11.12.15

November 12-18, 2015 34st.com

A LITERAL QUAKER

HEALTH VIOLATIONS IN CAMPUS EATERIES

STUDENT BARTENDERS

november 12

HAIRCUTFROMTHEEDITOR

2015

LOL

I looked in the mirror and said, "That's not me."

Recently, I cut my hair extremely short. I went into the hairdresser (American Mortals, fyi), "ready for a change," because I'm a cliche. I look sort of like a boy in Castle. Or like my doppelganger Severus Snape. In cutting my hair to awkward–preteen– boy–going–through–a–Nirvana–phase length, I realize I liked it the way it was. Yes, I have had the same haircut for all my life.

But that shoulder–length 'do worked. Now I don't know what to do with it. It's too short for a ponytail but too awkward a length to look good down.

I thought I wanted a change, but I didn't appreciate how good I had it.

Next week, we will elect the 132nd Board of the Daily Pennsylvanian. Next week, I will be irrelevant. Next week, I will be asleep at 1am on Thursday. Next week, I will be so excited to watch the next Street Exec build upon the legacy of this publication. I'm ready for it.

But I'm going to miss the publication and the people that have defined my life at Penn. I am going to miss the windowless shithole we call an office and the awful puns we think are funny.

I'm starting to cry at my desk. More on this next week in my final letter.

So I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, I'm working on learning to love my short hair. Hit me up with 'dos (looking at you, Kweder).

3 HIGHBROW

10 things we're over, roundup, overheards

4 WORD ON THE STREET quakerism

5 EGO

ingred prince, student bartenders

LOL

7 MUSIC

your week in music, poetry

9, 14 FOOD & DRINK health violations, saxbys, gourmet grocer

LOL

LOL

LOL

10 FEATURE

green living off campus

12 FILM & TV

week in film & tv, film at penn

16 ARTS

mummies, drag queen dispatch

18 LOWBROW LOL

life at a startup, Uber deliveries, cool new cities

GUESS WHAT? YOU'RE CLOSER TO DEATH NOW THAN YOU WERE BEFORE READING THIS. DON'T WASTE YOUR LIFE. COME TO OUR WRITER'S MEETING. 6:30PM TONIGHT @ 4015 'NUT.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief Marley Coyne, Managing Editor Ling Zhou, Design Director Byrne Fahey, Design Director Corey Fader, Photo Director Yasmin Meleis, Social Media and Marketing Director Dani Blum, Features Editor Rebecca Heilweil, Features Editor Casey Quackenbush, Culture Editor Orly Greenberg, Word on the Street Editor Caroline Marques, Entertainment Editor Emily Johns, Styles Editor

2

Conor Cook, Highbrow Beat Allie Cohen, Ego Beat Carolyn Grace, Ego Beat Spencer Winson, Lowbrow Beat Caroline Harris, Lowbrow Beat Johanna Matt-Navarro, Music Beat Talia Sterman, Music Beat Emily Hason, Film and TV Beat Brandon Slotkin, Film and TV Beat Steph Barron, Arts Beat Syra Ortiz-Blanes, Arts Beat Elena Modesti, Food + Drink Beat Dina Zaret, Health, Food + Drink Beat

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 5 , 2 01 5

Galit Krifcher, Design Editor Holly Li, Design Editor Jeffrey Yang, Design Editor

Katie Dumke, Photo Editor Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Producer Randi Kramer, Copy Director Staff Writers: Hallie Brookman, Julie Chu Cheong, Dan Maher, Amanda Reid, Pat Goodridge, Julie Levitan Staff Photographers: Alex Fisher, Pat Goodridge Staff Designers: Mica Tenenbaum, Nadia Kim, Sofie Praestgaard Unless otherwise noted, all photos are by Corey Fader, Pat Goodridge, Alex Fisher and Katie Dumke.

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief, at sternlicht@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "You know Bulbasoar? That's what I feel like right now." ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

10 THINGS

HIGHBROW

1 2 3

4 5 6

Penn vs. Princeton. Just kidding, we never cared.

People abroad. Your Berlin Wall photos are trite, over–saturated and not candid.

Passive aggressive GroupMes with housemates and subletters. JUST CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING SHIT, AMANDA.

WE ARE

over heard PENN

SO

at

Contemplative drunkard: I respect his decision to be sober, but how are we supposed to hook up if we're both not hammered?

OVER

Unemployment. We’ll just strip when we’re not making any money. Whatever, we know your parents are still helping you pay for that Soho apartment.

(Ed. note: Same, hopefully.)

Being gluten–free. Trust us, we’ve tried it. It sucks, it’s unfulfilling, over–hyped and are in eternal denial of loving a greasy cheeseburger from ShakeShack.

Honeygrow opening. We’ve been blue–balled for so long that we don’t even give a shit. #Teamsweetgreen.

Like, SO over.

7 8 9 10

THEROUNDUP Penn students truly demonstrated athletic talent this weekend—we crushed beer pong, persevered through a marathon of day drinking and stayed composed. Oh, and we won the football game. Let the victories continue, because everyone’s a winner in the Round Up. You can’t roll your joint and light it too. Especially in the Rotunda, where smoking and alcohol are prohibited. At a SPEC concert, DJ Cousin Stizz couldn’t resist smoking marijuana before his performance. Smoke accumulated in the venue, setting off the Rotunda’s fire alarms. Everyone was forced to leave the building—this isn’t our idea of getting lit. We’re happy to report fire alarms across

Boy slurping arugula: This school is nasty with bullshit. That's how people get jobs.

Fall weather. Everyday feels like a monsoon in an armpit— moist, smelly and a little too warm.

Girl talking about abroad: My host mom poured sweet milk on my hand, and I had to lick it off like a cat in front of everyone.

TAs who randomly call on people. No one is doing all the reading at this point. Let’s be real, everyone responds, “I found it interesting….”

Blonde junior in Huntsman: I literally touched his dick and shit went everywhere—it was like Mt. Vesuvius.

Gym socializing. If you can hold a 45–minute conversation on the elliptical with your BFF right by your side, neither of you is actually working out. You’re just annoying everyone around you. Move your legs, not your mouths.

SAE Bro: I just really, really like the taste of Natty.

I have a deep appreciation for its natural taste.

Squirrels? Lol. Rodents should never be self–righteous and comfortable around humans. That is not how the animal kingdom functions. If you think you’re getting a bite of my Magic Carpet cookie, think again little squirrel bitch.

campus are functioning well.

Speaking of functioning well, one sophomore’s bowels seem to be robust. When nature calls, you have to answer. After homecoming day parties, one sophomore boy ended up in his frat brother’s room…with the urge to number two. Rather than mobilizing to the restroom, he took a full on dump on the desk in the bedroom. The boy proceeded to fall asleep, and his frat brothers later found him resting in defecation station. We hope dues were able to cover a pooper scooper.

We hear some alums were hoping for a Homo– coming. After drinking the day away, one gay graduate stopped by Harvest—looking to plow.

He discussed his desire to hook up with a certain someone who wasn’t present. All of the alcohol he consumed could not quench his thirst, so the graduate proceeded to approach a random male at the bar, drop to his knees and pretend to suck his

Hot betch: You look like my asshole when I haven't gotten a wax in a long time.

dick. Cum on, dude, he just wanted you to spread your seed.

Every hotel has a mini–bar, but not all come with candy bars. Over the weekend, a fraternity hosted a hotel–style party, with different drugs hidden in each room. An hour after the party started, cops showed up to the amphetamine scene. The pill–poppers remained calm, and a girl went outside to deal with the cops…completely topless and wearing weed leaf nipple pasties. The cops did mariju–wanna shut down the party, but the pillicit activities went unnoticed. Count your blessings and repent your medi–sins.

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

3

WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

I'M A LITERAL QUAKER

I

t took me four times to make it to Meeting for Worship. (Rather than going to church on Sunday, Quakers, like me, attend something called Meeting for Worship.)

The first two times I didn't even make it out of the house. As that mopey, hungover daze of Sunday mornings ticked past noon, close to Meeting's start time, I decided sleep was more important.

On the third try, I started walking towards 48th Street, where West Philadelphia Friends Meeting is held. But somewhere around 43rd Street, I felt that tell–tale pressure in my chest that precedes a particularly powerful wave of anxiety and decided to turn back.

I almost chickened out again the fourth time.

With trepidation, I snuck through a rusted gate and squeezed through a narrow walkway to short steps leading down to a shadowed basement door.

I spent the fifteen–second journey racking my brain for another flimsy excuse. Nothing.

Hesitantly, I crept just one tiny step past the doorframe, planning to peak inside, get a mental picture and then try again next week.

But my step wasn't tiny enough. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, they met a pair of glasses, worn by a woman with graying brown hair and a soft smile. The room held chairs, scattered and mismatched and mostly empty.

