April 24, 2014 by 34th Street Magazine

SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS! SHOUTOUTS! April 24, 2014 34st.com

april 24 LOL

2014 3 HIGHBROW round up. lots of round up.

20 SHOUTOUTS. ;)

5 EGO

street editor–in–chief ego of the week, penn relays by the numbers

LOL

7 MUSIC

a crossword puzzle. some reviews.

9 FILM

college tv shows, "the other woman" review

11 FEATURE

israel–palestine student voices

15 FOOD & DRINK

summer fruits (actually v. informative), avance interview

LOL

17 ARTS

the joys of doodling, procrastinating via art

20 LOWBROW SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS

24 BACKPAGE

shoutouts by the numbers

SNIFFLEFROMTHEEDITOR

You know that feeling when you’re not yet sick but the back of your throat is a little scratchy and you have to blow your nose when you wake up and you know you’re about to come down with a quarantined– in-bed–level cold? That was me this Monday morning. The calm before the storm, with the worst possible timing. Even when the sun is shining and disposable–camera photos from Fling are still being uploaded, the end of the semester is always kinda rough. Everyone has finals and papers and the line for Wawa coffee is soOooOo long. This week? It’s that about– to–get–sick feeling—you know it’s coming

but there’s no stopping this train. Well, Street is pulling into the station with our last issue of the semester. We’re sad we can’t help you through finals, but we hope that this final Street will suffice. I’ve personally already read Shoutouts about 30 times and I recommend that you do the same until you get over your metaphorical finals–season sickness. They’re funny this semester, I pinky promise. Until next year,

ATTN STREET CRUSHES:

Join us TONIGHT for the world–renowned semesterly STREET CRUSH PARTY. TONIGHT. SMOKE'S. 6:30 PM. You're amazing. Let us buy you a drink, baby. the 128 the 129 the 130 under the button anthony decurtis drew crockett fran calloway mrs. lyn brodey's dad 4K the LCE Round Up victims old man who hates street wes spiro *swoon* ISAAAAA AY AY AY!!!!

EX–STREET (no room 4 names, sry) scogs oli gurley elie sokoloff lauer kimberly lu yuqian li willie stern alex friedman brigitte desnoes mark paraskevas diane bayeux caroline marques rachel rubin charles davis

cody smith brennan cusack austin levitt nadia laher arielle pardes julie xie rachel rubin jackie dworkin anna mendelson elie sokoloff aidan pongrace joanna glum daniel maher anna rosenfeld kaitlyn levesque hallie brookman

solomon bass morgan pearlman allison bart michael gu rochelle shen carolyn grace maggie grabmeier anna garson nayeli riano annika neklason bethany christy devon o'connor mitchell hung caroline quigley seamus powers paul dinapoli

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief Patrick Ford-Matz, Managing Editor Abigail Koffler, Digital Director Margot Halpern, Design Editor Sarah Tse, Photo Editor Byrne Fahey, Assistant Design Ling Zhou, Assistant Design Conor Cook, Assistant Photo Julia Liebergall, Highbrow Alex Sternlicht, Highbrow Nicole Malick, Ego Randi Kramer, Ego Emily Marcus, Food and Drink Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink 2

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Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV Casey Quackenbush, Film and TV Michelle Ma, Features Zacchiaus McKee, Features Ariela Osuna, Music Lucy Hovanisyan, Music Ciara Stein, Arts Molly Collett, Arts Emma Soren, Lowbrow Patrick Del Valle, Lowbrow Marley Coyne, Backpage Emily Johns, Copy Clare Lombardo, Copy Justin Sheen, Copy

Alyssa Berlin, Web Producer Katie Hartman, Web Producer Giulia Imholte, Web Producer Lauren Greenberg, Social Media Sophia Fischler-Gottfried, Assistant Social Media Rosa Escandon, Multimedia COVER DESIGN: Margot Halpern BACKPAGE DESIGN: Byrne Fahey Contributors: Diane Bayeux, Caroline Marques, Rochelle Shen, Yuqian Li

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Chloe Bower, Editor–in–Chief, at bower@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. VISIT OUR WEB SITE: www.34st.com "Is this our last issue?" ©2014 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday

HIGHBROW

THEROUNDUP Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by 34th Street Magazine. Yes, this was on the back of our Fling tanks. But it’s also something that’s been on our minds a lot lately. As authors of Street’s most controversial weekly feature—the Round Up—we feel the need to address some of the concerns you have raised about our content. We’ve read your emails, seen your Facebook statuses, overheard you on Locust. And we’re not here to apologize or make excuses for what we write. We’re here to offer you, our readers, some insight. We’re here to call on those raised hands. The Round Up is a thing people love to hate. You don’t find harm in reading about the antics of your classmates—that is, until you find yourself or your friends bolded on Page Three. We get that. No one wants to relive their mistakes in print, ourselves included. But there’s a silver lining to being featured in something like the Round Up. For one, we’ll never identify you by name. We won’t slut–shame you or make overarching generalizations like you’ll find on Collegiate ACB or other anonymous forums. In past incarnations of the Round Up, students were called out by first and last name or very descriptive identifiers. We don’t do that. At least, we try not to. In the past, we’ve been too specific with some of our jabs, and we regret it. There’s a way to inform without insulting, and we’re trying damn hard to do it. Let’s face it: we’re all snobs. We spend our days tucked away in this Ivy League institution, preparing ourselves for success. As we struggle through midterms and interviews, it’s comforting to know that, at the end of the day, we can say we graduated from the prestigious University of Pennsylvania. But you know what? We fuck up. We fuck up badly. We get drunk and we sleep with the wrong people and we pee in the wrong places and we use the wrong ID at Smoke's. We’re so smart, but we’re so dumb. We all are. So we write about it. We put together this weekly column of shame to remind ourselves that we’re imperfect. No matter what our Ivy League degree may say, we are all humans. And that’s what the Round Up says. Much like our flawed selves, the Round Up suffers from its own shortcomings. The way we obtain gossip is less than ideal; sometimes, we resort to texting our friends or asking around the DP office for the weekend scoop. Not only does that narrow our pool of information, it can also lead to inconsistencies and errors. We want everything in the Round Up to be true (with some snarky commentary and bad puns). We try to verify everything we can, but we can do better. Looking forward, we’re getting a new website and, along with it, a suggestion box. We’re hoping you’ll take advantage of it. This is as much your Round Up as it is ours. People say that gossip tears us apart, but we’ve found that it can do the opposite. In this big, bad university filled with sex, drugs and stress, we can stop every Thursday and laugh at each other, together. Maybe you know who we’re talking about, or maybe you don’t, but that’s not the point. We live in our respective Penn bubbles, but the Round Up is one big inside joke that we’re all in on. Ducklings, it’s been a crazy fucking year—but it’s been our year. Can’t wait to get fucked up with you—and fuck up with you—in the fall.

over heard PENN at

M&T Girl: Do you think I can read my cheat sheet if it’s size 5.5 font? Aggressive freshman: Let’s MERT the shit out of him.

SPRING 2014 BEST OF THE ROUND UP Mentions by year

Freshmen Sophomores

Juniors Seniors

Stories Including: g/ in t ca ng fe nati e d ri % u 8

s sport 8%

student groups 10%

McDonalds' Employee: I can't do what? McDonalds' Manager: When she asked you to make a milkshake, you said "go fuck yourself."

drugs 19%

alcohol 42%

sex 23%

Pre–frosh: I’ve never really played pong before. Current Frosh: It’s a pretty good game, dude.

Sorostitute: My sister–in–law ACTUALLY believes she started the bookbag trend! As if! APES Bro: Only peasants have iPhone 4s.

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HIGHBROW

BEST PRANK

Jigsaw Senior Society We’re still trying to put all the pieces together.

Theos boy declares, “It’s okay, I’m in Theos” at Oktoberfest We have a hard time believing that excuse could work in Germany. BEST PHILANTHROPY Sophomore girl tries to Venmo child support payment to homeless woman Privilege: there’s an app for that.

BEST PRE–FROSH STORY ED–admit demands head at frat party Ladies and gentlemen, your class of 2018 President. BEST NEWCOMER Theta Xi joins the Round Up Welcome, ducklings. We hope to see you again soon!

Drunk freshman gets arrested at Commons hours before Convocation You know what’s even worse than getting arrested? Missing Amy Gutmann’s dessert party.

