February 20, 2014 by 34th Street Magazine

February 20, 2014 34st.com

Section 1

When the

takes

prejudice classroom

over

COLLEGE HALL TINDER | UNREAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK | SEPTADEVENTURES

february 20 LOL

3 HIGHBROW

2014

word on the street, overheard at penn, round up

4 EGO

ego of the week, SEPTAdventures

LOL

6 FILM

unreal housewives of new york, olympic movies, b– roll

9 FEATURE

prejudice in Penn classes

12 MUSIC

stuck on you, album reviews, haikus

14 FOOD & DRINK

aldi review, aldi brands, west philly grocery stores

16 ARTS LOL

LOL

gallery review, sexy portrait dating, contrapposto

18 LOWBROW

lowbrow does arts

20 BACKPAGE

graduation speakers

BUTTHURTFROMTHEEDITOR Yesterday morning I fell down five icy stairs on my back porch. It was incredibly painful. I sat there, alone in the cold, clawing for my phone, for two freezing–cold minutes. “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.” Where is LifeAlert when you need it? After a couple of moments of flailing around, I continued on my way. A pesky patch of ice was not about to get me down. I did 30 minutes of cardio at the gym. Then I met with a friend to work on a group project. Finally, I sat my ass down in a rock–hard chair for a three– hour seminar. Inside, I wanted to cry. By 5:15, I limped over to SHS to appease my mother, who insisted that this was the end of the world via a series of text messages with no fewer than thirty question marks and exclamation points. The doctor touched me all over my butt and told me I would have to “tone back my lifestyle.” This scared me.

As Penn students, we are not accustomed to scaling back or slowing down. Antibiotics, pain killers, god-damn crutches? Bring ‘em on. But tell me that I have to “plan rest periods” and I’m at an absolute loss. Rest period is not in my ivy–league–educated vocabulary. Luckily, “plan” is. And it’s doctor’s orders so I’m taking a well–deserved butt–break. I’m gonna watch hella Real Housewives (pg. 6), eat my weight in Aldi Mac ‘n Cheese (pg. 15), and DIY myself a dream catcher (pg. 18) while I buy a bejeweled Vaseline tub on Etsy (pg. 19). Who am I kidding? No I’m not. I’m too stubborn, I have too many things to do, and besides, I already have a bejeweled Vaseline tub.

attn lonely hearts: street needs a little do u like scrapbooking are u equal parts sister, sparkle, sass and sexy would u describe urself as annoying —then plz don't come to our writers' meeting—

2nite @ 6:30 pm // 4015 Walnut (we don't have presents for u sry but here u can keep this magazine)

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief Patrick Ford-Matz, Managing Editor Abigail Koffler, Digital Director Margot Halpern, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Byrne Fahey, Assistant Design Ling Zhou, Assistant Design Conor Cook, Assistant Photo Julia Liebergall, Highbrow Alex Sternlicht, Highbrow Nicole Malick, Ego Randi Kramer, Ego Emily Marcus, Food and Drink Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink 2

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Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV Casey Quackenbush, Film and TV Michelle Ma, Features Zacchiaus McKee, Features Ariela Osuna, Music Lucy Hovanisyan, Music Ciara Stein, Arts Molly Collett, Arts Emma Soren, Lowbrow Patrick Del Valle, Lowbrow Marley Coyne, Backpage Emily Johns, Copy Clare Lombardo, Copy Justin Sheen, Copy

Alyssa Berlin, Web Producer Katie Hartman, Web Producer Giulia Imholte, Web Producer

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief, at bower@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581.

Lauren Greenberg, Social Media Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Assistant Social Media Rosa Escandon, Multimedia

VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com

COVER DESIGN: Margot Halpern BACKPAGE DESIGN: Byrne Fahey Contributors: Annika Neklason, Julie Xie, Aidan Pongrace, Bethany Christy, Devan O'Connor, Mitchell Hung, Mark Paraskevas

"Some DP guy just casually touched my butt in the pizza line." ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday

HIGHBROW

Highbrow has three words for you: Love. My. LITTLE. Oh my god, could you be any cuter? You are so perfect for me and this lineage! Like, it almost feels like you came out of my own uterus. But we’re not gonna make you a fake Facebook or send you stripping pledges from Oz. We’re serving up the big big big big grandbiggest gossip since...last week. P.S. Your Big loves you! During the vastly overrated winter storm of last week, most Penn students hunkered down inside. But the Sammy pledges wouldn’t let the sleet prevent them from having a little (love you!) winter fun. Cranking up Idina Menzel and the “Frozen” soundtrack, the freshmen answered “Yes!” to Kristen Bell’s question “Do you want to build a snowman?” As the storm raged on, the artists really let themselves go, creating an army of snowy Sammy statues. Highbrow’s hoping this will serve as inspiration for the hit Disney sequel, “Brozen.” “VagMons” wasn’t counting on audience participation during Saturday’s performance, but one girl just couldn’t keep it in her pants. During a particularly intense monologue, the cries onstage were joined by moans and snorts from the back of Irvine. Concerned citizens and a TriDelt nurse hurried to the distressed patron’s side, only to find out that she was neither sick nor orgasming. She was, in fact, just waking up from a pot–

brownie–incuded nap. Who doesn’t want to get stoned before “The Vagina Monologues”? Answer: everyone. Highbrow advises you to save your edibles for Spongebob and the “Life of Pi.” “House of Cards” isn’t the only political scandal to rock Penn’s campus this week. Highbrow hears that a fraternity president created his own Philly version of “The Hangover" with a blackout city–wide odyssey. The Commander–in–Greek made several stops on his drunken joyride, momentarily blacking in whilst playing the organ at a local church. He ended his trip at 7 a.m. when he awoke to find himself in an unfamiliar house on 50th and Walnut. How he managed to emerge unhurt and well–rested is beyond mortal understanding. Much like Highbrow, God is always watching. Halle–fucking–lujah. Dr. Highbrow here with a Surgeon General’s warning. There’s something in the air other than the common cold and chlamydia: conjunctivitis. For once, red–eyed Beta brothers aren’t actually high, but suffering from a case of pink–eye. Shockingly, females were spotted with the same disease as the weekend came to a close. As per doctor’s orders, don’t be blinded by their lax pinnies and Sperrys. Wash your hands and stay away from Spruce Street.

