February 19th, 2015 by 34th Street Magazine

February 19â&#x20AC;&#x201C;25, 2015 34st.com

february 19

LETTERFROMTHEEDITOR

2015

LOL

3 HIGHBROW

love report, overheards, roundup

4 WORD ON THE STREET swipe wrong

5 EGO

eotw: amanda shulman

6 MUSIC LOL

LOL

you need to listen to this, your week in music, where the grammys went wrong oscars

10 FEATURE

pop, pop, pop

LOL

Here's to swiping right,

chaz howard

13 FOOD & DRINK

LOL

Annie Lombardo should have won the Westminster Dog Show.

8 FILM

My phone ran out of storage because of all my dating apps. JSwipe, Tinder, Hinge, Grouper and even Grindr (for journalistic research) framed my phone background (Word on the Street, p. 4). I swiped left and right to fall asleep. I swiped on the toilet, instead of homework, during family car trips: I was shamless. Then I ran out of space and realized I was never going to meet Ryan Gosling on Tinder. So I deleted my dating apps so I live my narcissistic dreams through Snapchat. Yes, I’ve been on one Tinder date and two Hinge dates. I played chess with a guy from Tinder for two hours and lost. I drank some Cognac and Cointreau out of a tea cup in a Lower East Side speakeasy with a Goldman dude from Hinge. I waited 30 minutes on the street and split the tab with an almost–5’6” almost–lawyer match. My mom said that dating apps are the future, but I don’t have the time or data plan for more than swiping right. I know I’ll hear so-and-so met on TinderJswipeHingeGrouperGrindr or whatever. My friend will say you have to try this app. I’ll try again. I know it. After all, my middle name is Hope.

15 ARTS

humans of chez yasmine, ICA opening party

18 LOWBROW tbt: the 90s

20 BACKPAGE locust bingo

Photo courtesty of Clare Lombardo

COME CELEBRATE OUR STYLE SUPERLATIVE WINNERS WITH US. WE MIGHT EVEN PUT ON CLEAN UNDERWEAR. 8 PM AT SMOKES' TONIGHT.

34TH STREET MAGAZINE Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief Marley Coyne, Managing Editor Ariela Osuna, Digital Director Ling Zhou, Design Editor Byrne Fahey, Design Editor Corey Fader, Photo Editor Galit Krifcher, Assistant Design Holly Li, Assistant Design Amy Chen, Assistant Photo Conor Cook, Highbrow Elie Sokoloff, Highbrow Katie Hartman, Word on the Street Randi Kramer, Ego Casey Quackenbush, Ego Ryan Zahalka, Food and Drink 2

Julie Levitan, Food and Drink Cassandra Kyriazis, Film and TV Orly Greenberg, Film and TV Clare Lombardo, Features Amanda Suarez, Features Caroline Marques, Music Amanda Silberling, Music Justin Sheen, Arts Molly Collett, Arts Rosa Escandon, Lowbrow Mikaela Gilbert-Lurie, Lowbrow Kimberly Lu, Backpage Mark Paraskevas, Copy Editor Sarah Fox, Copy Editor Pat Goodridge, Copy Editor

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Giulia Imholte, Social Media Editor Rachel Rubin, Digital Designer Kyle Bryce-Borthwick, Video Editor Lucy Hovanisyan, Web Producer Alex Cohn, Web Producer Mara Veitch, Web Producer COVER PHOTO: Amanda Suarez BACKPAGE DESIGN: Holly Li Contributors: Natasha Doherty, Adam Hersh, Cole Speidel, Sammy Krouse, Raquel Banks, Talia Sterman, Taylor Culliver

Contacting 34th Street Magazine: If you have questions, comments, complaints or letters to the editor, email Alexandra Sternlicht, Editor–in–Chief, at sternlicht@34st.com. You can also call us at (215) 8986585. To place an ad, call (215) 898-6581. www.34st.com "We're just gonna have to get in a sexy position, I guess." ©2015 34th Street Magazine, The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. No part may be reproduced in whole or in part without the express, written consent of the editors (but I bet we will give you the a-okay.) All rights reserved. 34th Street Magazine is published by The Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc., 4015 Walnut St., Philadelphia, Pa., 19104, every Thursday.

LO VE REPO RT

HIGHBROW

In the spirit of midterm season, Highbrow evaluated the, ahem, performance of two lacking lovers and graded them accordingly.

First thing’s first: I hit it off with a random guy at a late night. Thank you, liquid courage. After constant texting the following week (#chivalry), he invited me to his date night. The night before the date night, I went over to his house. In short, we hooked up and I slept over. The next morning, I woke up to loud music playing in the hallway. The other fraternity brothers were starting to wake up and pregame for a darty. I wanted to leave without anyone recognizing me so, upon departure, my guy told me to disguise myself by putting on an orange bucket hat. Which was weird because I’m neither an old man fishing nor a baby on the beach. When I opened the door, the hall was lined with his frat bros who were clapping and chanting, “She loves the D! Yeah!” (#chivalry #isdead). Trying not to come off as awkward and embarrassed, I decided to go in the complete opposite direction and did the robot out of the house—in the orange bucket hat. I wish I were kidding. Unfortunately, that night was also the date night. Theme? Champagne and shackles. When I reentered to the frat house, my date was already super drunk, but we shackled ourselves together anyways. As the night wound down, my date was clearly blackout, so I told him I was going to head out. He walked me to the door and then dropped his pants in the doorway, trying to initiate sex. Someone walked through and apologized for interrupting. I apologized for his flaccid penis. I immediately left without my shoes.

Report Card: Boy A Self–Presentation: BCompatibility: B Date Quality: C

The day before my date night, I got a text from a friend saying that she heard the guy I was bringing to said date night had a “really fun night” the night before. Apparently, he had been arrested at a country concert for having sex in public. (Ed. note: apparently this is a rising trend. See left.) Did this deter me from going with him? Sadly, no. Our date night was great. After a few too many drinks, we left a little early and went back to my apartment. We fell asleep almost immediately. At 5:30 am, I woke up to a phone buzzing. Not my phone, but my date's phone. Even weirder, he was gone and his side of the bed was soaking wet. But his clothes were scattered on my floor so I knew he couldn’t have gone far. I was wrong. Apparently he had run across campus to his frat, trying to “find his iPhone” from his computer. That would explain the buzzing. Next thing I knew, he was back in my apartment—like I wouldn’t notice that he was wearing a completely different outfit than before. I then asked him about my wet bed. He admitted to peeing in my bed but tried to justify it by saying “It only happens when I’m drunk and sleep out.” Warn a girl. Damn.Also, how many times has this happened? We stripped my bed and went back to sleep. They say you can’t put a price on love, but my $89 dry cleaning bill would say otherwise. If you’re reading this, Tipsy Tinkler, please accept my Venmo charge.

