8 minute read
EARTHLY REMAINS
Perhaps it was the almost unending threat of contracting COVID-19, or maybe because I had just turned 67 with my wife close behind at 66, but the two of us decided it was time to write our wills. “This’ll be easy,” I thought.
And to some extent it was. If I died, she got everything, the reverse being true as well. And if we both unexpectedly exited this world for the next at the same time, our kids would each get half. There. That’s done.
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But then, things got difficult. What to do with our earthly remains?
For my wife, the decision had been made years before she met me. She wanted a traditional casket and funeral, interred near her parents where they resided, a cemetery in a suburb of Chicago. Aside from which music to play, a task which consumed the better part of three days (she decided upon What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong) the decision of how to repose on her final doze was easy.
Myself, on the other hand … not so much.
I had always planned on being cremated and having my ashes dumped in the ocean off the coast of San Diego’s Del Mar. This was how my parents had exited and I wished to follow their lead. The only difference would be that in their Making a will case, we chartered boats. Too was easy. But expensive and not at all like me, I told my kin. Just paddle deciding about my ashes out on a boogie board my earthly and heave-ho. But now as I prepared to remains, well… formally make my preferences known, I discovered something BY DAVE BACHMANN that put a bit of a damper on my plans. Namely, it’s illegal.
Yep, according to the federal Clean Water Act, ashes must be spread three nautical miles from shore. And while I didn’t know how far a nautical mile was, I was pretty sure it was further than you could paddle on a boogie board.
Which got me to thinking: How many legal ways are there to depose of one’s remains? Quite a few, I discovered.
And some of them are pretty cool. On the esoteric side, you can have a vial of your ashes shot into space for $2,500. But if you want them to stay up, you’ll have to pay a little more, otherwise they’ll be coming back as a shooting star. You can have your ashes transformed into a living reef, complete with bronze plaque and GPS location. You can
have artistic renderings of your loved ones in the forms of tattoos where the ink is mixed with the ashes, jewelry and stained glass, and even a company that will transform your incinerated remains into a vinyl recording so you can be “knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door” for time immemorial.
Opposed to the whole ashes to ashes thing? If you’re the seafaring sort, you can be buried at sea. Yes, all of you, as long as you’re far enough offshore and in deep enough water. Fond of gardening? How about a little composting for your recompose? And for those of you desiring to reduce your carbon footprint—along with the rest of you—there are green options such as a “natural” burial, which sounds a whole lot like what they did in the olden times. Green burial is safe and legal, uses biodegradable materials, and does not involve embalming. Green burial can only be done in approved areas specific for this purpose, so forget about parking your eternal self next to Spot in the backyard.
Of course, you could always opt for something exotic like aerial burial, common in Tibet. I’ll refrain from going into the specifics, but let’s just say it involves the enthusiastic participation of vultures. Enough said.
Interestingly, a study conducted in 2020 by insurance company Choice Mutual found that 35% of their respondents planned on a traditional burial, with 44% opting for cremation. That leaves 21% undecided. Hmmm, wonder what they’re planning?
It might be something that, while it’s illegal, is not all that uncommon, namely having one’s ashes spread at Disneyland. Apparently, the Haunted House, Pirates of the Caribbean, and It’s a Small World are the most popular destinations and, in fact, so common that Disney has a special code it invokes called “HEPA cleanup” that involves the vacuuming up of said scattered ashes. Yo-ho, yo-ho, a Hoover’s life for me.
As for myself, I have resolved to donate my body to science, in part to atone for the numerous times I cheated on Biology and Chemistry tests in high school. That, and the fact that it’s free. And when they’re done, they’ll actually return my cremated remains to my descendants. What a deal.
And in my will (hint-hint) I might make mention to my offspring of what a huge fan I am of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Just saying.
Dave Bachmann taught English to special needs children in Arizona for 39 years. He currently lives in California with his wife and 14-year-old lab, writing stories, articles, and poems for children and grown-ups.
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LIVING WITH DEMENTIA AND A ROOMMATE
With the right match, having a roommate can enrich life and reduce loneliness
by Ed Taylor
In 2010, my grandmother’s journey with dementia had reached a point where we needed to find another option for her care. We had done our best to keep her at home as long as possible: We remodeled the house to make getting around easier, hired inhome care providers, taken many trips to the emergency room, and generally came to expect the unexpected. The day arrived when our efforts were no longer practical or providing any of us, especially my grandmother, with what she really needed to live her best life. We needed real help. We needed a professional memory care community.
After what felt like endless research and tours, we found a wonderful community, and made the challenging decision to move her to her new home. Things were going relatively well after the emotional settling in period, which was harder on us than on her. The only thing that bothered us with her new community was the rotating roommates who came and went. Her apartment, like most memory care communities, was set up for two residents to occupy. When we came to visit, we never knew who her roommate would be. Some were wonderful, and others were a bit more challenging and not a good fit. This was our first experience with memory care, and we assumed this was normal and hoped for the best. Then one day everything changed— an angel-roommate arrived by the name of Virginia!
My grandmother, Winona, and her new best friend Virginia were like two peas in a pod. Their personalities were made for each other. They spent their days dining together, enjoying various activities in the community, and our families got to know each other. When
we visited, it was with both lovely ladies, and I knew Virginia's family did the same.
We came to realize, when executed properly, the memory care experience can enrich life and engage people where they are on their journey. The benefits of companionship living within memory care added benefits we never expected.
Dementia can be an isolating experience, and many people struggle to remain connected to loved ones. Sharing a living space with another person can go a long way toward drastically reducing the feeling of isolation and loneliness, and promote physical and mental health. It can also create a sense of well-being and continued self-esteem. According to the CDC, adults who are socially isolated face a 29% increased risk of heart disease and 32% increased risk of stroke. Loneliness has also been associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide.
A purpose-built memory care community like Quail Park of West Seattle can offer tremendous peace of mind. The in-depth, roommate matchmaking processes at Quail Park identify personalities that fit well together, and in turn, enrich the memory care experience. In addition to decreasing isolation and increasing engagement, there are many more notable benefits of the right match: Added safety and security as companions can act to help one another during crisis or confusion, easing the transition into a new home and community with new surroundings. Reducing costs as companion suites are often substantially less expensive than private apartments. And companion suites can also provide added purpose for your loved one as they are now part of a team and often feel a sense of responsibility for their partner.
Quail Park of West Seattle is currently open—all residents are vaccinated—and following the Safe Start Washington plan for tours and visits. We would love to have you stop by and visit with us.
WHEN YOU OR THE ONE YOU LOVE NEED EXTRA HELP
Quail Park of Lynnwood has recently opened their Enhanced Assisted Living (EAL) area. With this newest addition to our campus, we’ll be able to provide a higher level of physical care for our residents. For example: • Two-person and mechanical lift transfers • Physical, occupational, and speech therapy • Sliding board transfers • Specialized diets Additionally, we can support people with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), Parkinson’s disease, strokes, and other diagnoses that require more medical intervention. While these services normally require a stay at a skilled nursing facility, you can now potentially receive the care and assistance in a setting that provides you with: • Private apartments and bathrooms • Access to two dining rooms, a pub, and two bistros • Extensive and inclusive activities and events • Transportation to medical appointments • One-on-one coaching and support in our on-site gym
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Serving Western Washington
Quail Park of Lynnwood
Quail Park Memory Care Residences of West Seattle Call Today for More Information
Quail Park of Lynwood 425-329-6591
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