Illustration by: Amanda Reid

4

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

My journey with Quakerism (and no, I don't mean the mascot).

JULIE LEVITAN The woman leaned out further and smiled.

I froze.

"Welcome!" she said.

I looked at the door, longingly.

Shit. *** Lately, I haven't known how to answer when people ask if I'm a Quaker.

The question itself isn't unfamiliar. I attended Friends' Central, a Quaker high school just outside of Philadelphia, so it's not the first time I've been asked. Before this year, though, my answer was easier. "No," simple and decisive.

But recently, I've been stumbling over my answer. What started in August as an excited, "Yes, I'm becoming one!" (despite the fact that there's actually no formal conversion process), has since turned into an unsure, "Yeah, I guess."

Regardless of my answer, the next question is nearly always the same: "So...what is Quakerism?"

It comes out hesitantly, sometimes stuttered, accompanied by an embarrassed, apologetic smile (perhaps directed more towards our neglected mascot than towards me).

In some ways, this question is easier. The basics, having been drilled into my head for seven years, come out like bullet points: • Quakerism is a form of Christianity.

• Most Meeting for Worships are "unprogrammed," meaning there's no priest or pastor and no sermon.

Instead, members sit in silent reflection for about an hour and only speaking if they feel moved to share a message.

• Their core values (also known as "testimonies") are usually some combination of peace, community, service, simplicity, integrity and equality.

These are the facts, bite–sized and digestible. The prob-

lem comes when I try to explain with a little more depth—when I try and elaborate further on Meeting for Worship, or when I throw around common Quaker phrases like "inner light" or "divine guidance." Or, simply, when I mention God. These statements are never met with any outright judgement. But still, as soon as it's brought up, the conversation is fused with an almost palpable edginess. Suddenly, we're both doing a verbal dance around religion, tiptoeing around anything that might insult or offend.

Part of that is certainly on me. I've always been a little uncomfortable with religion. But I don't think I'm alone in that discomfort.

While most people seem comfortable asking the basics ("Are you religious?"), anything that goes beyond the basics feels almost inappropriate. *** Sitting in near tears in HubBub last December, a few days before my first college final, I googled "meeting houses in West Philly." All semester I craved the calm after Meeting—but even though the link for West Philadelphia Friends Meeting popped up instantly, it took me six months to even click on it, ten months to decide to try it and four tries to actually go.

I suppose it's because engaging in Quakerism at Penn is strange (I'll attribute that to the geotag proclaiming, "Go Quakers!").

I certainly felt that weirdness walking into Meeting a few weeks ago. An hour later, that feeling wasn't gone completely. It still felt strange to walk back towards campus, towards 10,500 undergraduate Quakers, some of whom aren't entirely sure what that mascot means.

But I felt other things too. I felt calm and centered, despite the mountain of homework waiting for me. I felt well–rested. I felt appreciative of the one message that had been shared: Take time out of your busy schedule to do the small things that help your spirit.

Mostly, it felt like, finally, I had my head on straight. That might not seem like much, but for me, at a school like Penn, it might as well have been a minor miracle.

EGO

A PENN STUDENT WALKS INTO A BAR MAX KURUCAR (W' 16)

Your classmates might be making your next drink.

ALLIE COHEN & CAROLYN GRACE

KATIE STRAZZA (C'16)

Major: Marketing

Major: International Relations

Where he bartends: Harvest Seasonal Grill and Wine Bar

Street: What’s your favorite drink to make?

Max Kurucar: The cranberry bourbon. Muddled cranberry with some agave syrup and bourbon topped with ginger ale.

Street: Have you ever served your professor or TA? MK: I haven't served a professor or TA, but I have served an advisor before.

I didn't know they were an advisor until they were leaving. Now I turn to them for all my questions on scheduling my classes.

Street: Why should people come to Harvest over other campus bars?

MK: Harvest has incredible deals at different times during the week. Happy Hours from 5–7pm Monday to Friday and late night happy hours as well. If you don't know about our $3 Long Islands yet, please come and get a great bang for your buck.

Street: When you’re not working the bar at Harvest, where would someone find you on a night out?

MK: Next door at Smokes'.

Street: What are some “Do"s and “Don’t"s of Harvest?

MK: Do: Be polite, say thank you and TIP WELL. Don't: Ask how much a LIT is on Thursdays, yell Street: What’s the most ri- "yo" at a bartender, whistle diculous experience you’ve at us, reach over the bar or had with a customer? haggle prices when we just MK: It was a $3 Long had $3 LITs for the last Island Iced Tea (LIT) four hours.

Night, naturally, and all I can really say is that a non–affiliated, young, intoxicated woman did not have certain body parts secured while dancing.

There's more to that, but it is NSFP (Not Suitable for Publication).

(Ed. note: Max is the circulation manager of the DP.)

Where she bartends: Smokes'

Street: What’s your favorite drink to make?

Katie Strazza: Red–headed Sluts and Scooby Snacks.

Street: Have you ever served your professor or TA? KS: Not yet, but that has just been added to my senior year bucket list!

Street: What’s the most ridiculous experience you’ve had with a customer?

KS: The stud who ran a $300 tab drinking only bottled domestic beers… which are $4 each.

Street: Why should people come to Smokes' over other campus bars?

KS: Smokes' is unique for a lot of reasons. First of all, students who want to go out for a drink without the heels and the suits find a more laid back vibe here.

Secondly, Smokes' has become one of those quintessential college memories that Penn students have.

There's a reason why Smokes' is the most popu-

lated bar during Homecoming weekend—even alumni (no matter their graduation year) can still appreciate this college bar.

And finally, perhaps most importantly, there is always music and always dancing.

Street: When you’re not working the bar at Smokes', where would someone find you on a night out?

KS: At home with my cats.

JK… except for Sundays through Wednesdays.

Shoutout to Thursday nights at Harvest!

Street: What are some “Do's" and “Don’ts" of Smokes'?

KS: Do: If you're tired of ordering the same thing, ask the bartenders to surprise you—we love mixing it up (pun intended). And tip—we always remember those who tip.

Don't: Be rude, come behind the bar, be afraid to say "thank you" and most importantly, don't DFMO at the bar—save that for the dance floor.

These interviews has been edited and condensed.

ONE OF THE AREA’S MOST COMPLETE LOCK SERVICES

PHILADELPHIA’S COMPLETE LOCK SERVICE 24 HourMOST Emergency Service

Residential & STREET Commercial • PHILA 31 SOUTH 42ND Locks Repaired/Installed 215.386.2929

Autowww.

Locks • Bike Locks.com • Safes WestPhillyLock

24 HOUR Serving West Philadelphia, 215-386-2929 EMERGENCY SERVICE Center City & Northern Liberties Residential • Commercial • Auto • Locks Installed & Repaired

31 S. 42nd Street, Philadelphia, PA 19104 (Between Market and Chestnut) N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

5

EGO

EGOOF THE WEEK: INGRED PRINCE

Ingred may be a TLC-loving nurse, but that would never stop her from turning scrubs into a fashion statement. She spoke to us about her love for JLo, African American Arts Alliance (4A), and getting out of her comfort zone. cifically made for colored girls, like Bobbi Brown and ColorPop, donate a lot of free makeup and we had makeup artists come in and do tutorials.

Street: What has been your favorite role in a 4A production?

IP: Acting-wise my favorite role was Kadesia, it was my first play in 4A called Amari Each Day Forward written by Penn student Alexis Van Eykan. I had never acted before and Kadesia was this stubborn princess, but no one knew she was a princess.

It was hard for me because I had to kiss someone, and it was my first show and I was like, 'I don’t know where your lips have been.' It was so hard, but the guy I kissed became one of my really good friends in 4A, and we’ve managed to maintain a platonic relationship.

Street: What are some of the cool things you’ve been doing with the African American Arts Alliance (4A)?

IP: Four–A is a collective of black students who put on black theater productions written by black playwrights or [that] speak about black culture. The whole mission is to raise awareness of the intricacies of black culture to Penn community and the West Philadelphia community. We performed "For Colored Girls," and that show was about black women and some of the tragic issues they face within our community and how, despite those tragedies, they still find a way to uplift themselves and move forward. That’s really important to us because our shows are always very socially relevant. Surrounding this show, because we want to empower women, we did a public makeup event. We had different makeup companies spe6

Street: Can you tell us about Sayre Health Initiatives, Education and Leadership Development (SHIELD)?

IP: SHIELD is a community service initiative where Penn students go to Sayre High School and mentor Sayre students to become certified medical assistants. We teach them practical skills like how to administer medicine, how to read EKGs, how to get urine samples. At the end of their four years at SHIELD they can take the certified medical assistant exam.

confident, sponge. I try to soak in a lot of things.

Street: What is your spirit animal?

IP: A butterfly.

classes at SKU. I also went to Israel over a break because we were studying community health cuddler. Is that weird? I’m such a good big spoon. in Jerusalem.