Report Card: Boy B Self–Presentation: B– Compatibility: ADate Quality: C-

over heard PENN at

Christian leaders at Starbucks under Commons: Coffee is like the Reformation. Nostalgic birthday girl: When I was little, my brother and sister used to take off my tights and used them to tie me to different pieces of furniture and tickle me. That’s why I’m sensitive. Businessman at coffee chat: What do you want to accomplish from this business? Penn student: What I want to accomplish from this business is chasing my passion, which is building watches. Gay guy on Valentine’s Day: I’d rather fist myself than go to dinner with him tonight.

THEROUNDUP Strap down, gag yourself and cover your eyes, because we present you with 50 Shades of Highbrow. We’ve always dominated the social scene and we’re ready to whip you into submission. You dirty Quakers need to be disciplined, by gossip. One group of students skated with the thin ice of the law last weekend. At an ice skating date night on Saturday, attendees turned to alcohol to stay warm on the outdoor rink. While they attempted to balance drinking out of flasks with Michelle Kwan-esque moves, their intoxicated state was obvious. The owners of the rink quickly

spotted the drunkards, confiscated their flasks and forced them to leave. They also called the police, who escorted the Wise guys back to their bus in order to make sure they left. Next time: Heavy on the liquor, light on the ice. Someone lost his chicken McNuggets. Highbrow hears that one wasted Penn student was too intoxicated to order his drunchie meal at McDonalds late Friday night. It took over fifteen minutes for the incoherent guy to articulate his order. As he sat down and ate his Big Mac alone, his friends burst into McDonald’s yelling, “We’ve

been looking for you for over an hour!” When possible, end your night with a happy ending, not a Happy Meal. Freshman boys have been serenading Highbrow all week but, as much as we appreciate the gesture, we would rather you just sing our praises. One house on Pine received a group of singers the day after they had hosted a big party. Half–empty cups scattered the house, and the thirsty boys downed random red solo cups of week old mixed Banker's drinks and flat soda. At least they helped them clean up. Most students are layering up, but we hear that there’s a new Philly joint

stripping down. This weekend, a group of freshman girls went to BuffBoyzz to celebrate with Philly’s finest gay strippers. However, a sensual lap– dance got out of hand, causing the birthday girl’s pants to rip open. This lady boner didn't stop the party; the stripper continued to do his thang. For future reference, Highbrow prefers anacondas over feather boas. The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.

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WORD ON THE STREET

word on the STREET

SWIPE WRONG

ADAM HERSH

hen I first made a Tinder account, I had a number of preconceived notions of what the experience would be like. I expected the app to be somewhere between steamy and seamy: midnight trysts, unsolicited dick pics, dirty talk, solicited dick pics—who knew what depravities men were capable of? As it turns out, Tinder mostly consists of dull conversations with mildly attractive people, like a series of Facebook chats with acquaintances you’ve been meaning to unfriend. But, as the kids say these days, the thirst was real, so I kept on using Tinder. The routine of swiping and typing had become a habit, something to do while waiting in line or killing time before class. That probably explains why I was so easy to catfish. For those of you with better things to do than consume televised trash, catfishing is a term from the MTV reality show Catfish. The show features a bro–y host and his hilariously superfluous sidekick investigating various online romances, relying on sophisticated technology, like Google. Inevitably, they discover that the person claiming to be an international model in Los Angeles is actually a store clerk in Des Moines. Usually somebody cries. It’s dumb, voyeuristic and so much fun. Obviously I’m a fan of the show, so I knew catfishing was a thing that happened. But I put it in the same category as child beauty pageants, millionaire matchmaking and enjoying the Jersey Shore: theoretically possible, but almost totally confined to the world of reality TV. So when a photo of a handsome, immaculately muscled man popped up on my phone, I took it at face value. Beautiful people exist, and sometimes they come to Philadelphia. When we matched, I took it as a sign that I had accumulated some very good karma. We got to chatting, and I believed I’d hit the Tinder jackpot. He went to Penn, could hold a conversation and was generous with compliments. He maybe wanted to meet up that night. The only thing that seemed amiss was that I couldn’t find him on Facebook. Facebook stalking constitues a signifcant Tinder's soul. Since profiles are made from your Facebook account, it doesn’t exactly take Sherlock Holmes to find somebody. Still, some people have uber legit privacy settings. Plus, he was hot and interested in me. I kept chatting. I also kept looking for him online. But all the usual methods that an avid Tinder–er develops

Another day, another chance to swipe left, right or wrong for some Penn students looking for love (or matches). This week, Word on the Street gets a little MTV with a story of being catfished on Tinder.

were failing me. Finally, I turned to the last refuge of the Facebook–stalking scoundrel: reverse Google Image search. One by one, I dragged the images from his profile into Google’s interface. And, one by one, I saw that each of them was a promotional photo of a German porn star. My first thought: Wow, it’s so crazy that a porn star goes to Penn! My second thought: I am the stupidest person who's ever lived. In the world of catfishing, this offense was pretty minor. I didn’t start a months–long emotional affair, give this guy money or reveal the battle plans of the Syrian rebels. But the low stakes made it even more bewildering. One of my fellow students had taken the time to find six clothed pictures of a particular porn star, upload them to a private folder on Facebook and use them to get Tinder matches. Why? Was he trying to use a few lies on Tinder to persuade someone to have sex with him in person? Was it just a game, an effort to see how far he could go and what reactions he could get? Did he just like the feeling of being wanted?

