MAN OF GOD (excerpt) by Anna Moench

MAN OF GOD

by Anna Moench

contact: Ally Shuster CAA 212-277-9000

“For many involved in the KCM incident, which involved allegations that a pastor engaged in inappropriate conduct during the mission trip, this was their first such experience dealing with moral failure among ministry leaders.�

-Christianity Daily 

Characters*: Samantha - 15, she’s here because she’s always been in the youth group.

Kyung-Hwa - 15, she’s here because she is obsessed with Jesus and really wants to save people. Kyung-Hwa never cries.

Mimi - 16, she’s here because her mom gave her the choice between this and Korean math school.

Jen - 16, she’s here because this will look good on college apps.

Pastor - 40s, a tall man, we never see his face until we do. *Everyone is Korean American.

Place: A mid-range Bangkok hotel room. Two double beds. A bathroom. A mini-fridge. Lamps and a hotel phone on the nightstands. Four suitcases open on the floor by the walls, in various states of disarray. A number of personal items (phone chargers, retainers, etc.) scattered around the room.

Note: These are teenage girls. Pacing is fast. Missing periods at the end of lines indicate that they are stepping on one another’s lines, finishing each other’s thoughts, interrupting one another, etc.

1 The girls examine a small metallic object.

KYUNG-HWA What is it?

JEN It looks like MIMI What the fuck KYUNG-HWA Mimi.

JEN It looks like SAMANTHA No JEN It looks like MIMI Is that a fucking camera?

KYUNG-HWA Mimi, please.

JEN That’s what it looks like.

SAMANTHA Oh my gosh.

MIMI Was that here when we got here?

JEN I don’t know.

MIMI Has that been here the whole time we’ve been here?

JEN I don’t know!

2

MIMI We’ve been here for two whole days JEN A day and a half MIMI We’ve been here long enough to like change clothes I mean JEN Kyung-Hwa found it MIMI Kyung-Hwa? KYUNG-HWA I don’t know. I noticed it this morning but didn’t realize what it was.

SAMANTHA Where was it?

KYUNG-HWA Sort of down, behind the, beside the… the toilet.

Pointing… up.

A moment for the implications of this fact to assert themselves.

JEN EWW

MIMI The FUCK??

KYUNG-HWA Girls, I know this is JEN Ew ew ew ew ew MIMI Jesus CHRIST KYUNG-HWA I know this is

SAMANTHA Oh my GOSH.

3 SAMANTHA This is illegal JEN Is it?

MIMI It’s gotta be fucking illegal KYUNG-HWA GIRLS!

I know this is a lot, but can we try to keep our language— MIMI Our LANGUAGE??

JEN Come on SAMANTHA No you’re right Kyung-Hwa KYUNG-HWA I just mean, you know SAMANTHA No you’re right KYUNG-HWA Thank you.

MIMI I’m sorry but I really think we have bigger problems than language right now JEN I kind of agree, I mean SAMANTHA No she’s right, this is a mission trip KYUNG-HWA Exactly.

JEN But this is a huge invasion of our privacy

4

MIMI Privacy! This is a huge invasion of our GENITALS KYUNG-HWA Language!

MIMI Genitals is not— KYUNG-HWA Language!

MIMI You wanna hear language, I can give you some language SAMANTHA She doesn’t want to hear language, Mimi, that’s kind of the entire point of what she’s saying?

MIMI OH MY FUCKING GOD I should have just done Kumon.

SAMANTHA and KYUNG-HWA LANGUAGE! MIMI I was like “Uh, let me think about it, Mom, Kumon or Youth Group, Kumon or Youth Group.” Yeah I’ll take the vacation to Bangkok, how is that even a choice?

KYUNG-HWA This isn’t a vacation, this is a mission trip SAMANTHA It’s really problematic that you think this is a vacation MIMI But now I’m like, fucking SAMANTHA It’s like it goes in one ear and out the other MIMI stuck in this room with you bitches yelling at me

5 KYUNG-HWA UGGH MIMI flashing my pussy to some child molester while I take a shit SAMANTHA Just ignore her.

MIMI I cannot believe I’m saying this but I honestly think I should have picked fucking Kumon Kyung-hwa covers her ears.

KYUNG-HWA (overlapping with Mimi’s next line) lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala MIMI BUNCHA SINE, COSINE, TANGENT SHIT KYUNG-HWA (overlapping with Mimi’s next line) LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA MIMI PLOT SOME FUCKING SECANT LINES FOR MRS. LEE WHILE I GIVE SOME NERD A HANDJOB UNDER THE TABLE KYUNG-HWA I CAN’T HEAR YOU MIMI You’re like three steps away from cult level nut bag, Kyung-Hwa, I hope you realize that.

