STRANGER Written by WM. Peeples 2/25/20
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STRANGER Characters: AMOROUS ... 27, Felicity’s husband FELICITY ... 25, Amorous’ wife PRUDENCE ... 27, Amorous’ best friend, and a relationship guru STRANGER ... 20-ish black woman, pretty. Theme: Amorous and Felicity have been together for 7 years (2 engaged, 5 married), and they are madly in love. Amorous is an obstetrician and Felicity is a buyer for a clothing store that caters to voluptuous women.
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SCENE 1. (Felicity and Amorous are in their bedroom getting dressed for work.) FELICITY (Hesitantly.) Babe did you enjoy my early-bird special? AMOROUS You know your “black-girl” magic gets me every time. Besides, how many men do you know who don’t appreciate sex first thing in the morning? FELICITY (Sadly.) Well honey I’m glad you liked it ‘cause I have some bad news. I have to go to New York for 3 days on a buying trip. I won’t be back ‘til Monday at 7 o’clock. AMOROUS (Pulls her into his arms.) How am I gonna get to sleep without you in bed beside me? FELICITY (Smiling.) I still have some of that sleep-aid Dr. Smith prescribed for me after my mom died, take a few of those and I’ll be back Monday night. AMOROUS (In between kisses on each of her cheeks.) You promise? FELICITY (Enjoying the affection.) Cross my heart, in fact meet me here for lunch and I’ll leave you with a little sumthin’-sumthin’ to remember me by. AMOROUS (Smiling.) I’ll be here with bells on and nothing else. End of Scene
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SCENE 2. (Felicity and Amorous laying in each others’ arms after making love.) AMOROUS (Contentedly.) Now that was a lunch-break ‘cause you sho’ nuff broke me off some good lovin’ – you’re just the type of girl my daddy told me to marry. FELICITY (Amused.) Oh and just what type is that? AMOROUS (Deadpan.) A lady in the street, a chef in the kitchen and a freak in the sheets! FELICITY (Laughs and playfully slaps his leg.) Your momma’s a freak! AMOROUS (Still laughing.) Let dad tell it she’s the “Freak of the Week”, how do you think they’ve stayed married all these years? FELICITY (Thoughtfully.) You got a point there. I’ve noticed when we visit for the holidays they’re the first to bed and the last to get up in the morning. Maybe I can pick up a few freaky tips from your momma this Thanksgiving. AMOROUS (Hugging her close.) That shit ain’t funny, I don’t even wanna think about you and my momma trading sex tips. FELICITY
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(Laughing vengefully.) Yeah but you thought it was funny when you were calling me a freak! (Looks at bedside clock.) FELICITY (CONT’D) I’d better start getting ready babe, my flight leaves at 3 o’clock. AMOROUS (Seductively.) That’s just enough time for me to teach you a few things in the shower. FELICITY (Jumps out of bed, heads towards bathroom.) Well I’m definitely hot for teacher, so let the lesson begin. End of Scene
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SCENE 3. (Amorous is awakened later that evening by knocking at this apartment door.) AMOROUS (Groggily as he peers through peep-hole.) Who is it? STRANGER I live down the hall in 6B, can I use your phone? AMOROUS (Observes a 20-ish black-woman, pretty.) Use my phone for what? If you live in 6B why not use your own phone down the hall? STRANGER I broke my key in the lock to my apartment door, and my phone is dead ‘cause stupid me forgot to charge it. I need to call the super and a locksmith, I promise I’ll be quick and out of your life before you know it. AMOROUS Ok, give me a sec’ to put some clothes on. (Goes back to bedroom, puts on robe and returns to open door.) Come on in. (Hands her his cell phone.) STRANGER (Gratefully.) Thank you so much. (She accepts the phone, begins to dial a number, speaks briefly, dials a 2nd number and speaks
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STRANGER (CONT’D) I appreciate your help. I came to this apartment ‘cause I’ve seen your wife and knew a woman lived here, these days a single girl can’t be too careful about going to strange apartments in the middle of the night. AMOROUS Well my wife isn’t here she’s out of town on business, so if you’d feel more comfortable we can take a couple of patio chairs and sit out front while we wait for the super to come. STRANGER (Smiling.) That’s ok, you look harmless enough, besides I’ve seen your wife, with a beauty like her I’m sure I’m no temptation whatsoever. AMOROUS (Seriously.) Why do women do that? STRANGER (Curiously.) Do what? AMOROUS Self-deprecation. STRANGER I don’t know what you mean. AMOROUS Talking down on yourself, devaluing yourself. From all appearances you’re a smart, beautiful woman. Why would you speak so negatively about yourself in comparison to another woman? STRANGER I know I’m fat. My ex-husband made it his business to tell me every chance he got how fat and unappealing I am. When I caught him cheating he blamed me, said if I wasn’t so disgusting he wouldn’t need other women for sex.