Street: What do you love most about Penn?

IP: I’m starting to really love Street: What’s your favorite the people and the network, holiday of the year? which is kind of crazy. Penn IP: Low key, I’m a hopeless romantic, so I would have to say is this shared experience. It could be traumatic, or fun, but Valentine’s Day. I’m so cheesy. because you went through it I actually like it better when with a certain cohort of people I’m single because there’s no expectations on my part. When you can always refer to those memories and look back and I’m single it’s great because I laugh. Everyone at Penn is going can eat all the chocolate I want to be popping in their own way. because it’s readily available, I can watch all the RomComs that It doesn’t matter where you live I want and cry in bed because it’s or what industry you’re working Valentine’s Day and no one will in, there’s guaranteed to be one Penn person you can lean on. judge me.

Street: What’s your favorite rom com?

IP: Maid in Manhattan. JLo is blessed.

Street: What’s something about the nursing school that other students at Penn don’t know?

IP: To be honest, if you can survive nursing school, you really can survive anything. The nursing school teaches you how to be resilient because you are thrown into these really shitty situations, literally and metaphorically.

School: Nursing Minor: Global Health Hometown: Fort Lauderdale, Florida Activities: 4A, SHIELD, Sphinx Guilty pleasure: "I can eat my weight in green mochi ice cream."

Street: What do you hate the most about Penn?

IP: People get really caught up in their spaces. And when they get really comfortable, they don’t step into spaces that would challenge them. I think that a lot with shows and different performing arts group at Penn. Especially cultural groups, students don’t go to their shows purely for their interest in them. They go because their roommate is in the show. Would you have gone to that show if your roommate wasn’t in it? I wish people would challenge themselves and go see that show that might make you feel a little salty. Go see it and learn from it.

Street: What would a professional cuddler service look like?

IP: I don’t know if I would have cuddle–buddy spidey senses, but if you need me, call me for my big spoon services.

Street: If you were famous, what would it be for?

IP: I would be famous for designing my own brand of scrubs.

Street: If you were infamous for something, what would it be?

IP: Probably falling down a flight of steps and chipping my tooth. I actually have nightmares about that.

Street: There are two types of people at Penn….

IP: Those who make it into the Ivy League Story and those who don’t. I feel like getting in the Ivy League Snap Story is harder than getting into Penn.

Street: What’s one question we forgot to ask you?

IP: If you had to write a dissertation on any figure in pop culture who would it be? It’d be TLC. I think they’re low key public Street: What advice would you health practitioners. They wore give to your freshman–year self? condoms all over their clothIP: I was such a worry–wart. I ing in the '90s when the AIDS would tell her to stop worrying epidemic was really hitting black and live in the moment.

Street: What is your dream job? communities and especially black youths. One of the many Street: First AIM screenname? Street: If you are what you eat, IP: My realistic goal is to be multifactorial reasons is because a nurse abroad working with IP: Oh my God. It was Princess- what are you? there was such a stigma around low–resource, low–income Ingred954. Princess because my IP: I’m a little salty. communities. I think that would condoms. They decided, "we’re last name’s Prince, so I thought going to normalize condoms" be amazing. I love caring and I Street: Where in the world that was intuitive and my area love primary care and preventa- and wore condoms pinned to code in Florida is 954. So basic. have you travelled?

IP: I’ve been to Spain and Korea tive medicine, so to bring those their jeans. two together would be amazing. more recently. In Korea I was Street: Describe yourself in Then for a an unrealistic dream This interview has been edited and working for a pharmaceutical three words condensed. job, I want to be a professional company in Seoul and taking IP: I would say: passionate,

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

YOUR WEEK IN

MUSIC

MUSIC WHAT TO LISTEN TO:

The moment has finally come.

After three years since her last album came out, musical force Grimes has released Art Angels, a collage of bizarre pop and the best kind of weirdness you’ll hear all week. God. Bless.

Major Lazer dropped a remix last Friday of his summer release “Light It Up” featuring Nyla and Fuse Odg. With a faster tempo than the original and the jauntiest trumpet you’ve ever heard, it’s the perfect song to listen to as you swipe into VP and pretend to do work.

Electro–pop goddess Santigold just released the ultimate self–esteem song “I Can’t Get Enough of Myself ” featuring B.C. Upbeat and sunny, this song has arguably the highest shot of getting you through the last of your midterms before (yey) finals.

Donald Trump and Major Lazer featured in the same article? What a time to be alive.

WHAT TO TALK ABOUT:

Swing by the St. Elmo Speakeasy tonight at 7pm for a collection of student performances.

It’s on campus and all donations from the event will go to West Philadelphia Alliance for Children, aka it's the perfect event if you a) are too lazy to leave Penn and b) think child literacy is good. #Philanthropy #culture #penndayinlife.

Catch Canadian pop sweetheart Carly Rae Jepsen tomorrow night, Nov. 13, at The Trocadero Theatre. At this point, shouting along word for word to “I Really Like You” is probably the only thing that’ll numb the pain of it not being Thanksgiving yet.

If you’re look-

WHAT TO SEE:

ing for an energy boost and also want to show everyone how hip 'n' trendy you are, check out the apple of our eye, Shamir, tomorrow night Nov. 18 at the First Unitarian Church.

Go hang out at Johnny Brenda’s this Monday, Nov. 16, to see U.S. Girls, with their distinctly eerie vocals, mesmerizing synth loops and interestingly soulful sound. It may be on a Monday, but treat yo’ self. The semester’s almost over anyway.

Filed under Things We Could Have Died Happy Without Seeing: Donald Trump, infamous contender for the Republican presidential nomination, dancing in a parody of a music video this past Saturday. At this rate, we're expecting (read: praying) for Hillary Clinton to launch a solo career in an effort to outdo him. Ah, politics.

JOHANNA MATT–NAVARRO

WELCOME TheBACK! Best Place

to Catch the Basketball Game S

EC ON

EN T

THE

ER

Penn Singers Penn Glee Club Penn Band Delta Upsilon Penn Rugby

IL

EC

Clothing, appliances, books, furniture, household items, and more!

214 South 45th Street (Between Locust & Walnut) 215.662.1663

HOUR Happy HAPPY Hour 7 Days a week 5 - 7

7 DAYS A WEEK, 5-7PM | Drafts $3.00 and $5.00 All 20oz Drafts $3.00 Belgian Drafts $5.00

KARAOKE NIGHT

KARAOKE NIGHT EVERY SATURDAY, 9 PM–1:30 AM EVERY SATURDAY 9 PM Starting early Fall - 1:30 AM

TH D M RE RIFT STO

Monday–Saturday 10AM–8PM

Phi Kappa Psi Phi Sigma Sigma Theta Tau Order of Omega Penn Soccer

To donate, call 215.662.1663

www.TheSecondMileCenter.com

PHILLY’S PHILLY’S BEST BEST WINGS! WINGS!

Voted Philly’sBest Best by Voted Philly’s byCitysearch Citysearch ad &&get off food 30 Bring draft in beers 18020% bottled beers

1116 Walnut Street | 215.627.7676 1116 Walnut Street | 215.627.7676 www.moriartyspub.com www.MoriartysPub.com

N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

7

MUSIC

Found Poem:

RACHEL ERANI

A Modern Romance

A love poem of the 21st century consisting entirely of lines from your favorite songs. Bonus points if you figure out where they all came from.

Part I:

You used to call me nasty for someone else.

When it’s half past five and you tell me to go,

It’s no secret.

at least I can say

you don’t need nobody else.

Part II: I just fucked two bitches 'fore I saw you.

No one's ever left me quite this sore, I’ll be needing stitches, I can’t feel my face!

You used to call me drugs.

So let me, oh let me tear you apart— From behind, though.

Part IV: months later...

I’m in California, How are you?

Is it too late now to keep our business on the low-low…?

Part III: You used to call me fucked up.; What do you mean?

Tell me, tell me!

**diddly–dong–dong– dong–dang**

I was wondering if after

[Him:] “Hello, can you hear me?

running out of pages in your passport You wanna turn right?

Let’s get out of this town!

You talkin’ bands, girl, I got it

Part V: more months later...

Is it too late now to

* Free admission before 1am with Penn ID *

Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays 11pm - 3:30am | 21+ to enter

Book Your Exclusive Event at Club Pulse Drink specials available for private parties info@pulsephilly.com

215-751-2711

get you out the friend zone?

Cause I just want a real love.

I just need one more shot at forgiveness And some fine wine though.

I know in your wildest dreams I got locked away.

But My last request, it is: Call me on my cell phone.

8

3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

I think I need a girlfriend and I know she’ll be the death of me—

Tell me honestly.

Would you call me?

And a million miles.

1526 Sansom St.

Part VI:

I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done.

So let me, oh let me redeem myself tonight!

They say that time's supposed to heal…

I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to

Press rewind" [Her:]“Hello from (the) outside.

