Lillian Olivari

I Am from the Love of My Family

by Lillian Olivari

I am from the books from the pen and paper I am from the blank white walls with that one picture The warmness and coldness I am from the roses The lilies in my mom’s room

I’m from the baked mac and cheese every holiday and karaoke at every party From my grandma and grandpa I’m from the loud music and dancing And from the cooking all day and the cooking all night

I’m from the look fear in the eyes and never let anyone bring you down and “When the world seems so cruel and your heart makes you feel like a fool, I promise you will see I will be your remedy.” My mother said the song reminded her of me I’m from the sleepovers I’m from Methodist Hospital and Brooklyn Pork chops and mash potatoes From the being a soldier in the war The blue eyes and wavy hair The big box of pictures of my aunt and uncles and their childhood The pictures of my friends and family on my wall and the love I feel in my heart

I Am Who I Pretend to Be

by Lillian Olivari

I am friendly and enthusiastic I wonder who I will be in the future

I hear the laughter of my friends when I tell a joke I see the people dancing and singing at parties I want everything to stay the same But it didn’t

I am now isolated from everyone and not only am I alone but

I feel alone

I wonder when I will hear my friends’ laughter once again We lost contact and grew distant I hear the silence from outside

I see the few people who walk down the streets with mask on I want everything to get better, I want it all over

I now pretend I am happy I feel emotionally drained and tired Every day just feels like it repeats over and over again I touch my computer getting ready for online school Looking at a computer screen from 9:00 till 2:26 and then for the rest of the day doing the same as I did the other day before, nothing

I worry about if I will be able to actually go to high school

and how I would talk to people I cry because I don’t know who I am anymore, I lost myself I am now alone and afraid of what will happen next Not only am I only alone but I feel alone and that is my biggest fear

I understand that this is serious and no one can help, people getting sick and dying I say to my family how I feel and I am wrong for it I dream the day I will finally go out I try to keep my emotions to myself I hope this will all get better I am still figuring out who I want to be and what I am doing now, I just hope this all gets better

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