Aren’t those things that I use Tinder for, too? Flirting and dating have always involved lies. It’s pretty damn hard to open yourself up to another person, let alone a stranger. We sand off some of the rough edges and add in a few harmless embellishments. We’re all trying to get something out of other people when we venture into the dating scene, whether that’s at Smokes' or online. In this case, someone had just taken that game and gone pro. Which is all well and good, except it rules out the possibility of making a real human connection. If we make dating—even online dating—an experience where anything goes in the pursuit of personal pleasure, then it’s easy to forget that the person in the profile is a human being, with human wants, needs and fears. And that just won’t do, because acknowledging other people’s humanity is the only way this whole romance thing is ever going to work. In that spirit, I decided to ask my catfisher what he was trying to do, and why. He never responded. But a few hours later, when the night was done and I found myself alone in my room, I reached for my phone, opened up Tinder and started swiping.

ILLUSTRATION BY AMY CHEN 4

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EGO

EGO OF THE WEEK: AMANDA SHULMAN

This hungree girl understands the finer things in life. Whether she's digging for truffles or whipping up mac and cheese, Amanda has taken the cooking scene by storm. We just hope we're invited to her next dinner party. Name: Amanda Shulman From: Greenwich, CT Age: 22 Activities: Editor–in–Chief of UPenn Spoon, Founder of stayhungree.com, Mortar Board Senior Society Major: Political science Street: Define “hungree” vs. “hungry.” Amanda Shulman: First of all, the name hungry, properly spelled, was taken online, and I was like, 'I still like it, so I’m just going to improvise.' So, it’s come to mean that it’s the ongoing “e,” meaning that I’m always hungry for more, not just food, looking to see what else is out there. So it’s an ongoing hunger and search for the best.

AS: I’m kind of in an emotional conflict with the Food Network right now. I used to love it, but it’s not even about the cooking anymore. It’s more about the personality. Half of the people on there don’t have proper knife skills and it really bothers me. But my favorite would still have to be Ina [Garten]. And the camera angles are just beautiful. Even when she turns on the sink, it’s a nice shot.

Street: If you are what you eat, what would you be? AS: Carbs.

Street: What’s your favorite part of a pig? AS: Great question! The cheek for sure. If you think about it, that’s one of the muscles they use the most so it’s so soft and tender. It’s amazing.

Street: So you won the Terry B. Heled Travel & Research Grant from the Kelly Writers House to go truffle hunting. Tell us about it. AS: I went to a Kelly Writers House talk, and I was like, 'I’m going to write the most ridiculous proposal I could ever think of; I want to go hunt truffles. And I won, and then I went to Italy. And my truffle hunter was so hot. My dad had this fear that I was going to marry him. It was the running joke among my family that Amanda will never come back to visit because the truffle hunter doesn’t have a passport.

Street: What’s the grossest food you’ve ever cooked? AS: People freaked out when I walked around campus schlepping a twenty pound pig. That caused some commotion. I love whole animals. It’s amazing to see something in its natural state. If you’re going to eat it, you should know what it looks like.

Street: Tell us the weirdest thing you’ve ever put truffles on. AS: My body. But actually, ice cream.

Street: How do you feel about picky eaters? AS: I think everyone’s palate can change, and that you just have to be willing and not so stubborn. You just got to work on them. They like it, but they just don’t know it.

Street: What’s your favorite food network show?

Street: Be honest, how much time does it take to

compose an Instagram? AS: Depends on the picture. Sometimes I have major anxiety. It can be anywhere from a minute to thirty minutes. Street: There are two kinds of people at Penn... AS: Those who have had my late night mac and cheese and those who haven’t.

Street: What was your first AIM screenname? AS: Ponypal456. I was that person with 8 screennames— Borderbabe782, MandasLike.

Street: Kill, Fuck, Marry. Go. AS: I would kill all the fake gluten–free people. The real ones, I believe you. I would fuck Chris Hemsworth. He’s Street: Where do you see just got it all. And marry Brad yourself in 10 years? Pitt. You can’t go wrong with AS: I will have my own restaurant. I’m not sure where Brad Pitt. yet. And then I will be living This interview has been conin Italy half the year. Also, densed and edited. Read more making pasta and having a farm, so I can make my own at 34st.com. goat cheese Street: Are you milking the goats? AS: Of course I am. I’m a hands–on type of person. Only I will milk the goats. Street: What about your truffle hunter? AS: Oh, my truffle hunter lover will be living right by my side, providing me with ample truffles. Street: What’s your spirit animal? AS: A blue whale. It’s really cool that their heart is the size of a car. Street: Tell us about your first kiss. AS: It was at a bar mitzvah. All good stories start that way. We were playing Pop–A–Shot basketball, and we started playing dare. Like, if you make this shot, I’ll go get you a water. And then he said, 'If I make this, you have to kiss me.' And then he made it, and I was like, 'oh god.' And he dragged me off in a corner and we made out.

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MUSIC

YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS:

Years & Years' new EP is what you've been waiting for all these years (pun regretfully intended).

YEARS & YEARS My older sister and I engage in a constant exchange of music, which keeps us in touch, despite physical distance. So when she posted the music video “Real” by a band called Years & Years on my wall last year, I listened to it like I did the rest. Then I listened to it again. Then, listening a third time, I looked up the rest of the band’s songs and listened to those. Now the Years & Years is my one of my favorite bands. And now, history has repeated itself. The London trio released their EP,

Y & Y in February. For a little over a year, Years & Years have been releasing single–based EPs and remixes, first under Paris–based label Kitsuné and then British Polydor records. They released the album after winning the prestigious BBC Sound of 2015 Award. And boy, did it follow up. Just as the success of “Latch” lies in its combination of Sam Smith’s uniquely dope vocals and Disclosure's EDM stylings, Years & Years takes the two elements and goes even further.

Frontman and lead singer Olly Alexander’s dynamic and exceptional vocal skills slay in every track. They build energy over thumping beats, like in “Desire” and “King”, and radiate emotion, like on the mournful “Memo." Bonus: if you look carefully, you'll recognize Olly from the show Skins. “Memo” expresses the band’s soulful rhythm and blues influences, as Olly's vulnerable falsetto asks in the chorus, “Are you gonna hurt? Are you gonna burn? Gonna answer me?" His lyrics

reflect the reciprocal uncertainty inherent in every relationship, every desire. Even as the fast–paced songs draw you in with their catchy rhythms, their lyrics reveal a hunger for connection restrained by an aching self–doubt. The chorus of “Real” says it best: “Oh I think that if I had been enough for you/I’d be better, would I be good?”