Theta Frosh: Siri, where’s OZ? Just follow the Yellowbrick Road.

Springfield Beer Distributor 22nd and Washington ave

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HONORABLE MENTION: BEST OVERHEARD

99 bottles of beer on the wall? that’s nothing.

EDITORS’ CHOICE AXO fucks a Chainsmoker For obvious reasons.

BEST ARREST

BEST ABROAD STORY

ZBT buys Beige Block house for $16K At least the Comcast TV/Internet is free.

AXO

OZ Freshman chooses pledge class Frat–ocracy at its best: put the power in the hands of the people.

ZBT

BEST PURCHASE

BEST OFF–CAMPUS DRAMA

TriDelt

BEST SPRING BREAK STORY Phi Delt rescues APES kayakers SOS please/someone help me –Rihanna

Mentions by Greek/Kinda–Greek Organization

Theos

BEST OF THE ROUND UP

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EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: NINA WOLPOW

Meet the former editor–in–chief of Street. She’s a Friar, she’s a Tri–Delt and she’s a total babe. When she’s not working on her thesis, she’s probably McBiting at McDonald’s. We salute you, HBIC.

Street: What was studying abroad in Cuba like? NW: It’s definitely not for the faint of heart or stomach, but it’s a really incredible experience. I encourage anyone with an international passport or the balls to break laws to go immediately, and see the last little fractal of communism that floated off the Soviet Union that still exists. It’s also really cool because they don’t have very much technology, so live music is still a huge thing there. Street: How was flying there? NW: So it was just us and all these Cubans bringing like 17 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts and big screen TVs and just insane shit. The conveyor belt at the airport was the most absurd thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t know how the transition from rice and beans to Krispy Kreme goes on the digestive system, but I imagine it’s not great. Street: Back to Street: Describe what it was like to be the mama of the Street family. NW: It was a lot of buying food from Fresh Grocer, a lot of calming Chloe Bower’s nerves when she had design panic attacks late Wednesday nights and a lot of waiting all night for Sam and Hose (Ed. note: former Managing and Online Managing Editors) to finish so

we could get McFlurries from McDonald’s. Street: Did you deal with a lot of backlash as EIC? NW: Yeah, you have to have a really thick skin. Or, just pretend like you have a really thick skin and go home and cry. Street: Who or what would the Street mascot be? NW: Definitely the Fish McBite...I went through a phase where Sam and I would only sing the Fish McBites jingle. And so the mascot, at least when I was there, would 100% be the Fish McBite. Street: What was the biggest Street scandal during your EIC career? NW: Getting kicked out of my house in Puerto Vallarta for a temporary period of time for things that were published in the Round Up. Street: That’s so mean. NW: I deserved it. Street: Fill in the blank: there are two kinds of people at Penn... NW: Those who find themselves in country music, and those who just don’t get it. Street: What’s your guilty pleasure? NW: My guilty pleasure is really cheap American food. I love Olive Garden. Whereas some people like pizza, like, that’s not my thing. If you take me to Olive Garden—the whole salad, breadstick, alfredo combo... Street: If you could live anywhere on the planet, where would it be and why? NW: In “Friday Night Lights.” I’m definitely a Tim Riggins girl even though I don’t want to be.

Street: If you could have a drink with anyone in history, who would it be and why? NW: I wanna say Faulkner because he’s my favorite writer, but I’m going to say Hemingway because he was hotter. Physically. But I would rather talk to Faulkner.

NW: Knowing that in a huge place populated with so many people there are so many things that can, just, surprise you and make you happy... Real cities and real life—I don’t think it’s really like that.

Street: So why’d you want to pose naked for your picture? NW: Well first, because I really love that scene in “Forrest Gump”...But the reason I posed naked for this photo is because for a long time, Street replaced my sex life, and was the only thing that was alStreet: What’s your favorite lowed to touch me at night. Disney movie? So I thought it would be apNW: “Snow White” was defi- propriate. nitely my favorite. I wore a Snow White costume for 30 days straight until my mom taught me how to make a FOR FIRST-TIME GUESTS sandwich and I cut a tomato and the tomato squirted on my Snow White dress. Street: What will you be doing on this day in 10 years? NW: Honestly, I’ll probably be making dinner for a bunch of kids. I really want a lot of kids—fun fact. Five or six or seven.

FANCY A FREE WAX?

Street: When was the last time you cried? NW: Ugh, last night. I’m writing my thesis! I cry every day. Street: Tell us about your first kiss. NW: I remember my first good kiss. My first good kiss was at boarding school on a swing set. As the bells were ringing for me to have to check in for my freshman check in. My first love. Street: What was your first AIM screenname? NW: Ninabike. Because my cousin’s was Alexsoccer, and I wanted to be like her. And I couldn’t do Ninasoccer so I was like, shit, what other sports do I play? And the answer at that time was none, so...bike. Street: What will you miss most about Penn?

Street: Let’s talk about Street. How did you prove that you had what it takes to lead our fine publication? Nina Wolpow: I spent all of the money that I brought to Havana, Cuba, where I was studying abroad, buying internet cards for dial–up internet at various nationalized hotels in order to interview for this job. So I think that got the point across.

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MUSIC CROSSWORD PUZZLE

MUSIC 1

You’ve read about the music. Now let’s see what you have retained. LUCY HOVANISYAN & ARIELA OSUNA

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5 6 7

9 10

Down

2. This electronic band features European DJ Nicolas Jaar 4. This London–based musician’s debut album is titled “In The Lonely Hour” 6. This rap star recently collaborated on a hit song with SZA 8. Disclosure album that was nominated for a Grammy for “Best Dance Album” 11. With their album titled “Random Access Memories,” this French DJ duo won the Album of the Year Grammy 12. What 2014 song by Katy Perry features the lyrics, “So you wanna play with magic?” 13. This artist's latest album dropped in December with no notice...

Across

1. Artist who sings the grammy winning “Song of the Year” 3. Complete the Beyonce lyric: “In the darkest night hour, I’ll search through the ____” 5. Australia–based electronic band has a self–titled album well known for songs “Insane” and “Space Cadet” 7. The band responsible for the hit “Pumped Up Kicks” recently came out with an album titled _____ 9. Complete the lyrics to Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ Grammy–winning song “Thrift Shop”: “I'm gonna pop some tags/ Only got ______ dollars in my pocket” 10. An artist that SPEC Jazz and Grooves brought to The Rotunda in October. 14. This artist is featured on the upcoming Disney "Maleficent" soundtrack 15. This 2013 song by POLICA is titled “____ my name”

Answers: Across: 1. Lorde, 3. crowd, 5. Flume, 7. Supermodel, 9. twenty, 10. Mount Kimbie, 14. Lana Del Rey, 15. Chain Down: 2. Darkside, 4. Sam Smith, 6. Kendrick Lamar, 8. Latch, 11. Daft Pink, 12. Dark Horse, 13. Beyonce A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

MUSIC

ALBUM REVIEWS “POP PSYCHOLOGY” NEON TREES After two years, Neon Trees has returned with a new album, “Pop Psychology,” replete with tracks less innovative and mature than their previous releases. As seen in their earlier albums, “Pop Psychology” resembles a grown–up version of a One Direction release. “Love in the 21st Century” and “First Things First” both incorporate boy–band beats and spring–loving vocals reminiscent of high school movies. Nonetheless, the album picks up in songs that introduce sounds of the 80s. However, the resulting execution is merely disappointing. The sole standouts in the album are “I Love You (But I Hate Your Friends)” and “Voice in the Halls.” “Pop Psychology” is good for fans but won't prove as popular for new listeners.

“EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION & WAR” KAISER CHIEFS

“FOOD” KELIS If Kelis’ new album proves anything, it's that the raspy–voiced temptress defies categorization. Renowned for her Grammy–nominated 2003 R&B single “Milkshake,” Kelis rebranded herself as a hard– hitting electronic vocalist in her 2010 album “Flesh Tones.” In her most recent incarnation, “Food,” Kelis showcases her breathy blue notes over jazzy instrumentals. The album feels disjointed overall, featuring Jack Johnson–esque acoustic numbers such as “Bless the Telephone” (which sounds like it belongs in the "Juno" soundtrack) along with straight–up funky tracks like “Hooch.” It’s this lack of cohesion that is the album's biggest drawback, though perhaps the musical variety basket that is “Food” is befitting of an artist who has reinvented herself so many times. If anything, the album has an undeniably summery feel, and, if you don’t listen too closely, is pretty fun to listen to.