Kyung-Hwa takes her hands off her ears and glares at Mimi.

KYUNG-HWA If you hate it so much, why are you here?

MIMI I was grossly misled.

JEN Hold on

6 MIMI Turns out differential calculus gives Jesus a run for his money.

KYUNG-HWA I’ll pray for you.

Mimi picks up the camera.

MIMI Is this some kinda Thai thing?

JEN Wait MIMI Some kinda sex freak Thai thing?

JEN Wait SAMANTHA What JEN Why were you looking around the toilet?

Everyone looks at Kyung-hwa. Kyung-hwa blushes.

KYUNG-HWA No reason.

SAMANTHA You said you stopped. You had us all pray for you and you said it worked and you stopped.

KYUNG-HWA I did!

MIMI Yeah okay.

SAMANTHA Don’t lie.

KYUNG-HWA I’m not! I stopped!

7 But you know.

Now we’re in Thailand.

I won’t do it at home.

A dubious silence as they consider this.

JEN I feel like that’s a slippery slope.

KYUNG-HWA I promise. It’s true.

Your prayers worked. They were amazing.

SAMANTHA Jesus did it, not our prayers.

KYUNG-HWA I know, but your prayers brought the issue to Jesus’s attention.

JEN And like it goes without saying but Kyung-Hwa you’re crazy skinny so KYUNG-HWA Noo JEN It’s true.

SAMANTHA Shut up.

MIMI Like drug addict skinny.

KYUNG-HWA Thanks girls.

But I’m really not. If you look at my chin there’s rolls.

SAMANTHA Rolls??

JEN Yeah that’s definitely not— KYUNG-HWA My face like disappears into my neck!!

Ad-libbed pandemonium from the other girls. Kyung-Hwa is objectively thin. Finally, Mimi cuts through:

8 MIMI Wait wait wait wait, guys, wait.

I just thought of something.

Are we absolutely sure there was only one camera?

The girls look around the room. Suddenly, everything looks very sinister.

They spring into action.

They pull the room apart, searching for anything that might be a hiding place. Picture frames. Lamps. The hotel phone. Drawers. The vanity. The shower head.

They don’t find anything.

At one point, Jen moves Samantha’s suitcase and accidentally spills her stuff everywhere.

SAMANTHA Hey! JEN Sorry!

Jen starts picking Samantha’s stuff up and putting it back in the suitcase. Samantha joins in. Everyone else is still searching.

JEN It was unzipped.

SAMANTHA Yeah I didn’t think people would start moving it around.

JEN Sorry.

Jen picks up two gallon-sized ziplock bags filled with skincare products.

JEN Are these yours?

SAMANTHA Yeah.

JEN And all the stuff in the bathroom is yours too?

9 SAMANTHA Not all of it.

JEN This must cost a fortune.

SAMANTHA My mom says it’s an investment in my future face. She gets it for me when we go to Korea. You can try it if you want.

JEN That’s okay.

Samantha pulls out a bottle of something.

SAMANTHA Try this one, it could fix that stuff on your forehead.

Samantha points at some part of Jen’s face. Jen brings her hand up to cover the part.

JEN What stuff?

Mimi drifts over.

MIMI Oh yeah that would help a lot. I used that when I first got my period and my face like exploded.

SAMANTHA And until it starts working you can use this extra strength concealer my mom got me.

KYUNG-HWA You would look so pretty with some make up!

SAMANTHA Let’s do a make-over!

MIMI Is it just me or would a gradient lip be like sooooo right for her?

KYUNG-HWA and SAMANTHA Oooooooohhhh JEN I don’t really wear make up.

10

MIMI It’s fun!

SAMANTHA Yeah!

KYUNG-HWA It’s important to take pride in your appearance.

SAMANTHA Don’t you want to be pretty?

JEN I don’t know. I don’t really care about that.

MIMI Everybody cares about that.

JEN I don’t.

MIMI Liar.

JEN Whatever. While you guys are washing your face sixty times a night, I’m studying.

MIMI (sarcastic) Cool.

SAMANTHA We all study.

KYUNG-HWA Yeah.

JEN Yeah, well. My school’s a little harder than yours.

Everyone kind of just lets this sit there. Jen puts Samantha’s products back in her suitcase and closes the lid.

JEN I guess there’s no more cameras.

11

They all look at the camera.

SAMANTHA
 We should tell Pastor.