Memory Lane

W R I T T E N B Y S T U D E N T S AT H E L E N B E R N S T E I N H I G H S C H O O L WITH SUPPORT FROM 826LA

This book was written by students at Helen Bernstein High School with support from 826LA and published in 2020.

The views expressed in this book are the authors’ and do not necessarily reflect those of 826LA. We support student publishing and are thrilled you picked up this book.

Las opiniones expresadas en este libro son las de los autores y no reflejan necesariamente las de 826LA. Apoyamos la publicación de jóvenes autores y estamos felices que haya recogido este libro.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

WWW.826LA.ORG ECHO PARK 1714 W. Sunset Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90026 MAR VISTA 12515 Venice Blvd.

Los Angeles, CA 90066 This book was set in League Spartan Bold, Orator Regular, Avenir Regular.

Contents Page 06 … Introduction 09 … Footsteps 10 … Life-Changing Past Memories 16 … In A New World 19 … Be Yourself 24 … First Brick Laid 30 … Purple 36 … Lost to New York 44 … Memories 47 … My Big Mistake 53 … The First Step of My Plan 55 … Someone Who Only Listened 56 … Second Language, Second Chance 59 … My Growing Admiration 65 … Lost and Found 68 … The Media 71 … Adapting to Reality 73 … Lunch 75 … Struggles in Life Make You Stronger 78 … Pop Music and Me 80 … Dancing Until Dawn8 84 … My Fur-iend 86 … My Biggest Impact 90 … Acknowledgements 5

Introduction The book you hold in your hand is the results of a partnership between 826LA, Paramount Pictures, and students from schools on the Helen Bernstein High School Campus.

826LA was invited to partner with Paramount Pictures Kindergarten-to-Cap & Gown mentorship program.

Paramount’s Kindergarten to Cap & Gown program has mentored more than 500 inner-city students these past ten years. In fact, Kindergarten to Cap & Gown has provided more than 10,000 employee mentoring hours to students at Helen Bernstein High School; Le Conte Junior High School; Santa Monica Blvd. Community Charter School and STEM Academy. The Kindergarten to Cap & Gown program mentors through storytelling, helping students share in the joy of story; encouraging young people to discover the power of their voice and strengthening each student’s ability to express ideas effectively, creatively and confidently.

The goal of this partnership was to give the students the opportunity to reflect on the forces that have shaped their current identities, and an outlet to tell their stories of the moments, and people, that have made them who they are.

Over the course of nine sessions, student and mentor pairs worked together to write the stories you are about to read. Some pairs had been working together for several years prior to this project, and others were brand new to each other, with this project being the first time they met. Many of our early sessions were spent reflecting on connections – between pairs, among us as a group, and 6

with other important people in our lives.

These connections have found their way into the students’ stories, sometimes in unexpected ways. Our theme was “no person is an island,” one that became increasingly significant to the current moment as the project evolved to respond to events happening in our city and across our country.

It would be a disservice to the authors of these stories to not share the circumstances under which they created this book. As of this writing, Los Angeles is in lockdown due to the COVID-19 pandemic, and under curfew due to protests and rioting in response to the murder of George Floyd and other black people by the police. Yet despite the chaos that surrounded them, these students still consistently showed up to do the difficult work of sharing their personal experiences. When LAUSD schools were shuttered, preventing us from meeting together in person, they pivoted to joining online sessions to make sure they finished their writing, and make sure their stories were told. This book is a testament to these students’ resilience.

The subtitle to this book is “What Los Angeles Has to Offer.” Within, you will find the answer: Through stories of family fallouts and reunions, of setbacks and growth, and of mistakes made and lessons learned, you will discover the next generation of this city’s storytellers and their experiences that need to be heard, especially in this moment.

—Mike

Dunbar, 7

July

24,

2020

8

Footsteps natalie s.

All my life I’ve known I’ve wanted to follow in my mother’s footsteps. Going into high school, I chose to go into the medical pathway which consisted of me learning about the body and taking college classes to help me get further ahead. What made me go further to pursue this dream was that I have always had a passion for human anatomy. One of the skills that could help me, besides having a great interest, are my communication skills.

The biggest moment that made everything click was when I was in the sixth grade having dinner with my mom.

She told me about her day at work in surgery from handling instruments to making sure the patient was still healthy and had no outliers. My mom, knowing what she went through in her experience, advised me that there would be times of stress and moments where I would want to just quit but to just persevere and I would enjoy the outcome.

So out of all of this, the biggest impact I want to have is on the little ones that are looking up to me as they grow up. In the end even though times are uncertain, I know that my passion for medicine won’t change.

9

LifeChanging Past Memories Mychelle

C.

Jenny lived a small and simple life. Jenny is someone who loved her grandmother so much. She also had everything she ever wanted such as good parents, childhood friends, childhood memories, time with her grandma, and love from almost everyone who she felt deeply connected with.

But all this was taken away from her because her family had to move to another country and start life all over again.

Her family left the Philippines leaving everything she had, a life that she was content with. Her happy days were replaced by lonely nights and isolating herself from everyone. Years later, Jenny and her family decided to visit the Philippines. She was so happy and overwhelmed by the thought of going back to her happy place but she did not let anyone know that she was excited to go back.

She started reminiscing about her childhood and memories of her grandmother, Annie, from her mother’s side. Her grandma would always cook food for the family, and when she would visit her grandma’s house the food 10

would already be ready while her grandma was sitting on the porch reading the newspaper. Jenny always loved the sight of her grandma enjoying herself, she adored this so much that it gave her motivation to wake up and do chores. Her grandma would always welcome her and made sure that she felt loved and cared for. Jenny remembered how she would also sometimes try to annoy her grandma because she enjoyed the company. Her grandma would smile at her cousins and her like they were putting the stars up in a complete darkness. Her grandma would always be ready to help others and would take care of everyone just to see them live in a peaceful household full of love.

Her grandma would always review the previous lottery winning numbers and everyone would tease her about it.

Jenny would just smile and watch everyone laugh and joke around with each other. This daydream was interrupted by Jenny’s auntie calling her to eat.

After a few weeks, Jenny and her relatives arrived in 11

the Philippines. When they went back home, Jenny started reminiscing about the smell of Filipino foods and the games she used to play in the street with her friends. She saw only a few of her friends but she was satisfied with that. The only thing that was important to her was seeing her relatives, especially her grandma. Jenny remembered how her grandma used to cook food for everyone and how they were always welcomed with the smell of the food that nobody else’s cooking could compare to. The first night was exhausting; she did not see her grandma. But the second day at 6 AM everyone in the house was awake and they just opened the front door.

When she saw her grandma walking in the street back and forth to the neighborhood, she became worried as she remembered how her grandma did not have the same strength that she had years before. She called her grandma but received no response because her grandma couldn’t hear her properly. She walked out of the house and tried to catch her grandma’s attention. When she caught her attention, she began walking faster to be beside her grandma. She smiled to herself as they began to talk and have grandmother-granddaughter bonding. After that, her aunt decided to invite her grandma inside the house, making Jenny’s smile wider than it was. Her grandma came to the house she was staying in to check up on them and bond again just like old times. Once they were inside she began to feel awkward because she didn’t know how to express her feelings and how to talk to her grandma with her relatives and family around. They were all having so much fun and enjoying each other’s company. They had a small celebration with the neighbors. It was fun, and Jenny saw this as an opportunity to interact with her grandma.

12

“

Th ey h a d a s m a l l c el e b r a t i o n wi th t h e n e i g h b o r s . I t w a s fu n, a n d J e n n y s a w t h i s a s a n op po rt u n i t y t o i n t er a c t w i t h he r gr a n d m a . H e r g ra n d m a h a d no t ch a n g e d a t a l l . S h e w a s st il l f u n n y a n d l o va b l e .

Her grandma had not changed at all. She was still funny and lovable.

After three weeks, Jenny and her family went back home to Los Angeles. A few months later, she found out that her grandma had cancer and was unable to move.

Days after finding out her grandma’s situation they would FaceTime a lot but there were times she didn’t want to see her grandma or even talk to her, not knowing the reason why. She wanted to talk to her but her pride wouldn’t let her. On September 14, 2018 just five days after Jenny’s birthday, Jenny found out that her grandma died. She was shocked to the point of not knowing what emotions to feel.

Slowly, her world was starting to crumble and she started to realize that she should’ve talked to her grandma more. She was depressed. Deep inside she was blaming herself so much. She wanted to go home but couldn’t because school was still going and she thought about how her grandma would be mad at her if she were to leave 13

school. Jenny’s mom, auntie, uncle and cousin went back home to the Philippines for her grandma’s funeral. Jenny was beating herself up over the fact that she couldn’t see her grandma before she was buried.

Before her grandma was about to be buried in the grave, Jenny’s mom facetime her to see one last time.

She wanted to let it all out, and cry and cry but refused to because she didn’t want people thinking she was weak. Days passed and her mom and relatives came back home. Jenny became depressed. She blamed herself for everything and became so unhappy with everything. She had no motivation to do work and, at times, she forgot about school work. There were times she would stare at a wall with a lot of questions and regret in her mind. She kept thinking how she could face her grandma, if she was still alive, with whom she had become so close and how big of a mess she was. She regretted not talking to her grandma more and appreciated everything that she was given.

Just two months after her grandma’s death, her aunt Donna, who was Jenny’s first grade teacher, died. That’s when the family matters arose and the fight of her mother and her mother’s siblings began. Before her aunt died, nobody dared to argue who got property or any inheritance from her grandma. But as soon as her aunt died, the second oldest sibling of Jenny’s mom claimed ownership on a piece of land that all 11 siblings were supposed to share.

Jenny’s cousin from Calgary came to Los Angeles to visit. This helped Jenny to be more happy and stop overthinking at some point. For a moment she forgot about everything and only thought about how much fun 14

she was having. Her friends also helped her, especially her best friend who gave her a lot of advice on everything.

Whenever Jenny felt down or started to blame herself all over again and overthink anything and everything, her best friend was always there to comfort her and watch over her.

This motivated Jenny to stop blaming herself for things she couldn’t prevent. She started to get better mentally and emotionally.

She thought about how her grandma would’ve felt and what she would’ve said if she found out that Jenny wasn’t doing well. She started doing her homework again on time and doing her best to be as motivated as possible. She is now really happy and content with everything life has offered her. She knows that everything that has happened to her so far is for good reasons. She learned to cherish everyone and the moments she had experienced. She learned that there will be someone who will help her forgive and forget.

15

In a New World Meri

K.