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WHAT TO SEE:

• Make sure you catch 2:54 at Johnny Brenda’s this weekend, where the sisters from London will be taking the stage. Caution: the show is 21+. • Hey, Upper East Siders. Blair Waldorf here. And by here, we mean Philly, on Thursday. Leighton Meester will be playing a set of her pop music at 7:30 pm at the Trocadero. We know you’ll love it. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

MUSIC

WHERE THE GRAMMYS WENT WRONG: NOMINATING CHRIS BROWN The Grammys made a political statement and denounced abuse. But hypocrisy pervades the music industry's biggest event. Whether focused on the performances, celebrity (mis)behavior or on the award decisions themselves, the Grammys are always controversial. This year, Chris Brown's presence at the award show delegitimized the Grammys' messages about domestic violence. After her stellar Super Bowl performance, Katy Perry went to the Grammys with more than dancing with sharks on her agenda. Her beautiful performance of “By the Grace of God” was reworked to have an anti–abuse message. Brooke Axtell—an activist and survivor of human–trafficking—spoke before the performance and President Obama sent in a pre– recorded video. In her powerful speech, Axtell told the audience,“Authentic love does not devalue another human being. Authentic love does not shame and abuse.” In his video, Obama compliments

the nominees, saying, “Tonight we celebrate artists whose music and message help shape our culture.” He continues, imploring Americans to “change our culture for the better by ending violence against women and girls.” This statement, in the context of Chris Brown's almost–Grammy, is a loaded contradiction. This year, Chris Brown was nominated for Best R&B performance for his song “New Flame.” As a nominee, Brown is one of the artists that Obama claims the Grammys wants to celebrate for helping to shape our culture. Which is strange, because Chris Brown was arrested in 2009 for brutally assaulting his ex–girlfriend, former Grammy winner and member of the 2015 Grammys audience, Rhianna. How can the Grammy committee ask to change American culture when they nominate an artist who directly opposes the message

they are advocating? Even looking past Brown’s other instances of misconduct, which range from homophobic hate crimes to random senseless violence, Chris Brown's actions—and criminal record— directly opposes the main social message that the Grammys sought to promote this year: domestic and sexual violence are unacceptable. The hypocrisy is painful; every person in the room knows of Brown’s crimes. One could argue that music should be evaluated separately from the artist who creates it. But especially today, when the internet allows fans to be in constant contact with the artists they admire, it's difficult to believe that music’s message is not influenced by its creators. Musicians like Kanye West, David Byrne and Jay Z all have personalities that are an essential part of how a listener perceives their music. Kanye’s gargantuan ego, Byrne’s experimental artist-

We’ve hit the rut after Valentine’s and before St. Patrick’s Day. That rut is called midterms. Procrastinate with us.

ry and Jay Z’s political activism directly informs the listener and changes flavor of their music’s message. And so, in turn, Chris Brown’s multiple assaults make his music very unsavory. Later in the show, Pharrell Williams, Prince, John Legend and Beyonce made various references to the Mike Brown police brutality case. Through their music, the artists imparted important messages about equality and justice. And Katy

Perry’s performance, in isolation, is a very laudable attempt at making a worthwhile statement. But what the Grammys committee needs to understand, if it wants any of its messages to carry weight, is that we cannot have it both ways. We cannot denounce abuse while celebrating the music and career of the perpetrator. SAMMY KROUSE

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Not Trendy...

WHAT TO LISTEN TO:

• If you haven’t heard yet, Drake dropped If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late out of nowhere on Thursday. Check out his follow–up to Nothing Was the Same on iTunes. • Adventures are releasing Supersonic Home, their first album, on Run for Cover Records this week. They’ve got a great indie sound, especially when considering three–fourths of the band com from Pittsburgh band Code Orange Kids.

WHAT TO BRING UP IN CONVERSATION: • Vice's music channel, Noisey, has an interesting op-ed up right now about sexism and country music, in light of Miranda Lambert’s Grammy win. • Remember Fun.? The trio that penned “We Are Young” has announced that they won’t be releasing new music any time soon, or at least not until it feels right. Hats off to them. It takes a lot to back off in the name of artistic integrity when you’re that big.

CLASSIC.

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FILM & TV

7 WAYS TO SOUND KNOWLEDGEABLE AT YOUR OSCARS VIEWING PARTY

Of course you saw Birdman and Foxcatcher. Totally. And no, bragging about that doesn't make you seem like a mega–douche. Oscars season is just around the corner, but don’t beat yourself up if you’re not up to date on all the latest flicks.The Oscars are a tricky business; it’s hard to remember what Meryl Streep is nominated for and what award Leonardo DiCaprio won’t win this year. Street breaks down your Oscars essentials, including what you should be rooting for, what you should be outraged about and that one plot twist that you just can’t get over.

ILLUSATION BY: AMY CHEN

1. Complain about Selma director Ava DuVernay’s

Best Director snub. Only four women have ever been nominated for Best Director, and only one woman has ever won.WTF, Academy.

2. Reference the fact that

John du Pont went to Penn and was in Zete. Mutter something sarcastic about how the man—and murderer—didn't make Penn's notable alumni list.

Lament the fact that host Neil Patrick Harris was so much better on Broadway in Hedwig & the Angry Inch

NEVER GO UNPREPARED.

than in this commercialized capitalist nonsense they call the "Oscars".

4. Shamelessly root for

5. Walk out of the room

during the “Best Animated Feature” category presentation because you are so upset that The Lego Movie did not get nominated.

John Legend’s “Glory” (feaWhen talking about tured in Selma) to win Best Birdman, make sure to use Original Song. Hey, the man’s the term “tracking shot,” but a Quaker—and he's still alalso point out that you know lowed on campus. the film doesn’t utilize a true tracking shot and that some CGI was used. Pretend you know what CGI is. Add that the drum soundtrack for the film was “totally dope," but

not as dope as the drumming those guys do in Whiplash, which you've also totally seen.

