut through the area and end at the back of the Second Bank of the United States. These blink–and–you’ll–miss–them walkways nimbly cut through the middle of blocks, past playgrounds and almost through the backyards of homes. It’s a study in brickwork, where the stark modernist creations of I.M. Pei mix with bright red colonial reproductions and the centuries–old weathered facades of the real thing. It’s also one of the best walks to see autumn in the city, with the red and yellow complementing the homes and churches. So brave the coming cold and take a trip downtown to see it. Photos and text by Will Baskin–Gerwitz