The United States of America provides opportunities that many other countries don’t have. There is a better government system, better education, and a chance to be successful. This is why my mom and I decided to move here from Russia in 2014 and seek a better life. However, being an immigrant is not as easy as it seems; many unexpected problems are encountered. The United States is far from Russia, separated by the ocean, and people only have some perspective about the country, mostly from the movies. Coming here as an immigrant, I have realized how many differences there are in culture, policies, and in the people themselves.

The first time I had this realization was on the first day of school in the United States. Me and my mom had just moved to Los Angeles from Russia and I had just turned 12 years old, entering 7th grade. Back in Russia, I did not have many educational opportunities coming from a low income family and therefore not many chances for a better life. Knowing that here I had a lot, I was motivated to do well in school.

Yet I did not know any English or what to expect. As I walked into the school it was much bigger, consisting of multiple buildings, compared to the ones in Russia. I was 16

only able to find my class with the help of the principal’s assistant who spoke Armanian. As I entered the classroom I could not understand anything my teacher said to me.

For the first few months I just sat through my classes not understanding much.

While I was sitting there without understanding what people were saying, I studied their behavior. I noticed how students felt free to act how they wanted. It was surprising to me because compared to this school, the schools I went to were much stricter. I also noticed that there were other students like me who just came to the United States without knowing English, except most of them were from Latin America and my school had a big Latino population.

So the difference was that it was easier for them to connect with many people and fit in. There were only a few people who spoke the languages I speak ,which are Armenain and Russian, and because of that I did not have any friends.

I sat alone at lunch and used my phone a lot to text my friends back in Russia. Another problem I encountered was understanding how the grading system worked. The first time I received a report card, me and my mom could not understand what my grades were or any other information on it.

17

After the first few months, I started understanding what people were saying. Also while learning English, I have learned a few Spanish words from my peers. As I started understanding English better, I started trying to speak it too. I’m not sure if what I said made sense but I was just learning. I started making friends and understanding more of what was happening around me. Moreover, I realized that the mindset of people here is very different. Therefore, to fit in and understand the culture I have had to change my mindset and think differently, which has happened as time passes by, although part of me is still the same.

Now I know English very well and I am graduating from high school. During my high school years I became one of the top students having a high GPA and participating in many activities such as clubs, marching band, jazz band, and I am part of Big Brothers Big Sisters at Paramount.

With all my efforts I got accepted into great colleges and I will be attending college next year.

18

Be Yourself Katterin G.

“Your words cut deeper than a knife.” These lyrics from Shawn Mendes’s song “Stitches” always reminds me of a Saturday afternoon after church when my mom told me words I would never forget. To this day, I have never mentioned these words to anyone else. These words made me feel like the worst daughter ever. When I think back on these words it makes me wonder how I got here, how did I become the person I am today?

Now that I look back at me and my mother’s relationship we were never in sync. It all started when I was a kid. I would hardly see her at all, which led to many fights.

Mostly because she had to work all the time. She would leave early at 6 AM and come back at 6 PM stressed out and tired. As soon as she got home she would unload her day on me and my sister by complaining. I would try to understand her and have the most patience possible. It was really hard at times because I didn’t fully understand why she was always mad at me and my sister.

In my head I knew she had to have a reason to be angry or upset. Sometimes I would defend myself, even though it wasn’t the smartest choice. It left my sister and dad in the middle. I started to feel like my value and self worth would drop every day. It got to the point where I was so sad I didn’t want to eat and I would cry a lot. Instead of my parents understanding everything that I was going through, they would get mad and yell at me because I never wanted to 19

eat. Of course, I expected nothing less from them because it always felt like they didn’t care.

As I moved on to high school they found a way of making me eat. They told me, “If you don’t eat, you will not play volleyball.” I then decided it was time to eat because I couldn’t imagine my life without volleyball. Volleyball for me is a way to release my anger and feelings. When I play, I feel that all the things that are happening outside of the gym aren’t happening at all. I had been playing this sport for four years and the thought of not being able to play wasn’t an option for me.

2019 came around and this year wasn’t friendly at all.

Three days into the year my grandpa on my mother’s side died and my parents left the country to go to the funeral.

For the next three weeks all I saw around me were tears and the hurt in my aunts and uncles. Three month later, my grandma got really sick and my mom left the country to go and take care of her. Obviously deep down I was sad I didn’t have my mom at home, but at the same time we never bonded.

I had started to cry often in my fourth period class and it never occurred to me that I was crying because of my mom.

My science teacher started to worry about me. He talked to me and set a meeting with my school psychologist.

The psychologist recommended I take therapy, but I was unsure at that moment because in my head I hadn’t had a traumatic experience. I never thought that my parents would agree to therapy because they would think I was crazy. So I decided to decline and go on with my life and cry out my emotions.

During the summer, I finally went to one of my counselors at school and he talked to me about therapy.

20

“

I

have

and

more trust

in

confide in her

her

often

because our communication has

grown. We still

our

differences,

that’s

a part of

have

but life.

He told me that it wasn’t what I thought it was and that it could help me find myself. I decided I wanted to give it a try. I talked to my dad and he approved for me to start my first session.

My therapist was very nice and kind. At first it was hard to trust him, but then I knew if he said something I didn’t give any permission for him to share, there would be consequences. During this big moment in my life, trying to learn about myself, my mom was still in El Salvador taking care of my grandma. Sadly, on my second session before I left, my dad started packing to leave again as my grandma had passed away. Three weeks later, my mom came back without a job because she was gone too long helping my grandparents.

After a few sessions of therapy, I started realizing that I had some “mommy issues.” My therapist helped me realize that deep down I wanted a connection with my mom.

I wanted to be able to trust her and talk to her without 21

being yelled at for expressing how I felt. After sessions I would cry in my school hallways back to class or in my next class or when I got into the arms of my best friend. I never felt comfortable crying in front of my therapist.

After a couple of months of therapy sessions, I started feeling better about myself and more comfortable sharing my feelings. I even started telling my therapist about boy troubles and having my first heartbreak. At the end of my first semester of my 10th grade year, my therapist told me the sad news that he was moving and couldn’t be my therapist anymore. So I decided for my last session I would take my mom with me and have him talk to her.

After my mom and I left, we had a talk where we bonded more than ever before. It took some time, but now she is less stressed since she doesn’t work long 8-12 hour shifts. We feel closer and connected because she is at home more. I have more trust in her and confide in her often because our communication has grown. We still have our differences, but that’s a part of life.

The things I learned the most from this experience is to always try, how to cope with a loss, and to always be yourself. The first thing I learned was to keep trying. If you never give something a try, you’ll never know what could come from that experience. Even if it goes the wrong way, you’ll come back stronger and better than ever before.

Second, I learned how to cope with death at a young age, as I had lost four people that I love and care about in one year. This taught me that the most you can do is be there for your family and know the ones who have passed are not suffering anymore. The last thing I learned is to never be ashamed of who you are. Embrace who you are because there isn’t anyone else like you. Never be afraid to say how 22

you feel or what you think because you matter.

Everyone has value. There are people who care and love you. Everyone has their own way of expressing how they feel, so it might seem like they don’t care at times. All these things helped me become who I am today. I’m proud of who I am. I’m stronger inside. I still cry from time to time, but I’m emotional and I’m okay with that. I hope that from this experience I continue to be strong when other bumps on the road come along. I will always remember to keep a positive mindset when things seem difficult because life is valuable.

23

First Brick Laid Hisham

S.

This is a start of something that will be great.

As a teenager, society tends to frown upon the things I “can’t” do. I am a believer that age is just a number, it shouldn’t limit the things you can or can’t do. It’s all about your purpose and your mentality. Let me introduce myself, my name is Hisham, 15 years old, from the Middle East, and my goal in life isn’t to be remembered for the money I made but the lives I changed.

One of my bucket list goals is to own a very successful business, specifically selling products just like Amazon. I was taught that to own a successful business, I needed to attend a high class college, learn about business and economics, need a high capital, and employ hundreds of workers. Although I found it to be really challenging to start a business at 15, I had a strong mentality. I wanted to make this happen no matter what. People’s negative words were just noise, which drove me to want to prove them wrong.

On January 1st, 2020, I made it clear to myself that I will start my successful business and generate more money without any business knowledge. I wanted to prove society wrong. I didn’t have to attend college and drown 24

in loan debt for the rest of my life, living from paycheck to paycheck in a 9 to 5 job. To me, there was more to life than just money. Money was just an essential to keep me surviving, and that’s how I got the drive to start a business.

I wanted to be different from everyone else.

It was January 2nd. I started researching about creating a business from scratch. My capital was one hundred bucks at the time, but my drive was second to none. I started growing exponentially, mentally to be exact, and so did my knowledge about business. I spent a total of 120 hours learning about business, that is four hours a day for 30 days.

My life was waking up, attending school, going to football practice, studying business, homework, sleep, repeat.

Until one day, I got a helmet to my knee in football, which dislocated my knee cap, causing me to quit the football team when it was just starting.

I couldn’t forget how much pain I was in. I felt like a quitter, but one thing I didn’t lose was my will to start my business. In fact, I saw quitting the football team as an opportunity to focus on my business which hadn’t even started yet. I started spending 6 hours a day teaching myself all the necessities to start a successful business. I 25

still remember how much I’ve failed, how hard it was to find the right tools, the right people to help me get started with a business, until I came across a niche of business called “e-commerce.”

I had no idea what “e-commerce” was, so I did the usual, I researched about it for countless hours. Two weeks later, I discovered that e-commerce was an online business run by an individual, so I thought, “That is perfect! That’s all I need.” Going back to my bucket list to “own a very successful business, specifically selling products just like Amazon,” I was incredibly happy, or so I thought.

Not only did I need to code a website, I needed to find products to sell that people would actually buy for a reasonable price. I had to ship all the products to the customers, and I need to advertise what I was selling to people who were interested. I thought to myself, “I can’t spend the rest of the year creating and teaching myself all this without wasting a lot of money and coming across various obstacles.” I was only 15 with one hundred bucks.

So the next day, I started researching more and more about running an e-commerce business. Sometimes I’d even look at very well-known influencers’ merchandise websites because these were e-commerce businesses. That same day at around nine o’clock, I was scrolling through Instagram until I found an ad about “How to run a seven figure online e-commerce business” and you would’ve probably guessed that I clicked on the ad, which I did, and it led me to a 1,000 dollar course. My eyes opened wide, I said to myself “Hahaha, this is a joke.” I had one hundred bucks, but I was curious why it was so expensive.