Overplay your identification with Boyhood because you, like Ellar Coltrane, were born in 1994. Muse about the passage of time and your fleeting youth. Mention that the part where Mason skips his official college orientation to eat a weed brownie with some new friends is a spitting image of your frosh NSO experience.

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FILM & TV

WHICH BEST PICTURE NOM SPEAKS TO YOUR SOUL? START Do you live in Domus or on Pine?

YES

Have you ever been to a concert downtown?

Are you afraid of using SEPTA?

YES

Do you have facial hair?

Have you ever been to the Kelly Writers House?

Have you ever rolled?

YES

YES NO Grand Budapest Hotel

Did you like it?

YES

Are you into Harry Potter?

YES

Have you taken Comp Sci 110?

YES

Were you born in America?

YES

Do you like math otherwise?

YES

Birdman

Selma

The Theory of Everything

Michael Keaton plays a washed up superhero actor trying to reestablish himself in this dark comedy—much like Keaton in real life.

We should all watch Selma, the MLK biopic that's been stirring up controversy of its portrayal of Lyndon B. Johnson. But will we?

Let your cold, calculating heart learn about love from this inspiring story about Stephen Hawking and his wife, Jane.

The Imitation Game This story about the first computer science genius saving people from Nazis, so you CIS 110 nerds (we're calling you nerds because you're going to be employed when we're not) better be into it.

There nothing risky about this lighthearted Wes Anderson film.

Boyhood

Whiplash

This movie took over a decade to make. The least you can do is take three hours to watch it.

Hardcore jazz instructor Fletcher (played with precision by JK Simmons) will make you feel grateful about the hands–off approach of most Penn professors.

American Sniper You’re into some dark shit. It’s okay, so is Bradley Cooper. Check out American Sniper and prepare to feel immensely guilty for the next two weeks.

CASSANDRA KYRIAZIS & ORLY GREENBERG F E B R U A R Y 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E

F E AT U R E

“If,

when you walk into a store, the workers sometimes suspect you are going to steal something because of your race, take one step back.” One step back. “If you can legally marry anyone you might fall in love with anywhere in the U.S., take a step forward.” One step forward. Five minutes prior, in the low–ceilinged basement of the Greenfield Intercultural Center, two dozen students found themselves in a horizontal line. They spaced themselves out, unsure of what to expect, and closed their eyes. After two questions, the line diverged as their privilege puppeteered them across the room. “If having sex with several people may improve your reputation among your peers, take a step forward.” One step forward. “If you grew up in a household with housekeepers, nannies or landscapers, take one step forward.” Standing still. “Now open your eyes and look around.” This is how University Chaplain Charles Howard, known as Chaz by most, starts his new class, The Heart of Social Change.

ifteen years ago, after being kicked out of Penn and dumped by his girlfriend the prior spring, Chaz found himself nine Coronas deep at Smokes’. It was senior year and post–grad plans were on his mind. “Yo Ex, I’m thinking about going into ministry,” he told his friend Andrew Exum. “Doesn’t really look like it right now,” Exum replied. Just before the walls collapsed during his junior year, Chaz was re–elected Chair of the United Minorities Council and elected Chief of Sphinx Senior Society. That’s when he got the news that he would not be returning to Penn the next fall due to his low academic standing. “I was way overstretched when I was here,” he explained. “I was involved in 40 different clubs and I made the mistake I think a lot of Penn students make: of thinking that my extracurricular work was more important than

1 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E F E B R U A R Y 1 9 , 2 01 5

my academic work.” That summer, administrators in Chaz’s corner fought to offer him a second chance. By the end of July, he had erased the incompletes on his transcript and brought his spring semester GPA from somewhere in the two’s to a solid “three point something.” “I used to have a cigar a day with another guy in Sphinx after classes,” he said. But everything slowed down senior year. He stopped drinking. He stopped smoking. This shift carried him across the stage at commencement in 2000 and through the next several years of his religious studies. Eight years after graduating with a Bachelor of Arts in Urban Studies, the Reverend Charles L. Howard, Ph.D became the Chaplain of the University of Pennsylvania. Today, Chaz looks back on that night at Smokes’ and laughs. As Chaplain of the university he was once kicked out of, he oversees religious life on campus, teaches undergraduate courses and aids in crisis response. Having seen life on both sides of the coin at Penn, first as a student and now as an administrator, he uses his unique position to provide knowledge and wisdom to the community. His journey starting here nearly twenty years ago foreshadowed the same stories he comes across with students on campus today. “The things we do while we’re undergrads—[they] seem so important,” he said. “You couldn’t have told me that the UMC and Inspiration and Alpha and Sphinx and Class Board...you couldn’t have told me they weren’t the most important things in the world.” Today, Chaz says, “I think the biggest problem with universities, in general, is that they’re very insecure places. Insecurity is contagious.” Discourse surrounding the culture at Penn is not new. On Tuesday, the Task Force on Student Psychological Health and Welfare, on which Chaz sat, released its final eight– page report. It concluded a year–long inquiry following six student suicides in 15 months. “The drive for academic excellence along with the perception that in order to be successful one needs to hold leadership roles in multiple realms contributes to the amount of stress and distress experienced by Penn students,”

F E AT U R E

the report states. “I think insecurity leads us to take jobs that we don’t want to take. Insecurity leads us to join clubs that we really don’t have to,” Chaz said with a calm, yet fiery frustration. Everyone at Penn can tell a story about the friend who abandoned their startup idea to take a job on Wall Street or who went to law school like their parents always wanted instead of becoming a writer. “That hurts my heart,” Chaz said. “You’re young. Take a risk. If you fall on your face, you’re good.”

month into The Heart of Social Change, Chaz walked into the basement ten minutes late without his normal grin. The night before, three Muslim students were killed in Chapel Hill. “It really grieves my spirit,” he said later, shaking his head and pausing to collect himself. “War and gun violence, I just can’t stand. On the other hand, I also recognize where all that stuff comes from. There’s an insecurity and fear that most people

have about life and that’s the only way that people handle it.” His class attempts to provide a space for students to solve some of the world’s toughest challenges, building upon a cross– cultural awareness course he taught in the past. He describes Penn as a place of doing. “We’re not going to land on any answers about how you fix anything, necessarily, because there are so many ways to do that,” he explained. “But I really wanted to have a class that could go a little deeper into how you bring about change.” Eric Shapiro, a senior in Wharton, was instrumental in designing the class and now serves as the TA. The two envisioned the course as “a space where people who are interested in social entrepreneurship, who are interested in art, who are interested in good old fashioned activism, are together learning from each other.”