In their fifth ten–track album, Kaiser Chiefs offers us new rock riffs initiated by new drummer, Vijay Mistry. The album yells loud and angrily at listeners with tracks like “Cannons” and “The Factory Gates.” Complemented by unique sounds like maniacal laughs, seagull squawks and vocalist Ricky Wilson’s “ah ee ah ee ah”’s, the English band lives up to its standards. Known for top hits like “Ruby,” these foot–tapping, vibrant tracks will fit almost any mood. For musicians who have been around for quite some time, their newest endeavor is overall pretty good, with some first– rate lead–ups and solos—to be expected from those who came up with brilliant “Never Miss a Beat.”

PATRICK DEL VALLE

CAROLINE MARQUES

DIANE BAYEUX

Grade: C+ Download: “I Love You (But I Hate Your Friends)” Sounds best when: Writing on the bright, sunny sixth floor of VP

Grade: B Download: “Forever Be” Sounds best when: Enjoying a glass of wine and a blunt on a hot summer night.

Grade: B+ Download: “One More Last Song” Sounds best when: you chug your seventh beer at Smokes’.

Freud, Moses A N D

T H E

HOLOCAUST Noted scholar, Professor Eli Zaretsky (author of Secrets of the Soul: A Social and Cultural History of Psychoanalysis), will guide us through a fascinating part of our past and present in this new lecture series devoted to the cultural, historic, and conceptual interfaces between Jewish and Psychoanalytic thinking.

BZBI’s First Annual Lecture in Jewish Thought and Psychoanalysis Sunday, April 27, 4 PM

OPEN TO ALL • $15 or $5 for students with valid ID 300 S. 18th St., Phila.

There’s a lot more to learn at www.JewishThoughtandPsychoanalysis.com 8

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H A G S

FILM & TV

COLLEGE TV SHOWS

The purest form of escapism during your four years at Penn is sure to come through TV that follows fictional people at fictional colleges who probably get laid a lot more than you.

Greek (2007-2011)

Starring: Darin Brooks, Alan Ritchson, Sam Jones III See if you like: Anchorman, Total Frat Move Watch it: Netflix

Felicity (1998-2002) Starring: Keri Russell, Scott Foley (Jake from Scandal), Scott Speedman See if you like: Gilmore Girls Watch it: Netflix “Felicity” is one of the most highly acclaimed television series to chronicle college life. The show follows Felicity Porter, a college freshman who changed her plans last minute to follow a high school crush to an NYU knockoff instead of attending Stanford as a pre–med student. The main drama of the series stems from a love triangle between her, the guy she followed to school and her freshman year RA. The series also, for once, appropriately concludes after her senior year.

“Undeclared” is the ultimate love letter to a truly bonded freshman hall, and will definitely resonate with those Quakers who would never miss their freshman hall reunion BYOs. Judd Apatow’s second–most unjustly cancelled TV attempt examines six students at a fictional university who become best friends (and more) because they live in the same freshman hall. Together, they combat losing their virginity, Greek life, academics, cheating and hallmates who won’t turn down their goddamn music. It’s a little lighter than Apatow’s Freaks & Geeks, but the characters have a lot of heart and the show’s got a lot of Seth Rogen and Jason Segel to boot.

Starring: Jay Baruchel, Charlie Hunnam, Seth Rogen See if you like: Judd Apatow and his many incarnations Watch it: Netflix

Blue Mountain State (2010-2012)

Undeclared (2001-2002)

Starring: Spencer Grammer, Jacob Zachar, Jake McDorman See if you like: Baby Daddy, Saved by the Bell with an edge Watch it: Netflix

For every article that’s ever come out bashing Greek life on college campuses, there was an adorable moment on ABC Family’s “Greek” that convinced us rushing was worth whatever fresh hell HuffPo just detailed. Following the lives of blood–related brother and sister Rusty and Casey Cartwright at Cyprus–Rhodes University (lol get it because that’s Greek–y too!), “Greek” offered a funny and lighthearted view of college life. There’s a lot of drama between the show’s ensemble of characters, but the people are lovable and the hijinks between the frats and sororities are thoroughly enjoyable to watch. Come for the comedy, stay for the surprising character development.

As the bro–tastic story of three guys at a big state football university, Blue Mountain State offers every bro’s dream of ragers, pigskins and slam pieces. The show’s protagonist is an underachieving benchwarmer on the football team who’d rather party than be a starting player. His roommate and best friend is the team’s mascot and together they try to corrupt the team’s star freshman into letting loose and breaking up with his crazy girlfriend that refuses to sleep with him. The series appropriately aired on Spike TV and was full of outrageous plot lines involving sex, drugs and man stuff. It’s great because it doesn’t feign a moral compass and offers a fun look into what your life might’ve been like had you taken that full ride to a state school.

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FILM & TV

REVIEW: “THE OTHER WOMAN”

“The Other Woman” is not a perfect movie by any stretch of the term, but it delivers something promising for movie audiences: a strong female–driven comedy. The film opens with a montage of Diaz’s tough lawyer character, Carly, with her new studly boyfriend, Mark King (played by Nikolaj Coster–Waldau of “Game of Thrones”), in early dating bliss. The relationship is too good to be true until Carly finds out that Mark is actually married with a wife named Kate (played by the ever–charming Leslie Mann). The unknowing mistress’ discovery of the ignorant wife leads to a surprising friendship and a series of funny attempts at revenge on the man they’re with whom they're both sleeping. Despite the fact that the driving fac-

tor in the friendship between Diaz’s Carly and Mann’s Kate is that Carly is sleeping with Kate’s husband, their friendship is the real love story here. Carly teaches Kate valuable lessons about “crying on the inside, like a winner,” and Kate’s compassionate qualities help Carly open up in a way that she clearly never has before. The actresses’ chemistry carries the film through its sometimes inconsistent script and strange cinematography. Minor characters Amber and Lydia, played by Kate Upton and Nicki Minaj, respectively, may not be expertly acted, but both roles serve their purpose as entertaining cameos. Up–and–comer Taylor Kinney also plays a minor role as Kate’s brother and Carly’s actual love interest, and proves that he might be worth more than the crap writing he

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Cameron Diaz is out to prove she’s not over the hill, and she and her fellow female castmates deliver a fairly raucous, if at times uneven, comedy.

gets on NBC procedural “Chicago Fire.” There’s a smartness to the movie that might be overlooked by many audiences and lost in the film's general silliness—the idea that a woman who sacrificed her life for her husband’s success has more to lose than dignity when he’s found to be unfaithful. Leslie Mann’s calculated performance as a woman who goes from the verge of nervous breakdown to a woman both capable and independent is an impressive performance, indeed, and attests to the still–present complexities of a woman’s role in society today. The film is far from perfect, though. It suffers from consistent unevenness, struggling between addressing the serious disintegration of a marriage and the petty (although arguably deserved)

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revenge antics of the main women. It’s a comedy with misplaced aspects of a dramedy and a too–on–the–nose soundtrack to ever be considered great, but you shouldn't regret seeing it, if only as fun escapism. The movie’s strongest suit is the sheer hilarity of the physical comedy between Mann and Diaz. They broach the type of female slapstick comedy that “Bridesmaids” delivered to us two years ago. The film’s ultimate triumph is that it succeeds in entertaining even though, on paper, it probably shouldn’t. CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS

See if you like: “Charlie’s Angels,” “Legally Blonde” Grade: B+

ONLINE: —MORE COLLEGE SHOWS (even though tbh "Greek" is all u need) —SUMMER MOVIES THAT AREN'T SEQUELS (#endangeredspecies) —PEOPLE FAINTING AT THEIR WEDDINGS (google it) —ALL UR PERSONAL DEETS —34ST.COM, WHICH WILL BE NEW AND FRESH AND FUN ALL SUMMER. hOLLa at ya mAg

Remember to wear sunscreen over break, little birds.

F E AT U R E

“So, what do you do on campus?”