Fast forward two weeks, and this course is all over the place, and I thought, “What if this is worth it?” So 26

“ I

was

reminded that

I

should live life on my own terms

when a small

dream

was

fulfilled: walking

the

red carpet.

on

I contacted the owner, and he explained to me why it’s worth that much, and so I thought “It is worth it indeed.” I had one hundred bucks, I needed to make money as soon as possible, I was too young to have a job, and too old to ask my parents for money. Although it was challenging to make that amount of money, I had a lot of drive. When I was at school the next day, one of my friends who was selling candy at school recommended that I should join him, and it clicked.

The next day, I was in a grocery store, and had one hundred bucks in my left hand. I didn’t want to waste it, but if you want to make money you have to lose some. I bought drinks, chips, and all sorts of candy, and so I started selling.

Although it took a lot of time to sell everything I had and keep restocking to reach one thousand bucks, I made it a couple months later. Yes, it was frustrating, but it was worth it, not because of the money, but because of what I learned. It gave me an idea of sales and how to properly 27

manage my money. Post-selling, I bought the course, spent countless hours trying, and started developing my brand.

In 2015, I moved from Saudi Arabia to Los Angeles, and that’s simply because everyone there lived in a bubble, a bubble of going to school, getting a decent job, and living your life on a paycheck. But “that wasn’t just in Saudi Arabia” I thought, our whole society tends to take this “safe route” instead of the challenging and hard route that would get you to your dream. Society teaches us what we should do, when in reality we shouldn’t.

I was reminded that I should live life on my own terms when a small dream was fulfilled: walking on the red carpet. Coming from Saudi Arabia, I always saw the Oscars on TV. Something about it just made me fall in love with it. In August 2019, I had the chance to not only walk on the red carpet, but to interview Will Smith, the man that I’ve been watching on TV since I was a little kid, when laying on my couch in Saudi. Although it didn’t make any sense in my head, I had to interview him no matter what.

Walking on that red carpet for the first time made me realize how valuable dreams are. No amount of money can buy that experience, because my genuine dream is to be a successful actor, while running my own brand is one of my goals. That day I learned a new life lesson: What separates successful people from society is doing what they actually want and not what they’re taught to be.

When I got home that night, my mind was blown.

Although I didn’t have any reactions at the time of the interview since I wanted to be “professional,” I was a fan on the inside. Looking at all those actors on the red carpet, I realized that they’re not like the average person, they’re different. It made me realize that I can one day 28

become someone I want to be, because I was always “that one person,” and I am happy to be different. I would one day do things other people can’t, because I’m not part of “them,” I am part of “me.”

After the red carpet, I learned that you should take every single chance you get, always put your foot in the door, and behind one of these doors is your lifelong dream. I made it clear to myself that I do indeed want to become an actor, but I also will work on developing my own brand. In terms of where I am at today, I’ll use Will Smith’s career as a metaphor. I’m just in my “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” years. I’ve made sales and may not have saved my kids or fought off aliens, but I’m in my start up mode, and I know by sticking to my dreams, those successes are coming my way. Or as Will Smith said, “You don’t set out to build a wall. You don’t say ‘I’m going to build the biggest, baddest, greatest wall that’s ever been built.’ You don’t start there. You say, ‘I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid.’ You do that every single day. And soon you have a wall.” Although my story isn’t the biggest, the baddest, or greatest story ever told, it is a start of something great that isn’t done.

To be continued.

29

Purple Emily

S.

Just imagine being in a dress store seeing your grandma trying to help your mom get out of a sparkly, long dress while a nurse, your aunt, and stranger try to help your little brother. During the whole madness, your cousin and you are crying outside the store while this odd barber next door tries to get your attention by trying to make you laugh. It was the scariest but weirdest day of my life.

It all started on September 18, 2014 on a beautiful sunny morning. I went to my grandma’s house with my mom and little brother. It was the day before my little brother’s baptism and first birthday party. My mom was so busy with the preparations of the party and getting things ready for the family that she forgot to buy something for herself to wear to the celebration. Around 2 PM my aunt told my mom, “Sister, let’s go buy your dress.”

My mom said, “Okay, where though?”

“I know a good dress boutique in Long Beach,” said my aunt.

So then my grandma, aunt, mom, little cousin, my baby brother and I all got into the car and headed toward the dress boutique. The boutique had a light gray, round sofa in the middle of the store where my cousin and I sat next 30

to my little brother’s stroller. I was very amused by all the types of dresses as we walked through the store to the sofa. My aunt, being the most fashionable, was giving my mom options based on which style and color suited my mom’s shape. My grandma also browsed the store looking for an option for my mom. My cousin and I wanted to explore the store and look at some of the ridiculous dresses but my mom said, “Emily, if you don’t sit down then later when we get home you won’t be able to help finish the decorations.” Since I love both candy and arts and crafts, that was a big thing for me so I listened.

After 30 mins passed, my mom finally found the three dresses she liked. I, of course, was dying of boredom so I began to check on my little brother and try to wake him up from his nap so we can play. After my cousin and I tickled him and called his name he was finally awake laying down in the stroller. I remember making funny faces to him and making him giggle. Then my cousin got bored so she went to go ask my aunt to lend us her phone so we could watch My Little Pony episodes.

When I looked back up at my brother, I noticed that he was kind of shaking and changing color. Not knowing what 31

“ My f am i l y a n d I c a n ’t s a y we k no w h o w t h i n g s ar e go in g t o b e i n t h e fu t u r e fo r my b r o t h e r o r u s. L i f e th ro ws u s m a n y s u r p ri s e s …

was happening scared me and I felt very helpless. “Mom, something is wrong with Edrick!” I frightfully shouted as I unbuckled him. My mom in her dress ran to the stroller where my brother was shaking.

“Oh my god, Yesica go call 911! I don’t know what is happening to him.” My mom said.

Then the store owner and a random lady got close to us. The random lady said, “ Excuse me, I’m a nurse and the baby is having a seizure. I need you to hand me the baby and tell me what the 911 responder says to do.” At this point I was completely confused and terrified, it was such a chaotic moment for everyone. My mom was with my grandma trying to get out the dress as fast as she could.

My aunt and the nurse were trying to help my brother. My cousin and I were outside the boutique trying to see if the ambulance was coming anytime soon.

As a nine year old, I always jumped to conclusions. So all that went through my mind was, “Please god, please 32

let nothing happen to my little brother please!” As I was praying in my mind, I turned around and saw that next door to the boutique was a barber shop. The man cutting hair was being nosey trying to figure out what was all the commotion about. Honestly, I was so terrified and worried I ignored him. I didn’t have time for that.

The 10 to 15 minutes it took to arrive at the Long Beach Memorial Hospital felt like an eternity. When we got there my grandpa called my grandma saying that he was driving my dad and my other little brother to the hospital. “Si, eso está bien por que Edgar se pone nervioso y luego manija rápido” said my grandma over the phone.

When we entered the hospital we sat down in the emergency room. I couldn’t even explain how I was feeling at the moment nor can I to this day. I remember going to the bathroom and just crying my eyes out. That day after the doctors sent him home they only said, “The fever the baby had was too high so it triggered a seizure.” My whole family thought this was all going to be over. But we were wrong. Months later he kept having several seizures.

He went to different hospitals and they all said the same thing “a high fever is causing him to keep having these seizures.” My mom knew deep down inside there was more to this and that my little brother wasn’t okay. A couple of years passed without knowing what was going on, when my mom took him once to the children’s hospital to run a test. Later on the doctor let us know that my brother has complex partial epilepsy. Complex partial epilepsy is when he has complex partial seizure which is a type of seizure that only affects one lobe of the brain instead of it affecting the whole brain.

I cried the day he was diagnosed and begged god 33

to give me his illness. It hurt me seeing him like that and knowing my little brother has this illness for life in which he can only control and not cure it. Over time, when my little brother was about three, the doctor prescribed him medication to help control his seizures. As he aged the doctor had to increase his dosage which led to mood swings and being more sensitive toward certain things.

After a while, we began getting used to him having seizures and sort of knew what to do if he did have one. To reduce his injury risk my mom or dad would carry him then place a rag in his mouth so he wouldn’t bite his tongue, and try to analyze him. By analyze, I mean how long was the seizure, is he responding, what happened before, during, and after the seizure. While one parent was doing all that the other had to talk with the paramedics over the phone and communicate with the other parent and try to tell the paramedic what’s happening. As for my brother Ernesto and I, our job was to get our shoes on, call my grandma to pick us up, prepare needed things in a bag: my brother’s medication, sweats, phone charger for parents, etc.

From that first experience to present day, I can say I’ve learned a lot about my brother’s condition but, at the same time, there is still so much more to learn. My family and I can’t say we know how things are going to be in the future for my brother or us. Life throws us many surprises, like three years ago in October my brother had a terrible seizure ending with him in a coma for a day. It was very unexpected and scary which is why we are always trying to learn new things about his condition. Things like how there are different types of epilepsy, different seizures, and different things that trigger them.

At first I didn’t want to share anything about my 34

brother’s condition. Remembering everything made me feel really sad and scared for him. I was scared about how his future would be. How would he even be around others? But now I know that it’s okay to open things up and that he isn’t the only one. It’s okay to be scared about the future. My family joined an epilepsy club with him to learn more, to go to fundraisers, to raise awareness about this condition, not only for my brother, but for others who have it. We learned that purple is his color and represents the epilepsy condition. All of this has taught me to be more understanding and open up a bit.

35

Lost to New York Crissna

J.

I was very fortunate to have an overall happy childhood.

My parents always tried their best to keep me happy. They made it a rule to never fight in front of me, so maybe there were some occasional negative events but most of my memories are fond ones. I will admit to not remembering everything, I think few people do, but there is one person that I always remember when thinking of my childhood.

That person is my aunt.

I love my parents and grandmother very much, but my aunt is the one that was there during my younger years that I’m able to remember. I am of course grateful for my grandmother’s love and affection when I was a baby, but those parts in my life I only really hear about. And I never blamed my parents for having to work and not being there with me either. I’m sure they must have felt some guilt on that part but they’ve always done what they think is best for me. My parents immigrated here with nothing, and it was due to their hard work that I could live happily without much worries or complaints, which now that I think about it were mostly just about not wanting to go to school. And if I’m perfectly honest I don’t think I really dwelt on the fact my parents were busy because I had someone else there 36

to rely on. My aunt was very much like a second mother to me, her children were already adults and so I always felt like she treated me like her daughter. When I had done something wrong, she was the person I would always go to hide from my mother because I knew she would always defend me. This is something I especially recognized during a certain event.

Now I don’t know the exact date but I remember there was a small earthquake that occurred one day. It was a cloudy day and it may have even been raining, I’m not too sure, but looking back it may have been a sign.

