Ain't Nothing Like Quality Time by Taurean Decatur

AIN’T NOTHING LIKE QUALITY TIME Written by Taurean Decatur

2 AIN’T NOTHING LIKE QUALITY TIME

CHARACTERS: AMARRI DECATUR . . . 9 year old girl, very energetic, intelligent, honor roll student, wearing a nice sundress with sandals.

GRANDMA WANDA . . . Early sixties, very religious, Christian, has patience with kids, loves spending time with her granddaughter Amarri, wearing a skirtsuit with some flat shoes.

SET: In the basement of Unity Missionary Baptist Church, located on the Westside of Chicago. Grandma Wanda and Amarri have already attended early morning service and are now in the basement dining area waiting on the afternoon service to begin upstairs in the sanctuary. They are having lunch and are seated at the dining tables.

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ACT I SCENE I: AMARRI (Smiling and laughing.)

Uhm, uhm, uhm! Grandma this ham and cheese sandwich is the bomb-diggity.

GRANDMA WANDA Child what do you know about something being the bombdiggity?

(Shakes her head and smiles back at Amarri.)

I’m glad you like the lunch baby you make sure you eat it all up before you touch the pop okay baby?

AMARRI Yes grandma, of course I know the rules. You raised dad the exact same way now it’s my turn for you to teach me right?

GRANDMA WANDA Of course, and remember it’s always better for you to eat all your food before drinking your pop why?

AMARRI Because if I drink the pop sooner then I suppose I will fill myself up and I won’t be able to eat anymore food.

GRANDMA WANDA Absolutely honey, you catch on so easily. Speaking of catching on easily, how are those grades?

AMARRI Well I got six A’s and one B on this report card. I saw a B and I had a heart attack. Mr. Johnson gone give me a B in gym grandma can you believe that?

(She looks at Grandma Wanda.)

GRANDMA WANDA (Shrugs her shoulders.)

Amarri I know you ain’t mad at no Mr. Johnson for giving you a B, you still made the honor roll so you should feel proud no matter what.

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AMARRI Yeah, you right grandma, it’s just that you know my mom and dad gives me $10 for every A I bring home and $5 for every B. I really was trying to get $70 this time.

GRANDMA WANDA Child what you gonna do with $70, you’re only 9 years old Amarri tell me what would you spend all that money on?

AMARRI Oh wow there’s plenty I could do grandma. I could buy Christmas presents for you, mommy, daddy, and T.J. or get me a new dollhouse, or I could even buy you a pretty hat for Sunday service.

GRANDMA WANDA Baby, grandma got too many hats as it is, now don’t you go spending all your money on no gifts. It’s time you start saving your money so when you get old enough you could have money put away for a car, school and things like that.

AMARRI You’re right grandma but mommy says that’s what I got daddy for—— GRANDMA WANDA So you can spend up all your daddy’s money huh? And just save yours I guess.

(Nodding her head at Amarri’s cleverness.)

You sound just like your dad when he was a baby.

(Both start laughing.)

I’m serious Amarri your dad would save all his money he earned playing the drums here at church and want to spend all my money when we’d go to the mall.

AMARRI What was my dad’s favorite things he would spend his money on?

GRANDMA WANDA Oh he loved buying video games for Nintendo 64, those Pokemon cards and Michael Jordan’s latest gym shoes too.

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GRANDMA WANDA (CONT’D) Your daddy was small like you when he first began getting paid to play the drums.

AMARRI What made daddy even want to play those loud things.

(Twisting her face up.)

GRANDMA WANDA Well I guess me dragging him down to choir rehearsals every week he had to do something other than singing that actually caught his interest.

AMARRI So that’s when he first started playing the drums! Me, myself, I wish I could join the choir with you grandma. I think I’m ready to sing, I’ve been practicing in the mirror.

GRANDMA WANDA (Laughs.)

In the mirror?

AMARRI Yea, Grandma Wanda, it’s not that hard at all I just grab the big pink hairbrush off the bathroom sink, stand up on top of a chair and sing in the mirror like I’m in front of an audience.

GRANDMA WANDA Have your mother and father ever seen or heard you singing in the mirror?

AMARRI All the time grandma, actually me and daddy takes turns playing American Idol when we’re in the house alone. My dad even lets me put lipstick and one of mommy’s wigs on him when we do play sometimes.

GRANDMA WANDA Your daddy needs his butt whooped if he is——(Burst out in laughter.)

AMARRI That’s exactly what mommy says when she does catch him. One day she even secretly recorded us playing American Idol and she put it on Facebook.

6 (Laughs.)

AMARRI (CONT’D) Daddy was soooo embarrassed, mommy told him our video almost broke the internet.

GRANDMA WANDA (Laughing hysterically trying not to bust a gut.)

Oow Oow girl you know you be tickling me with those crazy old stories. Lord I’m glad your daddy bought me my own house so I ain’t got to witness none of y’all madness at home.