That question should be easy to answer, but for students involved in politically controversial groups, it’s not so simple. Members of J–Street UPenn, Penn for Palestine and the Penn Israel Public Affairs Committee have to consider who they’re engaging with and whether or not they want to instigate a debate just by mentioning an extracurricular. These groups’ missions all relate to the Israeli–Palestinian conflict, an often sensitive, inflammatory and personal issue. The following clubs and individuals involved have countless stories to tell, from how they navigate friendships at Penn in relation to their activism to how they see it affecting their futures.

Penn for Palestine (PFP) PFP is a pro–Palestine campus group that works to raise awareness about the issues affecting Palestinians and is unaffiliated with any national organization. “We try to bring light to narratives and voices not usually heard on Penn’s campus, specifically things that are happening in Palestine to Palestinians oftentimes with the support of the United States, tax dollars and military,” former PFP president Clarissa O’Conor says. Consists of 12–13 “organizers,” similar to an exec board, that meet weekly; they rotate who leads each meeting and value dividing work equally. GBMs are held every other week for an additional approximately 10 members.

594 Facebook likes, 466 Twitter followers: @Penn4Palestine

Member of Penn Political Coalition, United Minorities Council, SAC

J–Street UPenn J–Street UPenn is the Penn chapter of J–Street U, which is the campus arm of the national J–Street organization. J–Street is a pro–Israel, pro–peace group that advocates for a two–state solution to the Israeli–Palestinian conflict. Their name comes from the fact that there is no J Street in Washington DC, where cross streets have letter names. “We’re seen as the missing voice in the American conversation, specifically the American–Jewish conversation about Israel and Israeli foreign policy and politics… Here at Penn and nationally, J–Street is an organization for anyone who believes in a two–state solution and who believes in a Jewish and democratic Israel standing next to an independent Palestine,” co–chair Jacob Ruden says.

10 executive board members meet weekly. There’s no “general body membership” but they maintain a 235–person listserv. 168 Facebook likes. No Twitter account.

J–Street UPenn is under the Hillel Israel sector, but nationally J–Street is not always affiliated with Hillel. Member of Penn Political Coalition.

Penn Israel Public Affairs Committee (PIPAC) PIPAC is a pro–Israel organization that focuses on improving the US–Israel relationship. The group sends members to American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) conferences and won AIPAC’s Duke Rudman Leadership Award, the organization’s highest honor that recognizes the most accomplished student activists. “PIPAC’s mission is to support a strong US–Israel relationship and we do that through direct involvement in the American political process,” campus coordinator Josh Adler says. PIPAC consists of the "cadre," or executive board, which has eight members, and approximately 50 committee members across six committees that meet weekly.

507 Facebook likes, 117 Twitter followers: @goPIPAC PIPAC is the largest group under the Hillel Israel sector, which contains political, business and cultural clubs that relate to Israel. They earn funding from Hillel and raise their own additional fundraising. PIPAC is also a member of the Penn Political Coalition.

The following profiles feature students' personal takes on the Israeli–Palestinian conflict. A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

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Clarissa O'Conor Junior Lancaster, PA Last semester, Clarissa O’Conor almost unwittingly became the face of the pro– Palestine movement at Penn. While studying abroad in the West Bank, she wrote a DP column, “From Palestine to Penn” about her experiences there. It generated a lot of debate, which Clarissa, a former president of Penn for Palestine (PFP) and modern middle east studies/gender studies double major, expected. She says she didn’t read any of the comments and received mostly supportive emails rather than negative responses. “I think people usually don’t want to put their name and email address to something terrible to say. I think not being on campus, too, I was sort of removed from it.” Now, back on campus and an organizer at PFP, Clarissa continues to advocate for Palestinian rights. “Living there, experiencing what it looks like on a daily basis, that really strengthened my understanding of how the whole system works,” she says. And her activism comes as no surprise to those who know her. In high school she campaigned against her school’s Native American mascot, and in addition to her work at Penn, she is an abortion hand–holder at Planned Parenthood in Center City. (Continued on p. 14)

Mereb Russom

Sophomore Springfield, MA Mereb Russom draws her passion for PFP from her family’s history. Her parents came to the US as Eritrean refugees due to conflict between Eritrea and Ethiopia. When Mereb, an urban studies major, came to Penn, she didn’t know anything about the Israeli–Palestinian conflict until a friend brought her to a PFP meeting. Mereb then talked to her mom about the issue, who said that even though leaving Eritrea was not by choice, it was okay “because she knew that she could go back, and she said that that’s not something Palestinians can do.” Mereb’s mom told her that she knew whole Palestinian families who had been expelled and were unable to return. “It really resonated with me and just made me really upset to think about. [I] always remember my mom saying that Palestinians were like us—they’re like Eritrean people—and I think what she meant by that was that the oppression Eritreans felt from Ethiopia is similar to the oppression Palestinians face from Israelis,” Mereb says. “From that, I feel a moral obligation to help Palestinians and be involved because I saw so many connections between their struggle and the struggle of my people.” Mereb continued to learn more about the issue and is now the co–president of PFP, along with junior Lauren Ballester, although they prefer the term “organizers.” Mereb’s favorite PFP event was their wall demonstration because they collaborated with other campus groups for it. One of those groups was Penn for Immigrant Rights, where Mereb is also a board member. Lauren agrees about the importance of connecting with people in other groups and “having one–on–one conversations about how we can work together.” When asked about their relationship with pro–Israel groups, Lauren admits that they’ve had small arguments at activity fairs that were uncomfortable. Still, both organizers emphasize

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their alliances with other groups that advocate for marginalized peoples rather than being in opposition to J–Street or PIPAC, and they know when to approach the topic carefully. “I understand that there are people on this campus who come from very different backgrounds and experiences and may not see Penn for Palestine the same way we see it,” Mereb says. “So yeah, I do find myself whispering ‘I’m in Penn for Palestine,’ which is really frustrating that in the 21st century being in a group that supports human rights of a people is something that you have to whisper.” Lauren agrees and says that people can be hostile and offended by her membership in PFP. She recounts angry reactions to her having a PFP sticker on her laptop and people who will come to their events and yell and scream, but says “the general population is usually not like that.” Fellow PFP organizer and sophomore Nick DeFina explains their approach to handling conversations about the sensitive topic. He says it's a personal issue, with emotion tangled up in politics. “That makes it really difficult sometimes, when you’re having a conversation, to actively think ‘Okay, I’m going to change this person’s opinion,’” Nick says. “In a lot of ways, our group is fairly confrontational inherently, because we’re putting into question all of these principles that a lot people have held to be true for so long.” After Penn, Mereb wants to attend law school and continue her activism by using law to help marginalized communities. She says her family advises her not to put PFP on a resume when applying for internships or scholarships, but she plans to include it when applying to law school. For now, though, Mereb knows when and when not to invite friends to PFP events. “I won’t invite certain people that I feel like are clearly against what we’re doing, just have no interest in it or have very different politics and views,” Mereb says. “Not because I don’t want them to come, but because they might feel like I’m doing that purposely to take a jab at them… I don’t want to come off as being rude. I just try to be considerate.”

Junior Margate, NJ Jacob Ruden may have centrist political views regarding the Israeli–Palestinian conflict, but he still encounters plenty of debate. He’s the co–chair of J–Street UPenn along with senior Ryan Daniels. Jacob is also a BBB major, the co–chair of Penn’s Reform Jewish Community (RJC) and former co–president of the defunct Penn Friends for Israel, now Israel @ Penn, an education group that discusses Israeli political issues. As a member of J–Street, he deals with criticisms from both the left and the right. “The perception, I think, from people in the non–Jewish community and traditional pro– Palestinian community, is lumping us together with other pro–Israel groups and defining Zionism in a way that’s anti–Palestinian, when J– Street UPenn and J–Street as a whole is proud to be pro–Israel, pro–Peace, pro–Palestinian,” he says. “To me, liberal Zionism is very alive and what J–Street embodies.” Skepticism surrounds J–Street within the Jewish community. Jacob says that “the perception of traditional pro–Israel activists is that J–Street is an organization on the left” and that they are “seen by most of the Jewish community as under the pro–Israel tent, but on the very edge of that tent.” He notes that J–Street is sometimes mistakenly affiliated with the BDS (Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions) movement, but J–Street opposes it in all forms. Jacob became involved with J–Street the February of his freshman year after attending an “Israel Across Penn” Hillel Shabbat dinner, led by two members of J–Street. “When I came to Penn, I knew I wanted to be involved in Israel advocacy in some way.” He adds, “The reason I came to J–Street is my end goal is for Israel to remain a Jewish and democratic state, and for me a two–state solution is the only way for Israel to remain that.” Although Jacob didn’t grow up talking a lot about Israel at home, he admits that his parents