I can’t find your house— stay at home.”

[Her (to herself ):] “I got a Glock in my 'rari…”

FIN Songs included: "Hello" by Adele, "Sorry"

by JBiebz, "Hotline Bling" by Drake, "The Hills" by The Weeknd, "What Do You Mean?" by JBiebz, "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes, "Wildest Dreams" by Taylor Swift, "679" by Fetty Wap, "Locked Away" by R. City ft. Adam Levine and "Can’t Feel My Face" by The Weeknd.

FOOD & DRINK

AN ODE TO OUR LONG LOST LOVER: SAXBYS Will their mocha rival Williams Cafe's? There's only one way to find out: A poem.

This coffee shop is a college student's dream, The options are endless—not just coffee with cream.

Gone are the days of the dark ugly decor; Tears started rolling as I walked in the door.

We're welcomed with the smell of muffins, flavor: french toast, Obviously this place is doing the most.

The line was long, what do you expect?

Without coffee, Penn just isn’t correct.

But before we knew it, we had our cup o’ joe, With our free coffee in hand, we could rule the world, yo.

Name any mocha flavor, this place will have it, In the words of every downtown rager, this place is “lit.”

We can all admit it, Sbux under commons is a nightmare; Now you have a new place to quell your exam week despair.

You may get deja vu from the wood tables and red chairs, but unlike HubBub, there are outlets to spare.

We’re The only bike shop on campus!

The vibe is friendly, no one will judge your groutfit, It’s not 30 degrees like Capo, where you must grin and bear it.

Prepare yourself for earlier nights, it’s only open until eleven, Head over to Hunts if you need to start studying again.

Last time we were here, the study jams were obnoxious Kidz Bop, Now the Red Hot Chili Peppers fill the coffee shop.

You have your house blends, your specialties and your fro–lattes too, Try the “Philly box of goodies” for something delicious and new.

We hate to tell you of this tragic fate, But the fro–yo is gone, and we’re irate.

It’s concerning that it took this long to remodel, But we don’t care, it’s here, so no need to dawdle.

AND we have the largest selection of bikes in Philadelphia!

Don’t make the craigslist bike mistake...

...Shop keswick!

Head over to Saxbys and soak up the goodness, In all it’s glory, baked goods and “woodness.”

DINA ZARET AND ELENA MODESTI

f USED BIKES Starting At

Scwinn speedster

$150

00

NEW BIKES Starting At

originally $399.99

$27999 university city

Buy a bike from us and get free tune-ups and adjustments!

4040 locust street (215) 387-7433

4040 Locust Street (at the end of locust walk)

(215) 387-7433 sale

$299.99

save while in school! @KeswickCycle Students and Faculty get 10% OFF non-sale bicycles and accessories with valid school I.D.

N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

9

F E AT U R E

F E AT U R E

HURRAH FOR THE RED AND THE BLUE AND THE he Sunday after a frat party, a basement swells with crumpled cups, wood floors sticky with spilled jungle juice and the sickly sweet stench of vodka–soaked gummy bears. The brothers will spend a few hours sweeping up the mess. That night, these brothers sit down to one of their regular chef–cooked communal dinners. After eating, they rinse their plates and place them in the dishwasher. They recycle nothing.

That same night, Tiffany Lu (C’ 15) and eleven fellow members of the Penn Haven Housing co–op, a non–hierarchal community for Penn students and recent grads at 518 Woodland Terrace, hold their weekly house meeting. They plop among the low–slung seats and tables scattered with oatmeal balls and bell peppers, past the kitchen’s bulk containers of food and wheat. The students ensure that each individual has completed their respective chores, go over the status of conservation issues and discuss pressing house issues. Tonight’s main question: How to best recycle the house’s extra mattress?

They vote to pay for recycling the mattress at a local sanitation center if free options are not available. As always, their goal is to make the house as sustainable as possible.

The co–op is an anomaly among student housing options, but Penn’s nationwide green rankings tell a different story.

Less than two weeks ago, Penn was named the Environmental Protection Agency’s number one green power user out of all universities nationally, as the largest university purchaser of wind power in the world. For the past six years, the Environmental

1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

Protection Agency (EPA) ranked Penn among the best colleges in the country in terms of generating its own sustainable energy.

But despite the University’s attempts, for many Penn students green living takes a backseat to convenience and carelessness.

enn’s administration excels at enacting environmentally–friendly policies, but it often fails to engage its very own students. “[The University] is always looking for best practices with sustainable landscape design, sustainable cleaning product brands and more,” says Environmental Studies major Jisoo Kim (C ’18). She cites the university’s Climate Action Plan 2.0, which encourages Penn employees to commute to work by walking, biking, carpooling or using public transportation.

Beyond policy attempts to reduce energy waste and carbon emissions in University City, Penn takes an active role in making the community more environmentally conscious.

On campus, Penn provides resources for those who are passionate about environmental issues, but students must seek them out. In programs like PennGreen, a freshman pre–orientation program, incoming students can learn about the university’s environmental initiatives and the campus groups focused on continued participation in conservation and sustainability.

But most students don’t learn about these initiatives. In the midst

of finals, date nights, OCR and whatever else fills our GCals, the Penn bubble can extend to the homes on campus itself.

Within residential dorms, Penn’s Eco–Reps work to raise awareness about environmental issues. Each of the on–campus college houses has an Eco–Rep responsible for hosting events in the dormitory that raise sustainability awareness and educate the community on topics from climate change to e–waste.

“We also implement initiatives to facilitate sustainability,” explains house Eco–Rep Rachel Marx (C ’18).

“My co–Eco–Rep and I are hoping to hang up posters in the floor lounges of Harrison reminding people to turn the lights off.”

But even with positive school initiatives, dorms can fall through the cracks.

“I have not met my Eco–Reps, and I'm not sure as to what initiatives they are pursuing,” says Hill House resident Abigail McGuckin (C ’19).

“People on my hall rarely recycle. The recycling bins are in a closet, not next to the trash cans.”

ost of the 41 percent of students who live off–campus only conserve energy when convenient.

“You could say Campus Apartments is a huge proponent of sustainability, solely because they don't include the utilities in monthly rent payments,” says Jack Tyree (W ’17), a Wharton Energy Group member.

“It certainly makes me think twice before leaving the lights on or my AC

unit running.”

Still, he’s not sure Penn should address the issue.

“Even if the majority of students weren't fully aware, I don't think that would necessarily mean Penn should make an exerted effort to promote eco–awareness,” he says. “Especially if taking such measures would be costly.”

And in the Greek system, green living isn't exactly prioritized.

One junior fraternity member acknowledges that his house does not pay attention to living sustainably.

He says his house can go through four hundred red solo cups in one weekend—and afterwards, “these cups are simply thrown away in the dumpster and no effort is made to recycle them.” A brother from a different fraternity estimates that his brothers buy a thousand cups for a single party.

But mistaken viewpoints like this can contribute to waste. Red Solo cups are a form of recyclable plastic and can be placed in any blue bin in the city.

Companies like Frackit—a business started by two Penn students last year that brands itself as creating “the perfect jacket to wear to parties”— also promote waste, as do costume parties and events that require attendees to stock up on clothes only worn once.

Dustin Klein (C ’16), a brother in SigEp and a member of the Eco–Rep executive board, sees campus waste as a combination of misinformed negligence and a failure to seek out the proper avenues.

“The main reason hosts don't recycle is because they're not sure of

GREEN

the correct way to go about it. For most off–campus houses, it isn't well communicated to the residents how and when the recycling is being picked up,” Dustin explains. “Additionally, I think that some students don't believe that their actions will result in change. This belief promotes unsustainable behavior. In reality, every choice to be sustainable does provide an environmental benefit.”

“There’s a cheesy way of answering this that I learned from my elementary school life: the three R’s of waste are Reduce, Reuse, Recycle,” explains Jack Pilutti (C ’16), co–chair of the Student Sustainability Association.

“Reduce comes first in this order because it is the most important and has the greatest effect, while recycling should be thought of as the last ditch effort.”

Recycling can lull people into thinking they are being more responsible than they actually are. After all, plastic degrades in quality every time it’s recycled and is impossible to infinitely reuse.

hile the kitchen staff has worked to improve sustainability in dining halls, students have failed to match their efforts.

Penn Dining has established initiatives to reduce this waste. Dining halls recently stopped providing trays in the hopes that students would be less inclined to take as many plates of food. They also offer composting, food recovery and “Green2Go” programs, which aim to eliminate two–thirds of the 171,000 annual

food containers students use to take food out of the dining halls.

One political science class, “The Politics of Food,” analyzes Philadelphia food production and consumption. Class members visit local farms, supermarkets and schools.

Last year, food teams from the class found that 75–percent of food waste generated in the dining halls is caused by students.