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AMOROUS (Angrily.) Yeah well he’s a f-king chump! You ain’t fat girl, you’re P.H.A.T. STRANGER (Uncertainly.) What is PHAT? Or do I really want to know? AMOROUS (Smiling.) It’s an acronym and it means you’re Pretty, Hot, and Tempting. In other words you’re built like a shit brickhouse. Your ex is a fool. He didn’t deserve you. Don’t nobody want a bone but a dog. STRANGER I’ve always been told, “you’re pretty for a dark-skinned girl.” Or my favorite, “You’d be so much more attractive if you’d lose a few pounds.” Men seem to crave me for sex, but lose interest when it comes to anything deeper. AMOROUS Sadly, one of the vestiges of slavery is our obsession with skin complexion. The lighter your skin, the closer you were to the standard of beauty set forth by our oppressors. We say “Black is beautiful,” but you don’t undo centuries of negative selfimage with a few decades of using a pithy affirmation. As for body image, all women are brain-washed to conform to an unrealistic ideal of beauty. 100 years ago, the Rubenesque body type was all the rage. You can’t allow societal trends to dictate how you feel about yourself. You are lovely; but that’s something you have to know from within, it can’t depend on what others see when they look at you. STRANGER I think I needed to hear that, lately my self-esteem has been in the toilet. How much do I owe you for the pep-talk? (Without thinking, Amorous gives her a supportive hug.) AMOROUS Not a dime, but you owe yourself to be happy, loved and fulfilled. (The stranger misinterprets the hug for a sexual advance, leans in
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We can’t do this, I love my wife too much to betray her. STRANGER (Seductively.) Your lips say “No”, but your body says something different. (She points to the front of his robe where his erection is visible.) AMOROUS (Looks down to where she’s pointing.) The mind and the body aren’t always in synch, and I can’t be guided solely by my desires. STRANGER (Undeterred, reaches inside his robe and grabs his manhood, pulling him in for a kiss.) Just let what comes naturally take its course, your wife never needs to know. AMOROUS (Giving in to the passion of the moment. To himself.) I’ll never be able to look Fee in the eyes and she not know. End of Scene
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SCENE 4. (The following morning Amorous awakes sprawled naked across the bed. The stranger is not beside him. The apartment is eerily quiet. Amorous gets up to look for her. All the windows are locked and the apartment door is deadlocked with the security chain engaged) AMOROUS How the hell did she get out? (He looks at bedside clock, sees it’s after 11 o’clock.) Sh-t! I better hurry, Pru will go ballistic if I miss our lunchdate! (He goes into the bathroom to shower.) End of Scene
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SCENE 5. (Amorous and Prudence are having lunch. He has just told her about last night.) PRUDENCE (Incredulously.) Mutha f—ker! Let me see if I understand you correctly. My girl, your wife, is gone one night and you cheat on her with some random whore? What were you thinking? Don’t bother answering. It’s clear you weren’t thinking with your big head, you were following your d—k! Boy, I swear, if I wasn’t afraid of my fine ass going to jail I’d stab you with this steak knife. AMOROUS (Leans slightly out of her reach just in case.) Pru you know I love Fee, I’ve never even thought about cheating on her; But last night was different. I don’t know if the sleepaid lowered my inhibitions or what, but it was as if she put a spell on me. PRUDENCE (Rolls her eyes and sucks her teeth.) Niggah please! Now you want me to believe this bi—h has a magic p—sy that you just could not resist! That’s bull-sh— and you know it! AMOROUS (Offended.) Pru I love you like a fat kid loves cake, but you know damned well I don’t like being called the N-word so slow your roll.
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PRUDENCE (Unmoved.) Yeah well f—k what you like. After the way you disrespected your wife and your marriage you deserved it. I’m hot as fish grease at you right now, but I’ve gotta go. I’m already late for my session with a married couple who share your same problem. AMOROUS What’s that?