THEROUNDUP

Yesterday I turned 20. If we’re talking numbers, mine is 22. I’ve been called a slut 100+ times for that number. I’ve also been raped by four different men. Guess how many times I’ve spoken that last sentence out loud? Zero. The first time it happened, I was 17. We’ll call him Paul: Paul, who took my virginity by force. I had sex with him four more times that summer. Sex isn’t supposed to be about domination and subjectation? At 17, only knowing Paul, I assumed it was normal. I went on to have lots of sex after Paul. I had sex with lots of different people, in lots of different positions, places—sometimes under the influence, sometimes sober. I loved sex, even though it was introduced to me in such a fucked up way. My newfound sexuality made it easy to forgive Paul. He took my virginity, but he gave me something I loved in return. The second and third times I was raped marked the fourteenth and fifteenth I’d had sex. They were in the same fraternity; let’s call them Jake and Andrew. I’d slept with both of them consensually before. And I called them my friends. They raped me within 10 days of each other. They took my trust. I still loved sex, though. Even though I wouldn’t call them my friends anymore, I still feel obligated to wave to them on Locust. Number four...I’m still trying to figure out what four took. It’s been a month, and if I had to guess, I’d say he took frag-

wordonthestreet FOUR BY ANONYMOUS

ments of me; my confidence, my sense of safety, my happiness. I’ve seen number four twice on campus today. I know his name now, although I didn’t when it happened, but calling him Four seems more fitting to me. Giving him a name would give him a place in my life, and he doesn’t deserve that. If you’re doing the math correctly, you’ve probably figured out that I’m a second semester sophomore. You’ve also figured out that I’ve been raped three times at Penn. I figured that out too, but you’ll never catch me admitting it. Why? You’ve probably read the DP’s “Sexual Assault” series and think it’s because I don’t know what my resources, reporting options and counseling outlets are. Maybe you think I’m quiet because I blame myself? Maybe you think I don’t even know how to really define my experiences as rape? You’re wrong on three counts. I know all about OSC, CAPS, the Women’s Center, preponderances of evidence, the works. I don’t blame myself because I’m not dumb enough to believe that downing three bottles of Jack Daniels could make me deserving of being violated and disrespected. And I certainly know how to define my rape experiences. I did not ask for them. I did not give verbal

consent. I did not want them. They were rape. If you think I didn’t report my assaultants because I didn’t think they deserved it, you’re misunderstanding me. I do believe that they deserve to be punished. But do they deserve me having to relive the assaults in my head, on paper, to my parents and to legal officials, all in service of an uncertain outcome? I know Four doesn’t deserve my attention. I couldn’t even tell you what color hair he had until after I had unwillingly added him to my growing list of teenage sexual partners. He capitalized on my most vulnerable state and he doesn’t deserve another thought from me. But let’s be honest, I think about him all the time. I probably always will. And I will probably never truly understand what he took from me because I don’t know what my life would be without him anymore. He is so important to me in the worst way. They all are. That’s a paradox that I can’t explain to you until you experience it. And I hope you never will. I get that you can’t help me unless I am willing to be helped. I appreciate the efforts by the many good people on this campus: my best friends, strangers in student support groups. But how fucking

over heard PENN at

OWLS senior while reading Lowbrow: Oh, they copied us! Sassy JAP: Everyone knows that Jews melt in the rain. Former Skulls bro: No, we should definitely get a book deal, ‘Last Days of Skulls’ and then have a picture of our chapter house in black and white on the cover. Mom in Capo: I’ll take a cappuccino for me and a babyccino for my son here. unfortunate is it that we have to give it so much attention and that doing so means putting all of the pressure on the victims? I’m so sick of reading stories that I can so strongly relate to. It hurts me more to know I’m not alone. I wish I were alone. I’m not criticizing the conversations we’ve had on campus about sexual assuault, but there’s a key voice missing: the always silent perpetrator. I want to hear how my rapist is coping with what he did to me and what was going through his head when he decided to change my life forever. But I know I’m never going to see that side because we shelter these criminals in the safety of a social culture that perpetuates rape culture by calling it “hooking up”. Call it what it is Penn. Yes, I’m a victim. But Number Four, you are a rapist. So why am I the one that needs help? Maybe you think I am perpetuating rape culture by not reporting my experiences. To that, I say fuck you. I don’t love sex anymore, and that is something that I am far more concerned about than making sure my rapist faces the legal consequences he certainly deserves. I want to love sex again. I want love sex again so fucking badly. I wish that everyone did, including my attackers. I want my rapist, and every other rapist on this campus to love sex too. Because if they truly loved it, respected it, cherished it, we would never be having this conversation in the first place.

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FILM

SEPTAdventures DO YOU PAY PER VIEW? ST

EGO

34th

How Penn Students Watch Movies

Fun Fact: Uber is not the only method of transportation in Philadelphia. Try SEPTA, brats. Film polled you to findyou outspoiled how you are getting your Sunday afternoon

movie fixes. Here’s what we learned. BY ANTHONY KHAYKIN

Market Frankford Line (MFL)

hough we all know the Internet is for porn (thanks Avenue Q), the bedroom is no longer the only area being ceded to digital territory. For every girl with daddy’s AmEx, window browsing on Fifth Avenue has been replaced with online shopping. And FYEs everywhere have virtually been rendered useless (pun intended) with the existence of the multifarious iTunes store. Things are no different here at Penn, where the Rave gets nearly half the traffic for the midnight screenings of blockbuster hits like Twilight as Hulu does the day after the newest episode of 30 Rock airs. This makes sense. We Penn students are too busy procrastinating on Penn InTouch and designing funny lacrosse pinnies for the clubs we’re involved in to leave the comfort of our beds to

24.6%

30th

Stop: 13th Street watch Hugo in theaters. And we you guess then that Penn stuWhat’s there: Reading Termifit this mold of overworked Ivy dents would prefer to15th get their nal Market—home to every League students well, with only RomCom fix online with free type of ethnic food and Amish about 17% of Penn undergrads streaming websites like SideReel mac movies and cheese. watching at the Rave ev- and Ch131 rather than pay for Nearby: ery semester. City Hall, Love Parkservices provided by Netfl ix and 13th go with: Yourstenew PC ButWho howto about the other Redbox? reotype, the one that says all colWhile 75% of us watch movlege students are poor? The free ies online, nearly 50% pay for Stop: 8th Street 11th movement of information made it. I hear Horrible Bosses — a What’s there: Washington possible by the interweb makes Square, new release on iTunes — is hysRittenhouse’s little sister. terical, but is Nearby: IndependencedoHall and Whose recommendations you take? it worth the 50 restaurants like Talula’s Garden 1.5 salads at 47.7% 8th Other and Tria40% Sweetgreen 40 A Friend Who to go with: Yo' mama it would Cinema Studies have cost if 30 Major 26.2% 25% 25% I had seen it Professor or TA 20 Stop: 2nd Street in theaters? Street What’s there: Old City 5thnooRamen 10 *Students surveyed were Nearby: Galleries and Jazz allowed to choose more dles aren’t than one option. 0 Clubs, great for evening excurthat bad, I sions on First Fridays. guess. Who to goaccessible with: Yourand boy- The average Penn student entertainment 2nd friend :–* inexpensive to anyone with an (who is anything but average, if AirPennNet account. Wouldn’t you ask Amy Gutmann) watch-