F E AT U R E

Jacob Ruden are more conservative than he and not avid J– Street supporters. He says that most issues he’s had over his activism have been with extended family members or people outside of Penn. Here, he is very open about the fact that he’s in J–Street, publicizing events on Facebook and to his friends, and says it has inspired a lot of meaningful conversations. He does mention one awkward interaction with a freshman hallmate who did not share his views, so he tried to avoid touching on Israel in their conversations. “There’s some times when you don’t want it to define who you are,” he explains. When it comes to pro–Palestine groups, Jacob says J–Street reached out to PFP about co–sponsoring an event, but they declined. He also disagrees with some of their tactics. “To me, putting up a wall to symbolize the security barrier/security fence/what some people in Penn for Palestine would refer to as an ‘apartheid wall,’ or putting up flags for the number of Israeli dead or Palestinian dead and other things which I would view as inflammatory only embolden extremists and push us away from ending the conflict and ending the occupation.” Jacob is not afraid to talk politics in detail, but he stresses that it’s an issue to which everyone can connect on a personal level. “Even though the reason that really drives me to do this type of work on campus through J–Street is my deep connection to Israel through my Judaism, that’s not the only reason. I also believe, as J–Street believes, that a two–state solution would be beneficial for Americans, for Israelis and for Palestinians.” Unlike other politically–minded students, Jacob isn’t planning to make a career out of his advocacy, but it will always be a passion. He plans to get involved with local J–Street chapters as an adult. Jacob affirms, “Until two states for two peoples is recognized and I can guarantee my children or grandchildren will be able to visit a Jewish and democratic Israel, I won’t be forgetting about this anytime soon.”

Ben Gitles Junior Wilmette, IL Ben Gitles is running on fumes. Despite coming to his interview after an all–nighter for the NEC, the Hillel Israel Sector chair is all energy and excited to talk about how his views on the Israeli–Palestinian conflict have evolved during his time at Penn. Ben, a networks and social systems engineer, is a former PIPAC campus relations coordinator, and as the current Israel Sector chair, he works with leaders of each of its six constituent groups, allocating the Israel Sector’s budget amonst them. He was first exposed to Israel advocacy in high school when he attended an AIPAC conference his senior year. The summer before coming to Penn, Ben visited Israel with BBYO, a national Jewish youth group, for three weeks, which also influenced his views. “I came to Penn super gung–ho, very Pro–Israel, tried to join every group I could.” His freshman year he joined PIPAC and was on the board of the former Penn Friends of Israel. Then, this past summer, he participated in the Birthright Excel 10–week internship program in Israel, during which his views shifted from more conservative to liberal. Now, of the two major political organizations under the Israel Sector umbrella, his views align more with J–Street’s than PIPAC’s. “After having been in Israel, I’m much more of an advocate for a two–state solution. I have much greater respect for the Palestinian narrative in conjunction with the Zionist narrative,” Ben says. “At the same time I think PIPAC is a great organization, they’re doing great work and I’m really happy with the time I’ve spent on it.” Although his family has never been political, Ben admits that his parents’ views remain more conservative than his. “I was telling my mom about J–Street and she didn’t even know what that was. She grew up in a world where AIPAC was the one big Israel group, that’s really all she knew.” He knows there are students here who do not

Josh Adler share his pro–Israel stance. Ben describes a meeting he had last year with Clarissa, when his views were more conservative, and says that it did not go well when the subject of the Israeli–Palestinian conflict came up. “She said things like ‘ethnic cleansing’—very inflammatory terms—and I just shut down. I just refused to talk about it.” However, this January, after returning from a semester abroad in Zurich and starting his term as Israel Sector chair, Ben reached out to the Penn for Palestine leaders to talk again. “We had a constructive conversation. We agreed on a lot of things, we disagreed on a lot of things. Now I say hi to them in passing, rather than having an antagonistic relationship,” he says. “It’s much better for me as the leader of the Israel Sector to have that relationship with Penn for Palestine.” Although Ben has smoothed over that relationship, he still disagrees often with his girlfriend, Abby Frank, over the issue. Abby, a junior bioengineer from Washington, DC who is PIPAC’s campus relations coordinator, met Ben through the club. “Even within the pro–Israel community, there’s also a lot of tension…the two of us have arguments all the time over it, but they’re productive—less arguments and more like intellectual disagreements,” Abby says. She talks about how her views stem from her family: her grandparents are Holocaust survivors who moved to Israel after World War II, so her dad is Israeli. Security in Israel is a key issue for Abby and why she is more conservative. Plus, she struggled with hostile anti–Israel peers in high school, and because of that experience she says, “I know when and when not to bring up the conversation.” But she knows that she can talk about it with Ben. “We’re dating, and he’s my best friend, so I’m going to say what I want to say,” Abby says, and he agrees. “She’s right, I’m left. We have really interesting conversations, and I think it’s made our relationship even better. We both want what’s best for Israel. And we still have a great relationship. We’ve had some of the most heated conversations, but she’s one of my best friends.”

Senior Cleveland, OH It’s rare to find second semester seniors still actively involved at Penn, but Josh Adler is one of the few. After graduation, the PIPAC campus coordinator and American History major will be doing Teach for America and is open to the possibility of a political career in the future, but it is not one of his immediate career goals. Josh got involved with PIPAC his sophomore year, when it was founded by a friend on his freshman hall. The organization grew out of the former Penn Israel Coalition and, although the group is independent of AIPAC, it operates with the same strategy; Josh acts as the student group’s liaison to the national organization. The summer after his freshman year, Josh went on Penn Hillel’s birthright trip to Israel and he says, “I came back knowing I wanted to do more.” Growing up, Josh went to a Jewish elementary school, and his family has always been Israel supporters. “I grew up with an affinity for Israel, but not an in–depth understanding of why...beyond being in the Jewish homeland. (Continued on p. 14)

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Clarissa O'Conor Clarissa reflects, “I always kind of did controversial stuff.” But in regards to the Israeli–Palestinian conflict, “Where I’m from it’s not something that people really talk about.” Before coming to Penn, she didn’t know too much about the issue and got involved her freshman year after seeing the PFP table at the activities fair. She says she had always wanted to learn more about. Now an active member, Clarissa enjoys PFP’s work with other student groups such as Penn for Immigrant Rights and Liberty in North Korea but says, “We don’t really collaborate too much with the pro–Israel groups. We’re not necessarily trying to portray what’s happening as a two–sided thing.” When asked if she has had issues with friends over her strong beliefs, she says, “I think a lot of it’s like self–selection. I’m going to surround myself with people who are down with this kind of stuff, and if not, I’m just not going to bring it up.” Clarissa says she and PFP try to focus on mobilizing people who agree with their opinions rather

than changing people’s minds. “Our mission is not to serve as an education means for people who don’t really want to hear what we want to say or are against what we’ve been told.” And she genuinely seems not to worry about people who do not agree with her—she feels comfortable putting PFP on her resume and is not anxious about her columns being online and accessible in the future. “I feel like a lot of people don't even have the luxury of being concerned about that, in terms of other aspects of their identity that they might not be able to change,” Clarissa says. “So it’s not something I really thought about too much. It’s never been a huge consideration in what I’m doing.” After school, Clarissa wants to go into healthcare rather than political activism. However, she notes, “I don’t necessarily consider my work with Penn for Palestine to be extracurricular…It’s not just something like, oh, one night a week we’ll get together and talk about planning this event. It’s just a part of the way I view the world.”