(Still laughing.)

AMARRI Yep mommy always tell our company, “Welcome to the madhouse where everyone’s coo-coo crazy.”

GRANDMA WANDA Are you finished with that lunch yet child?

AMARRI No I’m eating the rest of those chips and I only got this little piece of sandwich left then I’ll be through.

GRANDMA WANDA You hurry up and finish now Lord knows the next service will be starting any minute now.

AMARRI Oh don’t worry I’ll be finished by that time grandma I eat fast like my daddy.

(She smiles.)

GRANDMA WANDA Speaking of your daddy–—where the heck is he? Why he ain’t bring his behind to church today?

AMARRI Oh grandma I can’t tell you that. He’d kill me if I told you he’s ditching church and hosting a poker game today and they’re all going to watch the Bears play the Packers in the basement.

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GRANDMA WANDA Your daddy should be ashamed of himself every Sunday he’s either playing poker or watching those dang-on football games.

AMARRI That’s what mommy said too, she told him next Sunday she don’t want all his friends over our house so daddy’s got to find some place else.

GRANDMA WANDA And your mother’s right. Simple as that. God has been too good to our family for your daddy not to be right here with us at church praising God. AMARRI (Eyebrows raised.)

I feel you grandma that’s why I’m here with you instead of at home with my parents.

(Gives Grandma Wanda a hug.)

GRANDMA WANDA That’s why I love you Amarri, you’re the world’s greatest granddaughter.

AMARRI Thanks Grandma Wanda! I’ve got the taste for some ice cream, I think the Lord’s telling me we need to go to Baskin Robbins after church. Can we go?

GRANDMA WANDA That sounds good, let’s celebrate God’s grace and mercy, you can get whatever flavors you want.

AMARRI (Lights up excitedly.)

Gummy worms and creepy crawlers on it too? Cause me and my brother loves them on our ice cream cones.

GRANDMA WANDA Amarri I said you can get whatever it is you like on your ice cream, and yes you will order one for T.J. too, Lord knows that little stubborn joker will never forgive me if I don’t get him one too.

AMARRI You know grandma, whenever I get older I’m going to be a gymnastics girl and I’ll be in the Olympics like Simone Biles. I’ll make a ton of money, then I’ll be able to buy you anything you want.

GRANDMA WANDA Baby you’re so sweet to think about taking care of grandma.

I just want you to grow up and be whatever it is you wanna be.

AMARRI Oh I will grandma, my mom says I get my willpower from you, then daddy and her. I know so long as I stay strong I can be whatever I want to be.

GRANDMA WANDA Yep that’s the key, I always tell you and T.J. that exact same thing.

AMARRI It’s other girls at school that’s like focused on boys and liking boys and stuff like that but not me granny cause for one my daddy or my brother don’t play that at all and for two, boys are totally a distraction. Daddy told me never let boys be a distraction to me doing my work and being who I want to be.

GRANDMA WANDA He said that? And that is very true so remember that for life cause your granddaddy messed up a few of my dreams when I got pregnant with your father.

AMARRI Daddy said once I graduate high school and then college then maybe I could have a boyfriend, but I won’t have time for boys then either cause I’ll be in the Olympics.

GRANDMA WANDA You know you are just as smart as you wanna be. Child you are truly something special you’re already making me proud.

AMARRI Thanks grandma, you’re good at singing too you know that?

Maybe it’s not too late for you to go to the Olympics for singing.

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GRANDMA WANDA Honey it’s way too late for grandma to be going to any kind of Olympics these days. I done got too old child but you, you can go for the both of us honey.

(Smiles at Amarri.)

AMARRI I’ll make sure I make you proud, just watch and see. I’ll make you proud like I am of you when you’re in the choir singing with your gorgeous robe and pretty voice. I be crying because I be feeling the holy spirit or the holy ghost when I hear your voice grandma.

GRANDMA WANDA Aw Amarri you have the same potential to sing but even greater potential than grandma.

AMARRI Grandma am I old enough to start singing in the choir with you?

GRANDMA WANDA Well of course baby. In fact you can start today. You can come on up and stand right next to grandma if you’d like.

AMARRI Aw wow! That’s amazing grandma I’d really love that.

(Smiling.)

GRANDMA WANDA Say less child, let’s get ready to go on up here and get service started. Plus I need to let Mother Riley, Mother Young, Mother Anderson and Big Momma Luella know that you are joining the choir with grandmomma today.

(Gets ready to get up from the table.)

AMARRI Grandma you’re the best, I’m gonna make you proud I promise.

(Jumps up, hugs and kisses all over Grandma Wanda.)

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GRANDMA WANDA Oh I know child, trust me I know, just like yo daddy, you remind me so much of yo daddy! Girl lets get on up these stairs before grandmomma gets to crying all emotional and carrying on.

(Releases from the hug and begins exiting table with Amarri heading upstairs to the next service.)

END OF SCENE