47.7%

13 21 Bus

How to Make it Happen: SingleBorrow Ride: from $2.25Library (exact change) Don't Movies Tokens onWatch campus: Houston Hall, 34th Theaters Street CVS, Fresh GroFreeBookstore Streaming cer, Penn

16.9% Stop: 22nd Street Paid Online Services What’s there: Mutter Museum, featuring every part of the human body you 9.2%wanted to see. never Nearby: Trader Joe’s, Good Karma Café 1.5% Who to go with: Your pre–med friend

Stop: Street WhyBus do you go to the19th movies?

3.1%

25%

What’s there: Rittenhouse Square,

6.3% the most charming spot in PhiladelOther

phia (and cute dog central). It's a Street way to hang out with friends Nearby: Walnut shopping and Buffalo Exchange It's a good study break 40.6% Who to go with: Your BFF It makes you feel relaxed and happy

Required for Class Transfer: 12th Street

23 40 Bus

Stop: Christian Street What’s there: The Italian Market, es seven movies, morePhilly’s or less,famous hub for cold cuts and deli bites. every semester. Simple arithmetic proves that it’s $40 Featuring: cheaper DiBruno Bro’s, Sabrina’s to watch said movies onCafé, NetflPat’s ix than at the Rave, and an addiWho to go with: Your freshman hall tional $20 less on iTunes (cost of popcorn and Mike and Ikes Stop: 8th Street not included in these What’s calcula-there: Magic Gardens, a tions). The low cost ofmaze watchthat materializes “one man’s ing seven movies on iTunes trash for is another >> man’s Totaltreasure.” amount of less than 30 bucks is worth the South Street thrift shopping Nearby: money spent in movie many conveniences that online Who to go with: Your hipster friend theaters* by Penn paid services afford us: not bestudents each semester ing interrupted by incessant buffering and commercials, the immunity to computer viruses and most importantly, not having to wait 54 minutes after >> Total amount of watching 72 minutes of a movie Student Tattoo ofmoney the Week spent watching on Megavideo. online, if all people who Not to mention, it’s a small paid for online services priceName: to pay when youParker look at Sierra used iTunes* the big picture — the combined Year: 2014 savings Major: of the 47.7% of Penn Political students who pay for their online Science services rather than going to the Minor: movie theater is Computer somewhere beScience tween $196,136 and $295,344, >> Total amount of depending on whether Tattoo: Left they Hip use money spent watching Netflix or iTunes, respectively. online, if all people who Moral of the story is: we won't paid for online services judge if you just stay in bed. used Netflix*

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34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

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*$12.50/ticket at the Rave *$3.99 to rent a movie on iTunes *$7.99/month on Netflix

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: SPENCER PENN

Spencer the Politician has been class president for four straight years. His legacy? A new and improved *Fab Club.* And he’s not leaving Penn just yet; find Spencer sub–matriculating from Wharton to SEAS for his Masters in Robotics and Engineering. Street: So you’ll still be around next year? Spencer Penn: Yeah. It’s funny, if I didn’t do this, I would have just gone back to my summer job working in finance...it’s really interesting hearing the Wharton students. Half of them are like, “Right on man, you’re following your dreams, get off the tracks and just run free, brother!” and some of them are like, “How could you give up an investment banking job? That sounds like...see you never!” Street: How’s Feb Club going? SP: Feb Club has really been beyond unbelievable this year. No criticisms for Feb Clubs past, but this is, I think, far and away, one of the best Feb Clubs. If not the best Feb Club that’s ever been. [Ed note: Do you agree? Vote online!] Street: What’s different this year? SP: We cut out Monday/ Tuesday. Every year people complain, “oh, Monday/ Tuesday, you gotta give us a break, I really don’t want to go out Monday/Tuesday.” And we wanted to make more free events. That was one of our big initiatives, to try to make the events more accessible. And we wanted to do a lot of non–drinking events. I just think we’re doing it way bigger than ever. We’re just, you know, blowing the lid off. Street: What was your favorite event? SP: My favorite event thus

far was Atlantic City. I think that was so crazy. We had a thousand students go all the way to Atlantic City. Like, you can’t get a Penn student to go down to Houston Hall for like, a free Mercedes Benz, but you can somehow get a thousand people on buses, out to Atlantic City, into one club, restaurant deals, free drinks...It’s just something we always dreamed about freshman year. Street: What’s a one–sentence plug to get everyone to come to every night? SP: I met an alumni last night, at PennApps, and he said, “Wow, the one mistake I made was I didn’t go to Feb Club.” Street: What’s the mission of Feb Club? SP: The point of Feb Club is we’re all seniors, we’re all graduating soon, we’re not going to be here next year— this is the last hurrah! It’s kind of like how freshman year in the quad, you’re kind of like forced to be around a huge range of different students. If you have a thousand people at Atlantic City, that means almost half the class is at Atlantic City. That’s more than the entire population of the entire Quad. [Ed. Note: there are 1,526 Quad residents. Almost!]. And you get to just, I don’t know, turn up. Street: If Feb Club had a mascot, who or what would it be? SP: We did a screening of “Animal House.” When I was a kid, I always imagined “Animal House” being what

my college experience was. Ultimately just an awesome toga party. I would say John Belushi.

cal. Are you going to be POTUS one day? SP: That was a pipe dream once upon a time. Now I think Street: Fill in the blank, maybe Robot King there are two kinds of peo- of America or someple at Penn... thing. SP: Ketchup and Mustard. Street: What’s your favorite Street: What? Disney movie? SP: There’s two types of peo- SP: My childhood is very ple at Penn... vague to me at this point. Street: Ketchup and Mustard? SP: Yeah...Ketchups and Mustards. You know, like, people that everyone likes, like “Ketchups,” really mellow, not too offensive. And then there’s “Mustards,” some people love them, some people hate them, and they’re very pungent.

Street: Fill in the blank: My PennCard looks like… SP: My PennCard looks like...a fake PennCard. I don’t know, I lost the hologram so it looks fraudulent. Street: What was your first AIM screenname? SP: I think it was BadAss92.