ust as Chaz draws on his undergraduate experiences while working today, he also recalls his relationship with his predecessor, Will Gipson, when mentoring students like Eric. Since Chaz’s time as an undergraduate at Penn, Gipson has played a strong part in his personal and professional development. “I was that student who came in, tear–soaked face and sad, anxious about what I’m going to do with my life after I graduate,” Chaz remembered. “[Gipson] would drop anything if he could to be with a student or a faculty member.” “That was the model I tried to employ.” Chaz said. “He did that for me.” Mirroring Chaz’s sentiments about Gipson, College senior Victoria Ford said, “[Chaz] will stop and take the time out for any and every student that he’s interacting with. To talk, to pray, whatever it is that you need, he’ll make that time.” Students go to him for advice, just as he went to Gipson as a Penn undergrad. “He draws the knowledge out of you in a way that you think it’s you,” said Eric. “I think my

job is to love, regardless,” Chaz said, “to catch where people trip, to affirm, to kick in the butt when people make mistakes.’

haz’s Bowl Award, the coveted prize granted to Penn seniors each year, still sits on the table in his office. His three bookshelves boast titles like King Among the Theologians and Negro with a Hat. One is lined with The Classics of Western Spirituality, while another holds family portraits. A native of Baltimore, Chaz has faint memories of talking to friends and family about wanting to be a minister while growing up. He idolized Adam Clayton Powell, Jr. and Martin Luther King, Jr., both of whom balanced their ministry with their politics. “If you asked me in high school or even early Penn what I wanted to do, I would have said I wanted to be a politician,” he remembered. Life had crushed him after his junior year, but with a “good couple of kicks in [his] behind,” he began to question his calling—better yet, God’s calling for him. “It was the first time I asked God what he wanted me to do.” he said. “I wrestled with the question of not ‘What am I good at?’ and not ‘What do I want to do?,’ but ‘What am I called to do?’”

fter morning prayers and taking his three daughters to school, the chaplain’s work day starts at 9am in the solace of his Houston Hall office. He resides on a pale red couch, sipping his morning tea. In an hour, he’ll be meeting with a student, then heading to Fisher–Bennett for his other class, Black History at Penn. He is at peace. For Chaz, this isn’t work. “It’s not a job to do,” he says. “It’s an opportunity to love.”

Taylor Culliver is a senior from Montgomery, Alabama concentrating in marketing in the Wharton School. He is the former President & Executive Editor and the current Innovation Director of The Daily Pennsylvanian.

Photo: Amanda Suarez

F E B R U A R Y 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 1

FOOD & DRINK

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FOOD & DRINK

HOW TO THROW A POP–UP DINNER

AMANDA’S LATEST POP–UP MENU

Amanda Shulman gives us the skinny on how to fatten up friends, strangers and (pontential?) lovers.

First course: Winter salad with caramelized walnuts, endive, fennel, parmesan and pear. And "really good blue cheese from DiBruno’s, obviously.”

Step 1: The Guest List

“I make my Facebook status: "Hey, having a dinner party. Four courses. 30 bucks. BYO. Message me if you’re interested." I usually get a bunch of messages or people inboxing me. Then, I concoct a group of people who would never break bread together, or just don’t know each other."

Second course: Sweet potato ravioli in brown butter sage sauce

Step 2: Menu Building

“I work on a menu for a while, which is how I spend most of my classes. There’s always a pasta, there’s a main meat or fish. Then, there’s some type of salad, or cheese, or something cool. They don’t know what the menu will be. That’s the surprise element. And also [some] people are picky.”

Main course: Poached cod in a mussel– saffron broth

Step 3: Shop and Prep

“I budget it for myself. For these, I don’t really make a profit, but I like to set how much money I have [for ingredients] based on how many people are coming. I shop everywhere. I go to Reading Terminal. I go to the Italian Market. I go to Whole Foods. I go to the Green Market if it’s seasonal and open. I usually prep starting three days before—just making extensive lists about how long things take.”

Photographs courtesy of Amanda Shulman

Dessert: Homemade s’mores and hot chocolate shots with whipped cream

Step 4: Determine Serving Sizes

“I err on the side of giving people too much food. I don’t want people paying for something and then feeling like they’re hungry afterwards. That’s my worst nightmare. The worst thing is when you go to a meal and you’re not satisfied. With pasta, unfortunately, [I] have to be kind of frugal, because I roll it by hand. When I’m making ravioli, I do six to seven per person and when you’re having twelve people, that’s a lot of fuckin’ ravioli to roll.”

Step 5: The Execution

“I had to buy proper plate–ware. The first two [pop–ups] were on plastic plates, and it was fun. But the vibe wasn’t as good. I just come out and present each course and sit and eat with them for as long as I can before I have to start preparing the next [courrse]. It ends up being really fun. [It lasts about] three hours and everyone is so drunk by the end. And so full.”

PRO TIPS FOR STAYING HUNGREE "Audience Participation is key. Last [party], I made shots of really intense hot chocolate, and had everyone whip the cream. That’s a big crowd pleaser. Pass around a bowl of cream and have people whip it—they go bananas.” "Do themed parties. Like pasta parties, four courses of pasta. I’m doing one next week, actually. It’s all pig themed, so pork in every dish. I’m pretty amped. (Ed. note: Plz invite us.)” "I give them something to take home...like a muffin, or a scone, or something. You want to be the first thing they think about when they wake up.” This interview has been condensed and edited.

F E B R U A R Y 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 3

FOOD & DRINK

DRINK OF THE WEEK: POP ROCK-ARITA Make this. Or pour a packet of Pop Rocks in your Copa marg. Either will rock your mouth.