One moment I was sitting on the couch watching TV and suddenly the whole world started shaking. The next, I was abruptly being dragged under this sturdy wooden table we had in the living room. That earthquake might have been the first one I ever experienced but the one particular moment during that event that I really cherish is seeing my aunt trying to shield me with her own body.

It felt like it lasted much longer than it probably did but as a young child, I was terrified. I only recognized when I was much older what her actions that day really showed, that she was essentially putting herself between me and 37

any potential danger, even though I imagine she was also scared. It wasn’t a big earthquake, but it’s something that reminds me of how much she cared for me. However, it was due to this level of love I held for her that made it so much harder for me when she left.

It is probably unfair on my part, but when my aunt left to be with her new love, I felt betrayed. I didn’t know a thing about love so the only way I could process her actions was that she was leaving me for someone else. Actually, even that was too profound for how I thought of it back then.

It was like I lost my longest best friend to some new kid in class. And I’m ashamed to say I was angry. My mother tells me now that I was about six when she started having problems with my behavior. Every time someone asks her about me when I was little she would say, “She was a crier, but she never really gave me a problem.” Which is then followed by stories of my tantrums that always makes me question why she even tried to compliment me in the first place. I never told her why I got so angry around the age of six but a big part of it had to do with no longer having my aunt around. I also recall feeling just so utterly alone at that time, and funnily enough, this is when I asked my parents for a sibling.

I just wanted someone to play with. I certainly did not expect a crying miniature human being. But maybe my parents did know that my aunt leaving left me feeling alone because they even asked me to name my new sibling when she was born. I suggested the name “Emily,” after my favorite cartoon show about a big red dog, and for some reason, they went with it. It never fails to make me laugh and make my sister angry.

Except Emily was barely a newborn, and she couldn’t 38

“ I

came

I

had

to terms with felt when I

how

was

younger and I realized had a

stopped feeling

long

I

angry

time ago.

play with me at her age. I tried, of course, but it only resulted in me accidentally hitting her head. Which could have gone a lot worse than it did, but nevertheless my mother was absolutely furious about it. I still had no one there like my aunt, even my mom who had stopped working was too busy with the new baby. I started to lose my fiery temper and over time I just became this really closed off shy kid. I started to make myself forget about my aunt and at that time a lot of my other family members were leaving too. My grandmother lost her visa causing her to not visit anymore. My other aunt and cousins moved to another state. And everyone else started to slowly drift away. I’m sure everyone was sad to part ways but I learned later that they all had good reasons. At the time it just felt like I was reliving that moment with my aunt again. And that feeling of being alone just grew.

My aunt came to visit again a few years later. When we saw each other again it wasn’t the same anymore. I didn’t 39

know how to act around her and it was very much like I was talking to a stranger. My mother kept expressing how she felt disappointed when my aunt had left, but my mother has also always been very forgiving. She has a good heart which unfortunately causes people to sometimes take advantage of her. So while she might have also been angry when my aunt left, they seemingly made up rather quickly.

That wasn’t necessarily the case for me. She only stayed a few days before she left for New York again, so we didn’t get the opportunity to talk. I wasn’t particularly angry but simply disappointed things couldn’t go back to how they used to be. I thought I would hear from her again, have another chance to mend our relationship, but as time went on she barely even called anymore. Until a point came where we basically lost communication with her for years.

It wasn’t until after my fifteenth birthday that I saw her again. We had been invited to Ohio by another family member over the summer, and the person who we were staying with had my aunt’s phone number. They asked us if we would like to call her over face time and I enthusiastically agreed. Those short seconds of waiting for her to answer made me feel so nervous and when she finally did answer I think the only thing I said was “Hi.” My mom took over and they started to catch up and every now and then I’d try and add something.

Even if it wasn’t like before, it was nice, and I was glad to see she was healthy. I came to terms with how I had felt when I was younger and I realized I had stopped feeling angry a long time ago. I still love my aunt very much, she is part of my family after all. She may have only really been with me for the first six years of my life, which is still almost half of it, but she influenced me in a lot of different ways.

40

She brought a lot of joy into my life that stays with me.

She may have left, but I no longer blame her for pursuing her own emotions. After coming to terms with my feelings, I realized she was the person who taught me how to be patient, love, and just to see the world around me in a brighter way.

41

Memories Brandon

R.

Life nowadays seems to be getting repetitive. You get up in the morning, go about your day, and then go to sleep.

However there’s a catch, as when you go about your day you have to do so while staying at home. It is good to remember that there was a time when life was not like this, when life was filled with interesting moments, with laughter, with joy, and yet also with sadness and anger. But life was filled with something. We all have that memory that we are attached to, and while we are at home we can reminisce about it. Here is one memory that I am attached to.

I stepped out of the train. It was a cool, cloudy day.

Spring was here, so what better way to go about your day than by going to the park? I was eight years old at the time, so my mother was accompanying me. It was one of the many trips we would take since we liked to travel the city a lot. The park entrance read “Exposition Rose Garden” with a big red rose next to it. Beyond the sign, my mother and I could see bushes filled with many colorful flowers. We entered the front gate and saw a big water fountain. It was built of white stones with an elegant design carved into it.

My mother really loves flowers, so we spent about twenty minutes looking at each and every flower. My mother took 44

lots of close up pictures of the flowers. She was in a really happy mood, and so was I. We kept walking around the park more, and then we saw an ice cream man with his cart. I love ice cream, so knowing that my mom decided to ask the man for two chocolate cone ice creams. I was already happy, but now that I was eating ice cream I was even more happy. We both went to where the water fountain was and we sat on a bench facing it. For about five minutes we just sat there, peacefully eating our ice cream. At this moment I realized how much my mom means to me and how much I really love her. We could sit in silence just eating ice cream, looking at the water fountain but yet it was as if there was no silence between us. We enjoyed each other’s time.

After we were done with the ice cream we took pictures together in front of the water fountain. It was starting to get late so we headed out to the train station which was about a two minute walk. And with that, the simple but yet so meaningful day we had was coming to an end.

At the moment I hadn’t really thought much about that day. It was just a day at the park after all. But that memory has stuck with me after all these years. And with 45

every passing day I’ve started to appreciate this and my other memories more and more. We do not realize how special the moments with our loved ones are until years later when we are alone with our thoughts, wanting to relive that moment. We have to appreciate every single moment that we live life and live it to the fullest, because we never know when life can take a drastic turn and make the simple moments that we would take for granted become a moment that we wish for. What we are living through right now will pass someday, and it will become yet another memory. Appreciate the memory. Appreciate life.

46

My Big Mistake Nahum C.

It was the second week of April, I was lying in bed wishing that all my stress would go away. I was just in eighth grade, not even in high school, and already I was stressed and done with life. Then again, I was not your average eighth grader. I was very smart and almost had straight A’s. I went to two other schools, which were music schools, and of course I was one of the top musicians even at a young age.

At the time I played flute, clarinet, saxophone and most of their variations (piccolo, bass clarinet, all four saxophones) along with guitar and piano.

My parents always pushed me to be busy which caused more stress on top of school alone. As much as people wanted to help me, I would always deny it and push their help away because I would always tell myself I’m strong enough to deal with things on my own. But one day my stress would get to me to a point that I would make a decision I never thought I would make.

One day, while in math class, my teacher was setting up the SBAC testing and was taking a while because it was a new format. I was very stressed and tired and wasn’t thinking straight. Since the boredom got to me, I took out a blade I found to fidget around with, and one of my friends 47

“

I ju st t o l d e v e r y o n e t h a t ev er yt h i n g h a p p e n s fo r a re as on , a n d e v e r y t h in g th at h a p p e n e d u n t i l n o w wa sn ’t a m i s t a k e , b ut he lp ed b u i l d a l e a r ni n g ex pe ri e n c e .

saw me and was curious about it. She told me that I didn’t have the guts to cut her and so I did. I wasn’t thinking all that logically, and if I had taken one second to reflect on what I was about to do, I definitely would have taken it. It’s surprising how one second of your life can have a giant impact. In my mind, there was nothing that could go wrong and so I thought, “What is the worst that could happen?” so I reached over and did it.

At first everything seemed fine, but the wound slowly started opening, revealing a giant cut. I didn’t know better - I was surprised to say the least. I didn’t know what to do, so all I could spurt out was “I’m sorry.” She said it was fine and decided to go to the next period without doing anything about it. When the next period came by, I was very anxious and very worried about what would happen.

My worst thoughts came into my head about what could happen, so I started to overthink and started to panic.

Nothing happened during the whole period so I kept 48

telling myself that it was over and that there would be no consequences.

Once the school day ended, I was telling my friend about what had happened, and he was as shocked as I was. He told me to calm down, and that at most I would get detention. They then called me over the speakers, saying in a demanding voice that I go to the office and shouldn’t try to leave the campus. At that point my mind started to race. I was very worried and I headed over there because I didn’t want any further problems.

I was arrested in the office and my family was called.

Once my family got there and the police started taking me to the police car, I specifically asked the police if they could move my little sister to another room so she wouldn’t see me in handcuffs, since she looks up to me. They denied my request, and when she saw me in handcuffs it shattered my heart because she started crying. At that point I was finished - my mom was screaming at me, my sister was crying. I didn’t know what would happen next -- the last thing I wanted to see was my dad’s reaction. I just wish it didn’t happen.

I was taken to a mental hospital. The police officer was actually very nice and comforted me and calmed me down. As I walked down the corridor to enter my room, I saw multiple people lined up laying on stretchers with many serious self wounds. At that point my mind didn’t know how to handle anything, and I was ready to expect the unexpected. Once in my room, people started coming in to ask me what’s wrong — but they didn’t do anything or helped, they just asked. The experience of being there and seeing the graphic images was scary enough to make me paranoid.

49

They said I had to sleep there. During the night a teenage boy around my age was also brought into the room next to me. While I was trying to process everything, I just heard the guards scream “Stop him, he’s stabbing himself” and I turned around to see many people restraining this teenage boy from stabbing himself with a fork. It was very disturbing. I was scared to say the least. I just wanted to go home, but my mom had arranged to come in the morning, so I tried to make it through the night. An old man was brought in later on, screaming at the top of his lungs at the police and his wife. It was so disturbing to see how much someone wanted to die. As I tried to fall asleep, I heard this guy’s screams. He wouldn’t even try to cooperate with the people trying to help him. It was almost as if he was determined that they would just let him die. So much was going through my head. How could someone want to die so badly? It was so horrifying to see and hear multiple people use their last strengths to try to end themselves.

I ended up not sleeping that night and luckily my mother was allowed to pick me up in the morning.