Street: Which of the Spice Street: Describe yourself in Girls are you? three words. SP: Obviously Posh. SP: Iconoclast, legend, Mustard. Street: If you are what you eat, what would you be? SP: I would be, like, 95% cheesesteak. Street: Where is your favorite place to get a cheesesteak? SP: Oh, Jim’s. Definitely. I’m actually the head of the Penn Cheesesteak Society. “Cheesesteak sine wiz vene.” It’s like, “Cheesesteak without wiz is in vain.” Yeah, we never got funded. They wanted us to merge with the Penn Culinary Society, they never understood why we wanted a separate Cheesesteak Society. Street: So you’re very politi-

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F E B R U A R Y 2 0 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

(Un)

FILM & TV

Commentary on the fakest reality TV show from Penn's realest NYC natives.

BETHENNY'S BEST MAJOR AT BOOB JOB PENN?

FEMALE, COLLEGE FRESHMAN:

Bethenny Frankel. She kills it. Skinny Girl margaritas did her bod well.

FEMALE, COLLEGE FRESHMAN:

I’m not quite sure, and I feel slightly uncomfortable searching “RHONY boob jobs” on my computer. So I’m going to have to pass on this question.

FEMALE, COLLEGE JUNIOR:

BETHENNY FRANKEL. For sure.

That one’s easy. Marketing in Wharton. She’s a genius. Go Beth!

Well, her appearance on “The Apprentice” totally counts as MGMT 100...18 Wharton credits away from a B.S. degree (B.S. doesn’t always stand for Bachelor of Science). Double Major in Entrepreneurship and Culinary Art (does that include how to make drinks? Is that even a major?) And minor in finding a Wharton hubby.

gold medal 4 you if you follow us on le instagramme @43rdSheep lol jk @34streetmag 6

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FILM & TV

NASTIEST DIVORCE Sonja and the infamous Mr. Morgan. She seems lost without him and it makes me sad.

Count and Countess de Lesseps. At least she got to keep her pretentious and meaningless title.

Ramona and Mario Singer...it all looked perfect on TV but it’s nasty now.

WHICH SORORITY FUCK, WOULD MARRY, BETHENNY BE IN? KILL Fuck Sonja. Marry Romana (she gets shit done). Kill Jill (very irritating and completely fame–obsessed).

They'll kill each other soon enough, so why bother?

Fuck Ramona (can't marry her, she's nuts). Marry Sonja (good entertainment). DEFINITELY kill Jill, she is deranged.

FAVORITE QUOTE

Tabard. She knows what’s up.

“I never feel guilty about being privileged” –LuAnn

Theta. “Skinnygirl margarita?”...come on.

“Never underestimate a woman born and raised in New York City.” – Aviva Drescher

Probably Tabard, can’t really see her doing the typical sorority thing.

“What other dirty tricks do you have to pull out of your Pinot–filled ass?” –Countess LuAnn to Ramona

WINTER OLYMPIC(K)S: “Miracle” La Fontana Della Citta On Saturday in Sochi, Russia, T.J. Oshie cemented his place in Olympic history with confidence and a smile. The St. Louis Blues player was called six times to represent the Americans during a nail–biting shootout against the Russian team. When he stuck the winning goal in the back of the net, Oshie became an instant American hero. It would, therefore, be a missed opportunity not to compare Saturday’s game to the 2004 film, “Miracle.” Arguably one of the greatest sports films of all time, “Mira-

cle” chronicles the U.S. men’s hockey team’s unlikely path to a gold medal in the 1980 Lake Placid Olympic games. In the film, American coach Herb Brooks puts together a team of college hockey players who he believes have the ability to challenge the dominant Soviet team. After months of hard training and setbacks, the Americans rise to the occasion to defeat a seemingly unbeatable Soviet team in the semifinal of the tournament in what has been dubbed by pop culture as the “miracle on ice.” The group of college hockey

players would go on to win the gold medal, a feat none of them could have imagined when they first came together. While T.J. Oshie’s incredible shootout performance might not have been as improbable an event as the 1980 “miracle on ice,” it will certainly go down as the greatest U.S. Olympic hockey moment since. The current U.S. team has a ways to go before it can claim another gold medal for Team USA, but if history is on their side, after their victory on Saturday things should be all downhill from here. AIDAN PONGRACE

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FILM & TV

B-ROLL: MINDY LAHIRI, FEMINIST

At first glance, a TV character whose main hobbies include naming celebrity couples and wearing bold prints doesn’t really give off a feminist vibe, but Mindy Kaling’s character of Dr. Mindy Lahiri is doing more for feminism than you think.

Mindy Kaling is a trailblazer—she’s the first South Asian woman to helm and star in her own sitcom, and she’s doing it somewhere around a dress size 8. But that’s not why Kaling’s character of Mindy Lahiri on “The Mindy Project” is so cool. What makes Mindy Lahiri cool is that she is unabashedly and unapologetically herself in every single episode of her show.

Mindy Lahiri is obsessed with a feminine culture that society frequently tries to ostracize. Television shows like “The Good Wife,” “Scandal” and “Veep”—while great shows— portray strong women who are embracing a more masculine culture. Alicia Florrick, Olivia Pope and Selina Meyer are more stoic, jaded and, in Selina’s case,

College Houses presents the

hilariously crass than truly feminine. These shows aren’t bad for feminism. After all, women can be tough and offensively funny, too. However, without the balance of a show like “The Mindy Project,” which embraces feminine culture, they only promulgate the degradation of feminine culture overall. It’s important that women are represented on a spectrum, and “The Mindy

2014

PENN STUDENT

Explore your creative talents, become engaged in Penn's film community and win great prizes! We are accepting submissions of films which will be screened in the College Houses over the course of four nights. Prizes range from $500 to $100 — not to mention the chance to screen your cinematic artwork in front of a large audience! For complete rules for submission, please see the website below. The competition is open to all students of the University of Pennsylvania. Submission deadline is Friday, March 21, 2014.