PRUDENCE (Deadpan.) He can’t seem to keep from falling in between the legs of women who are not his wife. (Prudence rises to leave, peck Amorous’ cheek and exits the restaurant.) End of Scene
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SCENE 6. (Amorous is at home later that same evening. The phone rings.) AMOROUS (Groggy.) Hello! FELICITY Hey sweetness, did I wake you? AMOROUS Naw, I was just sittin’ here missin’ you. FELICITY I miss you too, how’ve you been sleeping? AMOROUS I’ve been taking the sleep-aid like you said, and I put your favorite movie on and watch it ‘til I drift off. It’s like having a piece of you put me to sleep. FELICITY I must have the sweetest husband this side of heaven. Just hold on a little bit longer and you’ll have me back in bed beside you. I might even let you make that home movie of us you’ve been after me to let you do. AMOROUS (Smiling.) In that case I guess I can muddle through. But hurry home, I’m not the man I want to be when you’re not here. You know I love you right?
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FELICITY There are two things I’m absolutely certain of, the existence of God, and the immutable fact that I am loved by you. You get some sleep and dream of me. (Felicity blows a kiss and disconnects.) (Amorous resumes watching the movie, feels the bed move and looks up to see the stranger slide into bed beside him.) AMOROUS (Surprised.) How did you get in here? I locked up before I went to bed. STRANGER (Climbs atop him and inserts his manhood within her.) I got in here because I’m in here (she points to his forehead.) (She begins to move as Amorous attempts to push her off of him.) AMOROUS This can’t happen again, you have to go (continuing to try and push her off.) STRANGER (Snidely.) Your lips so “No”, but your body lets me know exactly what you want. Just lay here and enjoy, let me do all the work. (Hours later Amorous awakens to find himself alone in bed. He checks the apartment, just like last time there is no sign of the stranger and all the windows and the door is locked with the security chain engaged.) AMOROUS How the f—k does she get in and out? Can’t worry about that now, I’ve got a 2nd trimester check-up with Mrs. Allen at 9 o’clock which gives me exactly 45 minutes to shower, shave and get to the hospital.
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(He heads towards the bathroom.) End of Scene
SCENE 7. (Later that same day. It’s night and Amorous has just finished eating and is preparing for bed. He takes the sleep-aid, puts Felicity’s movie on and closes his eyes. His eyes fly open and he is engaged in full coitus with the stranger. He tries to speak but she places a finger over his lips and rides him until he ejaculates. She smiles, climbs off of him and walks out of the bedroom.) AMOROUS (Jumps up and races after her. Shouting.) This is the last time, my wife will be here tomorrow night and if you come back she’ll kick your a—! (There is the fading sound of female laughter. When he arrives at the front door there is no sign of the stranger, the door is locked.) How the f—k does she get in and out without a key? Is she some kind of succubus, am I going crazy? End of Scene
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SCENE 8. (The next evening around 5 o’clock Amorous is in the kitchen cooking Felicity’s homecoming meal. The phone rings.) AMOROUS Hello? FELICITY Hey sweetie guess where I am? AMOROUS (Smiling.) If I’m lucky you’re on your way home. FELICITY Yep, the plane just landed and I’m on my way to get my luggage. So I should be there within the hour. AMOROUS (Excitedly.) Good, ‘cause I’m cooking your favorite meal, my world famous spaghetti with beef Italian sausage, string-beans, garlic bread, and banana pudding for dessert, which I’m hoping to be eating off of you before the night is over! FELICITY (Laughing.) That sounds wonderful babe, I can’t wait to see you, I’ve missed you so much it made my heart ache. I’m about to claim my stuff now, see you soon.
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17 (Call disconnects.) (Amorous goes into the bedroom to put Felicity’s movie on, turns up the volume so he can hear it from the kitchen. He walks into the kitchen, opens oven to check garlic bread, and hears a female voice from the T.V.)
FEMALE VOICE FROM TELEVISION “Sir can I use your phone? I broke the key in the lock of my apartment door and my cell-phone is dead.” (Amorous rushes to the T.V. and sees that the actress looks exactly like the stranger! He picks up the bottle of the sleep-aid from the nightstand and reads it aloud.) AMOROUS Do not take with alcohol or other drugs. May cause hallucinations, sleep-walking. (Laughs to himself.) I’ll be damned! No wonder she could get in and out of a locked apartment, she was a fantasy, a product of my imagination. Pru and Fee will never let me live this down. End of Play