Student teams worked to reduce the sizes of pizza slices or the amount of food the employees dish out at comfort stations, and the staff has been open to trying these initiatives.

Still, students have failed to meet Penn’s progress halfway.

Sarah Fox (C ’18), an earth science major and member of Penn Environmental Group, discovered a study at an Urban Nutrition Initiative event on the shocking amount of dining hall waste.

“A lot of energy is going into food that no one is eating, plus the amount of trash that comes out of the dining halls takes a lot of energy to transport and store,” she says.

“They did a study last year in Kings Court and found that every two Penn students waste enough food off their plate to feed a third Penn student.”

ack at Penn Haven Housing, Tiffany beams as she describes the measures Penn Haven takes to reduce waste. Her housemates compost, maintain bulk food storages, limit packaging and purchase stock items with a communal mindset. The house relies on one large laundry

detergent.

“I would like to set an example for how others can achieve sustainable living on campus,” she says.

Before the meeting, house members cleaned the basement, combing out leftover items from previous members to recycle and discard, while selecting some furniture and useful items to keep and reuse in the house. They build a pile of scrap metal to take to the curb on Tuesdays.

Afterwards, Tiffany discusses with her fellow Monday cook how to best utilize the cabbage and broccoli from their Lancaster Farm Fresh Cooperative Community–Supported Agriculture. In order to minimize waste, they plan out the portion sizes in anticipation of the two additional guests for dinner, who are both applying to live in the house.

Tiffany and her fellow co–op members eventually end up at the long dining room table doing homework. They discuss everything from campus activism after college to the ways that communal living can encourage democratic representation and reinforce personal values. The next morning, they will take out the trash and recycling bags and fill their compost bin, as they did after brunch that morning.

But tucked off campus on a quiet, tree–lined street, Penn Haven is a rare exception to Penn’s excess.

Nick Joyner is a freshman from Texas studying English and communication.

N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

FILM & TV

YOUR WEEK IN FILM: 11.12.15-11.18.15

BRANDON SLOTKIN

Donald Trump's awful SNL episode gets NBC in trouble with the FCC.

WHAT TO GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED FOR

While we wait for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part Two to hit theaters next week, take some time to enjoy a smaller flick: Kilo Two Bravo, which comes to theaters on Nov. 13. This one was on my watch list for the Philadelphia Film Festival, and I deeply regret not being able to see it. Director Paul Katis was nominated for a BAFTA (British Academy of Film and Television Arts) in the Outstanding Debut by a British Writer, Director or Producer category, as he tells the story of Corporal Mark Wright's leadership and heroism at the Kajaki Dam minefield in 2006.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie team up to co–star in a movie for the first time since Mr. and Mrs. Smith. While Jolie's and Pitt's on–set chemistry was infamously so palpable last time that they broke poor Jennifer Anniston's heart, they'll be playing to a different aspect of their relationship this time around. As Roland (Pitt) and Vanessa (Jolie), a couple looking to save their on–the–brink marriage during a vacation in 1970s France (because that always works), Pitt and Jolie will look to explore darker aspects of their relationship. Look for this one in theaters on Nov. 13.

WHAT TO BRING UP IN FILM CLASS After the worst October since 2007 and six straight weeks as the box office king, the first full weekend of November seems to have righted the ship. Daniel Craig and Lea Seydoux's Spectre opened to a $70 million domestic box office haul. That's a little less than a third of the predicted $245 million budget, but with $223 million already made in foreign markets, Daniel Craig seems to be itching to leave the franchise at one of its most lucrative points.

Maybe this is more appropriate to bring up in your cinema studies class, but holy shit: Due to the Federal Communications Commission's equal time rule, Donald Trump's disastrous turn hosting Saturday Night Live this past week obligates NBC to give twelve minutes of air time to every other candidate who claims it.

We're looking forward to seeing Bernie Sanders on Days of Our Lives.

WHAT TO STREAM Aziz Ansari's Master of None is out on Netflix, and you should really watch it. Everyone is raving about it—up to and including my editor, who was high the first time she watched and needs to run through it again, but is certain that it is really, really good.

This show is so nice you have to watch it twice, apparently.

1 2 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

4

FILM & TV

WAYS TO BECOME MORE INVOLVED WITH FILM AT PENN Besides Netflix and chill.

EMILY HASON

1. TAKE A CLASS The cinema studies department at Penn offers classes every semester that will educate you about the many different aspects of film. Le duh. However, many other departments have classes that include films in their syllabi. Try searching “films” or “movies” in the "Description includes” search bar of Penn Course Review.

2. ATTEND A SCREENING OR COLLOQUIUM The cinema studies department does more than give you movies for homework! Anywhere from about two to five times a week, the department conducts various events including screenings, pre–screenings, colloquiums and panels.

If you don't know what the difference between a lecture and colloquium is, maybe go to a colloquium and get back to me because I don’t really know either.

3. APPLY TO A STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM Just because you're thinking about leaving campus doesn’t mean that you need to leave your film education behind. When applying for Study Abroad programs, click on "Advanced Search" and narrow your results by looking at programs with options for Film Studies or Cinema Studies. Maybe even go abroad this summer (since we all know having an internship is overrated) by applying to the Penn–in–Cannes program. Actually, please don’t. I really want to get in this year.

4. JOIN A CLUB Pump up that resumé for OCR (said no film major ever…) and join a club or two that “complement your interests!” Some of the many notable clubs at Penn that can boost your film experience include Bent Button Productions, the Penn Animation Club, SPEC Film Society, Clear Screens or even Street. Aspire to be a Film Beat, aka me.

READING IS ONLY A LITTLE HARDER THAN WATCHING A MOVIE. DO MORE OF IT AT 34ST.COM

30 PRETZELS FOR $9 1 COUPON PER CUSTOMER. NOT VALID W/ OTHER OFFERS. VALID ONLY AT SPRUCE ST. LOCATION. VALID UNTIL12/15/2015.

free bag of candy or nuts

BUY ONE BAG OF CANDY OR NUTS, GET A SECOND BAG FREE!*

*Must be equal or lesser value. Valid until 12/15/15

Both located at: 3734 Spruce Street 215-222-5055 N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow highbrow ego food & drink film feature music arts lowbrow

FILM FILM FILM

34 3434

ST STST

TALK DIRTY TOVIEW? ME: AN DO DO DOYOU YOU YOU PAY PAY PAYPER PER PER VIEW? VIEW?

FOOD & DRINK

How How How Penn Penn Penn Students Students Students Watch Watch Watch Movies Movies Movies

EXPOSÉ ON THE HEALTH Film Film Film polled polled polled you you you totofitond fifind nd out out out how how how you you you are are are getting getting getting your your your Sunday Sunday Sunday afternoon afternoon afternoon VIOLATIONS AT YOUR GO–TO EATERIES movie movie movie fixes. fifixes. xes.

Here’s Here’s Here’s what what what wewe we learned. learned. learned.

Borrow Borrow Borrow from from from Library Library Library

24.6% 24.6% 24.6%

Don't Don't Don't Watch Watch Watch Movies Movies Movies

Alcohol poisoning isn't the only way to get Theaters Theaters and BYOs. sick at your favoriteTheaters restaurants

BYBY ANTHONY BYANTHONY ANTHONY KHAYKIN KHAYKIN KHAYKIN Did you know that the health code inspections of restaurants are all online? Well, now you do. We did some Free Free Free Streaming Streaming Streaming hough hough hough wewe all weall know allknow know thethe thewatch watch watch Hugo Hugo Hugo in in theaters. intheaters. theaters.

And And And we weweyou you you guess guess guess then then then that that that Penn Penn Penn stustustu- health 47.7% 47.7% 47.7% sleuthing on the ~interwebs~ for you and found some pretty nasty shit.

These are line-by-line code 16.9% 16.9% 16.9% DINA ZARET AND ELENA MODESTI Paid Paid Paid Online Online Online Services Services Services Internet Internet Internet is isfor is forfor porn porn pornfit fithis tfithis t this mold mold mold of of overworked ofoverworked overworked IvyIvy Ivydents dents dents would would would prefer prefer prefer to to get toget their gettheir their violations. (thanks (thanks (thanks Avenue Avenue Avenue Q),Q), Q), thethe theLeague League League students students students well, well, well, with with with only only onlyRomCom RomCom RomCom fixfionline xfixonline online with with with freefree free bedroom bedroom bedroom is no isisno longer nolonger longer thethe the only only onlyabout about about 17% 17% 17% of of Penn ofPenn Penn undergrads undergrads undergradsstreaming streaming streaming websites websites websites likelike like SideReel SideReel SideReel 9.2% 9.2% 9.2% area area area being being being ceded ceded ceded to to digital todigital digital territerriterri-watching watching watching movies movies movies at the atatthe Rave theRave Rave ev-evev-and and and Ch131 Ch131 Ch131 rather rather rather than than than paypay pay forforfor tory. tory. tory.

