OUR INNER AGEIST

about a decade ago, at age 60, I had a rude awakening. A frail older woman sat next to me in a restaurant, and I noticed her tattered clothes and dirty hands. She ordered free samples and I felt uncomfortable. My inner dialogue went like this: “She shouldn’t be here at my favorite vegan restaurant. It’s so sad, those wrinkles, that frailty, poverty, and neediness. I’ll never be like that.”

I was meeting a hidden, unknown part of myself that was attributing to her what I was denying and rejecting in myself—my own loss of youthful vitality and potential dependency, loneliness, and poverty. In fact, I was projecting onto her a dark image of my future self and deeply disliking what I felt.

I was shocked by this new awareness, especially because I had worked and rallied against the other “isms” and stereotypes of racism, sexism, classism, and homophobia. Yet, deep in the hidden recesses of my unconscious, ageism—invisible and insidious—persisted in me.

In that moment I became aware of “the inner ageist” in myself and dubbed her “the bag lady.” She personifies the fear of losing everything, being unable to take care of oneself, and ending up abandoned on the streets. And she led me on an unanticipated journey.

With ageism, we project our negative fantasies of “old”—ugly, frail, needy, senile—that leads to condescension and stereotyping: “greedy geezer,” “old bat,” “over the hill,” “out to pasture.” And when millions of young people project what they fear about aging onto elders, the latter try to appear and to act as if they are younger. Hence, the epidemic of anti-aging marketing, advertising, surgery, and hormone replacement therapy.

I didn’t know it at the time, but “the bag lady” is an epidemic image within women in our culture. In 2016, Allianz Life Insurance Company did a survey that found that almost half of women respondents said they sometimes fear losing their money and becoming homeless, regardless of income level. So, I was not alone in carrying this hidden figure.

How Our Hidden Attitudes and Images of Age Shape Our Actual Experience—and What That Means for the Fight Against Ageism by Dr. Connie Zweig

This new awareness led me into unknown territory and a radically new purpose. I knew that if I held dark fears beneath conscious awareness, and negative inner images of late life, others did, too. I decided to take a training to become an elder with Sage-ing International, a year-long program that proved to be a perfect fit for me in my late 60s. During this program, I found myself reorienting to the purpose of late life, as well as finding the tools to explore my own meaning for this time.

Trained as a depth psychologist to orient to the unconscious mind, I was thrilled to discover the research of Becca Levy, a psychologist at Yale School of Public Health, who has spent her career pioneering research about the unconscious operation of age stereotypes and prejudice. She has revealed how positive and negative beliefs about older people, which she calls age stereotypes, can be embodied inside of us, having profound effects on our mental and physical health.

Age stereotypes are internalized during childhood and young adulthood, and embodied when they lead to self-images. They are later reinforced throughout life by repeated exposure to ageist messaging, according to Levy. Eventually, over the years, they become “self-stereotypes,” which I call “the inner ageist.” As a therapist working with elders, I have seen how this process of internalization leads to self-hate and a merciless inner critic (“I’ve become weak, useless, worthless.”) If we assign meaning and value only to our appearance, accomplishments, physical strength, or productive roles, and they become diminished, then the inner ageist can be relentless.

Levy’s findings are startling and confirm that ageism, operating beneath conscious awareness, has ripple effects throughout our bodies and minds. She reviewed her findings in The Journals of Gerontology series (July 2003):

In 1994, in a study to see whether internalized ageist stereotypes influenced memory in older people, she developed a technique to subliminally prime participants by flashing a word on a screen so that they could see the word but not identify it consciously. • A 2016 study showed that the

influence of the inner ageist extends to actual changes in the

brain: People with early negative beliefs about aging had greater loss in their brain’s memory site and more growth of tangles and plaques, the symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease.

With ageism, we project our negative fantasies of “old”—ugly, frail, needy, senile—that leads

to condescension and stereotyping.