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F E AT U R E

Josh Adler When I came to Penn, I was more politically sentient. I developed more of my activism,” Josh says. He said that people at Penn are largely receptive to his involvement in PIPAC. “I don't think it turns heads. People aren't surprised by it. A lot of times saying that I'm involved in PIPAC is a starting point for a conversation.” As a member of PIPAC, Josh has learned how to approach the Israeli–Palestinian conflict conversation with fellow students and he says that he rarely hesitates to bring up his involvement. “I challenge ideas and not people,” he says. “But if you had talked to me sophomore year, I wasn’t as good as separating the ideas from the people.” Josh shares how he once clashed with a good friend at Penn over differing views on Israel. “I was very passionate about it, and I was very upset that such a close friend was so opposed to something I cared about. We kind of put it behind us and we just don't talk about it to this day.” Josh emphasizes one–on–one conversations rather than debates as a means to forge relationships with peers, specifically members of the UA, Penn Dems and College Republicans. It’s an interesting approach: he explains that PIPAC tries to influence student leaders today in the

hopes that they go on to be pro–Israel national leaders in the future. As far as relationships with other groups whose campaigns involve the Israeli–Palestinian conflict, Josh claims, “There’s no active animosity between pro–Israel and pro–Palestine groups on campus.” He mentions that he often sits with Mereb at Penn Political Coalition meetings despite their differing views on the issue. Josh believes that “at Penn there is some [anti–Israel sentiment], but not to the extent of other campuses.” Even within PIPAC, views differ, and a few PIPAC members are also members of J–Street UPenn. Josh acknowledges that being part of Hillel can affect perceptions of PIPAC. “We are intentional in branding ourselves as a political group rather than a Jewish group. I think it’s important for people to realize that support of Israel isn't just a Jewish issue,” Josh says. “It's an American issue. It doesn't matter what religion you are.” Being pro–Israel is a lifelong campaign for Josh, whether or not he makes a career out of it after Penn. He says, “I like to think about PIPAC not just as an organization but as a movement, as being part of the pro–Israel movement, and supporting the US–Israel relationship is certainly something I envision doing the rest of my life.”

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Emma Soren is a sophomore in the College majoring in Philosophy, Politics, and Economics. She is the Lowbrow editor of 34th Street.

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FOOD

DRINKING SCIENCE: AN INTERVIEW WITH BAR MANAGER BRADFORD LAWRENCE OF AVANCE

While chefs push the culinary envelope upstairs, Bradford Lawrence and his team of bartenders are using scientific innovation, quality ingredients and classical cocktail knowledge to elevate the bar–side experience at Avance. Street: What’s the relationship between the work you’re doing here at the bar and what’s going on upstairs? Bradford Lawrence: We work closely with Chef Bogle, and I make sure that his vision of the experience upstairs translates down here, for the drinks as well as the food. There are some food elements and approaches that I use to elevate the cocktail experience, everything from agar–agar to xanthan gum to liquid nitrogen. It’s a way to try and get the cocktail to the next level, while still being rooted in a classical backbone for cocktail making. We don’t want the technical side to take over and alienate our guests, or deconstruct things beyond recognition. Street: Do you work together on developing the flavor profiles of the cocktails? BL: All the time. I’ll brainstorm with chef and the sous, because I really trust their palates. When you’re in the bar community you can sometimes get tunnel vision of how drinks are perceived. So it’s great to get feedback on flavors from them because of how talented they are and how developed their palates are. And one of the reasons I love working here is that, because of how committed they are to only the best ingredients, I get to work with a real painter’s pallet of flavors. Street: Tell us about one of the drinks you prepare with liquid nitrogen. BL: Sure, this is the Panda at the Disco. It’s a combination of mint, vodka made with an Asian citrus called Buddha

Hand, fresh squeezed lemon juice and a house made orgeat syrup, which is almond based. I use the liquid nitro for a couple of reasons. It ends up getting the glass really cold, so the stem will be room temperature, but the coupe gets colder than ice cold. And when I flash freeze the mint, I’m able to increase surface area, and when I muddle the frozen leaves they turn to powder, so you get a better flavor extraction and a better color extraction. Normally if you over muddle mint it gets kind of brown and the flavor gets murkier. The liquid nitro lets me get around that. It’s also a lot of fun to play with. Street: Is there a cocktail on the menu now that uses any other molecular gastronomy techniques? BL: I have this cocktail called Toe to Toe, I’ve had it in my

book for a long time. It’s tequila, mezcal, broiled lemon juice, ginger syrup and fresh carrot juice. At first the carrot juice was separating from the rest of the cocktail, but by using a few little cooking techniques we fixed it. We press the carrots with a really good juicer, cook it down a bit and then add a bit of xanthan gum. That stabilizes everything and prevents it from breaking up. So we can get this really brilliant orange drink that stays the same consistency. Street: What other techniques are you trying out? BL: Now, in addition to making cocktails a la minute (prepared to order), I’m starting to play with barrel aging and batch cocktails. Street: Have you started serving any batch cocktails yet?

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BL: I do something called the Ten Bells, which I actually keep off menu. It’s Booker’s bourbon, Buffalo Trace, Antica Formula vermouth, campari and amontillado sherry, so it’s kind of similar to a boulevardier, but the ratios are changed. I take all that and put it all together and let it rest over Japanese charcoal. The Japanese charcoal is very dense, so it really lets it mellow and marry the flavors together. I then finish it with a gunpowder tea tincture. I take the tea and mix it with high alcohol, 190 proof, and I sous vide it (a method of cooking food sealed in airtight plastic bags in a water bath), so it cooks it down, then I add it in. You get some of that tea nose, followed by the bittersweet bourbon.

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FOOD

This juicy, sweet fruit is just as nutritious as it is delicious. High in fiber and low in calories, eating these sweet treats can help you on your way to finally getting that bikini bod. The best peaches should yield slightly to the touch. Avoid fruit with green around the stem. Season: Late June–September Find at: Rittenhouse Farmers’ Market, 18th and Walnut St., Rittenhouse Square Park Grilled Peaches: Preheat broiler and arrange four large peaches, halved with cut sides up, in a broiler pan. Brush cut sides with melted butter and sprinkle with one–half tablespoon of sugar. Broil for approximately 10 minutes or until sugar is caramelized.

Not only are they high in fiber, but blackberries also have 40% more antioxidants than their red counterparts. They are great in smoothies or on top of your daily bowl of morning oats. Blackberries deteriorate easily, so the best place to find your fresh basket is to pick your own at your local orchard.

Even though the marketing departments of every food company ever have saturated our ears touting the antioxidant properties of blueberries, they’re not wrong. But be careful— blueberries are the Lays chips of the berry kingdom. Eating an entire quart in one go is entirely possible.

Season: late July–August Find at: Linvilla Orchards, 598 Linvilla Rd., Media, PA

Season: July–August Find at: Clark Park Farmer’s Market, 43rd St. & Baltimore Avenue

Blackberry Cocktail: Mix 0.75 oz. package of fresh mint leaves, 12 cucumber slices, 12 oz. of fresh blackberries, three–fourth cup of fresh lime juice, and 10 teaspoons of sugar in a pitcher. Gently press mint leaves, cucumbers and blackberries against the side of the pitcher to release flavor. Add in gin and club soda and serve over ice.

Blueberry Fool: Put one–half cup blueberries and one–fourth cup sugar in a blender or food processor. Whirl to puree. Add 1–2 cup blueberries and pulse to roughly chop those berries. In a large bowl, beat the 1 cup heavy cream and one—fourth cup sugar until soft peaks form. Gently fold the blueberry mixture into the cream until distributed. Spoon the fool into serving dishes, garnish with whole berries and serve immediately.

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A rite of passage for kids everywhere, eating freshly picked summer cherries and (more importantly) torpedoing your brother/sister/cat with the pits is about as American as apple pie. Season: Late June–July Find at: Frecon Farms (for picking), 501 South Reading Avenue, Boyertown, PA or the Clark Park Farmer’s Market, 43rd St. & Baltimore Avenue Cherry Clafoutis: Heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Butter a baking pan that is about 9x13 inches. Place one lb. rinsed and pitted cherries into pan. Put three eggs and one and one–fourth cups milk in a blender and whirl to combine. Add one– half cup flour, one–third cup sugar, one tsp. vanilla and a pinch of salt. Whirl until well combined. Pour mixture over cherries. Bake until puffed and browned, about an hour. Garnish with powdered sugar and serve warm. YUQIAN LI

ARTS

DOODLING

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS FOR THE VISUAL MIND It’s finally springtime—the season to zone out during class. Perhaps you find yourself gazing unfocused out of the window, taking in the bright, raw colors of the almost–summer day. Perhaps you turn to your laptop, mindlessly scrolling through Reddit to keep you on this side of consciousness. Or maybe you do it old school and put pencil to paper, tracing lazy loops around and around to indulge your boredom. If you haven’t tried doodling in a while, you definitely should. It’s Art Therapy: Doodling can be therapeutic. Channel all your latent emotional energy into your pen. Let it out all over the page. Hmm, did that sound Freudian? That’s fitting, since art therapy in the West has psychoanalytic origins. The idea is to convert your repressed Victorian–era emotions and stress into a charged drawing. If you were never a big fan of Sigmund, take a look into zen doodling instead. Much more geometric and repetitive, this style of doodling can take on a meditative, peaceful quality. It Aids Memory: According to some studies, doodling during a boring task can improve memory retention by as much as 30 percent. In that class that can barely hold your interest, doodling can distract the creative mind just enough to keep from descending into endless daydreaming and procrastination. The theory is that keeping the right brain happy means that the left brain can finally concentrate and get some work done. It’s twice as productive, in a sense; you’ll study more efficiently and get pretty drawings as well.