ForFor For every every every girlgirl with girlwith with daddy’s daddy’s daddy’seryery semester. erysemester. semester. services services services provided provided provided byby Netfl byNetfl Netfl ix and ixixand and • Raw salmon over eggplant in reach–in freezer.

• Redbox?

Soap was not available at • Black residue, pink slime AmEx, AmEx, AmEx, window window window browsing browsing browsing ononon ButBut But how how how about about about thethe other theother other ste-steste-Redbox?

Redbox?

1.5% 1.5% 1.5%observed on the interior • An insect control device located in prep area with the75% handwash inmovthe of the ice machine bin.

Fifth Fifth Fifth Avenue Avenue Avenue hashas been hasbeen been replaced replaced replacedreotype, reotype, reotype, thethe one theone one that that that says says says all all colallcolcol- While While While 75% 75% of of usofus watch ussink watch watch movmovpotential to contaminate food, equipment and/or service, prep and dish• Visible physical evidence of rodent/insect activity with with with online online online shopping. shopping. shopping.

And And Andlege lege lege students students students areare poor? arepoor? poor?

The The The freefree freeiesies online, iesonline, online, nearly nearly nearly 50% 50% 50% pay pay pay forforfor utensils. area.Bosses Corrected ingo washing and dry storage area.

FYEs FYEs FYEs everywhere everywhere everywhere have have have virtuvirtuvirtu-movement movement movement of of information ofinformation information made made madeit. it.Iit.hear I washing Ihear hear Horrible Horrible Horrible Bosses Bosses ——a—a a Why Why Why doobserved dodo you you you gogo tothe tothe todish the the movies? movies? movies?

• Fruit flies and a few house flies present at time of onrelease site. allyally ally been been been rendered rendered rendered useless useless useless (pun (pun (punpossible possible possible byby the bythe interweb theinterweb interweb makes makes makesnew new new release release onon iTunes oniTunes iTunes —— is— hysisishyshys- 3.1% • Mouse feces observed in rear in dry food storage 3.1% 3.1% 6.3% 6.3% 6.3% inspection.

• Potentially hazardous food intended) intended) intended) with with with thethe the existence existence existence of ofof terical, terical, terical, butbut is butisis and dish washing area. Other Other Other Employee toilet room is notrecommendations self–closing.

Fthe Whose Whose Whose recommendations recommendations do do you doyou take? youtake? take?was held at it66.5–72.6° thethe multifarious the•multifarious multifarious iTunes iTunes iTunes store. store. store. door it worth itworth worth thethe • Basin sink is also used forIt'scleaning It's a It's way a way atoway hang toseafood to hang hang outout with out with friends with friends friends •Things Food isdifferent not stored athere least 50six50inches above the floor.

41°1.5 F or below, 25% 25% 25% 50 Things Things are are no areno no different different here here 1.5 salads salads salads at atat 47.7% 47.7% 47.7% rather than 1.5 (shrimp).

Other Other Other It'sIt's a It's good a good a good study study study break break break 40.6% 40.6% 40.6% as required.Sweetgreen Grill refrigat atPenn, atPenn, Penn, where where where thethe the Rave Rave Rave gets gets gets Sweetgreen Sweetgreen • Large pots observed in direct contact with floor at 40% 40% 40% 40 40 40 A Friend A Friend A Friend It makes It makes It makes youyou feel you feel relaxed feel relaxed relaxed andand happy and happy happy erator unit observed not nearly nearly nearly half half half thethe the traffi traffi traffi c for c cforfor thethe the it it it would would would time of inspection.

Cinema Cinema Cinema Studies Studies Studies proper cold 25% 25% 25% maintaining midnight midnight midnight screenings screenings screenings of ofblockofblockblock- 30 3026.2% have have have cost cost cost if if if Required Required Required for for Class for Class Class 30 • No handwashing was observed by any employee at Major Major Major 26.2% 26.2% 25% 25% 25% 25% 25% 25% hold ofseen 41° F it buster buster buster hitshits hits likelike like Twilight Twilight Twilight as Hulu asasHulu Hulu I Ihad had seen seen it it Professor Professor Professor ortemperature TAor or TA TA I had time of inspection. Food employee did not wash or below. in inin does does does thethe the dayday day after after after thethe the newest newest newest 20 20 20 theaters? theaters? theaters?

Street Street Street hands between changing tasks. episode episode episode of of30 of30Rock 30Rock Rock airs. airs. airs.

This This This 10 10 10 Ramen Ramen Ramen noonoonoo•*Students Serving utensils located • Mouse feces observed on floor under cabinetry/ *Students *Students surveyed surveyed surveyed werewere were allowed allowed allowed to choose to choose to more choose more more makes makes makes sense. sense. sense.

WeWe We Penn Penn Penn students students students dles dles dlesaren’t aren’t aren’tes es seven esseven seven movies, movies, movies, more more more or or less, orless, less, area. in storage area are stored food prep table in prep thanthan onethan option. oneone option. option. areare are tootoo too busy busy busy procrastinating procrastinating procrastinating 0 0 0 that that that bad, bad, bad, I I I every every every semester. semester. semester.

Simple Simple Simple arithmearithmearithmewith food contact surfaces • Mold observed in the ice machine. onon Penn onPenn Penn InTouch InTouch InTouch and and and designdesigndesignguess. guess. guess. proves ticproves that it’s it’s $40 it’s$40 cheaper cheaper cheaper exposed to hand contact tictic •proves Athat flthat y strip is$40 hanging in the food preparation area. inging ing funny funny funny lacrosse lacrosse lacrosse pinnies pinnies pinnies forforforentertainment entertainment entertainment accessible accessible accessible and and and The The The average average average Penn Penn Penn student student student to to watch to watch watch said said said movies movies movies on on Netfl on Netfl Netfl ix ixix when retrieved for service. thethe the clubs clubs clubs we’re we’re we’re involved involved involved in in tointotoinexpensive inexpensive inexpensive to to anyone toanyone anyone with with with ananan(who (who (who is anything isisanything anything butbut but average, average, average, if if ifthan than than at at the atthe the Rave, Rave, Rave, and and and anan addianaddiaddileave leave leave thethe comfort thecomfort comfort of of our ofour our beds beds beds to totoAirPennNet AirPennNet AirPennNet account. account. account.

Wouldn’t Wouldn’t Wouldn’tyou you you askask Amy askAmy Amy Gutmann) Gutmann) Gutmann) watchwatchwatch-tional tional tional $20 $20 $20 lessless less onon iTunes oniTunes iTunes (cost (cost (cost of of popcorn ofpopcorn popcorn and and and Mike Mike Mike and and and Ikes Ikes Ikes notnot not included included included in inthese inthese these calculacalculacalculations). tions). tions).

The The The lowlow low cost cost cost of of watchofwatchwatch•seven Live roaches observed in breakfast and ice cream stainging seven ing seven movies movies movies onon iTunes oniTunes iTunes forforfor >>>> >> Total Total Total amount amount amount of ofof tion utensils, lessless less than than than 30 30 bucks 30areas. bucks bucks is Sanitize worth isisworth worth the the the where needed. money money money spent spent spent in in movie in movie movie •conveniences Visible physical evidence many many many conveniences conveniences that that that online online online of rodent/insect activity theaters* theaters* theaters* by by Penn by Penn Penn observed in prep/storage/service area. paid paid paid services services services afford afford afford us:the us: not us:not not be-bebestudents students students each each each semester semester semester • interrupted Two bigby roaches and one baby one observed in inging ing interrupted interrupted byby incessant incessant incessant breakfast/ice cream buffering buffering buffering and and and commercials, commercials, commercials, thestation. the the immunity immunity immunity to to computer tomouse computer computer viruses viruses viruses • Fresh feces observed under counter in breakand and and most most most importantly, importantly, importantly, notnot not havhavhavfast station, dry food storage area and main kitchen. inging ing to• towait toManagement wait wait 545454 minutes minutes minutes after after after ordered to take immediate corrective >> Total Total Total amount amount amount of ofof watching watching watching 72 72 minutes 72minutes minutes of of a of movie a amovie movie >>>> action. money money money spent spent spent watching watching watching onon Megavideo. onMegavideo.