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Project” presents that spectrum while being just as funny as a show like “Veep.” Mindy Lahiri likes clothes, i n t e r i o r decorating, celebrity gossip, Michael Fassbender (or as she lovingly refers to him, Fassy) and chicken wings. Mindy Lahiri hates cats and working out, and couldn’t cook if her life depended on it. Mindy Lahiri is also confident, vulnerable and, most importantly, an independent career woman. She didn’t become a successful OBGYN in New York City by becoming jaded— part of her success stems from her warm and womanly bedside manner. Her success comes from the fact that she embraces her feminine qualities. These days, the issue of patriarchy is less about men hating women and more about society hating femininism, and Mindy Lahiri is successful feminine culture embodied—she’s a bubbly, open and communicative individual who helps her masculine counterparts open up about things like daddy issues and ex–fiancées. While her feminine qualities contribute to many funny plotlines, they ultimately help the relationships and personal lives of her friends in the office. This issue of oppressing feminine culture extends to the culture surrounding body image as well. Body insecutiries sometimes come from a place that tries to masculinize the female body by devaluing curvier figures. On the show, Mindy expresses certain insecurities about her body (not being a size 0 and all), but an episode this season, "Danny Castellano is my Personal Trainer," made a very smart

point about the issue. After a series of comical naked run–ins between Mindy and co–worker (/potential love interest, OMG that last episode, amirite?) Danny Castellano, Danny says to Mindy (after she bothers him to be honest about her bodily flaws), “You’re a woman and that’s good; look like a woman.” There are probably some issues with that statement coming from a man’s mouth, but the bottom line of the message is this: a lot of the negative aspects of body image culture are related to a body ideal that calls for women to be unnaturally skinny. Women are supposed to have curves, and it’s also okay if they don’t, but a number of women do fluctuate between “chubby and curvy,” just like Mindy herself. What Danny’s line promotes here is the idea of embracing a natural, feminine body shape. And that’s part of feminine culture, too. Mindy isn’t always a glowing beacon of feminism, but television characters aren’t really written to be glowing beacons of anything. Television characters are meant to entertain; it’s just a bonus that “The Mindy Project” is doing more than that. At the end of the day, Mindy Lahiri is just one kind of role model for women, but she’s a pretty important one. CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS

F E AT U R E

Julie Xie 2/20/14

A Matter of Opinion “Raise your hand if you are pro–life.” In Law and Society, a class of about 60 students, sociology professor Hocine Fetni saw only a few hands go up and proceeded to call on them. What happened next, according to College junior Jared*, was a long debate between Fetni and a girl who had revealed she was pro–life on abortion. “[He] blatantly attacked her moral character,” Jared recounted. “It was like a professional way of saying, ‘I think you’re an idiot.’” “I was just thinking if I were in that girl’s position, I would have been a lot meaner towards him,” Jared said. He considers himself to be liberal and pro–choice, but he often felt Fetni’s arguments went overboard with “ridiculous” explanations in attempts to sway people who didn’t think the way he did. So much so that sometimes Jared felt compelled to tailor his class assignments to match Fetni’s “unbelievable liberal bias,” even if he didn’t believe in it himself. Jared took Law and Society last fall, which he called the most “offensive” class he’s taken at Penn. The class addresses controversial societal issues connected with the legal system, including those that involve civil liberties. Fetni, who has been teaching a form of this class since the early 1990s, has one important expectation of his students: have an open mind. He wants students who are pro–life to be able to argue the pro–choice position, and vice versa. He encourages students to listen and hear each other’s sides.

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F E AT U R E

Professors say they only care about how students defend their views and not the views themselves. But do students agree? Sometimes, professional bias can sneak into lectures. “Students come in with their ideas about things and aren’t really willing to listen when they’ve already made up their mind,” Fetni said. “Sometimes when a student is challenged by me or his or her classmates regarding their views, [they] get very defensive because they were not expecting to be challenged...hence they think that the course is biased.” However, he believes the number of students who feel this way is small. Fetni does make his own viewpoints clear to his students with the caveat that his opinion is just as good as everybody else’s. “When you discuss these controversial issues, then who is right and who is wrong? No one really has the answer,” he said. A lot of people think they do have the answer. Tough social and political topics such as abortion, gay marriage and the Arab–Israeli conflict can get emotional and inevitably come with position stances—the left, the right, the middle– who–knows–what–to–call–it. Their place in the classroom gets even more difficult because these stances have to translate into a grade. How professors lead these classes can range. They say they would never grade a student on their viewpoints. However, some students still feel that they have to tread carefully. Students and professors in various departments mostly agree that learning how to argue a point well leads to better understanding of the issues in play. While a professor’s opinion can be beneficial to debate in class, he or she must do it tactfully without disrespecting other views. There’s a difference between playing devil’s advocate and attempting to indoctrinate students. Some students have good experiences to share, but others didn’t enjoy their classes because they had heard too much of their professors’ views.

Many of the latter speak on the condition of anonymity because they don’t want to negatively affect their relationships with these teachers and others. College senior Layla O’Kane, who took Fetni’s class last fall, felt uncomfortable at least once a week. She actually agreed with him on a lot of the issues brought up in class but said, “he definitely didn’t foster open communication, and his conversational style was rude.” “I didn’t feel like he was challenging my beliefs, I felt like he was challenging me,” she added. “I felt he was attacking a lot of people personally.” Fetni would introduce topics with his own opinions attached to them before opening them up for discussion, according to Ryan*, another student in the class. “With that kind of set up, many people, especially the Republicans in the class, were uncomfortable saying anything at that point,” the College junior said. Ryan took the class in the fall of 2012 and, after one of the presidential debates, Fetni asked for a conservative student to evaluate Obama’s performance and a liberal student to evaluate Romney’s. Many raised their hands to critique Romney, but none did for Obama. Ryan knew there were conservatives in the class, but they kept their mouths shut. “Unfortunately, in teaching courses like Law and Society and discussing controversial issues, you always end up with someone who is unhappy [because he or she isn’t used to getting their beliefs challenged],” Fetni said. He gives students warning of this at the beginning of every semester.

She once had a professor who made an offhand remark that Egypt was full of terrorists. Susan, who is a Palestinian, wanted to take Hebrew because she sees herself working to find peace in the region in the future. Throughout her sophomore and junior years, the College senior felt “extremely upset” at times in the language classes, which were “overtly nationalistic and assumed everyone in the class was of a certain political leaning.”

I didn’t feel like he was challenging my beliefs, I felt like he was challenging me.”

“One of the essay questions on the exam was something like, ‘pretend you’re going to Israel and write a letter to your uncle and tell him about how great it is to be in Israel,’” she said. “If I were to write a letter to my actual uncle, I would say, ‘I’m sorry you were made a refugee.’” But she never really put up a fight. “I was wary about compromising my position since I was so outnumbered. I told myself I would keep my head down and get a good grade out of it.” Teaching the Arab–Israeli conflict in a classroom can be difficult, but the classes are in demand by Penn students. Political Science professor Ian Lustick dedicates a full course to it. Readings and discussions in International Politics of the Middle East: The Arab– Israeli Conflict is meant to show all perspectives In her Modern Hebrew classes, Susan* was of- on the issue. fended when both students and teachers made By focusing on texts and encouraging students comments about violent Arabs, jokes about to build arguments with relevant research, Lustick bombs and cultural slurs and remarks about how wants to turn “polemics into research questions” critics of Israel are anti–Semitic. and not just for his students to “score debate points.”