Those exposed to negative stereotypes (“senile”) performed worse on memory tasks than those exposed to

positive ones (“wise”). She concluded that, even outside of conscious awareness, these stereotypes can influence cognitive ability. • From 1999–2000, Levy tested whether aging self-stereotypes influenced the will to live. After exposing young and old subjects to positive and negative primes, and hypothetical fatal medical situations, she found that the older individuals exposed to positive stereotypes tended to accept lifeextending interventions, while those who saw negative primes did not. • In 2000, she explored the impact of ageist self-images on cardiovascular reactivity, an autonomic response to stress. Those exposed to negative

primes showed higher heart reactivity, indicating physiological

stress, although the participants were unaware of this impact. • In 2002, Levy examined whether self-perceptions of aging influence survival. People who had positive

beliefs about growing older, as measured 23 years earlier, gained

7 ½ years of life—more than the longevity gained from low blood pressure, low cholesterol, healthy weight, cessation of smoking, and regular exercise.

Levy and her colleagues tested this idea for the transition to retirement. In a study of more than 1,000 older adults, during a 23-year period, they looked at how positive and negative associations with retirement were linked to health.

Those who held and embodied positive images about physical health during retirement lived 4.5 years

longer than others. Those who held and embodied negative images of mental health during retirement lived 2.5 years less.

When I decided to write a book about the inner world of age, the psychological and spiritual promises of aging consciously, as well as the inner obstacles to aging with awareness, my new purpose became official.

Now is the time, as thousands of us turn 65 every day, to fight for age equality, to counter negative media portrayals, and to create positive social policies. But Levy’s research shows that activism is not enough: We need to uncover the inner ageist in each of us and root it out so that we can discover the treasures of late life—its freedom, creativity, and opportunities to grow and serve something larger than ourselves.

Dr. Connie Zweig recently retired after 30 years as a therapist in Los Angeles. She extends this work into late life with The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul, which explores aging as a spiritual journey. She is a Certified Sage-ing Leader with Sage-ing International and can be reached at conniezweig@gmail.com.

A Case for Uncoupling

It’s not just young people who are addicted to their technology

BY STEPHEN SINCLAIR

“Oh, no! I forgot my phone!”

A couple of weeks ago I said that, out loud and to no one in particular, as I waited at a bus stop. I’d wanted to check the transit app to see when the bus was due so I could text the friend I was meeting at the Pike Place Market to tell him I was running late. With no phone I couldn’t do either of those things.

Despite not knowing its ETA, the bus arrived. When I got downtown my friend was there and didn’t seem concerned that I was late. I apologized anyway and told him I didn’t text him because I’d forgotten my phone.

As we walked through the market I kept patting the back pocket where I always keep my phone to check to see if it was there. It took me about half an hour to stop that and just accept the fact that I was now electronically disconnected from the world. And you know what? It was wonderful! I was able to relax. Without the intrusion of texts, news alerts, emails, weather reports—all those distractions that for years have forced themselves into my consciousness—I was able to be more present in the moment. I listened more closely to my friend. I took in all the sights, smells, and sounds of Pike Place, and most importantly, I experienced a heightened awareness of myself.

Every day when I’m out, I see people looking at their phones while walking down the sidewalk, seemingly unaware of what’s going on around them. I see them sitting in the park, in clinic waiting rooms, or at tables in restaurants, hunched over their smartphones, scrolling through social media feeds, looking at TikTok, or reading emails. They’re not talking to each other. Often, they don’t even seem to conscious of those around them.

Without my phone I couldn’t check to see if it was going to rain later that afternoon. I couldn’t Google the answer to any questions I had. I couldn’t check my newsfeed to see what was happening in the world. The only thing that mattered was what I was doing right then and there.

After my friend and I had finished shopping and said goodbye, I took the bus back home. When I unlocked my door and stepped into my apartment I immediately saw my phone. It was on the table where I’d left it.

Over the next few days I took time to reflect on my relationship to my phone and to the social media platforms to which I subscribe. I realized that I become anxious if I don’t continually check my Facebook and Instagram accounts. My friends and family might think I don’t care about them if I’m not liking their posts or commenting on them.