Megavideo. online, online, if all if ifall people allpeople people who who who Not Not Not to to mention, tomention, mention, it’sit’s ait’ssmall a asmall small online, paid paid forfor online foronline online services services services price price price to to pay topay pay when when when you you you look look look at atat paid Dine-In, Dine-In, Dine-In, Catering Catering Catering &&Delivery &Delivery Delivery used used iTunes* iTunes* iTunes* thethe big thebig picture bigpicture picture —— the —the combined thecombined combined used savings savings savings of of the ofthe the 47.7% 47.7% 47.7% of of Penn ofPenn Penn Happy Happy Happy Hour: Hour: Hour: Mon-Fri Mon-Fri Mon-Fri 5-7 5-7 5-7 students students students who who who paypay for payfor their fortheir their online online online • rather Black residue, pink slime services services services rather rather than than than going going going to to the to the the observed on the interior of Lunch Lunch Lunch Special: Special: Special: Mon-Fri Mon-Fri Mon-Fri $8.95 $8.95 $8.95 the ice bin. movie movie movie theater theater theater is somewhere ismachine issomewhere somewhere be-bebe• $196,136 Hood and vent filters have>> an>> accumulation ofofstatic tween tween tween $196,136 $196,136 and and and $295,344, $295,344, $295,344, >> Total Total Total amount amount amount ofof Early Early Early Bird: Bird: Bird: Sun-Thur Sun-Thur Sun-Thur $10.95 $10.95 $10.95 dust and grease. depending depending depending onon whether onwhether whether they they they useuse use money money money spent spent spent watching watching watching •ix ix employee observed eating in ifthe preparation Netfl Netfl Netfl orixFood or iTunes, oriTunes, iTunes, respectively. respectively. respectively. online, online, online, all if iffood all people allpeople people who who who area.

Moral Moral Moral of of the ofthe story thestory story is: is: we is:we won't wewon't won't paid paid paid forfor online foronline online services services services •if you pipe observed the three–bay judge judge judge ifLeaking ifyou you justjust just stay stay stay in in bed. inbed. bed. under used used used Netflix* Netflix* Netflix*sink. A pan was placed under it to collect the water.

• 215.387.8533 • •215.387.8533 *A*A simple simple simple random random random sample sample sample PattayaRestaurant.com PattayaRestaurant.com PattayaRestaurant.com 215.387.8533 • *A Vegetables (broccoli) used as ingredients in a cooked or *$12.50/ticket *$12.50/ticket at the atatthe Rave the Rave Rave of of 100 of 100 100 Penn Penn Penn undergrads undergrads undergrads were were were ready–to–eat dish were not*$12.50/ticket washed to remove soil or • University • •University 4006 4006 4006 Chestnut Chestnut Chestnut Street Street Street University City City City *$3.99 *$3.99 *$3.99 to rent totorent arent movie a amovie movie on on iTunes oniTunes iTunes surveyed surveyed surveyed to to collect to collect collect data data data about about about other contaminants prior to use. *$7.99/month *$7.99/month *$7.99/month on on Netflix onNetflix Netflix 8 88 their their their film film fiviewing lmviewing viewing habits. habits. habits.

TT T

Hummus

Greek Lady

Beijing

BY BY BYTHE THE THE NUMBERS NUMBERS NUMBERS

Commons

$153,701 $153,701 $153,701

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

$196,136 $196,136 $196,136

Square on Square

$295,344 $295,344 $295,344

1 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

FOOD & DRINK

TO BURSAR OR NOT TO BURSAR: YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO ASK

Gourmet Grocer is Narnia with inflated prices. We highlighted the most Bursar-worthy items.

SHOPPING LIST Quest Bars: How much can they charge for these before I stop buying them? Answer: $10.

Gluten–free, yogurt–covered pretzels: Glutenfree means fewer calories. Keep telling yourself that.

Annie's mac and cheese: Annie's. End of story.

Any flavor Snackimals: and this bag, too.

Quinoa Chocolate bar: It's like a crunch bar…but with quinoa? Still gonna eat it.

Carton o' grapes: But watch out, there's nothing worse than a squishy Commons grape.

Ben and Jerry's ice cream: Literally a whole fridge of it. If that ain't love, then I don't know what love is. Yes, we also remember all the lyrics to "Cupid's Chokehold" by Gym Class Heroes.

Endangered Species chocolate: Honestly the best chocolate around. And 10% of profits go to charity, so, like, you're basically doing a good deed by eating it.

PB & Co. White Chocolate Wonderful peanut butter: Goes great with pretzels; hide when drunk.

Dang Caramel Sea Salt Toasted Coconut Chips: Possibly the most underrated snack in America.

Edible cookie dough: Wait, is regular cookie dough not edible…?

Peanut Butter Snackimals: Attempting to find a human whom I love as much as this bag of carbs.

Annie's Pizza Poppers: It's pizza. And it's Annie's. No more questions asked.

Siggi's yogurt: Chobani is for the ignorant. This fluffy skyr is hella natural and has a protein–to– calorie ratio that's out of this world.

Chocolate Chip Snackimals: and this bag.

Yogurt–covered almonds: A dangerous study nom, but nonetheless delicious. Serving size: two almonds.

Sweet Potato Cinnamon Twist Pop Chips: Just lean in and say yes.

AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE New England style cod bowl: PSA Commons, you can't just sell cod and think you're going to get away with it.

Dairy–free pizza: You might as well just not.

Wink frozen desserts: One hundred calories per pint sounds promising, but how can you trust something with 100 calories?

Coconut water: Tastes like socks, try again.

Baked BBQ fries: Nope.

Pre–made salads: Guaranteed to be disappointing. First, it's a salad.

Second, there's a strong possibility it's older than you are.

Vegan–aise: Vegan Mayonnaise. Is

this what it takes to get into the food market these days?

Broccoli: It was bad when you were young, and it might have gotten even worse.

Glutino WildBerry Bars: Warning: requires chainsaw to break in half.

Soy whip: If you're lactose intolerant, whipped cream is just something you'll have to do without.

Frozen egg white omelette: Egg white omelettes are possibly the easiest thing to make in the universe. There's no excuse for you to buy them frozen.

Amy's vegan mac and cheese: Don't do it. Also stop being vegan.

Post finals CALLS FOR A

pre game

once classes end...

the party starts.

We’ve got THE BEER FOR your holiday party!

beer springfield distributor

(215) 546-7301 Studying WE DELIVER too hard?

WE DELIVER Take a break 2206 Washington Ave, Philadelphia | (215) 546-7301 with us.

2206 Washington ave, Philadelphia

N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5

ARTS

SYRA ORTIZ–BLANES

Get some one–on– one time with ancient artifacts at the Penn Museum.

You’ve probably heard of the Penn Museum by now (Ed. note: concerned if you haven’t), but the museum is more than just the venue for the NSO toga party. It is home to one of the most incredible collections of ancient art in the country, and it is free with a valid student ID. However, in addition to expansive collection of ancient artifacts, the Museum offers some interactive elements as well.

As part of an exhibition called The Artifact Lab, visitors can meet and chat with Molly Gleeson, the project conservationist, or any of the other curators and conservators who are responsible for preserving the museum’s artwork.

This exhibit is geared toward the conservation of Egyptian mummies and other funerary items, which include mummified cats and funeral masks.

Visitors can observe deteriorated objects and fabrics under significant magnification and a frequently updated Smartboard filled with informa-

tion, but they can also drop by an open-window session (there are two each day) and observe the conservationists as they work, and even ask them questions as they go.

When I stopped by this week, Gleeson was working on a mummy called Nespekashuti. The mummy was purchased in 1893 from Emile Brugsch, a German Egyptologist and curator at the Bulaq Museum.

I spoke with Gleeson about the process of conserving the mummy. She explained that some aspects of the process are obvious, such as repainting and stabilizing the deteriorated pieces of the coffin, but that others are less so. Is it her job to completely restore the object? Should she?

What kinds of materials would she use? How can we best preserve the artifacts and mummies, as well as its aesthetics, without compromising the authenticity?

Besides the rare, and pretty cool, opportunity of finding yourself face–to–face with cat mummies, the conversations that I had with Gleeson shed light on an aspect of the art world that is integral to its existence, but remains separate and behind the scenes. Conservation of artwork is arguably just as important as the creation of it, and the process of conservation is an art in and of itself.

PENN MUSEUM, IN THE ARTIFACT LAB EXHIBITION 3260 South St, Philadelphia, PA 19104

WHEN?: Tuesday—Friday 10am to 5pm Closed on Mondays Phone: (215) 898-4000 Visit during open–window sessions: Tuesday—Friday 11:15am and 2pm Saturday—Sunday 12:30pm and 3:30pm

DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT DEAD YET? PRINT JOURNALISM. CREATIVE • BALANCED • SIMPLE 1608 SOUTH STREET • PHILADELPHIA, PA 215-790-0330 • ENTREEBYOB.COM 1 6 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

BUT JUST IN CASE: 34ST.COM

ARTS

DISPATCH: DRAGGED MY ASS TO BOB AND BARBARA'S

You can go downtown on a Thursday and actually enjoy yourself.

Last Thursday, Street made it down to Bob and Barbara’s Lounge. Known for its weekly drag show hosted by Miss Lisa Lisa (“so nice she was named twice”) and for creating the Citywide Special (if you don’t know what that jawn is, do you really go to school in Philly?), this South Street landmark is the move if you don’t want to go to Smokes' for the hundredth time this month. Just like our friendly neighborhood college bars—but a lot less of a drag.