According to a spring 2013 syllabus, a few of the assigned readings are authored by Lustick himself. In addition, he posted a list of recommended readings, including those by himself to show students the research behind the lectures. Lustick wrote an op–ed in The New York Times in September that criticizes the two–state solution and argues that it actually impedes peace–making processes. The class is one of the most popular ones about the Middle East conflict and comes under a lot of scrutiny. About 10 years ago, Lustick said he had two students in his class who were spies for Campus Watch, which the group denies. Campus Watch is a Philadelphia–based "think tank" that reviews classes about the Middle East, especially looking for problems such as mixing of politics with scholarship and abuse of power over students. Reactions are mixed among those who have taken Lustick’s class. Some believe the class presents a balance of perspectives and others say his classes can take an ideological slant.

nomic Committee of the U.S. Congress. He previously served under the Republican administrations of George H. W. Bush and George W. Bush. College senior Danielle Marryshow, who took a class with Felzenberg in the summer of 2012, said he made his opinions on matters clear in class. She was never uncomfortable with hearing his views but just thought he was wrong. “I’m just really liberal and strenuously disagreed,” she said, but she didn’t feel strongly enough to challenge it during class time. Danielle had to write a few opinion pieces for the class. She knew Felzenberg was against gun control so she didn’t write anything that was directly in favor of gun control because it wasn’t worth the risk. “I don’t know for sure whether he would have reacted badly, but it didn’t seem important enough where I felt I had to challenge it via my work,” she explained. Professors don’t want to grade their students on what they think—or at least won’t openly admit it—but instead on how students defend what they think. For the most part, students are interested in what their professors, experts in their field, feel about a certain topic. However, they never want to feel like they can’t raise their hands or write truthfully. Ideally, a professor should “put appropriate pressure on students to voice their opinion...It’s been great to have my own perspective challenged, not in a way that’s threatening but that brings constructive debate,” Susan said. “When I see a professor do that, I admire and gain from it.”

Communications professor Al Felzenberg joins the chorus of professors who say that they want their students to be able to defend their views. “When I was an undergraduate, all of my professors were left–of–center liberals, and it was a very difficult time with the Vietnam War. I had some very radical professors who knocked students down if they disagreed with them,” he recalled. “I always said that if I became a professor, I would not want students in my class to feel uncomfortable, and no one has ever said they were uncomfortable with me.” Felzenberg tells his students where he stands Julie Xie is a senior from Andover, Massachuwhen they ask him, but he’s “not here to grade setts majoring in communication and economics. their opinions.” He is a Republican working as She is the former managing editor and city news Director of Communications for the Joint Eco- editor for The Daily Pennsylvanian.

*The names of these individuals have been changed to protect their anonymity. 1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E F E B R U A R Y 2 0 , 2 01 4

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STUCK ON YOU MUSIC

“Timber ft. Ke$ha” by Pitbull: Because we’re tired of Pitbull’s “DALE” and Ke$ha’s sparkles.

“Middle of Things, Beautiful Wife ft. SPZRKT” by Sango:

Because this is the real way to get down.

“Together” by Sam Smith, Nile Rodgers, Disclosure and Jimmy Napes: Because Sam Smith’s

“Counting Stars” by OneRepublic: Because

sappy lyrics are soooo “early 2000’s”.

smooth voice made his way into Disclosure’s “Latch” and Pharell’s did not.

“Happy” by Pharell: Because Pharell

“Stay In Love (ft. Sam Sparro)” by PLASTIC PLATES: Because you’ll fall

is old. You need to move on.

in love, and stay in love.

“Come Alive ft. Toro y Moi” by Chromeo:

“Royals” by Lorde:

Because “Royals” is overplayed, and Lorde is Empress of the Lizard People.

Because you won’t be able to stop the fist–pumping action once it starts

“Talk Dirty ft. 2 Chainz” by Jason Derulo: Because this pair

“This is What it Feels Like” by Banks: Because

Banks is the new meteoric female powerhouse.

is the epitome of middle school meets college.

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“CULT” BAYSIDE

You listened to them when you thought you were “emo” in the seventh grade

“MOTIVATIONAL JUMPSUIT” GUIDED BY VOICES Am I in Brooklyn or am I just pretending I like wordy rock?

Grade: C+ Download: “Big Cheese” Sounds best when: Trying to seduce your melancholy physics TA

Grade: D Download: “Bird With No Name” Sounds best when: Smashing your head against the wall of Towne

LUCY HOVANISYAN

MUSIC

That Top 40 song still stuck in your head? Shake it off. Listen to these jams instead. “Hey Brother” by Avicii: Because Avicii says it

they’re the perfect band to pull you out of your homework blues.

himself—“there’s an endless road to be discovered.” You need new music.

“All” by Blackbird Blackbird: Because they’re

“The Monster ft. Rihanna” by Eminem: Be-

dropping a new single soon, so get familiar with this.

cause this duo will never be able to top “Love The Way You Lie.”

“Wildest Moments ft. A$AP Rocky” by Jesse Ware: Because you

“Demons” by Imagine Dragons: Because after

never thought that these two would come together, let alone blow you away.

the 200th time, the emotional climax of yelling “UNLESS YOU SHOW ME HOW” just gets old.

“Perfect Like You” by Ricoshëi: Because you

“Burn” by Ellie Goulding: Because we don’t “got

love soulful beats and seductive compliments.

the fire” anymore, Ellie. It’s out. We're over it. Love you, mean it.

“Fool” by Jerome LOL: Because this playful and

“Let Her Go” by Passenger: Because “hoping

jazzy DJ does not mess with repetition.

one day you’ll make a dream last” won’t make your song last. BOOM.

“Chain My Name” by POLIÇA: Because POLIÇA’s

“Hold On, We’re Going Home” by Drake:

unique voice and charming lyrics chain you to her name.

ALBUM REVIEW

Because every artist you can think of has remixed this song in every possible way.

“PAST LIFE” LOST IN THE TREES Here’s an album that will leave you thinking “huh?” at the beginning and “wow” by the end. With plenty of ambient noise to fill your head, “Past Life,” Lost in the Trees’ newest album, takes your mind on some sort of journey of self–discovery. “If I were to cross into another dimension, this would be playing,” a lifelong Penn fan said. Frontman and lyricist Ari Picker describes past lives and future lives, with the present as a place somewhere in between, all full of beautiful angels and breakable hearts. The band’s ever–present blend of folk and classical sounds saturates the title track, but here it combines with almost pop–like beats to create a feel that is both eerie and uplifting. This album definitely leaves you musing.