We were in the middle of taking tests so I told my mom to rush home so I could make it in time to school. She was very concerned about me and was more frightened than mad. My dad was another story. He didn’t talk to me for about two weeks and just had a serious expression on his face the whole time. When I got to school that day, the administration was surprised to see me as I wasn’t supposed to be there, and it turns out the hospital wasn’t supposed to release me yet. They valued my efforts of not wanting to miss my testing so I was put in a room isolated from my peers and had all my work brought to me. A week later I was back put into normal classes and everyone was 50

shocked. My counselor brought me in one day and told me that any day could be my last day at school because I could get expelled. This really shook me up and from there on out I treated every day as my last day and it stressed me out even worse. I was scared of not seeing my friends anymore, I was scared of what was lying in my future. I didn’t want to miss my culmination, my parents had done so much for me and this would just disappoint them, and also disappoint me.

Luckily for me, I didn’t get expelled and made it through all of eighth grade and got to walk on the stage. Many teachers congratulated me and told me how lucky I was.

I thought the problem was resolved but over the summer I got a letter that stated that I was indeed expelled from the entire district. I started high school in an expulsion school where I didn’t fit in at all since everyone else was there for serious reasons (assault, carrying weapons, gang affiliated, etc.). I was forced to make friendships but I was in no way comfortable with the environment. Luckily for me again, after four months of being expelled, I received a letter from a LAUSD representative stating that my case was dropped and that I would finally be able to return to a LAUSD school. This was giant news for me as my life hadn’t been the same ever since I had cut my friend back in April. Many friends and family told me that I was lucky enough I wasn’t locked up and with more consequences.

I just told everyone that everything happens for a reason, and everything that happened until now wasn’t a mistake, but helped build a learning experience.

Looking back I really wished I hadn’t done what I did, and I finally made up with my friend and we are now back on talking terms. I think everyone learns life lessons 51

in different ways, and God knowing that I was such a stubborn kid, put me through such a traumatic experience that I couldn’t ignore it and change me for the better. For one, I value life way more than I did and hope to have a full, happy life. Life is full of unexpected twists and instead of letting obstacles burn you out, you use them as an opportunity to make you stronger than before. I also value the help of others, I realize it’s ok to ask for help and to know that you’re not alone. There will always be people that love you, whether friends or family, that will stick with you through the hard times. It’s also very important to think multiple times before doing anything as that could change your life permanently. You could stupidly make a dumb choice that you think is no big deal, just for it to haunt you for the rest of you’re life. Luckily for me, God was on my side during these hardships and therefore my actions didn’t get the punishment that most people would’ve gotten. A friend from the expulsion school was sent there for three years just because he defended himself from an assault and took the knife away. Caught red-handed, he couldn’t do anything, and is still expelled to this day.

Most people don’t realize how one moment can define the rest of their life. This really is an amazing and terrifying world. My friends were happy to see me back and my family is now proud of me for making it through the hard times but have made it clear that this cannot, under no circumstances, happen ever again.

52

The First Step of My Plan Isai

M.

Little Mermaid was the very first Disney movie I watched and it inspired me to learn more about Disney. This started a growing interest and I wanted to watch every single Disney film made since then. I knew from that moment that I would want to become a Disney Imagineer later on in life.

The job of creating a story from scratch to eventually appear on a screen to entertain many people is exciting.

I have never been to Disneyland but it’s always been a dream. I have been able to experience Disneyland through YouTube and other videos but would love to see it first hand. Fulfilling my goal of becoming a Disney Imagineer will allow me to call Disneyland home.

I know in order to achieve this goal I need to map out a plan. My plan starts with going to college to study and learn architecture. I have started my application process and am waiting for acceptance letters. It’s an anxious time in my life because this is just the first step of my plan.

I hope to get accepted to my dream school: UCLA. I 53

know my course work will be challenging but I’m looking forward to it. I hope to one day intern and shadow an architect so I witness first hand how the job is done. I would like to eventually apply to jobs at Disney working in the park in my second or third year of college. I understand the process is to apply as a group and get first hand experience working at attractions. I am super excited to make this opportunity come true. The job will have an extra perk of allowing me to visit the park as a guest! I hope this job eventually allows me to fulfill my ultimate goal of becoming a Disney Imagineer.

While I know this is very early to start thinking about, I am thankful I have a plan to start. I have not yet thought about alternatives but I know I have some time to give it a thought.

54

Someone Who Only Listened Carlos J.

I was 10 years old when my dog died. I used to play with her - tug-of-war - I used to play with her a lot. We used to cuddle a lot; she kept me warm. She was a good listener.

I would talk to my family, but sometimes I just needed someone who only listened. I was happy a lot when my dog was alive.

She was too old. Her time had come. She died peacefully in her sleep. My older sister owned her. She cried the most.

My sister told me she died. I went to the bedroom and saw her lying there. The bed without her was cold. I could not sleep anymore. I felt empty without my dog.

Her death helped me mature. During the months after she passed, I distracted myself with videogames and school. The dog loved my dad the most. Many dogs love parents the most. so I confided my sadness in him. We eventually decided to get a new dog! I will never forget my old dog, but the new dog we got has filled the hole in my heart. She is younger so she can wear outfits and collars.

55

Second Language, Second Chance Jackie

P.

I think languages present to you new opportunities all the time. They help us tell our stories, to connect with others, and open doors filled with new experiences.

I was born in El Salvador. I lived there the first few years of my childhood. Growing up there, Spanish was the only language in my vocabulary. I had three best friends, who also happened to be my neighbors. I would spend more of my time with them than I would at my own house. Their parents were very kind, everyone in my neighborhood was.

My mom lived in the United States most of the time, while the rest of our family was living in El Salvador. Growing up, my older sister stepped into the “mom” role. My sister would wake me up, dress me for school, and feed me. My brother and I grew up playing video games and collecting toy cars. That was our biggest way of bonding.

My father worked in the forensic field so he would also be out often, working on cases. I felt like my life was perfect and complete, and I thought nothing would ever change.

56

I moved to the United States a few days befoe my sixth birthday. I have to say that switching countries has been the biggest change in my life. First of all, I didn’t want to move, and second of all, I had to deal with a language barrier!

I started school a few weeks after moving. I remember crying the first few days. I also remember punching a boy who ended up being my best friend and still is to this day. I knew that learning English would help me fit in. So I made that my priority and by the end of first grade I was fluent in English. After breaking the language barrier, I was able to find new focuses and have new experiences in my life. I became more social and more involved. I joined a soccer team and a competitive dance team. I’ve also joined spelling bee contests a few times. I won first place in third grade at my elementary school and placed seventh in the City Finals in 2016. These are definitely some highlights in my life. Language was key to these experiences. In teams, it helps us to come up with plays, discuss our mistakes, and 57

simply make conversation and new friends.

Now that I’m in high school, I’ve had new experiences.

I’ve learned that life isn’t so perfect, like I thought when I was younger. I’ve dealt with mental health issues. At some point I felt like l couldn’t control it. I needed help and I was able to reach out and get a therapist who is now one of the most helpful people in my life. I know that as an immigrant, it can be difficult to adapt to new changes. Moving to a new country is hard, and dealing with a language barrier, doesn’t make it any easier. It makes you feel isolated, like you don’t belong. I felt that moving here, I definitely wasn’t ready for such a huge change. But now I’m grateful that I moved here. I’m glad to have broken the language barrier, because without it I wouldn’t have these memories and experiences. I’ll never forget where I came from, because it is a part of who I am today. I hope that with this second language, I continue to grow as a person and find new experiences in life.

58

My Growing Admiration Helen F.

There’s always a point in our lives in which we are living the best life, where we are happy and we think that everything is perfect and nothing can go wrong. Then out of nowhere an obstacle or life-altering change can appear from the left field. These obstacles can end up changing you, changing who you are and the way you may view things in the world. Sometimes the way these obstacles change us can be either for the better or worse. Most of us can change for the worse and tend to lose ourselves but then there are some of us who end up becoming stronger and becoming an example to others based on how we handled the situations. My father is an example of someone who finds strength during these life-changing moments.

It was a cloudy day on December 4, 2011 when my family and I received some bad news that changed our lives; we received news that my grandma had passed away. I remember the day so vividly. I remember waking up that day in the morning and feeling somewhat anxious 59

but I didn’t know why. It turns out that was just a sign of something terrible about to happen, and I didn’t know what it could be until my dad called the hospital to check on how my sick grandma was doing. I remember my dad asking the usual questions to the nurses with a sound of hope in his voice, until that tone was lost and silence was the only thing that invaded the room. Once the silence had broken, the only thing I could hear was the sound of my dad’s voice breaking and trying to breathe in and out, trying to compose himself. Once he had finished the call he slowly put the phone down and ran his hands through his face and soon enough I was surprised to hear a sob come out of his mouth. It worried me because never in my seven years of life had I seen my dad cry or look so sad. He always found a way to remain strong and pretend like everything was ok. As a seven year old I began to get worried and wanted to ask what was wrong, but my mother had beaten me to it.

Once my mother had asked what was wrong, he had turned around and said to us, “She passed away. My mother has just passed away this morning.” The moment he said that I felt time pause for me despite my young age.

I couldn’t come to the idea that one of the people we all loved and deeply adored was gone from this world. I didn’t know how to comprehend how the person who would sometimes play with me, make me smile, and care for me wasn’t alive anymore. However, at some point one ends up knowing that the person is gone, that the situation is real and it hits you that the person won’t be with you anymore.

It hits you hard to the point that you can’t help be sad and cry, but some point to heal a bit too, knowing they are in a better place.

60

“ I’m

lucky that I

have

someone who can teach many

things and who

care

and love for

matter

me

me

shows no

what.

From there on, it was obstacles after obstacles. It seemed like an endless maze. Some of these obstacles were knowing how to pay the hospital bills, medical bills, our own apartment bills, and whatnot. Stress began piling up even more since we knew that my grandma’s desire was to be buried in the place she was born, El Salvador. It worried me to know how we would be able to pay for all of this and get through it all, knowing that flying someone in a casket costs so much money. I was not just worried about that, but I was also worried about my dad and how he was dealing with all of this. Turns out he was feeling stressed and sad, but wouldn’t dare to truly show it to us in order to make us feel better about everything. Despite him feeling stressed over the money, my dad didn’t stop until he fulfilled my grandmother’s wish. He didn’t stop being a person who would let me, my mom, and great aunt know that everything would be okay and that at some point we would once again see the light at the end of the tunnel.

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At some point, what he had said to us became true, we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. We started to feel better, had more happy moments, and were able to find ways in which my mom and dad could pay every bill. It wasn’t easy, that is for sure. But with my parents - especially my dad - encouraging us, things became easier and stress free. For that, I couldn’t feel more grateful toward him.