Ingredients: 1 packet of cherry Pop Rocks 1/2 cup of bing cherries 1 1/2 ounces of tequila 1 ounce of cherry liqueur

1 tbsp of agave syrup 1 tbsp of lime juice A pinch of sugar

Directions: Lightly crush one packet of Pop Rocks. Line the rim of a margarita glass with agave syrup, then dip in the crushed Pop Rocks. In a cocktail shaker, mash up cherries with a bit of sugar. Then add ice and the rest of the ingredients, including the remaining rocks. Now just shake, pour and enjoy the pop.

MAKE YOUR POPCORN POP

BYO these bad boys and you'll be the most popular person at the Rave. Parmesan-Rosemary: For the days when you’re just too damn classy for microwave popcorn.

Mix 16 cups of hot popcorn with 3 tablespoons of olive oil, 1/2 cup of grated parmesan, 1 tablespoon of chopped fresh rosemary and 2 teaspoons of sea salt.

Everything Bagel: This one’s for you, New York Jews.

Mix 12 cups of hot popcorn with 2 tablespoons of white and black sesame seeds, 4 cups of broken bagel chips, 6 tablespoons of melted butter, 1 tablespoon of caraway seeds, granulated onion and granulated garlic and 1 1/2 teaspoons of kosher salt.

Crunchy Ramen: Make something exciting out of that one (or two) packs of ramen still lurking in your pantry.

Put two 3–ounce packages of ramen noodles in warm water for 4 minutes, but don't add the flavor packets yet. Pull noodles apart and dab with paper towels until dry. Heat 1/4 in vegetable oil in a big skillet over medium or high heat. Fry the noodles in a single layer until crisp, drain and dry. Break noodles into pieces. Mix with 8 cups of hot popcorn, then add the flavor packets for extra flavor.

Sushi: Still hungry even after your Hai Street sushirrito is long gone? Munch on this mix to satisfy your yuppy fish craving.

Combine1 1/2 tablespoons of vegetable oil and soy sauce with 2 teaspoons of rice vinegar and sesame oil. Drizzle over 16 cups of freshly popped popcorn. Toss with 2 cups of torn seaweed snacks (try Trader Joe’s) and throw in a cup of wasabi peas.

The Elvis: You know it’s wrong. But it tastes so right.

Melt 1 cup honey and 3/4 cups of sugar over medium heat, stirring for about 5 minutes until the sugar dissolves. Stir in 1 cup of peanut butter and 1 teaspoon each of vanilla extract and kosher salt until smooth. Pour over 16 cups of hot popcorn. Toss with 2 cups of peanuts, 1 cup of dried banana chips. Most importantly, add a 1/2 a cup of chopped bacon.

Margarita: The perfect snack to pair with our Drink of the Week, the pop rock-arita

Melt 6 tablespoons of butter with 2 tablespoons each of lime juice and tequila, 2 teaspoons each of kosher salt and sugar, and 1 1/2 teaspoons of grated lime zest in a skillet over medium heat. Pour the mix over 12 cups of popcorn and add in 4 cups of lightly crushed lime–flavored tortilla chips.

Veggie: Make this with Skinny Pop if you want to pretend you’re being healthy.

Pulse 2 cups of mixed dehydrated snap peas and mixed veggie chips in a food processor until they form a powder. Mix 8 cups of fresh popcorn with the snap peas and mixed veggies. Season with salt. 1 4 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E F E B R U A R Y 1 9 , 2 01 5

( Recipe credit: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/articles/50-flavored-popcorn-recipes.page-1.html)

ARTS

(Photos: Chez Yasmine

CHEZ. CHAZ. CHEESE. AND MORE. @ 34ST.COM

"Only five percent say no. Half of those people say it’s because they have no makeup on or it’s a bad hair day. I mean, I think they look beautiful.but no picture. Maybe they come back another day...,” Jihed Chemini laughs over an afternoon dessert of salted caramel cake at Pod restaurant. Most students know Jihed as the debonair, aviator–wearing owner of Chez Yasmine food truck at 37th and Spruce streets—many would call him a campus celebrity. Jihed’s growing popularity in the last year can be attributed to something more than his delicious French–Tunisian–Swedish cuisine: a booming social media presence. So whether you have or have not tried the tartine and couscous, you probably know someone who was photographed grabbing lunch on the way to Van Pelt. Akin to Brandon Stanton of Humans of New York, Jihed

has transformed his Facebook page into a platform to share his daily experiences with people in the Penn community. From his most loyal customers whose names are displayed on the menu, to first–timers looking for something beyond the typical gyro—Jihed proudly shares his portraits with detailed captions or shoutouts in his morning statuses. Even in the bitter winter months, his subjects are smiling—not a fake smile for the picture, but a squinty–eyed grin likely caught mid–laugh after one of Jihed’s jokes. “The 95% of people who say yes—they love it! Then they go home, they tag so their friends can see...but the tagging really allows me to connect a face and name to my customers.” The cover photo on his Facebook page shows some of his earliest loyal students, a group of seniors in the Huntsman program in the class of 2014.

Jihed can point to each student and recount details about their life. “Her parents are Belgian, but they live in Tunisia. I will see them in six months when I visit. After he graduated, his younger brother came to Penn and started visiting the truck all the time in his place.” Jihed remembered the details of each student, which represents his philosophy behind capturing customers through his photographs. “It’s not an exchange of food and money, then goodbye and next customer. That’s not what I do—it’s about making a connection with people, sharing an experience and getting to know each other.” The art behind Jihed’s photographs is his intention of creating a photo catalogue of transitory people with whom he had a meaningful interaction. Lunch is meant to be something to remember, for both the photographer and his subject. CAROLINE KEE F E B R U A R Y 1 9 , 2 01 5 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E 1 5

ARTS

HOT PEOPLE LOOKING AT ART: GORGEOUS ART AND PEOPLE AT THE ICA'S OPENING PARTY

DIY terrariums! Outrageous outfits! Jesus mixing electronica! Last week the ICA celebrated a new season of art installations with a magical mid–winter party. Street hit the galleries to c heck out the artwork. But mostly to see what all of the beautiful people in attendance had to say. Natalie Joy, sophomore in the College

Susan, Awrtist in bird/performance piece

“I’m here with the performance artist Lord Whimsy as part of the festivities tonight. It’s so fun, but it’s also been hard to see the art under my mask.”