“Talking Backwards” by Real Estate: Because

it’s always a good time at pulse

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FOOD & DRINK

MANI—FRESH DESTINY Head west to add high–quality, low–priced variety to your grocery list.

Makkah Market 4249 Walnut St Go for the: Fresh meats, butchered in–house Stay for the: Lamb merguez sausage hoagies Supreme Shop n’ Bag 4301 Walnut St Go for the: Expansive but not expensive selection of Latin American foods and ingredients Stay for the: Surprisingly fresh and varied produce

AN INSIDE LOOK AT ALDI Investigating Trader Joe's bad boy little bro.

International Foods and Spices 4203 Walnut St Go for the: Huge selection of reasonably–priced near and far eastern spices Stay for the: Deliciously fresh vegetable samosas

Milk and Honey 4435 Baltimore Ave Go for the: Artisanal cheeses and spreads Stay for the: Fully loaded, gluten–free breakfast bagels

Fit & Active, Millville, Simply Nature, Appleton Farms, Baker’s Corner, Specially Selected: these brands all sound familiar but slightly off, right? It’s because they’re all exclusive to Aldi, a low–cost grocery store chain located at 46th and Market that may be one of West Philadelphia’s best–kept secrets. Aldi—short for Albrecht Discount—is a leading supermarket in Germany that was founded by brothers Karl and Theo Albrecht, who split the company in the 1960s over a disagreement about selling cigarettes. The split spawned Aldi Nord and Aldi Sud. Here in the US, Aldi Sud operates Aldi while Aldi Nord operates Trader Joe’s. As a Trader Joe’s shopper who frequently makes the trek down to their 21st and Market location, I was excited to explore what seemed like Joe’s darkhorse brother. Like Trader Joe’s, Aldi maintains its low prices by selling in–house brands. The private label names may throw off a new shopper, but they’re really made by the same manufacturers as leading name brands. Millville, Aldi’s cereal brand, is rumored to be made by General Mills, much like Trader Joe’s pita chips taste suspiciously like Stacy’s. But Aldi has a more bare–bones approach than Trader Joe’s, which may turn some off. There are no signs indicating what each of the extremely wide aisles sells, and products are stacked in cardboard boxes rather than shelves. In fact, it felt a bit like a miniature Costco, minus the free samples. There’s no deli counter and the produce selection was minimal, but when I saw my incredibly low receipt total I understood the appeal of cutting back on those luxuries. Don’t expect anyone to bag your groceries for you, either. There’s a long counter behind the checkout where customers bag their own purchases (bring your own reusables, or you’ll end up paying for both paper and plastic). Aldi may be no–frills and more out of the way, but if you have the time, the lower prices make up for it. With only one bag of groceries, it’s walking distance from campus. If you’re going for a bigger haul, the store is right next to the 46th and Market Market–Frankford Line SEPTA stop.

EMMA SOREN If you go: ALDI 4421 Market Street (Corner of 46th & Market) Bring: reusable bags, a quarter

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FOOD & DRINK

ALDI VS. NAME BRAND Shit’s pretty much the same.

Aldi Product

Name Brand Equivalent

Comparison

Friendly Farms Greek yogurt (vanilla) ($0.89)

Dannon Oikos Greek yogurt ($1.29)

This tastes essentially the same as the Dannon name brand you can get at Fresh Grocer. Both are similarly creamy and tangy, though the vanilla flavor is a bit stronger in the Dannon version.

Little Salad Bar 10 oz. garlic hummus ($1.99)

Sabra garlic hummus ($2.98)

Cheese Club macaroni and cheese ($0.39)

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese ($1.28)

The “Cheese Club” is actually less cheesy and more buttery than the Kraft, but still satisfying enough to satiate desperate college students everywhere.

Baker’s Corner brownie mix ($1.29)

Betty Crocker brownie mix ($2.28)

The difference between the brownies made from this mix and those made from Betty Crocker’s is nearly imperceptible. It’s entirely possible that it’s the same dry mix dumped into a different package.

10/10 readers prefer Street over name brand magazines. Street: Beating the competition. Aldi, every di.

Upgrade your ramen.

4040 Locust St. 215.243.9999 ramenbarphilly.com

Suprisingly, the Aldi’s hummus has better texture than the Sabra brand, and the garlic taste is much less overpowering.

99 bottles of beer on the wall? that’s nothing.

Springfield Beer Distributor 22nd and Washington ave

(215) 546-7301

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ARTS

A man sitting and crying with a paper bag reading “I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE” over his head. A woman sleeping in a glass box. Another woman vomiting colored milk to an acoustic opera track. A man lying crucified on the hood of a Volkswagon Beetle. What do these seemingly unrelated displays of crazy have in common? Each is a piece of performance art from the past half–century. Performance art has attracted controversy and criticism since its formal recognition in the art world in the mid–twentieth century. Difficult to accurately define and lacking the traditional order and boundaries between artist and viewer, the medium is often dismissed as too weird and incomprehensible to merit artistic appreciation. Performance art is undeniably strange, and like minimalist paintings or Hawaiian pizza, probably not for everyone. But, for the rest of us, it may be a mistake to disregard the art form on the grounds of its apparent eccentricity. Psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “the sacred is in the ordinary.” Performance art essentially lifts that sacredness out of the normal stream of life and puts it on display. Unlike theater, it creates no fictions—only contexts. By tak-

PERFORMANCE ART

ing real people, objects, emotions and actions and putting them in a museum or advertising them as art installations, the medium calls for a reevaluation of everything from a man being shot to a woman sitting blankly in a chair. Even if it feels strange to pay for a ticket to see someone do push–ups or eat a hamburger, viewing such seemingly artless actions in this new context may help us find the art, if not the sacred, in each of them. We’re often encouraged to keep our heads down and push for the finish line, to get where we’re going without smelling the roses and sewage along the way, but performance art presents a different option. Slow down, it tells us. Stop focusing on the ends and ignoring the means. Watch. It gives us an action without frame or stage, and the space to witness the beauty, the wonder, the art, in that action—in what boils down to a person living. No faking, just living, in front of an audience. In a stressful, goal–oriented society, that context outlook might be exactly what we need.