And not just grateful, but I admire him even more because he taught us how to stay positive, and that as long as we stayed positive, things would become easier. I also admire him for making me see that even strong people cry and get sad and that it is perfectly fine if you ever do. He showed me that people should not give up in any situation.

But that wasn’t the only time in which I admired my dad for who he had become. There were many more events, both before and after this event, that made me know that he’s a good man and that I’m lucky to have someone like him. I’m lucky that I have someone who can teach me many things and who shows care and love for me no matter what.

A moment which proved this to me even more than what I already knew was back in April of 2015, the month of my birthday. As a teenager you can’t help but want friends with whom you can do many things. Some of these things can be going out, talking to them, and inviting them to a celebration of one’s birthday.

In this case, I was able to experience all of those things except for one, celebrating my birthday with my friends. I remember being happy the moment I woke up that day.

How could I not be? It was my birthday and that meant I had the freedom to do more of what I wanted. I was also happy to know that for once I would be celebrating with the people I love, which were my parents and my friends.

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But it didn’t take long for my happiness to soon vanish from me.

What I thought would end up being a fun day actually turned into something that I had never expected. My friends hadn’t shown up to my birthday celebration. I remember waiting and waiting for them to come, always looking out the window of the restaurant to see if one of them was here, but as time passed my happiness was getting destroyed and my worries sunk in. At some point, I remember admitting to myself that my friends had just abandoned me without a single warning or excuse, which hurt me a lot. It hurt me to the point I cried, like any other person would in that particular situation.

I just cried, and wondered to myself if I had done anything wrong to them or said anything that bothered them that may have hurt them. I was starting to really doubt many things and my parents could see that I was hurting and doubting things, which made them upset.

They decided to make my birthday a happy one for me.

My dad, seeing that I was hurt and crying, came over me, hugged me, and tried to make me feel better. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong Mingis. It is them who did something wrong by not saying anything and not showing up. Don’t ever think that it’s you when it’s not.

You’ve been nothing but loyal and it’s a shame they did this to you. But don’t worry because I’ll find a way to cheer you up and see how today can still be one of the greatest, happiest birthdays you have had,” he said. I believed in him because I knew that everything he said was always right.

My birthday, despite the sad beginning, ended up being one of the greatest birthdays. We canceled everything at 63

the restaurant and went to a different one that we chose and liked. Throughout dinner, my dad had cheered me up even more by telling his funny childhood stories. After making me laugh and eating, we ended up going to the theatre to watch a movie I wanted to see. By the end of the day I really was happy. I didn’t need my friends to celebrate when I already had my mom and my dad.

My dad is my hero and one of my idols because no matter what is going on he always helps me and sticks by my side. He is someone who helps me see the world in a better perspective. He is someone I admire because even after going through so much, both together and individually, he has stayed strong-headed and wakes up every day trying to maintain and care for us. He shows endless love and supports us unconditionally. There is nobody else in the world that I would like to have as my father but him. My dad will always be my hero and I hope everyone is lucky to find their own hero who can inspire them daily like I have found in him.

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Lost and Found Isaac G.

It was an ordinary day until it all changed. Tragedy struck at that canyon.

It was a nice sunny day. We went to the canyon to barbecue and swim. It was my dad, mom, sister, and I. My brother wasn’t there because he was visiting family. We were having a good time, swimming and eating some nice food. My father always cooked, that was the thing he did best. I was only three at the time and my sister was one.

We have very slight memories of that day but they are so vivid that I can not forget what happened.

We were swimming and having a fun time under the hot, shiny sun. My mother was not in the water but sitting down away from us. It was my dad, sister, and I. We were having a good time swimming with him and splashing around. My father had a medical condition his whole life. He had an enlarged heart so he could not play high school football and do other activities. As my father was swimming, he had a sudden heart attack in the water. To 65

save us, he threw me and my sister to my mother. We were able to swim at that age. Then my father went underwater and didn’t come back up again.

My father’s passing changed many people in his family and has affected my life until this very day. When my father passed, my mother didn’t know what to do so two months later she found a replacement. She would bounce around with different boyfriends here and there, affecting my siblings and I. I think my father’s passing really affected my mother. She wasn’t the same after he passed. We all were not the same.

Not having a father figure to show a boy how to become a man is really challenging for a person. I know my brother was affected the most out of us three. He is the one who remembers him the most and had the most vivid memories of him. Our father would always take us to Disneyland and was really involved. He was a great father always providing for our family. He would work a lot and be with us a lot as well. When my dad would go to work, he would come home on his lunch break and take my brother to school. He would do all the cooking and cleaning. My mother was not really involved with all of that but my father would take care of her as well. After my father was gone, my mother faced the many challenges that came ahead.

My mother was in and out of the house a lot and we struggled with money a lot of the time. We had lots of people coming in and out of our house while my siblings and I watched. We had this very odd recliner in the middle of the living room and this is how I felt most of the time.

Like the odd chair in the middle of the room. I didn’t like to be home a lot of the time. I was always out doing something, like playing outside or going around skating 66

“ We

are

our

happy living

Tia. We feel

with

safe

and

proud that we can call her a

mother as well.

with my friends. I think I would do this to run from the truth and to pretend that nothing was happening. It began to get worse with my mother, and with the people coming in and out, and the challenges she had to face with us.

My siblings and I did not want to live with our mother anymore because we felt unsafe. So then our aunt came to take us and now we live with her. She is my dad’s sister and is the closest thing we had as a father figure. She and my father grew up together and were really close. When my father passed she was really affected by it and missed him a lot. We are happy living with our Tia. We feel safe and proud that we can call her a mother as well.

My father’s passing has changed our lives in many ways.

I feel like if he was still here we would be totally different people. I forgive my mother for all the things she has done to me and my siblings. I know she tried at times and I am thankful for that. I am also very thankful for my aunt for being there for us when no one else was.

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The Media Briseida

F.

The media is everywhere and it impacts everyone on a daily basis. We use it for entertainment, communication, and inspiration. It is a great place for people to watch the news and to keep entertained, but unfortunately it also has its negatives. Recently the media has been portraying a certain standard that we are supposed to live up to, and we accept that standard. The standard being that we have to look a certain way to be considered acceptable in society. Growing up in this time, on average, a person will see 5,000 ads a day. Ads that are fabricated to suit a certain audience, to convince them to buy whatever they are trying to sell, for example children and teenagers.

Specifically young girls.

Growing up, I have always been a skinny child. When I was around 1-2 years old my parents took me to the doctor, because they were concerned that I wasn’t growing. When I did begin to grow, however, I didn’t eat much. Not because I couldn’t; I was just not hungry. I was at the normal weight a young girl should be. The less food I ate the more people began commenting on my weight. People I had just met 68

began commenting, “Eat something, it’s not hard.” and “Is your mom not feeding you enough?” or “You’re too skinny, you must be cold.’’ While some of them were concerned, most of them weren’t, and only commented on my weight to make people laugh or to lighten up the mood, basically turning my weight into an ice breaker game.

Growing up, I’ve always been a pretty confident girl.

I’ve never enjoyed having people tell me what to do or letting people tell me how I should look, which is why I often didn’t care when people would make comments and would simply laugh with them. I tried my best not to care.

However, when people would make the same “jokes” over and over again, I began to believe them. These jokes were made by family members and I would often be compared to my sister and cousins.

Growing up, my sister was quite the opposite of me.

She was the “chubbier” one. This made it easier to make jokes about my family, which now that I think about it are actually quite funny, but that is right now when I know not to care. However, my younger self took those jokes as insults 69

and so did my sister. When she grew up she struggled with her body image so much that she began to stop eating.

She did this because of the comments she received when she was little. She hated who she was and I almost did too.

I began thinking maybe I was too skinny or maybe I was sick.

Years later, I realized there was never anything wrong with me or my sister. What was wrong was our mindsets, and I don’t blame us for thinking that way because honestly we were taught that in order to be pretty, you had to be perfect. After I grew up and ate more, people began commenting on my weight again, saying that I should eat more. That was when I realized that whatever I did I would never satisfy them, so I learned not to pay attention to them. I still get some of those comments today but I don’t care. Sometimes I comment back, which is usually when I get called disrespectful, so I have learned there’s not much I can really do to try to change them.

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Adapting to Reality Jacqueline O.

When I was four years old, my mother told me that we would be leaving the United States and taking a trip to her homeland. We left for El Salvador. I couldn’t have imagined that our stay would last for two years and it was only when I was a bit older that I understood the purpose of our trip.

It was so that my mom could pursue her American dream.

Although El Salvador was my mom’s native land, she had carved out a new life in America and had family here who provided an anchor. In order to pursue her dream, she knew that she’d have to sacrifice time in her homeland and wait through the long process of getting the much-needed documents that would let her live in America without fear of deportation and an unexpected visit from ICE. Once in El Salvador, we stayed with my Aunt each week in the city of Soyapango, not far from the capital of San Salvador. Each weekend we returned to the farm home of my grandparents. Because it was a rural area, it was somewhat lawless, so violence and gun battles were 71

a regular occurrence. From 6 PM every Friday through Saturday night we had to stay indoors as fear gripped the area and criminals ruled the roads. It was during those weekends that I inhaled the smells and aroma of my heritage and family while Grandma ran her kitchen.

I grew to love farm life and appreciated time away from the city. It gave me perspective between the simple joy of Third World living and the commercial pace of First World pursuits.

The trip back to El Salvador had no timeline as my mother didn’t know if it would be a 6 month, 2 year, or 5 year wait for her green card. Any wait was worth getting us back home to the United States and the life she so desperately desired for herself and her family. I remember the day - about two years into our stay - that my mom got the phone call. Tears of joy filled her face as she learned that her green card was being issued. The next week we would be headed to the airport to begin our journey back home. However, I had grown to love running freely among the animals on my grandparents’ land and hoped they could join us in America. As we stood outside the front door waiting for my Abuelo to bring the car around, I asked my mother if we could take one of the baby chicks with us. She smiled and gently said, “no, lo siento mija”. I ran over to the fenced off area where they pecked around for food and said good-bye to the chickens. We piled into the car and headed for the airport. Our new American dream would now take off.

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Lunch Jeremy A.

After school one Thursday afternoon earlier this year, I was grabbing lunch with my friend at a ramen place in Los Angeles when he decided to spring a question on me: “How did you make the decision to move here?”

I grew up here in LA with my mom, dad, and older sister. I always liked it down here in LA, but when I was 8 I moved up to Washington. My mom was dating a guy at the time who got a job up in Washington and she followed him and took my sister and me up there with her. My dad stayed in LA. I was shocked that my friend asked me that question, because I didn’t think people cared about how I ended up down in California. I responded by saying, “Well, I was already fed up with Washington state. If I didn’t catch on that the state was making me feel sad, I would still be up there, alone and sad.” I was feeling alone and sad in Washington because no one in my household really communicated with each other and I wasn’t allowed to hang with my friends or go outside too much because my mom wanted me to focus on school more.

