The living room of a cheap apartment somewhere in Western Pennsylvania. Four chairs around a coffee table. Merchandise as well as homemade art celebrating the children’s television show MY LITTLE PONY FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC is out on shelves, walls, etc. Sitting around the table are: BEN, wearing a My Little Pony t-shirt, rainbow colored sweatpants, and MLP-themed slippers; RACHEL, wearing a bright blue MLP wig with ears and a unicorn horn; SHAWN, wearing a full-body My Little Pony costume of the character Pinkie Pie; and JEAN, wearing a button down shirt, leather jacket and jeans. For a moment nobody speaks. The mood is sober. They wonder who will speak first. Then: SHAWN I used to wear a fedora. I look back on that time and think: what was I trying to prove? That I was a man? That I was Don Draper from Mad Men? I didn’t even watch that show. It’s like I was looking all over the place for someone to be. “Am I that guy? No. Am I that guy over there? No. What about that guy in the mirror? Nope, not him either. Well, what if I put on this hat?” Every time I put it on I felt like a fake. I knew how stupid it looked, but I could never admit it because—“if not this, then what?” I really thought that if I kept at it, putting it on all day every day, I would become the sort of person who looks good in a fedora; who makes sense in a fedora. I thought: If people see me in this hat often enough, they’ll start to think I’m the hat. They’ll think I’m a fedora. And they’ll take me seriously. But: You don’t get to choose your cutie mark. It chooses you. Ben and Rachel nod knowingly. SHAWN When I saw my first episode it was like opening a door into this other room in my brain that I never knew existed—where I could have feelings and not be ashamed of them or have to make sarcastic remarks or have to put people down before they put me down. It was like getting this warm welcome to the home I never knew I had. Where everypony gets me and I get them. Beat. BEN That was really great, man. SHAWN I’m not done. Ben makes a “mea culpa” gesture. SHAWN Just thinking about that transition from BMLP—that’s Before My Little Pony—to AMFE—After My First Episode—it made me realize that things transformed all over again when I met you guys. I didn’t know how to sew a costume before I met you guys. I’d never done a role-playing game. And
then all of a sudden it wasn’t a room in my head anymore, it was a room—like, a real room. Or, this room, I guess. And I don’t think I say enough how much that means to me. BEN You do, actually. –interrupting, sorry. SHAWN I don’t have too much more, but I just want to say that it feels really good to take that pony feeling that I get here and keep it with me all the time, on the inside. Even when I’m going somewhere incognito like work or my parents’ house, I’m still thinking with my pony ears. Shawn nods that he’s done. BEN Sorry I interrupted so much. SHAWN It’s okay. BEN I’m trying to work on that color in my rainbow—listening more, talking less. I don’t want to be unGenerous. Does anyone mind if I go next, by the way? Cool, thanks. It’s just that when we’re all here together and my apartment transforms into Equestria, I get excited. And I have a lot of things to say. Which is why I love to play Fluttershy, because once I’ve expressed myself with words in The Circle, she allows me to express my inner silence. Jean, you’ll see what I mean when we get started. JEAN Get started? BEN And Shawn, I’m really glad you brought up going incognito, because that’s what I’ve been thinking about this week—how frustrating it is to have to do it. I mean, I know it’s necessary these days, but like, why should it have to be? Why should it be that if I show up dressed a little different than you’re used to, you’re not gonna serve me at your restaurant? Or I’m gonna have to be afraid of some pack of dudes coming home from a bar? And I’m not defending those Neighborhood Watch guys either— SHAWN a dismissive laugh “Neighborhood Watch”—oh, sorry. BEN I mean, a bunch of assholes in matching trucker hats don’t exactly make me feel safer. To be honest, they’d be scary if they weren’t so ridiculous. But still—why should we have to play by everyone else’s rules? We’re not hurting anyone. But then people who have no idea what the show’s about are judging us and calling us freaks??