“Hot people looking at art is the best.” Felipe Gedeon, sophomore in Wharton

“I’m not sure how I feel about war as the subject of artwork in Harold Mendez’s pieces over here. I don’t know if hanging pictures on a wall conveys the brutality and suffering of conflict. It feels passive.” Maya Arthur, freshman in the College

“I missed the official opening last week, but this is more fun because there are terrariums. I like “The Incidental Insurgents” on the second floor because it depicts anarchy on a personal level.You usually think of anarchy as being something collective, a mob mentality, but this shows the individual’s experience. It’s beautiful.”

Serving

Tiffany Valentiny, senior studying economics and German

“I took a selfie with the bird—she’s my Snapchat story! She was great, very receptive. I also made a terrarium tonight. There was a big queue outside the room with the plants so I got in illegally using Madeline Penn [on the ICA Student Advisory Board].”

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Tim Crowe, Penn security guard

“I recently got a degree in Egyptology from Penn, so I prefer working at the Penn Museum and looking at the artefacts. This contemporary art. It’s not really my thing. But I’ll tell you what: it’s honest art. Did you see the wall of baloney that was up last year? Looked like they nailed up my lunch.”

Ashley, sophomore studying English and linguistics

“Oh, my favourite thing I saw tonight was a painted piece of popcorn on top of Harold Mendez’s tree sculpture on the second floor. I wonder what it’s doing there,”

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THE OREGON TRAIL

BY BY BYTHE THE THE NUMBERS NUMBERS NUMBERS

$153,701 $153,701 $153,701

34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011 34TH STREET Magazine December 1, 2011

$196,136 $196,136 $196,136

$295,344 $295,344 $295,344

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LOWBROW

'90s CHARACTERS: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

YOU HAVE TO EAT THIS: NINETIES YOGURT

It's been twenty years since the '90s. What happened? 1. Arnold (Hey Arnold): Had his first daughter young and now she’s starting high school. She likes her mother way better. Arnold now plays with model trains to relax.

words: Danimals. It had pictures of animals. That’s a goddamn tragedy and we at Lowbrow won’t stand for it. You know what Danimals always had on its packaging? Pictures of animals. #Animalyogurtsmatter. Are you still sucking down pints of Greek yogurt because you think it’ll cure your yeast infection? Because it won't. Grow the fuck up and throw that shit away. ‘90s yogurt or no yogurt. Suck my Gogurt.

8. Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup (The Powerpuff Girls): Bubbles is in TriDelt. Buttercup is fighting the patriarchy. Blossom is eat–pray– loving in India; she burned out in high school.

4. Topanga (Boy Meets World): Moved to New Jersey. Never married Cory. He was too goofy. Settled down with an investment banker who never really loved her.

Gogurt or go fuck yourself. Oh, you’re “really into Chobani”? That’s cool. Now shut the fuck up while we talk about ‘90s yogurt. The yogurt of today is lacking, and we're angry. Your probiotic–yakult fuckery can’t even touch my Gogurt. Even the name oozes genius. It’s yogurt that you can eat on the go. Get it? Of course you don’t, it’s over your head. There's no more pleasant sensation in the world than sucking sweet, strawberry–flavored, liquified yogurt from a tube. Gogurt was the best part of your lunch, don’t even front. Question: What’s the best part of your lunch now? Answer: No one fucking cares because it’s not Gogurt. Dannon Sprinklins was also yogo dope. No one is on the sprinkle game now. Show me someone who doesn’t think yogurt is better with sprinkles on it and I’ll show you a fucking idiot. Sprinkles makes everything better, son. Trix yogurt is also a thing that changed lives. The mastermind rabbits who concocted Trix yogurt inexplicably managed to turn a mediocre cereal into a trill–ass yogurt. And it was swirled, so you really got the best of both worlds. Respect. One word, made of two

7. Lizzie McGuire (Lizzie McGuire): Has been in therapy for dissociative identity disorder for many years. Some days are better than others.

2. CatDog (CatDog): Dog passed away tragically, but Cat lives on. This is a horror movie. 3. The Tanner Family (Full House): Had to move to Oakland. Have you seen the real estate prices in San Francisco recently?

9. Jane Jetson (The Jetsons): Nothing has changed. The Jetsons are in the future.

5. Phil and Lil (Rugrats): Moved to Brooklyn and are selling artisinal soaps. Their parents are really disappointed that neither of them are putting those Tulane degrees to use.

10. Amanda Bynes (The Amanda Show): Doing great, looks amazing.

6. Ross Geller (Friends): never found that dinosaur and the dinosaur never found out how to be herself.

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B AC K PAG E

First person to get five in a row and shout "STREET" wins. SOMEONE SITTING TABARD PLEDGES BEING LESS COOL WITH BEN FRANKLIN THAN YOU FOR ONCE WITHOUT IRONY OR A

AN OLD PERSON

STRIDE OF PRIDER

YOUR EX (BONUS POINTS IF YOU AVOID THEM)

SOMEONE FROM YOUR FRESHMAN HALL

SOMEONE TRYING TO GET YOU TO SIGN UP FOR SOMETHING

SOMEONE FLYERING IN 0 DEGREE WEATHER

MAN BUN, FOR BETTER OR WORSE

OCR MINIONS POWER WALKING

FREEBIE CANADA GOOSE

PLEDGES BEING GENERALLY EMBARRASSING

GYM RAT

FRAT DOG SHAMELESSLY USED AS LADY BAIT

SOMEONE SPORTING A PENN LANYARD

YOGA PANTS

A BABY/CHILD WEARING PENN GEAR

CLUE

ASIAN TOUR GROUP YOUR TINDER MATCH

LOCUST WALK JOGGER SHOWING OFF

SOMEONE RIDICULOUSLY OVERDRESSED FOR CLASS/LIFE

SOMEONE STILL TOTING A LONCHAMP

SOMEONE INSTAGRAMMING LOCUST WALK #ORIGINAL

2 0 3 4 T H S T R E E T M A G A Z I N E F E B R U A R Y 1 9 , 2 01 5

SOMEONE POSING WITH THE LOVE STATUE

THE STAR OF YOUR LAST SEX DREAM