Then my friend asked, “What happened when you told your mom you wanted to move?”

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I told him, “Before I told my mom that I wanted to move back down to California, I called my dad to tell him about the decision that I had in the back of my mind.

When I finally got the courage to tell my mom, she got really mad at me. She took away my phone and told me I was grounded.” The whole situation was nerve-racking because it’s really difficult to tell someone that you’ve lived with for your whole life that you want to move away from them. When I moved to LA, it felt at first like I was just staying at my dad’s for the summer, but as the school year came closer and closer, it hit me that I was now living in LA. When I first started at school, I didn’t really talk to anyone. I was holding onto the idea that I didn’t need to make new friends because I had my friends back up in Washington, so I kept to myself the whole time. As more time went on, I started opening up more. I made some friends but I still kept to myself most of the time.

Halfway into the first month, my teacher recommended that I transfer into a program called Cinematic Arts and Creative Technologies Magnet. I once again moved into classes with people I had never met. Basically, I had to start from scratch. One day in math, I was playing a game on my laptop and a classmate named Bruce walked up to me, asking how I got the game on the laptop. I told him that I would get the game for him. After that, Bruce and I became close friends. In the following week we made plans to go eat ramen - on a Thursday afternoon earlier this year, after school.

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Struggles in Life Make You Stronger Kellie G.

My childhood was very much like “lessons taught.” One of the most important lessons I have learned is that every time you fall, you always come back stronger. I saw this the most from my mom. My grandmother and mother are my biggest role models. They are not perfect, no one is, but I’d say to me they are. My grandmother has been the one who was there for me to teach me about discipline and the “basics” while my mother became my best friend and gave me advice on life, teaching me how to view the world.

I’d like to say I am very wise and open-minded because of them. Most of my friends will turn to me to get advice on a situation they’re in, whether it be how to handle a situation or view it and take it in.

When I was three years old, my mom became a single mother. She had to work double shifts, both day and night, leaving me and my sister with our grandmother, so she could provide for her family. Seeing that journey of hers, of how hard she worked, I’m so grateful for everything I have.

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Seeing my mother work through her struggles has taught me to be independent. I’ve learned from her that there will always be people who judge you and who want to see you to fail, but that you can prove them wrong, and that you can do anything you set your mind to, even if you’re on your own.

A time I remember when I was put through this test was during our fourth grade class dance performance. I was really shy, and would always be in the back row. Parents would come and watch our practices, and I would notice their looks. They would look at their students in the front row, in the spotlight, and then back at me. The looks they would give told me that they thought their student was better than me. Those looks made me want to show them that I was just as capable, and could dance just as well. It made me want to work even harder. I didn’t want to steal the spotlight, but it made me want to be in the front row, to show them I could do it.

The next scheduled dance performance was a tango.

It was a serious dance, and at times it was difficult for us not to act silly. However, I told myself I needed to focus to make it to the front row. I would run the dance through my head. I would practice at school and at home. Even after I had it down, I would continue to practice all the way up to the day of the dance. After all my hard work, my teacher recognized my effort, and moved me to the front. I was still shy though, and it was another fear I had to face. I had always chosen to be in the back because I was scared to be in the spotlight, but I had to prove to those parents, and to myself, that I could do it.

My mom would attend every dance I was in, even if I was in the back. Her enthusiasm was the same, no matter 76

“ I’m

lucky that I

have

someone who can teach many

things and who

care

and love for

matter

me

me

shows no

what.

where I was, and she always made me feel accomplished.

She would even video tape my performances, even when she could barely see me. Even when I wasn’t the best, she made me feel like I was. When I was moved to the front, she told me she knew I could do it. Her encouragement helped me break out of my shy shell. After fourth grade, I moved to a school that didn’t do dance performances. But looking back, those dances were where I learned to push myself to be the best version of myself, but I wouldn’t have known how to without the love and support from my mom.

This may just seem like a silly story about a girl who tried to prove that she is capable of something but to me it is so much more. Behind every performance there was a shy little girl who could barely stand up for herself that had a hard-working, loving, strong mother and grandmother who would do anything to see that little girl smile. I cherish all the memories I have from when I was younger because I came to realize that.

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Pop Music and Me Kimberly

N.

Pop music is and has always been my escape.

I became extremely knowledgeable about pop culture at a very young age. At age 5, I became obsessed with Lady Gaga. I knew the words to “Alejandro” like the palm of my hand. I learned the choreography from the “Judas” video in over two weeks. I was 7. I will never forget watching the VMAs and watching Gaga swing from the ceiling, bleeding out, singing “Amidst all these flashing lights I pray the fame won’t take my life.” Her fashion was also absolutely breathtaking, from the meat dress to the Kermit the Frog outfit.

I also loved Britney Spears. I did my hair like hers in the “Baby One More Time” music video when I was in first grade. I wanted the full ensemble, but my parents said absolutely not. I even told myself to believe that NASA sent Britney herself to the moon instead of an astronaut after I saw the “Oops... I Did It Again!” video.

I loved Gwen Stefani. I made my mom buy me Love Angel Music Baby and it became the first CD I ever owned.

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I remember exactly what I was doing and where I was when I listened to Carly Rae Jepsen for the first time.

Whether it was the bubblegum pop classic “Call Me Maybe” to the slow jam finery of “All That,” I still think Carly’s music is timeless and radiant, an example the next generation of pop icons should follow.

Anytime I feel lonely or upset or even happy, I turn to pop music. It might not be the same artists that I listen to now that I once did when I was a kid, but it is the same feelings and same escape. I hear Kylie Minogue in Kim Petras. I hear M.I.A. in Charli XCX. I hear Madonna in Dua Lipa. As times change, the same things don’t top the charts anymore, but I will always come back and listen to things I used to when I was a kid. It exists in all universes and transcends time. After you’ve grown up you realize pop music is so much more than catchy lyrics and a fast-paced beat. It’s something made for everyone to listen to and escape the real world. I know it sounds corny, but it saved me and can save you too.

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Dancing Until Dawn Natalie

B.

The first time I had to go to Mexico without my siblings was last December, and it was a trip I will never forget. I was fifteen at the time and had to go to Oaxaca for my cousin’s wedding. I was looking forward to the wedding but I had no idea I would be asked to be a bridesmaid a few weeks later. It was shaping up to be a vacation filled with “firsts,” including the first time I danced until dawn.

Just before I went to Mexico my mom told me, “Always be with your grandma and aunt, and take care of yourself okay?”

“Yes, Mom. I will.”

Initially I overlooked those words because I didn’t realize how relevant they would become, but by the end of the trip I was a little more independent and way more responsible. All because I met him. His name was Raul.

The first time we danced was December 15th. We were both attending a party to celebrate my cousin’s upcoming wedding. My cousin Manuel was going to marry the love of 80

his life, Karen. She looked so beautiful that night, and they were both so happy. The party was outdoors, hosted in a backyard under the stars. The patio looked like something out of a film - white decorations were everywhere, and music played by a DJ filled the air. It was perfect. Almost.

Something was missing… And then I realized I had no one to dance with.

That’s when I saw Raul. He was tall, black hair, good facial features and a great smile. He wanted someone to dance with too, so his friends told him to ask me to dance.

He was afraid to but went along with the idea anyway.

With a hand open he asked me, “Will you have this dance with me?” I didn’t think that he knew how to dance but I accepted anyway.

“Do you know how to dance?” I asked.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” he replied.

I was surprised to discover that he was a really good dancer. Not many men know how to dance but he was a 81

“ At t he a f t e r - p a r t y I k n e w I ha d t o s a y g o o d b y e t o Ra ul . W e d a n c e d s o mu c h th at m y f e e t s t a r t e d t o hu rt .

better dancer than I was. After a long night, his friends were leaving and Raul had to go with them. “Will you be going to the wedding?” he asked hopefully. I nodded. “I’ll see you there,” he smiled.

As the wedding preparations continued, all I could think about was the next time we would see each other.

Finally, the day came. It was December 28th, the day of the wedding. That morning was beyond hectic, filled with makeup, pictures, and endless conversations with all my relatives. I didn’t have any breakfast so I went down to the hotel restaurant to enjoy the buffet, when I saw him again.

I was with my Aunt at the time, so I didn’t feel awkward talking to him. He was there with the other bachelors eating breakfast, so we decided to join them.

The conversation started fine, but things took a turn when my aunt mentioned that I was 15. To my surprise, Raul was older than I thought; he was in his 20s. He was shocked, and I was disappointed because it was then that I 82

realized it wouldn’t be right for us to be together.

As the evening came, the wedding party began to celebrate the joys of the day. We put that mornings’ conversation aside, and spent the evening dancing along with the bride and groom.

Right before I had to leave he asked, “Am I going to see you again tomorrow?”

“Let’s hope so,” I smiled. Inside though I was torn; I liked him so much but I couldn’t help but feel that what I was doing was wrong.

The next day, December 29th, there was a final celebration. At the after-party I knew I had to say goodbye to Raul. We danced so much that my feet started to hurt.

“Can we sit for a moment?” I asked, not wanting the night to end.

As he sat down by my side he asked again, “Are you sure you’re only 15?” I nodded, feeling the distance between us. “When are you leaving Mexico?” he asked.

“In two days,” I said sadly.

“Will I ever see you again?”

“I hope so,” I said, knowing that I never would.

The night ended. I never saw Raul again, but I will never forget him. I knew I did the right thing in the end. When I got back to Los Angeles, my mom asked, “Did you take care of yourself?”

I smiled… “You would have been proud.”

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My Fur-iend Melody

G.

“Meow.” I look through the glass. I see other cats around me. They all look unhappy. A family walks inside and looks around at the other cats. Then they stop by me. “I want her,” says a young girl. The father goes up to one of the people who works here. He tells her something and then she walks up to my little home. She opens the door and picks me up. “Where am I going? What are they going to do to me?” I think.

She takes me into this new room and places me onto the ground. I look back around, then hide behind the bench. The girl looks behind the bench and smiles at me. I run up to the lady. The family discusses something with her.

Then I am off to another room. “Who were those people?”

I am put into a box and carried into a large vehicle. I peep through the hole in the box. I see the girl looking down at me, she seems excited. I am taken to this strange place. I look around and see a toilet and shower. “Where am I?” I think to myself.