I also realized that sometimes when I see all the things my friends are doing in their lives, I can become dissatisfied with my own. More importantly, as I keep looking outside myself to be filled with news and information, I quit listening to the still small voice within me—the voice of the divine presence.

So, I deleted the social media apps from my phone. It took a few days to get used to not knowing what was going on with everyone, but I soon realized that I didn’t need to know. Instead of reaching for my phone, I would sit down, become aware of my breath, and spend time in contemplation.

I’ve also begun to not take my phone with me when I’m working in the garden or going for a walk. If someone needs to get hold of me, they can leave a message or text me. It’ll be there when I get home.

I know not everyone is able to do this. Perhaps they’re a caretaker for a loved one or are an individual who is socially isolated and needs social media to connect with the outside world. But if you can, why not give it a try. You’ll learn a lot about yourself.

And maybe, just maybe, you, too, will hear the voice within you.

Stephen Sinclair lives in Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood. Earlier in his life he enjoyed a career in show business while working out of New York and Chicago. A career as an ordained Unitarian Universalist parish minister and a hospital chaplain followed. Most recently, he worked with the homeless and is a weekly volunteer visitor at the Monroe Correctional Complex.

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There’s a Podcast for That!

I was seven when the first black and white television appeared at our house. Until then radio was our only source of media entertainment providing a steady diet of Art Linkletter’s People Are Funny, Hallmark Hall of Fame anthologies and Roy Rogers crooning “Tumbling Tumbleweeds” from the living room wooden console. TV was a miracle, even on a small screen in gradations of black and white. So, when friends began talking up their favorite podcasts, I was unconvinced. Why would we, the generation who witnessed the audio-to-visual transition, want to reverse course?

According to Nielsen, the analytics company known for its television ratings, 50 percent of all homes have at least one person who’s a podcast listener, a number increasing annually by 20 percent. Since 2014, boomers have increased our podcast fandom by nearly 70 percent because new technology such as voice-activation and Bluetooth in our homes and cars make podcast programs easier to find and hear. Last year the uptick was more pronounced across all demographics as many of us, isolated and homebound, turned to podcasts for information and entertainment. Skeptic that I was, it took a pandemic to convert me. Now, I’m hooked.

Convenience and variety were the convincing draws.

Like streaming TV, you can listen to a podcast program anytime on your smartphone or computer. I listen when walking, driving, and doing mundane household tasks. I enjoy the original programming content produced by the host(s), often without the restrictions of the FCC or conventions of radio broadcasting. Programs can BY ANN be any length of varying frequency covering any RANDALL topic. Some feature only the host(s)—think of it as a one-way conversation with your likeable, but opinionated, neighbor. Others utilize outside guests— Dr. Anthony Fauci was a podcast regular in 2020. Many celebrities host their own podcasts, including Alan Alda, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, Alec Baldwin, RuPaul, Shaquille O’Neal, and Martina Navratilova. And many are produced as a themed series such as targeted to women over 50, true crime, and history. If you’re a first-time listener, start by selecting a podcast listening application. iPhones have a free builtin app (Apple Podcasts) that lets you browse topics by category and stream or download programs. Android phones come with a similar built-in app or you can download through Google Play. If you subscribe to Amazon’s Audible for audiobooks or Spotify or Pandora for music, they also feature podcasts. Or you can simply use your browser to search for topics. With more than two

Since 2014, boomers have increased our podcast fandom by nearly 70 percent.

million podcasts and 48 million episodes available, the programming choices are overwhelming, but you’ll eventually find yourself gravitating to topics or hosts that you like. When you find one, subscribe to get the latest episode or episodes in a series. Still unconvinced? Studies show the brain is five times more active when listening to an audio program versus watching television. Listening requires more concentration and use of the imagination, which in turn strengthens brain synapses. Improving your brain health while getting bidet advice at your convenience? That sounds like a winning combination.