RACHEL Don’t get upset. BEN I’m not—I mean. You’re right. I am upset. But it’s out of love. RACHEL Our Friendship Magic is for us and if anypony wants to live without it, we need to let them do that. SHAWN I don’t want to interrupt here, but I have to say that, technically, Rachel, you’re interrupting. RACHEL You’re right. BEN No, it’s okay. She’s helping me get down to what I really want to say. I’m not angry about having to wear normal pants sometimes. I just don’t want to feel like I’m keeping a secret from all the wouldbe Magic Friends who don’t even know that there’s a TV show called My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic. Because I see that Magic in everypony. And when I put on my work pants and my work shirt like that’s who I really am, I feel sorry for them—like I know something really incredible that I’m not telling them. Shawn and Rachel nod knowingly. BEN Okay, I’m done. I mean, I’m not, but I’ll cut it off here for today. Rachel? RACHEL I’m nervous in front of a new pony. JEAN Oh, don’t be. RACHEL Why don’t you go next so we can all get to know you a bit better? BEN That’s a great idea. I mean, if you feel comfortable with that. RACHEL We’re really glad you’re here. BEN Totally. No one’s responded to that Meet Up post since we found Shawn—and that was what? Over a year ago?
SHAWN Two years? God, it feels like forever. BEN But when I got your email, I was like “I knew it! I knew there were more of us hiding in Western PA!” RACHEL Do you call yourself a Brony or do you prefer Pegasister? Or do you know yet? It’s okay if you’re still undecided. It took me a while. SHAWN Your favorite character wouldn’t happen to be Applejack, would it? RACHEL Shawn. SHAWN What—I’m just asking a normal question. JEAN I’m sorry. I’m…I think, actually, that I’m in the wrong place. Pause. BEN Are you sure? I mean, you’ve been sitting here for a while now. SHAWN And didn’t you email us? The…Rust Belt Bronies Meet Up Group? JEAN I did. Yes. But I… RACHEL Did you not know what a Brony was? SHAWN The post is very explicit: The Rust Belt Bronies Meet Up Group for Adult Fans of My Little Pony. JEAN I knew what it meant, I just—I’m sorry. I should go. BEN taken aback You’re not a clopper, are you? The door intercom buzzes. Ben gets up to answer it.
SHAWN Oh. Ew. JEAN A clopper? BEN into intercom Hello? DOUG through intercom, frantic Hey, it’s me! Let me in! Ben buzzes him in. JEAN What’s a clopper? I don’t know what that is. RACHEL We’re not like that in this group. BEN If you’re a clopper, I want you out. JEAN Look, whatever a clopper is, I’m not a clopper, okay? It’s just that once you started talking, I—I don’t know, I— Doug wearing shirt and tie rushes in through the front door. DOUG They got Maggie! BEN What? Who did? DOUG Neighborhood Watch. RACHEL What do you mean they “got” her? DOUG We were walking over and— Wait, who is this? SHAWN This is Jean. We don’t really know who she is.
BEN She answered the post…But it turns out she’s not one of us. DOUG I thought we agreed to take that thing down. Anypony could sign up and— RACHEL What happened to Maggie? DOUG Neighborhood Watch found us on the street—she had her ears out, wig on. She was all “fuck incognito, I’m a Pony goddammit!” They called her over. You know how they’re always offering to “help people get home.” She resisted, but they grabbed her. They just pulled her into the car and drove off. RACHEL Jesus. SHAWN it doesn’t compute They grabbed her? Neighborhood Watch guys? DOUG I couldn’t believe it either. SHAWN What did you do? DOUG We weren’t far from her house, so I went back there to look for her, but they weren’t there. No sign of them anywhere. SHAWN But when they called her over, what did you do then? Did you go with her? DOUG I thought they were being assholes. I didn’t think they were going to take her. Look, I did everything I could think of to stop them but it just came out of nowhere and then it was over. BEN And you’re sure it was Neighborhood Watch? DOUG They were wearing those hats—you know, those moose hats they have? SHAWN Did you even watch to see which way the car went?