I hide behind the bin. I cautiously look around. They 84

place down food and water for me. I still hide. Time passes and they finally let me out. I slowly look around still wondering where I am and who these people are. I play for a while then quickly hide myself in the closet. I only come out when really I need to. After a few weeks, I finally decide that it’s safe enough. I go up to these people and they shower me with love and affection. They play with me, pet me, and give me lots of yummy food. I slowly begin to realize that there’s nothing to be afraid of. These people are my family.

Me and Melody have become the bestest of friends.

She cares for me and I care for her. When I first met her, she seemed to be gloomy. As time went on, she has become happier and so have I. Whenever she is feeling down, I try to help put a smile on her face by giving her lots of kisses and love. We’ve been friends for nearly 5 years now. I’m excited to make more memories with her and the rest of my family!

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My Biggest Impact Ashley

T.

When trying to figure out who was the greatest influence in my life, I started to realize it could be anyone in this case.

I also realized it could just be me; I could be the greatest influence, but that wouldn’t be right, now would it? I ponder and ask myself, “Who really was my greatest influence in my life?” The first person that pops into my head is my mom. My mom has watched me grow up to become the person I am today. But it wasn’t all that simple; I wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows with her. We would both collide with one another and I would never understand why she would never understand me, but then I remember she is who she is because of what she went through growing up.

My mom is the strongest person I know. She has dealt with such tragedy throughout her lifetime and I am not so sure how she pulled through. When my mom was just about 5 years old she had lost her mom to cancer, she got pregnant at the age of 16 with my sister, and lost her father to a heart attack at the age of 18. Sadly, I never got to meet 86

my grandparents. She explains to me that she doesn’t recall much of her mother but she tries to relive her mother’s memories with me as much as she can. It actually feels like I know her just a bit more and the same goes with her father. With all that my mother had been through, she has matured, grown, and knows that though she was dealt a bad hand, it has shaped her to who she is now. My mother is very charismatic, caring, kind, honorable, trustworthy, and just the best person you can meet and know.

But with all that she is, it also comes with the fact that me and my mom could not communicate well with one another. Of course growing up I loved my mom. She was my number one supporter in many events I took place in and especially when I was in dance in elementary school.

She was always there to cheer me on and always supported my thoughts and dreams. It was when I started to get older and into my teen years when it got bad. Me and my mother would always argue and for whatever reason we would 87

always have something to argue about. The arguments started to happen for no reason and would get worse, so that my father would have to be the problem solver for us both. She just never understood me, especially with the way I acted, talked, and thought. Even when I would try to resolve situations and go talk to her to explain to her and to say I was sorry, she would make the situation worse for me. I would just always think that she would not listen to anything that I have to say and that she was always so close minded to my thoughts. But then I realized, she wasn’t meaning any harm, she just did not know how to speak to me.

Of course I didn’t realize that at the time, and without me knowing, she has actually taught me so much. She taught me to be compassionate, respectful, loving, and resilient. Out of everything, the most important thing she taught me was the importance of family. For the past few years I have always felt a bit separated with my family, I would sometimes have to force the relationship between my brothers and my sister and my parents. I did not know what was going through my head at the time but I just knew I was stuck in this dark deep pit and I could not get out somehow.

That was until my mother, my very caring and persistent mother, tried to figure out what was wrong with me and she would not let down. She never gave up on me even when I kept pushing her away and testing her patience so many times. I ended up going to therapy and ever since there has still been rough patches here and there, but I am glad I made progress with my mom. The relationship I have with her right now is progressing to a very communicative, understanding, loving friendship and that’s all I ever really 88

wanted for the past few years. It was hard along the way because all I ever wanted was my mother to understand me and love me for who I was. To love me for what I do, not for what she wanted me to do or for the way I acted and not the way she expected for me to.

I learned so much along the way thanks to my mother being the eye opener for me. I became independent and did not need much of her approval anymore for every little thing. She taught me to be independent but that I can still depend on her through the hard times. She is my mother and I will love her forever. I hope our relationship will become even stronger and that she will become my best friend. I love her and I thank her for making me who I am now. And a message to my mother if she were to ever read this, I know my words and actions don’t always correlate with the way I actually feel about you, but I just really want you to know I do love you. I do appreciate everything you do for me and this family and I’m glad you came a long way and became this hardworking and amazing mother. I love you.

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Acknowledgements

826LA would like to thank to following for their support in making this project possible: Adrian Jackson Aldo Puicon, designer Amanda Duenas Andrew Jick Cathy Mayer, editor Corina Tamayo Cynthia Ramirez David Sartory Diana Martinez Durand Williams Erin Jordan Jamal Salmon

Jennifer Chitay Jennifer Lynch Joel Arquillos Jon Gonda Joya McCrory Juliet Conroy Karen LeBlanc Karen Magid Kate Alanis, editor Kate Maudlin Kevin Bryant Lisa Goldfisher

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Lizabeth Pollack Marco Lopez Martin Mayr Maya Marinoff Megan Stewart Mike Dunbar, editor Mike McAdam Nadia Bamdad Nikki Jee Pamela Amaya Principal Alejandro Ramirez Principal Brian Hirsch

Samantha Jacobs Sandy Rabins Stacy Goldstein Stephanie Aguilar Sydney Young Ted Mayorga Tiffany Osorio Tom Labordo Trudy Davies Valerie Kan Zack Pasquarelli Ziggy Viens

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About 826LA T U T O RING From Monday to Thursday, students attend 826LA for free individual tutoring in all subjects. Once homework is completed, students read books from 826LA’s library and write stories based on a monthly theme. Students submit their writing for inclusion in chapbooks, which 826LA publishes throughout the year. To celebrate students’ hard work, 826LA unveils these chapbooks at book release parties, where students read their work to thunderous applause from their volunteers, families, and peers.

I N - S CHOOLS Because not all students can come to us, 826LA brings specially trained volunteer tutors into under-resourced public schools. There, volunteers provide one-onone or small group assistance with writing projects. 826LA works with teachers to craft all projects, which are designed to engage students while targeting curricular issues. In addition to visiting twenty schools in the Los Angeles Unified School District each year, 826LA had additional sites within Manual Arts High School (South Los Angeles) and Roosevelt High School (Boyle Heights), called The 826LA Writers’ Rooms.

W O R K SHOPS 826LA’s workshops bring students together with artists, writers, and professionals for creative collaboration. Whether the subject is journalism or preparing for the zombie apocalypse, our workshops foster creativity while strengthening writing skills. This includes two long running workshops, our reading development workshop Barnacle’s Bookworms, and our Journalism workshop.

F I E L D TRIPS During the weeks, 826LA invites public school teachers and their students to our writing labs to participate in a morning of collaboration, creativity, and writing.

Whether Storytelling & Bookmaking, Choose Your Own Adventure, Memoir, or Personal Statements, field trips at 826LA support teacher curriculum and student learning by offering a safe space for students to be their most imaginative and to work on their writing skills. In a few short hours, student brainstorm, write, edit their work, and leave with something tangible—a bound book or a revised essay—as well as a renewed confidence in their ability to tell their stories.

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BOARD OF DIRECTORS Jodie Evans PR E SIDE N T

Henry V. Chase TR E AS U R E R

Susan Ko S E CR E TARY

Matthew Cherniss Ben Au Dave Eggers, Emeritus Terena Thyne Eisner Scott A. Ginsburg Claire Hoffman Louis Lucido Frankie Quintero Sarah Rosenwald Varet Eileen Shields

ADVISORY BOARD J.J. Abrams Judd Apatow Miguel Arteta Mac Barnett Steve Barr Joshuah Bearman Amy Brooks Father Greg Boyle, SJ Stefan G. Bucher Mark Flanagan Ben Goldhirsh Rebecca Goldman Ellen Goldsmith-Vein DeAnna Gravillis Spike Jonze Miranda July Catherine Keener Keith Knight Al Madrigal

Krystyn Madrigal Tara Roth Katie McGrath R. Scott Mitchell Lani Monos B.J. Novak Miwa Okumura Jane Patterson Keri Putnam Sylvie Rabineau Sonja Rasula Luis J. Rodriguez Terri Hernandez Rosales Brad Simpson J. Ryan Stradal Natalie Tran Sarah Vowell Sally Willcox

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Staff Joel Arquillos

Mike Dunbar

Cathy Mayer

E X E C U TIV E DIR E CTOR

SENIOR P ROGRAMS

P ROGR AM

& O P ERAT IO NS

C OOR DI NATOR FI E L D

C OORDINAT OR FIELD

T RI PS I N E C H O PAR K

Marisa Urrutia Gedney

T RIP S IN MAR VISTA

Jennie Najarro

D I R E CTOR OF INS C H O O L S PR OG R AMS

LaTesha Knighten

VO L U NTE E R

& CO L L E G E ACCE S S

P ROGRAM

C OOR DI NATOR

C OORDINAT OR IN-

Beatriz Garcia

Wendy Alvarado

SC HOOLS

D I R E CTOR OF

VO L U NTE E R

PR O G R A M S &

Cynthia Aguilar

C OOR DI NATOR , E C H O

O PE R AT ION S

P ROGRAM

PARK

C OORDINAT OR

AM E R I C OR PS V I STA

Shawn Silver

T UT ORING IN EC HO

D I R E CTOR OF

PARK

Maricruz Pool-Chan

A D VA N C E ME N T &

VO L U NTE E R

E V E N TS

Angelica ButiuCoronado

C OOR DI NATOR , E C H O

Lauren Humphrey

P ROGRAM

AM E R I C OR PS V I STA

IN S T ITU T IONAL G IV ING

C OORDINAT OR

MA N A G E R

W RIT ERS’ RO OM AT

Paula Quiroz

RO OSEVELT HIGH

MA R K E TI NG &

SC HOOL

C OM M U NI C ATI ONS

Cheryl Klein D E V E L O PME N T &

C OOR DI NATOR

CO MMU NICATIONS

Rebecca Escoto

MA N A G E R

P ROGRAM C OORDINAT OR

Mariesa Arrañaga Kubasek

PARK

T UT ORING IN MA R VISTA

V O L U N TE E R MAN AGE R

Pedro Estrada Carinne Mangold

P ROGRAMS &

S T O R E MAN AGE R

OP ERAT IO NS C OORDINAT OR

Aldo Puicon

T UT ORING &

D E S IG N MANAG E R

W ORKSHOP S IN EC HO PARK

T Sarmina PR O G R A M MAN AGE R

Cecilia Gamiño

W R I TE R S ’ R OOM AT

P ROGRAM

MA N U A L AR TS H IG H

C OORDINAT OR

SCHOOL

W ORKSHOP S IN MA R VISTA

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AM E R I C OR PS V I STA