Here are a few programs that explore aging:

Aging Disgracefully with Carolyn Meyer

Meyer is a an 80-year-old comedian by trade and as the solo host of her podcast she unabashedly dishes out her experienced advice on everything including the aforementioned bidets, dating younger men, sex ed classes, and buying underwear.

Been There Done That

Jo Ann Allen, a former news anchor and producer with a 40-year career curates a podcast showcasing real life stories by boomers. Recent podcasts include accounts about accidentally joining the Mob and late-in-life transitioning from male to female.

How to Start Your Own Podcast

I was planning my “Paddle Pilgrim” adventure— kayaking the Mekong River in SE Asia through Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam—when the pandemic hit. Unable to go, I redirected my adventure spirit and decided to try my hand at podcasting. That’s how I, the “Paddle Pilgrim,” became BY DAVE ELLINGSON the “Podcast Pilgrim.” It’s been a wonderful adventure of learning. For those unfamiliar with podcasting, I like to think of it as my own mini-radio program where I share ideas and interview interesting people. The success of my podcast (measured in number of listeners) surprised me and led to being asked to help others start their own.

Here is very simple “how-to” list of steps and suggestions for creating a podcast:

1Podcast topic: Your podcast should be what you are enthused or excited about, a topic that you have experience or expertise in, and will benefit and interest others. I began with reflections on “old sayings, familiar expressions, and adages”—readymade material from my book, Say What? A Fresh Look at Old Sayings. I also started commenting on current events, then later added interviews with interesting people in a series called “Life Journeys.”

2Audience: Your audience begins with family, friends, and immediate contacts then grows from there. People you interview can help. I am currently doing a series titled, “The Magic of Music” where I interview musicians about their musical adventures and share great music. Each musician I interview promotes my podcast to their fan-base, building my audience.

3Platform: You need a podcast recording “platform.” I use Anchor, a free application that’s easy to use. Tutorials and step-by-step instructions help budding podcasters imagine, write, launch, and market your program. With Anchor your podcast will be available on two major podcast channels: iTunes and Spotify.

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4Equipment: The only equipment you need are a computer or smart phone, and headphones with microphone. That’s it!

5Home recording studio: Good sound is crucial. Podcasting is an audio medium. Make sure you record in a quiet room where there is little ambient sound/noise and no distractions.

I don’t podcast on Wednesdays because the grandkids are at our house. William loves to try on my headphones…

6Script: Writing a simple script translates your thoughts into clear and understandable content and helps manage the length of the program. I started with 15-minute programs and have expanded with interviews running up to 60 minutes. Having a script keeps me “on-topic,” but also allows me to ad-lib when doing an interview. Start simple and short!

7Practice, practice, practice: You know the story of the person who was lost in NYC and wanted to know how to get to Carnegie Hall. A local told him, “Practice!” While practice will not make you perfect, it will help you gain confidence.

8Audience: Build your audience by sharing on social media. I use Facebook and Instagram as well as a regular email “newsletter” via

Google called FlashIssue. The best days to post on

Facebook are Tuesday through Thursday and don’t forget word-of-mouth.

9Evaluate your success via the analytics your

platform/anchor provides: You can actually know the number, gender, and age of your audience. I also was amazed to discover that I had an international audience.

10The bottom line: HAVE FUN! Podcasting can be an adventure where you learn something new and get to share your ideas with others.

Dave Ellingson is a Lutheran pastor, master gardener, former distance runner, and father of five grown children. You can listen to his podcast at: https://anchor.fm/david-ellingson. He lives in Edmonds, Wash. NPR’s Ira Glass hosts one of the country’s most popular podcasts.

NPR’s Growing Bolder

Former broadcast journalists Marc Middleton and Bill Shafer interview a broad range of experts, celebrities, and non-celebrities alike on topics related to fearless aging.

That’s Not My Age

Billed as a grown-up’s guide to aging, British journalist Alyson Walsh discusses aging, style, and third act careers with a variety of special guests.

This American Life

Ira Glass, an NPR staple, transformed his popular series into a Top 10 podcast with 2.4 million people downloading each episode. There are 25 years of episodes in his library.