ANNIKA NEKLASON

SARAH SZE AT THE FABRIC WORKSHOP December 13, 2013—April 6, 2014

Following the success of the “Triple Point” exhibition at the Venice Biennale, Sarah Sze is exhibiting three site–specific installations at The Fabric Workshop and Museum. The intricate and immense works explore landscapes— natural, man-made, and imagined. While each installation is distinct, there are threads of familiarity woven between them. On the first floor of the museum, Sze has dramatically lit a museum desk. The scene is familiar, with a coffee cup sitting next to a messy stack of typed pages. In fact, the desk could have been taken directly from countless Penn dorm rooms. In the next room we see a deconstruction and re-imagination of the previous scene. The desk is replaced with a wire grid-like structure of the same dimensions. The structure is filled, and surrounded by ceramic shards, pantone swatches, potted plants, threads and cut-out pages of The New York Times. Sze is producing a final piece, while simultaneously revealing the creative process underpinning it. When I asked about the electric heater at the far–side of the work, my guide told me it was there during the set–up stage and Sze decided to incorporate and envelope it into the work.

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The second floor space is filled with an assortment of rocks and boulders. Some are real and some are screen–printed paper shells. I had to fight the urge to see which ones I could lift and which I couldn’t. Along the far wall rest a series of canvases printed with the same faux mineral pattern. The canvases are printed in cyan, magenta, yellow and a spectrum of grays to black. The room feels otherworldly and peaceful, reminiscent of a zen garden. Finally, on the eighth floor of the building is Sze’s third installation. The space is dimly lit and eerie. On the floor are pristine pages of The New York Times, laid out in a grid pattern. The pages are dated and recent, referring to each day of the piece’s making. On each page, the photographs have been replaced with images of sea, sand, or snow, as well as piles of materials, such as sand and twigs. Worlds collide. In the collection, Sze is exploring the balance of familiarity and unfamiliarity. The scenes are both relatable and disorientating at the same time. Sze presents her viewers introspective compilations, and the fact that neither the installations nor the show have hard, objective foundations means questions can only be raised and not answered. #meta

CIARA STEIN

ARTS

Did Valentine’s Day not work out for you? Don’t worry—it didn’t for Arts either. We’re looking through College Hall’s most (and least) eligible painted men for our Tinder matches. Would you swipe left or right for these former provosts?

Martin Meyerson, 91

Daniel Raynes Goodwin, 203

William Pepper, 171

Philly boy looking to have some fun ;)

I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?

Willing to lie about how we met.

Want u 2 be the mother of myerson

It's rayne–ing me. Hallelujah <3

You and me could be pepperfect bb

Start the New Year right

All rhoads lead to my d~

I’m a stand–up guy. I stand up a lot.

Great Service!

Jonathan Evans Rhoads, 106

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LOWBROW

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Go to the dressing room. Once there, stuff the dreamcatcher down your pants. Check your phone for a bit to avoid suspicion and kill time before leaving the dressing room. Make sure to smile politely at the attendant on your way out.

Leave the store, scot–free, and return home.

Hang your new dreamcatcher above your thief bed. Sweet dreams, little felon!

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LOWBROW

TOP TEN BEST FINDS

Lowbrow’s selling some top–notch art on Etsy.com.

1. Navajo–Hot–Wheels– themed coin purse

6. Alpaca wool rainbow party cape

2. Souvenir plate of my dad at the Khlong Latmayom floating market

7. Two–legged chair made of seashells and pubic hair 8. Crocodile leather bodysuit

3. Vintage iPhone 3G case 4. Mixed media installation inspired by “Captain Planet and the Planeteers”

9. Crocheted collander cover 5. Bedazzled Vaseline jar

10. Bronze bust of America’s sweetheart Sandra Bullock

TAKING A STANCE ON THAT BOTTLE COLLECTION ON TOP OF YOUR CABINET The work of senior N. Joy Dix reads both as a history of alcohols past and as an artistic statment on recycling. The piece chronicles his misguided Ciroc purchase through his "Fireball period" all the way to his experimentation with flavored Bacardi. It is, in essence, a coming of (legal) age story. However, the piece stops there, an attempted distillation of a college student’s relationship with alcohol, and, frankly, it’s boring. One is immediately left to question the authenticity of Dix, as trademark dranks like Franzia and Banker’s Club are suspiciously omitted from his display. Rather than a true rep-

resentation of his liver’s past, the row of glass bottles encapsulates the high points, a concocted and glamorized facade of top–shelf liquor and an affinity for Skinnygirl pinot. As an artist, Dix does his viewers a disservice, covering up the nights of Tang jungle juice and wine–bladder– slapping at Beijing, leaving one to ponder the truth behind every piece of frosted glass perched atop his cabinet. On an aesthetic note, the linear display of bottles leaves something to be desired. The piece lacks dimensionality, texture and any means of drawing the viewer in—if anything, the piece seems all too integrated into the rest of

Campus Apartments' kitchen layout. The colors of the bottles themselves, perhaps the only redeeming quality of the piece, are lost beneath a fine layer of dust and filth. A piece which Dix described as an “alcoholic diary” should be less withholding in its account. We want to peer into his soul via boxes of Franzia from his freshman hall BYO and the Poland Spring water bottle of Smirnoff he shoved down his pants for last year's Fling concert. It's a call we extend to bottle collectors everywhere: we want authenticity. We want the real. We want the raw. We want the Rossi. F E B R U A R Y 2 0 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

A Legendary Commencement Street remembers those who dazzled us with pearls of wisdom in years past. And Joe Biden.

By the Numbers Since 1938: 111 speakers

1938: 2014:

Gustave Adolf, Prince of Sweden John Legend Prince of R&B

HOTTEST

speakersinhistory 1. Bono (Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d climb his Joshua tree.) 2. Denzel Washington (obligatory addition for Penn moms everywhere.) 3. Prince Gustave Adolf of Sweden (Okay, maybe not, but swipe right

John Legend

to be a princess!) 4. Jodie Foster (Hannibal Lecter would have her for dinner, and so would we.) 5. Geoffrey Canada (Because social advocacy is hot.)

10 women (9%) STUFF YOU KNOW He was an English major at Penn His voice is the vocal equivalent of a 2 a.m. Wawa Gobbler

STUFF YOU DON'T He was student body president and prom king of his high school His wife is currently on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue (We guess the prom king gets the girl, after all.) He directed a cappella group Counterparts while at Penn His roommate at Penn (Devon Harris) introduced him to Kanye West He worked at Boston Consulting Group after graduating He was runner up in Esquire's Best Dressed Men (can't win'em all) He's 5'9'' (So he did go to Penn.)

101 men (91%)

*2/10 women were first ladies *8 years since the last woman (Jodie Foster)

3 Presidents: FDR, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter Vice Presidents: Just one. (Hey, Joe.)

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Journalists: 4 Nobel Prize Winners: 4