It Makes Your Notes Pretty: Aesthetics matter. Just as you might unfairly be marked up or down for your handwriting, your enjoyment of studying can also depend on the visual appeal of your notes. Curlicues and patterns in the margins add life to your otherwise drab bullet points, making those cramming all–nighters that much less unpleasant. And who knows with whom you might be studying. That lovely art history major you’ve been so busy day–dreaming about might just take a liking to your style. You’ll be in Good Company: Many of history’s greatest thinkers were doodlers. Da Vinci pre–emptively doodled helicopters centuries before their invention. Ralph Waldo Emerson apparently really liked to doodle fish when he wrote. President Barack Obama presented one of his favorite doodles on national Doodle Day. Look online and take inspiration from their drawings.

Doodling is a healthy part of cultivating a creative mind. As finals loom ever nearer and tension builds up, compounding over and over like that concept you should understand by now in finance...Crank it down a notch. Put pencil to paper, let go and just create. ROCHELLE SHEN

Most of our doodles are like:

We'll miss you this summer, kittens.

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ARTS

FIVE WAYS TO DISTRACT YOURSELF WITH ART Because finals are coming and you've never wanted to procrastinate more.

Go to any of the Ritz movie theaters on a school night to watch the new Wes Anderson movie, “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” or Lars Von Trier's over–hyped “Nymphomaniac.” Bring along a friend or a date. Not only will you take a two–hour break, but you will also feel accomplished after watching a movie that might be considered a classic for future generations. You’ll also show all your Facebook friends how cultured you are.

Take out the coloring books you’ve avoided since third grade. Coloring and drawing are great ways to focus your attention. It doesn’t take that long and you can reproduce a Van Gogh or a Matisse very easily. What’s better than coloring between lines when you’re tired of refreshing your newsfeed every minute? If criticized, you can always say it is for a fine arts course and will be a masterpiece sooner or later. If you're bad at choosing your own color combinations, paint-by-numbers is always an option!

3 It’s the end of the school year, a synonym for final projects. You most likely know someone exhibited at the Fine Arts Undergrad Spring Exhibition, and if you don’t, now is the perfect time to make a new friend. They have put a semester–long effort into creating their work. Whether you go out of support or boredom, the exhibit will be entertaining and the perfect study break. What's more, it’s very low effort: a critique or two, a compliment or two and you’re done. Zero cost, too.

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Walk into any library and look around. On the first floor of Van Pelt by the booth tables, a few Jennifer Bartlett paintings hang on those white walls you despise so much. There is no need to regret missing her exhibition at PAFA last fall—she is always here with us. When you just do not want to write your paper or study for your last chem exam, but want to see some pretty stuff, you don’t even have to leave the library. Similarly, the graduate carrels in the stacks (on the third and fourth floors, especially) of Fisher Fine Arts have postcards of French paintings, among other hidden gems. You can pretend you’re an art history major for a minute or two.

ARTS

Do wheatpasting (think collage meets street art.) Find a wall. Bring friends who like to make art. Drag friends who like to paste. Do it before sunset and when it’s dark. Your mark will always be in the walls of Philadephia and maybe, someday, a person will point out what you did to a nearby friend and comment on your story. It’s a bit illegal because mural art can be dangerous if not done properly and on good terms, but being shady is something college students do best. Another more legal option is to walk or take a bus to South Street and relive freshman year by admiring the art of the Magic Gardens. Being passive can be a pleasing experience, too.

Casey Altman

Website: casey-altman.com thehashtagproject.org Year: Senior Hometown: Aspen, CO Major: Art History Minor: Fine Arts

"Since I was a little girl, I was always interested in color, photography and signage." Read at 34st.com!

DIANE BAYEUX

We here at Street

do NOT condone illegal wheatpasting activities.

But if you do it, pix or gtfo. Send 'em our way: arts@34st.com and you could find yourself featured on the Street–gram

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A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

SHOUTOUTS

SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS To the dental student who’s slept with both me and my best friend: We’ve talked about your penis. To all of SAE: So how In depth. Fill our cavities many of you have hooked together? up with each other? To the guy who To the homeless ripped my friend’s man outside CVS: asshole: It doesn’t I’m not going to spare mean you’re strong, just some change for you if that you don’t know what you keep calling me big you’re doing. guy.... I’m a girl. To the hipster who To the cruel, cru- works at Williams el lady who makes Cafe: Oh wait, which salads at Houston: one am I talking about You’re the meanest lady again? in the world. Your salads taste like defeat. To 34th Street Magazine: When will you To the senior in Phi stop bullying me? (Ed. Delt who couldn’t note: bullying is wrong.) locate my clitoris: I’ll draw you a map next To the freshman girl who ratted out Thetime. ta: We know who you To Tabard: We miss are and your Instagram the lunchboxes. sucks. To City Step: How can y’all be so ratchet and still be allowed to work with small children?

To the SDT girls who sat behind me and sang “Timber” all train ride: Amtrak is not a camp bus. 2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4

To delivery guys who call to say they’re outside when they’re two blocks away: I wish I could untip you at my door. To the pre–frosh who already rented an off–campus room to turn into a closet: Welcome to Theta, betch.

To the SAE guy that sat on my face: Lazy wipe, bro. To my friend’s boyfriend with a “turtle neck”: I wonder if you will come home from Birthright a changed man.

To my Class Board DFMO: I didn’t vote To Mister Softee: for you. You’re the only man who To Barney: You’re the makes me scream. only reason we talk to the To the queen of brothers. FOMO: All of our friends To that boy in Owls: are writing this together You’re from Indianapolis, and laughing about it. Where are you? not Dubai. To the Freshman football player with great tits: How do you do it? To St. A’s guy who kept telling me he was in the one per cent: My rolex is more expensive than yours. To 24th floor Rodin: That was us shining the laser pointer in your room to freak you out. Love, 24th floor Harrison.

To that new bearded Sphinge: How about you take the lead with my student body?

To 34th street fling tanks: I raised my hand but it didn’t seem like you guys cared. To my overly friendly pre–major advisor: Please don’t Penn InTouch me. To the Fiji who slept with my friend and yelled at her for bloodying the sheets: You know that wasn’t her period right?

To the PennCard swiper at Pottruck: Could you at least pretend you recognize me so I feel like I go the gym To the 6 foot stork a lot? in Elmos. I'll give you a baby to carry some- To the AXO Almond where. Butter Thief: Plz just take my peanut butter, To the UA: HAHAHAH- for once I’m begging you. HA!!!! Fuck you all forever. To Iron Gate TheTo the one they call ater: You black out needledick: Come play more than my freshman in my haystack. roommate.

SHOUTOUTS

SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS To the gentlemen of SAE: Who let Ernest Owens design your fling tank? (Ed. note: No one. It was our lowbrow editor.)

To the APES guy who never closes his blinds: what, is it always cold in there?

To the Penn basketball team: Why don’t you learn how to steal things on the court. To that one misplaced brick on Locust Walk that always trips me: I HATE you. But goddammit I respect you.

To the baseball player who tried to finger To Street: Will you a girl on the dance please print one of my floor: looks like you got fucking shoutouts al- caught stealing third. ready? You’ve denied me seven semesters in a To Maureen Rush: To everyone: How row and this is your last Thanks for never being in long have you been teechance to validate my so- a rush when sending out ing up that #tbt? cial relevance. Penn Alerts. To Mickey D’s: Thanks for satisfying my late night cravings more than any other D I’ve found at Penn.

To the CVS cashier who double–bagged my pregnancy test: Thanks for taking Extra Care of me.