Your Last Meal

In this James Beard-nominated podcast, Seattle radio personality Rachel Belle asks famous guests what they’d want at their last meal, then explores the science, history, and preparation behind their answers. It’s no surprise to learn that Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield of Ben & Jerry fame want fruit and a dessert bar.

Zestful Aging

Featuring New York psychotherapist Nichole Christina and more than 237 available episodes. Christina interviews a variety of experts on healthy aging and as a bonus she also dishes out DIY advice about podcasting.

Other highly rated podcasts on the 2021 national Top 10 list: The Daily by the New York Times; the Peabody award-winning Radiolab, and two popular true crime series, Crime Junkie and Serial.

Faux “Service Dogs” Draw Out My Canine Curmudgeon

BY ANNIE CULVER

While balancing on one leg in exercise class, I decided to step on shaky ground. I had met a lovely poodle named Betty, who belonged to a classmate, and I wanted to collect this devoted pet owner’s thoughts on dogs in supermarkets.

It was my hunch she might think dogs and supermarkets were made for each other.

“Unless it’s a valid service animal, I’d say it’s rude,” she said.

What a relief!

Her response brought to mind the healthy-looking young fellow with a broad smile who pranced down the meat aisle at Safeway with his Great Dane.

“Is that a service animal?” I asked, my eyes bugging at the size of his canine.

“Of course,” he said, with a sly look.

“What function does your dog provide?”

“Service,” he said.

The store manager was no help.

“We’re not allowed to ask,” she said, with a shrug.

As more hotels, stores, pubs, workplaces, and public transportation adopt pet-friendly policies, folks like me who are allergic to pet dander are caught in a Catch-22 paradox. However, federal law and most state and local health regulations do not permit animals where food is sold.

The only exceptions are service animals. These animals are vital to those with disabilities. Pets that simply provide comfort don’t qualify, though.

A quivering Chihuahua in the checkout line at a PCC Community Markets prompted me to ask once again, this time rather loudly.

“It’s my service animal,” the pet owner responded, with no explanation of the service the dog performs.

As the Chihuahua and its owner scooted from the grocery store, a checkout clerk smiled my way and whispered, “Thank you for asking. We can’t.”

Turns out supermarkets and restaurants can ask what service an animal performs, but they can’t ask for proof. And because most don’t want to offend their customers, few want to engage in this tussle at all.

I wouldn’t challenge a blind person buying groceries with guide dog assistance. Nor would I question a police officer or security guard with a patrol dog sniffing under restaurant tables. Yet the popularity of showing off pups where food is sold is starting to rival a scene from the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

Could it be because Seattle now has more pets than children? It’s a bit of a jolt to realize how this could be changing the culture. An increasing number of pet owners consider it inconvenient to leave their dogs home when they make a run for groceries.

What’s the point of service animal registries, tags and vests, plenty of which can be found online and potentially altered? When you make trips to supermarkets and other entities where food is sold, it makes sense to routinely require nationally standardized proof—not unlike showing a driver’s license—that your companion is a legitimate service animal. That way nobody is singled out, no hard feelings, no rudeness slipping through.

Dogs in restaurants brings to mind a tale from 3rd Act publisher and editor Victoria Starr Marshall, on a visit to a restaurant some years ago in Chamonix, France with her husband and magazine partner David.

“An older, single man at the table next to us had a little dog with him. Every time the very prim and professional waiter came with some food (and there are lots of courses in France), the little dog would charge out from under the table and latch onto the waiter’s trousers, ripping at them and snarling. “The waiter’s face never even changed during this as he calmly served the food, and the diner never admonished the dog. He just ate his meal like his dog biting the waiter was a perfectly normal occurrence. David and I could barely contain ourselves,” Victoria recalled.

Annie Culver developed a knack for unearthing oddball characters and improbable events as a staff writer for various newspapers. In the early 90s, she went to work for websites where she wrote sassy essays aimed at women. In recent years, she morphed into a writer for several universities in the Northwest. She retired in 2016, yet still enjoys freelancing.