LEEDS COLLEGE OF ART
“We’re thinking about creating a massive barrier, basically we’re gonna cave in Leeds. No one leaves Leeds, no one comes in. No wind comes in either, well hopefully not. It worked in The Simpsons Movie, so it should indeed work for us. It didn’t look windy there so it won’t be windy here. In the tough economic climate we’re in at the moment a huge glass barrier around
“I’m too broke to pay for a taxi nowadays, so I just get up and catch the 8am gale “We became to uni. Good times, I concerned when land right outside the Janine just didn’t door and I’ve never come home, we were been late so far.” He expecting her home feels some people from tea but she are just too negative never arrived. Only and pessimistic when till we turned on the it comes to this new news did we realise phenomena affecting that something serious Leeds, “People moan was up here. We saw too much. when it’s Janine flying past in too sunny people the background when moan. When it’s too we were watching cold people moan. BBC Weather in the Just deal with it. Look evening. She was a at the bright side” long bloody way from Leeds.” said Kathy Interesting times lie Bates, a married ahead. “Wrap up well mother of three from and eat well over your Leeds. calorie allowance. More weight means It turns out Kathy and less unwanted flight. Janine aren’t the only Brace yourselves ones affected by the people of Leeds.” extreme weather in warned Steven Sykes, Leeds. There have councillor of Leeds. been people sightings in the sky as far south as Dover. Missing lectures seemed to be the least of their worries. It’s not all bad news though, some students seem to enjoy it Jack of Leeds College of Art only has praise,
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With repeated incidents of people getting swept up and thrown around the sky, the wind in Leeds is becoming an increasing area of concern. Leeds council is prepared to take action.
Leeds is top priority.” said councillor Steven Sykes.
LEEDS COLLEGE OF ART
The notorious Leeds wind strikes again. Never the sunniest or brightest place - it can be grim up north, Leeds has more than it’s fair share of wind. Even with all the previous history of the relationship between Leeds and the force of nature - no one would have expected this.
LEEDS COLLEGE OF ART
We managed to reach Jeremy Kyle for comment on the unfolding news story. As always he was a charming and humble individual, “Graham does all the work anyway, I just shout at them on screen for a few minutes. So Graham’s off to do the serious stuff. I think I’m the greatest thing to happen to Leeds.”
was also available for comment on the developments, “We’ve got a pretty strict selection process when it comes to our show. It’s becoming increasingly hard to find talent for the show, pretty much everyone has been on it by now. Everyone needs to be a certain type of individual. They need to have severe acne, they need to be agressive, they need to be rude, they need to be a firm fan of Reebok classics and most importantly of all they need to be able to fail lie detector tests we set them. Oceana seems to be almost too good to be true.” There are also rumours that if the project is a success, ITV may hold a few festive specials using the Oceana premises as an actual set for the show. More as this unfolds.
An ITV executive
GRFX NWS
Always a place full of interesting personalities, Oceana continues to make a name for itself. Jeremy Kyle, the world famous tv personality and arguable tool is now using Oceana as a means of scouting talent for his popular ITV show, ‘The Jeremy Kyle Show’. Always a man looking for new avenues and opportunities, Jeremy has opted to send his assistant Graham on a few nights out in Oceana to see if he can pick up any talented individuals to interview on television.
LEEDS COLLEGE OF ART
LEEDS COLLEGE OF ART
Graphic design students at Leeds College of Art and the caretaker staff at the premises have notoriously never got on. Graphic designers simply seem to be unable to leave the studio. One student was quoted as saying, “I’d rather be in this studio than anywhere else in the world, even Hull.” We’re not sure if we agree with the student but we too would much rather be in the studio instead of Hull.
David. Last week, though, things may have got out of hand. A graphic design student, who has chosen not to reveal his identity apparently refused to pack up and leave the studio. The caretakers also refused to budge.
reminiscent of the heyday of WWF/E. The caretakers and students squared off in the studio with no weapons such as metal rulers and cutting mats allowed.
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The prime objective of the game was to throw each other out of the studio door, as soon as both hands Our undercover or feet touched the reporter managed ground outside, they to make a sound were eliminated. recording on his The students went phone. The caretakers up against the were heard shouting caretakers, if the students or the All studios and the “Right, that’s it. I’ve caretakers were the college locks up had it with you arty last team standing, at 9pm on most lot. I’m ringing the they had won. The weekdays, apart from boys, we’ll show you students would then Fridays. A handful of what real manly men be able to have focused ‘BAGD’ers’ do. You’re off.” the studio for their working away in the own doings and the studio till closing A startled voice can caretakers would time. The caretakers be heard, “We’re not humbly accept and students scared, hello, you defeat. understandably there? Come down aren’t on each others here lads. Get out of Mr Alsopp the health christmas card list, the the mac suite, shit’s and safety officer sight of a caretaker popping off here in acted as the special slowly working Studio 2.” guest referee. towards the studio signals the death of Our undercover Tune into Volume the students workflow. reporter then 2, where we will tell “These caretakers are described the you the winner of this like the grim reaper following events as historic event that of graphic design” a sort of make-shift took place in the explained a nervous ‘royal rumble’ match summer of 2012. LEEDS COLLEGE OF ART