To the Theos guy who claimed he thought Alpha Phi was an “academic sorority”: Stop lying and get over yourself. To Kappa Sig: if you’re trying to improve your reputation, playing corn hole for six straight hours on Locust isn’t helping. To infinity: and beyond.

To 34st: thanks for making my social life feel more shitty than it already is. From, the loser sitting alone in the couch eating a whole block of cheese. To my roommate who pooped herself in the middle of our room: I waited until senior year before telling anyone. It’s senior year. I told.

To Ina Garten: Did you eat your husband, or is he just off the show this season?

To (adjective) (noun): You are (adjective), (conjunction) you (verb) (adverb) (noun).

To the APES guy who finished in thirty seconds: I didn’t even realize I was giving you a hand job.

Ben and Jerry’s: Why are you the only BJs I’m getting?

To the Penn nurses: A two–year associates degree will get you the same job. but keep talking about those clinicals like they mean something.

To my formal date: Why don’t you exist. To the people kicking me out of my GSR: Do you ‘think’ you have this room right now or do you have it? Own the appropriation.

To the smoke stack To this winter: What in front of the LOVE the fuck? To the self–pro- statue: I HATE you. claimed “Theos To SABS–ing: You groupie” in my so- To the girl who sits are the only thing I get rority: No, the girl with in the front row of dressed up for. two brothers in Theos lecture with a close does not need help get- up of her boyfriend’s To my lin that keeps ting in touch with them face as her laptop hooking up with my to find her lost brace- background: No. ex’s: I get it. I have let. But thanks for letgood taste. Now stop. ting us know via sorority list–serve that you have To the Fresh Grocer employthe numbers of boys in Theos. ee who tells me I look “brand To the lesbians at Penn: Where the fuck are you? (Ed. note: see our feature from 9/12/13)

new”: Neither I nor Urban Dictionary have any idea what the fuck you’re talking about, but I’ve come to the arbitrary decision that I’m flattered. So thx.

A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 1

SHOUTOUTS

SHOUTOUTS SHOUTOUTS To the person with the GPA 400 license plate: FRNDS 000?

To all the kids who try to name drop the 2017 Class Board prez at the door of ZBT parties: He reTo the ginger clique fused our bid. you don’t in Tridelt. We get it. get to come in. You’re gingers. To AirPennNet: I do To Theta PC ‘14: Are NOT pay $50,000 a year you initiated yet? to have internet that won’t load my episode To the guy sitting of “Game of Thrones.” next to me in Van To everyone singing Pelt: Please stop blasting “Titanium.” “Let It Go”: You can Fling happened two shut the fuck up now. weeks ago. Guett over To it. theostheostheos: To Penn Holi: Do less Stopstopstop. (appropriating of reliTo the Phi Delt jugious festivals.) nior who said “I’m To the asshole in so drunk” fifty times Mortar Board: you’re whilst trying to get an asshole. (Ed note: it on: these words are, which one?) surprisingly, not an aphrodisiac. To anyone: Whose dick do I have to suck to To Guetta: Stop hiring get some dicks to suck Obamacare's IT team around here? to set up your shows.

To my roommate: I’m so happy my cat has a good black role model in her life. 2 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4

To the girl in my pledge class who uses baby talk on a regular basis: Nobody wuvs you. Sowwy. To the freshman who came in my eye: I know my Grindr said I was two inches taller, but SERIOUSLY!? To the kid who emailed the entire Spanish class on canvas to pregame class for Fling: Hace menos. To the guy I always blow who never returns the favor: I may suck you off but YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING SUCK. To the homeless of VP: SERIOUSLY how do you all get in there (and stay there)????? To the football player that didn’t pull out: I hope you’re pro– choice. To the senior who is still dating the girl who he had a threesome with freshman year: WOMP, WOMP, WOMP!

To my English teacher that said I would never get published: if this gets in the shoutouts I’m going to slap you in the fucking face. To the closeted gay guy in St. A’s: Posting a torso shot on Grindr with your frat letters and crest in the background doesn’t make you “discreet.”

To the Wishbone worker I hooked up with: Is it prostitution if I get paid in chicken?

To the Middle Door of Smokes: I used to be the one they To the Penn Quid- reached for in times of ditch Team: You need. From: The Lonely know people can see Old Door. you, right? To the person To SK: Say “Sigma posting Game of Klassy” one more time Thrones spoilers on and I will choke you with Collegiate ACB: fuck your klassy pearls. you for using Collegiate ACB. To the freshman who looks like a To the chicken miniature Amy Gut- shortage at Chipotle: mann: You’re our desk- I didn't eat for days. Are top background. you TRYing to kill me? Theta Xi: do less. (Ed. To APES: Finish evolvnote: is that even pos- ing. sible?)

SHOUTOUTS

WORST OF SHOUTOUTS Every year we’re stunned by Penn students’ sheer inability to submit funny Shoutouts. Since you never learn, we’re making an example of some particularly heinous submissions. We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you.

The one’s that couldn’t finish...

To the guy who shit on the Alpha Phi stairs during fling and then got arrested for it: To the boy who offered to Uber me from Allegro’s to Domus to have sex with me.

Or never started... I hope you choke and die the next time you eat my leftover pizza. WHY DO THEY ALL THINK I WANT TO BE THEIR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND?

The fucking annoying ones... To Shayan: You’re gonna do great! To my boyfriend: I love you more. To climate change: Is that still a thing? Mets 2014 This Is Our Year Baby!!!! Roses are red, Violet’s are blue, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT I’M FEELING 22

To my oopsies: McDonalds run?? 20 pieces is divisible by 8 ppl, which I’m pretty sure is a sign that we were meant to be. Love you girls <3

The poopy ones...

To poopsicle: hi

To Poopoo: your milkshake brings all the girls to the yard Poop, again To Marie: Everyone knows you pooped and didn’t wipe “To the residents of the 4th floor Spruce side of the Quad: Fuck you for always shitting in and clogging the 5th floor toilets!!”

The sad ones... Shout out to English House for still being awesome, even for a sophomore. Penn Men are terrible at sex, I am sorry, it’s a fact... only thing I am thirsty for is haterade. Shout to myself maannn

The earnest ones... To my beloved bff named after a planet: Thank you for the last 18 years. Let’s make the most of these final weeks of friendship. To the RA down the hall: Thanks for being there when I tried to cope with my best friend’s mother’s death To GCC 2014: thanks for being the most loving family I could ever ask for. These last few years have been the best time of my life. To Penn: Thank you truly, for the best 4 years of my life. I’m leaving with no dignity, no self respect, no money, no job, not a lot of direction, but with some pretty incredible friends and a severe addiction to Insomnia cookies (and netflix) Nelson & Andrea, Congrats on the Ph.D’s! And good luck on the move to Texas! Besos, Miguel

The Ernest one... To all the haters and all the bitches trying to bring me down: I’m proud and beautiful and don’t care what you have to say.

The WTF ones... To the banana lady: I know you’re the Llama Person. To my roommate: if you haven’t noticed the 87932x I’ve masturbated in our room while you were sleeping, either you’re enjoying it or you really are just a heavy sleeper To the two elephants playing catch with a bar of soap: No soap, radio!

And the questionable one that you shouldn’t laugh at... To Copa: is it true that you are offering killer specials on shots for the rest of the year?

A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 2 3

B AC K PAG E

SHOUTOUTS! BY THE NUMBERS

THE GREEK CHAMPS Frat Mentions 20

From unintentionally giving handjobs to purposely shitting the bed, we—meaning, you—are kind of fucked up. Out of 952 shoutouts (that's a 10.4% acceptance rate), here’s what, and who, you wanted to talk about.

TOPICS

APES

8% Food

Phi Delt

OWLS

SAE

ZBT

Castle

Sorority Mentions 20

23% Sex

67% Other

Theos

2% Food & Sex

Theta

Tridelt

SDT

Tabard

AXO

BUZZWORDS Naughty Words

Fuck 70

Bitch 26 Tits 7

Shit 20

Dick 23

Ass(hole) 66

2 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E A P R I L 24 , 2 01 4

Bodily Fluids Semen 14 Blood 5

Vomit 3

Party Favors

Other

Alcohol 29

Pee 6 Fart 2

Weed 9

Poop 28

Coke 7

Molly 9

34th Street 20

(Ed note: thanks for the love...and hate.) "Do less" 6

needledick 4