DOUG What difference would it make? I’m on foot. I kept calling her cell phone but she didn’t pick up. RACHEL She wouldn’t have picked up anyway. She has a phone phobia. BEN She does? RACHEL Have any of you ever spoken to Maggie over the phone? Like, not text or email or Skype or Facetime, but like a regular phone call? They think. BEN I guess not. SHAWN She’s probably terrified right now and you made it worse! DOUG You’re being really un-Generous right now, you know that? SHAWN Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just freaking out. BEN working through it The Neighborhood Watch…is kidnapping people. RACHEL We should call the police. I’m calling the police. JEAN I’d think that over first. They turn back to Jean as if remembering she’s there. DOUG Can you tell me who you are again please? JEAN I’m here by mistake. The Meet Up Group I was looking for is…let’s just say it’s a pretty unpopular group, so they tend to hide themselves online using fake names—things no one would actually want to join.
BEN Ouch. JEAN Well, I’m sorry to crash your party, but in my experience a Neighborhood Watch doesn’t exist for long unless it has some arrangement with the police. RACHEL What kind of experience do you have with Neighborhood Watches? JEAN They’ve been popping up around the country in towns like this one: high unemployment, high poverty— SHAWN We don’t have high poverty. Doug gets his phone out. DOUG I just got a text from her. BEN What’s it say? DOUG “Feeling exhausteed, decided to stay home. Brohoof the gang for me.” SHAWN That’s it? JEAN Bro-hoof? RACHEL It means say hi. BEN I mean, sorta. SHAWN to Doug Ask her what happened. Doug texts. Pause. They wait, watching Doug, who watches his phone.
BEN Is she writing back? DOUG Not yet. SHAWN But is her little text bubble coming up? DOUG I said not yet. Pause. JEAN Just call her. SHAWN, BEN, RACHEL NO! SHAWN Jesus, didn’t you hear Rachel? She has a phobia. DOUG Wait, there’s a bubble. No. It’s gone. It’s back! “Nothing much. They took me for pizza”—what?—“Time to trot off to bed.” RACHEL They took her for pizza? DOUG That’s what she says. JEAN You’re assuming that’s her on the other end. DOUG Brohoof? JEAN Good point. SHAWN Now what?
BEN We should go over there. RACHEL She’s in bed. BEN She’ll let us in if we ring enough. RACHEL Guys. She’s in bed. Besides, her mom doesn’t like visitors. DOUG Motherfucking….assholes. JEAN I’m glad she’s home safe. Again, sorry to crash your party. She begins to leave. DOUG Will you tell us who you are, please? Before you go? Like, actually who you are. JEAN You don’t need to know that. DOUG It’s just a little weird, you being here with—all this happening. JEAN Oh what, you think I’m…? Coincidences really do happen, okay? I’m not connected. DOUG Then put my mind at ease. Beat. JEAN Alright. You know how after 9/11 a bunch of people wanted to go to war with the world and George Bush wanted to go to war with Iraq and a few wackos on the fringe thought it was an inside job? I’m one of those wackos trying to prove it. BEN I didn’t know people still did that. JEAN I didn’t know people still dressed up like My Little Pony either.
SHAWN So you thought we were a bunch of 9/11 conspiracy people? JEAN We call ourselves Truthers. And a few years ago, bad things started happening to us whenever we got together in groups, so we decided to go our separate ways. One of our slogans was Never Let the Truth Rust. So when I saw your Rust Belt Bronies Meet Up Group, I thought it was a signal. If you do this stuff on your own too long, you start to wonder if you’re going insane. But when you start seeing secret messages that aren’t really there…well, anyway. You guys…you’re nice people. And you’re lucky you have each other. Pause—the Bronies are all a bit freaked out by this. SHAWN Okay, well….nice meeting you. RACHEL Yeah. Good luck with… She doesn’t know how to finish this. JEAN You too. Jean exits. Blackout.