11:33pm: Arrive at Bob and Barbara’s Lounge. The bouncer is a man dressed up as Pikachu.

12:42am: Miss Icon dominates the stage. Philly drag show meets Brazilian Carnaval.

11:40pm: Latina drag queen comes out dancing salsa. Her fake boob also comes out.

12:45am: Samba and cheesesteaks.

Caipirinhas and pretzels. Weird but an A+, just like these combos.

11:43pm: Boob back in place.

12:55am: Sound the alarms. We let Lisa Lisa know there is a birthday girl with us.

2:00am: Uber arrives. It has disco lights, lotion and hand sanitizer. We ask the Uber driver about it.

1am: Naturally, the birthday gal is to take the stage, according to the host.

2:01am: “You don’t want to know.”

Oooo-kaaaaay.

1:01am: Birthday betch gets into it.

2:10am: Safe and sound at the final destination of the night: Allegro. Our bellies are full of french fries and our hearts are warm with drag queen appreciation.

11:47pm: Nervous Miss Cherry performs for first time ever @B&B. You can tell. Two out of ten stars.

11:57pm: It’s Miss Geisha’s birthday. By now, we know three things: She likes sequins, ombre and stuffing cupcakes into people’s mouths. #DragDrunchies.

12am: Miss Misty comes out. We all want to be her. #Slay.

12:26am: Next Performance. Leather– clad Cruella de Vil and chained–up dalmatian–dog–man come out.

12:27am: Oh. Whips are involved.

Watch her whip. Watch her naynay.

12:29am: Is the dalmatian’s ass white and gold or black and blue?

12:30am: Definitely black and blue.

12:39am: Still traumatized, but the next performer finally comes out.

12:41am: She’s dressed like a pirate and she’s apparently a singer.

12:42am: That is, if pirates had garters and their free albums were released on SoundCloud.

12:45am: The chorus of her hit single is a soulful, “Fuck off.” Yo, same.

12:41am: The future American Idol contestant exits stage. #HelloFromtheOtherSide.

1:05am: The crowd goes wild.

1:12am: Birthday girl on performance: “Just like Rumor, except I made a $2 tip.”

1:14am: It wasn’t actually her birthday. At least she got a t-shirt.

1:20am: Rasta Boi Punani, a drag KING, comes out.

Game changer.

1:25am: Dreads and all–reggae–everything. Respect.

1:32am: The drag king gives us buttons with his face on it. We swear we’ll keep them for as long as we live.

1:38am: There are only like ten people left at the bar, but we're not

going anywhere.

1:40am: Just kidding, we are. Last performer.

1:55am: Selfies with drag royalty before heading back to Penn.

LOWBROW

WHAT IT'S REALLY LIKE TO WORK AT A STARTUP Have you seen James Franco's movie Palo Alto? We did. It sucked. TOTALLY unrepresentative of the Shallow Alto lifestyle. There weren't any prep schools. Or mentions of Boba tea, computer science, Steve Jobs or insider trading. This week, for no particular reason, Lowbrow interviewed Palo Alto, CA natives to discover what it's really like working at a Silicon Valley startup.

Street: Describe a day in the photobombed your selfie? life at a startup.

Founder of Snapchat. That Shallow Altan: Don't wear jeans and a Palantir shirt to work? You're fired.

Street: What's your daily commute like?

SA: Longboards. Longboards everywhere.

Street: Sounds fun. Are there any other perks of the job?

SA: THE FOOD IS AMAZING. So is the people–watching. That guy who

Street: Let's talk work–life balance.

SA: There are beds, restaurants, gyms and bars at the office, so you will NEVER leave. BUH–BYE family!

Coding is your life now.

You know you work at a start-up when….

SA: WIRED is your homepage. You haven't been outside in years.

Street: Last question on behalf of Penn students evStreet: What might surprise erywhere: Are you hiring? people about California?

SA: What's Penn? Is that an SA: When it rains, work is app? cancelled because people are scared to go outside.

bitch who cut you in line?

Worth 89 of your kidneys.

Special: Haircuts by Olivia $25 Monday - Saturday | 10am- 6pm Walk-ins welcome!

3426 Sansom St. • 215.387.8981 1 8 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5

Street: What might surprise people about Silicon Valley?

SA: English is a dead language. People communicate in complex shorthand, as in: Python, Java, C++, CS, FML, ROFL. Street: Finish this sentence:

LOWBROW

UBER FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO LAZY TO LEAVE THE HOUSE

Inspired by Uber's UberKITTENS deliveries for National Cat Day, Lowbrow got to thinking of some better delivery ideas. Do you wish you’d open your email to see that Uber is delivering Snickers fun–size bars and Xanax to your work because it’s “National Happiness Day”? So do we! Here are some other things we think Uber should deliver.

1. Uber delivers the new Adele album, fives pints of Ben & Jerry’s and apologies from exes, specially curated for you!

2. Uber delivers Dodo birds, flying squirrels and a small tree for when you want nature everywhere.

1.

3. Uber delivers Hillary Clinton to your door asking you to dinner!

4. Uber delivers Cinnabon–scented Yankee Candles.

5. Uber delivers bath bombs to Russia, attempting to trick them into world peace.

6. Uber delivers clues to Blue’s Clues.

7. Uber delivers jade pieces from the Metropolitan Museum of Art for you to admire.

3.

2.

8. Uber delivers dildos, hand–crafted by each driver.

9. Uber delivers George Foreman grills.

10. Uber delivers you from your indentured servitude and crippling self–doubt.

THE NEW SAN FRAN: WHICH CITIES ARE WAITING TO THRIVE?

San Francisco is really turning into the scene. But what’s next for America? Lowbrow explores which cities are just waiting to turn trendy. Here’s where you should be investing your property:

Omaha, Nebraska

Athens, Georgia

Wichita, Kansas

Bartlett, Tennessee

While Williamsburg is hot right now, hipsters love new trends. Omaha, Nebraska is the next thing. Explore its twenty–minute drives, seemingly normcore three–star hotels and Berkshire Hathaway’s annual meeting. (You don’t want to miss the Woodstock of staunch capitalists.) Discover why it will have everyone saying, "Oh! My! Ha!"

For those with an interest in history, Athens, Georgia really takes the pie! Not only are there columns everywhere, but there may also be a chiseled pectoral or two.

But don’t get too hooked on wine; they only drink Diet Coke there. It’s very much their aesthetic.

Wichita, Kansas, the city that blames mice for stealing marijuana, is ripe to become the next road(ent) hub! Come here for non–modified weather and a lack of cherry pies à la mode on Sundays. The Knork (knife–fork) put it on the map, and housing prices are on the rise!

The real pear to Nashville’s apple is Bartlett. Get ready for a 55,000 sq. ft. recreation center and tons of racquetball.

When this becomes the sport of choice, Bartlett will grow a pear and become the real standout of America! Hop on this nutty train before it takes off!

THE ONLY THING MORE UNLIKELY THAN LOWBROW BEING REAL IS YOUR STARTUP BECOMING THE NEXT FACEBOOK.

N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 9

university square

CELEBRATE WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS JUST STEPS AWAY IN UNIVERSITY SQUARE! 34th & walnut streets: Adolph biecker salon • auntie anne’s • cvs • dunkin donuts • mad mex • mediterranean cafe • nom nom ramen • piper • quiznos • united by blue 34th & sansom streets: doc magrogan’s oyster house • federal donuts 36th & walnut streets: american apparel • ANN TAYLOR LOFT • BLUE MERCURY • COMPUTER CONNECTION • COSI • HELLO WORLD • PENN BOOKSTORE • PENNE RESTAURANT & wINE BAR • PHILADELPHIA RUNNER • POD • URBAN OUTFITTERS 36TH & CHESTNUT streets: CHATTIME JAPANESE CUISINE • KIWI frozen YOGURT • WAWA 37TH & SPRUCE streets: BEIJING RESTAURANT • BONDED CLEANERS • HUBBUB coffee • kitchen GIA • PHILLY PRETZEL FACTORY / PHILLY IS NUTS • SALADWORKS • UPS STORE • WAWA 38TH & walnut streets: JOSEPH ANTHONY HAIR SALON • TD BANK • VERIZON WIRELESS 40TH STREET: BEN & JERRY’S • CINEMARK • FRESH GROCER • HARVEST SEASONAL GRILL & wINE BAR • HIP CITY VEG • LAST WORD BOOK SHOP • METROPOLITAN BAKERY • GREEK LADY • natural shoe store • QDOBA MEXICAN GRILL • SAXBY’S COFFEE • SMOKEY JOE’S • U.S. POST OFFICE

shopping

dining

services

FOR A COMPLETE LIST OF RETAILERS, VISIT UCNET.COM/UNIVERSITYSQUARE

2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E N O V E M B E R 1 2 , 2 01 5