BEST LIFE excerpt by Melisa Tien

LOURDES What about you?

SHERYL What about me?

LOURDES Where do you live?

SHERYL Why do you ask?

LOURDES Next time, maybe I’ll shower at your place.

SHERYL Next time?

LOURDES An egg falls on me.

SHERYL …Egg...

LOURDES And I’m sitting here.

SHERYL …Sitting...

LOURDES And it breaks. Maybe then, you’ll let me shower at your place.

SHERYL …Umm…

LOURDES Or not.

SHERYL Of course! You can come to my place!

LOURDES Okay! Thank you!

SHERYL If I happen to be around.

LOURDES Are you often away?

SHERYL Very.

LOURDES So it works out better.

SHERYL Well. Um.

LOURDES Where do you live?

SHERYL I’m not sure I’m comfortable— I’m not— I’m a very private—

LOURDES Are you afraid of me?

SHERYL What?

LOURDES Because I’m a girl?

SHERYL No.

LOURDES Because I’m a brown girl?

SHERYL No!

LOURDES Because I’m a poor, brown girl?

SHERYL I’m not sure your approach is entirely appropriate.

LOURDES Friends share houses. Enemies share advice.

SHERYL (clears throat) I am a friend.

LOURDES Hey, friend.

SHERYL However.

LOURDES However?

SHERYL I don’t have a shower.

LOURDES Oh.

SHERYL I’m sorry.

LOURDES I’ve never heard of that.

SHERYL I have a lovely home, but no shower.

LOURDES Is that French?

SHERYL Is it—

LOURDES French not to have a shower?

SHERYL Oh I’m not French!

LOURDES But it’s French to have a white bedspread, white furniture, and white curtains.

SHERYL Is it?

LOURDES Someone said it was.

SHERYL I wouldn’t know. (sotto voce) I’ve never been.

LOURDES Me neither.

SHERYL To France?

LOURDES French.

Little pause.

SHERYL Can I ask you something private?

LOURDES Sure.

SHERYL Did I tell you I was French?

LOURDES You might have.

SHERYL I bend the truth sometimes.

LOURDES I bend the possibilities sometimes.

SHERYL I’m not sure what that means.

LOURDES I’m not sure if I should stay or go back.

SHERYL To the place that isn’t yours?

LOURDES Not what I mean.

SHERYL I guess it can’t be that bad.

LOURDES Not what I want.

SHERYL It does have a shower.

LOURDES Not what I actually need.

SHERYL I’m sure it’d be fine if you—

LOURDES Go back?

Rewind.

LOURDES (cont.)

It was a very quick shower.

SHERYL You—broke in?

LOURDES The front door was unlocked.

SHERYL God!

LOURDES That disturbs you?

SHERYL A little.

LOURDES Why does it—?

SHERYL Who leaves their door unlocked?

LOURDES I would.

SHERYL Anyone could walk in—

LOURDES I could walk in.

SHERYL Walk right in and—

LOURDES I did.

SHERYL —Use the shower.

Did you say you—

LOURDES I did that exact thing.

SHERYL Against the law. Isn’t it? That’s against the law.

LOURDES I don’t think it’s against the law.

SHERYL What was that, sweetheart?

LOURDES I said: Are you frightened of me?

Little pause.

SHERYL No.

LOURDES You had to think about it.

SHERYL I had to distinguish between ‘frightened’ and ‘disturbed.’

LOURDES Ah.

SHERYL No, that’s not— I didn’t mean—

LOURDES I disturb you?

SHERYL A little?

LOURDES Ah.

SHERYL I’m sorry—

LOURDES Why?

SHERYL I meant to say—

LOURDES I wouldn’t hurt you.

SHERYL I meant—

LOURDES I’m not the hurting kind.

SHERYL I know that. Me neither.

We’re peas.

LOURDES In a pod?

SHERYL (pointing at Lourdes, then herself) Little pea, big pea.

LOURDES You’re the biggest, greenest pea.

SHERYL Let’s be friends. Can we?

LOURDES Okay.

SHERYL Hi, friend.

LOURDES Hi.

SHERYL Tell me a story from your childhood.

LOURDES Why should I—

SHERYL Let’s be vulnerable with each other.

LOURDES How about you start, with a story from your childhood?

SHERYL Me??

LOURDES If this is meant to be a fair friendship.

SHERYL You’re right. You’re right.

SHERYL tries to remember her childhood.

SHERYL (cont.)

I can’t.

LOURDES Can’t?

SHERYL Remember.

LOURDES Your childhood?

SHERYL Not just childhood. Anything formative and meaningful.

LOURDES That’s problematic.

SHERYL I’ve tried to retain things. Nothing wants to be remembered.

Go first?

LOURDES Go after?

SHERYL I’ll come up with something, I promise. (off of Lourdes’ look) I will.

Little pause.

LOURDES When my mother was teaching, we lived in a rough neighborhood.

SHERYL She’s a teacher?

LOURDES Was.

SHERYL Pre-school?

LOURDES When my mother was teaching sociology we lived in a rough neighborhood. She wasn’t paid very much.

SHERYL Women never get paid what they’re worth. So annoying.

LOURDES When my mother taught sociology we lived in a rough neighborhood. She wasn’t paid much.

I was in kindergarten. And my class had a snake.

SHERYL That is marvelous! I have a snake story! Remind me to tell you.

LOURDES When my mother taught sociology we lived in a rough neighborhood. She wasn’t paid much. I was in kindergarten. My class had a snake. One morning the room had been broken into. Windows broken. Chairs.

SHERYL Oh my god.

Little pause.

I’m out of coffee.

LOURDES The snake was gone. They sprayed messages on the walls. One of them read: ‘We took your snak’.

SHERYL (calling) Excuse me?

LOURDES I couldn’t stop thinking: they spelled ‘snake’ wrong.

SHERYL (calling) Do you guys do refills? Can I please—

LOURDES Go back?

Rewind.

SHERYL You and I, we’re like peas in a pod!

LOURDES Are we?

SHERYL We should be friends.

LOURDES Hmm.

SHERYL You have to think about it?

LOURDES We’re very different.

SHERYL No!

LOURDES We wouldn’t have met if we hadn’t been sitting next to each other.

SHERYL We’re not.

LOURDES Sitting next to each other?

SHERYL Different.

We may look different, and come from different places, but we want the same things.